#they are one of the things keeping me chugging along in life

[mountmortar]

went to grab a bottle of water and saw how bright the full moon was in the sky and started looking at it and then got hit with the absolute gutpunch of a realization that the full moon i'm looking at is the same one that shone down on every life form that has ever come into being on this earth

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I do need to sit down today and draft a new budget even though it scares me. I need to be realistic about it too. I really don't enjoy budgeting. Neither me nor wifey are especially gifted with it, and it makes us both anxious and avoidant, so it's really unfortunate.

Definitely one of the tasks for the personal assistant chart once I can afford one.

[sapsolais]

!

[nebulaafterdark]

Chérie

Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon(Strong)!Reader x OC

Summary: Aegon’s wife accompanies him to the pleasure house and returns with a new lady in waiting.

18+ ONLY, MDNI Targcest, Smut, Threesome

“Might I go with you to the pleasure house?”

“I will not go this night.” Aegon assures her, “I will stay with you, my darling.”

“I…wish to see what it is you do there.” Y/N forces the words out.

Aegon grins, catching her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “If we share this, we share everything. I will have nothing left, in the absence of you.”

“Then you mustn’t be in my absence.” Y/N presses a kiss to his lips. “I want you all of the time.”

Aegon sighs, “spoiled thing.”

“Take me,” Y/N challenges.

“Very well.” Aegon keeps tight hold of her hand as they sneak out of the castle to the streets of silk. Weaving through the smallfolk as they carry on happily.

He looks back at his wife, taking it all in. Mayhaps you too long for a simpler life.

Y/N tucks herself against his side as they enter the pleasure house.

Aegon whispers. “They will not bite unless you ask them too.”

Y/N huffs a laugh, “might I have some wine?”

“Of course, darling girl. They will bring it to our room.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Aegon nods. “Anything you want.” He pulls back the second to last curtain, revealing a woman with long dark waves. Her back to them, wearing only a purple satin robe. “Chérie.”

She turns to face them, the loveliest woman Y/N has ever seen. “My prince.”

“Might I introduce you to my darling wife-”

“Princess,” the woman bows her head. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Y/N smiles, “you as well. I can see what keeps my husband coming back. You are very beautiful.”

Chérie cocks her head to the side, “I am sought after for our likeness. You are beautiful, your grace.”

Y/N does not believe her, “you are very kind. Might I have a glass of your wine?”

“As much as you’d like, Princess. What’s mine is yours.” Chérie moves away from the table, toward the center of the room.

Aegon watches as his wife pours herself a cup. “She’s never fucked a woman.”

“We’ve all been there, have we not?” Chérie bumps his shoulder with her own.

“Too right you are.”

“Tell me, my prince, does she taste as good as she looks?”

“Better.” Aegon beams.

Y/N chugs down the wine, turning to Chérie. “Now what?”

“Whatever you’d like, your grace.”

Y/N beckons the other woman closer. Cupping Chérie’s face in her hands and pressing their lips together, testing the waters.

Chérie draws the princess in closer, burying her hands in dark waves, similar to her own.

“May I touch you?” Y/N murmurs against her lips.

“Yes, princess.”

“Call me by my name.”

“Yes, Y/N.”

Aegon makes himself comfortable at the foot of the bed, enjoying the show.

Y/N tugs playfully at the closure of Chérie’s robe, allowing it to fall open and onto the ground. Trailing kisses down her neck and collarbones to her breasts, feeling the weight of them in her hands, before taking the left peak in her mouth.

Chérie’s head falls back. “Might I help you with your dress, Princess? Y/N.” She amends.

“Please,” Y/N nods, turning away from her, allowing nimble fingers to unlace her gown. She’s never been nude with anyone but Aegon, the maesters, or her maids.

Chérie lies open mouthed kisses along her shoulders, feeling her shiver. Gently she comes around to face her. “Would you like more wine?”

“No,” Y/N blinks at her. It is irrational, to fear being perceived by someone who does not love her.

Chérie brushes her lips over Y/N’s, “you are lovely.”

“Best of luck trying to convince her.” Aegon remarks. “She’s grown deaf to my opinion on the matter.”

Y/N looks over Chérie shoulder to her husband. “Why is it you’re still dressed?”

“Because no one has been kind enough to undress me,” Aegon chuckles.

“Come,” Y/N holds a hand out to him. “I will do it.”

Chérie perches herself on the bed, allowing them to carry on. Whispering and giggling as Y/N works Aegon free of his robes.

Y/N trains her gaze on the woman upon the mattress, head cradled against her husband’s shoulder. “I’d like to taste her.”

“Fine by me, my love. This night is for you.”

“May I?” The Princess asks Chérie.

“So long as you’ll let me return the favor.” Chérie replies.

“Aegon,” Y/N calls, sweetly. Dropping to her knees at the bed’s end. “Will you help me?”

He comes to kneel beside her. “There’s no reason to be nervous, my dearest love.” Aegon brushes dark waves from her face and over her shoulders as Chérie lies back; allowing her legs to fall apart. “See how wet she is for you?”

“Yes.”

“Put your pretty mouth just there and show her what you like.” Aegon coos, “then take these fingers,” he moves for her dominant hand, kissing her index and middle digits. “Find the spongy part of her cunt and stroke upward.”

Y/N imitates the motion. “Like this?”

Aegon runs his knuckles over her cheek, “just like that.”

Y/N nods, kissing him one last time before diving in. The woman above her squeals in delight as the princess licks a firm stripe up her slit.

“Good girl,” Aegon murmurs.

Chérie’s hands find Y/N’s hair, massaging her scalp, moaning in earnest as the princess slips a finger inside, then a second. “That feels wonderful, Y/N.”

She tastes of honey and rose water. Y/N understands then, how Aegon could spent hours with his head between her own thighs.

“You should fuck her,” Chérie says to Aegon. “With your cock, or your tongue.” Do something for the divine creature bringing her to the high heavens.

“I would love to fuck her, but I’d hate to distract her when she is doing such a fine job.” Aegon passes a hand over his wife’s hair. “Could you take me in your mouth?”

“Of course, your grace.” Chérie licks her lips, slacking her jaw to accommodate his length. She sucks him with vigor, vocalizing her appreciation for the Princess’s work around his cock. Her peak is met swiftly, as is Aegon’s.

Y/N leans away from her cunt with a triumphant grin. “How was it?”

Chérie’s right arm is slung over her eyes. “Heavenly. Now get up here so I might repay you.”

“My darling wife does like to squirm.” Aegon warns, situating Y/N between his legs with one of hers over each of his, leaving no part of her to the imagination. “I will keep her still for you.”

Y/N sighs, clutching at his forearms.

“Even your cunt is beautiful, your grace.” Chérie slides one finger into her warmth, pumping slowly as her mouth meets her slick.

“Thank you.” Y/N clunks her head back against Aegon’s shoulder. He is right after all, she does like to squirm. The inability to do so is dizzying, especially as Chérie adds a second finger; stroking slow and deep against the sweet spot within her.

“How is that, Princess?” Chérie murmurs.

“Good,” Y/N gasps, writhing as best she can in Aegon’s hold.

“Poor thing, there’s nowhere to go, is there?” Aegon nuzzles the side of her face.

Y/N shifts again, “fuck.” One of her hand reaches back to fist in his hair as the other snakes down to the woman lapping at her.

Chérie hums, taking the princess’s pearl into her mouth and flicking over it with her tongue.

“Please,” Y/N cries, to her or to him. Whoever will listen. The pleasure so blinding it hurts. “Please, please.”

“Please what, my heart?” Aegon chuckles, “use your words.”

Y/N tries again, tears falling over her cheeks. “Please.”

Aegon feels the tense of her muscles, the shortness of her breath, the sound of her cries. “Come undone for us, sweet girl. I’ve got you.” He tightens his arms around her waist, kissing the side of her face to gentle her.

Her peak is white hot, Y/N swears she meets the gods as she crests it.

“Good girl.”

She’s vaguely aware of Aegon’s fingers in her hair as the mattress dips and Chérie sits beside them.

“Sweeter than any wine.”

Aegon reels Chérie in for a kiss, licking into her mouth, tasting his wife on her lips. “She is a delicacy.”

“Indeed.”

When Y/N is lucid enough, she lulls her head to the side, watching intently.

“Are you back with us, darling girl?”

She nods.

Chérie smirks, cupping Y/N’s cheek, kissing her once, then back to Aegon. Taking turns between them, until the Prince’s cock is aching and the Princess is dripping onto the sheets.

“I need to be inside you.” Aegon whispers to his wife, who nods, enthusiastically. He lies back, with Y/N still resting on his chest. “Turn around for me.”

She does as she’s told, straddling his hips and pushing up on her knees.

Chérie is up near Aegon’s pillow, plush bottom lip caught between her teeth as she Princess takes her husband’s length in hand, lining him up with her entrance and sinking down.

Y/N’s pretty mouth hangs out, gasping in tandem with Aegon’s groan.

“Good girl, taking me like you were born for it.”

“I love you.”

Aegon’s expression softens, “as I love you.”

“May I do something for you?” The Princess would hate for their guest to feel cast aside.

“No, but I can.” Aegon grins, “hop up here, on my face.”

Chérie laughs, “you are very kind, your grace.” She hovers over his face for a moment, turned towards his lovely bride.

“Get down here, you awful thing.” Aegon huffs, pulling her cunt down to his waiting mouth.

“Fuck,” Chérie cries.

Aegon grants her no reprieve, lapping at her slick until it coats his face. Free hand squeezing his wife’s hip as she moves over his cock.

Chérie sighs, leaning forward to catch her kiss swollen lips. Swallowing the Princess’s cries and replacing them with her own.

Y/N cups the other woman’s breasts, teasing her nipples with the palm of her hands.

Chérie bucks against Aegon’s tongue, earning her a little love tap from the prince.

“Be good.” He murmurs against her cunt, “or I will stop.”

“Forgive me, your grace.” Chérie pants. “Your wife is so lovely.”

Aegon hums against her, in agreement.

“You are lovely,” Y/N breathes, fucking Aegon faster; harder as the pads of his fingers press into her flesh. “He’s always asking to put his mouth on me, that way.” She motions to Chérie, perched over Aegon’s face as he feasts on her. “Is it nice? Perhaps I should indulge him.”

“It is very nice, your grace.” Chérie leans forward, sucking one of the princess’s nipples into her mouth. “If your husband wants for nothing but your cunt in his face, know that you are well loved. You should very much indulge him, the both of you will be grateful.”

Y/N releases out a high pitched whimper as Aegon thrusts up to meet her, bending his knees for leverage.

She clenches around him like mad, Aegon himself on the precipice of bliss. With the telltale fluttering of his wife’s peak, he redoubles his efforts on Chérie. She comes undone on his tongue.

Y/N continues rocking against him, the warmth of his spend filling her. When she has milked him dry, she rolls off, collapsing onto the mattress. Catching a glimpse of Aegon’s grin as Chérie moves from his face.

It takes only a moment with the Princess resting against his chest for the Prince to find sleep, releasing an ungodly snore.

“Well then,” Y/N laughs, “I hope you don’t mind if we stay a while.”

“As long as you’d like.” Chérie stares up at the ceiling.

“Do you enjoy your work here?”

The woman smirks, “I enjoy you very much, Princess.”

“But…on a whole, do you?”

“The coin is good and the hours are short.“ Chérie lifts a shoulder.

“What did you want to be?” Y/N wonders.

“Your grace?”

“Before you began working here, what did you want to be?”

Chérie sighs, reaching across Aegon to twist a bit of the princess’s hair around her finger. “I can’t recall. Though my mother always hoped I’d be a serving girl to a high born lady.”

“What happened to your mother?” Y/N asks, “if you don’t mind.”

“She has been gone for some years now, since before I was eight and ten. She caught a chill and never recovered.”

“I am very sorry.”

“Tis not your fault, Princess. It happens more often than you’d think.”

“You might be my lady,” Y/N offers, “in waiting.”

“Your grace?”

“If it pleases you.”

Aegon taglist: @niyahnotnia @oh-you-mean-me

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 21

part 1 | part 20 | ao3

“Right?” Steve asks, scratching his head as he glances back at the door. 

“No, I meant you, dingus! What the fuck was that with you?” 

Steve feels his face go hot. “What? What do you mean?” 

She throws her hands in the air, stomping over so she can get in his face and say, “Don’t ‘what do you mean’ me. Your faces” —she lifts her hands like she’s about to applaud, palms hovering an inch apart— “were like thiiis close to just…��

She claps them together, and Steve feels the blood drain right back out of his face, dread pooling in his gut as she twists her palms this way and that, like two people tilting their heads to kiss deeper. Oh, god. Oh, god. Were they—? 

“Mwah,” Robin says helpfully, mashing her hands more tightly together. “Mwah mwah mwah mwah—”  

Steve grabs her by the wrist. “Dude. Stop.” 

She drops her hands and stares at him — one of those Detective Buckley looks, combing over every inch of his soul for missed clues — and then her mouth does some horribly self-satisfied thing that he hates. “If I didn’t know any better,” she draws, “I’d say someone has a crush.” 

I’d say someone has a crush someone has a crush someone has a crush someone has a

Steve’s gonna pass out. The words feel like bile in his brain, acidic and sharp; like puking right after chugging a glass of orange juice. It’s not like he’s— 

Look, he knows that he’s— but—

The bell dings. Thank fucking Christ. A big family group, three generations of people talking and laughing and fussing over a baby in a stroller and carrying leftovers from the Italian place down the strip. 

Steve sags in relief. 

Robin hisses in his ear, “We are so not done talking about this.”

—

He doesn’t want to talk about it.

About Eddie, about the word Robin lobbed at him like a lit bottle rocket, about any of it.

Just thinking about it is giving him a stomach ulcer and a migraine and maybe an aneurysm, too. 

He was hoping he made that obvious enough during the last hour of their shift that Robin would just drop it, but that girl has never dropped a single thing in her life. Worse than Nancy, the little bloodhound. Steve saw this documentary once about crocodiles; remembers how they can lock their jaws shut after clamping down on their prey with up to 4000 PSI of pressure. 

That’s enough pressure to cut a person’s arm off with a jet of water. 

Damn, nature’s cool.

“Steve!” 

You know who’s not cool? 

“Steve!” Robin hollers again over the song he’s currently blasting to drown her out on the drive home. “Steve, you can’t use ABBA against me like this!”

Steve ignores her protests, responds by shout-singing “DIGGING THE DANCING QUEEN, OOH OOOOOH” at her in his most nasal falsetto because he absolutely can and will use ABBA against her like this, and it works like a charm. He’s pretty sure this song has, like, hypnotic power over her or something, because every time without fail she gives the answering “ooh-oo-oo-ooh-ooh-oooooh” as if on auto-pilot.

“HEY!” she shouts when she realizes what she’s doing. “No sir!” She reaches over and mashes the volume button. 

Silence falls over the car. Sucks the air out of Steve’s lungs in the sudden void; his ears adjust slowly, picking up the quiet thrum of the engine, the whispered whoosh of the wind outside. Is he ever going to get used to being kind-of-sort-of-deaf? This shit sucks.

“...Okay, look,” Robin says tentatively. She’s staring at the side of his head, and he keeps his eyes on the road; tightens his grip on the wheel. “We don’t have to talk about you, okay?”

“There’s nothing to talk about with me.”

“Right!” she rushes to agree. Playing along like they don’t both know that’s bullshit. “Totally.”

Steve risks a glance at her. Her expression is earnest, some full-paragraph silent communication like: whatever bathroom-floor-confessional crisis you’re having, we can leave it alone for now. We can let it stay hidden in the dark corners for a little longer; I promise I’ll put my flashlight down. 

“Totally,” Steve echoes, nodding at her. 

“Okay. Cool. Cool…”

She lets out a long breath, cheeks puffing out as she sits on her hands. Oh, my god, just spit it out. “Can we please talk about him, though?”

—

part 22

tag list pt. 1 below the cut, comment if you want me to tag you tomorrow (heads up i'm not tagging any new under 21 or ageless blogs unless we’re mutuals or you dm me to verify your age. gonna purge this list when i get some free time)

@heartsong18 @hellion-child @hiimlevi @hotluncheddie @jackiemonroe5512 @jaytriesstuff @littlebluejane @lololol-1234 @marklee-blackmore @melonmochi @messrs-weasley @mrsjellymunson @mugloversonly @nburkhardt @nerdyglassescheeseychick @noodle-shenaniganery @notsopersonalcharlie @novelnovella @nuggies4life @pending-dope-username @perseus-notjackson @ppunkpuppyy @questionablequeeries @remosdeerica @runninriot @sadcanadianwinter @shamelesspatrolshepherdcowboy @silver-snaffles @singmeyoursimpsong @slowandsteddie @slutforcoffein @solalasoforth @spookednsaucy @steddieas-shegoes @steddie-island @stevesbipanic @steves-strapcollection @taleah-bonnick @teatimeeverybody @th30ra3k3n @thealwithnoname @thespaceantwhowrites @thestarslittleking @thesuninyaface @trensu @violetsteve @wormdebut @yourmom-isgay @zoeweee @zombiecreatures

[bougiebutchbinch]

AOB AU where Logan, much like real wolverines, has multiple life mates, and so far, he has a little harem of Omega Wade who he raises "kits" with, Omega Morph, and Beta Kurt (who dosn't even need bred he just used to help Logan out with his ruts and they never broke up once Logan found his omegas)

And he alternates them, scheduling each of their dick appointments weeks in advance of their heats. Sometimes, Morph can trick their heat by morphing into an alpha, but if their alpha is around, they can't mea while Kurt dosn't have heats and is just kinda here for some extra fun and the cuddle piles that accure during Logan's Ruts, when they all hunker down in the bedroom and kurt is sent to teleport supplies in.

For the most part, it's just Logan taking turns pounding them, letting the others watch and growling at them if they get too close. Their hierarchy is pretty basic on who gets mounted first. It goes Wade, Kev, and then Kurt.

Wade has to go first to get all of Logans feralness out and because if not, Wade gets too jealous and growls at kevin while theyre being bred, which ultimately leads to Logan having to snarl at him to behave and be patient.

Wade is all up for sharing but he wants to be the dominant bitch. This isn't really an issue for Kev since they have a lot of anxiety and insecurity, being in heat makes it way worse.

It's not that Wade has an issue sharing his Alpha its just that he's the 'alpha' omega and by the time hes fucked out and filled, if anything he tries to nuzzle them all. Once in a good while Logan will allow Kurt to mount kev while hes dealing with wades bratty ass, having to constantly reclaim him because of how quickly his marking heals.

By the end of it Logan snuggles them all in the huge 'den' he made out of smelly clothes and the bloody matress. It's a purr fest from there on out, passing a cigar around and chugging water.

It makes Logan to happy to see his omegas (and beta) satisfied and getting along.

The kits in question being foster kittens and puppies from the shelter, Or Bamfs if they're isn't a healthy litter old enough for raising.

Logan will keep them in the den, carrying them around and growling if wade tries to play too rough with them, sometimes dragging wade to his "kits" and forcing him to stay there while he hunts for him COUGH makes dinner COUGH.

Puppins is excited either way, being gentle with them but sometimes getting jealous if her papa doesn't give her equal attention.

Once the litter is old enough to be adopted out, Wade has to give him the "They're big enough to go without us now" talk and watch as their "kits" go to different families.

By then, when all the "kits" get adopted, it throws Logan into another rut. Because good wolverine dads usually always have at least one litter to look after.

In between litters, his other kits being "too old" dosn't stop him from trying to put gabby laura and Puppins in a nest too when they visit.

"Dad stop you're being weird."

"I just want to make sure you're safe."

"You're being drimatic!"

"You need to rest >:("

"Im an adult now I don't need to-"

"Get in the fucking blankets!"

"Litsen to your father pumpkin or else he's just gonna be pouty all night about it." Wade chimes in with a sigh.

She rolls her eyes, sitting in the stupid blanket pile, and Logan is the happiest thing on earth, cuddling all his babies and slicing anyone who comes near them.

Logan and his kits, even if they're already 24>>>>>>

HOLLERS

HOLY SHIT YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE I just scraped together the energy to crawl outta bed and make food...... now i gotta brace myself on the kitchen counter like I'm having a medical event lol

ThIS GOT ME GOOD!!!! FERAL DAD WOLVIE MY BELOVED... TOP BITCH WADE (at least, he thinks he is)......

Also love the idea that Wade Goes First because he GAGS for Logan getting violent with him... so, when Logan's in full Feral Horny Stabby mode, he can bite Wade and fold him in half in ways that would genuinely HURT anyone else - even Kurt's flexible ass! - and Wade is just drooling and moaning and egging him on... Once Logan's fucked the snarling Alpha-rage out of his system, he can move into fluffy softe mode with his other partners..... and with Wade, ofc! He gets SOOOOO snuggly and warm.... like he's still growly and claiming whenever they wiggle, but he's full of purrs........

GOD I LOVE THIS SILLY LITTLE FAMILY

[dreamofbetterthings]

"The things I can show you." Thomas Doherty x Reader

Prompt: “Oh, the things I can show you, little one.” Celebrity: Thomas Doherty/Walter Deville Movie: The Invitation Spoilers: None, this follows nothing from the movie. Summary: Filming for you and Thomas' new movie was a breeze… until he walked onto the set with fangs. Word Count: 4K

Warnings: 18+ choking kink, pet names (honey, sweetheart), biting kink, slight dubcon towards the beginning, dirty talk, slight impregnation kink?, begging, blood? I think that's all. If I miss any please let me know.

Minors DNI You are responsible for your own content consumption. I can tell you the post is not for minors, but if you choose not to listen, that is on you.

A/N I pulled this out of my head in the wee hours of the morning and could not lay back down until it was written and published. Reader is AFAB (assigned female at birth) I know my uploading schedule is shit. I am working on it. Also, chapter 3 of It's Been A Long, Long Time will be up soon. Until then, here's some slow-burn smut to keep ya nasties entertained. You're welcome.

You and Thomas spent nearly every day together on set. Even when he wasn't set to shoot anything that day, he was always hanging around the director to see every scene you filmed. The Invitation was a well-talked-about movie and based on what the folks on social media were saying, you were excited to let the world see the finished result. Thomas always managed to know when you would walk onto the set, and be the first person to speak to you.

"Good morning. I have a coffee for you." Thanking him, you took the coffee and all but chugged it. When you could hear his laughter, you pulled away from the cup.

"Oh come on. You act like you don't do the same thing when we've been filming all day." He puts his hands up in surrender and smiles.

"I won't deny that." Thomas grabs a script from a nearby table and flips through the sections of the script that are blocked in blue.

"Speaking of filming, most of the scenes look relatively quick for today. I think we're doing the last bit of scenes between the two of us and then we'll shift to the courtyard stuff after lunch." He shows you the script and before you can say anything, his name is being called into hair and makeup.

"And let the chaos ensue." He lets out a little chuckle.

"I wish you weren't right about that. I'll see you on the set?" Nodding your head you hear your own name being called. "Absolutely. Let's kill it today!" The two of you walk in your respective directions toward hair and makeup.

Run.

That was the only thing on your mind right now. Your feet hammered against the ground as you ran through the hallway. Your heart pounded against your chest, body aching. Your bag along with your phone was long gone as you ran for your life. Whoever that was, whatever it was that you were running away from, was not human. It looked like one, it sounded like one, but you knew better. An ominous growl came from behind and you could hear footsteps towards you.

You sprinted around the corner and took many twists and turns throughout the house, but every door you came to was somehow now locked, despite not being earlier. Running a few more feet down the hall you managed to find an unlocked door. You quickly ran into the room and silently closed the door before locking it.

It was another bedroom. The windows were barred and there were no other interconnecting rooms. You were screwed. The only places to hide were under the bed and in the closet. You decided against trying to fit your large dress under the bed and slipped into the surprisingly spacious closet. After what felt like an eternity of silence, there was a jiggle of the doorknob. A menacing laugh was heard on the other end of the door, before a large bang, and the door flew open.

Peering through the cracks of the doors, you saw him. You could see his shadow in the dimly lit room as he walked past your hiding spot and looked around. As he padded further into the room, you slid as far back as you could into the clothing, praying he wouldn’t know you were there. Through the thin slots of the closet door, you could see he was just standing there. Almost like he was thinking. Your eyes closed, and you silently hoped he would just go check somewhere else. That’s when you heard it.

"There you are."

Your eyes shot open. The door to the closet was pulled open, and he was staring directly into your soul. You quickly duck as he reaches out to grab you and somehow manage to make it to the other door. Just as your hand goes to turn the knob, a pair of hands reach around your waist, and you let out a scream you didn’t even know your voice was capable of creating. For a split second, you feel the wind around you, then the bed sheets violently connect with your back. You wished the mattress would just swallow you whole. Too afraid to look at the monster hovering above, you turn your face to the side. The creature finally speaks.

“Well, that took longer than expected. Had me thinking you’d actually make it out of here.”

“We had a deal.” There was nothing to hide how your voice trembled. The bed shook as he actually laughed.

“I don’t think you quite understood the rules of the game, honey. The rules were, if you managed to make it outside, I would let you go. But if you didn’t…” His hand finds its way around your throat and your shaking continues as he forces you to look at his face. The only thing catching your attention are the two abnormally sharp canines in his mouth. “Then you would stay here, with me.” He looks around the room and then back at you. “Last time I checked, you’re still in the house sweetheart.” He sees the tears running down your face and brushes them away with his other hand. “Don’t be so sad about it. Think of it this way. I try to be a man of my word. If you did find some magical way of making it outside, I would’ve let you go. No surprises, no tricks, nothing… but you didn’t. Do you know what that means?” His grip around your throat gets tighter and you feel a small amount of blood run as one of his claws scratches the side of your neck. He takes a deep inhale and groans. “That means we can have all the fun I had planned for you.”

Your eyes widen in fear and you want to move, but you can’t due to his grip around your throat. He turns your head to the side and you close your eyes. Not wanting to know what he’s going to do. Reaching down to your neck, he sticks his tongue out and licks up the bead of blood that gathered on your neck. Your entire body shakes. Moving his head, you can feel his fangs graze against your ear as he whispers. “Oh, the things I can show you, little one.”

“AND CUT!”

Thomas’ hand instantly leaves your throat and he takes your hands to pull you up so your back is against the headboard. “Are you alright? You were shaking really bad.” Not trusting your voice at the moment, you nod your head and laugh nervously. “Dude, you’re scary as fuck.” He laughs in response and wraps his arms around you in a hug. You do the same and the director, Oliver, comes over to the side of the bed visibly concerned. “Are you two okay?”

Looking over at Thomas, he gives you a smile and gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. You nod and smile. “Yeah, we’re good Oli.” He offers his hand and helps get the two of you out of the ridiculously large bed. As you straighten out your dress, Oliver speaks again. “I know we only did one take, but that was probably the best one we’ve gotten since filming started.” He turns and looks at you. “There was no point throughout the entire scene where I wasn’t genuinely scared for you. If the two of you keep this up, we might finish ahead of schedule.” The two of you thank him and walk over to his chair to watch the playback of the scene.

One of the assistants brings water for the two of you and you both thank her. Oliver plays the scene back from the beginning and instead of focusing on your own work, the second Thomas appears on the screen, and suddenly you feel the heat making its way through your body.

He looked really good.

And those fangs…

You could melt into the floor right about now. Oliver and Thomas are talking but you can’t manage to listen in on the conversation, let alone say anything. Your attention was on Thomas and how he managed to look attractive and terrifying at the same time. There were times when you swore the only reason he signed onto this film was because he liked being a bad guy. It was like he reveled in it, and he did it so well. Your eyes stay glued to the screen and you don’t notice Thomas watching how you respond to his presence.

You tossed your keys onto the counter of your hotel room, your shoes come off and you let yourself fall back on the bed. A loud sigh leaves your lips. There has never been a day that you wanted filming to end so badly. After a couple of seconds, you throw your phone on the charger and finally pull yourself up from the bed, grab your towel and clothes, and head for a much-needed shower. You quickly change and when the temperature is just right, you step in and immediately feel your shoulders relax.

As you wash your body off, you start to think to yourself, why were you so worked up today? After the first scene with Thomas, every slight brush of his hand against yours, or hand on your back sent a wave of heat throughout your body. Simple motions that are seemingly harmless in nature were reducing you to a trembling mess. Granted, you don't have a partner, so sexual frustration could definitely be the cause, but why now? You feel the heat spread to your core just at the thought. Shaking your head, you finish your shower and change into your shirt and underwear that you brought into the bathroom with you.

After drying your hair, the steam from your previous shower dissipates as you walk into the other room and you look around confused.

You could've sworn you kept the lights on.

Shaking your head, you cut on the soft light on your nightstand and reach for your phone.

Which was not on the charger where you left it.

Now you're starting to freak out.

Looking around the room, it seems like your phone is nowhere in sight. Almost like it disappeared. You check your bag, in case you didn't actually plug it in, but it's not there. Nothing in the clothes you wore that day, hell, you even checked your suitcase. Your phone is just gone. Going over to the hotel phone, you pick it up and try to dial your number, only to realize the phone cord is missing from the base. You stand there frustrated and a little scared for a couple of seconds before a voice snaps your head towards the front door.

"You didn't think I'd make it easy for you to call for help, did you?"

Slowly reaching for the heaviest thing closest to you, the shadow walks into the light and you let out a sigh of relief. "Jesus, Thomas. You can't sneak up on someone when they're fresh out of the shower!" Walking over to him, you ask. "So unless a crazed fan managed to break in, I'm assuming you have my phone?" He pulls something out of his pocket and you see the familiar case, indicating he did in fact, have it.

Flashing it in front of your face, you reach to grab your phone, but he leans away from you so you can't take it. "Yeah, I don't think you'll be needing it tonight." Giving him a "Really?" you go to get your phone and he pulls it away from your grasp once again. Letting out a frustrated huff, you put your hands on your hips. "Come on Thomas, give me my phone. I have to check my emails." You see him toss your device behind him, lucky that there was a couch sitting where it landed, and when he turns back to you, he speaks again. "Like I said. I don't think you'll be needing it tonight. After all, why would I make it easy for you to call for help?" Your eyebrows furrow, and you laugh, although slightly uncomfortable with how the air in the room seemed to shift. It felt, darker. Every bone in your body told you to leave. Turning around to look for a pair of pants, you mumble to yourself. "Alright, I did not plan on my night ending like this."

Turning around, you let out a scream and drop your sweatpants as a hand comes up and covers your mouth. He was standing so close you could feel his breath on your face. Looking Thomas in the eyes, they were dark, and you suddenly felt like you were no longer safe in his presence. "I don't think you quite understand the rules of the game honey." He stares into your eyes and the next thing you know, your feet are walking backward on their own until you are stopped by the edge of the bed. He remembers his hand is covering your mouth and speaks again. "The rules were, if you managed to make it outside, I would let you go. But if you didn’t…Then you would stay with me. Do you know what that means?” You struggle to get out a couple of muffled sounds when he brings his face closer to yours. “That means we can have all the fun I had planned for you.”

Your eyes widen as the lamp in the room shows his face fully, and that's when you see it.

He was in the outfit from the first scene you two filmed earlier that morning. You glance down at his mouth and you feel the heat pool at your legs.

He had the fangs in.

He leans his mouth down against your ear like he did earlier that day, and repeated the same line. “Oh, the things I can show you, little one.” Next thing you know you're being laid down on the bed, and the man you once knew as your friend was hovering over you. "What do you want with me?" Your voice was weak, and judging from the smile that never left his face, he was enjoying this. He was enjoying toying with you. He leans down and drags his tongue against your neck, earning a strained whine to leave your mouth. "I simply want what I've been waiting this whole time for…you. I've seen the way you look at me when you think nobody is watching. And it made me want to take you then and there, but no. I couldn't do it with so many people around. So, what better time than now? Your phone is off, the landline is disconnected, and as far as anybody coming to rescue you goes, they all think you're headed to sleep with the rest of the cast."

If there was any time to hate yourself for not wearing pants to bed, now was that time. Thomas moved your legs apart with his knee and ground his hips into you, showing you just how tight the bulge in his jeans had become. You let out a small gasp that he managed to catch, and he let out a smile. "Something tells me you're enjoying yourself more than I expected. I don't even think I'll have to compel you." His large hands lift up the bottom of your shirt, exposing your underwear, and you shiver as the cool night air exposes you in such an intimate place. He carefully pulls the thin fabric down and off your ankles with ease, and your body goes tense. He looks you in the eyes and asks the last question you thought could ever come out of his mouth.

"Do I have your permission honey?" You shift needily against the bed as you let out a small "Yes." That's the only approval he asks before his fingers gently reach down and feel the wetness between your folds and you sigh quietly. A groan leaves his lips. "Is all that for me baby? You like it when I touch you like this?" His slender fingers brush against your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure through you, making you unknowingly moan. "There we go. You're such a good girl for me." He does it again, and again until he's rubbing gentle circles on your clit at an agonizingly slow pace. Your body relaxes into the bed as Thomas continues whispering into your ear. "That's is baby. Relax. It's just you and me. I want you to enjoy this."

He was taking his time with you, and to an outsider looking in, it was almost sweet. Not long after, the fear left your brain and was replaced with nothing but bliss. He must've been able to tell when your last fighting bit of sanity faded because he became more eager. "There's so much I want to do with you, honey. I want to taste you until you cum on my tongue. Wanna feel you clench around my cock as I ravish you." His hand on your clit sped up a little. "I wanna see the look on your face when you come undone because of me. At first, I didn't think you could take it. But I know you can. I know you can take all of me. I know you can handle everything I give you because you're such a good girl, and I know you wanna be good for me. Right baby?" Your small whimpers have progressed to moans as you stop fighting the sensation and start to welcome it.

Out of nowhere, the feeling is gone as he removes his fingers from your clit, but quickly replaced them when he lays down and licks through your folds. Your breathing was fast and heavy as his tongue went to work. The sensation builds when he slips two fingers into you and easily starts pumping them in and out. You were almost there, and he could tell. He moaned against your clit and gently grazed it with his fangs, and that was all it took before you exploded. You threw your head back against the bed as you came, and Thomas latched onto your clit sucking on it to prolong your orgasm for as long as he could.

He finally pulls his fingers out of you and licks them clean before standing up and discarding his clothes in an almost superhuman nature, before he's back to hovering over you. His lips attach to yours and you eagerly kiss him back, tasting yourself on his tongue. "If you taste that good, I can only imagine what you feel like." Looking down at him, your eyes get wide.

He's not abnormally huge, but definitely bigger than any man you've been with to date. He rubs his cock between your folds and you moan at the overstimulation, still coming down from your high. He rests his hand on the back of your head and looks you in the eyes. "You're going to take all of me, yeah?" You can only nod as you no longer trust your voice. He leans down and captures your mouth in a kiss again as he slowly pushes inside you.

He releases your mouth to let out a moan, and by god… this was the moment you realized you were in over your head. Every time you thought he was fully in, he would slide in more, and more. He finally bottoms out and you swear you're seeing stars. No, fuck that. You were seeing galaxies. He only gives you a few moments to adjust to his size before he pulls himself almost all the way out, and sinks back in. Your eyes roll to the back of your head.

The pace was brutally slow but felt wonderful. You couldn't pay attention to anything but how he felt, and it felt ungodly. He finds his own rhythm within a few thrusts and it was like you died and went to wherever the hell you were currently. He brings his other hand from around your waist and slides it down to your leg, wrapping it around his waist and allowing him to sink in just a little deeper, and you cry out.

A smile forms on his lips and he keeps his hand on your leg, refusing to let you not feel the full extent of what this angle could provide. Noticing your hands are gripping your bedsheets, he moves his hand from behind your head and takes your own to grab at his body. He thrusts into you again, and again, over and over, the new angle allowing him to drag his cock against just the right spot that drove you wild. Leaning down to rest his forehead against yours, he pants out. "Fuck, baby. It's like this sweet pussy of yours was made for me."

You could feel your second orgasm building and lord help you because you were so close. Thomas seemed to notice as well, your walls practically trying to suck him in completely. He speeds up his pace ever so slightly and that's when you feel the pressure of his hand going around your neck. He leans down and talks into your ear. "I can feel you're close honey. God. I'm going to put a fucking baby in you. Would you like that? You want me to cum inside this gorgeous little cunt, huh?" You moan and try to nod as your nails scratch up and down his arms and back. "Yes, yes Thomas, please!" He laughs a little at how you answered him. "Aw, yeah? You're so cock drunk you're begging me to cum inside your pretty pussy?" He makes you look at him as your eyes keep closing. "Beg for it again, and maybe, if you're good for me, I'll let you cum."

Your voice is nothing but whimpers and whines as you plead with your eyes. A chorus of "Please." leaves your mouth and that satisfies him to the point where he is kissing and sucking on the side of your neck. "I want you to cum, and I want you to let everybody in this hotel know whose cock is making you feel this good. Can you do that for me?" You just nod as you feel your orgasm teetering on the edge. He applies more pressure against your throat, and that's all it takes. As your climax begins, he sinks his teeth into your neck, and you let out a struggling moan from the sensation as you cum. The only name on your lips is his over and over, like a broken record. Thomas moans against your neck and he starts to tense, holding you as close to him as possible. He seats himself as far into you as he can, and the warm feeling of his cock shooting his cum inside you only prolongs your orgasm.

After the two of you finally come down from your respective highs, he turns the two of you on your side and lies there. Giving you a chance to intake some form of oxygen. You pant out a weak "Oh my god." and you feel the rumble from his body as he laughs. "I told you, adding the fangs would be a great idea." It takes every ounce of energy in your body to raise your arm and playfully hit him. "Shut up, that was God tier even if you didn't have them in." He laughs again and as he agrees, you ask, "Where the hell did all that dirty talk come from?" Thomas shrugs his shoulders and smiles. "A master of his craft never reveals his secrets." Playfully rolling your eyes, a yawn escapes your mouth.

Thomas pulls out of you and you sigh sadly at the loss of contact, only for him to pull the blanket over you and get up off the bed to grab your phones. You watch as he plugs them both into the wall and climbs back into bed before cutting the light off. Cuddling into his chest, your legs intertwine and you both lay there in comfortable silence, until a thought pops into your head, making you laugh a little. "What's so funny?" You think about the situation and explain.

"Had I known it would've taken you stealing my phone from me to get you to put the fangs in, I would've let you take it a long time ago." The two of you laugh and he asks, "Is that your way of telling me you want Mr. Deville to peek his head back in the bedroom again?" He realizes that at some point, he's going to have to tell you that the fangs aren't fake. But that thought leaves his mind as he feels himself getting hard again at your answer "As far as I'm concerned, he can come back anytime he wants." Thomas lets out an "Oh really?" before flipping the two of you so he's sitting between your legs again. "Because I think he's still hungry." A moan leaves your lips as Thomas sinks his cock back into you, and you mentally prepare for the terrible time you're going to have to try and get up in the morning.

[mapiforpresident]

Can I request prompt number 4 with Claudia Pina! ❤️ love your work!!

Oblivious to Flirting

Pina x reader

warnings: kiss

summary: you go on a date with Claudia without realizing it was a date.

~~~

You had a terrible track record with love. At 21 you hah had three serious relationships and all of them had failed horribly. The most recent one you got cheated on by someone who will not be named on your previous team, Arsenal. After this happened you decided to change teams and Barcelona jumped at the opportunity to have you.

Spain was a huge adjustment for year learning a new language, new customs and culture and having all new teammates. You got along really well with all of them, although Mapi was your favorite. She took you under her wing and helped you adjust to your new life as best as she could. One thing that was very new for you was all the affection you received.

Back in England your teammates hugged you and once in a while you would cuddle into Leah’s side during a movie night, but not here. Your teammates hugged you constantly, you were always getting kissed on the cheek, someone was always pulling you to sit on their lap, and so on. You weren’t opposed to the affection it was all just very new to you and your teammates loved how awkward you were when you received, especially Pina who was always teasing you.

Pina had always shown you slightly more affection than the other Spaniards, but you didn’t think anything of it. You were close in age and had similar joking personalities, so you figured she was just being a good friend to you. What you didn’t know was the Claudia was constantly trying to show you that she liked you. She would leave more lingering kisses, hug you for longer and always have a hand on your back or arm. She continued giving you more and more affection and more and more compliments, but you were not getting the hint. Especially after your last ex, you didn’t think anybody could really love you and want to be with you, especially someone as perfect as Claudia.

Today was a hot spring day and you had arrived to the training grounds at the same time as a couple of your teammates.

“Hola amor, did you sleep good last night?” Claudia asked while coming over and wrapping an arm around your shoulder and kissing your check for far longer than what was friendly. You didn’t see Alexia smirking at the interaction behind you.

“Good thank you. How about you?” You asked her back blushing slightly at her question to you.

“Good but I’m a lot better now that I’m with you cariño.” You continued to blush loving both the nickname and her adorable accent when she spoke English to you.

You both continued to walk into the training facility, her arm guiding your lower back now.

~~~

During a water break from a drill Pina jogged over to you handing you a bottle of your favorite sports drink. You thanked her before chugging it.

"That was an amazing cross cariño, we make an amazing pair. I'm really glad we get to play on the same team." You blushed at the compliment.

"Thanks, your header was really good too, Paños didn't stand a chance." Before Pina could keep flirting with you though, Ale called them all together for the next drill.

~~~

"You played amazing out there cariño." Pina said as she slipped into her cubby right next to yours.

"You did great too." You said as you beamed at her.

"Do you want to go out with me later. There is a new sushi place Patri and her girlfriend went to that they said was amazing." Pina thought that it was clear that she was asking you out on a date, but you had no idea thinking she just wanted to try the new sushi place and wanted to hang out with you.

"Sure that sounds amazing I have been craving sushi all day."

"Ok, I'll pick you up at 8 cariño."

"What should I wear?"

"Whatever you like, you look beautiful in anything, but I think the place is more casual," she responded.

"Ok, I'll be ready." You replied.

~~~

Claudia picked you up right at 8 and opened the car door for you.

"I'm so excited for tonight I can't wait to spend time with just you," Claudia said as she pulled away from your apartment.

The car ride was filled with comfortable small talk. Claudia had been complimenting you all night, but you just thought she was in a nice mood and excited for the sushi.

When you got to the restaurant, Pina opened the door again for you. Inside the restaurant you sat at a nice secluded table towards the back.

As you settled into your seats at the secluded table, the soft ambiance of the restaurant enveloped you, adding to the air of anticipation already swirling between you and Claudia. The flickering candlelight cast a warm glow over the intimate setting, enhancing the sense of intimacy between you.

"Wow, this place is amazing," you remarked, taking in the elegant decor with a sense of appreciation.

Claudia smiled warmly, her gaze lingering on you as she reached across the table to gently brush her fingers against yours. "I'm glad you like it. But honestly, it doesn't compare to how amazing you look tonight."

Blushing at her compliment, you couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement in your chest. Claudia's affectionate gestures were not lost on you, but you still struggled to interpret them as anything more than friendly gestures.

Throughout the evening, the conversation flowed effortlessly between you, punctuated by shared laughter and lingering glances.

As Claudia was taking her last bit of sushi she said to you with a bright smile on her face, "this was an amazing date, hopefully you will let me take you out on a second one."

You were shocked to say the least. "This was a date?" you asked not knowing what else to say.

Claudia misinterrpreted this as you not wanting to be a date and not liking her. "Uh... it was supposed to be. I asked you out and you said yes. I'm really sorry if I took this the wrong way and if you don't like me like that."

"No no no, I am really happy that this was a date, I just didn't realize you had asked me out. I thought you were just being friendly and wanted some company to try this restaurant since Patri was busy tonight. I do like you a lot Claudia."

Claudia's eyes widened in surprise, a mixture of relief and disbelief washing over her features. "You do?"

You nodded earnestly, a warmth spreading through your chest as you met her gaze. "Yeah, I do. I mean, I've always enjoyed spending time with you, but I guess I never realized... I never realized you felt the same way."

A radiant smile lit up Claudia's face, her eyes sparkling with newfound hope and happiness. "I've been trying to show you for so long, but I guess I wasn't being as obvious as I thought."

You chuckled sheepishly, feeling a wave of regret for your obliviousness. "Yeah, I guess I'm not the most perceptive when it comes to these things."

"Well, I'm just glad we cleared that up," Claudia said, reaching across the table to take your hand in hers. "And for the record, I really do like you. A lot."

You returned her smile, squeezing her hand affectionately. "I'm glad too. And for what it's worth, I think this has been the best date I've been on in a long time."

"Really?" Claudia's eyes sparkled with delight. "Well, in that case, I'll have to make sure the second date is even better."

As the evening wore on, you found yourself lost in conversation with Claudia, each moment filled with laughter, shared stories, and newfound affection. With every smile and every touch, you felt your connection with her deepening, blossoming into something beautiful and promising.

And as you leaned in to steal a soft, lingering kiss, the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the warmth of Claudia's lips against yours and the promise of a future filled with love and possibility.

[xetlynn]

By Your Side- Prologue

(Joshua Washington X Reader)

(Until Dawn)

[Prologue] [One] [Two]

“Hey sissy.” Jessica jumps on the end of my bed with a huge grin. I raise a brow, closing my laptop.

“What is it, Jess?” I let out a large sigh causing her to pout out her lip.

“Oh come on, I just wanted to hang out with my older sister.” She nudges my calf, scooting closer to me on the bed.

“Right, you haven’t called me sissy in years.” I call her out, to which my little sister scoffs. Shaking her head in disagreement to my statement.

Right now we’ve been home alone, our parents out for some business trip or so they say. They do this every month or two, telling us a business trip came up that they have to go to when in reality we all know it’s just a mini vacation they want to take without feeling guilty. Something they shouldn’t have to feel guilty for.

“Uh, yes I have. Just the other day. Maybe I just want to say it again.” Jessica argues with me and I let out a small chuckle.

“Okay, I’ll keep you to it, sissy.” I mock her, she tries to hide it but she breaks out into a smile as well.

“Okay, fine. I overheard Hannah saying we’re going to the lodge! Did Josh say anything to you about it?” She hops up on her knees, bouncing on my bed a little bit. “It was mentioned but I don’t think I’m going.” I let out a nervous laugh, I watched as her eyes bulged out of the sockets along with her mouth hung wide open.

“You have to go! Mom and dad won’t let me go unless you do.” She grips on my knee shaking me aggressively.

It’s not that I don’t want to go.

It sounds fun as heck but lately Josh has been acting a little more flirtatious with me and I’m not up for an awkward weekend of the group making fun of us. Ever since Thanksgiving he started becoming more flirty with me. I went to his family’s dinner and I don’t know.

I like him, of course I do. Who wouldn’t in my position I just don’t want our friendship to get messed up in the heat of things.

“I.. I don’t know Jessie. I have a lot of homework to catch up on.” I lie, I’m all caught up. I only have three classes so I also have time to work.

“[Name], please. I’ll clean your car whenever you want me to! And your dishes! For a month!” She pleads with me. I bite the tip of my thumb thinking about it. A weekend with friends might get out minds off of things. Josh might not bother me as much as I think he will. I close my eyes.

“Okay,” I breathe out, “okay, I’ll go but please try to make sure the pranks against me are at a minimum. And don’t worry about cleaning my things.” I slouch down a tad bit only to be brought back up by my sister who squeals and hugs me. “I can’t wait for the invitation to make things official!” She lets me go and excitedly leaves my room.

I hear her call Ashley which surprised me. I didn’t expect her to really become friends with Ashley. It’s better than Emily though.

I check my phone that pings a few times, Josh and Chris’s names pop up and I roll my eyes at what they’re saying.

“Partying it up on Mount Washington!!!!!!!!! What you guys think?” Josh using way too many exclamation points.

“I’m in, you know it!” Chris sends with multiple emojis and I snort out a laugh.

“[Name], how about you?” Josh puts a little winky face to which I roll my eyes, a smirk still laid upon my lips though.

“Hm, I don’t know.” I respond back, Chris sends a gasping face emoji in response to my message.

“You’re the life of the party you have to be there:(“ Chris says.

“Is it worth my time though?” I tease them, obviously I already told Jessica I was going. I’m not backing out of my word but it is fun to mess with my boys.

“Oh wowww, can’t believe Miss chugger won’t come to a party… with provided alcohol.” Josh says, my jaw slacks open in shock.

“Hey, Miss chugger is in the past, dead even and she’s not coming back.” I remind him. In high school we of course were bit of partiers.

I was the worst of the worst when it comes to drinking. I’d out drink everyone, chugging disgusting beers, taking shots of pure vodka like it was nothing. Just thinking about those days makes me want to vomit.

“I miss her:(“ Chris comments,

Josh puts the laughing emoji, “me too:(“ I roll my eyes once again.

“Shut up, I’m coming I already told Jessie I would. Miss chugger on the other hand you guys can forget it.” I turn my phone off after I hit send, getting back on my laptop to watching YouTube videos like I was before Jessica rudely came into my room.

“C’mon, sissy, everyone else is already waiting for us!” Jessica dramatically tugs me onto the cable car.

“You’re really sticking with Sissy now?” I scrunch my face, throwing my backpack onto my back since I just had to get my hat out, somehow I forgot how cold it actually was going to be up here. I was currently wearing a little puffer jacket, a pink slightly cropped sweater underneath with low rise jeans.

“Of course, I told you I might want to say it again and I do!” She folds her arms. I shake my head. “Okay, sorry.” I jokingly say.

As the cable car goes up I glance around. Taking in the beauty of it all.

I used to come up here with the Washington’s for the summer sometimes, this also isn’t my first winter up here. I love the Washington’s, they’ve always welcomed me. It was nice to have a place where I didn’t always have to take Jessica with me since she’s my younger sister our parents always expected me to have her tag along.

I love her and all but it’s cool to have my own time too.

“Look, I see them!” She points over to the group who were actually waiting for us. I glance over and they’re waving to us, so we do it back.

Jessica was practically on the edge of her seat excited to get off. As it gets to where we need to be we rush off and get greeted with hugs from our friends. Even if we’ve seen them just days or a few weeks ago.

“It’s nice to see you actually came!” Josh jokes with me, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Yeah, it was a tough decision.” I mess with him. Chris gives me a small side hug.

“Ready for the weekend Chugger?” He takes my hat off to which I slap him on the arm.

“Chugger doesn’t exist anymore. Give me that!” I jump up to grab from the blond.

“I think I’ll wear it.” He places it on his head. “Doesn’t this look nice on me, Josh?” Chris turns to our other friends as we all start walking. “Oh man, I’d totally take you to the bone zone if you were a girl.” Josh says and I let out a sort of loud laugh.

“The bone zone? God you are so corny.” I hold my stomach.

“Okay, okay, calm down. It wasn’t that funny.” Josh pats my back. Chris tries to hold back his laughter as well.

“Are we almost there yet, my feet are killer from the work out I did earlier.” Matt speaks up from behind us, we stop and turn.

“Just a little bit always, princess.” Beth replies to him. “Ha-ha, I’m serious. I might’ve did a little too much.” He mainly comments the last part to himself. I then hear Mike and Emily flirting with each other making me want to gag but then I also notice how Hannah was staring at them, well staring at Mike.

We began walking again and I slowed down a little bit.

“Hey, Han.” I nudge her arm. She snaps out of her thoughts looking at me.

“Hey [Name].” She gives a small smile. “You like him?” I whisper, her face suddenly then drops.

“Who told you? Did Josh read my journal or something?” She starts to panic but I shush her, calming her down.

“No, no, I saw the way you were looking at them. Either you like him or it’s Emily which is kind of doubtful considering I didn’t think you swung that way. It’s not a bad thing if you did.” I rambled on a little bit, causing her to snicker shaking her head.

“It’s him, I didn’t think I was that obvious.” She shyly rubs her hands together, most likely trying to give herself warmth.

“It’s probably not, I just enjoy observing people sometimes.” I assure her.

“Oh, okay. Well I’ve actually done some observing myself and it seems like you’re avoiding my brother.” She calls me out, my mouth instantly closing having nothing to say in response to that spot on observance she had.

“What? I haven’t- I’m not avoiding him.” I disagree, glancing up to see Josh, Chris and Matt messing with each other as Mike cheers for god knows what they’re doing. “Right, so you not coming over on the weekends to hang out with Josh after Thanksgiving is you not avoiding him?” She questions me.

“Exactly it’s not.” I try to stay confident with my answer, attempting to keep a straight face but once I look at her we both burst into laughter.

“Fine, fine! I am.” I sigh out, kicking the snow as we walk up the trail. “But why? You guys never have a problem.” She frowns.

“It’s a long story.” I bite my bottom lip thinking about all that’s happened.

“We have some time before we get to the house.” She says, shrugging her shoulders. I glance up ahead again, seeing as everyone was pre-occupied with each other.

“Josh and I sort of got flirty with each other. Your brother was super headstrong with it. I kind of did it back. We kissed a few times on Thanksgiving night and since that night I was scared it would ruin our friendship so I cut back. I gave excuses to not come over.” I let out in a low voice so only she could hear. Hannah smiles at me sweetly.

“I know I’m a jerk for it but it’s just my anxiety taking over I guess.” I stare at the ground.

“You’re not a jerk. That also wasn’t a long story.” She comments, both of us laughing once again. “Just talk with Josh. You never know what could happen.” Hannah nudges me, I do it back to her. Both of us smiling. “Okay, I will.” I stand up straighter.

Once we get to the lodge, Josh opens the door dramatically.

“Finally, warmth!” Sam opens her arms, spinning around as she walks further inside. I watch Beth turn the lights on with a smirk watching Sam. “Very exciting.” I agree, tugging my jacket off, holding it in my arm.

“Party time!” Mike announces earning the rest of us to cheer. Josh, Chris, Ashley and I go get our rooms, well Josh is showing us to ours, I’m the last one too. He turns a familiar corner and I start to fold my arms.

“This is your room, Josh.” I point out. “Nice observation.” He smirks, taking my jacket and back from my hands he places them down with his on a chair that’s up against the wall. I shake my head, chuckling.

“Where’s my actual room that I usually sleep in?” I lean against the doorway.

“Oh c’mon, babe. Just this weekend.” He comes up to me, taking one of my hands. “Just this weekend, what?” I raise a brow, confused but also intrigued. He leads me into the room, sitting me down before going back to close the door.

“I mean we both know how we feel about each other. It’s pretty obvious.” He concludes, not exactly looking me in the eyes. “And how do we feel about each other, Joshua?” I stare up at him. His eyes finally meet mine, and it looks like he melted just from our eye contact.

“Y’know…” He mutters, coming closer. “I don’t.” I tease him, standing up to push him down on the bed so I’m in between his legs this time. His hands find my hips, aggressively he squeezes them, lowly groaning.

“[Name], please, you don’t understand what you do to me.” He pulls me closer to him, my chest practically in his face. I feel my face warm up, I wasn’t expecting this. My hand drags up his torso to his face, cradling it as I force him to look up at me.

“Let’s try this out.” I whisper. His eyes lighten up, I feel his grip tighten even more.

“What- what do you mean?” He adjusts himself on the bed, I still stare at his face. “Let’s try out the relationship thing,” I begin and a smile erupts on his face.

“But, if this doesn’t work out, we don’t let our friendship get awkward.” I practically am begging with my facial expression. “It will work out.” He pushes me back a little bit so he can stand up. He kisses me gently, first on the lips then trailing down to my jawline.

“We should get going back down before anyone gets suspicious.” I hum out, feeling his lips begin to touch my neck. I try to push on his chest but he’s gripping my sides so tightly like I’ll run away.

“Let them.” He takes a small break only to work on my neck again. “Josh.” I gasp. He snickers, finally stopping. His eyes trail all over my face then to my neck.

“You might want to cover that up.” He taps the spot he was attacking before grabbing his phone from the bed and walking out. My face scrunches up, confused at first but then I rush over to the mirror, I let out a loud gasp.

“Joshua!!” I hold my neck and I hear him let out a laugh. I sigh, going over to the chair with our stuff and dig in it, finding a stupid thin scarf I brought and neatly wrap it to hide the hickey he gave me.

I finally start heading downstairs, joining the rest of the group who were planning out what we’re doing for the weekend.

Later that night Josh and Chris decided to do a drinking game, I sat next to Josh as Chris sat across from us.

Beth and Sam were watching everything go down. “Come on Chugger, you gotta join us.” Chris practically whines, my eyes roll in response. “I told you she’s dead. Now knock it off.” I wave my hand in a swift movement.

“I liked Chugger, she was sexy.” Josh whispered the last part into my ear. I shove him away from me as my face warmed up.

“What was that? Care to share with the class?” Sam speaks up and I felt my eyes widen.

“Chugger, she was a sexy woman back in the day.” Josh announces and my body shrivels down in embarrassment. “She was a careless teenager.” I disagree. “Same thing.” Chris shrugs his shoulders, picking up a beer and beginning to take the first sip.

I watched as the two get shitfaced with Beth and Sam, us three talking about school work or just things going on in our lives.

Sam decides to join the others and I think Hannah went to go write or something, Beth and I are now taking pictures on our phones acting stupid.

Josh and Chris are passed out now.

“I’m glad you decided to come.” Beth smiles at me and I nod, putting my phone down.

“Me too, even if your brother is annoying. I’m still having fun.” I joke, of course forgetting why I have my scarf on I take it off due to me getting hot and my neck starting to sweat.

“He loves you.” Beth mumbles looking over at her drunken brother, laughing. “I don’t know about love but yeah.” I glance over at him, his face smushed on his arm with his mouth wide open.

“Oh my god.” The girl suddenly whispers and I snap my head over to her. “What? What is it?” I look down at myself to see if she accidentally dropped something on me.

“Is that a hickey?” She flicks the spot on my neck, I hiss, slapping her hand away.

“Is that from Josh?” She breaks out into a small laughing fit.

“What- no, it’s- maybe.” I couldn’t find a good excuse okay? Kill me. “That’s hilarious, Matt owes me fifty bucks.” She throws her head back.

“You bet on our love life?” I crossed my arms. “Everyone practically did. Even Chris.” She gets up to start cleaning after Josh and Chris.

I just sit there, in shock from what she just told me.

Beth leaves the room and I go back to sitting beside Josh, laying my head down on his shoulder. He moves around a little bit. “Hm?” He hums and I shush him.

“Sorry, just wanted to be by you.” I whisper. He grumbles a little bit but harshly leans up to put his arm around me, laying his head back down on his other arm. I smile to myself, laying down on my arm, cuddling up next to him. Our legs now sort of entangled together. I didn’t drink or anything but the tiredness of traveling finally hit me.

I don’t even know how much time has passed but that was until I heard the ending of a conversation.

“Just because he’s class Prez doesn’t mean he belongs to everyone… Mike is my man.” I hear Emily say as they leave the kitchen.

“Hey, Em. I’m not anybody’s man.”

“Whatever you say, Darling!” She sings. I lift my head up for a second but then shrug, going back to sleep, I hear someone walk in but I just ignore it.

Thinking I was going to get to fall asleep for longer I instead get Beth walking in to continue cleaning up, I still let Josh hold onto me but I sit my head up to watch her.

“Hey did you see that? Dad said it’d just be us this weekend.” She turns to us but sees the two boys still passed out.

“Josh?”

“He’s been passed out, love. I don’t think you’ll be waking him up anytime soon.” I give her a sad face.

“But what did you see?” I ask. “I thought I saw someone outside. I swear I did.” She frowns, glancing at the window again but she heads over to the counter.

She picks up a bottle that’s in front of us and empty by the way. It’s an older scotch, Jeremiah Cragg.

“Jeez, Josh… Once again brother you outdone us all. She pats the arm that he has around me and I tiredly laugh. I then watch her spin a paper around, picking it up to read it.

“Oh my god. What did our naive sister get herself into now?” Beth turns to us and I raise a brow. “What?” I ask. “Here.” She hands me the paper and I read it. I close my eyes letting out a long breath.

“I think they found out about Hannah’s feelings. This has to be a prank.” I gently pull Josh’s arm off of me and I stand up, placing the paper down and they we look outside to see Hannah crying, running past the window.

“Oh my god.” I gasp.

“Wake Josh I’ll go to the others, I hope that wasn’t Hannah.” She runs outside, I nod. Going over to the passed out drunk. I overhear the others yelling outside for Hannah and then hear Beth run after her sister.

“Josh, Joshua, hun.” I push his body. His snore becomes a little louder and I bite my bottom lip. “Babe, c’mon wake up, Beth and Hannah ran outside.” I say a little loud, shaking him more aggressively.

“What?” He becomes more awake.

“They what?” He lifts his head up.

“The others played a prank on Hannah, I’m guessing it was bad because she ran outside and Beth followed from what I heard.” I tell him, now he’s more alert and he drunkenly stood up. He stumbles a bit so I run over and get him a water.

“Here, drink and let’s go.” I tell him. Suddenly when we saw the group he sobers up.

“What the hell did you guys do!?” Josh angrily shouts, he was holding my hand for support.

“It was just a prank, Josh, we didn’t mean for it to upset her like that.” Emily steps forward and I glare at her. Then at Mike, then to Jessica.

“Especially you, Jessica.” I point a finger at her, her head goes down.

“I can’t believe you guys would do something so stupid like that.” I shake my head, disappointed.

“I tried to warn her, I was too late.” Sam tells me and I smile weakly. “Let’s just hope they come back soon.” I frown.

Soon never came though.

After thirty minutes Josh began to panic and I woke Chris up. Catching him up with everything as we decided to go look for the two sisters.

I called the police and mountain patrol but we never found them.

For months we did search parties, I stayed by Josh’s side, knowing it’s a tough time for him. I barely passed two semesters as I was always with him trying to help.

I didn’t mind it though. I wanted to make sure he was okay. I knew he wasn’t. His parents were rough on him, telling him it was his fault since he was drunk.

It wasn’t his fault. It was our stupid friends fault for playing that dirty prank on Hannah the way they did.

It’s about a year now and no one has even seen a sign of them…

It’s horrible.

[cinnaminyoons]

!!   jungkook

[ event masterlist ] 

assassins after the same target

alone in the darkroom together

“here to finish me off?”

"i'm going to kill you, ln jungkook."

"wait, nobody told me we're married – babe—"

"don't you dare 'babe' me after ignoring all my texts and declining all my calls," you interrupt with a growl, looming over him as he shrinks back against the wall. "who the fuck do you think you are? you stole my kill."

with an awkward smile, illuminated just barely by the red light in the corner of the darkroom, jungkook says, "i don't know if you're talking about last night's call of duty round or this morning's fiasco."

"fias—" you suck in a hissed breath, pinching the bridge of your nose with the hand not trapping him in place. it needs to be there. jungkook is very good at escaping when he wants to be. "you killed my mark!"

"but you said we share everything," he mumbles cluelessly. "our jobs are the same, so i thought you'd appreciate it if i checked him off your list for you. y'know – acts of service as a love language?"

"that applies to washing the dishes or refilling my gas tank," you sigh, "not stealing your boyfriend's contracts."

he twiddles his thumbs, a tiny pout pursing his lips as he stares at your shoes. or the shadow of them, really – it's much too dark to see a whole lot. he wishes you'd let him step outside for this conversation. "i'm sorry, baby... i just wanted to help out, you know? you're always so busy and i miss you sometimes. like, i know that basically being your househusband would keep me from seeing you as often, but it's hard not to get sad when you're halfway across the world and the only thing i have of you are your clothes. i killed him so that we could spend more time together..."

you can't handle how adorably pathetic he looks, on the verge of tears. your anger dissipates with a breath. you bring him into your arms and kiss his temple, feeling his fists twist in the back of your jacket. he buries his soft, sweet face in your shoulder with a quiet sniffle.

"don't cry, doll," you murmur, stroking his soft, glossy hair. you twirl a lock between your fingers. "i'm sorry for blowing up at you earlier. i was worried that they'd trace and find you because of who that guy was. i was taking my time on purpose, and you just strolled in and popped his head like a grape."

he smiles, nosing your neck. he kisses the curve of it and pulls back with bright, sparkling eyes. "it's okay, baby. i should've asked you first. i'm a big boy – nobody is tracking me. i learnt from the best, after all."

he taps your chest and you smile softly, brushing his messy hair out of his eyes. they hold the galaxy, red dwarves and quantum foam and everything in between. you kiss his eyelids. 

“that you did, dollface. that you did."

you turn towards jungkook's chemical setup, the tubs holding rolls and enlarged prints of your life with him, placing your arm around his little waist. "how's everything going? will we be able to hang these up soon?"

"they're chugging along nicely," he replies softly, hooking his thumb into the belt loop of your crisp black trousers. you're still dressed up from the flight you took a few hours ago to return to him. "just a minute or two more – i can't remember, need to check the clock. then i can start with the fixer and the washes, and we'll be able to take a peek tomorrow and scan them up. i already have one in mind that i'd like to set my profile picture to – i hope it came out well."

"i'm sure it's gorgeous," you hum, "just like you."

he laughs, separating from you to wander closer to the bench, checking the clock. he hovers around the tubs, watching the second hand closely and extracting a roll and a print at the exact moment the hand touches the twelve. he submerges them in the next tubs along the bench. "thanks, baby. i was, um, really scared if you'd kill me. as in, honest-to-god murder me. your opening sentence didn't help, either. i planned this whole, like, dramatic scene for if you were really upset – i was gonna say, 'here to finish me off?' and turn around in a spinny chair and you'd laugh and everything would be okay again."

you chuckle, eyes crinkling, and wrap your arms around him as he transfers the final roll in the dedicated 'wash' basin. "you know me so well. i wouldn't have been able to be angry at you."

he giggles, twirling around and pecking your lips. "mmhm." he entwines his fingers with yours, and his smile sparkles like the diamonds he adores so much. "i love you, baby. i always will."

"i love you, too, kook. once i have a shower, we can do whatever you like to spend those hard-won hours together." he gasps in delight and you grin. "let's watch the first iron man. that one always makes you turn into such a cutie."

"ba-by," he whines, blushing. he's never been more relieved that the room is both dark and lit  by red – the same colour as his cheeks, he's certain. "you're so mean to me."

"sorry." you kiss his cheek. "it's my love language."

[only-lonely-star]

Fic request:

Twobits little sister gets mad at their mom and runs away from home and ends up getting lost and terrorized by some Soc kids after she wanders into their side of town. Darry is over there roofing when he spots her wandering all upset and scratched up amd immediately goes into protective mode? I feel Darry is good with kids and I just want to see that more please 🙏

❤️ stay gold

୨୧ ☁︎ Too Young ☁︎ ୨୧

~ Darrel Curtis, Two-Bit’s kid sister (PLATONIC) ~

This is NOT an ‘x Reader’ story.

Warnings - I feel like classifying this as angst is a better description, so there are obviously a few warnings. Mentions of drinking, running away from home, minor pain inflicted on a small child, manhandling, harassment.

Summary - Karol Matthews has had enough, her plan to run away from home not going as expected. Luckily for her, a brotherly figure comes to her aid.

Author’s Note - This one is a bit of a longer fic compared to the other ones I have posted, so sorry for the long wait! Other requests may take a few days since I am a bit behind. Besides that, I thank you so much for this request! I could totally see Darry becoming protective when it comes to defending someone so special to him. I hope you enjoy it, Stay Gold! 💞

Word Count - 2.6k.

࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐

(Quick A/N: I try to keep things as accurate as possible to both the book and movie combined. For appearances I go based on the movie since it's easier for me to imagine. BUT it is canon that Two-Bit has a little sister although she is unnamed. I felt like this story would run much smoother if it was in a complete third-person perspective, making this not an 'x reader' story.)

Karol Matthews sat perched atop the armrest of the sofa, her wide eyes filled with curiosity following Keith's every move. He paced around the kitchen, absolutely raiding it and chugging down a cold beer before taking a seat beside his kid sister.

Keith couldn't sit still for the life of him, always buzzing around or out and about with his friends. His leg bounced up and down, sipping on his drink. It was obvious to Karol he was about to venture off and get into some trouble - but their mother didn't mind much. She practically supported his troubling antics from time to time.

Karol tapped on his shoulder, preparing her tiny voice to engage in conversation with him. Keith was zoned out, his consciousness coming back to reality at the gentle tap. He turned his head to face hers, a small grin evident on his face. "What's up?" he posed, the soft tone in his voice typical for her to hear.

"Where are you going?" Karol asked, her voice soft and quiet. She adored Keith and found him to be the funniest person she knew. Even at six years old, the girl had a slight understanding of what exactly her brother would be getting involved in. Late-night drives, smoking and drinking with his buddies, maybe even going out to see a girl. She was aware of the different blonde girls he would bring home, him swearing it was the same person each time - Kathy. She wasn't stupid, she knew they were all different.

"Going out with Dally and some others," he replied simply, expecting a soft sigh and for her to head back to her bedroom. Instead, she smiled and tapped his shoulder again.

"Can I come?" Karol's sweet voice spoke up, her enticing smile attempting to draw him in.

"No," Keith said, taking his free hand to ruffle through her blonde wavy hair affectionately. He found it rather amusing that she wanted to tag along. He chuckled and took another large sip of his beer as Karol pouted and let out a huff.

"Why not?!" she protested, demanding a real answer from him. Karol loved Keith and would rather spend her day out and about with him instead of being stuck at home. She crossed her arms and glared at her brother.

"You're too young," he replied, standing from the sofa swiftly, "Besides, Dally ain't too good with kids."

Karol's irritation only grew from there, souring her mood for the day. She tugged on Keith's arm like a lifeline - pleading to come along. "Please...? I'll be quiet!"

He shook his head firmly, stepping for the door without another word on the matter. He took a deep breath, "Heading out! Be back around seven!"

A woman's voice could be heard shouting back in response, stepping for the door before Keith could leave. "Six!"

She enveloped him in a side hug and kissed his cheek, staining it with a dark hue of pink lipstick. He grinned softly, smearing it off and turning the doorknob. "Six-thirty. Bye, ma,"

She let out a sigh, watching her son dart for his car - beer in hand and all. She turned to Karol with a lopsided smile. "What are we going to do with him? Hm?"

Karol sat back down on the sofa, a frown still intact. "I wanna go," she stated with crossed arms.

Her mother glanced down at her with a slight frown. "You shouldn't be hanging around those boys, you're way too young, honey."

Karol didn't like that. In fact - she hated being referred to as 'too little' or 'too young'. In all reality it was true; she was six years old and nowhere near old enough to befriend a group of teen hoodlums...even if they were her brother's best friends.

"I don't wanna be young! I wanna play with the big kids and be cool," she fumed, eyebrows sewn together and tiny fists clenched.

"Karol... you don't understand. Little girls shouldn't try any of the things they do," her mother shook her head, attempting to calm her down. It was obvious how badly this was affecting Karol's mood, sending the child into an upset rage.

"I'm not a little girl!" she shouted, hopping off the couch and reaching for the doorknob at a moment's notice. "And I'm running away from this place! I'll go find Keith on my own!"

Her mother only rolled her eyes. Karol had done this countless times - attempting to run off and merely making it down the street before she came crawling back. "You'll be back," she muttered under her breath as she watched her daughter pry open the door and step outside into the blazing summer heat.

Karol's dark expression meant business. She didn't intend on coming back this time, she was determined to prove herself as a big kid. With heavy stomps, Karol made her way down the sidewalk, thinking of where her brother could possibly be. He'd taken the car and everything, not even mentioning where he was heading off to. She turned her head around to notice the door had already been shut - stranding her outside for good.

"I'll show her,"

Karol continued on with her journey, wandering down streets she'd never been to before. Every house she passed seemed to appear bigger and bigger. The one-story shacks turned into two-story houses with beautifully painted fences surrounding them. She stared at a few in awe, wondering how she could manage to buy one of her own and prove she was all grown up.

All was well until a few snickers could be heard off into the distance. Karol turned her head and squinted to have a better look at the trio of teenage boys coming her way. Her mind instantly thought those could be Keith's friends. Maybe if she asked them where he could be then she could hitch a ride with them. Her tiny legs strode to stand in front of the boys, a charming smile on her face.

The first to speak up, a tall brunette with khakis and a white button-down, kneeled to her level. A sly grin arose on his lips, his voice coming out overly sweet. "Well... are you lost, kid?"

It was quite obvious Karol wasn't from the area. Her tattered sandals and colorful- yet floral sundress gave it away. No Soc child would wear something so bright and bold. The little girls were typically dressed head to toe in fancy skirts, headbands, and bows. Karol was a misfit.

"I'm looking for my brother," she beamed with a sweet tone in return, oblivious to the evil intent in his tone. The other boys circled around her as they stifled their snickers.

"Who's your brother?" the Soc asked with a raised brow at Karol's revelation. He looked to the other two, motioning for them to stand close by.

"Keith," Karol spoke excitedly, expecting them to immediately welcome her with open arms, "He said he was with Dally. Can you take me wherever that is?"

All three of the boys's ears perked up at the name. 'Dally' was an easy name to remember - recognizing the infamous greaser left quite a small crowd to narrow down from.

"I ain't ever heard of a 'Keith' who hangs 'round Dally," the slim and blonde-haired Soc spoke up, exchanging glances between the others.

The third boy shook his head, furrowing his brows as he tried to recall the person he had in mind. He ran a hand through his jet-black curls. "No, she means Two-Bit. That guy with the funny sideburns."

The brunette Soc who had originally spoken to Karol let out a soft snort. "Two-Bit..." he nodded along, testing out the name on his tongue. "He wear a Mickey Mouse shirt, kid?"

Karol's smile only grew, nodding to confirm that was indeed her big brother. "Yes! That's him!" Her arms pumped up in victory, a gleam of hope in her eyes.

The sight was precious, they didn't even have to push her for answers - she willingly gave them away. The boy chuckled dryly, standing to his feet with a smug smile. "Well since Two-Bit thinks it's funny to swipe cash that ain't his..."

The other boys had a similar look of cruel intent written all over their faces. The blonde boy stood behind her, a singular arm snaking around her small torso to lift her up. Karol yelped in confusion, not expecting such a move.

"Hey!" she hollered to them, her voice almost a whimper. She was roughly tossed in a soaking wet puddle of mud, hidden beneath the grass on a stranger's front lawn. "My dress..." she pouted, tears welling to her eyes.

The boys didn't hesitate to terrorize the poor girl further. They jabbed their hands into the muddy puddle, one holding her down as the other two slathered the mud all over her. She let out a wail, one that anybody in their right mind couldn't brush off.

"Tell your brother to not touch what ain't his next time," the Soc in the white button-down cackled, his hand running down the side of her cheek.

Just as Karol felt she couldn't take any more of the torment - pounding footsteps could be heard coming closer. Her screams and cries for help had paid off, and none other than Darrel Curtis had come to her aid. He grabbed the collar of the brunette's shirt from behind, scaring the other two off. They ran without hesitation, sprinting up the street the same way they came. The boy managed to slip out of Darrel's grasp, speeding off before he really had his world rocked.

Karol still sat in the puddle, wailing and hollering like she never had before. She truly felt those boys would help her find Keith. Darrel cursed under his breath until they were completely out of sight. He quickly turned his focus back to Karol.

Gently helping her up, he placed both hands under her arms to stand her back on her own two feet. He sighed and assessed the situation, looking over her body and face for any signs she was hurt. "You alright?"

Karol used the back of her hand to wipe away the overwhelming amount of tears that flooded her eyes. She nodded and tried to calm herself enough to speak. Darrel was no stranger to her, they had met numerous times before since Two-Bit was close friends with him.

"Darry~" she whimpered, clinging onto his leg as she went in for a hug. She cried softly against him and didn't show any intention of stopping.

Darrel was a bit taken aback, but he rested a hand on her shoulder nonetheless, patting it gently to bring her a bit of comfort. She was muddy all over and was soaking Darrel in the mess but he didn't mind it one bit. The poor child had to have been hurt from the way she had been screaming. "Karol, look at me."

She reluctantly tilted her head upwards to meet his eyes, her pout seemingly stuck on her face. His heart sank at the sight of the girl's dirtied clothing along with a few minor scratches along her face and arms. "What happened? Tell me everything."

He subtly maneuvered her arms off so that he could begin to walk her to his car. He held his hand out to her, opening and closing a fist to motion for her. Her small hand wrapped around his pinky finger, melting his heart further. He listened intently to her soft cries.

"I was looking for Keith...I ran away," Karol explained with a deepening frown, her mind racing with thoughts of him and how she could only hope he was safe out there.

"You ran away?" he echoed, his words almost full of disbelief, "Why would you do that, kiddo?" Darrel guided her to the backseat of his car, the last thing on his mind being the muddy mess she would leave behind. He followed her inside the car, grabbing a hand towel which was stuffed into the back pocket of his denim. He gently dabbed at her cheeks, mentally reminding himself to be gentle around the scratches.

Karol sighed deeply and glanced down to her lap shamefully. She winced every now and then, the burning sensation on her skin still lingered. "I don't wanna be a little girl anymore, Darry... I want to be like Keith. To be cool."

Darry's expression turned from one of shock to one of empathy. He could already imagine how left out Karol must feel. Her brother always out of the house and getting into all sorts of trouble with his friends, her mother housekeeping constantly and working hard to make ends meet. The Matthews' home could often leave Karol feeling lonely and unwanted.

"And you wandered all the way here... on foot?" he implied, the question sounding surreal to even ask a six-year old.

Karol nodded and watched as Darrel tried his best to finish wiping off the dried up mud from her arms. He was unable to do much about her dress - but what he could do was give her a ride home. He finished tidying her up, setting the towel on the floor beside her feet. He smiled at her warmly, his thumb gently running over her cheek. “Lemme take you home, get you all freshened up with your momma.”

Darrel had a tendency to be good with children, Karol being no different. His instinctive protective nature came in handy in situations like this. He would do so much as to drop everything in terms of his job to tend to Karol’s desperate cries for help.

The car ride home was mostly quiet, the soft music playing as Karol settled herself into the backseat, her head resting against the car door. Darrel pulled up, the car coming to a halt as Keith and their mother swarmed the vehicle in a panic. They were both worried sick - her mother expecting her to return moments after ‘running away’.

Darrel immediately emerged from the car, opening the backseat door and revealing the child to them. Two-Bit was first to sling her into his arms, a powerful hug between the two. He didn’t mind the crumpled clumps of dirt that fell from her body. “Karol - we were so worried about you…” he began, his voice almost a quiver.

Darrel smiled softly, admiring the sight of a little family reunion between the three. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and observed. She was set back down, stepping closer to Darrel in an instant. He crouched down in response and held out his arms for her. Karol obliged and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, his hands rubbing her back soothingly. “Karol, look at me,” he whispered quietly, only for her ears to hear only.

She leaned in, the expression on her face displaying curiosity. Her undivided attention was on Darrel. “You are the toughest, bravest - coolest gal I know,” his tone was nothing but tender and loving with her. He was already aware of how she felt being babied and portrayed as nothing more than a little girl. He chose his words carefully, “And don’t you ever forget that, you hear? You’re just as cool as your brother… maybe even cooler.”

The wink he added onto those last words sealed Karol’s belief in. She felt a strange sense of newfound confidence within herself. Darrel had done more than just protect her today, more than scaring the boys off before they could harm her more, more than rushing to help assess the damage….

Darrel left her feeling important. She felt noticed for once, her strength revealing itself since the terror inflicted on her today. Karol tightly hugged him, her grasp not loosening a single bit as she prolonged the hug to its fullest.

Her soft voice whispered back, a smile plastering all over her face - the first one in a while, “Thank you, Darry.”

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Extra Extreme Warning! This chapter focus on mental health struggles and body image issues (depression and ed) It’s a little dark so if that is at all potentially triggering to you please be advised and do not interact.

Chapter 19 - Can't Do It Anymore | ‘Ours’

“I can’t do it anymore!” You screamed with tears running down your face. You were grown but you felt like a little girl. Your mum standing in front of you in your bedroom angry as she's ever been. 

“Stop! Stop it, We’re going.” She demanded. She was stern and not going to back down. It was the summer before you left for university. A fresh 18 year old eager to get away from the exact scene unfolding in front of you. Your mum was forcing you to attend a gala event she had every year. She was intimidatingly kind but often kept her feet firm in her way of tough love. You loved a good party, maybe a little too much but forcing a smile and talking about what your college courses would consist of next year to business men that stood too close and inappropriately inspected every inch of you. It was a secret to everyone but your mum and Winnie and even they pretended they didn’t know. The way the sheath dress hung off your body reflecting back at your mum in the mirror only amplified the skeletal arch of your spine.  

“Fine… you want me to go. I’ll fucking go.” You murmured brushing past her heading straight to the en-suite of your room. You chugged a liter of vodka you'd dashed under the sink and popped one too many of your prescribed xanax in an unprescribed way. You collapsed in the bathroom before you could make it out of the house, ruining your night, your mum's prized annual gala, and probably Winnie’s perception of you forever. She had gone to your bathroom initially to steal some of the new blush you had gotten. She was met with something entirely different; finding you laying on the floor. They rushed you to hospital in an ambulance.  

“She’s extremely malnourished.” The attending doctor spoke calmly to your parents outside the room in the corridor. Your dad’s gaze narrowing at you laying in the harshly lit room. Your mum’s face pulling into disgust and shock, offended the doctor could imply something like that.

“She’s just thin. Please.” She scoffed, taken aback that you could be anything but fabulously waift. She hated the way the doctor infered she had not taken care of you somehow. She had given you everything, look at you, you were gorgeous but the hospital gown wasn't exactly chic.

“Ann Marie… listen to them. She’s killing herself. Enough.” Your dad quipped. They loved you in their own ways; your dad thought of you like little girls, your mum as if you were her little dolls. Things slowed after the incident and there was a much closer eye on you. Your mum still pushed, your dad still pulled, and Winnie sat somewhere in the middle. You got relatively healthy, at least enough to pass on scales and keep the chaos at bay but things bubbled under the surface. Suppressing anything that may rock the boat of familial perfection. You and Lauren had just returned to Manhattan after a weekend out east at your parents when she found you in your own sick. Chase had come over the night you returned from the beach. You and Lauren lived together and she wasn’t keen opening the door to see him but he was handsome and a good fuck so she shrugged it off. It wasn’t really him exactly… it wasn’t him. Chase sucked no shadow of a doubt but you couldn’t blame him. It could’ve been any man.  It really could’ve been anyone but you just happened to fall into his terribly mean arms on one night you blacked out and found yourself waking up in his bed. The tectonic plates of the earth shifted, mentally handcuffing yourself to this awful person.

“Still the same for me?” He’d ask you ahead of coming over. He kept tabs on the size of your clothes, the condition of your skin, the way your hair fell. You didn’t eat all day and he fucked the daylights out of you that night after you confirmed you had kept the circumference of your waist just the same as he liked, anything to get him to like you. He shoved his cock down your throat until you were sobbing, he didn't like you, he liked the high of using you. “You want me to love you, Y/N? That’s all you want? Take my fucking cock and I’ll think about it.” He’d mock you, railing into you from behind. You hated that your body craved him. That’s all you thought about. How? How do you get someone like this to like you? Why did you want it so bad? You did it all for him with zero return except for the brutal fuck he'd deliver. Lauren called Winnie sobbing. She knocked on your door early the next day curious to see how the night went but you were there limp in your bed sick.

“Well she’s breathing right? Jesus Christ! What did you do last night?” Winnie screamed freaking out that Lauren had found you like this and yet simultaneously angry with you. This was the second time someone was finding you like this. 

“I don’t know I… I.. she was with fucking Chase last night… fuck!” Lauren cried. The problem wasn’t Chase, what you ate, or your mum, the problem was you. You did it on purpose but no one mentioned it to you. No one said it. Ignorance was bliss. You were discharged again and everything moved on. Texts from Chase still coming in oblivious to the state he walked out on you in despite Lauren’s barrage of messages to leave you alone. You just threw your phone off the bed feeling just the same as the days prior only now slightly  more weak. You curled on your bed just wanting it all to fade away until morning the broke, the annoyingly bright sun refusing to lend you the peace you so badly craved. Why did you want him to love you so badly? Did you really hate him or yourself for being with him. Either way, you just wanted to be loved, that was abundantly clear. You walked into your parent’s kitchen in an oversized t-shirt sleepily and groggy. They made you move back with them for a few months to rehabilitate. 

“Trent Alexander Arnold has pinned one in for Liverpool!” The echo from the TV in the connecting room blasting in the late morning as you reached up into a cupboard. 

“Get in! Come on” Your dad yelled cheering. His loud booming voice making you jump. He heard you fumble the glass of water you were trying to get yourself so he turned to you mid-celebration. “Y/N, you okay? Come watch with me. The kid I swear... He's amazing” He shook his head in disbelief at the goal just scored by the man who would eventually ask him to marry you. A glint flashed in your eyes. 

“He’s cute…” You mumbled to your dad coming over to sit with him analyzing the camera’s close zoom on Trent’s face. His lips curling into the same dimpled smile your daughter had now ricocheting around in your mind finding its permanent home to replay on a loop. 

“Talented.” Your dad corrected you as he looked on more impressed with the tactical skill than Trent’s looks.

“Sure” You rolled your eyes and pulled your legs up onto the couch. Wrapping your arms around your knees.

“About your age you know?” Your dad informed you. That was interesting. You wondered what Trent’s life was like? This stupidly attractive stranger on the TV. You were the same age crying over a pathetic Manhattan party boy last night. Your mind wandered and you began to wonder if Trent lived a life anything like Chase and all the other boys surrounding you; using looks and status to blow through girls and money on nights out. You cocked your head looking a bit closer at his eyes and you felt your heart involuntarily softening. Imagine if he was really really sweet. “How we feeling today?” Your dad intruded the delusions seeping into your brain. You hummed lost in your own thoughts. “Can’t even conjure up a lie for me today?” He laughed sympathetically and quietly turning to face you. 

“Nah.” You finally gave him half an answer. Your eyes fixated on the game now waiting for the camera to catch glimpses of the boy you might’ve just fallen in love with. What if he was nice?  What if he was nice to you? God, if he was nice to you you'd love him forever, and you did. He had a chock hold grip on your heart. 

“Want a beer?” Your dad cut your thoughts off once more. You furrowed your brow confused what he was asking you. 

“Dad?” You snapped out of your reverie about a person you didn’t know feeling stupid imagining a world you didn’t live in, you didn’t deserve that, and certainly the boy flashing across the tv wasn’t going to be the one to give it to you. 

“It’s 8 pm where I am right now.” Your dad laughed again dreaming he was back at Anfield’s stadium tonight instead of on your family’s couch. You hummed, finally wrapping your head around his sentiment. “Let’s go on your thanksgiving break.” He cooed. 

“To?” You turned your body towards him on the couch for the first time taking your eyes off the screen in minutes. You were interested in anything he was offering that might potentially whisk you out of your current place in the world. 

“To Anfield. You’ll love it” Your dad assured you. Loving anything right now felt like a cruel joke but of course you’d go.  8 pm under the floodlights of Anfield with the beer your dad wanted so desperately you watched admiring the boy who would end up being nicer to you than anyone ever had been. 

You changed for the match and you definitely didn’t look good. Winnie FaceTimed Teddy and Dianne for you as you rushed around your hotel room. You did the best you could to not burst right into tears looking back at the cutest face you’d ever seen in your life. The bright wide eyes gleaming mirroring Trent’s exactly seeing her mummy. It was wrong but you hadn’t even responded to any of Trent’s messages from last night yet this morning. You didn’t tell Winnie that. You couldn’t. You couldn’t answer all the questions he had and you didn’t want to answer any more of hers. Honestly, you didn’t know the answers to them. When you arrived at the stadium you prayed for some sort of invisibility shield. That wasn’t going to happen. You were radiating an energy that just reeked of misfortune, you felt eyes burning into you. Trent scanned the stadium for you before you had arrived. Seats left for you and Winnie empty while he warmed up. Marcel sitting there alone also awaiting your arrival. When the two teams lined up ahead of the anthem he finally clocked you. Trent looked fucking livid. You’d never seen him give that face to you. You started crying. You watched him shut his eyes in slow motion, his heart breaking in real time. Winnie squeezed your shoulder. You batted your eyes to try to clear the tears. Your view of Trent blurring then clearing then blurring again. Your heart aching painfully. Trent played incredible. It maybe was the best half of football you’d seen him play. It made you sick thinking maybe you had potentially been a cause for any dips in his form. That not having you around somehow made him better. The second half began. Only a few minutes passed before Trent rocketed home a shot from outside the box. The stadium erupted celebrating the goal and you never felt more silenced. He ran to the corner flag and swung at it with real fire. He screamed while his teammates engulfed him. Media and the crowd probably perceived the celebration as passion but you knew… Winnie and Marcel knew... Jadon who now walked himself into the middle of a horrible situation knew. You sat on your hands watching the game clock tick on. Jadon looked at Winnie and hinted for her to check her phone. No one was really talking between the four of you. It was so awkward. Winnie picked up her phone and nonchalantly tilted the screen away from you, leaning back in her seat reading Jadon's message.

‘Trent knows this is going on, right? He needs to help her, Win.’

Winnie sighed reading it trying to hold back the wave of emotion crashing over her. Of course, Trent knew. You were getting married. He knew everything, he just had never experienced such a low of yours in real time. It was easy to love someone when you only heard about their past. You can forgive them for something you weren’t even there for. Something you’d never had to have experienced. Trent loved you for all that you are but seeing you wither after the birth of your baby wasn’t on his bingo card. Liverpool won and Trent stood on the pitch hands on his hips staring up into the sky still while the team scattered around the pitch jumping in celebration. They won and yet he felt worse than ever.  Before the trophy presentation he ran down the tunnel. Marcel made you go with him down to meet him. God, there was nothing in the world you wanted to do less than face Trent right now. You made Winnie come with you for moral support. You saw him walk towards you. Full kit, sweaty, perfect, beautiful. You couldn’t believe he was at his very best when you weren’t with him, seeing him in all his glory at the very top and you at your very lowest. Producing a man of the match performance and you producing maybe the biggest fuck up or your life. You were in your own world of thought when his curt words cut you off.

“Where were you?” That was all he said. Cold, keeping his distance from you. 

“T…” you pleaded with your eyes falling into pools. Tears already gathering in your eyes. 

“No, where the fuck were you?” He snapped again. Winnie stood off to the side of the corridor. She didn’t know how to help. She felt horrible like somehow this was her fault. It wasn’t at all but she couldn’t help the guilt she felt having been at the club with you, having drank so much with you. She tried to help.  

“Trent, she was…” Winnie began to try to talk but that was not going to fly. Trent didn’t want to hear from anyone but you. This was for you and him to sort.

“Winnie, let her fucking answer. Where were you? Tell me.” You weren’t sure you’d ever heard this tone of voice. It scared you. You felt your bones shake. It was like you were being reprimanded in a principal's office except you weren’t. You were being reprimanded by your fiancé in front of your sister and friends, somehow making it all the worse. 

“The hotel, the hotel. I swear.” You started to hyperventilate. You were having a panic attack in the tunnels of Wembley. This was a fucking disaster. Trent believed you. He didn’t want to but he knew you. He’d know if you were lying. Your answer flooded out drenched in honesty and fear. You felt your chest start to contract and tighten. He couldn’t look at you anymore. It hurt too much.

“I have to go…” he sighed, running his hands over his head frustrated. He was almost annoyed  that nothing happened. He was wildly relieved you were safe and standing in front of him in one piece but annoyed he couldn’t pick one thing to harp on to decidedly be angry about. All this chaos for what? “I need to go be with my fucking team. Marce is taking you home.” He quipped pulling his jersey over his head revealing his stupidly hot body. You tried to distract yourself but it was hard, he looked really good. 

“What?” You asked utterly confused. What did he mean you were going home? Your mind couldn’t keep up with his. The visual stimulant of his naked torso, your blinding headache, and the noise from a rowdy stadium concocting into a right mess. 

“I don’t want you here.” He shut his eyes saying it. He hated saying it but he meant it. He had a hard time looking at you right now. He was so weak against you and right now he was pissed. He didn’t want to cave, he didn’t want to give himself any more time or opportunity to. The emotions rising in your chest swelled with the bile in your throat. It burned and it hurt. Your brain was completely scrambled. You couldn’t process that he just rejected you, turned you away. To be fair, everyone standing there was surprised.  Trent dapped up Marcel and Jadon and swiftly headed back out onto the pitch. Nothing more said, not even a goodbye. You were completely stunned and frozen in your place. Trent was determined to do anything to get you off his mind but everything reminded him of you. You were ubiquitous. Lifting the trophy was nothing but a burden. It was heavy, he was tired and disinterested. Proud of his team but disinterested. 

Marcel drove you home all the way back up towards Manchester and to say it was awkward was an understatement. You cried about 5 times. He’d just turn the music up a little more each time letting you fall apart. You didn’t want him to acknowledge it. He was doing it for both of you. No one really knew what happened, you included. It was one big blur but everyone knew in a way that you had gone awol last night so Marcel didn’t really have anything to say to you until you finally arrived to your house.

“Do you want me to stay? I don’t want to talk but I also don’t want you alone.” Marcel asked you as he pulled into your drive. It was quintessential Marce. He didn’t really want to deal with any of this but he was way too empathetic to just drop it all, no questions asked. He was still your friend, Trent aside. Although right now he felt more like Trent’s brother than your friend. 

“I’m fine. I promise. Thank you.” You lied blatantly getting out of the car and he knew it. You didn’t expect him to but he got out of his car to help you with your luggage. The bags you had filled with outfits you would no longer get to wear this weekend celebrating with Trent now. 

“It’ll be fine.” He gave you a hug and it was like his reassuring words broke the damn down. You began to sob heavily. He stepped back from you not surprised but he was upset that you were upset. He felt bad but he also was a little annoyed with you so he needed to let go. He dragged his hand over his face and pivoted without looking back at you. He turned around though when he opened the drivers side of his car. “I know whatever happened was a mistake, Y/N, but he does a fucking lot for you, ya know? I’m not saying you don’t but he really moves fucking mountains for you and sometimes… fuck.” He sighed looking at you defeated as you stood awkwardly at your garage door awaiting the dagger he was about to twist into you. “I don’t know, you just expect him to. Like you take it as a given, for granite.” You opened your mouth to respond. “I gotta go.” He shook his head and left before you could say anything. Cut to, Trent had finally returned home. It was tense and it was painfully uncomfortable for the fleeting moments before the highly anticipated fight erupted. The second he walked in the door you shuddered. You two stood a good 3 yards apart yelling in voices you never used in your kitchen. 

“You know what that would fucking look like if someone saw any of this?” Trent spat at you frustrated you didn’t understand the point he was trying to make. You had explained to him the extent of your night that you could remember. He was less than impressed but right now he sounded like your mum and it made you feel horrible. Thoughts of all of the times she scolded you telling you ‘what would people think.’ the image of her sat at the edge of a hospital bed appeared in your head. 

“Why do you care what it fucking would look like?” You snapped back at him more annoyed at the remembrance of your mum than him. The sting felt the same no matter whose mouth it was coming from.

“Because I care about you… Do you see yourself lately?  I know with the wedding and the baby it’s stressful but have you looked in the mirror lately? I know how often you’ve been weighing yourself.” The way he said his last sentence was almost threatening. Trent wasn’t dumb and you weren’t exactly trying to hide either. He saw the scale pulled out on your shared bathroom floor every morning. The measuring tape you kept tucked in your drawer just to make sure everything was ‘on track’ lingering after effects from Chase like scars. 

“I can’t fucking look in the mirror, Trent” You snapped and the flood gates opened. You started balling. It took everything in him not to just grab for you. Hold you. Fix this. Tell you it was fine except this time it wasn’t. Nothing was fine right now. 

“What the fuck honestly, I’m at a fucking boiling point. I can't do it anymore. You have a daughter, Y/N! Do you want her to grow up to be like you?” Trent shouted at you, really starting to lose his temper. 

“Do you? Do you want her to be like me?” You asked him incredibly, even more offended than his words echoing your mother’s. Your tears were blurring your vision entirely. You couldn’t make out the face you knew. The face you loved. The one that brought you so much comfort. Right now, your entire life looked to have a smudged haze over it all.

“Fucking hell, Y/N. Can you please not cry all the time?” He pleaded with you having a hard time keeping his distance from you. He was so angry with you but so conflicted with the affection he wanted to show you. You only stood on opposite sides of the kitchen island at the moment but you felt worlds apart.

“I can’t! I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. This is all too much.” You were sobbing at this point clinging onto the lip of the marble slab countertop.

“No, I am not letting you do this.” He hated when you cried. Seeing you right now so upset made him sick to his stomach but pushed him past his normal point of concern into a state of rage. “Why do you fucking treat yourself like this!?! I don’t fucking understand it!” He continued to seethe with fury. He looked at you waiting for an answer. An incredibly deafening silence falling over the room. 

“Because I fucking hate everything about me. What don’t you fucking understand about that. You expect me to be this perfect version 24/7 but I’m not. I’m not!” You kept crying. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m trying but I can’t be like you, okay?” You whimpered, feeling defeated and broken. It felt like you could never measure up to the golden boy that was in the room with you. No matter where you went or what you did he was always going to look sparkly and new, fantastical and interesting and you couldn’t feel more opposite. Having a baby completely ransacked you. You were far from new. You had been stripped of a sense of individualisation and identity. You were Teddy’s mum and Trent’s fiance. Y/N didn’t matter, anyone could fill in the blank of your name. The icing on the cake was the image you were trying to uphold all the while.

“Why do you always have to guilt me? I didn’t do anything here, Y/N, you did! You did this.” He snapped at you once more, moving to be a bit more accusatory. In a more mindful state you probably would’ve understood his reasoning but it just felt like a personal attack at the moment. 

“I step out of line once and it…” you tried to rebuttal but he wasn’t having it. He cut you off before you could even think of what your next word was going to be. 

“Out of line? Out of line? No, baby.” You heard him use the pet name out of habit and it sent a shiver running down your spine. That was not the way you liked to hear that word. After that, you had an even harder time keeping up with his words so transfixed on the snippy way he had said ‘baby.’ “You went missing and said fuck all untill I saw you in the stadium… you were in London alone. The mother of my fucking child, my baby.” Trent felt like he was about to start crying so he turned away from you dropping his head in his hands. ”My baby, my beautiful girl just fucking gone and you didn’t care! You didn’t care one bit” He whimpered a bit quieter than you’d heard him talk all day. You couldn’t get a word in fast enough before his anger rushed back. “God fuck… why do you not care!?! You not caring hurts me! It hurts our daughter! You can’t fucking do this!” He cried out. You were shaking. Your one hand pressed onto your sinuses attempting to relieve the pressure you thought was going to make your head explode. Your other hand’s nails were digging so painfully deep into your palm you were sure you were about to break the skin. 

“I’m not trying to hurt you! It’s me okay? I know it’s me. I’m shit. I get it. You’ve made that so fucking clear... that I’m not allowed to make mistakes. That I’m not allowed to falter from the caliber of excellence you live in everyday.” Your words fell into a slightly sassier sarcastic tone that made Trent twitch with anger but  then sadness crashed back over you dripping onto your next words. “I can’t handle the pressure T, I really can't. I know that you deserve more than this. You deserve to have someone so much better fit for you. and it's not me” You sniffled out. Your lip quivering, your mascara running. 

“I am done with this. If you fucking still think that I moved you to another country to be with me, I made a home for us here, had a child with you, that I want to fucking marry you is not enough. That's on you. Honestly, I’m fucking done. Have a good fucking time in New York tomorrow.  Don't stay out too late and maybe fucking try to take care of yourself because I’m done doing it for you.” He quipped storming out of the room.  You ran to the kitchen sink and threw up nausea hitting you instantly. Leaning over the deep farmhouse sink. He heard you and shut his eyes. He couldn’t turn back. If he did, he knew he’d cave.  You had originally planned to fly to New York again tomorrow but right now running the fuck away from all of this never felt like such a perfectly yet equally terrible idea. You already had your packed bags by the door the next day when Trent came down early, Teddy still asleep. You had slept in the guest room. Although ‘sleeping’ was probably a stretch. You just lied awake staring at the ceiling wavering in out of fits of tears. You couldn't say bye to Teddy, you didn’t want to say bye to him. You wanted to disappear and leave them so things would be better for them. It was for them you told yourself. Trent looked at you from a distance with a blank face. You bite your bottom lip trying so hard not to fall apart. He let out a deep sigh. He walked towards you and your whole body tensed. He wrapped one of his arms around your shoulder blades high on your back and pressed his lips to your forehead. The embrace felt so foreign. Tears began streaming down your face. “I hate how much I love you and I hate how much you don’t.” The way his lips felt on your skin almost stung. It was one of the most harrowing out of body experiences. It truly felt like that was going to be the last time he’d ever kiss you. That would be your last memory of his lips on you. He could feel how limp you were to his touch. He pulled away with his eyes shut and just let you walk out the door. His face fell. You couldn’t get any words to come out of your mouth. You couldn’t pick your eyes up to see him. He couldn’t understand but the pain you were in was palpable, thick in the room. It destroyed him to see you walking out of your house, your home. He tried so hard to hold it together. He tried absolutely everything he could but he fell to the ground. Crouching with his head in his hands. He began to cry. He felt weak and stupid but in the same way you felt that that may have been the last time together, he felt just the same. Suddenly it all scared him terribly that he had lost you, he had pushed you too far. You were his whole world but he had told you he didn’t want you around, he told you he didn’t want to take care of you. The feelings were still prevalent but it was like his heart was bleeding. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He told you he hated that he loved you. You couldn’t wrap your head around it. A part of you yearned pathetically for him to try to stop you from leaving for this pointless trip. You felt your heartbeat slow to a point where you weren’t sure it was beating anymore.  Your chest hurt so bad it felt like your body might have begun to shut down entirely and with this emotional feeling you thought that it might be the only way out of it. Everything had drained of its color watching the door close to your home, your family, your baby, the love of your life shutting you out as your uber pulled away. 

Trent didn’t tell anyone how bad things really had gotten between you two. He was always private but he couldn’t talk about this. He didn’t tell anyone that his Hollywood film romance was crumbling before you two had even got to the altar. He knew if he told George, Marcel, Tyler, or Jude they’d try to fix it and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He was so angry. He didn’t love you any less but he just felt helpless. When he went to bed that night he found himself staring at your Van Cleef necklace he’d given you all those years ago. The one. He got so angry seeing it, seeing you left it behind. It felt like a part of you was leaving him, like you had given up. He held it in his hands imagining your warm skin and delicate décolletage it was supposed to be laid over. He was so indignant. Emotionally charged he yanked the necklace apart, splitting it into two pieces. He felt sick. It hit him like a ton of bricks. He couldn't believe he just did that. That necklace was your relationship and he just destroyed it. He sat with the two pieces of chain, one in each hand. You two separated. 

You were terrified about leaving Teddy but you couldn’t do anything but leave. You couldn’t move. She would be better off with the loving stable Alexander-Arnold family not the disaster you felt you were at the moment. Dianne had her, well Trent did, but when he was at training she would make sure she was okay. You got to New York and didn’t tell a soul you were there. Not your parents, Winnie, or Lauren. You wanted to be alone. You laid in your new apartment on the king sized bed you’d never even had a chance to sleep in with Trent yet. It was the most chilling depressing way to be reminded he wasn’t with you and that he didn’t want you with him. Did he want it all to really end? You were replaying your last conversations over and over analyzing every word he said and inflection of his voice when a Daily Mail article notification dropped down from the top of your phone screen. 

‘Trent Alexander-Arnold seen out on a date in Manchester with a mystery women ahead of his previously planned summer wedding. Has the American dream come to an end?’

Your face fell. You were pretty sure all the air had left your lungs, your brain short circuited. You zoomed in on the photo only inflicting more pain on yourself. You’d never seen the women in the photo in your life. She had curves and a full figure but still slender in all the right places. She looked like if Instagram was a person. You looked… not like that. A confirmation published globally echoing every thought you’ve ever had. You were not what he really wanted. This was all too good to be true and you were never going to measure up. The thought of him with someone else made you sick. The thought of another woman making him smile was somehow worse than anything else you could’ve possibly seen. He was holding the door for her, dimples deepened in his cheeks, his glowing smile mocking you. He hadn’t smiled at you in days now but that face from the tv was burned into your memory. You were a mess. You couldn’t cope without him. You felt completely lost. You felt like you were a missing person when you weren’t with him. You thought you were going to be sick the longer you stared at the images. You ran to the bathroom. You slipped on a rug and smacked your face on the porcelain toilet. You leaned over the toilet and vomited but you simultaneously could make out the drops of blood dripping off your face onto the seat through your hazy vision. ‘Fuck’ you cursed under your breath. The tears falling from your face dropping down to join the rest of the releases.

You sank into the warm water filled to the brim of the bathtub in your apartment. For some reason that had become your place of habit during whatever chaotic episode you currently were inhabiting. You slipped down into the water, letting the full bath completely cover and engulf your body. You closed your eyes. You could feel yourself crying but you couldn’t tell submerged in the water. You couldn’t believe what just happened, what you had lost in days time. Bubbles rose to the surface of the bath as you opened your mouth and screamed repeatedly underwater. When you emerged from the bath you were gasping and coughing excessively, somehow getting air to your lungs even more difficult now than when you were under the bath water. The tears returned now racing down your cheeks as you sobbed. You wanted out. This is what was best. Just get out, that's what was on your mind. You slid back under the water once more. A rage filled scream muffled by the water filling your mouth. Words repeating in your brain ‘please just get me out of here’ ‘give my baby a better mum than this’ ‘let Trent find someone perfectly matched for him.’

“Hey, you good? What’s up?” Lauren answered a call from Marcel. It was a little odd for him to call her. Naturally her curiosity peaked. Was he in New York? She felt like you would’ve said something if he was. They were on good terms but he was also well aware that she was with Jude now so she didn’t think he’d try to push to hang out now. Her intrigue only growing. 

“Hey, you’re in Manhattan?” He asked hesitantly, also feeling fairly weird about this call but he needed someone to check on you. His anxiety had been piling up over the last day or so. Lauren didn’t even know you had come to New York. She was shocked to even hear that let alone the next things about to come out of his mouth. Again, you just wanted to get out of Liverpool. You’d told no one. It had been a little over a day since you had arrived. You didn’t reach out and you hadn’t heard from anyone back at home either. Well, maybe from Marcel and Dianne but you had selfishly and unfairly chosen not to respond to either. Really, you were fixated on the fact that most noticeably you hadn’t heard from Trent. You canceled any of the appointments you had planned to attend for wedding planning opting to rot in your bed in hopes of achieving escapism. 

“I need you to go and check on Y/N. Trent said she flew to go over some wedding stuff but she hasn’t responded to me. He hasn’t either to any messages. Something is going on with them. There was this big mess before the match this past weekend.” He rambled on frantically trying to explain best he could but really emphasize that he just needed Lauren to find you and make sure you were fine, why didn’t really matter. She was confused to say the least. Even when you and Trent had stupid bickering fights she’d still hear about it. Yet this? This.. she didn’t hear a peep and this was far different from bickering over who forgot to unload a dishwasher. Lauren agreed, remembering that she had a key to your new apartment in Manhattan in case someone needed to get in when you weren’t there. You might’ve been there physically at the moment, but you were far from being there mentally that’s for sure. Lauren hurried the fastest she possibly could up to your apartment, the urgency in Marcel’s voice making her incredibly nervous. Her worst fears fueling her speed. She unlocked the door and walked inside only adding more confusion and fear to her scrambling brain because your phone's location had said you were there but the apartment was empty. It was quiet until she heard water in the bathroom. You opened your eyes beneath the surface of the water in a moment of desperation trying to stop overthinking what you were doing only for you to find yourself gasping and in taking a ton of water when you saw Lauren’s figure blurred above the water beside the bathtub.You didn’t have a moment of time to even react before Lauren frenziedly reached into the full tub and yanked you out aggressively immediately wrapping you in her arms over the ledge. Your soaking wet naked body drenching her dry clothes. She dragged your very limp body out. 

“Y/N, what the fuck is going on!?!?!” Lauren screamed, starting to uncontrollably cry. It didn’t look good. You felt so young again saved by Lauren once more. You blinked your swollen eyes trying to clear them of the water blurring them. You slumped back onto the cold side of the tub on the bathroom floor. She shook your shoulders trying to get you to come to and answer her. She was absolutely terrified and rightfully so. “Okay, okay. Jesus!” She ran her hands over her head in panic and shock. “You’re gonna be fine. I’ll… erm… I’ll call T.” She rattled off trying to think what to do. She knew that’s what this was about.  

“You can’t!” You attempted to scream at her but you didn’t even have any strength left shaking from the shock and from the cold air hitting your wet skin. 

“Shit…” She cursed. Laurens chest started heaving. She was trying her very hardest not to fall into her own panic attack finding you like this. “Why, Y/N? Why?” She tried to be sensitive but she was angry for finding you like this.

“He ended it. He’s done…” You whimpered out devastated hearing each word fall out of your mouth. You felt like you were going to throw up imagining life without him.

“What do you mean he's done? You’re getting married so soon. Just try to relax here.” Lauren asked, perplexed because Marcel said things were off, not that you and Trent had split. 

“No… we’re not, okay? Just shut up, please!” You wailed. Heartbroken by the reality of what was all setting in now. Not only what was going on between you and Trent but the situation you had just put Lauren in, the way you left your daughter, the state you were currently in. Tears cascading down your face with no sign of stopping any time soon. 

“Hey! Enough. You’re not doing this.” Lauren scolded you demanding you cut this shit out immediately. She stood up stoic as ever just staring at you.

“You sound just fucking like him.” You screamed back at her dropping your head back behind you feeling incredibly dizzy. You wiped at your face, unable to stop the emotions flooding out of you.

“Y/N… no. We’ve done this. You’ve done this over really shitty things. This is and will not be one of them. You’re not doing it. Get up!” She continued to yell at you sternly commanding you with a scowl on her face. You looked at her confused that she was angry at you. Everyone was angry at you and the only thing that could possibly make it better was rewind time to go be back in your bed at home with your daughter and Trent but that was miles and miles away and probably not likely to happen again. Lauren made you stand up with her help on shaky legs, forcing you under freezing cold water for a moment in an effort to practice some sort of distress tolerance. She sat on the edge of the sink as you stood with tears falling at the same rate the water did from the shower head. She didn’t trust you right now to leave the room. You got out and wrapped yourself in a towel and sat yourself on your bed shaking. Yes, you were cold but also just riddled with so much anxiety. You couldn’t believe you had ruined everything. You had everything you could ever want. You sat there for a long while trying to explain the situation to Lauren through several breaks unable to calm your breath. Although your story probably was a little one sided as you really only relayed the more harsh things Trent had said. ‘I don’t want you here,’ ‘I’m done with this,’ ‘I’m done taking care of you.’ And then of course, you had to show her the Daily Mail article that only ignited another panic attack to crash over you. You were having heart palpitations. There was a laundry list of reasons you probably should’ve gone to the hospital but at the moment you couldn’t move your body and sadly, you didn’t want the help. “He’s not done with you…” Lauren whispered softly, helping you lay down in the big bed taking your phone from you, clicking the power button and watching the screen illuminated with the photo of Trent and the women go black. “He’s really upset, Y/N, He’s allowed to be. I’m sure a lot of it was said heat of the moment but you fucked up and he’s concerned but he’s not done. He loves you more than frankly I ever knew people could love each other. I know he isn't done.” She cooed with a sad sympathetic smile. She looked next to your bed on the bedside table and saw your engagement ring in a little jewelry dish. “Please put this back on, please.” She put the ring back on your finger where it belonged for you and kissed the back of your hand before wiping a falling tear. You took it off because it was making you nauseous that he had promised you a life and you accepted it only to destroy it all. “He’s not going anywhere, I am not going anywhere, and Y/N, you…you are not going anywhere. You are here and we want you here.” You could hear a tremor in her voice as she sat next to you rubbing your back. You weren’t sure when the last time you slept was so you passed out finally feeling her warm comforting touch on you. You were fast asleep when Lauren got up and called Jude from another room. She roughly explained the situation, she didn’t speak too much about you and Trent’s kick off because she didn’t think she had the full story yet. She began to cry when she relayed the terrifying situation she had just gone through arriving at your apartment. Jude was shocked, gobsmacked, massively concerned but more so helpless listening to Lauren sob over the phone. He didn’t know how to help from where he was. 

Back in Liverpool, Tyler had come over to your house to talk to Trent about some end of the season things they needed to get squared away. He sat with Teddy bouncing her on his knee as they had a unnecessarily tense conversation. 

“Yo, what’s with you?” Tyler quipped looking at Trent confused. He was being particularly snippy with him and all his brother was trying to do was his job. Trent didn’t need to be such an asshole to him. 

“Ty, I’m losing her.” Trent sighed scrolling on his phone zooming in on your location to make sure he knew you were at the apartment he had gotten for you at least. He didn’t have the courage to text or call you yet but he needed to know where you were. 

“What are you on about mate?” Tyler asked, incredibly confused. Marcel had mentioned a tiff at the game but like everyone else around you two there never were any really big squabbles so this was definitely a bit of a surprise. 

“I can feel it, bro. Since we had Teddy all this stuff she warned me about, things she had dealt with when she was younger all started flooding back. I always knew like from the day I met her, she wasn’t like the most confident person in the world but since she had the baby she’s just not the same. I hear her get up in the middle of the night, I see her not eating as much, she’s sleeping way more and I can’t do anything. There’s nothing to say even. She’s like a shell of herself, bro. I’m terrified.” Trent expatiated at length but vaguely touching on the slow decline you had been on postpartum. 

“I haven’t seen it to be honest.” Tyler responded hesitantly tilting his head slowly trying to rack his brain to think if he had noticed any shifts in your behavior. 

“That’s the fucking problem. She’s fooling everyone. It’s fucked. Like I get it she looks good. She always looks good, she’s perfect but it’s not right. Something's not right and I’m getting worried. I was absolutely fuming after the final and I just didn’t want to talk to her to be honest but then she left for New York… and…” Trent rambled half ass explaining the situation at hand but leaving out the part that you two hadn’t spoken since you walked out of the house. 

“Well you love her, you can’t just dip because it got hard.” Tyler was very quick with his response. He wanted to make sure Trent wasn’t trying to jump ship considering at the very moment he was holding the child you shared.

“I’m not dipping. I’m never fucking leaving her. It’s just such a mess. It felt like it went 0 to 60.” Trent dropped his head back onto the couch cushion in despair so confused and conflicted on what he was supposed to do next.

“Well, first off, good. If you’re gonna marry her, you’re buying into all of it, mate. It’s not your responsibility to heal her of something but it’s your responsibility if you really love her to get her to the people that can if she’s not willing to do it herself. You love her and she’s the mother of your child and if she can’t see that… you need to make sure you do everything you can to show her there’s no other possible feeling there but your support.” He looked at Trent with a lot of sympathy but Tyler really was starting to worry about you. His brain switching gears from the assistance to his younger brother to a growing anxiety about the girl he picked up from the airport and never left all those years ago. He started to remember little things here and there, comments made or small actions that felt like nothing at the time but maybe cumulatively he should’ve caught on. 

The next day after Trent had a big think, he remembered that one of George’s cousins ran a clinic in Liverpool so he figured he could start there. He asked George for her number and she agreed to meet him happily willing to help. He at least wanted to learn what options he even had. He wanted to know a simple answer of what he was supposed to do but he knew that wasn’t the reality.  The photos of their meeting hit you like a ton of bricks. You thought he was seeing someone else, taking your night out and spitting it back at you. Showing you he could disappear just the same and rub it your face simultaneously. That wasn’t the case at all though. He wasn’t thinking about her in that regard in the slightest; the only thing he could think about was you, you 24/7. Unfortunately, he wasn’t aware of what was happening in your apartment at the moment which probably wouldn’t have given him much peace of mind. Ignorance was currently a mild form of bliss until he got home seeing he had a missed call.

After Lauren spoke to Jude she texted Marcel updating him in a fuzzy but still transparent way. She didn’t think she could handle another call after the emotional one she had with Jude. Eventually, Lauren mustered up the courage to call the one person she knew she had to… Trent. Her legs bounced in anxious anticipation but he didn’t answer her call. She felt her stomach drop. Maybe things were that bad. Maybe he really was done. He couldn’t be, she’d kill him, so she told herself she’d call once more but after that if he didn’t pick up, if he didn’t want to talk then she would resort to getting Dianne’s number from Marcel. This couldn’t go on any longer. She didn’t want to press but this needed to be sorted. Trent picked up the second time she rang but didn’t say anything once he answered for a little while so Lauren didn’t say a thing either. The line was silent until Trent's desperation outweighed any anger he had been harboring.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 20 xx

[elegantauthor]

Saving Grace Chapter 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Aurora Stark

Summary: Zemo plays a dangerous game with the Winter Soldier.

Warnings: allusions to episode 3 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, nonconsensual (nonsexual) touching

Series Masterlist

Madripoor

“And Miss Stark will be mine for the evening.” Zemo hooked an arm around hers, practically yanking her from Bucky’s side. Glancing at him over her shoulder, Bucky looked absolutely feral. Sam put a hand on his shoulder, as the two reluctantly followed behind Zemo through the crowded street.

Hit by wave upon wave of emotion, Aurora tried to use Zemo as a buffer; it wasn’t enough to block the influx when they walked into the Princess Bar. Since the emergence of her powers, she’d been fortunate to avoid city life in Wakanda, the cabin.

Ushered toward the bar, she felt the press of whispers and stares like a tangible thing. Instinctively, she gripped Zemo’s arm. “It is alright, liebling, you’re safe,” he leaned in and murmured.

The bartender greeted them, and it took all the constitution she could muster not to vomit when he produced a dead snake and gutted it for an alcoholic drink. The smell alone triggered bile to rise, and she turned away as Sam chugged a shot of it in order to keep up pretenses.

“One for your lady?” asked the bartender. Aurora looked up at Zemo, pleading No with her eyes, relief palpable when he politely declined on her behalf.

As one thing lead to another—apparently, not to the Baron’s liking—Aurora paled at the one word she recognized from his curt command: “Soldat.” Back pressed against Zemo’s chest, she watched with wide eyes Bucky dismantle everyone with deadly efficiency.

“Do you fear him?” Zemo lilted in her ear, just as the bartender announced the person he was here for would see them: Selby.

They entered a room, where a woman with pixie-cut white hair and sharp features was expecting them. Aurora picked up on her energy. It read like venom. She didn’t like this woman. She didn’t trust this woman.

“Tell us what you know about the super-soldier serum, and I give you him. Along with the code words to control him, of course. He will do anything you want¹.”

Jarred by Zemos word’s, even more so when he rubbed Bucky’s chin, Aurora had to remind herself that it was part of the ruse. He warned them more than once to play their character. But, gods, she wanted to cry, sensing Bucky’s discomfort.

“Who is she, Zemo? She’s gorgeous.” Selby stood, and akin to how Zemo circled Bucky, she studied Aurora with a hawkish gleam.

“Isn’t she?” Zemo agreed. “She is… very special. A demigoddess.”

For the first time since their arrival, Selby looked genuinely intrigued. Trying not to recoil from the other woman’s touch, Aurora steeled herself. She was both grateful and horrified when Sam’s phone rang, the latter winning out when Sarah, Sam’s sister, answered and blew their cover.

Gunfire exploded around them, and Aurora was once again pressed into Zemo’s side. Separated from Bucky and Sam, she ran with Zemo, dodging gunfire. Thanks to her former ballet training, she volleyed with ease and grace. They turned down an alley, Zemo taking out several men with his gun.

“Bucky?” Aurora walked over to him, cupping his cheek in her palm. His demeanor, icy as ever, thawed beneath the warmth radiating from her skin. It seeped into him, wrapping around his mind like a cozy blanket and eradicating the Winter Soldier’s ironclad grip.

He blinked, eyes softening, shoulders relaxing. Placing his gloved hand over hers against his face, he huffed out a sigh and smiled. “Thank you, doll.”

Aurora smiled softly. “I’ve got you.”

Bucky nodded, the familiarity of her words grounding him. He brought her fingers to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Excuse me a moment…” He turned on Zemo. “Don’t you ever do anything like that again. Aurora’s not part of this, and she’s definitely not yours.”

Zemo, who’d been silently observing Aurora as she used her power to pacify the Winter Soldier, simply smirked. “As you wish, James.”

¹ Dialogue from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

[headfulloflettuce]

Puppet Darling - Part 7

Credit: Inspired by @wallflowers-in-the-wind’s post here.

Warning: angst, Feyre is entering her depression arc.

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6

Nesta was having the time of her life, or at least, it seemed that way to Feyre. From training in the woods, to enjoying the library in Eris’s cabin she seemed to thrive. 

Elain had once again found purpose in gardening. Apparently she had brought some Spring Court seedlings and had begun growing them in Autumn, trying to cross pollinate the different types of plants.

During one of his visits Eris had discovered her experiments, and had kindly requested that she ‘doesn’t create something that will eat them alive’.

Feyre thought the idea of a man eating plant to be silly but Elain took Eris’s comment as a challenge, and was now determined to create the very thing he said not to do. She may be orchestrating a forest coup. Against whom? Feyre wasn’t certain, yet.

Meanwhile, Feyre was bored. Happy? Satisfied? Perhaps content was a better word to describe her current state.

She didn’t feel happy, but she wasn’t sad either. 

Nyx babbled as she fed him another spoon of applesauce.

“What are we going to do today?” she smiled at the baby.

Nyx pointed to the plushie.

“You want to play?”

He waved his arms, pointing to the window as well.

“Outside?”

Nyx nodded.

Feyre shrugged, feeding him the rest of his applesauce and taking him out of the baby chair Eris had graciously provided, along with toys, clothes and other necessities. She carried Nyx outside, bringing the one toy she took from Spring Court, a couple Autumn ones and a blanket so that he wasn’t crawling around in the mud. 

Autumn was so vibrant. Feyre still hadn’t gotten used to all the red and orange despite the weeks spent doing the exact same thing over and over again.

Feeding Nyx.

Playing with Nyx.

Bathing Nyx.

Getting Nyx to sleep.

Sleep for only four hours of stupid Rhys.

Repeat.

As if on cue the mating bond came to life with an obligatory tug. Feyre wasn’t certain if he was actually being gentler or if she had gotten used to his constant presence.

A part of her wanted to be angry. To want more. To want stimuli besides the sounds of the trees rustling and the occasional crow.

I should be grateful for what I have. I am free.

She looked at the black haired boy as she sat him down on the blanket, letting him wriggle around, smacking at the stuffed animal, making it fall over.

Feyre crossed her legs, toying with the grass next to her. She hated to admit it but she felt lonely. Elain, Nesta and her had taken on an avoidance routine the past couple weeks, meeting up only during the mornings which tended to end in arguments.

Feyre tried to stay positive.

It’s for the best. They can finally move on and have good lives, even if it’s without me.

Feyre shook her head.

It would be fine. We avoided each other back then and we still co-existed. Although, coexistence doesn’t mean to enjoy each other’s company…

She almost felt guilty for wanting to go back to a time where they were stuck in that rundown house and were on the brink of starvation each winter.

At least we had shared some degree of trust then. Somewhat. On second thought, we didn't act particularly more friendly than either. 

Feyre scrunched her face, recalling the insults Nesta had thrown at her, and the ones she had thrown right back. It had always gotten ugly.

How did Elain survive us?

The bushes near the edge of the clearing that the cabin was located on suddenly shook, and Nesta peeked through the greenery, Eris’s smokehounds following loyally after her.

“Oh, Nesta, you’re back early.” Feyre quickly stood up, approaching her sister, still keeping an eye on Nyx. She didn’t feel comfortable with how her voice pitched an octave higher from excitement.

“I forgot to grab water before going on the run.” Nesta grabbed a bottle, chugging the liquid inside it, the loose athletic clothing of Autumn Court gently swaying in the breeze as she drank. One of the hounds that had accompanied her sat down at her feet, catching his breath.

“Do you want to join me and Nyx?”

“I need to get back to training. I want to make it to the actual cliffside this time.”

“Just for a bit.”Feyre hoped she didn’t sound too desperate.

“I told you, I am busy.”

“Fifteen minutes is enough.” she felt like she was begging her to chop wood again. Feyre knew it wasn’t exactly the same, but still.

“Seriously? You think I want to spend time with that freak’s kid?” Nesta snapped.

He’s my kid too.

Feyre persisted, “What about me?”

“What about you?” Nesta raised an eyebrow.

“I want to spend time with you.”

Do you not want to spend even a second with me?

Nesta looked at her with a stoic expression breaking eye contact as she sighed, “I think we’ve spent enough time together at all your family junctions. Some distance would do us some good.”

“They were our family junctions.”

It was one of the few ways he allowed me to visit you.

“No Feyre, they were YOUR family’s events. Not mine. Last time I checked you threatened me with my rent to show up.”

“I genuinely wanted you there.” Feyre whispered.

“Yeah well I sure felt fucking welcomed.” Nesta said sarcastically, “No better way to welcome a sibling than to threaten her with money hm?”

“I am sorry, that was his idea, I didn’t agree-”

“How convenient that everything was his idea!” Nesta threw her hands up, exasperated, “One minute you’re on my ass and then the next you’re apologizing for every little thing, pick a lane Feyre!”

“I am not apologizing for little things!” Feyre’s scowled, “You were spirling-”

“Oh, great, now I am the one with the issu-”

“But you shouldn’t have been locked up in the House of Wind. You should have just received payment for all the work you did while in Night Court and been permitted complete independence.”

Although I didn’t really want to do that.

Feyre knew that would have been the right thing to have done, but she hadn’t wanted to let go. If she could keep taking care of Nesta, and with Rhysand’s money she could have, there is no reason why she shouldn’t. 

She had always taken care of Nesta and  Elain. Sure they were adults. Sure they didn’t need her, but they still needed her right? Right?

Nesta narrowed her eyes.

“I truly am sorry.” Feyre mumbled, “I am sorry for the House of Wind. I am sorry for how Rhysand has treated you, for how he has threatened you. I promise, if I could have, and I tried, I would have torn him to shreds for saying he would kill you. I am sorry for letting Cassian near you when you weren’t ready. I am sorry for letting him take you on that stupid hike.” Feyre’s breath hitched as she met Nesta’s eyes.

“You…you don’t believe me.” Feyre searched for any hint of trust in Nesta’s face.

“I do believe he had you somewhat under his control.” Nesta conceded, “Too many things line up, and your behavior is too different now for it to not have been the case. However, I don’t believe that you’re just some victim in all this. I don’t believe for a minute that you didn’t seek pleasure in watching me and Elain suffer.”

“Nesta, I would ne-”

“Shut up, I am not finished.” Nesta cut her off, “I don’t believe that all of a sudden you feel remorse for all these things because the Feyre that I knew was a stubborn, pain in the ass. The Feyre I knew was strong.”

You’re saying that just to be hurtful.

“You were nagging, and annoying but you were strong. Resilient like a damn cockroach. I don’t believe you would let Rhysand take over your mind so easily, which means you gave him permission. You wanted whatever he offered you.”

“I didn’t nag, I wanted us to survive. I tasked you with things that needed to get done.” Feyre didn’t address what Nesta truly said, her words having struck a core fear of hers.

What if it had been me all along?

“Things that needed to get done? What about house chores, what about any of the things you didn’t do Feyre?”

Feyre paused, “I am sorry, you’re right. I was dismissive of the work you and Elain put in-”

“Stop saying that you’re sorry.” Nesta snarled, “You’re lying to us when you say you’re sorry and that you had completely no control over the situation. And worse of all you’re lying to yourself.”

Feyre didn’t have an answer.

“What? You have the powers of all the High Lords no? Seems like you should be strong enough to overpower at least one of them.”

“Nesta, Rhysand is powerful, you don’t under-”

“He’s only as powerful as you think he is.” Nest said flatly, turning around and heading back to the tree line.

“Nesta, that’s not how it works.” Feyre tried to take a step after her but Nesta’s glare stopped her.

“Stop saying that you’re sorry, it’s too fucking late.”

Feyre stood there silently, watching Nesta as she disappeared into the treeline, the hounds following after.

She was right, it was too late.

Feyre looked down at her hands.

Did I really not try hard enough?

Nyx’s coos and calls slowly brought her to the presence, as she turned back to the picnic blanket, taking a seat beside her child who shoved the stuffed animal towards her. Feyre didn’t have the energy to pick it up however, gently shoving it back towards him.

Nyx frowned, wanting an active playmate.

I was right from the start; the best thing I can do is give them space.

The mating bond hummed, as if supporting whatever Nesta had just said. Feyre knew it was her imagination. There was no way he could know the details of her conversations, catching at most the general emotions she felt. 

She put her head in her hands.

What am I supposed to do?

Feyre startled as she heard an animalistic snort behind her, the heavy feeling that had taken root lifting slightly as she jumped to her feet. Turning around, she saw Tamlin’s beast form, carrying a heavy bag. Feyre relaxed a bit, watching as he approached, sitting beside the picnic blanket and gently placing the bag down.

Nyx stared up at the animal in wonder, desperately trying to crawl over to see him closer. Tamlin snorted again, as if laughing, lowering his head so Nyx could look at him up close. The baby quickly grabbed at Tamlin’s snout, patting it. Tamlin’s eyes crinkled, booping Nyx’s nose, more like face, with said snout.

Nyx giggled, trying to touch him again.

Tamlin used his snout to roll Nyx over onto his back.

Nyx shrieked, flapping his wings and startling the beast, making him stop

Tamlin looked at Feyre confused.

Nyx laughed.

“He’s having fun, you can continue.” Feyre gave him permission, watching as Tamlin gently pushed Nyx again, making him roll back onto his tummy.

As Nyx wriggled, getting gently rolled about the blanket, Feyre approached the bag Tamlin had brought.

Noticing her interest the High Lord of Spring chuffed, giving her a small nod as permission to proceed.

She opened it to find some of the same stuff he had brought her when he had visited the cottage in Spring Court.

He didn’t have to.

Feyre couldn’t help the small smile on her lips nonetheless. Sure, Eris had given her everything she may have needed to take care of Nyx, but this felt nice.

Tamlin rolled Nyx back over to Feyre, making sure to be careful with his movements, the baby hugging his snout, breaking down into a fit of giggles.

Pulling away from Nyx, the beast shifted into Tamlin, dressed in his usual Spring attire; a tunic and some brown pants.

Nyx let out a disappointed sound but Tamlin ignored his protests, plopping down beside Feyre. He looked happy. Gone was the tiredness and paleness Rhysand had described to her, and present was confidence and contentment.

True contentment.

“The weather is nice today.” Tamlin said.

He’s still bad at conversations though.

“Yes it is.”

“Tulips are in full bloom back in Spring.”

She hummed.

“Oh, and so are the marigolds in Autumn.” Tamlin pointed to some fiery flowers.

“Tamlin…why are you here?”

Didn’t you get rid of us by leaving us with Eris? Why visit?

“Well, you left all the baby stuff so I thought I should probably bring it over.” Tamlin rubbed his neck awkwardly.

Eris is an older brother, he has plenty of baby stuff to give us.

Feyre raised an eyebrow at him.

He sighed, “I wanted to see you.”

“See me?”

“Just check in, you know? Make sure you all are doing okay.”

Wow, that’s surprisingly sweet.

Feyre forced a smile onto her face. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. Perhaps the years of being a living doll had left her with some benefits after all.

“I am okay, thank you for checking in though. Nesta and Elain are settling in great as well.”

“Right.” he said, the concern in his eyes not abating, “What have you been up to?”

She shrugged, “Nothing much, just spending time with Nyx.”

“Anything else?”

“Well, taking care of a baby is kind of a fulltime job Tamlin.”

“That’s understandable…I just…” Tamlin picked his words carefully, “Have you had time for yourself?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she glared.

She knew what it meant. From her dirty hair, to the bags under her eyes, she was aware she looked like a mess.

“You look like you need to rest.”

“I am fine.”

“You don’t look it.” he said softly.

“Well I am!” she forced a cheerful tone, but it came out too sweet.

“If your sisters are unable to sit with Nyx, I can.” he gently offered.

Feyre growled, as the mating bond hummed with fury, supporting her rage.

“I do not mean offense.” Tamlin raised his hands in surrender, “I recognize the suggestion is unorthodox…you wouldn’t want to leave a child with a random male at the moment.”

You’re not a random male though.

She massaged her growing headache, trying to shove the mating bond away, “No, I am not offended, but it’s fine. My sisters can watch Nyx if necessary.”

Tamlin nodded, not pushing further, “Okay, that’s good to hear.”

Nyx was annoyed that the fluffy creature who had been playing with him disappeared and wriggled his way over to Tamlin, his wings angled awkwardly, smacking his leg demandingly.

“He really is an adorable baby.” Tamlin smiled gently, shifting just his hand, surprising Nyx, who quickly grabbed at the fluffy paw, staring at it.

“He is.” Feyre agreed, “When he’s not waking you up at three in the morning.”

Not that I am sleeping then anyways. Rhysand seems to not have any other High Lord duties besides make my life a living hell at night.

Feyre watched Tamlin as he let Nyx be curious about his large paw, letting him tug on the fur.

At least Rhysand was always willing to play with Nyx.

She was certain of one thing when it came to Rhys, and that was that he wouldn’t hurt his child. He had honestly taken on more of a maternal role to Nyx than she did at the beginning. Spending time with him, feeding him, changing diapers. 

Feyre almost thought that the male felt regret over his past actions, trying to give her time to heal and rest.

Regardless of what the High Lord of Night had been thinking, seeing Tamlin play with the black haired baby felt so domestic. Completely different from when Rhysand showered Nyx with gifts, took him outside in his stroller, or held him during meetings with the inner circle…

Maybe I was the crazy one? Maybe Rhysand was actually a wonderful partner and I was just causing hassle for everyone involved?

“Do you believe me?” she asked quietly.

“Hm?”

“Do you believe that Rhysand controlled me? That he used his daemati powers on me?”

“Of course.”

“Truly?”

Tamlin nodded, “Why do you ask?”

“Is there really no way I could have fought him off?”

“I am sure you did all you could.”

You say that, yet what if Nests was right? What if I let him win? What if I did want all of this?

Tamlin narrowed his eyes at her, gently taking her hands into his, “Feyre look at me.”

Feyre hesitantly met his green eyes.

“It’s not your fault. Do not let him or anyone else convince you that you actually wanted everything he made you do.”

“But what if I did?” she voiced her fear, “I did want some degree of revenge on my sisters, I did want security, I did want my family together and he gave me all of it. So…so doesn’t it mean that I let it happen?”

“He gave you a perverse version of it.” Tamlin softened, “Daemati…they’re good at making you think you want something, and even better at feeding into your existing desires and convincing you that the thing you got was what you actually wanted all along.”

Feyre blinked away tears.

“Your actions then weren’t fully of your own accord.” Tamlin reiterated firmly.

“I am sorry for hurting you.” she said, “I am sorry for hurting your court. I never meant for it to turn out like that.” Feyre tried to cover her face but Tamlin gently pulled her hands away once more.

“I know.”

She stared at him.

“I believe you.”

Feyre blinked, sniffling, and quickly wiping away her tears.

“Thank you.”

He shook his head, “No need to thank me.”

“There is a need though. You’re helping us.”

He looked at her sadly, “No, I am merely helping to fix what I helped break.”

Feyre looked back to Nyx, her fears although soothed, not gone. 

What if it can’t be fixed?

Feyre felt Rhysand tug at the mating bond but didn’t do anything to stop him, too sleepy and tired to deal with him.

She suddenly felt a feeling of worry and concern flood her from the other side, followed by gentler but still harsh tugs trying to get a rise out of her.

Don’t worry I am not dead.

She shoved the bond away again.

The worry lessened, but still persisted, attempting to question her on her wellbeing.

Feyre didn’t respond, getting out of bed instead, Nyx still sleeping.

Days had passed turning to weeks and the monotony of it all didn’t seem too bad.

Maybe this is how Elain got by back at our old home.

Feyre carefully picked up Nyx, carrying him with her to the kitchen.

Just existing. Detached.

Feyre set the kettle and began preparing breakfast for all of them. Elain quietly slipped into the room, taking a seat at the dining table followed by Nesta, “Since I am such a terrible sister who let you hunt.”

“Nesta, could you let Eris know we need more food?”

“Why don’t you go hunting instead?” Nesta snapped.

“I am not that hungry…” Elain murmured softly, slipping out of the cabin.

It had gotten worse the past week. She and Nesta could barely exchange two words without being at each other's throats.

Elain simply avoided them.

“You’re not a terrible sister…” Feyre trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe their relationship.

Whatever it was called though, it certainly wasn’t good.

“Right, you say that now.”

“I told you that I am sorry, the things I said then we-”

“Just because you didn’t mean them doesn’t make them go away!” Nesta yelled, her voice full of exasperation and Feyre…she just felt so tired.

“It’s okay.” Feyre felt a small laugh escape her, “I wouldn’t believe me fully either.”

“What?”

“I get it. Your anger.” Feyre quickly elaborated, “Well, maybe not fully but I understand where you’re coming from. You’re angry that I hurt you.”

Nesta stared at her.

Feyre picked up a stirring Nyx, gently patting his back as he woke up, his wings stretching.

A small knock sounded on the cabin door.

“You should go. It sounds like Eris is waiting.” Feyre turned back to the food she had been preparing on the stove.

“Is…is that all you have to say?” Nesta whispered, staring at her sister in shock.

“I am sorry.” Feyre apologized.

“...that’s all?”

Feyre looked at her sister in silence, unsure of what to say. 

What do you want to hear from me?

Nesta opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. Opened it once more, and when nothing came out, stormed out of the cabin as well.

Feyre put Nyx to bed when a knock sounded on her open door.

“Nesta?” Feyre was surprised to see her sister changed into a nightgown, standing in the doorframe awkwardly.

Nesta stood at the door, crossing her arms awkwardly.

“Nesta?”

She still didn’t say anything, only shifting from one foot to the other.

“You can have the bathroom first.”

Not like I am going to use it anyways with Rhysand tugging on the bond every five minutes.

“I am not here about the bathroom.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You have the same look that Mom did on bad days.”

“What do you mean?”

Nesta sighed, stepping into the bedroom. Her footsteps were light and quiet as she stopped before her younger sister.

“What has he done to you?” Nest cupped her sister’s face, “What has he done to break you this badly. You never wallowed. Never caved. You were never weak. You always had something to say to me. Always had a retort, an insult, a jab on the ready.”

Feyre felt Rhysadn try to tug at the bond angrily but something about Nesta’s touch made him feel much farther away. Like he was just a whisper in the cold night wind.

She put her hands over Nesta’s hands.

“I am weak. I was always weak. I just hid it well.”

Nesta blinked away what Feyre almost thought might have been tears.

“You always had something to say.” Nesta insisted.

“You did too, that didn’t stop Cassian and your time in the house of wind from hurting you.”

Nesta paused, her eyes narrowing at the male’s name.

“I am sorry.” Feyre said, “I know you say to stop apologizing but I can’t because I wish I had stopped it. I know we were never on good terms, but…I would never have wanted you to get hurt like that.”

“I want you to stop apologizing because you do nothing else besides it.” Nesta’s finger gently traced Feyre’s cheeks, “I want you to look alive.”

Feyre smiled back, but that only made Nesta’s expression twist to one of hurt.

“I don’t know how to help you.” Nesta murmured, “I act softer, you apologize. I act rougher you retreat into yourself and still apologize.”

The wind rustled the bloody red trees outside, as rain began falling.

“I am sorry for not being able to help you. It seems no matter what I do I can’t help you…or us.” Nesta said quietly, “This morning…I crossed a line.”

Feyre blinked.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did.” Nesta ran a hand through her hair, exhaling shakily, “I know you were never the biggest fan of hunting yet you did it anyways. You always hunted for us, and I appreciate it. We wouldn’t have had food otherwise. I am sorry for using it against you.”

“You were angry.” Feyre said simply, “You needed a place to vent.”

“That’s not an excuse.” Nesta shook her head, “The whole point of this was to escape a place that did just that to all of us, and now we’re turning on each other.”

Feyre nodded in agreement.

“I can’t claim to be better than Cassian if I do the same thing he does but to my sister.”

“Well, in my opinion you are better than Cassian.” Feyre said bluntly.

Nesta shook her head, “Then you’ve got something wrong with your head.”

“Perhaps, but you’re my family. I take care of you. I can’t…hate you.”

“No, I think you can dislike your siblings.” Nesta laughed lightly, “Pretty sure it’s a rule or something.”

Feyre hummed, uncertain.

She wanted to hate her sister. She did some days, but when it came down to it she was too tired to feel much anger towards them at all. She just wanted some peace and quiet between them.

“Feyre…thank you for taking care of us.” Nesta whispered softly.

Feyre sniffled.

She hated this; being on the verge of tears all the time. Nesta gently helped her sit down, pulling her into a hug.

“I was a bad sister.”

“You weren’t that bad.”

“Eh, let’s not sugarcoat, I was an asshole.”

“So was I.”

“Sure, but one of us was older.”

“Thank you for trying to get me out of the courts when I was taken away.”

“I should have stabbed all the faeries. Would have solved all of our problems.”

Feyre felt a small laugh escape her, along with a couple tears.

It sounded like such a simple solution when reality was much harsher.

“Thank you for doing the housework.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The two sisters lay in bed together, Nyx snuggled up in a blanket between them. Feyre almost felt like she was back home. In that house with the painted walls and cabinets.

She didn’t want to go back to that time, but she had missed this. The closeness. The feeling of Nesta’s hand near her hers as the night grew darker and colder

For the first time in weeks Feyre closed her eyes and felt herself drift off to sleep.

This wasn’t perfect, but it was ours. 

Feyre vowed to not let someone take this feeling of peace and unity away from them. Not again.

Masterlist

Tag list: @rcarbo1, @planet-faerie, @fox-in-flowers, @bookishfeylin, @mythuzalasheir3

If you want to be added to a tag list let me know :D

[rinzsu]

✩ ‧ ₊˚ IN MEMORIES I HOLD YOU DEAR — GOJO SATORU

four letters you addressed to him slight angst, wc 800+, reader and satoru have feelings for each other but aren’t in a committed relationship, takes place right after the shibuja arc

november 9th, 2018

satoru.

hair white like the first snow, the color of whipped cream, the pots of the plants on my window sills, and the foam atop the oceans waves.

you’ll forever feel like summer to me, like the first of july, when i drowned in your blue eyes and never came back up.

i wish i could kiss you now like i never had before, catch you when you’re falling, and hold you close instead of pushing you away in hopes of forgetting how my heart beats for you and you alone.

it’s ironic, really, how you come back now after all those days and sleepless nights of trying to convince myself that things are better this way, even though you’re so far gone.

i try so hard to forget about you, about us, only for you to barge right back in and for everything to begin anew.

you once said that you hate it when things come to an end, and i still recall how you always used to leave a single chug of sake in your cup instead of finishing it all together.

and how you used to add an “i still have to finish my cup” as an excuse to stay out longer when nanami wanted to leave the bar.

november 16th, 2018

i miss you. it’s been roughly three weeks since you’ve been sealed away, but to me, it feels like three eternities.

winter is creeping up on us, the air is much colder and the sky always grey.

i’m still taking those hot showers in the evening. you used to say that the water feels like warm hugs after an exhausting day, but nowadays i crave your comforting embrace above all.

the academy's halls feel so much emptier with you gone. i used to mock your silly laugh but now i miss it more with every second i spend in this god forsaken place.

it's quiet, and for the first time in what feels like forever, i wish it was more noisy, because that would mean that you are here.

yuji tries keeping his voice low when he talks about you, but it doesn't matter if it's the students, shoko or my treacherous mind that's uttering your name like a useless mantra.

there's so much i couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't utter out loud, so i'm writing this.

isn't it funny? how i tried to rid you out of my life and now there's a piece of you in every word that i fill these pages with, a fragment of you hidden in each of these lines.

november 24th, 2018

i've been watching our series for the third time now and somehow i feel guilty watching it without you, even though i used to do it all the time when you were still here.

knowing what's about to come soothes my mind even for a little bit. so does going to the drive through and eating chicken nuggets in the parking lot while singing along to all of our songs. i swear by now i can hit higher notes than you ever will.

everyone has their own way of escaping this reality. it helps, makes it hurt less, but just like salve to an open wound, the tranquilizing of this pain will only be temporary until all our sorrows will bleed together again.

is this love?

i see you when it's dark, the illusion of you under one of those flickering street lights. once i turn to look for you, i'm left with your blurring face and the burden of your absence weighing down upon me.

i don't know where life is leading me right now, but there's something that's always pulling me back to you.

december 5th, 2018

you're no longer here.

i've met someone, but he doesn't laugh like you do, doesn't talk to me like you do. it's been less than two weeks but i can already tell that his skin isn't as soft as yours either.

he holds my hand but he doesn't hold it as tight as you do, doesn't intertwine our fingers the way you always did.

when he leaves, he won't make it as difficult for me to say goodbye as you did. and for the first time, i've noticed how different people's presences feel.

how different people breathe, when he rests next to me in shokos office after a mission and i can't feel his rhythm the way i did yours.

was this between us special?

i once heard that after a split up, people tend to romanticize everything bad and to forget why they detached in the first place.

even so, we never dated in the first place and neither did we break up, you just left.

and even though i know that, it's hard for me to believe that i'll ever find someone like you again.

©️ rinsque— do not plagiarise nor repost any of my works on any other platform.

note. hope you enjoyed this <3 i had repost this for the nth time because it didn’t show in the tags i used

[xocasper]

it’s beautiful how dynamic life can be.

when the internet found me, i was sick. i wasn’t dying, it wasn’t terminal, but i was undoubtedly decaying with every passing day. i spent weeks in bed, sleeping and starving, and some nights i’d mindlessly wander through dark parts of town. and i can tell you with 100% certainty that none of that is as poetic as it sounds.

when i left tumblr, i was nearly dead. genuinely. i would not like to trigger anyone, so i am warning you now that the next paragraph will cover a severe eating disorder.

i will keep it as simple as saying that i had a bmi of 13. i couldn’t leave my room. i was on a mood stabilizer that decreased my appetite. my body physically rejected and regurgitated everything i ate. my stomach was swollen to the size of pregnant person. i looked like i was a good seven months along. my body was holding onto every nutrient it could find. i lived with my parents at the time, and they body shamed me and constantly commented on the size of my stomach. my dad stood in my bedroom and watched as i chugged an entire bottle of magnesium citrate because he believed it was constipation, not starvation. no one wanted to help me in the ways i needed. to this day, i have no idea how my body survived that much trauma.

that was a year ago.

in a single year, i gained twenty pounds. i fell in love. i discovered that i am not aromantic, but simply cannot harbor romantic feelings towards men. i faced years of internalized homophobia due to religion with that realization. i had my first true heartbreak. many of them, over and over with the same person. the relationship was so toxic towards the end that they caused me to get re-diagnosed with type 1 bipolar. and no, i am not passing blame. i faced harassment and lies and stalking from them and their friends. it sent me into a manic episode so severe that i flew thousands of miles away because i believed that if i stayed, i would end my life—hence the re-diagnosis.

this is not all a trauma dump though.

life IS dynamic.

i finally think i’m beautiful. i’m learning to love my body. i’m accepting of weight gain. i’ve decided to enroll in college and will be leaving an incredibly toxic environment to stay on campus. i got a better position at work. i have wonderful friends. i stopped drinking excessively. i saw one of my favorite music groups live. i went on vacation for the first time in years. i left a debilitating relationship the day before my birthday. i must’ve cried too much the day i broke up with them because for the first time in years, i didn’t cry on my birthday. i got a surgery that changed my life in a million ways.

i’ve felt things i didn’t know were possible. i’ve cried until my eyes were swollen shut the next morning. i’ve had pregnancy scares. i’ve had ER visits. i’ve earned money and i’ve burned it. i’m in love with a girl.

i’ve learned that life is not fixed. change is possible. love is possible. the internet is not lying when they say that the sickness won’t last forever. the pain is temporary. this is not the end of the road.

i have more notifications than i can count. i have more followers than i ever imagined. but this isn’t about the numbers—it’s real, tangible proof that people will love you when you’re gone. you will not be forgotten, so do not leave. it’s worth it to stay. it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to hit the bottom of the well, and it’s okay to stay there for a while before you have the strength to pull yourself back up.

i’m incredibly grateful for everyone who read my work. whether you clicked on one or devoured my masterlist, thank you. you appreciated the only thing i loved about myself. i’m proud to say that there are so many things i love about myself now, past my writing and creativity.

you are all beautiful, kind people. it’s not always easy to see that, but existence is the most beautiful thing in the world. every day, you exist, and that in itself is a remarkable thing.

so thank you, for everything. i hope to hear from you soon.

xo,

casper