#they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

northwest-cryptid · 4 months ago

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I literally feel like I'm dying and I need to see a doctor, but I can't worry about that right now because

My bank account is literally in the negatives because I'm too disabled to work and can't make money but I can't worry about that right now because

I'm months overdue on getting my car new tags, but it won't even start if I could drive it so I need to jump the battery and get gas which I don't have money for, but I can't worry about that right now because

People are still expecting me to be social across numerous friend groups and it's pulling me in so many directions that I'm stretched so thin I'm running on no social battery for the last month, but I can't worry about that right now because

I still need to actually clean the house, do the dishes, clean the cat litter boxes, vacuum, and do my laundry... but I can't worry about that right now because

I still need to actually set up my new desk so I can stream since I haven't been able to do that for weeks and streaming is unfortunately my only source of income for how little I make every month, but I can't worry about that right now because

My partner is going through a really hard time right now and I need to be there for her and do what I can to make sure she's okay.

#People like me don't make it man. We just don't.#I'm hyper dependent on others to the point where I'd be homeless without my partner #I'm stressed day in and day out I get messages from people who want me to play games or hang out or just chat and I can't even #find the time to respond because I have 12 other things I need to be doing and those 12 other things aren't getting done because #every single thing I need to do is preventing me from doing something else and at the end of it all my health is getting worse and worse #and as it gets worse it costs more to fix and I can't get on disability without paying for a lawyer with money I literally do not have #and I'm losing it I'm literally going insane I'm pissed off because I see people blame the country I live in or the circumstances I'm in #and they act like they can't do anything and it'd be wrong of me to ask them for help #and I know when I die (and at this point it won't be long) they're going to act like this is the fault of america or some shit #they're not going to think about how they could have helped #and it sucks because some of my friends DO try to help they really do and I love them for it but it's so hard for me to see people #who don't make much money and who are also in tough situations throwing what they can at me to help me when I know people who have so much #they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how #to spend their money or live their life.#and I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired I can't even stay awake for a few hours before I am too exhausted to sit upright anymore #I pass out and find myself without energy before I've even done anything and I'm only 29.

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