#they have original voices in my head and I can't link them to any real life person sigh

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

Do you have any voiceclaims for sector Λ?

Nope... I'm out of the voice acting world, so I have no idea what voices could work...

If you have suggestions I'll all ears!

[nekoannie-chan]

Last sacrifice

Last sacrifice

Title: Last sacrifice.

Fandom: Marvel, Captain America.

Ship: Steve Rogers X Reader.

Word count: 732 words.

Rating: Teen.

Summary: Steve and you go to Vormir.

Major Tags: Angst, sacrifice, death of a character.

Links: Wattpad, Ao3, Spanish version.

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any permission for my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate my work myself) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. Please let me know if you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @Smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @Harrysthiccthighss @Marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club  @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @Here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammit @kmc1989 @somegirlfromasgard @rogersbarber

The ship was hurtling through space in an eerie silence, as you and Steve, sitting side by side, watched the space, neither of you had dared to utter a word since you had boarded the ship that would take you to Vormir. You had been fortunate, neither you, Steve, nor his little daughter Sarah had disappeared with the Snap.

Steve turned his head to look at you, reached out a hand and rested it on yours, which rested in your lap.

“I know this is all...too much,” he said although his voice sounded a little shaky.

“I know, Steve. But we're in this together. We have been from the beginning.”

Steve closed his eyes briefly, remembering all the moments they had shared. From the first time they met to the day Sarah was born.

“I remember when I first held Sarah,” he murmured, sketching a wistful smile. “She was so tiny, so perfect. And now...I can't imagine life without her, or you.”

“I can't imagine it either,” you said, your voice cracking slightly. “But we know we must do this. For her, for everyone.”

The ship began to descend as they reached Vormir. You walked beside Steve, both of you silently, but holding hands.

When you finally reached the top, the guardian of the stone appeared.

“To possess the Soul Stone, you must offer a sacrifice. One soul for another. One person you love.”

Steve looked up at you, his eyes filled with horror and pain as he understood what it meant.

 “No,” he said immediately, shaking his head. “There must be another way. I can't lose you.”

“Steve, we knew this wouldn't be easy. And now, we've always known there's a price for everything.”

“No. I can't let you do this,” he insisted, his hands gripping your shoulders.

“Listen to me,” you asked softly, lifting a hand to cup her face. “You have to go back to Sarah. She needs you. She needs her daddy.”

“What if she needs you?” he asked desperately, trying to control a sob.

“I'll always be in her heart. But you're her hero.”

“I can't do this, I can't lose you!”, Steve yelled.

“Steve, look around you,” you said, pointing to the cliff. “There's no other choice. And if one of us has to do it, I want you to be the one to go home. I want you to take care of Sarah, to tell her every day how much I love her. I want you to be the father she needs, to make her feel safe and loved.”

Tears began to slide down your face. Steve knelt before you, his hands wrapped around you.

“I can't live without you,” he sobbed. “I need you.”

You broke free and knelt in front of him, taking his face in your hands and forcing him to look into your eyes.

“And I need you, more than you can imagine. But Sarah needs you more. Promise me you'll take care of her, that you'll be strong for her, for us.”

You leaned your forehead against hers, Steve shook his head.

“I love you, Steve Rogers,” you whispered. “I will always love you. Tell Sarah I love her, and I'll always take care of her.”

You knew Steve wouldn't take it the easy way so you used your powers to force him to stay still, you knew it wouldn't last long, so you had to hurry. You took one last deep breath, then stood up, looking at the precipice that stretched out before you. You ran toward the edge, not looking back, but as you reached it, you stopped at the edge, turning one last time to look at it. “Goodbye, my love,” you said, before letting yourself fall.

Steve cried out your name, his voice wracked with pain and despair, but it was too late. He watched you disappear into that abyss, and dropped to his knees.

Then everything went dark, he opened his eyes in what looked like a lake, he slowly stood up, his body trembling, and he squeezed the stone hard.

“I love you, with all my being. I promise,” she said in a broken voice. “I promise I will take care of her, that I will love her with all my heart.”

He walked back to the ship, each step heavier than the last and the walk endless, tears kept falling down his cheeks.

[ilikekidsshows]

It just boggles the mind how petty someone can be over a fictional character that they created being popular. Thomas Astruc is ruining his own show and screwing over abuse victims all for a grudge against fans who prefer a character he doesn't. I don't condone hate-mobbing him like some people do on Twitter, but he really can't take any sort of criticism huh. How do you claim to have conferred with a child psychologist (I think) and still produce this literal abuse apologia. I genuinely don't understand.

I'm gonna say that Astruc taking any chance to use the narrative to dunk on Chloé and Adrien being evidence of him holding a grudge against their popularity is my personal interpretation of possible influences for their writing. I have inferred it from Astruc's very curt way of speaking to fans of these characters on twitter and the show's abysmal writing of them in ways that prop Marinette up on their backs. None of it has been proven true, but, when the coincidences keep piling up, at some point you're gonna stop believing it's a coincidence. At this point, he is most likely at least subconsciously bitter over Chloé and Adrien, if not consciously so.

Just like how the show's biases concerning abuse might be subconscious stuff going on in the crew's heads. I remember when @infinitysgrace and I used to have to reiterate again and again that Gabriel does love Adrien even if he abuses him, that's often the tragedy of parental abuse, when the fandom kept insisting that Gabriel abusing Adrien was evidence that he didn't really love him. The crew also seems to have a very limited view of what "counts" as child abuse. Apparently isolation, neglect, abandonment and consistently referring to your child by the wrong name don't count as abuse, because all the kids involved got to eat, didn't get beaten and are loved by the people harming them.

I agree that it's very obvious that Astruc can't handle criticism and that mobbing him or harassing him isn't the solution. Astruc has a right to act like an entitled jackass even publically online, just like any other creator or random person. I instantly side eye anyone trying to turn me against someone based on only the accusations that they're deleting negative comments and blocking people giving negative feedback. The fans might be entitled to their opinion, but they are not entitled to a creator's time and attention.

I'm also going to say that, just like I don't read highly personal vent fics, I'm not going to watch vent shows. I stopped paying any attention to Teen Titans Go after they started dedicating several episodes to mocking fans of the original TT cartoon (after their show piggybacked on the fame of said show by mimicking the character designs and using the same voice cast no less). I'm very much done with paying Thomas Astruc's increasingly inane ramblings any attention. It's pretty obvious that social media is influencing his creative process negatively but it's his right to engage with a space that affects him like that. None of us are his friends, family or doctor. It's none of our business what he does.

I haven't heard of the writers consulting any experts on anything dealing with the show, but I do know for a fact that Astruc tweeted a link to a fan's essay on Adrien that was written by someone claiming to be a child psychologist. Said fan praised Adrien's writing and then went on to praise the Sentipeople concept. Since I make it a habit to never actually be the one that starts shit, I never really engaged with their content and blocked them instead, so I can't remember the details of what they said about the psychological perspective on Sentipeople.

Still, I'm 80% sure this is the supposed expert. Regardless, even if this fan wrote essays with 100% accurate real life psychology, child psychology has no one size fits all approach. I, an ECEC professional, sure as hell didn't agree with anything they had to say about SentiAdrien before I blocked them, and that was before canon confirmed the theory in the worst possible way and screwed over abuse victims.

[silver-wield]

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Review

Okay, this collection of posts will be filled with spoilers, including clips and screenshots, so if you don't wanna see things, then don't look. Some of the things I'm gonna highlight will include references to Remake to link with the overarching plot.

Onto chapter 1!

So chapter one literally starts with the truck on the way to Nibelheim, and the flashback comprises 80% of chapter 1. It's a solid start and I really enjoyed playing this part of the game.

We start off with Sephiroth showing off how awesome and powerful he is, but we also see hints of things very wrong with young Cloud, plus the fact the travel sick trooper has Cloud's hair and Zack's voice.

Things are very wrong in Nibelheim.

And we get a second hint of that when we arrive and talk to the travel sick trooper, who still has Zack's voice and Cloud's body. This line shows up again later in the game when Cloud remembers Zack, so it's a nice bit of confusion for those who remember who said it first because that trooper isn't the one who dies in the river later on.

We have more hints of real Cloud as he climbs the water tower and gets all in his feels because he's not a soldier. This can be confusing later when Tifa shows up and he acts like it's nothing. Well, it would be nothing for Zack.

We get the first crumbs of Tifa fishing to figure out wtf is going on. Cloud knows everything about her, but she knows he wasn't in Nibelheim and tells Aerith as much later that night before speaking to Cloud.

When Tifa arrives as the guide the next morning we can see the trooper turn to stare at her, then turn around just in case she spots him, then he peeks at her right afterward 🤣

Heading up the mountain the combat tutorial is pretty much identical to Remake. The limit synergies were a bit confusing to understand at first, and I kept asking what causes them to activate. Using the regular synergies and switching between leaders to activate synergies causes the limit meter to rise so you can use them. It really wasn't clear how they explained it.

I also don't like the new dodges. I loved my dodge roll materia, so only having access to the original dodge made me sad. You can't keep the materia you collect on Mt Nibel so after your first go there's no point picking any up.

This is another set of lines we hear later, but from Cloud when he starts losing his mind and Sephiroth starts gaining control. There's a lotta foreshadowing in chapter 1.

At the end of the Nibelheim incident we get a combination of Cloud as himself and Zack, but also this scene is in ToTP where Tifa says she faintly recalls someone yelling her name but she doesn't recognise them. This scene was also in Last Order with Tifa talking to Cloud although she wasn't really conscious. We'll get the clear picture in part three.

After hearing his story, Tifa wants to talk. Sephiroth doesn't want them to talk and get closer because he can't control Cloud if that happens. So he does discord and they argue. Tifa shows him the scar she has from Sephiroth, and Cloud glitches when she wants to know where he's been.

If he hadn't been in a mako coma then Sephiroth would've been active sooner. He chose Cloud as the core of his being and until Cloud woke up in some capacity, Sephiroth couldn't do anything. But Cloud doesn't know this, and he just avoids answering. He and Tifa return to their rooms with some discord between them.

Chapter two begins the next morning.

[splendentmoon]

IDo you know that one scene in Rapunzel where Rapunzel promises Gothel to stay with her if she lets Eugen go ? I just had to think about the Jade Prince in this situation (because I live this au 🥹!) and here is the result :

—————————————————————————

Macaque and Wukong find themselves surrounded by celestial warriors, dozens of spears pointing at them. The emperor has created a binding seal, trapping the two monkeys in place. Even the great sage is powerless against the might of the man who holds the very fabric of the realm together. Emperor be damned. 

MK struggles against the guards, their iron grip preventing him from escaping and helping the monkey demons – his  parents.

Jade emperor: Now look what you've done, Yu. Oh don't worry dear. We will find a nice mountain for those two insufferable demons to trap them under. Permanently. And as for you? You are going where no one will ever find you, again. 

In a desperate struggle, MK fights even more against the guards hold. His blindfold slips off, unveiling the burned upper half of his face – the unsightly, imperfect side. His shame. The part his grandfather wishes to hide. 

Jade emperor: YU, REALLY! ENOUGH ALREADY! STOP. FIGHTING ME!

MK: NO! I won't stop. 

Looking directly the emperor in the eyes, his golden eyes shine against the red, burned scars surrounding them.

MK: For every minute of the rest of my life I will fight. I will never stop trying to get away from you….But, if you spear them.. I will go with you.

Macaque: No. No, Xiaotian...

MK: I'll never run, I'll hide my imperfections and never try to escape. 

He lifts the blindfold from the ground,  showing his choice to hide the scars and everything they stand for. He turns off his  gold vision. He will never show his monkey features or abilities ever again. Everything that could link him to his loving and kind parents must be erased and hidden. 

He puts the blindfold over his eyes to show his resolve to distance himself from his monkey origin. Giving the emperor what he wants. 

MK: Just let them go. And I will stay in the palace. Forever, just like you want. Everything will be the way it was. I promise. Just like you want. Just let them go. 

Jade emperor:  I know you always keep your promises. Fine, I shall grant you your wish. The monkeys will be taken to earth and all gateways to heaven will remain shut, to forbid them from ever causing havoc in the celestial real ever again. 

Wukong: No, Xiaotian! Don’t do that. We will find another way! We can still save you and take you away from this prison ! Don’t throw away your life. Please! 

Rapunzel: Everything is going to be fine. I promise, you have to trust me.

MK forced a calming smile on his face and looked at the direction his father was speaking from. He was glad to not being able to see in that moment. Hearing the desperation in Monkey Kings voice was already tearing his heart apart. The look on his face would surely break him and he can’t do that. Not now. Not when his grandfather is willing to let them go. It doesn’t matter what Yu wants. It never has. He need to be perfect for everyone. He can’t show any cracks in front of the emperor as long as the two monkeys are still in danger. So he smiles. Standing perfectly straight. Standing still…like a doll. Perfect little Yu, the Jade prince, the delight of heaven, the emperors most precious treasure. Not MK, or Xiaotian or himself. Endure, don’t crack, don’t crack don’t crack don’t crack.

Wukong: No...I can't let you do this.

MK (wispers): But I can't let you die.

Wukong: But if you do this...

He couldn’t bring himself to finish. 

Macaque answered in his place. 

"Then you...will die.“

Tears rolling down his cheeks.

Yu's shock slowly faded as the gravity of the words sank in. They still confused him. He wasn’t going to die. His grandfather loves him. He would never kill him, he would just  forbid him from leaving the palace. Yes he would be cut off from Mei and the friends he found on earth and…never taste piggy’s food again or hear Mr. Tangs funny stories and wrong legends about the celestials. Bai He, Sandy, Red Son, EVERYONE. They would be separated from him. Forever. Suddenly Yu understood. This choice he was about to make would in fact kill him. But not like a death sentence. Even worse, a  life sentence in this prison of the celestial realm. Is this truly living, he wondered, trapped, alone and without the people he loved ? No. No this can’t be living. His father was right. He was choosing death. Yet he didn’t fear it. Knowing that his family and friends are save is enough. He would suffer an eternal life for them. 

MK: Hey. It's gonna be all right.

Wukong:  Xiaotian, wait...

Macaque: Please, my baby, don’t…

MK: I am the Jade Emperor and you will address me as such. Farewell monkeys. Forever

Would you believe me if I told you that while I was reading this, I was listening to the song "Mother Knows Best" in my head?

That result was, it was amazing!!!

I read it at least 15 times!

Bravo! Bravo! That would be a story I would read!

God, you gave me ideas for future chapters! Thank you!

[hylias-library]

I wrote this on a whim at work after a 16 hours shift with maybe 4 hours of sleep. But I had to get this out of my system. Also the title probably doesn't fit but I can't be bothered to English correctly right now.

Please bear with my sleep deprived essay

(Not an x reader)

It was nighttime already. The Chain asleep soundly huddled up together to keep warm within the cave they chose to be their resting place for the time being.

There was a gentle blue glow, coming from the master sword carried by the chosen hero. Sky.

The glow soon morphed into humanoid shape. Clad in a cloak of obsidian and diamond, just like the rest of her form, but still transparent with no real body to show. A soul, like she was supposed to be now.

Fi hasn't been able to get out of the sword for a while. One of her Masters was usually awake, taking watch, preventing her from getting out. Her gaze wandered over the group, mind occupied with memories of previous adventures with each of the heroes.

Her calculations showed a 24% chance that any of them would wake before sunrise. So now it was her time now to watch over them, like they always kept watching over her during their adventures together.

She watched the Champion, an unpleasant feeling surfacing. She couldn't pinpoint what it meant. Fi concluded she probably felt sorry.

This master had needed to pull her a second, even a third time, and she had to refuse to let him handle her at first.

Wild had not found himself again yet. So she needed him to find back to his original strength, to his confidence in himself before they could journey together again.

He may not have been the person be was before her 100 year long wait. But regardless, he was still worthy of the title hero.

By then, she was weakened. Having stayed by the side of many Masters, having fought evil together each and every time she got pulled.

She kept breaking, piecing herself together time and time again with Wilds help. His courage gave her the strength to go on. And she was thankful he never lost his trust in her.

Fi's gaze stuck with Sky. Her first master. The one she was actually capable talking to.

She remembered their adventure, the hardships, and the good moments. And their parting. She had felt what Hylians would have called happiness when their journey ended. But there still was a lingering hint of sadness when her consciousness faded.

She had promised Master Link to meet in another life. They both held their promise.

Her ghostly appearance hovered over the group.

Fi felt the desire to tell her Masters how proud she was of their accomplishments, though that was not possible for she no longer had a voice to speak. A soul had no need for such things.

Her journey with Sky had ended, her role as guide fulfilled. No matter how high the percentage was to want to speak to her Master again, she knew the boundaries. It wasn’t her turn anymore.

Her cloaked arm gently touched Sky's cheek, a small smile spreading on his lips as he slept soundly. Safely.

Her lips mirrored Sky's smile, yet her eyes still held the cold look of the blade she was supposed to be.

As she lifted her head, she predicted the sunrise to start within the next 15 minutes. Her time was almost over.

She knew she wouldn't be able to materialize anymore after this night. Having been worn out and weakened after thousands of years of existence.

By now, Fi knew her Masters were safe with each other, and she no longer had to worry about them, for this was their last adventure together.

Gathering her last bits of strength, Fi settled for a final goodbye...

Sky felt a strange gust of wind on his face, startling him awake, sleep still tugging at the edges of his consciousness.

The last bits of a light blue glow disappeared in the light of the rising sun.

A whisper being carried through the wind.

Farewell... Master Link...

Sky's hand found its way towards the hilt of his sword, fingers gently caressing it.

His mind must have been playing tricks on him.

[n-brio]

✨About Me✨

Thanks to @somethingusefulfromflorida for tagging me!

NICKNAME: I've had a few over the years but none of them are current. I've been Lefty, Stan, Tuna, and a secret fourth one I won't tell you all because it's derived from my actual name.

SIGN: I have had a semi-active contempt for astrology ever since I politely sat through an ex whinging about how his friends all secretly hate him and it isn't fair and he doesn't even know what he did wrong etc. etc. nonstop for an hour over Skype way back when. "Why don't you just ask them what's going on?" "I can't do that. Pisces don't talk about their feelings." Take some responsibility for your choices!!

HEIGHT: 5'4"… and a half!

LAST GOOGLE SEARCH: "i hope somebody got fired for that blunder"

SONG STUCK IN YOUR HEAD?: Dusty Dunes Desert, Earthbound

FOLLOWERS: 27, and it is indeed that many and not a bugged/inflated count. I try not to let the fame get to me 😌

LUCKY NUMBER: I also don't believe in lucky numbers.

SLEEP: I shoot for eight hours, but I can survive as long as it's more than seven. Any less and I get real stupid (well, stupider) real fast. I used to fast for days with no problem, but I need sleep and I don't fuck around with that.

DREAM JOB: Writer or voice actor for a Crash Bandicoot cartoon… I know in my heart I have neither the talent nor connections to make it happen, but I can dream! 🥲

WEARING: Black-and-white floral print yoga pants, novelty T-shirt from Mother Bear's pizzeria in Bloomington, Indiana, a city I've never been to. Notable for its mascot which made my high school teachers do double takes and gives Tawna a run for her money:

FAVORITE SONGS: Too many to count, so I'll name just one from each of my playlists: Sloop John B by the Beach Boys Synchronicity I by The Police December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night) by the Four Seasons Animal Impulses by IAMX Useewa (Shut Up) by syudou Ekoroshia (Kill Command) by Masafumi Takada Cliff Town by Stewart Copeland Dive Remix by Mewmore

(Nobody is obligated to listen to these, just if you're curious. I'm not assigning anyone homework hahaha)

FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Uhh, vocals? I took a couple years of choir and was the "weakest link", but I had fun… (´ᴗ` )

AESTHETIC: I'm not a fan of the "aesthetic"/"[x]core" style of self-expression. I think it's better to keep an open mind and try to find something interesting/appealing in all styles, images, art etc. You may notice patterns in the things I like/share, but I'm not fussed about putting names to them.

FAVORITE AUTHOR: I don't usually search out books by a specific author. I've recently enjoyed books by Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns), Gillian Flynn (Sharp Objects), Douglas Adams (The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul), and Tara Westover (Educated).

FAVORITE COLOR: Individual colors are less important than the color scheme they are a part of. Any color can be beautiful if it is paired with the right complement. That said, any scheme that stars jade or olive green, pastel pink, burgundy, dark brown, or black tends to win me over.

FAVORITE ANIMAL SOUNDS: Cat purrs. Frogs chirping on a summer night. Cicadas buzzing.

LAST SONG: The Night by Aurelio Voltaire. So I (like many others) learned about this song through the animated music video by Daria Cohen, but I just learned now that there's apparently an alternate version with an extra set of lyrics that the original lacks.

LAST SERIES: If you mean like TV, I don't really watch much nowadays. My sister and I are working through Earthbound and Psychonauts right now though (alternating between the two).

RANDOM: Anime Dr. Frankenstein lives in my room. I didn't draw him.

Tagging @frostconebite, @mikey-putrid, @lesserbilboy, @worpworp, @sleuth-hounds, @rhadinesthes and anyone else who wants to do it \o/

[eyndr-stories]

Across The World C5 - The Fourth Place

Summary:

The gods of this world are ancient, most of them forgotten, or nearly so. Nomen has been taught not to make deals with any old gods, should they be unlucky enough to come across one. However, when their little brother Maribus stumbles into mortal peril, they find they have no real choice but to accept the trials of one such god in order to save him.

This is an original story written by yours truly! I started writing this back at the very start of 2021 when I had a particularly wild and extremely vivid dream. This story is heavily based on said dream! This dream is also why I strongly distrust bunny mascots / anthro rabbits lmao but anyhoo, I think i've improved as a writer since this so the quality may or may not be quite on par with my other stories. I also had some help from my cool aunt Kerry with editing this, so if there's anything amiss here we can totally blame her lmao

That all being said, I do still like this story, and I hope you will too!! Enjoy <3

Things To Know:

major character death (its okay though, they live lol)

blood and violence

happy ending

protag (Noman) is nonbinary and referred to with they / them pronouns

first person POV

8 chapters in total, about 13,000 words in total. So roughly 1600 words a chapter. Lil bite sized chappys!

No swear words used, somehow

(lmk if i should add anything, i can't think of anything else)

Ao3 link here

Chapter 1 here

Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

C5 - The Fourth Place

     We stood on a beach made of red sand. A long bridge in front of us extended into the dark purple ocean and connected the beach to an island. By now, the sun had nearly set and vibrant dark red streaks bled across a lavender sky. From this distance I could just make out the silhouette of a small town resting on that island. A long sturdy bridge spanned the distance between the mainland and the island.

     Amicus pulled at my poncho and pointed at the island. “I’m willing to bet the door is in that town somewhere.”

     “Agreed.”

     We started walking across the bridge. Other people were heading towards the town as well, walking with us along the bridge. When we all arrived at the entrance, we could see there was a commotion of some sort.

     “Our god sways the fate of us all. They’ve told me so directly!” a broad and sturdy woman claimed. She stood tall before the nervous crowd. “We needn't worry about the rising waters of the ocean. Our god will sever our tie to the mainland and save us. Our town will not perish this night.”

     The people around us began murmuring. A few seemed calmed by the woman’s words, but others looked more skeptical as their eyes glanced toward the endless purple water.

     “I’ve been leader here for twenty years and I would not mislead you. Our god is wise and powerful, we can trust them. Everyone will be safe in town!” the woman shouted.

     The crowd dispersed and we followed the group into their town.

     Amicus whispered, “Do you believe her?”

     “In my experience, gods prefer we fix our own problems. My mother told me a story once about a god who got so fed up with their following never doing even the smallest of things for themselves that they ate the entire town."

     "Huh. I'm so hungry I might just eat a town myself," Amicus mumbled.

     I was getting hungry myself. I debated whether it'd be worth it to try our luck in another marketplace as we walked.

     We looked around at stone buildings framed with beach-wood. Lovely red-orange glass outfitted most of the windows. Balconies and rooftops were filled with people chatting and laughing as a warm breeze rippled through. I noticed the people on the lower level with us were not laughing, but discussing with worry about the rising water level. The consensus was to trust their leader, who had never steered them wrong before, but lower voices whispered they might take action themselves to be safe. No one said what that action was though.

     Amicus and I turned down another fruitless street.

     "What if the door isn't here?" Amicus looked worried.

     I put a hand on his shoulder, but just as I was about to say something, the ground swayed. No, not the ground, it was the entire island that moved.

     Amicus stood closer to me. “What was that??”

     "I'm not sure, but I think the faster we find the door, the better I'd feel," I said as I noticed the fear on the faces around us. Even the people on the balconies had stopped chatting for a moment. "Common, the door has to be around here somewhere."

     We continued searching as night settled around us. The air turned cold, but it was nothing like back home. I threw my poncho over Amicus when I saw him shiver and he gratefully wrapped it closer. The ground began swaying more frequently, and I began feeling a little motion sick. This was not good. Whatever had been worrying everyone seemed to be arriving faster than expected.

     Amicus gently grabbed my arm, bringing us to a stop. “Nomen… I’ve been meaning to say something.”

     Amicus seemed pretty serious, so I gave him my full attention. “What is it, Amicus?”

     “I… I wanted to apologize. I really regret not braving the maze with the warrior to come meet you by the doorway so that I could help you through, after that hermit crab shattered your fire starter. If I could do it over again, I’d do things differently. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry,” Amicus told me.

     “It’s alright.” I put a reassuring hand on my friend’s shoulder. “I found my way through okay, no need to worry. I really do understand, that warrior was really scary.”

     “And I made you face her alone!” Amicus said.

     “It’s okay, I forgive you. Honestly,” I assured.

     Amicus relaxed. They nodded.

     We picked up the pace as we kept an eye out for the door. I was so focused I didn't notice my boots were wet until I was dragging them through the water. I looked down and realized the buildings were beginning to groan as the ground shifted even harder. Water rushed higher around our feet. I was pretty sure that woman’s god wasn’t saving the town tonight.

     The chatter around us quickly became hysteria. I pulled Amicus out of the way as a crowd of people rushed by in a panic.

     Amicus's voiced sounded so small when he asked, “We’re too late, aren’t we?”

     I couldn't reassure him.

     Amicus threw his arms around me and buried his face against me. “I’m sorry we couldn't save Maribus.”

     “It sounds to me like you’re giving up. Not cool.” I sounded way more calm than I felt. “I've still got one piece left after this one. That means we can still come back and find the door. The town will go back to how it was when we first came through the door and we'll get another chance to figure it out.”

     “But… what if I don't come back with the town? I'm not from here, and I don't have a fire starter of my own.”

     I honestly didn't know. I didn't let my terror show on my face. Instead, I forced a smile. "There's no reason to assume you wouldn't come right back with everything else. But… just in case, I'm going to try to bring you with me. Like when we go through the doors." There was a roar, and then a rush of water as the stone walls cracked. I could see a wave taller than the town itself rising and ready to crush the entire island.

     I grabbed Amicus in a tight hug and whispered. “Don’t let go no matter what, okay?”

     "I won't if you won't." Amicus hugged me back just as tightly.

     I squeezed my eyes shut. Just before the wave finally hit, a horrible thought occurred to me. It seemed I’d have to face the rabbit after all.

[wildroseparadise]

KY Jelly: Sebastian Stan x reader

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader

Word count: 2k words

Requested: No ♡

Summary: Imagine going on the Jimmy Kimmel Show with your boyfriend and bestfriend, only to talk about, you guessed it- KY jelly!

Warnings: Sex jokes, nicknames [Please tell me if I missed any!]

This is part of a series but each part can be read independently! [Part I] [Part II]

Want to join my TAGLIST? Follow the link, please!

"Oh, no! I promise you all that today we have some amazing guests!" Jimmy looks out at the audience, sporting a wide grin. A few wayward whistles come from the back of the studio. "So, without further ado... let's take a look!" he points towards the camera, a teaser trailer starting to play for your new show.

You, Anthony and Sebastian dance around quietly backstage, trying to get the jitters out; something the group of you had started doing together before interviews to help you with nerves and anxiety.

"Bucky, no! Come back!" you hear Anthony's voice over the loud speakers in the studio. The loud music reaches its crescendo, fading into a faint thumping base. The three of you move towards the door, waiting to make your entrance as you know the end of the trailer is close.

"Who the hell are you?" Bucky roars, and you can literally feel the vibrations in the fake wall separating you from the cameras.

It's quiet for a second before you hear your one and only line in the trailer- the one teasing at your new character.

"Did you miss me, Jamie?" the pout is clear as your voice echoes, sounding distant even in the original video- figure covered in shadow.

Bucky takes a breath. That's all- a sharp inhale of breath. "Doll?"

You look at your boyfriend as it plays through the speakers, mouthing along with the recording of his voice, a dumbstruck look on your face- mouth hung open, just like how he does it in the show.

Anthony shoots a teasing grin Seb's way, slightly disappointed when he sees the lazy smile on his face- Sebastian hadn't found it as teasing as he had, instead finding it endearing.

"Woah! I don't want to keep either you, me, or our guests waiting any longer- so here they are! The Falcon and the Winter Soldier's Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, and Y/n Y/l/n!" the crowd goes wild as you walk out onto the stage, proud smiles adorning each one of your faces.

You wave at the audience and blow a kiss to a few of them, one fakes swooning and you laugh along with Anthony, the only other one who seemed to notice.

You shake hands with Jimmy Kimmel before sitting down on the small sofa with Sebastian, Anthony taking the armchair closest to Jimmy and on the other side of you.

"Welcome, welcome." He greets excitedly, all of you saying 'thank you' whilst letting the audience calm down before even attempting to start up a conversation. "That trailer was fantastic! And the ending-" Jimmy gasps, letting it show his honest reaction to the ending.

You laugh, realizing that many in the audience must have done the same considering that it was the first time anybody was seeing it- being released today for the press tour locations and interviews only.

"Well, we obviously have to start off with your character, Y/n." Jimmy looks at you with wide eyes, "Tell us a bit about her... who is she?" he probes, trying to get anything exclusive.

"I can't say to much, or else Disney will have my head." You pull a funny face, cringing at the thought. The audience laughs, though, much to your relief. Big crowds weren't really your thing, surprisingly.

"But, what I can tell you is that she's a totally new character. Never before seen, either in the movies or the comics. She's a total badass, and let's just say she stirs up the pot a bit for our beloved Jamie, or Bucky- whether she wants to or not, is the real question, though." you give a teasing smile, winking at the camera for the way you finessed the question.

"Yes, well, I would say you do a lot more than stir up the pot, Y/n/n!" Anthony laughs loudly. The shocked and slightly offended look on your face send the audience into a laughing fit as you hit your best friend's arm in reprimand.

Behind you you hear a muffled chuckle and turn to see your boyfriend biting down onto his knuckles to keep from crying of laughter- remembering precisely what episode Anthony was talking about and how the two weeks filming it had gone.

"Really? You too?" You whine, shoulders slumping in defeat as you pout towards the audience. Sebastian lets go of his knuckle, a loud gasp and then laughter echoing. Soon after placing his arm around your shoulders lazily and the audience, as well as the cameras, can visually tell how you automatically perk up at his touch although still trying to seem sad.

"I'm sorry, draga mea, but it's true." Sebastian tuts, "Now," his thumb brushes against your lower lip as it juts out, "put that pretty pout away before anybody gets any ideas." He looks over his shoulder at the audience as if though trying to spy someone suspicious. 'Awws' and suggestive whistles come from the audience.

Sebastian was a very flirty person and was often seen getting cheery with other celebrities in interviews, and even though you knew they were always just friends (if even) it could be hard for some to not get jealous, but you never did. This was why, very simple, what other fans and tabloids saw Sebastian do with others was nothing compared to how he acted with you.

And the best thing was that he never changed it, he never tried to act as if though your relationship was less than or more than it actually was. He simply acted the same way around you, no matter the cameras- apart from, of course, certain situations or gestures.

"You see what I have to deal with every day?" Anthony exclaims from beside you, pointing with his thumb towards the interaction going on between the two of you. Only then did you notice that you had become entranced by your boyfriend, having just stared at him for the last few seconds.

"Ah, yes I see." Jimmy responded, "But you must have a lot of great times on set, though?" he tries to steer the conversation.

"Yes, it's so much fun getting to work with Anthony again- I mean, have you met the man!" Sebastian says, "And working along side Y/n has just been amazing, I've been to many sets which she's worked on but it was so fascinating to see her working and doing her thing."

"I'd also like to add that this is the first time I'm coming into a production where I already have personal relationships with the other actors, apart from maybe making one movie together before. And when I say 'personal relationships' I don't just mean Sebastian and I,"

"No, actually, Sebastian, that is something Y/n and I have wanted to talk to you about," Anthony jokes, turning to face your boyfriend with his hand clasped together on his lap.

"Haha, very funny." you shoot down, rolling your eyes as you continue. "What I wanted to get to," you shoot Anthony a playful glare, "was that apart from Sebastian, Mac has really been my best friend for years now, along with Lizzie." Anthony gives you a warm smile and you squeeze his arm in return.

"That would be Elizabeth Olsen, right?" Kimmel asks, brows furrowed.

"Yes, that would be correct. I've known her for even longer than either Sebastian or Mac, we did the movie 'Kill Your Darlings' together in 2012 and 2013."

"So you've know each other for nearly ten years then?" Jimmy's eyes widen in surprise.

You grin widely, happy to be talking about your close friend, "Yes, nine years, at least."

"Okay, returning to the topic at hand. Who would you say was the biggest prankster on set? Were there many pranks or jokes?"

"Ooh, I've got an answer for this!" Mac nearly sings as he wiggles in his seat. You gesture with your hand for him to go on.

"Y/n and I easily did the best prank of the whole- ever! It was so great!

"What happened? What did you do?" Jimmy moves in his seat as well as he looks between the three of you, making note of how the 'Winter Soldier' actor had hidden his face in his hands with a grunt.

"Okay, so, Bucky has a metal arm which obviously Sebastian does not," Sebastian start, quickly being interrupted by your quiet mumbling.

"I wish..." you say under your breath, Anthony turning to you with a disturbed looked on his face. Your cheeks growing hot at the fact that both the male actors were now staring you down, as well as the audience.

"What was that, Y/n?" Sebastian sound so taken off guard, having removed his hands from his face to look at you. It's your turn to grunt now, wishing you had just kept your mouth shut for once.

"Something tells me that knowing will be more disturbing than anything I could think of." Kimmel adds, the audience whistling and hollering in agreement to your earlier comment.

"Do all of you just want me to chop my arm off?" Sebastian turns to the audience, throwing his hands up in mock offense.

"Anyways, so, for Sebastian to get into the arm he has to use a lot of KY jelly- and I mean a lot, like bucket-loads!" Anthony motions in big circles with his arms, exaggerating to draw laughs from the audience.

"Okay, now you're overexaggerating!" Sebastian defends.

"He really isn't." you scrunch up your nose, giving your boyfriend a lopsided smile, which causes the laughing in the studio to intensify.

"And so, Y/n and I came up with this brilliant plan to switch out the normal jelly for the warming and tingling ones. And so we went to the 'KY-casserole' as we like to call it, his arm-people if you will, and they were in on it!" you squealed in excitement at the memory returning to you. You look over at Sebastian with a wide grin.

"This delayed filming by an hour, by the way. And I had to walk around with it all day!" he looks entirely exhausted as he recalls his memory from that day.

"But that wasn't the best part!" you call out over the laughter, "He acted weird all day, right. Like, obviously you would. And, so, every time we'd ask him what's wrong he'd just pretend like everything was fine. He took it like a champ!" you laugh.

"All the way until..." Anthony let's you continue.

"Until I came into his trailer at the end of the day when they were taking the arm off." you smile, "After the 'KY-casserole' left, he walked over to me with such a big pout and just said," you look directly into the camera as you act out what he had done.

"I can't feel my arm, it's warm and tingly, and I can't feel it... What did you do..?" the pout from earlier return onto your face and you whine as if though you're about to cry.

"I did not do that!" he looks incredulously at you and Anthony.

"It's okay, soldier, of course you didn't." You comfort, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend but turning to mouth at the camera, eyes wide. "He did" you mouth, causing the audience to laugh.

"Oh, no! What did you do?" Sebastian pulls back and looks at you.

"Don't worry about it, soldier." You drawl, scratching his slight scruff and giving his cheek a kiss.

"Well, I'm sad to say that's all we have time for today, folks! I want to thank you three for coming here tonight, as well as our audience, and don't forget to go watch 'The Falcon and the Winter Soldier' on..." he gestures to you.

"Exclusively on Disney+ on March 19th, as well as every Friday after that!" you call out, joining the others in waving at the camera before standing to thank the host.

A/N: This is my first series of independent fics all lined up. I hope the situations and timeline will make sense- I'm really trying!

Want to join my TAGLIST? Follow the link, please!

Forever Taglist:

@thighs-of-betrayal-blog @edenstarkk @reverse-iak @lokis-leah @my-current-fandom-is @irwinxbmth @horrorxweasley @flynn-flynnagan @ridiculous-creature @missmarvel03 @takemetoanotheruniversesposts @sweetdreamsjg @marilla-laufeyson-1054 @knopewyattworld @msfandomfreak @lil-iva @nms224

[winters-tales]

Ten Random Lines

Rules: Pick any ten of your fics/writing projects, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag people (ten if you want to follow the theme).

Thanks for the tag @ceph-the-writing-spook!

No pressure tag time! @korblez, @fishyandclintbarton, @sparatus, @miniature-space-hamster, @sherriewrites, @inlilac, @thetrashbagswastelan, @equusgirl-writes, @vhenadahls and @i-will-be-your-krantt - you're up! (If you want. No pressure 💜

Leave a comment if you'd like me to include you in any tag games I get hit with going forward, or if you'd like me to remove you from the tag list!

And now for the Main Event!

The Nameless (book 1 of the Oathsworn Trilogy)

“And the company,” she added, as the licked the last dregs of the gruel out of the bowl, “I’d probably have gone spare by now without our little chats.” He smiled at that, and it felt like he was genuinely pleased by her clumsy compliment.

2. The Forgotten (book 2 of the Oathsworn Trilogy)

If the outer trees had looked like people, these ones further in looked like they were getting ready to be people. The vague shape was there, but they were smaller, less detailed. Less human, more tree. In the centre of every single trunk that she could see, was a thick iron spike.

3. Lost (short story)

The glow of the lantern split the fog like an oar splits still waters, and I was so relieved to not be alone out there I didn’t move, just stared at that light as if I was a moth. Following the light was a gentle voice, singing softly to himself as he went, but I couldn’t make out the words.

4. Remnant (short story)

The eyes were still black pools that didn’t seem to reflect any light, and the skin looked like the bark of a silver birch, pale and cracked. The size of it was beyond my comprehension; something this big should have been noticed by now. I couldn’t see the rest of the body but if the proportions followed through, at full height it would almost be as tall as the trees around me, surely? Prehistoric in size. A forgotten god.

5. From the Deeps (short story)

The rain is stinging your skin as searing flash and booming rumble join together and you need to wake everyone. But you can't. Because she's here.

6. The End (short story)

“You’ve made more of a mess than I can clean this time.” Mam’s anger was a hopeless one behind him, and his shame burned hot in his throat. Granny’s long thin fingers were plucking at his shirt and he mutely lifted his arms, feeling the tears in the fabric slide over his head.

7. Old Gods Vs Aliens (short story) (yes the link is to dA even though I originally wrote it here; finding the original post is one hell of a faff)

Humanoid creatures with eyes of fire supposedly began granting wishes over in Syria, as long as your wish was for them to kill your enemies. There were sightings in Ireland of pure white horses, horses that once ridden wouldn’t let you off, that dragged people into bogs and rivers. Tales came out of Brazil of monstrously large snakes, sometimes with the faces of women, dragging aliens into the gloom of the rivers and rainforests.

8. Red Sky at Night (short post-apoc story)

Clouds of ash billowed so high there were concerns there would be another ice age. Grandpa argued that with the ozone so depleted, we’d never have to worry about an ice age again, the sun would see to that. I watched lightning flicker and dance in the pillars of smoke, and tried to remember the last time I’d seen a real, honest-to-gods storm.

9. Sinkhole (short D&D story)

There was blood everywhere. The walls were coated, the floor was slick, and there were even spatters on the beams across the hayloft. She was surprised to see there were no corpses – this much blood should have left a sizable number of bodies – but there wasn’t a shape in sight, not even any offal.

10. Gunman's Alley (short Cyberpunk-style story)

There was a clatter, and the woman’s head snapped up, her twitching pupils as she sought the cause of the disturbance the only sign that she was augmented. The tension shifted; people glanced at one another uneasily, making mental notes of where they’d dive for if shit went down, who they could count on, who’d use them as a meat shield.

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[musings-from-mars]

Story and AU Masterlist 📝

Here is a list of my ongoing AU series and original content, with links to each part! Want to see more of a particular AU? Just send a request to my ask box! I’m going to do my best to keep this page updated and will reblog it when a new AU is added!

(This took a while to put together, but I did it to make my writings more visible! Tumblr’s tag search function is very dodgy after all. A reblog would be infinitely appreciated 🥰)

Original Work

Valet of a Ticket Machine: [part 1] [part 2] A young scavenger’s apprentice Ander has long been disillusioned with their lot in life and the state of the world around them—the world being their home planet of Severen, that is. Yet there’s a whole galaxy out there that they’ve only gotten brief glimpses of. But now, after finding a distressed portable printer with an oddly high level of sentience, Ander might finally have found their ticket out of here. A long, chaotic, wonderful journey now awaits Ander the Severean and Tixxy the ticket machine, and it won’t be journey for just the two of them for long.

RWBY AUs

3 Egg Breakfast AU: [part 1] [part 2] A real world High School AU about Ruby, Nora, and Pyrrha all figuring out that they’re trans with each other’s help, sometimes via voice chat while playing Minecraft.

BloodDust AU: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] After Ruby and Blake end up in comas after risking their lives to save Yang, she decides to go to any length to prevent anyone from ever having to protect her again. She begins to inject her body with dust, which leaves her in constant agony, and vows to track down Cinder to avenge her sister and girlfriend.

Fall From Grace AU: [part 1] Cinder and Neo's Fall of Beacon plan is slowly coming together, but there's one major factor they both recognize as a huge threat: Ruby Rose. They need to find a way to make sure she doesn't stand in their way. What better way to do that than get her to join their side? A Strawberry Spicecream (Cinder x Neo x Ruby) AU with a Ruby bastardization arc.

Freelance Love Triangle AU: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] Modern AU, Blake and Cinder are rival writers for a magazine who are always fighting to get the cover story for the next issue. As if their rivalry needed anymore fuel, the new photographer, Ruby, has caught their eyes. Not only is Ruby a skilled photographer, but her cheerfulness and earnest spirit is infectious. Now Blake and Cinder have even more to fight over, while Ruby is pretty sure these two reporters just need to kiss. Time for her to play matchmaker!

Genderfluid Penny AU: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] Exactly what it says on the tin. Penny realizes gender is fake and decides to have fun with it!

Hot Shots AU: [part 1] Cinder had a reason to be at this coffee shop, but now she can't remember what it was. Not since she ran into this very alluring woman named Coco...

Letters Before the Fall AU: [part 1] A collection of letters Cinder left behind to tip Ruby off about the impending siege on Beacon. Ruby befriended Cinder and showed her genuine kindness when no one else would, and that made all the difference. But now Cinder must go into hiding. Because of her betrayal, she has so many new enemies, and her only ally has no idea where she has gone…

Love Under Moonlight AU: [part 1] [part 2] Blake is a teenage trans girl trying to reckon with the reality of the world around her and how she fits in it, and Ilia is her best friend who only wishes she could help.

Lynx in the Chain AU: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] Kali, Ghira, and Sienna, Co-High Leaders of the White Fang, are meeting with Jacques Schnee to negotiate on behalf of the Faunus. Little do they know, they have a much more pressing matter to handle before heading back to Menagerie, as an unexpected cry for help comes from the Schnee matriarch on behalf of her children.

Ice Cream System AU: [part 1] Neo has more than just Trivia in her plural system. There's also Cherry, the fem one, Mint Nox, the androgynous one, and Bubblegum, the masc one. And they don't always get along up in headspace.

Rosebloom AU: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] A real world high school AU that follows an autistic Ruby Rose as she enters high school as a freshman and meets a pretty girl named Weiss. For two girls whose upbringings were anything but normal, their relationship follows the same course, but perhaps for the better. (I’m projecting onto Ruby only a little bit.)

Sugar Rush Striker AU: [part 1] [part 2] Ruby and Nora are the top strikers on their high school soccer team, and their rivalry is intense. It only gets even more intense when a decision by the coach forces them to compete directly against each other for the one striker position in the Starting XI. With both of them staying long after practice for extra training, tempers are bound to flare when they're alone with each other...

Trans Bugs AU: [part 1] [part 2] Exactly what it says on the tin. Blake and Ruby are trans and together!

Vigilante Enbyrald AU: [part 1] Emerald is nonbinary, works as a vigilante on the streets of Vale, and is dating Beacon student Velvet in secret. Very self-indulgent on my part.

And more to be added…

[liyuesbian]

✧ pygmalion!au [ningguang]

notes: btw idk how commissions from museums work i just made the process up LMAO and this one's kinda angsty? i mean, it is the pygmalion greek myth so iykyk. also, i describe this figurine of ningguang here but w/o the colour... i've linked it in case any1 needs the reference. (btw, this is not set in ancient greece specifically)

only yesterday had you been commissioned by an art gallery in the capital to create a piece for their up-and-coming collection titled desire, love and identity. yet here you are, slaving away to make the perfect image you had in your head come into fruition. your vision is exquisite once sketched on paper—you can't find any faults in it so you take the risk.

as soon as your chisel meets the marble, a feeling so invigorating dominates your body. no further references are necessary as you place your trust entirely on your hands, coarse from the labour. you find such mindless toil addicting and you work day and night, only stopping for a half-baked meal and the odd collapse into bed.

for months, love streams out of the tips of your fingers and through your sculpting tools to arrive at the stone figure. you sincerely hope the intimate emotion has been reached.

when you finish, you wipe the bead of sweat running down your forehead, rest the other palm on your hip and take slow steps backwards all while maintaining eye contact with the statue. a wave of sweet relief hits you and you fall to the floor, uncontrollably sobbing into tired hands that still grip the hammer and chisel.

it's beautiful.

you stagger, struggling to get up with your bruised knees while clumsily wiping the tears off your stained cheeks. setting the instruments aside, you lift your head to admire your handiwork up close. a woman made of stone sits elegantly atop an oriental chair, crossing her smooth, white legs over each other. her left elbow is propped on the arm of the chair while on the other side, a long smoking pipe is balanced between gloved fingers. around her lies an assortment of objects: a vase containing scrolls, a floor lamp, and a charmingly decorated folding screen.

you see, you had already thought it all out. you'd imagined ningguang's preferences for a life of luxury, her affinity for constructing and sprucing up interiors. she would be a master of the trades and a woman who likes to keep an air of mystery around her. and like how you increasingly project her to be more of a person than she ever will be, there is a creeping concern in the corner of your mind that you will lose your rationality just as quickly.

the sculpture's body is clad in a qipao with a slit that reveals alabaster skin below the waist. the dress—embellished with patterns and neat linings—hugs her figure and shows off a lean build. the extensive train and sleeves of the fabric are shaped curvaceously to mirror the flow of a waterfall. and her face. the section you strived so hard to refine. she stares at you with an imperious expression and a hint of a smirk. her gaze, so piercing, makes you avert your eyes in shyness but you find yourself gravitating back to her profile.

you muster up the courage to draw closer to your creation and unconsciously stroke her cheek with your thumb, captivated. if she were an empress, you'd be a common peasant—undeserving of setting your sights on such a goddess. you can feel your soul being sucked into eyes devoid of emotion—of anything, actually. after all, the woman sitting before you is not a person but an inanimate object.

the weeks following the completion of ningguang—which is the name you've picked up the habit of calling her—are spent in said lady's company. every minute of every day, you surround yourself with her presence as if she is your closest friend. you eat with her, tell her your troubles, even going so far as to decorate her with various types of jewellery and bringing her gifts you think she'd like.

"thank you," you whisper. "for always listening to me." in truth, you're always so immersed in your work that you forgot what conversations could feel like. though, you fear your art would never be on par with something so transcendent ever again.

you become curious, wondering what she would be like if the nymph in front of you were not just a figment of your imagination.

you perch yourself on top of ningguang's stone-cold lap and trace the contours of her visage. you inspect each crease on her lips and the minuscule crinkles in her eyes, applauding yourself for the well-crafted details. you don't know what possesses you but you close your eyes and press your lips against hers, hoping that once you open them, a living being would erupt from underneath the marble. but, of course, as soon as the light hits your retinas, ningguang is as unmoving as ever.

realising what you've just done, you drop off of her thighs and laugh anxiously. however, you could've sworn that you had felt warmth in the lips of your beloved muse.

"i've finally gone mad!" you cry aloud.

hell, you say to yourself, is it even possible to fall in love with such an... an artefact? you dismiss your glaringly obvious infatuation.

"nonsense," you mutter under your breath, sensing your heart breaking slightly. how can something so painfully humanlike also not be human at the same time? you must've caused a tremendous atrocity in your past life to have made the gods harbour a grudge against you. of all things, you'd never have guessed that a lifeless piece of art would be the object of your desire.

you can't bear to look at the handcrafted lady any longer and with an anguished face, cover her with a large cotton cloth. the plan was to wait until you could hand the statue over to the curators and try to ignore its existence until then.

for a few days, you act according to the plan, going about your daily routine but eventually, your stoic demeanour crumbles. you lock yourself in your room refusing to eat or believe that your affection would never be returned.

during the hours of sunlight, you weep under your sheets, drowning in self-inflicted sorrow. and at night, you do the same, lamenting over the loss of what could've been your true love. she would've been so perfect in your eyes, your other half, and the only one who could calm this growing turmoil!

the reality pains you. hence, you do the only thing you can do: you pray. you pray to the gods for a miracle, that the light of your life would stride into your room and pull you from the depths of despair... but she never does.

your last day "cohabitating" with the sculpture has arrived and for the first time in—what felt like—an eternity, you open the doors to your workshop. taking a deep breath, you unveil the stationary maiden.

it's still as beautiful as you remember.

you give it a sad smile, wanting to get its departure over and done with. you manoeuvre about the room to prepare the things for the movers who're due to come in a couple of hours. while you go down your little list of errands to be done, you cough and bat away the smoke—wait, the smoke? frantic, you spin around, eyes darting everywhere in search of its origin until they land on the smoking pipe you so intricately moulded for the commissioned piece.

it's strange, you don't recall colouring the statue. and how on earth is smoke coming out of the pipe? suspicious, you approach the motionless entity and almost stumble when you spot its chest rising.

oh lord! — i really must be descending into madness! you clutch your head, clawing at your hair in hysteria.

"stop, please don't hurt yourself." the sound of a low, worried voice penetrates your ears. you shut your eyes tight.

"no, the gods have cursed me! i mustn't listen to your poisonous words!" you exclaim. your state of agitation is alleviated when the woman caresses your tensed arm.

"what has happened to you? i haven't seen you lately either." the tone is more soft and more tender than you had imagined. you release your grip.

"is it really you, ningguang?" your voice cracks at the end, and the woman you sought after witnesses your features twist into an expression of longing and hope.

"yes, my darling. i dare not go anywhere else."

helplessly, you rush to cup her face to check for heat, for the blood traversing under her skin—anything that would prove that your sweetheart is truly alive and breathing. and when you do get the confirmation, you beam, trying to withhold tears born from elation.

you bend down to kiss ningguang, who is still seated on the chair, once, twice, and three times to rid your scepticism. oh, deities! she's real.

"i love you," you declare.

"i know." you watch as the same creases you'd etched on the corners of her eyes spread into a loving half-moon shape and you kiss her again.

you reach a conclusion: you couldn't give away your lover—let alone a live person—to be displayed as part of a museum exhibition so when the workers arrive, you hide your muse away in another room. you apologise profusely and spin a lie, rambling on about how you had nothing to relinquish for the piece you had prepared had been oh-so-viciously stolen by a mob of trespassers!

the movers share with you their sympathies and ask what the work of art looks like and maybe they could sort something out with the authorities. nodding, you recount—so ardently—the details of your divine maiden. you feel heat rush to your face, chuckling when you realise that you'd run your mouth for too long.

in response to this, the two labourers exchange dubious looks as they peer at the static sculpture standing in the middle of the studio—its appearance unmistakably matching your elaborate description.

[ginkgomoon]

Lucien's Iridescent- Analysis

Finally, some more Lucien-based content! I'm so sorry for the wait, Lucien stans! If you’re out there please let me know so I can say hello to you individually and ask questions about your fav!! I want to interact with the community more so I can expand my knowledge and perception on the different characters and aspects of the game. I’d honestly love to have a chat about MLQC anytime! I didn’t expect to be posting this today because this is one is a freshie! (Started working on it today, and posted up today, unlike the other hundred that I have drafted...) Lots of spoilers for the character of Lucien and for future content. Please do not read if you don’t want spoilers! Thank you! Hope you enjoy!! 🌈 💜

Iridescent definition-

“Showing luminous colours that seem to change when seen from different angles.”

Origins

The pen is originally brought over from England, where Lucien was studying when he was younger. It actually belonged to a Granny before Lucien, and she told him, "give this luck to the special someone when you meet her."

Lucien didn't really care for the pen that much other than that, though.

"Although I had always felt that he was not gentle with me, this time I knew he did care for me. My joy didn't last for more than ten seconds, when my owner took me back and gave me a faint glance, and then gave his full attention the girl."

Also, it's tiny bit ironic about how Lucien can't see colour and names the pen "Iridescent".

"A rainbow! It's my favourite scene- that's where my name came from. But my owner can't see the rainbow. he doesn't know how to appreciate these colours." -Rainbow Luck Rumours and Secrets

Iridescent and MC

“This is for you."

A silvery- white steel pen glinted in the sunlight with an "X" etched prominently into its surface. (The "X" refers to his Chinese name, "Xu mo")

MC: "Isn't this the pen you left in the set the first time you were on the show?"

"Yes, at the time I rushed back to the set. Everyone had left but one girl was still foolishly sitting there, just to give me this pen. For the first time I thought, compared to my own actions of running back there, she didn't seem that foolish at all."

His lips curved up in a smile, and his eyes softened.

"It wasn't foolish. I was slower than you, but afterwards, I saw."

I didn't understand what he meant. I tilted my head and looked at Lucien. His eyes were streaked with shadow and light by the sunshine.

MC: "Why are you giving me the pen?"

"The pen has a name. It's called Iridescent. It's a lucky charm that's been with me for many years. Now, this luck belongs to you."

Lucien opened my hand and placed the pen in it, then closed my hand back over it with an assertive force.

"It's just a pen. Take it."

Lucien turned his head and looked at me, the sunlight glistening on his lips, clear and warm. -Chapter 13-10

Lucien gave a lot of thought into giving MC the pen.

"He had been staring at me for so long his gaze almost penetrated me! My owner had always been very decisive and unwavering, but this time, I could feel his hesitation. What was it for?"

But why?

"At the moment I was a little dizzy, and thought, am I now a "love token"?" -Rainbow Luck Rumours and Secrets

I would argue multiple reasons actually. Firstly, as Iridescent itself stated, it was used as a "love exchange"- a silent confession that he loves her. He uses this pen for his work, and since this "work" was focused on the QUEEN and BLACK SWAN, it was almost like a declaration that what Lucien had owned- what Ares will soon gain, that no matter what, both personas would be by her side.

He knows that she's always in danger, from others and from himself, so he silently hopes that this pen in becoming that "lucky charm" would also help her so that she wouldn't really get caught and tied up in BLACK SWAN business.

It serves as a reminder for himself too, that a part of him will always be kept close to her. And like how its name is Iridescent, that aspect of him that can see colour is being surrendered back to her, because only with MC, can Lucien finally witness colours of the rainbow.

But of course, like all rainbows, they don't last forever, and MC uses this pen- in the name of colour- his weaknesses and the symbolism and connection of their relationship- against him.

MC: “Why?”

“I warned you before. You still had time to run too bad, you had no awareness of danger. Or one could say, you trusted me too much.”

He spoke in a tone that was provocative and mocking.

With ease, he ripped open a scar that hadn’t fully healed, and my tears came pouring out.

I don’t know why, but in that instant, I seemed to see a flash of sorrow in his eyes. But in less than half a second, he had resumed his composure. Then he pursed his lips and made a faint smile.

Thick blackness surrounded him. Even the brightest of setting suns couldn’t reach him.

But I still hoped that the hint of sorrow I caught was real. I hoped that he was still the way he used to pretend to be. But then why did his eyes seem so sincere?

Even now, I wasn’t willing to completely believe. My heart told me that it wasn’t lies.

Helping me save my final show was real. Rescuing me from danger was real. Every bit of encouragement and help was all real.

If all of that was real, how could the person in front of me now be fake?

I strained to find in his eyes any sign of pain, struggle, even a moment’s hesitation. But there was none.

There was nothing at all. We were like two strangers.

“Ares, what are you waiting for?”

I don’t know where my strength came from, but in an instant, I held something sharp to my neck. I tremblingly held the pen, sensing the bitter taste in my throat.

Seeing my action, everyone froze.

How ironic! He clearly gave it to me as a gift, and now it was carrying out its mission like this.

“You won’t do it.”

My neck was in terrible pain, and half my body was going numb.

I didn’t even realise that a trickle of blood was streaming down my neck. We stood there, neither of us was moving.

“Don’t do anything foolish.”

You’re right, I am too foolish. When I was at my lowest, he held out a hand of friendship to me and I took it in with full trust.

And now here he was again, saying that same voice I was so familiar with, that was all a trap.

He stood there, aloof and cold, with all those emotions swirling in his eyes that I never understood before. Now I final understand. It was the thrill of laying a trap and the joy of watching your prey take the bait.

MC: “Let me go.”

“You think you can negotiate with me?”

MC: “You still owe me a thank you gift.”

A tear rolled down my face silently. (This line killed me.)

He smiled mockingly.

“I can let you go, but next time, you won’t get such an opportunity. Don’t let me catch you next time.” (In other words he means, "pen you did well, now she can escape.")

MC: “Next time I won’t trust you, Ares. I will never trust you again. Because you aren’t Lucien. He would never harm me. They have nothing to do with each other!”

He turned but said nothing. That was the last time I saw a gentle look in his eye. Then he looked up at the sky as his whole body emerged into the shadows, and he continued onwards.

The pen fell from my hand onto the ground. The “X” etched onto it gleaming, seemingly telling me a story. -Chapter 13-19

"I saw the pain in my owners eyes and felt the trembling of the girl's right hand passing through me... grasping me as she left, she could not control her shaking body. She seemed to be holding onto me with all her strength, as if I was her only support.

I was accidentally dropped to the ground and rolling into the dust. but the girl didn't seem to notice, as she was in a trance looking up at the kites in the sky. But the girl crouched down to pick me up and gently wiped the dust off of me. Everyday at nightfall, I knew how much pain she endured and how much she cried in her sleep. I thought she would abandon me, but she did not... -Rainbow Luck Rumours and Secrets

n a way, it's also a silent promise, or a reason for him to keep returning to her. The tie that she always clutches secretly in her pocket that she, too, still cares for him and still thinks of him. MC still evens put the effort in the take care of Iridescent, making sure it doesn't get lost or broken. This is similar to how the ginkgo bracelet is a form of support from Gavin to MC.

As I put away my camera, I again reflexively felt around inside-

MC: “Oh no!”

A ball of sweat fell from my forehead. Where was that pen!?

A single possibility suddenly presented itself to me- but another thought immediately supplanted it-

MC: “It’s his anyway. The staff will give it back to him…”

Having confidently convinced myself with that reasoning, I left.

See how they're back to how they were from the beginning- where she was starting to get to know “Lucien”, but now she’s starting to view him as “Ares”. The two personas correlating to this one pen.

I banged my head on the table. I clutched my head in pain, and the metal pen rolled away, stopping before a pair of black shoes. Then I saw a slender hand daintily pick it up.

“You came back to find this?”

He looked at me with a playful look on his face. He raised his eyebrows and held the pen in front.

“Don’t lose it again.”

I reached out for it, but that sunny late spring day suddenly flashed before my eyes, and I started to regain my posture. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back for it.

MC: “Never mind, I’m always losing things. And it doesn’t belong to me anyway. At this point, it should go back to its original owner.”

He slowly and deliberately put the pen away, then gave as light nod. -Chapter 16-11

"With determination, the girl gave me back to my owner. The moment he took me, the last thread linking them together seemed to have broken. My owner withdraw his gaze from her and after a long time he said softly, "my little fool". The words sounded unfinished, with untold tenderness hidden behind them. But in my opinion, should the fool refer to my intelligent owner himself?

I couldn't help but think, did my owner lose his colours? Or will he find them again, someday? Because, those who have seen the rich colours of the rainbow, would not be reconciled with grey again." -Rainbow Luck Rumours and Secrets

But in the end, the pen was returned back to MC.

Lucien carefully took out the pen from his pocket and placed it in the girl's hand. The he leaned over and whispered into her ear-

"Next time, don't rush into danger by yourself. Especially on my account." -Chapter 16-22

Like how Lucien would always come back to her- Ares or not, because those are his true colours- that Lucien, like how he’s also “iridescent”, would show all sides of him to her, and that he would love MC no matter which side he's on.

[m0e-ru]

eight months in somebody actually asked me abt visualive instead of me immediately annoying ppl about it without former notice. I might actually write properly for once 😳😳😳

OK OK!!!!! In this essay I will.... I will.... Visualive Adachi.... Visu/BURSTS INTO TEARS/

OKAY OKAY for real I just care Visualive so much (as someone who can’t fully understand Japanese AHAHA)

First I’ll add some foundation about what Visualive really is, then I talk abt Adachi in the latter parts of it because this is technically the first time I’m properly talking about this hehe 🐿

T....table of contents???

Visualive

Visualive the Evolution

Masami Itou

Visualive Adachi

Visualive the Evolution Adachi

Terms and Legend

VL - Visualive

VLE - Visualive the Evolution

stage - shortened for “stageplay”

面白い - omoshiroi (it’s just that specific)

Yuuya - VL Hero name

Hayato - VLE Hero name

Baba - Hero

Masami - Adachi

Taniguchi - Dojima

Saotome - Daisuke

Mamiya - Izanami

I add honorifics but sometimes I forget the hyphen intentionally or unintentionally I’m sorry if it makes it hard to read lol

all links have automatic timestamps for easy viewing. i mean. i hope the timestamps work

VISUALIVE “Persona 4.” A stage adaptation of SMT: Persona 4 by Atlus. It adapts the first part of the story, from the hero’s arrival to after recovering Mitsuo Kubo from the TV world. It also ends on a cliff hanger, showing a teaser of Shadow Naoto being projected on the screen.

It takes up a speedy recapitulation of the hero’s spring life, before slowing down and showing in depth his school life in summer. A day before Morooka-sensei’s death, there is a little skit with Kou, Daisuke and Adachi. The hero walks into the conversation before the two other boys leaving, and Morooka-sensei walking in on the student and detective. The next day follow’s the teacher’s death and the Investigation Team (IT) begin investigating their new lead.

From the words “visual” and “alive,” the niche of this stage was meant to be the fusion of live acting and visual digital projections. All seen from the stageplay with the colorful cast of actors and CG animations being projected on the screen. This offers an opportunity for characters to summon their personas, perform cool visual effects, change the backdrop, or even confront their own Shadows.

Performed in Sunshine Theater from the 15th to the 20th of March 2012. The screenplay was written and directed by Shintaro Asanuma from the theatrical group “bpm.” The video production produced by Shutaro Oku, a film director and visual planner. He later takes over as director for VISUALIVE THE EVOLUTION, the sequel stage. The stage music was produced by Shunsuke Wada, with a special show exclusive vocal track sung by Shihoko Hirata.

On this note, I haven’t seen any sort of original soundtrack released for any of the stages and I’m SO SAD. The last song in Mitsuo’s boss fight was such a BANGER and literally EVERYTHING ELSE Marvelous, Wadasan please take my MONEY

Regarding the cast, there were some special accommodations for Teddie, Rise, and Nanako, all of which did not have live actors at the time. During the casting, actors for the three characters could not be found or simply left the directors unsatisfied they couldn’t cast anybody. An exception for Rise, who was able to have a live actor in the sequel stage. It has been stated that there weren’t any “pretty boy” actors that fit the “Teddie Criteria.” While there weren’t any child actors that were believed to portray Nanako well.

Teddie was only ever seen in his bear costume while Rise was busy talking through a call, all voiced by their video game cast. Nanako has never appeared on stage, only being scarcely mentioned in the script. Again, this is different in the sequel stage where her role was extremely important and was shown as a screen projection.

VISUALIVE “Persona 4” THE EVOLUTION. A sequel stage. Beginning abruptly in the middle of Shadow Naoto’s boss fight, the story continues from there until the “true end” of the game’s original story. *Certain characters are introduced while others have been reintroduced. And on a personal note, when it’s all comedic in the beginning, it’s all for what’s coming right after.

I don’t know if I’m salty or just find it really funny AHAHA I might go talk abt it some other day with more context ehehe

Performed in The Galaxy Theater from the 3rd to the 9th of October 2012, only a few months after the PSVITA Persona 4 Golden release, which is July 2012. The screenplay was now written by Jun Kumagi while directed by Shutaro Oku. And music production finally taken over by Shoji Meguro himself.

---

HAHAHA this is starting to look like a wiki page. moving on. I might start rambling rn

(warning LONG !!!! aaa,,)

My thoughts on the stage adaptations. For the first Visualive (VL) I believe it’s pretty close to canon! I enjoy the characterization and how much love and care was present when handling the entire production.

Actors were busy playing the game itself, wherein a PS2 was present in the practice room. Along with magazines and game guides explaining the game’s story and the characters itself. Actors performing together and even improv acting together to get a grasp of their characters. All of them knowing well of Persona 4 as a well loved game, delicately handling their characters and hopefully performing them right while making the audience happy.

The staff taking care of each other while the director and video producer, Asanuma-san and Oku-san, working together well to make their vision into a reality.

The same thing happened with VL the Evolution (VLE) and literally every other good stage. Except... I feel the script kinda got out of hand with too much liberty where it feels a bit more disconnected from canon. But! It makes up for it in its content, whether comedic or (INCREDIBLY) dramatic! It’s great as its own story at that point. So in this case, I like to take the first VL and get to connect it canon, while I don’t know what the hell happened in VLE to the point I’ll just enjoy it as its own content.

These opinions deserve its own essay, post whatever bc I have SO much to say abt this. ANYWAY. VL ADACHI

---

Tohru Adachi is portrayed by Masami Itou (伊藤マサミ), a screenplay writer, director and an stage actor himself. He does have a single character voice role along with a fellow troupe member in the same franchise, but mostly works as the former three. He is part of Asanuma-san’s entertainment group “bpm.” On a similar note, Masashi Taniguchi, Dojima’s actor, was also part of their group from 2011 to 2016, which may explain their good synergy as the boss and the bumbling fool dynamic. I mean, somebody’s gotta get hit in the head every few skits.

With Masami-san being an important part of the cast, he doesn’t appear as often as Taniguchi-san in backstage content like the VL bonus disk or the official blog. Mentioned in his own personal blog, he had been busy with his roles as assistant director (I am assuming also for VL).

Also fun to note, because his role is mainly comic relief, he has been using his liberty to change up the material almost everyday making each performance exciting. This also leaves some other actors jealous of his freedom in his role, such as Saotome-san, Daisuke’s actor.

---

VL Adachi really has a... how do I say this? an adorable speech pattern (THE SAME SPEECH PATTERN THAT DROVE ME MAD TRYING TO DECIPHER I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CITY BOY OSSU OSSU MY ASS /shakes you violently/). Overall, he really fits the loose lipped bumbling fool, and his accent really makes him seem more casual and invested. What I’m saying is... VL Adachi either actually has genuine empathy or he actually has more energy to fake it (compared to some other edgelord. i mean you saw my p4ga analysis. I’m sick of him lol ahaha).

One of my favorite ways to explain this (OTHER THAN CHAIR CAR ADVENTURE MY BELOVED WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER) is the rice field scene with him and Dojima. It’s overanalyzation time 🎉

(43:04)

While investigating, Adachi whines about being tired while Dojima smacks him in the head. In this case, it’s established that Adachi doesn’t want to be there, yes? It’s the country, it’s hot and it smells like green.

"Ah... Dojima-san..! Why don't we take a break? (...) There really is nothing out here... Is the criminal still even here at all? (...) I wonder if I've passed being a rookie yet. Haha, but this city doesn't even have convenient transportation. I can't go to leisure lands (recreation, amusement parks, arcades, ect.) and head home at all."

Adachi then tries to tell Dojima a story. “when I got to this city after being newly assigned, I met an interesting guy (...) Yeah, I remember that the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed yet. So, I was driving my car and got near the station and--” Dojima gets a phone call.

Adachi politely puts his hands down waiting for his boss to finish so he can finish the story. Again and again, Adachi attempts to talk to Dojima about a story he’s so persistent trying to tell someone about. It was so 面白い that he would find someone to talk to about it. Even being polite and patient enough to wait for a chance to speak. He even gets fed up with it and blows up in front of his boss, clearly irritated he’s not given a chance to talk.

Sure, it could be Adachi feeling fed up like a normal person where someone agreed he to listen to him, before being constantly ignored. Or Adachi trying to be a more annoying whiny brat, depending on where you look at it.

If the story wasn’t too “interesting” to Adachi, he would’ve just brushed it off and stopped talking to Dojima entirely, or start up new small talk, or even complain some more. But no, he had a story he wanted to voice out so bad that he got irritated that the one person in the vicinity couldn’t listen to him.

Only after Dojima told him to continue their investigation elsewhere did Adachi finally stop and focus on something else. Maybe that story was for another day, or maybe it was never meant to be told.

What if it was just original (game) Adachi? He’d find a way to squirrel out of the investigation as usual, or push Dojima to “investigate” elsewhere. “Hey boss, don’t you think it’s hot? Why don’t we go elsewhere? We’ve seen this place too many times to count and I doubt anything new’ll turn up. How about we take a break at Junes, y’know? Where it’s cool? C’mon boss,” something like that.

og Adachi is just really annoying and silly to me. Some grown man thinking he can freeload because he never gets anything out of putting in more energy and effort? I don’t care how tall he is, I will smack him in the head.

Yeah VL Adachi whines, too, but at least it doesn’t look like he’s going to escape and waste his time somewhere else. He just sucks it up stops trying to leave the situation.

Or maybe I’m getting this all wrong and VL is exactly the same and my rage just gets dampened because of Masamisan’s execution of character hmm...

SO. What was his story about anyway? The one he really wanted to share to Dojima?

I mean... it’s obvious enough

First day in town? Spring? Actually mentioned driving a car when literally out of every single persona 4 media at the time was there not a SINGLE mention of Adachi having a car OTHER THAN the same stageplay it’s being mentioned in?

A story, from somewhere around uhh four? five months ago? was something that he remembered so dearly and was willing to share despite it obviously embarrassing him even if he puts the blame on a certain somebody in the same story?

Or maybe it’s because he really had nothing to talk about ever since he realized all his stories from the city weren’t actually that funny or interesting in the first place.

BUT then that would mean out of all the things he could talk about—more whining, complaining, complimenting, small talk—he insisted about talking about this story in particular.

Okay, look. I’m just. Just. As someone who talks too much, of course I have things I actually want people to hear out of all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. And if the thing I actually want people to listen to doesn’t even get heard, I’d go mad.

Sure, Adachi’d be fine when his complaints or intentionally unfunny jokes get brushed off. But a story of a guy that he thought was so funny, interesting, 面白い gets ignored, he really blew up, even just for a split second, maybe.

And ALL the things that happened in that story—on his first day in Inaba! His car got dented, he had to deal with a weirdo dumbass employee that knew zero personal space, yelled in his ear, who didn’t know how to do their job, got his station reputation messed up on the first day, got his ass grabbed, got (unintentionally?) mocked for his lame stories, and got his car dented for the SECOND time. Probably MORE

And he STILL wanted to talk about it /punches through concrete wall/

yes I’m overthinking about this of course i am

This little tidbit of VL Adachi kinda makes me go insane sometimes—his entire characterization in VL in particular. It was really refreshing to see and how they included both of his characters in it, his facade and how irritated he is of a lot of things underneath. And how flexible his character is immediately working with other characters when there’s sudden improv to balance the situation. Like him and Dojima, Morooka, the attendant, or even Yuuya (hero) himself.

I’ll take Taniguchi-san’s messing around in the VL bonus backstage disc in place of Masami-san being so busy he couldn’t appear in it as often as other characters.

For stagetime that lasted for fifteen minutes or less, my appreciation for VL Adachi, even if he was just comic relief, really rocketed. I say VL, bc Adachi the edgelord he’s supposed to be in literally every other media is something I analyze separately.

I haven’t even gotten to VLE oh my GODDDDD

Like I said, I don’t really regard VLE close to canon but as something to be appreciated for what it is by itself. But the way Adachi was characterized there, in or out of character, still struck me.

---

Yes, there was his strange fan-agreed-canon which is,,, now canon obsession with cabbages (not that that’s a bad thing lmao). There was also him being a lot more jumpy and intimate in a clowny way, patting people on the shoulder or even downright hugging them just to mess around. Even FORGETTING who the same goddam loser who grabbed his ass almost a year ago is. But like, can’t blame him they literally changed their actor (and screenplay writer) AHAHAHA

ha... no more comedy, only dorky sword fights now

(speaking of sword fights I think it’s a fun thought how Mamiya-san [Izanami, also one of the youngest in the cast] admitted it was his first time doing sword fight choreography and even thanked Masami-san and other staff members for guiding him)

One thing unintentionally in character was Adachi accidentally nabbing the sushi overdosed in wasabi. Masami-san didn’t actually account for a joke sushi and didn’t immediately eat it—until Taniguchi-san (who also made Dojima go off his shits compared to VL) jokingly yelled at him and even riled up the audience for him to eat it. He even went off stage to get water just for him to eat the goddam sushi.

And Masami-san did! (kinda choked, but he’s fine).

Continuing from the same scene, while being overly giddy about sushi dinner (and I mean overly--he was singing about it while hopping to the Dojima residence), he tried to remind the two, Dojima and Hayato (hero), that Nanako was sleeping. Probably where she was sick if the scene was translated from the game.

(30:07)

And... the dramatic parts of VLE

Adachi was the one who reported to the IT that Dojima was chasing Namatame in the rain. While Naoto was discussing Namatame’s journal entries, Adachi, as giddy as he is, took it from Naoto’s hands and reveled in the discovery of evidence so childishly(?). He even ran to Dojima when he began regaining consciousness and immediately called the nurses to help him wheel Dojima to the ER.

Then, The Hospital Scene™️, right after Nanako flatlines.

(1:02:02)

Adachi, who recently walked into the scene, immediately worries about Dojima and IT who were ALL crying. He looks down, devastated—before yelling how Dojima’s heading to Namatame’s room.

He yells in terror and the same grief at his injured boss, all while running past and even jumping over children, who fell to the ground sobbing, to get to him. He continues yelling in a pained fashion while immediately reprimanding Dojima to stop. He gets carried by the collar before being tossed to the ground at Hayato’s feet, all while being pat by the same boy.

Dojima makes his speech about how unfair it is for the ‘killer’ to be alive when his daughter isn’t. When he finally falls to his knees, Adachi rises from the ground, humbly saying he’ll do his best to take care of Dojima (or something like that I’m in tears I literally can’t do VLE’s hospital scene i h8 this). He finally starts crying along with everyone else, being pushed away again but still tries again, trying to usher his boss away from the door.

With the help of the guard in front of the door, they all disappear off stage

please... I know this scene doesn’t need that much translation because of how important this scene is in the entire story. and I know my narratives aren’t enough so just,,,, just watch it please it’s so much more than this. everyone’s acting was just spectacular

(1:08:47)

So, after the IT (YOSUKE. JUST YOSUKE. good job Mae-chan) stop themselves from k wording Namatame, it was ADACHI who reported Nanako’s miracle recovery. He ran to the same corridor where they all cried in, even panting and falling to the ground in relief trying to report the good news. Then he pats Hayato on the shoulder and says he’s going to Dojima.

With this... /slaps roof of half of VLE/ ALL of this....adachi.... adachisan.... he Cares™️..... holy shit.....

now. comparing to the game. do you even remember what og Adachi did? did he.. even do anything?????

(56:39)

NO!!! he just stood there!!!! being a bumbling fool but.... inappropriately!!! man. he didn’t act concerned enough.

adachi: /walks into a bunch of kids crying outside a hospital room/ “lmao why tf are y’all crying? did uhhh what’s her face uhhh nanako. did she d word or something? rip, I guess lol” LIKE????? CAN YOU IMPLY FASTER

and then he’s like “wgat hmm Where’s Dojima-san Heading Because That’s Not The Way To His Room 🤔” and only when he’s asked he actually mentions he’s heading to Namatame’s room and still needs to get choked by a first year for the room number like..... zero consideration

and his boss??? where his daughter he loves so much just??? di*s???? and he’s so devastated he’s doing what he can that very moment while he’s so numbed of thinking of the consequences???? And adachi goes “uhh boss that’s illegal” LIKE. BITCH. /punches through a concrete wall but harder/

---

And??? His confrontation scene??? Like, I know they mashed it up w his tv confession scene to save stagetime for other scenes BUT IT WAS SO MMBMBMBMMGN /gestures in a good way/

(1:15:56)

UM?? guy behind everything??? in a vulnerable area where he could easily get physically assaulted bc hes not in the tv world w his persona?? Trash talks women like he absolute misogynist he is??? getting yelled at by a bunch of kids and YELLING BACK IN THE SAME AGITATED MANNER even TAUNTING THEM then and there to GET HIS ASS?????

og Adachi was such a pussy he got caught and just scurried off into the TV world where he ended up having powers like...ok....scared of getting beat down by a bunch of highschoolers unless you have powers...ok....

he only taunted them to get him when he was in the tv world too.....he rlly couldn’t say shit in the real world huh... lol

(yeah yeah this shows how VLE Adachi knew abt his TV world powers which would make you think if he ever went into the tv world and came back out alive. Or he’s really just a badass who doesnt give a shit abt anyone’s opinions and CAN beat anyone’s ass. i have a separate thing abt this but bc i like to laught at vle rather than overthink its own lore i might. not. idk lol)

and ??? VLE Adachi can??? He can swordfight??? he doesn’t even NEED a gun—he even reflects bullets w his blade (but apparently he can still get slapped by a flying fan more often than any other attack). His fight choreo was just...so poggers. He’s like short villains done good—like??? he’s short compared to everyone else!!! but he makes up for it for stuffing all the energy inside him while is bursts out making him him the over energetic gremlin he is!!! go VL adachi!!!!

(am I low key making fun of Madono-san in the TUUSH stageplay I’ve seen four minutes of? maybe)

OK!!! Yes I was gushing abt Masami-san again back to Adachi.

It’s portrayed that while not being afraid to admit his crimes, he also goes out of his way to be a bastard and have the gall to get a bunch of kids to fight him, one on eight. He can use a katana, probably a narrative dark reflection of the hero, Hayato which I thought was nice—and he can fight!!! It also shows his persona, yes, but...it doesn’t make it clear if he’s overwhelmed by his Shadow like in the game, where his eyes were yellow and he was emitting a dark aura.

But it gets interesting how he sees he’s getting overwhelmed and starting to lose his edge towards a bunch of kids. He falls to the ground even banging the floor like a whiny brat while literally the IT tries to tell him to turn himself in. Again, like a brat he tells everyone to shut up—before getting incapacitated. While some of the IT rejoice, he bolts up unaccepting of his defeat—before getting hit in the stomach.

(1:23:54)

And his words from when he drops his katana, “Why..?” He grabs the foldable chair against his stomach, and with a remorseful look in his eyes, he says “I’m sorry..!”

THEN HE BACKFLIPS—then Hayato slashes him.

In a tone of disbelief, he goes “no way...” and collapses to the ground, being possessed by Ame-no-Sagiri.

Blah blah blah then Teddie rockets himself into the eyeball spy cam and then they both explode aaaaa

Teddie survives but I really don’t know where Adachi went. Not even a mention by Dojima if he turned himself in or was ever found—or I need to review VLE for the 48274827482nd time hehe

WHOO then the whole cast appears for the dance number at the end of show YAHOO

[might-be-a-zygon]

Ohhhh Thasmin and "are you kidding me?! you're not 'fine'!" OR River/13 and "i can't believe i almost lost you

This one got away from me a little, I’ll admit. It’s pretty angsty and features a lot of (canon) character death, so fair warning on that one.

I’ll add an AO3 link in the reblogs!

---

The Ghosts That Broke My Heart

Sleep had always been a funny thing for the Doctor.  She certainly needed a lot less of it than her human friends, but it had always been a reliable break from whatever life chose to throw at her that week. She had dreams, like everyone did, but there was one thing which the Doctor didn’t really do.

She didn’t have nightmares.

Really, what would she have them about? The Doctor faced the creatures of nightmares every day. To some species, the Doctor was a creature of nightmares.

Still, after what had happened on Gallifrey? She’d found the creatures that could jolt her awake screaming.

Ghosts.

Whatever she’d done to overload the matrix had broken centuries of carefully constructed barriers, holding back the people she’d lost, and now her mind saw fit to make her relive each dark moment whenever she let her guard down to try and sleep.

It had started out right away- that first night in the Jadoon prison she’d laid down on the slab that passed for a bed, and closed her eyes to sleep.

“What does that mean?”

Jenny was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, all wide-eyes and excited smiles. The Doctor could recognise a lot of her own nervous energy in the young woman- ready to go off and explore the brave new world that awaited them. She also saw the gunman poised to take all that away in a moment.

It was like she was watching through thick glass. Poised on the sidelines, watching her past selves getting it all wrong over and over, but helpless to interfere. She slammed her palm against it, sending a too-real shooting pain through her arm, but making no audible sound.

“It means a new world.”

Sandshoes was grinning now, more genuine hope than she could ever really remember feeling shining in those eyes. He’d burned in the end- she remembered that much. He’d been angry. Vengeful.

The Timelord Victorious.  

How different might things have been if he’d just turned around? The Doctor tried to speak, to shout for him to get her out of the way. Her voice didn’t make a sound.

She watched the happiness melt from Jenny’s face, even as Sandshoes maintained his stupid, complacent grin. The Doctor was pounding on the glass now, silently screaming that it wasn’t worth it, but of course she couldn’t change it. Jenny shoved Sandshoes out of the way, the bullet striking her square in the chest. Martha- brilliant Martha who she’d never once deserved- she knew right away there was no chance. She watched her past-self hold their dying daughter, and tell her of a future she’d never see, already knowing she was beyond saving. Lies had always fallen too easily from her tongue.

“You’re gonna be amazing, you hear me, Jenny?”

Had she even heard?

 That first night, when she woke with a whine, curled up into a tight ball on her uncomfortable prison bed, the Doctor had attributed it to stress. She’d jumped haphazardly from Byron, to the cybermen, to Gallifrey, to prison with no time to clear her head. The Master always did funny things to her mind, anyway, it was normal there’d be some aftereffects.

Her hand ached from where she’d been slamming it into the ‘bed’.

She tried to shake the traitorous vision of Jenny- bright, young Jenny with so much potential sacrificing herself for the father she hardly knew. The father who would go on to do so much damage.

Against her better judgement, she’d turned over, and tried to get to sleep again. It was the last time she made that mistake.

 The first thing the Doctor heard this time, was screaming.

She was on a ship, which certainly wasn’t her TARDIS. It took her a minute to recognise the place- but, maybe that made the whole thing even worse. Somebody was screaming for her help, and she couldn’t even remember who it was.

She stood there, behind whatever barrier her mind had constructed to stop her interfering, and watched the doddering old fool she’d been back then just stand there while a good woman was in trouble just feet away. She could have reopened the airlock doors- she’d known how- but she’d been so desperate to look for a way around it, that she’d left Katarina there screaming.

“Change course.” The Doctor in front of her finally ordered. “Take him back to Kembel. Take him back to Kembel! Let the Daleks deal with him.”

In that moment the Doctor looked into her own eyes and saw a spark of that ruthless fire which would one day burn galaxies. It was that same fire that made her risk tearing time apart for Clara Oswald- the fire that burned too brightly. If she was feeling generous, she might have called it admirable, that she was willing to fight so unbelievably hard for the people she loved.

Right now, she called it selfishness.

Steven stepped towards the old Doctor, his anger doing a poor job at masking his fear. “Yes, and us!”

“Don't worry, dear boy, We'll find a way out.” The Doctor cringed at her first face (or, the first face she remembered), while standing in her glass prison. Her methods of comfort hadn’t come on any in three thousand years. She was still a liar.

Both of the men who’d been with her bck then had been afraid. Bret had even tried arguing with her, but the Doctor had never been an easy person to argue with.

“I can't sacrifice everything for the sake of that one girl.” He argued, still at the controls. Luckily, she was spared the embarrassment of having to watch her former self argue by Steven stepping in.

“Listen! Without us you wouldn't have got off Kembel at all, and nothing would be worth bothering about!”

“All right, so we all go back together. But without me, I doubt that you would have got this far either.” Bret had given in quickly enough, and all the while the Doctor just stood and watched, and listened to Katarina’s frightened screaming in the airlock.

She watched as Katarina broke free and hit the release for the airlock. She watched as both her and Kirksen were sucked out into space. She watched, and knew that that girl- that girl who was so brave in the face of so much danger- had sacrificed herself so the three of them could get away.

Her hearts ached, as she thought of a dozen ways she could have saved her, if she’d tried harder.

“She wanted to save our lives and perhaps the lives of all the other beings of the Solar System.” The old Doctor in front of her began to make his silly speech, and the Doctor turned away, revolted at her own self-importance. “I hope she's found her Perfection. Oh, how I shall always remember her as one of the Daughters of the Gods. Yes, as one of the Daughters of the Gods.”

Rule one.

She hadn’t thought about Katarina in centuries. That poor, brave woman, who had made the ultimate sacrifice to keep them all alive, and the Doctor hadn’t even bothered to remember her.

 The Doctor had awoken, still curled up on that cold stone slab, unable to shake the revulsion at her own actions. Was she still like that man? So pompous as to think that every being in the universe made their decisions based around her.

She hadn’t tried to sleep again, after that, shifting to lay on her back, staring at the celling, and trying to shake what somewhere, deep down, she knew.

There were very, very good reasons, she was in prison.

 At first, it was always death. Faces she’d remembered, and ones she’d long since forgotten, all meeting their end because the Doctor had failed to save them.

 “It snapped my neck, Sir. It wasn’t as painless as I expected, but it was pretty quick, so that was something.”

Angel Bob.

The Doctor had forgotten all about Angel Bob. He was young, and clever, and he was so scared, and she had just walked away and forgotten all about him, as though he’d never even existed.

She could see the look on the faces of the others- the muted horror on River’s, and the more pronounced look of it on her mother’s, as well as the well-managed grief of the soldiers who’d fought with him. They were all ghosts, now. Amy, River, the soldiers. All blown away like smoke on the wind.

“If you’re dead how can I be talking to you?” She tried not to think about the genuine interest her former self’s voice held in that moment- a man had just died, and Bowtie was curious about the mechanics.

“You’re not talking to me, Sir. The angel has no voice. It stripped my cerebral cortex from my body and reanimated a version of my consciousness to communicate with you. Sorry about the confusion.”

She tried her absolute best not to think too hard about how conscious the original Bob was at that moment. Had he known what had happened to him? Had he felt the angels turn him into their puppet?

She watched as Bowtie told them all to run- to run into the maze of weeping angels with no plan, and to just trust him, and she watched as he stopped behind to defend himself.

“Yes, I called you an idiot, and I’m sorry-“ He didn’t sound sorry at all, but the Doctor in her glass cage watching it play out certainly was, “But I couldn’t have saved your men.”

“I know that, Sir. And when you’ve flown off in your little blue box, I’ll explain that to their families.”

She watched, sick to her stomach, as Bowtie smirked.

 “I’ll have to tell his mother.”

Seeing Rose, even after all this time, was still painful. This was only the second day they’d met, back before they’d travelled together.  Before she’d managed to soften the war ravaged Doctor standing in front of her now.

The Ears had been one of her shortest lived, and angriest faces, and the ways he’d treated people were downright cruel at times. She saw the questioning look he gave Rose, clueless in the face of Mickey’s apparent demise, and why she’d be at all upset.

Why Rose hadn’t walked away then and there would forever be a mystery to the Doctor. She’d never once deserved that kind of love.

“Mickey” I’ll have to tell his mother he’s dead, and you just went and forgot him, again! You were right, you are alien.”

Alien didn’t have to mean cruel, though. So why did callousness seem to come so easily to her? Maybe it was just the sheer amount of death she’d witnessed, but it still hurt to see. She had to keep reminding herself that this death, at least, hadn’t been real- that Mickey was alive and living on earth, raising a son with his dad’s eyes and his mum’s brains who’d have the whole world talking in a few years.

At least it was a good reminder of why she was staying away from August Smith.

“Look, if I did forget some kid called Mickey-“

“Yeah, he’s not a kid-“

The Ears cut Rose off before she could keep speaking, but the Doctor watching from the side-lines found herself nodding in agreement. Rose was right. Of course Rose was right.

“It’s because I’m busy trying to save the life of every stupid ape blundering about on top of this planet! Alright?”

“Alright!”

“Yes, it is!” Ears sounded insufferably smug.

The Doctor shook her head in disgust, glancing at Rose and quietly muttering, “Why did you ever put up with me?”

 “Look out!”

It was another voice she hadn’t heard in a long time, and one she’d frankly been dreading hearing. If Nyssa was here she had a good idea of what she was about to see. She saw the cybermen coming up behind her back, while her fifth-self fumbled with the controls. It was as good as useless.

A cyberman lumbered up behind her, and her past-self ignored it completely, leaving Nyssa to have to shoot it down with a discarded cyberweapon. She was once again saved by a more competent friend, and her own hypocrisy when it came to guns.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever even thanked Nyssa for saving her life.

“I must save Adric!”

Stuck in the corner, exhausted and emotionally drained, the Doctor was just glad that, while she was having to watch another of her failures, this version of herself was at the very least trying.

“Look!”

“Adric.”

The screen came to life, and the Doctor tried to shut her eyes so she wouldn’t have to watch, but of course it didn’t work- in her dreams she wouldn’t be allowed to block out the parts she didn’t want to see. The only consolation was that she wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes.

She’d always been cowardly like that.

She watched as the ship began to come apart- watched as Tegan and Nyssa held each other, and Celery just stood there gawping like a fish who couldn’t believe his own incompetence.

She still remembered that feeling- like someone had clawed the hearts out of her chest and shown them to her. Back then, it’d been such a long time since she’d really lost someone that she wasn’t used to the pain of it anymore.

When had she become careless enough that death just bounced off of her?

 It only took ten days of reliving her worst moments before the Doctor had begun actively fighting sleep. Prison, at least, was a safe enough place to do it. She’d pace her cell at night to keep herself from drifting off- reciting books she knew by heart, or just talking to herself to keep her eyes from closing for too long. During the day, she’d do the same- chatting to the other prisoners, pacing, never letting herself remain still for fear of finally giving into the exhaustion which seemed to have seeped into her bones.

Of course, even a Time Lord (if she could even call herself one anymore), couldn’t stay awake forever. After weeks of forcing her eyes to stay open, she’d eventually collapse, usually when she was in her cell, if she was lucky, and she’d endure another walkthrough her past- too exhausted to even wake up- before being woken by the prison systems to begin all over again.

After a while she’d slip into waking dreams, too exhausted to even think straight. She’d sit in her cell, nutrient block in hand, while her sleep deprived mind played out snippets of her life, a few seconds at a time, while she fought to wake up enough to dismiss the visions.

 At first, when she next saw herself- sitting on a bench, eating chips, she thought maybe this was just her mind crying out for some real food. It was easy to forget the specifics of what had been discussed all those years before, after twenty years sitting in a cell.

“She scares me.” Came Bill’s voice from next to the older-Doctor, quiet in its honesty. Admitting you were scared was something so few people ever did- least of all when they were around the Doctor, and being brave was so important, but Bill had never been afraid to admit it to her. She’d been strong like that. “Like. She really scares me.”

As much as she still, after all this time, wanted the Master to be everything she knew he could be, it was hard to deny how right Bill had been to be afraid. After all- it was the Master who’d handed her over to the cybermen, in the end, just not the version she’d feared.

“Okay. Just, promise me one thing, yeah? Just promise you won’t get me killed.”

“I can’t promise you that!” Eyebrows had laughed at her, as though her concerns were something flippant. As though her fear was something worth laughing at. He’d been right, in the end, he hadn’t been able to keep Bill alive, but it was horrible looking back at it now.

The Doctor had managed to shock herself back into reality, but she hadn’t been able to shake the self-contempt that settled in her hearts.

 Most of the time, those waking nightmares came while she was stuck sitting around, waiting for the time to come that she’d be allowed out into her tiny cube of the exercise yard, just for something to break up the routine of sitting alone, and thinking about death.

 “I keep remembering all the people I’ve killed. Every day I think of more. Being bad- Being bad drowned that out. I didn’t know I even knew their names. You didn’t tell me about this bit.”

“I’m sorry, but this is good.”

“Okay.”

The Doctor watched herself hold her self-ascribed goodness over her oldest friend, and couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t what had driven the Master to the depths of madness he’d displayed on Gallifrey. She might have lorded it as a good thing back then, but she was quickly learning the types of things that isolation, imprisonment, and guilt could do to the mind. If she got out of prison with her sanity, she’d count it a blessing.

 She’d dreamt about Missy a lot, after a while. The longer she stayed locked up, the more her guild-addled mind saw fit to remind her of her stint as jailor.

On those nights she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open, the Doctor saw herself through the glass again. It was her twelfth face- well, the twelfth she remembered- the one with the angry eyebrows and the trusting nature. She saw Missy standing there, looking more dishevelled than she had before the vault, standing so close to the forcefield that it was rippling. She looked strangely earnest despite the pantomime of madness she put o- as though she was proud of herself for actually helping.

She watched as Eyebrows shoved Bill back away from Missy, not seeming to care much about how what had just transpired had clearly affected her. She’d never been good enough for Bill- the kind, inquisitive girl who’d gone out of her way to buy the Doctor Christmas presents and who’d called her grandad, and who she’d promised she wouldn’t get killed. Bill who had been so strong, who had fought off the monks and the cybermen by sheer force of will. Bill who’d deserved so much more than what the Doctor had given to her.

She watched Eyebrows walk up to that rippling forcefield, and look his oldest friend in the eyes like she was still the monster she pretended to be.

“Even if that was the truth the fact that you’re suggesting it shows that there’s been no change. No hope. No point.”

Eyebrows sounded angry, and the Doctor winced slightly at that. How was the Master ever supposed to change with the Doctor constantly telling her that her progress meant nothing? Was that why she’d given up in the end? It had to be easier to go back to what you’d known before rather than being constantly strung along and put down by someone who had promised to help you become better.

Missy’s face contorted for a moment. The Doctor left her here for months, all alone in this dusty room with almost nothing, and then he’d turned up just to talk to her like this? Her Twelfth face was one of the few she’d always thought of as good- or, if not good, at least kind. Sandshoes had been angry from the war and from everything he’d lost, but Eyebrows had tried so hard to be kind. Was this really what her version of kind did to people?

After her own stint in prison, leaving Missy trapped like this for so long was beginning to seem more and more cruel. She’d wanted to help people, she really had, but it wasn’t as though her friend had come to her and asked. She’d saved her, and then abused that power, keeping her prisoner for decades to try and make her into something she’d never tried to be. It was hard, knowing what had later become of the Master, not to wonder what all that time in the vault had done to their already fragile mental state.  How much had she contributed to his snapping and destroying their home?

Looking at it like that how was the Doctor any better than the Jadoon? And how was Missy running off with the Master much different from her running with Jac They’d both been escaping jailors who kept them confined alone for long enough to drive them half-mad.

“We don’t sacrifice people.” The scene playing out in front of her was hardly easy, but the Doctor laughed anyway, because the irony of that wasn’t lost on her. She’d let so many people die for her as Rainbows that Eyebrows’ words felt hollow. “It’s wrong because it’s easy.”

“Back in the day I’d burn an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made. I’m sorry your plus one doesn’t get a happy ending, but like it or not I just saved this world because I want to change.”

There was a forced lightness to Missy’s voice, almost undetectable unless you really knew her well- and the Doctor knew her better than anybody. It’d been a cry for help, of sorts- she’d wanted her friend back, and Eyebrows had ignored her. She’d saved the world- the Doctor would have likely spent months searching for infected water supplies and food chains following up his own stupid theories, and Missy had told him the answer freely, and without reward. She’d saved the world and he’d told her there was no hope for her- no wonder she’d run.

“Your version of good is not absolute.” She continued, her fingers pushing slightly against the forcefield now. The Doctor watched it ripple from behind he own glass patrician, and she knew the look in Missy’s eyes far too well. If that forcefield had been replaced with glowing blue bars it could have been her in her own cell. At least during her imprisonment she hadn’t had to live with the knowledge that her oldest friend was her jailor. “It’s vain, arrogant, and sentimental.”

Vain, arrogant and sentimental.

She always had said the Master knew her soul a little too well.

 Once the spectre of death faded, somewhat, it was her own shortcomings her subconscious decided to force onto her. Those moments when she’d forced others into complying with what she’d wanted- as though that was always her decision to make.

She was the Doctor, after all. Who would ever dare to question her whims as anything less than genius?

 “You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you just tried hot-wiring the fragment links and superseding the binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary-“

Not this. Not Donna. How was this fair? At least with Jenny she hadn’t seen the gunman. She could see it in her past-self’s face that he knew this was killing her, and he was just standing there like an idiot, watching it happen. He could have stepped in sooner.

“I’m fine.” Donna was showing off that big grin, back to talking a mile-a-minute. The Doctor had always wondered if on some level she knew what this would do. She had all of that knowledge inside her head, it must have been somewhere in her all along that she’d become an impossible thing.

She didn’t pound on the glass or scream this time, watching her own past unfold with her hand pressed up against it. She mouthed I’m sorry, but no sound came out.

“I bet he’s great, Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that? Shall we go see Charlie Chaplin? Shall we? Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chester. Charlie Brown- no he’s fiction-“ She watched as Donna pranced around, playing with the console and the phone. This wasn’t quite Donna- not really. This Donna was far too Doctor- maybe that was why she found it so unsettling, seeing her charming, funny, irreverent friend talking like someone she hated.

“Friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton-“ Donna cut off with a gasp, and the Doctor wanted to slap Sandshoes for leaving her in this state. She had to be scared, and he wasn’t even bothering to explain it to her. Of course, with that much of the Doctor’s mind burning through her own, Donna had probably understood it all already, but there was still something to be said for compassion in a situation as horrific as this one.

“I was gonna be with you forever.” The sadness in Donna’s eyes spoke volumes. She’d trusted the Doctor so much, had so much planned for them, and it was all the Doctor’s fault.

If her hearts hadn’t already shattered they did now. Nobody ever stayed with her forever- not really. Even if she wanted them to, she’d always destroy them before they got a chance.

She was on the floor, kneeling on the dirty floor of a TARDIS she’d long since tried to forget. When had that happened?

“I know.”

She screwed her eyes shut, grateful that this time, at least, she managed to block out the visuals- maybe because this time, the sound of Donna begging for something the Doctor was too selfish to give her was enough. She wouldn’t watch Sandshoes lie to her like that- like he’d lied to Jenny, and to Bob, and to Steven. Pretty words to ease the pain she was about to put her through.

“I can’t go back. Doctor. Please. Please don’t make me go back.”

Listening to her beg wasn’t any easier than watching it. Or living it- especially now she knew just how painful it was to have your memories taken from you. Gallifrey may have erased her path, but she’d run roughshod over her friend’s mind just as carelessly.

“Donna Noble. I am so sorry. But we had the best of times.” Was that supposed to make either of them feel better? She’d been so self-righteous back then. The Doctor opened her eyes again, and regretted it almost immediately, curling in on herself behind her little partition. “Goodbye.”

“No. No! No please! No. No! No!”

 Staying awake proved easier once she’d left prison.

During her incarceration, it had only been the thought of getting home to her fam which had really kept her going, so having Yaz back at her side was a real boost to her mood, which kept those waking nightmares at bay.

The running helped too- adrenaline in her system keeping the more dangerous effects of her sleep-deprivation at bay. Still, it didn’t mean that nights didn’t come where she came down from that high of finally being able to help again, and her tiredness came crashing down on her like a crushing weight.

This time, it came after a particularly harsh day.

She was getting sloppy in her exhausted state, and that sloppiness had put Yaz in far greater danger than she’d ever wanted to risk again. She’d told herself, that after the cybermen, and the daleks, she’d be more careful, but then all of a sudden there they were, stuck in a trap she should have been able to spot, if she was thinking clearly.

They’d been held hostage for longer than she was willing to admit- some scrapper who was very keen on getting hold of the TARDIS- not that he really knew what it was or what significance it held. No, for this man the greatest ship in the universe was worth some spare parts, and whatever the scrap value of its base components was.

They’d gotten out, in the end, but it wasn’t as though she could even take credit for that- it was quick thinking on Yaz’s part which had distracted their attacker for long enough for them to get to the TARDIS. As impressive as it was, it was still terrifying to see Yaz be so like her in the way she acted. The last person who’d wanted to be the Doctor had gotten killed trying to do so.

She’d hardly said a word once they returned to the ship, trying her best to ignore the furtive looks of concern she kept getting. She slipped off to the library alone when Yaz went to make a cup of tea, getting there on her fourth attempt (since the TARDIS seemed insistent on placing her room behind every door she opened), and counting on the near-infinite nature of the TARDIS rooms to hide her for a while. She needed a little space while she cleared her head and tried to get rid of some of the overwhelming guilt that was eating her up inside.

She could have gotten Yaz killed today with her carelessness. If Yaz wasn’t as good as she was, she would have gotten them both killed.

No matter what horrors from her past her brain decided to drudge up, a world without Yaz was still a terrifying thought.

 “I’m not asking you for a promise. I’m giving you an order.”

She really didn’t want to see this.

The Doctor had not gotten her memories back just so she could watch Clara Oswald face the raven all over again. Even in prison her mind hadn’t been cruel enough to remind her of that particular death. She remembered the others- Oswin, and the governess she’d met in London, and a hundred other Clara’s who’d died to save her- but this one had never come up.

Evidently, her subconscious thought she needed a reminder of what happened when she took her eyes off things for a moment too long.

“You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else here, or anywhere, will suffer.”

Well there was a promise the Doctor hadn’t managed to keep. She’d tried to tear time itself apart to save Clara, and worst of all, she’d never even known if it succeeded. Testimony didn’t remember whether Clara had lived or died- it’d been taken the moment before the raven hit- before the Doctor had tried to pull her from her timeline. She had no memory of anything that’d happened with Clara after this, and while she knew they’d been together on Gallifrey, she didn’t know how permanent that salvation might be, or what about it had taken her memories to begin with.

“What about me?” Eyebrows asked, and the Doctor who was watching him managed a harsh, bitter laugh. Clara was dying, and as usual her former self was there to be selfish and make her comfort him.

“If there was something I could do about that I would. I guess we’ll both just need to be brave.”

“Clara-“ He was trying to argue again, but all at once she was pulling him into a hug, and looking at the desperation of it from the outside, the Doctor just knew that Clara was trying to pull some comfort from it too, since Eyebrows hadn’t been offering her any.

She’d been human, and she’d been dying, and she’d been scared, but she’d forced herself to be brave so her friend didn’t have to be.

Looking back on it, Clara had always been so much stronger than the Doctor had ever been.

“Don’t run.” It had to be the first time she’d ever said that to one of her friends in a bad spot. “Stay with me.” Eyebrows was practically begging her now. Worse than that, the Doctor knew that if she had to go back and do it again, she wouldn’t be any stronger.

“Nah.” She could see how heard Clara was working to keep her tone casual, not wanting to hurt the Doctor any more than this whole thing already would. It was heart breaking, really, knowing that even in her final moments she’d had to suppress her own feelings to try and save her pain. “You stay here. In the end everybody does this alone.”

She shouldn’t have had to do it alone.

“Clara-“ Eyebrows tried again, and if the Doctor wasn’t stuck in her self-imposed cell, she might have hit him. This was his last chance- why couldn’t he say something to her? Why couldn’t he make sure that she died knowing how deeply she was loved.

“This is as brave as I know how to be. I know it’s gonna hurt you but- please. Be a little proud of me?”

There was a hopeful note to Clara’s tone despite everything, and in the end that was what really broke the Doctor. Her hand was pressed against the glass, desperate to say something, but unable to- the sands of time separated them more surely than the glass ever could.

“Always.” She promised, because if Eyebrows wouldn’t say it, then this new Doctor would. “I’m always gonna be proud of you.”

Clara turned away from her, and walked towards her grave.

 “No no no no…”

The Doctor’s eyes blinked open, giving her a hazy view of the warm purple walls of the TARDIS library. She was curled up in one of the armchairs near the fire, her eyes still heavy with sleep. How long had it been since she’d last slept? Weeks, at least. Maybe months. And since she’d last slept properly? Well that had been decades.

Her hands ached from where she’d been clutching onto the arms of the chair.

Her eyes were already falling closed again, too exhausted to even force herself to stay awake.

 “If you die here it’ll mean I never even met you.”

She’d never really appreciated how true that statement was. Without the Doctor blundering through her mother’s life, River Song would never have existed. Melody Williams (would she even have been called Melody, with the paradox of her name?) would have grown up safe and happy, the human daughter of the journalist and the nurse. She’d have had a normal life. She’d have been raised by loving parents, and have had a happy childhood, and maybe even brothers and sisters- maybe she’d have still written books, or taught archelogy, and had a much happier marriage than theirs had been.

Melody Pond would have been so much better off if she had never met the Doctor.

“Time can be rewritten.” For once, she seemed to be in agreement with Sandshoes. He was selfish, but at least he’d have been doing her a favour.

“Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay. It's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.”

Live great lives. That’s what she’d told her fam. If anyone had lived up to that, and lived a great life despite the Doctor’s meddling, it had been River Song. They’d had some amazing times, saved so many people, so many planets. There were stars out there still burning because River Song had been there to save them.

If the Doctor had found a better way around getting the people out of there, there might have been so many more.

The computer counting down the seconds left of her life in the background wasn’t helping the way that the Doctor’s hearts were pounding. She was crying, now- she wasn’t sure when that had begun.

From her cell, she watched Sandshoes babble on about his guilt- his suspicions, being expertly put down by River. She was so used to shutting him up when he was talking about things he didn’t know anything about- she could really use that, right now.

She should have saved her.

“Hush now. Spoilers…”

River smiled, and the Doctor lunged at the glass in front of her, shouting words that even she could barely comprehend. She was still clawing desperately at the glass when the room flashed bright white.

 The Time Lord didn’t even fully wake that time, despite having thrown herself onto the floor at some point during her anguish. She was barely drawn out of her nightmares for a moment, a noise that sounded awfully like a whimper escaping her. Her eyes were shut too-tightly, and she had her arms wrapped tightly around herself, fingernails digging into her arms as though that would protect her from the horrors of her own mind.

 “Who decides they’re so unimportant? You?”

The Doctor knew where she was this time without even looking up. Somehow, this scared her even more. She wasn’t watching a loved one die, she was watching her own stupid power-play blow up in her face. This hadn’t been a mercy mission, it’d been her trying to prove to the whole Universe that the Doctor had power over all.

“For a long time now I thought I was just a survivor, but I’m not. I’m the winner- that’s who I am. The Time Lord victorious.”

“And there’s no one to stop you?”

“No.”

“This is wrong, Doctor. I don’t care who you are. The Time Lord victorious is wrong.”

Captain Adelaide. She’d been so brilliant- she’d understood more about this than her idiot younger self ever could. The Doctor just about managed to give her a smile from behind her glass wall before she resumed staring at Sandshoes in disgust.

“That’s for me to decide. Now, you better get home.”

It was chilling. Watching her old face shift so quickly. Darkness turned cocky in an instant as he pointed his sonic at the door. Unlike with the other dreams, The Doctor wasn’t shouting. She didn’t try to say a word, just watched on with self-loathing and dread weighing down her hearts. A silent spectator of her darkest moment since the Time War.

Sandshoes smirked at that brave, doomed woman, challenging her to argue her fate further. He’d set himself up as a self-styled God. “Oh it’s all locked up- you’ve been away. Still, that’s easy.”

“Is there nothing you can’t do?”

“Not anymore.”

She watched as the great Time Lord Victorious turned his back on Adelaide. She watched as the captain drew her gun. She braced herself for that flash of blue light and the thud of a body hitting the floor.

“Don’t do it, Adelaide.” She was talking to nobody, but she still couldn’t help herself trying to butt in- trying to fix the damage she hadn’t noticed until it was too late. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t-“

 “Doctor?”

A hand on her shoulder drew her out of there before she had to watch that, jolting her awake. She came to, immediately caught off guard by the shadow of someone standing over her, and the scent of a familiar perfume hitting her. It took her a moment or so to place it, but when she did her hearts picked up a little. Yaz. Brilliant, wonderful, human Yaz who’d probably just heard her rambling all sorts of scary nonsense in her sleep.

“Doctor are you alright?”

The Doctor swallowed a little too hard and sat up quickly enough to make her head spin, forcing a familiar, false grin to spread across her face. Her body was aching from sleeping on the wooden floor, and she was pretty sure she was going to be bruised from where she’d fallen off the chair.

“Yaz! Yasmin Khan- Sorry, must have nodded off-“ Her voice sounded a little false even to her own ears, and she did her best to pass it off with a yawn.

“Sorry, just, you were talkin’ in your sleep an’ I thought-“ Yaz looked a little sheepish about waking her, and her eyes were full of concern.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry- Time Lord. Vivid dreams- I was…” She forced another yawn, trying to give herself time to think of a lie. “Did I ever tell you about the time I met a real life siren on a pirate ship? That was a good one, that. Dream about that one a lot. M’fine, though. Really.”

Yaz shot her a look that showed she didn’t believe the Doctor for a moment. There was a beats pause, before she exploded

“Are you kiddin’ me?! You’re not ‘fine’!” She drew air quotes around that last word, straightening up, to stand over the Doctor, showing she was serious.

“I’m-“

“I swear if you say ‘fine’ I’m gonna-”

The Doctor shut her mouth before Yaz could finish the threat.

There was a tense moment, almost like a standoff between the two of them, before Yasmin’s hard eyes softened, and she bent down to help the Doctor to her feet.

“I’m worried about y’.”

Suppressing her initial urge to insist that she was fine, the Doctor bit her lip.

“You shouldn’t be.” She eventually managed.

“When was the last time ‘y slept?” Yaz asked.

“About a minute ago.” The Doctor tried to make a joke. Yaz laughed weakly.

“Before that.” She clarified, glancing at the floor where she’d found the doctor collapsed.

“…I don’t remember.” The Doctor admitted.

Yaz sucked in a surprised breath through clenched teeth.

“Doctor-“

“I’m not human. I don’t need as much sleep as you lot.”

Raising an eyebrow, Yaz gave her another of those easy, disbelieving looks. “And that’s why I found you passed out on the floor cryin’?”

The Doctor blinked, bringing her hand up to her face. Sure enough, she’d been crying- she hadn’t even realised. Waking up with tears in her eyes was just normal by now.

“What’s so bad that it’s keepin’ you up?” Yaz leant forwards, taking one of the Doctor’s hands in both of her own. “Please don’t lie to me.”

There was an earnestness in her eyes that reminded the Doctor of all the people she’d loved most. Rose, Amy, River, Clara. Even Koschei. She’d always liked the people who could be honest with her the best- she needed honest people to stop her tearing herself apart and taking everyone else with her.

“I’ve lost a lot of people, Yaz.” She said, resigned note in her voice. “You saw Gallifrey. My home world is gone, my wife is gone, my children are gone, my granddaughter is gone. I’ve lost most of my friends, and- since Gallifrey, I can’t block them out anymore. I see them die every night.”

All at once, Yaz leaned forwards, just like Clara had in her dream, wrapping her arms tightly around the Doctor, holding her grounded to the spot. Even that brief contact allowed some of the tension in the Doctor’s body to loosen, her shoulder’s slumping as she leant into the contact.

“’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

Yaz pulled herself back from the hug, keeping her hands firmly on the Doctor’s arms, so she could ground her while looking her in the eyes.

“Have you got a bedroom on board?” She asked.

“Somewhere. How come?”

Yaz smiled, “Because you’ve gotta sleep sometime, and I think it’s probably comfier than the floor.” She let one of her hands fall, the other moving up to brush the hair out of the Doctor’s eyes. “Come on.”

She caught Yaz’s wrist in her hand, suddenly looking nervous. She was really worried where her subconscious would go from what had to be one of the worst things she’d ever done. “I don’t wanna. Not yet.”  

“Y’ need to.” Yaz insisted, still trying her best to smile. The Doctor recognised that look from how often she herself wore it- that false-cheer that just barely covered the worry. “I promise I’ll sit with y’ the whole time- I can wake you up if you start makin’ noise.”

The Doctor thought about that for a minute. It’d certainly been easier to deal with the dream about Adelaide since she’d been pulled out of it before she actually had to hear the shot go off. If Yaz could pull her out of the bad moments before she had to see anything too bad- Maybe it would let the Doctor get a bit of sleep. It wasn’t the most elegant solution, and it didn’t seem as though it would last too long, but- it was an infinitely better one than her current plan of depriving herself of sleep until she could hardly stand.

“You really wouldn’t mind?” She eventually asked, her fingers still resting around Yaz’s wrist, though she wasn’t trying to use them to push her away any more.

“I love you. Let me take care of you, for once.”

There was another slight pause, before the Doctor let go of her hand, nodding. “Okay.”

Yaz let out a relieved breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?” The Doctor turned to her, genuine confusion etched across her features.

Yaz took another step closer, cupping the Doctor’s face in one hand, and giving her the most genuine smile either of them had shared since they’d reunited. “For letting me in.”