#they look like dykes here ngl
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i miss fenhawke
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Yo what's up it's me, ya boi, [horrendous infection that knocked me down for a couple days]
Anyway I'll be catching up episodes 3 4 and 5 tomorrow/day after, but for now I just wanna do my thing with ep 6. 6&7 are possibly some of my favourite episodes in Tristamp, so I'm hyped to show off my theories/details about them.
Once again spoilers for Trimax [HEAVY spoilers in this case, we're talking about Legato and Razlo]
TL;DR there's something fucked up with Tristamp Livio and by extension Razlo, and I need more of them all the time.
@tristampparty I'm back in the game!
So a lot of these theories and details will link to episode 7 :]
So of note in this scene is (obviously) Wolfwood's weird red eyes which. Pretty cool ngl. But I do think there's something to be said about the way he pauses and carries the Punisher in this scene; there's a pretty popular theory that Wolfwood gets extremely overstimulated when he takes a vial and the way he pauses and wobbles with the Punisher here is, for me, more evidence for the list.
Also that they won't give this man a CAR. Give him a Thomas or something??? I think it speaks to the dehumanization of Wolfwood by EOM that he doesn't seem to get to use transport like a normal person - always set to wander the desert, because he can survive that! Not like a normal person, of course. Only the Punisher is inhuman enough to do that.
I'll have what he's having [I love that Nightow's wanted poster gets in the magazine despite being. Yknow, 30 $$]
I'll talk about this more when I actually get round to analyzing episode 5, but Roberto calling out Vash's not-being-human and then immediately going "well I'm not risking my life for that" is interesting because he's, well, a reporter. It speaks to his experience that he's not willing initially to chase down something that could be a big scoop. But also,,,, Vash looks like. 20. Roberto is probably about in his 30s-40s, which means he's probably heard of Vash since childhood [Since Tristamp Vash has a much longer reputation history than Trimax/98]. I really wonder what Roberto thinks of that; did the picture not come as a shock to him, or did he already know? Does part of the reason he keeps letting himself be talked into following Vash stem from a lifelong curiosity? Much to think about.
This plant HAUNTS me. Why does she have such a different tank? Used to power the Ion Cannon, maybe, but there's the possibility people adjusted it so she can better power the sandsteamer and that's,,,, There's a complicated relationship between humans and plants (obviously), but little implications like those adjustments make me go !!!! [My friend @millions-dykes has a Plant Engineer oc, Enigma, who focuses on that concept. She's very cool]
LIVIO SIGHTED. Let me get this out of the way quickly, but y'know that panel that is often cited as inspiration for Tristamp Livio's design? Yeah that's. That's Razlo.
Which is really fucking funny to me because it's foundational to Tristamp Livio - love that for him, but trimax Livio specifically does not wield Punishers, and the page that this appears on is when Razlo is getting Livio to tell him he's the strongest (Which then goes into this training flashback montage page which is Razlo-centric). Which again, extremely funny to me.
Not necessarily analysis, but something all iterations of Trigun do great at is a sense of Scale. The sandsteamer is massive, yes, but so is the desert. There's some great shots with the moons later on, which I love as well.
Wolfwood really doesn't try and keep it secret, huh? I mean, in every iteration Vash Knows[TM], but tristamp Wolfwood in particular just,,, doesn't keep the secret. I wonder what other conversations they've had, when Wolfwood realized Vash knew.
Being always able to see Wolfwood's eyes gives him a layer of emotion that I really like - Trimax Wolfwood is a little more reserved, because he's more developed, further layered into those coping mechanisms and repressions that make up his character. Tristamp Wolfwood hasn't quite had that yet, and it's reflected in his design. It's sick as hell
Time for me to be so normal about Livio and Razlo ^_^ so I've built up a bit of a study case on the differences in when Livio or Razlo are fronting [Trimax], and once you start looking into paneling and shit it's Very apparent! Which is cool! And I'm starting to build up one for Tristamp Livio, which,,, well, you'll see. Anyway take note of his movements here - slow, even footsteps and steady guns.
The mask here is. Also a red flag for something being Off. The eye moving independently suggests that either they have some Weirder Than Usual Body Stuff going on, that Trimax Livio and Razlo can do that and nobody comments on it because they're being polite or - My theory - the mask having those electrical components are embedded somewhat in Livio's face. I will explain in just a second.
Livio as a kid being so upset about his parents interests me - In Trimax, Razlo kills Livio's parents because Razlo was formed as a protective alter due to heavy childhood abuse, and Livio doesn't seem too upset by that specifically, more just being,,, alone. I wonder what happened with their parents in this specific timeline, or if Razlo just hasn't presented yet.
Now I've uh. Kinda semi-intentionally blocked out some stuff I've read in the Bible, but I do remember someone being crucified upside down. St Peter that was it! I don't remember anything else but I'm sure people more well-versed in the Bible will have some imagery to point out lol
Legato's outfit seems a touch inspired by that one July flashback in Trimax. Which, given that Tristamp is a leadup to July, is a nice touch!
Legato might be a bit protective of his hair. Can't imagine why.
On a more serious note, it makes sense for Legato to have such a protectiveness around his body and physical appearance, especially if Knives had an influence in it.
sands undertal
I really do wonder what Legato's ability is in this. Like unless they retrieved Vash's arm from the. Wherever it got sucked into when it was amuptated they can't go the 98 route. But the wire explanation of Trimax also doesn't quite seem to fit. Something new, maybe. Could be related to Plants!
I wonder if Vash here is thinking about Rollo. That Wolfwood was willing to kill Rollo out of mercy, and he's going to do it again to Livio. Except this time, Wolfwood knows Livio. Vash doesn't know Livio, but Wolfwood does and it's going to hurt Wolfwood if Vash lets him carry on with this. So he goes to save Livio, and save Wolfwood as well. Similar to Trimax, where Vash kills Legato to save Livio as a remnant of Wolfwood's memory, Vash here could be protecting Livio to protect Wolfwood.
Okay here's where my crack theories come in. So I do think that Razlo is elbowing his way into front about here, not even necessarily because Livio is getting his ass handed to him, but because of the mask. He's probably not fully There, because the progressing fighting style continues in Livio's movements, but the eye changes are. Well, it's Livio and Razlo you can never be too careful.
So Livio hits the mask here and is down for the count for. A Bit. What's important here to me is that the mask does of course have an electrical component. Now, what would that be for? Well, gathering that Livio seemingly has a bit of trouble after this (early episode 7, this is a two parter theory), that the mask is used by EOM to force a switch remotely. After the mask seemingly malfunctions, we get a lot more Razlo-esque movements and traits in episode 7 before Livio seems to come back in and have his little meltdown.
It links in with both dehumanization of neurodivergent people (In this case, a system) and the usage of Razlo and Livio by EOM. Razlo's very often portrayed as Big Scary Murder Alter by EOM for scare factor, whereas when we get a bit more into Razlo's head in the Elendira fight we see a bit more what he's actually like - protective alter groomed into assassinhood by Chapel - and lends more understanding to the character. EOM being able to force trigger a switch would be viscerally horrifying for that loss of autonomy theme in a way that speaks to many neurodivergent people. Thanks for coming to my ted talk????
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top 5 f1 drivers!!!
Schumi... I'm an Italian millennial I grew up watching him smash records I'm always thinking about his silly goofy smile and also that time he was bored in retirement and he was late to the airport and took over from the cabbie and just sped like a crazy person to catch his flight. I miss him ngl
Vettel! Like many motorsports stars he burst on the scene looking like a cute dyke and then he was a cunty vicious menace who stole my heart (rbr you will never be early 2010s seb rbr). Also I'm not immune to his tragic arc as another victim of Ferrari's fail era. DELIGHTED to see him back.
Lewis. He's immense. Legendary rookie season, unparalleled swag, smashing records left and right, compelling life story, heart in the right place. I'm always thinking about his bleach blond era.
Sharl. Hands down my favourite on the grid right now, unfortunately he had me at the tragic backstory and twinky looks and I am not immune to the ferrari jesus narrative.
Fisichella! Had to stick an Italian guy from my childhood here. Australia 2005 you will always be famous.
Bonus: Alonso does NOT get a favourite spot because I want to punch him in the face but also he's a walking meme I can't believe he's still around (for better or worse). He's so iconic and if he didn't exist Briatore would've had to invent him
[top 5 asks]
#anonymous#askbox games#f1#the fact that italian drivers historically don't do much in f1 unlike Italian cars#is why I need for toto to get merc's shit together by the time kimi antonelli gets there#an Italian hasn't won a wdc since. well. for longer than England hasn't won a world cup which is saying something
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Okay so since I finally got around to watching Beast Wars I'm def gonna finally be watching other Tf series finally!
Just putting a lil thing here for myself an talking about whatever with the Tf shows I wanna watch bleh bleh bleh!
Cyberverse- Need to Restart, watched like 2 episodes and forgot to keep going LOL, I see so much shit that goes down I just need to sit down an have a watch, butch lugnut??? Characters that perma die in the show ??? I need to see what this is all about and I'm pretty sure I won't be disappointed!!
Beast wars 2- Maybe ? Idk where it is in terms of lore but it looks like a fun watch either way!! I love how the 2d animation looks and I love the few designs I've seen from the show, lio convoy the most prominent I lovveeee his design of my gosh what a gorgeous bot.... Green an purple Megatron too!!!
Beast Machines- I am a lil weary of the art style, they are a bit gross but I'm ngl I'm a big fan of it ? Ugly in a way that intrigues me! I just hope the story is as fun as beast wars, I have not seen a lot of this show actually just designs. (and no I don't like silverbolts design he's ugly I'm sorry please make him a furry again god EW, arachnid tho ...💖)
Earthspark- I need to suck it up an watch season 2 part 1 and 2 because I just really liked its first season an got scared away when ppl said it started to get a bit uhhhh not that great so I got weary... Megatron is so gorgeous, beautiful, amazing, stunning, butch dyke, and handsome to me, you know?
RiD 2001: Big maybe!!!! I've seen so many clips that are pretty funny an goofy, I know it's not all that crazy in terms of lore or characters maybe? But it's definitely funny to me, I wanna give it a try an then see if it sticks!
Armada: ohhh yes Yess YESSSS I love Starscream in this show, I watched clips of him I've seen so many videos, I need to watch the actual show! I also just like the dynamics of everyone in the show overall? Seems nice an the humans don't make me wanna groan an cringe from the clips I've seen, also minicons!!! I love minicons!!! Yay!!!!!! Do I remember any of their names RN no but it's okay.yay!💖
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Different person but here's your link
https:)www-youtube)com/watch?v=b_y2_V1bSJ4
It doesnt have every weird gay moment but you get the jist. It's missing ones like Wendy saying she watches twice videos to see their great teamwork and Sana saying she watches red velvet because they are hot. I think the worst bit was before the interview started Sana sat down and was already ketchup red for no discernible reason, kept licking her lips, asked wendy about 5 million questions whilst jihyo sat there like lol. Then when they took selfies during a break Sana who is usually a huge narcissistic ngl got really flustered with wendy looking at her and struggled hard. Update: Sana posted on instagram, Wendy sent her cannoli from the place she recommended, Jihyo didn't get anything lmfao. Wendy really sent her a gift in less than a day. Are they gonna fuck? Stay tuned. It was so bad that it went viral with knetz. I'd highly recommend watching the full thing if you enjoy lesbianism and Jihyo's pain.
NOT CANNOLI FOR SANA AND NOTHING FOR JIHYO??? 😭
youtube
okay but wendy does give off mean dyke energy like I GET THAT.... I'm surprised she decided to shoot her shot with sana of all people but I can only think about jihyo being so fucking done bc A) she's the leader and needs to keep her members under control and B) lbr she's painfully straight so this was probably sooo fucking awkward for her lmaooo
sana is so fucking funny here she's cute but it's also kinda embarrassing like girl if you don't control yourself!!! for winnifred out of all people!!! have some class have some DECORUM!!!!!
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Actually like. Ngl it's distressing to me that ppl now default to they/them-ing me until they hear otherwise....like all love to my they/thems but 1) it never happened before i cut my hair, bass boosted thinking emoji etc and 2) emotionally it literally makes me burst into flames from the inside out, like i can't rationalize it but it always feels like someone is looking completely through/past me.
I wouldn't mind it if i didn't know that it was happening because my hair is short and i wear sports bras and mens jeans and all. But like bear with me: my presentation isn't feminine but to me it is so obviously a woman's presentation? A woman's masculinity. Like if you're not looking at me and concluding that my gender is dyke then something's getting lost here lol
#tbf today there was a trans guy with us who presents VERY similarly to me#and i assume the person who themmed me made a rational decision that if i was trans then ''they'' would hurt less than ''she''#which! tbf! is usually true. just not here lol#adding the caveat that i also love to hear he/him. not bc i'm a man but because of 5d chess gender reasons#so really of the three choices she had she picked the only sore one and that was unfortunate for both of us </3
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@volatilelovers replied to your photoset “ok so like i had a totally other purpose cos it was about me walkin...”
Ok 1) bra deets 2) I want ur dog I'm sorry I just I want to steal him 3) is this like no make up challenge? Hashtag real lesbian bodies? The airbrushing drives me nuts and soooo much so called lesbian content on tumblr is not realistic and therefore kinda lame imo but it's better than nothing. An embodiment person I follow started a series where ppl send in photos of different parts of their own body and idk this remind me of that. That and thirst trap obviously lmao
1) Puma! from Winners lol. It is SO comfy, ngl. The cups are those annoying bikini type removable ones and they can shift a bit but it’s nice and tight, but not too tight. I mean, Puma don’t make the most long-lasting, durable undies but they’re nice while they last.
https://www.amazon.com/PUMA-Womens-Seamless-Graphic-Crossback/dp/B07XYGGLWM
Puma fits small tho. Like this was a medium, and it’s a bit small. And I’m just a regular 34-B/C (depending on the damn company ofc).
I actually bought it cos of what we were talking about the other day and I was like “i need more sportsbras. sore boobies need gentleness, no more underwires.” (and i gotta say it has helped a lot it seems.) i honestly haven’t really worn sportsbras regularly since...like high school...... so this is all new haha. altho i’m now in the state where if i don’t have to wear a bra at all i won’t. (very different to even 5 years ago when i’d never NOT wear one, even to bed.)
2) he is stupid you can have him lol he has bad breath and won’t stop snuggling and licking toes. he’s a toe licker. he won’t give kisses anywhere else but if you have bare feet watch out. it’s disgusting lol
3) honestly i think that should be a hashtag. i mean so much of the “lesbian content” i post photowise is these perfectly shaped, photoshopped, etc women. probably most of whom aren’t even gay half the time. (the older ones i believe, and they tend to show more real bodies in older women. cos older women aren’t meant to fit in the ~tumblr aesthetic~ anyway.) but with the exception of one or two selfies, i don’t often see actual lesbian bodies here. lots of heavily filtered, posed, aesthetic photos of 18 year olds with perfect bodies. which is like... not most of us? and to be totally frank, it took me so fucking long to be ok with my body and it wasn’t until i really accepted who i was (AND be around other women consistently naked and had it not matter to them) that i even was comfortable with it. like i’ve always been so, not ashamed, but shy. (and i know if you saw photos from when i was 19 and walking around in like no clothes you’d be like “are you sure? cos you look pretty confident in that teeny bikini or dress.” but inside i was very much not confident. i did it to fit in and be popular lol. sweet sweet (fake) validation, babey!). the self love that comes with being with other women is incredible. anyway yeah so like i know how my body DOESN’T fit into the ideal aesthetic (and i’ve had plenty of comments in the past irl about my lack of “womanly”/”child bearing” hips, skinny arms, etc etc. the hip thing always kind of made me laugh tho cos i am always like “well, nature knows! good thing i never want kids then if i don’t have the hips for it!!”) but i think it’s important for people to see regular bodies around. like yeah? a little tummy? i used to be devastated by that (and doctors thought i had an ED cos of it) but i’ve come to accept that it ain’t going anywhere cos i’m a female and that’s just how it’s meant to be. esp as we get older. (and my wife insists it’s cute. cos i was skinnier when i met her and she’s like “you look so much better now”, which is similar to the time i lost a lot of weight to get rid of that tummy specifically cos it’s used to be a Big Thing I Hated, and once i put back on some weight my granny was like “oh thank god. you looked really sick before”.) and esp when you come from a culture that doesn’t have more body acceptance. like the first time i went to iceland and to the pool and all the women were just wandering around naked, in all ages and forms, and with zero shame, i wa slike WHAT IS THIS WORLD??? it was baffling to me. cos even in change rooms here it’s quite i dunno hush hush (altho not men’s locker rooms cos i’ve spent a lot of time in those when i was the only girl on the hockey team and they’re just boldly naked and don’t give a single fuck. but women’s lockerrooms? always a bit more...i dunno.). except old ladies who don’t give any shits whatsoever. but all ages there, just going about their business--and i STILL felt insecure which is crazy. i was stared at more for NOT being buttnaked. even the kids were like “wtf”. i want that sort of casual, easy body acceptance and lack of fear of judgement. and i didn’t even shave my pits here (it’s been weeks)... and i forgot until i posted the photos... and then i realised, it seems really obvious to me irl but then i look at the photos, and i’m like “shit, it’s not really noticeable is it? i’ve been freaking out all this time over nothing???” that was pretty stunning tbh. i didn’t realise til i took the photo that it’s not this massive deal. anyway i’m just sort of sick of the “young, thin, hyper-feminine so-called lesbian with long straight hair and sexy undies” ideal (esp when softly touching other young, thin, feminine so-called lesbians). my god just searching “lesbian” on this hellsite is 95% that exact content (that isn’t a comic or illustration which is the only way to see real bodies lol how ironic). god forbid there’s a butch in sight, even a soft butch, or normal body, or natural bush/hair, or tomboy that isn’t super feminine. (the only tomboys allowed are the cute ones with the hipster shirts and backwards ballcap with long hair and perfect eyeliner). we get the occasional professional athlete but that’s it. (where are the regular athletic women, the sporty, muscular women, not hyper-feminine tomboys? where are the stone butches and big old ‘i don’t give a shit bout anything’ dykes? the women who exist outside the ideal BMI and age range? nowhere. cos it doesn’t fit the virgin tumblr aesthetic. it’s not “pleasing” to the majority of users here cos they’re so accustomed to only seeing one type of “lesbian”) but beggars can’t be choosers. and so i reblog the slight bit of shit we do get lol. i dunno, if i was an 18 yr old lesbian i’d be so worried cos i don’t look anything like these girls and no one else i know is either. so just a regular ole boring lesbian body here and it’s imperfect by social standards but it’s fine by my own. tbh i think it’s pretty cool that normal people send in photos of their bodies, just regular, imperfect, everyday people to counteract the mass of bullshit on social media where everyone is so fucking fake. (i assume that’s what you mean by the blogger you mention. i’m guessing it’s not photos of perfect, filter-heavy body parts etc.) and i think in a weird way, being seen --not necessarily validated for it tho-- helps your own ability to appreciate yourself. like not hiding it. just taking that step and posting “this is my leg” esp if you’ve been insecure about it. and you don’t even need the “omg what a beautiful leg! leg power!” sort of social media cheap validation stuff. just the act of posting it. (and i mean...i don’t mean porny, thirst photos to get likes. just... you know normal shit. although i would TOTALLY post my bush if it was allowed just to knock it home that it’s natural. and NICE. and we need to see it more. and i don’t mean in a porn way either. but in the way we see women in art or science books. nonsexual. like that goop episode LMAOOOOO) just as a “this is what it is”. and we all need a little more bodylove i think. and it’s hard to do that when all you see is the insta and tumblr ideal aesthetics absolutely constantly. but i mean i really did just want to show off the bra ...which then turned into showing off the dog lolololol cos he’s ridiculous.
#volatilelovers#not to be a bitch but sometimes i think there are a lot of people who just reblog these photos for the aesthetic quality#and have never actually even been naked with another woman before#and this bombardment of this 'ideal' only propagates that dangerous ideal and isolates anyone who doesn't 'fit' it#which is ... i'd say#at least 80% of tumblr users.#i used to follow a few girls who were the walking tumblr lesbian aesthetic so they do exist... just not en masse.#there's nothing wrong with appreciating beautiful things and lovely aesthetics... just it's become a little too pervasive??
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i guess just because ive been on a roll lately and also oversharing is my lifelong passion i want to verbal diarrhea a lil bit about my own experience of coming to the conclusion that im a lesbian so pls feel free to ignore if u want or whatever i just have Lots Of Thoughts and i just want to get them out. this gets sort of weirdly long winded and shouty and ranty so im sorry. catharsis!
even now i still feel some level of .... idk? shame? regret? i dunno. about the fact that i didnt come to the conclusion that i was a lesbian until i was 25 bc that feels so late to me even though i know for a fact that there are countless other people who came to similar realizations about themselves when they were much older than me.
and ngl there is even a little bit of envy that there are so many kids so much younger than me who seem so sure of their identities (even though i know there are loads of kids who arent sure!!!) and there are moments where i catch myself thinking of myself as “less of a lesbian” because i didnt allow myself to face the fact that i was one until fairly recently ..... and i am still learning so much and trying to cultivate my own identity and just all around see myself as “less experienced” (whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean) than others which undoubtedly is a part of the massive chasm that all my self confidence gets sucked into daily.
but like obviously its not like just BOOM one day i was like “from here on out i am a lesbian now!!!!!!! :)” bc even from a very young age i was always more drawn to women and could not wrap my head around the idea that someday i would have to marry a man and completely idealized my mom’s best friend who was a big burly woman who drove a truck and wore flannels and knew that i wanted to be just like her when i grew up and never ever marry a dude (which in retrospect was sort of weird because my mom usually hates women like that and i grew up with her periodically warning me to “stay away from fucking dykes theyre mean awful ugly women”)
and then the always confusing for everyone period of middle school where i dated a boy for three days before breaking it off because the whole situation gave me more anxiety than i could deal with but i just chalked it up to me being an emotionally immature teen but also being completely obsessed with my best girl friend and wanting to impress her and have her attention all the time and being unable to understand why i was so upset when she started dating some guy and me just assuming that i was upset because i had a crush on him that id never realized i had before
and then id go home and spend hours online looking up content for my favorite shoujo-ai anime ships and talking with other wlw on the gaiaonline guild forums and asking them questions about how you knew if you were gay or not and if liking almost exclusively girl/girl ships meant you were gay and only being told in response “plenty of heterosexual girls like girl/girl ships!! youre the only one who can tell if youre gay or not!! :)” and just feeling completely confused and alone and having no idea what to think!!!! and then having one day that i remember very specifically where i had a shining moment of clarity for all of half an hour where i thought “i AM a lesbian!!!” and feeling so happy in that moment before my brain took over with the thoughts of “but what if you come across one particular guy sometime...... can’t rule out that possibility” but i knew i really wanted to be a lesbian but just could not allow myself to think i was one
and then fast forwarding up to undergrad where i briefly dated an online guy friend (hi) for like. a month? and then abruptly breaking that off in the worst way possible because i had no fucking clue what i was doing and once again chalked it all up to being emotionally immature and from that moment out identified as aromantic because i figured there was something fucking wrong with me and romance was just not something i could do!!!!! and thinking there was absolutely no fucking way i could be a lesbian and it was completely not even remotely an option because there were certain aesthetic things about men that i appreciated and also never once having had a “proper crush” on anyone or at least not one that i could identify because everyone always talked about love feeling like fireworks and something big and id never felt that for anyone ever so obviously that meant i was incapable of love!!!! so i shoved the whole notion of trying to figure myself out way way way down and didnt look at it for years afterwards
until i got into graduate school and for some fucking reason my brain decided it was time to dig all that old shit back up and i SUDDENLY COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN SCREAMS. and feeling more attracted to women than ever even though i always knew that i liked women
and i still couldnt entertain the idea that i might be a lesbian because even though id been in a very happy relationship with beansly for a few years at that point and knew for a fact i was not aromantic there was still that thought of “Ok But What If You Meet One Guy Sometime”
and this sounds dumb as fuck but it wasnt until beansly straight up told me “if i had to label you id think you were a lesbian” that my brain went “what if theyre right” (TO WHICH I IMMEDIATELY WENT NOPE but acknowledged that the fact that they called me that made me feel really really good) (but kept thinking about that and kept bringing it back up to myself and ruminating over and over and over it) and then even more dumb as fuck i couldnt admit it to myself until i saw a fucking tumblr post that had something to the effect of “a common thing for lesbians who dont know theyre lesbians yet is that they really want to be a lesbian. its ok to be a lesbian” AND THEN I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BABY AND HID UNDER MY BLANKIES but the fucking relief and validation my dude but then being presented with a whole new heap of Problems such as “how the fuck do i come out to people. everyone will think i am faking and Not Enough” and just having to deal with the struggle of owning that label and allowing myself to feel good about it and not let my brain convince me that i am somehow unworthy. and i am completely worthy because i love women and not men and thats the one fucking qualification i need to meet so my brain can go fuck itself into oblivion. ive spent so much time worrying over how much of myself i owe to men and holding myself back for a man that does not exist and will never exist and part of why i keep excitedly bringing up the fact that im a huge fucking lesbian is because in my mind its a huge testament to my personal progress and taking ownership over myself and no longer holding myself back over hypotheticals
so yeah anyway at the end of the day i still have so much more growing i need to do and i still see myself as a small shakey little chihuahua with a big mouth but i am a damn stronger person than i was even a year ago!!!! and learning that your attraction and what label you identify with is supposed to make you feel good was one of the best things i ever learned. i just really wish i could have had the self awareness or at least resources that i have now when i was younger and could have figured it out a little sooner. i know it doesnt make me “lesser” and technically i am still a very young person and have my whole life ahead of me but. idk i just wish id had it in me to be more honest with myself sooner. idk how other people can be so sure of themselves when they are so much younger. that just wasnt me i guess
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More Than Human: Chapter 9 Liveblog Pt. 1!
“Monday Broke My Heart” It really did :’(
The hilarious irony that BUTCH is the one with the defensive special power hehehehe
“We'll be moving," Blossom said. "We'll find you," Brick responded, and she went warm. HE'LL FIND HER JKHGFDSATLKGHFD!!!!
Someone please hit Butch.
"I hope Butch won't," Buttercup snarled. "I hope he gets punched in the sack." SAME!
Kiss With A Fist by Florence and The Machine very appropriately decides to come on my playlist right at this moment xD
BUTTERCUP YOU DON'T HAVE POWERS WTF ARE YOU DOING *FACEPALM*
Butch to the rescue....kind of xD
Butch is absolutely loving this
"I feel like I'm wearing some sort of girl armor," he remarked once they were in the air. "It's weird."
Butch, you fucking idiot!
BOOMER! I know Bubbles is your girlfriend but you grab BOTH girls with no superpowers
Why do people still live in Townsville? One of life's greatest mysteries...
*Cue musical montage of Brick looking like a heroic Greek God*
Oh Blossom...he'll never be the hero you want him to be.
"Oh, in that case," he said, then produced a really big gun from behind his back. "Buttercup has a point," Blossom said. "Where do you hide these things?" A serious question that needs an answer asap
Now Brick to the actual rescue!
Reds screaming at each other...well this feels more familiar xD
Awww it's really adorable how worried Brick is about Blossom. You'd think something like this would knock some sense into his thick skull but no ofc not!
Oh my fucking God Butch YOU DROPPED HER WTF DUDE
She stopped, then looked at Boomer. "I'll give you ten bucks," she said. Boomer immediately slugged his brother in the face. Buttercup later gave him an extra ten for the sound Butch made as he ate the asphalt.
I neeeeeed to know what Bubbles is working on *_*
He picked at a corner of his textbook cover, trying to straighten it and thinking of how easily she had smiled at Robbie. "I can't believe you did that. Without powers or anything. Jumped through glass, I mean. Up from seven stories. And then beat Mojo Jojo, on top of it." He could almost sense her relaxing beside him, her anger giving way to a slight confusion. "You're kind of a beast," he said, and she fidgeted. Brick is totally buttering her up and she is totally falling for it lmao
What a heartwarming father-son reunion xD
He turned on his most beatific smile and saluted. "Hi there, Professor Utonium. Nice to meet you. I'm, you know, Boomer. I'm here to see Bubbles." "Of course," the Professor said, and something curled in Boomer's stomach, something dark that screamed Danger and Doom and Death Will Soon Be Upon You.
R.I.P Boomer...you will be missed :')
I think the real question is what wouldn't he do to you, Boomer? :’) MWAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh man this face-off between Brick and Mojo is EVERYTHING holy shit
"You," Mojo Jojo said quietly, "have been such a disappointment." Brick's eyes flashed. Brick is totally triggered that the one who created him, the one Brick considers to be beneath him, the one who's wasting his talent and brain by staying in Townsville, is disappointed in HIM! You can tell how much this enrages Brick because, unconsciously, he's still looking for validation from Mojo. He wants Mojo to admit that he, Brick, is better than him and has put his talents to better use. He wants Mojo to admit that he's a failure. Basically it's a who's-more-Evil contest. That whole visit was an ego trip for Brick. It backfired. Obviously. Because even with everything he's achieved, Brick is a teenager craving his parents' validation of his life choices but still wanting to be free of them. You can’t have it both ways when your creators are a diabolical evil monkey and the Devil himself.
Poor Boomer AHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Shut up. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." The urgency in his voice made it obvious. Mitch meant it. Buttercup looked at the camera, her eyes soft, almost sad, but that smile was on her face, that tiny, scared, and yet deliriously happy smile that lit up her expression, made it almost shine in the dark. Mitch was right. She was... Just wanna point out that this whole scene is from Butch’s POV. He’s the one thinking all of this. One look at this happy, scared, in-love Buttercup and he agrees with Mitch 110%. She is the most beautiful girl Butch has ever seen. Not on a superficial oh-she’s-so-hot level, but more like on a deep I-see-your-soul level. Butch isn’t falling for Buttercup because she’s fucking hot (though obviously he knows she is), he’s falling for her because she’s beautiful and he knows her. He knows her and she knows him and they share a deep, quiet, comfortable and comforting connection that they don’t have with anyone else.
Butch stared at the screen, his jaw sore. He'd been clenching it; he hadn't even realized. It's always a ‘show, don't tell’ with the Greens AND I LOVE ITTTT
Butch is so thrown off by the Buttercup in the photos and videos. He's not used to a smiling and genuinely happy Buttercup and he feels left out that he wasn't a part of that. He's jealous, not just of Mitch because obviously he's jealous of Mitch and the fact that he and Buttercup dated, but he's jealous that he, Butch wasn't there during this time and that Buttercup might have shared a connection with someone else other than him. He's supposed to be her best friend, no one else. And he also wants this Buttercup. He wants that image of her smiling and being happy so yes, damn right, he's gonna keep staring at it until it leaves a permanent print on his brain.
I wonder if he keeps them though...
I love how surprised Brick is that Robin invited them to her party #introvert
Awww @ Brick missing Bubbles in class ❤
Blossom was already there, and she glanced up from her book as he came in. He tried to take his time getting over there. Keyword being "tried" ofc AHAHAHAHAHAHA yea sure Brick as if you didn't attend this class just to see her xD
"If it's free reading could we just leave?" one of the students asked. "Who was that? John? Stacy, hit John for me." There was a whack, followed by a subdued, "Ow." BAHAHAHAHAHAHA...JOHN IS ME THO
since feeling is first who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you; It's a testament to how many times I've read this story that I now know this bit by heart. LOVE the choice of poem considering who's reading it *winks*
Brick is unrecognizable in this part of the chapter...his feelings for Blossom are intensifying and showing and that's terrifying him but at the same time he's not giving a single shit...so far.
"He started it!" Butch cried, pointing his knife at Boomer. "He made fun of Bubbles!" Boomer cried, pointing his knife at Butch. "You started it," Buttercup growled, pointing at Butch. "And you were the one being made fun of, not Bubbles,"
Ugh Reds are KILLING me this chapter
Brick racking his brain on how to ask her out and growing so desperate that he literally chokes on air bahahahahahaha
THE BOYFRIEND KILLING MACHINE OMG I AM LMFAOOO
IT IS SO A DATE I MEAN COME ONNNNN
Reds at their best and most adorable *_* I LOVE it when they forget themselves and actually get along. I'm in love with these scenes of them and how they're both completely loosening up in a way they never have around other people. THOSE TWO CONTROL FREAKS ❤
This story has made me wanna read Camus ngl
Oh my god I think this is the first time we ever see Brick laughing a real genuine full-on laugh like wow
She swallowed her bite, her guilt dissipating as she watched him take a bite for himself, from the other end of the slice. He nudged the plate towards her. "I don't mind," he said around the fork in his mouth, staring at the plate. His voice sounded odd, a little strained, even. "It's not a big deal. I don't mind sharing it with you." BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL HOLY SHIT I'M DYINGGGGG
BRICK OPENING UP. BLOSSOM OPENING UP. BRICK AND BLOSSOM ARE ON A FUCKING DATE AND I'M LOVING EVERY LITTLE TINY BIT OF IT!!!!
Seriously, the date scenes are my favorite Reds scenes. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET ALONG LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE YOU TWO CONTROL FREAKS!
"I beat Mojo Jojo up for candy," she said, a little breathlessly. "I let our dad steal toys for us when he was sleepwalking. I stole an expensive set of golf clubs for him." The candy episode is one of my faaaavorites!!
Oh my god, Blossom, you're supposed to be the smart one! OF COURSE HE'S FLIRTING WITH YOU! AND OF COURSE IT'S A DATE!
Brick trying so damn hard to look cool and casual as if his heart isn't light speeding waiting for her answer hehehe
"These are awesome, Buttercup," Mitch said, "Thank you, Mitch." After a pause, she added, "See? No wonder Mitch was the only guy I dated." A sudden, awkward silence fell over the room. Buttercup, seeming to have regretted her attempt at comedy, started to devour her snickerdoodle. Butch stared at her from the corner of his eye. Her customary smirk and hard expression had given way to uncertainty and she was clearly upset with herself. The laugh he forced sounded natural enough, and everyone turned to look at him. "Don't lie, you dyke," he said, still forcing a snicker. "Sorry to break it to you, Mitch, but you were just a beard." CAN WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE THE BEST FRIEND THAT IS BUTCH BECAUSE HE JUST DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LOVE! Also also another instance of Butch reading people like a pro and being better at social situations than he’s ever given credit for.
I think Blossom is having an out-of-body experience xD
Brick? A gentleman? And worried about seat belts? Huh...?
OMG BOOMER'S BRAIN GOING ON OVERDRIVE DOMESTICATION SLOW DOWN DUDE AHAHAHAHAHAHA
"I'm fine. Fine. Just... my brain's being stupid." He smirked at her from behind his hand. "You know... just being myself." She settled back, a frown on her face. "I don't think you're stupid." He moved his hand away from his eyes and rested his chin on it. "Thank you for thinking that." THAT IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME ANYONE'S EVER SAID THAT TO BOOMER AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO PIECES
Blues being one in the same *_*
Those two control freaks being spontaneous together ❤
Brick sure is a chivalrous date...who'd have thought xD
Aaaaand mood killed. Leave it to Brick to think of Blossom as "fucking icing on the cake". THIS IS WHY YOU'LL DIE ALONE!
So I decided to split this chapter’s liveblog into 2 parts because I obviously cannot stop rambling and this first part was big enough xD
Click here for more awesome ships to cry over!
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can i ask about the cheating thing? like i'm not here to judge i promise i just wanna know why you went along with it. you just don't seem the type of person who'd do that
this is gonna be long sorry
it’s a whole mess of manipulation, his girlfriend being abusive and me being a confused idiot who was trying to make sense of my sexuality.
but basically, I met him at a friends party and we got on really well like we have so much in common etc. and we started out as friends but his girlfriend hated that and she tried to control him saying he couldn't be friends with me cos I was, and I quote “an emo bitch” so we kept being friends to annoy her.
then that developed into a mutual crush, that i was very aware couldn’t happen because he had a girlfriend. so we were friends for about a year, with a lot of flirting and literally every friend we had wanted us to be together (which added more pressure and fuel to the situation).
We went to a sleepover thing at a friend of mines and had to share a bed which resulted in spooning and ngl if our friends hadn’t been sleeping near us we probably would have had sex, which i’m very glad we didn’t lol. we didn't kiss or anything but it was a weird night that i don’t really wanna talk about. but after that our friendship kinda changed and we were genuinely talking about him leaving his girlfriend, but it still wasn’t a relationship between him and me yet
then new years 2018/19 we were at a party and all night he was being really close to me and flirty and at midnight he kissed me and it was my first kiss and at the time i was like, this is the person i wanna be with.
so after that it did become kind of a relationship but we couldn't see each other ever cos of his girlfriend, who was becoming more and more controlling of him. he kept telling me he loved me and that he was gonna leave his gf and all that, but it got to February and i noticed he was really stalling on the leaving her. He kept saying how he didn't have enough money to move out to his own place and then one day he told me that he bought something for his business that cost £1000 and i was like dude that's literally 4 months rent in a house share, and he tried to explain it away. so i told him i wasn't doing this anymore and blocked him on everything and he kept commenting on my photos on another account telling me i was pretty and he missed me, he came to my birthday night out and i went elsewhere until he went home. it was a lot
but yeah, basically he manipulated me for months with false promises and i was to dumb to notice until it escalated to a place where it was hard to get away.
and here we are 2 years later and he’s still with his girlfriend and he still looks at my insta stories and oh, he told this other guy i know that he’s almost turned a dyke (me) straight and he’d get one next time....
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