#they didn't pull the trigger or press the button! but the end result is the same. and its something we should be apologizing for‚ not

[aesthetics-over-ethics]

You made my point- isn't it the government and rich people that money is going to that is the evil ones, not us? We are a part of an evil system, yes. We have no choice. We are exploited by our government, who is even more exploitative towards others. It's like saying a medieval peasant is evil just for working for the rich lord that uses that money for more cruelty, when it's either that or die. There's no way to truly "opt out". I'd rather have solidarity with other exploited people so that maybe one day we CAN opt out and not involuntarily contribute to this anymore. The rich politicians, of both parties want us divided and demoralized against doing anything to stop the cruel system, so we don't resist them

You exonerate yourself because you have no choice, but having no choice doesn't make you not responsible. Your being American is a cosmic accident, but accidental murder is still manslaughter. There is no way to have clean hands. You can only do what you can, what we all can, in trying to clean them. It's demoralizing to acknowledge the part you play - but it's necessary to acknowledge that part, to understand why we have the responsibility to help those people our money and labor harm. And those same people are right in distrusting us, because we are hurting them, much more than we are helping them.

We have to understand what harm we cause before we can attempt to fix it properly - just as you have to understand how your actions have harmed another person before you can apologize and make it right. I'm not saying you're personally responsible for everything, I'm saying you should take responsibility for the small part of it you are responsible for, as we all should. It shouldn't be divisive to say the American people are responsible for US imperialism because we're the ones funding it. I understand hating having a guilty conscience for something you had no power over. But it's better to be apologetic for the harm you've caused than to pretend you didn't cause it at all.

You might think of a car accident as a metaphor here. You were driving your car safely, and got into an accident. The other driver, who was also driving safely, passed away. It isn't your fault that that person died, but you are responsible for it. Wouldn't their family hate you a little less if you were at least apologetic instead of saying, essentially, "I didn't do anything wrong! It was the traffic light's fault for being defective!"

[jorjacrafts2]

Bad Gateway Merchandise Printing:

Due to the success of the T-Shirt printing, Peter and I went straight onto the final print, the Button-Up Shirts. I was nervous to see how this would pan out because the fabric is very light and we haven't worked with a light fabric and dark ink yet. Considering I left a few marks on a couple of the T-Shirts, I really didn't want to face the same problem with this as it will be more visible.

After noticing the ink dried quickly through the screen, we decided to map and prep all of our shirts before we began printing to save time on the turn around. There was only nine shirts to print onto however these required the most time and precision in my opinion considering the price of them in comparison to the rest of the merchandise. After using a marker and our print which was used to expose the screen to line up the positioning of the print we began printing. As we had Black ink this time, we didn't do as many screen pulls as we did for the T-Shirts. We initially decided on three pulls only which created the second image above. Peter and I were really pleased with the outcome of this as it was bold and had an amazing texture. The fabric of this shirt is a mixture of Viscoe and Polyester I believe and also has a grooved surface making the ink bleed slightly. Despite this technical problem, we were happy with this bleed as it added a wonderful texture to the design and elevating the simple Off-White shirt. The technicians weren't however and they stressed we should do a different technique. At the time we listened and took on their adivice but now upon reflection they don't understand that we actually liked the bleeding consequences. She advised that we only did three pulls which weirdly gave us the result on the third image. Im not sure what happened and how removing one pull would create this much of a drastic feed through the screen. This delayed our printing process slightly as we had to wash the screen and try and line up the design over the shirt to screen print over it again to create for opacity within the design.

Overall I was pleased but not ecstatic of the printing outcomes of the shirt. This was a really complex fabric to print on and needed a lot of precision to curate. There did end up being a couple of marks on the shirt which I'm hoping we can aim to scrub off before heat pressing. My favourite aspect of this final print would be the printing texture which we unconsciously created. Despite triggering the technical printing process, we were happy with this alteration as it helps add more texture to the fairly simple design.

[anon911andbuddie]

Prompt: After the ladder truck crushed Buck’s leg he becomes estranged from the team. Buck ends up losing the leg, and Eddie finds out after the fact from Christopher. Buddie h/c ensues

As always, this got away from me. I started this prompt weeks ago but it just kept getting longer and longer, then realized I missed a tiny prompt aspect and reworked it. Then again it got longer and longer. And oops, the word count is now over 7.5k. But it is finished.

So strap in for some angst, hurt/comfort, firefam doing firefam things, and Buddie finally gets their moment. Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing and rewriting.  

-Scarlet 📕

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of death (Shannon's), Bombing, hostage situations (AKA events of season 2, episode 18), Hospitals, injury, infection, amputation, depression, refusal to eat, anxiety, swearing, nightmares, secret keeping, hints of gaslighting, attempted ghosting, self-deprecation. And all around Buck Drama.

At What Cost?

Everyone kept telling Buck that he was lucky to be alive. That he had survived a bombing and being trapped under a 20-ton truck. Buck didn’t feel lucky. He had survived, but it cost him the use of his leg. Sure his leg was still attached but the muscle damage was enough to force him out of his job. One guy pressed a button and undid Buck’s entire life. His career as a firefighter was over. His parents hadn’t even come to see him. Sure they called, but it was like his ruined life meant nothing to them. He couldn’t live in the apartment he hadn’t even fully moved into yet since he couldn’t use the stairs. Buck was so beyond done.

The most annoying part was that his story was all over the news, Taylor Kelly had seen to that. Eddie had actually been furious about how she played up her so-called “personal connection” for the story. Buck genuinely didn’t care about Taylor Kelly right now. Anywhere he tried to go people would recognize him, pity him, and that wasn’t totally on her. Every news station jumped at the opportunity to showcase the whole disaster. He hated it. He hated everything. He couldn’t do his job. He had no purpose. No matter how his sister, his girlfriend, his team, Carla, or even Christopher tried to tell him it would get better. He didn’t believe them. His leg was useless. There was no going back from this.

He didn’t care if the city and the fire department had compensated him decently for having an on-the-job accident resulting in his inability to work, but Buck knew they only did it because the whole thing had gone viral. The world finally recognized Buck as a hero, too bad he would never feel like one again. He was just a burden now. A burden on the system, a burden on his friends. They had insisted that he might not be on the team anymore, but he was still one of them. He found that hard to believe. They all had their own lives. Bobby and Athena eloping proved it. They didn’t need a cripple ex-firefighter messing things up for them. And Eddie, Christopher, even Maddie, all had their own trauma to deal with. They didn’t need him making things worse. He didn’t want that for his family. So he did the only reasonable thing in his book. As soon as he had any semblance of autonomy back he did what he knew they all probably secretly wished would happen. He pulled away. He had found a new apartment and didn't really tell anyone where he was. They left him messages. They were all worried.

"He needs time," the doctors told them. "He will need to adjust. He just lost his job, his pride is wounded. He might feel like he has lost his independence."

Carla had been the only person able to get to him and even she saw him sparingly because she had her own responsibilities. It was weeks later when Eddie got an unsettling phone call from Carla saying she needed a few days off.

"Everything alright, your family okay?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, they’re fine,” Carla assured him. “It's...well, Buck needs my help for a few days."

"Oh," Eddie tried not to sound hurt that his best friend had called Carla for help and not him. Eddie knew that Carla had been his friend first, but he was his best friend. "I'll see if Abuela can look after Chris. Let Buck know we miss him."

"I will," she assured him again. "Thanks, Eddie."

Eddie felt bad but just two days after he gave Carla the time off she needed he had found out Abuela couldn’t cover one of the days. So Eddie did the only thing he could, he called Carla.

“I know I said I would get Abuela to watch him, but she can’t tomorrow. Is it possible you could at least pick him up and -”

“Let me check and call you back,” Carla told him and hung up. She called back a couple of minutes later. She sighed but told him it was fine. “I can bring him with me, it won't be an issue.”

The next day at work they were all shocked by a surprise visitor.

“Hello?” Ali said as she entered the station loft a few weeks later. Bobby swiftly got to his feet. No one had really seen her since Buck was released.

“Hey, Ali, is everything alright? How’s Buck?” Bobby asked.

“That’s actually why I’m here,” Ali said.

“What about Buck?” Eddie asked as he joined them, drawing the attention of Hen and Chimney.

“Have any of you heard from him recently?” Ali asked.

They looked at each other and shook their heads.

“That’s what I thought,” Ali said. “This probably isn’t my place, but I think someone should check on him.”

“You’re his girlfriend, why wouldn’t it be your place?” Hen asked, confusion clear on her face.

“Was, past tense, he…” Ali sighed. “He broke it off, but that isn’t my point.” She shook her head. “No, after they...I know he has been through something no one can prepare themselves for. I know he is struggling, but he doesn’t want me there.”

"When did you guys split?" Eddie asked.

"A few days ago," Ali admitted.

“Huh,” Eddie said. “Well Chris is with Carla today and I know she’s seen him. I’ll ask her-”

“Yes, Carla,” Ali nodded. “She is the only one he seems to trust these days.”

“What are you trying to say, Ali?” Bobby asked.

“I’m saying he isn’t doing well and needs someone to check in on him, and well, that’s not only part of your job but you’re like his family.” She looked from face to face as she spoke. “I’m sure he’ll be more receptive to you guys.”

“We’ll check on him,” Bobby assured her.

“That’s all I’m asking,” Ali said.

Eddie’s anxiety only grew when Christopher had been unusually silent since Carla dropped him off. His son didn't really want to talk about where he'd been or what he did at school and he didn't really touch his dinner. It had alarm bells going off in Eddie's head. They had made some progress trying to get back some semblance of normal after losing Shannon. It was like all that progress was undone in one afternoon. He had sent Carla a text and she had told him Christopher just needed time to deal with what he went through. She assured him he would talk to Eddie when he was ready, but Eddie had an uneasy feeling he was missing something. It wasn't until he woke up at 3 am and heard sniffling when he went to check on his son did Eddie get really worried.

"Hey, Buddy, have a bad dream?" Eddie asked. Christopher nodded. "Want to tell me about it?" Eddie didn't like the way Christopher hesitated to answer.

"He didn't want anyone to know, but I know and-" Christopher let out a sob and Eddie pulled him into a hug. When Christopher had quieted some Eddie tried to find out what was going on.

"What happened, Bud?" He asked. "What weren't you supposed to know?"

"That Buck's leg is gone," Christopher told him and Eddie didn't know what he expected, but it sure as hell didn't expect that.

"What?" Eddie asked.

Christopher pulled back and looked up at his dad with tear-filled eyes. "Gone, gone. They took it off. From here," Christopher pointed at his dad's knee and down to his toes. "To here is gone."

"It was just a dream, Chris," Eddie told him earning another round of sobs as Christopher shook his head.

"They did in real life too," Christopher cried.

Eddie froze. Was this really happening? The doctors had said Buck needed time to heal and that he would hopefully get back on his feet in time. What the hell had happened? Why hadn't Buck told him? Why didn't Carla? How was he just learning this at 3 am from his son?

"Dad?" Christopher tugged at his arm.

Eddie had to clear his throat before he could speak. "I'm here, bud,” Eddie spoke softly, trying to assure his son that everything would be alright. He held Christopher close. “Whatever is going on with Buck, we'll figure it out, okay? I talk to Carla and Buck, and we'll help him, okay?" Christopher nodded. Eddie smiled and asked, "Think you can try to sleep now?"

"Yeah," Christopher said as he got settled back in his bed. "Thanks, Dad."

Eddie gave his son a kiss on the forehead. "Night, Bud. Love you."

"Love you too."

As soon as Eddie was in his bedroom he pulled out his phone and went to dial Bobby's number but he stopped. It was 3 am and he didn't have any real facts, just what Christopher said. Instead, he sent Carla a text that Christopher had told him and to call him first thing. Then he settled in for what he knew was a sleepless night.

Eddie drank his third cup of coffee after waking up two hours before his alarm from another nightmare about the bombing. He dreamed he'd failed to save Buck and he had buried his best friend right next to his wife. So he was wide awake when his phone rang.

"For the record," Carla said when he did. "I told him he needed to tell at least Maddie, you, and Bobby too."

"What happened?" Eddie asked.

She sighed. "I noticed some discoloration on his leg when I was visiting. We got it checked out and he ended up with a nasty infection and with the amount of tissue damage he already had, well..." Eddie's chest felt painfully tight as Carla spoke. He must have made a noise because when she continued she said, "I'm sorry, Eddie, but you know as well as I do, there wasn't much of an option at that point…"

"They had to amputate it," Eddie finished for her. He gripped the phone tighter as his hands began to shake.

"They did," Carla affirmed.

"Shit," Eddie cursed under his breath, he could feel tears in his eyes.

"I know it is a lot to take in. I was surprised Christopher handled it so well, but he-"

"He really didn't," Eddie sort of blurted out.

"What? Is he okay?" Carla sounded suddenly very alert.

"I woke up to him crying at 3 am. He was telling me that Buck's leg was gone from the knee down and I figured it was just a bad dream, he told me it wasn't, and honestly, it felt like I'd been sucker-punched." Eddie let out a shaking breath as he rubbed at his eyes to keep from crying. "I told him that I'd talk to you, and hopefully Buck and we'd figure something out, but that felt almost like a lie. Why didn't he tell me? Or the team? Or-"

"He wasn't ready," Carla said. "I really hoped he would let you all back in but he was hurting and after watching him push Ali away, I was a bit worried he would do the same with all of you. I was genuinely shocked he agreed to let Christopher come over. Then again, when doesn't he put Christopher's well-being before his own..."

"How...how bad is he?" Eddie felt his nails dig into the palm of the hand that wasn’t gripping the phone.

"Honestly, Eddie," Carla said sadly, "Physically, he is healing. The infection was isolated to an area about mid-calf level. So they could save his knee, and that means a lot for future mobility."

Eddie let out a strangled sob. "God, Carla, he must be a wreck. He must be hurting."

"He is, but he doesn't want to add to anyone else's plate, especially you and Christopher. He-"

"What? No," Eddie said, taken aback. "He is my best friend, my partner, we agreed to always have each other's back."

"That's just it, Eddie. You don't work together anymore. You aren't partners. That was-"

"No, absolutely not," Eddie stated. "Doesn't matter, job or no job, it changes nothing. He is still my best friend. He was there every step after…" Eddie grew quiet.

"Eddie? You still there?" Carla questioned.

"Yeah...I," Eddie said his tone quiet and sorrowful. "He didn't want us to worry, especially so soon after Shannon, didn't he..."

"He was hoping to avoid, well, he was hoping to avoid Christopher being afraid of losing him."

"By pushing us away? Might have meant less horrific Buck-centric nightmares, but he'd still be losing his Buck. It'd be just like when Shannon left the first time. How is that preferable?"

"I hoped with time he would see that, but here we are," Carla admitted.

"I...have to make some phone calls. Call me if anything else happens, and I mean anything, okay?”

"Sure, Eddie. Tell Chris that it'll be okay. That Buck is getting better. He just might need some help feeling better, but he will get there."

"I will. Thanks, Carla."

Eddie looked at the clock and realized he needed to get Christopher up for school. After they had gotten ready, they ate breakfast, and he got Christopher off to school. Eddie pulled his phone out and called Bobby.

"Morning, Eddie, how's Christopher?" Bobby asked.

"Well he had a rough night but that's why I'm calling. Bobby, he told me at 3 am that Buck had lost his leg."

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, at first I thought he was telling me about a dream, but I talked to Carla and they really did have to amputate his leg."

"Why? What happened?"

"Carla said he got an infection, and they couldn't save it. Bobby," Eddie let out a shaking breath.

Bobby had to sit down. This was because of him. Freddie had blown up that truck to hurt Bobby, and he did, more than Freddie could possibly know. He took the heart of 118 and smashed it to pieces. Buck had always been so good at keeping them all light-hearted. The firehouse just didn't feel the same without him. From Buck’s point of view, Freddie had taken everything but his life. Freddie had taken his job, his connection to his friends, and now his leg. Bobby had told Buck that he might not be on the team anymore but he was still part of their family. Bobby had listened to the professionals and trusted that Buck just needed time. Now he was kicking himself. He thinks of all the times he sat beside him as Buck lay in a hospital bed. He was even one of his emergency contacts. Bobby cursed himself. He should have tried harder. He shouldn't have relied on Eddie talking to Carla. He should have just looked after him himself like he had promised himself after that first hospital trip. This was all his fault.

"Bobby?" Eddie called his name.

"I'm still here," Bobby told him. "Does Maddie know?"

"No, she doesn't," Eddie answered. "Carla said she tried to get him to tell her and us."

"I'll call her," Bobby sighed.."

"Thanks, Bobby."

"You okay?" Athena asked as she sat beside her husband. He didn't know how to answer that. He didn't know if he was. Buck had been through so much because of him, and Bobby missed it. He wasn't there when the bomb went off. He wasn't there when he got the infection. He wasn't there when they amputated his leg. He should have been.

"What happened?" Athena asked when it was clear Bobby wasn't going to answer that particular question.

"Buck's injured leg became infected,” Bobby replied. “They had to amputate."

"That poor kid just can't catch a break," Athena said sadly.

"I need to call Maddie," Bobby said.

"Why you?" Athena asked.

"Because I owe them at least that much," Bobby said as he looked through the contacts on his phone.

"Bobby," Athena started but he cut her off.

"He wouldn't be in this mess if It wasn't for me," He told his wife.

Athena shook her head. "You didn't blow up that truck, you didn't get him sick. You-"

"But I wasn't there, Athena. I should have been. If I had been there that night-"

"You didn't have a choice,” a very serious Athena told him, “and you got there as soon as you could. You faced a bomber with a death wish to save him. Freddie is the one to blame. Freddie detonated that bomb. Freddie wouldn't let the medics go to him right away. Freddie made this happen."

"All to hurt me,” Bobby said with remorse, “and Buck paid the price. "

"And the fact it does hurt you, means you are a good person. You would have taken Buck's place in a heartbeat, but Freddie would have killed you. Not giving you the chance to get a word in. You would be dead. Leaving Buck and the rest of us devastated. Losing a leg will be something Buck has to learn to live with, but he will do it and he will live. He will figure it out and we will all help him put his life back together. But losing you would have been so much worse for that kid. You've been down the road of what-ifs and if only’s. He'd be lost down that very same road, just like he is now. The only difference is you are still here to pull him back. You still can. So sure, call Maddie since you did just tell Eddie you would, but do it because you want Buck to feel better and have his sister there with him. Not because you think you deserve to suffer."

"Okay," Bobby sighed, he knew she was right, but he still felt like this was on him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

The call with Maddie did not go well. Bobby was glad that Chimney had been there for her. She had cried and Chim had taken over getting the information for her and she insisted on going to see him immediately. Athena called Hen and filled her in. Hen couldn't figure out how things had gotten so bad and they had missed it. Athena wished she had an answer, but sadly, no one really did.

The next afternoon, Bobby heard shouting as he approached Buck’s new wheelchair-friendly apartment. He had found out from Chim that Maddie had stayed the night at Buck's after refusing to leave her brother’s side. She went as far as crawling into his bed and they had eventually broken down and cried about it. Bobby was quick to offer to come over and spend some time with Buck while Maddie worked that evening. That was how he ended up at Buck’s new place. It would help both of them feel better if someone they knew was there.

“I said I’m FINE!” Bobby heard Buck shout. “You shouldn't have told them!” The door was cracked as he neared it so the captain could hear the more subdued voice of Maddie as he nudged it open.

“Evan please, they just want to know you are okay,” Maddie said. "You lost a leg, they care."

“They got a fucked up way of showing it!” Buck shouted. “But I’m fine. Tell them I’m fine and go.”

“Buck,” Maddie said, her voice filled with sorrow.

“Don’t.” Buck hissed through gritted teeth. “Don’t pity me.”

“It’s not pity, Buck, I-"

“Don’t guilt-trip me either,” Buck said, glaring at her.

“Buck, please,” Maddie started but stopped when she saw Bobby in the doorway. “You have a visitor.” She forced a smile and turned to Bobby. “Hi, Bobby.”

“What’s going on?” Bobby asked as he entered the apartment.

“Buck is...well,” Maddie said, on the verge of tears. “Our parents called me because he won't take their calls. They are worried about him.” Bobby heard Buck snort of derision as he wheeled his chair over.

“Hey Buck,” Bobby said as a distraction. “I brought the stuff for stir fry, figured we could make dinner.”

“That is a great idea,” Maddie smiled. “I have a shift soon, but you guys enjoy dinner.” Maddie kissed the top of her brother’s head. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Not necessary,” Buck said as he turned his chair and started towards the kitchen. “But whatever.”

“Love you,” Maddie half-shouted.

“Mmhmm,” was Buck’s only response and Bobby could tell it pained the sister. Bobby put an arm around her shoulder and walked her to the door.

“He’s adjusting, it can be a jarring process. I’m sure he’ll talk to them soon, the fact he is talking to us now means he is getting better," Bobby tried to reassure her. “Try not to read too much into the thing with your parents. I’ll see if I can cheer him up a bit.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Maddie gave him a hug and left.

Bobby went to Buck’s kitchen and started getting the ingredients ready. Buck was quiet except for telling Bobby where things were when he asked. Bobby was glad Buck hadn't kicked him out or even ask him to leave at all. It had been months since Bobby had really seen him. They talked a few times, but the guilt Bobby felt now hit him deep down. He nearly lost Buck, then let him drift too far. He needed Buck to be okay. But he had to focus on the here and now, not his past mistakes. So he tried to get a real conversation going, but Buck’s single-word replies didn’t really make it easy. When the meal was done and they were sitting at Buck’s table, Bobby tried again. “How’s PT going?” Bobby asked. “Started working with the prosthetic yet?"

“It’s fine,” Buck answered. “The swelling is finally down enough they can hopefully fit it soon."

“Well that’s progress,” Bobby smiled as he took a bite of his dinner. "You in any pain?" Bobby finally asked now that Buck actually seemed to be speaking in full sentences.

Buck shrugged. “Not as much as there was before.”

“Well that’s not bad, means everything’s healing,” Bobby said with a nod. “Hopefully with time, it will get better, especially once you can get the muscles moving again."

Buck let out a bitter laugh as he poked at a pepper on his plate. “That’s just the thing, it’s not really going to get better.”

“You’ll walk again, Buck,” Bobby tried to assure him. “They didn't know if you would have been able to before, but with a prosthetic, you'll have a fair amount of movement back.”

“Doesn’t matter if I do,” Buck said as he set his fork down. “Thanks for dinner, but I’m not hungry,” Buck said. “I think I’m going to go lay down.”

“Do what you need to, Buck. I’ll take care of this.”

“Thanks,” Buck mumbled, wheeling himself towards his bedroom. Bobby sighed after the bedroom door closed. It broke Bobby’s heart to see Buck like that. The captain got up and started looking around the kitchen until he found some plastic containers to store the stir fry in. He was going to leave it for Buck to eat when he finally felt like eating. He hoped that Buck still had some kind of caregiver that was looking after him and making sure he ate. When he was done he took a few minutes to clean up Buck’s apartment, or really straightened up, there really wasn’t much in the apartment and his caregiver must have been keeping things tidy.

He knocked on the bedroom door when he ran out of things to do. He eased the door open when he didn't get a reply. Buck was awake and sort of staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," Bobby said, his voice quiet. "I put the rest in the fridge."

"Okay," Buck said, without even looking at Bobby.

"I'm going to head out I guess," Bobby didn't really want to leave Buck like that but it was getting late and what else could he do. He didn't want to feel like he was taking away Buck's independence, but he also didn't want him to feel abandoned. It was a tough line to walk. "Call if you need anything."

"Yeah, okay," Buck said as he glanced at Bobby before rolling on his side so his back was to his former captain.

"I'll see you soon," Bobby assured him. He didn't get a reply. It caused him to hesitate but when Buck didn't show any sign of moving he left, locking Buck's front door behind him. It hurt Bobby to leave. He had already lost so many people in his life. Leaving Buck in that way felt wrong but he wasn't Buck's dad, he wasn't even his boss anymore. This was uneasy terrain and Bobby was doing his best to do what was best for Buck. He just hoped he wasn't making the wrong decision.

Eddie knocked on Buck's door on their next day off. Bobby had told him how Buck had seemed so broken. Eddie couldn’t believe Buck still hadn’t answered his calls. He wanted to make sure his best friend was okay, but his best friend wasn’t making it easy. Maddie had assured him it was probably just because Buck didn't want to burden Eddie so soon after losing Shannon. Sure, Eddie had just lost his wife, but now he felt like he was failing his best friend. He shook himself from his thoughts and looked over at Christopher. He was surprised when he tried the handle and it wasn't even locked. This was LA. Was Buck trying to get robbed? Was his caretaker that reckless?

"Hey, Buck," he said as they let themselves in. "It's just us,” Eddie called out. “You stay here,” he told Christopher as he shut the door. “I’m going to check on, Buck.”

“Okay,” Christopher said and went to sit on the couch, turning the tv on as he did.

Eddie headed towards what Christopher had said was the bedroom. He knocked before pushing the door open. "You hear me?" Eddie asked.

"Yes, Eddie," Buck grumbled from where he was on the bed. "I heard you. Honestly, not sure I'm up for it today.”

"That's okay, we can go at whatever speed you want," Eddie said. "Why don't we go out and get something to eat, get some sunshine."

"Not really hungry," Buck told him.

"Okay," Eddie said. "It's like 75 in here, aren't you roasting?" He moved to help Buck pull back some of the blankets back but was stopped when Buck shoved his hand away. "Buck, man aren't you hot?" The medic didn't miss how Buck looked at the spot where his leg would be if he still had it. "Buck, I was an army medic, I know my fair share of amputees. I was there when you were hurt and I am trying to be here now. It's okay."

"It's really not," Buck said. "You want to see it, fine." Buck pulled the cover back to show his wrapped leg. Angry red skin peeking from the wrapping worried the medic. He was also worried by the fact Buck seemed to be avoiding looking at it himself.

"Hey," Eddie knelt down beside the bed. "I know I haven't been around and I’d go back and change that if I could, but nothing you can do is going to scare me off."

"Sure, Eddie," Buck grumbled, clearly not taking him seriously.

"I'm not lying, Buck. I've missed having my best friend around. If you think I didn't ask Carla every damn day how you were, then you are mistaken. Christopher is here too, he’s out watching TV."

"But I can't take care of him like I could before," Buck said.

"Maybe, but if you think Chris cares that you don't have a leg then you clearly need a Christopher Diaz refresher course, because you could literally be in a coma or completely paralyzed and he'd still want to visit you every day and talk your ear off. You always loved him despite the crutches and CP, do you really think he wouldn't do the same. You're his hero, Buck. You survived being blown up and crushed. He damn near thinks your magic."

"But I can't-"

“No buts, now let me take a look at your leg. I want to make sure it is just irritated from PT or something like that," Eddie said as he slowly reached for the bandage. He internally cheered when Buck didn't slap him away. He continued to speak as he did. "Then, you’re going to hang out with Christopher so you can see for yourself that the Diaz boys are stubborn when you try to turn us away. Like shoving a brick wall."

"Talking to one too," Buck grumbled, but Eddie looked over at him he saw the hint of a smile. That was a victory Eddie would take. He finished checking over what was left of Buck's leg. And rebandaged it. "How does it look?" Buck asked him.

"A lot better than anything I saw in the field. So it looks great in my book." Eddie grinned at the eye roll it earned him. “You going to get up?” When Buck hesitated and pulled the blankets back over his leg Eddie nodded. “Okay, we’ll play it your way.” Eddie went and turned off the TV and scooped Christopher up. He ignored the mild protest and confusion from his son as he went back into the bedroom and carefully put his son on the bed.

“Hi Buck,” Christopher said when he’d settled into the bed.

“Hey Bud,” Buck replied.

“See, better already,” Eddie said as he grabbed the remote for the TV that was on Buck’s dresser and went to sit on the other side of Christopher. He found the cartoon Christopher had been watching in the living room and set the remote down. “Everybody good?” he asked, looking between his son and his best friend.

“Yeah,” Christopher said as he cuddled into Buck’s side. Buck gave a silent nod and stared at the TV.

“Good,” Eddie nodded and settled in. An hour or so passed before Christopher complained he was hungry. Only after some encouragement from Christopher did Buck agree to get out of bed, but only if they went and get lunch started. Eddie hesitated, he was there to help Buck. Buck glared and repeated that he’d be out in a minute. Eddie reminded himself that Buck had always been independent. Not always by choice, but he was. So Eddie agreed and after helping Christopher out of the bed, they headed toward the kitchen. He was almost done assembling the sandwiches when Buck rolled in to join them, a blanket covering his legs. Eddie wanted to tell him he’d overheat, but fearing another argument, he kept it to himself. Instead, he sent Christopher out to sit at the table. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to Buck. “Some of those meds will suck you dry if you aren’t careful,” Eddie stated as an excuse.

“So will the medical bills,” Buck grumbled but didn’t refuse the drink.

“Still beats the VA, you’d still be waiting on getting looked at. Not even Carla could manage that red tape,” Eddie said as he put the sandwiches all on one plate.

“Oh I am telling Carla you doubt her awesomeness,” Buck stated, a grin taking over his features.

Eddie damn near cried at how happy he was to see some semblance of joy in his weary best friend. He had to remind himself to say something. “Try scheduling a follow-up at the VA while rehabbing your arm after taking an armor-piercing round. I’m not even sure they know how to answer a phone, and when they do, yikes. So much anger in those receptionists. I think they’re genetically modified to spit venom if you really cross them. I doubt even Carla would want to take them on, even with her awesomeness.”

Buck laughed and Eddie’s pretty sure his heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t really realized how much he missed that sound, or just being around Buck in general.

“Okay, okay, genetically modified receptionists would be a military thing,” Buck grinned. “And, we all know the VA is slower than snails.”

“It is. Here,” Eddie grinned, handing Buck the plate of sandwiches. “Go feed the kid before we all end up in trouble.”

“Can’t have that now can we,” Buck said as he set the plate in his lap and carefully made his way to the table.

“Thanks, Buck,” Christopher smiled when Buck gave him one of the sandwiches. Eddie set a plate with veggies and chips, alongside an open bottle of juice in front of Christopher. The three of them set to eating. Eddie waiting for both Buck and Christopher to start before he did. He knew Buck avoiding meals was probably more him avoiding getting out of bed to eat. He knew Buck loved food. So he was pleased when Buck didn’t put up a fight over the sandwich. After lunch and some coaxing, the three of them decided to go to the park. It was a normal thing for them to do. Get some sun, as fresh of air you could get in a large metropolitan city, and let Christopher play with some kids outside of school. They were both watching Christopher talking with another boy about some action figures when Buck glanced at Eddie.

“So uh...how’s work?” Buck asked.

“It’s work,” Eddie said, unsure of how to handle the topic. He knows it can’t be easy for him.

“You guys find a replacement for me yet?” Buck asked, his eyes trained on Christopher, refusing to show the emotions he felt.

“No one can replace you, Buck,” Eddie told him, squeezing Buck’s shoulder as he did. “I mean, we have a new guy, but if you thought me joining was a pain, this guy has it so much worse.”

“How?” Buck asked, finally looking at Eddie. “How could it be worse than some hotshot decorated army medic stealing all the thunder?” Buck’s joke earning him a small chuckle. “Can’t be worse than when I started,” Buck stated.

“Well he hasn’t stolen the truck, but he’s no you,” Eddie shrugged. “It’s a job to the guy, no passion, no heart. I mean he gets the job done, but it’s not the same. No spark in the guy. Not like you.”

“Like me?” Buck asked.

“Well yeah,” Eddie stated. “I mean, you always had something to tell us about at the start of shift, some exciting thing you saw, or weird thing you learned on the internet. You always had some factoid to keep whoever it is we were helping out of their own head if needed. Sure, it could be annoying at times, but it was endearing and effective when necessary. The dude is practically a robot in comparison.”

A few days later they were all shocked when Bobby stopped in his tracks during a post-call check and restock.

“Buck,” Bobby said, catching everyone’s attention. “Glad to see you out and about.”

“Yeah well, Eddie said this place was downright gloomy without me, so I had to stop by,” Buck stated.

Eddie snorted as he closed one of the compartment doors on the truck. “Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration.”

“Teeny bit,” Buck smirked.

“Looking good, Buckaroo,” Hen grinned as she came to hug him.

“That’s a lie and we both know it, but thanks for trying,” Buck grinned as he hugged her back.

“Nah, the way these two made it sound, you were a dramatized disaster,” Chim gestured at Bobby and Eddie as he spoke.

“Also an exaggeration,” Eddie stated. “And Ali was the one that said you were in bad shape, not us. We-”

“I still can’t believe she came here,” Buck said. “Was I really that bad?”

“Well,” Chimney started to say. “I mean…”

Eddie shoved Chimney’s shoulder. “You’re dealing with a lot, Buck. No one expects you to be anything but what you are. You didn’t move 800 plus miles to get away from it all, so you’re already handling it better than I did when I left the military.”

“You had family here,” Buck countered.

“So do you,” Bobby stated.

“On the team or not,” Hen stated. “You’re still stuck with us, especially Chimney, your sister likes him too much. And I’m sure we’ll still need a crowbar to separate you two on your days off.” She gestured at Buck and Eddie. “So I don’t see how that much has changed.” She grinned.

“Valid point,” Eddie stated. They turned when they heard someone clear their throat.

“Oh, right,” Bobby said. “Buck this is Nick VanHolden. VanHolden, meet Buck.”

“Nice to meet you,” VanHolden said, holding his hand out. Buck glanced at Eddie and Bobby. Eddie shrugged and Bobby nodded.

“You too,” Buck said as he shook the guy’s hand. You didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that Buck’s greeting was half-hearted.

“Nice to finally put a face with the name, left some big boots to fill,” VanHolden said. The team froze. VanHolden seemed to realize what he said and cringed. “I...sorry, just meant that you’re a big deal in the department. Every firehouse in the city talked about you for days. And these guys, don’t get me started.”

“We wish you hadn’t,” Eddie grumbled under his breath, earning a smack from Hen.

“I uh…” VanHolden went to continue but Buck stopped him.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Buck shrugged. “I’m sure my shiny new leg with be in more comfortable shoes than you guys are stuck with. Not going to miss the 100° summer turnout gear, I’ll tell you that.” It was uneasily quiet for a minute until Buck chuckled. “Harsh crowd. Well, that one went over better with the assistant when I went to PT the other day, but I guess comedy isn’t for everybody.” Buck smirked.

“Why do we miss him again?” Chim said with a grin.

“Because his jokes are still better than yours,” Hen stated.

“Ouch,” Chim said. “Now that was low.”

Buck’s phone went off. “That’s Carla. I got to go, but was nice to meet you, Nick.”

“Yeah, you too,” VanHolden said, his tone still a bit awkward.

Eddie resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I’ll walk you out.”

“Good seeing you up and about, Buck.” Bobby said as he patted Buck’s shoulder. “Athena says you’ll have to come over for dinner soon.”

“Well then, who am I to argue with that,” Buck nodded.

“Glad to hear, I’ll talk to her and get it set up,” Bobby agreed. “Take care of yourself, I mean it.”

“I know, I know,” Buck shook his head but grinned. “I’ll do my best.”

When they were finally out in the parking lot Eddie waved at Carla. Carla waved back.

“Sorry about VanHolden,” Eddie said. “That guy is just-”

“Not me?” Buck chuckled.

“Well, yeah,” Eddie said. “Didn’t think it was possible for anyone to stick their foot in their mouth more than you or Chim, but he finds a way. I mean, you heard him. He-”

“Isn’t as bad as you made it sound,” Buck admitted. “I mean you’re acting like me when you joined. Eddie, man,” Buck stopped his chair and made Eddie look at him. “Cut the guy some slack, we got along just fine once I quit being petty.”

“This isn’t like that,” Eddie argued.

“Why? Because it’s you?”

“Because it isn’t you,” Eddie repeated. “I miss having someone I really could trust to have my back. Even when you hated me, I still felt I could trust you to keep me alive. Your annoyance at my existence was funny and a bit adorable, not going to lie. I miss having my partner. I know it’s stupid and petty. I know it isn’t fair to tell you any of this, but I’m not going to lie either, you’ll get even madder about that. I just...I know this is infinitely harder for you than me, but I just...there isn’t a way to really replace you, Buck. There isn’t.”

“Okay, first off, wow, that was...a lot,” Buck said, but when Eddie seemed to start to pull away Buck grabbed his arm. “Not bad, but a lot. Just...give me a second.” Buck was quiet for a beat but kept ahold of Eddie’s wrist so he couldn’t run. “Second, somehow you putting a guy down was probably the nicest thing anyone has said when I wasn’t actively dying.”

Eddie wasn’t sure how to respond to that. So he remained silent.

“Moving on,” Buck said. “This does suck, and it may always suck.”

“Buck,” Eddie started to try and reassure him but was stopped when Buck squeezed at his wrist.

“There is no going back to the job, I know that and you know that. That guy’s on the team now. Don’t be a dick to the guy just because you miss me. That’s supposed to be my job, he’s my replacement.”

“Buck…”

“Yeah, yeah, no replacing. I’m not saying you have to be his best friend. But you do have to be able to trust the guy, and vice versa. You got to play nice, Eddie. I’d say the same thing to Christopher.”

“You seriously going to bring my kid into this?” Eddie shook his head. “That’s low.”

“Yeah well, had to stoop to your level after what I saw in there,” Buck stated.

“Okay fine, so I’ve probably not been the most welcoming,” Eddie finally admitted. “But he thinks he can really take your place that easy. It’s…”

“It’s supposed to be that easy,” Buck said. “People transfer in and out of other houses all the time.”

“Bobby says we’re a family,” Eddie stated.

“And that hasn’t changed,” Buck said, squeezing his wrist again. “You said so yourself, over and over the other day. Nothing changes that. But families get bigger, you know that, right? Like they are meant to. Took me a while to see it, but I did. Why do you think I’m here?”

“About that,” Eddie said, attempting to ignore the way his heart was pounding and the fact Buck still had ahold of his wrist. “Why are you here? I figured you’d be at home, you don’t have PT ‘til tomorrow.”

“Sweet of you to know my schedule,” Buck smirked. “I was bored staring at the same walls and daytime tv sucks. But don’t change the subject. Just give the guy a shot, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Fine,” Eddie grumbled.

“Also, did you just call me adorable and admit to stalking my schedule?” Buck said with a shit-eating grin.

“Of course, that’s the part you zero in on,” Eddie sighed and shook his head. “And it’s not stalking when you’re using me and my son’s caretaker to get to your PT. I kind of need to know this stuff.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Buck tried not to laugh.

“You are insufferable,” Eddie stated.

“And yet you still miss me,” Buck told him.

“Every day,” Eddie admitted.

“That makes two of us,” Buck said, his tone a bit sheepish. “I miss being your partner too, by the way.”

“Screw it,” Eddie said before shifting their grips so Buck’s hand was in his. “You’ll always be my partner, one way or another.”

“Really?” Buck stared up at him.

“Really,” Eddie chuckled and leaned down so he was on Buck’s level. He captured Buck’s lips with his. He leaned his forehead against Buck’s when they broke for air. “Now, you going to stop trying to push me and Christopher away, right?” He grinned at the way he felt Buck’s nod. “Good.”

“Just don’t go doing that with the new guy, and we’ll be good,” Buck stated, earning a laugh from Eddie.

“Well, he’s no you,” Eddie said with a grin.

“Hey lovebirds.” They both looked up as Carla neared them. “As happy as I am to see you two finally get your moment, I’m going to need to end it. Unless you want your kid waiting at school by himself,” Carla said, grinning.

“Everyone’s always bringing the kid into it.” Eddie shook his head as he stood up.

“Well someone has to,” Carla stated.

“See you later,” Buck told Eddie.

“I’ll get a pizza on the way,” Eddie nodded.

“Works for me,” Buck grinned.

“Then it’s a date,” Eddie smirked. “Bye, Carla,” he called back as he headed back into the station. Sure he was going to get an earful from an eavesdropping team. He was sure they had watched the whole thing play out from the loft window and would have a million questions.

Buck looked up at a grinning Carla. “Don’t say it,” Buck said.

“I wasn’t going to, but you know Christopher will be over the moon when he finds out,” Carla stated as they headed back to the car.

Buck agreed and was finally starting to feel like his life was back on track. It wasn’t perfect, but he had good friends that were more of a family than he ever had before. He might have lost a leg, but he got so much more in return.

[silentmajesticfox]

Falling In Love With Chrollo Lucilfer

(Rose is someone from Chrollo's past, specifically Meteor City. In this story, Rose and Chrollo, along with the troupe, rekindle their relationship. Well, try to. Rose is in an arranged marriage to protect and support her little sister. This story is set a little bit before the York New Ark, and during the beginning of it. and will go throughout the ark as well.

the picture on here I found is from PINTEREST AND IS NOT MINE. whoever drew it is spectacular and amazing. I'm obsessed..

**TW !**(Trigger Warning!) please do not read if you do not agree or are triggered by - domestic abuse (this will be from the arranged marriage) - depression/suicidal thoughts -substance abuse. Now I will not go into full detail especially for the domestic abuse, it's just to go into the story for beginning chapters. possibly flashbacks . So please, again, don't read if this will trigger you. Also, this will probably be pretty violent through some chapters. thank you for reading and your time.)

Moral Of The Story

Rose never thought she'd be in this situation, unhappy and rather disappointed with her life decisions. She was sure at first, that she had calculated this and this plan was fool proof, however, she was very wrong. She might have been in love, or what she thought was love - however it had escalated to a burning hatred and a bitter after taste. A blind love turned cold due to her own inability to see this would be the result.

Sitting there applying too much make-up to cover up her black eye and a few other bruises, she would not let her get that down. She had to stay strong for her sister, Daisy. Daisy is the reason Rose is still thriving and okay through all of this. Everything she does is for her little sister. She would die for her. Literally and emotionally/mentally. She finished applying the foundation, to move on and do her eyeshadow, eyeliner, and a very thick coat of mascara, her eyes shining a ice blue.  She was wearing a simple, tight fit dress, in the color of burgundy. Her long, curly, dark burgundy hair matched the attire. With black heels. Looking at all of the jewelry her 'husband' had gotten her, maybe to buy her love back or his way of saying "sorry, not sorry." Rose huffed staring at them, not wanting this anymore, on the verge of a mental breakdown, memories for each gift being a constant reminder of why it was gifted.

Daisy soon walked in, her blonde hair and matching blue eyes light up, running to Rose, hugging her tightly from behind. Rose being able to handle pain well, just smiled and whipped her head around.

"You look beautiful Daisy." She stated, lookking at her little sisters beautiful pink ball gown dress. Only at the age of 13, it is an intense nostalgic reminder for Rose to see how big her baby sister was getting, saying she was the one whole raised her.

"Thank you!! You look beautiful too, sissy!" Daisy said, she was always so happy, and maybe some of that happiness is what Rose needed in the moment. "Are you ready to go to the ball, tomorrow's your birthday you know!"

"Yes, and let's head down there now. Only you and me will celebrate." Rose said, getting up from her vanity. "I will meet you downstairs, okay?"

"Okay, you better not take forever or I'll be mad at you." Her sister said, glaring at her sister, a laugh fallowing after before running out like a full speed train. Rose wished she could be young, hoping her sister would forget her birthday, yet she felt her mood lighten up knowing someone remembered.

Rose opened her drawer, opening a certain empty face powder jar. Grabbing The hidden key, she opened her one drawer with her bourbon. She had a bad habit formed, to think- or to forget all the bad things. She pulled out the bottle, opening it, and drinking it as if it were water. After a few more chugs, she put away and always made sure to lock it and hide her key. Walking out of the room, and closing the door. She then went downstairs into the lobby, then outside to a cold York New night.

Walking up to the limousine- she opened the door to sit by her sister, her husband sitting across from them.

"Why aren't you dressed up more? And no Jewelry?" Fred asked. (Guessing a name) Rose looked up at him, trying to think of a nice way to keep conversation. It was always those type of questions or degrading comments, not a compliment or 'how was your day?'.

"Mm... Not really feeling like wearing jewelry.. and as a matter of fact I can wear what I want." She stated back seriously. If there was a way to press his buttons, this was one of them. However, as she stared coldly back at his glare, she wasn't scared. She already knew whatever she said would bite her back in the ass.

It was late last night, Daisy had went to sleep and Rose was putting on her blue night gown. Fred walked in, boozed up and he had a violent glint in his eyes. One that unsettles her the second he walked in the room. "Rose, why wouldn't you spend any time with me and my friends tonight?.." he asked. She might have been a little drunk herself, but she knew she would have to stand her ground. Rose snorted almost, shaking her head before replying. "Because I have no need to hang out with people like you, I already told you I was done with everything that has to do with you, when your friends try so hard to be my friends.. I know they are fraud of their true intentions.." she started, so calmly that it got under Fred's skin. He walked up to her, grabbing her wrist and trying to pull her closer to him.  "No that's not it, Tell me the truth." Fred said raising his voice. She could smell the alcohol coming from his break. She wouldn't flinch, but retaliate by attempting to shove him. "This.. This right here is why! Fred! I told you I was done, give me back my Nen! I don't love you anymore, why don't you ask yourself and the other girls you were hooking up with nights before! That's why I hat-" and before she could exclaim her feelings, she got struck in the face. An echo through the halls, and it to be honest it had gone from slaps to a full fisted punch. "Maybe it's because you're terrible, you only want me for my money, and those women are more than you'll ever be, Rose! Beautiful, unlike you." He screamed, at this point she was trying to hit him back as he was man handling her. This continued for about 30 minutes, and in the end, he had won. She was exhausted and bruised, he soon left the room, to do whatever. Rose knew he had other women, but being told by someone who once loved her and she loved a great deal, she started to fall down the wall, sobbing and releasing all of the pent up pain and feelings from the past months. Hoping one day, she would retrieve her Nen from him.. in the morning he had came to apologise and give her a diamond necklace.

Rose was spacing off, thinking of what had occurred. He can't say she didn't try, and her feelings and anger was running wild. If she had her Nen, this would be a different story. However, when they got married, she let him take her crystal ball. In which all her Nen was in. It was placed in a vault in his penthouse suite. She had tried many times to retrieve it, but only would get knocked out and brought to her room. One of the reasons she sleeps in her sisters room now. Daisy tugged on Roses dress, to bring her out of her thought. She looked over at her sister, a fake smile creeping on her lips and she hugged her. Fred had also been in thought, but let the conversation drop. He had plans for her later, however.

When they arrived, it was a big, fancy building. Alike many others in York New. Daisy was the first to get out, grabbing Roses hand and almost running to the doors, leaving Fred in the dust. "Slow down, Daisy, I can't run ask fast as you." Rose told her sister, however it was a lie. She could run faster. But with her bruises and aching body, Daisy has the advantage. Rose had always hidden these things from her. However, Daisy was smarter than what she led on at times. Almost witty enough to match her big sister sometimes. She already knew what had been happening. She slowed down for a sister, before giving her and her big sisters ticket to the security man at the front door.

"Okay your clear, come in." He stated in monotone before Fred had walked up behind them to do the same. Also being granted entry, all three of them walked in. It was quite a sight, beautiful one would say. Even though her sister was dragging her to the dance floor, Rose again had thought about what Fred said. "Beautiful, unlike you." Rang in her mind. Clouding it. Seems like she did not drink enough. By the time she returned to present time, she started dancing with her sister, in which laughs and giggles were heard from them. Fred walked up to his friends and the girls in which he had replaced Rose for. She looked over a little bit, quickly looking away as he had kissed them.

"Daisy, I'm going to get a drink, would you like to keep dancing, or come with me?" Rose asked. Daisy shook her head no and flowed away twirling. Rose smiled, at how pure and genuine her little sister can be at times, even when things were rough in Meteor City. A thought that hadn't crossed her mind in a long time. Meteor City. She missed it at times, however, there were people she missed more, wondering how they were doing..

Rose walked up to the bar, sat down, and waiting for the bartender to get done talking to a man and giving him a glass of red wine. She looked over, a realization hit when she looked at the man sitting over a few stools from her. He looked all to familiar, his black hair had grown since she last saw him, a nicely fitted tuxedo and a bandage around his forehead. Those green earrings matched his demeanor. He felt someone staring at him, he looked over to stare at her. She was sure, now, with those beautiful grey eyes starting into her soul.

"Chrollo, it's been quite a while, you aged well.." She said, getting up and sitting next to him. Chrollo was observing her for a minute before saying anything, taking in her image, also being able to see through the make up. He took a sip of his wine, and shifted over giving her a smile.

"Ah, Rose. Time has been very kind to you as well." Chrollo said in a low yet polite voice, she felt chills go up and down her spine. The bartender looked at her waiting for her to say what she wanted.

"I'll take a bourbon, please." Rose slightly acknowledged the bartender as he shook his head and went to get her drink.

Chrollo was thinking to himself, how beautiful she already was when he last saw her, but now she was even more, a treasure. "So, you're a bourbon girl now?" He asked, eyeing her, taking another sip. Chrollo had already assumed what she was going through, remembering how she use to cope with things in Meteor City. He glanced at her hand seeing a wedding ring on her ring finger. He glanced back up to her face, those ocean eyes he remembered so well.

"Oh... Uh.. yeah I suppose I am. So how long has it been, a whole eight years? What have you been up to since the last time we spoke." Rose replied, giving him a smile before drinking all of her drink in one go, pushing it at the bartender nodding her head to signal she wanted more. "Sir, could you please give me the bottle, I'll pay in full, you know who's tab to put it on." She told him, as she was a regular here. She glanced over at Fred, her heart shattering a little bit more, as he danced with the one women of his she disliked the most in the most provocative way, as though there was really nothing left to shatter in her heart. Returning her look at Chrollo, his eyes were fixated on Fred now, and she saw the eyes in which she loved, truly turn dark and mischievous. As if Fred could feel the darkness staring at him, his eyes went to Chrollo's, then his wife. A rise of jealousy and anger rose, but he looked away and would address this later on, also since he was entertained very much so with the woman before him.

"So... I'm guessing that's your husband, Rose?" Chrollo asked, looking back at her. "He's a fool." Chrollo stated right after, almost done with his wine and the bartender pouring more. Rose looked at Chrollo, knowing he is one of the smartest people on earth In her eyes, realizing he had everything figured out within a few minutes. She never knew why, but she was always rather emotional when it came to talking about problems with Chrollo. Maybe it was a deep connection, or just the way he made her feel. A tear rolled down as she looked away for a moment, wiping it away. Checking in on her sister when she did so, she was having a blast dancing with a boy her age.

"Yeah, uh... I guess you could say things weren't supposed to end like this... Enough about me. I've missed you, you know I did ask you a question Chrollo." Rose replied, her voice quivering a bit but was worse as she tried to cover it up. But Chrollo was just watching her, he could tell she was quite nervous and broken, drinking her third heavily filled cup. He hadn't seen her quite like this. If Chrollo could feel anything close to caring, it would be for her. And of course his troupe. And to him, it only felt like maybe a year or two since he saw her. So much had happened since then.

"Mm... You are changing the subject. However, I won't mind answering if you tell me the answers to my questions." Chrollo slithering his words, just staring at her. She knew that was his thing. She simply nodded staring back at him, before downing another drink. "Perfect. Well, I've been with you know who, we've been quite busy. And as for the time apart, I never actually realized it had been that long.." he stated truthfully. But soon stated something that would shock her. "I do, however, know your birthday is tomorrow, isn't it? Did you ever get the letters I sent you?" Maybe this is why Chrollo always had a place in her heart. She did receive them all, but was only ever able to send him one for his birthday. Except, she was unable to this year due to her and Fred's issues, she couldn't leave the mansion for a week almost, she was beaten every time, however Fred caught notice of her and Chrollo's letters, becoming more and more furious each year. She cried for quite a while that she could not write her friend a happy birthday letter.

"You are correct, as always. I'm surprised you remember. You always did have a sharp mind." Rose said in a tipsy voice, a smile tugging on her plump lips. "Don't think I've forgotten yours either.. I'm sorry I couldn't write back a couple weeks ago, but.. happy belated birthday Chrollo." She said, opening up the slightest, giving him a hug with one arm and setting down her dead on his shoulder. Chrollo knew he could get information he didn't need, but wanted to know... And as for Rose, tipsy and all, usually she knew Chrollo came with a motive, and If he didn't, he would soon find one. She could tell something peaked his interest. But was unclear on what.

"Well, I'm assuming he wouldn't let you write me back, it's not your fault. I knew you would have, you do every year.. thank you." Chrollo smiled, as she recoiled back to her original position In her seat. "So, Rose, be a dear, and please tell me what's been going on?.."

--

A/N thank you so much for reading. Hopefully it's not to terrible, but I am going to keep writing since Chrollo is daddy and I love him. Lol. Hope you liked it and like I said in the description, please be advised there is substance abuse and domestic abuse. Don't worry, I have something planned and Fred will get was he deserves. Thank you so much for reading! Also I took this from my wattpad, so honestly the typos will be fixed. Eventually!

[starkerxstarker]

Title: Sweet Sensations

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark

Rating: Explicit

Words: 4027

Warnings: No warnings just a lot of smut

Summary: Peter and Tony try sensation play for the first time. The results are very successful. 

Read on Ao3

This is my sensation play fill for @starkerfestivals​ summer bingo! My card is at the very end. 

Peter gasps slightly when he feels the cold press against his nipple. He figures it must be an ice cube, he can feel the cold drip of it melting against his arousal heated skin. Peter is currently blindfolded, it was Tony's idea originally, to try some sort of sensory deprivation in the bedroom. They had both thought that Peter's spidey sense would pick up the slack, but as it turned out because Peter felt safe around Tony, his extra sense wasn't triggered because it didn't detect any danger. The discovery delighted Tony and it was how they found themselves in the situation they were in. With Peter naked and blindfolded in bed and Tony with an array of items unknown to Peter, for Tony to surprise Peter's senses.

Tony holds the cube to Peter's nipple before slowly dragging it in circles, chilling Peter's chest. The ice cube is taken away and is suddenly replaced with warm lips and a hot tongue flicking at the sensitized flesh. The sudden warmth after the cold treatment draws a groan out of Peter while Tony continues to suck and lick at Peter's skin. With all of his focus directed at Tony's mouth on him, Peter isn't ready for the ice Tony brings to his other nipple and he arches against the sensation. This nipple is given the same treatment with the ice and Tony gives a soft bite to the current one before moving to heat up the cold he left behind on the second. Both of Peter's nipples are now stiff from the attention, his cock even moreso. He hadn't expected this to be as arousing as it was, but from the moment the blindfold was on Peter had started to get hard, the thought of not knowing what feelings Tony would bring to him, but trusting him to make it good had Peter turned on beyond belief.

Peter felt a puff of warm air ghost his chest as Tony exhaled and Peter shivered, goosebumps rising on his skin. It was strange to not have use of his sight or his signature sixth sense, but it was nothing short of exhilarating. Peter’s abs flinched when he felt the cold cube, now much smaller from melting, placed in the center of his abdomen. It slid down to his belly button where it came to rest in the divot of his skin, slowly melting. Peter felt Tony shifting on the bed and soon after he felt his lover's tongue follow the path the ice took, licking up the droplets left on Peter’s warm skin. Tony’s tongue felt like fire in contrast to the ice and the clashing feelings lit up Peter’s nerves deliciously. Tony’s tongue made its way down to Peter’s naval, lapping up the small pool of water left from the melted cube. Peter wouldn’t think Tony licking his belly button could have been sexy in any other context but with Peter forced to only feel what is happening with no way to know what Tony will do next, it's an extremely sensual experience.

Peter feels the bed shift again and can feel that Tony is now sitting up. When he speaks it startles Peter a small bit since it has been nearly silent aside from their breathing. “Enjoying yourself?” Tony’s voice is soft and even though Peter can’t see, he knows that Tony is staring down at him, searching for any sign of discomfort or unsatisfaction in him. Over their time together Peter has learned that Tony is an extremely attentive partner in bed, always making sure Peter is content with what is happening. He was adamant to establish a color-coded safeword system in play for even the most vanilla of their sex. Peter couldn’t possibly love the man any more if he tried.

Peter nods, “Yeah. It's a… different feeling. But I like it; it’s exciting.” He hears Tony hum softly, seemingly satisfied with Peter’s response.

“Are you ready to try some of the other things?” Tony asks, once again checking in. He’s referring to a collection of items that have been purposely not revealed to Peter. They’re meant to be a surprise, not for Peter to know, only feel. He doesn’t have any idea what could be in Tony’s arsenal. Ice, obviously. Perhaps candles? Peter knows of wax play, although they’ve never done it, but it seems like something that would fit under the sensation play umbrella. Other than that he’s unsure what could be waiting for him, but he’s very excited to find out.

“Yeah, I want to try them. Green.” Peter throws out his color even though Tony didn’t ask, to show Tony that he’s definitely ready and the man doesn’t have to worry. It works because Tony gives a quick affirmative and the bed shifts, probably Tony deciding what object to use on Peter. Even with Peter’s enhanced hearing, he isn’t getting any helpful clues yet, just the quiet creak of the bedsprings as Tony moves. Everything is still and silent for a few moments, Tony must be trying to build up the tension and it’s definitely working. Eventually, Peter feels something extremely soft graze his chest. At first, he’s confused, when Tony had brought up sensation play soft and gentle isn’t what came to Peter’s mind. But the soft, light object is dragged gently over him again, brushing his still sensitive nipples. It's quite pleasant honestly, with the object barely touching him, his body strains to feel what it is.

It's dragged down over his stomach and thighs, dancing softly over his skin. The light touches make his skin tingle pleasantly wherever it touches and Peter decides it feels like one of those feathery cat toys on a stick. Tony directs the feathers down to Peter’s inner thigh and he sucks in a breath, parting his legs a little more. There's a soft chuckle above him and the soft toy is oh so lightly grazed over Peter’s cock. The barely-there touch feels so different than a hand or a mouth on him and Peter lets a small noise slip past his lips. Peter wants more and Tony obliges, trailing the softness along the shaft of Peter from base to tip and Peter bucks his hips up slightly to chase the feeling. “Ah ah ah!” Tony’s voice chastises as the feathers are pulled away. “You take what I give you alright?” There’s no anger in his tone but it is commanding and Peter is eager to listen, trusting Tony to make this an enjoyable experience.

Peter nods and hums an “mhm” and Tony resumes where he left off, returning the feathery object, moving it along Peter’s cock, tracing the length up and down. He takes it lower brushing Peter’s balls and grazing along the beginnings of his ass before returning upwards. Tony directs the toy in soft patterns and circles, bringing Peter’s skin alive. Methodically tracing along Peter’s stomach, thighs, and cock as Peter soaks up the attention. After a while, it seems that Tony is satisfied to move on from the toy, as it is taken away from Peter’s skin and the bed shifts again with Tony’s movement which Peter assumes to be Tony choosing their next item.

There is some rustling, most likely tony rummaging through his line up. Peter hears something like a bottle being opened and immediately Peter’s nose picks up a scent. Lavender? The smell grows stronger and it sounds like Tony is rubbing his hands together. Peter is fully perplexed, but then Tony’s hands are on Peter’s shoulders, pressing and massaging into his skin. Whatever Tony put on his hands is warm and the scent is strong but not overwhelming. It feels good but Peter is confused, he thought that maybe Tony was just going easy on him with the first few choices but he expected the intensity to ramp up. This was all so gentle. “Tony?” Peter called out softly.

Tony’s hands immediately stopped their ministrations. “What’s wrong Pete? You okay?” Tony asked, worry evident in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Too fine actually, that's the problem,” Peter confessed a bit awkwardly. “I-I thought you were just starting off slow with the feathery thingy but now you’re just massaging me… I thought this sensation stuff would be uh, harder?” Peter wasn’t sure how to put things. He supposed he expected pain of some sort. Like hot wax or spanking tools. “Not that this isn’t good!” Peter added on. “It’s definitely good.” Peter could feel the worried tension leave Tony and heard a sound of realization come from him.

“Peter the sensations don’t have to be extreme or painful,” Tony replied. “I mean they can be but that’s not the main goal here. When you can’t see, everything you feel is amplified. Even just me using my hands,” Peter felt Tony’s fingernails barely graze along his side, “can create a sensory experience.” Tony was right. Just the simple touch caused Peter’s nerves to fire in amazing ways. “And not knowing what is coming or when makes it even more intense,” Tony finished off. As the last word left his lips there was a sudden pinch and twist to Peter’s left nipple and he wasn’t prepared for it at all, letting out an embarrassing squeak. “Like that,” Tony chuckled.

Peter pouted at the teasing but he understood now. “Okay. I get it. What other things do you have then?” Peter tried to get away with the question. But of course he didn’t get past Tony.

“Nuh-uh,” Tony shot him down. “That’s for me to know and you to feel. Am I okay to continue with the massage?” You couldn’t blame a guy for trying.

“Yeah, green.” Peter gave the go-ahead and as soon as he did Tony’s hands were back to work on his shoulders, rubbing in the lavender scented concoction. Peter supposed it was scented on purpose to add to the sensory experience, touch wasn’t the only sense after all and the smell was quite calming. Tony’s hands worked along Peter’s arms and over his chest and down his abs, covering Peter in the smell as he went along. Peter felt Tony lean over him and then there was his hot breath against his neck for a moment before lips touched his skin. Peter hummed low in his throat, content. Tony kissed and sucked and licked at his neck, no doubt leaving marks behind, as his hands now worked into Peter’s thighs. One of Tony’s hands left Peter’s thigh in favor of forming a loose fist around his cock instead. Peter gave a relieved moan but didn’t thrust up into the hand, heading Tony’s earlier warning.

It was the right choice because he was rewarded with a praising “That’s it sweetheart,” and the hand around him pumps his cock a few times causing pleasure to boil in Peter’s gut before Tony lets go. “I think you’re oiled up enough now. What next… what next?” Tony spoke more to himself than to Peter. But Peter was excited for what Tony would use on him next. From the side of the bed, he heard something metallic but that didn’t help Peter in guessing at what it was, it could be anything really. He would just have to wait and see, or rather wait and feel.

The touch comes on his arm; it's cold and definitely metal. It feels like a few spikes but they’re not painful. The metallic object starts to move and it rolls down Peter’s arm. It feels something like a spiked pinwheel. Definitely not a toy Peter was aware they had. Tony rolls it all along Peter’s arms and over his chest. It's not particularly pleasant but definitely not bad, just an interesting feeling and it tickles a bit where Peter is more sensitive. When it's rolled across his stomach Peter almost laughs at the sensation, squirming because it tickles. Tony uses the toy on Peter’s thighs but it is kept away from his cock which Peter is thankful for, doubting that it would feel all that great. The metal wheel is directed all around the expanse of Peter’s chest and stomach in looping patterns.

Peter feels Tony shift and a moment later lips are pressed against his own. He makes a happy surprised sound and eagerly goes to return the kiss. But when Tony’s tongue invades his mouth there’s something else with it and the taste of chocolate stains his tongue. Tony pulls away leaving Peter with the small chocolate square which he eats happily. “What was that for?” he questions, amused.

“Taste is a sense as well, my love,” Tony replies simply as the spikey wheel is returned to Peter’s chest and ran in a small circle surrounding a nipple.

Peter hadn’t even considered his sense of taste in all this but Tony was right. “Hmm... well can I have more?” He asked hopefully.

If Peter could see he probably would have seen Tony roll his eyes as he responds with a sarcastic, “Anything for my darling.” But in the end, Peter does get what he wanted as another piece is pressed to his lips, which he quickly devours. There’s a small clink which seems to be Tony putting away the metal toy which means soon there will be a new thing for Tony to try on Peter.

Peter hones his hearing in on what Tony is doing, hearing a few soft thuds as objects are sat on their bedside table. After a pause there’s some rustling and then a scraping sound that is undoubtedly a match being lit. Peter’s earlier thought about wax must have been correct. He’s a bit nervous since they’ve never dabbled with waxplay before and Peter’s only experience with wax was when he spilled a wax burning air freshener all over his hand and it was not fun in the slightest. That’s when Tony speaks up, “Since the sound probably gave it away anyway, I’ll give you a heads up on this one. I’m going to drip candle wax on you. But they’re candles specifically made for this sort of thing. The wax doesn’t get as hot as regular candles so it won’t burn you. But I still need you to tell me if it's too much. Okay, Peter?”

Tony’s explanation definitely put Peter at ease and he nods, “Okay, I will.” It’s still a little scary but he trusts Tony to be careful and know what he’s doing.

“Good boy,” Tony praises, and Peter can’t help but smile, always soaking up every compliment from Tony. There’s some movement and Peter waits with bated breath for the wax to fall on his body. The drop finally comes landing in the middle of his chest and Peter lets out a hissing sound. There’s only an instance of white hot before the wax immediately cools and hardens. It startles Peter more than it hurts and now that he knows what to expect the following drips won’t be as scary. “Is it too much?” comes Tony’s concerned voice.

“No. Mostly just startled me is all,” Peter explains, “You can do more.”

“Okay, the higher I drip it from the cooler it will be so if it does get too hot tell me and I can increase the height.” Peter agrees again, assuring Tony he’ll tell him and soon after there’s another hot drop of wax, this time landing on his pec. He jumps a bit, but the heat only lasts a short moment. It’s thrilling not knowing when or where it will be next and Peter does his best to keep his body relaxed. Just as he’s taking a deep breath in, there come multiple drops in quick succession making a line from his chest down to his stomach. By the time the next one falls the previous is already cooling and it causes Peter a full body shiver of pleasure. Tony continues, varying the amount that falls at a time, sometimes making Peter wait for what feels like forever between drips and sometimes pouring a whole fantastically burning line of pleasure over Peter’s skin. Peter can tell that his nipples are specifically avoided, Tony apparently deeming them too delicate for the hot wax.

It's one of the times when Tony is making him wait longer, amping up the tension, when suddenly a hot drop lands on Peter’s thigh and he moans out, caught off guard. The melted wax manages to drip partly down his thigh before it hardens and Peter absolutely loves it. “Do that again,” he breathes out without even thinking and he swears he can almost hear Tony’s shit eating grin. But more wax comes, poured over both of Peter’s thighs, the rolling heat feeling amazing on his soft skin. Peter making quiet sounds of pleasure as his thighs are covered nearly from groin to knee. Peter’s cock, despite not having been touched recently, is hard and leaking.

Eventually Tony’s voice speaks up and pulls Peter out of his pleasure hazy thoughts, “As much as I love those sounds you’re making and how blissed out you look, my candle is almost gone and you’re nearly out of space for wax. But I take it this is something you’d like to do again, hm?”

“Oh god, yes!” Peter replies immediately, “I love it.” This is definitely something Peter wants to do again and it seems like a type of play that has lots of potential as well as something Tony apparently knows a lot about. But for right now Peter is turned on and hard as hell and god he wants to cum. It feels like they’ve been at this forever, and while Peter has enjoyed every moment of it he feels like he might go crazy if he doesn’t get to cum soon after all this teasing and stimulation.

Peter has no idea how much more Tony has planned but he can hear him retrieving another item. “I’ll keep that in mind,” Tony promises. “I think you’ll love this too…” he says with a mischief in his voice that has Peter on edge wondering what he could be referring to. There’s a click followed by a quiet buzzing sound and before Peter’s brain even processes what the sound is the vibrator is pressed to the underside of his near painfully erect cock.

Peter recognizes the shape, it's the wand vibrator, they haven’t used it often but it's much more powerful than the dildo vibes they own. He doesn’t have a chance of holding back the loud moan that erupts from his throat. “Oh god, fuck, Tony!” Peter cries out, “Oh fuck…” Tony doesn’t let up at all and the vibrator is firmly held against Peter even as he squirms. Constant zaps of pleasure course through Peter’s cock and his stomach muscles spasm. Moans and ‘ah ah’s spill from Peter’s lips. Tony’s voice speaks what Peter assumes is either dirty talk or praise, probably both, but Peter’s brain is too focused on the vibe assaulting his cock in the best way possible to hear the words. The vibrator is slowly dragged up the length of Peter’s cock before being pressed to the head and Peter nearly screams. The powerful vibrations are too much for the sensitive tip, edging near painful but luckily Tony takes mercy and moves it back downwards, tracing the prominent vein along Peter’s shaft.

The vibrations continue downward until Tony has the wand working on Peter’s balls giving his cock a chance to calm down. Peter’s cock twitches and leaks precum onto his stomach. The breather is short lived because moments later the vibe is back on Peter’s cock and he can feel his long awaited orgasm building fast. “Tonyyy… Fuck- I’m gonna cum soon if you keep d-doing this” Peter warns breathlessly as the coil in his stomach winds tighter. He rocks his hips unconsciously, rutting against the vibrations.

“Oh that’s the goal sweetheart,” comes Tony’s voice followed by a short laugh. Peter groans as the vibrations are kicked up a setting sending another wave of pleasure coursing through his body and his thighs begin to tremble. He’s not going to last much longer under the onslaught and they both know it. There’s some shifting and suddenly there are lips wrapped around the tip of Peter’s cock followed by a tongue against his slit but the tongue is cold, Tony must have been sucking on ice, and the shock of the cold combined with the vibrations and Tony’s expert mouth has Peter spilling over in seconds. With a broken cry of his lover’s name Peter is cumming hard onto Tony’s tongue, the vibrator still pressed to his cock, drawing out his orgasm even longer. Despite Peter being blindfolded, he’s seeing stars burst behind his eyelids. The aftershocks wrack Peter’s body as the vibrations milk his cock of all the extra spurts of cum.

Eventually Peter’s body lets go of all its tension and he lays limp back on the pillows trying to catch his breath. Tony pulls off of Peter with an obscene wet sound but the vibrations are still pulsing at his cock, now painful, too overstimulating, and Peter pleads at Tony to stop. “Enough. Please, enough.” Thankfully Tony immediately pulls back the toy and the buzzing is silenced. The bed dips and suddenly Tony’s mouth is on Peter’s with Tony’s tongue invading his mouth, this time not tasting of chocolate but of Peter’s own cum and he groans into the kiss, his tongue seeking out his own bitter taste.

By the time Tony pulls back Peter is left breathless. He can feel Tony’s hands on his face and the blindfold is pushed off of his eyes. Peter opens them slowly blinking, adjusting to the light before Tony’s face above him comes into focus. Tony grins wide, “There’s my boy, you took everything so well for me.”

Peter can feel his cheeks heat up at the praise. “That was fun… I liked it. A lot,” he admits with a shy smile.

“Mmm I could tell,” Tony responds smugly. “Glad you enjoyed yourself.”

Peter just rolls his eyes but can’t hide his grin. He stretches his limbs a bit and can feel the wax pull at his skin. “God I’m wiped but this wax is probably gonna take forever to get off.”

“Actually the oil makes the wax easy to peel off. That’s why I oiled you up beforehand,” Tony responds. The man really is always prepared when it comes to sex and sure enough when Tony picks at a section of the hardened wax on Peter’s chest it comes off easily. It only takes a couple minutes before Peter is free of wax and he sits up. Tony hands him a water bottle instructing him to hydrate himself and Peter greedily sucks down half the bottle in one go. Meanwhile Tony wipes down Peter’s body with wet wipes. Peter always hates having to get up and shower right after sex but Tony insists they clean up, so this is their compromise.

Once that is done Peter’s eyes wander over the box on the bedside table. He tries to peer inside to get a look at what other things could be in the box but Tony catches him and quickly shuts it. “Oh no!” He exclaims, “No peeking. There are still plenty of secrets in there for next time.”

Peter almost pouts at being denied, but he perks up at the mention of a next time. “Fine,” he concedes. Tony hands him a pack of peanut butter crackers that they keep stored in the bedroom for Peter to snack on since his enhanced metabolism often leaves him hungry after sex. Tony strips down and rejoins Peter on the bed grabbing the remote to turn on the tv and starts the next episode of the show they’re currently binging.

Peter snuggles happily against Tony’s side as he nibbles at his crackers and settles down for their show. “We can relax for now but you definitely need a shower later,” Tony reminds Peter. And Peter doesn’t complain because their showers usually lead to a round two and Peter is looking forward to returning the favor of his mind blowing orgasm.

(I’m not really going for a bingo, I’m just doing whatever prompts I think are interesting)