#they don't even do true crime anymore just ghost stuff

[girlwiththegreenhat]

i don't know if the "true crime podcasters making jokes and calling their listeners their little murder babies or whatever" joke is real or not and at this point im too afraid to ask

[bogleech]

ALSO ON STORENVY HERE

ONCE UPON A DARK TIME IN THE TERROR AGES SOME MORON SCARED THE WORLD TO DEATH (GEE THANKS PAL!!!!!!!) BY WRITING A STORY CALLED "THE DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD." THE STORY WAS SO DARK AND GROSS THAT ANYONE WHO READ IT GOT SCARED IN REAL LIFE ALSO.

NOW MANY CENTURIES LATER THE SAME TWISTEFIED AUTHOR IS PUTTING THE STORY IN REAL PAPER YOU CAN TOUCH ALTHOUGH THE STORY IS STILL FAKE (………OR IS IT…………..) ALONG WITH SEVERAL OF THE ORIGINAL RELATED STORIES AND A BUNCH OF BRAND NEW ONES TOO SCARY TO PUT ON THE INTERNET!! ALSo the new stories aren't entirely in caps lock anymore because that got old if they were LOUDER you would get scared so hard you would quite possibly die to death for all time. This small thin paperback prints and ships in time to ruin thanksgiving or maybe christmas!!!!!!!

BRAND NEW STORIES INCLUDE:

THE MOST MURDERED GIRL IN THE WORLD: One day a girl did not listen to her mother, and got murdered by all the murderers in the world at once. The power of almost 100 murders at once transformed her forever…but into what!? The clue is in the title, but you'll never guess. heh heh heh.

THE TRUEST CRIME: one day there was a crime so terrible you will not be able to read what the bad guy did without throwing up your guts at how evil it was. Let's just say it sends 100 MILLION BABIES to prison…and that's only the beginning………

THE BODYLESS DOG: what happens when a dog gets its body cut off and doesn't die!? Well he isn't happy about it I can tell you that much.

VAMPIRE HANDS: this story is about YOU and the time your hands turned into the hands of a vampire. Maybe you think having to keep your hands in tiny coffins all day long doesn't sound so bad but that is only one of the more than one things you have to do when you have vampire hands!!!!!!

THE INVISIBLEST KNIFE: in this story you accidentally kill everyone and everything you care about and even ruin a hot dog completely. Don't worry! There's no such thing as the invisiblest knife! I am looking around right now and I don't see it anywhere. Do you??

WHEN ALL THE STEEL TURNED INTO WORMS (and it was not my fault!!!) this is one of the LONGEST stories (more than two pages!) in the book and is about when one day all the steel in the world became worms that were scared of humans so if you even looked at a car it would fall apart from all the worms running away into the dirt. Again these are descriptions and not the whole stories so this is just one of the things that happens!

THE DAY IT RAINED THE HEADS FROM SPACE: what happens when a really sharp human space probe meets a planet where everyone is the same exact height and always stands in a line on a perfectly flat plane?!?!?!?!?!!?!!?? Well they aren't happy about it I can tell you that much.

THE DOG THAT WAS TOO LONG: you like dogs, do you??? Well sometimes wishes come true but sometimes…sometimes wishes suck and were stupid to make actually. Fool.

THE WEIRD GUY: don't worry, there's no such thing as a weird guy, and if there was, it would not turn out to have been you all along! Pretend you didn't read this massive spoiler.

THE GHOST'S GHOSTS: everyone knows a ghost is twice as scary as a regular person, but what about a ghost's ghost? Obviously that would be twice as scary as a regular ghost. A twisted tale of how the human race is exterminated several hundred times in a row.

DARKNESS MOM: the worst most awful most disgusting scariest monster in the WORLD!! You will TERRIFIED to read about this mom who is TOO TALL and has a GROSS TOO LONG TONGUE and SHARP MONSTER HANDS and if she GETS YOU she will make you be IN TROUBLE all the time for like NO reason!!! NOOOO!!!!!!

THE THINGS THAT DID THE WRONG THINGS: you better not read this secret government list of things that do the wrong stuff!! The secret guys will catch you and you'll have to go to secret jail so you don't go telling everyone about anomanolies such as THE WORST TURTLE (three words, FOOL: spikes on it) or THE CLOCK THAT TELLS TIM (tim is alright though this is not his fault)

THE HALF MURDERER: what if a normal person and a murderer had a baby? It's more likely than you think! Or shall we say…half more likely…mwa ha ha ha

THE REVENGE OF THE DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD: THE LONG FEARED SEQUEL (WARNING: this one is in capitol letters again, it is PULLING NO PUNCHES!)

…………AND MAYBE SOME MORE IF I FEEL LIKE IT! *actually some more are already in it I just might add a couple more than that even

[crownmemes]

Supernatural & Paranormal Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from various sources for muses exploring the unexplained. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"These sightings only occur on nights when there's a full moon, which tells me something."

"It happened just the way you said it would. How did you know?"

"What's the matter? Don't you believe in miracles?"

"The truth is out there. Maybe you should find it for yourself."

"You can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality."

"The human mind delights in grand conceptions of supernatural beings."

"The crimes we are investigating are paranormal, I can say that with absolute conviction."

"There are things you just don't know."

"Why can't you just go for the simple answer?"

"What would you do if you were a werewolf?"

"Lost time is a common symptom of close proximity to anti-gravity propulsion systems."

"We are all capable of believing things which we know to be untrue."

"You never believed in any of this stuff. This paranormal or whatever you call it. So, what changed your mind?"

"If you're waiting for my usual theory as to that is going on, I don't have one."

"Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it."

"I'm delusional? Did you just hear yourself?"

"You just jump at whatever explanation is the wildest and most far-fetched, don't you?"

"I don't buy your hollow threats."

"I have seen my share of the hideous, of the disgusting, and the repellent, but you are the most perfect expression I will ever see of all that is vile and hateful in life."

"What are you saying you believe now?"

"I believe that you will find all of your answers. You will find the answers to the biggest mysteries, and I will be there when you do."

"This isn't my life anymore. I'm done chasing monsters in the dark."

"Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else."

"There has to be a scientific explanation for this."

"Don't go looking for something you don't want to find."

"Have you considered that something else might be going on here?"

"The way I look at it, calling something paranormal is just a way of avoiding a real explanation."

"Are you monitoring my life? Bugging my phones?"

"Human logic doesn't apply to me."

"You have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will."

"What are you even after out there? Do you ever even think about that?"

"If you look too hard, you can go mad, but if you continue to look, you become liberated."

"Just because there's magic in one place doesn't mean there's magic in every place."

"It's easier to believe in monsters out there in the world than to accept that the real monsters dwell within us."

"It's hard to believe in something when you can't understand it."

"The guy that we're after knows what it's like to have died and be dragged back."

"No, it doesn't matter that aliens from out of space have no genitalia - they still have groins, and they shouldn't be kicked there!"

"I'm not suggesting anything. I think the facts speak for themselves."

"Ghosts are benevolent entities. Mostly."

"What does that tell you? That I'm crazy, or that I'm right?"

"Next thing I know, you're going to tell me I'm the crazy one."

"What is this? Another one of your whacko conspiracy theories?"

"If there were secret experiments going on here, I wouldn't tell you."

"You have no idea about true evil."

"The conspiracy is not to hide the existence of extraterrestrials; it's to make people believe in it so completely that they question nothing."

"Without proof, we're nothing more than conspiracy mongers."

[thegoldenshi-shi]

I'm starting to think I was dreaming the last ask I sent... I swear, I vividly remember sending you an ask gushing about your art, how nice you are, and just rambling about what all has been going on in life, but man... /j

Also, sorry if it seems like I only send asks after tf art, I swear I love everything you do, but the transformers stuff is the only stuff I know anything about, so it's the only thing I really have confidence in blabbering about.

I did an oopsy and doordashed Timmy's to work today, so I got donuts and a breakfast bagel sandwhich to eat today. Good thing, too! I have been /HUNGRY/. We managed to ship out almost two hundred packages today, and that's with just three people who can pack, and one who can ship orders. I'm Super duper happy about it! Everything else has been absolutely crazy. I've decided to go through all my books in my closet, and the books on my shelves, and start bocing some in better shaped boxes, so I can donate them. Gonna end up checking with people I know if they want any first, though. Also gonna go through my stuffed animals, find ones that I'm not too attached to, and donate them too. After washing them first, of course.

I have also fallen into a hole of true crime podcasts, which I'm pretty surprised about. Cause, like. I don't like hearing about how bad people can be? I dislike people enough, I just. Don't wanna absolutely ruin my opinion on humans anymore. Like, I know there are good people out there, really really good people. But I also don't really like the vast majority of publicized humanity. You always hear about all the awful things... the worst of humanity shouts and screams their opinions, all the time. Broadcasts em to the world. And, it's difficult for the truly good people to be heard...

On a very much less heavy topic, my nephew is in town! I haven't seen him in about a year, so it's nice to see him. Even if small children make me super anxious and uncomfy. We're also looking at an August vacation, which I'll need to prep for cause I'm pale as a ghost and it'll be three days straight of being outdoors.

What've you been up to?

~Smooch

Hi there Smooch!

It's good to see you in my inbox again, I was starting to wonder how you were doing.

It sounds like you're having a good time of it, donuts for breakfast is a special treat hehe. And being busy at work is a good too, being productive is always a plus. It hasn't been that long since I went through my book collection, so I feel your pain there. Hoarding books (and drawing paper for some reason) is probably my one weakness in trying to keep my space tidy. I'm running out of shelves T_T

So far as your new interest in true crime podcasts, congratulations on finding a new source of enjoyment. If something intrigues you, I say don't let your preconceived notions about what you enjoy and don't enjoy. I must admit that I dislike podcasts myself, just because I can never focus on them, the same goes for audio books for some reason. But I do understand their appeal, and am always happy to hear someone is enjoying them. I hope you have fun on your vacation, I too am pale and require sunscreen if I go out without a good layer over my skin. Some of my friends have said I look like a vampire with my complexion and dark circles, which left me going "Thanks guys". I wish you no sunburn and good weather for your vacation!

As far as what I've been up to: I've been working on my webtoon, trying to figure out a schedule for making it that works, building up courage to actually post it and you know...actually get the financial stuff in place to start the business aspect of my art? hehe....

My main job has picked up for the season, so I'm switching gears and getting ready for less and less free time, and I'm trying to incorporate some classical music into my pianist job while bracing for spring-time "Special Music" rush.

Also, I don't mind that you only ask after my Transformers work. I don't expect anyone to enjoy every single thing I post, there are a thousand fandoms out there and it would be ignorant to expect everyone to know about all my interests.

[golbrocklovely]

My favorite Hellweek video so far was def the one with Michelle, simply because she is one of my fav youtubers to watch. Literally, she is such an inspiration with what she does, I kinda wish SnC will collab on her channel do so some other challenges. (everyone should check out her channel it's really good) Even though she was scared in the video with SnC, I didn't mind her being jumpy because honestly she reacted like I would react in that situation lmao. It felt more genuine than how the other girls react sometimes.

I guess this time Hellweek feels a bit off because I think SnC are burnt out from doing spooky stuff. This is, I think, the longest period they did without changing their content and it starts to feel a bit reduntant. Like after a while you should get used to certain things happening but they still scream their heads off when one of their devices goes off. Their reactions are too much for someone who does this now for over a year. I also don't like the humour they have in certain videos, I don't mind them cracking jokes from time to time but sometimes it's too much. One of the reasons I don't vibe with Ghost Files (new Ryan and Shane show on Watcher) so much, it's entertaining but when they start to insult the ghosts it's just not my thing. I loved their buzzfeed unsolved true crime way more than the supernatural stuff.

I also think SnC start to compensate with over editing their stuff, like doing essentially the same video every other day they propably think we will get bored, so they want to make it scarier by adding a bunch of unnecessary pics and videos which is kinda annoying. Idk SnC are people who never stuck long with just one thing, they always did other stuff, and now they don't have their personal channels anymore because they are stuck with the main channel. I think maybe they need a creative break from it. Last year's Hellweek was great because it was new but after an entire year of only doing essentially Hellweeks every other month I get it that it can get tiring. And now they kinda positioned themselves as youtube's ghosthunters it's hard to do anything else. (but that is just my opinion)

there's really only been like two that i thought were kinda lame or borderline not that good at all, and that was mississippi mansion and myrtles plantation. and i would say the best one was the bell witch cave. the one with michelle is tied with first place to me as well, or at least one of the higher up ones. i think she was a good addition to the video and her reactions were on par with basically any other guest. i don't think she overreacted or underreacted comparatively to the other girls they've had on there.

i don't know if it's burnout, but if i may be so bold to say this: i don't actually think hell week this year is any crazier than last year's. i think they're both on the same level, the difference is the conjuring finale vs what we all kind of assume will be a not so crazy ending with the winchester mansion. i haven't finished or even started my full review of hell week, and i do want to compare it to last year's, but i honestly feel like both are basically the same, the difference is that last year's was so new to us that it was exciting, and this year it doesn't feel that way bc of the constant content they have been giving us.

if anything, i think some of us are burned out from snc and the way they do paranormal investigating. i think that's why if they continue to do hell week, they need to up the ante or do something that they don't do usually for other series or seasons. bc otherwise, what exactly separates hell week from season one or two? nothing really. it's the same ppl, for the most part, going to similar locations like before.

i will say, idk why they started hamming up the jokes a bit this time around, but it's not working in their favor in my book. besides the fact that every place they go to they're getting told to gtfo, i think it's also really weird that they would do "reenactments" and shit like that. but then on top of that, try to make it funny. it's not even a disrespectful thing (even tho it is) it's also just… not funny. and feels very out of place. i love snc and i love their humor for the most part, and i wouldn't want them to start changing that, but this…. was a no bueno type of deal for me.

and i think their reactions are fine bc realistically they're going to these new places they've never been before and they don't know if they're gonna get evidence so i can only imagine it does freak them out regardless when they do get it. plus, it would be very jarring if they all of sudden just stop having reactions to things bc they've grown used to it. they could calm down a bit tho lol

and like i mentioned in another ask, i feel like they wanted to try out new stuff bc it's hell week, which is fine if you're not in a time crunch. but clearly they are and were. so it's a bit weird to me to pull out all the stops when you don't have the time to fully deliver it.

i plan to make a list with my hell week review of things i would love for them to start implementing or doing next year with whatever content they do come out with. god knows they won't see it, but it's nice to know that i'm just putting my thoughts out there. but one of the major things i would love for them to do is to honestly a) find time for themselves to just… not work and b) start back up the personal channels. bc i think that's where they got to get a lot of creativity out that they don't get to do on the main channel.

[blackarmyslave]

Masquerade [IkeRev]

Pairing: Ray Blackwell x Alice

Fandom: Ikemen Revolution

Notes: really trashy writing oof

Pshh dont act so suprised its another ray thing

Alice hated masquerade balls.

She hated them with a passion. There was just something irritating about them... how those disgustings pigs, commonly referred to as men, often tried to lure her into bed; or how, every time she talked to women, their conversations would almost always end up in gossips about her family's riches that were acquired with bloody hands, and how they killed countless people under a single man's orders, not knowing the person they were talking to about it is part of said family. Yet despite her loathing for occasions like these, Alice would still have to attend, for it was the only way she could fraternize with others. Her family was shunned by society for being such a hideous and brutal one. But here, in masquerade balls, she can wear a mask and pretend to be someone else and mingle to her heart's content. Nobody would know it was a girl from a bloody household.

Once or twice, Alice had danced with a few nobilities she considered decent enough for her. Those who weren't pedophiles, she conversed with. Those who were purely sober, she'd bonded with. But it was way past midnight now and she had gotten bored of the ball. A woman can only take so much soulless dancing and meaningless political talks. Not to mention the rough mask that hid her face from bashers, was starting to irritate her sensitive porcelain skin.

With a forced smile, the young descendant of the country's most infamous household excused herself from the festivities and went to the garden. Truly, it was a beautiful garden. The flowers were in full bloom and the breeze was refreshing. Alice stretched, in a way that was very undignified. Yet she couldn't care less. Her muscles were sore from keeping up a flawlessly upright posture all this time, and she was bored beyond measure.

The itch on her face that was long there reached its peak, and Alice couldn't take it anymore. She moved to dispose her mask until a voice warned her, "It's rude to take off your mask in a ball like this."

It was a man's voice, smooth like the waves and light as the garden's breeze. Undoubtedly, it had belonged to a young man... a cool young man. But Alice despised people who dared talk to her so fondly. She swirled around to reprimand whoever it had been.

"I don't recall holding responsibility to oblige," she retorted, her prissy tone leaking with every syllable. One corner of the man's lips slowly curled upwards in an amused smirk.

"Then by all means, go embarrass yourself."

Alice scoffed with irritation. Who does this man think he is? Yes, it's true that taking off your mask is a big no in a masquerade ball, but--

Oh.

She suddenly felt like smacking her forehead. If she takes the accessory off, she's to reveal her identity. And no doubt receive countless ridicules. And Alice didn't want that, especially from a man like him. Her cheeks flushed in realization. Suddenly the girl wanted to keep it on and couldn't feel the itch anymore.

"You're from the infamous Bright household, aren't you? Alice Bright, if I'm correct; twin sister of Edgar Bright, the Jack of Hearts and known as the Gentle Demon." surprise mf

Alice took her time studying the man. How had he known about her? What gave it away? What had she done to inform him of her identity? Most of all, who is this bastard? He was handsome, without a doubt, even with a mask on; black hair and intense emerald eyes, containing a youthful aura, but at the same time holding himself with such composed regality. His body was carved to perfection. He wore a simple yet dazzling dark sapphire mask with round diamonds literring it, the suit on his body looking ridiculously expensive.

Dark and regal... only one name clicked in the girl's head: the popular and widely loved King of Spades.

"I take it you're King Ray Blackwell...?"

The man rolled his eyes distastefully at the attached title. But he made no move to deny his identity, something that's against tradition. 'How hypocritical,' Alice thought dryly.

"Forget the King part, it's too preppy for my tastes," he said. "Just Ray is fine."

Alice rose a thin eyebrow. For a king, Ray Blackwell was too casual. She's always depicted him as cold and dignified, with no intention of fooling around; just like the opposing King of Hearts. Yet here he was: the Black King himself who didn't give a horse's muck whether people found out about his identity or not, speaking informally as if he'd known Alice all their lives.

'Charming-- I mean, preposterous! Ghastly!'

Well... what can she say? It's her first time meeting a man like Ray; someone true to himself and didn't stumble foolishly in a vain attempt of becoming the perfect gentleman.

But no. In the Bright household, emotions were a mortal sin. It was the biggest crime. And Alice grew up all her life believing it.

Naturally, she ignored her fluttering heart.

"So," Alice walked around the garden with Ray. She hadn't even noticed how her irritation with him had suddenly faded after witnessing his genuine personality. "The King of Spades is a fan of balls, then?"

Ray snorted. "Heck no. What makes you think that just because I attend 'em, I like 'em? Isn't everyone only here for the sake of making connections?"

"Probably." Alice would be damned if she voiced her agreement. "And does that rule apply to you as well, sire?"

Ray gave the girl a disgusted look. She only blinked, urging him to voice out what took him aback.

"Okay. One, it doesn't. I'm just here to let loose for a bit. Second... Cut that formality out! It's creepy." "Why so? Do your soldiers not address you that way?"

Ray's green orbs took on a fond light, giving Alice the answer right away, as if his memories of his subordinates were all warm and cozy. One could tell he was a good leader and a true king by just a glance of that. And maybe, she thought, he was a brother, too; a brother to the rest of his army. Alice wondered how they treated each other... did they eat at the same table? Did they disregard ranks and fraternized comfortably? Was it like a home in the Black Army's headquarters?

"They address me as a king during official business, yes," he replied. "But we're just ourselves around one another for most of the time. Parties every week or so, lots of laughter and pranks... it's like a brotherhood."

The faintest trace of a smile ghosted the girl's lips. "It sounds lovely."

From there, it went on and on. Ray asked Alice what was her favorite animal, to which she replied cats for they were elegant and had the cutest little mewls; and much to her surprise, Ray shared her thoughts. She, in return, asked him what he thought about table etiquette, and he laughed at just how preppy Alice was being. Nevertheless, he answered her, saying "I think dining fancily's fine if serious stuff are going on, like funerals or oathtakings. It's a way of showing respect. But people shouldn't be judged by how they act at the table. In fact, class shouldn't even be a social judgement or something. 'Course, this is just my opinion. And I think table manners should be kept to a minimum. People deserve to enjoy their food and time without fear of being critiqued of how classy or polite they are. They should be able to be just themselves in a table, because after all, that honesty's bound to form really tight relationships real quick, no?"

A bit more of talking and before she even knew it, it had been past 3AM now. Alice never thought it would be so fun to converse with the king. He was honest and frank, yet still respectful and even funny. They shared a lot of opinions about several topics, and one's answer changed the perspective of the other. The Bright lady wished to the twinkling stars high above she'd get another chance at talking with Ray in the future.

Now, Alice knew she shouldn't be rooting for the opposition. Her household is a Red through and through. In fact, her brother's the Jack of Hearts himself! At the back of her head, the ever-obedient little prodigy of the Bright family screamed at her to get away and cut off all connections with Blackwell. 'What do you think you're doing?!' a part of her screeched.

But right now, she wasn't really a Bright. She was just Alice. Little ol' Alice, who came to a masquerade ball in hopes of being able to talk to whoever she wants without her status bothering her. And she wasn't ready to throw that away just yet, and return to her uptight lifestyle.

'Just not yet, please,' she pleaded with her own self.

Suddenly, a slow, hopeful, smooth tune took on. It was faint and distant, coming from the ballroom many yards away. Yet she and Ray both heard it, the melody carried by the wind to their ears, and Ray took the cue.

"May I have this dance, Alice?" He asked her, the gentlest, most handsome smile on his lips, offering her his hand, and the girl's heart skipped a beat.

Had it been any other man; a pretentious, try-hard fake gentleman or a drunk bastard, she would've slapped. But no... not this one. He was a bastard, yes, the feisty part of her claimed, but he was a good bastard. A modest, decent, alright bastard.

Alice let her face be lit up by a grin. It had been her first in so long. She placed her hand on top Ray's and they both started dancing to the slow, almost-romantic music, everything else fading and all they could feel was this blossoming warmth in their souls.

And long after the song was over, and all was said and done, they still remained in one another's embrace. Red and Black forgetting their blazing feud for even just a moment; even in just a masquerade ball. They're just Alice and Ray, each silently praying dawn never comes and they'd never have to say theeir goodbyes.

Alice giggled under her breath. She'd decided. Maybe masquerades aren't so bad after all.

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘