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aion-rsa · 4 years

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13 Best Blumhouse Horror Movies Ranked

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Has any single person had a greater impact on horror this century than Jason Blum? The one-time Miramax executive struck out on his own in the 2000s when he founded Blumhouse Productions, a company where he remains the CEO. And in the ensuing years, Blum’s production label would define, and redefine again, the trends of horror movies and thrillers.

Operating on the philosophy that a horror film with a micro-budget will almost always turn a profit, Blum frequently allows directors broad freedom to make what they want within the genre, and in the process has kept multiplexes perpetually spooky. In 2009 Blumhouse helped reinvent the found footage horror aesthetic, and in the 2010s, the modern phenomenon of talent-focused horror gems began with Blumhouse’s gambles.

Working with filmmakers like James Wan, Scott Derrickson, Ethan Hawke, and Jordan Peele, Blumhouse Productions’ title card is now a promise of something different, if still eminently commercial and entertaining. It even paved the way for the controversial modern discourse around “elevated” horror, with Peele’s Get Out being the first chiller to win an Oscar for screenwriting since The Silence of the Lambs.

So with a new Blumhouse horror movie in theaters this Friday the 13th, we thought it a good time to count down the 13 best Blumhouse efforts that paid off with a bloody good time.

13. Hush

At the bottom of our top 13 is this taut thriller from Mike Flanagan, director The Haunting of series and Doctor Sleep fame. Flanagan and his co-writer and star (and also wife), Kate Siegel, wanted to make a horror movie with little to no dialogue. So they came up with this concept of a deaf-mute woman (Siegel) in a remote house, who is stalked by a killer with a crossbow. Hush is at its peak in the first 20 minutes as the masked man (10 Cloverfield Lane’s John Gallagher Jr.) realizes his quarry can’t actually hear him and begins to play games.

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The pair’s relationship with sound makes an interesting dynamic in this tense home invasion movie, though the cat and mouse chase does grow somewhat repetitive and generic as the film progresses. Still, a fine performance from Siegel and an indication of what Flanagan could do on a small budget make this very much worth checking out. – Rosie Fletcher

12. Happy Death Day

The Groundhog Day formula where an odious person is doomed to relive the same day countless times has proven remarkably flexible. And Happy Death Day is no exception with its horror-comedy blend of Punxsutawney hijinks and ‘80s slasher movie clichés. Starring a ridiculously game Jessica Rothe as Tree, the sorority girl who is constantly waking up with the hangover from hell, Happy Death Day follows the typical “Queen Bee” slasher archetype, and forces her to relive the same horror movie again and again. Until she can figure out who her masked killer is, and maybe how to be a better person, she’s condemned to die in increasingly preposterous ways. Worse still, she must also wake up in a dormitory afterward.

It’s derivative in a million different ways, but delightful in many more thanks to a cheeky atmosphere from director Christopher Landon and a very savvy, self-aware script by Scott Lobdell. Most of all though, it benefits from Rothe’s comedic talents on full display, as she backflips between initial verbal bitchiness and constant physical comedy. She even manages to find a little pathos, one stab wound at a time. – David Crow

11. The Visit

The Sixth Sense may remain M. Night Shyamalan’s masterpiece, but it was an oft-referenced moment from a different film that became key to Blumhouse pulling him back from the brink of irrelevance.

Having made four objectively terrible movies in a row, including the notoriously bad wind-smeller The Happening, Shyamalan seemingly decided to use what he’d learned from a very effective part of 2002’s Signs, where Joaquin Phoenix reacts to a tense home movie of an alien sighting, and took the next logical step: What if the director put together 90 minutes of unsettling home movie moments just like that?

Your mileage may vary with the handheld, mockumentary style of The Visit, but it’s hard to argue that this brisk, low-budget tale of two young siblings staying with some very, very odd grandparents they’ve never met before could play out more wildly than it does here. And Shyamalan certainly doesn’t pull many punches when it comes to putting those poor kids in peril during the film’s climax. – Kirsten Howard

10. Creep

No, not the one set on the subway, this Creep, directed by Patrick Brice, written by Brice and Mark Duplass, and also starring them both in a tense two-hander, is an altogether more unsettling affair. Brice plays Aaron, a videographer who answers an ad posted by Josef (Duplass), the latter saying he’s dying and wants a video diary made to leave to his son. But Josef’s behavior is weird – exactly how weird is too weird is the challenge faced by Aaron.

At just 77 mins long, this is a compact, unusual, often funny movie which picks at male relationships in the modern day, and how far kindness and politeness can override instinct. Duplass and Brice are incredibly natural in a film that’s extremely unusual, steeped in unease but not really like a traditional horror, with laughter and tension relief keeping you on your toes throughout. There’s a sequel which is good too, though if you can watch the first without spoilers it delivers a particular kind of dread that’s hard to replicate. – RF

9. Upgrade

A couple of decades ago, there were plenty of films around like Upgrade. You didn’t even have to move for fun sci-fi action movies, really! But the glory days of never having to wait for the next Equilibrium, Gattaca, Cypher, or even Jet Li’s The One are long behind us. It’s pretty tough to get a slick little concept movie made when you’re expected to compete with huge action tentpoles at the box office—unless you’re Leigh Whannell, one of Blumhouse’s integral puzzle pieces.

Whannell paid his dues at the production house for 15 years as both a writer and helmer before unleashing his sophomore directorial effort, Upgrade. The film, which follows ludicrously named technophobe Grey Trace after he loses his beloved wife in a violent mugging, sees a paralyzed hero get implanted with a chatty chip that allows him to regain the use of his whole body. Soon Trace become virtually superhuman—imagine an internal K.I.T.T.—but all is not as it seems.

It shouldn’t be as delightful as it is. Admittedly, the whole thing isn’t too far removed from an elevated episode of The Outer Limits. But if you miss old school sci-fi nonsense and feel nostalgic for a time when smart sci-fi projects didn’t end up as eight drawn out episodes on a major streaming service instead, Upgrade really scratches an itch.

Of course now might be a bad time to mention that an Upgrade TV series is in the works… – KH

8. Halloween

In resurrecting one of horror’s most enduring—yet stubbornly uneven—franchises, director David Gordon Green (working with screenwriters Danny McBride and Jeff Fradley) made the smartest move he could: He stripped away the ridiculously convoluted and nonsensical mythology the franchise had built up over decades. Instead he simply made a direct sequel to Carpenter’s 1978 masterpiece.

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The result was easily the best Halloween movie since the original itself, bringing the characters and the story into the present while reverting Michael Myers back to the enigmatic, unstoppable, unknowable force that was so terrifying in the first film. Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, and Andi Matichak as three generations of Strode women bring healthy feminine empowerment to the proceedings while the intense violence and uneasy psychological underpinnings give this Halloween a resonance that has been lacking for so long. – Don Kaye

7. Split

As the movie that suggested M. Night Shyamalan’s renaissance was real, Split is still a surprising box office win for the eclectic filmmaker. With a grizzly premise about a man suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as split personality) kidnapping teen girls to hold in a zoo, this could be the stuff of ‘70s grindhouse sleaze. While there is a touch of that to Split, more critically the movie acts as a buoyant showcase for James McAvoy at his most unbound.

Playing a character with 24 different personalities, a shaved and beefy McAvoy is visibly giddy bouncing between multiple alters that include a deceptively sweet little boy, an OCD fashion designer, and a bestial final form. The commitment he shows to each also becomes its own special effect, causing you to swear his physical shape is changing with his expressions.

Similarly, scenes with theater legend Betty Buckley as his psychiatrist also rivet with the energy of a stage play, and suggest a sincere sympathy for mental illness. A rarity in horror. Nevertheless, the movie still comes down to his alters’ obsessions with their kidnapped prize (Anya Taylor-Joy), a young woman who hides demons of her own. When these true selves finally cross paths in a genuinely tense finale, Split is maniacally thrilling. – DC

6. Sinister

An unsettling entry in the horror subgenre of writers who destroy their families, Sinister marked director/co-writer Scott Derrickson’s (The Exorcism of Emily Rose) return to horror after he detoured with an ill-fated remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. Thus Derrickson and co-writer C. Robert Cargill concocted a unique, if somewhat scattershot, mythology about a pagan deity that murders entire families in the ghastliest ways imaginable.

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True crime writer Ethan Hawke discovers the extent of those murders in a box of 8mm films left in the attic of his new home (where the last killings took place), and it’s the unspooling of those films—along with long sequences of Hawke moving through the shadows and silence of the house—that provide Sinister with its sickening core and palpable dread. Derrickson sustains the film’s foreboding mood for the entire running time, making the movie an authentically frightening experience. – DK

5. Oculus

The film that brought much of the world’s attention to Mike Flanagan, Oculus turned out to be a preview for the horror filmmaker’s interests. It also remains a truly unnerving ghost story. Not since the days of Dead of Night has a film so successfully made you scared of looking in a mirror.

Officially titled the Lasser Glass, the mirror in question is the apparent supernatural cause of hundreds of deaths, including the parents of Kaylie Russell (Karen Gillan) and her brother Tim (Brenton Thwaites). When they were children, their mother starved and mutilated herself before their father killed her. But now as an adult, Kaylie is convinced she can prove the antique glass is the true culprit, and she’ll document its evil power before destroying it. But the funny thing about evil mirrors is they have ways of protecting themselves, and wreaking havoc on a sense of time, place, and certainly self-image.

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With the movie’s near masterful blending of events occurring 11 years ago and in the present, Flanagan revealed a knack for dreamlike structure, and stories about the past damning the future. These are ideas he’s gone on to explore in richer detail with The Haunting of Hill House and Doctor Sleep, but Flanagan’s ability to juxtapose childhood trauma with a nightmarish present was never more potent, or tragic, than in Oculus’ refracted gaze. – DC

4. Paranormal Activity

It may take some mental gymnastics, but if you can take a step back and ignore all the sequels that followed in the wake of this surprise 2009 blockbuster, then you’d remember Paranormal Activity is a stone cold classic. It is also the movie that put Blumhouse on the map. Already mostly finished when Jason Blum saw a DVD screener of Oren Peli’s Paranormal Activity, this $15,000-budgeted terror is arguably the most evocative use of found footage in all of horror.

While Peli is obviously influenced by 1999’s The Blair Witch Project, that earlier movie is as famous for its shaky disorientation as it is its scares. By contrast what occurs in Paranormal Activity is excruciatingly clear. Seriously, the camera barely moves! Instead we’re asked to sit back and watch in near slow motion as an unwise couple (Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat) meddle with forces that were better off left undisturbed.

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It begins when Micah brings a home video camera into their house to track apparent ghosts in the dark; it ends in a demonic rush of violence. Everything in between is tracked by a disinterested lens, which usually sits statically in a corner or on a tripod, capturing the tedium of everyday life in its everyday natural lighting. Only occasionally does the horned shadow on the wall manifest. But then Paranormal Activity is chilling in its isolation. – DC

3. Insidious

As the fourth feature film directed by Australian filmmaker James Wan, Insidious follows a couple named Josh and Renai Lambert (Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne), whose son inexplicably falls into a coma and becomes a vessel for malevolent entities from a dimension called the Further. The family enlists a psychic named Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye) in a battle involving astral projection and demonic possession.

Following an era of horror films that were more torture porn or police procedural (including Wan’s own Saw), Insidious was a return to the kind of horror filmmaking that was dependent on atmosphere, suspense, and what you don’t see lurking in the shadows. And Wan seemed to imbue that creepiness around the edges of every shot. Using actual adult characters and developing them (as opposed to the hipster teens that infested nearly every horror movie for at least 10 years previously) also set the film apart as a serious attempt at a genre that had been too often exploited in a tossed-off fashion.

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The world-building of Insidious left the door open for sequels, of course, and while the three produced so far have had their moments, none has matched the sheer invention and terrifying fun of the original. – DK

2. The Invisible Man

Leigh Whannell’s reimagining of the classic Universal Monster, the Invisible Man, was as much of a surprise when it hit screens earlier this year as the titular villain himself. As a smart social commentary on domestic abuse and gaslighting, while also being enormously effective as a straight up horror, this was a highly fresh take on an old standard.

At the core was the terrific performance of Elisabeth Moss as Cecilia, a woman stuck with her controlling boyfriend Adrian (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) in their high-tech, high security fortress of a home. When Cece finally manages to escape and Adrian appears to take his own life, she hopes her ordeal can finally be over. But in fact it’s just beginning.

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Playing on the true horror of not being believed, Whannell’s Invisible Man is as harrowing at times as it is thrilling. Yes, there are some extraordinarily shocking set pieces – the restaurant scene of course stands out – but it’s the increasing desperation of Cece, whose world is falling apart at the manipulative hands of a man who won’t let her go, which stays with you.

The Invisible Man is a thrilling horror, for sure, with a feel good ending (if you want to read it that way…), but it’s something altogether more exciting than that too: a fresh, relevant take on a classic, expertly directed and boasting star power delivered on a moderate budget, which flexes exactly what horror can do. – RF

1. Get Out

More impressive than any awards it won, Jordan Peele’s Get Out encapsulates the essential draw of horror: through entertaining “scares,” it unmasks truths folks might find too horrifying or uncomfortable to acknowledge. In the case of Get Out, it is the despair of Blackness and Black bodies still being commodified by a predatory American culture.

Wearing influences like Rosemary’s Baby and Stepford Wives on his sleeve, Peele pulls from classic horror conventions for his directorial debut, but gives them a startling 21st century sheen. His movie’s insidious conspiracy is neither an obvious coven of witches or the openly racist heavies of a period piece. Rather Peele sets his story about a Black man (Daniel Kaluuya) coming to meet his white girlfriend’s parents in a liberal conclave of wealthy suburbia. Written during the final days of the Obama years, Peele casts these parents (Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener) as genial and welcoming, shielding cries of racism behind fashionable political correctness.

Yet once Peele moves past that trendy veneer, he finds a potent allegory in which the ghosts of slavery are still alive and well, even in Upstate New York. Peele also packs anxieties about interracial relationships, culture clash, and childhood trauma into a film that is nevertheless gregariously funny. Ultimately though, its final effect is triggering in the best way. Get Out offers an opportunity to confront real dread, one uneasy laugh, and then sudden jump scare, at a time. – DC

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kfawkes · 7 years

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Misdirection - [Eggsy Unwin x Reader]

[HI GUYS!!!! This isn’t a prompt, this is just something I had on my mind??? And I figured it was a good warmup/getting back into the grove of things thing…. Its gonna end up being a more than 1 parter obviously ;.; but I hope you enjoy it <3 Very angsty though!!! And this one is is PoV of Eggsy! <3 anyway LOVE YOU!!!

Pairing: Eggsy x Reader – Roxy is a main in this fic too :)

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: Angst! Swearing. Sexy bits sorta?

–Read on Ao3!]

“Everythin’ alright in there, Rox?” Eggsy called curiously as he stepped into the hallway. His tired eyes scanning each surface and frame he passed carefully as if the place was just one giant trap.

For all he knew it could be— but even in his sleep deprived paranoia he knew the chances of that were slim to none. Eggsy strolled leisurely down the hall eyeing plaque awards and framed magazine covers; all involving a man named Derek Kennedy. A very influential businessman— but more specifically he was your unit’s target.

Derek was a bloody genius, far too handsome— yet somehow not overly cocky, with ties to the royal family. Kingsman had been assigned to handle him and keep him safe. Essentially Mr. Kennedy was an asset the agency couldn’t afford to lose, but they also couldn’t exactly tell him he was in danger. Mainly because they didn’t know who the danger was… or when it was coming… or why. Or at least that’s what Arthur told you three just about six months ago.

The bottom line was you basically knew nothing aside from the mission being one of those ‘save the world’ kinds. Eggsy couldn’t think too long on that bit though because suddenly Roxy stepped forward blocking his entrance to the office sporting a deep frown.

“Uh, everything’s good— fine… just peachy.” she pushed a smile across her face, but Eggsy had spent enough time alongside her to know better and even though her voice was soft and quiet it rung loudly with hesitation on every syllable.

“‘Peachy’?” Eggsy brows lifted suspiciously and his lips pushed tightly together.

“What? I can’t say peachy now?” she crossed her arm trying for casual, her smile only slightly more convincing.

“You think I don know by now that you only say that shit when you’re lyin’?” Eggsy danced in place; trying to push past Roxy’s impenetrable wall of a body.

“I do not!” Roxy scoffed looking to the side briefly wondering if in fact she did… but even in her momentary distraction she didn’t budge.

“Uh…” he paused letting an awkward laugh slip, finally feeling the true weight pressing down on him. “’s’cuse me, Rox, but I gotta get in there, yeah?”

“You really don’t.” Roxy narrowed her eyes almost apologetically as she stare him down, selecting her next words more carefully than the last. “Will you just trust me on this?”

Eggsy could feel his pulse rising and his cheeks growing warmer with each second, and he knew that if Roxy was keeping him from something— it would be something he needed keeping from… But even knowing that he felt an itch begin scratching; begging for him to just run his fingers over it; to satisfy the sting that ran beneath his skin…

“Cut the shit— we ain’t got time for your games right now, do we?” and when Eggsy spoke it was clear he was nervous. His tone came off far ruder than intended and immediately he wished he hadn’t been so stern with her. It wasn’t Roxy’s fault after all, but after the day he’d had it was hard for him not to lash out.

Roxy pulled her gaze from her feet locking her eyes tightly to his; having not missed his bark and no longer fearing his bite… this time the look she held was near indifference. As if whatever was coming next he deserved. “Fine… but don’t say I didn’t try warning you.”

Eggsy didn’t move at first, he merely widened his eyes as shock replaced his drained expression. He tossed Roxy a look that said he was sorry, and for a moment he thought she understood. For a moment he almost turned around and left like her eyes pleaded him to do… But ultimately his curiosity got the best of him, like it always did.

What’s that old expression… curiosity killed the cat? He never could remember the last part…

He sighed shaking his head lightly with jaw clenched and hands pulled into tight fists as he stepped past Roxy into the office. When he reached the desk he didn’t look at the monitor but to Roxy again… to her eyes which shifted once more from indifference to something closer to sorrow.

She was standing with her arms still tightly crossed and leaned deeply into the frame of the doorway. She was fiddling anxiously with the fabric at her elbow and Eggsy was having a hard time pulling his gaze from her… but once again curiosity began its creeping itch and before he could think too hard on what that look meant he began shifting his gaze downward.

Eggsy drew in a deep breath as his eyes ended on the monitor— ready for anything… only once he saw what he so desperately needed shielding from, he realized nothing could have prepared him for this; and just like any bite once you touched it, the persistent burning became relentless, begging for more and more— the thirst never being quenched… leaving your skin reddened and raw and your mind unrested.

There you were in the center of the screen… The long silky gown you wore earlier was tossed to the side effortlessly. Your hair was spread across a pillow like a wave, with arms and legs wrapped fervidly around your target… Pressing into him, sliding your fingers through his hair and up his back amorously.

Eggsy couldn’t hear any sounds from the room, but he could see them decorating your face as you pulled the mans hair tighter between your fist…

“I tr— I told you not to, Eggsy. Sh— Tristan is just doing her job.” Roxy looked almost just as hurt as he clearly felt and she stepped closer pulling her lip between her teeth sharply, wanting nothing more than to have stopped him.

Maybe she could have had she tried a little harder. Had she just told him no— not given in to his harmless lashing out. But that didn’t matter anymore because the damage had been done, and now she had to see this through.

If anyone knew just how much you two meant to each other, or how strong your bond was both on and off the field, it was Roxy. And believe that if it could have been her in there instead of you— she’d have done it in a heartbeat. But Derek Kennedy didn’t fall for her— he fell for you… so here you were in the middle of his bed while the man you loved watched…

And really Eggsy knew he shouldn’t be… He knew he should look away, that he should get back to work— but he couldn’t stop himself. His eyes were transfixed on you and that son of a bitch, and no matter how hard he wanted to he couldn’t fucking look away.

It bothered him, filled him with a sharp bubbling envy… but mostly it pained him more than anything else before; both physical and mental. Eggsy clenched his hands so tightly the skin broke beneath his nails, but he could hardly feel the pain that accompanied the small crescent shaped cuts. He could however feel the warm blood trickling between the cracks of his fingers, drip, drip, dripping; promising to stain the fibers of the carpet like the screen stained his mind.

In that moment it didn’t matter that this was the plan all along… It didn’t matter that sometimes sex was a part of your missions as Kingsmen agents. None of it seemed to matter, and suddenly he felt nothing.

Eggsy reminded himself that this was one of those missions. That one of you were to seduce the target and gain access to his private life. More accurately become a part of that private life; and here you were having done your job perfectly— but the pang of your success only poisoned his mind like oil in water.

He felt those thick, inky veins taking root as they spread between the cracks, and with each sharp thump of his heart that darkness grew; pulling him deeper into madness…

Eggsy couldn’t focus on how much time had passed or on how hard he was breathing. He couldn’t feel the way his chest rose and dropped, but once he felt Roxy shaking his arm he came back to the room— back to reality and you were no longer pinned beneath another man.

While his mind rushed a thousand miles a minute he hadn’t even noticed if you’d actually… If you really had been… With the way you were laying next to Derek now, he knew you must have. The lightness of your face, and the way your fingertips stroked his hair affectionately screamed one thing and one thing only; and as Eggsy continued staring at that screen he realized something else.

That Derek was completely in love with you. If Eggsy didn’t know any better he’d of thought you really loved him back— hell, maybe you did… half a year undercover could do that to someone, couldn’t it? Plus, this was you he was talking about… Unstoppable force of fuckin’ nature and Eggsy knew first hand just how incredible you were, and even though you were wrapped in the arms of someone else, you were so damn beautiful to him.

You looked so happy that he couldn’t be upset with you even if his feelings were justified.

You weren’t his— not really. Not in the actual sense of being someone else’s… You weren’t his and you never would be, all thanks to one big lie hidden between several tiny truths.

He’d told you it would never work because of the nature of your jobs. That he’d tried relationships and that they didn’t mix with Kingsman. That you were his best friend and that mattered more than anything else.

And all of that was true, because your positions didn’t really allow for relationships and when he tried one with Tilde it backfired in his face… But the biggest lie he’d ever told was that he didn’t love you when you asked him.

In truth there wasn’t much Eggsy loved besides you, but in his mind telling you he didn’t was the best way to protect you though— the only real way to protect you…

Nothing could have prepared him for when you believed him though. For the way it felt when your eyes changed before him. No, nothing could have prepared him for when he saw the exact second your heart broke into a thousand pieces, and in that moment he hated himself.

He hated himself, but he knew it was all to keep you safe. That it would be worth it in the end…

Only now as he watch Derek wrap his arms around you; pulling you into a tight embrace, all he could feel was regret.

“A-are you alright, Eggsy?” Roxy asked softly from his side as she raised her hand to his elbow; squeezing it lightly offering any form of support she could.

Eggsy cleared his throat pulling his mouth into a weak, unconvincing smile with azure eyes painted painfully. After a nod he shoved his bloodied hand into his pocket, and pressed towards the door, throwing his reply over his shoulder like it was nothing at all.

“Jus peachy, Rox… Jus fuckin’ peachy.”

#Eggsy x reader #Eggsy Imagine #Eggsy unwin x Reader #kingsman fic #Eggsy Unwin #Kingsman #Roxy #this aint a prompt but I hope you like my angsty feels lmao #I like the angst I'm sorry ;.;#writing #eggsystential crisis

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