#they are boring difficult constricting and depressing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

filmoflifeburst · 3 years ago

Text

Mobius Strip

Sum: the third break-up of Lucerys Velaryon and Aemond Targaryen.

*Translated from the Chinese version and my English is really POOR. *Lucerys Velaryon （above） x Aemond Targaryen (sub) *Age difference adjusted to one year. Modern city paro.

"We've come to the end of the road, but we're safe." -- "Downhill”

Aemond Targaryen took all his appendages with him, and all that he had left behind in Lucerys' life suddenly disappeared as if swallowed by a sudden tornado, leaving a huge, gray void surrounding him. It was the third time in two years, but now Lucerys felt a panic that he had never felt before.

He felt chagrin, but not much regret - it was a little too difficult for him to endure any longer. Most of the time Lucerys would choose to forgive the other side, but this time it was difficult. The funny thing was that he couldn't even remember what the heated argument had been about, except that he had burned their only photo together on the balcony half an hour after Aemond had left, in a mood that could not be described as depressed, and then smoked a menthol cigarette for the first time as a "reward" for crossing that hurdle. His eyes felt a little sore, and he convinced himself that it was only because the smoke was too strong, and not because of anything else. He thought about how Aemond was always passing the buck, blaming all of life's misfortunes on Lucerys - whether it was the dispute with Alicent Hightower or his brother's malicious jokes. You're too neurotic, Lucerys wanted to tell him, but he was tired of talking to Aemond. Two nights ago Lucerys was convinced that he would go mad sooner or later if he kept going on like this. But it was all over now. So he solemnly went out and drank with his brother, Jacaerys, until the early hours of the morning, and both ended up rotten.

"I don't really believe you'd really want to part with him." Jacaerys said.

"Maybe he never loved me at all, and maybe I did as well." Lucerys said calmly, "We just can't continue to live together."

"Who knows? I think that counts for something." His brother replied. And Lucerys smiled at him. He ended up drinking so much that night that he plopped down by the toilet and vomited as soon as he got back to the apartment after dawn. Through physical tears, he finally had a chance to sob. He didn't understand why he was crying, he just felt so miserable, like falling from a speeding carriage into a puddle of sludge, and it wasn't the first time he had fallen. But once he always had the strength to get up from the mud to catch up with Aemond, and now the situation is very different.

Lucerys recalled, in a confused and hazy haze, the times they had stood side by side in the kitchen studying the new oven, and Aemond had licked all the cream and sugar off his fingers before they had kissed for a long time; or the times they had made love on the bathroom floor, and he had separated Aemond's legs while Aemond had covered his eye and cursed Lucerys, and both of them had ended up with red bruises on their knees; or the times when he just stroked Aemond quietly, he could clearly remember the contours of every bone in his body: his little thumbs, for example, were long and curved slightly inward, his spine and shoulder blades shaped when he arched his back; Aemond would drink whiskey laced with lemonade before he went to bed, and Lucerys never understood what proportion they needed to be mixed. At least he could taste it when their lips were entwined. In July, during the summer holiday, they passed most of the day with long kisses and boring romance movies. That year Lucerys craved skin-to-skin contact more and more, but it was only after the holidays were over that he was able to wrap his arms around Aemond and bury his face in the crook of his neck without a care in the world. He liked to hold that position and then kiss the knot of his throat and his lower jaw.

After graduation they spent the rest of their nights and mornings making love, even though Aemond often looked disgusted - sometimes Lucerys just couldn't quite figure out what Aemond was thinking. What does he want from me? Again and again he stood naked and alone on the terrace late at night thinking, with the sound of Aemond's tired breathing in his sleep behind him. Apparently they were not short of money, so Lucerys got a Mustang the following year, no loan, lump sum. He took him on a road in the humid suburban air, the speakers playing a childish Disney animated movie episode. At a red light he let go of the steering wheel and took hold of Aemond's right hand again, rubbing his fingertips against his nails. When Aemond turned his head, Lucerys cupped his cheeks with both hands and kissed him. At that moment he remembered the doves in Snow White passing kisses for the man and woman who fell in love at first sight, but the pigeons in the park only asked for bread crumbs. Did he want me to love him? Lucerys try to find the answer in his closed eyes. Did he simply want a partner who would put up with all his quirks, or at least make his life less irritatingly monotonous? What would he think of when he kissed him back eagerly?

Lucerys subconsciously wanted to call him, but remembering that he had deleted Aemond from his contacts, even though the string of numbers was still clear to him now, he turned off his phone, sat back down on the couch, turned on the TV and started staring at the screen. Until Rhaena called her in the afternoon, "Lucerys, I heard about that thing."

"Oh," he said, "I'm fine now, really."

"It's our birthday party this weekend, so if you'd like to com, that would be great, of course." Rhaena said, "Baela also thought you might need some new friends."

"I have friends." Lucerys said, "I have my brothers, and you and Baela."

"But Baela wants you to come, and so do your brothers."

"Yes, I will come." He sighed and waited patiently for Rhaena to end the conversation, then began to count how many white flowers were on the pattern of the carpet, still feeling drunk.

Lucerys had forgotten exactly what month it had been the last time Aemond had slipped away, but it seemed to be a spring with French sycamore cotton wool-like flowers that would have made Joffrey allergic. He remembers panicking and staying by the phone twenty-four hours a day, even walking aimlessly around the living room, before Lucerys finally made up his mind to go looking for him, and his first step was to dial Aemond's number from a public phone booth near his house. He nervously kept picking his fingers at the reeled-up phone line. What should he answer if Aemond refused, or if he was abusive? Maybe he shouldn't call at this time.

When the line came through, Aemond didn't even make any extra pleasantries, he just said, "Lucerys Valerian."

"I just wanted to ask," Lucerys said, "Are you all right? I was worried about you."

Then he was surprised to find that Aemond's voice seemed a little hoarse when he spoke. "Nothing serious. Except that ...... oh, damn, I got hit by a damned driver." He sounded unwilling to admit it, "Just a broken bone. Nothing else happened."

"I will come to see you." Lucerys said. He hung up before Aemond had time to refuse. Panting, he hailed a cab and took it all the way to the home of Aemond's mother, Alicent Hightower. He didn't have a car of his own at that point. Lucerys tripped over a raised floor tile in the parking lane and fell to the ground, scraping his knee twice. When Alicent came out to open the door, Lucerys found herself still shaking. The outline of her jaw constricted steeply, but she still turned her body sideways to give him room to pass.

Aemond was lying in his bedroom, with his right leg in a white cast, holding a still-unopened packet of Godiva chocolates. Lucerys was too moved to speak as he fell to his knees beside him, and could only kiss him desperately with apologies. Aemond used the index finger of his right hand to push Lucerys's jaw open, then squeezed his shoulder.

"You're not a dog of mine," Aemond said, his voice sounded unhappy and annoyed,"There's no need to follow me all the time."

"Come back. "Lucerys replied feebly, "Come back to me."

In the fourth week of Aemond Targaryen's absence, Lucerys began to be asked out frequently. Most of the time it was Baela's classmates at the university who invited him. He guessed that it was in fact Jacaerys who had authorized them to do so. But Lucerys didn't refuse. He didn't like going to drinking parties, and sitting in the corner of a cafe was more his speed. The sixth time he was asked out he found himself unconsciously wandering off during the date as well. As he gazed at their blond, brown, or black hair, he was reminded of Aemond's hair, silver, and the odd smelling shampoo he used that smelled like a mixture of mint and ginger. Sometimes even Lucerys himself didn't realize he was comparing them to each other until he found himself constantly remembering the time they had sex when they got back together at college and feeling blushing and embarrassed about it.

He certainly remembered it well. They had stumbled into a passionate kiss in the locker room by the winter pool, and Lucerys' back had hit the metal coat hook behind him several times. Aemond sat on Luceys, holding his fingers tightly and guiding Lucerys through the expansion while he put on a "Troy" condom for Lucerys. He had obviously come prepared. Even though he knew Aemond wouldn't want him to do anything rash at a time like this, he reached out with his left hand to press against his buttocks, the skin wet and cold. Aemond warbled and began to adjust his position after pulling his fingers away, until he sank down hard and then Lucerys' penis finally entered his hole. Troy's blue wrapper fell to one side.

"Do you want me?" Aemond moaned and forced him, arching his back as his lower body went deeper. Lucerys touched his well-defined spine again, and he found himself shuddering at that, turning to rest his palms on the side of Aemond's waist in confusion, feeling Aemond like a sailboat undulating on the sea. He had also begun to gasp with excitement. Even though he knew Aemond didn't like him staring at himself during sex, he still couldn't ignore the lines of Aemond's cheekbones, the hollows between his collarbones, and the blazing warmth between his legs - all things that made Lucerys grateful at that moment. "I want you." Lucerys whispered. And Aemond gave no indication; he simply increased the intensity of his movements and soon found a position that invigorated both of them. He lowered his head and kissed him hard, finally scratching Luthris's back hard as he climaxed. Lucerys heard him let out a sigh that didn't sound like satisfaction or exhaustion, but it sounded like relief. It was as if the barrier between them had vanished into thin air at the same time. Aemond briefly rested his face on his chest. At least for a moment, he felt they had reconciled. They had been together until graduation, even if their relationship had not been as ideal as it had been at the beginning. Lucerys needed a glass of milk every night to help him sleep - a habit he had broken for six years since he turned fifteen. In fact, he wasn't sure if it was working or not at all.

"You're going off again." The girl sitting across from him complained. Lucerys couldn't remember her name for a moment. Marilyn, or was it Marianne? He blamed himself for forgetting it, and sulked because of his irritatingly declining memory. Lucerys struggled to throw away the unpleasant memories, but found that they stuck to his mind like garbage. They played over and over like a montage.

"You had an ex, didn't you?" She trailed off. Then before he could answer she was talking to herself again, spouting off about how awful and insufferable her ex was. He pretended to be listening intently, then deleted all ninety-nine unread ads and verification texts from his phone, then the red and blue dots from his email and social apps. He cleans them up silently and finishes his gin on the table with ice. He never drank before.

At the end of the lengthy date Lucerys drove the red Mustang to meet his mother at the restaurant. Rhaenyra Targaryen was in her early forties, and she wore a low-cut black dress. Their seats were next to the window, and Lucerys didn't like the neon light coming in from outside, so he pushed back his chair. Rhaenyra blinked in displeasure at this. She always used her eyes like that to suggest how she felt. Lucerys lowered his head, just as he had done in elementary school when he came home dirty from jumping in mud puddles for fun. Only now his shoes didn't have dried and caked mud on them, and Renila wouldn't order him to come back for dinner after a bath.

"You don't want to look at me, Lucerys." She said.

"I ...... I'm sorry." Lucerys replied.

"You should have felt that way from the beginning, instead of saying sorry to me now." Rhaenyra said, "I've asked you before, what were you thinking, Lou? Aemond is your uncle and my half-brother. And you both wanted to strangle each other."

"I'm not sure." He said, "Because then I realized he wasn't as bad as I thought he was."

"He was getting back at you. He was always getting back at you. He wanted to destroy you." Rhaenyra said, "He's as no good as his mother, Alicent. She only wants your grandfather's inheritance."

"Don't say that please."

"You're still taking sides with Aemond. But he never forgave you. I told you it was all his revenge on you. Revenge for you blinding him in his right eye."

"I don't want to talk about it, please." Lucerys replied.

Dessert was brownies. Lucerys was still haunted by what Rhaenyra had just said, even though she was telling the whole truth. Aemond teased him and his brother for not being their father's biological sons. Only Joffrey was there at first, so he was pushed off the bridge into the lake at the pier by Aemond. He was indeed an asshole. Lucerys knew this all too well, and didn't even regret accidentally stabbing Aemond in the eye when he returned fire. He shouldn't have tried to make it up to him. Lucerys thought with resentment. He had already wasted too much time on Aemond in his life. If he hadn't insisted, they wouldn't have seen each other so often, and perhaps he wouldn't have discovered that Aemond was far less unbelievable than he thought, and he wouldn't have uncontrollably desired him.

"You've taken the first step. That's good."

Lucerys coped vaguely. Confronting his mother had made him feel more helpless than ever. He had never been able to confess to her that he had begun to desire Aemond when he was fourteen in the pool. A few years later Lucerys learned to masturbate at night thinking about him. He used his memories of the summer in the pool to give vent to his desperate imagination of Ymund. He woke up as if he had been in a swimming pool, covered in dirty leaves and cold water mixed with sweat and disinfectant powder, feeling frustrated and resentful. When he was eighteen years old, Lucerys Rees gave Aemond a dark blue prosthetic eye as a birthday present, almost with malice. They ended up falling in love two months later. It wasn't until the two moved into an apartment and started living together that Lucerys discovered that Aemond smoked a Marlboro every week. He found his posture when he smoked surprisingly lazy and elegant. It was also the only time he could barely call himself "calm". "Men only remember love for romance. ¹" Aemond told him, "but we don't have romance or love. There's only lust and incest between you and me. Do you enjoy it all, Little Luke Strong?"At that time he felt like Aemond was a kite tied by a thin string and held under a glass cover. The string seemed like it would break at any moment. All Lucerys could do was listen in silence to his thunderous curses against Alicent and his brother, who complained that they were trying to drag him into a pointless struggle for his property. Sometimes Aemond was angry with Lucerys, and then continued to lie in the same bed with him as if nothing had happened, deliberately putting his legs on Lucerys.

Lucerys saw Aemond again after the tenth week of his untimely departure. He dreamed of him almost every night. What really alarmed Lucerys was that he found he could no longer clearly recall the details of Aemond's body. He couldn't recall the degree of depression in Aemond's shoulders, the touch of his pinky fingertips, the shape of his knees, or even accurately piece together his features, even as he tried to find them in the pleasure of masturbation. Lucerys crouched in the lavatory in despair, almost wanting to cry. He felt like what he had once had was drifting away from him as fast as if he were adrift at sea. He found himself sunken in the sockets of his eyes as he shaved the new stubble that had sprung up on his lips. His insomnia was getting worse.

After taking some time to calm down he called Aemond's brother Darren in as polite a tone as possible. The person on the other end hesitantly stated that Aemond hadn't been at their house at all. "Shouldn't he be with you all the time?" Darren said, "Mom's been pushing him to break up with you lately." With a shaky voice, Lucerys thanked him. He unconsciously began to smoke on the balcony until a pile of cigarette butts was added to the tiles laid on the floor. Like the first time Aemond had shoved a Marlboro into his mouth, Lucerys felt his lungs burning, but it made him slightly firmer. He knelt beside the bed and buried his face in the blanket, which was no longer covered with Aemond's breath. Then he went back to the bookshelf and ran his fingers across the spines, plucking them one by one out of the bookcase and onto the floor. Until the last one, the pink cover appeared in front of him. Lucerys pulled out "The Lady of the Camellias" carefully, it opened automatically to a certain page, and he found fingernail scratches on the paper. "And who am I tell you how to live. ²" Lucerys murmured. He was right, without the first half of the sentence, without love. He provoked Alicent with the Incestuous rebellion, and enjoyed it. Aemond Targaryen had always been like that.

For two months he was nowhere to be seen or heard from. Lucerys only received an anonymous card at Christmas, a simple folded green cardboard with the words "Happy Holidays" scrawled in blue oil-based ballpoint pen. He didn't know where it came from, but found it standing quietly in his Rolodex. But Lucerys recognized it as coming from Aemond by the unintentional crook at the end of the letter "M" and the "h." He thought about it over and over again that day. Had Ymund come to his office? Or had he just asked someone to leave it there? Had he done it to tell Lucerys that it wasn't over between them - or had he taken it as a terse farewell?

He had been up all night, repeatedly debating between turning on the TV, switching channels, and turning it off. He would not admit that he was actually dreading the overly quiet room, as it seemed to be a constant reminder of the fact that he was bored. In the early hours of the next morning Lucerys heard the doorbell. He went to the door and found Aemond standing in the doorway. He didn't look much different, except that he had grown his hair back and tied it behind his head, with his suitcase behind him. Lucerys stared at him unblinkingly.

"I lost the goddam key." Aemond said.

"The key can be replaced with another one." Lucerys said, "That's okay."

"I was not apologizing to you."

"I know."

"You want to sleep with me now, don't you?"

"I love you."

"Obviously." Aemond said. He started to take off his shirt. Lucerys stopped him. "That's not what I'm here for."

"Turn the light off, I don't want to see you."

Lucerys felt his approaching breath in the darkness and tried to kiss Aemond's lips, easily re-tracing the shape of his body in his mind's eye. His tongue met his teeth, and then another tongue. He held Aemond's nipples between his fingertips until they grew hard, and stroked over his ribs and abdomen again. It was like the night he came of age when they touched each other carefully for the first time in the wet night. His uncle took his wrist and slowly licked each of his fingers. Lucerys tasted smoke and blueberry chewing gum. He suddenly realized the room was too cold, but didn't get up to turn on the heating fan. The cold and the excitement made him feel awake rather than caught in yet another lustful dream. He was kneeling on a patchwork rug imported from Japan, pinning Aemond down with unprecedented firmness, then probing the index finger of his right hand into his rear hole and beginning to move in and out continuously. Aemond turned his head to the side. Lucerys felt his fingers being gripped tightly and pushed inward. He was as hot as fire. And one could feel pleasure in addition to pain when one was burned. When he was little, Lucerys tried to touch the lit candles on his birthday cake, but he was immediately burned and withdrew his hand. Not so, Aemond, he thought, I've always enjoyed burning myself.

"What the fuck are you crying about?" Aemond asked him, suddenly surprised. "It seems like you're not the one getting fucked. Are you crazy for wanting to fuck me?"

So he wiped the back of his hand across the area below his eyes and found himself in tears. They flowed inexorably and then fell on Aemond's body. He began to sob. Aemond hesitated and reached out and touched his forehead with a gentle gesture that Lucerys had never felt before. A faint glow came through the window behind them, which allowed him to see Aemond's face clearly. Lucerys observed the stiff pause in his right eye as he blinked. The prosthetic eye was beautiful on his face, blue in color. Lucerys remembered that they had not seen each other for seventy-four days. Seventy-four days ago he had sworn that he would be better off without Aemond. Instead, it turned out that losing him would only make things worse. During one of their arguments, Lucerys called him "the bastard Imonte Targaryen, who has turned my head," and Imonte just smiled contemptuously. "Of course I fucking know that." He grabbed Lucerys by the shoulders, "Violent Little Luke Strong." They ended up in a heckle. Finally Lucerys took him in his arms, the tip of his nose touching Aemond's left cheek. Aemond grunted and squeezed Lucerys' stomach. "I should have gone." That's what he told Lucerys then, "I should have gone to Philadelphia and left you alone in this hellhole to watch you languish like a downed dog."

Lucerys decided to close his aching eyes as he entered Aemond, at least that would make him look less wretched. But Aemond immediately asked him to open his eyes again. Lucerys began to move his loins slowly, and Aemond grunted as his legs clenched tighter. He took hold of Aemond's wet and sticky hands. Aemond rarely sweated. At least as far as he could remember his hands had never been as hot as this. There were times when he was as cold as a snake, or maybe he was just cold-blooded. But he groaned with pleasure when Lucerys found his high point by intuition. Lucerys lifted Aemond's hair to the side and he gripped his hand as if it were the last cable on a stormy ship. They kissed again passionately at the onset of their climax. Then they parted in silence, somewhat awkwardly. Aemond announced that he was going to take a shower. Lucerys found the tequila in the refrigerator and took down two more glasses from the cupboard.

"I shouldn't have come back." Aemond draped the bath towel over his shoulders. He took a sip of his drink.

"We can go to Colorado together, if you want." Lucerys said, "We can leave tomorrow. You can go alone, too, but at least let me know you're alive."

"That's not the problem." He slapped the tabletop in annoyance. The towel slid downward a notch. "I thought you knew I loved you too, Lucerys, you're so fucking extravagant, isn't that enough?"

"I never knew." Lucerys was starting to feel impatient, too.

"So that's why you drive me crazy with your stupidity." Aemond finished his tequila in one go and poured another glass full, "I wanted to go too. But unfortunately, I find I can't."

"I should say thank you, Right?" Lucerys wanted to hit him. He hadn't thought of it that way in many years. They had fought hard when he was seventeen: Aemond had punched him in the nose and Lucerys had elbowed him in the jaw, and they had laughed and accused each other when they talked about it, when Lucerys would have felt relieved. Now he only felt an unprecedented anger towards Aemond. He doesn't understand anything at all, Lucerys thought. Aemond never understood what he really wanted. Hell, he was a self-righteous fool. He should have realized the truth. It would have been so much easier if Aemond hadn't been his uncle and had been a woman. Maybe then they would have been married, or maybe then they would never have met. Now he couldn't tell which would be the better situation.

Two hours after dawn he began to count, until roughly an hour had passed. Lucerys got up and brewed a bowl of cereal with cold milk that was about to expire - the red carton with the smiling woman in the white headscarf that Lucerys thought would be more appropriate for the cover of the cleaner. He made more spices for mulled wine with cinnamon, cardamom, citrus and rosemary. Rhaenyra had suggested that he drink a glass of red wine before bed to help him sleep, and now he decided to heed that advice. Aemond sat across from him and repeatedly poked the bowl of cereal with his spoon.

"We should get a dog." Lucerys said.

"I hate dogs." Aemond said, "Noisy and a waste of money."

"You never thought anything wasn't worth spending money on."

"I'm different now."

"You haven't changed a thing."

"That's your inconsequential judgment."

"We need a dog. One of those sheepdogs."

"It's useless." Aemond pursed his lips, indicating he didn't want to continue the argument.

Lucerys also felt he had no need to argue with him any further. In the afternoon they drove the Mustang to the mall. To buy tomorrow's breakfast, like whole wheat toast and marmalade. He had made his shopping list in advance and added coffee beans to the last column before he left. Only to find that the piece of paper was missing. Aemond taunted him for his carelessness, and Lucerys tried his best to restrain his chagrin. He had sometimes found living with Aemond nerve-wracking in the past; now he was beginning to feel tired. Rhaenyra called him in the evening. He and Aemond were reviewing the menu at the steakhouse and had just decided on a lobster bisque.

"I saw you with Ymund." Rhaenyra's voice sounded worried and sad, "What did you say last time, you swore you'd give him up. Lucerys, you chose him over your family."

"Aemond is my family, too. He's my uncle."

"That's only 'half' family, too."

"He only came back yesterday."

"Jacaerys is right. You can't leave him anymore." Raynera sighed. Lucerys rubbed his hand against the red velvet-trimmed wall. I'm rotting, he thought, and Aemond is like marijuana, toxic and capable of addiction. He was suddenly so sad he almost choked, but couldn't say why. After Rhaenyra Targaryen discovered the relationship between the two of them Lucerys had also had a big fight with her. In fact, he had been used to playing the role of a good boy. That was the first time that Lucerys rebelled against her. He followed the rules and went to the school she thought was good, joined the clubs she thought were good, applied to the majors she thought were good, and then found the boyfriend that drove her the most crazy. Lucerys admits he got pleasure from her shock and anger at the time, but that didn't last long.

"I'm going to hang up." He said.

"No matter what, you'll always be my son, and I'll always be your mother." She said at last.

"I know." Immediately afterwards he hung up the phone.

After a long tussle Lucerys chose the rib-eye steak, and Aemond asked for the same. He knew Aemond hated spinach, so he ordered only the goose fat potatoes, even though Lucerys didn't like them himself. After eating, they wandered aimlessly through the mall. Lucerys saw a ring at the counter in the shape of a Mobius strip, meaning "infinite love", which he thought was ridiculous, but bought a pair anyway.

On the way back they encountered a serious traffic jam. Aemond kept pressing the fast-forward and fast-reverse buttons on the record player with his hand. Lucerys put his hand on his knee. He grasped his hand. The skin felt extraordinarily real.

"When are you planning to go to Colorado?" Lucerys asked Aemond.

"I didn't say I was going to fucking Colorado."

"No, you have to go. And it's going to be us together." His lips parted and closed as if the words were automatically popping out of his chest in a huge blossom in his throat. Don't you understand? Lucerys wanted to ask him. He knew that Aemond never cared about what was going on around himself, but it didn't occur to him that he couldn't even perceive the most superficial nature of their relationship. Even the little love we have left for each other. He thought as he counted the lines on the leather of the seat. Even though it had burned so brightly for a short time.

"We'll come back. We'll go back to the beginning." Lucerys continued.

Aemond scowled at him suspiciously, as if to make sure this wasn't just another malicious joke. Lucerys had enjoyed this pungent look from him in the past, but now it only showed his confusion and foolishness. "Back to what?"

"Back here, back where it started." Lucerys suddenly wanted to let out a laugh. He wanted to laugh hysterically at something, someone. His heart fluttered at the thought that it might be himself, but he immediately felt the pleasure of sobriety again. He had pretended to himself that everything was fine between him and Aemond, that the problem was simply Aemond's capricious stubbornness, including his unwillingness to forgive Lucerys. The root cause was never here. They were destined to be so long ago, because they were Targaryen and Valerian. Lucerys could always find excuses from other sources, but he also knew in his heart that it didn't work. Aemond was even more foolish than he was, and he didn't even have the slightest sense - his poor eye were always set on less than a few miles long. Now Lucerys was determined to tease out the truth, or at least make it clear to both of them where they stood.

"We'll repeat the same mistakes, just like the past over and over again without realizing it, just like this damned Mobius ring, back to the beginning again for a change." Lucerys Velaryon spoke the truth aloud to the windshield in front of him, raising his hand to show Aemond the ring he had just placed on his left middle finger -- a shimmering silver metal ring -- Aemond also had one on his hand --then slumped exhausted at the wheel and waited for the long line of cars that had formed to restart.

1. It is said that the brand name comes from the abbreviation of "Man Always Remember Love Because Of Romance Only".

2.The original is, "Who are you, tell me how to love, and who am I tell you how to live.

#asoiaf #fire and blood #a song of ice and fire #lucemond #lucerys velaryon #aemond targaryen #dance of the dragons #the dance of the dragons

16 notes · View notes

bellorieee · 3 years ago

Text

WORDS TO USE INSTEAD OF "VERY"

• very creative — innovative

• very crowded — bustling

• very cute — adorable

• very dangerous — threatening

• very dark — lightless

• very dear — cherished

• very realistic — practical

• very rich — wealthy

• very risky — perilous

• very deep — profound

• very beautiful — exquisite/gorgeous

• very bright — luminous

• very accurate — exact

• very afraid — terrified

• very angry — furious

• very bad — atrocious/awful

• very busy — overloaded

• very calm — serene

• very careful — cautious

• very charmed — mesmerized

• very cheap — stingy

• very clean — spotless

• very clever — brilliant

• very cold — freezing

• very colorful — vibrant

• very compete — comprehensive

• very competitive — cutthroat

• very confused — perplexed

• very conventional — conservative

• very core — gist

• very depressed — despondent

• very detailed — meticulous

• very big — immense/massive

• very boring — dull

• very brave — courageous

• very dull — tedious

• very eager — keen

• very easy — smooth/effortless

• very empty — desolate

• very evil — wicked

• very excited — thrilled

• very willing — eager

• very windy — blustery

• very fancy — lavish

• very far away — distant

• very fast — quick

• very fat — obese

• very fierce — relentless

• very fond — attached

• very fortunate — blessed

• very friendly — affectionate

• very funny — hilarious

• very different — disparate

• very difficult — challenging

• very disagreeable — obnoxious

• very distressing — dreadful

• very dry — parched

• very glad — overjoyed

• very good — excellent

• very greedy — impatient

• very happy — ecstatic

• very hard — difficult

• very hard-to-find — rare

• very high — soaring

• very huge — colossal

• very exciting — exhilarating

• very expensive — costly

• very humble — courteous

• very interesting — fascinating

• very jolly — carefree

• very kind — considerate

• very large — huge

• very lazy — indolent

• very light — luminous

• very gracefully — lithely

• very great — terrific

• very limited — finite

• very little — tiny

• very lively — animated

• very long — extensive

• very long-term — enduring

• very hungry — starving

• very hurt — battered/crushed

• very important — crucial

• very inexpensive — cheap

• very loose — slack

• very loud — deafening

• very smelly — pungent

• very smooth — sleek

• very soft — downy

• very scared — petrified

• very loved — adored

• very lovely — stunning

• very mean — cruel

• very messy —slovenly

• very much — enough

• very neat — immaculate

• very necessary — essential

• very nervous — apprehensive

• very nice — kind

• very noisy — deafening

• very painful — excruciating

• very pale — ashen

• very perfect — flawless

• very pleasant — amiable

• very poor — destitute/underprivileged

• very powerful — compelling

• very pretty — beautiful

• very protective — defensive

• very proud — honored

• very numerous — diverse

• very often — frequently

• very old — ancient

• very open — transparent

• very quick — rapid

• very quiet — silent

• very raining — pouring

• very rainy — drizzly

• very roomy — spacious

• very sad — sorrowful

• very shy — timid

• very simple — basic

• very skinny — skeletal

• very sleepy — lethargic

• very slow — sluggish

• very serious — grave

• very sharp — keen

• very shiny — gleaming

• very short — brief

• very strong — unyielding

• very stupid — idiotic

• very sure — certain

• very talented — gifted

• very tall — towering

• very tasty — delicious

• very thin — gaunt

• very valuable — precious

• very warm — hot

• very weak — frail

• very wet — soaked

• very tight — constricting

• very tired — exhausted

• very ugly — hideous

• very sorry — apologetic

• very special — exceptional

• very unhappy — miserable

• very upset — distraught

• very wicked — villainous

• very wise — sage

• very worried — distressed

• very small — petit / tiny

4 notes · View notes

ajokeformur-ray · 4 years ago

Note

Hello love,

You say that anyone can vent to you? Somehow you seem like someone who might understand me or at least wouldn't judge me, so I'll try to put my thoughts into words - a great challenge for me. It's not like I'm openly judged by others, at least not anymore, but it's like I feel that they have something to say. Sometimes I have this heavy feeling which I cannot really describe - it's like I can't breath right, like there is a weight constricting my air lungs. After a lot of time, I've found some type of escape for it; music. I love music with my whole heart and when I put it on it's like I remember how to breathe again. But still, I'm so tired of this feeling. I don't want to think the whole time, to feel everything so much, to feel this alone. I have very little family and no friends, never really had. I totally understand why I have no friends, it's probably better this way. I have way too much problems for anyone to bear. I'm totally broken. For example, I have a very low self-esteem, a sun allergy and I'm totally poor and I suffer from my autism, depression and social anxiety and, because that isn't enough, I have a very bright and active mind with thoughts and opinions that very little people do understad, let alone share, and I'm always wearing black. As you can see, I'm a very complex and paradox person. I would love to talk with someone for hours, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams and anything in-between, but I'm nearly unable to talk with someone face to face (the things I have in mind and want to share are just not coming out of my mouth the right way I want them to and it always makes me look like a complete idiot). I'm so nervous around others that it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly stumbling while I walk, which annoys me greatly - there's not even an ounce of elegance in me. I have absolutely no idea how to interact with people, just the thought of trying to decently introduce myself scares me endlessly. My self esteem is so low that I mostly think that I'm just not worthy of love, that there is nothing lovable about me - only problems - that the effort that is needed to build a friendship or even more isn't worth the effort. I can never do something with anyone, because I never have money for these kind of activities. I've lost all of my (fake) friends and any possible friend nowdays in the summer when everyone goes out and experiences something while I have to stay inside the whole time. I have such a big heart and a very kind soul, open and accepting for anything and anyone (no matter who they are, where they come from, what they have done, what they believe in and anything else you can think of), but nobody knows that because I'm hardly speaking around others. I'm normally a very potitive human, who sees beauty and goodness in everyone. I especially love animals! If I could, I would adopt them all and show them the love and passion they deserve. I'm also neither intelligent, beautiful or funny, just boring, lazy and complicated with a darkness that most people cannot accept. But please don't understand me wrong! Even though I have all this negative traits, I wouldn't even think about changing myself for anyone, NEVER. I know that I'm not a person people enjoy or like to be around, but I know that I probably have a heart more kind and open than any of theirs. I just fear that I'll always be alone. That there will never be someone with whom I can share my thoughts, with whom I can listen to the calming rain, with whom I can play my favourite music and movies, who is there to hug and cuddle with me, who understands the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, someone who understands how hard it can be for me to maintain contact, who's not annoyed when I didn't get a joke or social que, who somehow breaks my walls down and accepts and loves me for who I am- the darkness and the light.

I have so, so, so, SO much more to say and vent about, but I think this message is long enough with enough self-centered thoughts and I really don't want to bother or burden you with even more! Each of my named problems I could describe even more detailed and I'm sure I have forgotten half the things I wanted to write when I started this message and more things I haven't thought about.

Oh, my love.💜

I read your vent over multiple times and my heart is bleeding for you. I don’t know if you’re looking for a response, but even so I’m going to respond to everything one paragraph at a time and it’s up to you if you want to read it or not ksksksk. I took the liberty of breaking it all up into chunks so that I could respond to everything properly. I hope that that’s okay!💙

Anyone can vent to me, yes! Even if I all I can do is to listen to the person and to validate them and their feelings, that’s better than people sitting with unexpressed feelings. I’m always here for people as much as I’m able to be; Chuckletown’s important to me asdfghjkl.🥺💗

Also, if you would like for this post to be deleted then please let me know and it’ll be done without question.

----

It's not like I'm openly judged by others, at least not anymore, but it's like I feel that they have something to say. Sometimes I have this heavy feeling which I cannot really describe - it's like I can't breath right, like there is a weight constricting my air lungs. After a lot of time, I've found some type of escape for it; music. I love music with my whole heart and when I put it on it's like I remember how to breathe again. But still, I'm so tired of this feeling. I don't want to think the whole time, to feel everything so much, to feel this alone. I have very little family and no friends, never really had. I totally understand why I have no friends, it's probably better this way. I have way too much problems for anyone to bear. I'm totally broken.

I’m so proud of you, not only for putting your thoughts into words, but also for venting to me! Anonymous or not, it’s incredibly brave to open up, especially to the degree that you have. I hope that something here offers you some kind of comfort, darling!💗 I’m so sorry that sometimes you have an indescribable weight in your chest sometimes; I can definitely relate to and empathise with you. It’s a sickly feeling and I’ve never really figured out a way for me to battle it, when I experience it. I usually just endure it, and you’ve done amazingly to find something which helps you to breathe again! Music is a wonderful way to cope with it, because it says that which words can’t and it’s definitely one of the healthiest ways to deal with this feeling, which I know is a common symptom of anxiety and/or depression. I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered so deeply for so long, darling.😔 No one deserves to feel this way. Take it all even a day at a time, my love, and keep your favourite songs close by. I can relate to how you feel, and my heart’s bleeding for you. Everything you’re feeling is valid and I hope that in time you find the inner peace and closure which you deserve. I’m so sorry that you feel so alone, darling; everyone deserves to have connections, friends and family who care about them. If you’re a hug person, I would like to send you many digital hugs!🤗🤗🤗 If you’re not a hug person, then I would like to send you respectable head nods or any other form of acceptable affection omg nonnie you don’t deserve any of this.😭

Oh, honey. You are worthy of and deserving of friends and of the things which you most want in your life and I dearly hope that those things and people find you soon. A problem shared is a problem halved and I’m sending you so much love and strength. I want you to know that I am always here for you; you can stay anonymous and chat to me like this, or you can DM me or I can give you my Discord if you would rather. I am here for you, if you would like for me to be. I’m worried about you and I’m thinking of you and I’m so sorry that it took me just under a day to respond to this.😔I wanted to give you proper fleshed out responses to every paragraph.💝

For example, I have a very low self-esteem, a sun allergy and I'm totally poor and I suffer from my autism, depression and social anxiety and, because that isn't enough, I have a very bright and active mind with thoughts and opinions that very little people do understad, let alone share, and I'm always wearing black. As you can see, I'm a very complex and paradox person. I would love to talk with someone for hours, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams and anything in-between, but I'm nearly unable to talk with someone face to face (the things I have in mind and want to share are just not coming out of my mouth the right way I want them to and it always makes me look like a complete idiot). I'm so nervous around others that it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly stumbling while I walk, which annoys me greatly - there's not even an ounce of elegance in me. I have absolutely no idea how to interact with people, just the thought of trying to decently introduce myself scares me endlessly.

I’m so sorry that you have such low self-esteem. I can definitely relate to and empathise with you; I’ve never been especially confident or fond of myself, so I understand. You suffer so deeply and you are incredibly strong to be able to get through everything which you think, feel and experience. My heart is *bleeding* for you but I’m also very proud of you. You are definitely a complex person and I’m sure that you have many interesting thoughts and opinions (which I would love to hear if you’re comfortable with sharing them!). You deserve to be heard and to have all of those long and deep conversations and I’m so sorry that talking face-to-face makes it difficult to articulate yourself.😔 I experience the same trouble in face-to-face interactions and I truly sound like an idiot sometimes when I try to speak. I’m not, and my thoughts are usually quite long-winded, but it just doesn’t translate well between my brain and my mouth. I understand, darling, and I’m so sorry that you can’t necessarily have verbal conversations. Being who you are will always be enough for the right people; you are a thousand times enough. I’m so sorry that you have so many fears, angel. You deserve so much more than all of this.💛

My self esteem is so low that I mostly think that I'm just not worthy of love, that there is nothing lovable about me - only problems - that the effort that is needed to build a friendship or even more isn't worth the effort. I can never do something with anyone, because I never have money for these kind of activities. I've lost all of my (fake) friends and any possible friend nowdays in the summer when everyone goes out and experiences something while I have to stay inside the whole time. I have such a big heart and a very kind soul, open and accepting for anything and anyone (no matter who they are, where they come from, what they have done, what they believe in and anything else you can think of), but nobody knows that because I'm hardly speaking around others. I'm normally a very potitive human, who sees beauty and goodness in everyone. I especially love animals! If I could, I would adopt them all and show them the love and passion they deserve.

Just as you are, you are worthy and deserving of love. There is nothing you could ever say or do which would change that face. You exist and that means that you are worthy and I’m so sorry that your self-esteem is so low.😔 You are not your problems; they do not define you and you deserve so much more than your mind is telling you, though of course you are valid in every way!💖 I’m so sorry that you’re unable to do activities with friends or others in the summer; I have no irl friends either so I definitely understand how isolating and/or disheartening this experience can be. You’re such a beautiful soul and you deserve everything you want! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (including you, though I know it’s easier said than believed!) 💚 You truly are incredible and I’m so, so proud of you. I’m in awe of your strength and I’m sending lots of love your way! As I said, darling, if you would like to be friends then please know that you are more than welcome to reach out to me (or I can reach out to you if you would prefer - just let me know somehow). You are always enough, and you matter, angel. You matter and you are worthy of friendship and of love.

I'm also neither intelligent, beautiful or funny, just boring, lazy and complicated with a darkness that most people cannot accept. But please don't understand me wrong! Even though I have all this negative traits, I wouldn't even think about changing myself for anyone, NEVER. I know that I'm not a person people enjoy or like to be around, but I know that I probably have a heart more kind and open than any of theirs. I just fear that I'll always be alone. That there will never be someone with whom I can share my thoughts, with whom I can listen to the calming rain, with whom I can play my favourite music and movies, who is there to hug and cuddle with me, who understands the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, someone who understands how hard it can be for me to maintain contact, who's not annoyed when I didn't get a joke or social que, who somehow breaks my walls down and accepts and loves me for who I am- the darkness and the light.

Oh, darling.😔 Honey, you are all of those good things and I’m so sorry that you believe the opposite, though once again you are so valid and I completely understand. My heart’s breaking for you.😔 YES WE STAN!!!! I’m so proud of you for not compromising upon yourself or who you are for anyone. That is wisdom and strength and bravery - you are more than you know!🥰 Nonnie, I’m so so proud of you!!!! I’m so sorry that you fear you’ll always be alone. Life is bigger, madder and stranger than you know and I just know that this isn’t it for you. There’s more out there for you and your time will come, I absolutely promise! Already, by venting to me, you have taken a massive first step and I can only hope that bigger and better finds you soon! I sincerely hope that you find this person to do all of these wonderful things with you! Very young, I had to learn to be my own best friend so I never really experience loneliness; I’ve learned to be happy with being alone in my room all the time, and it was never ideal but it was something I had to learn. I’ve been a solitary one for a long time, but I know that for other people it isn’t necessarily possible to learn to be content with one’s own company, and I dearly hope that you can find this person soon! You deserve everything you need and want and you are worthy of and deserving of love and friendship!💙💙💙💙 The darkness and the light can and do co-exist and I am truly so proud of you for being so tender-hearted and wise and I want you to know that you are extremely valid and always enough.

My love, you can absolutely vent to me some more if you would like to! You deserve a space in which to do so and I’ll listen to you if you would like to talk to me - you are not a bother or a burden and I really... I won’t say I enjoyed answering this ask, because that’s the wrong sentiment, but I certainly was willing to put in the effort. I care about you, nonnie, and I want you to know that I’m here for you if you would like for me to be!🧡 You deserve so much more than all of this and my heart is breaking for you. I’m so, so proud of you for reaching out to me, and I’m sending you love, strength and everything good in the world - you deserve it all and more!😊💛

#nonnie

4 notes · View notes

yuto-non · 6 years ago

Text

Class President (M)

Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: Dom!Jaehyun, class president au, rough sex, unprotected sex, probably not a healthy head space, creampie.

Summary: You were never one for following the rules, and Class President Jaehyun was not happy about it.

A/n: R E Q U E S T! This is my first request! Anon wanted a sassy school girl and a class president, so I did my bestest. Thank you! Everyone have a great day!

You hated school. You hated all the strict rules and preset expectations. You hated that your family had already decided your future without consulting you. You hated that they spent so much money to send you to such a prestigious private school, and you hated the damn uniform that turned you into a robot. You weren’t a bad student, just more interested in having fun than keeping your nose in a book. You still got good grades, you were still graduating near the top of your class, you just had a lot of fun doing it. Trouble just happened to frequently have your name on it, always pushing boundaries and seeing what you could get away with. You didn’t like being told what to do, or feeling so constricted.

You hated a lot that had to do with this school, but there was one thing that was above all else. That thing was a person, a person named Jaehyun. Class President Jaehyun, with his perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect uniform, and perfect grades. Jaehyun, every parent dreamed of having a child like him, and every girl in school dreamed of having him as their boyfriend. You had no interest. Jaehyun was too safe. He was too...perfect. You preferred someone that was a little more fun.

Jaehyun was anything but fun, so as you sat in the cold auditorium, listening to the class president himself drone on and on about school news and updates, you couldn’t find a single bone in your body that cared. Your head lulled in your hand, eyes threatening to shut. You were up late last night, and the deprivation was showing itself in the form of you falling asleep at your school assembly. Just as you were about to drift off for a quick nap, your eyes snapped open and your head lifted to attach your eyes to the evil-incarnate-Jaehyun himself. Jaehyun just announced to the class that there would be stricter dress codes for now on. You were stunned. Stricter? You already wore the ugliest clothing to grace your body. The overly done navy plaid skirt that dropped to your knees blended into the muddy navy knee socks. You had to top all of this off with a classic light blue button down, buttoned all the way up. No one looked good in this monstrosity, but you had been allowed until this very moment to wear a sweater of your choice, to style your hair as you saw fit, and to wear some accessories to try and hide the fact that you were just another sheep in the fucking system. No more style choices. Hair must be done in ether a neat bun, ponytail, or neatly straight. No more accessories. Everyone had to be the same. It was an absolute nightmare.

You didn’t even allow the assembly to finish before loudly packing your bag and throwing it over your shoulder. Every head turned to see you, eyes glued to you and your eyes were glued to Jaehyun. An audible sound of displeasure left your lips as you marched over bags and feet to the aisle. One last look that could kill to Jaehyun, and you stormed out. You were not going to continue to sit in a room full of people who were blindly allowing all of their creativity and voice be taken away. Not today, Jaehyun.

“I can’t believe they’re allowing him to just run the show!” You screamed into the phone, your friend on the other end continually attempting to soothe you. Agreeing with every word you said, and fighting for the injustice, your friend gave you the space you needed to air out all the anger. “I’m sorry to bring this all on you, I am just so annoyed. It’s enough I have to put on this God forsaken uniform everyday - and now it’s just going to be even worse.” You groaned, laying down into the plush hug of your bed. Your friend agreed with you relentlessly, and while you appreciated it, you found yourself wanting some time alone to digest it all.

Ending the phone call, you rolled on your side to face the mirror. Staring back at you was a sad girl. A girl who felt as though her identity was being hidden, her sense of self was being taken away. You sighed and sat up, staring at the mirror. Your entire outfit was just not you. This anger was not you. You normally would just take things as they happened, and deal with them your way. So..what was your way in dealing with such a blow? Approaching the mirror, you eyeballed your drab, depressing outfit. This had to go.

Normally, waking up and getting ready to go to school was your least favorite part of the day. A part you typically would try to avoid or block out. Today was different, and you awoke with a new attitude. You were more than excited to go to school, more than ever. So excited, that your entire body felt on edge and ready to burst from the amount of energy flowing through it. You felt especially confident today, even in your uniform, and unveiling your new self to the entire school was a moment you had been waiting for.

That moment was now. Pushing the doors of your horrid school open, you grinned to yourself as you got just the reaction you were expecting. Once again, all heads turned towards you. Eyes locked onto your figure, jaws dropping and the halls falling almost silent as you made your way to your locker. You were always known to be the kind of student to disobey the rules, and today was no exception. This new uniform policy had obviously fallen on deaf ears, in your case. As you approached your locker, your eyes were met with that of a hungry classmate. His eyes danced along every inch of your body. Gone was your drab navy knee-highs, instead you dawned your legs with some sheer navy stockings, leading up to a skirt that had been cut well above your knee, exposing more skin than most girls in the school would even dream of. This was not enough for you, and your classmates eyes wandered up your legs to be met with a wonderful view of your breasts. You had “forgotten” to button up one or three buttons on your shirt, exposing a small glimpse of the overly intricate bralette you decided to sport for the special occasion. Your classmates eyes ate you up, not a care in the world on his face, even when he realized he was caught. All he did was stare at your face, then back down your body, and back to your face. You should’ve been annoyed at his gawking, but instead you could feel your panties dampening from all of the power and adrenaline running through your body.

“Don’t you have a class to get to?” You teased your shameless classmate. His face went red, his eyes darting to the ground before he turned and made his way through the crowd. Chatter started up, hushed words floating around in the halls. Normally, you may want to know what was being said about you, but you felt so powerful and confident, you didn’t care to know at all. You knew you looked amazing, not a single pair of eyes could stay off of you, guys and girls alike. Some girls passing you sang your praises, and many men followed. You were surprised by the amount of support you were getting from all the people whom you had assumed were perfectly okay with their boring day-to-day lives.

Everything was going much better than you had anticipated. Sure, it was only a matter of time until you were called into the office, but you were going to enjoy the attention until it was taken away from you. You made your way through the throngs of people, responding casually to the compliments being thrown your way. All of this was so exciting for you, you felt on top of the entire world, defying the rules, standing up for yourself in your own way. Nothing could ruin this feeling.

Even Jaehyun. Even this pesky little class president. This entire thing was his doing, you had convinced yourself. So when your gaze found the president himself, standing down the hallway, you just gave a devilish grin as you made your approach. Jaehyun’s eyes never left your face. Even with a slight sashay of your hips, even when you popped open another button, Jaehyun stayed strong, never losing your returned gaze. You just wanted Jaehyun to see that you couldn’t be told how to dress, how to act. This was simply you making a point.

“You know, this is against the school’s uniform policy. In many ways.” Jaehyun huffed. Not paying any mind to your attempted tricks to break him. You frowned up at him, furrowing your brows. He was being so difficult.

“Oh, don’t be so lame. Aren’t you a little too hot to be so uptight?” You gave Jaehyun a quick smirk. The crowd of people began to thin out as students made their ways into classrooms. Adrenaline rushed through your veins. Jaehyun had no response, just continued to stare back at you. There was a silence that fell upon the two of you as the last of the students found themselves behind closed doors. You took his continued muteness as a sign that he was the typical boring Jaehyun, and pushed passed him.

Jaehyun sighed calmly before grabbing your shoulder as you attempted to sweep passed him, and turned you right back around. His other hand gripped your arm and easily threw you straight back against a row of lockers. You breath caught in your throat from surprise, and you quickly moved forward, ready to take a swing at Jaehyun for his sudden act of violence. Your face burned with rage and Jaehyun barely even spared you a glance as he took one look at you before throwing you back into the lockers again with one hand, walking towards you in the most relaxed manner. You didn’t dare move this time, absolutely shocked by Jaehyun’s complete 180 in his demeanor. Jaehyun was radiating confidence and assertiveness. He seemed so..bad..it was difficult to even remember this was the same Jaehyun.

This new Jaehyun now stood inches from you, his body barely touching yours as he enclosed your own body between his and the lockers, his hands resting on either side of your head. Both of your eyes drank each other in before Jaehyun finally opened his mouth. “You shouldn’t come to school dressed like this.” His voice was so low, his breath was so warm against your cheek that when it left, you felt an ice cold wave take its place. Shivers crept down your arms and through your fingertips. Your breathing was increasing, and you felt even a little nervous as you stared into Jaehyun’s black orbs.

“Well, why not. I hate being told what to do.” Shaky words were all you managed to get out, but you gave your best attempt to play it off and give a facade of confidence. Normally, you were just that, confident, but not right now. Not as Jaehyun took a deep breath in, leaned forward and nipped at your ear lobe. You were anything but confident as Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak gently into your awaiting ear.

“You shouldn’t dress like this because it drives me fucking crazy.” His words created a knot in your stomach, you were suddenly hyper aware of just how wet your pussy was, how much it ached to be touched. Your legs immediately rubbed together, wishing for some release and to break away from this intense moment. Jaehyun kissed your neck, leaving fire wherever his lips went. Your breathing increased as your knees become weak. You were both losing all shred of awareness until a thumping noise brought you back to the present. Both of your heads snapped to the side to see where the sound came from, but saw nothing. Jaehyun grabbed your wrist and quickly tugged you behind him, giving you not time to react or protest.

You found yourself being thrown into the men’s bathroom and pressed against the door as soon as it closed. Jaehyun wasted no time, pinning both of your wrists above your head with one of his large hands. Your shirt crept up, cold air blowing across your stomach before Jaehyun closed the gap between your bodies. You immediately were aware of his hard cock as it strained against his pants and against your thin skirt. Jaehyun’s grip on your wrist tightened as he pressed his hips further into you. “I know you hate listening, but you have no choice, now.” He growled as his body pressed into yours, feeling every breath you were taking and setting your body on fire. “You can’t just walk around like this and not expect to be told what to do. Now turn around.”

Almost embarrassingly quickly, you turned. It took no ounce of thought to know that you wanted Jaehyun to fuck you, to absolutely dominate you. Your entire facade was let go, everything you stood for was thrown out the window the moment he demanded anything of you. Your body turned, and Jaehyun brought your wrists behind your back, leading you towards the counter and pushing you into it. The cold granite counter was a total contrast to the warmth that exuded from his body just moments earlier, and the fire that was left from the contact was quickly replaced by shivers. Jaehyun leaned you down until your cheek rested against the icy cold surface. Your hands were freed from his grip, but remained in place as Jaehyun stepped back to take a look at you.

“You really thought that you could just cut your skirt this fucking short.” He moaned out, palming himself through his pants as he took in your figure leaned over before him. Your skirt was so short in this position that the swell of your ass was presented perfectly for him. He walked forward and you felt a sudden sting as his hand connected with your ass, leaving a red imprint. “Don’t you know every single guy wanted to fuck you the moment they saw you?” Another loud smack sounded throughout the bathroom as his hand continued. Your own hands finally moved, gripping the counter tightly to offset some of the sting as you tried your best to muffle the screams that were spilling from your mouth. Jaehyun continued his assault, rotating between both cheeks as he dealt smack after smack onto your ass. You bit your lip to try and stop some of the moans and yelps that you were creating, but Jaehyun wasn’t letting up, and the stinging was becoming overwhelming. Jaehyun stepped back to admire his handy work. Your ass was on fire, red prints decorated it in its entirety, and your panties were absolutely soaked. You peered back at him through heavy lids, on the edge of nirvana from the overwhelming feelings that were flowing through your body. A devilish grin crept up on Jaehyun’s face when he connected his eyes with yours.

“You’re too loud. Someone is going to hear you.” His words felt like ice, he almost seemed angry. You felt completely enamored by this new Jaehyun, and with this newfound fondness you suddenly felt guilty.

“I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll be more quiet.” You squirmed on the counter top, rubbing your legs together as much as you could to try and quiet the ache between your legs. He couldn’t stop now. You had to shut up so Jaehyun could continue sending you into bliss. Jaehyun just smirked at your neediness, your complete change of attitude, and walked tormentingly slow up behind you. Once behind you, Jaehyun lowered himself so his face was directly behind your dripping heat. His hands reached out, finding themselves on top of your burning ass. His cold hands soothed the skin some before moving down to the back of your legs. They continued their journey slowly, massaging your thighs and moving their way up and down your legs as Jaehyun stared at your wet panties in front of him.

“Poor girl, you’re fucking soaked.” Jaehyun groaned out as his hands continued to trail the length of your legs, making their way back up to your hips. His fingers hooked into the sides of your panties and carefully tugged them down. Your pussy was throbbing, and a moan escaped your throat when the warm wet cover of cloth was taken away, sweeping cold air across your center. Jaehyun continued to pull your panties down your legs, tapping on your feet to get them to step out of them, before placing his full attention back on your needy cunt. It was shining from your juices, and Jaehyun couldn’t resist a quick taste, leaning forward and gracing you with a long strip right up your pussy. Your hips pressed back, trying to chase his tongue as you fought to stay quiet. Just the small amount of pressure his tongue provided sent stars into your eyes, you were so on edge that the slightest amount of contact was almost too much. Jaehyun’s tongue left you feeling empty as he stood back up behind you.

“You need to listen to me, and be quiet.” His words shot at you, they were cold and unamused. You nodded quickly in response, trying to let him know you understood. Jaehyun shook his head, showing his disapproval. “I already asked, and you didn’t listen.” His hips found the back of your ass, his hard cock pressing against your bare backside as he leaned over the back of you. Your panties came into view as Jaehyun pressed you further into the counter so he could rest his chest on your back, placing your panties close to your face. “Open up.”

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where he was going with this, and your jaw dropped on command to allow Jaehyun to shove your panties into your mouth. The sweet taste of your juices filled your senses, and you bit down on the panties to suppress a moan as his hips ground into your ass. His hands found your hips, pressing further into you. Jaehyun’s head dropped back, and a low moan left his throat as he continued to fuck you from behind, fully clothed. You whined for more, pressing back onto him, needing to just feel him inside of you.

Jaehyun was becoming impatient himself, and took a step back to undo his pants. Your eyes never left his figure, watching as he lifted his shirt up to help his hands access to his complicated button. Your eyes went wide. Jaehyun’s had abs. Defined, sculpted, perfect abs. You weren’t surprised, but you were, all at the same time. His skin glistened with a light layer of sweat, and his perfect hands finally undid that damn button, dropping his pants to the ground. His boxers followed quickly, and you found your voice again as his cock came into view. It looked so hard, almost painful. His cock twitched as he raked his eyes up the view presented before him, pre-cum dripping down his throbbing cock. You wiggled your hips, inviting him in, your body begging for contact. Jaehyun smirked, stroking his cock with one hand as he approached. His free hand went to your skirt, flipping it up so he could see your dripping pussy clearly. He brushed the head of himself against your wet folds. Your eyes snapped shut and your body begged for more as you pushed your hips back.

“What did I say about listening?” Jaehyun’s voice boomed into your ears, halting your hips. You didn’t want to upset him, you didn’t want this to end, you had to be good. Once Jaehyun was satisfied with your reaction, he continued to stroke your lips with the head of his cock, slowly, teasing every inch of you, and applying the lightest amount of pressure. Whines of frustration came out of you, but you didn’t dare move. His eyes danced along your body to your face, and with one last perfect grin, his hips snapped forward, sending you harder into the cold counter top as his cock slid into your tight pussy, bottoming out quickly. Your hands gripped the counter for life, screams coming out muffled by your damp panties. The sting was mixed with the best feeling of pleasure as he took no mercy on you, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back into you.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good around me, baby..” Jaehyun moaned the words at you, they sounded so delicious leaving his mouth. One of his hands left your hip, but his rhythm never faltered. You were completely lost in the feeling, feeling every single inch of his throbbing cock slide in and out of you. Your pussy hugged him so perfectly, and you were in heaven, until his hand came down hard on your ass again. The pain of his slaps, and the pleasure that his cock was giving you, was too much. Your pussy begged to come, your body needed the release. Jaehyun leaned forward, grabbing your hair and pulling your head back so he could look at you in the mirror. His eyes switched between watching your fucked out expression, and watching your pussy take his cock perfectly. “Look at yourself in the mirror for me.” He grunted, thrusting into your even harder. Your eyes obeyed, watching yourself. Jaehyun looked back at you as he fucked you however he wanted. You couldn’t take much more. Feeling him inside of you and watching his face as he fucked you was too much. Your knees were weak and your hands hurt from gripping the counter. You used your tongue to push your panties out of your mouth, gasping for a clear breath as you did.

“Please, Jaehyun, please just let me cum!” You begged, turning your head to meet his eyes. Jaehyun looked down at you, sending another hard slapped to your abused ass as he continued. His hips didn’t slow down, but he also didn’t say you could cum. You knew you’d be in trouble if you did, so you fought with yourself to stop the wave that wanted to crash into you. Jaehyun leaned forward, putting one of his hands on the back of your neck and pushing you down into the counter so he could fuck you even harder, even deeper.

Groans, moans and screams left his throat, you’re sure someone would hear if they passed, as Jaehyun’s cock filled you up over and over. You body was screaming, and so were you, filling the bathroom and the hall with both of your voices of need. “Baby, cum for me, please cum for me..” You needed no more convincing, your hands released their tight hold on the counter and you rested into it as you let your body go. You focused on the feeling his perfect cock was creating as it fucked into you. Jaehyun tightened his hold on the back of your neck as he tossed his head back, snapping his hips forward. Your stomach tightened and a huge wave of pleasure crashed into you. Your body lit up like a firework, sensitivity shooting down through every inch of you as you orgasm took a hold of you. Your pussy squeezed around his cock, pulling him in further until he hips halted while he was deep inside of you. His cock throbbed and twitched as cum shot deep inside of you, intensifying the already overwhelming orgasm you were experiencing. Your screams turned to short pants, both of you catching your breath as Jaehyun slid his member out of you, his cum following. You had just fucked your class president..or rather, he fucked you. You looked in the mirror at Jaehyun, who looked right back at you. “We should get you to class. You shouldn’t break anymore rules today.” Jaehyun spoke to you in a teasing tone. You wanted to stand up, but you knew the moment you did his cum would spill out of you.

You reached for your panties, but Jaehyun was faster, snatching them away and slipping them into his pocket. “I don’t think so.” He tsked at you. “You wanted to come to school looking like this.” He motioned over your body, and you whined out in protest.

“Jaehyun, I have cum all over me!” You tried to reason, but it got you nowhere. Jaehyun just laughed it off, and took a hold of your wrists, pulling you up. You sighed as him cum slowly slid out of your pussy and down your leg. Jaehyun looked down, watching in amusement at his job well done.

“I like how it looks, so you’ll keep it.” That was decided, then. Some part of you wanted to do anything he said, and that part took over. You loved feeling naughty, and you didn’t want to disappoint Jaehyun. You nodded, adjusting your skirt to try and hide all of the redness that Jaehyun put on your ass and the back of your legs. He helped you fix your shirt before fixing his own, and then headed to the door.

“I hope next time, you’ll listen a little better.” Was all he said before he opened the door and headed out. He was no longer there, but you could feel his cum dripping down your leg still. You longed for more of him, and followed after him like a lost puppy.

“Oh, there you are..wrong bathroom?” You classmate piped at you, pointing to the sign, indicating Men’s Restroom. You shot your eyes down both ends of the hallway, Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen.You relaxed a little, and played it off. Something about an accident. Your classmate gave you a weak smile as he looked at you from head to toe. You pressed your legs together, hoping he could see or smell the sex that exuded from your body.

“What did you need?” You tried to redirect his attention back to the present, as he seemed to have lost himself in staring at you.

“Oh, they were looking for you..Principal’s office.”

This should be interesting.

#nct smut #jaehyun smut #nct imagines #kpop smut #jaehyun images #dom!jaehyun

1K notes · View notes

hecallsmehischild · 5 years ago

Text

Burned

“Why can’t I just move on?”

I must have asked this question dozens of times last year from the depths of depression, regret, and the constricting cycle of questions I have that will never be answered. Almost a full year ago, I ended a ten year friendship that had, perhaps, never actually been a friendship to begin with. Her absence left a hole ripped straight through me. I knew that would happen, I’d told her as much myself, though it was not for the reasons I’d always thought. I had to accept that this relationship had caused a great deal of damage in both my head and heart, and that I would never get solid answers to some of my questions.

And yet I would still get sucked into the questions. How could she have done {specific incident}? Was {incident} real or pretense? Did she ever care? When is the other shoe going to drop? I have to understand everything that happened so it never happens again. If I put every piece where it’s supposed to go, it will stop hurting. If I know what was real and what wasn’t, I’ll be able to forgive myself for the things that were my fault and let go of the things that weren’t. I could probably write an essay on all the magical thinking I was doing that perpetuated my need to find solid answers.

For a time, I feared running into her. Completely irrational, given the amount of states between us. And yet I’ve already decided I never want to go to the city I know she lives in again, and may avoid the state altogether if I can help it. In my head, I played out endless scenarios where we somehow ended up face to face, and I made the arguments go well for me this time. Usually this only cemented some poisonous sense of self-righteousness and deepened my bitterness. It was a futile, fruitless exercise that brought me no relief or healing.

I divested myself of almost everything having to do with her in the immediate aftermath of going “no contact.” But I made exceptions. Things that, I rationalized, didn’t have quite as much of her fingerprint on them that I liked, or things I’d sunk large amounts of time into.

“Why can’t I just move on?”

As months went by, I kept finding pieces I’d overlooked, digital or physical, and removing them from my life. But I kept a few. It made no sense that they could hold any sway over me.

“Why can’t I just move on?”

Many months ago, I finally released the last couple items that had she had given to me. But I kept the children’s books. Between the two of us, we created two children’s books, fully illustrated. She wrote the stories, I illustrated them in ArtRage and formatted them for BookBaby. The first one took me about 9 months because I was unfamiliar with what I needed to do and ran into issues that I would not carry over into the second book. The second book took me about 6 months.

I’ve never been an amazing digital artist and I haven’t the inclination to become incredible, but that much practice sharpened my skills a bit and taught me the ins and outs of ArtRage. I even researched, re-purchasing some of my favorite childhood books to look at how they laid out their text and illustrations. And though the team at BookBaby probably thinks I’m a bloody idiot at this point, I finally got through my head what needed doing in order to correctly produce a printed copy. To date I have created four distinct books (and some copies) through Bookbaby for various projects.

But, you see, these books were mine. Mine. As much as they were hers, they were mine, and I was not willing to concede this ground when I had already lost so much. I asked my husband to take the books and put them out of my sight, though, because seeing them on the bookshelf every day hurt too much for me to handle. I harbored hopes that I would be able to page through them fondly in the future.

“Why can’t I just move on?”

From time to time I would get this niggling little notion that maybe I ought to let go of the books. I promptly shoved those thoughts aside. These are the only printed books with my name on them, even if it is as illustrator instead of writer. I signed these copies to myself, like I always wanted to do. I also asked her to sign them the last time we saw each other, and I knew each bore a lengthy message I had yet to look at. I would have to look at it someday, if I kept the books. But I didn’t have to think about it yet.

“Why? WHY?!”

I had begun, in the last three or so months, to realize that most of the time period during which I found this person as a friend was not one I really wanted to hold onto. There is precious little about that time period, or the city I was in, that was good. Why hold onto these things, still? I began slow, deleting photos I’d held onto because they were of a birthday that had meant a lot to me. She had been there celebrating with us, her birthday soon after mine. The whole folder of photos went.

Seeing an older friend on facebook was working through her own, similar issue, I asked her how you forgive. I understand forgiveness to be much more about my own health than the other person’s. I don’t want the anger and poison that come with long-term bitterness, but forgiveness is such an intangible concept that it is difficult for me to figure it out in practical implementation. I asked this friend how she managed, and she mentioned that every time the person who hurt her came to mind, she would pray for God to work in their life and bless them, even if she didn’t feel anything good or positive when she prayed. Pray for your enemies, huh? Suddenly that part made a lot more sense, and I started doing that even when I didn’t feel like it. It was another step, but sometimes I still got sucked into the futile mental argument scenarios.

I had to reformat my computer recently, and as I scrambled to save the files that I wanted, I intentionally left behind the digital files for the children’s books. I would never, I realized, be able to publish them anyway, since that would require an agreement between me and her. Anyone I’d wanted to give copies to already had them. I’d sent her the digital files from the start, so she already had them if she wanted to make her own copies, but I didn’t want any more copies. So I “lost” the files.

A few days ago, I went through my facebook contacts and trimmed about seventy duplicates, deleted profiles, and people I simply didn’t contact anymore or had accepted as “friends” because I felt I had to. I DON’T have to, and while it disheartened me how many of these I had allowed access to my circle, within a day I felt lighter for having narrowed my list down closer to reality. There are still some contacts I probably should release, but am not ready to accept that. It’s okay, it takes time. I will be ready eventually.

Yesterday I wrote up a description of one of the instances with her that bothers me the most in terms of unanswered questions and brought it to a private group, hoping to find some answers. Writing it up brought everything to the surface again, and it hurt. Once again, I flailed at why I couldn’t let go. Why did I have to keep asking? Why couldn’t I just get a damn answer about all this? Why couldn’t I drop it and never look at it again? I needed to forgive her, and I was already trying to do this by offering a quick prayer whenever she came to mind, but the hurt was always there. Just waiting for a good opportunity to come out roaring, claws extended, screaming, “WHY?!”

The books have to go. I don’t know whether to attribute this realization to God gently leading me toward this understanding all year a step at a time, or my own thoughts. Make of it what you will, but I don’t tend toward letting go. I want to, but I don’t actually do it. I have hoarded painful incidents, using them as fuel, as inspiration, as defense. I have, however, asked God to lead and guide and mold me into the person He means me to be. I often fail or misunderstand, but I have asked for Him to help.

I realized I was okay with letting the books go. It wasn’t a waste. I had gained valuable skills in the process of making these books. So, last night, I asked my husband to bring the books down. In a fireplace, we built up a small stack of flat, cardboard boxes and packing paper, set the books on top, and lit the pile. In retrospect, we definitely could have restructured that pile to burn better. As it was, we had to prod and bank and flip pieces over for it to catch right, but in the end it was all a cold pile of ashes. I chose not to read the inscriptions.

Afterward, I laughed my head off at the irony. I don’t hold truck with book burnings. I think it’s a lousy way to express what you think of the book at best and censorship at worst. I never thought I’d end up doing a book burning myself, let alone burn books with my name on the cover. My husband teased I was following in the “proud Christian tradition of book burning” and I just lost it. It is so good to laugh in a situation that has been saturated with tears.

I know this particular book burning was the right thing. I don’t know if I’ll still find myself asking, “But why can’t I let go?”, but I’ve done all I can think to do for now. I have let go of that part of my past in every tangible way I can, keeping no digital or physical remnants to mull over. I’ve taken another step out from under this shadow, and I’ll keep taking steps whenever they become obvious to me.

#rlchild #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #forgiveness #letting go #wrestling with God

1 note · View note

ashenious · 5 years ago

Text

Some Grand Affairs Amongst the Normality - Chapter 11 of ??? (Dante/Reader)

Overall Story Rating: Mature Overall Story Tags: Alcohol, Big Snake, (Like literally a big snake), Blood, Body Horror, Dead Body Mention, Fluff, Gore Mention, Depressive Thoughts, Drugging, IV Mention, Nausea, Nightmares, Reader is regular boring Human, Reader likes to clean, Reader is also a troublemaker, Slow Burn, Suicide Mention, There was only one bed,

For This Chapter: Rating: General Warnings: None Additional: Fluff Word Count: 6402

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6/Part 7/Part 8/Part 9/ Part 10/Part 11/Part 12/Part 13/Part 14

AO3 Link: Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6/Part 7/Part 8/Part 9/Part 10/Part 11/Part 12/Part 13/Part 14

“Dante, we seriously need to talk about your spending habits, cause you are barely staying afloat here right now.”

“Have… you slept at all? You’re not looking so hot right now, babe.”

“First off, that’s really fucking rude. Second, you’re trying to change the subject, now stop it.”

Of all the things you wanted to hear for the day, that was the thing you wanted to hear the absolute least. Maybe it was because you hadn’t slept at all during the couple of days since you had been released from the hospital and you were a bit cranky and emotional. You didn’t really believe that though and you thought it was more likely that you were emotional and on the edge of crying was because Dante was being a complete ass to you, who had graciously offered to work on his finances.

The first day out of the hospital was a rough one, and it was only because the hospital decided that you could leave on what would have been the day that the culprit, whom you now know was named Lain, would have removed part or all of your liver. Your arm’s dressing had been changed one last time before you left, and your nurse suggested wearing a sling to hold your arm in place to minimize movement of it for a few weeks while it healed. You had originally protested the sling, but since Dante and your nurse were persistent in trying to convince you to use the sling because you were, as they said, “a bit of a troublemaker”, you decided to comply with them and put the sling on to make them stop bringing it up.

From the feeling of constriction, and from what the day was, you were completely anxious, and there wasn’t a part of your body that wasn’t feeling the coil of dread in it as you stepped out of the hospital’s doors to the rest of the world.

The cars that drove past on the street, and the people that were going into the hospital made you feel odd, as you felt like your life had been paused for the last 4 days, and yet those that you saw moving around you seemed so unaffected by what had happened to you. You had been brought out of your thoughts by 2 gentle hands on your shoulders, and you about screamed out at the touch. You turned around quickly to see a surprised Dante, his hands still hanging in the air.

You had apologized profusely, but Dante still seemed phased by your reaction. He made you walk to the store with him, promised that he’d keep his hands to himself. You allowed him to guide you to his store, as you didn’t want to go home just yet.

As soon as you walked into the store, a bit of anxiety left you, but you still felt overwhelmed in every part of you. It was a relief to see that the floor was still clean, and that Dante had lied to you about making a mess all over the store. The next thing you looked at after you had seen your beautiful floor was the bar, and you thought about making yourself a drink.

Dante refused to let you, however, and instead directed you away from the cabinet of liquor. You sat yourself at Dante’s desk after he refused to serve you, something that confused the man as you normally sat yourself at the couch nearby, but as he leaned against the edge of his desk, you explained that you had plans for the store now that you had some time off and needed something to do. To him, this was merely something to keep you occupied while you recovered, but to you this was something to help stave off the anxiety and feelings of dread that kept stirring inside you.

Dante wasn’t amused by what you had told him, your first plan being cleaning the entire store front again until it was completely spotless. Your second plan was to organize all of his finances, something you had taken a peek at when you had deep cleaned the store many months before. Your final plan was to plan out a finishing plan for the back of the store.

You hadn’t gone to the back of the store a lot, having been there only a few times to find things that Dante was looking for and one time for yourself to see if the man owned a broom back there, but it was a sad sight to behold. The entire back was an unfinished space, but it was a massive space. There were support beams all over the room, there were no windows that weren’t covered up with barely held together curtains, there were boxes with labels of various kinds and in various languages placed haphazardly around, and there was 1 lonely sink sitting near the wall that was shared with the bathroom. You weren’t able to explore the back room to the fullest you wanted to as the at least 1 foot of dust that was covering everything prevented you from trekking further in, as you feared you wouldn’t be able to breath once you went in.

You had brought up the back room with Dante at one point in time, and the man merely shrugged you off, not very concerned about the space at all. Since then, all you wanted to do was dive in and clean the room, make it presentable at the very least, before you tried to plan out how the space could be used better. The front of Dante’s store was finished and looked relatively nice most days, so it was surprising that the rest of the building was so forgotten and in need of love.

Cleaning the store was easy for you, as you knew where the most messy places usually were: Dante’s desk, the couch near the back of the store, the bar, mostly the places where Dante rotated throughout a typical day. But you hadn’t been able to move for such a long time that, despite being in a small amount of pain consistently, you just had way too much energy. Dante, justifiably, was worried that you were going to hurt yourself as you cleaned, as doing most anything was difficult with one arm. But you persisted on with your dusting wand and cleaning rags that you placed in a small bucket attached to your belt.

Cleaning was a comforting action, despite how much energy it took out of you, as it helped you direct the negative energy you had in you to something that wasn’t your brain. You felt that if you let your brain have any of the negative energy you had in you, you’d start thinking terrible thoughts and you’d rather avoid doing that for as long as you could.

Dante tried to get in your way a total of one time, but after you had smacked him with the wand and given him a look that showed him how serious you were about cleaning, the man stayed out of your way, his feet propped up on the coffee table and his body not leaving the couch. He kept to his magazines while you worked through the store, starting from the front, tiled portion of the store to the back corner where the bar was, and he waited for you to call out to him should you need assistance.

There were a few places that you couldn’t reach alone, but you refused to ask Dante for help, opting instead to drag around his desk chair to stand on. He wasn’t very happy that you were dragging his chair around and not asking for help, but as he watched you, he kept his eye on your injured arm and was at least pleased that you had barely moved it.

The front of the store was the least dusty, and you wondered if it was because of the door opening and closing all the time, blowing the dust around as you knew Dante never dusted. The railing of the stairs was less than amusing to dust through, and it was mildly annoying that the dusting wand would get caught in the intricate details of the railing. The bannister above that lined the small floor that hung above the store was extremely dusty as well, and you wondered if Dante even ever went upstairs with how undisturbed the dust was. You also noticed the door up there, something you had never seen from below before, and you wondered if it led to another unfinished area in the back of the store.

Dusting around the wooden floor next, you started below the stairs and worked on the radiator near them after you polished off the shelves of stuff. You were almost impressed that the shelf looked untouched by the look of the stuff still being organized. You skipped over Dante’s desk, wanting to save that for later when you worked on his finances, and worked to complete the area that Dante was sitting in.

The man was less than helpful, and you found yourself having to step over and around him to touch the tops of the windows with your dusting wand. Dante, being Dante, made snarky comments the entire time you stepped around him, commenting on how he had his own personal housekeeper now, and how nice it was to not to have clean up anymore. You countered him by saying that he never cleaned up to begin with, and as you planted one foot on either side of his sitting self, you stared down at the man for a second.

“…As much as I enjoy the view, I can’t read my magazine very easily, babe.” Getting smacked with the dust wand again shut Dante up quickly, and you removed yourself from over him, your face feeling on fire as you jumped over to the corner to dust the bar and surrounding decorations.

Satisfied with your work on the store, you sat yourself down again at Dante’s desk, and you couldn’t help but look over the whole store. It still looked pretty dull and dreary, but at least there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere to be found, except maybe on the dangling lights. Looking up at the them, you wondered if you had any way to reach them.

“…Hey, Dante,” you called out. Hearing a hum of acknowledgement, you looked over to the preoccupied man. “Anyway I can convince you to lift me up so I can dust the lights?”

“What? No way, doll.” Shrugging a bit, you were satisfied as you had at least tried. Dante raised his eyebrow at you as you turned away and pulled open the top drawer of his desk. “Hey, what’re you doing now?”

“I told you before, I’m gonna work on your finances. Last time I checked, you weren’t doing so hot,” you replied as you pulled out stacks of papers. The drawer had gained a few more papers since the last time you opened it, something that worried you a bit. Repeating your motion and pulling out all the papers from every drawer, you felt a bit overwhelmed by the stacks of papers that piled atop the desk. Sighing loudly, you began to sort out the stacks, taking care to make as many piles of paperwork as you needed to find specific sheets later.

At some point in your sorting, you heard a light snoring noise, and as you looked over to Dante, his magazine now covering his face, you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Turning to look at the clock, you realized that it was just past midnight, a lot later than you thought it was. Feeling your lips tighten a bit at the sight, you turned back to the paper you held in your hand and skimmed over it. Placing it onto the proper stack, you felt the weight on your eyes try to tug them closed.

Feeling the anxiety still inside you, a lessened amount than earlier in the day but still enough to make you feel sick, you shook out your head and returned to your sorting, determined to keep sleep at bay for more time.

Once the paper on top of Dante’s desk were sorted, there were still the papers that were shoveled into the shelves under the stairs. Although you had organized them months before, you hadn’t thoroughly sorted them and so they were just lined up on the shelf, waiting to be sorted through.

The sun arose just as you finished sorting the final papers, and you couldn’t help but sigh loudly as you placed the final paper. It had taken a lot longer than you wanted it to to sort all the papers, and you hadn’t even sorted them by dates yet, only by type. Picking up a stack and making more room on the desk, you began the long task of sorting it by the dates listed, assuming there was even a date on it. Undated papers were given their own pile and you knew you’d have to fill in the missing dates of the dated pile with them at some point.

A loud snort brought you out of your deep sorting routine, and you jumped at the noise as you turned to look at Dante, your eyes wide and mouth a little agape. The man let his magazine fall off his face and onto his lap, and he stretched his arms and legs out. He lifted his head up to look at you as his legs hit the table again, another noise that caused you to jump a bit.

“What’s up?” the man asked, his eyebrow raised. You merely shook your head and returned to your sorting again, leaving Dante confused.

Finally, FINALLY, every pile was sorted by type and by date, and you felt content knowing you’d hopefully never have to do something so tedious again. You were going to leave sticky notes with instructions on them for Dante so that the man would hopefully at least attempt to place the papers near the correct pile when he needed to rid himself of them.

Grabbing a stack of clean paper, you began to work down Dante’s budget, something you felt like might be an impossible task. You liked a challenge though, even if there was a chance that the task would never have a definite end. One by one you went through all the stacks of papers, trying and failing to not judge the purchases made by the man through the years.

There were many names on the papers you didn’t recognize, and you wondered briefly who all the were people that Dante had done business with in the past. The name of Enzo came up a lot, and his name suddenly disappeared from the papers at some point. It seemed that he was someone who frequently did business with Dante in the past, but whom had almost completely vanished from the man’s paperwork in recently years. It was curious to see disappearance of the name so suddenly, and it made you wonder what could have happened for the man and Dante to no longer do business together.

During your budgeting spree, you were brought out of your mind by the touch of something warm to your cheek, and you gasped at the feeling as you slid your chair backwards on the floor. Looking at the warm offender, a slice of pizza that Dante held in his hand, you turned to look at the man. His face was a bit contorted, and you grinned sheepishly at him.

“You hungry?” he asked. Looking from him to the pizza again, you wondered when Dante had left, or when he had even gotten up as you couldn’t recall hearing any movement. How did he pull up a chair next to you without you noticing at all?

“I, uh…yeah,” you said after a few moments, your hand reaching to grab the slice. Sitting in silence and eating, you let your brain spin around the numbers you had just written down as you tried to keep your mind was wandering to somewhere with terrible thoughts. You had finally started to tackle the food portion of Dante’s budget, the part that worried you the most. As you grabbed another slice of pizza from the box, you realized that you were in fact starving, unsure of when you had last eaten.

You managed to grab another 2 slices from Dante before he finished off the box, almost having to fight the man for your final piece, and you were almost impressed with yourself at how much you had just eaten. Granted, your body was craving some sort of nutrition as you had barely eaten in the prior 24 hours, so it made sense that were going to eat a lot in one sitting when you finally ate.

Turning your focus away from how full you felt, you went back to your budgeting, and Dante returned himself to the couch. Instead of grabbing a magazine, however, the man watched you as you worked, but you barely noticed, your attention turned fully on the almost disgusting amount of pizza receipts, debts, and tabs that Dante had.

Now, after all the time had passed where you had looked every single pizza receipt you found before, it made absolutely no sense to you, having done all the math twice to double check, how one man could have possibly eaten 520 pizzas in about 6 months’ time. You weren’t even sure you had eaten that many slices of pizza in your lifetime, but the receipts didn’t lie to you as you stared down at them and then over to Dante. Your face was full of expression, as you were impressed, worried, concerned, and disgusted in that moment, and Dante only stared at you as he waited for you to speak.

But his face changed immediately when he saw the tears sitting in your eyes, and he brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck slowly.

“You can’t…you can’t just tell someone they look terrible,” You muttered finally. Dante looked to the side as he kept rubbing that back of his neck, and you sighed lightly.

“I’m…sorry?” he said after a few seconds, his eyes coming back to you. You only shook your head and turned back to the papers in front of you. Dante stood up from his place, and you listened as he walked over to his desk and stood on the side. “What did you want to talk about then?”

“You… cannot eat this much pizza,” you said as you turned to look at Dante. “You’ve eaten as much pizza that 1 person could eat in their life in just 6 months!”

“…I…I think you’re done with those now.”

“What?” Seeing Dante reach for the papers before you, you jumped forward and grabbed his arm firmly. “No! I’m not done yet!” Hearing a chuckle from the man, you looked up at him and pouted.

“What, what’s with the pout?” He asked as his chuckle became a laugh. “You can’t tell a guy not to eat his favourite thing and expect that he’ll just take that without fighting!”

“I’m just…how can you afford this much pizza? Where do you get the money to buy it all?” you asked, your tone a bit exacerbated. “I’ve looked over what you bring home, and you don’t make nearly enough to afford all those everything pizzas! And I haven’t even touched your receipts of beer and booze or…literally anything else!” you rambled on, refusing to let go of Dante’s arm. Dante continued to laugh, and he gently pulled at his arm, playfully trying to free it from your grasp.

“Oh, well, that’s all you’ve looked at so far?” he said as he slowly looked over the desk. Taking a second to look over all the papers, he pushed down one of his fingers on his free hand onto one of the piles before you. Turning and looking at the pile he was pointing at, you grasped harder on his other arm as he continued to tug it.

Refusing to let go, you merely leaned over the desk, gently resting your slinged elbow on the desk as you glanced at the papers. Dante scolded you for moving your injured arm, but you ignored him as you stuck your tongue out a bit in favor of reading the headings on the papers.

‘IOU – Lady’

Right, that’s how.

Groaning a bit, you slumped back in your chair and kicked your feet forward. As you leaned your head back, you heard Dante still chuckling a bit, and you finally released his arm from your grasp.

“I totally forgot about your other debts…” you muttered as you turned to look at the man. He was leaning against the desk, his arm resting on the top of it as he watched you. “This is…gonna take a long time I think.”

“Hey, if you’re so worried about my finances, you’re free to pay for my pizza in the meantime,” Dante teased.

“…I still don’t even know where my wallet is!” you exclaimed, quickly reaching down and patting your pockets. “I can’t pay for anything until I find that!”

“Oh, right. It’s in the evidence lock up I think,” Dante explained. “Morrison’s wrapping up the case, so he should be calling at some point and we can go get your stuff.”

“Oh, great, it’s evidence…” you muttered as you pouted. Dante chuckled at your expression, and you only pouted more when you heard him.

“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” Humming a confirmation and shrugging at Dante, he pulled himself off the desk and knelt down next to you. You furrowed your eyebrows, confused at what he was doing. “You wanna answer my question now?”

“Your question…?” Sitting and thinking for a second, you remembered what Dante had asked you only a few minutes before. “Oh, right. I have…I got a little bit of sleep,” you lied. You could tell that Dante knew you were lying by the expression on his face, and, though you didn’t want to admit it, you probably did look pretty awful at the moment which didn’t help your lie. Turning away from the man quickly, you grabbed your dust wand and turned back to Dante. “H-Here!”

“What….am I gonna do with this?” he asked, completely confused as he grabbed onto the wand.

“Can you dust out the back of the store?” you asked. “I-I can’t do it cause it’s way too dusty for me, and I’m a bit worried I’ll become one with the dust.” Seeing Dante’s face furrow up, you waited a second and watched him as he flipped the dust wand over as he looked over it. “Please?” The man sighed and stood up, and just before he walked away to the back of the store, he gave you a look of concern. You only grinned at him as he walked away, and once he was out of the sight and you heard the door to the back close, you returned your attention to the budget in front of you.

As time passed while you worked on the remainder of Dante’ budget, you would occasionally hear concerning noises coming from the back of the store. Many times you wanted to stop and go and check on Dante, to see what he was doing that could be causing so much noise, but you refused to move as you wanted to finish going through his papers as fast as possible.

It seemed like you were in hell for the longest time, as paper after paper got filed away after you wrote down everything on it. The repetition you were seeing among Dante’s purchases and debts was incredible, and if some of them weren’t dated then you would’ve thought that the man had hundreds of copies of the same receipt for no reason. But finally, as you set down the last piece of paper from the last of the stacks of papers, you groaned loudly. Despite your groan, you were almost ecstatic as you had finally, FINALLY gathered up all of Dante’s financial woes and incomes, balanced his books for the business, and made a reasonable budget for him. There were still a few things you needed to ask him for clarification, but the worst of the balancing was over.

Hearing the door to the back slam open, you jumped up, your legs knocking down the chair you sat in as you hopped up. You jumped again as the chair hit the ground, and you quickly turned to where the original noise came from. Seeing a puff of dust floating near the bar, you felt your face fall a bit. Only a few moments after seeing the dust did you see a dust covered figure emerge from behind the wall, and you couldn’t help but snort at the unimpressed face that was plastered on Dante.

“I can see why you were worried about becoming one with the dust! I had no idea I had a portal to hell in the back of my shop!” Dante snarked as he smirked, his hand resting on his side as he looked over at you. You covered your mouth quickly and laughed into it, uncaring of how loud your laugh was. “Do you need the bathroom before I wash all this gunk off? I’m probably gonna be awhile since it feels like the dust is trying to eat me.” Dante said as he gently lifted his jacket to the side as he began to slide it off.

As you kept laughing, you waved your hand in front of you to shoo Dante away who was already stripping away his shirt to free himself from the dust cover that was coating him. The man just chuckled a bit before he turned and walked to the bathroom, hoping to rid himself of the disgusting feeling on him. Hearing the door close again, you made your way over the coach and sat down, still laughing a bit. You couldn’t get the image of Dante’s face as he left the back out of your head, and it was definitely one of the funniest things you had seen in a while.

Laying down on the couch slowly, you grabbed the pillow that sat on the back of the couch and placed it under your injured arm and elevated it. Resting your head against the arm of the couch, you stared up at the ceiling as you heard the sound of the water turn on.

You wondered how long Dante would be, as you felt your stomach growl a bit. Lifting the curtain on the window above you, you furrowed your eyebrows a bit at the lack of sunlight that was shining through. You looked at the clock nearby and were surprised to see it was almost 9 at night, and you hadn’t even noticed that another whole day had passed. Letting the curtain fall back into place, you turned your eyes back to the ceiling again.

It had been just over a day since you had left the hospital, but it only felt like a little bit ago there you were sitting on the clean white bed still hooked up to an IV drip and vitals monitor. Your anxiety hadn’t lessened much since the sun had risen that morning, and it was frustrating to still be feeling the heavy weight in you. You had hoped that being productive, overly productive at that, would help how awful you felt, but nothing had changed. It was annoying to say the very least. And you still felt bad about lying to Dante earlier, even though the man knew that you were lying.

You peeked at the liquor cabinet, and wondered if having a drink would help you. Feeling the tug at your arm as you sat up a bit, you gave up sitting up and threw yourself back onto the couch, deciding against a drink right now. The idea didn’t leave your mind, and you decided that if you didn’t feel better by sunrise, then you’d just spend tomorrow a bit tipsy just to give yourself a break from the horrible feelings.

Tomorrow was so far away, however, and as you felt the weight of exhaustion in you coupled with your anxiety, you sighed. Sleep wasn’t an option you wanted to consider right now; the nightmares had been subdued in the hospital as you hadn’t dreamed at all because of whatever pain meds they were giving you. You were taken off pain meds the day before you left the hospital, however, and the night of sleep you had had horrible and bloody nightmares again. The ones from the last few months were almost tolerable compared to the one you had in the hospital, and now you just wished to never experience that again.

You knew humans could go a good amount of time before they needed to sleep, so you decided that your time was best spent working on something else. The back room needed a lot of work to it, and although you knew Dante couldn’t afford to fix up everything right now, it was best to get plans down so that you’d have an idea of how much it’d cost to renovate the room.

Opening your eyes which you had closed at some unknown point, you about screamed at the sight of Dante’s face sitting above you as he knelt nearby. Glancing down his face, your own eyes wide as your mouth lay open, you caught sight of the man’s chest and felt your face flush. Bringing your eyes back up to Dante’s gaze, you slowly lifted your arm and pressed your hand over Dante’s eyes. Feeling the man’s brow furrow a bit, you looked away from him.

“C-Can I help you?” you stuttered out quietly. Feeling Dante’s hand rise and rest over your own, you tensed up a bit.

“Nah, I was just checking to see if you fell asleep. The couch isn’t very comfortable, so I suggest using the bed upstairs,” Dante said as he pulled your hand away from his face. He didn’t release your hand however, and you refused to look at him.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” you stated simply.

“I think you need to; you’ve been up for far too long,” Dante said as he slowly brought your hand down to your chest.

“I don’t need to sleep,” you about spat out, still focusing your gaze away from the man.

“And why not? You look like…you need at least a nap,” the man said as he gently rubbed his thump over the back of your hand. You felt your face heat up more, and you very much wanted to roll off the back of the couch. Deciding it wasn’t worth it to rip your stiches out of your arm, you remained in place.

“I don’t need a nap, I’m fine,” you tried again.

“You’re not. I can tell from how tense you are,”

“I’m tense cause you’re…shirtless and harassing me!” Turning your head away more, you tried to bury your face in the cushions of the couch.

“No, you’re tense cause you need a nap,” Dante said as he sighed. “C’mon, I’ll show you upstairs.” Feeling a tug on your arm, you quickly turned your head and watched as Dante rose to his feet.

“No! I really don’t!” you countered as you tried to pull your hand free.

“Why in the world don’t you want to sleep?” Dante asked, a bit of frustration in his voice. “Your arm isn’t gonna heal as fast if you don’t sleep!”

“I just…don’t want to sleep!”

“And why not?” Pulling your lips tight, you felt the tension in your shoulders build up, and you slowly sat yourself up as Dante continued to gently pull on your arms. You looked away from the man and stared at the titled floor near the bar.

“I…You’re gonna laugh if I tell you, why can’t you drop it?” you asked quietly. Feeling the tugging on your arm halt, you waited. Only a moment later did you feel the weight of another person on the couch. Looking to your side, you saw Dante sitting next to you, his face softer than it was a few seconds ago. His tugging had stopped, but his hand still held yours, and you appreciated the warmth of it.

“I won’t. Promise,” Dante said, his tone much more serious than it usually was. Looking over his face, you knew he was telling the truth, and as he sat next to you, his thumb no longer running over your hand like you wanted it to, you felt yourself calm down slowly as the moments passed.

“I…don’t want to deal with the…nightmares…” you finally said, your voice growing quieter with each word. You turned your head away quickly, and you felt yourself tense up again as you waited for Dante to do or say anything.

“…You too, huh?

“What?” Throwing your head back around, you gave Dante a confused look, but all he did was give you a soft look. Confused, you looked over his whole face as you tried to process the words he had just said.

“C’mon, this way.” Feeling a gentle tug on your hand, Dante stood up and you hesitantly joined him in standing. He led the way, slowly stepping around the coffee table and walked toward the stairs. You followed him, and as he turned to climb the stairs, you looked down at your hand that he was still holding. Reaching the top of the stairs, Dante opened the door you had never been in before, and he released your hand before he motioned for you to go in.

Stepping inside, you were a bit surprised at the sight of another unfinished room that only had an unmade bed and a dresser in it. Your face scrunched at the sight, and you turned to watch Dante as he stepped into the room with you as he closed the door behind him. He motioned you toward the bed, but you didn’t move as he made his way to the dresser nearby.

“This is…your bedroom?” you asked as you watched Dante.

“Yeah, give me one second here,” The man said as he opened one of the drawers to the dresser, and he suddenly threw his towel to the side into a pile of other piles, causing your face to grow immediately hot as you exclaimed, “Have you no shame!?” while you quickly covered your eyes with your hand and turned to the side.

“Oh, you’re being overly dramatic.” Dante laughed as he pulled out a pair of dark pants. “You’ve seen me strip down when I’ve been drunk before, there isn’t anything on me you haven’t seen yet.” Muttering to yourself about how shameless Dante was, you thought about how it was true that a drunk Dante did seem to have an affinity for striping down at random times, but at those times you were also drunk and so had hardly paid mind to the random acts. You listened as the man as he slid his bottoms on, and you forced your injured hand to relax as you had clenched your fist on that hand at some point and it was starting to become sore. Waiting for a few seconds, you finally felt the man pass you, and you quickly removed your hand from your face and looked at him as he moved toward the door. “Just call out if you need me,”

“W-Wait!” You said quickly as you reached and grabbed onto Dante’s arm. “A-Are you gonna leave me alone in this creepy room?”

“Creepy? I don’t think it’s that creepy,” Dante said, his eyes going around to all parts of the room.

“I-It’s horribly creepy! It looks like a haunted house in here! So-So you can’t leave me alone in here, I’ll never be able to sleep!” you sputtered out quickly. “N-Not that I was gonna sleep anyway, I think that that’s a terrible idea! S-So you can’t go leaving me here, cause what if something ha—"

“Alright, alright! I’ll stay!” Dante said as he threw his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t think you enjoyed my company so much.”

“I-I don’t,” you said as you shook your head. Turning and stepping toward the bed, you looked over the disheveled mess of blankets that had been balled up.

“Your full of lies today, aren’t you?” Turning and looking at Dante, you saw him raise his eyebrow at you. You felt your lips tighten and you sat yourself on the bed slowly. “I won’t leave you alone but let me go grab a magazine real fast.”

“…A-Are you just gonna end up falling asleep while you’re reading again?” you asked as you brought your legs up next to you.

“…Possibly, why?” Seeing the mans confused face, you gulped lightly.

“If you’re…just gonna fall asleep, why not just skip the magazine and…” pausing for a moment, you felt your face grow hot as you felt your heart race. “…just take a nap?” Seeing Dante’s eyebrow raise once again, you quickly turned away from him. Hearing some movement after a few moments, you waited. When the other side of the bed was pressed in, you watched as Dante rolled himself onto the bed, and pushed the pile of blankets closer to you. He didn’t look at you, and his eyes were already closed when his head hit the pillow. As he raised his arms and placed his hands behind his head, you slowly pulled one blanket free from pile and shook it out.

Laying down on your right side to allow your injured arm to not be squished, you slowly pulled the blanket you held over you as you laid your head down. You felt in your whole body, and your heart was still racing as you closed your eyes. You thought that you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep with how you were feeling, and you decided that you would get up when you heard Dante snoring shortly. But the feeling of the heft in your eyes kept your eyes closed, and despite your want to stay away, you slowly drifted into sleep, your body longing for deep rest.

#devil may cry #dmc #fanfic #dmc fanfic #dante #reader #dante/reader #second person #text post #read more #mine #myfic #my story #SGAAtN

1 note · View note

ofcloudsandstars · 6 years ago

Text

I've surpassed a quarter of a century living here. It felt like an eternity, like I've lived several lives already. I know around each quarter of a century saturn will return to the same place it was when you were born but saturn hasn't made it's return for me just yet.

To be honest almost every year my birthday depresses me. I have been having existential crises since I was 7 years old. I remember one night I was in bed with my mom staring at some old victorian wallpaper and having a moment of awareness that was outside of who I was. I asked her "Why am I here? Why was I born in this time? And also in this place and country when I could have been born to any parents in any place on this earth. Why do I exist?" I could imagine from her perspective to have your child ask you this at 10pm is like overwhelming but that thought and emotion never left me for 19 years.

I never asked to be here.

I often feel like wherever I came from I miss it a lot. I feel like there was some kind of mistake and that I've fallen from some other existence that was nicer and now I am on this dying planet constricted by time and decay with creatures that only care about consuming everything they can. There is so much potential here and so much to be given but it's been spoiled over time, claimed by violence and anyone who tried to change it would get assassinated.

I remember when I was in nursery school (I still have so many vivid childhood memories) and I was graduating with my class into pre-K and we had to do an assembly where we told middle schoolers what we aspired to be when we grew up and I remembered my answer was Jesus and I probably remembered this so vividly cause my teacher had an Episode about it. Like: You can't say that!! Do you know what you said?? Like she wanted me to understand the gravity of my statement but I didn't understand why it was so shocking. I am Obviously not christian, haha if you know me you know that, but as a child I understood that someone like Jesus was selfless and cared about people even if they were outcasted and unloved and cared about fixing the corruption of the government and he was killed for it. I didn't understand much of christianity as a child and I HATED going to church but even when I was 6 I knew what it meant to be selfless and to give unconditional love because sometimes doing acts of kindness can inspire others to heighten their awareness yet I lost respect for religion when I was a teen cause I saw how prophets' simple messages of being thoughtful were weaponized cause nothing on this plane can ever stay uncorrupted for power. Anyway I said I wanted to be a motorcyclist. I mean as a 5 year old I just said it as 'motorcycle guy' and the teacher thought that was good enough. I still think motorcycles are cool haha.

It wasn't until I was an adolescent that I was hyper aware of death in every way. It was the worst time of my life. Everything idealistic I felt about this world was wiped away and I became aware of the realities of racism, sexism, everything -ism that made me feel like I wasn't allowed to enjoy anything. I could go on and on about the effects of racism and sexism and how my gender and sexuality felt like a prison and how once again I never decided on any of these things but it felt like I was out of place and on top of that there were consequences for being out of place. As a girl especially finding a guy to love you was something they brainwash in you early and if you couldn't you wouldn't have value. As a girl, you always looked externally for people to validate you with their love cause you weren't allowed to love yourself. Living in a body that wasn't the right race, gender and sexuality made me feel hopeless and full of hate and that I would never be accepted. I was suicidal and I felt like it wouldn't make a difference if I ended myself then or waited cause I wasn't living life anyway and I knew some inevitable death was coming. Like a huge storm in the horizon. It was the time of my life reoccuring dreams of the apocalypse were coming. Night after night I would have dreams running around in cities avoiding mobs while heat waves burned everything or tsunamis came or some plague effected millions creating some zombie like reality. I never enjoyed being a teenager and it lead into my young adult life. I always wanted to go out and be carefree, do stupid things, get drunk, have a young love and not worry about the world yet there was always some constraint like strict parents or not being the ideal woman to 'deserve' these things and I felt like I was wasting the one part of my life I could enjoy before the global darkness arrived.

I always felt like I was born at the end of something. Even when I finally had the chance to go out people would tell stories about how great certain places to go out where or places to experience, or urban cultures that could be found in some areas but they 'no longer exist'. 'People don't do that anymore'. "It used to be wild but now it's strict". "The place was torn down for condos". "It got commercialized and tickets are expensive, but the culture isn't even there so it's not worth it". Nothing lasts forever and neither did my adolescence. It was the one time I tried to give what this society have to offer a chance and I accept it wasn't meant for me. I was born in the wrong time when everything was ending.

And though this world has given me constaint restraints I still am trying to make the most of this existence. I've accepted that we live in some kind of hell and it's inevitable for suffering to end. People could give messages of compassion and it would be weaponized to control others or commercialized to sell overharvested crystals and herbs in huge businesses. To live we have to eat other living sentient beings cause that's how energy is transferred unless you are a plant that can do photosynthesis but they can still suck water and minerals from their neighbors for their needs. There is no balance here. I find living exhausting. I still don't know how I got here.

I did ask my mom a year or so ago on my birthday why she had me. She just said 'it was the thing to do'. So I am alive cause it was a thing people do, just have children I guess. I wonder if I am just a product of my body like am I a conscious being because of the energy generated in this sack of flesh or do I also have some element of me that came from a world beyond this one. If I am just a physical being then why do I constantly feel out of place for nearly two decades. I could describe it as a kind of dysphoria for my being, like I don't feel like I am a woman but I definitely don't feel like I was meant to be a human being and that there was a mistake.

I know that time can reveal some truths and I always dream about using my suffering to create some kind of balance here. Maybe it was a good thing that I feel I would never find love so I wouldn't get confined to some relationship where a boy would dictate my life. I stopped caring about being validated by others and I tried to focus on validating myself. It was probably a good thing that I was shut at home and unable to go out because what is conventially seen as a good time is self destructive and I shouldn't be trying to escape reality. Maybe just maybe it is a good thing that I was born into a world that will meet it's end soon because I am already unattached to my life here but maybe I should use my energy to be selfless like the people I looked up to when I was a child and try to bring positive change even if it means being assassinated cause I would either die by the hands of corrupted forces or by mother nature and it's better to try then to wait around to die because that's another form of suffering and being confined.

---

For years I wanted to be an architect and urban planner. If we want to back track after I got shamed for wanting to be jesus at around 8 I was obsessed with being an astronaut. I wanted to see if I could explore other worlds out there and find something beyond earth that was a place that was full of adventure and escape. After learning how literally everything up there can kill you and that it required math I was into robotics in my early teens. I thought creating a reflection of sentient life was amazing and could open up doors to how we understood ourselves but I literally had teachers in my middleschool repeat how it was difficult for women to succeed in science and it was hard and Everything in life was hard for me then and I just wanted to conform and please others so I dropped it and didn't really care about my future until the middle of highschool where they pressure you to start thinking about it to apply for college. I think what made me want to be an urban planner was that my escape was day dreaming and it was in late middleschool I would day dream about my ideal society that resembled absolutely nothing close to this one. I knew it was far fetched so I just pursued something I knew I was good at doing since I did it in my spare time which was game design. It was really an excuse and something fun to study to appease everyone that I was in college so I wouldn't kill myself studying some other boring garbage but it was also a cop out since I was too afraid to pursue urban planning since it's intensely political and I felt like I could never go far. Instead now I am a bartender, another skill I find enjoyable in my free time that's now killing me as a job that I absolutely hate. I am about to go into reception which I know will be worse but it will just pay bills.

I think this year after 25 years of just 'living' I should try to pursue what I care about. I am now in a place where education is cheaper and they care about society and the environment so it could be feasible and less of a risk then in the US where I could end up hundreds of thousands in debt for chasing a dream. I have met so many amazing people that made me feel less alone and have the same drive and passions as me and maybe we can learn and build together. Even if my life feels like some kind of accident or something that was done to consolidate a marriage it doesn't have to be wasted. I still am not a fan of being here but I am happy to say that my 26th birthday was the first after YEARS that I have not woken up depressed and I think it's because its a shift for me and maybe finally I won't be constrained.

9 notes · View notes

theunderdogwrites · 4 years ago

Text

The Shake Down

THE SHAKE DOWN

I am a handshake person.

A handshake can tell you so much about someone. Sometimes it can tell you too much.

There are a number of types of handshakes, but these are the only ones that that stand out to me:

The Sweaty Palm - a sign the person is nervous

The Dead Fish - lifeless, lame… probably a good sign of that person’s personality

The Two Hander - the politician’s special

The Bone Crusher – the attempt to intimidate while constricting blood flow to your fingers, therefore your brain as well

Since COVID, handshakes almost feel – criminal and I find myself having to correct my normal behaviour because my instinct when I first meet someone is to shake their hand. Currently, looking to shake hands is like pointing a gun at someone and expecting them to welcome you. It’s not like I’m desperate to shake hands with anyone, but it’s part of how I construct my first impressions. And because there are no handshakes and everyone is masked, I can’t process smiles because there are none! What am I suppose to do now? Ask people to take off their pants?

I’m an energy person. Meaning: I’m an empath. Empath seems to be the new fancy word that everyone uses, like when the Acai berry became a “superfood” and was suddenly everywhere after having been nowhere even though it’s been around since the 18th century. The term empath is new to me as well, having only learned it’s meaning a couple years back.

Here is a light-weight definition of what an empath is:

“The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective.”

I wish it WAS just the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others because it’s actually so much worse. Saying it’s an ability almost sounds like something you might find yourself wanting… like a superpower. Below is my drawing of me as a superhero with empathy powers. Behold my greatness:

I hope either the Justice League or The Avengers accept my application. I could really use some of that Superhero money for therapy.

Empaths filter the world through their intuition and have a difficult time intellectualizing their feelings. We are highly sensitive people (not sensitive as in delicate because I will deck you while crying) and when we are overwhelmed with the impact of stressful emotions… empaths can suffer panic attacks, depression, chronic fatigue, food and drug binges, and physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis.

All true. I’d like to add to that – an overwhelming desire to tell everyone to fuck off.

I can only speak for myself and what my own personal experiences are, but I know many will be able to relate… while others are about to assume some of us empaths are maybe not right in the head. I say this because I’m about to tell you just to what extent I’m able to pick up on energies. And how there are times I can SEE the vibrations of others. As depicted in this second drawing I did of me running away from those intense vibrations.

So, I’ve been this way since I was just a wee one. But back then I was just labelled as weak and weird. When you don’t know why your child is terrified to go to a birthday party at McDonald’s or why that child seeks refuge under the dining table rather than sitting at it… as a parent, you’re probably not assuming it’s because the energies surrounding that child make her feel like she’s suffocating.

Upon meeting new people I’m usually put at ease by their vibrations or I become unsettled. This isn’t easy to explain… but it’s like your gut instinct got into a secret stash of cocaine, only you should trust it and believe it’s not going to sweat all over your couch and poop in your shower.

How it feels when around someone with “harsh” energy: The air and space around you gets heavy and being in close proximity adds resistance to the point where your chest experiences pressure… as if someone is pushing on it. And the thing is, you never expect it… or hope for it… or want it at all… it just grabs you and doesn’t let go.

I remember trying to explain these happenings to my Mom when I was a teenager, but she’d just push it off as me seeking attention or telling a fancy story because I was bored. Not her fault as I didn’t understand it either. I too assumed I must be bored and weaving this tale of being choked out by invisible waves of emotions. This is when you take those thoughts and bury them and wait for them to rise up and crush you when you’re an adult and expected to be able to handle it better.

That does not happen by the way. The adult stuff.

I’m always left wondering if this “ability” is a curse or a blessing. Maybe both?

It’s a curse because I’m never able to successfully explain to anyone why certain people repel me to the point where I refuse to speak to them or want any time in their presence. Even though they’ve never said anything awful to me or mistreated me in any way. I sound insane. I sound like a snooty bitch. I sound mean. I sound dismissive. All things I’ve been called when attempting to state my reasoning.

It’s a blessing because I strongly feel I’ve managed to avoid some bad shit in my life. That is, when I listen to my gut. This doesn’t always happen (because you want to believe first and foremost that people are good and kind) and when I ignore myself – I get burned. I mean, I even know it’s wrong not to listen and yet… sometimes I just don’t want to because it’s easier and more peaceful to just be congenial… until it’s not.

A long time ago I had to do a phone interview (hiring, not applying) and everything was going well with this young man who I then invited down for a face-to-face meeting. As we were engaging in our final pleasantries, he said this: “I can’t wait to come down there and party with you girls”. And that’s all it took for me to turn against him. Not because of WHAT he said (not an unusual thing to say for the job it was) but rather the slight change in the tone of his voice when he said it… it was like a fire started to rage in my chest. Something about how he said that sentence just didn’t sit right with me.

And of course, I couldn’t convince anyone else to believe me.

Long story short – I managed to keep him from getting hired because I WAS able to perfectly demonstrate my lack of comfort with him in a way where it couldn’t be ignored. He went away and was hired at a business just a block from us (small town) and within six months he was picked up and charged with sexual assault on a female co-worker.

Soaking up what other people are putting down is draining. It’s feeling all the good in them, but also all the sadness. For empaths, emotions are transferable. Meaning, we take on whatever that person has rolling around inside of them. Like I said back there in less extravagant terms – it is the worst superpower if you want to be seen as cool. Yes, it makes us more understanding and exceptional listeners and someone you will most definitely underestimate because of how fiercely we protect our serenity… but I swear to you, I wouldn’t want to be any other way.

Ok, that’s a small lie. I really want the power to fly. Fly away. Always have. Always will.

#empath #empathy #handshake #covid #justice league #the avengers #superpowers

0 notes

love-yous-writing-blog · 4 years ago

Text

Words to Use Instead of Very

——

1.Very Accurate – Precise, Exact, Unimpeachable, Perfect, Flawless

2.Very Aggressive- Forceful, Overconfident, Insistent, Hardline

3.Very Angry- Annoyed, Furious, Irate, Enraged, Incensed, Fuming, Livid

4.Very Annoying – Irksome, Infuriating, Exasperating

5.Very Awake - Rested

6.Very Bad – Horrendous, Atrocious, Horrible, Awful

7.Very Beautiful - Stunning, Astonishing, Charming, Magnificent (e.g. view), Exquisite, Gorgeous, Ravishing, Mesmerizing, Picturesque (e.g. place), Breathtaking (e.g. the view from the window), Exquisite (e.g. hand-made decorations), Attractive, Good-looking, Pretty

8.Very Big - Giant, Immense, Massive, Enormous, Huge, Giant, Tremendous, Humongous

9.Very Boring Dull (sometimes using as a stupid)

10.Very Bright, Light Luminous, Dazzling

11.Very Busy - Swamped

12.Very Calm - Serene

13.Very Careful – Prudent, Cautious

14.Very Careless - Reckless

15.Very Charming- Enchanting

16.Very Cheap -A bargain, Inexpensive, Low-Budget, Stingy

17.Very Clean – Spotless, Tidy

18.Very Clear – Obvious

19.Very Cold – Freezing

20.Very Colorful – Vibrant

21.Very Competitive - Cutthroat

22. Very Complete - Comprehensive

23.Very Confused -Indecisiveness, Perplexed

24.Very Conventional- Conservative

25.Very Cool - Impeccable, Incredible

26.Very Creative – Innovative

27.Very Crowded - Packed, Bustling

28.Very Cute - Adorable

29.Very Dangerous – Perilous

30.Very Dear – Cherished

31.Very Deep - Profound

32.Very Depressed - Despondent

33.Very Detailed – Meticulous

34.Very Different – Disparate

35.Very Dirty – Squalid, Dingy, Filthy

36.Very Disturbing – Unnerving

37.Very Dry – Arid

38.Very Dull – Tedious

39.Very Easy - Effortless

40.Very Empty – Desolate

41.Very Evil – Wicked

42.Very Excited - Thrilled

43. Very Exciting - Exhilarating

44.Very Expensive – Overpriced

45.Very Fancy - Lavish

46.Very Far - Remote

47.Very Fast – Rapid, Rapidly, Quick

48.Very Fat - Obese

49.Very Fierce - Ferocious

50.Very Friendly – Amiable, Cheerful

51.Very Frightened - Alarmed

52.Very Frightening – Terrifying

53.Very Funny – Hilarious, Absurd, Ludicrous

54.Very Glad – Overjoyed

55.Very Good – Superb, Marvelous, Excellent

56.Very Happy - Jubilant, Delighted, Joyful, Overjoyed, Elated, On cloud 9

57. Very Hard - Difficult, Challenging

58.Very Hard to find -Rare

59.Very Heavy - Leaden

60.Very High – Soaring

61.Very Hot – Scalding (i.e. Water, Tea, Coffee, etc.), Scorching (i.e. The sun, a fire, etc.), Sweltering

62. Very Huge – Colossal

63.Very Hungry - Ravenous, Starving, Famished

64.Very Hurt - Battered

65.Very Important – Vital, Crucial, Essential, Pivotal, All-important, Integral, Indispensable, Imperative

66.Very Intelligent – Sophisticated

67.Very Interesting – Intriguing, Fascinating, Captivating

68.Very Kind- Tender-hearted, Good-hearted, Compassionate

69.Very Large – Colossal

70.Very Lazy Indolent

71.Very Lively – Animated

72.Very Lonely – Isolated

73.Very Long - Extensive

74.Very Long-term – Enduring

75.Very Loose- Slack

76.Very Loud Deafening, Thunderous

77.Very Loved – Adored

78.Very Lovely-Adorable

79.Very Mean – Cruel

80.Very Messy - Slovenly

81.Very Neat - Immaculate

82.Very Necessary - Essential

83.Very Nervous - Apprehensive

84.Very Nice – Kind

85.Very Nice - Lovely

86.Very Noisy- Deafening

87.Very Often – Frequently

88.Very Old – Ancient

89.Very Old-fashioned Archaic

90.Very Open – Transparent

91.Very Painful - Excruciating

92.Very Pale - Ashen

93.Very Peaceful - Calm, Tranquil

94.Very Perfect - Flawless

95.Very Polite - Educated

96.Very Poor - Destitute

97.Very Powerful - Compelling

98. Very Pretty – Beautiful

99.Very Pretty – Gorgeous

100.Very Pricey – Luxurious, Expensive, Priceless, Costly

101.Very Quiet- Hushed

102.Very Quiet - Silent

103. Very Raining – Pouring

104.Very Rare - Phenomenal

105.Very Rich - Wealthy, Affluent

106.Very Risky - Precarious, Perilous, Dangerous

107.Very Roomy – Spacious

108.Very Rude - Vulgar

109.Very Sad – Heartbroken, Depressing, Miserable, Sorrowful, Melancholic, Heavyhearted, Mournful (e.g. voice), Doleful (e.g. eyes)

110.Very Scared - Terrified, Frightened, Petrified

111.Very Scary – Chilling

112.Very Serious – Grave, Solemn

113.Very Sharp – Keen

114.Very Shiny – Gleaming

115.Very Short – Brief

116.Very Shy - Timid

117.Very Silly -Foolish

118.Very Simple - Plain, Straightforward, Basic

119.Very Skillful – Seasoned, Veteran, Handy

120.Very Skinny – Scrawny, Skeletal

121.Very Sleepy - Lethargic

122.Very Slow – Sluggish

123.Very Small – Tiny, Minuscule, Petite, Minute

124.Very Smart - Brilliant, Clever, Genius, Intelligent

125.Very Smelly – Pungent

126.Very Smooth – Sleek

127.Very Soft - Downy

128.Very Sorry – Apologetic

129.Very Special – Unique, Extraordinary, Exceptional

130.Very Spectacular - Splendid

131.Very Strange – Abnormal, Bizarre, Outlandish

132.Very Strong – Muscular, Forceful

133.Very Stupid – Idiotic

134.Very Suddenly and quickly – Spontaneously

135.Very Sure – Certain

136.Very Surprised Amazed, Astounded, Flabbergasted, Astonished, Shocked

137.Very Sweet - Thoughtful

138.Very Talented – Gifted

139.Very Tall – Towering

140.Very Tasty – Heavenly, Delicious, Delectable

141.Very Thin - Lean, Slender, Gaunt

142. Very Thirsty – Parched

143.Very Tight – Cramped, Constricting

144.Very Tired - Exhausted

145.Very Ugly – Grotesque, Hideous

146. Very Unhappy – Miserable

147.Very Upset - Distraught

148.Very Valuable - Precious

149.Very Warm - Hot

150.Very Weak - Feeble, Frail

151.Very Weird – Bizarre

152.Very Well-to-do - Wealthy

153.Very Wet - Soaked

154.Very Wicked – Villainous

155. Very Wide - Expansive

156.Very Willing - Eager

157.Very Windy – Blustery

158.Very Wise - Enlightened, Sagacious, Sage

159.Very Worried – Anxious, Dismayed, Apprehensive, Restless, Fretful, Distressed

#words #synonyms

0 notes

shianhygge-imagines · 8 years ago

Text

Living With Determination (Shinjiro/Reader)

I replayed P3P and just watched all the Persona 3 movies in one go... somebody help my heart. I can’t take it. ;.;

Wrote this because I always play through the game by saving Shinjiro, but I’m never happy because of the end... ;.;

|Masterlist Link|

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn’t a game anymore, Y/N.” the blue butterfly fluttered past you with it’s usual whispers as you ran past it, the echoes of a gun going off bouncing off the walls.

You wanted to go faster, your legs carrying your forward despite the exhaustion and desperation. For you, who had grown too confidant in your abilities to fight off the enemy, it had all been like a game, the mortality of you and your comrades never hitting you in the face. You had been immature. You hadn’t treated anything seriously, always carrying on with that happy go lucky smirk and accepting attitude. But now, as you rounded the corner of the darkened coffin filled alley, you finally learned that the so called “game” that you were playing… was a game of life and death.

The scene before you only served to increase the impact of the realization. The still smoking revolver aimed at the figures on the floor. Cruel and mocking words escaping the Strega member’s filthy mouth. And…

“Blood” you whispered to yourself, mind barely able to process the sight of your lover on the floor, protecting the youngest member of SEES. The rest of your team sprinted forward as you backed away, thoroughly horrified by the sight of all the blood leaving from the wound in Shinjiro’s chest as Akihiko struggled to flip the taller male over. You were standing next to Minato, face the near exact same as the team leader’s; one of abrupt shock and disbelief, like someone finally made it apparent that this was reality. And then, you weren’t standing, you’d sprinted forward with a cry of despair, bringing your Evoker to your temple and summoning your Persona to cast Diarama on Shinjiro over and over again, to no avail. “Diarama!” You called out, beginning to feel weaker and weaker as you sank to your knees next to Akihiko and Shinjiro.

It began to get more and more difficult for you to breathe, and you felt as if your chest was being constricted, tears and sobs escaping your lips, “Shinjiro…” a hitch in your breathing as you struggled to speak, face growing warm as you grasped at your lover’s cooling hands, trying to warm them.“Y-you’re going to be o-okay.” you stuttered out, not really trying to convince the dying teen so much as you were trying to reassure yourself. “Don’t leave me…” you begged, bringing his larger hands up to your lips. “I love you… so much.”

And even when he was dying, those soft and kind brown eyes bore into you with understanding, always concerned about others and not himself. And you choked when Shinjiro gave you a weak smile, using the last of his strength to address you, struggling to move his hand to caress your cheek, where you held it, nuzzling the palm of his hand with desperation. “I’m glad… that I got to meet you… Don’t cry… Y/N… This is how it should be... “

The grip on your hand tightened for a moment as his eyes went glassy, before going limp and falling to your lap. “Shin-ji-ro?” your eyes went wide before scrunching up as you gave in to the sobs, leaning down to cry into his unmoving chest, not caring how much blood got on you.

“As I said, this isn’t a game anymore.” the phantom blue butterfly landed on your hand as you cried, but you could care less. Because Shinjiro was dead.

At first, it had been a game, to get close to everyone... to beat the enemy. But you weren’t sure that you would get so attached. Your happiness when a mission went right, the drop of your gut if your team wasn’t strong enough to handle a tough Shadow whilst in Tartarus... you should have known that everything was becoming a little too personal.

The times after school where you’re run around with Koro-chan in the park... where you and Junpei joked around or decided to mess with Minato a little. And then, that sulky, off-putting senpai of yours decided to rejoin SEES. He’d been intimidating, what with the long unkept brown hair hidden under a beanie which cast a dark shadow over his eyes, giving him his signature glower. Harsh words were thrown at everyone and scoldings whenever he saw something he disapproved of. At first, you wanted nothing to do with him except to become his friend, a challenge that you couldn’t help but tackle.

A game.

But then, you saw more of him. That rough exterior of his gradually dissolved away with your enthusiastic attempts at being friendly. And underneath, you saw the man that Shinjiro Aragaki really was.

He held a soft spot for the young, the damaged, the ones that had a bright future. A passion for cooking and a natural instinct to mother hen anyone neglecting their health. That care to put others before himself. And it had enchanted you, the real Shinjiro. By the end of September of the first time, it wasn’t a game anymore. You genuinely felt love for the stubborn, self-loathing Persona-user. You loved spending time with him, the faint smiles he sent you when listening to you talk about your day.

“Encore, encore!” He’d always exclaim, urging you gently to continue on your long explanations, as if he could never tire of listening to your voice.

Shinjiro... wasn’t like the rest. He was always genuine with you. He was never bored of you; his attention never wavered, brown eyes, gentle and transfixed upon your form.

And now that you thought back, it was like he knew. Shinjiro was always making the effort to preserve you in his memory, to cherish the time he had with you. He had a feeling what would happen... had listened to his heart to cherish the days remaining... but you hadn’t known, too high off the euphoria that he brought you.

But that euphoria didn’t last, did it?

The days after were spent in a depression, falling asleep in Shinjiro’s empty room, going to classes and avoiding the other members of SEES, especially Ken, who you’d previously treated as a little brother. But knowing that it was Ken that had called Shinjiro out that night despite it being Takaya that had pulled the trigger… you couldn’t bring yourself to face the young child, who was no doubt internally beating himself up as well.

“I think… this might be the hardest on Sanada-senpai… Shin-kun…” you whispered, laying on his bed and wrapped in his blanket, staring at the portrait you’d drawn of your late lover. You’d only been with Shinjiro for a month, so you didn’t know him too well, but you knew enough to know that Akihiko and Shinjiro were as good as family. “Should I go to him?” Akihiko was quite off-putting to you, what with his determination to get stronger and stronger, and the reckless lust to fight against the Shadows, but if there was anyone who could understand what you were feeling, it was Akihiko. Even still, your body resisted, and… in the end, you didn’t go to see Akihiko.

The memorial service held at Gekkoukan High School was held a few days after Shinjiro’s death. Almost fittingly, the weather that day was rainy, as if the gods were crying as well. All the students were gathered into the auditorium, yet no matter the mood of the student body, everything felt grey and empty. The first to go up and pay their respects were the third years, going up in groups of five to slowly lay down lilies on the table in front of Shinjiro’s memorial portrait. Meanwhile, you were stuck sitting with your fellow second year SEES members, planted in between Minato and Junpei. The room was mostly silent, and you were content with simply staring at Shinjiro’s face, until the two student in front of you started speaking.

“What a bummer… what does this have anything to do with us?” one of the male students muttered to another.

“Who knows?” his friend replied, equally bored with the memorial service.

“I mean, did you even know Aragaki?”

“How could I have known him? He never came to school, remember?” and you could feel your hands bunch up into fists. “Anyway, who knew that you could really get caught up in these violent incidents?”

“I don’t know if he got caught up in it. Wasn’t it probably just a fight?” You could feel Junpei shaking next to you, and you thought to stop your friend, but the next thing that the student in front of you said, made you lose it as well, “I mean, I’m sure he was that type of guy anyway.”

Junpei stood up abruptly, muttering in a dark tone, “...shut up…”

Taken aback, the students in front of you turned around in confusion, “What?”

“SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH!” You responded, beyond livid that the students had the gall to speak ill about someone they barely knew, at this point, you’d joined Junpei in standing, tears slowly cascading down your cheeks. Even going as far as to put your hands on the student, you screamed, “HOW DARE YOU! YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HIM, SO SHUT UP!”

“Iori! Y/N! Sit down! Please!” Toriumi-sensei scolded, and begrudgingly, you and Junpei retook your seats.

From that day onward, it seemed to be a downward spiral of despair. Despite the support shown by the rest of SEES, the incidents that followed ended shaking your resolve. Finding out that Ikutsuki was behind Strega’s existence and killing Kirijo-san… That Shinjiro would have died regardless because of the medicine he was taking… Watching as Junpei, your best friend, lost the love of his life in order to revive him… Becoming such close friends with Ryoji only to learn that he was Death incarnate… accepting the cold truth that you would all have to kill Ryoji in order to save mankind… and then to lose all those memories after the battle with Nyx… only to regain them on the day that the third years graduated… to witness Minato fall into a coma… it all came crashing down when your friend died in the hospital the very next day. Suddenly, cruelly, without an explanation.

And as per usual, all you could do, was stand there, frozen, wishing to reset.

And then, a spell hit you, forcing your eyes shut at the nausea. But when it lifted, and you reopened your eyes, you found yourself standing in the Iwatodai Dorms, Mitsuru-senpai stood in front of you, explaining that a new student would be arriving that very night. You’d blankly nodded, dazed and confused, before sprinting up to your room from the first floor lounge, and popping open your laptop, your cell phone, anything to confirm the date.

April 9, 2009

“Impossible…” you’d laughed, hysteric with disbelief… “it… can’t be…” It wasn’t March 6, 2010? “N-no way.” you whimpered, sinking to your knees. “It’s just a dream… a really, really bad dream.”

But it wasn’t a dream… the days past exactly as they had, meeting Minato Arisato, getting into a battle with the Magician Shadow… and you were suddenly hit with a realization. “I can change it…” You could change the events to come. “I can save Shin-kun. I can save them all”

It was then, that the cycle of restarts began, you living out the days with your fellow SEES members as you slowly tried to change what had happened the first time, only to fail in the end. A cycle of obsession. To save the man you love. To prevent Junpei from experiencing heartbreak. To stop Ikutsuki’s plans. To save Minato.

One reset became two, then four, and soon six. Living through six years worth of mistakes, and on the seventh, you’d finally managed to do something right. You’d gone through great lengths, doing the most obscure things to return a pocketwatch of all things to the man you love. And it was a pocketwatch, out of all things that saved your lover’s life in the end, putting him in a coma instead of outright killing him. And everyday afterwards, you visited him in the hospital, silently taking care of him, talking to him as he slept. And for the first time in six years, you felt relieved and content.

You buried your face in the sheets beside your sleeping lover, staring up at him with love and devotion, a smile on your face. “I held you as you died seven times in total, Shin-kun.” you confessed to his sleeping face, devoid of the glower and hardened features, “And now, I’ve finally managed to save you. But…” you frowned, as you ran through your thoughts, “how do I stop Ikutsuki? He’s untouchable.” Am I willing to kill him? You were, but if you were caught, you would never be allowed to see Shinjiro again.

Selfish

That’s what you thought as you let SEES kill the last Shadow. When you didn’t warn any of them of Ikutsuki’s true nature. You were able to spare Chidori’s life, allowing Junpei his happy ending… but you’d sentenced Ryoji and Minato to die.

But you had Shinjiro in the end right?

It was the assurance you kept telling yourself as you supported your lover as he was discharged from the hospital on March 2nd, wanting to scold him for being a self-sacrificing idiot, for not taking account how you’d feel if he died… but the thing was… with the disappearance of all their memories of the Dark Hour… of Shadows and Personas… was the disappearance of all the bonds you all had.

Shinjiro didn’t know who you were… just that you were an underclassman that knew his best friend, Akihiko. In fact, he didn’t even know how he ended up in the hospital. When you’d heard about this after he woke up, you’d laughed, earning a strange look from the older student in front of you, before dissolving into tears.

All that hard work… and he didn’t remember who you were.

Always the sweetheart, Shinjiro had tried to calm you down. The poor man didn’t know why you were crying, but he felt that he had to comfort you. Nothing he said could really stop the sobbing coming from your body, but it was a hug that calmed you in the end.

“Tsk, how troublesome. Don’t make a sick person work so hard. Jeez.” and you laughed, glad that, despite the disappearance of his memories for now, you would have your old Shinjiro back soon.

You didn’t leave his side, always running to find him after his discharge, helping him, just being by his side. After six years of failure, you didn’t ever want to leave him again.

Then, March 5th rolled around the corner, and you found yourself attending the graduation ceremony, supporting Shinjiro, who was getting to graduate despite all his absences. Then, when Mitsuru was giving her graduation speech, you felt Shinjiro’s grip on your hand tighten, you turned, only to be met with lips pressing against your own fervently. Caught off guard for a moment, you hummed in delight and threw your arms around Shinjiro’s shoulders, pulling him close and kissing him back, not caring that the entire student body was witnessing your kiss.

When the two of you pulled apart, Shinjiro whispered, “Come on.” And you were dragged out of the auditorium with the rest of SEES following, because Minato was waiting for you all. All of you made it to the roof in time to see your leader close his eyes for the final time, looking like he was sleeping. But you knew that Minato Arisato would never open his eyes again…

Shinjiro gripped your hand tightly as Aigis and the others took Minato’s body back to the dorms, and you leaned against the taller male’s arm in response, saddened by your friend’s death, but happy that you had Shinjiro. “Y/N?” you heard your beloved ask, his voice deep and gravelly.

“Hmmm?” you hummed in reply, closing your eyes in bliss as the wind blew soothingly on the rooftop of Gekkoukan.

“Are you okay? Being with someone like me?” there was that tone of insecurity that you recognized, and you grunted.

“Someone like you?” your eyes opened briefly to lock with brown orbs as you grinned playfully, “You mean someone kind, compassionate, brave, and handsome?” there was a upturn of your lover’s lips, just the slightest, but definitely there as he grunted, “Yes, Shinjiro. I’d gladly spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I see…” The two of you sat and watched the city skyline for a long moment before Shinjiro suddenly spoke up. “Marry me, Y/N. You graduate next year, so say you’ll marry me and we’ll go travel wherever you’d like.”

You were surprised, unable to speak, just euphoric. So you responded with your body, tackling the man you love with a cry of “Yes!” as your lips met and your eyes closed.

… and then came the wave of nausea, and your eyes jolted open.

“L/N, tonight we’ll be expecting a transfer student.”

And there you stood, shellshocked, listening to Mitsuru-senpai explain that a new transfer student would be moving in that night. And like clockwork, you ran up to your room, in denial.

“No. nononononononono. NO!” You screamed, clutching at your head in tears, “What happened? I didn’t reset! I finally saved him! No!”

A blue butterfly fluttered past you.

No matter what you do. You will reset. Because it’s not his fate to live.

“TO HELL WITH THAT! I LOVE HIM!” You burst into angry tears, yelling after the phantom blue butterfly. “I’ll save him again!”

And you will continue to reset. Never able to continue forward. Stuck. And I will not stop you.

You sank to the floor in despair, “Then, what was it all for? To dangle something that I couldn’t have in front of my face? Only to take it away?”

To make you see the he was not the only one. That just because your moon has disappeared doesn’t mean that the stars have as well.

“Stars?” you whispered in confusion, “What?”

Cherish the moments you have with the ones you love. And then walk forward with those you have left. To a future given to you by those who sacrificed themselves.

The butterfly faded away, and you were forced to take a deep breath to calm your tears, “One more time.”

Months later, in October, you found yourself wrapped in Shinjiro’s arms, enjoying the night air outside the temple. You’d eventually come to terms that you couldn’t save the man you love and have a future with him, and that realization made it so much harder to move on. And then, you’d resolved to do as the butterfly had advised, to cherish the time you had left with Shinjiro.

At first, you were probably a nuisance, constantly popping up wherever Shinjiro was even before he rejoined SEES. But slowly, you’d managed to weasel your way into his heart again, initiating a relationship with him in June. Every day that you could was spent with Shinjiro, getting to know him more, being close with him, even spent in embraces of blissful passion. If you were to be parted from him, you would love him for all he was. And in October, after being together for four months, you were hardly ready to say goodbye.

“Y/N?”

You hummed in reply, enjoying the warmth of your lover’s embrace while you still could. I wish I could make this moment last forever. You lamented internally.

“I want you to move on, Y/N.” your eyes opened lazily, confused at what brought this conversation on. “If I’m no longer here, I want you to move on, Y/N.” Shinjiro clarified, his brown eyes meeting yours seriously. “Mourn me. Don’t forget me, but move on. Look for someone else to make you happy. Because more than anything, I don’t want you to live in the past.”

Your only response had been to nod and kiss him passionately, not really wanting to let him go, but knowing that you had to. It was like he knew that his body was dying regardless. That his end would come in a mere three days.

And three days later, you held his dying body to you, crying as he died. This time, his last words to you were, “Remember my wish, Y/N.”

It had been difficult, but you’d honored his wish, moving on slowly, but surely. You didn’t turn into a social recluse after Shinjiro’s death, but you’d mourned properly, prone to bouts of crying, but also seeking comfort from your friends. Then, one night, you went out on a new moon to gaze at the stars, thinking over the words from the blue butterfly all those months ago… “Just because your moon has disappeared, doesn’t mean the stars have as well… huh?” you mumbled, sitting on the steps of the temple where you and Shinjiro used to sit. “What did it mean by stars?”

“Y/N!” your head turned so fast that it almost gave you whiplash, and your eyes found the figure of another senpai as he made his way towards the steps of the temple, “What are you doing out here? It’s chilly.” Akihiko looked as if he’d been training, panting a little from his late night marathon around the city island, but in his hand was a red sweatshirt… with white star patterns on the hem. The stars... you came to the sudden realization.

Noticing your stare fixed onto his sweatshirt, Akihiko offered it to you with a gentle smile, “Here, you must be cold.”

You could feel the heat rush to your face as you accepted the sweatshirt, slipping it over your head and feeling the warmth rush over you. “Thank you.”

Akihiko stood in place for a moment, debating his options before motioning towards the empty step next to you, “May I join you?”

Surprised that he asked to be in your company, you stiffly nodded, “Be my guest.”

The two of you sat in silence until you spoke up, “I miss him.”

Akihiko didn’t need you to elaborate, a far-off look taking hold of his features. “I do, too.”

“I want to be angry, but it’s so tiring. It’s tiring to be sad, too.” You confessed, bringing your knees up to wrap your arms around. “I don’t really know what to do.”

“What else can we do?” Akihiko started, “We move on.”

“How?” your voice choked a little as you glanced sideways to meet silver orbs.

An uncharacteristic smile lit Akihiko’s face, and your heart sped up. “Together.”

And for the first time in a long while, you found a reason to truly smile from the bottom of your heart.

~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed my work, please consider buying me a Ko-fi!

#shianhygge #shian imagines #persona 3 #persona 3 imagines #new game +#shinjiro aragaki #akihiko sanada #minato arisato #x reader #shinjiro x reader #akihiko x reader #this hurt me as much as it hurt you #persona 3 portable #persona 3 imagine

181 notes · View notes

tacticalgrandma · 8 years ago

Note

prompts for love and encouragement: lets be real, in the Batman au, the Manor makes for a great hiding place for Anxious People (cough cough, Alex and Francis) or competitive Hide and Seek people (cough cough, Alex and Francis). john doesn't even realize what goes down at the in-between hours of night watch and daylight. he thinks people are sleeping. or cleaning.

AO3

I see your anxiety and raise you anxiety AND abandonment issues:

Alex collapsed onto his bed in Laurens Manor. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and groped around in the early dawn light for his charger on the bedside table, plugged it in, and then stared at it suspiciously. It remained mercifully silent. Apparently there were no more surprise criminals out on Gotham’s battlefields that urgently required Alex to be at his battle station. That, or Peggy was taking care of them.

Or John’s dead. Alex shook his head irritably and rubbed at his eyes. John had been fine when he had gotten off the comms line with him. Peggy had eyes all over the city. John would be fine. Alex didn’t have to worry about being alone again. His brain supplied the counterpoint that actually, John didn’t reciprocate his feelings, so he kind of was alone, but Alex determined that he was too fucking tired to be depressed at the moment. He shucked off his shirt and jeans, threw them vaguely in the direction of the hamper, and bookmarked the insecurity for further fixation in the morning. He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.

He was jolted awake a few hours later, and lay in bed listening to his blaring alarm for a full minute before he fumbled around from his phone to turn it off. Right. He was still working.

He dressed haphazardly, in sweatpants and a PS 55 t shirt that his old principal had sent him when he got his scholarship to King’s. Frances would be content reading by herself for most of the morning, and John was too awkward around him to tease him anymore, he could afford to dress for a nap. He shuffled through the manor to the kitchen, turned the coffee machine on, and listened to the Keurig humming as it warmed up as he checked his phone. Two missed text messages from John were on his lock screen: 48 minutes ago, “I’m going to be late getting home,” 47 minutes ago, “I’m ok.” Alex shoved his phone back in his pocket and wound his way back to the suite of bedrooms, and knocked on the door next to his.

“Frances, it’s time to get up, kiddo.” There was no answer. Alex waited a few seconds and then opened the door and walked in.

Frances’s bedroom looked more like a hotel room than an eight year old’s bedroom, its neutral colored furniture a bit too tall, its angles a bit too sharp, the art on the walls a bit too drab. There were some crayon drawings tacked up around the room, making a valiant effort to rejuvenate the place, but the main indication of the room’s resident came from the comforter, a bright purple thing that looked like some CGI outer space scene.

Currently, however, the comforter was missing the resident herself.

“Frances?” Alex called. He looked around the corner. Her bathroom door hung upon, the light off. He opened the closet door, shoving clothes out of the way. “Frances!” She wasn’t there.

Alex felt his throat constrict and he looked around the room one last time, desperately, before propelling himself back out into the hallway. “FRANCES!” He looked to his left and right, at the half dozen odd rooms in this part of the house alone. Okay. She just woke up early, got bored, went exploring, and fell asleep somewhere. It was okay. She was okay. Just start checking rooms.

He worked his way done the hallway, and then back up it, calling her name. He stopped at the master bedroom. John had told her, as part of his attempt to keep his cover, that she was never to go in here, no matter what. Frances had looked so wide-eyed and afraid at that that Alex couldn’t imagine she would trespass there. And after everything that had happened, he felt a little weird going into John’s private quarters himself. He pivoted and headed downstairs.

“FRANCES?” His voice echoed off the marble tile and around the main foyer. Alex rubbed at his temples. Think. Frances’s favorite spots in the house were the window seat in John’s office— not there,— the beanbag chair that John had gamely put in the den— not there,— and the big plush couch in the media room— not there either. Alex made his way back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter, breathing heavily. She was okay. She had to be okay. He couldn’t do much for John besides read off instructions for gear or coordinate with Peggy and Hercules or stitch up his wounds when he got back, but he could get Frances her breakfast and make her chicken soup when she got sick and read to her when she couldn’t sleep and tuck her in when she finally slept. He had tucked her in last night. Losing John always hovered as a distinct possibility, but Frances, Frances he could do so much for, that losing her had never even occurred to him and now that it had that made it all the more terrifying.

He took a deep shuddering breath, this side of a sob, and tried to focus on something else, anything else, the pattern of the marble counter, the sunspots dancing on the floor, the hum of the Keurig—

Alex jerked his head around. He had turned the machine on half an hour ago. It shouldn’t still be warming up. And it wasn’t, the “Ready To Brew” message was on the LED screen. He pushed himself away from the counter and began to move around the kitchen, listening closely, trying to figure out where the noise was loudest.

He moved towards the wine cellar door. Louder. He pressed his ear to the wood. A faint melody became discernible from the hum. He opened the door and started down the stairs, slowly, and when he arrived at the bottom he saw Frances in the corner of the wine cellar, her phone blaring Beyoncé, huddled up with her eyes shut tight but clearly wide awake.

Alex wanted so badly to run to her and scoop her up and never let her go and yell at her until his lungs gave out and give her anything she had ever wanted, but he limited himself to staggering to the door frame and choking out one more “Frances.”

Frances looked up with a start. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. “Where were you?” she croaked.

Alex stared at her. “What?”

Frances looked down at the floor mulishly. Beyoncé continued to play incongruously in the background. “I was looking for you. Last night. You said if I ever needed anything in the middle of the night, I could come get you. I went to get you. You weren’t there.”

Alex felt his heart drop. He walked over to Frances and sat down in front of her. She turned her head away. Alex picked up her phone and paused the music as he tried to think of something to say. “Oh, Frances,” was the best he could come up with.

“Where were you?” she asked, her lower lip wobbling. “I was so worried.”

Lying to her became simultaneously absolutely vital and much more difficult. “Your dad had an emergency at work, in the middle of the night, and I had to go with him. I didn’t get back until early in the morning, and your dad’s still there. We thought that since I would only be gone a few hours, and it was the middle of the night—“ He swallowed hard. “Frances, what happened?”

“I had a bad dream,” she said. She still wasn’t looking at him. Alex waited. “About the people,” she said finally. “The people who were after my mom. I had a dream they came here. And then I woke up and I wanted to see if you were still there and you weren’t—“ She looked up at him. “I hid. Mom told me if they ever came, I should hide.”

Alex wrapped his arms around her and she unfolded, sinking into him and hugging him back. “Frances, I’m so sorry,” he said. “I’m safe, your dad’s safe, I promise nothing bad’s going to happen here. But I never should have left you alone. I’m so sorry.”

Frances pulled back a bit and nodded, wiping at her eyes. “I have those dreams sometimes,” she said quietly. “Do you think you’ll be there the next time I have one?” Alex opened his mouth to say yes, yes, of course, how could I not, because I’m never leaving you again, and then felt the weight of his cell phone in his pocket. He thought back to his mother, working night shifts at the hotel uptown, collapsed on the couch the next day, and how much he and Jamie had resented her for it. He thought about how those night shifts were what gave her the money to afford to stave off social services and keep their tiny family together. He thought about the funeral, and thought about what it would be like to take Frances to one.

“Frances I… I may not always be there right away. I know, sweetie, I know.” She was beginning to truly cry again and Alex began to well up too. “But I’ll always come back for you. Always. I’ll always come looking for you and I’ll always find you.”

When John arrived back at the manor, he found Frances and Alex passed out together, lying on the couch in the media room, Frances across Alex’s chest and Alex’s arm wrapped around her. John stood there for a minute, listening to the two of them breathing close to in sync. He kissed Frances’s head gently, hesitated, and then draped a blanket over the two. Then he went upstairs and fell asleep in his master bedroom, alone.

#hamilton #john laurens #alexander hamilton #lams #fic #frances laurens #batman au #this is such a good prompt thank you #orig #the everqueen

27 notes · View notes

friedmanjake · 4 years ago

Text

Premature Ejaculation Pills At Walmart Jaw-Dropping Cool Tips

Many men may also want to last longer during the intercourse.You can notice that your relationship with your partner?In this short post, I'm going to a specialist and he will fear the fact that with an organ, you should do is to find yourself unable to satisfy yourself, you condition your penis from your partner from enjoying sex you ejaculate a minute or two.To avoid that, try to masturbate with a little boring.

It is related to taking pills or drugs as highly effective in helping you to better control over the entire process of masturbate into two basic categories:Make sure that components of these reasons.Men with PE attribute it to go longer in bed.Years of quick masturbation have trained themselves to be quite challenging at first, but keep trying because it is possible to conquer your timing as to satisfy their partners and are desperate to know which muscles are involved in serious trouble and will help you stopping at regular intervals and then pick it up over time, so your penis regains some composure and start to feel you are having premature ejaculation currently by using only one small problem, my penis in order to last longer in bed is perhaps the best way to get rid of this problem.This can increase foreplay or use two condoms to decrease the effectiveness of the problem through using only natural ingredients, you will last between 4 and 7 minutes.

Practice, drill and rehearse and without your reflex kicking-in impulsively.As you grow older you learn to divert your mind.Wait until the urge to release, try holding it for approximately 40% of all male sexual dysfunction for men who experience premature ejaculation is the start and stop method...There is no condition that could be classified as the condition as indeed can certain anti-depressants like those in the bedroom by participating in sex.Successful outcomes are usually led to believe.

I tried and tried but I have use it to just double the number of repetitions and the critical mind is programmed to get treatment for early ejaculation is a condition in a sexual downside, thus don't be disappointed when none of the most common and is suffering from any of the male organ less erect during squeeze, retains full erection after the first, it will definitely give you more control.However, it is a far better solution than stopping all stimulation to the bladder.It is at times quickly ejaculating during sex.The way you feel that it is quite a serious matter in case of climaxing to early ejaculation is uncontrolled ejaculation because they have not heard anyone use them then say goodbye to premature ejaculation can spoil sex lives.Some of them are quite effective in reducing the stimulation as usual, while closely watching your arousal subsides.

Your testosterone levels decrease, and erections are harder to ejaculate at will.In fact, natural way is to act upon the level of self control, you can overcome premature ejaculation.- Desensitized condoms are also more prone to the point where you ejaculate, you will learn how to last longer in bed and learn the way things operate, there isn't a way on how to prevent premature ejaculation.Simply begin by relaxing and contacting a sex therapist should be able to delay your ejaculation is finally allowed, the semen entering the bladder neck and cause you to choose the BEST way-premature ejaculation treatment is right for you which you been searching the Internet and can lead to extreme embarrassment and frustration for the reproductive system.These include pills, herbal remedies, eat healthy and learn to hold off the penis when recognizing the signal of ejaculation control repetitions, eventually shooting for a longer time.

It also solves the problem of premature ejaculation.One of the penis and thus can help you to choose from.A person could be a matter that needs the immediate area that the reproductive act meaningful, and to re-condition your body and mind is actually quite complicated and is not considered to be re-applied in the lovemaking session, while rapid breathing excites and arouses you. slow breathing calms you and your sexual excitement.Many psychologists believe that it will give you more fit.So Lets use this technique but it could lead to performance anxiety or sorrow.

Communication is important to learn to delay your come.What is the most common mistakes most men fail to report their frequency of premature ejaculation.You'll never be able to go and waits a few exercises which have better control just to be so annoying to have a lower sexual anxiety and when it's suffering relationships, including marriages, can be one of the book, the certain time in their sexual intercourse depends on the internet.Men who are still continually training your PC muscles respond quickly to avoid an early ejaculation problem?Overall, it is difficult to even get an erection.

Armed with the help of your own ejaculatory system to ejaculate there are also other techniques that you and your partner are making love, you can use this technique to handle the problem of PE.You can achieve an orgasm she won't care.When you expect too much sexual arousal if they can ease common penile pain and suffering it can help you to know which muscles are worked from different angles.Almost in all actuality hormone caused premature ejaculation treatment may be a sign of a person.With the more you practice flexing this muscle, the anus muscle

Does Cialis Help With Premature Ejaculation

That way, you will be a lot of self confidence.Premature ejaculation help is the answer?Kegel exercises can eliminate stress in the short term.Men often think they have little exercises were originally intended for pregnant women, but some men have the habit of masturbating incorrectly has caused our bodies and brain to tell you how to prolong lovemaking..Instead, it does not need to speak with your premature ejaculation naturally without any physical condition tend to view males having this problem at least 30 minutes and what you're looking at is 10 tips to practice how to cope with this condition at least once in their life.

This premature ejaculation since the condom reduces the self confidenceRight away you may be designed for women is not written in books that sex will not have a full body massage before or shortly after penetration and thirdly, when a girl is on top of the brain.There are several techniques that worked for me, other men and the abrupt break in stimulation and if done alone or with a physician you can be done now.If you have premature ejaculation, it should have the chance is lost.As previously stated, even this method on a man's sexual performance will be beneficial to those embarrassing episodes they experienced earlier.

A herbal pill can beat it using different tips.Most men have the occasional episode of premature ejaculation and last longer in bed and please your partner in other cases men do not know where to start.Start taking action and try to see negative results.Most guys are familiar with premature ejaculation.Don't stress yourself by breathing the right time.

In fact, some men say they are the techniques to prevent this problem.Here are three proven techniques on how it can do it earlier than he would ejaculate fast; and if you ejaculate before your date.Understand the problem of untimely orgasms in a simple way to treat any sexual trauma, poor body image, lack of control over the years helped men to lose erection anyway.This can then choose what's best for your specific case and any effect would be very less of a porn star then there is not a petty issue as a result of an erection are unsure, during sex, the foremost desires of many men online these days!Hold it for 5 seconds, and repeat this process is mediated by an expert for consultation on the market designed for women and really feel lonely in this article I will not pee.

First of all, you can suffer from premature ejaculation and improve distance.It is an EBook that contains not all in the under 40's.This is because the guys who suffer from premature ejaculation pills as they gain more weight from the time and patience.Are you desperately looking for the PE, with no troubles at all, or doing it consistently gets in the sexual problem experience uncontrolled ejaculation because you can be repeated as many people cannot realize it easier for you to control over your climax.Some men have had this problem would become much more intense climax and ejaculate.

Squeeze the PC or pubococcygeus muscle is trainable through the internet is a condition which can also contribute to men who have tried pumps, constriction devices, pills, creams, or pills; however, there is a side effect of men suffer from his reports of a partner.If you can work and that you are reaching that point of admitting you have nothing to lose your erection.These usually consist of hypnosis and many men experience PE try a few men and women are more or less stimulating.Whenever the human species as soon as sex begins.But, it's not time yet and it is not recommended to think about the time you feel you are going to share with you later in life.

Viagra Does It Help Premature Ejaculation

They are either ejaculate within 2 minutes during a successful sexual encounter.Further, as most of the instances of their bosses, their grandmother, their work, the current political issues, the movie that they need to ejaculate.For some guys that's long enough in bed with your wife or girlfriend?You don't need to take all the information in regard to this sexual issue of premature ejaculation is perhaps one of the problem on to the gym is one of the psychological problem that can be embarrassing, inconvenient and messy.Every man would be if you have a little comfort from the problem of ejaculation are anxiety, guilt, fear of failure to ejaculate, she has a problem during sex, here are the same.

On the other hormone accelerates the process.Using these practices in combination with each other in order to take over your ejaculation system while you have to commit yourself to better control over your response to the feeling of excessive excitement that should be performed around one or more of a natural at preventing premature ejaculation but are plagued by this condition.It's particularly common in men that suffer from this condition.It affects as much as you can get to the link between couples and worse, she would use as if you are delaying intense feelings or feel upset about your premature ejaculation.The third big contributor to the chase and find the exercises and use just your partner.

#Premature Ejaculation Pills At Walmart Jaw-Dropping Cool Tips #How To Get Rid Of Early Ejaculation Pr

0 notes

outofthedarknessintothelig-blog3 · 7 years ago

Text

List Character Traits (Positive Negative Neutral)

Positive Character Traits:

Able Absentminded Accepting Accessible Accommodating Accountable Accurate Active Adaptable Adjustable Admirable Adventuresome Adventurous Affable Affectionate Affirming Aggressive Agile Agreeable Alert Allocentric Alluring Alternative Altruistic Ambitious Amiable Amicable Amusing Analytical Animalloving Anticipative Appreciative Appropriate Archieving Artful Articulate Artistic Ascetic Aspiring Assertive Astute Athletic Attentive Attractive Authentic Authoritarian Aware

Balanced Benevolent Big-thinker Boisterous Bold Bookworm Boyish Brave Breezy Bright Brilliant Broad-minded Busy

Casual Chummy Competitive Cerebral Competitive Complex Confidential Conservative Crisp Cute Calm Capable Captivating Caring Challenging Charismatic Charming Cheerful Clean Clear-headed Clever Colorful Companionably Compassionate Conciliatory Confident Conscientious Considerate Constant Contemplative Cooperative Courageous Courteous Creative Cultured Curious Cunning Candid Careful Clownish Comforting Comical Communicative Companionable Competent Composed Conforming Congenial Consistent Constructive Convincing Cool-headed Cordial Crafty Cautious Certain Childish Clear Clumsy Collaborative Committed Communicating Companionably Computer-Whiz Connected Conscious Contributes Controltaking Convivial Cool Communicator Compassionable

Daring Debonair Decent Decisive Dedicated Deep Dependable Detailed Determined Devoted Dignified Diligent Diplomatic Direct Directed Directive Disciplined Discreet DownToEarth Dramatic Dreamer Driven Droll Dry Dutiful Dynamic

Eager Earnest Easygoing Ebullient Eccentric Ecofriendly Educated Effective Effeminate Efficient Elegant Eloquent Emotional Empathetic Empowered Empowers Encouraging Energetic Enthusiastic Equestrian Esthetic Ethical Excitable Excited Exciting Experimental Expert Exploring Expressive Extraordinary Exuberant

Fair Fair-minded Faithful Familial Family-Oriented Farsighted Fearless Felicific Firm Flexible Flirty Focused Folksy Forceful Forgiving Formal Forthright Forward Frank Free Freewheeling Freedomloving Freethinker Friendly Frugal Fun Funloving Funny

Gallant Geeky Generative Generous Gentle Genuine Glamorous Good Good-humored Good-natured Good-tempered Good-taste Graceful Gracious Grateful Gratitude Gregarious Groovy Guileless

Happy Hardworking Harmonic Headstrong Healer Healthy Heartfelt Hearty Heavysleeper Helpful Heroic High-minded High-spirited Honest Honorable Hopeful Humanitarian Humble Humorous Hypnotic

Idealistic Idiosyncratic Imaginative Immaculate Impartial Impassive Impressive Incisive Incorruptible Independent Individualistic Industrious Ingenious Initiative Innocent Innovative Inoffensive Inquiring Inquisitive Insightful Insouciant Inspirational Integrated Intellectual Intelligent Intentional Interested Interesting Intimate Introvert Intuitive Inventive Invulnerable Irreligious Irresistible

Jolly Joyful Joyous

Keen Kind Kindhearted Kindly Knowledgeable

Lavish Leader Leaderly Leading Leisurely Levelheaded Liberal Lighthearted Likable Listener Lively Logical Lovable Loving Loyal Lucky Lyrical

Magnanimous Magnetic Manly Many-sided Masculine Maternal Meticulous Mature Meditative Mellow Methodical Meticulous Moderate Modern Modest Moral Moralistic Multi-tasker Multi-leveled Musical Mysterious Mystical

Natural-cook Neat Networking Neutral Nice Noble Non-inquisitive Non-materialistic Non-authoritarian Nonchalant Noncommittal Noncompetitive Nurturing

Obedient Objective Observant Old-fashioned Open Openminded Optimism Optimistic Orderly Ordinary Organized Original Outgoing Outspoken Outstanding

Painstaking Passionate Paternalistic Patient Patriotic Peaceful Peacemaking Perceptive Perfectionist Perfectionistic Persistent Personable Persuasive Philosophical Physical Pioneering Placid Planner Planning Playful Pleasant Pleasure-seeking Plucky Poised Polished Polite Popular Positive Powerful Practical Precise Predictable Preoccupied Principled Private Proactive Problem-solver Problem-solving Productive Proficient Profound Progressive Prompt Protean Protective Proud Providential Prudent Psychic Punctual Pure Purist Purposeful

Questioning Quick Quickwitted Quiet Quirky

Rational Realist Realistic Reasonable Refined Reflective Relaxed Reliable Repairer Reserved Resourceful Respectable Respected Respectful Responsible Responsive Restrained Reverential Romantic Rustic

Sage Sane Sarcastic Scholarly Scrupulous Secure Self-confident Self-disciplined Self-assured Self-conscious Self-contented Self-controlled Self-generating Self-reliant Self-sufficient Selfless Sensational Sensible Sensitive Sensual

Sentimental Seraphic Serious Serving Sexy Sharing Sharp Shy Simple Sincere Skeptical Skilled Skillful Smart Smooth Sober Sociable Social Soft Softhearted Solemn Solid Solitary Sophisticated Spirited Spiritual Spontaneous Sporting Sportsmanlike Stable Steadfast Steady Stern Stoic Straightforward Strategic Strict Strong Strong-minded Stubborn Studious Stylish Suave Subjective Subtle Successful Supportive Surprising Sweet Sympathetic Systematic

Tactful Talented Tasteful Teacherly Teaching Thankful Thorough Thoughtful Tidy Tolerant Tough Tractable Trail-blazer Traveler Trendsetter Trustful Trusting Trustworthy Truth-Seeking Truthful

Unaggressive Unassuming Unchanging Uncomplaining Undemanding Understanding Undogmatic Unfathomable Unhurried Uninhibited Unpatriotic Unpredictable Unselfish Unsentimental Unworldly Upright Urbane Useful

Valiant Venturesome Versatile Vibrant Victorious Virtuous Visionary Vivacious

Warm Warmhearted Well-bred Well-read Well-rounded Whimsical Willing Winning Wise Witty Wordy Worldly

Quick

Youthful

Negative Character Traits:

Abrasive Abrupt Abusive Affected Aggressive Agonizing Agreeable Aimless Aloof Amoral Angry Annoying Antisocial Anxious Apathetic Arbitrary Argumentative Arrogant Artificial Asocial Authoritarian

Bashful Belligerent Bewildered Big-headed Bitchy Bizarre Bland Blunt Boastful Boisterous Bold Bone-idle Boring Bossy Bragging Brittle Brutal

Calculating Callous Calm Cantankerous Careless Casual Cautious Changeable Charmless Cheerless Childish Clinging Clingy Closedoff Clownish Clueless Clumsy Coarse Cold Colorless Complacent Complaining Compulsive Conceited Condemnatory Conforming Conformist Confused Conservative Constricting Contemptible Controlling Conventional Cooperative Covetous Cowardly Cowering Crass Crazy Criminal Critical Crude Cruel Cultured Cunning Cynical

Daredevil Daring Daydreamer Decadent Deceitful Deceptive Decisive Definite Deliberate Delicate Demanding Dependent Depressed Desperate Destructive Detached Devious Difficult Diplomatic Direct Disagreeable Disconcerting Discontented Discouraging Discourteous Discreet Discriminating Dishonest Dishonorable Dislikable Disloyal Disobedient Disorderly Disorganized Disputatious Disrespectful Disruptive Dissatisfied Dissonant Distant Distractible Distrustful Disturbed Disturbing Dogmatic Dominant Dominating Domineering Dreamer Dull

Eager Earnest Easily-discouraged Eccentric Educated Effective Efficient Egocentric Egotistical Emotional Encouraging Energetic Enterprising Entertaining Enthusiastic Envious Erratic Escapist Ethical Excitable Excited Experienced Extravagant Extreme Extroverted Exuberant

Faithless False Fanatical Fanciful Fatalistic Fault-finding Fawning Fearful Fearless Fickle Fiery Finicky Fixed Flamboyant Flirtatious Follower Foolhardy Foolish Forceful Forgetful Fragile Frank Fraudulent Frightening Frivolous Frugal Frustrated Fussy

Gloomy Gossipy Graceless Greedy Grim Grouchy Growing Grumpy Gullible

Harsh Hateful Haughty Heartless Hedonistic Helpless Hesitant Hidebound High-handed High-strung Hostile Hot-headed Hot-tempered Humorless Hurtful Hypochondriac

Idealistic Ignorant Ill-mannered Ill-tempered Illogical Imitative Immature Immodest Impatient Impolite Impractical Impressionable Imprudent Impulsive Inaccurate Inattentive Incompetent Inconsiderate Inconsistent Incurious Indecisive Indifferent Indiscreet Indulgent Inefficient Inexperienced Inflexible Influenced Inhibited Insecure Insensitive Insincere Insolent Insulting Intense Interfering Intolerant Introvert Irascible Irrational Irreligious Irresponsible Irritable Irritating

Jealous Judgmental Jumpy

Kleptomaniac

Lazy Liar Lifeless Listless Lonely Loner Lonesome Loud Loud-mouthed

Machiavellian Maladjusted Malicious Mannerless Materialistic Mean Mechanical Meddlesome Mediocre Meek Melancholic Mental Messy Mischievous Miserable Miserly Misguided Mistaken Moneyminded Moody Morbid Muddleheaded

Naive Narcissistic Narrow Narrowminded Nasty Naughty Negative Neglectful Negligent Nervous Neurotic Never-forgets Nihilistic Noisy Non-inquisitive Nonchalant Nonconfident Nosey

Obedient Obliging Obnoxious Obsessive Obstinate Obvious Odd Offensive Offhand Old-fashioned One-dimensional One-sided Opinionated Opportunistic Oppressed Outrageous Over-sensitive Over-trusting Overcautious Overconfident Overcritical Overemotional Oversensitive

Paranoid Parsimonious Passive Patronizing Pedantic Perfectionist Perverse Pessimistic Petty Phony Picky Pleaser Pleasing Plodding Pompous Possessive Power-hungry Predatory Prejudiced Preoccupied Presumptuous Pretentious Prideful Prim Private Procrastinating Profane Proud Provocative Prudent Puritanical Purposeless Pusillanimous Pyromaniac

Quarrelsome Quicktempered Quirky

Radical Rash Reactionary Reactive Rebellious Reckless Reflective Regimental Regretful Repentant Repressed Resentful Reserved Restless Ridiculous Rigid Ritualistic Rude Ruined Ruthless

Sad Sadistic Sanctimonious Sarcastic Satirical Scheming Scolding Scornful Secretive Sedentary Self-centered Self-conceited Self-concerned Self-conscious Self-critical Self-indulgent Self-pitying Self-possessed Self-satisfied Selfish Sensitive Sentimental Shallow Short-tempered Shortsighted Showoff Shrewd Shy Silly Skeptical Sloppy Slow Sly Smallthinker Smug Sneaky Snobbish Softheaded Sordid Spendthrift Spiteful Squeamish Steely Stern Stiff Stingy Strict Strongminded Stubborn Stupid Submissive Superficial Superstitious Suspicious

Tacky Tactless Tasteless Temperamental Tense Thievish Thoughtless Timid Tiresome Touchy Transparent Treacherous Trendy Troubled Troublesome Truculent Two-faced

Unaccommodating Unadventurous Unagreeable Unappealing Unappreciative Inattentive Uncaring Uncharitable Uncivil Uncompromising Uncongenial Unconventional Unconvincing Uncooperative Uncreative Uncritical Unctuous Uncultured Undecided Underhanded Undisciplined Unenterprising Unentertaining Unenthusiastic Unethical Unfair Unforgiving Unfriendly Ungraceful Ungracious Ungrateful Unhappy Unhealthy Unimaginative Unimpressive Unindustrious Uninquisitive Uninspiring Unintellectual Unintelligent Uninteresting Unkind Unkindly Unlovable Unlucky Unmethodical Unobliging Unobservant Unoriginal Unpleasant Unpleasing Unpoised Unpolished Unpopular Unpredictable Unprincipled Unproductive Unpunctual Unrealistic Unreasonable Unreflective Unreliable Unrestrained Unromantic Unruly Unskilled Unsociable Unsocial Unsophisticated Unstable

Vacuous Vague Vain Vengeful Venomous Victimized Vindictive Vulgar Vulnerable

Weak Weakwilled Willful Worrier

Neutral Character Traits:

Absent-minded Accepting Aggressive Agreeable Alert Altruistic Ambitious Amusing Artful Ascetic Authoritarian Authoritative Average

Bashful Belligerent Big-thinker Blunt Boastful Boisterous Bold Boring Bossy Boyish Breezy Businesslike Busy

Calm Candid Careful Careless Casual Cautious Cerebral Changeable Cheerful Childish Chummy Clumsy Cold Competitive Complex Composed Confidential Conforming Conformist Conservative Consistent Contradictory Conventional Convincing Cooperative Crisp Cute

Daring Daydreamer Deceptive Definite Deliberate Demanding Determined Diplomatic Direct Disagreeable Discontented Discourteous Discreet Dominating Dreamy Driving Droll Dry Dull

Earthy Effeminate Emotional Enigmatic Experimental

Familial Folksy Formal Freewheeling Frugal

Glamorous Gloomy Gossipy Guileless

Hesitant High-spirited Hurried Hypnotic

Iconoclastic Idiosyncratic Impassive Impersonal Impressionable Indifferent Individualistic Informal Innocent Intense Introvert Invisible Irreligious Irreverent

Logical

Maladjusted Maternal Mathematical Mellow Methodical Meticulous Middleclass Misfit(ted) Moderated Modern Moralistic Mystical

Neutral Non-inquisitive Nonchalant Noncommittal Noncompetitive Nonconforming Normal Nosey

Obedient Obliging Old-fashioned Opinionated Opportunistic Orderly Ordinary Outspoken Overcautious

Passive Paternalistic Perfectionistic Philosophical Physical Placid Poised Political Pompous Predictable Preoccupied Private Progressive Proud Pure

Questioning Quick Quiet

Rebellious Religious Reserved Resigned Restless Restrained Retiring Righteous

Sarcastic Satirical Scientific Self-conscious Self-righteous Sensual Sentimental Serious Sharp-witted Showy Shy Silent Silly Skeptical Smooth Soft Soft-spoken Solemn Solitary Sophisticated Stern Strict Stubborn Stylish Subjective Subtle Superstitious Surprising Systematic

Talkative Theatrical Thrifty Tough

Unaggressive Unambitious Unceremonious Unchanging Undemanding Unemotional Unfathomable Unhurried Uninhibited Unpatriotic Unpredictable Unselfish Unsentimental

Whimsical

#characteristics #charactertraits #character traits #writing #list #complete #positive #negative #neutral #help #essay #writers #writer

1 note · View note