#they don't even need to discuss it it's just mutually understood like yeah this is endgame we're it for each other we're good here forever

[clotpolesonly]

Call Down The Hawk ch 4 // Greywaren ch 15

[thedogeveryonehates]

I just had my first ever adult-y 'im sorry but we can't be friends anymore' conversation and it really sucked and it really hurt and I'm writing it down here bcus i feel awful🫠

Long story

So we met on the dating apps years ago and we've kept in contact ever since cause he's genuinely a sweet & cool guy. Also, he was hard of hearing and would teach me cool indo sign language stuff

He lives in another city and only visits occasionally for work reasons but whenever he stopped by we would hang out

Back then it would be hanging out and hooking up but ever since i met my bf he wanted to make it clear that the latter was off the table since he wasnt comfortable with it

The next time we met I had to explain to him that I was no longer in the market for a partner, but I really valued his friendship - trying my best to show that I didn't wanna lead him on if that was the case

Even though he said he understood, it really didn't seem that way over the next few months

We would be having normal conversations and catching up on whatsapp and he'd randomly say "so you don't have feelings for me?" or "what did i do wrong?" - and it really made it awkward like we were literally discussing our spotify albums 2 minutes ago what happened

The worst part is, he would ask these questions very genuinely and sometimes follow up on these questions. So then I would match the tone as best i can - only to get the response "haha yeah i was joking i already know haha". Whenever it happened i would laugh it off and look stupid

But the final straw happened a few hours ago. He was feeling flirty but i was tired so i said to try and find a casual hookup on the dating app. He's genuinely really handsome and he's always been popular on the apps so i said it shouldn't be hard for him and that he'd find someone within the hour

He then straight up LIES to me and says that he deleted the apps a few weeks ago, following that up by writing "you are more than enough"

Afraid that he thought i was leading him on or sending him signals, i tried to shoot that down as fast as possible. Basically going through the motions of rejecting someones advances as respectfully as i possibly could to a good friend i cared about

After a few grueling minutes of silence, he hits me with the "damn i wasnt being serious" and sends me a screenshot of the app still on his phone (full of unread notifications - remember: popular)

Fast forward an hour later and ive blocked him everywhere except instagram dms, where i told him that i needed some space

Yes he apologized profusely and yes i accepted his apology but i just got so stressed and humiliated that I couldn't take it anymore

I still feel awful

This is usually something i would vent to my boyfriend but he's asleep rn so ill just let my [tumblr] mutuals know and probably delete it when i wake up

Writing kinda makes me feel better it turns out

[deltaruminations]

Skeleton Darkners is in that space where i don’t buy most of the Evidence cited for it but i also don’t buy a lot of the of the arguments i’ve seen against it. the evidence feels like an overthinking of cherrypicked details that are more likely coincidences than anything else. on the other hand i feel like a lot of the refutations betray a lack of… i dunno… curiosity?

“shouldn’t they just be objects in the light world?” yeah. exactly. they should be. if they’re darkners walking around and retaining their form in the light world then that means they’re anomalies. is that not an interesting possibility in a game that incorporates glitches and game-breaking behavior into its diegesis? in a story that seems interested in examining the process of story-creation and the relationships between creators, creations, and audiences, in which darkners represent self-aware fictional characters? doesn’t that seem consistent with the skeletons' generally anomalous natures? why the hell do they have dark world doors in their house???

“why isn’t ralsei making a fuss about it?” who’s to say he knows about it? he doesn’t know about jevil or spamton before meeting them and they’re absolutely Problem Darkners. i don't think the evidence holds that ralsei is all-knowing; he has a Prophecy and some way of detecting other Fountains when they open, but he doesn’t seem to be clued into stuff otherwise. not to mention... if the person who’s feeding him information is also one of the people who escaped, then it follows that they could keep that information from him if they needed to.

“but how did they enter the light world at all?” <- a question i’ve posed myself in the past that is currently unanswerable, though we do know that spamton thinks it involves using a lightner’s SOUL. where’d he get that idea from? did he just make it up because he’s Random and Unhinged or is it possible he learned about it from someone? are there any known lightners who are presently unaccounted for? i can think of one. that does bring up the question of “did sans and papyrus take SOULs too?” to which i’d say i’m EXTREMELY skeptical that either of them would do that lol. but it’s possible that it isn’t as simple as Steal a Lightner SOUL, Become a Real Boy. maybe a Lightner SOUL is just part of a bigger equation? why does the story even have spamton make such a big deal out of the possibility of a darkner “reaching heaven” in the first place if that isn’t an idea it’s looking to explore further?

i think part of the issue is that most of this theorycraft centers around sans and papyrus being darkners and i just don’t think that’s the most fruitful lens for interrogating this given the current information. there aren’t majorly compelling reasons right now for why either of them should have originated as darkners, but i do think there are compelling reasons to think gaster in particular might have. light and dark are a balance, right? we have our Forces of Light. who’s our Force of Darkness? gaster’s entire deal centers around darkness, in both literal and metaphorical senses, as a major motif. he’s a satan figure, a representative of temptation and want; he’s a gnawing absence, an unknown that begs to be understood; he’s an eye peering through a crack in the wall. ENTRY NUMBER SEVENTEEN seems to discuss a descent into darkness beyond dark. memoryhead has only six faces until you count the laughing skull that they comprise. we may even have a direct foil for gaster in a specific missing lightner who parallels him in situation yet contrasts him in motifs. they’re mutually connected to noelle, who’s attuned to the unknown, a conduit between the Real and Unreal, the only lightner gaster seems to attempt to contact directly (barring the tree rooms, which may have more to do with the Player than they do with kris). does it not make sense for this story’s greatest arbiter of darkness — the one who, by the story’s own logic, is fulfilling a certain Purpose to a higher/greater power by facilitating the Player’s entry into a layer of reality below theirs — to be, himself, a darkner?

[motherfricker]

I actually didn’t want to block you because I enjoy your posts and like you as a person a lot. I considered us as pretty close mutuals. But apparently you can’t stop posting about me so, yeah, I think that’s a little sad. I hope that you learn how to have a discussion in the future. You’re clearly still a child but I think you have a lot of potential; I still like your writing and I think we can agree on a lot of things. I don’t have anything against you as a person. Never had, never will.

That discussion had nothing to do with you and that you’re taking it this personal is really sad to me. Again, I’m sad that it ended this way, I appreciated your blog and the Nero photos you sent to me but making posts over and over again after a discussion and getting nasty during it, is really not how you should handle these things. I wish you the best, truly. (I commented this before but my comments disappear when I block you so yeah, maybe you have the chance to read this when you have time)

dude i think you literally just cannot have a proper discussion without somehow managing to tire people out 😭 it was actually crazy how you wouldn't accept poverty being a character motivator, im literally not aristotle do you think im going to focus on a characters motivations that deeply when im watching a movie, im literally going to focus on the cinematography and the score and atmosphere more because it's visually stimulating

it was actually genuinely so frustrating trying to get that through to you and trying to give you an answer that would make you stop asking pen and i the same question over and over again, oh my god 💀 ive literally seen you do the same thing with other people on ur blog that try to talk abt movies or books & the like, like you genuinely come across as someone who thinks their opinion is right, and im sorry that im saying it like this but then i really do need you to understand 😭 like no matter how much you read Aristotle or shakespeare or whatever it's not going to make you a good critic if you can't look at stuff and acknowledge the different thought processes that have gone into mediums & storytelling, looking at the skeleton of an art piece is the same as looking at nothing at all if youre not going to acknowledge the flesh of it.

like if you genuinely think that movie has bad writing I can't help you, bcs you haven't even watched it and if you're going to try and criticise it and say "oh, this is bad writing" just because one singular person on the internet gave you a motivation you didn't agree with then like,,,, Look Inwards. im not even mad that you don't like the film, im mad that a person like you who seems to look at all aspects of a movie, including its production period (see: you and amethyst discussing the Hobbit movies) suddenly hears word about it from people who are amateur writers (well i am one—pen has a whole degree) and decides yeah this movie's bad. it was such a shallow and absolute statement that you made after making me try to circle around not spoiling the whole movie for literal hours, and then YOU got mad that I was coming off as passive aggressive when i stopped caring abt how my tone may come across on pixels. i have been talking to you on and off for like more than a year, did you think that unpleasant tone came out of nowhere ???????

nobody in the whole world will care if you've read a few classics if you literally cannot apply them properly to all the media that surrounds you. you understood i was frustrated that dc didn't care about art without me spelling that out but you couldn't understand i was trying not to spoil a movie you haven't watched after making me go around in circles for so long, and then you get mad when i try to explain to you WHY i cant answer your question and then you get mad because my tone was off?? after id spent more than an entire hour trying to defend why i like a movie that i didn't even care if you hadn't watched in the first place because i just wanted to ramble about a movie to someone who i thought appreciated the arts like i do ??? art is literally not black and white but you always manage to come across as someone who views it as either very good or very bad, that is literally not how i view it and i tried to tell you that and instead of understanding where i came from you decided to become passive aggressive with me because my tone was slightly off when i tried to tell you that maybe you shouldn't have asked me that question when i wasn't even talking abt character motivations to begin with 😭

also i literally have a count of like 9 followers and all 9 of them are friends who barely even use Tumblr, I am complaining into the void 💀

tldr please like try to be more considerate the next time someones trying to talk to you abt their interests that you know nothing about it takes 2 seconds to search up the summary of the ballad of songbirds and snakes on wikipedia & i will delete those 2 posts yes that was immature of me & i apologise for not letting it go

[endofroxd]

"Yeah yeah..." repeating after her again, only this time there's gentle mockery to his voice, not a cruel kind...more the sort of tone you'd offer a child. And he was starting to feel more at ease in her presence, with their mutual distaste out in the open, there was no pressure for him to prove himself, to watch his words or accommodate her feelings. In spite her not knowing the secrets he buried beneath, he didn't have to pretend to be this upstanding citizen. To give a shit about her well-being, to be whatever the hell people expected him to be at all fucking times. He could, for the most part, just be himself. And for whatever that was worth, it made Cherry better company than he could hope for to stick out the night.

There's a sort of dizziness that alcohol pushed through his body, so he got up and walked over to the couch, crushing down on it against the pillows that prompted his head up just enough to keep an eye on her. And he took out the rolling papers he'd stolen from colony house and began working on a joint. Even if mixing booze and smoke was not exactly a recommended endeavour, he wanted to numb out the screams, the shiver that ran through him with every screech of the things outside. --

Her question does make him question the passing thought, and while he was not being literal about the concept of hell, he did think of it in a literal sense right now. "If hell is real, it's this right here. I mean, forget the Biblical stuff --" he'll pause for a moment, and feel the same way he did back home in his trailer, having late night discussions with his cousins, pondering over life and death. And how stupid his remarks had been back then. How little he understood of reality. If this was all possible, who's to say heaven or hell were not? "I think when we die that's it...we're dead, it's over. But us being here, in this fucking place -- maybe it's as close to hell we'll ever be. And you know what gets me thinkin?" he'll pause, and he feels sort of exposed, just sharing in his thoughts so freely. "We still choose this. We'd rather be alive here, in this version of literal hell...than be gone. It's, I don't know there's something about that -- maybe suffering still beats....nothingness, you know?"

He's focused on rolling as she goes on, only looking up at the mention of a baby before she quickly followed it up by noting it was a car. Adam was fairly certain relief was obvious on his face, as was the emotions he took on with the rest of the story. His face, when not controlled, could always express exactly how he felt. First shock, confusion, then a sort of joy at the idea of such a car, amusement at it's perfectly appropriate name, even a chuckle to back it up. And then sorrow, no, anger -- that she lost it. That they took it. And while he was certain that's not the exact loss she'd insinuated earlier on, it was still a loss that was worth mentioning, and he did not know what to say. "I'm sorry." he'll remark before a shrug passes over his shoulders and he does his best attempt at lighting up the situation. "I mean think of it this way, if you had your ride here they would have taken her for parts. Least out there she's somewhere...waiting for you to get out..." maybe that was pushing it, getting out of here, alive, it didn't seem like something they'd ever get to see. But hope was a bitch, and that bitch fucked him a ton.

Now he laughs, genuinely, and it's been a while since he permitted himself to do that. "Alright, I guess I didn't mind the attention." eyes back on her. "Sometimes." he'll close up the joint and use his thumb to mimic the motion of a lighter, hence asking her to pass it. "I'm sure you were wanted for more than that. I'd go as far as to say some might've wanted you for your car --" it was an attempt at a joke, he needed that. Though it wasn't entirely a lie, a person as real as her had to have been wanted for more. Without much thinking he unbuckles the holster and takes the gun out, tossing it her way. "We could shoot at them, ya' know?"

CHERRY CAN'T HELP BUT GIVE HIM AN EXASPERATED LOOK AT THE COMMENT . it's truly more amusing than she would like to admit, and a flicker of that amusement might glint in her eyes for a bit but cherry tries to cover it up with another drag from her cigarette as she mumbles, " yeah, yeah ..." she smokes for a beat in silence . it's almost enough to compose her again . if she ignores the carnage outside, and the details of her company, and this whole fucking place, than for a moment cherry almost feels relaxed . but then he goes on, and cherry can't help but blink . " you think this place is hell ?" her brow arches with the question . cherry finds herself studying him anew . looking at him from his toes to the tips of his hair and trying to picture him as an alter boy or something . it's a hard image to mesh with the one she already has of him but even that one is unstable as all hell, so what cherry know, really ? after all, she wasn't particularly gung ho on god and yet the thought had passed her mind too . cherry's pretty sure anyone who got even a sniff of the bible would consider as much upon getting here . her expression is almost thoughtful as she considers him before his next question startles her out of contemplation . cherry blinks once but doesn't hesitate , " my baby ." an arch of her brow . " she was an impala ." the cigarette is at her lips . she takes a drag before looking down at it to gauge how much she's got until she gets to the filter . after all, waste not want not and all that . " she was gorgeous . red and sleek and sexy ." cherry licks the seam of her lips then shrugging almost casually . " i named her chevvy, cause, y'know . she was a chevvy ." cherry's eyes roll a bit at the obviousness of the explanation but then her gaze becomes intent again as she points to him with the cig to add, "but also cause i'm cherry, so we were chevvy and cherry ." cherry nods decisively before bringing the cigarette back to her lips with an almost conversational, " it was cute ." the lie slides off her tongue easy because there's more than half a bit of truth in it, really . after all, she did lose her car . it was just what was inside it that gut her open more .

but cherry decides not to focus on that . instead she holds her cigarette between her lips and brings two hands up as if she's gripping something vaguely above her head . " i had these two giant fuzzy dice hangin' off the rearview mirror ." cherry's eyes glint a bit at the description even as she mumbles around the cigarette before pulling it out to add, " and fuzzy leopard seats . she was a dream . drove like one too ." a wistful sigh as cherry looks down at the smoke streaming from her cigarette . she really was quite fond of that damn car . " she was a birthday gift ." what's almost a pout crosses cherry's features . " and now she's gone all cause of some idiots with badges ." cherry falls into a moment of nostalgia then . into memories of driving that car windows down, hollerin' and feeling free with the open road before her . now she can only road she can drive will lead her in circles . it's almost painfully ironic . adam's voice brings her back to the present and cherry comes to it with a roll of her eyes and what's nearly a snort . " yeah ? and i bet you're real torn up about it, huh ?" the words are almost teasing . cherry can't help but shake her head, the slightest of curves to her lips as she scoffs and swings her legs from where they dangle over the motel desk . " i've never met a guy who wanted me for anything but my body ." the words are dry more than anything . cherry's not really all that torn up about it either, truly . it's not like she was going around expecting random guys to appreciate her for her great intellect . so instead of answering as adam continues she merely snorts, eyes twinkling even as she turns her head to look at him, to meet his eyes as she bluntly says, " i don't believe you . but alright ." the liquor is making her accent as thick of molasses . the drawl of it is comfortable on her tongue . she blinks at his offer, arching a brow at it for a moment as she considers before ultimately shrugging and saying, " sure, why not ." cherry rests her cigarette between her lips as she moves to push herself to sit up, reaching a hand out for the gun casually .

[miss-sweet-and-sour-butt]

My sun, mercury and saturn is in his 8 house, what does it mean ?

Oh I'm sorry I rarely use this acc, so I didn't see your ask in the earlier days. So, I'll answer this based on my experiences. Having sun in 8th house in synastry can mean both ways because I have this with 2 guys. I have my sun in guy 1's 8th house and I feel like I have to protect him and nurture him as his mother. I also feel a strong connection between us which was unseen by others. I feel like I understand him best in this world and that he needs me and only me. I also feel as I can help him in every problem. I feel like he is also physically attracted to me because he touches me a lot. Also I give him support in cases which he was not understood by other people. He once also told me that I am the only one who supports him with body and soul and who he can open up his feelings to. I felt a bit unstable and wanted to leave him because I felt like I had to give out a lot of energy towards him but I never couldn't leave him. In next case, I am the house person and guy 2's sun and saturn fall into my 8th house. I feel like a child who has strict parents when I am with him. I can't express myself clearly because he always criticizes my opinions and my feelings. He also thinks I am a bit childish but that can also be due to the age difference too but somehow I still feel like I am trapped and I wanted to escape but couldn't. I was sexually attracted to him a lot tho. But I think that is saturn which makes me feel like I'm in water, drowning with my own emotions and him not even lending a hand for me and instead even mocks at me and has some authority over me. Mercury in 8th house in synastry can be that you two can communicate really well, have mutual interest in certain topics and can exchange both of your thoughts each other comfortably. I have this with guy 1 and I can discuss or talk about any topic with him and I feel as if I have found my soulmate or something because we have very similar perspectives in life. I also can understand his taboo and death-related thoughts (not about suicide but it's just so fucking dark) and he also opens up about things that he had never told anyone before to me. And I also like his intellectual mind but sometimes, I feel like he brings out these kinds of topics towards me just to get my attention but I'm not really sure tho. So, yeah that's all I have but 8th house is mostly mutual and not one-sided so both of you are going to feel some intensity whether you are just friends or whatever. You just need strength to handle 8th house synastry because it can go really insane if you can't handle well. If you don't have scorpio placements or 8th house placements or pluto dominance in your natal chart, you have to be really careful. For me, guy 1 has mars in his 8th house in his natal chart and he also is scorpio rising, so he seems like he doesn't feel this intensity as much as I do but still he finds me interesting and unique and as the one who can understand him the most. I also feel as I am responsible to take care of him. So yeah thank you for asking and I hope this helps you in some kind of way. Stay safe! <333

[chosonore]

summary: choso always takes good care of you, whether you're sick or not. even when you're sick and slightly delirious, your opinion could never be swayed - you loved choso with all your heart.

a/n: honestly, this is purely self-indulgent because i'm sick and i want a choso to take care of me until i know what's wrong and get better 🥺 it's inspired by the naoya fic i've written a while ago but uh this just really reads like a love letter to choso lol. i love him so much i'm not even kidding, no one could ever compare to him

if you were to describe the relationship between choso and you, it would be comfortable silence. choso didn't speak a lot, rarely starting a conversation on his own unless he was overcome by sudden curiosity. truthfully, you didn't mind as you were a quiet person yourself. and somehow, the communication was effortless, a silent and mutual understanding of your needs. he made you feel comfortable and safe, cared for as he always seemed to sense what you needed. falling in love with choso was easy and so natural, as if you'd been lovers in your previous lives. you'd been a couple for a long time now, but it wasn't until recently that you moved in with him. almost instantaneously, a routine was established - while you were busy with your studies, choso spent most of his time at the tattoo studio he recently opened with his friends. you didn't mind because still, he always made time for you. with no shadow of a doubt, he would always prioritize you before anything. so, every bit of time that you could get was spent together.

as any other day, you woke up alone in your bed, the scent of freshly brewed tea wafting through the air. choso sometimes left early in the morning to work on administrative tasks or tidying the studio but never failed to prepare you a little breakfast beforehand. as you sat up, a wave of nausea overcame you, quickly forcing you to lie down again. it was only then that you noticed you felt strangely cold and your nose was stuffed, shuddering uncomfortably in your clothes. it was rare that you got sick, so everytime it did happen, it drained you rapidly. blindly reaching for your phone, you texted choso, blinking at the bright screen.

me: i think i got sick :( can you pick up some medicine on your way home?

almost instantly, your screen lit up.

choso 💉: ?

"hello?" you croaked as you accepted choso's call and sniffled quietly.

"are you okay? do you want me to come home early?" choso might have sounded indifferent but you knew better. he would never show his concern to you, always wanting to keep his strong and protective persona. he was just that kind of person, he lived to be a good example to others.

"no it's okay, choso. i think it might be a really bad cold, that's all. i'll be fine if i get enough rest."

a hum. choso didn't sound convinced.

"then get some rest, yeah? make sure to have some tea. i'll wrap things up here and come home in a bit. call me if you need anything."

you hummed in agreement, making a weak kissy noise as you said goodbye to him and chucked your phone on the night table. no matter how much you wanted to convince him to continue his work, he would come home regardless. it didn't sit well with him to not care for you while you were sick. a small smile found its way onto your lips, how lucky you were to have found a lover like him. as you drifted off to sleep, choso was quickly finishing his paperwork, earning some amused glances from his friends. it was evident that this had to do with his girlfriend - choso would never let anyone tell him what to do nor do them any favours if it wasn't someone he deeply cared for.

"you're really speedrunning through everything to get back home to y/n, huh? you only got here," geto teased him, looking up from the sketches he was preparing for display.

"she got sick this morning. wanna be there for her in case it gets worse. i don't have any appointments for today anyways so you'll be fine," choso curtly explained, not picking up on geto's teasing undertone. even though they liked to joke about how whipped he was for you, they never questioned him - you were his love, his light. if anything, they envied him for the relationship, a relationship that flowed so effortlessly and easily like a spring working its way through bottlenecks and rocky river beds, silent and yet strong. geto pat choso's shoulder and shot him a knowing look, reassuring him that they could run the studio just fine.

even if you didn't sound like your afflictions were severe, choso still felt uneasy. he wanted to make sure you were okay, wanted to care for you. maybe it was moreso his fear of losing people he loved, but he couldn't deny his caring nature. on his way home, he'd picked up some ingredients to make soup as well as some medicine. music was sounding through the apartment as he entered and placed the bags on the counter, keeping an eye out for you. were you still in bed? he padded towards your shared bedroom, quietly nudging the door open as he squeezed his way in. you were laying on the bed, giggling at a book you were reading, not having noticed him yet.

the bed dipped next to you, making you drop the book you were holding. choso's twin tails came into your vision until you could see the entirety of him hovering above you, scrutinizing your figure in thought. "hi baby," he greeted you with a gentle smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "how are you feeling?"

"kinda achy and cold," you described with a pout, leaning into choso's touch as he brushed your hair with his fingers. "did you bring me some medicine?"

choso nodded, explaining that he'd be making you some soup as it was better not to take the medicine on an empty stomach. he wrapped you in the blanket before disappearing in the kitchen. you listened to the sounds in the kitchen, feeling more at ease now that he was home. you must have fallen asleep as the soup was done, its savoury scent rousing you from your slumber. as the primary cook in this household, choso's cooking skills were excellent and never failed to amaze you. sometimes you couldn't believe he was real. choso kept an eye on you as you munched away, handing you the medicine once you were done. he joined you on the bed, wrapping his arms around you as he pulled you towards him. you were placed on his lap like a baby, making you giggle as you leaned against his chest.

"will you play with my hair?" you requested with a small yawn. choso obliged, weaving his fingers through your hair as he worked through the knots and massaged your scalp. you hummed in relaxation, struggling to keep your eyes open. instead, you focused on the tattoos on his arm that was placed around your waist, tracing the patterns with your fingers. when you first met, the skin on his arm was sparsely filled, he'd only started on completing his sleeve tattoos. it was a slow and gradual process. you were always the first person he'd proudly showed a new addition to, and in a way, the tattoos marked the journey of your relationship. you were thankful for him, thankful to have found someone who silently understood you.

he was too hesitant to ask you just yet as you'd told him years prior that you weren't sure about getting tattoos but you knew he wanted to be the one to give you your first tattoo. maybe you were delirious from your sickness, maybe it was then in that moment that you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, maybe it was your overwhelming love- "choso? i think it's time i get a tattoo soon."

choso's hand came to a halt and he made an incredulous noise. "y/n, i don't think- it might be better if we discuss this when you feel better again."

"no, i'm serious. it's just... i trust you so much. you always take good care of me and you're just always there. i'm uh- i honestly can't imagine my life without you, i just love you so much," you confessed with embarrassment, hiding your face in your hands as you finished talking. choso chuckled as he pried your hands away, pecking your lips in adoration. he looked gleeful, as if hearing your admission of love for the first time - the feeling was mutual, you just couldn't believe he was yours.

"we'll talk about this again when you've fully recovered. but i'm happy that you trust me with this."

"i'll be fine soon, i just need a lot of vitamin c," you giggled hysterically. "vitamin choso."

choso groaned but couldn't stop the laughter tumbling from his lips either, opting to tickle your sides and blowing raspberries into your shoulder. you squealed, trying to push him off you before being pulled back into his arms again. choso buried his head in the crook of your neck, placing a kiss on it. he didn't show you his face, not wanting you to see his teary eyes.

"i love you a lot, you know?"

"i love you more."

[angeloroki]

something more — s. todoroki

you wanted to stop this relationship of friends with benefits, with shoto. before your feelings towards him destroyed you.

— character ; aged up!shoto todoroki x gn!reader

— request ; @tyunsworld angst college au where shoto and yn used to be friends with benefits but yn is trying to stol this fwb but shoto refuses (no smut pls just some indications)

— genre ; angst, au college

— warnings ; suggestive content, curses

— a/n ; i decided to change the ending a bit, i hope it's ok for you and that you like it anyway :)

you were sitting on your bed, in the room you shared with your roommate. she wasn't there, gone to her weekly dance class.

every thursday and tuesday, at 6pm until 8pm sharp. your friend was very punctual, and that suited you perfectly.

because usually, at that time, during those two short hours that you shoto would come and spend some time with you in that room.

it was never anything serious, just a good time that the two of you would give each other. kisses that were worthless, soft caresses yet devoid of feeling, sighs and i love you's that were deprived of love echoed and echoed between the walls of the university room.

it had started only 6 months ago, at a mutual friend's party. todoroki was the rich boy in business school. classy, elegant, handsome, and a smooth talker, he had absolutely every girl on campus at his feet.

so, you could say you were slightly surprised when you saw him accost you in the kitchen, where you were trying to relax a bit. you had hooked up, the discussion was not forced, one thing led to another - and especially under the effect of the euphoria felt at the very moment - you had ended up in bed together. you could remember that it was the best sex of your life. and yet you had had quite a few.

a bitter taste stuck in your mouth.

the day after that night, he had found your number and offered to continue. nothing serious of course, just something where you would both enjoy each other. no empty feelings. he had used a phrase,... friends with benefits, that's the term he had used.

stupidly, you didn't hesitate. because after all, you were young, and you needed to unwind with classes and all. and it's not like you could fall in love with a guy like that.

only you were so wrong.

you slowly came out of your thoughts to look at the time. 6:01 p.m. Your friend had gone out ten minutes ago, so Shoto should be back any minute.

a sigh escaped your lips at the scenario that was about to unfold.

and yet you were the only one to blame, or rather your stupid heart. or maybe your stupid ease of attachment to people who couldn't care less about you.

you lay down and stared at the ceiling.

you knew his weaknesses, what he liked to do on a sunday afternoon, the things that made him angry, just as you knew every inch of his body.

and how the fuck could you not fall in love with him?

a salty taste comes to your lips, tears. you bite your upper lip, silently. and yet you knew it wouldn't be mutual. and it never would be. because he was simply shoto todoroki.

« you spend a lot of time with that boy, what's his name again ? your roommate yells at you from the bathroom. is there something going on between you or something ? »

the heat came flooding in on your cheeks.

« no... no! it's just that we have mutual friends, that's all. »

« yeah sure ! but be careful though, he's known to break hearts this guy [..]. »

that talk you had three months ago echoed ironically in your head. breaking hearts. and yours, by the way.

you go over the plan in your head. before things get hot, you tell him. all at once, well almost all. you just tell him you want out of this relationship.

and so you say everything without pauses, at the risk of crying in front of him. the best thing is that you remain insensitive.

someone knocked on the door. 6:12 pm, he's here.

« y/n, it's me. » he said in his deep voice, which always made you shiver.

you got up and opened the door for him. a small smile lit up his usually stoic face. as you spent more time together, shoto had managed to get more and more comfortable with you, and that could only warm your heart.

« sorry for the delay, the traffic was heavy. »

he went to sit on your bed after taking off his shoes. a worried expression grew on his face when he saw that you said nothing.

« if you're tired, we can meet again next week. i know it's tiring with exams right now. » he said in a kind voice.

could he stop being an angel, just thirty seconds, you said to yourself silently. in just a few steps, you crossed the room and placed a long passionate kiss on his lips, and it was with great pleasure that you felt him respond with the same ardor. you had to feel it one more time before you put an end to this whole mess.

his lips tasted minty, and they were angelically sweet. addictive, that's what his kisses were like. you felt his tongue asking for permission to find yours. and for a few seconds, a feverish waltz settled between your two mouths.

you felt as if long hours had already passed. and you still wanted more to be added, or for time to stand still. but you wouldn't let him go.

and yet.

you shifted from him. he was a mess, his hair untidy from your hands that had to find a support, his face was a dark red.

a small laugh escaped his lips.

« what's this ? a goodbye kiss ? »

you looked away from him. and that's how he understood.

« what ? tell me something. »

« i want to stop this. I'm not interested in our evenings together anymore. »

you didn't need to see him to understand that he was sad now.

« did i do something wrong ? »

his hand came to yours, its warmth melting you.

« no, not at all. i just want to stop this. »

you knew him now, and you knew he'd try to figure out what the problem was. you just needed him to be angry with you, so your feelings for him, the first to be touched, could surely fade. at least you hoped so.

« it's gotten boring with you. you faced him, your gaze now cold. i've grown tired of you, so find someone else to satisfy you. »

his eyes reflected a melancholy that you had never seen in him before.

« y/n, i didn't stay 6 months with you just for sex... i like talking to you. »

your heart skipped a beat. of course, shoto, as a friend.

« that's not my case, todoroki. you were a good lay in bed, and you helped me forget the stress of college. but that's over now, get your shoes and get out. »

despite your command, he didn't make a move. his eyes analyzed you carefully, before his sigh echoed in the room.

« you found someone, didn't you ? you thought you could hear a little regret in his voice, but why ? sorry, i won't bother you anymore then. i'm happy for you. »

he got up and walked to the entrance, where his shoes were.

« i- no... »

how could he not see that you only had eyes for him ? that the other people who were just accosting you, were immediately raked ? a sincere anger went through your body now. you were angry at him now that he didn't notice your love for him.

« i love you. » you said in a quiet voice.

you saw him stop, his back was to you. fuck, that wasn't part of the plan.

« i don't want to see you anymore because i love you. because i know it will never be reciprocated. so please leave. »

he turned around just enough for you to meet his eyes, full of sorrow. a stranger might have thought it was you who had just broken his heart. or maybe you had really broken it ? you'll never know.

« no, y/n. i can try, we can try. it doesn't have to end like this. you're not like the others, i don't want to let you go. »

« i know you can't love me like i love you. don't make promises to me. »

« but i don't want to leave yo- »

the fact that he refused to leave you, to end the relationship, only gave you false hope.

« get the fuck out ! »

your sudden irritation startled him slightly. but he knew you were right.

« i-... i'm sorry y/n.- »

« stop apologizing, it's not your fault. »

« i wish it had ended differently. »

and silently he left your room, leaving you alone with your tears.

your old discussion with your roommate came back to you

« [...] he's known to break hearts this guy. but i have to admit that he's charming, anyway i care too much about my heart and my feelings to make love to him. » said your friend from the bathroom.

« i don't fall so easily, f/n. and stop it, you sound like my parents. you say laughing. »

i wish you would have told me i love you too, shoto todoroki.

[liskantope]

I appreciate your response and the particular perspective you're bringing to this, which (along with some of your other posts, especially recent ones) is very helpful to my building more empathy and understanding of some of the ways people may feel strongly on the issue.

I just want to make a couple of quick points, though.

First of all, I don't know what kinds of "women's book clubs" or Demographic X Groups you and gottagofaaast were imagining in the discussion above, in terms of motivation and ethos, and I don't know what is most common among such groups that actually occur. But what I've been picturing is not a group whose discussions and activities are directly focused on some shared experience or condition of Demographic X, but rather, a group that people in that demographic want to be part of just to be in a space where there are more mutual understandings of certain things that apply to that demographic, without having to feel stifled by the presence of a more dominant group. So I was never imagining groups of women painting with their menstrual blood or anything like that, but something more like, say, a book club which is partly an excuse for cis women (or some trans AFAB people?) to be in a space where they can more freely talk about their female body functions to people who can generally relate. (I mean, I've managed to notice, even as a cis man, that cis women sometimes want to talk about their periods but only in a space with other people who have periods or at least used to have periods.)

To give a couple of examples, I spent a few years abroad in a non-English-speaking country, and although I was passionate about learning the language and taking part in the culture and making friends with the people who grew up there, I found after a while that I really, really wanted to sometimes be able to hang out with an exclusively or mostly American (or at least Anglophone) group of people. This is because sometimes I just needed to have social conversations without all the added burden of the language barrier and having to explain things about my culture or not expect others to know the particular celebrity or TV show I was bringing up, etc. It wasn't about being part of a group whose explicit purposes would be to discuss only US-related things (which is sort of what my Democrats Abroad group, the only group I could find that reliably consisted of Americans only, was about) but about being part of a group of people I could more effortlessly relate to in certain respects that were not dominant in my larger environment.

Another example is that the huge Unitarian Universalist congregation I was involved with a few years ago had certain events that were understood to be exclusively for congregants of color. My impression of these events (not that I would know firsthand, being white) was that they were for relaxing fun, with no explicit purpose of racial activism or anything like that, just spaces for people of color to hang out and more easily be able to relate to each other in certain ways (what ways exactly? I wouldn't know, and I don't trust the UU culture not to exaggerate PoCs' cultural marginalization or treat all non-white people as a monolith) away from the presence of the dominant white culture.

Second point: regarding your analogy with black vs. white women, I'm not sure it holds up, because whiteness (whatever that means, to the extent that it's a thing at all since white people have a hodgepodge of cultural origins) is in fact very dominant, at least in this part of the world, and white people don't face any form of oppression to speak of for being white. And I wouldn't say this is the at all case for people who grew up as girls and were viewed as women for much/all of their adult lives and have to deal with female body functions, even if that's 50% of the population.

So yeah, having a "white women only" group seems really sinister outside of maaaybe a very, very black/brown region of the US where the white women are from some specific European background, or a group of white women in another part of the world like, say, Japan. (Of course, Robin diAngelo has basically advocated such things, but that's another topic altogether.)

Weird question of the day: so what is terfs’ actual endgame?

Like I know the middle game is “everyone identifies with their assigned sex and no one modifies their body in ways that alter secondary sex characteristics.” But then what?

They say they’re feminists, so that would imply the actual endgame isn’t just “the destruction of the transcult” but the end of patriarchy.

But how is everyone identifying with their asab and not modifying their body supposed to do that?

It’s very Underpants Gnomes.

Recruit trans people who doubt.

Destroy the transcult!

…..

End patriarchy!

?????

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

Do you have any personal headcanons about Celebrimbor's mother and her relationship with Curufin? I always thought that it's weird we don't have even the barest information about that considering Celebrimbor's unique position as the only next gen Feanorian. (Sorry if you already talked about this somewhere!)

thanks for the ask! i have, but i'm not going to pass up an opportunity to blather on about my ocs for several paragraphs

curufin's wife (she lacks a name because i hate giving characters names and will delay it until i absolutely have to) is noldorin, she lives in valinor in the years of the trees. i haven't thought much about her family, but i suspect they're middling nobility at the highest the did-valinor-have-social-classes debate is a whole different rabbit hole. she's a metalworker like her husband (she probably specialises in a slightly different subcategory but idk enough to say what) and is a member of the same tirion artisan guild. it's in that context that they meet and begin their Intense Crafting Rivalry

you know that trope where a pair of rivals are so obsessively devoted to one-upping each other it's blindingly obvious that what they actually want is to kiss? that's them, that's their relationship. their specialties are just similar enough they do a lot of the same stuff but just different enough their approaches tend to be radically divergent. what starts as the two of them trying to prove the superiority of their own artistic circle or whatever evolves into them trying to show up him/her specifically, s/he's wrong about x and i know i can do better, why does my family keep asking if we're dating yet????? their competition gets absolutely ridiculous in ways only a pre-scarcity society can get, like building an entire fountain out of solid silicon specifically because he said she couldn't do it (he actually said shouldn't but screw him (not literally cousin oh my valar))

but yeah. their relationship grows an undercurrent of the-only-one-allowed-to-push-around-my-archnemesis-is-me, and they find themselves fighting back to back (occasionally literally) when tirion guild politics takes a turn for the tirion guild politics. they just slowly come to trust each other, more than anyone else, and soon there comes an appropriately dramatic moment for them to suddenly kiss. they're still always trying to out-craftself each other, celebrimbor grows up in a house that's about 70% forge to the background noise of his parents insulting each other's work, but they're comfortable with each other in a way neither of them could have imagined in the early days, and when things get rough they always have each other's backs

things do, in fact, get rough. maglor won't meet his wife until beleriand, caranthir's relationship with his spouse slowly falls apart along with the political situation in tirion, but curufin's wife is loudly team fëanor. she suffers from an acute case of finwean spouse disease, she thinks going to middle-earth to build their own world is an awesome idea, she's deeply embedded in the tirion artisan scene with an entire social circle as think the same way, and when the inevitable civil war flares up she'll probably be even more eager to fight the fingolfinians than her husband. she goes with him and their-still-pretty young son to formenos, and when the trees get eaten and fëanor does the speech she prepares for the adventure of a lifetime

then, alqualondë. i stand by my conviction that nobody on the noldorin side walked in planning to steal the boats, let alone murder the teleri, but it was dark and the world was ending and everybody had sharp things. like everybody else involved in the first kinslaying, curufin and wife got caught up in the battle because somebody shouted 'they're attacking us!' in the distance. she is at first more trying to stop them from stabbing her, obsidian fishing spears glancing off ornamental steel, but then she lashes out and she hits someone in the chest and -

there was this recurring trope in her and her husband’s endless mutual critique. she’d create something beautiful, artfully devised and elegantly constructed, showing off a whole ton of design principles and doing things with the material no one had ever done. he would look at it skeptically and go ‘okay, but what use is it? what is it for?’

red liquid running down the fuller of the exquisite sword she forged herself, light guttering out of another elf’s eyes as he coughs up blood, she knows, sure as once were the light of the trees, what the piece of metal in her hands is for

the next few moments are a blur. she threw the sword into the water, she knows that. somehow she wound up running out of alqualondë, tears streaming down her face, as buildings burned and people screamed behind her. she found a concealed spot by the road, tore off her armour, peeked outside, and watched. when the fires were dying down and the boats were clearly gone, she mustered her courage and went to save her family

in the centuries to come, very few people believe celebrimbor when he tells them his mother tried to get his father to come back by, among other things, appealing to his better nature. nobody believes that it almost worked. but curufin was still only starting out on the road to hellbeastery, and his wife was his eternal partner-in-crime. right there at the beginning, staring out over a burning city, she saw where the road the noldor were walking would eventually lead them, no matter how much they tried to deny it. no dreams could be worth that, she told him. no ideals. and she was always the idealist, wasn’t she?

she was. maybe that’s why he, who had so very few ideals to mark his path, refused to abandon this one. their discussion rapidly devolved into a screaming argument half the camp could hear, much like curufin’s last argument with celebrimbor, centuries later. soon enough, though, it became clear that he wouldn’t turn back, and she refused to go on, and neither of them could change the other’s minds. the only thing left between them was celebrimbor

celebrimbor was eight (-ish in elf years), and completely freaked out, and eight, and knew almost nothing about what was going on, and eight, and had grown up listening to his grandfather’s dreams, and eight, and was surrounded by adults who very loudly thought going to middle-earth would solve all their problems, and eight, and couldn’t tell why his mother was abandoning them. panicking, on the spot, he buried his face in curufin’s smock to wipe away his tears. when he looked up, she was gone

so yeah, curufin’s wife went back with finarfin, that’s why she didn’t go to middle-earth. she initially stayed with nerdanel because almost everyone else on both sides of her extended family remained by (and later burned) the boats, i’m only just realising the horrible curufin argument probably wasn’t even the only one she went through that night, jeez. also she really needed a hug. the sun rose, alqualondë started rebuilding, and she ended up head of her and her husband’s former mutual craft guild, mostly because nobody else with the skills to do it was left. decades turn to centuries, news slowly filters back from beleriand, and her worst nightmares are proven so awfully right

probably the biggest emotion she feels towards curufin in the aftermath is betrayal. they were partners, in every sense of the word, they took on the world and they did it together, using their constant competition to drive each other to ever greater heights. they listened to each other, they trusted each other’s judgement, and she knows he understood the point she was making. him continuing on anyway, and diving face-first into the void - the elf she thought she knew would never have done that. as time passes by, the grief and the loneliness get subsumed by a deep abiding rage. if she ever sees the thing her husband let himself become again, she’ll throw a welding torch in his face

but that anger, that heartbreak, none of that applies to her son. when the hosts of valinor began gearing up for war - she’s the leader of tirion’s most prominent metalworking guild, she can’t not go. while they’re unloading supplies and siege equipment and stuff onto the isle of balar, she happens to pass by this relatively short dusky-skinned noldo hauling some smithing equipment about. as soon as he gets a proper look at her, he gasps. she looks back in confusion, and then she meets his eyes

later, she’ll hear his tales of his adventures in the hither lands, all of the hardships, yes, but also all of the brilliance. later, she’ll learn about the person he’s grown into, someone she can be unreservedly proud of in his choices and works. later, they’ll talk about the future, about his ambitions of making his grandfather’s dream come true, but with open hands and a light to be shared with all the peoples of middle-earth. for now, though, she wraps celebrimbor in a massive hug, and lets the tears flow down her face, because no matter how much they’ve lost, no matter how deep the darkness around them, right here and now, her son is alive

[tuiccim]

Brassy (Part 4)

Pairing: Loki X Reader,  Bucky X Reader

Words: 1881

Warnings: Language, PTSD, Smut (18+, NSFW), Casual sex, some angst

Summary: You’re in a friends with benefits situation with Loki and some of the other Avengers aren’t happy with the arrangement. Reader and Bucky finally have it out. 

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

———————————-

You rode Loki until you exhausted yourself. A while later you felt him shift out of the bed. You grab his wrist and say, "Stay."

"What?" He says surprised.

"Stay."

"Are you certain?"

"On one condition." 

"Name it, darling "

"Wake me up fucking me."

"My pleasure." 

You smile into your pillow and fall asleep.

As promised, you wake up spooned against Loki as he slowly works himself into you from behind. His left arm curled under you playing with your breast and his right hand making slow circles around your clit. "Ohhh…yes." you breath as the pleasure washes over you. Loki continues his ministrations at a leisurely pace while whispering in your ear. "Is this what you wanted, my darling? Hmmm...you're so tight. So perfectly tight. Ohhh. So wet for me, my darling…"

The feeling of his breath on your ear, his hands swirling their magic around your breasts and clit, and the steady rhythm of his cock moving in and out of you drive you to the edge. Your release is strong and prolonged as Loki never pauses from his duties. When he finally succumbs to his own release, you're spent. Eventually, you turn to face Loki. You lean into him for a kiss, saying, "In answer to your question. Yes, that was exactly what I wanted." You say with a soft giggle. 

Loki smiles. "Am I being kicked out now?" He asks half-jokingly. 

"When do you have to go back?" You ask. 

"Tonight."

"Spend the day in bed with me, then." You grin winningly. "Unless you think you'll be bored."

"Not if you're in it with me." Loki pulls you to him and begins nibbling along your collarbone. You hum contentedly and smile knowing the day will be spent pleasurably. 

That afternoon you and Loki were sitting on your bed eating the lunch you had brought from the kitchen. 

“How come you didn't fall in love with me?” Loki asks.

“Oh, god, where is this coming from?” You say rolling your eyes.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m just curious.”

“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Tony last night. I’m not the fall in love kind.” You say.

“What does that mean?” Loki  queries.

You shrug. “It means I don’t fall in love.”

“Ever?”

“Nope. Just, I don’t know, Loki. I feel emotions. I just don't fall in love.” You paused. “Besides, like I said, I’d hate you if you weren’t so good in bed.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” He grins.

“True. You are rather fun. I’m glad we’re friends.” You say in a rare moment of transparency. 

“With benefits?” Loki says with a smirk. 

“Hell, yeah.” You laugh. 

Before Loki left that evening he looked at you and said “Next time?” as he always does. 

“Look forward to it.” Your rote response. 

You are glad to have him as a friend. Loki didn’t judge. You could laugh, make mischief, or just be quiet together. You didn’t have to worry about his emotions running away from him either. You understood each other. Loki made things easy. And that’s the way you liked things.

Sunday morning you, Natasha, Clint, and Sam were sent on a two day mission. Nine days later, you all returned worse for wear but having accomplished your mission. Clint and Natasha helped Sam to the infirmary for some stitches. You went looking for Steve to check in. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., where’s Cap?” you ask. 

“Captain Rogers is in the training room.” F.R.I.D.A.Y replies. 

You see Steve and Bucky sparring as soon as you walk in. You watch them for a minute and then yell out, “On your six!” distracting Steve and giving Bucky the upper hand. Steve’s back slams onto the mat and you chuckle despite your exhaustion. 

“Really, (Y/N)?” Steve rolls to his feet.

“Payback for the shit mission we got.” You counter.

“Everyone okay?” Steve looks at you with concern. 

“Sam’s getting a small gash on his leg stitched up but that’s about it. Intel we gathered has been uploaded. I’m going to bed.” You start to turn. 

“Rest well.” Steve says. Bucky stayed silent for the entire exchange.

“K, thanks.” You say as you walk away not bothering to turn back. You take a hot shower and hit the sack. 

You awake from a nightmare with a start. 3am. You just want more sleep, but knowing it to be futile you decide to head to the kitchen. Your stomach feels absolutely empty and you still feel drained from the mission. It hadn’t been an easy one physically or mentally. You’re nearly finished making a sandwich when Bucky walks in. 

“Hey.” you say and turn back to your sandwich. 

“Hey.” he says back and goes to the fridge.

“Want a sandwich?” You ask, unsure why you’re offering to make one for the asshat.

“No...thanks.” He says and you see him start to leave. 

Setting down the knife and taking a deep breath, you say quietly, “What did I do wrong?”

“What?” Bucky turns back to you. 

“What did I do wrong?” You say a little louder. 

Bucky stares at you but says nothing. 

Frustrated you say, “I’ve wracked my brain. Gone over every discussion and interaction we have had and I can’t figure it out. What did I do to you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He turns to leave.

“Bullshit, Barnes! There has to be some reason you hate me!” You say vehemently. He just keeps walking and your temper gets the best of you. Grabbing your half drunk water bottle, you hurl it at him hitting him square in the back. “Talk to me!”

“Did you throw a water bottle at me?” Bucky says in disbelief. 

“You’re lucky it wasn’t the knife, Asshat.” You counter.

“You’ve lost your mind!” Bucky yells.

“Why do you hate me so much?” You holler back. 

“I DON’T!” He screams. 

“YES, YOU DO!” You scream back.

“WHY HIM?” 

You stare at Bucky confused. “Why who?... You mean, Loki?” 

"He's using you."

"What? No he's not."

"Yes, he is. He doesn't love you."

"I don't love him. It's not like that."

"What?" Bucky looks at you in shock.

"Loki and I are not together. We're just friends with benefits." 

"What the hell are friends with benefits?" Bucky says.

"Fuck buddies. A mutually agreed on arrangement between friends to include sex with no strings and no emotions." You explain. 

Bucky gapes at you, "And you don't care what that makes you?" 

Your blood runs cold. "What that makes me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Bucky backpedals.

"You think there's a name I haven't been called? I was a runaway at 14. How the fuck do you think I fed myself?" You say venomously. "Men used me my entire life. And now that I am the one that says when and who and where, I'm supposed to dress it up with hearts and flowers. Fuck. That. I'll do who and what I want."

"That's not what I meant." Bucky says. 

"What did you mean?" You glare at him.

Bucky looks at you and his face softens. "I meant you deserved better. You should be loved."

"Some of us aren't meant to be loved." You turn to go back to the kitchen but Bucky grabs your hand. 

"Everyone is meant to be loved. You are meant to be loved." Bucky says quietly. 

"No. I'm not." You say pulling your hand away. 

"Why would you say that?" Bucky pushes.

"Because I'm not someone people love. I'm not someone anyone loves. I never have been." You explain.

"That's not true." Bucky says.

"Look, Bucky, I know most people grow up with people who love them. But I didnt. I don't deserve love and I don't need it." You finish making your sandwich. 

"You're wrong." Bucky turns you around to face him. "God, (Y/N), you're so wrong. You deserve love. You deserve everything."

"You have to see the irony that the guy who hates me is the one telling me I should have love." You scoff.

"I don't hate you." Bucky says.

"Coulda fooled me." You said.

"I was jealous." He confesses. "I was angry you were with Loki."

"Why?" You say, genuinely confused. "Because I wasn't sleeping with you?"

"Because I like you, (Y/N)!" Bucky says exasperated. "You're smart and funny and beautiful and strong." 

For a moment you're stunned speechless. You couldn't meet his eyes any longer and looked away. "Don't, Bucky. Don't like me. I'm not the fall in love type. I'm not...I'm not worth your time."

"Can't I be the judge of that?" He asks.

"You don't know anything about me. And if you did, you wouldn't ask that. My past is not pretty." You say.

"I was a brainwashed Hydra assassin. I've got a pretty sketchy past, too."

"You…" 

Bucky puts his hands to your lips to stop you. When you finally look up to meet his eyes, he moves his hands to frame your face. "I don't know anything about you? On mission, you are always willing to take the shittiest job to spare anyone else. You bake treats for everyone all the time and know what everyone's favorite food is and how they take their coffee. You go out of your way to help others. You never leave a room without asking if anyone needs something. You go shopping and come back with nothing for yourself but little gifts for everyone else. You always have a joke at the ready but an apology on your lips the minute you think you've offended someone. You have the mouth of a sailor on you but the minute a kid or old folks are around you are the most charming person on the planet. You want everyone to see the brash facade you put up but you wear your heart on your sleeve without even realizing it. Whatever is in your past, is your past. We all make shit decisions in life. The person I see, she's amazing. And she is worthy. And she deserves love. She deserves everything."

You stare up at him and whisper, "I don't see her."

"She's right here. She offered to make this total 'asshat' a sandwich just because he walked in the room. Even though he's been a complete jerk to her."

"Well, Steve always calls you jerk so I figured it was your default." 

"There's that humor I mentioned." He stares into your eyes. "Give me the chance to prove you deserve love."

"I'll hurt you." You say shaking your head.

"You're scared. I'm scared, too. We can go as slow as you need." Bucky caresses your jaw.

"I don't know how to do this." You say.

"Let's start by being friends. We'll figure it out as we go." Bucky smiles at you. 

You look at him wondering how the hell this just happened but somewhere deep inside you felt a kernal of joy spring forward. Part of you wanted to believe you did deserve everything he was saying. The other part was screaming that this was a trick and you were an idiot.

Bucky can see the war going on inside you. "Gimme a chance, Doll. Please." 

You smile at him. "So...you wanna sandwich, asshat?" 

Part 5

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

hi, I'd like to read the sun interview with louis, but don't want to click or go to their website. you tagged one of your responses with "Thanks Jen for the transcript", can you please point me to the blog of this person, so that I can read it? thank you

Hi Anon, 

@jlf23tumble didn’t post it on her blog, but she did message it to me - so here it is:

AS a cheeky teenager in One Direction, Louis Tomlinson conquered the world – performing in stadiums around the globe and amassing a multimillion-pound fortune along the way.

But while he achieved pop superstardom, few 28-year-olds have suffered more trauma in their relatively short lives than the Doncaster-born singer.

In the four years since the group’s “hiatus”, Louis has faced unimaginable tragedy with the passing of both his sister Felicite aged 18, last year and his mum Johannah in 2016, before choreographing an impressive comeback with a debut solo album, Walls.

His personal journey back to full strength has been nothing short of remarkable — with the singer forced to deal with loss of his younger sibling and his mum in the full glare of publicity.

In an exclusive interview with The Sun, Louis explains: “Initially, when the news broke (about Felicite) last year, I was bitter about the fact that everybody was talking about it.

“Loads of people were speculating online about what might have happened. I was just told that it was the reality of the situation, which it is, and I had to accept it.“So that’s the negative side to it, but a positive side to it and something I wasn’t prepared to feel was the love from my fans.

“I wasn’t ready to feel like that, but I really needed it at the time.

“What was difficult was people speculating about details straight away, discussing online what might have happened when nobody really knew, and talking about my family. But actually when I looked further almost all of it was kind, and I felt loved.”

Just over two years before Felicite’s death from an accidental drug overdose, Louis’ mum Johannah tragically passed away, aged 43, following a long battle with leukaemia. It is a loss that continues to shape his life.

But he tells how, over time, he has come to learn from the experience — and now hopes to support others through his own experiences.

He adds: “I’m still getting asked about my mum now, but I’ve grown to understand it I suppose, and I feel like I can maybe help others.

“When I wrote a song called Two Of Us, I had fans talking to me about a loss they’d had, and they listened to the song and told me I’d helped them in some way. That makes it all worthwhile.“Despite how difficult it can be to deal with these things when people are watching, if I have the possibility to help even one person, that’s massive.”

Today, Louis is calm, reflective and down-to-earth when we meet in a low-key west London pub — despite him having sold more than 50million records globally with One Direction.

Louis talks with a broad Doncaster accent, and laughs as he reflects on his career, which began when he found fame with 1D at the age of 18.

He admits he has “f***ed things up” plenty of times in the past but hopes to have learnt from his mistakes.

His new single, Walls, recounts his experiences of love and loss. It is a clearly autobiographical reflection on his life over the last decade, which has seen him fall in love with his childhood sweetheart, Eleanor Calder, before splitting in 2015, and reconciling two years ago.In the years in between he fathered his first child, a son, with a US stylist but the pair soon separated and his romance with model Eleanor is now so strong marriage rumours have begun to swirl, although he’s quick to insist they are premature.

He explains: “Yeh I saw some of that. It isn’t true, but the luxury with Eleanor is I’ve known her since before our first single What Makes You Beautiful, so she’s felt the whole growth of everything.

“As I’ve got to understand it, she has too, and I have the benefit with her that we’ve seen it for what it is.”

So is marriage a possibility? He adds: “One day, yeah, I’d imagine so. If you’re asking me if I’m going to marry her? Yes, I think so! And more kids, I’d say so.”

His lyrics reflect on the ups and downs of his time in the spotlight, as he explains: “It’s about overcoming some of your problems and learning from your mistakes.

"It’s looking back at a certain time of my life and I’m sure there’s lots of people who can relate to that idea of being alone and waking up, being used to having someone there, then they’re not.“It’s a bit of, “Oh no, I’ve f***ed it up, yeah. But I’ve understood that now and I’ve come back stronger.

“You learn from your mistakes, and the song is about owning them, putting your hands up and saying ‘I know what I did was wrong, but I understand it a bit better now’”.

While in One Direction, Louis earned himself a reputation, alongside some of his other bandmates, as a party boy.

Today he’s learnt to control himself, but jokes that he can “still put a few beers away”. He’s keen to expand his mind now after missing out university when he found fame with One Direction on The X Factor.

He says: “I’ve been very lucky but one experience that I know I would have loved is university, mobbing out and meeting new people.

“Someday it will happen. I’d study psychology. And I’ve just started reading again, I just picked up this Beatles book, so I’m trying to educate myself a bit more.

“I just thought I’d pick up a few books, because I realised that I don’t read at all — and for a songwriter that’s pretty criminal.”

With a huge bank balance and global fame, there’s appears to be little to achieve. For Louis, fame has come first — but now he’s determined to prove himself as an artist in his own right, even if he is never able to achieve the enormous record sales One Direction enjoyed.

The album has been almost four years in the making. He scrapped a huge quantity of material and started over after he realised his first efforts had failed to fulfil his own ambitions.

He adds: “I’ve never been driven by money, but I’ve got a point to prove to myself. I think I was frustrated before, because I was in a few writing sessions where no matter what I said at the start of the session, the concept at the end was always something different. But after a while I decided to scrap all of that, and own this myself.

“I struggled with it for the first couple of years. I was trying to work out exactly what my sound was.

"I didn’t have the luxury every other developing artist has of making mistakes in the background until you land on that one you get excited about and that’s why it took me a second go to get it right.”

However successful his solo efforts may prove to be, alongside those of 1D bandmates Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik, the question of a prospective reunion will always loom large for Louis — who remains in contact with his former bandmates but admits they are very different people.

He adds: “I used to feel more pressure about matching up to anything any of the others do, but the reality is we have different skill sets and different fans.

“Harry’s a star, there’s no two ways about it. I’m much more reserved. If I carry myself in a slightly different way, I might be able to get a different market but it’s all about staying true to you and that’s what we’re all doing.

“I spoke to Liam a couple of days ago but haven’t spoken to Niall in a couple of months. Me and Harry don’t speak quite as much but he sent me a text about the single and I sent him one about his, and there’s a mutual respect there, definitely.

Louis debut solo album, Walls, is released January 31. His single, also titled Walls, is out now.

[lady-lunaaa]

IMA PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE BECAUSE IT ABOUT TO GET LONG BBY

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS AHHHHH - gosh this is like, one of my fav tropes with him, YOU HAVE SPOILED ME ALREADY!!! (insert all discord emotes that appropriately show how I am currently losing my mind)

I love I (no coy pretences here because this is for ME god damn it) was intimidated by his family name but then I met him and he's just a fucking goofball. HELLO MY HEART FUCKING ACHES ALREADY 🥺

The bonding over our mutual respect but also irritation for Kakashi is so funny, I am smiling so hard rn. We love him but why he gotta be a fucking child prodigy.

This just speaks to my soul and ik you know that and I love you for it. Me and him are two lil outcasts together 💙 and the fact he understands my anxiety and insecurities because he has his own? GOSH IT HITS SO HARD. MY BIGGEST CHEERLEADER!!!! I AM IN TEARS BECAUSE HE ABSOLUTELY WOULD BE 😭

Obito just understood you like no one else. He got you.

But unfortunately, he was smitten with Rin, and you tended to be the one he went to discuss that issue with as well. 

Ahhh yes *squints* my arch nemesis...OUCH RACH. Rin is the bane of my existence iswtfg (I don't hate her Rin lovers I just...it's hard watching your husband be in love w someone else alright, iykyk).

FUCKING FUCK FUCKITY- NOT HIM VISITING BEFORE THE MASSACRE AFSGSJFKGLLG (my babies greatest shame I gotta admit, and I mean, he has a few 🤣) STOP I- THIS HURT SO GOOD, I JUST, THE FACT HE SAYS GOODBYE BECAUSE HE KNOWS AFTER THIS THAT'S IT. HE'S SO FAR GONE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO COME BACK. GOSH AND IT HURTS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T CHOOSE TO STAY BUT WE LOVE THE ANGST AHHHHH.

Side note: I love I keep a kunai at my thigh, even in bed. I'm a BAD BITCH and I love you for making me one.

HIS FIRST LINE TO US SKSKSKS HEY BABES, MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T CROUCH OUTSIDE OUR WINDOW IN A MASK LIKE A CREEPER WE WOULDN'T BE READY TO SHANK YOU. AND GOD FUCK- I need my klee emote here- THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE HIM, I AM FOAMING, I AM CRYING. HE'S SO GORGEOUS SIR PLS TAKE ME INTO YOUR ARMS IMMEDIATELY.

But clear as day, just older and more broken than you last remembered him, he crouched before you, illuminated by the light of the moon."

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING, YOU STOP IT. NOT HIM UNDER THAT SILVERY MOONLIGHT LOOKING ALL HANDSOME. and please, the older and more broken line literally punched a hole in my chest. The fact he's still my Obi but so different from the cheeky lil boy I grew up with. FUUUUUUUUUUU I- someone get me H E L P (also I highly recommend y'all read this while listening to his theme because it fits this scene in particular so fucking well and I'm a mcfuckin mess actually).

HELL YEAH WE DROP THE F BOMB BABY, FUCK YOU SIR (BUT NOT REALLY I LOVE YOU PLS GIB ME KITH). YESSSSSS THAT PROMPT LINE IS SO FLAWLESSLY INSERTED AND EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND WHEN I REQUESTED IT AHHHH TYSM WIFE IM YELLING!!!!

OKAY. YOU KNOW MY FAVOURITE THING IS HIM NEVER REALLY BEING IN LOVE W RIN AT ALL AND IT'S ME ALL ALONG. IT FILLS ALL THE INSECURITY HOLES IN MY HEART AHHHHH I ADORE YOU FOR THIS. Plus, the thought of baby obi too scared to confess so he covers it up with a lil white lie so he won't mess up our friendship is just the SWEETEST THING!!!

"But know that no matter how far away I am, I'm always keeping an eye out for you."

Holy fucking shit I lost my breath, can I even breath anymore? IDFK BUT 😭😭😭😭 BABY GOSH, THAT IS SO SOFT AND SO HIM AND I AM NOT OKAY. MY HEART ACHES SO BADLY BUT IN THE GOOD WAY.

AND THE KISS!!!!!! okay because yes, I would not be letting that man go anywhere before he lays one on me, WE HAVE A LOT OF YEARS TO MAKE UP FOR OBITO UCHIHA.

Gosh rach, this was perfect and exactly what I needed today. I love you so fucking much, you knocked this out of the park, and I'm absolutely in love with it 💙💙💙💙

Hello beautiful wife! Can I have #4 with my sweet Obi please? I'm thinking maybe a lil angst and a lil comfort? I'll leave it up to the genius to decide 💙😘 AND CONGRATS ON 300 WOOOOOOOOOO!!! 🎉

LUNA MY LOVE MY WIFE ANYTHING FOR YOU!!! Thank you so much for sending in a request!!

Thank you @gixxie for beta'ing and reading it through!

Link to masterlist

Warnings: Angst, death (not really though) some naruto spoilers, but happyish ending, !Fem Reader

The first time you met Obito, the two of you were just young children. The Uchiha clan had a pretty hefty reputation, so you were initially intimidated by the young man with goggles. But it didn't take long for you to find that Obito was kind, funny, and had a good heart. 

The two of you clicked instantly while attending the ninja academy. You bonded with him over trying to prove yourself while being stuck with a protege in your team. Obito would spend so much time lamenting his rivalry with the famed Kakashi as you listened patiently. The two of you would spend hours chatting by the river bank as the sun cast orange hues in the sky as it set. Obito just understood you like no one else. He got you. 

He could understand all of your insecurities about not being good enough or the anxiety that got in the way of reaching your goals. But he was always your biggest cheerleader, encouraged you to never give up and that your dreams were worth pursuing. You hated to admit it, but you developed a little crush on him during that time. But unfortunately, he was smitten with Rin, and you tended to be the one he went to discuss that issue as well. 

As hard as it was to have to hear him confess his feelings about Rin, you tried your best to be a good friend to him. But then everything changed on that fateful day when his team went to the cave where the Iwa-nin were. 

You couldn't exactly remember what happened after you heard the news of his death. All that comes to mind is the ripping pain of grief that ate you from the inside out. Your best friend was gone, and nothing felt normal anymore. Why did he have to prove himself? Why was he so stupid? These questions haunted you for years. 

Over a decade passed, and you flew up the ninja ranks, accomplishing your goals and became a Jonin. Everything seemed to be going to hell lately in your village; with the death of the Hokage and the nine-tailed fox being released, you just struggled to keep your head above water some days. But one fateful night, right before the infamous Uchiha massacre, there was a gentle knock at your window.

You tried to pick up on the chakra that felt familiar right outside, but there was a block like something was preventing you from fully feeling it all out. Stupid or not, you approached your window and gingerly opened it. A man with an orange and black swirled mask crouched on the tiny ledge outside. Everything inside of you was instantly on alert as you reached for the hidden kunai you kept on your thigh.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the voice was deep but familiar in a way you couldn't place. But everything crashed together when the gloved hand of your intruder removed his mask. It knocked the wind out of you, seeing his face, half of it untouched except for an unfamiliar eye and the other half wholly marred with scars but with an obsidian orb that you knew so well.

"O-Obito?" Your voice shook as you took him in. This can't be possible. This cannot be real. Obito had died. But clear as day, just older and more broken than you last remembered him, he crouched before you, illuminated by the light of the moon. 

"I just wanted to say goodbye, one last time," His voice was soft, barely audible above the night breeze.

"What do you mean goodbye? Where the fuck have you been all these years? I thought you were dead!" The questions spilled out of you as you desperately pushed down the tears threatening to escape. How could he do this to you? Be alive all this time and not even reach out to you? It hurt so bad, but you were also relieved that he wasn't gone forever.            

"I'm sorry, I should've said something, but I–I didn't have the chance," Obito averted his gaze from yours. He couldn't bear to see you cry, he knew you wouldn't be happy, but the last memory he has of you.

"Pretty brave of you to show your face after this. Or just stupid, really. I can't believe this," anger was bubbling up inside of you. What kind of bullshit answer is he didn't have the chance? You couldn’t even look at him, opting instead to stare at your clenched fists. 

"Before I leave, I wanted to let you know something," he stopped, took a shaky breath, and brought his eyes to your downturned face. "I've always loved you, ever since we were kids. I was stupid and was trying to cover that up with Rin because I didn't want to mess us up. But know that no matter how far away I am, I'm always keeping an eye out for you," his voice quivered at his confession, and right as he was about to turn away, you called to him.   

"Wait! Obi–at least give me a kiss before you go," the tears spilled from your eyes as you reached your hand out to him. 

He knows he shouldn't do this, that it will only make everything hurt worse, but he couldn’t stop himself and grasped your outstretched hand and pulled you in for a deep kiss. He wished it would last forever, but he knows it will permanently be cemented in his mind after this.  

Thanks for reading!