#they dont care about people beyond themselves and MAYBE their immediate friends and family

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[veganfortheearthlings]

Hello Earthlings!

Today is February 6

I want to write something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. Before you read on I want to share:

> TRIGGER WARNING < mention of suicide! Some content may not be suitable for all readers and if that's the case please skip down the numbered list.

Today isn't a particularly significant day, but I realized it has been 26 months exactly since my brother passed away. Two years and two months. December 6th, 2017 was the last day my brother was alive. We didn't discover his body until two days later. After a blurry couple days of grieving the autopsy results came back:

Suicide by hanging

It was egregiously sudden. I knew my brother was going through some serious stuff but suicide??

I have my own history of suicidal thoughts and self harm in the deep dark abyss of depression and I turned to my brother for help or advice from time to time. I was finally beginning to emerge from the gripping darkness when my oldest sister picked me up from work. With my mom in the car they told me that the police had found my brother's body. The police immediately declared it a suicide and I knew in bones that wherever my brother was he wasn't happy with his decision.

It has been 26 months today since my brother took his life so today I hope I can help someone out by writing this list of "15 Reasons To Keep Living".

1.) The most said reason is surprisingly true. Things WILL get better! I remember those long nights where I'd drink alcohol and energy drinks in my bedroom at 3 am even though I had to be at work at 7 am. I cut. I drank hoping my organs would shut down or my heart would literally explode. I remember thinking it wouldn't get better, but I'm here typing this today because it did! Its hard and it's gonna hurt but I believe you can get through anything!

2.) Depression can seem lonely, like your friends and family care but they seem to keep you at arm's length. That's bullshit. If you're reading this I care about you. I've bled and been broken a thousand times and it's put me in a place where I can hopefully help you and I chose to take that chance. I am always available if you need someone to talk to :)

3.) You are the reason someone is happy! Have you ever seen a baby smile? The next time you're in a store and see a baby looking at you give them a smile. Most of the time they'll be super excited you even acknowledged them! It's the purest way to make someone else happy I've found to date.

4.) Animals. I'm vegan because I decided my existence shouldn't involve the exploitation of any other being. I have a cat (or to be honest my cat has a human) and she's delightfully sweet when I need her to be. Animals know when someone is hurting and most of them, if they're not predators, will try to show compassion. Just think of how many dogs you can make happy. If the noblest of species on this planet thinks you're worth love then maybe they're right!

5.) Books!

6.) Music!

7.) Foooood! Maybe you've lost all passion for things that used to make you happy. Books aren't as fun to read, your favorite music doesn't cheer you up, and food doesn't seem appetizing anymore. Or maybe they're an escape for you? If they are then that's a reason to keep living! Live to read new stories, hear new music, and try new foods!

8.) Maybe you haven't been able to travel and see more of the world. I know sometimes you might feel trapped in one place but opportunities to leave will present themselves in time. Suicide isn't an escape, it's a self made prison sentence that you can't escape from.

9.) Love. Okay here me out! Most people are lonely or just ended a relationship when they take their own life. I don't believe in God and I dont believe in heaven or hell but I do believe everyone in the world is compatible with someone! Not all love has to be romantic either. It could be love for a friend or even a pet. Maybe you haven't met yet but trust me please. They're there and they are waiting patiently to meet you!

10.) Art. I know I've always had an eye for art. 90% of the time I don't know what Im even looking but I appreciate all the time and energy that went into it! It opens the mind up to different cultures and different ways to do things. It might be poetry, music, sculpting, filmmaking, etc. People are coming up with new interesting stuff everyday and you can be there to enjoy it all.

11.) Little things. Petting a dog or a cat in your lap and hearing them purr. Brushing your teeth with your possible children. Snapchat filters. Singing in a goofy voice. Playing an instrument. Kindly buying someone else a drink out of the blue. Making a child smile. The little things you might have forgotten could be someone's precious memories of things you did.

12.) Regrets. You'll never get to have the satisfaction of saying you lived the life you wanted to live. My ideal life when I was depressed is nothing like the life I'm living now but that's because I changed as a person and now I've found happiness in simple things. I treasure life and I don't want to waste a second of it. Your life is precious and you should live it in a way that will make you truly happy.

13.) You can be a voice for others just like you. The world won't get any brighter if you turn off your light. My favorite inspirational quote goes like this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

You can be a voice for the voiceless. You can be a whisper heard by the people who choose to ignore the screams of the suffering. One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, one life can change the world. That one can start with you.

14.) Nature. Humans aren't meant to be surrounded by concrete and steel. No being on this Earth can say their natural habitat is made in a factory or at a construction site. No, we are all primitive beings and nature is where our souls belong. Give yourself a reason to live by saying you're going to live how you are meant to live. School and 9-5 jobs weren't mother nature's inventions. I'm not saying quit school but there's always more to life than getting a piece of paper saying you're educated or having pieces of paper in your wallet with a made up value (money).

15.) You will never be able to see yourself smile again. Look in mirror. Chances are you might not like who you see. I certainly didn't. You have odd quirks and maybe disproportionate body parts. Maybe you have a tooth gap but that's what makes you original. There's no one else on this Earth with all the same qualities as you. I love you just the way you are. No make up and no shaving. You are naturally beautiful, it's the world who's ugly. If you took your life your uniqueness will leave this world. Don't become another statistic like my brother. I love him and he'll never be forgotten by me but the world will continue on. Only now he can't contribute and make my life or anyone else's life, including his own, any happier. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to fight deep and hard to show you that you deserve to be happy. I hope someday soon you'll see how special you are and you'll love yourself because you deserve the realest purest love there is.

Thank you so much for reading this! If this helped you in any way please like and leave a comment if you have any questions! I put a lot of time and thought into this today because I love you and I think you deserve to be genuinely happy and I hope you find the happiness you're looking for soon.

Anyways that's going to be it from me. I will be back again very soon. I hope you have a good rest of the day!

Bye-bye!

☮️💚🌎

[goodnightkisseu]

Lai Guanlin - Engulf

Requested By: Anon ~ (“ can i still send request a superpower au of Guanlin pls if u dont mind? ”)

Genre: Fluff (I guess? I’m honestly not sure ><)

Note: I’ve finally come across some time to update again! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to post something new ;___; I’m going to do my best to get out more stories in the next couple of weeks, and I’ll also be making a post outlining what’s to come for the month of December. Please look forward to it and I hope that you all enjoy this one too! 

[ Masterlist ] [ Upcoming Stories ]

- goodnightkisseu’s admin / ashley <3

Quick footsteps ran through the heavy rain as the individual tried to put as much space between himself and his pursuers as he possibly could. His movements were swift, and though his heart was beating a mile a minute, he kept his heavy breathing as hushed as he could. This wasn’t what one would expect from someone that was being chased. He should have been more frantic, but he wasn’t. Obviously this wasn’t the first time he had been in such a situation, and that thought, was actually rather sad.

The young male ran down a series of back roads, in between buildings and through a handful of alleyways, the shouts of ‘he went this way!’ or ‘we have to catch him!’ still rang loudly. It felt like, no matter how fast he ran, they were always on his tail. Yet, eventually, he found a large dumpster to hide behind, quickly positioning himself in the shadows as he tried to steady and ultimately silence his breathing.

He couldn’t make a sound because, if he did, he was a goner.

At first, Guanlin wasn’t sure if it was his fear or if the voices were actually growing closer. Yet when the footsteps started to grow louder, and the individuals mentioned seeing ‘the monster’ run off in this direction, he realized that he wasn’t as lucky as he had hoped. They were indeed close and approaching the dumpster behind which he hid. He shrunk himself back into the shadows, as much as his tall frame could, to try and hide from their eyes, but he was definitely afraid. Afraid that they would find him, and that this would be the end of him.

“Hey, what are you two doing over there? One of the others said they saw him running down that far street. Don’t just stand there like idiots! Hop to it!” the deep voice commanded. The two sets of footsteps that had been approaching, stopped. The thugs talked amongst themselves briefly, mostly to share resentful comments about the male that had just run by, before they took off following the rest of the crowd.

Even though the immediate threat was supposedly gone, Guanlin remained hidden for a little while longer, just to be safe. When he felt like he was indeed alone, he slowly stood to his full, tall height, letting out a heavy sigh of relief. He had been chased before and had a handful of close calls in the past, but nothing was quite as close or terrifying as this one. He would have to be even more careful from now on. People were growing more restlessness and that wasn’t good for people like him.

But Guanlin couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help that he was different from others.

Guanlin was one of a small subset of the population that had abilities. The majority would often call them super powers, or just powers, but he always found that cheesy and refused to call them as such. Still, much like others that were like him, he didn’t know where these otherworldly abilities had come from. No one in his family had them, to his knowledge. All he could recall was when he discovered them. Back then, Guanlin was much younger than he was now, probably about nine years old at the time. He was playing with some of his classmates by the ocean when an under-toe caught him by surprise. Being so young, he didn’t know how to deal with that. All he knew was that he was dragged under, his friends having no idea how to help him, tried to call out to the adults for help, but no one got there fast enough.

Even at such a young age, Guanlin knew that his situation was a dire one. He knew that the chances of him drowning and meeting an unfortunate fate were high. His fear got the better of him and without knowing it, the young boy had let out all of his air in a scream, one that couldn’t be heard. He knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened, and he was sure that it was going to cost him his life. But it didn’t. After having squeezed his eyes shut in fear, he eventually opened them to find out that he was fine. Under the water it was as if he were in a protected bubble, just floating along freely, with enough air to breath while also being shielded from the sea creatures. Even his young mind knew that this was not normal, but in the moment he knew it was the least of his concerned. Instead he focused on trying to get himself back to shore. And when he got there, looking like nothing had happened, it was no doubt a surprise to everyone.

That was the moment when he knew he was different.

And even then he knew it was weird, and so he hid it from his parents to the best of his ability. The asked him about what happened that day, pretty frequently, but he tried to pretend that he didn’t know what had happened, that it had been a miracle that he made it back home. Yet, he was also a curious child, as most kids were when they found something new that intrigued them. When his parents weren’t home he tried to test the limits of his new abilities. At first it was just to see how long he could hold his breath underwater. But over time he became entranced at how he could move the water around, make it freeze, make it boil, make it do just about anything he wanted.

As his curiosity towards his powers grew, it also became harder to hide his little tests from his parents and his sister. They caught on pretty quick that something was different with their son. They were no doubt shocked when they found out, maybe even a little scared to have someone like him in the family, but he was still there son, still their sibling, and so they all got over it. He was their blood and they wanted to protect him from the world. They taught him how to hide his abilities, telling him that he was rather lucky that his powers didn’t cause any strange deformations of the body that would make him stick out. They had told his older sister to look out for him, because, truth be told, society was not fond of his kind. Though no one knew how beings like him came to be, whether through karma or some form of divine intervention, people feared what they didn’t know, and people like Guanlin were high on their list.

Over the years, as he got older, the general public’s fear of his kind only grew. Those with abilities started to take advantage of their gifts, using them to further their lives whether behind the scenes or just outright through criminal acts. Average citizens had no way of stopping people like him, so resentment grew for his kind, to the point where, even those that were living peacefully were persecuted. Guanlin had heard what the normal citizens would call his kind, words like ‘monster’ or ‘abomination’ and it made him uneasy.

In particular, more so than worrying about his own well-being, he was worried for his family. As with many situations like this, people were also starting to grow wary of those that would help individuals that had abilities. He was worried of what would happen to his family if they were found to be protecting him. So, as much as it broke his heart, Guanlin ran away from home. He had stayed close at first, seeing all of the flyers that his family put up in hopes that they would find him, but that grew far too painful. He wanted to keep an eye on them, but seeing them just made his heart ache. So he fled to a place further away, where he knew that his family didn’t know anyone. He set himself up there, taking a part time job so that he could help afford his apartment, which he shared with you. And that was where he was headed now.

The two of you didn’t know each other prior to Guanlin’s sudden appearance in this small city. You had actually met each other at a local shelter on a cold winter night, when you were both looking for something to eat, to keep yourselves warm. Neither of you could remember how you got to talking, maybe it was because the pair of you had finally met someone else that was of a similar age, but it was the conversation that brought the two of you together. You both became very aware that the other hand also run away from home, albeit for different reasons. Guanlin, for a reason he didn’t disclose to you at first, and you, because, well, your family was pretty broken after your father died. It was just never the same and you couldn’t stay there.

At first the two of you had bonded over your similarities, but as you lived together, grew closer, you found out that it was more than that for the both of you. You cared for each other on a much deeper level and it wasn’t until about a month ago, after living together for a year, that you decided to explore this new part of your relationship, beyond being just friends.

Of course, living together and then becoming a couple meant that Guanlin had to finally let you in on his little secret. It didn’t seem right to keep it from you as it could really make or break the relationship. He knew surprised you at first, maybe even scared you, but you were quick to accept him and his abilities. In your words, ‘no one else is going to put up with me the way that you do. Just, don’t hide anything else from me, okay?’

Guanlin made his way up the familiar and old stairs that led to his apartment, taking extra care to be as quiet as he possibly could. He didn’t want to stir the neighbors. He had no idea of they had heard the commotion outside, saw him running away from the hordes of people. Because if they had and they saw him coming back, he was done for. As soon as he arrived at his apartment he made quick work of the lock on the front door, sliding inside with a heavy sigh. He would be safe for now, at least he hoped. He was just about to relax, to really let himself calm down, when someone ran right for him, wrapping themselves around him.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re finally home. I was so worried that you had gotten caught or something,” you murmured into his back, the much taller male turning around to pull you into his embrace. Truth be told, knowing about Guanlin’s abilities didn’t scare you as much as they made your worry for him more. He was the first person in a really long time that you had connected with, and the thought of losing him… it was painful. You’d do everything you could to protect him, even though you could do very little.

“Some people saw me. It’s not safe for me here anymore. I… I-I… have to leave,” he told you, sadness obvious in his features and in his voice. Guanlin envisioned a lot of things when he met you, things that he was sure that he could never have. Leaving you had not been one of them. It upset him that things had to be like this. He finally felt like he found a place where he could belong, well, belong enough. It was weird to think that he’d have to give it up again, to run for a second time. He supposed it was getting easier though…

“No,” you told him, firmly grasping onto his arm. “We have to leave.” You watched as his eyes widened at your declaration. You knew it was going to argue, but you weren’t going to let him. “Guanlin, even if you leave me here, people have seen us together. They know that we were a couple. They’re going to persecute me for protecting you anyway. Let me go with you. At least then, we can start over somewhere else, together.”

A heavy sigh left the young man’s lips, but he knew that you were right. Leaving you behind was going to be worse. You’d probably be arrested amongst other things. Knowing that you were right he gave you a nod and the two of you set out to pack away what you could, anything that was light enough that you could take with you. In the dead of night the two of you snuck out of your building and headed for the nearest bus station, hoping that you could leave without so much as an alley cat noticing.

But luck was not on your side.

As soon as you arrived at the bus station, a couple of the people that had seen Guanlin use his powers were present. The recognized him instantly and yelled out that he was the monster they were chasing earlier, and in a matter of moments, your boyfriend had your hand in his, pulling you along as the pair of you ran for your lives. Your footsteps were quick, breathing erratic, and Guanlin couldn’t believe that he was doing this twice in one night. It was also one thing for him to be in danger, but the fact that he had no put you in danger, that hurt his heart.

Unfortunately, unlike Guanlin’s earlier run-in with these people, there was nowhere to hide where you were not. The bus station was in a big open area with nowhere to hide. Instead you ran through the small streets, trying to make it harder for the pursuers to reach you by car, or to run as a large group. You weaved through the roads as much as you could, but you still found yourselves at a dead end, your backs to a cliff at the top of the hill. You knew that you didn’t have any other options and, for the first time, you liked at Guanlin, afraid of what this meant for the both of you.

Guanlin was at as much of a loss as you were, but his mind was still running at a mile a minute. How could he protect you? How could he get you out of this situation? How could he make it all better? And that was when he heard it. The sound of water hitting against the side of the cliff. Water. That was it. Water. “Trust me, and jump,” he told you, and though he was met with wide eyes and obvious fear, you gave him a small nod as he grabbed onto you and jumped off of the rocky crag. Your pursuers came up to the side of the cliff at that point, staring down into the dark waters where you both disappeared. They told themselves that there was no way that either of you could have survived. With that, they left, going back to their own business.

As soon as your bodies hit the water, you couldn’t help but feel the fear that was building up within you. In that moment, it didn’t matter that Guanlin supposedly could control water. You just felt like it was the end, you were afraid, and you wondered how you had gotten yourself into this. Oh, that’s right, because you loved him and you weren’t willing to let him leave. And as that thought crossed your mind, you felt a familiar pair of lips making contact with your forehead, urging you to open your eyes. You opened them, greeted by a smiling face, which you managed to make out, even in the dark waters you had jumped into.

When you had calmed down, you noticed that you were floating next to him, seemingly unaffected by your earlier plunge. Though you had many questions, you weren’t going to ask them. You were just glad that you were both okay.

Guanlin led the pair of you to shore, far away from where you had jumped. The city was a new one, far bigger than the one you had left. He told you that the two of you could start anew here, and all you could do was nod. Because in that moment all that mattered was that Guanlin was okay and that you could both continue on as a pair…

[vmgx16]

smol update on my life, im not sure why.. been so long since here, but sometimes i sit worried wondering how ppl i love but lost contact with are doing, always have this fear one day i’ll just never hear from some people again....  aaaanyway. Update. So i have been called several things several more times than expected, ppl say i have a mom like personality, and wow the amount of kinky i could get into surprised even me, specially with how much love and care is in it. 

Had gone through some pretty fucking awful times, me and two people i loved dearly and a friend spent months, maybe an year, in a sort of codependent hurricane of bad, we all suffered from really bad suicidal ideation, depression... it was a shitshow, but, still there was good moments, reasons why i loved them so much, and i knew they could get past it.... i used to not try to hope i would, id say id be happy enough if the two of them ended up happy, even if i died. Of course they said the same thing to themselves...  At some point i scared ppl too much and i was put into suicide watch. Psych obviously saw i was codependent, and it was either limiting my time being able to interact with them severely, or being put on the psychiatric hospital against my will. That time was not good. Had kinda put all the responsibility of their betterment onto me, but during a little bit i was actually in more immediate danger, so they were the ones worried over me... And, well, more complicated things happened, lots of them, i’m so glad we’ve all survived that.... 

It’d be a while before i learned something i had always seen wrong about empathy. i always valued it a lot... several times id try to define myself through it, and in some ways that hasn’t changed. But.. i had to learn that i could be there for others, help them, sympathize with them, but i shouldn’t forget that they’re them, and i’m me. Ever heard of vicarious trauma? i wouldn’t believe it was a thing a lot... i’d think it was me being selfish, trying to turn others’ traumas about me...  But, had same symptoms as trauma, having a word or a situation reminding me of certain things, id feel it immediately, at best a headache, somethings id be scared and panicked, and also things going over and over in my head, unable to leave, showing up in nightmares, also drive to retraumatisation, etc etc. It.. really sucked. It came from, when learning and attempting to help those i love, who had suffered from some really bad things, i didn’t allow myself to feel better than them, in my head id have to be just as miserable, since they didn’t deserve to be miserable, why should i get something better? So yeah, it was some kind of martyr complex, depression telling me i was an awful person often, and me trying to prove it wrong but the bar was beyond what my brain could withstand. i had to learn to put the O2 mask on myself before the next, i can’t help people if i harm myself while doing it. Ok that was a bit much... but.. good news!! We’ve met some amazing ppl lately, and our family is bigger. There’s.. this person who i feel about what id never expect id feel about anyone. Not at first though, it was real cliche how a misunderstanding, (and admittedly me not being the best, or smartest) caused me to kinda hate his guts really fucking hard for a bit. But like, i really dunno how id describe it, person i believe understands what i truly care about the most, and cared just as much if not more. We’re very oddly similar in some things, very very opposed in others, but even when i just can’t agree with him, we say arguments, debate points, and it’s just never destructive, it’s constructive. Of course, i had to learn a bit to get to there though, since, although ive always longed for being able to talk like that, he was some steps ahead of me when it came to having a personal method to do so. Oh, yeah, he is also a lot more intelligent than me, which really pushes me to become more intelligent myself every single day. My drive for self betterment has been better than ever in my life, i always did see i got better at things when there was someone who i wanted to see me succeed, but.. well, will just say it has been incredibly good for me

Oh and he’s so kinky!! It’s interesting, he doesn't even get horny that much, but he believes sex should be something way wayyyyy less taboo than it is in our society. Which, yes i totally agree with. Honestly though, some of the vicarious trauma stuff i said earlier, i thought there was somethings id never be able to see untainted again, some ways to express sexuality that would always remind me of certain horrible feelings, and im so happy i was proven wrong. 

Think i got ahead of myself a bit. I was saying how our family had gotten bigger. Well, the person i was just kinda fangirling about? He’s kinda the reason it did. Him and one of the people i loved met, and then both of them, and them they both were kinda into him a lot (that scared the shit outta me ngl XD), and there were people who already had met him, and people who both groups met mutually in this videogame modding community. My guess is that he has seen how so many servers you can end up meeting awesome ppl but also there are those who kinda try and play politics within, and how it was hard to actually keep these friendships along the time, and so he made a server for those friendships, and it slowly became a family. Gosh.. i could fangirl over each person in the castle for a long time...( oh yeah, server we call castle cuz he is into some medieval fantasy shit, which if you know me you’ll know that shit is my jam (like, fuck being called princess is still something that will get to my heart (although, usually nowadays i get more ‘slut’ or ‘queen’, not much in between XD ))) but one of the things ive learned is how to be more productive with my day, and like, i see now how long i’ve spent on what was supposed to be a very quick update. Seriously, that ‘smol’ up there was a liar. i’ll just say i love them a fucking hell of a lot, they’re snuggly, kind, smart, lovely people. And we all go through some shitty times still, being stronger doesn’t make us invulnerable, but we will support each other, and always get better at doing so. Sometimes it’s overwhelming.. and i get scared  First time in a long time... actually, since ever, except when i was too young to understand anything, where i can actually see any future i can be a part of. 

It’s funny, when i was actually a kid, what id imagine wasn’t too far from this, just well, i believed it was too fantastical to be real. (Although, id never foreseen, for several reasons, that it’d include me being a part of a harem XD which yes we lovingly call some of what we have a harem since most ppl are subby and he’s dommy, even when it’s not sexual CX)

TL;DR: i’m determined and more happy with where i am in life than i thought id get to be! Through good and bad waves, i may cry and fear, but as long as i carry with me the people i love in my heart, and i try to improve at every step, i know i can keep walking. And.. i do try to keep in my heart everyone who’s been important to me, even if i dont see them anymore.