#they moved the search tab. they fucking moved it and replaced it with some 'tumblr live' shit

[orion-my-rion]

tumblr stop adding "features" challenge how about you try fixing one of the thousand problems with the app first

[bomberqueen17]

gifly delights

So I did finally get my new phone.

In the meantime Mom had given me her old phone to use, a Samsung something or other with a curved screen that she’d stopped using when Dad died, instead taking over his phone because the battery on his was better.

I almost immediately discovered that part of the reason for her battery problem was that she had not understood Chrome’s tabs feature, and so had opened a new tab every time she used the browser, meaning every website she had ever visited was still open in a tab. I closed untold numbers of tabs before I discovered the ‘close all tabs’ button, and then closed 75 at one go.

(Mom, your google searches are adorable. And usually she’s quite good at technology, but if you’re not used to the concept of browser tabs, it’s easy enough to overlook. I showed her and she was horrified and immediately closed all the tabs on her current phone, and won’t have that problem anymore.)

So I found the phone to have a perfectly adequate battery life, and so today I am going to mail it to the Farm-fam so they can use it to replace the elderly phone they use for their market cash register, which by now has a battery life in tens of minutes. (Not very many tens of minutes.)

The new phone is.... vast. I got a Google Pixel 5a, because I was looking at older models and they all cost almost as much as the newer one, and I decided I didn’t want the 5, I don’t remember why now, and some reviews said the 5a was bigger and I was like oh I don’t need big, but, I don’t *mind* big, so I looked and was like oh that’s not that big, and then I got it and was like “oh that’s not so big it’s fine” and then I realized I was comparing the naked phone to the existing phone in its case.

Anyway then I put it in its case and. Well. Listen. I could have bought an eco-friendly case, or a case an artist had designed, or something, but I uh. I didn’t do that. I bought... well... cut for photo, if this works, and a request for help if I’ve got any whippersnappers on here who know about these things.

a case with moving glitter in it, because I am eight years old.

[Image description: a gif of my hand moving a large but not ridiculous phone, showing the back of it with silver holographic glitter cascading in front of the black surface of the phone.]

Anyway. Listen it’s fine, that’s not even the biggest phone I’ve had.

But. This leads me to another point.

As I was using Mom's old phone for the last time noticed that it could save videos as gifs, and thought, oh! how cool! I'd use that-- not all the time, but occasionally!!! and so on my new phone I looked for that feature and...  no. Googling shows me various times it has been a thing a phone on this operating system could do, but it is not a thing natively in the camera app on this Pixel the way it was on Mom's Samsung.   Objectively in all other ways this new phone is superior-- multiple camera lenses, all these features I want-- and ostensibly you can create a gif in Gboard (which I have)-- well you could in this article from 2018, but that button's not there now. Oh you can create a gif in Google Photos (which I use)-- oh, that button's not there now. What the fuck, how can I find a current explanation of this, or do I have to download some shady shit from the app store??? This is not rocket science, and for a thing I expect I will use 1) primarily on Discord and Tumblr, and 2) like once every six months or so, I don't want to devote this much effort. But I want to do it!!!

So anyway. Any help is appreciated. *shakes cane etcetera*

Well anyway that’s my new phone. It’s not... *huge* but it’s not really a sensible size either. Fortunately I don’t need it to be any particular size. I have to use it two-handed though. Oh maybe I should see if I can get one of those finger straps through the holes of the case, that might be a good idea. It’s so... chunky.

In other personal news, I have a couple of weeks off from traveling to the farm and I have decided to teach myself woodcarving so like wish me luck. I bought cutproof gloves, we’ll see if I lose any fingers.

Of course I’ve also been trying to write, after a couple of weeks of just not having any time, and it’s been-- well I had to reread a bunch of my earlier published things to figure out where to tie things in and boy that’s-- well. I like what I wrote but the author’s notes sometimes slap me in the face. 2020/21 was a bummer guys.

[mergeatrois]

Desire

Have to upload again because Tumblr cannot make up their mind on banned content after it was prior approved :))

Sarah’s life felt like it was spiraling downwards. Her grades were shabby, she felt sick almost everyrday now, and worst of all, her own roommate had started bullying her. Sarah thought that life would get better after she came out of the closet, and for a little while it did. Her family was supportive and accepting and she felt relieved to finally tell everyone the truth. Things would have actually been pretty decent if it wasn’t for her roommate Kacey.

Kacey didn’t even talk much to Sarah before she came out as a lesbian. She figured that it wouldn’t have even changed anything between them but she was sadly mistaken. Kacey started lashing out at Sarah, small at first, forcing chores onto her and making small but insensitive comments about her appearance. Eventually these things grew into outright sharp insults, rumor spreading, and even stealing. Kacey was one of the most popular and beautiful girls on campus so her rumors were practically truths to every student that she told. “She cheats and plagiarizes all of her work” “She’s kind of a huge slut” “She’ll steal just about anything she can get her hands on”. All of these falsehoods ran through Sarah’s mind day in and day out all thanks to her shitty roommate.

Kacey wouldn’t even call Sarah by her name, she just referred to her as “bitch” or “dike”. Sarah felt like an intruder at her college, even in her own dorm she didn’t feel very safe unless Kacey was out of the dorm. The bullying was bad enough on its own, but the worst part had to have been that Sarah had developed a crush on Kacey before she came out. Sarah couldn’t help herself when she saw Kacey, she was easily the hottest girl on campus. She was gorgeous, fit, and busty. She was everything that Sarah found sexy. Even her “high and mighty” demeanor was a turn on for Sarah. She would give just about anything to see that smug, snakey look wipe off her face while Sarah dominated her in the bedroom. Nothing turned her on more than thinking about Kacey. She’d think about her almost every time when she masturbated, but on the inside she knew that her fantasies would remain just that, fantasies.

One night, Sarah stayed up late, trying desperately to finish work deadlines and maybe fit in some time to rub one out if she could manage. Kacey was gone that night. She went out on a date with some guy she had met just a few days ago. Sarah was relieved that Kacey was gone but still felt sick with envy. “Lucky asshole” she muttered to himself while thinking of the bastard that would push inside Kacey’s guts that night. She felt frustrated after finishing up her work, she needed some relief. She pulled up her regular porn site and scanned the numerous pages, looking for something good to watch. She searched closely, reading every title on every page. Eventually, she noticed a small, recurring ad banner that had appeared on the last few pages. She scoffed as she read the scamming advertisement. “One trick that’ll help you fuck anyone you want!” Sarah shook her head. How could people even fall for shit like that? What a waste of time. She went on to the next page and noticed that every ad banner was replaced with the one that she had read before moving on. “That’s….odd” she thought as she clicked the refresh button. The page blinked white before reloading. Now all the thumbnails to the videos on the browser were replaced with an small image of the ad banner that she had seen earlier. She read the titles on all the videos, they were all the same. “Life changing product! Click now!”

Sarah winced. She was spooked to hell at this point. What the fuck kind of ad did this? She shivered a bit, slightly shaken by the strange glitch that covered the web page. She decided the bite the bullet. Maybe there was something about the ad that drew her in. Sarah didn’t know, and for some reason, she didn’t even care. She winced and clicked one of the many links that threw her straight to strange website. A picture appeared before her. A image of a smooth, plastic bottle filled with a strange orange substance. Underneath the image was a title filled with big tooney letters and a picture of a young, smiling cartoon witch. The title read “Bellamy’s Magical Elixir!” Sarah scrolled down to read the description of the weird product.

“A new supernatural lotion that will let you have the body of your dreams! Do you ever get tired of being you? Or do you simply want a hotter sex life? Have you ever dreamed about being a hot supermodel or a muscled up stud? If you answered yes to any of these then this oil is for you! Just grab the partner that you want to merge with and rub the oil into both of your bodies. Once both the bodies are finely lubricated, just squeeze together and voila, you now have the body that you always dreamed of. Enjoy your new life and your wildest fantasies! Now only $9.99 per bottle!”

Sarah couldn’t believe her eyes. This couldn’t be real, could it? “I mean, what hope do I really have left?” She asked herself. Sarah felt hopeless in her situation. Kacey was making her life a living hell, and the idea of being someone that Kacey found irresistible turn Sarah on more than ever. Worse case scenario, she blows 10 bucks on a useless bottle of lube. Sarah placed the order as fast as she could. Once the money was sent, the page closed abruptly. She tried searching for the website that she had ordered from just seconds ago but nothing popped up in the search engine. Sarah groaned loudly. “Fuuuuuuuck. I can’t believe I actually bought into that crap.” She was too disappointed in herself to even masturbate that night. She marched over to her bed defeatedly and flopped onto bed. Sarah closed her eyes tightly, trying desperately to forget that the night even happened.

She woke up the next morning feeling like death itself. Her eyelids were still heavy. She went into the kitchen and looked around the dorm for a bit. Thank god, Kacey was still gone. She yawned loudly and began stretching before a loud knock resounded from her door. The banging was so loud that it made her jump. “Jeez, spoke too soon I guess.” she mumbled before marching over to the door. She looked through the peephole to that Kacey wasn’t in front of the door. In fact, no one was. She opened the door cautiously and looked around seeing no one. She began to walk outside her dorm when her foot kicked a small package. Sarah picked up the package slowly in disbelief. “No way…it’s already here?” she asked to no one. “That was like, crazy fast.” She walked back inside and ripped the package open. A slim plastic bottle filled with a syrupy orange fluid. She read the instructions on the label on the back of the bottle. She repeated the instructions: “Find yourself a partner and oil up together. Once both bodies are thoroughly lathered with the substance, squeeze both bodies together and enjoy the new you. Note: Only one partner will retain their conscious during this process. The possessed partner will be gone forever and the one taking over will lose every semblance of their old life. The partner that’s being taken over will wait on standby once they are coated in the elixir. Please use with caution.”

For the first time in a long time, Sarah was filled with excitement. All the events up to this point had been so…strange. The glitching ad, the disappearing website, and the fast as hell delivery. Maybe there was something to this elixir after all. She decided to put her faith in the oil. Sarah packed the oil in her bag and rushed over to find Kacey’s laptop. Sarah had snuck a peek at her password while she was typing it in a few months ago, but she didn’t think to use her laptop until this point. Sarah searched quickly through Kacey’s facebook, skype, email messages, trying to find anything about a guy that she was crazy about. Hope seemed lost until she looked through her bookmarks. She saw a tab that linked her directly to the channel of a cammer that Kacey had visited quite often. Sarah looked at pictures of the man in the camera. He was a tall, dark, muscular man with a pretty large following on the site. He would stream naked every other day and put on a show for all of his viewers. The guy looked so familiar to Kacey. She finally figured it out. The guy in the cam was Martin Lennard. He was a student attending their university. No wonder Sarah recognized him, she had seen him just a few months ago while going to the gym. Sarah had been working out with her sister that day when she first saw Martin. He didn’t play any sports for the college but with a body like his, he certainly could. It made sense now why he didn’t, and why he was so reserved. “Jesus Christ, he’s a fucking cam boy.” Sarah said to herself again.

The only time she saw Martin let loose was in the gym. She couldn’t remember much but she could definitely recall how loud he was when he worked out. He strained his entire muscle covered body while in the gym, trying to work out every single muscle until he was drenched in hot sweat. Even Sarah had to admit that he was a pretty dashing guy. Sarah found that Kacey was an avid donator to his stream. She tuned in and donated almost every time he went live. She must have been super into him. It didn’t take long for Sarah to form up a plan. She HAD to get Martin’s body at any cost. This was too good an opportunity to pass up. She sighed calmly before closing the laptop and packing her bag and leaving for class.

During the day, Sarah remembered what day it was when she had seen Martin at the campus gym and began fine tuning her plan. By the time her last class rolled around, she finally had everything worked out. Wednesday rolled around and Sarah took a day off from classes to hang around the gym, waiting for Martin to arrived. Finally she saw his giant, beefy figure stomp towards the gym entrance. He looked absolutely massive. He wore a white tank top that looked almost too small for him. The edges of his meaty pecs poked out the sides of the thin shirt. His swollen arms swung around his heavy gym bag effortlessly as he opened the door to the gym. Sarah jumped up and walked towards the gym desperately to try and follow. She watched him disappear into the men’s locker room before she could grab his attention. She would have to improvise. She waited until he reemerged before sneaking in as fast as possible. Her face was red while she sneaked inside and fear gripped her entire body. She prayed to god that she didn’t get caught.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” she repeated as she slowly snaked through the locker room. She peered into each and every closed locker before finally finding Martin’s gym bag sitting next to an open locker. What a score, he must have forgotten to pack it up before working out. She pulled out the half empty bottle of Bellamy’s Elixir and scratched off the label as neatly as possible before slipping it in his bag. After everything was set she quickly ran out of the locker room and slipped out of the gym in embarrassment.

Sarah went back to her dorm and saw Kacey wandering around inside, talking on the phone. “Yeah, shit didn’t work out last night, I’ll be over in a bi- Oh wait, she’s here. Here, I’ll talk outside, you know how snakey she can be.” Kacey walk past Sarah narrowing her eyes with a devilish grin on her face before she put down the phone and started talking. “I’m gonna be at a friend’s place for most of today. Clean shit up around here. I swear, you dikes can be so damn messy sometimes.” Sarah cringed at Kacey’s caty insult before she walked out of the door with her purse in hand. “Fuck I hate her” she thought as she opened up her laptop. It had only been about 20 minutes since Martin entered the gym, he’d probably be back home in about an hour. Sarah had to get ready. She searched around her bed, finding the other bottle that she had filled with the magic oil. “Christ. I hope this works.”

She waited in Martin’s hallway near his door. He would be there any second. Just when she thought about backing out, she could see him walking towards his door with his gym bag in hand. Sarah jumped a bit and began fumbling through her purse, looking like she was just looking for her keys. She listened closely as Martin opened his door and slammed it shut. She stopped for a minute. She could hear the door lock. Martin may have been a strong guy, but the man was definitely not too careful. Sarah waited another minute in silence before opening his door slowly and inching into the dorm. She left her purse outside, only taking the other half of the oil. She snuck through his place carefully before finding a closet to hide in while he showered in the bathroom. She took the time to strip down naked in the dark closet and cover her body in the oily substance. The orange elixir seeped into her skin making her soft, white flesh nice and slippery. Her face turned red in embarrassment once more. It was strange being naked and oiled up but she was banking on this elixir to escape her shitty life with Kacey.

After what seemed like hours, Martin finally stomped out of the bathroom and past the closet that Sarah was hiding in. She peeked outside the closet door to see him almost completely naked, wearing nothing but a towel that wrapped around his waist. He opened his laptop and started typing on the keyboard before stepping back.

“Everything set up, we live?” He said in his deep, masculine voice. She could see a smile form across his face. “Nice, nice” he said before dropping the towel. Sarah’s eyes widened as she saw the jock strapped that firmly hugged against Martin’s crotch. She covered her mouth, doing her best to contain her excitement.

“I’ve got a real nice show for you guys tonight.” She said with a smirk before pulling out the bottle of elixir that Sarah had slipped into his gym bag. “Forgot I had a little something left in my gym bag. You guys are in for a fuckin’ treat.”

He poured the oil into his hands began rubbing the orange fluid all over his puffed out chest. His hands wrapped around his bulging pecs, slowly coating them in the slippery, reflective liquid. His dark skin glistened and his muscles shined as he slowly bathed himself in the slippery oil. He looked so…hot. He wiped his hands over his tight abs over and over, making sure that the light reflected off their solid surface the most. He refilled his palms with the orange substance before coating his giant arms next. Christ they were fucking huge. Sarah didn’t even care to look at their stunning form the first time that she had seen Martin. He was fucking shredded. He flexed his dark cannons tightly, letting his biceps swell as he washed the oil over their beefy structure. He opened his eyes, staring deeply into his giant guns before turning towards the camera. “Mmmm yeah, you fuckin like that? You like my massive guns huh? Fuck yeah you do.” Even from all the way in the closet, Sarah could see the veins on his biceps thrust against his shimmering, ebony skin. He covered his whole torso in the oil, eventually reaching his hands into the jockstrap to oil up his dick. He moaned softly and tilted back his head as he touched himself, slowly coating that thick black dick of his with the lotion. He finally poured the rest over his thick thighs, letting streams of the magic elixir flow down his legs before he rubbed it into his dark flesh.

He continued to moan and run his hands over his mounds of muscle as the oil seeped into his skin until he suddenly opened his eyes and sat up straight. He looked almost dazed and he stared at his oiled up body in confusion before shaking his head and turning off the laptop in front of him. Once he closed it, he brought over a chair and sat down. He reached his hand inside the jockstrap once more. From what Sarah could see, he was slowly jerking his cock over and over as he tilted his head back with his eyes closed. Sarah slowly inched out of the closet, covering her chest and crotch as she slowly stepped towards the muscled giant. He started moaning deeply, still oiling up his long, black shaft. Sarah stood in front of the intimidating stud, taking a good look at his body as she stood cautiously. He didn’t even seem to notice her. He moved his hand outside of the jock, letting the strap fill with his growing member. The front of the strap shot out with a large bulge, it grew progressively thicker and thicker as he heaved his heavy chest up and down. Sarah sat slowly onto his lap, trying her best to ignore the massive bulge that ran past her butt and down her thigh. She pulled the strap upwards and slipped her oily legs inside with ease. She let the jock go and the strap snapped against her soft skin making her wince as it pulled their bodies together tightly. Instead of feeling the smack of his oily taut skin, she began falling through his thick waist ass first.

She looked down unexpectedly and her eyes widened with excitement once more. She held her breath as her legs and her waist slowly vanished into his huge, herculean form. A strange sensation coursed through her body. Her legs felt almost twice as heavy as before and something felt so off about her crotch. She felt a strong fabric squeezing against her crotch. It would have felt uncomfortable if her body was so oiled up. “W-wait. Oiled up?” She thought to herself. She looked down once more. Her old legs were completely gone. Her soft white flesh was now replaced with dark, brown skin that was pulled taut over her muscular legs and her crotch was now being hugged tightly by the tight white jockstrap. Nothing could have prepared her for what happened next. Her new cock began to grow as her breaths became more and more rapid. Her shaft slowly inched upwards against the front of the strap, making the bulge grow bigger by the second. She winced with discomfort. “This-this is so fucking weird.” She said while trying to catch her breath. She couldn’t believe it. She had a cock. A big cock at that. She narrowed and eventually closed her eyes tightly as her dick became harder and harder. It felt weird but somehow so pleasurable. Eventually her eyes opened and she moaned softly as her cock eventually hit its peak and began thrashing fiercely against the soft cotton briefs. She wanted to feel it up so badly but fought the urge to jerk off right then and there.

She fell back, her slender, girlish figure disappearing into the void of Martin’s heavyset chest. His chest seemed to swallow her whole. It took in her body so easily. Sarah blinked an eye before feeling the air suck out of her chest. She inhaled desperately but her chest felt massive and unnatural. It was a chore to bring air into her lungs but she slowly got used to the feeling. She looked down and immediately, her gaze was met with her new hunky torso. Her new black pecs were bursting with strength and muscle, they heaved up and down with heavy weight as she sucked air into her new giant lungs. Fuck. This felt so weird. So unlady-like but she loved how fucking strong her chest was now. Even her tight, firm abs felt fucking incredible. She bounced her new beefy pecs up and down over and over again. She loved showing off their strength and form. She bite her lips as she lifted her skinny arms against his rippling, shimmering, black cannons. His arms curved around hers and her arms slipped into his without resistance.

She could feel their power instantly. The size of her swollen biceps and dark, furry forearms. The veins that thrusted forcibly against her slippery, brown flesh and the muscles that lined around her deep hairy armpits. “Fuuuuck” she let out as her arms strained to thrust their muscles up tightly against her skin. Was in love with this body. She couldn’t wait to explore all its ins and outs. She sunk back her head with a large smile on her face before the old Sarah completely vanished.

Sarah’s eyes blinked groggily as she looked around the dorm. A sense of unease and familiarity filled her body. She felt like a stranger inside the dorm but at the same time, she felt right at home. She blinked her eyes fully open before looking down at her body. A smile crossed her face. She was a total hunk. She felt like an intruder in this gorgeous body, like she didn’t belong. Even though this feeling loomed over her head, she loved her stunning, brawny figure way too much to let it bother her. Sarah stood up from her chair and began feeling up her muscled chest, filling her giant hands with her bunching black pecs. That name ran through her head over and over. “Sarah. Sarah. No no no, Sarah is gone. Martin feels so much better.” Martin brought up her thick arms and began flexing this as hard as he could. “Yeah….Martin” he said to himself with a cocky grin wiping across his face.

Martin loved his body. It was the one that he had been building up for his entire life, but it felt so new. It was like playing with a cool new toy for the very first time. He thrusted his pecs out forcefully, letting his chest swell with air, making his muscles look even more massive and pronounced. God, he loved this fucking body. Everything about it was just so damn perfect. From his massive arms to his heavy, unmovable chest, even his glistening dark skin felt so fucking sexy to have. And his cock, god his cock was perfect. Long, girthy, and throbbing for some action. He was so absorbed in checking out his arms and chest that he had almost forgotten how the strap was hugging tightly against his thick, muscled member. His bulge was pulsing and thrashing around fiercely as he flexed his heavyset form. Another wide grin crossed his face as he pulled down the strap. His long black cock shot forward instantly, still throbbing over and over, just waiting to be touched.

He couldn’t wait any longer. Martin wrapped his big muscular hands around his veiny shaft, slowly running his hand up and down its length. His palm was completely filled with his girthy black shaft, he could even feel the veins brush against his hands as he jerked his cock over and over. His dick was nice and slick thanks to the oil that he put on it earlier, it felt so fucking good as he let his hand glide effortlessly up and down his massive dick. Martin’s forearm began to tighten and cover with veins as he tugged faster and faster. The sight of it gave him an idea. He brought up his other arm and flexed, letting his biceps bulge up near his head. His biceps were fucking huge. Covered in a thick layer of lean muscle, riddled with veins, he loved their size. The pleasure was weighing on him. He moaned deeply, his voice booming throughout the dorm as he pulled on his long dick over and over again. It felt fucking amazing. Beads of sweat broke the coat of oil that covered his muscled chest as he heaved it up and down, slowly getting closer and closer to his climax. His abs were sucked in tight, their deep grooves and ridges still holding small streams of slippery sweat as he held them in, keeping them nice and firm. His pits deepened as he flexed his entire body, finally letting out a loud roar as he could feel his load escape his thickened shaft. His hard, now pulsating cock shot out stream after stream of hot, sticky cum. The fluid escaped his fat tip, spewing puddles of white fluid onto the carpet, almost reaching the desk where his laptop laid. Martin breathed in deeply as he smashed back down into his chair, his hand still gripped firmly around his dark, veiny shaft. He slowly milked every last drop of cum out of his muscled rod before rolling his head back with a smile on his face. This body was absolutely perfect.

Thanks for reading. If you like the stories with thinking of yourself as being the one to merge into others and have spare time to RP, hit up my DMs as I’m always generally looking. Cheers.

[synaptic-squalor]

tumblr sucks

i wonder how long i’ll keep writing here. i downloaded a VPN to access a foreign broadcasting network’s live streaming services- i wanted to watch a new series that featured a tumblr account that i used to follow during my eating disorder days. the episode was mediocre but the nostalgia was worse. 

so much has changed for me in the last year. i feel like i’ve had to kiss one of my deepest dreams goodbye, and confront things about myself that i’ve managed to avoid for years. my recovery seems to be well underway but in so many ways, it still feels as though i’m the same girl that started this account back in 2011. 

i still don’t know what to do with myself. and so i came back here, because i used to spend hours, scrolling mindlessly, connecting far too deeply to the stories of folks i’ll never meet. but it doesn’t feel the same anymore. i switched to a new tab and searched google for “tumblr replacements,” and didn’t even bother looking at the results. next came “moving to australia,” and i closed that one after only a few more minutes of mindless scrolling. i feel extremely disconnected right now, and listless. time felt infinite back then- as though the future held opportunities, as though my potential was still a thing- but now, it feels as though these doors have permanently closed. i thought i knew myself, and i thought i was going somewhere, and that gave me courage...but this year has forced me to start all over again. and apparently, i’m just starting to get to know myself. i don’t know where the fuck i’m going, but i know i have to get out, and that i need some sort of radical change- something that may not be possible during these covid-times. I need to get out of Chicago, because there’s no growth for me here anymore. 

and how will i get out? what will i do? how will i support myself? once you figure out that you actually don’t want the thing you’ve been working for, 10 years later...the thing you’ve given literally everything up for, and the thing that’s made you shirk relationships, opportunities and your sense of self along the way...once you figure that out, what do you have left, other than the vast emptiness this realization brings? this liminal space? some may call this an opportunity, but they must have a pain tolerance that’s much higher than mine. and i certainly haven’t been left with any answers. 

if anything, i miss the sense of community and connection this place provided, and i hope that someday i can find something like this again, something i can turn to consistently. my real-life sense of community, true friendships i can lean on, have dwindled into nothingness- womxn my age prioritize their significant others, not their friends; society is set up, on so many levels, for monogamous, hetero relationships, and i’m not ready for any sort of relationship right now (though i desperately want to be in one). i feel like i’m too old to be here, even, and definitely too old to keep feeling sorry for myself. 

so when the world starts up again, i’ll try to find a new hobby. i’ll try to feel more at home within myself, so that i can pick back up the ones i used to enjoy. when the world starts again, i’ll think about moving. i’ll think about the things i’d actually enjoy doing in a career, and i’ll come up with a side gig. i’ll leave the country when the world starts up again. i’ll start an actual, bonafide blog. and i’ll find a sense of belonging, somewhere, somehow, because i deserve that. in 2020, i finally acknowledged that i deserve that. 

but i’ll never, ever find another tumblr. 

[buffyisms-archive]

Below are a list of extensions and how to use them to help you RP on Tumblr. Some of them pertain to help you write (grammer, ect.), some of them make your dash easier to manage, some help organize, some do other things! I use all of these in my everyday RPing and it seriously helps things so much. This has a huge portion on Xkit and all the Xkit extensions that are super helplful. The Xkit is at the bottom of the post, because Xkit is the most popular and well known. P.S. One thing I’ve struggled with is organizing and running multiple blogs on seperate accounts, so there will be quite a bit that will help you with that. P.P.S. I have posted this on my archived blog so it is better for viewing a long post than it is on my current theme.

SESSION BOX

Omg session box is MUST HAVE FOR RUNNING MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS. If you have ever wanted to be logged on to multiple accounts in the same browser, dude this is amazing. You can have one tab be one blog, and another tab be the other. Download it for Chrome here

STAY FOCUSED

is a chrome app that can make you stay focused on writing. It will block distracting websites. How I use it is when I need to do drafts, I will set it to block all websites except tumblr.com/blog/buffyisms/drafts (obvs replace buffyisms with your own url), it will even block the tumblr dash mode. You can set it for a time of day or a certain ammount of time. Download for Chrome

AUTO TEXT EXPANDER

is a chrome app that lets you type shortcuts and it will replace them with longer things. I find this extremely useful for QUICKLY TAGGING THINGS. I talk about different ways to quickly tag in my Xkit secotion below, but honestly I find this so much easier. It stores more and has more freedom. It is so useful if you use fancy tags, or if you have tons of character tags to remember. For example if I type ism in the tag box it will automatically replace it with ( & ⁱ'ᵐ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵃˡᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢˡᵃʸᵉʳ. ⁱ'ᵐ ᵗᵃˡᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵇᵘᶠᶠʸ | ɪꜱᴍꜱ. )

WORD COUNTER

is an app that you can highlight a bit of text and right click and hit word counter and it will tell you how many words are in it. This is good if you want to match your partners reply and make sure yours ins’t too short, or long, or whatever. For example this paragraph has59 words. Download for chrome

NEW XKIT. AKA the HOLY FUCKIN’ GRAIL of tumblr roleplaying. Since Xkit has like five million things on it, I will be listing the Xkit extensions that help me with roleplaying, what they do, and how to use them. Seriously Xkit is God, and if you RP on a desktop/laptop I would HIGHLY recommend getting Xkit. First off all, you can download Xkit here for google chrome, they have Xkit for firefox as well. IMPORTANT: DOWNLOAD NEW XKIT NOT THE REGULAR XKIT AS IT DOESN’T WORK ANYMORE. YOU CAN’T HAVE BOTH AT ONCE. ONLY HAVE NEW XKIT INSTALLED.

XInbox What it does: Enables you to tag answer posts before you post them. This is amazing, and necessary if you use any kind of tagging system at all. Delete multiple asks in the mass editor mode. This is good if you are cleaning out your inbox or if tumblr fucks up and gives you multiple of the same ask someone sent you Tags usernames automatically aka it will tag any answer you publish with the askers username. This makes it so they can find it in their tracked url tag. Tags anonymous posts with a tag of your choosing if you have a certain tag for anons. Tags answer posts with a tag of your choosing if you have an answered tag. If you have different tags for ooc and ic asks I wouldn’t use this feature.

One click postage This is my favorite feature and I literally can’t be on tumblr without this anymore. In short what this does is create a hover pop up over any reblog button on dash so you can reblog straight from dash. You can use keyboard shortcuts to queue, draft, ect. Buttons to straight post reblog, queue, or draft post Creates a green already reblogged button to let you know that you may have already reblogged that post. Remove caption option and a box to replace caption

Tweaks This comes with every Xkit and is a huge list of any tweaks Xkit can give you. P.S. There are tons of tweaks and i’m not gonna list them all, just the ones that I use to help me RP. Wrap Tags so you can read all the tags someone uses on a post without it getting cut off. Show new post icons on secondary pages aka your blog page, your queue, your drafts, ect. You can create a new post from anywhere. Always show the move to top button on queue aka any post can be immediately moved to the top of the queue. Show the mass post editor and blog setting button

Anti Capitalism Gets rid of ads, which is amazing because none of us want them.

Blacklist This is a must have for anyone with triggers. This doesn’t just block tagged things, but it go through the text of a post for your trigger words. It has two options one is a warning for trigger word posts and the other will just not show them.

Editable Reblogs This is a MUST HAVE. This allows you to once again be able to cut posts, because no one likes a dash that has 32094380x replies and takes up the whole dash. Just click a little button and you can edit any part of a post. Including you’re partners reply, you’re previous reply. Also good for those little survey things so you can actually fill them in, or bold them, or whatever.

Notification Block This will block notifications from you’re activity page on a certain post. (Note: only works on the actual activity page and not the activity pop up.) If you’re like me and you make tons of ask box memes or little guides just like this one, you totally need this one. If you have a post that has become popular and ruined your activity so you can’t see the activity you actually need to see to RP, this will make it so it does not appear on you’re activity page if someone reblogs your post. This goes without saying, but don’t use this on thread posts that ya know, you actually need to see when someone reblogs it. Example, if this guide right here becomes popular I can make it so it doesn’t mess up my activity page. (although i’m posting it on my archive blog because my current blog has a theme that would make this harder to see). HUGE NOTE: To get this to work right you should have GO TO DASH installed (that I will talk about soon). So to get this to work, pull up the post on YOUR OWN BLOG and click the little hand. This will take it to the post on your dash. At the bottom with all the other buttons, there will be a button with a hand and a lightening bolt. Click this to stop all notifications for that certain post.

Outbox This saved your sent asks. It saves the last 50 of them. It saves both things you send people and private replies. Super good if you need to reference something with plotting or if you can’t remember if you sent that person the same meme.

Post Archiver This is a totally underrated Xkit extension. It is amazing if you have multiple RP accounts. It is also good for tons of other things too. So pretty much you can ‘save’ any post into the xkit archive popup. If you see a post you don’t want to reblog or queue yet, but don’t want taking up your drafts, you can click the button with a down arrow at the bottom of it and save it to Xkit’s Archiver. With multiple blogs I use this if I see a musing post or a meme that doesn’t work for the blog i’m on but I would love to use it for my other blog. You can have categories you can save to that helps organize your archived posts. I’ll have a category that will say ‘Buffy memes and musings’ and when I log on to Buffy I can view them and reblog them on her. This is also amazing to save resources. Any guides or anything you can use later on, save to the archiver and view them any time.

Post Block This is amazing if a post people reblog keeps on appearing on your dash and you don’t wnat to see it anymore. Pretty much makes it so you don’t have to see the post anymore

Quick Tags Dear God, this is another one of my life savers. This adds buttons to when you reblog or post a post, both in reblog from dash and normal reblog, to add tags that you choose. I will say that this only adds 30 tag bundles. But each tag bundle can contain tons of tags. Some people will add tons of tags to a bundle and delete the ones they don’t use. For me that’s too much. But to each their own. I use this for quick tagging musings, memes, character photos, promos, ooc posts, ect. With the click of a button it’s already tags. Amazing if you use fancy tags, or can’t remember all your tags.

Reblog Yourself Literally you can reblog yourself. Good for rebloggin your self promos

Tag Tracking Shows tags in sidebar to track. Essential for tracking your url tag and group verse tags.

View My Tags Another amazing thing to help you tag everything. You can use instead of or with quick tags. This shows you your most recent fifty tags. and you can search for certain ones. Because it does most recent tags, if you use this I would do frequent tag drops.

Bookmarker Adds a little line divider on your dash from the last thing you read. Great for lurking on the dash, it will tell you that you had already read (or sometimes havent read but last time you refreshed the dash) below that line.

Old Sidebar Returns tumblrs old sidebar. I love this because you can easily get to you posts, queue, drafts, ect.

Tag Replacer Must have if you redo your tags. You can put in your old tag and it will find everything tagged with that and automatically replace that tag with your new one. Amazing for redoing tags and maintaining blog organization.

Auto Tagger I use this to automatically tag certain kinds of posts. I.e. it will tag all queue posts with my queue tag, or all audio or video with a tag you have for those kind of posts.

Find Inactives Omg essential for cleaning your dash. it can find blogs that have been inactive for an ammount of months that you set. Unfortunately it can’t unfollow them for you, but finding them is like 3/4 of the battle! This will keep your following number to the people that are active on your dash

Enhanced Queue Totally freakin essential for anyone that uses the queue for anything, ‘specially if you queue replies. My favorite feature is shuffle queue. If you queue up a bunch of gif sets from a blog but don’t want them to come out one after another, or queue up replies but don’t want them all stacked up, you can shuffle the queue. Note: It will only shuffle the posts you have loaded. If you want the whole queue shuffled, scroll down until the end of the queue is loaded. On that note, if you have a large queue but don’t want some of your replies to end up coming out two weeks later, when you queue up your replies, only load one or two more times and then shuffle. That will keep them still in the front. Just don’t shuffle the whole thing after or it will redo that.

Hermes Underrated GOD of xkit. If you ever scroll through your dash for a long time, you will notice things starting to lag and it’s so freakin’ frustrating. This is because your browser still has to remember and keep loaded those posts from the start of your dash. Hermes makes all the posts you have already seen blank, so your browser doesn’t take as much memory to remember them and lessens dash lag.

Mass Deleter This will delete all your current drafts or likes. Now for the drafts, I don’t find that useful unless you are legit clearing out everything. I wish there was a way to toggle the draft button off because tbh it’s a scary button. But it has a confirmation pop up so don’t worry! On the other hand I love the delete all current likes. It keeps my likes more clean.

Shorten Posts Do long posts bother you on your dash? Whether they are memes or other peoples replies or whatever. But you don’t want them to completely disappear, because hey! you might need them. You can set a set pixel length and all posts will be shorten to that. You can click a button to expand the post to it’s original if you want to read the whole thing.

WEBSITES TO HELP YOU WITH THEME STUFF

Pictaculous you can upload your theme background or sidebar pictures and it will give you a color scheme to use on your blog

Screenfly is a site you can view your blog on different screen sizes to make sure it looks good on all screens. Includes ipad and mobile phones too.

Subtle Patterns by toptal has tons of subtle backgrounds that work with tiled backgrounds. Great for pop ups, or your theme background, or graphics, or really so much.

WEBSITES TO HELP WITH WRITING STUFF

Tone Analyzer is so freakin’ cool. Paste your writing or replies in, and it will tell you what emotions you emote in it. Not just which ones, but the percentage of each, and which phrases, sentences that have those certain emotions. It is just so freakin’ cool PS if you’re an angst queen like me, it’s just gonna say sad most of the time lmfao.

Grammerly is a google chrome app that can help you correct your grammer way better than the autopmatic spell corrector.

Readable is a website that you can paste your writing into and it will analyze it and tell you cliches you have, or if your sentences are too long, ect.

OTHER USEFUL/COOL WEBSITES TO HELP WITH RP

CopyPasteCharacter is great for all those symbols that you might need for anything. It has like all of them and by clicking on them you automatically copy them.

Aestheticizer this is great for any kind of fancy script. Put in words or sentences and it will convert them into any kind of fancy text. This is awesome if you use the new fancy tags trend because then you don’t have to copy and paste every character.

Discord is pretty much an online alternative to skype. Create a chat group and invite people and just chat ooc or ic!

Evernote is a notebook organizing website that I use to help me keep track of EVERYTHING. Tag names, things I owe, plot ideas, everything!

[botanistlester]

The Summer (15/30)

The Summer (15/30) | Dan Howell has spent the last three summers at Camp Bergamot, but it’s never been quite like this before. This year, he faces a summer full of new friends, a new relationship, and an entirely new view on his own sexuality. Perhaps Camp Bergamot should be renamed camp self discovery for all the changes Dan has gone through, but one thing’s for sure - despite all the hiccups and the drama, he just might have found the love of his life. | Phan | Mature | Smut, Misunderstandings, Insecurity, Panic Attacks, Bullying, Minor Violence, Physical Fight | 300,000+ Words

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

This Part: 10,509 Words

For reference, @botanistlester is Dan, @snowbunnylester is Phil.

(Previous) (AO3) (Masterlist)

Warnings: Frottage

Chapter Fifteen

Phil had never intended to find himself in the library all alone while the rest of his friends and his boyfriend were off doing their own thing, and yet here he was on a Saturday afternoon, holed up with a book by himself, and he couldn't have been any happier. The week had been a long one, far too many late nights with Dan in the woods making out under the stars, slowly learning control of themselves and their ridiculous desire for each other, but too afraid to move along any faster than they already were. Now, the week was coming to an end. Tomorrow they'd have another bonfire with their friends, and maybe, just maybe, they'd actually tell them about their relationship. They'd talked a little bit about it when they weren't making out, telling each other stories about their lives back home, their pets and families and friends, and how they wanted to be able to do this all day every day sometime soon. Some of the pressure was lifting off of them, with both boys far less awkward and terrified to talk about their feelings and what was going through their heads. Phil loved it. He'd never had so much fun with someone before, and Dan made him happy, happier than he'd ever been. They talked about everything with each other. It just felt good, and it had only been two weeks since they'd met each other. Phil already thought he'd made a friend for life, if not a partner, and he dearly hoped this love would last. Now though, they really were taking a small break from each other, tired of having to tiptoe around their friends, and with Phil desperately just wanting to lose himself in a good book for once. Tonight, after dinner, he'd have his chance to see Dan alone again anyway, and that was enough to settle him as he read.

Dan was so fucking bored. There was a bit of free time between activities and none of his friends were available to hang out with him. How rude. Phil was off reading in the library after they'd agreed to have a bit of self time, Caleb was talking to his mysterious new crush, and Mariah and Kim were having some 'girl time'. Whatever the fuck that meant. So this left Dan by himself, sulking in the cabin while everyone else had fun doing their own thing. What was he supposed to do? The entire week had gone by in a blur, and Dan could feel himself falling more for Phil each and every day. He absolutely adored how Phil's mind worked, loved how Phil made butterflies erupt in his belly, and how his kisses made Dan feel as if he were flying. It was so refreshing and new, and Dan was sinking into the stomach of disgusting romance. He loved it though, and wanted to tell everyone else just how happy he was as well. On top of that, he and Phil had also been working on controlling their emotions. It was actually going pretty well, to the point where they could make out for more than five minutes without sporting an uncomfortable erection. Dan was slowly getting more comfortable with his sexuality and with this came curiosity about, well, sex. What was it like? Would he enjoy it? What did it involve? He knew there was only one way that could soothe his curiosity, but it was beyond risky. He needed to steal one of the camp counselors' computers and look up how to safely have sex with a dude. Which brought Dan to now. Lucky for him, Brittany had left her laptop in her suitcase, and Dan had sneakily grabbed it and brought it into the bathroom. He assured himself that he wasn't going to take a long time and that he'd replace it before anybody noticed. Quickly opening an incognito tab, Dan bit his lip, thinking. What should he enter into the search? How to have gay sex? He shrugged and typed it in. Millions of results popped up and Dan clicked on the first link, excitement in his chest. By the end of this, he was going to be a gay sex master.

Sinking into a novel was all well and good, especially just before dinner when Phil knew that he could wind down and head for bed as soon as he was "ready to sleep," - by which he really meant wind down so he could go and see Dan and spend the rest of the night laughing and making out, groping Dan because he'd been given permission for that but also trying to control himself a little more - but part of him was also just wondering where Dan was now. Phil hadn't really gotten a sense of what everyone else was going to do after lunch because Phil had dismissed himself early from lunch to began with, smiling softly at Dan and giving him an extra wave before he'd gone off, so he had no idea what Dan was doing or if he was even alone. His novel was fizzling out though, losing his interest, and Phil couldn't help wondering if Dan was alone, and if he was alone, if Phil couldn’t just sneak off with him for a cheeky make-out session before dinner. Better yet, Phil thought maybe they could go and have a cuddle. He missed the way Dan settled into his side, often with his head on Phil's chest. Sighing, Phil closed his novel with a small smile and put it away to finish at a later time, deciding he'd had quite enough of a break from his boyfriend, and determined to go and find him.

Dan was actually learning some very good information. He’d learned that they should still use condoms, that they had to go pretty slowly until the person on bottom had adjusted, learned what fingering was, that you had to properly stretch a person before you put a dick up their ass - apparently you had to use a lot of lube or else that could seriously hurt the bottom - and that you still had to use lube when you were fingering. The website told Dan that there was actually a proper 'timing' to fully inserting the penis, where the top should put in only an inch per minute to make sure the person on bottom wasn’t seriously hurt. "This is like a fucking art", Dan mumbled to himself, narrowing his eyes at the computer. Last but not least, he found out that men actually have a prostate which is supposed to feel really good if it's hit. Dan shut the laptop with a huff and pursed his lips. Would he like having fingers up his ass? A sudden knock on the door had Dan scrambling to his feet, caught red handed with a stolen laptop. He cleared his throat, panicking. "Yes?" he squeaked.

It took a while for Phil to locate any of his friends, running into Caleb first who directed him to Kim and Mariah who directed him to Dan's cabin where he met a guy who directed Phil to the bathrooms, something confused in his eyes, like he wasn't entirely sure why Dan was taking so long in there. A little bit awkward and a lot worried that the person inside the bathroom wouldn't be Dan, Phil tentatively made his way over to the door and stood there for a minute. What if Dan was like... having private time, or taking a dump? Phil didn't really want to interrupt him in that case, so he stayed there for a while just curiously waiting and hoping that Dan would come out on his own. He never did, and Phil found himself moving into the lounge of the cabin to sit down, bored, for another good five minutes before he saw the boy from earlier leave. Biting his lip, Phil finally re-approached said bathroom and stood awkwardly out front of it. "Uhm," he said, clearing his throat. Slowly, he lifted his fist, and knocked. The sound of someone scrambling around echoed through the door, and then a tiny questioning squeak managed its way through, sounding just enough like Dan that Phil relaxed. "Hey. It's me. Uhm. Phil. Are you alright in there? I was just coming to find you," Phil called awkwardly. "You are Dan, right?"

Dan relaxed at the sound of Phil's voice and let out a relieved sigh. "Yeah I'm alright," Dan called. He glanced down at the computer in his hands and furrowed his eyebrows. What would he do with his crime? Obviously he couldn't tell Phil what he'd been looking up, but he also didn't want to look like a crook. He ran a hand through his hair. Fuck it, he thought. He opened the door, coming face to face with curious blue eyes and a perfect black fringe. "Hey Phil," Dan said nonchalantly. He wasn't going to mention the laptop, but then Phil was glancing at his hands with a small question of, "how did you get that?" Clearing his throat, Dan laughed nervously. "I may or may not have stolen it from Brittany. I wanted to check up on my... social media." He’d hesitated and grimaced. He was never the best at lying. Before Phil could call him out on it, Dan was shoving the laptop back in Brittany's bag and slinging his arm around Phil's shoulders. "Let's go explore, yeah?"

Phil didn't have any more time to question Dan before the other boy was slinging his am over Phil's shoulder and depositing Brittany's apparent laptop back in her bag before leading them both out of the cabin, but there was something nagging at the back of his mind that Dan hadn't sounded quite right. It seemed odd to Phil that Dan would be lying, though. Phil could hardly blame Dan - an internet person such as the likes of Phil - for wanting to check in on his social media accounts. They'd already talked about their shared love for youtube and fansites like tumblr, so Phil just tried to shrug it off, glad to have Dan's arm wrapped around him at all. "Where did you want to go? I was thinking if I was lucky, you might go have a cuddle with me?" Phil asked hopefully, dropping the subject of Dan's strangeness moments before immediately in the hopes of getting what he wanted out of this situation.

Dan hummed, trying to wrack his brain for what might be the best area to cuddle. The lake was off limits because it wasn't night time yet and it was too risky. So where did that leave them? "Let's go to the clearing," Dan said, smiling warmly at Phil. He wanted cuddles more than anything, and to do that would make him the happiest person alive. He did feel slightly guilty from what he'd looked up, but he told himself it was all in good interest. There was nothing wrong with trying to ensure they had safe sex. When the time came, at least. After they'd gotten away from the wandering eyes of fellow campers, Dan allowed himself to link their fingers together, swinging their hands between them happily.

Dan always made Phil feel good, and now was no exception as the other boy lead him to the clearing where they'd first cuddled. Those early butterfly feelings had yet to fade, and so when Dan took his hand under the cover of the trees, Phil chuckled and grinned, turning his gaze down and away in embarrassment that Dan could still do that to him. He liked it, though, and he was glad that Dan was willing to go for a quick cuddle with him. They didn't have enough time for that, in Phil's opinion, when they spent long summer days together but only got to touch under cover of darkness. As soon as they were in the clearing, Phil tugged Dan down until they were both settled down in the grass, and then manhandled Dan into the position he wanted, resting his head on Dan's chest for once instead of the other way round. Phil pressed a light kiss just over Dan's heart and linked their fingers together again, his long, lanky body sprawled out along the line of Dan's side. Dan was warm, a space heater, and so soft to the touch. Phil loved everything about this boy and just how gentle he was. "Missed you. Always miss you," Phil complained. "Although I was enjoying my book until I couldn't stop thinking of you. You have to stop interrupting everything I do."

It was a bit surprising for Dan when Phil decided to cuddle up to Dan instead of the other way around. It was usually Dan who took the initiative to bury his face into Phil's chest, to have Phil's arms around his torso, but Dan decided he liked this position as well. Of course he did, considering he liked everything he did with Phil. He let out a happy hum as Phil kissed his chest, and Dan wrapped his arms around Phil like Phil usually did to him. He turned his head a bit so he could bury his face into Phil's hair, inhaling the sweet scent of his boyfriend. Phil was so warm against him, so comfortable, and Dan loved the feeling that came along with being Phil's boyfriend. "I'm sorry for interrupting your reading," Dan laughed, kissing the top of Phil's head. "But at the same time, I'm also not sorry because I like when you think of me."

Phil's heart was never going to be calm or still when he was around Dan, was it? Phil laughed at the way Dan's voice sounded - soft and fond and adoring, and all because of Phil's lavish attention on him. He liked the way that Dan was burying his face in Phil's hair, as well, like he couldn't get enough of having Phil so close to him. His arms were comforting too, and Phil was just glad to have this with Dan at all. "Yeah, well, you better be thinking of me as well," Phil teased. "What did you do while I was gone? I ran into the others and it doesn't seem like any of you had spent any time together today?" Phil really wanted to ask about the laptop, but he was refraining because Dan didn't seem to want to own up to whatever he’d been doing right now.

Dan snorted, rolling his eyes. Maybe he was a bit salty at the others for ditching him but that was alright. He was just a clingy friend who wanted to be with his friends twenty-four seven and who got offended when they didn't want to hang out with him. At least he could admit he had a problem. "Mariah and Kim said they needed girl time, and Caleb was apparently stalking a new crush of his." Dan brought his hand up to start brushing his fingers through Phil's hair, smiling when Phil made a noise of content. "So I just lazed around. Stole Brittany's laptop to look at my social media. Nothing new, nothing exciting." The lie made Dan cringe but he tried to hide it. He'd tell Phil sometime, but even the thought that he'd looked that stuff up when they hadn't even talked about having sex made Dan feel as if he were spoiling Phil's innocence.

Phil hummed as Dan spoke, enjoying the way the other boy carded his fingers through Phil's hair. "I'm sorry. When we agreed to have some time apart I didn't imagine you'd be alone. Like. I don't know of that's what you wanted, but I'm sorry if you were lonely," Phil murmured, Dan's touch making him drowsy. They;d had a lot of late nights and not very much sleep this week, so Phil wasn't even surprised he was on the verge of sleep when he was wrapped up so cozily with Dan. "But we'll have some more time alone tonight, right?" Phil murmured, yawning. "One of these days we need to sneak off for a movie date of our own..." Phil's eyes were dropping. Dan's hand felt so nice...

"I promise it's not a big deal. You needed some alone time and I know that. It wasn't as if I was alone for too long though. I ended up getting quite a bit of internet in there before you came and found me." Dan could hear Phil's voice getting more and more drowsy, and he chuckled lowly. Poor Phil. Dan was bringing his boyfriend away from a good sleep schedule for his own selfish desires. Oh well. As long as Phil was alright with it, Dan couldn't bear to quit. "A movie date sounds amazing. We should definitely do that." It was then that Phil let out something that sounded like a snore, and Dan rolled his eyes. Phil had fallen asleep. "You spoon," he murmured fondly. He couldn't bring Phil out of his slumber though, instead letting him take a short nap while Dan pet his hair.

Phil wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he was disoriented when Dan did eventually end up waking him up, shaking Phil lightly and pressing a kiss to his cheek. It was the sweetest most gentle feeling that Phil had ever experienced, and he was certain he’d crave it many times again, probably even attempting to force it like a child pretending to be asleep so his parent would carry him. Phil opened his eyes to stare up at Dan blearily, soaking in the way his face looked, all soft and kind, and then Dan was flicking him on the nose and declaring dinner. Embarrassed, Phil groaned and sat up, shoving at Dan. "It's your fault I'm so tired all the time," he complained. "But thank you for letting me nap."

Dan managed to steal one more kiss before they headed to dinner. Phil's lips were warm and welcoming, so soft that Dan didn't want to pull away, but he knew he had to so he resisted the urge to initiate an entire makeout session and pulled away. Dinner was the same as usual with Mariah and Caleb making fun of him, and Kim smiling warmly at Phil. At one point, Valerie walked past and said something about how Dan needed to stop "flaunting his sexuality" which confused him until he realized that he'd been making heart eyes at Phil while he was speaking. Dan blushed and looked down at his hands while Mariah told Valerie to "Stick it up your vagina and stop teasing him". Dan loved her. When he looked back up, Phil was gazing at him, smiling softly, and Dan realized he didn't care that much. Phil made him the happiest person in the world, why should he be ashamed of that?

Phil's favorite thing was Dan's friends, and the way they came out and defended Dan when he was being made fun of without hesitation, and without question. It made Phil feel less afraid of coming out to them as a couple, and he even considered bringing it up to Dan again as a very real possibility. For now though, he was just making heart eyes at Dan because Dan had been making heart eyes at him, and it made Phil feel all warm inside that Dan was feeling safe enough to do that in public. For a short while, Phil had feared Dan wanting to be in the closet, but he was being proven more and more wrong every day, with each increasing subtle request to one day be more open about their relationship. The group joked and made fun of Valerie after the exchange, and Phil got up to move next to Dan with a sudden surge of confidence. Without saying a word, Phil allowed his head to fall sideways onto Dan's shoulder, and closed his eyes with a tired sigh and short yawn in a fake attempt of exhaustion that really wasn’t there, heart racing as he waited for the reaction of their friends. Maybe this could be another way to reassure Phil that they could stop hiding and they would always be there to defend them.

Dan's eyes widened as Phil rested his head on his shoulder. His heart was beating fast, so loud that Dan was sure everybody in the room could hear it. Their group of friends were completely quiet, staring at the two with raised eyebrows. Dan didn't know what Phil was planning, but his friends knew him well enough that he always reacted to some affection with his own, so he drew an arm around Phil's shoulder and laid his head on top of Phil's. It was a position that he'd done with Mariah before, so he didn't think it'd be too weird. Kim was the first to make a noise, a soft cooing sound as if she were going 'aww' to a baby. Apparently, they were babies now. Mariah and Caleb soon followed, Mariah saying something to the effect of how they were too adorable for their own good. The reaction made Dan's stomach flip, and he grinned, squeezing Phil's shoulder with his hand. They were so nice about just this simple gesture that Dan felt his chest swell with happiness. Maybe they didn't have to hide for much longer after all.

Despite having intended to feign exhaustion for laying on Dan's shoulder, when Kim cooed and the others called them cute, Phil began to smile, skin prickling as Dan squeezed his shoulder lightly. Phil took advantage of their situation to snuggle even closer, done eating as it was, and decided to just go ahead and stay here, though his heart was pounding far too hard and loud for him to even attempt an another nap. Instead, he was hyper aware of their friends who lowered their voices as if Phil really were napping, while Dan rubbed small circles against Phil's skin, seeming able to tell that Phil was tense and nervous as all hell. He appreciated the notion, though, and enjoyed it for a good fifteen more minutes before the others decided that they were done and ready to go hang out at the big bonfire with the rest of the camp. Dan was gentle as he jostled Phil awake, and Phil turned to peer up at him with a soft smile. "You're a good pillow," he murmured, uncaring as their friends seemed surprised at the comment once again.

Phil was so tense as he rested on Dan's shoulder, but Dan couldn't say that he blamed him. Dan was nervous as hell too, feeling as if their friends were watching them intently, and as if he had to be careful of every move he made. Even so, he enjoyed having this closeness with Phil, and he was beyond thankful that their friends weren't teasing them for once. Mariah was smirking at Dan the entire time, but he pretended not to notice. When Dan jostled Phil awake and Phil claimed Dan was comfortable, their friends' eyes got as big as saucers so Dan just chuckled. "I'd hope I'm comfortable considering I eat far too many sweets. Makes me squishy." To iterate his point, he pinched his stomach where it was the most pudgy. "See? I'm a good pillow." As their friends rolled their eyes, they stood and made their way to the bonfire. Dan didn't feel like going to the bonfire, not when Phil was so fucking adorable when he was sleepy and he had to wait until tonight to kiss him again.

Phil frowned, lowering his voice as their friends walked away to say "I like you squishy. It makes you extra cute," and then reached down and linked their fingers together, carefully but brazenly. Dan's head whipped around to stare at him wide-eyed, but Phil didn't bother to even acknowledge the look; instead, the minute their friends were out of view, and the majority of the campers were out at the bonfire pit, Phil took off running, dragging a bewildered Dan behind him who at least had enough sense not to question Phil when they were out in the open with the potential of being seen. Phil was grinning as he heard Dan laugh behind him, fingers tightening around Phil's as they ran, and he could feel the adrenaline pumping through him, excitement at what he had planned propelling him forward despite his exhaustion. When the two finally came to a stop, it was just outside of the movie theater like room, and Phil turned to Dan with arms outstretched to say "Time for that movie date, I'd say."

The adrenaline running through Dan's body was enough to made him screech out a laugh, giggling as he allowed Phil to pull him along as he pleased. The idea of a movie date with Phil was more than Dan could have ever wanted. Some alone time with just the two of them and nobody else? That sounded like Dan's own personal heaven. Dan squeezed Phil's fingers and smiled softly at him. "You're my favourite person, you know that?" he said, leaning over to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. They headed inside, and Dan was quick to choose a movie. He ended up picking 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' and Phil made fun of him for wanting to watch something with such a long name. Dan rolled his eyes and swatted at him as he sat down next to Phil, basically curling into his side. "You'll be sorry when you realize how amazing this movie is."

Phil's heart was still fluttering. Dan had been more than happy to have a movie date with Phil, and Phil had been partially afraid he'd be mad that Phil had just kind of... taken off with him without explanation when they were meant to be spending time with their friends and the rest of the camp. Dan kissed him on the cheek instead, grabbing Phil's hand again to drag him into the movie theater room. All the lights were out, and they turned on the dimmer to set the mood slightly, which made Phil giggle as Dan picked out a movie with an insanely long title. That made Phil giggle as well, and he settled in on the sofa as Dan put it in. There were butterflies in his stomach again because this was going to technically be their first date, and Phil was beyond excited, wrapping an arm around Dan's shoulders as Dan curled into his side. What Phil wasn't expecting was for the movie to be a tear-jerker, and as it started, he felt his heart twist at the premise. A break-up, and a girl's absolute need to forget the man who'd broken her heart. Phil couldn't imagine going through such a procedure, but he could imagine her pain well enough, and he stared down at Dan with sad eyes. Would that be them one day? Were they going to break each other's hearts? Phil's arm tightened around Dan, and he settled his head on top of the others, closing his eyes for a second to pull himself together.

"You okay?" Dan murmured to Phil as his boyfriend tightened his arm around him. Phil's answering hum wasn't very convincing, so Dan pulled away a bit to look him in the face. Phil met Dan's eyes with watery blue ones, an expression of sadness on his face. Dan frowned. So maybe he hadn't done a very good job with picking a movie, even if this was one of his favourites, and he felt a bit guilty despite the fact that Eternal Sunshine had a happy ending. "Aw, Phil," Dan cooed and took his teary boyfriend into his arms. Phil's face was hidden in his chest, and he kissed the top of his head in comfort. "Don't cry, the movie ends up happy!" He pulled Phil's face from his chest and rested his hands on both of Phil's cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe the wetness from his eyes. He smiled gingerly at Phil and then leaned in to give him a sweet kiss on the lips. "I'm here, everything's alright."

Phil hadn't intended to get teary, but when they tears came, he couldn't stop them. He just felt really emotional about it all, and as the movie went on, he couldn't help his own sense of heartbreak. The whole story was a little gut wrenching, and for as much as Phil enjoyed it, wanted to like it because Dan so clearly did, he was having a tough time separating himself. He'd always loved movies that could really make him feel, and this was no exception. Dan made him look at him, though, and, embarrassed, Phil tried to hide his face, but Dan didn't let him, wiping away his tears and reassuring him that everything was going to be just fine before kissing him very sweetly on the lips. "You had to pick a tear-jerker, didn't you?" he teased, sniffing a bit.

Dan laughed apologetically. "Sorry. I guess I didn't think about it." Dan grinned at Phil and leaned back in to press kisses all over his face. He started with both of his cheeks, then moved to his forehead, his nose, and finally his lips. Dan sighed into the kiss and was vaguely aware that he was rubbing the small of Phil's back soothingly. He felt absolutely terrible that he'd caused Phil to be so sad, but he was also pretty happy because he now had a reason to hold Phil and comfort him through his tears. "We can turn on a different movie if you'd like?"

"You sure you didn't plan this?" Phil murmured as Dan peppered his face with kisses, eyes closed and smiling at how gentle he was. Dan really was the softest person Phil had ever met for how loud he tended to be, and how exuberant he was. It was comforting and good, though, knowing that Dan was such a gentle soul, knowing things about Dan that other people didn't know. He loved that they were vulnerable with each other. Phil's mouth opened to Dan's easily, but Dan didn't linger long on tongues - instead, he just kind of nudged his mouth alongside Phil's, and even that was amazing until he pulled away.

"I may have planned this a little bit," Dan murmured between kisses. He could tell that Phil was going pliant beneath his touch, mouth parting as if he expected Dan to deepen the kiss. He didn't, though. Dan didn't know if Phil wanted to actually watch the movie or not, so he pulled away after a few more pecks and smiled at Phil.

"No. This one's fine," Phil replied, a little breathless. They'd gotten much better about their hormones, but that didn't mean Phil didn't still love kissing Dan, didn't still crave the chance to make out with him. "Come here," he whispered instead, and kissed Dan again.

Dan opened his mouth to say something in response, but then Phil was pulling him back in, lips a bit more feverish against his than they were before. This was one of Dan's favourite types of kisses from Phil, where they were both desperately clinging to each other as if they were a source of air. Phil's mouth moved expertly against his, and Dan sighed at the feeling, biting at his top lip and then allowing Phil to slip his tongue into his mouth. His heart was pounding in his ears, blocking the noise from the movie, as he reached up and tangled his fingers in Phil's hair to pull him closer.

Movie entirely forgotten for now, Phil made a small moaning noise as Dan's fingers tangled into his hair, drawing him closer and tugging lightly on the strands. It didn't turn Phil on as much as he knew it turned Dan on, but it was still good. Phil's skin was hypersensitive to all of Dan's touches, after all. He sighed as Dan bit at his lip, licking into his mouth and pressing his tongue up against Dan's. The feel of them sliding against each other like that was intoxicating, and Phil's mind was a little fuzzy as he reached up and tangled his own fingers in Dan's hair as well, pulling gently before his hands trailed down to cup Dan's neck instead, lightly tracing patterns there as Phil grinned and sunk into the way Dan felt against him.

Phil was absolutely intoxicating. Dan didn't know how Phil could make him so needy so quickly, or how kissing him could make Dan so damned turned on in just a matter of seconds. Dan was one lucky son of a bitch. When Phil ran his fingers down Dan's neck and cupped them there, Dan let out a moan. Phil had easily found that touching Dan's neck was an instant turn on for Dan, and he used it to his benefit quite a lot. It made Dan a squirming mess underneath his touch, opening his mouth just a little bit wider so he could push his tongue against Phil's and taste all of him. He was getting turned on - way too turned on - and Dan didn't know how much longer he was going to last before he'd have to pull away. But, what if he didn't pull away? He pulled at Phil's hair, tilting his head so Dan could get impossibly closer, and he was basically on Phil's lap by now but he didn't care.

Somehow, things were getting far more heated than they normally did, and Phil wasn't even sure how. He'd thought he'd managed to learn some self control, but everywhere Dan touched him sent sparks of pleasure through his body. Their lips felt sealed together, and Dan was shifting against Phil, trying to get closer to him. Phil embraced that, liking that Dan wanted to be touching more, and moved his hands all the way down Dan's neck and his sides until he was grasping Dan’s hips and shifting his own body sideways so he could lay back against the sofa they were on. Dan came with him, following him, straddling him, until suddenly Dan really was in his lap. This wouldn't be the first time, but as Dan kissed him deeper, trying to taste every part of Phil's mouth and making it terribly difficult for Phil to breathe, Phil realized that his head was becoming very fuzzy. How was he meant to make this stop if Dan didn't stop soon? Phil made a muffled humming sound against Dan's mouth, and then pulled away, gasping for air with his hair all mussed up. He was sure he looked a mess as his fingers tightened on Dan's hips. "We should stop," he gasped. He could feel himself straining against his jeans again. Dan just felt so good.

Phil was pulling away all too quickly, and Dan swallowed his disappointment. He felt as if he could just stay like that all day and the hardness in his jeans definitely wasn't helping his case. He was gasping for breath, matching Phil, and they were both completely wrecked. A single glance down told Dan that Phil was just as turned on as he was, and he almost wanted to lean in and continue on what they'd started. "If you feel like we should stop, we can," Dan told Phil. He licked his lips to wet them a bit, clearing his throat and trying to clear his mind at least a little bit. He wasn't going to force Phil into doing anything he wasn't comfortable with, no matter how badly Dan wanted to. He liked Phil too much for that, respected him, and he wasn't the type of person to force anybody into something sexual. So he sat back on his thighs and began to move off of Phil.

Phil bit his lip. Dan looked so reluctant, so turned on, like he wanted to continue this and never stop, and his movements were hesitant but certain as he began to climb off of Phil. The only problem was... Phil didn't really want to stop. He was just afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop later if they didn't stop now, and he didn't know how far Dan wanted to go. He didn't know if Dan... wanted to... wanted to... maybe have that grinding session now. Honestly, Phil at this point would be happy to shove his hands down Dan's pants, but he wasn't sure if the other boy was actually ready for that, yet. "I -" he said, hands tightening around Dan's hips to stop him from climbing away. "I just don't know if I'll be able to stop, I - don't know if you wanted..." Phil closed his eyes. His head felt so full, and his dick was throbbing, and honestly he really just wanted Dan's mouth back on his - maybe on his neck, even. They'd never done that before. "Did you - want to continue?" he asked. "I just don't want us to ... get caught up in the moment."

Now the question was, did Dan want to continue? Was he ready for that step? He thought about what he would be comfortable with, what his boundaries were, and when they should stop. Did Phil even want to continue? Judging by the way he was asking Dan, voice so fond yet full of arousal, Dan was betting on yes. Phil would tell him if he wasn't ready for anything else. "I'm not ready to go all the way," Dan told Phil, and he was biting his lip, eyes raking down Phil's face and torso. Phil's hands gripping his waist were burning a hole through his clothes, making Dan want to scream. "If- if you want to, we can continue? I obviously don't want to go... too far tonight, but I think we have the self control not to." Dan racked his brain, trying to come up with what they could do if Dan didn't necessarily want to go all the way. Suddenly, an idea struck him. "Remember when I suggested that grinding session? Would you be comfortable with that?"

God. Would Phil be comfortable with that? Fuck yes. Phil groaned, eyes falling shut at the question, and nodded his head quickly while biting his lip. He would like that quite a bit. His fingers tightened on Dan's hips. "Just. Wanna touch you some more. Get you off," Phil mumbled. "You have no idea, Dan," he said, and then opened his eyes to find the arousal in Dan's. "Come here," he whispered, letting go of Dan's hips the reach up and throw his arms around Dan's neck, drawing him in until they were kissing again. Phil shifted his body underneath Dan's until Dan was properly straddling him and Phil could feel him, hard and big against Phil's own arousal. He gasped into the kiss at the sensation, completely new to it all, and rocked his hips up very lightly, experimentally, to Dan's apparent delight as he moaned against Phil's mouth. Phil trapped his bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling teasingly before sucking gently, and rutted his hips up again just as slowly. The feeling sent sparks up his spine like he'd never felt before, made him feel weak at the knees, and he groaned quietly. Dan was so hard against him. The friction was so fucking good - better than anything Phil had ever felt before, and he suddenly wondered what it would feel like to be naked against each other, really touching, as his hands moved to thread up through Dan's curls to tug lightly.

Dan nearly couldn't believe it. The feeling was so much better than he'd expected, one that made his entire body light up in flames and his toes curl. He pressed his body closer to Phil, feeling one of Phil's hands tangle in his hair while the other scratched lightly at Dan's back. Dan moaned into Phil's mouth again, seemingly unable to stop himself, and ground down onto Phil's crotch. It was a strange feeling having another guy's dick rutting up against his own, but it was like nothing Dan had ever felt before and it was so good that Dan wasn't able to shut up. He was making small noises into Phil's mouth each time he rutted against him, and the way Phil's tongue was massaging his own was making him weak. He pulled back from Phil, panting, and rested his head on Phil's shoulder, beginning to grind against him in a slightly faster pace. He kind of wanted to know what it'd feel like if Phil had those beautiful hands all over his body, around his aching cock, making him feel good. Like he’d heard Dan's thoughts, Phil was suddenly gripping at Dan's ass, pushing him down against him, and Dan could have sworn he saw stars. If this was how mere grinding felt with Phil, he wondered how good everything else would feel.

Dan was so loud; louder even than he'd been the last week every time they made a pastry in cooking and he’d needed to verbally approve of it as loudly as he possibly could in the form of a drawn out moan. Phil's cock had always twitched in interest, and he'd always been left to imagine how Dan would sound when he was actually getting pleasured, but this was something Phil could not have imagined. Dan was just as loud as he'd been when he was eating sweets he loved, but not as... real as this. This was something better, something more, and Phil couldn't stop panting himself in reaction, eyes rolled back in his head at the way Dan mewled and moaned into his mouth, the kiss wetter than it had ever been before because Dan wasn't able to concentrate enough to focus on kissing Phil properly. Phil couldn't even bring himself to care - he was far too invested in the way that Dan sounded, and when Dan began to grind his hips back against Phil, only further increasing the sparks of pleasure running through him, he groaned himself, far quieter but just as needy as Dan's sounds. Phil's eyes flew open as Dan pulled their mouths apart to hide against Phil's shoulder, and his hands moved down to grasp at Dan's ass, forcing their dicks together faster and tighter than before. The sensation only grew better, stronger, more intense, and Phil found his jaw falling open as familiar heat began to grow in his belly, coiling there while his balls drew up tight to his body. He wanted release, needed release, but wanted Dan to finish first even more. His eyes dropped to Dan's exposed neck, the way he was swallowing convulsively as he continued to make those pleasured sounds, and then he was gripping Dan's ass tighter, controlling both of their movements to make the pleasure as intense as he could, before lowering his mouth to nip and suck at Dan's neck the way he'd seen done in the movies.

As soon as Phil started to suck on his neck, Dan knew he was gone. There was so much pleasure surrounding him, so much of his body stimulated, that his head was spinning. Phil's lips were so nice on Dan's neck, nipping and biting, and if Dan had to guess, he may have even been leaving behind love bites in his wake. "Ph- Phil!" Dan gasped out, a pool of heat swelling in his groin, hot and propelled forwards by the feeling of Phil's hard cock grinding up against Dan's. Phil's hands gripped tighter on his ass, pulling harder, and Dan was in heaven. He grabbed onto Phil's shirt in tight fists to keep his balance, and he was sure he looked a right mess. Dan moaned out as Phil bit down hard on his neck, his tongue flicking out to soothe the skin soon after. It was all too much, Dan felt as if he was going to explode. "Phil, I'm going to come," Dan moaned, burying his face back in Phil's shoulder. As soon as the words left his mouth, he was coming, and he sank his teeth into Phil's shoulder to stop himself from being too loud. It didn't really work other than to slightly muffle his moans, and he was a panting, sweating mess, rutting against Phil a few more times to ride out his orgasm.

It was such a different experience feeling someone falling apart on top of you. They weren't even having full sex, weren't even naked or anything even close to what would normally be done in sex, and Phil still felt like this was the most erotic and sensual experience he'd ever had. Dan's body was shaking over his, his fingers twisting in Phil's shirt to hold himself steady while he rutted his hips against Phil's, ignoring entirely Phil's controlling movements until Phil was doing nothing more than kneading Dan's ass through his jeans merely as an excuse to grope him. The feel of Dan swallowing around Phil's ministrations against his neck, the sound of his moans and the way he choked out how close he was already, they were all combining to make this the most intense situation Phil had ever felt. He hadn't known how amazing it was going to feel, make him feel, when someone else came on top of him, and even though he couldn't feel Dan's orgasm, couldn't see the result of what they were doing, he could tell he had done by the way he quite suddenly leaned down to bite into Phil's shoulder, hips rutting out of control for a moment before stilling completely, a wet patch forming over Phil's own hard cock. Phil was filled with a sense of sudden euphoria, knowing he'd done that. Even if he'd missed Dan's orgasm face, even if he hadn't gotten to touch, he'd done that - not to mention that the way Dan's body felt rocking lightly against his, the sound of his moans not so muffled and very drawn out, and the way his teeth put pressure against Phil’s skin were literally going to be the death of him. HIs hands were still on Dan's ass, and his cock was still throbbing with the need for release. Shoving his hand very suddenly between their bodies, Phil gripped his cock as best as he could, and started to jerk it, massaging himself through his jeans, and giving himself the simulated feeling of Dan still rutting into him. "Fuck, fuck, fuck Dan," he moaned, throwing his head backwards and trying to push himself over the edge. He could feel it, he was right there, and his ears were ringing with how close he was, blood pumping through him fast and hard. He strained against his hand, felt Dan release his shoulder and learn over, and then they were kissing. That seemed to be what Phil needed, because the next thing he knew, his hips were jerking, cock spasming, and he was coming in his pants just as Dan had.

The way Phil was jerking himself off through his jeans was almost enough to make Dan's spent cock hard again. He stayed in his post-orgasm shock for a moment before he realized that Phil was desperately trying to get himself off to no avail. It was then that Phil started moaning, cursing, calling Dan's name, and he looked so blissed out, so beautiful. Dan nearly considered reaching down and taking over for Phil, to take him into his hand, feel his thick cock and work him through orgasm. Dan shivered. Maybe not this time. While the thought was definitely more than pleasing to him, he thought they both needed a moment to digest what had actually happened before delving into the world of handjobs and - dare he say - blowjobs. So instead, he leaned over and kissed Phil hard on the mouth, open mouthed and wet. Dan's trousers were wet, and he could feel Phil's hand pressing against his own bulge with how close they were pressed up against each other. Dan licked into Phil's mouth, lapping at his tongue, and then pulled back to bite his bottom lip. It was messy, hot, and the most erotic fucking thing Dan had ever done in his entire life, and he was surprised that he wasn't getting hard again from it. Then, Phil was coming. His hips were jerking against Dan, into his palm, and Dan leaning back a little bit to watch the show. He wasn't going to just let this chance of seeing Phil's orgasm face go. And good thing he didn't, because Phil was the most gorgeous sight he had ever seen like this. His mouth went slack, cheeks flushed, fringe pressed into a sweaty quiff, eyes tightly shut. Dan kissed him again, chuckling, because they both literally came in their pants like the horny teenage boys they were. When Phil seemed to have calmed down enough, Dan pulled back. They were both breathing heavily, staring at each other as if they had never seen the other before. Finally, Dan grinned. "You, Phil Lester, are amazing."

Phil felt like he was in heaven, he was so blissed out. Coming because of someone else, with someone else, against someone else was more than Phil had ever imagined it could be, and he was grinning even as he panted, staring up at an equally grinning Dan as they came down from their highs. Phil's pants and boxers were going to be awkwardly stained, and he'd never be able to wear either pair without thinking of Dan ever again. Phil laughed as Dan called him amazing, and reached up to throw his arms around Dan's neck and draw him in, pressing their mouths sloppily together all over again. This kiss was uncoordinated and breathy as they continued to pant against each other, and it wasn't helping that Phil couldn't stop grinning into Dan's mouth. "That was amazing," he finally agreed when they pulled apart again, nuzzling against Dan's face. "You're amazing. I can't believe we just did that. It was perfect." Phil was giddy with his first sexual experience, and he was so glad it had been Dan.

Dan giggled along with Phil, his chest about to burst with emotion. Phil had a huge smile on his face and he was absolutely beaming, making Dan feel as if he were on top of the world. His first sexual experience! He could hardly believe it. Only a few weeks ago, he would have laughed in somebody's face if they'd told him that he was going to be kissing and doing sexual stuff with another boy, but here he was. And Dan was loving it. He wouldn't have had this experience with anybody else. Dan sighed happily and pecked Phil on the lips again before moving so he wasn't straddling Phil anymore. The forgotten movie was playing the last scene, and Dan shifted a bit uncomfortably in his jeans, cringing at the wetness he found there. "I've made a mess," he told Phil matter-of-factly. "All because somebody decided it'd be a good idea to make me come in my pants." He laughed loudly as Phil shoved him, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek in apology.

Phil didn't really want Dan to move, but he let him go when he started to try and shift off of Phil with the realization that they were both getting pretty uncomfortable in their wet jeans. Rolling his eyes at Dan's comment, Phil reached out and shoved him. "If you're lucky, next time I'll swallow," he teased with a cocky wink. He knew it was something he most definitely wanted to try, but he wasn't sure when the next time they were going to do this would be, and he hoped Dan wouldn't feel pressured by it. They hadn't even talked about telling their friends yet, though Phil had been considering it all night, but this was solidifying it for him. They were doing these things on their own because they wanted to, not because anyone had pressured them, and it was amazing. Dan didn't even seem freaked out, which was a plus for Phil. "You don't regret it, right?" He asked, feeling a little insecure.

Dan's body got hot at Phil's words. Phil swallowing? Dan nearly couldn't believe what he'd just heard. He groaned a bit, shuffling in his seat, as he thought about how it would feel to have Phil's pretty pink lips wrapped around his cock. It would truly be one of the most beautiful sights he'd ever seen, that was for sure. Dan pressed himself into Phil's side, trying to ignore how sticky and disgusting he felt. He'd definitely have to change soon or else he was going to have to deal with having soiled underwear for the rest of the night. Dan didn't get a chance to tell Phil how much he liked the idea of Phil swallowing before he was moving on, and Dan turned to gape at him. "Of course I don't regret it," he murmured quietly. How could Phil even think that? This was the best moment of his non existent sexual history. "I could never regret doing something like that with you. In fact, I'd love to do more stuff with you. If you'll have me, that is."

Phil's smile grew slow and big as he turned back to Dan, who'd moved to press his side into Phil's. He was warm, there, comforting and soft. Phil shifted his arm to wrap it around Dan's shoulders, wanting a cuddle and affection after everything that they just done together. He felt closer to Dan than he had felt to anyone ever before. "I definitely want to do this again. And more. I'd love to try more with you," he murmured, shy as he glanced at Dan with a blush on his cheeks "I'm just. Worried because this is newer to you than it is to me. I mean. I've at least... been comfortable in my sexuality for a while," he tried to explain, not wanting Dan to think that Phil was in anyway regretting this or wanting to stop either.

Dan understood what Phil was saying. He didn't really understand why he wasn't more freaked out himself, but he figured that he was just comfortable with Phil. Phil didn't feel like a certain gender to him, which was unbelievably cheesy. Phil felt like home. Dan relayed this much to Phil, cuddling closer to him and trying to calm the erratic beating of his heart. Even after they'd been dating for a week already, he still felt the butterflies in his chest. "I think I'm a lot more relaxed because I've had time to think about everything. We didn't rush into anything and we both made a decision to do this stuff when we were ready for it." Dan grinned and kissed Phil on the cheek, loving the way the skin heated up against his lips. "If we'd just jumped right in, I might have had more of a problem. But I'm comfortable with you and I trust you. Don't worry about me, okay?"

It made Phil feel warm and fuzzy all over. Dan's lips had been soft against his cheek, and the fact that he was so comfortable with how slow they'd taken things, waiting until they were both comfortable, was really comforting, calming Phil until he was able to roll into Dan and tuck his head up under his chin. They rarely cuddled with Phil being the instigator - that was always Dan - but Phil wanted the affection now when he was still processing what they'd done, still trying to come down from feeling so amazing. He hummed against Dan's chest, and murmured "I'm glad you're comfortable with me. I always want you to be comfortable with me." It was cheesy and maybe a little bit stupid, but Phil was feeling incredibly sappy. Apparently, he became a bit of a cuddle monster after sex, then.

When Phil was like this, Dan could literally feel warmth swelling throughout his entire body. He was in a state of euphoria, post-orgasm, with Phil cuddled to his chest. This was the best feeling in the world. He made a noise of happiness, and buried his nose into Phil's hair, kissing the top of his head. He was glad that Phil liked to cuddle after doing sexual things because Dan was definitely all for that, loving the feeling of Phil resting his face in his chest and holding him tight. He was glad they could be cheesy together. "I'll always be comfortable with you," Dan murmured, shutting his eyes. He couldn't explain how happy he was in that moment, cuddled up to Phil and feeling like he was on top of the world.

Phil never wanted to leave this moment. It felt too good and perfect, like all the planets were aligned and he needed to take advantage of all the time he had with Dan. He knew they had to get up eventually though, sneak back home before anyone really noticed they'd snuck out in the first place. Phil wanted to stay here so badly though. He wanted to hold Dan forever. Pushing himself up, Phil leaned in to kiss Dan again, melding their lips together in a sweet but definitely not chaste kiss, humming into Dan's mouth to show just how much he'd liked it - one thing they'd definitely learned today was that Dan was intensely vocal while Phil was less so, and he wondered if Dan even had room to listen to any sounds that Phil made.

The one thing that Dan liked about Phil being not very vocal was that it sent a shiver down Dan's spine whenever he let out any sort of noise. It was such a turn on like that, a gift that showed just how much pleasure Phil was getting from him. Dan swallowed the sounds up as if they were his lifeline. Their lips moulded together like puzzle pieces, Dan running his hands over Phil's arms and trying to drink him in the best that he could. He wished they could just stay like this forever, but after kissing lazily for a few more moments, the end credits of the movie started rolling and Dan knew they had to make their way back to their cabins. "I had a question," Dan murmured, pulling away and looking his boyfriend in the eye. He was a bit embarrassed, like Phil had seen so much more of him than he'd initially realized. He liked it though, liked feeling as if there was something Phil had seen that nobody else had. "Would you consider telling our friends? Y’know, about us... soon?"

Dan's hands were running all over Phil's body, and it was the best feeling. They hadn't gotten to even try exploring each other yet, but now Dan seemed to be taking a little bit of advantage of that, running the flats of his palms up and down Phil's arms, winding around his back to press against the flat expanse there - it was nowhere they hadn't touched before, no more intimate than normal, and yet it still felt like more because they'd just had sex. Well, kind of. Phil was still giddy with the knowledge that they'd done anything, and he wasn't going to let that go for a while. His cheeks were pleasantly flushed with desire again when Dan finally pulled away, looking at Phil with the gentlest of gazes. "Definitely," Phil agreed quietly, grinning. "Thought I made my intentions kind of obvious earlier today, and... and just like. After all of this, I feel safer about it. If that's something you'd want as well," Phil added quickly. Despite Dan having brought it up, Phil didn't want Dan to think they had too.

Phil's skin was warm against Dan's hands, and he wanted nothing more than to explore the rest of him. He allowed his hands to wander, caressing the skin of Phil's back as he slipped his hands under Phil's shirt just to feel him. He liked the way Phil shivered at his touch, the way Phil was so hot against his freezing cold hands. "I've been thinking about it a lot," Dan admitted. It was something that'd been itching in his mind for a few days now. While it was fun to be able to keep this to themselves and to sneak around, he also wanted to kiss Phil in front of his friends, to hold his hand, to be a proper boyfriend. He was ready. "I keep thinking about how it'd feel to hold your hand in front of them. Now that I've come to terms with my sexuality, I think I'd be comfortable with telling them as well."

Phil couldn't help feeling overwhelmingly happy to hear that Dan did want their friends to know, at the very least so that he could hold hands with Phil in public, and they wouldn't have to hide their affections anymore. It had been a mutual decision to kind of hide the whole thing, but Phil had always been that little bit afraid that Dan would never want to come out. He thought he was starting to know Dan quite well, thought he had a good idea of who he was as a person, and that definitely didn't include him being the type of person afraid to face himself or who would never want to come out, but Phil had never quite been able to still the niggling fear. Now, though, there was nothing to worry about, as Dan was feeling comfortable enough to come out. Phil ended up giggling and leaning in to kiss Dan again, sighing into his mouth and just kind of... breathless with affection. "Alright. Then let's tell them," Phil agreed when he pulled away again, grinning up at Dan.

Dan grinned back at Phil and kissed him again. He seriously didn't think he would ever get used to kissing him. Phil was addictive, a drug, and Dan was the person lucky enough to hold and kiss him whenever he pleased. To tell their friends about their relationship would just make that easier for him to do so. Plus, his friends were some of the most supportive people he knew. He had no doubt in his mind that they would be as excited as he was about his and Phil's relationship.

They ended up kissing for a little bit longer before they decided to head off for bed. It was surprisingly early for them, as they usually were out later, but they were both so exhausted that their eyes were drooping the longer they stayed up that night. Considering their plans for tomorrow, Dan figured they needed as much sleep as they could get. He ended up falling asleep full of nervous energy, barely able to hold still. Tomorrow would be the day he would finally be able to hold Phil as he pleased. He could hardly wait.

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