#they confessed to being in love with me Sunday the 17th

[fr-martin-gospel-reflections]

17th March - ‘It was for this very reason that I have come to this hour’, Reflection on the readings for Fifth Sunday of Lent’ (Jn 12:20-33)

Fifth Sunday of Lent

I was a classroom in a primary school recently and the teacher and children were showing me a tray where they had planted seeds. The seeds had begun to germinate and little shoots had started to appear above the soil. The seeds the children had sown had died, but in dying they had given birth to something more wonderful. It was only by dying as a seed that the seed could release its full potential to create a flower that would give pleasure to people.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus says, ‘Unless a wheat grain falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain, but if it dies, it yields a rich harvest’. When Jesus looked out at nature, he was often reminded of his own ministry. He recognized himself in the grain of wheat that falls to the ground and dies, and in dying yields a rich harvest. The gospel reading suggests that Jesus was disturbed at the prospect of his approaching death. ‘Now my soul is troubled’, he says. He is tempted to pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’. He was tempted to love his life, to preserve it at all costs. However, because he loved God and humanity more than himself, he accepted his death as the necessary consequence of his mission to bring God’s love to the world. His faithfulness to his mission would cost him his life and, yet, he knew that, like the grain of wheat that falls to the ground and dies, his death would result in a rich harvest for himself and for all humanity. By dying he would reveal the depth of God’s love for the world. That is why Jesus goes on to say, ‘When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself’. The strength of God’s love, revealed by his death on the cross, would draw people to himself and to God. As Jesus hung from the cross, he had lost everything, his freedom, his followers, his life, and, yet, this was a loss that would be truly life-giving for himself but for all who turned towards him in faith. God worked powerfully through Jesus’ death, raising him to new life and giving birth to a whole community of believers, a community of love and service. We are members of that community, part of the harvest made possible by the profound loss of Calvary.

Today we celebrate the feast of Saint Patrick. Two of his writings have come down to us. The longer one, called the ‘Confession’, shows how Patrick too was like the grain of wheat that falls on the ground and dies, and in dying yields a rich harvest. Like Jesus, he had a profound experience of loss. He tells us that he was taken captive at the age of sixteen. His father was a town councillor and a deacon of the church. They lived in a spacious house with many servants. He was torn from that loving and secure environment and taken across the sea as a slave to a strange and alien land. As he says in the Confession, ‘I was taken captive as an adolescent, almost a speechless boy, before I knew what to seek and what to avoid’. For six years he was a slave to a man who put him tending sheep in all sorts of weather. Here was this teenager, living with a pagan family, whose language he didn’t understand. The sense of loss must have been enormous. Yet, writing his Confession in his old age, he is full of thanksgiving to God for all he received during this time of loss. Before being taken captive, he had turned away from God. He says, ‘I was like a stone lying in the deep mud’. In his captivity he had a spiritual awakening. He writes, ‘I used to pray many times during the day… My faith increased and the spirit was stirred up’. His faith came alive; he learned to entrust himself to the Lord. When he escaped from captivity after six years and returned home, he continued to listen to what the Lord was saying to him. He soon came to realize that the Lord was calling him to return to Ireland to preach the gospel. He trained for the priesthood and arrived back in Ireland, this time as a slave of Christ. Looking back in his Confession, he asks in amazement, ‘How, then, does it happen in Ireland that a people who in their ignorance of God always worshipped only idols… have lately become a people of the Lord and are called children of God?’

Patrick’s painful experience of loss as an adolescent was truly life giving for himself and for the land of his captivity. We all struggle with loss in its various forms. Our loved ones die; we lose our health with advancing years; some lose their reputation, their employment. We all struggle to let go and move on. The life of Patrick shows us that the Lord can work powerfully in our many experiences of loss. If we entrust ourselves to the Lord in our loss, as Patrick did, our loss can become a source of life for ourselves and for others. The Lord can work through our loss to draw us closer to himself. He can then work through us, as he worked through Patrick, to draw others to himself.

[melanywrites]

Chapter 2: I am Feminine, Tambien Masculina.

The “Me Too” movement was created way before the Weinstein scandal. October 17th was when they started to pay attention. Countless women, all scarred and reclaiming their bodies, hearts, and minds, unidas for justice and peace. The 2016 election made many anxious, and some of us were brave enough to speak our truths. Lo vi on the news when I was at a friend’s house y comenzó a llorar, then she unraveled a series of gut-wrenching confessions leading up to adolescence. The televised scandal brought up memories she buried long ago. Leslie and I met at misa one Sunday cuando nuestras mamas volunteered to help after service. Mama loved running into Leslie y su familia because they were regular churchgoers and Leslie was the physical feminine embodiment of what she would have liked in a daughter. We met when were about sixteen but became closer a year later. Leslie was fit, pelo largo y oscuro, nails always trimmed, siempre con vestido, taller than most Hispanic girls, and sweeter than most of the other church kids. Dos años despues, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, the girl whose life seemed serene and whose familia demonstrated nothing but support, hid un océano de mentiras behind their glistening smiles.

Leslie told me she was pregnant. The father was the pastor’s thirty year old son who often organzied the youth programs and spiritual getaways. Ella confesó the abuse was happening for years before she told her family. After mustering the courage to confess what was happening to her, su familia gave her an unexpected reaction. They were all in favor of marrying her off to her abuser, “un pilar” in the Christian community, siempre en misa, always volunteering, their family owned many churches and businesses, Leslie’s family was never well off. She told me the thing that would cause her most grief was what he would whisper to her before the abuse: “Me gusta tu pelo, you smell like roses” and she would close her eyes but hated opening them when she had to view her reflection. Me moría de rabia but she said I couldn’t help her because no one was going to press charges. She worried that without external financial support for her child, she wouldn't be able to take care of it on her own because of su estatus legal and her current financial situation. Llore ese dia out of desperation but it was also one of the first times I got to witness different power dynamics in America. Ella tenía razón, I couldn't help her, no one was interested in pressing charges, but I was determined to at least give her emotional comfort when it seemed no one cared about su historia. I picked her up and told her we had to cut our hair. She got up almost immediately y me abrazó, “Thank you for believing me” and we both went to la cosina for some scissors, she grabbed her father's hair clipper from the bathroom, we shaved both our heads. Snip by snip each strand of hair a bit of misogyny, a bit of pain, a bit of sexism, harrassment, fear and disapointments.

Leslie dropped out of high school and later got her GED, she had two more kids with that man but we stopped talking after me negué a volver a esa iglesia. I never returned and kept my hair short to remember her. Her situation changed my perspective about the world, la sociedad, institutions, mujeres and our bodies. At eighteen years old I began to fear femininity. I did everything to hide my breasts, mis carnosos labios rojos, my soft skin, mi ternura and sensitivity. I became my masculinity y me escondí durante años, behind sports and heavy drinking, detrás de rebelión y peleas absurdas, behind baggy sweaters and dirty jeans, I even started dating women. I started dating women because we are beautiful, criaturas inteligentes, strong beings that can handle el peso del mundo plus the extra weight life throws in shades. An inner conflict arose after the “Me too” movement and Leslie’s story, I was in love with women and also hated the woman within me. I wanted the control men had, so I ripped apart what made me woman, feminism allowed me to find her again. It allowed me to embrace both sides of myself, ayudar a mujeres who can’t find their voice. I made a vow to speak for las almas whos bocas están cerradas but scream for help inside.

[theotherackerman]

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.

NOTES:

Sunday, January 17th

chapter nineteen: i just like hanging out with you, all the time

Mikasa ended up losing to Eren at video games.

It was a rare moment that Eren was better at something than Mikasa.

“Finally!” He yelled two o'clock in the morning.

“Shhh! You’re going to wake Levi and then he’s going to spray you with that spray bottle again!” Mikasa said as she put a hand over Eren’s mouth.

There had been a time when they were fifteen that Eren had spent the night while Grisha was working the night shift.

Eren and Mikasa had been playing video games back then too but Armin had also been involved.

There had been yelling and then Levi had come in. He had sprayed all three of them with a spray bottle filled with water.

They made sure never to wake Levi again.

“I’m to lick your hand,” Eren said as he was slightly muffled.

“Don’t you dare,” Mikasa threatened him before removing her hand.

“Glad to see that threat still works,” Eren smirked.

Mikasa reached behind her, grabbed a pillow, and hit him in the face with it.

“Hey! Again?”

Mikasa rolled her eyes before standing up. She walked over to her dresser and grabbed clothes to sleep in.

“I’m going to go change in the bathroom, you can change in here,” she shrugged.

“Yeah, it won’t take me that long so you should be good when you come back and won’t have to knock or anything,” he rambled.

“Okay," she replied as she walked out into the hall and closed the door behind her

Mikasa went into the bathroom and began her nightly routine.

Why was she so embarrassed by the idea of being naked in front of Eren? He had taken her virginity all those years ago and she had taken his. Not to mention they both knew exactly what would have happened if Zeke wouldn’t have walked in that day.  

Eren Jaeger is going to be the death of me, she thought before she splashed her face with water.

After finishing her routine, she walked back to the room. She saw a shirtless Eren on her side of the bed. The necklace holding the two rings still hung from his neck. He looked to be asleep.

Why did he always pick her side?

There was a perfectly good other side.

“Are you asleep?” she asked him.

He smiled.

“Get on your side,” she hissed.

“You know that’s the second time you’ve called it my side,” he smirked before he scooted over.

She was going to kill him. She yanked the blanket off him before she got into bed herself. He glared at her for a moment before his face softened. He yawned.

“Goodnight, Eren.”

“Goodnight, Mikasa.”

A few moments passed.

Just the two of them laying there in the dark.

Both thinking.

"We did waste a lot of time, didn't we?" Eren asked after a moment.

"Yeah, I guess we did," she replied as she rolled over and looked at him.

"What if I don't want to do that anymore?" He asked her.

"Huh?" She asked.

"What if I don't want to waste time anymore?" He asked her.

Mikasa swallowed.

She didn't either.

A hand searched from him in the dark.

It found him and he pulled her towards him. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her tight.

This is what she needed.

She needed Eren's touch.

"I always sleep better with you," he whispered.

"Me too," she replied.

So she laid there in his arms.

Eventually, they both drifted off to sleep.

------------------------

Eren’s alarm went off way too soon.

His arms were still wrapped around Mikasa which made him smile but he was disappointed that he had to get up. Eren wasn’t sure where he had left his phone in the room. So there was a good five minutes of him searching for it. He reached into his backpack and pulled out his pills and water. He took one, washing it down with the water. He looked over at a sleeping Mikasa.

He had wasted far too much time with her.

But not anymore.

Now he was her equal partner.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” he told Mikasa.

She simply nodded as she pulled the blankets closer, almost wrapping them around herself like a burrito.

He laughed for a moment before he left her to make his way to the bathroom.

He passed Levi in the hallway which made him realize suddenly that here he was just in basketball shorts.

Levi wouldn’t…

Levi was going to think…

Eren was a dead man.

Surprisingly, Levi didn’t seem to mention that part.

“Don’t use up all the hot water. There’s more people than just you,” Levi said simply.

Hange was a few steps behind Levi.

“Don’t worry, that’s his way of saying welcome back. He won’t admit it but he missed you too,” Hange said before patting Eren on the shoulder.

Eren nodded before he made his way into the bathroom.

He got into the shower where he began to reflect on his past.

He had missed these people too. Not just Mikasa.

He would never forget how when he was fourteen and Carla had died, how Levi had stepped up. Armin was already over here due to his grandfather’s work.

What was another kid in the Ackerman house?

Eren then realized the cruel truth.

He had broken more hearts than just Mikasa’s.

And none of them would admit it.

He had seen how weary they had all been the beginning. Many of them had called for blood if Eren fucked up again. He didn’t blame them.

Yet when Mikasa had forgiven him, they all had forgiven him.

It was as if they all knew something else was going on. They were just waiting for him to realize it.

What kind of people loved someone like that?

How could they love him like that?

He was a mess some days. He would get extremely sad for no reason. The mania had been worse. The fake highs that ended up making him nothing but empty afterwards. That resulted in extreme sadness, the depression.

It was a vicious cycle.

Even with the great addition of his medication, he knew there would still be some days like that.

Yet they all seemed to understand that.

Ymir had confessed her mother had struggled with it. Something that surprised Eren.

Why would she confide something like that in him?

Because they are your family, dumbass. It was Zeke’s voice that popped into his head.

Zeke was right.

He was a dumbass.

-------------------------

Mikasa was exhausted.

Her sleep schedule was really getting out of hand.

She was still half asleep as she got out of bed.

She walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Strange.

Why had it been closed?

She shrugged before she pulled her toothbrush out of the holder next to the sink.

Why was there water running?

Had someone left it on?

She walked over to the shower and pulled the curtain back.

There was Eren.

She stared at him and he stared at her.

Neither of them were sure what to do.

“You didn’t lock the door,” Mikasa finally said.

“Yeah, I see that.”

“How are you awake?”

“I...alarm. Medication. You know, I have to take it the same time everyday.”

“That makes sense.”

“You?”

“Oh, I’m still half asleep and came in here to brush my teeth and shower.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I’m going to brush my teeth.”

“Okay,” Eren said as Mikasa pulled the shower curtain closed again.

Mikasa began to brush her teeth.

“You know, this is only something that could happen to us,” Eren laughed.

Mikasa nodded her head. He wasn’t wrong.

By the time, Mikasa had finished brushing her teeth, Eren was done with his shower.

“Throw me a towel,” he said from behind the shower curtain.

Mikasa got into the closet and pulled one out.

She looked over to see Eren peeking out of the shower curtain.

She hurled the towel at him.

“All yours,” he said as he stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist.

They made eye contact for a brief moment before they both turned red.

She waited for him to leave the bathroom before she locked the door behind him.

He really was going to be the death of her.

Luckily for both Eren and Mikasa, everyone was downstairs at breakfast.

“I wonder if they’re dating again,” Sasha asked as she stabbed her eggs with a fork.

“I doubt it. Remember how long it took the first time?” Ymir said before drinking her coffee.

“We’re going to have to suffer through that again, aren’t we?” Sasha sighed before taking a bite.

“I don’t think so,” Armin said as he put down his fork. Everyone looked at him. “I mean last time what took so long is neither knew the other’s feelings. This time, they both know each other’s feelings. Last time, they got together because Eren confessed when he was jealous. This time, I think they’ll do it right.”

“Did they actually stop dating? I mean, yes, they broke up but neither of them saw anyone else, right?” Ymir asked before she put down her coffee cup.

“Eren didn’t. He told me himself,” Armin said as he picked up his orange juice cup.

“We know Mikasa didn’t,” Historia added as she took Ymir’s coffee and took a drink of it.

“As long as I don’t have to suffer through that again, I don’t care,” Levi said before pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t think any of us want to suffer through that,” Annie mumbled.

“Did you just take my coffee?” Ymir asked Historia who was clearly holding her coffee mug in her hands.

“I didn’t want to get up and make my own,” Historia shrugged.

“That’s my coffee. I need it to survive.”

“I’m not going to drink it all.”

“I know you. You will.”

“But it’s so much better when you make it.”

“You always say I make it too strong!”

Hange laughed at the argument between Historia and Ymir while Levi just sighed again.

Eren walked into the kitchen, his hair still clearly wet.

“Where’s Mikasa?” Historia asked.

“Don’t change the subject!” Ymir snapped as she tried to grab the cup of coffee out of Historia’s hands.

The blonde simply twisted so her back was facing Ymir.

Ymir just sighed before she got up and walked over to make another cup of coffee.

“I think she’s in the shower,” Eren said before sitting down. He hoped no one would notice how red his face turned.

“Makes sense,” Historia nodded before taking another drink of coffee.

“So Eren, what are you doing with your life?” Hange grinned.

“Uh, well, mostly...nothing. I mean I’ve been working on music for our band. We got a gig coming up. I can’t really go anywhere due to not having a license back yet,” Eren shrugged as he put eggs on his plate.

Hange didn’t press any more questions. They simply nodded.

Eren hated talking about these things. It was his own fault that he had lost his license.

Mikasa came downstairs. Obviously, her shower had been very short this morning for some reason.

“You could come help with the basement if you want something to do,” Sasha suggested as Mikasa sat down.

“I would but I don’t think Zeke wants to drive an hour every day. How’s the studio going?” Eren asked.

“It’s….going…”Ymir answered as she sat back down with a new cup of coffee.

“Still moving boxes today?” Sasha asked.

Mikasa nodded.

“Okay, I’m asking because I can’t take it anymore. What are you two?” Ymir asked Mikasa and Eren.

Eren and Mikasa both immediately went red.

They hadn’t talked about what they were.

Were they back in a relationship now?

No, not exactly.

“We’re….something,” Mikasa answered.

Eren’s eyes met hers for a moment.

Mikasa reached over and took Ymir’s cup of coffee.

“Really? Again?” Ymir threw up her arms as she stood up.

-------------------------------------

Work on the basement began after breakfast.

Annie, Ymir, and Historia sat on the floor going through boxes.

Armin and Eren were on duty to take boxes up to the attic.

Sasha and Mikasa were in charge of making sure everything ended up in the proper pile for either trash or attic.

Levi and Hange had final say what pile the boxes ended up in.

Sawney and Bean ran around, demanding pets which they were happily given.

They found plenty of Christmas decorations that Levi had forgotten even existed down here.

They also found a collection of garden gnomes.

“Why is it riding a motorcycle?” Ymir asked as she held up a gnome.

“I have no idea. It was Kenny’s,” Levi answered as if that said everything

“You should put it in one of the flower beds,” Hange suggested.

Levi just sighed.

Mikasa picked up the box of gnomes and put it into the attic pile.

“Did he use the gnome to torture people?” Ymir asked with a smirk.

“He didn’t use them to torture people. How would he even torture someone with a gnome?”

“I don’t know. Maybe someone was afraid of them.”

“Kenny didn’t use everything to torture people,” Levi said as he rolled his eyes.

“But he did torture people?”

Levi just sighed.

“Oh! She backed you into a corner,” Hange teased Levi.

“Go find another box to go through,” Levi said as he walked away waving his hand.

Eren did not want to go home, he realized as he sat with all of them around the dinner table that night. Armin wasn’t going back to the dorms until Monday afternoon but Zeke would be here early tomorrow morning.

“Hey, do you think I could stay here until after Mikasa’s dad’s birthday?” Eren asked Levi.

He also didn’t want to leave Mikasa alone on that day. He felt guilty enough about doing that last year. He had drunk so much that day to deal with the guilt.

Levi raised an eyebrow at him.

“It’s your house after all,” Eren replied as he looked down.

“Probably should call Zeke and see what he thinks,” Levi replied.

“Okay,” Eren said.

Dinner continued.

Eren suddenly felt like he was a child again while Zeke and Levi talked about if it was okay for Eren to stay at Levi's house until at least Mikasa's dad's birthday.

"What about your therapy appointment on Tuesday?" Zeke asked through the  speaker on the phone.

"Oh. Right," Eren rubbed the back of his neck.

"I can take him," Mikasa spoke up.

"Oh, good. This will pressure her to finally get a car," Levi replied.

"Really?" Eren asked.

"I wasn't planning on it but I guess," Mikasa sighed.

"Take Ymir! She knows so much about cars!" Historia chimed in.

"Well then, Levi, it's up to you," Zeke replied over the phone.

"I don't care. Stay here, leave. I don't care," Levi shrugged.

"That's a lie," Hange replied. "He is happy to have Eren back."

Levi just sighed loudly.

“Just text me, Eren. So I know you are okay,” Zeke replied.

“I will. I will. Thanks, Zeke,” Eren beamed.

“Thank Levi too. For putting up with your ass,” Zeke teased him.

“Thanks, Levi.”

“Whatever,” Levi said. “I’m hanging up now.” Levi ended the call.

---------------------------

In the sun room, Armin, Eren, and the band all gathered.

“So what song is next for us? Got any ideas rambling around in your brain up there?” Ymir asked as she sat down in one of the chairs.

“Lyric wise, I’ve kind of hit a wall,” Mikasa sighed as she sat down on the piano bench.

“You and me both. This whole thing with my dad and losing the songs...I don’t know. It’s made me pretty bummed. I mostly just want to write a song that goes Dad, go fuck yourself ,” Historia sang the last part before she sat down next to Mikasa.

“What about you, Jaeger? Anything rattling around in that brain of yours?” Ymir asked.

“Not really. I’ve got a bunch of unfinished stuff,” Eren replied before he sat down next to Ymir.

Armin sat down on the other side of Ymir with Annie.

Sasha sat down at the drums.

“Writer’s block is real and it’s an asshole,” Ymir sighed.

“It happens,” Sasha shrugged.

“Maybe we’re all forgetting a lot of shit has happened lately. We’ve been through a lot. I’d be more surprised if you all could write right now,” Annie replied.

“I have an essay already. I haven’t done anything on it,” Armin confessed with a sigh.

“You’re going to wait until the last minute again, aren’t you?”

“Sorry, Annie.”

Annie simply sighed.

“Anyone else just not feeling it tonight?” Sasha asked as she spun around in a circle on her spinning stool.

“Me,” Historia said as she stood up.

“Same,” Ymir sighed.

“Cancel for tonight? We can try again tomorrow. You know...when we’re not tired or whatever,” Annie shrugged.

“Let’s do that,” Mikasa added.

They all parted from the sun room and went their separate ways. Sasha and Ymir swiped the game console from Mikasa’s room to go play in Ymir’s with Armin. Annie and Historia had begun to make a gender neutral baby wish list.  

Mikasa and Eren ended up in her bedroom, looking for something to watch on tv.

“You know, for as many channels as you have here, there’s nothing on,” Eren said as he changed the channel.

“That’s why we have contests to see who can find the worst thing on tv,” Mikasa said as she rested her head on Eren’s shoulder.

“Are you tired already?” he teased her.

“Yes…”she replied with a yawn. “My sleep schedule is getting worse.”

“So I’ve noticed,” he replied as he turned it onto a nature show. He left the tv on there, deciding this was fine for now.

“We should go out on a date,” she said as she closed her eyes.

“Yeah? Where do you want to go?” he asked her as he leaned back against the pillows.

Mikasa was left in the air. “Hey, I was resting,” she frowned.

“You can come back here,” he laughed.

“Of course, I can. It’s my bed.”

“It’s our bed according to you. Since this is my side,” he teased her.

“You can always sleep on the floor,” she told him as she leaned back. She gave him a gentle shove.

“Hey! Is that how you treat your 'something?'” he grinned..

“Well, I don’t know what to call us. We’re in that weird stage,” she confessed as she looked down.

“I don’t care what you call it. As long as I get to call you mine,” he teased her.

“You stole that from somewhere. I can’t remember where I heard it though.”

“No, I don’t remember either. It just popped into my head. Doesn’t make it any less true.”

She smiled at him again before resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her waist.

Hours later, Levi would pass by Mikasa’s bedroom. He saw them, sound asleep with the tv on. He closed the door before making his way back to his bedroom.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21

Greetings all! I hope you guys are having a good day and if not, I hope it gets better for you. Today is a bittersweet day for me. I gave Ellie July 17th as her birthday in honor of my grandma, who passed away in 2016, a couple days after I started writing the Chris and Ellie series. My grandma would have been 92 today. ❤

My grandma always encouraged me to do what I love and I love to write, so I do. And I love sharing what I’ve written with you guys. So thank you for allowing me to share this little world I have created with all of you guys. And thank you all for reading.

xo Becca xo

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: The lead up to Ellie's birthday and the surprise that Scott has planned for her.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 20.5

Episode 21: Birthday Confessions

July 2014

Music flowed through the speakers as Ellie merged off the freeway and onto the exit for LAX.

"I don't have to go, you know," Scott said as he looked over at her.

"Yes, you do," Ellie replied, glancing at him. "You're in a wedding and your family has been looking forward to seeing you."

"I just don't like the idea of you all alone," Scott admitted. He knew she had come a long way in the weeks since she'd started opening up about what had happened between her and Chris, but he hated leaving her there alone.

"I'll be fine," Ellie assured him with more confidence than she actually felt. She hadn't been by herself in the house since December and that felt like a lifetime ago. If she was being honest with herself, she'd never really liked being in the big house when it was empty, but now it was filled with memories she didn't want to revisit.

"Thanks for driving me," Scott said as Ellie navigated the departures drop off area.

"It was the only way for me to ensure you'd get on the plane," Ellie replied in a joking manner as she pulled over in front of the designated area for the airline he was flying.

Scott gave a mumbled 'ha' before he leaned over and gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. Then he got out of the car and went back to the trunk to get his suitcase. He gave her another wave before he disappeared into the steady stream of people going into the airport.

Not ready to go home yet, Ellie ran a few errands before she made her way back to Chris's house. She parked her car in the garage and then made her way inside.

With no desire to hang out in the big house, she quickly made her way through the kitchen and out the backdoor. Using the patio off the kitchen and the steps down to the pool deck took longer than going out the door through the basement, but she didn't like going down to that room if she didn't have to.

Once inside the guesthouse, Ellie let Daisy out of her kennel and then sat down on her bed to check her email. She'd finished editing a book a couple weeks ago for a new author and was waiting for her next assignment. Instead of finding a new manuscript to read, she found an email saying that one of her main authors would have one ready for her soon, so they were keeping her schedule open.

After replying to the email, Ellie closed her laptop and leaned back against the pillows on her bed with a sigh. She had been hoping to distract herself with a new manuscript while Scott was gone, but now that wasn't an option. She'd already picked up a few extra shifts at the bookstore, helping people who wanted to take days off, but picking up seemed better than staying at Chris's more than necessary.

Picking up her phone, she sent a couple texts, seeing if anyone wanted to hang out that night. Unfortunately, no one was available, but she was able to make plans for other nights during the week when she wasn't working. Including accepting a couple invitations for the Fourth of July.

Thus, the first week Scott was gone went by in a breeze. She worked on the second and went to a movie with some friends after work on the third. Then she spent the morning of the fourth with her cousin and the late afternoon and evening with Pierre and some of his friends. She picked up another shift on Saturday and then spent Sunday with her cousin's family, not wanting to spend the whole day alone at Chris's house.

"You've had a busy week," Pierre reflected after she'd told him all about it during dinner at his condo during the second week. In fact, he'd already known how busy she was keeping herself, thanks to a group chat he'd found himself part of with her sisters, cousin and Scott. He wasn't convinced it was a good idea to have such a chat, but it made the others feel better.

"It feels good to be busy," Ellie said with a shrug before muttering, "Better than staying alone in the house, anyway."

Whether or not she wanted him to hear the last part, he had, and he realized her sisters were right to raise concern over her sudden shift in personality. Ellie, they had explained to him, was a homebody by nature. A trait she'd shared with Chris, Scott had told him privately.

"What's wrong with staying at home?" he asked, cautiously.

Ellie sighed and shoved her food around on her plate before looking up. "Other than that it's Chris's house and I'm just a house guest?" she asked.

She sounded snarky, but he sensed that she was trying to mask her true feelings. Instead of prying, he waited her out. They'd been friends for nearly two months and he'd learned quickly that she liked to process her thoughts before she could speak them aloud.

"It's the memories," she finally admitted. "There's nowhere in the house that I can go that doesn't have a million memories flooding back to my brain of happier times. Not even the guesthouse is memory free, but there, with my things, I can push him out. That isn't possible in the rest of the house though. He's fucking everywhere."

Pierre nodded consolingly. He'd been through many a breakup, but only one that had left him in a house full of memories. Of course, he'd had to suffer through the rest of his lease before he'd been able to move. But moving to this condo had been a fresh start.

"And I'm crying again," she said in an exasperated tone as she brushed away the tears. "I told myself that I'd cried enough over this whole situation." 

Pierre stood up and grabbed a box of tissues off the kitchen counter and brought them back to the table. Instead of sitting back down across from her, he took the seat next to her. He handed her a tissue and she gave him a weak smile before blotting the tears.

"Obviously, I don't know your financial situation or what your agreement is with Scott's mom regarding room and board, but have you thought about moving out?" he asked Ellie.

Ellie shook her head. "I hadn't gotten that far yet," she admitted. "Chris is gone for another few months and technically, living there when he isn't there is what I'm paid to do."

"Think about it," Pierre encouraged her. "It might be the next step you have to take."

The idea of finding her own place stayed at the forefront of Ellie's mind in the days that followed, but it wasn't until a night where she had nothing to do but sit in the guesthouse that she did anything about it. She went back to the links she'd found in her early days of living in the Los Angeles area and looked for availabilities within her price range. There were a few of them, but none in areas that she'd feel comfortable living by herself in.

Unlike the last time she'd been hunting for an apartment, she wasn't tied down to a specific part of town because of a job. Nor was she as strapped for cash as she had been. Thanks to the added income of editing manuscripts and not having to pay rent, she had managed to pay down a lot of her debt with the money that Chris's mom had paid her.

Despite having a wider area to search for a place to live, Ellie found herself struggling to find anything less than $1,000 a month that allowed dogs. Frustrated, she closed her laptop and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Which only served to remind her that in addition to finding a place to live, she'd have to buy furniture as well as she didn't have any.

"We'll find a place, Daisy," she said, scratching her dog's head. "I don't know where yet, but we'll find a place."

By the time Scott returned from the east coast, a few days later, she'd sent off applications for a couple of apartments an hour or so away, but both had come back saying she'd been added to a waiting list for an apartment. She considered telling Scott that she was thinking about moving out but decided against it. She knew he was still worried about her with everything that had happened and she didn't want to worry him more than she had to.

"You're a doll for picking me up," Scott said once he was in the car and she had merged into the traffic leaving LAX.

"Gave me an excuse to get out of the house," Ellie replied before mentally kicking herself. "Daisy and I spent yesterday lounging by the pool."

Scott lowered his sunglasses and raised his eyebrows. "Under an umbrella?" he asked, seeing that her skin, while glowing, was still barely tan.

"And wearing lots of SPF," she replied with a laugh. "How was Massachusetts and the wedding?"

"The wedding was beautiful," Scott stated before going into a full rundown of the wedding. Followed by an elaborate explanation of his family's Fourth of July party and what he had done with his family while he'd been home.

"Sounds like you had a blast," Ellie said with a smile.

"Oh, I did, but it's nice to come home to some quiet," he replied and then smiled. "But don't worry. It won't be too quiet, after all, we both know what's happening on Thursday."

"I know my birthday is on Thursday," Ellie said, cautiously as she glanced at him. He wore a big smile on his face. "Scott Evans, what have you done?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," he replied, then mimed zipping his lips closed, locking them and throwing away the key.

He remained annoyingly tight lipped over the next few days, which put her slightly on edge because she had no idea what he had up his sleeve. She knew the two of them had two very different types of fun; she liked to stay home and play games while he liked to go out and dance.

Thursday morning, Ellie came up to the big house to find a cinnamon roll in a pastry box for her on the kitchen counter along with a note from Scott.

Izzy told me that you guys always had cinnamon rolls for breakfast whenever someone in the family had a birthday when you were growing up. I didn't make it (that would have been a disaster) but enjoy!

She cut the large cinnamon roll in half and ate half of it, then took the other half back to the guesthouse with her, to take to work. Once Daisy was settled in her kennel, Ellie grabbed her stuff and left for work.

The sense of relief that came over her as she drove away from the house was only more confirmation that it was time for her to move out.

Later, during her lunch break, she looked for apartments again and, after failing to find much in the Los Angeles area, decided to try looking in Oregon. She hated the idea of leaving LA and her friends, but the truth was she could live anywhere and still do her editing. 

————— 

“She’s coming!” Scott called as he ran down the stairs. "Everyone get away from the window!"

He heard her sisters scrambling into spots that couldn't be seen from the window as he made his way to the main floor. Hearing the garage door opening, he made his way down the hall to the kitchen and was waiting there when Ellie came into the house.

"Hey there, birthday girl!" he greeted her with a big grin. "I noticed you didn't leave me a piece of the cinnamon roll."

"You're damn right I didn't," Ellie replied with a tired smile.

"Before you go to your room, can you come look at something in the living room for me?" he asked.

"I have a call with my sisters in like ten minutes," she told him, glancing at the clock on the stove.

"It'll be fast, promise," Scott insisted. "Like a minute tops."

Sighing, Ellie put her stuff down on the counter and then followed him down the hall to the living room. "So what am I -" she started to ask, but shut her mouth when she saw her sisters sitting casually in the room.

She stared in disbelief as tears began to well up in her eyes. She felt Scott nudge her from behind, encouraging her to go to her sisters.

"Happy Birthday, El," Izzy said, reaching her first. She wrapped her around Ellie and hugged her tight.

"I'm happy you guys are here," Ellie said, through her tears. "But what are you doing here?"

"You didn't think we were going to make you celebrate all by yourself, did you?" her youngest sister, Riley, asked with a grin as she gave Ellie a hug. "We were here last year, too. This year we just brought Sydney with us."

"I'm here to make sure those two don't get too wild," Sydney said, jokingly as she gave Ellie a hug. "And to make sure we do things you like to do for your birthday weekend."

"Birthday weekend?" Ellie repeated. Then she saw Scott lingering in the doorway. "This is what you've been planning all week, isn't it?"

"Part of it anyway," Scott replied with a grin. "I'll let them tell you the rest."

"You're the best," Ellie told him. She reached her hand out to him and he took it, squeezing it. "What is the rest?"

"Our gift to you is a weekend getaway at a beach house about an hour from here," Sydney told her. "The five of us and Pierre, but he'll be coming tomorrow after work."

"When are we going?" Ellie asked.

"As soon as you can pack a bag," Izzy told her. 

"What about Daisy?" Ellie asked, only then spotting her dog curled up in her favorite chair in the corner.

"She's coming with us," Scott replied. "I've already packed her stuff."

"Thanks," Ellie said, smiling at him. "What do I need to bring?"

"I'll h-" Izzy and Riley started, but Sydney stepped forward and took Ellie's hand before saying, "I'll help you pack."

"Thank you," Ellie muttered under her breath as she and Sydney made their way to the guest house.

Twenty minutes later, she and Sydney came back into the main house, locking doors as they passed them. They followed the voices out to the garage and found Scott and Izzy loading things into his car while Riley played with Daisy.

"Isn't someone driving with Scott?" Ellie asked as Izzy took her bag and put it in the backseat.

"Daisy is going to be my copilot," Scott told her

"Are you sure?" Ellie asked him. "I can ride with you."

"Nah, you ride with your sisters, Daisy and I will be fine," Scott assured her. "Besides, she doesn't try to change the music like some people I know." He gave her a pointed look.

"I would be offended except you do the same thing to me when I'm driving you," Ellie retorted before maturely sticking her tongue out at him.

"Very mature for a 29-year-old," Scott commented.

"Let's get on the road, shall we?" Sydney interrupted in a mom tone.

"You guys head out, I'll do a quick check around the house to lock it up and then Daisy and I will follow," Scott offered.

"Shotgun!" Riley shouted out.

"It's Ellie's birthday, Riles," Izzy said, shaking her head. "The birthday person always gets the front seat."

"Fine," Riley sighed. "Let's go."

Thanks to traffic, the drive took longer than an hour, but Ellie didn't mind. It had been a long time since she'd gone anywhere with just her sisters and it was just like old times. Telling stories, laughing, and talking over each other as Sydney drove.

The beach house was down the street from the beach, rather than oceanfront, but they could see the ocean from the balcony off the largest of the three bedrooms. The house had a Mediterranean feel to it in its design and decor. The first floor had the smaller of the three bedrooms rooms, a half bath and an open concept living, dining and kitchen. The second floor had a full bathroom and two bedrooms, the largest of the two having two queen sized beds in it. The best part of the house, though, was the backyard that looked like it belonged in Italy instead of Southern California.

By the time Scott got to the house with Daisy, the sisters had unloaded the few things that had been in the trunk of Ellie's car and had ordered takeout from a nearby restaurant. They helped him unload his car, putting their luggage in the bedroom with the two queen sized beds, leaving the other two rooms for Scott and Pierre.

Then they all headed outside to relax on the back porch while they waited for their dinner to be delivered. Sydney poured everyone drinks, except for herself, a fact that her sisters quickly noticed.

"Are you pregnant?!" Riley demanded.

The corner of Sydney's mouth twitched, but she nodded. "I didn't want to say anything tonight, because it's Ellie's birthday, but -"

"Shut up," Ellie said laughing as she gave her sister a hug. "It's the best birthday present you could give me!"

Hearing the doorbell ring, Scott went to answer it, leaving the sisters to celebrate. Knowing the sisters had already paid for the meal, he gave the delivery person a cash tip, thanked them and closed the door.

As he carried the food back to the girls, he paused when he heard Ellie say: "I have some news myself."

Given what her sister had just announced, he froze, his mind instantly going to the idea that she might be pregnant with Chris's baby.

"Relax, I'm not pregnant," Ellie said with a nervous laugh.

"Fucking hell, Ellie," Izzy said in a relieved tone that matched how Scott was feeling. "Don't scare us like that."

"What's your news, Ellie?" Sydney asked, drawing everyone's attention back to Ellie.

"I'm going to move out of Chris's house," Ellie announced. "I don't feel comfortable there anymore. In fact, I hate being there by myself."

Scott could tell that she was holding something back and so could her sisters, because Riley called her out on it.

"What aren't you telling us?" Riley asked.

"I'm having a hard time finding a place here that I can afford," Ellie replied, her voice trailing off. "So I might be moving home. Want a roommate, Riles?"

Scott felt his stomach drop. He didn't want Ellie to go back to Oregon.

"I thought you were saving money," Sydney said, snapping into the protective older sister/mothering older sister mode.

Scott smirked. Her sisters had this.

"I paid off a lot of things," Ellie replied. "And I have some savings, but…"

Scott heard her sigh.

"After everything with Chris went downhill, I haven't felt right accepting the money that Lisa has been paying me," she confessed to her sisters. "I've been donating my paychecks to a non-profit organization that provides books to underprivileged kids in the LA area. It seemed fitting since she and I met at the bookstore."

"Oh Ellie," Sydney said, the tone not one of scolding but of compassion.

Backing up, Scott decided to put dinner on the dining room table and get dishes out so they could serve themselves in the house. Allowing the sisters and himself time to process Ellie's confession. All of them.

He hated the idea of her moving period, but especially the idea of her moving to another state. The paycheck donation was a whole different situation, one that he wasn't fully capable of processing just yet. Obviously, there was guilt on Ellie's part, but for what? Taking advantage of his mom's trust by boinking Chris? His mom liked Ellie and she would have loved holding the fact that she'd picked Chris's wife over his head.

Scott shook his head and sighed. Hearing footsteps, he looked up and saw Riley in the doorway. "I was just going to call you guys in," he told her, gesturing to the food that he'd laid out.

"Awesome, I'll get the others," Riley replied before disappearing outside again.

One thing he knew for sure was that if his mom ever found out that Ellie had donated her paychecks because Chris was a dumbass, Scott would pay top dollar to witness that confrontation.

He was still smirking to himself when the sisters filed in. He let them go first and then dished himself a plate of food.

No one said a word about Ellie's possible move until they were all seated at the table outside.

"For the record, I think you moving back to Oregon is a bad idea," Riley stated, looking at her older sister. "I've never seen you run away from your problems in my entire life. Never mind the fact that everyone will wonder why you left California. And you know how our family talks, it will be all over town within five days of you stepping foot on mom and dad's farm. We won't talk, but you know how they are, they'll figure it out. They always do."

Scott picked up his drink and took a sip, hiding his smile. Ellie was stubborn, but her sisters wouldn't let her do anything stupid. And neither would he. He was going to do everything in his power to get her to stay in LA.

Episode 21.5

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

Tag List: @heather-lynn​, @alievans007​, @mycapt-ohcapt​, @nomadicpixel​, @sslater34​, @guera31​, @captaincorruptor​, @pegasusdragontiger​, @crispyearthquakezombie​, @avenger-nerd-mom​, @ariallane​, @badassbaker​, @prplprincez​, @anionthewrite​, @capcevans81​, @peaceinourtime82​, @patzammit​, @katiew1973​, @mizzzpink​, @feelmyroarrrr​, @toooottttttoooooooooooo​, @thewannabewriter​, @pineapplebooboo​, @50shadesofyes, @ladyamandapanda12​, @princess-evans-addict​, @mrs-captain-evans​, @aglarelen​, @terra-sem-fim​, @smoothdogsgirl​, @janeyboo​, @giftofdreams​, @gingerrootknits​, @jbug491, @furrywerewolfcollector​, @ek823​, @tvjunkie08​, @marvelouspottering​, @alitheamateur​, @jesseswartzwelder​, @firstangeldragonranch​, @kind-sober-fullydressed​

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[addictedforbooksquad]

ADDICTEDFORBOOKSQUAD BOOK EVENT #2:  T H E  L O V E R S’  S O N G

O N E  W E E K  L E F T !

Only one week left to our Valentine’s book event! We truly cannot wait to see all the creations that everyone comes up with and we hope neither can you :)

Please remember to use  #booksquadevent  in the first 5 tags of your posts so that we can find and reblog everything!

NB! If, for some reason, we missed your edit (probably because tumblr is being stupid) - please just send us the link, we really want to see and appreciate all the posts :)

Details:

Timeline: 11.02 - 17.02

Who can participate: open to everyone

Rules: there are none!

Creations: edits, gifsets, fanarts, drabbles/fanfics, playlists, headcanons, book recs, reviews, anything you come up with that fits the theme!

Tag we’ll be tracking: #booksquadevent

Schedule:

Day 1 (Feb 11th / Monday):  when we were young / first ship you ever shipped

Day 2 (Feb 12th / Tuesday):  la douleur exquise / forbidden love

Day 3 (Feb 13th / Wednesday):  we could have had it all / non canon ships

Day 4 (Feb 14th / Thursday):  never tear us apart / friends to lovers

Day 5 (Feb 15th / Friday):  war of hearts / enemies to lovers

Day 6 (Feb 16th / Saturday):  I want you to want me / longing & slow burn

Day 7 (Feb 17th / Sunday):  I wanna be yours / favourite love confession

Please reblog to signal boost :)

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

17th March >> Fr. Martin's Gospel Reflections / Homilies on

Luke 5:1-11 for the Solemnity of Saint Patrick, Bishop, Missionary (Ireland)

& on

Luke 9:28-36 for the Second Sunday of Lent, Cycle C.

Solemnity of Saint Patrick, Bishop, Missionary  (Ireland)

Gospel

Luke 5:1-11

They left everything and followed him

Jesus was standing one day by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the crowd pressing round him listening to the word of God, when he caught sight of two boats close to the bank. The fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats – it was Simon’s – and asked him to put out a little from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat.

When he had finished speaking he said to Simon, ‘Put out into deep water and pay out your nets for a catch.’ ‘Master,’ Simon replied, ‘we worked hard all night long and caught nothing, but if you say so, I will pay out the nets.’ And when they had done this they netted such a huge number of fish that their nets began to tear, so they signalled to their companions in the other boat to come and help them; when these came, they filled the two boats to sinking point.

When Simon Peter saw this he fell at the knees of Jesus saying, ‘Leave me, Lord; I am a sinful man.’ For he and all his companions were completely overcome by the catch they had made; so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were Simon’s partners. But Jesus said to Simon, ‘Do not be afraid; from now on it is men you will catch.’ Then, bringing their boats back to land, they left everything and followed him.

Reflections (7)

(i) Feast of Saint Patrick

We are very fortunate that the story of Patrick has been preserved in two short Latin letters which he himself wrote in his old age, a letter to the soldiers of Coroticus, the leader of a tribe in Britain, and what has come to be called, ‘St Patrick’s Confession’. In these invaluable historical documents, Patrick gives us a lot of information about himself. He came from a well to do family, the rural gentry, who lived somewhere in Britain or in what is now Brittany. He was kidnapped from his family villa by pirates and taken to Ireland when he was only sixteen years of age. His grandfather had been a priest and his father a deacon, so Patrick was raised in a Christian home. However by the time of his capture, his faith was lukewarm.

During several years of harsh slavery in Ireland, when he was struggling with the loss of so much that was dear to him, he had a spiritual awakening. He began to experience a strong desire to pray, ‘In a single day I would pray a hundred times and the same at night, even when I was in the woods on the mountain’. His time of exile was a watershed in his life. Looking back on his life before his faith was rekindled, he says that he was ‘like a stone stuck deep in the mud’. Continuing with that image, he speaks of his spiritual awakening as a time when the Lord ‘in his mercy lifted me up and raised me on high, placing me on top of a wall’. Patrick speaks of this turning point in his life as an experience of the Lord’s mercy. He had a strong sense that this reawakening of his faith was the Lord’s doing. He writes, ‘I must not conceal the gift of God that he has given me in the land of my captivity’. Whenever, in our own lives, we experience some devastating loss, and we find ourselves in a dark place, we too can find, as Patrick did, that the risen Lord comes to us in that dark place and touches us deeply.

Patrick’s spiritual reawakening had enormous consequences for the people in the land of his captivity. After several years of slavery in Ireland, he heard the voice of God telling him to flee back to his home. Against all the odds, he managed to escape and make his way back to his family. However, after many years, he heard the voice of God again calling him to return to the land of his captivity, this time to proclaim the gospel to the very people who once enslaved him. After studying for the priesthood, he was eventually sent back to Ireland on mission as a bishop. He gave himself wholeheartedly to proclaiming Christ to those who had never heard of him. He writes in his Confessions, ‘I spent myself for you all… I travelled among you everywhere risking many dangers for your sake even to the farthest places beyond which no one lived. No one had ever gone that far to baptize or ordain clergy or serve the people’. He engaged in this mission at great personal cost to himself, as he wrote in his letter to Coroticus, ‘I sacrificed my homeland and parents and I offer my life to the moment of death’.

Every year, as I reread the two writings of Patrick, I am struck by something new in them. The gospel reading for the feast of Saint Patrick this year made me more sensitive to one feature in particular in Patrick’s writings. In the gospel reading Peter has an overwhelming sense of his own unworthiness, ‘Depart from me, Lord; I am a sinful man’. Yet, this did not deter the Lord from calling him to share in his work, ‘Do not be afraid; from now on it is people you will catch’. Patrick also had a very strong sense of his own limitations and of his failings. He begins his Confession, ‘I am Patrick, a sinner… I am the least of all the faithful, and to many the most despised’. At one point in this text he shares an experience of temptation, using a striking image: ‘While I was sleeping that very night, Satan greatly tempted me. I will remember the experience as long as I am in this body. Something like a huge rock seemed to fall on me so that I couldn’t move my arms or legs’. A little further on he writes, ‘He is strong who tries daily to turn me away from my faith and the purity of true religion that I have chosen to embrace to the end of my life for Christ the Lord’. He is honest about his personal struggles to remain faithful to the Lord’s call. Yet, those struggles did not discourage him. They brought home to him his total dependence on the Lord. He ends his Confession acknowledging that ‘any small thing I accomplished or did that was pleasing to God was done through his gift’.

Patrick, like Peter in the gospel reading, is an encouragement to us all. He reminds us that the Lord does not ask us to be perfect before calling us to share in his work of leading others to God. The Lord can work powerfully through us, weak as we are, if, like Patrick, we have a generosity of spirit when it comes to witnessing to our faith and if we recognize our dependence on the Lord for everything.

And/Or

(ii) Feast of Saint Patrick

Saint Patrick lived at a time and place very different to our own. He was born at the end of the fourth century on the embattled edge of the crumbling Roman Empire, probably somewhere in Britain. This was a time when the Roman legions had been withdrawn from the edges of the Empire, and there was a general breakdown in Roman law and order. The way Patrick speaks of his family in his Confessions suggests that there were from the rural gentry. His father was a deacon of the church and his grandfather a priest. Yet, their reasonably well to do background did not prevent them from suffering the effects of the general breakdown of order in Roman society. The protection of Rome was not there to prevent Patrick being captured at the tender age of sixteen. He spent six years as a slave in Ireland, escaping only at the age of twenty-two. Ireland, at the time, was a very different society to anywhere in the Roman Empire, even the edges of the Empire where Patrick was from. He often refers to himself as living among strangers. Coming to Ireland at that tender age must have been a huge culture shock, apart altogether from the hardships of slavery.

Yet, he subsequently came to see these six years as a time of great grace. He refers to ‘the many great blessings and grace which the Lord chooses to give me in the land of my captivity’. When he was taken captive, he said, ‘I did not yet know what I ought to desire and what to avoid’. Although born into a Christian family, he had never taken his faith seriously. He uses a striking image to describe his life at the time he was taken captive, ‘I was like a stone lying in the deepest mire’. Yet, in exile as a slave in Ireland, he underwent what can only be called a profound spiritual transformation. He writes, ‘I must not hide the gift of God which he gave us bountifully in the land of my captivity, because it was then that I fiercely sought him and there found him’. He writes at one point in his confessions, ‘When I had arrived in Ireland and was looking after flocks the whole time, I prayed frequently each day. And more and more, the love of God and the fear of him grew in me, and my faith was increased’. This spiritual renewal would form the basis of his extraordinary missionary work in Ireland many years later. This was a time of great loss in Patrick’s life, but also a time of deep spiritual and personal growth. It is often the way in our own lives that the most painful experiences can also be the most life-giving, for ourselves and for others. Patrick discovered that when so much was taken from him, the Lord worked powerfully in his life. The Lord is always at work in a life-giving way in all our struggles and losses. At any stage of our lives, we can find ourselves in a kind of exile experience. Our personal landscape changes and we feel estranged, lonely, frightened. We are not alone at such times. The Lord is at our side. He is always close to the broken hearted, those whose spirit is crushed, working to bringing something new out of what is dying.

After six years of captivity, Patrick made his escape and managed to board a boat. After a long and perilous journey, he finally made it back to his home. He writes, ‘I was again with my parents in Britain who welcomed me home as a son. They begged me in good faith after all my adversities to go nowhere else, or ever leave them again’. It is likely that Patrick believed he would never leave them again. However, God works in mysterious ways. Patrick writes in his Confessions that after many long years ‘God chose to give me a great grace towards that people (who had held me captive), but this was something I had never thought of, nor hoped for, in my youth’. He had a vision in which he heard the voice of the Irish call out to him, ‘O holy boy, we beg you to come again and walk among us’. After studying for the priesthood, he was eventually sent on mission to Ireland as a bishop. In the course of that difficult mission, he says that he often felt the urge to go back to his homeland, but he resisted it because, as he writes, ‘I fear the loss of the work I have begun here, since it is not I but Christ the Lord who ordered me to come here and be with these people for the rest of my life’. If his first visit to Ireland was as a young slave, this second visit was in response to the Lord’s call; he came as a slave of the gospel. As he says right at the end of his Confessions, ‘the one and only purpose I had in coming back to that people from whom I had earlier escaped was the gospel and the promises of God’. This second visit of Patrick to Ireland with all its momentous consequences brings home to us the unexpected nature of God’s call to all of us. God’s call can surprise us. God can be prompting us to take a path we might never have considered if left to ourselves. God’s purpose for our lives can be so much greater than our own plans. Patrick teaches us to hold ourselves in readiness for the Lord’s surprising call in our lives.

And/Or

(iii) Feast of Saint Patrick

Today we celebrate the feast of the missionary who was the first to preach the gospel in large parts of this Island. Two of his writings have survived. It is nothing short of a miracle that these two texts have come down to us through the turmoil of history. They allow us to hear in our own time the voice of Patrick. We must be grateful to Patrick for sharing something of his story with us and to the scribes who made copies of the texts down through the centuries.

There is great humility in these two texts. Patrick recognizes his imperfections. He says in his confession, ‘I am imperfect in many ways’. Looking back on his youth he writes that ‘We had turned away from God and had not kept the commandments’. He goes on to declare, ‘I did not believe in the living God… I remained in death and unbelief’. It was the experience of captivity that opened him up to God. He says that in the land of his captivity, he was ‘seized by an awareness of God’s presence’. Patrick seems to have come from a very privileged background. When all that was taken from him, he became sensitive to God’s presence. He expresses this religious awakening in a very striking image, ‘Before my humiliation, I was like a stone lying deep in mire; and the Mighty One came and in his mercy… raised me up and placed me on top of a wall’. Having been living in a kind of spiritual death, he was now raised to a new life in God. His spiritual awakening was an experience of God as Love. He writes in his Confessions that ‘the love of God surrounded me more and more and my faith and reverence towards God was strengthened and my spirit was moved so much that in a single day I would pray as many as a hundred times’. He was so deeply touched by God’s love for him that he had a deep desire to communicate with God in prayer.

Yet it is clear from his writings that this period of rejoicing in God’s love did not stay with him every day ever after. He is very open about the times when his faith was put to the test. Sometime after he escaped from captivity and before he arrived at his home, he endured a great assault on his relationship with God. He speaks of this experience in very vivid imagery, ‘While I was sleeping, Satan assailed me violently, which I will remember as long as I am in this body. He came down upon me like a huge rock, so that none of my limbs could move’. He goes on to say that when he saw the sun rise he cried out with all his strength and he declares, ‘the splendour of the sun fell upon me suddenly and immediately freed me from all the weight of oppression. I believe that I had been helped by Christ my Lord’. Elsewhere he writes, ‘there is a strong force which strives every day to subvert me from the faith’. He knew the darker side of faith and, also, the presence of Christ as light in the midst of the darkness.

Sometime after returning home from captivity, Patrick heard the voice of the Irish calling to him to leave his home once more and return among them as a free man, as a messenger of the Lord. ‘We beg you, O Holy youth, to come and walk once more among us’. His subsequent mission among the Irish bore great fruit. Yet, it is evident from his writings that he suffered a great deal in the exercise of that mission. One of the most painful experiences was when some senior members of the church tried to undermine his ministry when some sin of his youth was brought to their attention. He writes that ‘on that day I was hit so hard I could have fallen here and forever’. Yet, he managed to keep going because, as he writes, ‘the Lord… boldly came to my assistance in this trampling, as a result of which I did not fall apart badly even though shame and blame fell upon me’

His accusers were made aware of some weed from his past, in the language of the gospel reading, and, on that basis they were prepared to undermine all the good he was doing. Patrick was very aware that he was a mixture of wheat and darnel and, yet, he also knew that the Lord loved him and was working powerfully through him, flawed though he was. One of the messages Jesus is giving us in that parable is that the attempt to root out evil may destroy the good as well. There is a mixture of good and evil, of virtue and sin, in each one of us and in the church as a whole. Patrick’s story teaches us that the existence of evil is not a cause for disillusionment. If we acknowledge it and open ourselves to the Lord’s love in our weakness, he can strengthen what is good in us and empower us to be his messengers in the world.

And/Or

(iv) Feast of Saint Patrick

The Confessions of Saint Patrick is one of two written works that have come down from him. They are very far removed from us in time, Patrick having written them towards the end of his mission in Ireland sometime in the mid to late fifth century. Yet, it is a very personal document, a personal statement of faith, and, it can continue to speak to us today, almost one thousand six hundred years later.

He speaks in that document of his two periods of time in Ireland, the first during which he was a slave of a slave owner, and the second when he was a slave of the Lord, faithfully doing the Lord’s work as a bishop. Patrick’s father was a deacon of the church and his grandfather was a pries; they were reasonably well off. He said in his Confessions that at the time of his captivity by pirates at the age of sixteen he was ‘ignorant of the true God’’ and had abandoned God’s commandments. It was while he was in captivity in Ireland, in an alien land, that the Lord touched his heart. As a result, he came to see his time in captivity as a blessing. He uses a striking image to express his spiritual awakening during his time of exile, ‘I was like a stone lying in the deepest mire; and, then, he who is mighty came and, in his mercy, raised me up’. He spells out in some detail how this spiritual awakening transformed him, ‘I prayed frequently each day, and more and more the love of God and the fear of him grew in me, and my faith was increased and my spirit enlivened... come rain, hail or snow, I was up before dawn to pray... I now understand this: at that time the Spirit was fervent in me’. In his Confessions he is giving thanks to God for this reawakening of faith that occurred in him. He declares, ‘I must not hide that gift of God which he gave me bountifully in the land of my captivity, for it was then that I fiercely sought him and there found him’. The God to whom Patrick had been so indifferent in the comfort of his own home, he became passionate about when he was torn away from all he knew and loved. Perhaps this experience of Patrick might resonate with us. It can be the darker experiences of life that open us up to the Lord more fully. When what we treasure is taken from us we can become more sensitive to the Lord’s presence in our lives.

After six years in captivity he ran away from his master and after a journey of two hundred miles he boarded a ship which sailed to Gaul. He finally made his way back to his family in Britain. He writes that his parents ‘welcomed me home as a son. They begged me in good faith after all my adversities to go nowhere else, nor ever leave them again’. Patrick must have presumed that he was home among his own for good. Yet, he then had this powerful spiritual experience which sent him back to the very people who had taken him captive. He had a vision in which a man called Victorinus came to him with innumerable letters and as he read one Patrick said that he thought the heard the voice of those who live around the wood of Foclut which is close to the Western Sea shouting with one voice, ‘O holy boy, we beg you to come again and walk among us’. He was ordained priest and then appointed bishop and travelled back to Ireland to begin his mission. Looking back over his mission towards the end of his life, he was very aware that his second coming to Ireland was no more his own decision that his first coming. He says at the end of his Confessions, ‘It is not I but Christ the Lord who has ordered me to come here and be with these people for the rest of my life’. He had a very successful mission in Ireland but, clearly, it cost him a great deal. He writes that ‘not a day passes but I expect to be killed or waylaid or taken into slavery or assaulted in some other way’. Patrick’s sense of being called to this work, even though he knew in advance it would cost him so much, is very striking. He encourages us all to be open to the Lord’s call in our own lives. ‘What is the Lord asking of me?’ is a question worth pondering. Sometimes, as in the case of Patrick, he may be asking us to do something that, from a merely human point of view, doesn’t make a lot of sense. To become aware of what the Lord may be asking of us, we need to give ourselves time and space so as to listen to him.

And/Or

(v) Feast of Saint Patrick

We are very fortunate that the story of Patrick has been preserved in two short Latin letters which he himself wrote in his old age, a letter to the soldiers of Coroticus, the leader of a tribe in Wales, and his own Confessions. In these invaluable documents, Patrick describes himself as a Briton of the Roman nobility who was kidnapped from his family villa by pirates and taken to Ireland when he was about sixteen. His grandfather had been a priest and his father a deacon, so Patrick was raised in a Christian home. However by the time of his capture at the age of sixteen, he had lost his childhood faith and had become an unbeliever. He writes, ‘I was only a young man, almost a speechless boy, when I was captured, before I knew what I ought to seek out or avoid’.

Nevertheless, several years of brutal slavery in Ireland turned him into a fervent believer. During that traumatic period of exile and slavery he had a spiritual awakening. His time of exile was a spiritual watershed in his life. Looking back on his life before this conversion moment, he says that he was ‘like a stone stuck deep in the mud’. Continuing with that image, he speaks of his spiritual awakening as a time when the Lord ‘in his mercy lifted me up and raised me on high, placing me on top of a wall’. In this Jubilee Year of Mercy, it is interesting that Patrick speaks of this turning point in his life as an experience of the Lord’s mercy. He had a strong sense that it was the Lord rather he himself who brought out this change in him. He writes, ‘I must not conceal the gift of God that he has given me in the land of my captivity’. He found in himself a great need to pray, ‘In a single day I would pray a hundred times and the same at night, even when I was in the woods on the mountain’.

This spiritual awakening had enormous consequences not just for Patrick but for so many others in the land of his captivity. After several years of brutal slavery in Ireland, he heard the voice of God telling him to flee back to Britain. Against all the odds, he managed to escape to Britain and eventually made his way back to his family. However, after some time he heard the voice of God again calling him to return to the land of his captivity to proclaim the gospel to the very people who had enslaved him. He did not set out on this mission immediately but trained for the priesthood, possibly in Auxerre in Gaul. He was quickly appointed bishop and sent on his mission to Ireland. The sense we get from his writings is that he gave himself wholeheartedly to sharing the gift of faith he had rediscovered with those who had never heard of Christ. He writes in his Confessions, ‘I spent myself for you all... I travelled among you everywhere risking many dangers for your sake even to the farthest places beyond which no one lived. No one had ever gone that far to baptize or ordain clergy or serve the people’.

I always try to reread the two writings of Patrick that have come down to us as we approach his feast day. Every year something new in them strikes. The gospel reading for the feast of Saint Patrick this particular year made me more sensitive to one feature in particular of Patrick’s writings. In the gospel reading Peter has an overwhelming sense of his own unworthiness, ‘Depart from me, Lord; I am a sinful man’. Simon Peter seems to have had a realistic sense of his own past and present failings. Yet, this did not deter the Lord from calling him, ‘Do not be afraid; from now on it is people you will catch’. Patrick also had a very strong sense of his own limitations and of his failings. He begins his letter to the soldiers of Coroticus with the sentence, ‘I am Patrick, a sinner and a very ignorant man’. He begins his Confessions in a similar way, ‘I am Patrick, a sinner and a very unsophisticated man. I am the least of all the faithful, and to many the most despised’. At one point in his Confessions he shares an experience of temptation, using a striking image: ‘While I was sleeping that very night, Satan greatly tempted me. I will remember the experience as long as I am in this body. Something like a huge rock seemed to fall on me so that I couldn’t move my arms or legs’. S little further on he writes, ‘He is strong who tries daily to turn me away from my faith and the pure chastity that I have chosen to embrace to the end of my life for Christ the Lord. But the hostile flesh always drags me toward death, to those enticing, forbidden desires’. He is very honest about his personal struggles to remain faithful to the Lord’s call. There is a great realism about his writing. Yet, those struggles did not discourage him. They brought home to him his total dependence on the Lord. He ends his confessions with the acknowledgement that ‘any small thing I accomplished or did that was pleasing to God was done through his gift’.

Patrick, like Peter in the gospel reading, is an encouragement to us all. He reminds us that the Lord does not ask us to be perfect before calling us to share in his work. He can work powerfully through us, weak as we are, if, like Patrick, we have a generosity of spirit and a recognition of our dependence on the Lord for everything.

And/Or

(vi)  Feast of Saint Patrick

We venerate Patrick on this his feast day because he gave himself over to proclaiming the gospel on this island, bringing Christ to huge numbers of people. He says of himself in his Confessions, ‘The love of Christ gave me to these people to serve them humbly and sincerely for my entire lifetime’. In amazement at what God had done through him, he asks, ‘How then does it happen in Ireland that a people who in their ignorance of God always worshipped only idols and unclean things up to now, have lately become a people of the Lord and are called children of God?’ He was amazed at how much God had done through him. We are the heirs of Patrick’s great missionary work. He lit a new fire in this land which has never gone out. Patrick was all the more amazed at how God had worked through him because he was very aware of his failings and weaknesses. At the beginning of his Confessions he says, ‘although I am imperfect in many ways I want my brothers and sisters and my relatives to know what kind of man I am so that they may understand the aspiration of my life’. Later on in his Confessions he says, ‘I realize that I did not altogether lead a life as perfect as other believers’. Patrick knew that he had been a continued to be a mixture of wheat and weed, like the field in the parable of today’s gospel reading. In that parable the owner of the field does not despise the field because weed was to be found among the wheat. He was happy to allow both to grow together knowing that they would be separated at harvest time. When the Lord looks upon us, he looks beyond our failings to the good that is within us. Patrick did not allow his awareness of his imperfections to hold him back from doing what he knew God was calling him to do.

On his feast day we give thanks for Patrick’s response to God’s call to preach the gospel in the land of his former captivity. He was brought here as a slave at the age of 16, having been cruelly separated from his family and his homeland, a truly traumatic experience for a young adolescent. Yet, out of this difficult experience came great good. Although Patrick had been baptized a Christian in his youth, he had developed no relationship with Christ. The faith into which he had been baptized had made no impact on his life. It was only in his captivity that Christ became real for him. He tells us: ‘When I came to Ireland… I used to pray many times during the day... My faith increased… the spirit was burning within me’. Patrick uses a striking image to express this transformation in his life: ‘Before I was humbled I was like a stone lying in the deep mud. Then he who is mighty came and in his mercy he... lifted me up and placed me at the very top of the wall’. This spiritual awakening in captivity had enormous consequences for himself and for the people of the land where he was held captive.

In the course of our lives we can find ourselves in unfamiliar and threatening territory, unsure of our future and with regrets about the past. Patrick’s story reminds us that when we find ourselves in such wilderness places, our brokenness can provide the openings for the Lord to enter our lives. Patrick says in his confessions: ‘I cannot be silent… about the great benefits and graces that the Lord saw fit to confer on me in the land of my captivity’. When we are brought low, the Lord will be there to lift us up, and he will be as generous with us as he was with Patrick. If we seek the Lord in such times, as Patrick did, the Lord will not only grace us but he will grace many others through us.

After six years as a captive Patrick was given the opportunity to escape from his captivity. He was directed to a boat some distance from where he was minding sheep. The captain reluctantly took him on board. Three days sailing was followed by twenty eight days journeying through deserted country, probably Gaul. At the end of that journey Patrick describes a very dark spiritual experience that he had, ‘when I was asleep Satan tempted me with a violence which I will remember as long as I am in this body. There fell on me as it were a great rock and I could not stir a limb’. However, he goes on to say that when he cried out in prayer he saw the sun rising in the sky; he says, ‘the brilliance of that sun fell suddenly on me and lifted my depression at once’. Reflecting on that experience, he declares, ‘I believe that I was sustained by Christ my Lord and that his Spirit was even then calling out on my behalf’. Although he was a very successful missionary, Patrick struggled with the darker experiences of life. Yet, he knew that the Lord was as present to him in his darkness of spirit as much as in the success of his mission. Patrick’s experience teaches us to be alert to the signs of God’s presence in difficult times as well as in good times, in those times when we are more aware of the darnel in our lives than of the wheat. His story also teaches us that even when all is not as well with us as we might like, the Lord continues to work powerfully within us and through us.

And/Or

(vii) Feast of St. Patrick

Last October twelve months I climbed Croagh Patrick for the first time, in the company of my sister and brother-in-law. They both live in California. Patrick, who is from the United States, came to Ireland determined to climb Croagh Patrick. He is recovering from cancer and he wanted to make this climb in thanksgiving for having come through the surgery and the treatment so well, and, also, as a form of prayer of petition for God’s ongoing help. We managed to get to the top, just about.

The Croagh Patrick climb is one expression of the cult of St. Patrick that has continued down to our own time. We venerate Patrick today, not so much as the one who first brought Christianity to this island. Historians tell us that the bishop Palladius first preached the gospel in Ireland, some years before Patrick arrived. We venerate Patrick because he spent himself in proclaiming the gospel on this island, bringing Christ to huge numbers of people who never heard of him. Patrick says in his Confessions, ‘I am very much in debt to God who gave me so much grace that through me many people should be born again in God and afterwards confirmed, and that clergy should be ordained for them everywhere’. In amazement at what God had done through him, he asks, ‘How then does it happen in Ireland that a people who in their ignorance of God always worshipped only idols and unclean things up to now, have lately become a people of the Lord and are called children of God?’

Today we give thanks for Patrick’s response to God’s call to preach the gospel in the land of his former captivity. His first journey to Ireland was not of his own choosing. He was brought here as a slave at the age of 16, having been cruelly separated from his family and his homeland. This must have been a hugely traumatic experience for a young adolescent. His identity was anything but fully formed at this stage. He says in his confessions: ‘I was taken captive… before I knew what to seek or what to avoid’. This experience was a personal disaster. Yet, out of this traumatic experience came great good. Although Patrick had been baptized a Christian, he had developed no relationship with Christ. The faith into which he had been baptized had made no impact on his life. In his captivity, he had a religious awakening. He tells us: ‘When I came to Ireland… I used to pray many times during the day. More and more the love of God and reverence for him came to me. My faith increased… As I now realize, the spirit was burning within me’. That spiritual awakening in the land of his captivity had enormous consequences, not only for himself but for huge numbers of people in the land where he was held captive.

The Lord somehow got through to Patrick during the rigours of captivity in a way he had not got through to Patrick during his reasonably privileged upbringing at home. Patrick uses a striking image to express this transformation in his life: ‘Before I was humbled I was like a stone lying in the deep mud. Then he who is mighty came and in his mercy he not only pulled me out but lifted me up and placed me at the very top of the wall’.

Patrick’s own story brings home to us that the Lord can work powerfully in and through our own experiences of captivity. In the course of our lives we sometimes are brought somewhere we would rather not go. We can find ourselves in situations where we are conscious only of loss. We are separated from someone or from some experience that has been very significant for us, that has helped to define us. We experience ourselves as isolated and adrift, in unfamiliar and threatening territory, unsure of our future and with regrets about the past. Patrick’s story reminds us that when we find ourselves in such wilderness places, the Lord does not abandon us. On the contrary, when we seem to be loosing much, he graces us all the more. Patrick says in his confessions: ‘I cannot be silent… about the great benefits and graces that the Lord saw fit to confer on me in the land of my captivity’. The Lord will be as generous with us as he was with Patrick in the land of our captivity, whatever form that might take. If we remain open to the Lord in such times, as Patrick did, the Lord will not only grace us but he will also grace many others through us.

There is a sense in which it is true to say that the church in Ireland has been going through something of a wilderness time in recent years. Many of us in the church are conscious of a sense of loss. The numbers coming to the Sacraments have fallen greatly; there has been a dramatic decline in the numbers going on for priesthood and the religious life; the fabric of our society seems to be more and more resistant to the values of the gospel; the way we have come to relate to each other seem more and more at odds with the Lord’s teaching and lifestyle. Patrick’s story is a reminder to us that the Lord continues to work powerfully in what appears to be unpromising terrain. In the gospel reading Jesus instructs the seventy two to proclaim the same message regardless of how they are received, ‘the kingdom of God is very near to you’. Even in barren and lean times, it remains the case that the kingdom of God is very near to us. Patrick teaches us to be alert to the signs of God’s kingdom even in periods of loss. He encourages us to be attentive to the new deed that God is always doing in the land of our captivity.

------------------------------

Second Sunday of Lent. Cycle C

Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

Luke 9:28-36

Jesus is transfigured before them

Jesus took with him Peter and John and James and went up the mountain to pray. As he prayed, the aspect of his face was changed and his clothing became brilliant as lightning. Suddenly there were two men there talking to him; they were Moses and Elijah appearing in glory, and they were speaking of his passing which he was to accomplish in Jerusalem. Peter and his companions were heavy with sleep, but they kept awake and saw his glory and the two men standing with him. As these were leaving him, Peter said to Jesus, ‘Master, it is wonderful for us to be here; so let us make three tents, one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.’ – He did not know what he was saying. As he spoke, a cloud came and covered them with shadow; and when they went into the cloud the disciples were afraid. And a voice came from the cloud saying, ‘This is my Son, the Chosen One. Listen to him.’ And after the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone. The disciples kept silence and, at that time, told no one what they had seen.

Gospel (USA)

Luke 9:28b–36

While he was praying his face changed in appearance and his clothing became dazzling white.

Jesus took Peter, John, and James and went up the mountain to pray. While he was praying, his face changed in appearance and his clothing became dazzling white. And behold, two men were conversing with him, Moses and Elijah, who appeared in glory and spoke of his exodus that he was going to accomplish in Jerusalem. Peter and his companions had been overcome by sleep, but becoming fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him. As they were about to part from him, Peter said to Jesus, “Master, it is good that we are here; let us make three tents, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” But he did not know what he was saying. While he was still speaking, a cloud came and cast a shadow over them, and they became frightened when they entered the cloud. Then from the cloud came a voice that said, “This is my chosen Son; listen to him.” After the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone. They fell silent and did not at that time tell anyone what they had seen.

Reflections (5)

(i) Second Sunday of Lent

We all have our good and bad days. There are times in our lives when we feel very content and at peace, and there are other times when a kind of darkness can descend on us. Very often the light and shade of life has to do in one way or another with other people. When we are with those we love and who love us we are at peace. When we are without them, we can find life empty. Whether we experience life as a joy or a burden can also have to do with our state of health. When we feel physically well, we have a spring in our step. When we are battling with serious illness, life can be a depressing struggle. Our contentedness or otherwise can also have to do with how we are spending our time. Certain activities can give us momentary pleasure but do not leave us very content in the long term. Other activities, which can take a lot out of us at the time, can leave us with a sense of having done something worthwhile, and confirm for us our own sense of worth. Putting ourselves out for others, sharing our gifts with them, enriches us, even though it can cost us something.

If we have people in our lives that we love and who love us, if our health is good, if we are engaged in activities that are deeply satisfying, then we are indeed fortunate. Yet, invariably there will come a time when we will be without some or even all of these realities. There is a certain letting go which we all have to face into. What then? What are we left with? The readings today suggest that the supreme and ultimate reality that brings us deep and lasting joy is our relationship with the Lord. When that relationship is significant for us, our lives can be full and rich, even when we find ourselves separated from those we love, even when our health is not good, even when we are not engaged in satisfying activity.

Today’s second reading is from Paul’s letter to the Philippians. At the time he wrote that letter Paul was confined in prison. The future did not look good. Yet, he writes as someone who is full of joy. The human support he experienced from others at that vulnerable time was one reason for his joy. A more fundamental reason was his relationship with the Lord. In the course of that letter he says, ‘I can do all things in him who strengthens me’. In a time of great human weakness, he knew the Lord’s strength. As he faced into the prospect of his own death, he looked forward in hope to that moment when the Lord would transfigure his broken body into a copy of his own glorious body.

Paul’s faith, and the faith of others, kept him joyful, when there seemed to be little to rejoice about. I am sure that all of us who are here this morning value our faith, our relationship with the Lord. His involvement with us and ours with him sustains us, keeps us hopeful and joyful, even when much that we have come to value has been taken from us, whether that be loved ones, or health or various activities that were important to us. In the words of today’s responsorial psalm, ‘The Lord is my light and my help; whom shall I fear? Before whom shall I shrink?’ Lent is a good time to acknowledge to ourselves that our relationship with the Lord is the most important value in our lives. Lent is a good moment to consider how we might deepen that relationship, how we might grow in our response to the Lord’s call and presence in our lives. Today’s responsorial psalm invites us to ‘seek his face’. If we are to grow in our relationship with the Lord, we need to seek him, to reach out towards him, as so many people are portrayed as doing in the gospels. One of the ways we seek the Lord’s face is in prayer. To pray is to open ourselves to the Lord’s presence. Lent is a good moment to create more space for prayer in our lives.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus takes Peter and John and James up a mountain to pray. He went up the mountain to seek God in prayer, and in prayer he was transfigured. Jesus was very aware that he was facing down a long road to Jerusalem where rejection and death awaited him, where everything would be taken away from him. He had just told his disciples as much in Caesarea Philippi. Now he goes up the mountain to seek the face of the Lord to be strengthened for the road ahead. His relationship with his Father was one thing that could not be taken from him. Here was the greatest value of his life that would endure when all else failed. In prayerful communion with God, he was transfigured; he experienced himself as he would be, beyond the rejection, suffering, and death that awaited him in Jerusalem.

This was a wonderful moment not only for Jesus himself but for those who went up the mountain with him. ‘Master, it is wonderful for us to be here’, said Peter. Some of us may be fortunate enough in the course of our lives to have known such moments when God seemed very near to us, when we felt fully alive in God’s presence, fully loved with a love greater than any human love. Such moments are little glimpses of that final transfiguration that awaits us all; they assure us that when we have to let go of everything, God remains, and in God we will find all again, transformed and renewed.

And/Or

(ii) Second Sunday of Lent

There are times in all of our lives when we feel deeply happy and at peace, and there are other times when life seems an endless struggle. If we were to look at why we can be deeply happy at some times and struggling greatly at other times, we might find that both have a lot to do with other people in our lives. When we are with people whom we love and who love us, we find ourselves at peace and content, even when other things are going against us. When we are with people who do not have our good at heart, then we struggle, even if other things in our life are going well. Who we are with, the ways that people relate to us, can be very influential in determining whether we find ourselves in a place of light or a place of darkness. Our response to the psalm this morning was, ‘The Lord is my light and my help’. Like the person who composed that psalm, we believe that our relationship with God brings light into our lives. If people who love us can bring light into our lives, the Lord who loves us with an eternal love can do so even more.

Jesus also knew times in his life when he felt deeply happy and at peace and other times when life was a real struggle. In last Sunday’s gospel reading Jesus struggled with Satan in the wilderness. Today’s gospel reading puts before us a very different moment in Jesus’ life. In the wilderness Jesus was alone with only Satan for company. Here on the mount of transfiguration, he is with his three closest disciples, Peter, James and John. Not only has he his three closest disciples for company, two of the great Jewish prophets appear to him and speak to him, Moses and Elijah. Even more significantly, Jesus heard his heavenly Father address him as ‘my Son, the Chosen One’. If in the wilderness, Jesus was being put to a great test, here on the mountain he is being given great consolation. Jesus needed this moment of assurance, because he was about to set out on the most difficult journey of his life, the journey to Jerusalem. A few verses after this scene, Luke the evangelist says, ‘When the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem’. According to our gospel reading, Moses and Elijah were speaking to Jesus about his departure which he was about to accomplish in Jerusalem, his death. Jesus had gone up the mountain to pray, and it was while he was at prayer that Moses and Elijah appeared to him, and the voice of the Father was heard to speak. This time of prayer on the mountain was for Jesus a time of great consolation, of great reassurance. It was an experience which strengthened him for the journey that he was about to face into.

Lent is a time when, in a sense, the whole church is called to go up the mountain to pray, as Jesus did. It is a season when we are called to nurture, through prayer, the most important relationship in our lives, our relationship with the Lord who is our light and our help. Our prayer can take many different forms; none of us prays in the same way all of the time. Today’s gospel reading of the transfiguration, however, draws attention to one particular form of prayer, the prayer of listening. When Peter, James and John were on the mountain with Jesus, the voice of God spoke to him and said, ‘This is my Son, my Chosen, listen to him’. The three disciples were being called to the prayer of listening. Jesus was just about to head for Jerusalem with his disciples. In the course of that journey, Luke presents Jesus as having a great deal to say to his disciples. Along the way he gave them a lot of teaching and instruction. Before they headed out on this journey, the disciples were being called to listen to Jesus.

As we begin our Lenten journey, we too hear the voice from the cloud say to us, ‘This is my Son, my Chosen, listen to him’. Lent is a journey of listening to the word of the Lord. Last Sunday, the first Sunday of Lent, people in the church were invited to come forward to receive a copy of the gospel of Luke on behalf of their family or on their own behalf. This Lent the church in Dublin is being called to listen to the word of Jesus as it comes to us through the gospel of Luke. The prayerful reading of that gospel would be a worthwhile Lenten exercise, one in keeping with the call of today’s gospel reading. As Jesus was praying on the mountain, he was transfigured. As we prayerfully listen to the Lord’s word, we too will be transfigured; we will be transformed more fully into the image and likeness of God’s Son. Paul reminds us in today’s second reading our ultimate destiny is that our earthly bodies will be transfigured into copies of the Lord’s glorious body. In giving ourselves over to the prayerful listening of the Lord’s word, that process of transfiguration can begin here and now.

And/Or

(iii) Second Sunday of Lent

We live by the sea here in Clontarf and we are very fortunate to do so. We have wonderful opportunities for walking along the promenade, down the Bull Wall, in Saint Anne’s Park. There are some people who might find the terrain around Clontarf a little bit flat. They like a bit of height when they are walking; they like to climb. Our nearest high ground here is the Hill of Howth and there are some lovely walks around the Hill of Howth. Those looking for higher ground might be more inclined to head towards the Dublin hills or the Wicklow Mountains. Mountains do have an appeal of their own. When you are on a mountain, you have a sense of being away from it all, above it all. There can be a great sense of peace on the mountain.

Galilee, where Jesus spent most of his public ministry, was very flat in places but it also has hills, some of them quite high. This morning’s gospel reading is set on such a hill or mountain. In the gospel reading, this mountain is a place of worship. Luke tells us that Jesus took Peter and John and James up the mountain to pray. That intense moment of communion with God on the mountain had a profound effect on Jesus. We are told that the aspect of his face was changed and his clothes became brilliant as lightning. He was transfigured. He heard God call his name in love, ‘this is my beloved Son’, and that had a transforming effect on him. Whenever we hear our name called in love, we are, in some sense, transfigured. Our faces light up; our hearts burn within us. The disciples were caught up into Jesus’ experience of transforming communion with God. Their hearts too began to burn within them; they wanted to preserve this wonderful moment. Peter cried out, ‘Master, it is wonderful for us to be here. Let us make three tents, one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah’. He was saying, ‘let us preserve this moment’.

Yet, this was a moment that could not last indefinitely. Jesus knew that he would have to come down the mountain. Luke tells us that Jesus was speaking to Moses and Elijah about ‘his passing which he was to accomplish in Jerusalem’. He was talking to them about his coming suffering and death. He knew that he would soon have to set his face to go to Jerusalem where he would be put to death. He would have to face into the valley of work and suffering. He was being strengthened on the mountain for the journey ahead, for the valley that had to be entered. This was something the disciples were slow to appreciate. When the voice from heaven said to the disciples ‘This is my Son, the Chosen One; listen to him!’ they were being called upon to listen to Jesus when he spoke to them about the inevitability of his suffering and death. They would show themselves to be very slow to listen to these painful words of Jesus, just as they were slow to come down the mountain.

As followers of Jesus we live our lives between the mountain of prayer and the valley where we live and work and navigate our various struggles. Like Jesus we spend far more time in the valley than on the mountain. Yet, we need the mountain of prayer as Jesus did. We need to step back and simply be before the Lord. It is on the mountain of worship and prayer that we inhale the power, grace and truth of Jesus. The place of prayer is where we listen to the Lord and allow ourselves to hear the Lord call our name in love. It is the place where our spiritual resources can be renewed and our moral vision clarified. The mountain of prayer can take many forms. It can be a building like this, a church, a space which we enter alone or gather with others as we are doing this morning. It can be any place where we step back from our daily routine and prayerfully open up ourselves to God present to us in his love.

We need these places when we become conscious of a source of life and goodness beyond ourselves and others, so that when we enter the valley of life, of work, of struggle, we can exhale what we have inhaled on the mountain of prayer. Jesus went to the mountain so as to bring its grace and peace to the valley. Raphael’s famous painting of the Transfiguration in the Vatican Art Gallery shows Jesus virtually floating in mid-air, glorious and splendid on the mountain. The bottom half of the painting depicts the valley where a father is pleading to the his disciples to do something for his possessed son. That was the situation Jesus would immediately face into when he came down the mountain. Lent is a time to journey afresh to the mountain of prayer so as to recommit ourselves to the work of the valley, a sharing in Jesus’ life-giving work. We need to inhale and exhale. This is the dynamic of our lives as followers of Jesus.

And/Or

(iv) Second Sunday of Lent

Coming towards the end of my time in secondary school I noticed I could not see the writing on the blackboard very well. I went to an optician and discovered that I needed glasses. As I got older the prescription for the glasses have got gradually stronger. Some years ago I ended up with bifocals. Needing ever stronger glasses is part of the aging process for some of us.

There are different forms of seeing. There is physical sight, for which some of us need help in the form of glasses as we get older. Then there is a deeper kind of seeing, where we see below the surface of things. Some kind of light comes on in us and we see in a way that we have never seen before. We often refer to these experiences not so much as moments of sight as moments of insight. Perhaps this is the kind of seeing that the disciples were gifted with in this morning’s gospel reading. They had been with Jesus for some time now. They had seen him heal the sick, share table with all sorts of people, feed a multitude in the wilderness. However, now, on the mountain, they saw Jesus in a way they had never seen him before. The gospel reading says that they saw Jesus’ glory. They saw beneath the surface of his life to the person he truly was. He saw him in all his full reality. He was more than a wonderful human being; he was the Son of God. The disciples on the mountain were graced with an ability to see the personal reality of Jesus unveiled. It was a momentary experience. Peter wanted to prolong it, ‘let us make three tents...’ However, this was an experience that could not be bottled. It could not be frozen, so as to avail of it as Peter chose. It was a momentary gift; it could be savoured for the moment. The memory of this experience could sustain the disciples for the difficult road ahead as they walked behind Jesus who was soon to set his face to go to Jerusalem.

There are times in our own lives when we can be graced in a way that is similar to how Peter, James and John were graced on the mountain. We may think we know someone well. Then we get a sudden and momentary insight into some dimension of their being. It is as if we see them more deeply than we have ever seen them. We sense that these moments of insight come to us as a gift. We are not aware of having done anything to make them happen. They are given to us and, yet, every gift has to be received and, so, in some sense, we have been receptive to this gift. The gift of seeing Jesus in a way the disciples had never seen him before came to them in the context of prayer. Jesus had taken Peter, James and John had up the mountain to join him in prayer. In our own lives, a prayerful spirit can dispose us to receive this momentary grace of seeing people in all their full reality, indeed, in their glorious reality, as people made in the image and likeness of God. Having seen someone in this deeper way once, this experience can live on in our memory, to be called upon when we might be tempted to see them in a much more surface way.

This deeper seeing can impact not only on how we see other people but on how we see all of reality. When we look at a certain situation in life in a purely surface way, we might see it as a problem and no more than that. However, when we open ourselves to that grace of seeing the situation more deeply, we can come to discover that the problem is not only a problem but it is also an opportunity that calls out to us. There is a sacramental quality to all of life. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. The flesh of life, all of it, reveals something of the Word who is God. God is revealed in all of our experience. The Word of God speaks to us through all of our human experience, even those dark experiences that seem devoid of God’s light. There is a spiritual quality to all of life and the Lord will give us eyes to see this deeper dimension to all things if we are open to this gift.

The gospel reading invites us to reflect not only on how we see others, how we see life, but how we see ourselves. In that second reading, Paul tells us that our ultimate destiny in eternity is to be transfigured, so that we finally become copies of Christ’s own glorious body. There is a sense in which this transfiguration is already underway through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. As Paul says in one of his other letters, ‘we are being transformed into the same image (the image of the Lord) from one degree of glory to another’. Something of the same depth that the disciples saw in Jesus on the mountain is to be found in each one of us if we have eyes to see.

And/Or

(v) Second Sunday of Lent

I watched an interesting programme on Michelangelo on the T.V. last Sunday night. It showed how he worked to transfigure a huge block of marble into a beautiful work of art. It is easy to forget that his wonderful David in Florence and his powerful Pieta in Rome were once rough blocks of marble cut out of the mountainside. In a similar way, an artist with the brush, a painter, takes a blank canvass and transfigures it into an image that people delight in looking at. Or an artist with the pen, a writer, takes blank pages and transfigures them into something engaging and absorbing to read.

It is not only marble, canvass and paper that can be transfigured. People can be transfigured. You may have noticed people at airports waiting to greet a loved one. They search each face as the passengers come through the arrival doors. The longer it goes without seeing the person they have come to greet, the more concerned they become. When they suddenly recognize their loved one, their faces light up. In a sense, they become transfigured.

We have all had our transfiguration moments, when, not only our faces light up, but our hearts light up as well. Such moments will often be times when we hear our name spoken in love, when we have a deep sense that we are accepted and welcomed and valued by someone. We find it easy to remember those moments. In more difficult times we can find ourselves going back to such moments in memory and continuing to draw life from them. Such experiences live on in our memories, and can sustain us long after they have happened.

The gospel reading describes a moment in the life of Jesus when he was transfigured. We are told that, while he was at prayer, ‘the aspect of his face was changed’. Not only his face but his whole being lit up; he was glorified. Jesus was transfigured because, in prayer, he heard God his Father call his name in love. ‘This is my Son, the Chosen One’. This, for Jesus, was a moment of deep communion with God, with the one who loved him with a perfect love, a love that would prove stronger than death. The gospel reading says that Moses and Elijah were talking with Jesus about his passing, his death. Jesus knew that his leaving this world in death would also be his entry into the hands of his loving Father beyond death. ‘Father, into your hands I commend my Spirit’. On the mountain, Jesus experienced a love that was faithful enough to carry him through death, and the experience of such a love was transfiguring.

Jesus has called us into the same relationship with God that he has. He has sent his Spirit into our hearts, and that Spirit prompts us to cry out ‘Abba, Father’ to God as Jesus did. If we share the same relationship with God that Jesus has, hopefully their will be moments in our own lives when we experience God as Jesus did on that mountain, in a way that leaves us transfigured in the very depths of our being. Such an experience of God speaking our name in love may not be a regular occurrence, but it is surely a gift that God gives to us from time to time. Different people can hear God call their name in love in different ways. For some, it might happen in and through some experience of nature. In the first reading, the Lord prompts Abraham to look up to heaven and to count the stars. The sight of the stars deepened Abraham’s faith in God’s loving purpose for himself and his descendants. The sky at night, the setting sun, the wonder and beauty of nature in all its forms, can speak to us of God’s abiding love for us. The sense of God saying to us, ‘You are my chosen one’, can also come through the celebration of the Sacraments. God’s love can touch us at a very deep level in and through the Sacrament of Reconciliation or the Sacrament of the Eucharist. We can come away from those sacramental moments transfigured in some way. For many of us, God’s transforming love is experienced in and through the relationships that matter to us. The experience of a human love that is faithful without being possessive can be transforming of us, transfiguring, and can give us a foretaste of that moment in eternity when we will experience God’s love to the full.

St. Paul in the second reading encourages us to look forward to that future moment, when the Lord will transfigure these wretched bodies of ours into copies of his glorious body. We live in hope of that final transfiguration, when we will be conformed to the image of the risen Christ. On the mountain, Jesus gave his disciples a glimpse of their own future destiny. This glimpse was so appealing that Peter wanted to prolong the moment for as long as possible. ‘It is wonderful for us to be here’, Peter said, ‘Let us make three tents, one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah’. Yet, this was only a glimpse of what would come at the end of life’s journey. It was not yet the end. They all had to come down the mountain and face into a difficult journey to Jerusalem. We are familiar with that same journey. We all have to face down the road to our own Jerusalems. We know the way of the cross. Yet, we also know that at the end of our journey there will be a wonderful moment when we will hear God calling our name in love, and we are transfigured. We also believe that along the way we will hear echoes of that loving call of God, if we are attentive.

Fr. Martin Hogan, Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin, D03 AO62, Ireland.

Email: sjtbclontarf@eircom.net or  frmartinhogan@gmail.com

Parish Website: www.stjohnsclontarf.ie  Please join us via our webcam.

Twitter: @SJtBClontarfRC.

Facebook: St John the Baptist RC Parish, Clontarf.

Tumblr: Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin.

[minowen]

my life is a disaster and i want to stop existing, jfc

there's a few key characters: Tim, my BFF forever and always Zach, one of Tim's BFFS who lives in NC Ty, Zach's cousin, also Tim's friend Amber, Zach's wife Kacey, Ty's girlfriend Julie, Ty's mother Josh, Ty's brother

so back in Nov. Zach comes to me (we met in October) and says that he and Amber are getting divorced and he could really use some emotional support. This is a HUGE thing to experience, so I offer him my support. We talk about it a lot. He say she cheated on him 3 times and the only reason he never left her was because they have a 3 year old son-- and like holy smokes, kids complicate everything so I totally understand

so we get to talking and he is discussing how he is working a lot (he works at Lowes) and is worried about doing the holidays separate this year . I send him some things for his son for Christmas--all books and educational toys, and even some things from my childhood that were well kept (action figures and what not) we end up getting really close during this period, because he is coming to me almost every day however, he hasn't told Tim or Ty & Josh about all of this he says he isnt ready for it to be public men are weird-- but I promise I won't tell any of them. After all, it is none of my business fast forward a little, Zach starts getting flirty with me. I don't notice right away (oops) and just sort of brush it off. But shit after all the hell I've helped him through I can't help but feel some sort of way about him too. I still don't really know what that feeling was, because I also have never met the man in person in a way, I almost felt responsible for him as weird as that sounds

it get's better, this is when things get saucy. Zach and I are going pretty steady in our Not-a-relationship, relationship we know there's something going on here, but we never really label it

By April, this has been going on for a few months. I fly back to Colorado to see Tim He works at UNC and Zach makes a comment and says, "Are you ever going to come see me?" And I was like, "I mean, you've never invited me to come. I may? I will be a 6 hour drive from your house all summer." And then he makes some comment about how he finds it odd that I flew to see Tim three times this year and never asked to come see him and I was like, "Well with everything you're dealing with, I didn't find it appropriate to ask for that." honestly, it just never crossed my mind. I figured I'd see him when I drove to Asheville, since I knew I was stopping at Ty's house and Ty only lives an hour away from Zach

if he had asked, -- I would have gone. I was that emotionally invested in this boy

but he never asked me to come

So anyways, while I am in Colorado with Tim, Zach is 1. super jealous of Tim? and 2. Calling me every day with some new crisis

the last day I am in CO he tells me that there's some girl stalking him from work, and he's suing Amber for custody of their son Zach is jealous of Tim because Tim & I have a well-established friendship and we really care about each other? And in another life, we were probably soul mates lmfao but we are happy with our friendship the way it was but Zach thinks Tim is a threat to whatever not relationship we have So with this new crisis, I drop everything to talk to Zach for like TWO HOURS

while I'm with Tim (but you know, I have to tell Tim something else is going on bc Zach doesn't want him to know about the lawsuit) I keep it from Tim out of respect for what Zach wants and I spend the next few days looking up NC state laws trying to help him figure out how he can get custody of his son and then one day I wake up... and Zach has blocked me on EVERYTHING (this was the very end of April) and I'm not entirely sure why he blocked me he just did even my phone number

so I'm a little in shock and sad and it's finals week at BG, so I'm already manic but I focus on school and decide not to worry about it the mean time, I confide in Ty and ask him if Zach said anything to him Ty doesn't know anything, but he is happy to talk to me and cheer me up a week or so goes by, and Ty and I start making plans for the summer. I am driving to his house in VA and we are going to spend a few days together before I head to NC and Ty is watching Oakley while I wait on my accessibility papers to come through we start looking for things we can do in June-- things that are short drives from where I am or where he is-- and things that we can meet up at basically, we decide "Fuck Zach, we are still going to make the most of the time we have" on my drive to VA back on May 17th Ty calls me so that we can figure out dinner plans Ty tells me that he heard from Zach finally and apparently Amber, Zach's wife, found out he was cheating on her. And I was like "wat" And Ty tells me that Zach was apparently caught sleeping with some girl he works with at Lowes. (so it wasn't me she found out about, but I was shocked because 1. he told me they were completely separated. 2. he was also then cheating on me??? So Ty is telling me ALL THIS TEA about Zach and I finally just sort of cave, because I'm sad and angry and I tell Ty EVERYTHING that had been going on, even though I promised Zach I wouldnt

IT GETS BETTER So i tell Ty that Zach and I were seeing each other but I didn't know Amber was still around So Ty is like "Wow. I'm so sorry that Zach did that, but I'm not surprised." Ty is literally a ray of sunshine and he is very supportive and assures me that it wasn't my fault this happened we ended up having sex... part of me was allowing it to happen out of pettiness cause I knew he'd tell Zach and I wanted Zach to be mad it was a bad decision on my end, and I probably shouldn't have allowed it to happen oops whatever we both agree that it was just a one time thing, we aren't going to go down that path Ty and I were happy just being friends.

So anyways, fast forward. Ty and I haven't really changed our relationship at all.  We still talk every day-- he does flirt with me a little, but it doesn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. Last Wednesday he asks me to drive to his mothers house this past Friday so I could get my dog his mom lives 4 hours from me, so i'm staying the night there-- and it's her birthday so he told me she'd be really excited to have someone to talk to and hang out with to celebrate she's totally fine with me coming, she's excited to meet me (he says) er name i Julie, and I really love her. She's so sweet.  We end up watching a movie all together. So I'm sitting on their couch and Ty is laying with his head in my lap (mostly because there's not a lot of seating options) and he keeps putting my hands on his head because he wants me to scratch his head lmfao okay. And then he keeps holding my hands and it's fine. HIs mother asks if we are dating and we both say no she says, "Oh my, I thought you were. Are you just really close?" and we just sorta pause and say, "yes, we are." she says, "Do you both mind sharing a bed? I only prepared one of my guest rooms... I thought you all were dating so it didn't even occur to me." we say it's fine so when we get ready to go to bed-- at this point, I'm so confused. Ty has been flirting with me all day and I'm just not sure how to process my fickle ass kind of likes it lmfao

so i was rebound and I was like no and at this point I was already having my own internal conversation bcause I was not trying to catch feelings for him because 1. he's not my type 2. he's zach's cousin 3. he wouldn't really mesh well with any of my friends 4. he's zach's cousin 5. he's vulgar 6. he's zach's cousin???? 7. his brother is really attractive and i can't handle that like Ty's brother is so handsome. like why would I settle for Ty when i could have Josh?

Ty is cute-- but his brother is beautiful NEVER SETTLE FOR APPETIZERS WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE ENTREE so the worst part-- despite all of this shit i still caught feelings and I caught them HARD so embarrasing

and then on Sunday... Ty messages me

he tells me we can't be friends any more because he told Kacey (the girl he was seeing) and he wants to try and work things out with her and the only way he can do that is if he doesn't talk to me

SHE IS MARRIED

so ty says we can't be friends anymore, we aren't allowed to talk at all

so I go to Tim and tell him and he is furious FURIOUS because apparently Ty came and confessed to him that he has a lot of feelings for me and wanted to know how to pursue them and Tim was like, "Yeah I can help-- this is what shadae likes, these are things you can do together, these are things they don't like-- blah blah"

so Tim was so angry because Ty lied to him too and the worst part is that his fucked me up so bad so bad last night I went to a fast food chain that Ty introduced me to and I cried because I wanted to tell him I went but I couldn't

and then this morning I went to my office and I cried because for the past two weeks, I spent a lot of time on the phone with Ty while I was in my office because I knew he wouldn't be calling me

[thisweekingundamwing]

TWIGW February 11 - 17th

Happy Sunday Gundam Wing Fandom!

We have some super awesome things for you to check out this week!  Many many thanks to those who submitted and tagged us in content - it makes our job so much easier! Especially with the archiving happening on AO3! If you’ve created something we missed, please feel free to let us know so we can feature you too!

Remember, if you find something you love, please please make sure you let the creator know how much you enjoyed it!  Every little comment/like/reblog goes a long way towards fueling their desire to do more!  

Thank you for all that you do, and keep submitting your great content to us!

-Mod CB

Fanfiction:

A Little Piece of Gundam Wing

The archive is being ported to AO3! Check it out!

@ahsimwithsake

Fickle Faithful

Heero-centric, implied future 1x5x3. This might grow into something more.

Late entry for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

Rated T for swearing

Amberly

Knife in Hand

When Duo learns there's a hit out on him, he turns to the only person in Chicago he believes capable of helping him. But will the cost of the Broker's help be too high?

Pairings: 2x3, past (underage) 6x2, past 1x3

Warnings: Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Consent Issues, Organized Crime, Assassination, child trafficking, Past Abuse, Federal Agents, Abuse of Power, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Gender Issues

Amberly with @yourbloodlikewine​

In This Light

Duo spent the last semester working in his older brother's coffee shop. He's resigned himself to a boring spring when a stranger appears, shaking up his entire life. Eli left home last fall, choosing to spend the last six months living out of his van on his travels from the Midwest to the East Coast. By the time he arrives at Ink's, the novelty of traveling alone has started to wear off. Still, the last thing he's expecting is to meet someone who's going to change all that for him

Pairings: 2xOMC, 3xOMC, Solo x OMC, 

Warnings:  Rape/Noncon, Original Characters - Freeform, Alternate Universe, child abuse mention, Sexual Assault Mention, homophobic parents, Re-Written Characters, Drug Use, Violence, off screen murder, gratuitous author indulgence

@anaranesindanarie​

Cocktail Friday

Cocktail Friday drabbles.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: bar, diplomats, Russian accent

Death Unspeaking

What happens when a Gundam Pilot is mute? What happens when the other Pilots look down at him because of it? Will he overcome the odds or will the odds overcome him? For Manny who encouraged me to work on this.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage

Designation01

War Tactics

Heero's perception leads to an interesting discovery: Duo Maxwell avoids mirrors. An introspective ficlet that aims to explore using BDSM and possible lack of body autocracy to overcome self-image issues.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Mirrors, Body Image, Body Horror, Hand Jobs, NightmaresComfort, Emotional Discomfort, Control Issues, Complete

@duointherain​

To Be Human is to Love

Duo and Heero are working a damaged part of their new colony, things go wrong.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Spaced

EclipseMage

Broken and Bloodthirsty

Duo is terrible-awful at coping. Quatre gets the brunt end of it after a reckless mission-gone-wrong.

Pairings: none

Warnings: Pilot angst, Physical fight ensues, Underage Drinking

flamingofics (hey @idkmybffflamingo​ is this you? let us know!)

Will You Have Me?

Duo returns from a Preventers mission on the fourteenth of February. Trowa takes the opportunity to attempt to confess his feelings for him.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: Fluff and Angst, Confessions, Misunderstandings, Gundam Wing Valentine's Day Fan Exchange

Gift fic for @claraxbarton​ from a GW Valentine’s Day exchange in 2016

Ginnybag

Past Tense

'Milliardo.... I'll be waiting on the other side....' A quarter of a century after the fight at MOII, the Epyon System follows the last command given by its maker, returning him to where he will, once again, be needed. But 25 years is a long time and the world he left behind is not the one he wakes in, and fighting to be more than the ghost that he has become to his friends and family may be one battle Treize Khushrenada really cannot win.

Pairings: 6x13, 3x11, 5xMariemaia, 4xR, 2xDorothy, 13,OMC

Warnings: Newtypes, POLITICS!, Sanc, Past Heero/Relena, Past Treize/OFC, Past Treize/OMC, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Parents & Children, Discussions of Politics/War/Abuse/Sex, References to Drugs, Romefeller Foundation, Mentions of Past Nastiness, ZERO System, Canon - to a point

Poison Seven - A Thousand Words

Part 7 of Poison

Pairings: 6x13

Warnings:  none listed

Wild Roses: Cold Comfort

December AC 191: Six months after creation, Treize's new Wing is rapidly gathering a reputation as the best of the best. A routine patrol in space cements Zechs's status as an Ace and leaves Treize injured, revealing the depths of his religious beliefs.  As the 10th Anniversary of the Fall of Sanc combines with the fallout, Leia begins to doubt her husband, Lady Une summons the Zodiac to form, and Noin earns her wings. On Christmas Eve, Treize marks his 21st with a mission he did not expect, culminating in professional triumph and personal revelation for both men.

Pairings: 6xOMC, 6xOtto, 13x11, 13xLeia Barton, 6xOttoxOMC, 13x6, 6x9

Warnings: Nuclear-powered suits, The Duchess of Richmond's Ball, Medical Euthanasia

JunaAzumi

Aún existen los príncipes azules

Trowa sabia que habia separado a los 5 pilotos pero no se arrepentia de nada.

4x5

Bailemos hasta que se acabe el mundo

Quién puede tener una cena en medio de una guerra? Quatre y Heero te darán la respuesta

1x4

Quatre vs Duo

Los chicos se van de vacaciones a Playa del Carmen, Quatre y Duo compiten por las atenciones de Heero ¿Quién ganara?

1x4

Quiero Acordarme de ti

Resumen: Quatre encontró a Trowa, estaba preparado para cualquier cosa menos menos para lo que encontró 04x03 escena perdida del capitulo 38

3x4

facetiousfutz

Short Oneshot Requests

Occasionally I open the floor to short fic and drabble requests on my personal Dreamwidth account (same username, if you want access), and these are the fills I've deemed worthy of lurking eyes. I have a ton of fandoms. This will focus heavily on humor pieces and M/M and F/F ships, with some exceptions. If any archive warnings ever apply, I will make a note of it in the beginning.

Multiple fandoms/pairings, please see chapter specific warnings

All characters underage in canon are aged up accordingly in smut fics

@kangofu-cb​

If You Let Me

If Trowa could give the new residents one rule for surviving the ICU, it would be ‘Don’t Touch Anything. (Especially The Patients.)’.  In reality, he’d actually give them a lot of rules, possibly with diagrams for clarity.  But his main rule essentially covered the bases. When you worked in one of the largest ICUs, in the biggest medical center in the country, at a hospital known for taking on unstable patients for the most complex and risky surgeries that were performed no-where else, new residents were a menace. Until he meets Dr. Maxwell, the newest anesthesia resident.

Pairings: 2x3, background HxD

Warnings: Alternate Universe - Medical, Doctor/Patient, Nurses & Nursing, Fluff and Smut, this is literally my feel good thing guys ok, I mean I'm not saying there won't be any angst, but basically this is all WAFF

@ladyjstruth-blog​

Going Home

Quatre has a secret that comes out unexpectedly and now everyone has to deal with the fallout. The news is hardest on Trowa, who still loves him, even after years of breaking up.

Pairings: 3x4

Warnings: Drama and Romance, Post-Canon

Lil_1337

2018 Comment Fic_Feburary

Drabbles and short fics written for the Live Journal community Comment Fics which can be found here: http://comment-fic.livejournal.com

Multiple fandoms/pairings, please see chapter specific warnings

Maldoror

The Source of All Things

Center, a planet where magic and technology blend. Or more accurately, fight tooth and nail. A planet of Sources, holes in our boring dimension letting through arcane power, chaos and pseudo-deities. In this hot-house of myths and very real dangers, Trowa and Quatre find a mysterious man at the end of a shamanic voyage. Portents suggest this Heero Yuy is crucial to Center’s survival. He’s important enough to have some interesting enemies after him, at any rate: a devious killer and thief called ‘Shinigami’, and a very irate Dragon. Beyond them looms an even greater threat. Indeed, the greatest of them all.

Pairings: 3x4, 2x5, eventual 1x2x5

Warnings:  alternative universe, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Plot Twists, fairly graphic depiction of sex, Mild description of self-harm, Mathematical Magic, weird science, crones - Freeform, Magic and Technology brawling and eventually screwing, Eventual Threesome, Kinda, Insanity of arcane origin, The universe is a pile of marbles and other dubious allegories

Two Halves

The two kingdoms of Sanq and Lin were at war for years; a conflagration involving magic, armies and political murder. The conflict left both nations devastated and strewn with refugees. The king of Sanq finds his infant son, lost at birth, among the death and the ruin, a miracle he barely dared to hope for. But there isn't just one boy, there are two, clinging together like two halves of a whole that cannot be separated. Decades later, the truth behind that second child’s existence will put a hole in the world, or possibly save it.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Fantasy AU, medieval setting with magic, starts with our heroes as children, Cousin Incest, sort of, eventually, being royalty this is in fact the norm and rather expected of them, Canon-Typical Violence

Shinohoshi13

By Demons Be Driven

For years she struggled to live, burdened by a long-forgotten past, an unclear present, and a non-existent future. War consumes her life, forcing her to live as if every day is her last. Fate has seen fit to gift her with unnatural abilities far beyond the normal human capacity. With those abilities, she leads a daily game of tag, putting her life on the line over and over again. Will a chance meeting with a young man give this tired young woman the will to keep fighting? And with the war escalating higher and higher, will she have the time to find out who, and what, she really is?

Pairings: 5xOFC, background 1x2, 3x4, 6x13, unrequited Rx1

Warnings: Relena bashing, Adult Content, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Crude Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Strong Language, Torture, Violence, Psychological Horror, Magical Realism

Sol1056

Tetractys

In a reality where Kushrenada won, the five gundam pilots live a half-life, effectively prisoners. An unexpected chance at freedom may let them regain what they'd lost, but it also means a return to battle. Some things, once lost, cannot be regained. | Significant rewrite of original version.

Pairings: 4x5, 1xR

Warnings:  Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multiple Universes Colliding, Post-Canon, Mecha, Alternate Reality, War, Politics, Rebellion, Slow Burn, Accelerated humanity, Paranormal skills, Butchered scientific theory, Global warfare, Significant battle scenes, Mecha reduxes, Multiple Pairings, Female gundam pilots

Thai_Tea_Addict

Wolves and Lambs

On the cusp of war, Remus Lupin discovers he has a son. Facing a prejudiced wizarding world unwilling to believe Voldemort has returned, Remus must now navigate his duties as both a member of the Order and as a father to one Duo Maxwell. Duo doesn't know a lot about families, but he knows war. HP Fifth Year, Post-GW main series

Pairings: 1x2, 2xHP, 3x4, Romione

Warnings: Harry Potter crossover, Family Reconstruction Act, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Politics, Wizarding Politics, War, Disturbing Themes

@vegalume​

Ellion - Book 1

Set in a world where one mad man tries to rule all and destroy the last traces of magic, one young man must overcome a life filled with war and death in order to save those he holds dear.

1x2, 13x11

A/U, Fantasy, Angst, Mpreg, Character Death

Snippets:

@chronicwhimsy

WIP Wednesday - Post-canon 2xR snippet for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

@kangofu-cb

We Won’t - AU RxH snippet for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

@lifeaftermeteor​

LAM!verse snippet featuring Relena on the Warpath

@remsyk-blog

Thrill of the Chaste - AU 2x3, HxR Amish Romance for @gwblockparty Rewrite the Romance

@terrablaze514

Flu Aftermath Writing Prompt

@thefallenstar-treizekhushrenada

Valentine’s Day drabble about cake, 13x11

Photo Edits/Manipulations

@zechs

Incorrect Zechs Quote

Headcanons / Meta / Discussions:

Multiple Contributors

Self-Destruct suit discussion

@gundamwing-ellesmith

Otakon’s Gundam Wing Panel thoughts

Fanart:

@arubees

Heero and Duo

@cree8ions

Dorothy Catalonia

@hainekoken

Heero Yuy

@hasuyawwn

Duo Maxwell

@noelleian​

Quatre Raberba Winner

Trowa Barton

Sally Po

@outofworkshinigami

Duo twin commission for @anaranesindanarie

@oxymoronicidiosyncrasy

Heero Yuy

Duo Maxwell

@rockmandash2

Duo Maxwell

Duo Maxwell sketch

@vegalume​

Taste the Rainbow

@versari-arts

Hilde Schbeiker

@xan-drei

Heero and Duo  from LAM!verse, commission for @lifeaftermeteor

Cosplays:

@18thcenturylove​

Duo Maxwell 

Calendar Events:

Cocktail Friday

https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/

A new prompt every Monday!

Submissions should be posted Fridays between 3 and 5pm EST, and tagged with @gwcocktailfriday

Interview with a Creator by @remsyk-blog @interview-with-a-creator

Remsyk has created an online interview for fandom creators to fill out and then she features one each week so that everyone in the fandom can learn a bit about each other.

If you haven’t filled out her interview, go! do! now!

Honorable Mention:

@kangofu-cb​ was mentioned by AO3 Admin as a winner in the 2018 Feedback Fest Challenge, and won a prize!  Thanks to everyone who recc’d something on their post as part of the challenge! Over 500 fanworks (in total, not just Gundam Wing) were mentioned as part of the challenge! And special thanks to @terrablaze514​ for bringing this to the attention of the mods!

[colette-assaf]

St Dominic’s, Father Peter Joseph homily. Flemington, 3rd Sunday of Advent, Year B, 17th December, A.D. 2017

Preparing for the coming of the Lord in Person, we are now well past the middle of Advent: this third Sunday is called Gaudete Sunday—Gaudete means ‘rejoice!’ It is St Paul’s exhortation as the Entrance Antiphon: “Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I say, rejoice! The Lord is near.” Today, instead of the penitential colour of violet, we have rose to signify the joy that is about to bloom.

We are all seeking happiness – every person desires happiness; and, sadly, many seek it in the wrong places, and only make themselves more miserable. It is a fact that sin makes us miserable.

Where is true happiness?

Firstly, in knowing you are made by God and loved by God. We should all say to ourselves and mean it, and think about it: “God loves me.”

Happiness comes from the peace of a good conscience, a conscience that is at peace, knowing your sins are forgiven. Release from guilt is a necessity for peace and joy. Guilt is a burden which never goes away without repentance & Confession. If we don’t remove it by these means given by God, we seek to escape it by unhealthy means. If you have not been to Confession for a long time, do not wait till after Christmas. Now is the hour of salvation. We have Confession here before every Mass, every day; and after Mass if you ask me or ask one of the servers to tell me. If you are unsure if something is a sin or not, you can ask in Confession.

Happiness comes from gratitude – being thankful; not from being greedy & grasping, always wanting more. If you are thankful for every small thing, you will indeed be a happy person. It is a good habit to say Grace before meals. – If you are eating a meal or snack alone, you can say your grace in your own words: “Dear God, thank you for this lovely food. I beg You, O God, to feed the hungry, as You have been so good as to feed me.”

In the early 1900’s in England, there was a writer and journalist and artist, G.K. Chesterton, who became a Catholic in 1922. He was a brilliant man, who had been reared as an Anglican, struggled with faith for a time, and went through a very dark and depressing period, but came out of it by the grace of God. He said that what led him to God was his desire to give thanks. He wanted to thank the One who was giving him life and all these other marvellous gifts within it. Chesterton was one of the funniest and happiest people alive. He made people appreciate the miracle of existence, of life, of every little thing that is a marvel.

We are entitled to enjoy our possessions – but we should aim to have enough, not to have more & more. God wants us to enjoy our food and drink and so on – the good things of this life – but in moderation, not selfish indulgence. God has created this world in such a way to show that our lasting and real happiness is not in these things. So, if you eat too much or drink too much, you enjoy it at the time, but then feel sick later.

Genuine joys and spiritual joys have no bad side-effects. Spiritual joys are more lasting, are deeper, are more satisfying to the soul. If you feel sad regularly, then pray to God: “God, make me happy. Make me grateful for all your gifts, and glad to be alive. Help me to use my time well, to contribute to making others happy too.” We should approach Mass and church and the Lord Himself with willingness and joy—and if we are lacking in joy, then it is a good prayer to make: “Lord, grant me holy joy.”

When St Ignatius of Loyola was still living a worldly life as a soldier, he was struck by a cannon-ball, and with his broken leg, was laid up for months to recover, and God used this enforced rest to teach and guide him unawares:

“Ignatius was passionately fond of reading worldly books of fiction and knight’s tales. When he felt he was getting better, he asked for some of these books to pass the time. But no book of that sort could be found in the house; instead they gave him a life of Christ and a collection of the lives of saints.

By constantly reading these books he began to be attracted to what he found narrated there. Sometimes in the midst of his reading he would reflect on what he had read. Yet at other times he would dwell on many of the things which he had been accustomed to dwell on previously. But at this point our Lord came to his assistance, insuring that these thoughts were followed by others which arose from his current reading.

While reading the life of Christ our Lord or the lives of the saints, he would reflect and reason with himself: “What if I were to do what Saint Francis or Saint Dominic did?” In this way he let his mind dwell on many thoughts; they lasted a while until other things took their place. Then those vain and worldly images would come into his mind and remain a long time. This sequence of thoughts persisted with him for a long time.

But there was a difference. When Ignatius reflected on worldly thoughts, he felt intense pleasure; but when he gave them up out of weariness, he felt dry and depressed. Yet when he thought of living the rigorous sort of life he knew the saints had lived, he not only experienced pleasure when he actually thought about it, but even after he dismissed these thoughts, he still experienced great joy. … one day, in a moment of insight, he began to marvel at the difference. Then he understood his experience: [worldly] thoughts of one kind left him sad, the others [spiritual] full of joy.” [from St Ignatius’ autobiography dictated to Fr Polanco]

Advent is a season of joyful expectation.

We can pray: “O Blessed Virgin Mary, our Mother, pray for us that we may confess Jesus Christ, true God and true Man, as Our Lord and Saviour, our Friend and Brother, as our Rescuer and our Beloved, the Source of our joy, and the goal of all our hopes and desires!”

[brandonleepenny]

Safely Home

“Safely Home” In 1969, Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed a model that suggests there are five stages of grief. The theory holds that the stages are a part of the framework that help one learn to live without what they’ve lost. They were never meant to be complete or chronological, nor applied to all persons; the way a person moves through the stages is as unique as they are.

This is my telling of the day my dad died and the grieving process through the eyes of my brother, sister, mother, uncle, and myself. In private interviews I and asked them to describe their innermost thoughts and feelings throughout the aftermath of the death of Norman Penny; their father, husband, brother and most importantly, friend.

As organically as possible, I have constructed a story by piecing together a snippet from each interview to correlate with specific stages of the grieving process.

I'm afraid, however, I will not tell you everything. Time has a way of erasing the details and smoothing over the rough edges.  I assure you, you will know what you desire to know. You will be fed. I will be as honest and as accurate as I can be. I will tell you what I know to be true.

Although I am aware that putting two and two together is not a difficult task, some (if I felt it necessary) identifying details have been purposefully omitted (changing them is weird) to hopefully protect the privacy (and feelings?) of individuals and places involved. You’re welcome and I’m sorry.

The date was June 17th, 2006. A sunny Saturday exactly ten years ago today.

The local Rotary chapter of Burlington, CO was holding their annual pancake breakfast just after sunrise. My dad helped serve and brought along my little sister. She recalls, “As we were leaving, dad made sure I waved to his friends. He was always so nice to people. Dad would ask (quietly) what someone’s name was so he could be more personable and address them properly.”

I was up early for a swim meet and obviously hadn’t taken a razor to my face for a few days, so my dad (always clean shaven) suggested I do so. Oddly enough, I don’t even think I argued. Soon after, I headed next door to catch a ride with the Amundson family to the swim meet in Wray, CO.

After my events, I realized I had a missed phone call from home along with a voicemail. My dad had called to make sure I had gotten there safely, to see how I had done, and even asked if I needed a ride home (even though he knew I had gone with my neighbors). Soon enough, the meet had finally come to a close. I was hot, sunburned, and reeked of chlorine. Since we had been sitting in the van all day to avoid the sun, the car battery had died. Luckily, there was still a volunteer around cleaning up that had jumper cables.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted. However, seeing as it was still such a nice day out, I managed to find the energy to go on my own little adventure. I grabbed a bicycle from the back garage and was on my way leaving my shoes and Motorola TracFone behind. Just me and my curiosity.

I rode a few streets over and happened upon a familiar face. She was the ex-wife of my uncle Gary, my dad’s brother who he was was currently on a bike ride with. I stopped to say hello and compliment her recent yardwork. During our conversation, the all-too-familiar ambulance sirens went off. Of course, neither of us thought anything of it. You never do. Our chat quickly came to an end and I rode straight home, stopping for nothing. It was as if I was subconsciously destined to go home immediately.

I parked the bike back where I had found it and stepped through the back French doors into our dining room. The television was on, but nobody was home. Soon, Kathy Amundson, who had driven me to the swim meet earlier that morning, came over with a look of distress and confusion on her face. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Your father has been in a bicycle accident,” she stated. She offered to drive me to the hospital. I remember the exact dip in the road we plunged through as she assured me that everything would be okay. I wanted to believe her. In fact, I did. How could something possibly so tragic happen so quickly and unexpectedly? Especially to me.

Stage One: Denial Gary Penny-brother to the late Norman Penny, present at time of death “I remember while riding turning and saying, “That’s enough Norman.” He was pushing too hard. Exercised like a 25-year-old. Norm had taken a stress test weeks before that promised to be 70% accurate. We have a family history of heart problems. After he fell off his bike, I held Norm’s head in my lap and thought time had slowed down. It seemed to be taking forever for help to arrive.”

As we pulled into the parking lot of the Kit Carson Memorial Hospital, I jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs to the double doors. I remember frantically searching for the waiting room. When I found it, my brother, mom, and Grandma Dorothy (my dad’s mother) were sitting with their heads down. The tears immediately followed. I still didn’t have any idea what had happened. I later learned that my mom and brother had been at home upon receiving a phone call from Gary saying they needed to get to the hospital. Norman had been in an accident and they were having a hard time getting his heart started. They immediately drove to the hospital while holding hands reassuring themselves that it was going to be okay. When they arrived, they were told to wait in the waiting room as the doctors continued their efforts to revive my dad. My sister showed up shortly after. She had been watching a softball game across town.

The doctor came out of the operating room where they had been trying to start my dad’s heart, knelt down, and grabbed my mom’s hands. Through deeply saddened eyes, he spoke clearly, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing else we can do...we’ve done everything we can.” Truth is, he was gone before he hit the ground. My family and I sought comfort in knowing he didn’t suffer.

A few steps away, tucked into a corner room was my father. As we walked in, I noticed many things. The shirt my dad had been wearing was cut down the middle in order to make operating easier, his glasses were scratched from the pavement, all of the machines were just being shut down, and a few of the medics were slowly making their way out as to leave us alone.

He looked so peaceful, so humble. It hurt to see my grandma. My mom recalls her stroking his hair. She had outlived her husband and just like that, her firstborn. You’re not supposed to outlive your children. I remember looking into his beautiful blue eyes, one of the many obvious things I had gotten from him. His hair was silver and his skin pale. We were reassured we’d be able to see him again, and left.

Time of death: 6:20p. Age: 54. Cause: Cardiorespiratory Arrest.

Stage Two: Anger Christopher Penny [17]-Noman’s oldest son “I wish he was around. I do. I wish he was there to guide me through life. To help deal with things I had to do on my own, though mom was here. I graduated college [at Colorado University] without dad. I imagine there would have been less...turbulence in life. It’s kind of like an anchor that’s gone, I guess.”

The drive home in my dad’s pick-up was the worst. When my mom and brother had left the house for the hospital, my mom had been baking peanut butter cookies and left the oven on. A thoughtful neighbor noticed and thankfully turned the oven off.

As you can imagine, we cried. Immediately countless people shoved their way into our home to show their support and sorrow. I didn’t mind the company, but it was almost an overwhelming feeling to see just how much people really did care. I remember, the preacher’s wife picked up a photo of him from a bookshelf and said to me, “No, it’s wrong. He wasn’t supposed to go.”

That night, my mom, brother, sister, and I cried ourselves to sleep in my mom’s bed. I can still remember how painful my face felt as I sobbed myself into unconsciousness. We would wake up the next day, Sunday, June 18th, 2006: Father’s Day. We were together, but very much alone.

Stage Three: Bargaining Susanne Penny-Norman’s wife, three days short of their 20th wedding anniversary

“I would give anything to...I think about this a lot...have had him at home four more years. All that you kids accomplished in high school that Grandma Dorothy and I were so proud of. Your Eagle Scout, Christopher’s State Wrestling Championship, Danielle’s graduation from middle school. Just to get you three through high school. You were so young to not have a dad. I’m 58 and both of my parents are still alive. A local confided in me after Norm’s passing. He confessed that he drank like a fish, smoked like a haystack, and took multiple medications every night and here Norm was, healthy as can be. Icon of healthiness. An upstanding citizen in community. I would give any amount of money in a heartbeat to have had Norm for four more years.”

The morning of the funeral my mom told us kids to write a note that we would place in a compartment located in the casket. Sewn onto the upper lining of the top half was the phrase, “May the work I’ve done speak for me”. Such a simple task felt immensely overwhelming. There was so much left unsaid. So many questions unanswered. I finally decided to just tell him that I loved and missed him very much and that anything else I was thinking and wanting to tell him, he already knew because those are just the kind of powers he had now.

The funeral was phenomenal. It was a gorgeous day. Over 800 people packed the United Methodist Church in Burlington, CO on 13th street. So full, in fact, that there were chairs and televisions set up in the basement and educational building streaming the service. You were lucky to be standing.

Stage Four: Depression Danielle Penny [13]-Norman’s youngest daughter

“What makes me sad a lot is the void that is now here. If dad were here, our lives would be different. Relationships would be different. Mom would be different because she'd have him. I tried being more of a strong person than a sorrowful person. Suffering and living a sorrowful life wasn't pushed at the time. It was more living through and being strong. Family helped us through that time and didn’t allow much room for sorrow. When you're 13...the mindset of a 13 year old...well, if it were to happen to me now, it would have been different. I’m a totally different person now than I was at 13.”

The service was difficult, but comforting. The preacher knew my father well which was reassuring. Ironically enough, the first funeral he performed when he moved to our town was for Gene Penny (my grandfather) and the last was my dad. We closed the ceremony with one of my dad’s favorite hymns, “On Eagle’s Wings”. I remember being angry that the wrong page number was announced, but it seemed everyone knew the words by heart.

I wore a pinstriped suit that had belonged to my dad. It was the same suit my dad had seen me wear to my first prom, a few weeks prior, freshman year. (The Burlington Class of 2009 would experience the loss of a parent each year of high school. I was the second.) If I remember correctly, it was also the suit he wore in his and my mom’s engagement photo. I chose the outfit specifically because I distinctly remember him telling me that I looked sharp and knew he’d approve.

We were the first to leave the church and were transported to Fairview Cemetery a few blocks away. Policemen escorted the hearse and firefighters closed streets and directed traffic. That’s something you don’t see every day. I get the shivers when I think of just how much the people in my community respected my father.

Stage Five: Acceptance Brandon Penny [15]-Norman’s second child

As I was researching material for this piece, I dug up my dad’s Creative Writing journal from his senior year of high school in 1970. Written in perfect cursive: "When it comes time to die, whether it be natural or otherwise, one should feel good to know that he has lived life to the best of his ability without feeling any shame."

During my interviews, I realized that everyone had different (or no) thoughts on stages 1-4, but everyone unknowingly agreed on the final stage: acceptance. You can’t change things. You can’t bring people back. You can’t be sad forever about what you don’t have anymore. Time doesn’t stop. There’s nothing you can do about it and that’s okay. Life goes on and doesn’t wait for you. You can’t lay in bed. You have to get up and get dressed. You’ve got kids to raise, you’ve got work to do. You must be grateful for what you have.

Throughout the years, I feel like acceptance just kind of came. It happened on its own. It would have been more difficult to accept had I fought the truth, the reality. Grandma Dorothy became our rock. She stepped into dad’s shoes in supporting us. Our immediate and extended family grew closer.

He lives on in us. I once had someone tell me that they wish they could have met my dad. I smiled and said,

“You already have.”

[beedujourblog]

A visit to Chateau de Versailles or Palace of Versailles is a must when visiting France. It is a 30 minute train ride away from Paris and lies on the outskirts of the neighbourhood of Versailles. The palace is a treasure trove that houses the very finest and best of French history, art, architecture and style upon every inch and mile. Prepare to be inspired.

What is the Chateau de Versailles

The Chateau de Versailles was assigned and built as the retirement home of the infamous Roi du Soleil or Sun King Louis XIV of France. King Louis XIV was  known for his extravagance had made France one of the most fashionable, prosperous and on trend nations in all of Europe. Concepts for fashion, landscaping, architecture and culture were refined and presented through the monarchy, and the Palace of Versailles was to be the ultimate icon of it all.

No longer wanting to hold residence in the Louvre Palace, Louis XIV decided to rebuild and extend this once humble hunting lodge of his father’s in the small village of Versailles. The lodge was located near a forest, once abundant with game and natural life. Louis XIV decided to remake it into a grand palace along with one of the largest and most magnificent gardens in Europe. New urban planning was implemented to turn Versailles into a town. The whole village was destroyed to make it what it is today.

  King Louis XIV  moved his entire court and government into Versailles. The decor shows off the decadent Baroque style, the opulent and excessive design characterised during the 17th and 18th centuries. It shows the nation’s prosperous economic times and wealth obtained by the monarchy during this time.

When to go

Well, I’d obviously suggest off peak season, however not everyone has that benefit. Ideally, I suggest you go very early and if you are going during peak tourist season, get your tickets online. Those queues are mental.

I highly recommend Spring, Summer and Autumn as you can enjoy the beautiful garden and surrounding nature. The palace is closed on Mondays. Even though you cannot enter the building, the gardens are open and empty. Amazing for photo opportunities.

As I lived in Paris, I was fortunate to visit Versailles twice. This first time I went on a Monday when the palace was closed, but my friend and I got to explore the beautiful gardens. No crowds, peaceful and just a nice day to spend outdoors in early summer. The second time I went was on a first Sunday, when entrance is free. It was packed, but I wanted to explore the actual palace this time.

A Look into the Home of the Sun King

Everything from the gates, the roof, interiors and even the Kings bed are inlaid with gold. It’s n’importe quoi. For me, it was a visual overload and I was overwhelmed with so much beautiful design. There are so much details to take in.

The entrance is led by beautiful monochrome inlaid marble. To the right lies the King’s private chapel.

The main area on the second floor leads directly to the infamous Hall of Mirrors. What makes this hall so famous was that the glass was cut to a new size to fill the entire hall. The hall leads down to the King’s throne where he would receive guests and hold events.

Life in the court of the Sun King Louis XIV in the early 17th century was not all glamour. In fact, life for the royalty was made entirely for public display. King Louis XIV, referred to himself as the Sun King as he felt the entire world revolved around him. The belief was that kings were ordained by God, and Louis XIV made sure everyone knew it.

Les Salons de Versailles

There are hundreds of rooms, as the palace housed thousands of people who made up the King’s excessive court. I found each room filled with its own unique character and décor.

Court Life at Versailles

The bedrooms of the King and Queen are filled with rich patterns and inlaid gold. King Louis XIV’s had his bed facing the East, so that he would always face the rising sun. His entire bed was made in gold, including the drapery and bedding. The fabrics were inlaid with gold thread, making it extremely heavy. The bedroom and decor were designed by the King himself. It is also the bed in which he died after a reign of 72 years.

The King’s bedroom

The Queen’s Bedroom

 Every morning the highest ranking members of his court would assemble in the King and Queens chambers to behold the waking up ceremony. The king and queen had to undress, get washed and even relief themselves before the audience. Their first confessions for the day had to be recorded by the priests.

King Louis XIV held plenty of social events at Versailles. Dress and appearance was everything for those who graced these halls.

The Palace of Versailles was also once known as the Palace of Perfumes as the king had ordered perfume to be dispersed throughout the palace daily. Why? Well in the 17th century, there was no plumbing. There were also no hygiene standards and most people didn’t consider washing a necessity. In fact Louis XIV, had a hidden potty seat underneath his throne. He would actually sit on it and relieve himself even in front of guests. He considered in an honour for anyone to even witness it. It is from here that the joke ‘sitting on the throne’ originated.

Les Jardins de Versailles

The gardens are breath-taking to say the least. Please visit the Gardens from late Spring until early Autumn. Its true beauty shines when it is in bloom. I felt these glamorous gardens hold so many stories and secrets of the once thriving court. These gardens were made for leisure for the royal court, take advantage of its true purpose!

In summer the Palace holds outdoor fireworks evenings that are accompanied by an orchestra.

Here are the gardens in early summer:

The Versailles gardens in the Autumn:

Le Trianon

The Trianon is a smaller residence built to the North-West of the main palace. It is still a part of the palace grounds and was built as a private retreat for the King. Louis XIV lived in grandeur, like no other French king before or after him. The Grand Trianon was also a place for him to relax during the summer to hold private parties. I didn’t get to explore this palace sadly. There just wasn’t enough time.

Le Petit Trianon

Within the Grand Trianon’s gardens lies the picturesque Petit Trianon. It contains a small chateaux along with gardens, rooms and lake. This chateau was originally built for the infamous Madame Pompidou or Madame du Barry. She was the mistress of Louis XV, the successor of the Sun King. It eventually became the home of the famous Queen Marie Antoinette. It was designed for inhabitants to have as little interaction with the servants. The whole building was designed for privacy.

A portrait of Marie Antoinette by the artist Elisabeth Vigee le Brun and her herb garden in the courtyard of the Petit Trianon.

The surrounding gardens were later updated by Queen Marie Antoinette who added the Temple of Love or Le Temple d’Amour and the Belvedere overlooking the chateau’s lake.

Further on, you can walk about the Queen Marie Antoinette’s Hamlet, which she ordered to be built to remind her of her home. Marie Antoinette went on to have this little hamlet built for her own pleasure and costs over a million Francs. She insisted on this little pleasure regardless of being aware that the people of France were starving and that its economy was bleeding over the wars in America.

Tips for enjoying Versailles

Visiting Versailles will be a day-long outing. Regardless of the season, it will be exhausting and busy. Here are some tips to get the best of the experience:

Wear comfortable shoes. Also, try and avoid black or dark coloured shoes, as the lime stone gravel that makes up the paths will stain them.

I highly recommend getting the electronic tour guide to help give you context of the rooms and art works inside. It works really well and knows exactly which room and work you are looking at.

Pack a light lunch. After viewing the main palace you can enjoy a small picnic on the pristine lawns and rest your feet. Goods are ridiculously overpriced.

Enjoy the gardens. From the golden and bronze fountain sculptures to the maze of carefully sculpted trees, the gardens of Versailles actually offer amazing photo opportunities in themselves.

First Sundays are free at Versailles. I went on a free Sunday, but the lines are long and extra full as you would expect.

The Palace is closed on Mondays, however, the gardens are open.

Pre-book your ticket online. This will save you a lot of time and you can skip the lines.

A bientot

Bee

PIN IT!

Chateau de Versailles #versailles #travelblogger #visitfrance #france #travelphotography A visit to Chateau de Versailles or Palace of Versailles is a must when visiting France. It is a 30 minute train ride away from Paris and lies on the outskirts of the neighbourhood of Versailles.

[iprayunceasingly-blog]

Treat inmates with compassion, Pope Francis urges prison staff

New Post has been published on https://pray-unceasingly.com/catholic-living/catholic-news/treat-inmates-with-compassion-pope-francis-urges-prison-staff-2/

Treat inmates with compassion, Pope Francis urges prison staff

Rome, Italy, Feb 7, 2019 / 09:24 am (CNA/EWTN News).- Often spaces of suffering, prisons should be places of hope and the possibility of redemption, Pope Francis told prison personnel Thursday, urging them to have compassion on the ‘wounds’ of their imprisoned brothers and sisters.

Everyone who works in a prison, in whatever capacity, is called “to help those who have unfortunately fallen into the trap of evil, to rise again and to grow in hope,” he said Feb. 7, adding that it is possible for prisons, with the right cooperation, to become places of redemption.

“All this is possible through paths of faith, work and professional formation, but above all of spiritual closeness and compassion, following the example of the good Samaritan, who has stooped to look after his wounded brother.”

“This attitude of closeness, which finds its root in the love of Christ, can foster in many prisoners the trust, the awareness, and the certainty of being loved,” he stated.

Pope Francis spoke during an audience with around 600 personnel from one of Rome’s most well-known prisons, the Regina Coeli. Among the group were custodians, administrators, doctors, educators, chaplains, and volunteers, with their families.

During the encounter, the pope said that prisons need to be humanized, disallowing offenses against human dignity, and referred to the fact that many prisoners come from poor social classes and family lives, are marginalized, and without the means to defend their rights. Society looks on inmates as “uncomfortable,” “a waste, a burden,” he said.

“I have much closeness with prisoners and the people that work in prisons,” he said. “[I give] my affection and my prayer, so that you can contribute with your work to making the prison, a place of pain and suffering, also a workshop of humanity and hope.”

He also urged the prison workers to be renewed in their strength, perseverance, and personal commitment to the work, which can involve significant stress and psychological strain. Remember, he said, to not only provide order and security to the institution, but “to bind the wounds of men and women whom you encounter daily.”

The pope emphasized that “it takes prayer every day for the Lord to give you good sense: common sense in the different situations in which you find yourself.”

Speaking frankly, Francis revealed that in Buenos Aires he would often visit people in prison, and that he has continued that tradition in Rome, making a phone call every two weeks on Sundays to a group of prisoners whom he also visits.

“I always had a feeling when I entered the prison: Why them and not me?” he said, adding that it has done him a lot of good to consider this idea.

“I could have been there, but no, the Lord has given me a grace that my sins and my failings have been forgiven and unseen… But that question helps a lot: why them and not me?”

Pope Francis has made a number of notable visits to prisons since the start of his papacy. Most recently he visited a youth prison in Panama during the celebration of World Youth Day, hearing the confession of several young detainees.

Since 2013, the pope has celebrated Holy Thursday Mass at a prison four times. In 2018, he said Mass at the Regina Coeli prison, washing the feet of 12 inmates.

Originally the site of a 17th-century convent, from which it gets its name, the Regina Coeli prison was constructed in 1881 by the Italian government after the country’s unification. A women’s prison, called the Mantellate, was later built nearby, also on the site of a former convent.

The prison has been visited by popes on three former occasions: by St. John XXIII in 1958, by St. Paul VI in 1964, and by St. John Paul II in 2000.

Like most prisons throughout Italy, the Regina Coeli has had problems with overcrowding and inmate suicides in recent years.

During the Church’s Jubilee Year of Mercy in 2016, Pope Francis held a special Mass for prisoners and prison staff in St. Peter’s Basilica. It was attended by about 1,000 prisoners from 12 countries.

“Paying for the wrong we have done is one thing, but another thing entirely is the breath of hope, which cannot be stifled by anyone or anything,” he preached.

  CNA Daily News – Europe

[devinsena]

Texas Governor To Teen Whose Dying Wish Is To Abolish Abortion: 'Your Wish Has Been Granted'

A recent Make-A-Wish recipient used his final wish to discuss a life-and-death situation with Texas Governor Greg Abbott.

Sixteen-year-old Jeremiah Thomas who was diagnosed with osteoblastic osteosarcoma, a radiation-resistant bone cancer, last March was recently advised he was eligible to be granted a wish. Many Make-A-Wish recipients choose to go extraordinary places or meet celebrities, but after Thomas heard he could make a legacy wish — something he could be remembered by — he decided to request a telephone consult with Governor Greg Abbott about outlawing abortion in Texas.

Last Sunday, June 17th, Thomas’ wish was granted as Governor Abbott called him at McLane Children’s Hospital.

Upon receiving the phone call, Thomas thanked the Governor for taking the time out of his schedule to talk to him. “I know, well, I can only imagine — the Government how busy it is and how often you can talk with your citizens,” he said.

Thomas was an all-star athlete and active in pro-life outreach before he became sick. His pro-life roots run deep and his father, Rusty, who has been chronicling his son’s battle on Facebook, is even the National Director for the pro-life organization Operation Save America.

Thomas told Governor Abbott before he was diagnosed he used to go out and minister at his local abortion clinic with his siblings and mother. His mother would film them as he preached, his sister worshiped and played guitar, his other sister stopped the women coming into the abortion clinic to just talk to them and give them counsel, and his brother either held signs or spoke with the women.

“We just did a lot of street ministry,” Thomas explained. He also said, “every Wednesday it was kind of our thing” because the abortion clinic was open and “did most of the killing. Just the thought of 20 babies being murdered right under our noses was enough to make us sick and angry. So for my wish I wanted to talk with you and discuss a bill of [abortion] abolition.”

Pointing to a recent poll showing 68% of Texans want abortion abolished, Thomas told Governor Abbott if he were to consider such a bill he’d be “representing the demand of Texans.”

“In conclusion, we just want you to treat abortion like an act of murder and punished by law and for my wish I just wanted to say that to you and I know that you’re a Christian and you’re pro-life and I know it must be difficult standing against a whole federal beast that kind of forces abortion upon us but I think we could end abortion here and now because that would at least for me make my wish complete before I pass,” Thomas explained.

In response, Governor Abbott, who can be heard via speaker phone in the video, tells Thomas Texas just held the state Republican Convention where the party creates a platform of policy positions and abortion is on the list.

“So your wish is on the Republican party platform and is what we’re going to be pursuing this next legislative session, and that is to outlaw abortion altogether in the state of Texas so your wish is granted,” Governor Abbott informed him.

Thomas absolutely lit up at the news and happily praised God, saying, “amen.”

His phone call with Governor Abbott is just one of the many ways Thomas is helping the pro-life movement. Although Thomas is now paralyzed from the waist down with multiple inoperable tumors and cancer spots which have left him in constant pain and facing a ten percent chance of survival, he has not let it get him down. In fact, Thomas, who gave his life to the Lord a year ago at an event hosted by Operation Save America, says he can still preach from his wheelchair.

“What was truly amazing was the ministry opportunity that was given to me when I got sick. As soon as I got sick, my testimony blew up [in size]. Constantly people were texting me, encouraging me, giving me their testimony and their blessings and prayer,” he said.

Today Jeremiah released a letter to his generation,

There are many ways to be brave in this world.

Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself or for someone else.

Sometimes bravery involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, or everything you’ve ever wanted, for the sake of something greater.

But sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes bravery is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain. It is bearing down through the hard work of every day life. The slow walk towards a better life.

And sometimes it’s letting go.

Hey guys, my name is Jeremiah Thomas. I was raised on the front lines of the ongoing battle for the soul of our nation called abortion. It is a hidden holocaust that has wiped out one third of our generation. I’m from a family of 12 siblings, a stay-at-home mom, and a fiery preacher for a dad. I remember growing up watching my father fearlessly preach and plead with women going into death camps. As a result, I always wanted to grow up to be a preacher.

One thing you should know about my family. We are really big on sports. Both the boys and girls. The football and volleyball seasons are huge for us. I am the youngest of the guys in the family. So naturally growing up meant I got destroyed playing backyard football.

I learned a lot from my older brothers. I watched them all practice. I watched them all play. I watched them all win State. I wanted to be THAT good.

My brothers played for a private Christian school that allowed homeschoolers to participate. For two years, I woke up early and drove with them to practice so I could be the team’s water boy. The school’s athletic policy changed right before I got my chance to play. Only enrolled students were allowed on the team. So, in the fifth grade, my parents enrolled me because they had promised me the opportunity to play football and my Dad never goes back on his word.

After some years of flag football practice, my turn to play tackle football finally came in the seventh grade. We went 9-1 ending my junior high career on a good note. My parents pulled me out immediately after my last game and brought me back to homeschooling. I skipped 8th grade and went straight into my freshman year. I played with a different Christian school, the Parkview Pacers. I played with them my freshman and sophomore year, winning state my sophomore year. This meant that all the Thomas’ boys had won State. I received awards and got selected both years to play in the “All Star Game.” I don’t say this to brag but to share what my life was before cancer.

Growing up, I always had one foot in Christ and one foot in the world. I attended church, did Bible study, and ministered with my family but when I was at school or hanging with friends you couldn’t tell that I knew Christ.

It wasn’t until the summer of 2017 in Louisville, Kentucky that I experienced revival. I was baptized along with forty-eight other kids (and some adults). I came home to Waco, Texas on fire for Christ.

I immediately ran to the roar of the battle and began to do ministry outside our local abortion clinic. With my Bible and a handheld microphone, I began sharing the Gospel on high school and college campuses.

Football came and went way too fast. It was a great season. We won State! Football season became basketball season. I continued to minister and play sports.

One night before Christmas, our family watched the Muppet Christmas Carol. I cried through the whole film. I thought I was feeling the Christmas spirit, but I soon realized it was the presence of God.

I was so moved, after the movie, I offered to do all the dishes for my siblings. My dad told me, it was our “Christmas miracle.” There were a lot of dishes and it was late. My tired sisters mumbled a “thank you” as they went off to their bedrooms. My parents and older brother went to bed too, leaving me alone to do dishes.

As I started washing the dishes, I regretted my decision. I decided to worship the Lord. I started to cry again, which then turned to weeping. Soon it was too much for me. I couldn’t do the dishes. I tried to run to my bedroom, so I could collapse on my bed. But I didn’t make it; I collapsed in my dad’s office.

For the next two hours I was pinned to the ground, shaking in the presence of God. At that point, deep intercession and travail filled me, leaving me undone. I knew God was demanding more of me. I began to hear a Voice. It was almost like it was speaking into me. I recognized the words the Voice was saying, when I knew that I shouldn’t. It spoke in a different language, saying the names of the Lord. It was the Lord! He was speaking to me! I woke up to see my brother, Valiant, and my dad sitting in chairs around me.

“What just happened?” I heard my Dad say.

After I recovered, Valiant and my other brother, Josiah, had about an hour-long worship session in our bedroom. The presence of the Lord was in the room. It was so thick, you could cut with a knife. But this time His presence was sweet and convicting, causing my brothers and me to weep and hug each other as we confessed our sins to one other.

Fast forward, basketball season was almost over. After a game, I came home with a small injury. A little bump on my ribs. Thinking it was your average rib injury, I wrapped it up and finished the basketball season. It was hurting a lot more by baseball season, but I had already started playing, so I kept my commitment.

I kept my ribs well wrapped and it didn’t give me too much of a problem. It wasn’t until I got home and tried to fall asleep that I would have major problems. I couldn’t sleep to save my life. My ribs hurt, and my back hurt as well. The back pain was excruciating. Sometimes I would pound the ground with my fist and cry out. My mom or dad would wake up and hold me as I grimaced in pain.

The first doctor said the pain was scoliosis in my back and a contusion on my ribs. But the pain only grew worse. We went back to the doctor’s office and they took a CT scan. The doctor said we would have to wait for the radiologist to read the scan. We went home expecting to come back sometime next week. As soon as we entered our house, the doctor’s office called us saying we needed to get back A.S.A.P.

My parents and I headed back with a bit of anxiety. The doctor received us back into his office and sat us down. The next few moments were a blur as my world was turned upside down and inside out. The only thing I could really understand was that I had a tumor in my front chest and it was malignant. I was dying.

My dream to play college football was DEAD. My dream to minister was DEAD. We were absolutely blindsided. I was the healthiest I had ever been. I was in my prime! I had so many plans and goals for the year. I couldn’t accept the news that I had a malignant tumor, not yet. Not now. Maybe a tumor at seventy years old; I could die at seventy. Not at sixteen.

I was in fulltime ministry mode at that time. I went out to my local abortion mill, Baylor college, and high schools. I would share the Gospel of the Kingdom with complete strangers to fulfill the Great Commission. I was pursuing the call that was on my life. I thought I could only serve God if I was healthy. I thought if I was hospitalized, I would lose all opportunity to minister to others. Little did I know that God was going to use my sickness to reach the lost and encourage brethren throughout the world.

After a few months of cancer and a bunch of different treatments, here I am. I’m lying down in bed, typing this letter. I have lost my hair, my ability to walk, fifty pounds of healthy muscle, the sensation in my legs and back, and my football career. But I haven’t lost my faith and hope in God. In fact, my faith in Him has been strengthened. I have grown so much closer to my Savior, knowing full well my life is in His hands. He has been with me every step of the way, guiding me and teaching me.

I’ve learned no matter what you get hit with in life, you sometimes have to lower your shoulder and keep trucking, just like in football. Trust God to keep your feet and sustain you. In less time than it takes to play a full football season, my life has been taken over by cancer. I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth, but with what time I do have, I want it to count for God and my generation. This is my call to my generation, “Leave it all behind and come back home!”

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19).

We have grown up in a culture of death, sexual confusion, immorality and fatherlessness. This culture of death I speak of consists of abortion, homosexuality and suicide. One third of our generation has been wiped out due to abortion. Over 25 million people have died as a result of AIDS. Even without AIDS, the life expectancy of a homosexual man or woman is about 33 years shorter than that of a heterosexual. More young people die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, combined.

We have been handed a bill of goods that has completely destroyed us. In our nation, we have chosen death and received the curse.

I would like to use a parable of the Prodigal Son to describe our generation. We have taken our Heavenly Father’s blessings and have turned from Him. We’ve squandered our godly heritage and we still haven’t turned back to the Father. How bad does it have to get in order for our generation to wake up and realize that we are a long way from home?

My call to you today is to come back to the Father. Leave behind the darkness, deception and despair. We are a fatherless and lawless generation searching for identity. Meanwhile, our heavenly Father is standing with arms wide open, beckoning to us to return to Him through the good news of the Gospel of the Kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

If you’re going through depression, there’s hope in Christ. If you’re battling disease, there’s healing in Christ. If you’re contemplating suicide or abortion, there’s abundant life in Christ.

Abortion is more than wrong. It’s an abomination. It’s the murder of an innocent baby. It turns mothers into murderers and men into cowards. Abortion goes against everything God intended. He made men to protect women and children. He made women to love and nurture.

So, in conclusion, abortion is more than just a “woman’s issue.” It’s an act of murder that should be penalized by law. It is our generation’s duty to rise up and abolish abortion.

It’s time to wake up and stand against the evil in our day. There’s a battle to fight and souls to save. Everybody else is joining in the confusion and chaos that is ruining our nation. They are literally killing themselves and others trying to prove that they are right. True rebellion is going against the flow of what everybody else is doing.

Finally, to the liberal student activists who think they are fighting “the establishment” on college campuses- you are the establishment! Your professors are liberal. Your parents are probably liberal. Your friends are liberal. The music you listen to is liberal. Hollywood is liberal so the movies you watch are liberal.

Who or what are you truly rebelling against?

To the college kids who complain that they can't trust our government- you’re doing everything in your power to make it bigger. The government is taking away our natural, God given rights. You’re making the problem worse. This is insanity.

If you want to be a rebel on college campuses fight for freedom! Stir the status quo, don’t go along with it. True examples of counter culture are the Christians who fight against abortion. They’re actually fighting to end the grave evil in our day.

Look at history. Over one hundred million people have been murdered under the ideologies of Democratic Socialism and Communism. When we forget our history, history will always repeat itself. That’s why one third of our generation has been wiped out by abortion. That's why our rights our slowly being ripped out of our Constitution. That’s why the establishment is evil.

It’s time for my generation to wake up. It is time leave our sin, unbelief, rebellion, and lust behind. Let’s make a journey of saving faith back to the Father’s House. It is there and there only that we will find light, love, and life through Jesus Christ our Lord!

It is my sincere prayer that you who read this will take my words to heart, change your mind, and be reconciled to the Lord through the merits of Jesus Christ. May God’s Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven in Jesus’ name!

Jeremiah Thomas June 24, 2018

Thomas is encouraging people to attend the Operation Save America “Lead Justice to Victory” event hosted July 14-21 in Indianapolis, Indiana to pray for an end to abortion, although he cannot attend.

“We’ll have an awesome group of youth there. If you’re truly looking for change, you’re sick of what you see of your generation and culture, and you want to see God move in mighty ways, come join us. Let’s end this holocaust in the mighty Name of Jesus,” Thomas declared.

As we pay close attention to the upcoming pro-life bills, one thing is for certain: Texas is forever grateful for and will never forget Thomas’ selfless wish.

The Human Defense Initiative team has reached out to the Thomas family and will be supporting them any way we possibly can.

To follow Jeremiah Thomas’ journey visit his Facebook page ‘Prayers for Jeremiah Thomas’ or his GoFundMe.

Click here to watch Jeremiah's conversation with Governor Abbott.

source http://humandefense.com/dying-teen-asks-texas-governor-to-abolish-abortion-with-last-wish/

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

17th March >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on:

Mark 16:15-20 for The Feast of Saint Patrick

   And on

John 5:17-30 for Wednesday, Fourth Week of Lent

Feast of Saint Patrick

Gospel

Mark 16:15-20

Go out to the whole world; proclaim the Good News

Jesus showed himself to the Eleven and said to them:    ‘Go out to the whole world; proclaim the Good News to all creation. He who believes and is baptised will be saved; he who does not believe will be condemned. These are the signs that will be associated with believers: in my name they will cast out devils; they will have the gift of tongues; they will pick up snakes in their hands, and be unharmed should they drink deadly poison; they will lay their hands on the sick, who will recover.’    And so the Lord Jesus, after he had spoken to them, was taken up into heaven: there at the right hand of God he took his place, while they, going out, preached everywhere, the Lord working with them and confirming the word by the signs that accompanied it.

Reflections (4)

(i) Feast of Saint Patrick

This time last year, we could not have imagined that we would still be in lockdown the following Saint Patrick’s Day. It has been a difficult year for so many people, especially for all whose loved ones have died because of the pandemic. The restrictions and lockdown twelve months ago came suddenly. So many events had to be cancelled at short notice, including here in the parish. I was looking at the Newsletter I had written for Sunday, 15th March, last year. It mentioned a number of events coming up in the following week, a Lenten talk on 18th March, the meeting of the Film Club on the 19th March, a meeting of Teen Hope on the 22nd March, a week of Guided Prayer in the parish beginning on 22nd March, a meeting of the Parish Pastoral Council on the 23rd March,. None of those events happened. It was as if our personal and communal landscape changed suddenly overnight.

As I was reading again the Confession of Saint Patrick, it occurred to me that he must have had a similar experience the day he was taken captive. It is evident from his two writings that have come down to us that Patrick came from a reasonably privileged background. His father was a town counsellor who had a comfortable house with many servants. Patrick says that he was born free, of noble rank. Then suddenly, his personal and communal landscape radically changed. At the age of sixteen, he was taken captive with others and brought to Ireland. As he says, he found himself among strangers. Gone were his comfortable home, his loving family, his freedom. He was now a slave, with no rights or protection. He was lost, without friend or future. It is hard to imagine the impact of such a traumatic experience on one so young. Yet, as he wrote his Confession in his old age, he recognizes the great gifts that came to him during this painful and lonely time of exile. Although his grandfather was a priest, and Patrick had been baptized, he acknowledges that as an adolescent he ‘did not know the true God’. He said he had turned away from God. However, in exile, while herding sheep in all kinds of weathers he had the most extra-ordinary spiritual awakening. Looking back, he speaks of the ‘great benefits and graces the Lord saw fit to confer on me in my captivity’. He speaks of the Lord’s ‘wonderful gifts, gifts for the present and for eternity, which the human mind cannot measure’. He goes on to say, ‘my faith increased and the spirit was stirred up so that in the course of a single day I could say as many as a hundred prayers, and almost as many in the night’.

Many years later, he finally broke free of his captivity and made his way home to his family. Having been profoundly touched by God in the years since he left his family, he was now sensitive to the presence and the call of God in his life. Some years after returning home, he heard the Lord’s call to return to the land of his former captivity to preach the gospel. He trained for the priesthood and arrived back in Ireland, this time as a free man, or, perhaps more accurately, as the Lord’s slave or servant. He speaks of himself now as a ‘stranger and exile for the love of God’. He writes of ‘the people to whom the love of God brought me’. His mission in Ireland was fraught with dangers and difficulties of all sorts, including at times opposition from leading members of the church in Britain who had authorized his mission to Ireland. Yet, his two writings are full of a strong sense of God’s protective and guiding presence in his life. He was very aware of all the Lord was doing through him, in spite of setbacks. He writes, ‘I am very much in debt to God, who gave me so much grace that through me people should be born again in God and afterwards confirmed’. He asks, ‘What return can I make to God for all his goodness to me? What can I say or what can I promise to my Lord since any ability I have comes from him?’ Writing towards the end of his life, Patrick could see the many ways the Lord had worked powerfully through his painful experience of exile as an adolescent. Because of that traumatic experience of loss, the gospel was brought to what Patrick calls ‘the most remote districts beyond which nobody lives and where nobody had ever come to baptize, to ordain clergy or to confirm the people’.

Patrick’s life teaches us to be attentive to the ways that the Lord may be surprisingly present in situations of great struggle that seem devoid of any value at the time. Whereas it is never the Lord’s desire that misfortune should befall us, when it does come our way, he is always there with us, working among for our good and the good of others. Perhaps our very vulnerability at such times can make us more attentive to what the Lord may want to say to us. Patrick’s experience of exile made him alert to the Lord’s call at different moments of his life. Our own experiences of exile and loss, whatever form they may take, can help to make us more alert to the Lord’s loving purpose for our lives.

And/Or

(ii) Feast of Saint Patrick

 The Confessions of Saint Patrick is one of two written works that have come down from him. They are very far removed from us in time, Patrick having written them towards the end of his mission in Ireland sometime in the mid to late fifth century. Yet, it is a very personal document, a personal statement of faith, and, it can continue to speak to us today, almost one thousand six hundred years later.

 He speaks in that document of his two periods of time in Ireland, the first during which he was a slave of a slave owner, and the second when he was a slave of the Lord, faithfully doing the Lord’s work as a bishop. Patrick’s father was a deacon of the church and his grandfather was a pries; they were reasonably well off. He said in his Confessions that at the time of his captivity by pirates at the age of sixteen he was ‘ignorant of the true God’’ and had abandoned God’s commandments. It was while he was in captivity in Ireland, in an alien land, that the Lord touched his heart. As a result, he came to see his time in captivity as a blessing. He uses a striking image to express his spiritual awakening during his time of exile, ‘I was like a stone lying in the deepest mire; and, then, he who is mighty came and, in his mercy, raised me up’. He spells out in some detail how this spiritual awakening transformed him, ‘I prayed frequently each day, and more and more the love of God and the fear of him grew in me, and my faith was increased and my spirit enlivened... come rain, hail or snow, I was up before dawn to pray... I now understand this: at that time the Spirit was fervent in me’. In his Confessions he is giving thanks to God for this reawakening of faith that occurred in him. He declares, ‘I must not hide that gift of God which he gave me bountifully in the land of my captivity, for it was then that I fiercely sought him and there found him’. The God to whom Patrick had been so indifferent in the comfort of his own home, he became passionate about when he was torn away from all he knew and loved. Perhaps this experience of Patrick might resonate with us. It can be the darker experiences of life that open us up to the Lord more fully. When what we treasure is taken from us we can become more sensitive to the Lord’s presence in our lives.

 After six years in captivity he ran away from his master and after a journey of two hundred miles he boarded a ship which sailed to Gaul. He finally made his way back to his family in Britain. He writes that his parents ‘welcomed me home as a son. They begged me in good faith after all my adversities to go nowhere else, nor ever leave them again’. Patrick must have presumed that he was home among his own for good. Yet, he then had this powerful spiritual experience which sent him back to the very people who had taken him captive. He had a vision in which a man called Victorinus came to him with innumerable letters and as he read one Patrick said that he thought the heard the voice of those who live around the wood of Foclut which is close to the Western Sea shouting with one voice, ‘O holy boy, we beg you to come again and walk among us’. He was ordained priest and then appointed bishop and travelled back to Ireland to begin his mission. Looking back over his mission towards the end of his life, he was very aware that his second coming to Ireland was no more his own decision that his first coming. He says at the end of his Confessions, ‘It is not I but Christ the Lord who has ordered me to come here and be with these people for the rest of my life’. He had a very successful mission in Ireland but, clearly, it cost him a great deal. He writes that ‘not a day passes but I expect to be killed or waylaid or taken into slavery or assaulted in some other way’. Patrick’s sense of being called to this work, even though he knew in advance it would cost him so much, is very striking. He encourages us all to be open to the Lord’s call in our own lives. ‘What is the Lord asking of me?’ is a question worth pondering. Sometimes, as in the case of Patrick, he may be asking us to do something that, from a merely human point of view, doesn’t make a lot of sense. To become aware of what the Lord may be asking of us, we need to give ourselves time and space so as to listen to him.

And/Or

(iii) Feast of Saint Patrick

We are very fortunate that the story of Patrick has been preserved in two short Latin letters which he himself wrote in his old age, a letter to the soldiers of Coroticus, the leader of a tribe in Wales, and his own Confessions. In these invaluable documents, Patrick describes himself as a Briton of the Roman nobility who was kidnapped from his family villa by pirates and taken to Ireland when he was about sixteen. His grandfather had been a priest and his father a deacon, so Patrick was raised in a Christian home. However by the time of his capture at the age of sixteen, he had lost his childhood faith and had become an unbeliever. He writes, ‘I was only a young man, almost a speechless boy, when I was captured, before I knew what I ought to seek out or avoid’.

 Nevertheless, several years of brutal slavery in Ireland turned him into a fervent believer. During that traumatic period of exile and slavery he had a spiritual awakening. His time of exile was a spiritual watershed in his life. Looking back on his life before this conversion moment, he says that he was ‘like a stone stuck deep in the mud’. Continuing with that image, he speaks of his spiritual awakening as a time when the Lord ‘in his mercy lifted me up and raised me on high, placing me on top of a wall’. In this Jubilee Year of Mercy, it is interesting that Patrick speaks of this turning point in his life as an experience of the Lord’s mercy. He had a strong sense that it was the Lord rather he himself who brought out this change in him. He writes, ‘I must not conceal the gift of God that he has given me in the land of my captivity’. He found in himself a great need to pray, ‘In a single day I would pray a hundred times and the same at night, even when I was in the woods on the mountain’.

 This spiritual awakening had enormous consequences not just for Patrick but for so many others in the land of his captivity. After several years of brutal slavery in Ireland, he heard the voice of God telling him to flee back to Britain. Against all the odds, he managed to escape to Britain and eventually made his way back to his family. However, after some time he heard the voice of God again calling him to return to the land of his captivity to proclaim the gospel to the very people who had enslaved him. He did not set out on this mission immediately but trained for the priesthood, possibly in Auxerre in Gaul. He was quickly appointed bishop and sent on his mission to Ireland. The sense we get from his writings is that he gave himself wholeheartedly to sharing the gift of faith he had rediscovered with those who had never heard of Christ. He writes in his Confessions, ‘I spent myself for you all... I travelled among you everywhere risking many dangers for your sake even to the farthest places beyond which no one lived. No one had ever gone that far to baptize or ordain clergy or serve the people’.

 I always try to reread the two writings of Patrick that have come down to us as we approach his feast day. Every year something new in them strikes. The gospel reading for the feast of Saint Patrick this particular year made me more sensitive to one feature in particular of Patrick’s writings. In the gospel reading Peter has an overwhelming sense of his own unworthiness, ‘Depart from me, Lord; I am a sinful man’. Simon Peter seems to have had a realistic sense of his own past and present failings. Yet, this did not deter the Lord from calling him, ‘Do not be afraid; from now on it is people you will catch’. Patrick also had a very strong sense of his own limitations and of his failings. He begins his letter to the soldiers of Coroticus with the sentence, ‘I am Patrick, a sinner and a very ignorant man’. He begins his Confessions in a similar way, ‘I am Patrick, a sinner and a very unsophisticated man. I am the least of all the faithful, and to many the most despised’. At one point in his Confessions he shares an experience of temptation, using a striking image: ‘While I was sleeping that very night, Satan greatly tempted me. I will remember the experience as long as I am in this body. Something like a huge rock seemed to fall on me so that I couldn’t move my arms or legs’. S little further on he writes, ‘He is strong who tries daily to turn me away from my faith and the pure chastity that I have chosen to embrace to the end of my life for Christ the Lord. But the hostile flesh always drags me toward death, to those enticing, forbidden desires’. He is very honest about his personal struggles to remain faithful to the Lord’s call. There is a great realism about his writing. Yet, those struggles did not discourage him. They brought home to him his total dependence on the Lord. He ends his confessions with the acknowledgement that ‘any small thing I accomplished or did that was pleasing to God was done through his gift’.

 Patrick, like Peter in the gospel reading, is an encouragement to us all. He reminds us that the Lord does not ask us to be perfect before calling us to share in his work. He can work powerfully through us, weak as we are, if, like Patrick, we have a generosity of spirit and a recognition of our dependence on the Lord for everything.

And/Or

(iv) Feast of St. Patrick’s Day

 About four years ago I climbed Croagh Patrick for the first time in the company of my sister and brother-in-law. They both live in Southern California. Patrick, who is from the United States, was determined to climb Croagh Patrick. He was recovering from cancer at the time, and, in spite of a very bad back, he wanted to make this climb in thanksgiving for having come through his surgery and treatment so well, and, also, as a form of prayer of petition for God’s ongoing help. We managed to get to the top, just about.

 The Croagh Patrick climb is one expression of the cult of St. Patrick that has continued down to our time. We venerate Patrick today because he spent himself in proclaiming the gospel on this island, bringing Christ to huge numbers of people. He says in his Confessions, ‘I am very much in debt to God who gave me so much grace that through me many people should be born again in God and afterwards confirmed, and that clergy should be ordained for them everywhere’. In amazement at what God had done through him, he asks, ‘How then does it happen in Ireland that a people who in their ignorance of God always worshipped only idols and unclean things up to now, have lately become a people of the Lord and are called children of God?’

 On his feast day we give thanks for Patrick’s response to God’s call to preach the gospel in the land of his former captivity. His first journey to Ireland was not of his own choosing. He was brought here as a slave at the age of 16, having been cruelly separated from his family and his homeland. This must have been a hugely traumatic experience for a young adolescent. He says in his confessions: ‘I was taken captive… before I knew what to seek or what to avoid’. Yet, out of this difficult experience came great good. Although Patrick had been baptized a Christian in his youth, he had developed no relationship with Christ. The faith into which he had been baptized had made no impact on his life. It was only in his captivity that Christ became real for him. In the land of his exile he had a religious awakening. He tells us: ‘When I came to Ireland… I used to pray many times during the day. More and more the love of God and reverence for him came to me. My faith increased… As I now realize, the spirit was burning within me’. That spiritual awakening had enormous consequences, not only for himself but for the people of the land where he was held captive.

 The Lord somehow got through to Patrick during the rigours of captivity in a way he had not got through to Patrick during his reasonably privileged upbringing at home. Patrick uses a striking image to express this transformation in his life: ‘Before I was humbled I was like a stone lying in the deep mud. Then he who is mighty came and in his mercy he not only pulled me out but lifted me up and placed me at the very top of the wall’.

 Patrick’s own story brings home to us that the Lord can work powerfully in dark and troubling times. In the course of our lives we can be brought places that we would rather not go. We might be separated from someone or some place that has been very significant for us. We find ourselves isolated and adrift, in unfamiliar and threatening territory, unsure of our future and with regrets about the past. Patrick’s story reminds us that when we find ourselves in such wilderness places, the Lord does not abandon us. Rather when we seem to be losing so much, he can grace us all the more. Patrick says in his confessions: ‘I cannot be silent… about the great benefits and graces that the Lord saw fit to confer on me in the land of my captivity’. When we are brought low, for whatever reason, the Lord will be as generous with us as he was with Patrick. If we remain open to the Lord in such times, as Patrick did, the Lord will not only grace us but he will also grace many others through us.

 Patrick’s experience teaches us to be alert to the signs of God’s presence even in difficult times. Patrick’s story reminds us that the Lord continues to work powerfully in what appears to be unpromising situations. In this morning’s gospel reading the prospects for a great catch of fish seemed very slim to Peter and his companions. After all, they had worked hard all night and had caught nothing. Yet, Jesus saw great prospects where Peter and the others saw little of promise. When Peter and the others set out in response to the word of Jesus they saw for themselves what Jesus could see all along. The Lord is always creatively at work even in the most unpromising of situations. However, if his work is to bear fruit, he needs us to set out in faith and hope in response to his word, as Patrick did when he left his home for a second time to come to the island of his former captivity. We pray this morning for something of Patrick’s courageous and expectant faith.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, Fourth Week of Lent

Gospel (Except USA)

John 5:17-30

The dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and all who hear it will live

Jesus said to the Jews, ‘My Father goes on working, and so do I.’ But that only made them even more intent on killing him, because, not content with breaking the sabbath, he spoke of God as his own Father, and so made himself God’s equal.    To this accusation Jesus replied:

‘I tell you most solemnly, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees the Father doing: and whatever the Father does the Son does too. For the Father loves the Son and shows him everything he does himself, and he will show him even greater things than these, works that will astonish you. Thus, as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so the Son gives life to anyone he chooses; for the Father judges no one; he has entrusted all judgement to the Son, so that all may honour the Son as they honour the Father. Whoever refuses honour to the Son refuses honour to the Father who sent him. I tell you most solemnly, whoever listens to my words, and believes in the one who sent me, has eternal life; without being brought to judgement he has passed from death to life. I tell you most solemnly, the hour will come – in fact it is here already – when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and all who hear it will live. For the Father, who is the source of life, has made the Son the source of life; and, because he is the Son of Man, has appointed him supreme judge. Do not be surprised at this, for the hour is coming when the dead will leave their graves at the sound of his voice: those who did good will rise again to life; and those who did evil, to condemnation. I can do nothing by myself; I can only judge as I am told to judge, and my judging is just, because my aim is to do not my own will, but the will of him who sent me.’

Gospel (USA)

John 5:17-30

As the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also does the Son give life to those whom he chooses.

Jesus answered the Jews: “My Father is at work until now, so I am at work.” For this reason they tried all the more to kill him, because he not only broke the sabbath but he also called God his own father, making himself equal to God.    Jesus answered and said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, the Son cannot do anything on his own, but only what he sees the Father doing; for what he does, the Son will do also. For the Father loves the Son and shows him everything that he himself does, and he will show him greater works than these, so that you may be amazed. For just as the Father raises the dead and gives life, so also does the Son give life to whomever he wishes. Nor does the Father judge anyone, but he has given all judgment to the Son, so that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes in the one who sent me has eternal life and will not come to condemnation, but has passed from death to life. Amen, amen, I say to you, the hour is coming and is now here when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who hear will live. For just as the Father has life in himself, so also he gave to the Son the possession of life in himself. And he gave him power to exercise judgment, because he is the Son of Man. Do not be amazed at this, because the hour is coming in which all who are in the tombs will hear his voice and will come out, those who have done good deeds to the resurrection of life, but those who have done wicked deeds to the resurrection of condemnation.    “I cannot do anything on my own; I judge as I hear, and my judgment is just, because I do not seek my own will but the will of the one who sent me.”

Reflections (3)

(i) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Lent

At the end of today’s gospel reading, Jesus declares, ‘my aim is not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me’. Jesus’ life is shaped by the will of his Father, and that will is that all men and women would find life through believing in Jesus. As the evangelist says a little earlier in his gospel, ‘God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him’. In the words of today’s gospel reading, ‘the Father, who is the source of life, has made the Son the source of life’. God wills life and that is why Jesus says elsewhere in John’s gospel, ‘I have come that they may have life and have it to the full’. This is also the image of God we find in this morning’s first reading. Just as a mother cherishes the child of her womb and gives life to her child, even more so does God cherish us and work to bring us to fullness of life. God guides us to springs of water. When we pray in the Our Father, ‘your will be done’, we are praying that a culture of life would prevail over a culture of death. We are also committing ourselves to doing God’s will by protecting life, by bringing life to others, by helping others to life fully human lives, lives that are shaped by the Holy Spirit and that lead ultimately to eternal life.

 And/Or

(ii) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Lent

In yesterday’s gospel reading, Jesus asked the paralysed man ‘Do you want to be well again?’ Jesus is often portrayed in the gospels as probing what it is that people really want. At the very end of this morning’s gospel reading, Jesus declares what it is that he wants. He says, ‘My aim is to do not my own will but the will of him who sent me’. Jesus is saying that he wants what God wants and that his will is in perfect harmony with God’s will. He expresses this deep desire within him in a different way at the beginning of this morning’s gospel reading when he declares that the Son, ‘can do only what he sees the Father doing’. As the Father gives life to all who are open to receive it, so too does the Son. Our calling is to be in perfect harmony with Jesus, as Jesus was in perfect harmony with his Father. We are to want what Jesus wants, to do what Jesus does, so as to become his presence to others, as Jesus was the Father’s presence to others. As Jesus witnessed to the Father, we are to witness to Jesus. It is a noble and challenging calling. We can only begin to respond to it if, in the words of the gospel reading, we listen to Jesus’ words, we hear the voice of the Son of God and allow that word to shape and mould us. Then we too can begin to be life-giving in the way Jesus was and is.

 And/Or

(iii) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Lent 

One of the most striking images of God as mother is to be found at the end of today’s first reading. ‘Does a woman forget her baby at the breast, or fail to cherish the child of her womb? Yet, even if these forget, I will never forget you’. A mother’s love for the child of her womb is tender and life-giving. A mother loves her child as she loves herself because for nine months her child was an integral part of herself. Speaking through the prophet Isaiah, God declares that his love for his people is even stronger than a mother’s love for her child. What an extraordinary statement! Surely the Jewish Scriptures come close here to that profound declaration in the first letter of John, ‘God is Love’. In today’s gospel reading, Jesus speaks of God as ‘my Father’ in a way that is typical of this fourth gospel. Yet, it is the Father as life-giver that Jesus highlights in speaking of God, ‘the Father raises the dead and gives them life… For the Father, who is the source of life, has made the Son the source of life’. Jesus is saying that such is the communion between himself and God that he is as much the source of life as God. Jesus is the Life-Giver. He came that we may have life to the full. This ‘life’ in its fullness will only be ours in eternity, but we can begin to live with this life here and now, insofar as we listen to the words of the Son and live by them. Whenever we allow the Lord’s word to make a home in us, shaping our lives, we will not only draw life from him, but our lives will become life-giving for others.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[cesspool-of-ign0rance]

You

I’ve had this saved in my notes for ages but wanted to save it on here instead.

Tuesday 28th November 2017

Tonight was the first time I met you in person, I was so drawn to you and it felt good to be so comfortable to say we’d never met up before. You made me smile wider than I have in a long time.

Wednesday 29th November 2017

Tonight we kissed for the first time and fuck, I wish it wasn’t as amazing as it was. You’re so feisty and cute I’m glad I got to kiss you. This could be the start of something amazing.

Monday 4th December 2017

Well you’ve just left my house and gone to class. You’ve told me all about your situation with the boys and even though I was listening I couldn’t help staring at how cute you are.

Wednesday 6th December 2017

I got home from Mayo’s in the early hours after you and Stu came to see me at work and then went to candy and Mayo’s. It was such a shame Stu kept coming out cause even though you kept calling me trouble I know you wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss you. I should probably stop letting myself liking you because every day that passes it’s getting worse.

Tuesday 12th December 2017

Tonight was your Christmas Show and you were absolutely amazing. I’m so glad you invited me to see you perform. I couldn’t help but wonder how much more proud I would’ve been if you were mine. I know I shouldn’t feel like this but you just make my day every day, when I wake up the first thing I want to do is talk to you.

Friday 22nd December 2017

I came to meet up with you, Hannah and your other friend and you were all dressed up Christmassy, but god himself would’ve sinned in his thoughts by seeing you. We spent some time in Sunbridge before work and honestly just spending time with you I can feel myself getting deeper and deeper into this shit. I need to stop myself because why would someone like you ever want a pathetic, depressing little fuck like me.

Sunday 31st December 2017

Yeah there’s no going back now is there? Fuck… To say its New Years and I didn’t come out till 11pm tonight was pretty eventful. 5 minutes before the countdown you were crying cause of that cunt and I had to go outside cause seeing you cry made me hurt and angry. But then an hour later we snuck off downstairs and you kissed me and said “I wish you were my New Year’s kiss instead.” And I really wish it was me too to be honest, I think I’m falling for you and there’s nothing I can do to stop myself.

Saturday 13th January 2018

Tonight we went to see your boys’ play down at the Underground, and I was excited. It meant I got to spend time with you and hear some heavy music, Even if I did feel guilty as fuck for liking their band’s music because of the situation. But things happened and we ended up spending next to no time actually together. You kept fucking off with him and it made me so fucking mad considering he’s fucking stringing you along and you don’t see it. I don’t get it, he couldn’t care less about you yet you whine over him like a lost puppy. Whereas me, well, Id fucking treat you like a Queen cause to me you are nothing short of a beautiful and amazing woman who deserves the absolute best, and I wish you realised with me I wouldn’t stop till you had that.

Sunday 14th January 2018

Well today was interesting. I was being a depressing little fuck all day cause last night I realised I was in love with you, and seeing you with both of them killed me inside. I try so hard to be there for you and make you see that you deserve the best, and I wish I could give that to you, but I know I’m not even close to being the best. I was talking to you about never being wanted and me being alone forever because if it’s not with you I don’t want it. But then you had to go and say something to make me feel even worse about the situation. Telling me that “if things were different you’d snap me up in a heartbeat.” Made me just wish everything was different cause there’s nothing more I want right now than to call you mine.

Tuesday 16th January 2018

I really wish I could believe we are “just friends”. But “just friends” don’t steal glances at each other. “Just friends” don’t get jealous when the other one talks and meets up with someone else. “Just friends” don’t get butterflies in their stomach when they look you. “Just friends” don’t hold each other like that. “Just friends?” Yeah right.

Wednesday 17th January 2018

I want to spend the rest of my sunsets with you, because I choose you over everyone. I know you wouldn’t choose me but that’s okay. Love isn’t expecting it to be reciprocated, it’s doing it anyway regardless if it is or not.

Thursday 18th January 2018

I wish I could tell you how I feel, I want you so fucking bad, but I daren’t risk everything we have. I want you to be mine, selfishly, thoughtlessly, mine. Because how the fuck can you be “just friends” with someone you want to kiss all the goddamn time?

Friday 19th January 2018

I wish you were out so I could kiss you and confess my love for you and then blame it on the vodka. You, you’re it. You’re all I want. I hate the fact that even when I’ve drank so much that I don’t remember my own name, yours is still carved in my mind like a fucking tattooed.

Saturday 20th January 2018

I’m sorry I constantly want to talk to you. I’m sorry that when you take long to reply, I get sad, I’m sorry if I say things that might piss you off. I’m sorry if I come across as annoying. I’m sorry if you don’t want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you. I’m sorry if I think about you too much and too often. I’m sorry if I say things I don’t really mean. I’m sorry if I tell you my pointless drama you don’t really care. I’m sorry if I come across as being clingy, but it’s just me missing you.

Sunday 21st January 2018

I’ve been thinking maybe the reason I keep my feelings to myself is because I cannot find any language to describe them well enough in.

Monday 22nd January 2018

Even on my worst days, you manage to make me smile. That first message every day reminds me of what’s missing in my life, and that’s you being mine.

Tuesday 23rd January 2018

I’m missing you like shit today. I never thought it would hurt so much to miss you, to miss your touch, to miss your face. Fuck you make me feel things I never could imagine, If only I was good enough. But even then I will give you everything I can just to make you happy, even if it kills me. Home is where the heart is, and relentlessly mine is with you.

Wednesday 24th January 2018

I had a dream that we were together last night. Suddenly I prefer sleeping to reality. Loving you is the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

Thursday 25th January 2018

These emotions and feelings are like an infection. I pray into the long hours of the night that it’s you I end up with. You know at night I always imagine you laying here with me, one arm around you and you pressed up against me, it helps me sleep. But I can’t have the real thing so a pillow is how I’ll have to suffice.

Friday 26th January 2018

You always say you brought this upon yourself, in turn how you’re difficult to love. But I don’t think you are difficult to love, Hell I don’t even think you’re hard to love. It’s pretty simple, actually. Once I fell, loving you became easy. Sure, you have your flaws. Sure, you can be annoying at times. But those are all the things I love about you, because it’s what makes you, you. You are unapologetically yourself, and that’s what’s so captivating to me. I love everything about that, and love everything about you.

Saturday 27th January 2018

Tonight we met up for the first time in two weeks. Seeing your face brought me so much joy and made me feel so warm inside so imagine how I felt when you told me you missed me. My insides felt they were on fire with immeasurable affection and admiration for you. We went for a drink and we held hands under the table, I didn’t want that moment to end because in that moment it was just us, you were mine. We looked at each other like we were going to kiss. You make me feel so damn on top of the world but so fucking low at the same time. I wish I could tell you how I feel but it would change everything and I can’t lose you, you mean too much to me now. You make me feel so alive.

Monday 29th January 2018

I wish you knew what you meant to me and how your name plays in my head like a song on repeat when I try to sleep at night. I’ve heard that the only people up at 3am are in love, lonely or drunk, but most of the time now I’m all three. It’s when you realise home isn’t a place, but it’s a person that you’re truly fucked.

Tuesday 30th January 2018

I met up with you in town, and as per usual you tried to make me believe you looked like a tramp. But I wish you saw what I saw when I look at you, cause then you’d understand how I can’t say anything to you cause there’s no words which are good enough. You are a thing of ethereal beauty, even when you say you look trampy. I think you’re stunning all the time regardless but maybe me being in love with you clouds my judgement a bit.

Friday 2nd February 2018

I’ve just got home from work and even though it’s been hours upon hours since we’ve talked yet you’re still the only thing that’s going through my mind. How I’d love to just come home to you and cuddle up and sleep knowing everything’s going to be okay. When I’m with you, you make me feel so fucking safe and like I am home, it breaks my heart when you have to go. I know you’re going through a shit time with your life but neither of those two cunts deserve you in the slightest and I wish you’d just realise that the one who would actually treat you how you need to be is right in front of your eyes, I’m here. I want to just take away all your pain and heartache cause seeing you upset hurts me so much. You mean the world to me and regardless of what anyone says I can’t stop loving you, hell im too deep in now.

[sherryxscribbles]

Monday 10th September –

Starting the week right with weights at the gym. We were supposed to go to bootcamp but it still terrifies me even just at the thought of it. Last time we went it killed me off for about a week and made me realise I really need to up my cardio game again! After Tough Mudder earlier this year (and the injuries that came with it) I’ve only been for about 2 runs.

Tuesday 11th September –

The new coffee machine arrived! I was very lucky to be asked to work with Nespresso following the opening of the new boutique in John Lewis in the intu centre. I love coffee so it was a match made in heaven when I got the email come through. I’ve gotta say, this is by far the best capsule coffee I’ve had and there are literally so many flavour variations! Plus, look how cute it is too!

Wednesday 12th September –

My wedding dress arrived back at the boutique just over a week ago and I was waiting for this adorable little letter to arrive from the boutique. It had loads of information about what to do next, a timeline of fitting and accessory visits. It also reminds me of the balance I need to pay… thankfully the 14 days it needs to be paid in falls on payday! Phew! I am so excited to go and try it on again.

Thursday 13th September –

I was casually scrolling through LinkedIn, as you do, however I was not expecting to see my face in a marketing campaign for RBS! I used to contract for RBS but left almost three months ago so it was quite a surprise to see myself in their advertising. I did wonder why my blog stats were so high that day! I’m still waiting on a contact name to send my invoice too…

Friday 14th September –

On Friday I became the proud owner of two of the BalmainxLoreal collaboration lipsticks – in the shades loved by Lydia Millen of course. My favourite of the two is definitely Confession it’s a very peachy/barely coral nude – certainly a good shade for Autumn so this will be featuring on my face quite a lot over the rest of the year. Confidence however, I feel I need to have a bit of a play around with. Its quite nude but heavily glittered and the more you put on, the more gold it seems to appear. Watch this space on this one because at the moment, I really don’t like it.

Saturday 16th September –

Saturday ended up being quite a busy one so get ready for loads of photos here. So, I popped into town to change a jumper dress that I’d recently bought online and ended up picking this beautiful wool knit one from Whistles. It’s perfectly timeless and will see me right through from now until the end of Spring. It’s super soft and looks great with over-the-knee boots for a night out or teamed with a pair of Chelsea boots and tights for the day. I’m trying my hardest to create a minimal, timeless, capsule wardrobe and I can see these three pieces  being an absolute staple outfit this season.

I also stole Lydia’s style when I went out shopping (well, who else would it be, seriously). Lydia has helped rekindle my love for fashion again and I really want to start embedding a bit more of that into my blog, especially over the colder months as they are my favourite. I mean, can you imagine the photos when the leaves fall at Woolaton hall!?

I took my new purchase out for a spin on Saturday night when Ben and I met up with friends for a few drinks… which turned into a few more drinks, an after party at our friends house and getting in at 3AM. I haven’t done that since 10th June so it certainly took it’s toll on Sunday…

Sunday 17th September –

And that brings us to yesterday, with my aching head and having no desire to get out of bed, we had to get up to go and pick up Ben’s car and no word of a lie, it was like that scene out of Wolf of Wall Street where he has all those ludes and drags himself to his car. Thankfully me and my car actually did make it back in one piece and I spent the rest of the afternoon on the sofa, watching the football, eating junk food and drinking coffee with Ben after his dad came over to visit.

I didn’t take any photos at all on Sunday so here is an old photo of Patch as a kitten instead… and before we had carpet put upstairs!

How was your week / weekend? What did you get up to?

        Looking for a lunchtime read? My latest week in photos is now live on the blog! #lbloggers Monday 10th September - Starting the week right with weights at the gym. We were supposed to go to bootcamp but it still terrifies me even just at the thought of it.