#they put you in the obituaries but you cant be dead they just dont give a shit

[one4sorrow]

Charlotte come home

.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi. can i share something. its pretty personal...its sad but also a message of hope.

so. ive been freaking out rly bad about attending this bladee show tomorrow, august 6th. the real reason for this is not just my ocd and social anxiety but also.. last year on august 6th my really good friend died. they were going by the name saint at the time. i only knew them online but we were extremely close since around 2014. we would talk often, and in-depth, bcus we both had extensive interest in metaphysics, god, angels, etc. and we both had dead parents, specifically dead from illness, so we rly deeply related to each other on those matters. they were like 9 years older than me, so i looked up to them as an older sibling. it absolutely shattered my heart when i found out they died because i know it was an accident. i think they OD’d on fentanyl cus they had been posting about relapsing shortly b4 they died. but i dont know for sure, there’s no obituary for them since they don’t have parents or family. i have cried about it every day for a year.

when i saw what day the bladee show was, i felt a million feelings at once, like, oh my god, is this some kind of orchestrated angel event? saint had the most unwavering faith, they believed in angels more than anyone ive ever met, there was no doubt in their mind. we would talk about our synchronicities constantly. it was our fav thing to discuss. they were so validating of my experiences. so in a way, i rly feel like, their angel is escorting me to this show as some sort of gift for making it thru the past year. ive been going thru my saturn return on top of grieving their death, and idk, its just been one of the worst times in my life, ive never been closer to giving up. the timing of this show rly makes me feel like saint is blessing me. bladee, saint and I are all life path 9s who r obsessed w metaphysics n spirituality, which adds to the meaning of this synchronicity for me.

the reason ive been so terrified to attend the show is because i keep having ocd freakouts that someone is going to die or that, like, this date is evil and tainted or soemthing. like literally to the point that ive spent a few entire days this past week just crying in my bed because im so terrified of losing anyone else in my life. but as the show gets closer, i am realizing i just need to trust god and believe that im allowed to enjoy myself. believe that saint’s angel is protecting me and my loved ones, just like they have every day for the past year. they have sent me so many signs, and ive known a lot of dead people but never have i received so many obvious signs from anyone, even my own father. it makes me wonder if saint graduated the rebirth cycle, since they were a 9, and they brought so much goodness to this world. i think they graduated and are now a very powerful angel forever.

its been so hard to go on without them. they were my grief councellor fr. there were some years of my life where they were one of the only people i talked to because no one else could understand. they loved POSTING, we met on tumblr and they were always so supportive of the way i express myself. after they died was when i started drawing and posting on here again bcus i knew i had to honor them this way. i cant put into words how much their friendship impacted me and i wish i could do more, i wish i cld plaster their face onto every wall and scream from the rooftops “THATS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!”. god i am going to cry so much at the bladee show, i know they’ll b rite there on my shoulder the whole time.

if u read all this, thank you. it weighs on me massively n i try not to show it too much online but man. i have been a mess. n sometimes i just wanna spill my guts. i cld say so so much more about my dear friend but i’ll leave it at this for now. im praying that the show goes well tomorrow and everyone makes it there safely. if u guys cld pray for me too id rly appreciate. i rly feel like saint is with me and im allowed to have hope now. i love you saint. thankyou for posting so much so i have plenty to look back on. <3

[machine-gun-casie]

73 questions.

I was tagged by @wescoasts (just found out what ur url means lol also love you)

I tag @angrylizardjacket @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused @ticketstomydownfall @actinglikethat @machine-gun-colson @storiesforallfandoms @harringtonstudios (ik some of yall have been tagged i just dont have other friends)

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

like a 2

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

kells is gonna be like half these answers #sorrynotsorry

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

...what is that? google says its a tent?

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

uh im not sure but maybe that my grandma almost killed me when i was 6? idk im not a private person

What’s your wakeup ritual?

wake up whenever (woke up at 9pm today? sleep schedule? i dont know her), check phone on the toilet, brush teeth, join family downstairs as they applaud my appearance because they never see me.

What’s your go to bed ritual?

skincare (when im not dying on the inside), watch an episode of something, watch some asmr (dont judge me it helps me sleep), and pass out for 12 hours.

What’s your favorite time of day?

witching hour

Your go to for having a good laugh?

tiktok or my fav youtubers currently cody ko kurtis conner drew gooden and danny gonzalez 

Dream country to visit?

im grateful to be well travelled but i wish i stayed in bruges for longer it was so beautiful

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

my last birthday was a surprise party, was pretty surprised

Heels or flats/sneakers?

either heels or adidas nmds literally no in between

Vintage or new?

new

Who do you want to write your obituary?

we dont do those where im from

Style icon?

no one in particular tbh but i do love the soft girl aesthetic

What are three things you can’t live without?

my friends and family, writing, and some sort of order in my life

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

i dont cook but saffron is amazing with everything almost

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

make dinner? no one i would burn it all. have dinner with? kells. #sorrynotsorry

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Failure.

Window or aisle seat?

aisle, i need to pee man

What’s your current TV obsession?

roadies

Favorite app?

tumblr

Secret talent?

i sing sometimes

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

flew a plane

How would you define yourself in three words?

loyal, empathetic, and creative

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

i dont own it but i steal it all the time, my dad’s old jean jacket from niagara falls

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

over sized hoodies

Superpower you would want?

read peoples’ minds and be invisible

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

kells and his story

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

do whatever, literally no one cares.

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

standing up for yourself is not selfish.

A book that everyone should read?

the whole series of unfortunate events. i aspire to be as crazy a writer as lemony snicket

What would you like to be remembered for?

my kindness?

How do you define beauty?

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. what i find beautiful changes everyday

What do you love most about your body?

my lips and my hair and the color of my skin (im like a soft caramel and i like it and im tired of people telling me that it isnt attractive)

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

sleep, sit out in the sun, cuddle if u can

Favourite place to view art?

museums

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

i have no clue

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

piano

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

on the side of my ribcage

Dolphins or koalas?

dolphins

What’s your spirit animal?

a phoenix 

Best gift you’ve ever received?

my mom gave me a beautiful gold necklace with my initial in arabic i wear it every day 

Best gift you’ve ever given?

i gave this girl a jar full of little slips of paper they were a hundred reasons why i loved her. also one day she was craving these gummies and ringpops and they dont sell those here and i ordered a huge box just for her. we ain’t friends anymore. 

What’s your favourite board game?

game of life or battleship

What’s your favourite colour?

blue/pink/yellow

Least favourite colour?

orange

Diamonds or pearls?

diamonds

Drugstore makeup or designer?

both are nice

Blow-dry or air-dry?

air-dry!! love my curls

Pilates or yoga?

sleep

Coffee or tea?

tea

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

moist.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

dark mint chocolate

Stairs or elevator?

elevator

Summer or winter?

summer

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

mangoes

A desert you don’t like?

cant think of any

A skill you’re working on mastering?

typing in arabic and writing angst

Best thing to happen to you today?

we’re living through a pandemic, nothing good happens now

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

that i have an angelic voice

Favorite smell?

orange blossom or rose

Hugs or kisses?

hugs!! i was voted best hugger

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

misconceptions about muslims

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

saw a vlog where two sisters went to gym and i cried cuz i miss my sister

Lipstick or lip gloss?

gloss!!

Sweet or savoury?

sweet

Girl crush?

alessia cara

How you know you’re in love?

idk ive never been

Song you can listen to on repeat?

the break up by kells

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

id rather not

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

becoming an aunt!!

[nowhereiswhereibelong]

73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

• Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

[fakegodz]

I just need it to end. But it feels like there is no end and I can't find the beginning. I don't want help but I need it. I isolate my self for no reason. Thoughts in my head end with my wrists bleeding. And everything that ever happened feels so fake and I want to start over but there's no way to erase. Cause it's written down in pen and I can't find a way to make it end. Everyday I wake up wishing I was dead. And i hate my self for it. but i have to keep living so i fucking just force it. Always thinking of more vocabulary to put into my obituary. and its hella scary but at the same time im numb. and i know this sounds dumb but this ain't a cry for help i just want to let you all know that my life is a living hell and i dont wanna go on but i do it for my momma. i said fuck all of the drama i dont need people. The priest is a the steeple and hes preachin to my demon. maybe theres more but i count them all as one. i take another breath of smoke to my lung. let my self go numb wishing i could run but you can't escape your consciousness. all i want is happiness is that too much to ask for. im always knockin on the damn door. they open it and im layin on the damn floor crawling away wasting away wishing that the time would stop and i could sit back and watch the clock not tick. and i dont know if i actually give no shits or too many so i fall in the same hole. dispair and pain again. missing what it could have been but its too much its a damn shame that i have to live with this brian thats so goddamn deranged and insane. bullet rippin through my skull. in my imagination it's beautiful. damn shame its only just a thought but thats the thing thats tearing me apart. i dont wanna play this game i wanna do it my way but every time i try it falls apart im yellin mayday. higher than a pilot a in my head i start a riot. blowing fire. got the blade like michael Myers. and im not afraid to use it. so i steady stay abusin. and misusin. my life feels like a damn lie but im so numb i cant even cry. i put the gun up to my brain hoping maybe now ill die.

[pomegrntes]

tagged by @flitwickfilius this is long so its all under the cut if u wanna read it

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 2 or 2

describe yourself in a hashtag? uhh #im gonna cry

if you could do a kiss scene with anyone, who would it be? the thought of doing a kiss scene makes me uncomfortable but i wouldnt mind tom holland

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? a who

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? im not gonna say what it  is bc i like to bottle things up ✨🧚‍♀️

what’s your wake up ritual? wake up ritual is wake up at 12 and then fall asleep a bunch of times while trying to get out of bed and then actually staring my day at 1:30

what’s your go to bed ritual? pee, brush my teeth, get hungry an hour later, eat, brush my teeth again, then watch some tv or something, and then mindlessly scroll through my phone until 3 am

what’s your favorite time of day? late at night when my whole household is asleep and its just me, alone, hanging out

your go to for having a good laugh? brooklyn nine nine or the odd1sout

dream country to visit? just somewhere far away

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? im sure theres been one but i cant think of any

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers, but not like running shoes; vans or converse 

vintage or new? new, but i do have an appreciation for vintage things 

who do you want to write your obituary? my animal crossing villagers; more specifically, nan or boone

style icon? theres no one in particular but the way i dress is definelty influenced by pinterest

what are three things you cannot live without? this one pillow i cant sleep without, my laptop and thats it

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i dont rly cook but tomato ig

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i wouldnt cook for people i burn everything but malina weissman, tom holland and jacob batalon

what’s your biggest fear in life? everyone leaving me and me being all alone 😹😹😹

window or aisle seat? on bus; aisle, on plane; window

what’s your current tv obsession? it would be brooklyn nine nine cos the new seasons on netflix and i havent watched it yet, but since i dont have netflix rn its naruto

favorite app? it used to be tiktok but tiktok is getting kinda annoying with all of the locals on it now so pintreest ig

secret talent? if only i was talented

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? im a boring person

how would you define yourself in three words? i have no personality i cant answer this

favorite piece of clothing you own? corduroy pants or my uncles old adidas hoodie he gave me

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? clown outfit

a superpower you would want? teleportation or ability to change appearance

what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing im slowly losing my emotions

best piece of advice you’ve received? i dont think ive been advised much

best advice you’d give your teenage self? please shut up 

a book everyone should read? six of crows or renegades

what would you like to be remembered for? forget me❤️

how do you define beauty? i dont freaking know

what do you love most about your body? nothing

best way to take a rest/decompress? staring at the ceiling

favorite place to view art? i dunno what this means

if your life was a song, what would the title be? tell her to stop crying

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? none im not a band nerd

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? wrist or ankle

dolphins or koalas? dolphins 

what’s your spirit animal? im not white i dont use that term

best gift you’ve ever received? my friend recorded a really cute voice message for me on my bday

best gift you’ve given? my presence is a gift

what’s your favorite board game? monopoly or life

what’s your favorite color?  im not rly sure but i have an appreciation for a lot of colours, forest green has been hitting diff lately tho

least favorite color? brown

diamond or pearls? dont rly care

drugstore makeup or designer? i dont wear makeup but designer sounds nicer

pilates or yoga? neither❤️ who do u think i am

coffee or tea? coffee

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? i dunno but it bothers me that theres some words in urdu that i cant explain in english 

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? winter

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? i despise these kind of questions

a dessert you don’t like? cupcakes, ive also started developing a dislike towards cake

a skill you’re working on mastering? working out, i was good for a month but then i couldnt do it on my period without getting awful cramps and i have yet to get back into the routine

best thing to happen to you today? woke up early enough to buy turnips in animal crossing

worst thing to happen to you today? my coffee tasted bad

best compliment you’ve ever received? my grandma implied that im basically her favourite

favorite smell?  a light man/ cologne smell and cotton

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, would it be about? why cats r superior

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? i cry over everything i watch but more recently it was mrs svorski dying in girl meets world

lipstick or lipgloss? is chapstick an option

sweet or savory? savory 

girl crush? malina weissman

how do you know you’re in love? how would i know

a song you can listen to on repeat? scrawny, the king, maniac, little league

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? theres a few people

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? the only thing bringing me the slightest amount of joy is animal crossing

tagging: if ur reading this, congrats ur tagged to do this!