#they split bc pb wasn’t willing to change himself into a version that could be in a healthy long term relationship basically

[crushed-starlight]

okay i don’t even know where to begin with this ,, holy fuck

so UHH HMMM YEAH OKAY YEAH THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN ??? i’m now dating the worlds nicest guy ?????? cameo asked me out over summer break and i said let’s wait until we’re in the same city again but over those two months we texted every day and god if you saw those messages you’d assume we’d been together for years..

now we’re in person and properly dating he’s the absolute best ???? he treats me perfectly and wants to be around me all the time ?????????? and on one hand i love it sooo much i want to explode it’s everything ive been yearning for and hoping for for literal YEARS like he actually sees me in the way i want to be seen and he’s endlessly patient with me and so caring and and and a million other wonderful things i could talk about but ON THE OTHER HAND ,,

on the other hand there’s this imbalance. this is what they don’t tell you about because so few people treat me so well that this would even begin to be an issue. he’s so eager to drop EVERYTHING to be around me and be there for me that i feel like i can’t do the same for him. no, i KNOW i can’t unless he gets better at communicating his own needs too. he’s so deep in that honeymoon phase mindset of “anything for you” that it’s a little uncomfortable, not because of how clingy he is (i really love how clingy he is) but because i can see that it’s becoming unbalanced and potentially unhealthy and i don’t have the self restraint to stop it. so i did what few relationship havers know how to do ,, i straight up told him lmao

but i told him at 11pm over text after a long day out together with the add on of “let’s talk about this more next time we hang out but for now we need sleep lmao” so i get to play the fun waiting game of OUHHJGH WAS THAG A BAD IDEA ????? when i know full well its best to address stuff like this as early on as i can :) healthy relationships are WORK, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. my number one enemy is codependency (i’ve seen my fair share of that in friends’ relationships and i’m Terrified to fall into their patterns) so i want to make extra double triple sure we can continue to exist as individual people and not rely on each other too much.

in terms of personal development, i honestly think i’m pretty much good. i know my issues and i’m working through them, and i don’t really need any help with that besides the occasional crumb of reassurance. i’m great at communicating my own needs without feeling like a burden or making them someone else’s problem. but he’s so eager to swoop in and prove himself with pledges of trust and support and acts of service that it’s like ??? okay cool i get it you’ll do Anything for me but i Don’t Want You To. i want us to be cool individual people who like each others company but don’t take on all of each others problems. i don’t want him to fix me, i want him to support me as i work on myself. and i want to support him as he works on himself too !!!! but is he willing to do that?

for context we’ve only been actually dating for a week lmao

anyway communication is cool and all but so is being hugged and held no matter where we are and getting to laugh together and do everyday life together and meeting each others friends and there’s no pressure to do anything sexual like we haven’t even kissed yet but there’s such a comfortable closeness in how we are around each other that i’ve literally never had this quickly with ANYONE and it’s so good shfhdkshd yeagh i really hope this lasts and i know he hopes so too but that can only happen if he stops trying to be my night in shining armour and starts seeing himself as my equal instead of figuratively worshipping the ground i walk !!!!!!!