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yandere-monoma · 1 year ago

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WHOOO KYM 2 COMMENTARY while i stall on working on kym 7

lots to discuss about a chapter literally called 'the exposition' hjgkfsg. if you didnt know, the way ao3 multichap updates works is that you dont necessarily have to title a oneshot chapter but the second you update it, you really get shown the option to title your chapters. so it didnt actually occur to me that i needed names for each one until chapter 2. i believe originally i was going to use a similar system as kyd where every chapter title was a command a la homestuck. however, i wasn't really utilizing the commands in the same way, i didn't really end the previous chapter with one and the plan for the next chapter... technically involves a command but not one i wanted to spoil via the chapter title.

the current naming system came into existence probably 3/4s of the way or more into writing this chapter, once i made the realization that the fic was, in fact, going to be at least five chapters. at this point in time, the plan was the following: the introduction, the exposition, the climax, the ending, the epilogue. this changed even more as time went on and more chapter ideas rudely crammed themselves into my brain, though it helped the structure a lot, because giving me time to fill out the space between exposition and climax made my brain happy HJSKFG

so, moving on, the fun part about chap 2 is that it really establishes the 'narration' as its own living function, something that is vaguely independent of the story rather than just a tool to present the story with, that both voices the author's and the character's thoughts depending on who is grabbing for control. this isn't an aspect i planned when outlining the fic but it's definitely influenced by 1) how much fun i had reading the epilogues and subsequent epilogue flavored fics 2) my desire to find some way to one-up the first chapter despite the topic matter not being nearly as extreme 3) the impulse to add in another experimental element to the story, especially now that the more abstract and poetic style of the first chapter was being removed

it's also incredibly fun to play with, because every time i struggled with describing something or wondered how i could transition from one point to the other, i realized - oh! i can just make the narrator state that very thing. don't know how i'm gonna build up from the end of chap 1 to the narrative goal of chap 2 (rose's mkultra moment)??? let's just get that all out in the open, then! problem SOLVED

it ended up being a hugely fun choice that allowed me to inject some humor into what's otherwise just a big ole pile o' unrelenting angst. it also helped me take myself less seriously, which lent me even more creative freedom than usual, like. GOD. it really helped turn this piece into something so rewarding, it overwhelms me. goddamnit homestuck why do you have to be so good

i just rewatched butterfly effect recently, god. back to the future i've never seen though. time references haha get it cuz his aspect is still time-

speaking of time, this chapter was the first attempt to really try and describe a zeta kid's classpect without coming out and stating it. there's a few interpretations of different phenomena's in homestuck that point out the implication of classpect powers being active before reaching god tier, or even before entering the game (though, usually in a way that is incredibly weak, premature and subtle enough to be missed by the user). one of the strongest examples that i based this chapter on was something the epilogues described: the idea that rose's obsessive writing as a child was based on her light powers feeding her vague visions of her future character arcs and plotlines. i really loved that and wanted a similar sort of plight for dave. i'll go off about what his specific title is at the end of this chapter but it's really fun poking at it now and then

the multiple narrators? seriously??? bit was me realizing i had to add a Multiple Narrators tag on ao3 after this. at this point of writing, i had no idea if i would be visiting anyone else's pov besides dave's, though.

attempt at homestuckian humor GO

™️ jokes are so funny to me for no reason

wink wink hint hint this is one of dave's powers at work, actually!! so, dave egbert actually has a perfect memory. like, there is not a single thing he's ever forgotten in his life, if he's experienced it, he can recollect that knowledge. this power also extends to the imaginary, the subconscious, and the supernatural, ie: in the event that dave experiences any visions of the future, he will retain that information. likewise, he has memories of every dream and nightmare he's ever had. which is fun because considering he's a dersite and also a time player and also dave, he has a lot of them HAHA. more on that later

The two of you had hit it off instantly despite this, like you had known each other your entire lives, like any and every other relationship that had come before it had merely been a warm-up for the monumental connection that would spark instantly between you both. ... You’re pretty convinced she’s your soulmate. If not that, you’re at least assured by the fact that you’re absolutely head over heels in love with her.

sentences i had so much fun writing knowing how badly it's going to mess dave up to learn that they're actually related HA HA

Especially at the start, Rose was mysterious and she was hilarious and she was overwhelming, the brightest thing you’ve ever had the fortune of witnessing.

get it because she's a hero of light get it she's the light of his life because shes a hero of light get it get it she's mysterious because her class mimics its opposite at the beginning of the story so everything about her pre-canon arc clings to void but she!! is bright! like light haha get i- 💥

see, reading sentences like this means i HAVE to at least write enough of their session to let dave both die and kill for his rose, like

also i need to write her killing and dying for him. well. killing for him. well.

killing.

perhaps just killing him. HAHAHA.

it is very fun to think about this because rose honestly just. does not talk about her relationship with dave much outside of mentioning that they're together. her narrative is so focused on the things that she wants the audience to focus on, so this was such a fun chapter to reveal the things she decided isn't important enough to ever let us in on.

like, she is so adamant that bro is the only important person in her life and the only person she loves, but she deeply cares about dave. she feels the same way, that they're connected in this way she can't pinpoint or name. and claiming him is exactly the right way to put it, because i don't think she knows how to acknowledge those emotions in herself, but she knows that she needs him with her always and wants him entrapped in a way where he can't get away from her.

i think rose is just incredibly attracted to what dave represents: safety, normalcy, the mundane, a reprieve from pain, but there are things about him that she just inherently gets. he's an outsider despite how much he attempts to fit in and i think there's something about that she relates to but also wants so badly to destroy and keep for herself.

also, this is a thing that belongs more in hcs than in kym specifically, especially because i imagine this taking place way earlier in their relationship, but bro absolutely knows about her relationship with dave. it isn't a secret. it's a thing that amuses him greatly. i actually imagine she shares a lot of details about him to bro, like allowing him this voyeuristic entertainment because dave isn't a threat to him, not really, and she shares every single one of her belongings with him.

in a perfectly pornographic world the two of them would spitroast the fuck out of him but this is a partially pornographic world that involves a meaningful plotline or whatever �� smh

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

this part was incredibly hard to write. not because it was difficult or emotionally taxing but because i reached this unfortunate impasse i find myself at every now and then while writing a lot of darkfic where i struggle with... it's not exactly the impulse to project, necessarily, more just.... feeling forced through into inevitability of it? or maybe it's the reluctance to use personal experiences vs the knowledge that doing it can benefit your writing (but also can hamper it).

like, very hard to write about a self-destructive teenager with violent tendencies without being reminded of the time when you were a self-destructive teenager with violent tendencies.

that reluctance is born from a rant i'm definitely not gonna get into unprompted but i'll just say that it definitely complicated things HAHAHA. i've definitely gone through a 'i'm going through a psychotic break and i'm going to ramble out 7835963463 crazy things into this dm window because the person on the other side said i could' phase. i've definitely just. been insane and vomited so many words out and ngl for a second there in the final draft when i was feeling too lazy to get into Stream Of Consciousness mode i was very tempted to dig up an old vent post and copypaste those thoughts in for rose but ultimately i thought that was disingenuous and a betrayal of her character SO

a fun but unexpected surprise was rose sounding far more like herself during her drugged moments of honesty. it's especially fun because even in the future when she doesn't have access to any sort of drugs or contact with bro anymore, i don't think she'll sound this much like rose lalonde either. it's like in her desperate search to find more of her brother, she's really just found a core part of herself that she doesn't have access to in this universe

'Is there a mechanical soul within me?' there is and his name is hal hi hal

it is actually incredibly fun playing with typing quirk punctuation. it's actually a style i utilized a lot in chatroom roleplay groups yeaaaaaaaaaars after homestuck ended, very much inspired by tumblr ventblogging typing styles, crytyping and all that. the idea that someone's mental state can and should be reflected in their typing style, which is something you really only see in canon in a character like gamzee (i cant remember if other trolls drop the quirk in times of duress in canon??? i think karkat drops his as a joke about volume sometimes but that's it). i don't even know if it even really comes across as blatantly as it feels when i write it, but it's so fun to see the consistencies in a way a character types slowly but surely fall apart as they grow unstable

so the way this is designed, it's as if rose had a moment of finally being in touch with the core of herself, with what ultimately makes her rose (complete with proper punctuation), before slowly but surely lapsing back into ro-stri as she loses her punctuation piece by piece, and then ultimately devolving even more as she abandons her capitalization to type in a way that's reminiscent of dave but, more importantly, bro's typing quirk

'I think there are lives inside me/the life inside me is his' is so funny to look at in hindsight. this chapter was halfway finished before the pregnancy plot had even come into being, and this was only ever supposed to be a reference to the identity blurring she's experiencing, and this half-truth, half-delusion about being able to sense everything lil cal has injected into her and her brother. it is so STRANGE to reread it now knowing that it's become foreshadowing to her pregnancy, especially with that next sentiment following it:

'Sometimes I wish it was yours'. again, that idea of being soulmates, being connected with someone permanently. and, again, that idea of codependency, and rose being unable to express or understand love without that need to merge herself with the object of her affection. and again this was befORE the pregnancy plot was a thing so now every time i read this line i sit here hoping people dont interpret it as rose wanting dave's baby HGJFKGSGSG i swear im not into breeding i sWEAR

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

DAVE IS SO CUTE I ALWAYS DIE REREADING THAT PART HE'S SO CUUUTE

also i struggle so SO much writing comfort scenes especially dialogue meant to comfort someone but this came out so easily. perhaps because it's a futile attempt and i didn't have to worry about the recipient of that comfort actually feeling soothed...? hmmm!

i have nothing to add to the romantic cannibalism confession besides :3c

i don't actually reread this chapter all that often anymore so finding this paragraph was lovely damn shoutout to this sentence that made me choke on my water as i was reading it cuz i was so distracted by how much i didnt remember writing this that i forgot to swallow and my drink just slid down into my lugnshjskdfg

then it is a series of letters in a language you wonder if she’s made up, that is somehow so cohesive in its chaos that you start to doubt even that.

more horrorterror references as if the literal last paragraph wasn't enough HAHA

a very fun part of designing and outlining the killswitch au is deciding who gets what plotline. for example, does rose strider get to go grimdark because she's rose? or does jade lalonde get to go grimdark because she's the lalonde with library access to the grimoire? unlike the characterization formula, there isn't an easy answer to this one. i'm mostly just going with what's more fun narratively and what makes a better and more cohesive storyline for the verse.

either way, though, ro-stri still has a connection with the horrorterrors, simply because she's a dersite and because i love a character that is so utterly doomed that every evil force on the face of the planet wants to take a turn on them. what's better than this... getting psychologically gangbanged by every demon in existence...

DID YOU KNOW I AM SO VERY FOND OF DAVE EGBERT AND HIS LOVELY PAPA WHO LOVES HIM SO MUCH

i am also so very fond of a dave egbert who cries alone in front of his computer cuz his girlfriend makes him so very sad every night like poor baby does Not Sleep and its so cute gjkgs

'its just prose' annoys the shit out of me to see because i wrote a similar line in a published piece of writing a couple of years ago so i can't reread this without being reminded of That hgjfkg

i will never write a strider rap i have the highest respect for any author who can but it'll never be me

their dynamic kills me HJKGFGKGS peak toxic romance right here god i wish i could write even more of it... i need to write more daverose so fucking bad....

a fun line because 1) i rly enjoy dave's half-forced half-genuine emotional voyeurism it's just a rly interesting aspect of his personality to write and 2) it's fun to have a moment with dave e's specific brand of humor since it's not as long-winded as a strider's would be

i rly forgot so much of this chapter HGFKGSGS oh dave... i love you... i love writing you so much...

stream-of-consciousness style writing is really fun like you get taken to so many unexpected places in the process. generally when i go SoC style i tend to have a few goals i want to land and this image, dave watching over rose in derse, was one of the big ones

ALSO THE IRONY OF DAVE CALLING HIMSELF HER PRINCE WHEN SHE IS ACTUALLY THE PRINCE OF THE SESSION HEHEHEHEHE

the lil cal staring contest is also another big one. it's just such a fun image to allude to like goddamnit i wish i could draw. it feels like an image that i can't even really describe properly what i want it to mean because it explains itself and there's not much minutia to pry free, it's just. them. rose inexplicably and perpetually being drowned in this cancerous evil at a rate that not even dave strider got to experience.

lmfao shout out to me explaining his memory power earlier forgetting that i explain it in the chapter HJSKFG

oh well NOW I GET TO ACTUALLY DISCUSS HIS CLASSPECT

so dave egbert issssss....

🥁 [drumroll] 🥁

the MAGE OF TIME!!!!

and changing classpects actually did something incredibly interesting to the story. killswitch never would have worked as a simple homestuck rewrite, because i dont think swapping the guardians is something that can ever be simple. so it didnt make sense to keep their classpects exactly the same, because they wouldn't have the same personalities or the same backgrounds to craft those personalities, or the same issues that were born of their uniquely shitty backgrounds. it also didnt feel as easy as making rose a knight of light and dave an heir of time, etc etc. like, while rose is not insecure in the classic way that knights should be (it can be argued that the 'i am my brother' facade can count towards knighthood... but her role in the story and what it will turn into once she joins the game definitely brands her a prince through and through)

through researching for killswitch i ended up coming to this conclusion about sburb and how i approach classpect and hs narratives in general:

and because of that, it was super easy to reassign everyone based on what they've been turned into through the switch in their roles.

it also made for another easy characterization formula: their aspect represents their 'nature' while their class represents their 'nurture'. so all the zeta kids still belong to the same aspect while their class changes rapidly, though how close or how far it is from their original class really depends on their character

anyway, mage of time is an incredibly fun role that actually breaks the rewrite narrative almost more than rose's classpect does. as the mage of time, dave actually steals the cryptic psychic role from jade and john harley (though, i do have thoughts on that matter, because there is still going to be a benefit for them from having access to prospit, and that plotline will still be involved in some capacity... probably).

and it's a very fun, partially accidental discovery within the au that the zeta kids are all... just a tad more prepared to enter sburb than their predecessors. rose is completely aware of the fact that she's training for something specific and dave... dave knows that the game is coming. he doesn't know the specifics, he doesn't know that it's sburb specifically that will bring them all together, but he knows there's an it, he knows the day he'll meet all his friends in person will be a day for the history books, and he knows that rose is in danger and that he'll be able to help her in a way no one else can.

some mage of time thoughts, many of which inspired and/or describe dave egbert's storyline:

source

the above was probably one of the first interpretations i read and really what solidified him as a mage, my initial thoughts to his classpect and how it interacts with rose's was the following:

and it's just so fun GOD rly hope i get to write in his perspective more in the future

haha yeah if we ever get to it yEAH if i ever get off my ass and actually finish writing this wholeass au which i nEVER WILL CUZ I DONT WANNA WRITE 500K WORDS GODDDD IM NEVER WRITING A HOMESTUCK AU AGAAAAIINNNN

#fic: kill your masters #director's commentary #meta #verse: killswitch #rose strider #dave egbert

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vigilantaes · 2 years ago

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name: andy

pronouns: she / he / they. whatever vibes i give u

preference of communication: discord but i'm slow and busy to reply LOL my bad. its the adhd

name of most active muse(s): cass! im probably moving my wonder woman to a sideblog here tho cuz i miss her. also looking into another character to go w/ scoob's sandra... stay tuned.

experience/how long (months/years?): like my whole ass life.... i think i literally started rping on wizard101. tumblr wise tho i belieevveee 2015ish? give or take

platforms you’ve used: besdies online mmo games, i started more serious literary rp on devi.antart. got on tumblr a few years later and thats my fave to this day. not a fan of discord rp

best experience: man there were so many... obligatory best experience being meeting my fiance on here or whatever. imma be honest i wouldnt have mentioned this if kat didnt also almost forget and put it on her's GEHSUIEGSJKHDG but my best muses were probably when me and her were writing shin.obu and ka.nae from demon slayer. still am obsessed w/ those portrayals. probably my peak. had an insanely popular tsu.yu from b.nha blog that was also a fun time mostly

rp pet peeves / dealbreakers: uhhh don't treat our rp stuff like we're in a dedicated 8 year long relationship or something because i do not take this website seriously whatsoever. also dupes who take out their dupe anxiety on/around me is the worst thing ever... especially bc i love dupes so so bad but ive had a long string of them starting shit w/ my friends just cuz they were jealous of something. we're alll just a bunch of nerds writing collaborative fanfiction its not that deep.

fluff, angst, or smut: i like all three! preference for fluff and angst but i'll plot out smut. never really wrote much of it myself but i'm open to that depending on the occasion. if i had to choose one i guess angst cuz im the best at writing that but i get bored of just one thing all the time.

plots or memes: memes because my attention span is garbage and im sadly too busy to full on plot with people. i do loooovee plots but its also kinda difficult since it has a lot to do with if you and the other person vibe or not u_u would love to plot more tho

long or short replies: i'll be honest. i love long so bad but it takes forever to write so i prefer like 70% short stuff and 30% long stuff. i don't like dialogue for more than goofing around. short for me is like 2-4 paragraphs and long is 5+, for reference.

best time to write: when my mentally ill brain allows me to focus/fixate long enough to do so AND im not being bombarded w/ ppl needing my help or job stuff. the woes of being a techy...

are you like your muse(s): in a few ways (like aesthetic) but not really, i've had other characters that i act way more like in the past. love her so bad tho she's definitely one of my fave character types to write even if i dont act much ilke her

tagged by @leopardblow ♥ ♥ ♥ tagging whoever hasn't done it! idk i haven't been on LOL

#ooc.

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ma-lark-ey · 1 year ago

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4.) City of Fallen Angels (8/24/23-11/14/23)

Okay so like. I’ve only read the scene where Kyle, Simon, & Jace all meet and I just. Listen. Hear me out? Throuple. Yk I’ve been on my Jamon shit since book two. Im still on my shit. But the tension hetween Jace and Kyle??? Simon moving in with Kyle so quickly??? They all have two hands.

I can feel in my bones that Kyle will probably Not Be A Friend and I will regret my comments. But I��m sticking to my guns. If all else fails I still got my Jace/Simon agenda to fight for 🫡💪

“Back from your breakfast meeting, I see,” [Jace] said without much welcome in his tone. “I bet you thought you were clever, sneaking off like that.”

“Medium clever,” Simon acknowledged, “Like a cross between George Clooney’s ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ and the Mythbusters, but, ya know, better looking.”

“I’m always so glad I have no idea what you’re vacantly chattering about.” Said Jace. “It fills me with a sense of peace and well-being.”

“Simon sat down at the table. “You ought to eat something.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Im all out of blood right now. Unless you’re offering.”

THEY. ARE. BOYFRIENDS.

Clary can fuck off I need her boyfriend to kiss the vampire.

KYLE BEING NAMED FUCKING. JORDAN KYLE. NO. THATS NOT REAL. if his last name was like, Avery or Jackson I'd EXCEPT IT but KYLE??? thats not a real last name. absolutely not. Also Maia was so fucking real for trying to kill on sight me fucking too baby girl.

also literally why is Clary a background character n her own damn series right now like no one gives a shit about the warlock baby give me the vamp goss.

ALSO is Jace fr trying to pull away from Clary because of horny disease if my theory proves true i will NEVER stop bullying this man.

"I'm sticking to Simon because its the closest I can get to you" you let this man kiss your neck unironically and also unironically offered again. you are in love with him.

“If love were food, I would have starved on the bones you gave me.” Okay poet Magnus. Get it ig???

OH ALEC ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE OH FUCK ME

So a lot of my commentary didnt save so we’ll bullet point

The Max dup was uncalled for and MEAN.

I want a Stephen Herondale ghost moment. GIVE JACE HIS DAD!!

Isabelle & Jordan’s dynamic is wonderful.

I need Simon to stop being a problem for hhhhh a chapter. Minimum

#GiveJaceABreak2024

WHAT THE FUCK IS LILITH AND WHY IS SHE KILLING CLARY

Thank you.

Collapses into my desk chair after working on the same hundred page stint for a week. IM FINISHING IT TODAY FUCKERS.

Obsessed with Clary “hold on let me use my boyfriend’s catholic guilt to fuck his ass up real fast” Fray

Alec needs to go have makeup sex istg your gayass is more focused on your man than the LITERAL CULTISTS

��he’s way past his sell-by date” FOUL.

Okay so if all a vamp needs to be a daylighter is to drink from a shadowhunter why the hell is simon the only one??? Does it need to be consensual.

OH MAYBE THATS IT. If a vampire drinks from a shadowhunter consensually they get the ability to walk in the day because they’ve experienced an angel’s secondhand grace or some bullshit.

Look. Im still in my Simace bullshit. I want them to makeout.

“There’s not death do us part for those who never die”

^ me at that line fr.

This is my petition to put Jace on mood stabilizers. I think it’d solve a lot of his problems

AYO CUSSWORD!!

Simon & Jace silent talks. They’re BOYFRIENDS.

Isabelle & Simon are cute honestly ngl. Still think he’s in love with Jace, though. Under different circumstance id say he has two hands but the hands in question are siblings so he actually doesnt have two hands.

“I won’t be any more ready to lose you then than u am right now. And thats not at all.” Insane that Clare invented immortal gay people.

“For a bachelor with no children, Luke had an awful lot of kids to look after.” Simon dont even act like this just dawned on you. That man is just A Dad.

Final thought: the dynamic between Sebastian & Jace is the exact same as Kevin & Riko from All For The Game. Like. Girl. Fuck.

Anyways.

Onto Lost Souls I guess !!

Lark Liveblogs Lit episode 4(?): The Mortal Instruments

Here’s what I know going into it;

Magnus & Alec are endgame, Alec walks away from his marriage???? Very dramatically to kiss Magnus. I, originally, thought these two were reversed but my mate corrected me.

It’s (roughly???) inspired by her old Draco Trilogy (which I did track down and download, will read eventually) and shares the name with a Ron/Ginny fic (which I read. Mortal Instrument was a very fitting title)

And that’s literally all I know before hand;

Unlike the Harry Potter post, I’ll add my thoughts whilst reading and not just completely after finishing. I will still do the entire series post-mortum on each book, though.

City of Bones; (3/11/23)

Alec is EASILY my favorite. I figured it’d be Simon or Magnus because my blorbo history favors Simons and Magnuses, but Alec has CAPTURED my heart and when he almost died to Abbadon I literally cried even though I KNEW he survived.

Clary, on the contrary, is only slightly less boring than Isabelle. I think Isabelle is badass because she’s got a whip but both of these women is like. Go girl! Give us NOTHING! Especially weird because Clary is primarily our perspective character??

Jace & Simon’s weird little dynamic is interesting. I’m not. Its whatever. I don’t hate it, I’m not intrigued. I DO think Alec/Jace is a far superior romance to Jace/Clary. But also maybe my opinion will change. The little kiss in the garden WAS very cute. Jace thinks he’s so cool and he’s literally not. He’s literally so cringe. His snarky sass is so fun as well, obsessed with whatevers going on there.

The cup being IN the Tarot cards was SO cool. I’m obsessed with THAT.

How old is Magnus. Can I be condoning Malec. Is it like, a Calypso situation. Emotionally he act around 19-20, we’re going with that. He feels like a shitty frat boy. How did this man name Magnus Chase he’s so cool and Magnus Chase is the most pathetic meow meow I’ve ever seen.

UMMM??? HODGE??? WHAT THE A C T U A L FUCK. HELLO. NO. NO. I REFUSE. THIS IS SO FUCKED UP WHAT. SO THAT WAS A FUCKING LIE???? Hodge.

Pov you’re my actually mildly hyperventilating at the end of chapter 22.

JACE IS VALENTINES SON??? THEY’RE SIBLINGS??? Really living up to stealing that name from Ron/Ginny fic huh 😭😭 oh god. Cassie… cassie clare… bbg….

So. The Johnathon reveal fr had me set the book down and walk away because I was in HYSTERICS. congrats, Simon! New chance with your girl because the other part of your love triangle was her BROTHER. so—

Newly finished City of Bones. There’s so much going on here. I’ve thoroughly exhausted my thoughts already. Uhm.

All I have left to say is I adore Luke. He’s perfect. And Magnus Bane RUSHING to Alec like that??? OKAY. HOMOSEXUAL MUCH??? Yes sir go get your man. I see you.

2.) City of Ashes (02/05/23-8/17/23)

Simon and Clary are a MESS i love them. Theyre IDIOTS.

Luke is still my beloved

The complex ass dynamic of Jace and Valentine,,, EAT. love it.

Im gonna be so fr i have updated this in six months and dont remember 90% of book teo anymore actually but Vampire Simon was a slay

Wait that didnt happen in this book.

OH. OH. THE SEELIE COURT? INSANE. INSANO FUCKING CRAZY THAT WAS WILD.

this book took me forever to read because second installments are always weak af (Son of Neptune is an exception) and i struggle so bad

Dont remember if it was this book or book three but him almost dying and Jace giving him blood was the GAYEST thing I’ve ever seen and they should make out. Like that was so horny and for what.

YES THAT WAS TEO IM CORRECT because two was the boar fight and three was the city where sebastian whatever the fuck killed max

Moving on.

3.) City of Glass (8/19/23-8/23/23)

THEYRE NOT. SIBLINGS. WIN FOR EVERYONE INVOLED.

Magnus & Alec appeared like twice but im obsessed with Magnus every time he appears im flirting with him hey bb howzit going.

Maya is my FAVORITE ever i love a wolf girl. Also love a fear demon.

The Max death was UNNECESSARY and UNCALLED FOR he was a BABY BOY. what did he ever do to deserve this. He died HOLDING JACE’S SOLDIER. devastating. Awful.

The mark of Kane for Simon was real as shit im obsessed with that.

The Angel reviving Jace was literally so funny silly goofy. He went “god. What the fuck. At least give this kid a chance at being normal” and thats so funny.

I want to study Jace like a bug. Hes so babygirl.

(I’ll reblog with updates as I read the last half of the series 🙏 it’s taking longer bc ~ school ~)

However!

My best mate & I watched the first season of the show & the City of Bones movie and;

Okay we only watched the first like. 45 minutes of City of Bones because we wanted to watch something genuinely bad and it was doing too well. Obsessed with the cast on that, though. We didnt even get to Magnus or Alec because every casting on the movie was good until Isabelle and it was so bad I made my mate turn it off because I Could Not.

I’m on episode ten of season one of Shadowhunters and its not good but it is fun so I’m thriving. Like this show is bad but also its a fun time so we’re thriving.

#the mortal instruments #lark says

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sharkneto · 2 years ago

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perhaps a little out there but any thoughts on TSM!five being read as autistic? as an autistic person myself i didnt really think about him (as a character either in canon or in au work) in an autistic light when i first watched the show but realizing i might be autistic and then reading into some of the specific writing in TSM, it makes go Hrmm. it might be more intentional there than the show so idk

I can't talk to orsumfenix's intentions with their writing of TSM!Five, but I think it's fair to interpret him, or canon!Five, in that light if you want to. Any version of him has some neurodivergency going on, I don't think that's a controversial thing to say, that you can couple with (for canon!Five) his utter lack of social interactions to practice and learn how to Person correctly. How you interpret and read him I think totally up to you and fair game to do so.

For how I write Number (who, as we all know, is my adopted version of TSM!Five), I've never actively thought "I am writing this character as autistic". I lean on how I understand canon!Five as a character, my understanding of how orsumfenix writes TSM!Five, and pair that combo with his very sheltered, abusive childhood (so, more social practice than canon!Five but still limited and not healthy). I'm camp neurodivergent!Five, but I've never sat and really thought to give it a name for what he has going on. I can see interpreting it as ADHD (he cannot sit still, he hyperfocuses - usually on his math - and I attribute this to how his powers have him wired but you can call a pot a pot, even if it's shaped differently). I can see interpreting him as autistic, with his social struggles and the previously stated obsessive interests and whatnot. I'm sure there's other ways we can interpret and sort what he's doing into other diagnoses. I'm not particularly interested in doing that, I'll just keep writing him how I understand him as a whole and if you or others want to label it one way or another in a way that fits for them, go for it. I don't see Five being all that bothered with giving it a name - it's just how he is - so I'm personally not all that bothered to give it a name. That's just me, though.

If you relate and want to label what the show, what orsumfenix, what I, what any of us are doing with Five as autism, I am the last person to stop you. I think how we all touch and interpret media (and transformative works like fic) beyond the creator's intentions is just as important a part of the experience as consuming the media in the first place. Find that meaning and connection for yourself.

#a neat question - hopefully i did it justice with a little bit of a non-answer #if you see yourself in a character and relate to x or y they do i don't see why giving it a name that makes sense to you hurts anything #i like hearing how my readers see or interpret things that happen in my fics #how things came across to you vs what my own vision was when writing it #i suppose the goal is to write well enough to communicate my vision so it is also your vision #but more often than not things that you guys picture slap way harder than whatever i was picturing #and i'm never going to be the one to take that away from you #ficblogging #ask response #number #shifting mirrors

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lavellander · 3 years ago

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so back when i had approx zero followers on this blog i made a post comparing solas and atlas (as in the titan) and i wanna bring it up again

BUT also the original layout of the post was ugly and all my extra thoughts are v long so its going in a readmore!! abandon hope all ye who enter here<3

i wanna preface this by saying IF ANYONE WITH A CLASSICS DEGREE WANTS TO STEP IN AND HELP OR CORRECT ME lmao please do!! my degrees are in english not ancient shit!! also i figured someone had already broken down this connection but i couldnt find a post abt it?? google didnt give me anything but if someone's already done this pls link me to it!!

anyway the obvious connection my little gremlin brain made was because atlas was charged with holding up the sky – not the world! common misconception – and solas's stronghold is literally called skyhold because it's where he held up the sky

(quick thank you to what the water gave me by florence + the machine for planting this little seed of brain rot within me)

and so i was like. im gonna look more up about atlas, maybe theres a specific myth or epic poem or smth that gives me more info idk. and since i wasnt about to buy any new books my results are limited but i found some shit that Fucked Me Up Real Good

GODS, REBELLION, + PUNISHMENT

(here are some of the sources btw these screenshots are months old so idr which goes to what im so sorry)

[ID: A screenshot reading "Atlas and his brother Menoetius sided with the Titans against the Olympians and when the Titans were eventually defeated many of them were confined to Tartarus (a deep abyss used as a dungeon) including Atlas's brother. However, Atlas had a different fate, and Zeus condemned Atlas to stand at the Western edge of Gaia (the Earth) and hold the heavens on his shoulders to prevent the two from resuming their" – the screenshot cuts off here.]

[ID: A screenshot reading "He (Atlas) was the leader of the Titan rebellion against Zeus, and he got a fitting punishment after" – the screenshot cuts off here.]

[ID: A screenshot reading "Atlas and his brother Menoetius sided with the Titans. In time, Atlas even managed to become the leader of the rebellion, but that didn't end up too well for him in the long run, since it got him the most severe punishment after the defeat of the Titans."]

SO. atlas led a rebellion against a pantheon of gods!! HOW INTERESTING :^) wonder who that sounds like. haha!!

[ID: A screenshot reading "The Archivist in the Sundered Hall of the Shattered Library stores the following memory: 'After he held back the sky to imprison the gods, the Dread Wolf disappeared.' Thus Skyhold is the place where the" – the screenshot cuts off here.]

[ID: A screenshot reading "Known as Tarasyl'an Te'las ('the place where the sky is kept' or, more specifically, 'the place where the sky was held back') in ancient elvish, Skyhold is a fortress located in a stretch of the Frostback Mountains near the Dales," – the screenshot cuts off here.]

there are obvious differences here, mainly being that atlas & co lost their fight against the olympians and holding up the sky was atlas's punishment, whereas solas technically won by "holding up" the sky aka creating the veil

this might be my own personal perception of solas and his whole thing but i do feel like the concept of punishment (in various forms) can be seen threading through his character and story. i'm still trying to work this part out in a way that doesn't make it seem like i'm conflating punishment, consequence, and burdensome responsibility lol so putting a pin in it for now!

i'm also interested in any similarities bw tartarus and where the evanuris are kept !!!! they are both called the abyss and are home to fucked up demons and shit!!! but i'll need to do more reading for that

PRIDE / HUBRIS

also, as most bitches who fell victim to this wily bastard, i'm obsessed with the name solas meaning pride?? especially since we know solas is a name he chose for himself at one point?? (i cant find the source rn but if someone has it i would love to include it here!)

i know he says "solas came first," but i'm taking that to mean he as a person came before his role/identity as the dread wolf, not that literally the name solas itself came first. i would LOVE to know when exactly he started calling himself solas, and more importantly the precise reason he decided on that name. like not to be raised catholic on main but one doesn't name themselves after a fucking cardinal sin just because it sounds cool !!!! the man has fucking BAGGAGE

side note – i'm aware that in elvish solas can also mean "to stand tall," but given that...

every single other use of the word or root 'solas' has been translated to mean 'pride'

solas describes himself as prideful on more than one occasion

the fact that his personal quest centers around a fucking pride demon, and

for reasons i'm about to go into

....i think we can assume it's the negative connotation, not the 'standing tall' one.

so, given that i'm already hell deep in greek myth because of the atlas stuff, i'm like yeah let's see what those guys had to say about pride

[ID: A screenshot reading "HYBRIS was the goddess of personified spirit (daimona) of insolence, hubris, violence, reckless pride, arrogance, and outrageous behavior in general. Her Roman name" – the screenshot cuts off.]

[ID: A screenshot reading "In ancient Greek, hubris referred to 'outrage': actions that violated natural order, or which" – the screenshot cuts off.]

[ID: A screenshot reading "like Hesiod and Aeschylus used the word 'hubris' to describe transgressions against the gods."]

LMAO UM? i can't stop thinking about "actions that violated the natural order" and "transgressions against the gods" !!! because solas's WHOLE DEAL is that he did both of those things !!!!!

and while i don't think his core reasons for challenging the evanuris were based in pride, i do think there is also a subtle nuance between pride and hubris? (once again i am not a classical scholar so that may just be me and my misconceptions!)

at any rate, solas DOES see the world he created as a violation of the natural order; the veil itself is a violation of the natural order, which is why he's hellbent on tearing it down. his "transgressions" against the gods – which here i mean to be an 'offense' or 'disobedience,' rather than breaking the law or whatever – are what led to the act that literally altered the fabric of reality. hubris (in its definitions listed here, not just to mean pridefulness) all the way through, start to finish !!

of course much has already been said about solas's association with pride demons. to name a few, the fact that your first boss battle in inquisition is a pride demon, that his friend in his personal quest is corrupted into a pride demon, and this fucking banter between solas and vivienne:

SOLAS: Tell me, Enchanter. Do you even bother to explore the Fade in your dreams? VIVIENNE: I prefer to explore the world I actually live in. SOLAS: Pity. You could be much more powerful if you ventured outside your narrow preconceptions. VIVIENNE: Ah, the temptation to leave the path. You sound like a pride demon. SOLAS: Enchanter, any pride demon you met would just walk away, shaking its head and laughing uncontrollably. VIVIENNE: Oh darling, more than one already has.

also this post by felassan has good points that make me want to yell a lot:

[ID: A screenshot reading "'Solas' means 'pride' in elvish. Solas is wise and friends with spirits of Wisdom. Corrupted spirits of Wisdom are Pride demons. Pride demons have multiple eyes. The black wolf Solas is depicted with on his Tower card has multiple eyes. I don't think these things are coincidences"]

HOWEVER this post is not abt pride demons it is about ATLAS so im going to stop there. the point of bringing up hubris at all was the whole 'violation of natural order' and especially 'transgressions against the gods' so im getting real sidetracked here. moving on

MOUNTAINS + SKYHOLD

this one is more of like a fun little addition rather than anything super in depth BUT in my original googlings i found several sources that mentioned that some myths/interpretations see atlas as a mountain or a mountain range because he was turned to stone after seeing a gorgon head??

mountains!!! as the place/thing that holds back the sky!!!! this is fine!!

but also to quote my original tags:

#thinking of mountains as holding up the heavens is obv not revolutionary lmfao #and certainly not restricted to greek myth or This Fucking Video Game #but! #(shane madej voice) ive connected the dots #let me have this<3

IDK WHAT TO DO W THIS LOL

as with most of my long bullshit posts: i have no idea what to do with this information :~)

like what is The Point™ of having such similar stories!! a god leads a rebellion against a pantheon of other gods and, at the end of it, has to hold up/back the sky???? that can describe either one of them!! even where they differ, i still see similarities – the titans lose and are sentenced away to tartarus, which is described as AN ABYSS!! compared to the evanuris losing and being locked away.......in the abyss................hello. here lies the abyss, the well of all souls, from these emerald waters doth life begin anew??? bye.

anyway the reason i wanted to revive this idea is to see what other ppl had to say about it!! either adding new info or correcting anything i have here or just theorizing!!! would love to hear yalls thots<3

#dragon age #solas #fen'harel #dragon age meta #dragon age theory #(i have......no idea if this counts as meta lmao but. whatever)#also i feel like this is fairly evident and the game has been out for 7 whole years but i will tag it anyway #spoilers #lmao

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hello-yue-here · 3 years ago

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About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

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osdd-1bitch · 3 years ago

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Notes on why specific alters formed: (by Cassie)

Chloe (Integrated) she/her

So, Chloe was a easy one. shes very maternal because we(im just gonna refer to everyone else at any given time as we bc idk when this happened) were v young and had 0 fckin communication w other people and absive parents.

our bio parents were neglectful and absive and our grandparents who did a lot of the work raising us did not speak *any english* for a long time and we never learned their language, so we had literally no one to talk to and struggled to communicate basic wants/needs as a child a lot.

Chloe was that sort of ideal mother figure, soft and loving and wise. She was also incredibly quiet, preferring to listen instead and provide nonverbal comfort which was vital to our emotional state at the time, where sharing any negative emotion, would quickly elicit a yelling match or confusion at any more complex or abstract issues.

Owen Grady (Active) he/him

Now, Owen, who is still around, is obviously a fictive, but we've never directly interacted with his source. the portrayals of him were rather chaotic and we werent particularly sure why we split him. His role never seemed obvious to us and we had no idea wtf he was doing here...but taking a step back he makes a good ISH. He's a natural in the jungle which is full of more animalistic alters and trauma, and he's incredibly patient and kind with these guys. He might also count as their gatekeeper as he keeps them from leaving their part of the headspace (and causing major issues throughout the system). He's brave and loves exploring which are good traits for that subsystem. He isnt a large part of our collective, but his presence is known and valued (by me lol)

Sia&Nia (dormant?) she/her both

Sia and Nia are twin catgirl alters, and exist to be cringy in a way. Both were important protectors, but are currently mia due to a traumatic event that sent the vast majority of known jungle alters into dormancy.

anyways Nia was a social/emotional protector. She was loud, and defiant and very sure of herself. She knew she was 'cringe' and didnt mind being mocked or teased at all, and she was very moral and energetic. She helped a lot with self advocacy because she would not stand back and let us be ignored, although that ultimately led to her tenure being so short.

Sia was the physical protector, who didnt particularly care about others opinions or ideas on what they could do to us. She also had a strong sense of justice and was a important protector.

Ranboo (unknown) he/they/end

Ranboo was actually a rather important trauma/anxiety holder. the beginning of 2020 was incredibly stressful and traumatizing, considering now we were trapped in an absive home, w a//phyx///ia//tion being a strong trigger, black, and very close to certain...events. this made the host at the time feel incredibly unsafe and dissociated, and they momentarily hyperfixated on Ranboo the streamer. His presence took a great deal of pressure off of the host at the time, and well he is/was a rather small part of the system, his split was still helpful

PostContent (Active) it/he/they

PostContent is a fictive of a character on this one youtube channel by the same name.

tw///mentions of dth, crpses, eds, sui

////

on said youtube channel PC's 'corpse self' (the videos are highly up to interpretation as intended so I'm summarizing a lot) is in constant conflict with the main character due to being more self aware. it knows what if feels and wants and is very blunt doing so. at the very end of the first season the two seemingly 'merge'. this was something that really, and obviously, spoke to us and this split was actually needed for a long time.

see, theres been a basically lifelong fight between Need and Independence. Need is dependant, craves toxic relationships, is obsessive and, well, needy! if you give it a inch, it will want miles and miles. i dont know if it can even feel full bc whenever its in power we eat so fckin much and are always hungry. attention, food, whatever. Need feels emotions explosively and wants validation

On the other hand, Independence wants no dependence on anything. it cuts off friends, doesnt eat for days at a time, is cold ect ect. It believes things like being hungry or tired are inherently bad and 'weakness' that must be trained out of the body. Emotions are an even larger weakness that must be destroyed.

PC calms both of these factions by existing. he feels incredibly deeply, it's a very deep and dark depression, but, being dead he can simply ignore it and put it off. is being dead not the ultimate freedom from needs? is being dead not the ultimate freedom to do and want whatever you want? he also fufils both sides su//ici///dal thoughts, bc hes already dead.

PC did not end this internal war, not even close, but has helped us cope with it, making him a large and rather influential alter in our internal politics. *deep sigh* id rather deal with american politics sometimes..

///////// tw over////////

#oposting #txt #abuse tw #death tw #ask2tag #personal

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years ago

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(1) Hello I am back!! I'm sorry it's been long, these past couple of weeks have had me swamped with homework :( and yet I still didn't do it all 🤡 also get ready for a bunch of messages because 1.) responses and 2.) my thoughts on Lockscreens. Spoiler: I am Emotional haha. Aww, thank you :') I used to think it was weird to give yourselves nicknames but I'm past that now haha. Another one I go by sometimes is "Lizard" because I stick my tongue out a lot when I'm talking??

(2) and people think I'm cold blooded because I get really cold easily and like to bask in the sun. I mostly just did traditonal sketches and a lot of screencap redraws. I want to get into art again, but I'm taking it slow for now and focusing more on my writing. And I feel that too LOL. I'm going to start a blog dedicated to reblogging x reader fics that I like because I'm too embarrassed to do so on my main blog (I tell all of your followers 🤡)

hey Honeymoon! as long as you’re taking care of yourself, that’s all I care about 💞 i’m gonna post my responses into two parts. a Lockscreens segment after you send in the rest of your thoughts and a get-to-know-you part for now!

(also I’M FROM CA TOO AND WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU SENDING ME MESSAGES AT 3AM OML)

ngl, i feel like the best person to give you a nickname is yourself! i jokingly gave myself the nickname ‘Daddy’ and that’s literally become my “rave” personality LMAO. but i can understand why some people think it’s weird 🤷 honestly lizard is a bad-ass nickname !! i’m the same way - being in the cold makes me sooo sleepy and i’d rather bask in the sun 😂

i’d love to see your artwork or writing sometime! please feel free to send it over 🥰

(3) Honestly even with all my issues it's kind of nice being a hopeless romantic! Like you said it gives me the chance to day dream haha. Maybe I have my head in the clouds a lot but sometimes it's nice to be there. There's so many, but I think it's a tie between enemies to lovers and friends to lovers. I love the drama and comedy from the former but I'm so Soft for the latter, and that's highkey how I want my relationship to start.

(4) I think building that bond with someone before you even start dating them is really sweet, and having that connection by the time you commit to each other is 💓 I'm sorry you've been having writers block, that's the worst :( if it helps, the past two chapters have turned out amazing, I love them so much!! I think the closest I got to hardcore shipping something that wasn't canon was RinHaru? But there was also a lot of tension and affection in their relationship so I could see it being canon

there’s nothing wrong with having dreams! just so long as you can ground yourself at the end of the day.

enemies to lovers is always the funniest for me to read TBH. because it’s such an inevitable cliche haha. friends to lovers though -- oooo my heart.

the best relationships start with friendship. it’s the most authentic imo. like for me, it’s exhausting bearing my heart open to new people each time i want to get involved with someone romantically. but having someone who already knows you inside out??? swoon. what about a trope you dislike?

ah tyty, i’m glad you enjoyed them! the writers’ block wasn’t too bad for these chapters. i’ve had them typed up for a few weeks now :’)

rinharu is so cute though! but Harukoto (or whatever the ship name is tbh) is super cute too. but maybe i just really like the best friend to lovers trope LMAO

(5) I just looked at their insta and !!!!!!!!!! that's so cute! I like bokuaka but I've never looked into it as much as others, but their art made me have Feelings lol. I think that is a good view to have on family tbh. I've developed a relationship with my blood family and we're close, but there's something special about the relationships and love you have for people you choose to stay with. I love Tiana!! I think she's a really underrated Disney character :(

(6) She really encompasses Disney's message of working hard to achieve your dreams, and she's a strong, independent woman without being closed off and rejecting her feelings. I think it's so cute and cool that she had that much of an impact on you :D Oof, I get that 💀. Men are gross 🤢 I don't get it very often because I live in SoCal and tbh to a lot of other people brown just equals mexican lol. They're right but I really don't look full mexican. Portuguese and Islander people can tell though

bokuaka art makes me have ~ feelings ~ i also really like @/liann1009 and @/maddox_rider on IG! (tbh idk if they have a tumblr whoops) liann1009 does a lot of OiHina whereas maddox_rider does bokuaka which is ridiculously cute too 🥰

DUDE OMG YES!!! Tiana and Kita (from Atlantis) are under-rated QUEENS who deserved better!! we need representation out here in this b*tch!!!

idek why, but some people think i look hispanic 🙃 but yes bby, men are gross and should be better!! i have yet to meet a man who deserves to stand on equal ground to me, imma be real. (2d men don’t count but y’know). does it bother you when people mistake your ethnicity?

(7) Thank you!! Ngl it's kind of scary wondering about what the industry is going to be like because I'm sure I will run into a lot of biased people and sources, but learning to navigate that is just part of the job. Of course there's people who will read biased sources and attack you too, but you can't always escape those people :/ and thank you love, you're so sweet 💕 That's really admirable! It takes a lot of work and creativity to start a business, I'm sure you'll be successful 😊

(8) what kind were you thinking of? and psych is super cool too! Having that understanding of people and the world can be really eye opening and fun :D It's okay, he was one of my favorite teachers but looking back he was an asshole. He had his good/funny moments and did a lot for me, but he also abused some of editors in my journalism class, and some friends of mine :/ He wouldn't appreciate their work, sometimes insult them, and even encouraged my friend to not sleep for the sake of the paper

i’m positive that you’ll do just fine once you get out there! it seems like you have a pretty thick skin :)

i really wanted to open a business to help support under-represented groups receive an education - with major focus on minority groups such as orphans/foster children, veterans, and the homeless. there’s so much logistics that tbh i’m too ~stressed~ to think about so i’m tabling that for awhile :’)

bruhhh fuck that teacher. drop his addy, i just wanna talk real q 💞 if you can’t support all of your students, then there is no point in being a professor!! there is literally 0 reason to be rude when you’re in a position of power, especially when it involves someone’s passion, career, and/or education.

(9) I just remembered that there's a limit to how many asks you can send in a certain amount of time so if these suddenly stop I'm sorry! I'll come back when I can haha. I wouldn't say I'm all that great tbh, but I'm proud of a lot of my works LOL. My favorite part about it is using makeup and tools to just turn into something else. Wounds are always fun, but making yourself a gargoyle or some other creature is what makes it so interesting to me.

(11) I'm OBSESSED with the makeup and costumes from LOTR. It's my biggest inspiration. I can go on about it haha. That's so cool!! Being a part of the whole production, especially all sides to it, sounds so fun. Do you have any favorite memories from your time in high school? I'd love to hear them if you have any :O Confession: I have never seen any of those asdfkljvk. I know I really should though and it's on my to do list ! I've heard really great things about all of them !

imma be real, i didnt know there was a limits on asks LMAO. i did hear that they sometimes get eaten though, so i really hope that doesn’t happen 😅

we all start somewhere. your first step will never look like someone else’s, nor should it. as long as it’s something that you can look back upon and be proud of and know that you’ve grown from, that’s all that matters!

just imagining someone using makeup to turn themselves into a gargoyle has my head spinning 🤣 like ya girl can barely do her eye-makeup, let alone anything as intense as that! what’s been the most difficult project?

DUDE, I LOVE MEDIEVAL-HISTORICAL WORKS! like the dresses from that Mary from Reign wears has my heart so softtttt. dfsnosdf. please!! tell me some of your fav things about LOTR 💖

omg high-school was so long ago, i don’t think i have any favorite memories from it 🙃 i think the opening night of a production would be the best. listening to the audiences reactions as the performers left their hearts on-stage, seeing all the pieces fall together, that was always absolutely incredible. wbu, what did you enjoy about hs?

i have very strong opinions on those musicals LMAO. i can talk about them forever 🤩

#skye's asks #firebonbon

0 notes

ilkkijangege · 5 years ago

Text

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭

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saeran-choi-is-my-husband · 7 years ago

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Hi, I'm Fluffy! I just read ur Jumin post and love it T^T I ended up gasping dramatically from shock lol anyways I saw that your ask was open and was wondering if I can ask for a RFA+V and Saeran(if ur ok doing all) reacting to an MC that's like a hard core fangirl(could be anything like anime, books, musicals, etc, ect) and cosplay, does fanart, writes fanfics/hc and when she talks about her obsessions, like most the time doesn't even makes sense?? I hope that wasn't too specific! Fluffy out!

Hi fluffy! Wah, it’s an nice request, thank you for sending it in! I think I accidentally made Jumin’s part long whoops!

~Admin Jiyeon

RFA + V & Saeran with a fangirl MC

ZEN:

MC? What are those? oMG ARE THOSE YOUR STORIES LEMME READ-

‘Zen, they’re called fanfiction’ ‘Still’

Do not write smut around this guy i stg the beast

SUPPORTIVE A F

Will fight anyone who hate comments “babe, chill” “Wym chill somEONE NEEDS TO APPRECIATE YOUR WORK!”

He’ll help you with your things! Like plotwist, some character names and such

babe can you put me there

will cry at romantically sad scenes of your stories and you just stare at him like ‘babe what the fuck’

Yoosung:

He probably found out by accident that you were a hardcore Luhan fan

“Hey MC, could I borrow your phone? Mine got broken and I need to call Seven.”

And when he saw the screen, he only saw a smiling Luhan selfie

YANDERE YOOSUNG

He was a bit confused. who is this girly dude that is here

After the call, he was stuttering to MC because he was so shy to admit so“M-MC, who w-was the guy i-in your phone?”“..Oh, that’s my idol!”

rELIEVED WHOO

A bit jealous, so he was all pouty until she realized lol

“Yoosung.. are you jealous?” “No.”

“Aw, it’s okay, Luhan be my idol but you’re always my number one!”

blush blush blush~

Jaehee:

same, probably

She would love listening to your theories about The Maze Runner, Harry Potter and some Percy Jackson .

Since she can read some chapters and so, she’ll probably add some theories too with you

Theories about Zen’s musicals, coffee, some nice breakfast? Sign her up!

She’ll comfort you when your favorite character would die *coughNEWTcough*

“It’s okay, MC, yes, he didnt deserve it, i’m sure.” “BUT STILL! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DIE!”

She would use some of the OST of the movies to calm you down after a bad day and it works. For her, just put in some Zen’s musicals and boom.

Overall, very supportive, sometimes would correct you in a good way, points out your mistake and adds a better one politely

Ah, loveher

Jumin:

what is fanart?

MC.. who are those men you are drawing? why are you not drawing me?

“Oh, Jumin, honey, they are my favorite characters! They are from FREE!

Free? What kind of business- “Dear it’s an anime-”

What is anime?

Although he does not understand what you mean, he still supports you!

“Jumin what are those heavy shopping bags?”

“Oh? These are art materials.”

“Okay then.”

“…”

“..?”

“… OH! ARE THOSE FOR ME?! OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH, JUMIN!”

V mumbling in the distance: “He almost bought the whole store..”

Whenever you have art block or get frustrated and want to rip your hair out, he’s always there for you, trying to cheer you up. Keyword: Trying.He’ll give you Elizabeth 3rd to pat, give you some tips and lovely wordsHe’ll also hire some artists to help you with some things you are struggling with such a bab

He wants to take a photo of your drawing and when it was blurred, he called V over lmfao

SUPPORTIVE!

Saeyoung / 707:

WHO SAID COSPLAY?!!?!?!? YES BOI YES!

He would join your cosplays proudly. Crossdress or not

Giving makeup tips

MAID OUTFITS! MAID OUTFITS MAID OUTFITS!

He totally acts like a girl when he crossdress and you’re impressed

Probably dragged Saeran to cosplay Rin and Len Kagamine with him and you’re Miku/Kaito

Somehow, he’ll also win some Cosplay Contests with you guys and so

So, he always joins you and gets scolded by Vanderwood

Worth it though lmfaoo

“So.. MC…” “Lemme guess, we need to cosplay something again and you will crossdress?” “No, we cosplay as Ciel and you cosplay Elizabeth.”

He’d look good as Ciel omg yas.

“Yoosung you join us.” ;))

Overall, Supportive baby!

V/Jihyun Kim:

Let’s be real, if he found out you love Luhan, he’ll probably sit you down and say, “Darling, I figured you love this guy named Luhan and I got some photos of him when I went to China.”

And whEN YOU SQUEALED AND LOOKED AT THE PHOTOS HAPPILY, YOU BET YOUR ASS HE TOOK OUT HIS CAMERA AND PICTURED A SQUEALING YOU.

“Ahh! He’s so adorable! Oh my god, Jihyun I love you so much thank you!” when you pounced on him and peppered his face in kisses, he was so happy omg yes, mc, please make this baby happy he deserves it

“MC, Jumin has a photoshoot in China for a week soon and I’m the photographer, would you like to go?”

“YES!

He’d buy you some tickets to his concert.

“wait.. honey.. but-”

“Yes?”

“..Some of his songs..are.. uhm.. just.. not decent.”

“Its okay! I can handle it!”

And when Lu came, boy was scarred for his life.

“I’m sorry, Jihyun..”

He just grinned and kissed the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

But when you’d feel bad because it seems like you’re overshadowing him, you’ll sing a Luhan song on his birthday (DO NOT SING LU I STG GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN IF YOU WANNA SING LU HE”S INNOCENT DONT DRAG HIM WITH IT)

Saeran:

The fuck is this

THe fuck is that

Edgelord is not impressed lmfao

He’d still try to be supportive of your crazy anime things

But when he saw Kuroshitsuji, he totally joined you

Merch?

HELL YES LET”S BUY IT

He just loves the thought of Kuroshitsuji,

Loves the plots and murder scene

now edgelord is very very impressed

APPROVES

Ice cream, Kuroshitsuji and cuddles? He’ll love them very much!

He just loves those dark animes he really doesnt like anything else lmfao

ALSO AOT

HE LOVES IT

pLEASE BUY HIM MERcH IT MAKES HIM HAPPY AND LOVED PLEASE DO IT

#mystic messenger #requested #lol i messed up the first time rip #i had to edit it sorry #i mispelled saeran lmfao #zen #707 #yoosung #jihyun kim #reactions #admin jiyeon #jaehee kang #jumin han

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zevonandwaits · 8 years ago

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3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 17, 19, 22, 28, 30, 32, 33, 44, 47, 49, 50, 55, 56, 65, 68, 69, 72, 75, 76, 77, 79, 81, 82, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 93, 95, 100, 101, 107, 108, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 121, 122, 127, 128, 133, 138, 139, 142, 146, 148, 149, 150 YIKES I'm a nosy bitch good luck! :*

okay i FINALLY have the time to answer these (i think, i’m just bored in poli sci rn but still)

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

hmm……maybe i think it’s my parents, they’re coming to visit me on easter and that’s a while away but i can’t wait. also i can’t wait to see my friends from home over summer break (less than 2 months!!)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

honestly i think i’m too easy to get along with. i’ve been kind of a doormat my whole life because i’m afraid of confrontation and hurting people. that’s gonna change though. slowly, but surely it will change.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i don’t like like anybody right now….but i love my friends (like you) and i know for sure that they would

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i guess people who don’t know how to treat me right.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

HAHA yes i’m such a prude i always have to work myself up when i want to bring up the topic of sex with someone. i feel so awkward about what’s tmi, or about potentially grossing someone out, idk. sex is weird. let’s ban it (jk let’s not)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I think it was you

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Because they didnt put it up before” i’m currently freaking out to my parents because my college just decided NOW to notify me of a past due balance for this strep test that they made me take even though i looked on the site a few days ago and it wasn’t up there so i couldn’t pay it i hate them sometimes they’re so dumb (them being the school and their bad notification skills)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YEA and it’s exciting i just hope they don’t kill us

19. Do you like bubble baths?

nah son idk don’t kill me but i just don’t like baths in general i’d rather shower

22. Where would you like to travel?

lol i’m so basic but lately i’ve really been wanting to go to disney world, i haven’t been there in ages and i really miss it

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

honestly? myself

people give me anxiety i’m always scared of being judged

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah someday if there’s somebody that i want to marry enough. i don’t think it’s essential though it’s foolish to get married for the sake of getting married so

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

aaaaAAAA this is such an awkward question idk!??!?!?!? uhhhh????

happiness and love is my final answer

33. Spell your name with your chin.

omfg i’m in class rn

i’ll come back to this

okay

vic tkerua mjrsano

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space ftw

some fish are really scary tbh

47. Have you ever been high?

nah son

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

well if i hope nobody finds out about it, what good is it to answer this question? ;)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

coincidence! i’m wearing a hoodie right now! it’s light blue, my class color, and of course it’s a bryn mawr hoodie

55. Favourite blog?

honestly it’s kinda like a celebrity blog but all her posts are perfect and i really look up to her and support her because she is very lovely and perfect so uh here’s the link if you wanna check her out

56. Favourite colour?

sky blue

65. Are you hungry right now?

trick question i’m always hungry

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

i mean i like tumblr (unfortunately) but sometimes i go on twitter because there’s a user on there whose tweets are all gold here’s the link if you wanna see

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nah i’m just not paying attention in class

72. What colour are your towels?

the ones i have at college are dark blue but the ones i have at home are light blue

75. Favourite animal?

heckin cattos frn

76. What colour is your underwear?

pink lmao

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

omfg chocolate all the way, i hate vanilla stuff. vanilla ice cream is nasty tbh

i like vanilla in baking but still chocolate is better

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

it’s my aforementioned light blue bryn mawr hoodie

81. Favourite tv show?

i think you know the answer to this one ;)

82. Favourite movie?

benny and joon it’s so underrated but i’ve seen it like 30 times since i was like 14

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

squishy

87. First person you talked to today?

maybe my roommate? i honestly don’t remember i havent talked to many people today i had a bad dream and i’ve been groggy and grumpy ever since

88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend sitting next to me

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

YOU

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

honestly? this is such a disappointing answer but none! i want them though i just…..don’t have any

95. Last movie you watched?

begin again and i love you for suggesting it to me

100. How are you feeling?

healthy.

101. Do you type fast?

kinda, but i type very inaccurately so that kinda reduces my speed because i always have to backspace and retype stuff

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah! i rode a horse in peru last year but i can’t ride horses and my horses name was diablo and he was a literal diablo and he kept running whenever he felt like it and it was very scary

108. What should you be doing?

probably paying attention but this class is optional today and shes not really saying anything important so w/e

115. Do you play the Wii?

i used to! it’s so old now though it’s become crotchety and i only use it for netflix now lmao

how things change, i used to be obsessed with it

116. Are you listening to music right now?

just the lovely monotony of my professor’s voice

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah! i had some last night as i was watching begin again

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YEA honestly one of my fave things in life

119. Favourite book?

Flowers for Algernon come on addie you already asked me this ;)

121. Are you mean?

no but i should start to be in certain situations

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO. that is a 100000% dealbreaker imo. if your s/o cheats it means that you’re not important enough to them and they don’t care about your feelings like at all so leave.

127. What makes you happy?

YOU

(and cats)

(and friends/family)

(and curling up and watching a movie/reading a book)

128. Would you change your name?

ehhh i mean i’m not a fan of my name but i feel like changing it would be such a hassle between the legal stuff and then people calling me by the wrong name or whatever, i don’t think it’s worth it

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I should have known you’d bid me farewellThere’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very wellNow I know you’re not the only starfish in the seaIf I never hear your name again, it’s all the same to me

And I think it’s gonna be all rightYeah, the worst is over nowThe mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

thank u 2 pol simon

also i think u know why

138. Curly or Straight hair?

well my hair is curly but i really wish it were straight when im struggling with it lmao

i like curly hair though, when it’s nOT UNMANAGEABLE

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i always seem to prefer brunette guys tbh.

but my favorite person is blonde so idk ;)

142. Favourite month?

july. i love the heat and not having responsibilities

also i just realized my favorite person was born in july ;*

146. Was today a good day?

i mean it wasn’t bad

but it wasn’t like amazing

it was alright i guess

148. What’s your favourite quote?

this was said by someone i admire very much:

“YIKES I’m a nosy bitch good luck!”

i don’t agree but i admire her

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

nah. i hope i didn’t anger the ghost that supposedly lives in my dorm but nah.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

that would be the book i’m reading for anthro and it is:

“But where I come from, women don’t call out to men”

Pakistani gender roles ig

#ask #addieroad

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