#they are a cardboard cut out of societies views that stand against who I am

[girlscience]

I used to make up people to go on adventures with and now I just make up people to argue with. I don't think this has been a good or healthy trade.

[jkdavidson-blog]

Standing Rock Recap Part V (12/28-12/30)

28 December 2016

 I felt a lot better this morning, after a hot bath and a good night’s rest. As soon as I awoke, I started packing and preparing myself for the long journey home. I loaded the car one last time and checked out of the hotel. I got the tire chains OFF the Kia. For a second, I questioned whether I should keep them on, because I was planning to make one last stop at camp, but the drive down the highway the night before with chains on the tires had been awful. They made such a racket I actually stopped by care and considered taking them off about a mile from camp. I could only bear to go about 35mph, the sound was so intense, and by the time I got back to the casino there were 3 warning lights on the display in the Kia that weren’t there before. I was worried that I’d damaged something major, but the car seemed to run okay once I got it back on the road, so I tried to ignore the lights.

I stopped by Oceti first. I walked to where the sacred fire should have been, at the hut Jacque had pointed out to me the night before. There were a couple of people hanging out there, blasting an electronic hip-hop mix over a loudspeaker, but no fire. Still, I stood in the opening where I imagined the fire had once been and looked around me, taking in the camp one last time. I said a prayer of thanks and blessing.

I found the donation tent and dropped a few things off—the jacket I’d worn while I was up there, a pair of boots, some warm gloves, and a couple boxes of hand warmers. Then I headed to Rosebud. I had gone through my garbage that morning and picked out all the paper and cardboard to give to Rosebud as kindling; I knew the wood stove could be challenging and they could use it.

I was happy I stopped by, because Grandmother Silvia was there. She was also getting ready to head out soon. We chatted for a few minutes. I told her again how grateful I was to have met her, and we promised to stay in touch, and perhaps join forces again sometime later on. She reminded me of her “safe house” in Hayward and invited me to visit any time.

I said my final goodbyes to Jacque, Ann, Orka, and Camille. I felt sad to be leaving them; although I hadn’t been with them long, I felt a great deal of affection for them already.

The sacred fire in Rosebud was still burning. I stopped there and sat beside its warmth for a while, gazing into the flames and contemplating my time at Standing Rock. Beside the hut that housed the sacred fire, a young man cheerfully chopped wood. I thanked him for what he was doing, and he replied, “Oh, it’s a pleasure! It’s such a beautiful day, and this wood is like candy, just cuts right down!” Typical Standing Rock response, I thought. Glad to be of service.

I added one more log to the sacred fire before heading back to my car and leaving camp.

Here is what I posted that afternoon:

Making my way home today. Next stop, Minneapolis!

It was bittersweet to bid farewell to Standing Rock this morning, yet I am fully ready to return home now. I feel such enormous gratitude for all the people I've met, the things they've taught me, and the ways they've inspired and empowered me to change the course of my own life. This experience feels like a rebirth in many ways. I feel like I am leaving this place armed with the tools I need to be an instrumental part of the necessary evolution of human society now gaining momentum on this amazing planet Earth, and now I am connected to a network of people with the same passion for creating the positive changes so necessary at this point in our history. But let's be real; North Dakota winters are brutal and although this place is stunning all covered in snow, I'm more of a warm-weather gal myself. Mad respect to all those hardy folks out there for the long haul. I send you endless supplies of love and warmth, straight from the heart. Thank you for changing my life. Now, I shall carry forth your legacy in a warmer locale.

I stopped at the co-op in Bismarck again, thinking it would be nice to eat something there, now that my sense of taste was beginning to return. I got another golden milk for the road, and made my way onward toward Minneapolis. The drive was pretty uneventful. I took my time getting there, knowing that my Air B&B host wouldn’t be off work until 10 or 11pm.

  Thursday 29 December 2017

 I woke up before sunrise this morning. The window of the room I was staying in had a view of the Minneapolis skyline. I watched the sky brighten against the towering buildings as the exhaust from numerous buildings billowed up around them. My host was still sleeping, so I dressed quietly and ordered and Uber to take me to the nearby Whole Foods. It didn’t cost much, so I figured it was worth it to have someone else drive me around the city a bit so I could stare out the window.

The night before, I was thinking I’d stick around the city for a while—maybe hang out at a coffee shop for a while and journal, or meet up with Anthony and Jeremy to chat about our experiences at Standing Rock. I really like Minneapolis and wanted to explore it more while I was there, but as I contemplated the 10 hour drive ahead, my nagging sickness, and the obligations awaiting me in Cincinnati that weekend, I decided it would be best to hit the road ASAP. I felt bad for bailing on Anthony and Jeremy yet again, but they seemed to understand my need to take care of myself.

The drive home seemed to take forever. I stopped and got some Thai food for lunch in Eau Claire, which seemed like just the thing I needed to clear out my sinuses, although I think I overdid it with the self-serve garlic-chili oil (sorry, stomach!). I did notice, however, that I was starting to feel a great deal better since leaving camp.

I made a couple of phone calls from the road, which helped pass the time in good company. I talked to Anthony, Faith, Baoku, and Harold. I enjoyed the conversations, and I enjoyed the silence in between.

I was so tired toward the end of my drive that I took a wrong turn somewhere around Indianapolis and ended up going 7 or 8 miles in the wrong direction, which wasn’t much of a detour in the grand scheme of things but felt like a big deal. The last hour is always the longest part of a road trip.

I arrived home around 1am. My dad was still awake, watching TV and eager to talk to me, but I excused myself and went directly to bed. My own bed, finally.

  Friday, 30 December 2016, ~00:50

 I just arrived home.

Many, many thanks to all of you who kept me company on the long drive, To everyone who sent your kind words and prayers or supported me in any way while I was on my journey, To everyone I met in Standing Rock, And to anyone who's still up there.

I love you all. Goodnight.