#they have their own section on jedi.net for smash or pass
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amariaamaris · 8 months ago
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I'm convinced that if the Jedi were a little more unhinged and thirsty that the clone wars never would have happened. Hear me out!
My timeline is more than likely going to be completely off on this, but just follow me here.
Like imagine that Mace Windu - or another jedi - for instance is a Senior Padawan or freshly knighted and he comes across the Haat Mando'ade. Let's say he sees Mand'alor Mereel and is just like "smash". Then he sneaks a picture and posts it onto the Jedi.net or whatever and with the picture puts "Smash" and then a poll that has two options: "Smash" and "Pass". Then lets say he sees Montross and is like "Hard Pass" and sneaks a picture of him as well and puts it up with "PASS" and adds in the comments that he has some rancid-ass vibes.
Then all the jedi respond by choosing "Pass" in the poll thingy and they all follow it up in the comments with "100% rancid vibes" and like "stay away" and "danger". Then there is one particular unhinged, thirsty Jedi that's like. "100% PASS... but also like, I could fix him though". And the other Jedi are like "Soldier down!" and "Force-speed Pilgrim!" and "RIP in the chat". Then that same Jedi and like "Okay, maybe I couldn't fix him, but like.... he could fix me!". The follow up responses are just like "RRRIIIIPPP" and "No, don't go to the darkside!" and like "You're taste just went and burned alive on Mustafar."
And like random people will be so confused because they'll hear random Jedi that are on missions together just out of nowhere say "Smash" or they'll randomly hear "Pass" and have no karking clue as to what they mean by that. 'Cause it's so out of context and the entire galaxy beliefs that they're magical celibate monks.
Then somehow the jedi's habit of doing that with just random ass people in the galaxy gets leaked and/or the Haat Mando'ade hack into their system and find it and they end up in tears of laughter and confusion. Somehow that happening saves the universe or something.
Like a Jedi sees Palpatine and is just like "such a hard PASS" and like "puking in my mouth and crying" and posts that the the Jedi.net and the poll blows up within like an hour with everyone dragging Palpatine in the mud for having "rancid vibes" and "looking like he sells children laced candy" and "big stranger danger energy" and like "hide your kids, hide your wife..." Somehow this leads to them figuring out that he's a sith lord and they off him with the help of the Haat Mando'ade that are just kind of there. 'Cause, these Jedi are unhinged, need an actual night of sleep, like a three month vacation at minimum, and obviously need at least one Haat Mando'ade around to keep them from getting themselves killed by throwing themselves off of karking 300+ story buildings without a jetpack and refusing to wear armor! So, they've decided to adopt/marry the lot of them and are refusing to return them to the Republic. The Jedi Order now belong to the Haat Mando'ade now and they will fight you to keep them.
And yeah, they all just kinda vibe together and save the universe and go on to kark some slavers up.
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