#they didn't seem to have strong connections to the community and likely were othered

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 76: Oliver's Rescue

Previous > Masterlist

tw: mind control, captivity, conditioning, drugging, blood ritual

October 1925

Oliver.

His master's song was muffled and far away, but still carried his name. Oliver tried to respond, but he couldn't seem to move.

Wake up.

His eyelids were like lead, his body stiff and heavy. The world tilted and dipped, and he realized that he was being carried.

Wake up, Oliver.

His master sounded scared, desperate. Why��

Oliver remembered what had happened, the fight with the vampire hunter, how he'd allow himself to be taken in the hopes that his master would be spared. The voice echoing in his head at least meant that his master was still alive, and communicating with him through the link between them that he rarely used.

If he was now in the clutches of the hunter, he definitely didn't want her to realize that he was awake. Instead, he kept his eyes shut tight and did his best to reach out to the voice in his head.

The communication wasn't in words, exactly, but in feelings and in song, and Oliver felt slow and clumsy as he tried to connect. He could feel his master's concern, and he did his best to convey that he was drugged, but unharmed.

The mental conversation was interrupted by a woman's voice. "Oh god, is that Oliver?"

"I sure hope so," said the hunter, "because it was like hell to rescue him."

"What's wrong with him? Is he okay?" The woman's voice seemed vaguely familiar, but Oliver couldn't quite place it in his foggy mind.

"I had to put him to sleep. I botched it and failed to kill his master. That means he could alert his master to the location of the safehouse if he figures out where he is -- and his master is a terrifyingly dangerous vampire. If you don't want to end up a thrall again…"

"He would do that?"

Oliver felt a pang of guilt at the sadness in the woman's voice, particularly since he had, in fact, just been communicating with his master. But he only wanted Alexander to retrieve him, not to harm anyone else, not even this hunter.

"Unfortunately, yes. Given his master's skills, it's safe to say that Oliver is a danger to everyone here. That's why I'll have to prepare to unenthrall him right away, and we'll have to make sure he can't escape or figure out where he is in the meantime."

The guilt was replaced by panic as Oliver tried to somehow relay this information to Alexander through their limited connection. Oliver wasn't sure if he understood, but he did feel a surge of anger in response, one which rippled through him as though it were his own.

"Shit, he's awake."

Oliver's eyes flew open, and he was looking into the face of the hunter who had kidnapped him, who had been carrying him princess-style through what looked like a run-down house. With his cover blown, he struggled out of the hunter's arms, only to flop ungracefully on the floor, still heavily drugged.

"Oliver!"

The face of the other woman swam into view, and he realized who the voice belonged to.

"Emily?" he croaked, his mouth parched.

"Help me restrain him," said the hunter sternly, hauling Oliver up by his armpits. "I'll need some extra time to prepare the ritual, and we have to make sure he can't escape."

"I don't want a ritual," Oliver protested weakly. "Just let me go. I don't need to be rescued."

"Get the sleeping draught from my bag and splash some under his nose. Be careful not to breathe it yourself."

"All right."

With his limbs still clumsy and slow, Oliver couldn't manage to get away from the hunter's strong arms holding him from behind. All he could do was thrash and hold his breath as Emily followed the hunter's instructions and smeared some of the potent sleeping potion under his nose. Even as he tried to hold his breath, he could still smell the sickly sweetness, his head starting to spin.

"That's good," said the hunter in his ear. "I know you don't believe me now, but I'm trying to help you."

Oliver wanted to protest further. He did know what the hunter was doing, he really did, but she just didn't understand his particular situation. He wasn't like Emily, whose master was planning to discard her the moment she was bored. Alexander needed him.

Didn't he?

But he'd thought about getting away before, hadn't he? When he first learned about Alexander's sire, and even before that, back in the auction house…

His head swirled with confusion as the sleeping concoction began to take hold once again. He found he couldn't offer any resistance as the hunter pulled him onto a chair and tied his arms and legs down, placing a blindfold around his eyes.

"I'm sorry I have to do this," she said, "but it really is for your own good. You'll see."

As Oliver's thoughts began to fade, he could hear the increasingly frantic music of his master, trying to reach him, but to no avail.

---

When Oliver was finally able to crack open his eyes again, he had no idea if he'd been out for five minutes or five hours. The ropes binding him into the chair chafed his wrists, and he felt stiff.

"Oh, are you awake? Vivian said you might wake up again before she was ready."

He managed to lift his heavy head, still disoriented. He was in the same dingy house as before, in a room that was mostly empty except for his chair and one other. Emily was sitting in an armchair reading the newspaper, looking very different than she had the last time Oliver had seen her, dressed in a plain blue shirt and khaki pants instead of a stylish dress and heels.

"Please don't put me back to sleep," he said. "I just want to talk." His master's song had faded from his head, giving him a little more space to think.

She put down the newspaper. "All right, but Vivian told me to put you back to sleep if you cause any trouble."

"Is Vivian the vampire hunter?"

"Yeah. She rescued me." Emily was staring at Oliver as though sizing him up. "She's trying to save people from vampires. I owe her everything. You remember me, don't you?"

"I do," said Oliver.

"I told her to go find you, since I felt guilty about what happened in the auction house, that I couldn't help you when you were being hypnotized. Now we're even, or we will be, I guess."

"You didn't have to do that," said Oliver. "I'm glad you got out. Your master…" He shuddered thinking of Emily with her mind gone, the way Jessica had done the same to him in only a moment. "She was awful. And she was going to throw you away. You didn't deserve that."

"I appreciated that, you know. When you tried to stand up for me in front of all the vampires. I didn't really understand what you were trying to say then, but I do now," she said. "And Vivian's going to do the same thing for you. She'll free you from enthrallment."

Oliver's gut churned. A part of him certainly felt like he should want it -- but more in the way that one feels one should want to do chores or exercise or tedious errands. He should want his mind restored, to be free of the vampires' influence…

…but it had been good for him, hadn't it? The situation forced him to admit to himself a truth he was trying to avoid -- that he had been drifting through life with no real purpose. He'd spent so many lonely, dull days in the bookstore, his only highlights a new acquisition or a particularly interesting customer. But with the vampires, he'd felt useful. Fulfilled. He'd tasted bliss, even if it was artificial…

"She doesn't need to do that," said Oliver. "I know it probably sounds crazy, but I was fine with my master. He treats me well, and I'm happy, and I really don't have anyone who's looking for me or anything that important to go back to, to be honest."

"What about your bookshop?" she demanded. "The entire time we were locked up, that's all you talked about, all the improvements you wanted to make to your bookshop. Remember?"

"Of course I do." He could never forget the bookshop, the place where he'd spent the vast majority of his life from childhood. He knew every nook and cranny so well, the smell of dust and book bindings, the way certain floorboards creaked, the uneven stairs up to his apartment, his comfortable chair piled with lumpy blankets. And he remembered being so desperate to get back there. When had he stopped thinking about his bookshop?

"Then you know you need to get back there, right?"

"Yes, I do, but…" The thought of his master's song, of the loneliness in his eyes, pulled him back. Oliver had been lonely, too. The idea of returning to his bookshop alone and resuming his former life felt strangely cold. "My master also needs me. I keep him company, and I help him get to sleep, and I…"

"Let him drink your blood."

Heat rose in Oliver's face as he thought of it, unwilling to fully admit to himself how much he would miss that particular aspect of his new life. "Yes, but -- he gives me so much in return. And it isn't so bad, really. It's -- it's pleasant, almost, in a strange way."

Emily sighed. "If you could listen to yourself… I remember you telling me how much you didn't want them to take your mind, how you hated the idea of being food for some monster, and now you're blushing and stammering just to think about it. The vampires really did do a number on you, didn't they? Not that I can talk. I had my memories completely erased, and they still aren't fully back."

"I'm sorry they did that to you," he said, and meant it. "I do know what I said then, but that was before I knew what it would be like. My master -- Alexander really has been kind to me, and I've enjoyed living with him, and not just because I was hypnotized. I mean, I was allowed to keep most of my mind…"

"Allowed to keep your mind?" she said. "Oliver, you're completely wrapped around that vampire's fingers."

"I'm not --"

"Don't you remember that I saw you at the Tiger's Eye? You were fawning all over that vampire's lap, letting him dote on you like a house cat."

Oliver was about to retort and point out that she was no different -- but that would only prove her point, considering how clearly ensorcelled she'd been. Was that how he had looked to other people? He had hardly considered it, too used to only being in the company of vampires and thralls.

Emily must be right. He really was that far under his master's spell, wasn't he? How could he ever think otherwise?

"But it's okay," she said. "Vivian has a ritual to undo most of the enthrallment. You'll be free."

"Free." It should be a joyous thing, so why did it feel like having a bucket of ice water upended over him?

Everything he had felt between his capture and now, had it all been a fabrication, a hypnotic illusion? The warm and comforting evenings, his deep satisfaction at serving his master, even those traces of affection? Was it all a lie, a soap bubble that could be so easily popped?

And the way his master wanted him and cherished him, refused to let him go, was that also just an act to keep Oliver in line?

"Hey, are you okay?" Emily asked. "I know it's a lot to think about."

Oliver nodded, trying not to cry. As much as he knew he should be grateful for the rescue, a greater part of him wished he were still back in the manor, his quiet evening uninterrupted, curled next to his master and reading to his heart's content.

Was it really so terrible, to be lost in an illusion? He'd spent his entire life with his mind three-quarters of the way in a book at all times. Was this so different?

But no matter how much he desired it, he'd never be truly safe with Alexander, not with the threat of his sire looming over them both. Freedom meant he'd never have to feel that sickening control wrap around his limbs ever again, never again blinded and degraded and forced to dance. Even as he thought it, though, he doubted it could be so easy. Could this hunter actually defy that vampire? Was a witch's ritual enough to deliver Oliver from his clutches?

The stairs creaked, and the vampire hunter entered the room. She'd divested herself of most of her kit, but that silver knife, the one she'd pressed against Oliver's neck, was still strapped to her belt. Behind her, a woman with red hair and a gray housecoat stood, looking a bit dazed.

"Oh, he's awake," said Vivian. "How are you feeling, Oliver?"

"I've had better nights," he said. He dimly remembered how he'd felt when Lily had him dragged him out of his cell, the loss of his mind inevitable. Why did he feel exactly like that now?

"You'll feel better once we've freed you from the vampire's hold on your mind," she said. "Well, you may feel worse before you feel better, but that's only because it can be hard to use your own mind again."

Oliver nodded. What else could he do? The ropes bit into his wrists.

"Emily, is it safe to untie him, or is he going to try and escape?"

Emily shook her head. "I don't think it's safe. He's very far gone."

Oliver wanted to protest, but he wasn't sure himself, torn between what he wanted and what he knew he should want.

"All right. I'll just untie him from the chair and leave the rest of his binds. Jenny, can you help?"

Vivian and the woman with her, Jenny, began to untie him from the chair, but as instructed, his wrists and ankles were still firmly bound together, preventing him from moving much. Vivian picked him up in her strong arms as though he were a sack of potatoes, and made her way back to the stairs. Oliver didn't bother to try and struggle, knowing it would be fruitless.

Emily and Jenny helped Vivian maneuver her parcel up the stairs and into the attic, and Oliver's chest tightened to see the chalk circles on the floor, stained in blood. So this was it -- and his desire to be back home with his master overtook any other sense in him. He involuntarily squirmed and thrashed, and the women nearly dropped him.

"Let me go!" he said. "I've changed my mind, I don't want this! Just let me go back!"

"Hold onto him! Get him in the circle!"

Master, he called out in his mind. Master, where are you?

He was placed in the middle of the circle, unable to stand or do anything but writhe like a pathetic worm.

"Just close your eyes and try to relax, Oliver." Vivian knelt in the circle in front of him, taking out her silver knife, and he flinched away from it. "You'll be glad that we helped you. I promise."

Master!

The connection to Alexander returned, and Oliver was overwhelmed with the feeling of despair and panic, adding to his own. He knew what his master was trying to say, that he didn't know where Oliver was, and Oliver couldn't offer any useful information. Even if he could, it'd be far too late.

Vivian sliced open her own hand and dripped her blood into the circle, chanting low. The music inside Oliver rose to a frantic crescendo. He felt something smeared on his forehead, couldn't flinch away in time.

It was too late.

The music stopped.

Previous > Masterlist

Thank you so much for reading about a man who was enthralled.

Important Note: There will be no new Bookseller chapters for the next two Sundays! I hope to occasionally post some other work you may enjoy, though. Bookseller will return in December.

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[buckybarnesss]

i often think about how it had to have been jack who dug both john and uncle's graves. that he made their grave markers and maybe even made them simple coffins.

[ashherahh]

how your future partner matches your freak +18

Note: Please take it if it resonates, leave it if it doesn't. Meditate before making your decision. It's completely okay if you don't resonate with this reading. The collective is huge and I'm sure you'll receive the messages you need in due time.

pile 1

Cards: Page of Wands Rx, Seven of Pentacles, Three of Swords Rx, Two of Wands. BOD: King of Swords Rx

Um, dunno how to put this but you two teach each other. Getting to that point of knowing each other intimately takes proper communication and lots of consistency. The two of you do not shy away from that. You just see it as a challenge to overcome, and you like challenges.

Carnal desires much?

The attraction is there, as I'm seeing your relationship eventually develops into one which leaves both of you quite satisfied. So, strongly picking up on the energy of someone who is so accustomed to reaching orgasm by themselves that when they have a partner they are a bit...selfish in bed.

Yeah... They haven't had sex in a hot minute so they struggle to last the first few times or they take a while to orgasm. It's quite common, actually.

Eventually, with practice comes improvement. Not everyone is a sex god immediately their first time, so you two are pretty patient with each other. Learning your likes and dislikes, you cultivate your intimacy (which should always be the case, but some couples just click).

You do click with your partner in every other aspect of your life, but sex is the one you both work on together. You're a bit awkward with it, but oh so eager. This energy is so cute, I dunno how else to describe it. There's a curious excitement to it.

Sex is also pretty frequent, like really frequent. A lot. You two have a lot of sex. I'm not seeing major power plays, you're pretty much are comfortable switching roles and you're definitely open to trying out as many positions and toys and roleplaying to see what works for you.

This is such a nasty group. I'm blushing. You both seek each other out. There's no demure, there's no mindful but there's a lot of dropping the draws on sight. There is little restraint.

pile 2

Cards: Two of Cups, The Moon, Queen of Swords Rx, Ten of Cups Rx. BOD: Knight of Swords

Someone is going to cry during sex. There will be tears. Composure for who? What is that? When you are intimate with them, it's like you lose your mind. You don't even know what you're saying, you just be saying stuff. Both of you actually. I'm seeing your partner making promises and you just doing the same thing.

Really, y'all? Really? You both whisper sweet nothings to each other.

Your partner likes to run their mouth during the act. They talk you through it. They know what their words do to you. You're the kind of couple who ends up using sex to voice things, like you leave it all out on the floor. Or should I say bed. Actually, you do it whenever you want. Exhibitionistic individuals.

Emotions run high in this pairing. Sex is an almost lethargic act for the two of you. It's like your chakras open up, and it's addictive. You really can't get enough of each other. Angry sex, all kinds of sex. You use it to process feelings, not intentionally, it really just happens with the two of you.

I'm seeing that you knew you connected well emotionally, but I'm not seeing that either of you were expecting to literally unravel when together. That's exactly what sex feels like with your future partner, like there are layers being stripped away and it's just you two feeling what you need to feel through the act.

You two go deep together.

pile 3

Cards: Queen of Wands, King of Swords, Three of Cups, The Lovers. BOD: The Magician

Power dynamics are a thing with you two. Both of you have strong personalities and are quite dominant in nature. So, it's all about seeing who's going to gain the upper hand.

There's a feeling of having met your perfect match. Previous partners just didn't seem to scratch that itch you two had. Sex was good but not mind blowing and not nearly what you were actually craving.

You both want someone who "earns" you in a way. Like, not everyone deserves you. Not everyone deserves to see either of you come undone. Not everyone is worthy of it. This future partner, they go the extra mile. They don't back down, they don't shy away. You don't scare them, your desires entice them. It's vice versa.

There's a mutual giving, a mutual respect and flow of energy. You recognize that they are someone who will be able to match you in everyway, they are someone who is able to satisfy you, and you them.

Libidos are highhhhhh.

You two worship each other. This pairing adores every inch of each other. If you are shy about any part of yourself, that goes out of the window. They make you feel like you are the most precious person on earth, and you are to them.

I'm seeing that sex is treated with a lot of respect and trust. You two really let yourself go with one another. There's no holding back, no masks in place, no feeling like you're too much.

It feels like heaven with them.

[will80sbyers]

I feel like what Mike feels toward El is some sort of an admiration. He mixed up his feelings for being romantic because El was the first girl he actually talked to, her being a hero also made Mike be attracted to her. I also feel like this pretty much applies to El. Mike was the first person to show her genuine care for the first time. I think she confuses her feelings with romantic love too.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I think too, he had a crush on her when they were little but it's mostly based on idealizing her as a hero and this means he doesn't understand her truly, he likes that she's a hero and thinks she's great, but she doesn't really want to be seen as a hero because she can't be constantly good to the extent that a hero is required to be, because she's human and has so much trauma to deal with!!!

Basically Mike likes heroes and she was a cute girl that liked him back and they liked each other as kids but then growing up things changed, to have a serious relationship with someone you need more than what they have... and El is exactly in the same situation, she is not in love with Mike... She relied on him for a sense of safety and familiarity

they both are confused because they are just so little, it's normal!! They are still kids!

I think Mike was really convinced he could love her romantically too and he has this strong need to protect her how he can, and especially after Will's speech he convinced himself that he could make it work between them again, I don't think he lied about anything, he thinks all that but he doesn't know what true romantic love is and that what he's feeling isn't it

It's literally the Laurie - Jo situation from little women... Laurie did have love for Jo but the love he has for Amy is "different" because the love for her is mature love not puppy/childhood love

Mike has childhood love for El and he's scared of letting go of the relationship because they didn't exactly start from friendship before dating, so he's not sure if they can get there without them dating... Obviously he's wrong but he's still scared of losing her completely and that blocks him from understanding what would be better for both of them

And he's scared of El not needing him anymore also because he's scared that she will leave his life completely if she doesn't need him anymore... he does love her even if it's not romantic and they don't work in a relationship outside of the physical side of it, there is love there but they are just not compatible as people in a romantic way

For how I see things, the writers wouldn't have made them like that if it was only that he can't love her because he's not attracted to her, in my opinion that seems unnecessary, they showed us that they don't have that type of understanding that comes with being in a relationship that works emotionally for a reason

They lack the deep understanding of the other person and they don't feel safe to be open and communicate their fears without thinking that if they do the other person is gonna find them "not cool enough" to date etc and they are locked in the roles of "boyfriend & girlfriend" instead of being just Mike and El

Mike and El just have too many problems as a couple and I really think things have changed between season 3 and 4 and they don't even have the physical romantic chemistry anymore... because that was tied to the emotional connection, and they don't have the emotional connection needed as we understood from season 4 in particular!

And guess what... Mike has all of the things that will make their relationship work... with Will!

But you know, it must be just a coincidence... 😂

[valrvn]

SURVEY BREAKDOWN

(long post warning)

**A FEW DISCLAIMERS**

I AM NOT A SCIENTIST, I AM A HUMANITIES BITCH. My math skills are limited, and I have no training on processing/presenting this sort of data. I am also one person with a shitty laptop, an unreliable internet connection, and a very busy personal life. Take all of this with an extremely large grain of salt.

Participants are self-reporting. They may not know for sure, they may be wrong, they may be lying. I took everyone here at their word. I tried not to extrapolate much from what they were saying, because I do not want to misrepresent what they said.

I will be covering why people thought they developed this fetish in a later post because this is already too long.

Gender of Participants

*According to a 2024 survey, 1.14% of American adults identify as transgender, while 1.52% do not identify as male, female, or trans (some of whom identified as Non-Binary.) That makes the presence of trans and non-binary participants VASTLY disproportional to the American average. I'm sure some of it can be explained by younger people being more likely to identify as not cis, and younger people using the internet far more than the older generations. I also read a paper once that suggested the internet was responsible for the development of more niche fetishes. It's also possible that trans people are more likely to be comfortable engaging with communities surrounding 'deviant' sexual interests because they've already been labeled 'abnormal' (BUT THESE ARE ALL JUST GUESSES). What I theorize is that, because pregnancy is inextricable from sex organs and gender rolls, trans people (ESPECIALLY AFAB trans/non-binary people) are more likely to have those early, strong emotional reactions to pregnancy that seem to develop into fetishes. I'll get into this more on my next post.

*cis women outnumbering cis men was not something I was expecting, but makes sense, since young girls often have to think about pregnancy much sooner than boys, and it threatens to have a much greater impact on their life.

*in retrospect, I wish I'd included a question on how the participants found the survey, since knowing might help explain the disparity between trans and cis people.

Sexuality of Participants

*most (but not all) of the people who chose "other" wrote in an ace-spec identity not included in the above choices (ace lesbian, demi-sexual, etc.,)

Content of Fetish Material Consumed

*the vast majority of participants selected multiple answers, the exception to this was straight cis men, who often only selected the 'Cis Female Pregnancy' option (a small percentage of this group also answered femboys). The minority of straight cis men who chose other options most often fantasized about becoming pregnant themselves.

When the Fetish was Developed

*One person wrote in that they didn't believe children could have fetishes. Their entry was shortly followed by one from someone who described frequently masturbating to fantasies surrounding pregnancy at the age of 5. This isn't important to the overall data, I just find it funny.

How Great a Role does the Participants' Fetish Play in their Achieving Arousal?

How Great a Role does Sex Play in the Participants' Fetish Related Fantasies?

Did the Participants' Pregnancy Fetish Play a Role in their First Time Experiencing Arousal?

*most of the "it's complicated" answers were people who couldn't remember their first time experiencing arousal.

...

That's the basics down, stay tuned for a breakdown of why people think they developed their fetish.

(will be linked when post is done).

[misshoneyimhome]

Idk why but I need some Willy angst…like you met at the end of last season and decided to officially start dating in the off season spending it all together in Europe but once you’re back in Toronto and the season starts you feel like he’s lost interest or is embarrassed by you because he doesn’t want you going out in public with him nor does he introduce you to the team and other WAGs. And Willy does it because he’s worried the public eye and comments will be horrible to you so he wants to keep you away from that and emulate the chiller lifestyle you got to have in Sweden but he can’t communicate his reasoning so you tell him you want to end things because you can’t love someone who doesn’t want to be seen with you and he breaks down, and it’s the first time you see him cry🥲

Well, to be fair we all need a little Willy angst once in a while 😉 I absolutely love the idea bb! And I hope you’ll enjoy reading it, just as much as I did writing it ❤️

➼｡ﾟ

Gonna give it to you, in capital letters | William Nylander

"We need to talk…"

A message nobody wants to get, and definitely not one William Nylander ever expected to receive. Especially not at this particular moment.

_

You’d met William last season, just before the playoffs, at a coffee shot downtown and quickly, you’d developed a connection of some sort.

Initially, it was a relaxed and easy-going friendship, kept low-key as you had recently ended a relationship, and casual due to William's hectic schedule.

Nevertheless, it was a strong friendship.

But then, gradually, things started to escalate a bit. You stood by William throughout the playoffs on the sideline, offering support, aa you both simply relished each other's company. Thus, what began as a casual friendship, involving late-night conversations and casual coffee meet-ups, gradually shifted towards something more intimate and physical.

As William faced the highs and lows of the games, dealing with intense stress on good and bad days, you remained a constant source of support for him. Usually, you were his go-to for random talks. However, one night, after a particularly tough loss, he felt a need for more, and made a move on you.

It was subtle, neither too eager nor forceful. He merely became a bit touchier and more sensual in his tone and behaviour, melting you completely under his touch.

Admittedly, William was undeniably attractive. Most people thought so, and you were no exception. However, despite the cheeky banter, friendly flirting, and shared laughter, you both maintained a platonic relationship until that fateful evening.

And it was nothing short of incredible.

The sex had been gentle and sensual at first, before you’d both been eager to explore each other further, and soon it had become rather heated and intense.

Yet, it also resulted in something more.

At first, you reckoned William probably just needed some physical release due to all the ups and downs of the matches. But as it turned out, he longed for much more than that. William seemed to want you around all the time, or at least to swing by late in the evening after games or when he returned from away matches.

It kind of felt like you were his dirty little secret, but honestly, you didn't dwell on it much. His schedule was all over the place, not your typical 9-to-5 routine, so you didn't read too much into it. Well, at least not in the beginning.

And just when you were thinking it might be a good idea to chat about what was going on between you two - not that you were necessarily in need to put a label on it, you just wanted to know if William was still keen on you - he completely surprised you by inviting you to join him in Europe during the off-season.

Initially, you were a bit taken aback and hesitant since you'd only been going out with him for a few months. But William was persistent, and since the idea sounded pretty intriguing, you thought, "Why not?" and decided to go with it.

And boy, were you glad you did.

Your time in Sweden was absolutely amazing. William showed you all around Stockholm, shared his favourite spots and eateries, introduced you to Sweden's hidden gems, and treated you like royalty.

He whisked you away for romantic dinners, really putting on his a-game in the dating department. And before long, he opened up about wanting you to be his. Which in casual-Swedish-27-year-old-guy speak, basically meant you were now dating seriously.

You were over the moon about your time in Scandinavia. You witnessed a different side to the easy-going forward, experienced his more tender side first hand, and had mind-blowing sex for weeks.

And then, just when you thought that was it, he took you to other European places. Places you'd never even heard of and couldn't quite pronounce, making you feel like you were in a fairy tale - so much so that you had to pinch yourself to believe it was all real.

However, despite the pinching, your fairy-tale had to come to an end at some point, and you had to return to reality and everyday life in Toronto.

But returning to Toronto turned out to be way different from what you had expected.

William, the guy you'd just spent over a month with every single day, suddenly kept his distance and limited your interactions to phone calls or late-night chats after training and games.

It felt odd.

You genuinely believed that during the off-season, you both had connected on a deeper, more intimate level, taking your relationship several steps further. But William's actions contradicted those feelings.

He didn't take you out for dinners anymore, nor did he seem interested in meeting up during the day or having you over if there was a chance someone else might be around.

Even when you mentioned being at the arena to support him during a home game, he just told you to head straight to his place instead of waiting for him while he finished showering.

It was like you were suddenly back to being his secret, hidden even from those closest to him: his teammates.

When you were alone, he talked about them incessantly, sharing every little detail about his teammates, the ones he was closest to, and those he felt played best with him. Yet, it felt like he didn't want them to know anything about you.

And before long, you'd had enough.

William was an incredible guy, and your feelings for him ran deep. But this situation was becoming uncomfortable and unpleasant. It felt somewhat absurd that he could be jovial and happy around you at any hour, but as soon as you weren't snug in his condo, you became a stranger to him. Or someone he'd call just to chat.

In a way, you felt ridiculed. And eventually, you decided to take the mature step, safeguarding yourself from potential heartache by ending it.

However, you wanted to handle it properly, so you texted him to arrange a meeting.

_

"Hey, can we meet up sometime soon? We need to talk…"

Across the city, William felt a pang in his heart as he read your text.

He had just finished today's workout and was about to head for a shower when he saw your message, causing him to gulp in an attempt to remain composed in the locker room.

However, his expression didn't go unnoticed by his teammates.

"Hey, everything okay, Willy?" Auston asked, a hint of concern in his eyes as he observed his Swedish teammate.

"Yeah…" William attempted to reply, but his tone lacked conviction, after reading your text multiple times.

"You're sure?"

And William knew he couldn't hide the truth from his closest friends.

"No… it's y/n…" He let out a deep sigh.

"Is she okay?" the team's captain, John Tavares, chimed in, wearing a slightly concerned, paternal expression.

"I don't know… she just sent me 'the text'…" he spoke softly, trying to conceal any hints of disappointment, though failing when he showed your message to the boys.

"Ooh… that's the worst…" Auston replied, attempting a light hearted comment to lighten the mood. "That can only mean one of two things: either she's dumping you… or she's knocked up."

However, despite Auston's attempt at humour, it did little to alleviate the situation. So instead, Tavares stepped in, offering his support.

"She probably just wants to talk about your relationship," he said, flashing a reassuring, warm smile. "Making sure you're still into each other, you know, communication."

William tried to reciprocate the kind smile and nodded lightly.

"Yeah, that's not exactly my greatest talent…"

"I know, so maybe this is your chance," the elder teammate suggested. And with those comforting words in mind, William agreed to meet you at his condo in 20 minutes. He then quickly wrapped up in the locker room and made his way out.

As William made his way back home, a strange sensation settled in his chest. He had never faced a situation where a girl might be pregnant despite using protection – at least not to his knowledge. Additionally, he couldn't quite comprehend why you suddenly wanted to end things with him.

And this was a new scenario for him. Typically, he would be the one ending things with girls, sending them the text about how things weren't working out. But now, finding himself potentially on the receiving end of a breakup, he couldn't quite wrap his head around it.

So, when you stood in front of him in his living room, tears threatening to spill, William felt another tug at his heart.

"Willy," you spoke softly, attempting to sound confident and self-assured, despite having rehearsed this moment multiple times, knowing you most likely wouldn't be able to remain composed. "I think we need to stop seeing each other…"

You felt the tears welling up but tried to hold them back by controlling your breathing.

"Y/n… I don't understand… I mean, why? I thought we were having a good time," William replied, matching your subdued tone.

"I think we both know why…" You silently hoped he would reach the same conclusion as you, but William's thoughts were far from aligning with yours.

In his mind, William ran through potential reasons you might have: Your schedule is too busy and unpredictable,' You’re away too often,' 'I’ve found someone else,' or 'I just don't have feelings for you.' 

However, your actual words were far from what he anticipated.

"I know you're embarrassed about me… and I just can't love someone who doesn't want to be seen with me or introduce me to their closest friends… you're keeping me as a secret, and I know I can't ignore my feelings for you, which only makes it even more hurtful… But I'm tired of feeling ridiculed by this… so, I can't be with you anymore…"

You’d given up on holding back your tears midway through your heartfelt speech, letting them stream down your cheeks as you spoke from the depths of your heart, despite the aching pain in your chest.

William was baffled. Embarrassed? You believed he was embarrassed about you.

His eyes widened, fixed directly on you as his mind scrambled to form comforting words, to assure you that this wasn't the truth. But the words seemed trapped, unable to escape his lips.

"And although it hurts like hell," you continued, briefly looking upwards, trying to gather your tears, and sniffled lightly. "I try to understand. I mean, we had a wonderful time during the off-season when you had plenty of time. But we were away from this normal, everyday life, and you didn't have all those girls around like you do here… so perhaps, you've just lost interest in me since coming back, which is okay – I mean, I can't change the way you feel… I just…" You took in a deep breath, gathering the courage to continue. "I just wish you'd told me, so I wouldn't look like a fool, like I do now…"

Silence enveloped the room after your heartfelt confession, your voice almost cracking near the end of your final words. 

But William's mind was in complete disarray. And your words cut deep within him as he realised the weight of his actions.

"Fuck…" he softly mumbled to himself, briefly looking down before meeting your gaze.

Your body seemed to fold into itself, arms wrapped around your chest in a stance of defeat and vulnerability. Your eyes held a soft yet sorrowful expression, and William could tell you were truly hurt.

And as he had admitted to Tavares, William wasn't the greatest at expressing his emotions. But now, he was beginning to realise the extent of the damage caused by his lack of communication. And this was his chance, as the captain had mentioned.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to find the necessary words.

"Y/n… I'm not… I'm not embarrassed about you," William's chest felt heavy, emotions stirring within him. "Shit…" He threw his arms up in frustration, finding it immensely difficult to speak. "It hurts like hell hearing you say that… Why would you think I'm embarrassed about you? Or that I've lost interest in you?"

His words came out sharper than he intended, emotions bubbling to the surface, as he couldn't contain his frustration, realising that he was the cause of your pain. 

"Because you don't want to be seen with me anywhere… you only want me around here, in hiding, and you never want me to meet any of your friends and teammates, Willy…" Your voice rose as you cried out, mirroring his frustrations.

"I'm just trying to protect you, y/n!" William almost shouted, surprising you with the intensity of his response. "I just… I want to keep you safe and away from all of that!"

"Protect me from what, Willy? Because from what I can see, you don't want to be seen with me or let anyone know that we're dating," you firmly shouted back, not entirely convinced by his defence.

"That's not at all how it is! You don't get what it's like."

"Then please explain to me what it's like!"

William took a deep breath, struggling to control his emotions from boiling over. You were pushing all the right buttons, and he knew you had every right to do so.

"People can be cruel, y/n… the media, people online… and I don't want you to experience that," he exhaled. "I'm NOT embarrassed about you, GOD, I can't believe you'd think that… I just – I want to shield you from all the awful things people say about me… and other players and their girlfriends… I fucking love being with you, and the last thing I want is for you to be scared away by those who post hurtful comments online or make up lies to stir up drama between us…"

Now, it was William feeling the tears welling up.

"But then why wouldn't you even introduce me to the team? You always talk so much about them, but for some reason, you don't want them to know about me! Don't you see how that makes me feel?"

William sensed himself becoming overwhelmed, realising the depth of the situation, and he couldn't hold back any longer. A tear escaped and trailed down his cheek, as he tried his best to explain. 

"I didn't want to drag you into my world, y/n! It can be messed up, and you deserve so much better…" His voice cracked, tears flowing uncontrollably.

And witnessing William cry evoked a wave of emotions within you.

You had never seen him even close to tears. In fact, you had never seen him display anger or hurt, nothing beyond hockey, and even that only extended to minimal frustrations. William was always known for his calm and composed demeanour, never letting his facade crack. Yet tonight, you had cracked him wide open, causing him to spill his thoughts and feelings.

"All I wanted was to keep everything easy going and wonderful between us… just like it was in Sweden. It was so perfect, and when I realised you were the one, I wanted to be with, I guess I just tried to do whatever I could to keep it that way… so you wouldn't leave me."

“Willy,” you softly breathed out. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this? That this was how you felt…”

Your question resonated with the right reason, prompting a timid smile to form on his lips as he let out a sigh.

"Because I'm not good at this… explaining everything and talking… feelings, y/n…" he softly admitted, your eyes locking in a heartfelt moment of deep honesty.

Relaxing your tense posture, a bit, you slowly moved towards him, flashing a soft smile.

“Willy, I want to be with you… I know I don’t fully understand your world, but it’s part of you, and… I want all of you, no matter what,” you reassured him, coming to stand so closely that your bodies gently touched.

William sniffled before managing to form proper sentences, briefly looking downwards as his hands found their way to rest on your hips.

“I’m sorry, y/n… I just thought it was better to keep you away from it, you know…”

“I know, those were your best intentions,” you softly smiled, gently resting your hands on his chest. “But Willy, if you really want me around, in your life, you have to let me in… for better AND for worse…” 

“I do, y/n… I do want you in my life… I just don’t want you to be scared away,” he timidly admitted.

“Don’t worry, babe. It takes more than that for me to leave,” you tried to ease the tension, and fortunately it seemed to work.

“Good…” William sighed in relief, his forehead gently meeting yours.

“Just promise me one thing,” you said, looking up at him again.

“Anything.”

“Next time if you have these kinds of thoughts, please just tell me… I can’t read your mind, and I NEED you to let me know what’s going on inside that pretty big brain of yours,” you chuckled lightly. “You have to use your words – in capital letters, please,” you emphasised, prompting a chuckle from William as well.

“I promise I’ll try to do better,” he replied with a smile, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on your soft lips.

It was a huge relief for him to finally get everything off his chest. Realising that this was mostly due to his not-so-well-thought-out plan, he now saw a great chance of having you in his life for much longer.

“By the way,” William suddenly added as your faces withdrew slightly. “The team does know about you… in fact, they know all about you.”

“What!?”

“Yeah, so really, you haven’t actually been that much of a secret…” he chuckled, seeing your baffled reaction. “But I guess that’s just one less thing for us to check off then.” 

“You’re really something special Nylander… did you know that?” you chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, and now I’m yours something special,” you merely replied, before pulling you in for a deeper and more heartfelt kiss this time. 

[yuurei20]

Concerning the Vil-Epel drama: I'm from a Scandinavian country and even here we have dialects. I haven't heard them myself, but my mom has and she says they are literally impossible to understand and you need a translator to speak with them. And it's not a bad thing- we don't say those people are less than or anything of the sort- it's just like holy cow we cannot understand anything they're saying, how are we supposed to communicate like this (especially when they understand us since our dialect is the 'base' dialect). If anything, it's funny because of how a dialect can make the same language not understandable, and also disappointing/frustrating that we can't talk to them because we literally don't know what they're saying. So to me it seems like part of the reason Vil wants Epel to not speak in his dialect is simply so people can understand him better and so people can actually communicate with him. We've seen in the Harveston event (if I remember correctly) that the others have no clue what Epel says before they jump the gap, and they need to ask his grandma to translate. That's an example of how if he didn't remove his dialect people would not know what he's saying. I don't think it has anything to do with negative connotations towards the dialect (I bet Vil would encourage it if they were in a situation where it would be beneficial/welcoming), but rather Vil trying to teach Epel that it's not about hiding your dialect/culture, it's about being considerate to those around you to have them understand you (like how you pointed out his granny changed to polite speech when talking to the NRC boys). Don't you think even granny would have at some point taught Epel that? (Although not in the same manner or extremity as Vil).

There seems to be some discourse going on of which I was not aware!

Thank you so much for your perspective!! It is very interesting and informative and wonderful to know!

Yes, it does seem strange that maybe no one warned Epel about interacting with people outside the village, but maybe they did!

This gets into conjecture because we have nothing in-game to confirm either way, but it might be possible that they just assumed he would pick it up through personal experience, or he just wasn't able to make the connection between their warnings and what real-world experience would be like.

Marja herself has no problem with adapting to the time/place/occasion, but as Epel is still a child with limited exposure to people from other cultures, we are watching him experience this learning process in real time!

In a way, Epel's experience at NRC could maybe be interpreted as Vil encouraging him to be more like his grandmother :> Epel was likely aware that the older people in the village adapt their speech patterns when necessary, but maybe never made the connection about exactly why?

He knew it was polite, but when early-Epel shows up at NRC, he is already in fighting mode: he has no interest in being polite, which he might have seen as making concessions and, thus, a weakness.

Bullied his whole childhood for his appearance he decides he is going to set the record straight from day one at NRC so that people know not to mess with him, and then Vil comes in.

It seems like it all connects to Epel's arc as he learns that you can be conscientious of time/place/occasion (like his grandmother), but still be proud of your heritage and strong (like his grandmother).

And you can be beautiful (like Vil), but still be strong (like Vil).

(Because Vil is Vil his wording has a lot to do with the importance of beauty, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like Vil is just trying to prepare Epel for life in a society.)

There is an ongoing theme with Epel that we see in Book 5 and Halloween where he gets jealous of people who can do things that he can't, so he doubles down that he is right and they are wrong in order to make himself feel better about his shortcomings.

That might also tie in to his frustration with Vil's restriction of his dialect!

He has more difficulty expressing himself without it, so rather than do what Vil is trying to get him to do and work on it, by Book 5 he is still doubling down and insisting that Vil is the problem, not himself, despite how he was raised watching everyone around him do exactly what it is that Vil is saying he needs to do.

I really appreciate everyone's introspection!! The more you think about it, the more interesting Epel, his family, his relationship with Vil and his circumstances become! :> He is living through his own, personal coming-of-age story before our eyes!

[bunnybird-afk]

Questions about your Magister (now with +5 more questions🤣):

1. So what's his connection to the Maulers/ Dusk Lord anyway?

2. Does he have a love interest?

3. Is he a Mauler..?

4. If so what abilities or powers does he have?

5. Also like I'm 89% sure it's cannon, but what's his connection to Dura?

6. Does he have a specific magic he uses?

7. Who are his parents?

8. Where did he come from?

9. What's his opinion on holding the title "Merlin"?

10. What's personality?

11. Is he rich...?

12. What's his worst fear?

13. Does he hate any in-game characters?

14. Does he have hobbies?

15. What type of people does he get along with?

Thank you so much for this ask! I am so excited to ramble on about Sena! I have been cooking up his lore for almost a month now but haven't been able to put it together coherently so this really helps!

Warning: Long Post

Some brief background:

Sena is a former 'god' of Esperia, though he technically hasn't held an official place in the pantheon since long before the Divine War, having asked for his name to be struck from the records for certain reasons. While he retained much of his original power at first, his divine core was shattered by Ygdris during the Immortal War, leading to Sena being absorbed into the leylines to rest and heal until the war was over. Afterwards, he awakens with no memories, helps Esperia with its troubles and then returns to the leylines when his life force is depleted. This cycle repeats itself a total of three times so far, with the most recent being the in-game canon.

1) Sena's connection to the Dusk Lord/the Maulers?

While most Esperian's might consider it blasphemous, the Age of the Gods wasn't nearly as prosperous or perfect as one might think. Being a fledgling god who didn't yet have his own title, Sena was often looked down upon by some of the less benevolent deities in Esperia's pantheon (most of whom have been long forgotten).

The Dusk Lord was one of the few gods who viewed Sena as what he was at the time, a child in need of guidance. Thus the Dusk Lord took him under his wing, taught him about Esperia and what it meant to be a god. Even taught him how to fight should the need arise.

Through the Dusk Lord, Sena met the Maulers. The first mortals that Sena ever encountered. The first people Sena ever met. The Dusk Lord taught Sena about his people and about their cultures, telling the godling that his wish was for his people to be strong. To be tenacious so that they could handle the harsh realities of the world even without his guidance.

While the Dusk Lord tried to teach Sena how to be a god, Sena immersed himself in the culture and community around him and instead learnt something far more important. How to be a person.

2) Sena's love interest(s)?

While Sena has had partners over the eons, there where very few instances he could point to that he'd consider love. The first of these instances was a mage by the name of Merlin, the first mage to ever exist in Esperia. Merlin was gentle and compassionate and selfless, and Sena found himself inexplicably drawn to them. They were perfect. But they were mortal... After they passed, Sena took up the title of 'Merlin' as a way to remember them and to continue their mission of protecting and helping Esperia.

During the Immortal War, Sena fought side-by-side with the Celestials, wanting to safeguard Esperia's people from the threat of the Hypogeans. During this time, Sena grew close to Dionel, and while the two may have shared a few tender moments and had occasionally found comfort in each other's arms, they soon realized that their feelings for each other were more platonic than romantic. To this day, Sena considers Dionel his closest friend, and it would seem as though the feeling is mutual.

After losing his memories the second time, Sena wakes up near Holistone and soon meets Hogan who was still a young recruit in the Lightbearer army. Having no memory of his own past and believing himself a mortal, Sena ends up working closely with Hogan and eventually feelings start to bloom between the two (despite a rocky start). Over the next decade or so, Sena and Hogan grow closer and closer, and though they make their affections for each other obvious, the word 'love' remains unspoken. Things between the two 'end' when Hogan gets called to duty, asked to serve the Lightbearer Empire in some scuffles that had broken out with the Maulers near the border to the Ashen Wastes. Hogan asks Sena to come with him, using the excuse that they could use the help of a mage like him. Sena asks Hogan to stay, knowing that he might not make it back alive. They both decline out of a sense of duty, though those feelings continue to linger. To the point where Sena returns to Holistone after the war to wait for Hogan having heard news of his return, though Sena is resting in the leylines again before they can be reunited. (Though, Sena has accidentally acquired an adopted son during his time back at Holistone, one that would soon go on to cause Hogan no shortage of trouble).

3) Is Sena a Mauler?

Not in the traditional sense. Sena's divine form was an almagamation of the different factions, though he doesn't inherently belong to any given one. During his time wandering Esperia, he tends to try to fit in with the people around him, hence him taking on more Mauler like characteristics when in the Ashen Wastes and more Wilder characterstics when in the Dark Forest. Though considering the Dusk Lords words and Sena's own feelings about the Ashen Wastes, in his heart Sena is more of a Mauler than he is any other faction.

4) Sena's Abilities/Powers?

While Sena has the standard Merlin abilities we see in game, he also has a few innate abilities that stuck around from when he was still a god. This includes Sena coming across as very amicable and persuasive, and on rare occasions being able to tap into his Divine Authority. Overall, Sena also exudes an air of comfort, making others around him feel at ease even in the toughest of times.

5) Sena's connection with Dura?

Like the Dusk Lord, Dura was on of the few gods who didn't completely disregard Sena's existence. Though while the Dusk Lord viewed Sena's naivety as something he needed time and help growing out of, Dura viewed it as a reason why Sena needed to be protected and nurtured. In a sense she was another one of Sena's mentors growing up. While the Dusk Lord taught him to be strong, resilient and tenacious, Dura had taught him to be gentle, caring and compassionate. And unlike most of the other gods, Dura seemed to genuinely love her people, wanting to protect them and nurture them, ensuring that they thrived and prospered. And at the end of the day, Sena wanted to help her fulfill that desire though it would be centuries until he could actually be of any assistance to her.

6) Sena's Magic?

Sena's magic is derived directly from the leylines themselves, allowing him to use magic in its purest form, though without his divinity this tends to take an immense toll on him should he overexert himself. Apart from that, Sena has a form of charmspeak that allows him to compell the truth from others, and often persuade them into doing certain things, though he often forgets this ability in his amnesia only to remember it later, though even then he uses it sparingly, not liking the feeling of influencing others free will.

7/8) Who are his Parents/Where did he come from?

Being a former god, Sena doesn't really have parents. Like most gods, he simply awoke one day in the Realm of the Gods, born of a concept that had become prominent enough to warrant having its own deity. Though unlike most gods, Sena had no clue what he was the god of at first, not feeling any real affinity for anything present in the Realm of the Gods.

So in that sense, Sena didn't really have parents. In fact he didn't really understand the concept until almost a millenium later, watching as Mauler father excitedly scooped his cub into a hug after their first steps. Sen had found it heartwarming though still unrelatable.

Though if Sena were to think about it now (once he has his memories back atleast), if anyone had been a father to him, it would have been the Dusk Lord. And well, Dura had always called him her child, even if she hadn't really meant it in the familial sense (though Sena found himself secretly hoping that she did).

9) Sena's opinion on being Merlin?

While the title had started as a way for him to honour somone he cared for, it's since then grown to represent so much more to him. To Sena, being Merlin means shouldering the responsibility for Esperia's well-being. Not just dealing with big threats, but also caring for the Esperian people on a personal level. It represents the wishes of all those who loved him, and now his own wishes too. Afterall, it's his responsibility as Esperia's last living god.

10) Sena's personality?

Growing up Sena had been well-meaning and quiet sharp, though it was usually hidden behind his jovial demeanor. Even back then, however, Sena had a touch of recklessness and anarchy to him that caused Dura no shortage of concern (and the Dusk Lord no shortage of amusement). And though he eventually matured and grew more calm and measured, his charming personality and slight spark of chaos never quiet left him. And whenever Sena loses his memory, his personality reverts to being somewhere in the middle of those two states of being.

11) Is Sena Rich?

Pretty much, though that's more thanks to Dolly than anything else. After becoming Sena's retainer, she took her duties very seriously, handling just about everything that Sena may need help with (excluding magecraft). That included handling Sena and the Mystical House's finances, as well as updating Sena on any news that may pique his interest. She's also the one responsible for helping Sena to adjust to life in Esperia whenever he returns from the leylines, including making sure he has the correct currency and is dressed for the times (thank you, Dolly, for keeping Sena fashionable).

12) Sena's worst fear?

Losing sight of what it means to be a person. Sena has never cared much for his divinity, but he would cling to every last shred of humanity he has in his soul.

13) Does Sena hate any characters?

Berial and Reinier. Sena hates Berial because of the joy he takes in making mortals suffer. He's needlessly cruel, even by Hypogean standards and seems to genuinely enjoy the harm he causes (unlike Phraesto who Sena finds oddly amicable).

He also strongly dislikes Reinier due to his obsession with perfection. While in itself not abhorrent, the lengths Reinier goes to to achieve his idea of 'perfection' is disturbing to Sena who's seen the way his actions have hurt people. And on a more personal note, the way Reinier desecrates the monuments of the old gods, bastardizing their image and deceiving their followers never fails to have pure rage bubbling up in Sena's chest. Blasphemy doesn't really bother him, but seeing this hypogean spit on the legacy of those he knew and loved just crosses a line for Sena.

14) Sena's Hobbies?

Being Merlin doesn't really give Sena a lot of free time, though when he does get it, he's using it to completely immerse himself in the local culture. Talking to people, helping out around whatever town they're in, eating local delicacies, sampling signature drinks, listening to music, and reading their books and poems. In hindsight, being Merlin probably is the best job for Sena considering that it gives him an excuse to travel.

15) What type of people does Sena get along with?

Sena tends to get along with just about anyone so long as they aren't cruel or closed-minded, though he does have his favourites. Usually those who have the same type of well-meaning chaos and recklessness that he does.

[bellestarot]

Jude Bellingham's Reading

August 08, 2024

Right Now

He's waiting on a guy his age for something, but it's not clear what it might be. This person is someone he's close to, like a friend.

He's really tired or fed up with the party lifestyle he's living. I think he's super bored because everything is just so predictable—the way things are done and how the night always ends. He's been feeling a bit drained from that part of his life.

He's been working a lot too, helping out his family, or if he has kids, he's been providing the best he can for them financially. I also see him as really passionate and bold. Maybe he has some fire signs in his chart. He's got his eye on someone and is basically competing with someone else for their attention.

Love Life

He's apparently in a relationship or has a very genuine connection with someone he loves a lot. It's a really sincere bond, but right now, he feels rejected by this person.

It's like he tried to get closer, and they didn't want to talk at that moment, so he's been feeling a bit upset about it. They seem distant from each other right now. I'm not sure if he's traveling or if the other person is, but there's a significant distance between them, which has been an obstacle, especially for their communication and what they really want to say to each other.

He loves this person a lot, but it was quite difficult to win them over because they have a strong personality. He had to use all his tricks to win over the person he has now, and he feels like their arrival in his life changed everything, turning it completely upside down.

He admires this person a lot—it's his ideal type—and he definitely has plans to build something big with them.

Career

Right now, he's really happy working in a team with others. There's a guy he's very close to, possibly an earth sign, and they have a lot of projects in mind. They make a great duo, and he really values that. However, there are some things he finds draining, and it seems like the universe is giving him these challenges as a test of patience and effort. He’s dealing with some things that feel like too much to handle, but there's a bigger meaning behind it all.

There's a woman he really wants to work with, and it seems like it’s related to various things, including sponsorships or something profitable that he knows will be good for his career. He’s really hoping for this partnership because he thinks it would look great visually with them working side by side.

He has many proposals and opportunities coming his way, but he's unsure about which one to choose. He still has a lot of doubts about how to make the right decision because he worries about making wrong or hasty choices and then regretting them later.

Family

He financially supports his family, and I think something went wrong with a money-related situation. It's like they made an investment, and it didn’t yield the return they were expecting.

They feel that the trust they had in it didn’t pay off as hoped, leading to a lot of disappointment. What they thought would be amazing turned out to be good but not enough for them, overall.

But he has a good connection with his family, even though they’re distant right now—maybe just talking through calls. He really loves his family, and there's a chance that someone in the family might be expecting a baby, which makes him really happy too.

Friendships

He really loves his friends. I think there's a Libra friend he loves spending time with. There’s another friend who is more of a party buddy than someone he has deep conversations with because he doesn't like how this person talks—he finds it a bit rude. But he enjoys hanging out with them because they’re fun.

There's also a friend he's physically attracted to, so there might be a friends-with-benefits situation there. And then there’s another friend who he feels betrayed by.

He feels like he's suffering because of something he did to a friend in the past, and now he's experiencing a similar situation himself. The energy is always heavy with this situation. So, he’s waiting to see what the next steps will be in this friendship.

Future

He’ll definitely be in a long and happy relationship with someone. I see that this person will be much more mature than he is and very beautiful. They might even have a child together and I can see him getting married in the future.

He’ll be pressured to make a decision about his work that will result in a definite end to something.

I also see him working with a female figure in the future, which will generate a lot of money for both of them. This partnership will lead him to make some significant changes in his life.

I see him going through a “tower moment” where he’ll need to disconnect from the materialistic world he’s been living in to reconnect with his emotions, with people, and with conversations.

[ccraccz]

Scars of reaction

Request:

My request is heartsteel!aphelios when they realized his s/o always wear thing like turtlenecks, chockers that cover their throat and one day they see bandages around they neck

One day he see his s/o without the accesories and bandages and see how s/o's throat is full of dark discolored bruises,reddish marks and to his ache two huge surgeries scars that s/o always hide because they wss worry of his reactiom

Aphelios x Gn!reader

WARNING: Implied SH, a lot of kissing, surgery and insecurity of scars, small amount of nsfw

(aphelios is such a sweetheart in this, got myself blushing at my own writing T^T)

You and aphelios have been dating for a small while at this state

When you both first met, it was before he started with Heartsteel but after the accident that took away his voice for the most part

You had an accident years before that that left you with a large scar on your neck that made you insecure

The surgery you had on it to connect you vocal chords and to keep your voice made it worse

For months, you had to learn sign language to be able to communicate as you waited for your vocals to heal

not only that, your other scars, from small ones that come from you falling, to some of more emotional means

you felt, disgusting

and that you didn't deserve a man as clean as Aphelios.

It scared you how he would react to your scars.

Before you and him started dating, he had noticed you always wore long sleeves, things that covered your neck, like turtle necks or large chockers

He never asked, but he always wondered, was that your style or were you hiding something.

He found out the answer when both of you got more and more affectionate

you had stopped him from lifting your tight, long sleeve shirt up your tummy

The next day, he asked you about it but you avoided his question but he saw the storm boiling in your eyes

from then on, he started complementing you, from you clothes to you eyes, from your hands, to your personality

he would leave little notes in your pockets, on your mugs, on your desk, and more

but you still seemed unhappy and insecure

when you kissed and he would pull you closer, you would stiffen and not relax

There was one night when, after a date, Aphelios forgot his keys at home, his sister having left after him and locked the door behind her

so he texted you and walked back to your place

you were half asleep, in your pj's when the sound of your doorbell loudly resounded throughout your house

you groan, grabbing your phone and looking at the time, though you didn't take notice to the message that your lover had sent you

Cracking open the door just enough to be able to see who was on the other side, it took you of guard seeing the beautiful face of your masked lover

You open the door fully, forgetting that

one

You were wearing a tank top and your underwear

and two

you didn't have anything covering your scars

His eyes widened at the dark and light markings on your body

but just as quick, he smiles and signed an apology

you smiled at him and reassured him that it isn't a problem, rubbing the back of your neck

your eyes widened and your lips parted

shit

your scars weren't covered

tears bubbled up in your eyes as you quickly turned around and attempted to run away and into your room

but his hand held you back, pulling you towards him as he multitasked closing the door behind him and locking it before holding you close to him

he wrapped his arms around your waist as you struggled against him before giving up

he was too strong for you

and you were extremely tired

he carried you towards your couch, holding you like a cat but instead of carrying you from your armpits, he lifted you from the waist

cleaning your face from those falling tears, he explained that he loves you scared or not

he didn't ask for any explanation

he looked at you, lifting your arm up to his, now, unmasked face, kissing scar by scar up to your neck

he pushes you, making you lay on the couch

then, he kissed the width of your neck were the large scar resided

taking his time when he reached your adam's apple before going down your other arm

after he kissed all of your visible scars, he lifts himself off of you with a smile and says with a strained voice

"I love you..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING AT ALL LMAO SCHOOL HAS BEEN ASSASINATING ME WITH ASSIGNMENTS.

I just finished a 45 page history review, AND ITS STILL NOT FINISHED. I promise to get back on the grind on writing these requests but... it might take a long while...

IM SO SO SORRYYYYYYYYY

I'm also writing a bsd fanfic sooo if anyone is interested, feel free to message <3

[vedurnan]

my elden ring player characters

the elden ring dlc comes out soon, is everyone excited? let's talk about our elden ring characters. i will begin.

i played through elden ring right after the game released when almost nothing was known about it, and so my first encounters with its world were full of mystery. i had no idea what was awaiting me so i imagined my first character as a foreign knight from a land across the sea, the very distant kin of an ancient warlord, just like the game's story describes our player character. this gave birth to...

i loved how her history and personality came together in my head naturally as i played through the game and came to know its world. we walked in parallel together through a strange digital landscape and made big decisions in the game before the community of players had figured out what the consequences of those actions would be. it lent itself perfectly to the "doomed knight" character she took on as our travels continued. she's a strength build with a lot of fire incantations on the side, very fun to play for me :)

next i wanted to try a dexterity character with bleeding damage, and that playstyle made me feel like a cheating asshole because it was so strong, like i was some kind of cunning & depraved highwayman...

unlike lorence who came into the service of the evil serpent from a faraway place, i imagined myrtle as a gelmir local, someone who is totally adapted to the nightmare landscape & murder ecosystem of the mountain of blasphemy. lorence and myrtle both fit dark souls "invader" archetypes very cutely in my mind, and when i play as either of them i like to use my recusant finger every once in a while even though i am terrible at pvp. beware dude, we will get you!

i also wanted to try something really different which i had never tried in any of these games before, a pure sorcery character. the royal academy atmosphere of raya lucaria was fun to adventure in but didn't feel like a type of character i wanted to inhabit, so i imagined once again that this new sorcerer was from lands far away...

i think u can see my earthsea fanfiction showing here, but that's fine with me. i imagine ternfeather as someone from perhaps a bit farther away than lorence, having only heard vague stories or out-of-date historical information about the lands between. i imagine the voyage was long and difficult and he must have been looking forward to a warm welcome from his new colleagues, but instead they started shooting glintstone shards at him :(

i use a lot of sleep magic on this character, which can make some combat encounters very difficult but others extremely easy. that highly specialized feeling seems fitting for a character with an academic background to me, & i also enjoy how sleep magic is connected to a folkloric figure of mixed or indeterminate gender within the game's story. very satisfying!

as i played through the game on these characters i became really enamored with the FLAME OF FRENZY and i knew i had to play a character centered all around it. i also wanted to play a very faith-focused character build so this worked out nicely...

i tried to play odile very close to her backstory as a random frenzied commoner, so she doesn't wear any armor other than her clothing and usually only uses a club and frenzy incantations (although sometimes i can't resist using vyke's spear). following the frenzy storyline through the lands between and into the depths under the capital was so fun, everything about it is dope 2 me :)

damn this made a long post! i like to imagine that these four adventure together kind of like a darkest dungeon party, or like service industry workers or something. they are all from very disparate backgrounds and don't always get along that well, but the circumstances of their dying world have bound them together as companions

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

Geo cult hear me out-

geo vs sol

How would that go down? Especially since sol is best friends with hyugo. Geo dislikes hyugo while hyugo cares about geo (at least from what we know). Sol is strong physically but geo has body guards and was stated to be good with weapons especially archery.

The outcome may change depending on MC, who their preference is (geo ofc ❤️)- and which route mc takes. but if MC was unsure or didn't care then what lengths would they go to?

Geos advantages

same friend group; close with crowe (how close is unsure but the fact that they are friends says alot). Crowe is close w/ us and has our trust, crowe could get MC to like geo. idk how this could be used as I doubt geo would ask crowe to do this, but what if crowe notices and does it out of kindness for Geo? Not just crowe, but deryl talks good about geo too.

rich; has connections (to the citys founder) & body guards (who are armed with katanas)

popular

Good with weapons, relatively strong. Extremely close with deryl (who's the strongest physically in the whole cast). I dont doubt that deryl would be willing to throw hands for geo if worst comes to worst.

Probably more mentally stable than sol

Could probably expose sol for stalking us or something

Being with him literally guarantees a stable life, hes rich and mc and him would not only be happy together but financialy stable!! A fairy tail 😇

Geos disadvantages

Clearly emotionally constipated, would probably SUCK at being affectionate.

Intimidating, he death glares us and tells us to leave when we ask a question.

Doesn't take action. hes the type to wait for a confession. depending on the type of person mc is, would cause problems.

He seems hostile, not only to strangers but to his friends (clearly in a more affectionate way).this would scare away a timid mc, or even IF mc was outgoing, i feel like geos hostile attitude would just drive mc away sooner or later.

Sols advantages

Hyugo, from our interactions with hyugo he is clearly sols wingman and is trying to get us together

Takes action, unlike geo he asked us for our number (depending on the route). And he is clearly more likely to take romantic advances

Affectionate, hes cheeky / kind with us from the get go, and even after knowing him for only 2 days mc trusts him alot due to how kind he is. Things would progress much more faster.

Protected us in day 2 (depends which route), mc owes him alot, not only that but mc got to see how much sol cares for them, "this man was crying for you". Unlike geo sol would cry and is more willing to be emotional

Strong physically, his skill with weapons are unknown, but if it were just a pure fist fight then sol would win

Probably better at communicating feelings

Sols disadvantages

Mentally unstable and a stalker, being more realistic, this would scare off mc and have a restraining order

Lacks emotion for those other than mc (and hyugo?). If mc had close friends he would be seething of jealousy, and apathetic towards them and again would push mc away because of his possessiveness.

While both sol and geo are jealous, geo doesn't get jealous often, its just that when he does he gets REALLY jealous, and adding the fact that geo isnt as crazy and sol, he would be more reasonable in his jealousy, like he wouldn't get pissy because we are hanging out with our friends like sol does in day 2 ending. Geo likely understands we each need alone time and time with friends and family.

(im not sure about family, as in one of fantasias asks its stated somthing along the lines of "he was to claim a spot in your family)

has crazy rumors surrounding him, its not clear ingame what these details contain, but knowing sol they are probably somewhat true

SORRY FOR RAMBLING!! I didn't proofread so it might be messy... (ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

Hmm, the Geo cult have taken your query into admission, and you shall not be trialed for heresy...yet. (don't worry, you're all good, fellow cultist enjoyer.) ₊˚⊹ ᰔ (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Anyway, I assume this is going to involve me pitting Geode and Sol against each other, so...enjoy. <33

- Signed by @biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll be honest, for this fight to even happen we need these two in the same place at the same time.

Which will be difficult...unless we utilise our magnificent MC powers to get them to do whatever we want.

Taking all your points into account (which are excellent, good job btw), I genuinely think Geo will win.

Is it because I am devoted to him? (Yes /hj). Perhaps, but let me explain.

Geo has 4 friends (5 if we include you), one of whom being stronger than Sol (Deryl), and I see Deryl as a cute little retriever that'll go rabid if someone attacks who it loves/cares about.

Deryl won't let Sol get remotely near Geo.

Same with Brittney, if she got involved, she'd use the #gossipgyaru perks she has to try and fuck up Sol's rep even more.

Would be the one to give you a talk on why Sol's dangerous.

Geo also has bodyguards, along with a fuckton of money.

He could easily hire a hitman or bribe the police to ensure he has no legal trouble.

Also probably knows Hyugo well enough, so he'd probably be prepared for things his big brother is capable of.

Will use his popularity to get people to ensure Sol is far away from him (and you).

May not be as handy in a fistfight, but has prime access and ability to wield a wide range of weapons against Sol. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ However, these are the most...social and physical sides of a fight. What about you? ------------------------------------------------------------------------

To win you over, I feel like Geo would simply get you to warm up to his friends, then him.

After all, you'd be significantly more comfortable and relaxed around him that way, right?

Despite being fucked when it comes to emotion/affection, Geo is perfect at other things.

Like keeping you safe from the man who watches you sleep.

It honestly horrified you when you found out.

And you never spoke to Sol again, hell you even got a restraining order against him.

Will make his group and himself look angelic to try and get you to warm up faster.

Despite his cold geode-like exterior, will try to warm up to you (Deryl is astounded, to say the least).

Will probably tell you Sol's from a fucked home and needs psychiatric help.

You might also just start believing it.

[sweatytimetravelearthquake]

How to kill your husband

---------------------------

Warning: there are scenes of domestic violence, murder scenes, blood. 18+

---------------------------

It was a very sweet relationship at first, but Sanzu started picking on you and your surroundings. He started forbidding you to communicate with other guys. You violated the ban by going with your best friend from university when Haruchiye saw this. He roughly dragged you into the car, drove off a long time ago, picking up speed. When he brought you home, he beat you, not being shy in his expressions, showing his disgust. After several such cases, you decided to break up with him, but he only got even more angry. A strong slap in the face made you fall, and then he grabbed your silky hair, it seemed that he would pull it out.

"You'll find out how to want to break up with me, bitch!"

"But for what? .. You stopped loving me yourself! Let go!" — The neighbors don't care. Everyone knew the pink-haired man's connections, no one could dare to help you with this relationship. The guy got angry and hit the corner of the table, which could have ended in death, but he knew how to count the force. Your blood was running down your temple, and your whole body was buzzing. He pushes you, and then comes closer, putting his hands, which breathed tobacco on your neck. Haruchie squeezes them on your throat, the smell of alcohol comes from him, and you were sure that in addition to alcohol, he sniffed out two tracks.

"You have no right not to love me.. If you don't like it, I'll make you start."

"I hate you..."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" — Pushes you away, and then squeezes your hands, trying to twist them behind your back. Your resistance irritates Sanza, and he hits you with his hand in a rage: you fall to the floor and remain lying there, cowering in pain and horror. He's standing on top of you, looking at you with disdain. All you can do is keep quiet, feeling like you're about to lose consciousness. — "I'll go, don't fucking enter my office" — you clearly knew that another prostitute would come to him soon, he would cheat right in front of your eyes.

Sanzu has never loved you. Taking his loyalty to Manjiro, it was fashionable to conclude that he was very loyal only to someone he truly loved. And I only kept you around out of a sense of possessiveness. You feel sick. Your whole body hurts and your limbs are shaking. The moans of that dyed blonde are heard, all the hatred for both people is felt, but that girl is not to blame. But you didn't give a damn about her, you have the right to hate everyone, hate Sanza, hate all his whores, hate Sano, who founded this Bonten, hate the damn Haitani, Haruchiyo's friends. You get up on shaky legs and take a knife from the bedside table. It's time to end this all. The door to his office opens, you see how he pushes a girl you don't know into the table with sharp thrusts. He doesn't hear you coming at him, stops only when you stick a knife in his back. A man's blood drips onto the prostitute's stomach, causing her to scream. With sharp movements, you make the wound deeper, long and pulls out the blade. He can barely stand on his feet, turns around, and for the first time fear and pain are visible in his face. This is the first time you've seen them. It's like being on powerful drugs. You push him and stick the knife in again and again, piercing his stomach and chest. Hot scarlet liquid stains the table, you, the girl whose throat you cut, that scum screamed painfully. Sanzu is still living out his last seconds. Your hand slides right into the wound on his stomach, rips off his kidney and puts it in his mouth. There is a stench of various liquids, and the painting makes you want to vomit. Your boyfriend is already dead, lying on the floor, naked, laid out girl on the table.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for ruining my shitty boss' reputation and potentially discouraging good teachers from working at a socioeconomically disadvantaged school?

(apologies, this is a long one)

Last year, I (24F - then 23) got a teaching job at the public high school I graduated from. I worked under a vice principal (late 30s/early 40s), who I will call VP. I was hired alongside three other first year teachers, but I was the only one who was an alumni of the school. As a former student at the high school, and as someone who lives in the area the high school services, I know that the area (and school) have a bad reputation that isn't deserved (it's mostly racism and prejudice imo). The teachers are very supportive and have a strong sense of community with the students, and generally work to provide opportunities for underprivileged kids. I wouldn't be where I am today without their support, and they were super happy to have me back as well and work with me in a professional capacity - and I was excited to do the same.

Now, my VP and principal had been working at that school site for the past few years - long after I graduated - so I don't have the same connection with them, nor they with me. VP initially offered me a temp position, then it got switched to a permanent position as the teacher whose position I took decided they're not coming back.

So I always felt that the VP was picking on me for some reason, but never really brought it up because I didn't want to seem like I was complaining at work as the newbie. He would do twice a week walk-in observations of my classroom, while the other first year teachers got walk-in observations twice every three months. He would also have meetings with me during my prep time 4 out of 5 days of the week - meaning I barely got any prep (once again, he would not do this with the other first year teachers). He also frequently forgot my name and would write me up for ridiculous reasons (he once wrote me up because a student farted in my class and I didn't reprimand the student! What the fuck do I say to that?!).

It got to the point where, even though I wasn't complaining to my coworkers, they noticed. Other teachers brought up how oddly and unfairly he was treating me, and even set up a meeting with our union representative on my behalf. At the meeting, I brought up these grievances, and VP downplayed them all and claimed any perceived slight was not intentional, and since most of the issues weren't in writing (except for the numerous write-ups) it was his word against mine. The meeting ended with us both apologizing to each other, and really nothing else happened. His weird treatment of me actually escalated after the union rep meeting; he once came into my classroom and yelled at me in front of my students for letting a student go to the bathroom, and also demanded I work outside of my contracted work hours (which I refused, and he made it clear he didn't like that).

Needless to say, all of the other teachers in my department and myself were all wondering why the fuck does he not like me, and we found out why recently. During one of his tirades late last school year, he told me (verbally - no written proof) that he didn't want to hire me and only did so because the other teachers on the hiring committee insisted upon it. He told me to thank my lucky stars that my position was the one that "happened" to become permanent. I told my coworkers, and one of them (whose wife works at the school district's HR department) informed me that shortly after I was hired VP was in a super long meeting with HR arguing over a new hire - which we now guess was likely me. It also came out that the two other first year teachers frequently go to bars with him and play golf.

Long story short, earlier this week he told me that he's firing me so that he can instead transfer in another teacher from a different site - one that, you guessed it, he goes to bars with and plays golf. This guy has a bad reputation in the district, though, for generally being a shitty guy and an even shittier teacher.

When the news broke to my department, it quickly spread to the rest of the school. A lot of the older, more established teachers at my school became really outraged, apparently complained to the union and the principal about it, union said they can't really do anything because nothing wrong was officially committed, principal stood behind VP's decision, yadda yadda, and a bunch of teachers have since made it clear they are also not returning next year. Resignation notices, sudden retirement declarations, requests to transfer to other schools in the district - you name it. A good 85% of the teachers at the school are leaving suddenly, including influential pillars of the school's community, people who have been there since the school was founded.

Here is the main WIBTA:

Last year, I was also working on getting a Master's degree in education, and I accomplished that. Yahoo, yay, etc. Due to the nature of my thesis and Master's program, I worked closely with a few professors of education, who - in turn - have a bunch of connections with various big-name people in the area. Also, over summer break, my thesis was good enough that they toured me around a bit, and I got to make acquaintances with other notable people with notable connections. Once again, in an effort to seem professional, I didn't complain or really reveal any of my lukewarm feelings about my boss, but now, as my professors continue to want to have me showboat my thesis around, they keep asking how my work is. I'm going to tell them that I'm no longer going to be working at that school (partially to be truthful, partially to ask them to be references) - but moreso, I'm thinking of telling them how shitty my boss was. If I do that, knowing them, they'll likely tell some of the many people they know, who will likely ruin this man's whole career. However, these professors also teach teacher credential classes and trainings, and I'm worried they might discourage future teachers from working at that school. I don't want to doom the students of this school to shitty teachers who don't support them all because of a shitty vice principal.

So, WIBTA for complaining about my shitty boss to some influential people I know and possibly discourage teachers from working at that school?

What are these acronyms?

[seeminglyseph]

it's so funny to me... looking at video reactions and content about the anime of Erased and realize how many people felt like... idk. cuckolded? by the fact that Kayo did not end up with Satoru in the end, but with Hiromi, the boy who also would have died if the timeline had not been reset.

and like. some of my amusement comes from like... my own ignorance in not realizing that would be a reaction. because like. Obviously. We've been in Satoru's shoes this entire journey and it felt like, especially in the anime, Kayo and Satoru were having these big meaningful moments. like. how could that not be a romance? even though Satoru repeatedly is like 'I am 30, I'm not catching feelings in this situation, what am I doing?'

which I took as like. "Oh, he's inhabiting his little 8 year-old body and also has not had social connection in a long time and is just... having emotions. and Satoru's story is about learning to care and feel again. because adult Satoru had shut down so much due to the trauma of both losing so much in his youth and having the adults around him cope by basically refusing to deal with it and shutting it down. Returning to his childhood before the trauma is reawakening his ability to connect, trust and feel again. Which is something adult Satoru is as confused and unfamiliar with as child Satoru would be with a crush so it reads very similar."

but I also like. ran out of episodes at episode 9, then read the manga, then got like... really really invested in what the story had to say about trauma and the cycles of abuse and silence and well meaning cruelty and convenient victims and patterns of violence and community scapegoats and justice and how people act to preserve face and the justice system and like... the anime picked one thing in the manga to focus on and it was Kayo. and it did that thing like... really really masterfully. it made Kayo's story so heartrending that people forgot almost entirely about everything else. but like. the manga is about like... multiple other subjects of which Kayo features predominantly but like. The character that Satoru is freaking out about having been killed in his flashbacks in the manga is Hiromi, because Hiromi was his friend. It doesn't change the fact that Kayo is very impactful, but the story doesn't revolve entirely around her. So the fact that Hiromi and Kayo found love instead of death, but many anime viewers seem to forget entirely that Hiromi is also a would-be murder victim, is because so much of the non-Kayo story is just... not present or altered.

And even stuff with Kayo because like. She came back after being taken to her grandmother and helped them with the investigation and protection of Aya, the other potential murder victim that goes to a different school.

Honestly sometimes I feel like even people who talk about the anime ending being bad vs the manga ending, miss the parts of the manga that the anime changes. The anime is very excellent for what it is as a stand alone piece, however since it had adapted so much out of the manga to make itself a stand alone piece it didn't give itself an ending that matched what it had created. The anime had devoted itself entirely to the Kayo aspects of the story because they evoked such strong emotions, but the ending... isn't about Kayo. because in the manga, the story wasn't about Kayo. the thing that seems kind of funny to me is, they were stuck with 2 episodes to wrap up a fat chunk of the manga. They were always gonna have to do an anime original ending. They *could* have just gone balls to the wall and gone completely original and played into the fact that they'd been focusing on Kayo the whole time. Not necessarily "waits for him the whole time" but something that puts more focus on her to give more emotional catharsis to the audience. Instead it went with the option no one was happy with and did a limp noodle fast adaptation of the last chunk of the manga with no character development or deduction or planting from the rest of the anime because half the scenes that made any of it make sense got cut.

And now everyone remembers Erased as that great anime with a terrible ending. which sucks because the manga honestly really has a lot to say about a lot of topics. And the anime is artistic and beautiful as hell. but like. the fact that so much of the message is fully not like... either adapted or perceived by audiences or like. Ignored. feels like a sign of something kind of frustrating...

Or I am overthinking big time. That's. I guess a possibility. It might not be that deep, but I think it is. there just might be a level of clumsiness in its execution sometimes, but I think the themes and messages are still there...

[blob-of-darkness]

Fair warning - This might not be that coherent because I didn't write it as a tumblr post, I just copy pasted the messages I sent someone about Chants of Sennaar in the middle of the night.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Alright, so I wrote a little something, from the perspective of a serf from the Bard section of the tower, that has come to the Abbey. I do refer to the Abbey as monastery in the text, I hope that's fine as well!

It’s odd. Everything has changed. So quickly, the tower has gained new life. The people have gained new life, new connection, new purpose.

Finally, the day is over and I can fall into bed. I’ve had so much on my mind lately.

I saw them again, the faceless traveler. They were silent, as always, scribbling in their notebook like usual. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them speak. They understand though, more than any other person. They’re the one that opened the doors, that translated for the people so we could find community in each other again.

I, I have a life and a purpose.

At least, I think so. When the others and I ran away to the monastery, at first we didn’t really know what to do. We couldn’t speak the language the devotees spoke, they couldn’t speak our language either. Eventually though, we learned, more and more every day. We are given food, water, a place to sleep, care – that’s what took the longest to get used to. The people here care about each other. There is some hierarchy, between the preacher, the devotees, the common folk – but we’re all treated as people, equally, regardless of status.

No longer are we slaves for the Bards, among the devotees we are equal. There is a balance. Funny, I don’t remember that word in my own language. I think it says a lot, that I remember the word balance in the warriors language before my own.

Among the warriors, all are equal. There are no masters and slaves, not like the bards and their servants. Well, they don’t have any servants anymore. We’ve all left. In the monastery, we are free.

Ah, my mind drifts a lot these days, doesn’t it? There’s so much to think about. Right, the traveler. They’ve stopped by the monastery again, petting the stray cat that lingers but never let’s anyone get close.

It let the traveler close.

It really is remarkable just how much impact they’ve had, on everyone. A stranger, from beyond the tower, showing up and learning all these languages from scratch, wandering and completely changing society. All our societies, here on the tower. I didn’t even know this many people lived here.

The traveler brought some potions from the alchemists over to the preacher, then left pretty soon after. The alchemists are very nearly performing miracles, with their technologies and potions.

It all makes me feel even more left behind. Everyone else seems to be adjusting so well, yet I feel so restless and out of place. I can’t even fall asleep. I’ve seen warriors pick up instruments and learn how to play, I’ve seen Bards and Alchemists argue about the definition of love, I’ve seen the Anchorites in their odd floating chairs, I’ve seen the people mingling together and learning from each other.

So why can’t I find something to do with my life? The monastery is nice and all, sure, but I do not feel like it is my calling. I won’t be a warrior, I’m not strong enough. I won’t be an alchemist, I’m not smart enough. I won’t be a bard, I’m not worthy enough. I won’t be an anchorite, they might as well be fairies with their futuristic tech and confusing language.

Perhaps I could learn some sort of craft? Make pottery or something like that. But a soll like that takes forever to learn. What if I don’t even find joy in it?

Joy…

Hm. I loved seeing the joy on the children’s faces when I showed them dances from my culture. They had so much fun and they were so eager to learn. Maybe I should dance. Maybe I can be worthy of being on a stage, rather than out of sight? But… No, that would feel wrong. Maybe it’s alright to just dance with the children. Their smiles are all the applause I need.

Yes, I think that’s what I’ll do with my life. I’ll teach the children to dance.