#they keep framing it as a generous offer. i won't have to pay rent AND they'll get me set up working oart time for my dad's friend

[yardsards]

how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?

...without offending them, of course

[werebutch]

For me, everything really got so much better when I turned 18. There's a bit of an adjustment for the first little bit as you start to learn what it means to be an adult, but it honestly brings good things.

Advice time!

1. Get some kind of storage, and keep all your important documents there. Any tax receipts, passports, proof of employment, ect. When you move, it rules to just open a drawer and have all that stuff ready to go. Obviously also make this a secure storage, if you can

2. Cooking! Even the higher-end dishes can be cheaper than eating out almost anywhere. Provided you don't live in a food desert - those are worth moving to a different city to get out of. If you're completely unknowledgable, refried bean burritos, steamed vegetables, stir fries, and most breakfast food are good ones for people just starting out. I've been cooking since forever, and anyone is always welcome to message and ask for recipies, fyi! Also while you're learning stuff, fixing clothes is a great one to pick up if you have the change. In general, how to fix things is always worth learning if you can.

3. Don't feel like you need to move out just because you're old enough to do it! If your parents are people you like (or don't really mind at least), consider staying with them and focusing on building up finances. If you need to get out, see if you can join a rental group, especially queer-focused ones. It's always cheaper to rent with roommates. Keep in mind that living with other people is a skill that takes time to develop and there will be road bumps.

4. There's a lot of new things to do & try! Hell yes. Don't feel like you need to do any of them, just because they're easier/legal to do. Especially for drugs (including alcohol) and sex (especially kink / risky sex). If you do want to try a new thing, start with a smaller amount. Doing something too much or too intensely can really be a rough experience, and doing something in a small amount will let you get a good feel for it, while keeping your head clear enough to understand what's happening.

5. Fuck rules and manners. Learn how to say no to people, its the best skill to have. Also, learn how to say yes - specifically when you're offered help, or free things, or any act of kindness. If someone is offering something, it's often because they'd legitimately be happy to see you have it.

6. Go thrifting! Buying high quality used clothes, instead of fast fashion, will have a much longer life span. Go to shitty little music shows! Go to dingy diners at 2am! But also take care and joy in taking care of yourself. Self maintenance will seriously make everything else much easier, and getting into the habit early will really help.

7. Whenever you move out, you'll be in a totally different environment, and that's really spooky. The first 3 or 4 nights will likely feel scary, and like you made the wrong decision. Big changes are hard, and leaving the consistency of your home is intimidating. Normally, I always say trust your gut instincts, but this one is usually wrong. Humans are built to survive, and your brain doesn't trust new things. Once you've lived there a week or so, you'll love the place. If you still feel like you shouldn't be living somewhere after 3 weeks or so, you should start looking, if you can afford it. Keeping a good and healing space is serious a #1 priority.

8. You may have been lied to about credit cards. My parents, teachers, and a bunch of people basically hammered home "don't get a credit card or you'll lose all your money". I didn't get one for so long, and I was honestly so proud. But, it was a struggle! Occasionally a place will only accept credit, and it'll suck to be locked out of them. Also, you won't build good credit that way. My recommendation is to get a card that doesn't have any fees (doesn't matter about points or whatever) and just use it for 1 or 2 of your purchases a month, that you know you can easily afford, they really don't need to be big. Pay it off immediately. If you end up taking out any loans, pay them on time! Most people recommend paying the maximum amount off of a loan each month, but as a new adult, it'll be ok if you want to hold onto more of your money, and only pay the minimum each month. That's totally OK, just do it on time! As long as you do this, you'll have really good credit.

9. Own it! You're in control now. For me, the simple little thing of picking out my own hand soaps is something I treasure. It's your life, and it looks like it now! You can get posters, fairy lights, plants, anything! Give your space some personality, make it feel like yours! Note- posters feel a little dingy after a while, even new ones. If you have some you like especially, buy some frames for them, or get them as tapestries. Both feel way fancier and more adult. But posters are cheaper, so you can get way more of them.

10. Once you're out of school, it'll be a bit harder to make friends. The best way to do it is to go to social events, like board game nights, hobby groups, ect. Anything with a shared interest means you'll likely find some people you vibe with. Don't feel like you need a ton of friends! Just a few is fine, you want to make sure they're people you truly like being around, that are good friends to have.

11. Oh shit also get vaccinated before you do any of that social stuff. Also,,, maybe look into health insurance. It's a seriously good investment, (more if you're in USA, in Canada it's not needed quite as much. Dental, on the other hand, is definetly worth getting). If you're on your parents insurance, stay on that for as long as possible! It's free baby!

12. Don't try to become what you thing an adult "needs" to be. It's your life, being an adult can be whatever you want it to look like! And, honestly, the first step of being an adult just looks a lot like being a teenager, just with a bit of change every year or so. Take it slow, and put yourself first.

13. That's it! There's probably a bit more I could put on here, but this feels good. I'm open to questions! If this ends up getting posted, this includes other people too! It's a scary process, but it can be a really good thing, and it has been for so many people I know. Good luck, be safe, have fun!

this is super helpful once I start wanting to move out, but I’m not quite there yet :) thank u tho this rlly helps me prepare lol