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egcdeath · 4 years ago

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birthdays with the boys

in honor of my own birthday, today i’ll be sharing with you what i think your birthday with many cevans characters would be like. enjoy! <3

steve rogers

he leaves his mission early and unannounced so when you wake up to the smell of pancakes in your house, and a man with breakfast in bed you almost jump out of your skin buuut you couldn’t be happier to see him

breakfast in bed is just the start of your bday because he goes ALL. OUT.

as you finish up eating, he grabs a folded piece of paper with a wax seal on it and hands it to you

he tells you to open it once he leaves, gives you a wink, then goes

he planed a birthday scavenger hunt for you!!!

for the rest of the day, you travel around the city to a bunch of important places in your relationship, like your fav dates n stuff

at the midway point of the hunt, he meets you for a coffee and makes sure you’re still enjoying everything before he sends you off with the avenger’s company card and basically tells you to get something nice before finishing the hunt hehe

you do in fact get yourself something nice

at the end of the hunt, you end up at the compound where all of your friends and teammates are and you have a very nice birthday party

by the time that you and steve go home, you’re exhausted but wanna spend a lil more time savoring your birthday so steve suggests that the two of you watch that one cheesy rom com that you love (and he hates)

as you cuddle on the couch, popping the occasionaly popcorn kernel in your mouth, you cant help but to feel grateful that you have such an amazing boyfriend

ransom drysdale

his birthdays were always disregarded when he grew up, so he has a very extravagant celebration planned for you

we all know that he can make a pretty airtight and elaborate plan so you literally have zero idea of what he’s got up his sleeve

enter: a whole birthday week

(he sweet talked your boss into some time off so thats one whole thing you don’t have to worry about)

day one is a whole spa and a shopping day

he can’t stand some of your friends but he invites them anyway bc he knows it’ll make you happy

he’s glaring at your friends while they giggle about some new louis vuitton purse and you’re thoroughly amused by it

you give him extra kisses that night as a reward for not instigating any fights that day (awww bf of the year am i right ladies?)

day two you guys do a museum hop and look at lots of art

ransom rolls his eyes at canvases that have a few drops of paint on them and are called modern art, you think this is hilarious

day three you have a picnic together in a park

ransom knows you have an affinity for charcuterie boards and attempts to make you one himself (and it’s not all that bad), along with a bunch of dainty little sandwiches

later that day, you go to a planetarium together

on your drive back home you have an interesting convo on the meaning of life

day 4 you take a pottery class together

ransom makes the most deformed bowl you’ve ever seen in your life

so naturally you put it up for display in your bedroom (so whenever you see it you can think of him)

day five is a first class flight to some luxurious villa in europe. most of day five is taken up on a plane

ransom lets you lay your head on him while you sleep, even though the position you’re in is making it astonishingly uncomfortable for him

day six you guys explore the city all day together

ransom makes sure not to complain about his aching legs (even though yours are getting sore too, and if he said something you would’ve done something about it!)

on your real birthday (day seven), ransom takes you out to a very nice dinner, and gives you a hand written letter detailing how much he loves and cares about you (because sometimes it’s hard for him to say his feelings)

you’re extremely flattered but have no idea how you’ll top this for his own birthday

andy barber

you and andy aren’t really huge on big gestures, so he does little things throughout the day

while you’re at work, he makes a surprise stop by and brings you your favorite drink & lunch from your favorite food place

he sends a bouquet of flowers to your job as well

after work, he cooks for you then showers you in gifts

your favorite thing that he gets you is a little engraved necklace with yours and his initials on it

at the end of the day, he gives you a nice full body massage and somehow that was exactly what you needed.

maybe not the most extravagant birthday, but a good one nonetheless.

frank adler

you have a pretty chill birthday with him and mary

he brings you a cake that him and mary made/decorated together

it’s kind of hideous but you love it

you guys let mary skip class for just 1 (one) day but tell her to keep it a secret

you call the school and let her fake being sick in the background. it is a hoot

you all go to the zoo together

you take tons of pictures

your personal favorite is one where mary and frank are posing with a giraffe

after the zoo, you go bowling

when you win, the sore losers that came with you claim they were letting you win since it was your birthday

you end your day at the beach, watching mary and her cat play in the sand in your peripheral vision while you and frank admire the sunset

ah, sweet, sweet domesticity

ari levinson

you go to an escape room to celebrate your birthday

it’s just you and ari, but you’re smart so you don’t expect it to be too difficult

🚨wrong🚨

you’re both so hard headed and stubborn that doing any of the tasks is like pulling teeth

eventually the building had to close, and you’ve only finished like... a few tasks in the hours you’ve been there

this was certainly not a bad birthday though, arguing with ari is one of your favorite pastimes

and this birthday certainly did not disappoint

jake jensen

you and the rest of your team decided to go to a little retro arcade for the first half of the night

you spent way more time than necessary watching jake attempt to beat the high score of some random game

after giving up on beating the highest score on a pac-man machine, jake decided to attempt to win you a prize on the claw machine

like, $20 and a few annoyed humans in line behind him later, it was still nothing

when jake finally gave up, the next person in line won the soft and plushy elephant you had your eye on

and while your back was turned, he may or may not have paid off its rightful owner in order to get it with you

it was too sweet of a gesture for you to even try to be annoyed with jake

a bit later, you decided to partake in a game of laser tag which was going on in the same building

this was fine and dandy buuuut

everyone on your team treated every mission (real or fictional) like the end of the world

this made for a few very interesting matches

jake nearly trampled a child more than one time

good thing everyone was required to sign a waiver before playing

a custody battle over which team got to have cougar seemed to be a consistent theme during the night

when you were on different teams, you couldn’t help but notice that jake was getting a little too much pleasure out of shooting you

it was fine because you were equally enthusiastic about shooting him

you were eventually booted from the game when an employee claimed you were all being too rough

at some point you lost the elephant

but luckily for you, you found it before you went home

you were going to keep that elephant forever

johnny storm

you were genuinely convinced that johnny forgot your birthday

he did not bring it up ONCE the whole day

you’re actually kind of hurt for a while and get all in your head

johnny gets the silent treatment 🙄 (but he deserves it)

you decide to stop moping and go out, since it issss your birthday

you do your makeup and put on a skimpy little dress

as you leave your room and start enter the communal portion of the baxter building, johnny stops you and checks you out

he’s like “where are you going????”

and you’re like “out 😐”

and he’s like “are you sure? 🤨”

and you’re like yes duh

then he gestures to the side really quickly and you’re kinda confused then a whole bunch of people pop out and start cheering for your birthday

you’re kinda embarrassed that you spent so much of the day moping but you quickly get over it because you love a good party

by the time that most of your guests are gone, you force johnny to take you out to the club

and of course you warn him not to ever pull a stunt like that again

lucas lee

he forgot it was your birthday

#steve rogers x reader #ransom drysdale x reader #andy barber x reader #frank adler x reader #jake jensen x reader #johnny storm x reader #lucas lee x reader #ari levinson x reader #headcanon #chris evans x reader

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 4 years ago

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Coraline, I miss you.

You know what's funny,

This is the first time, in a long time,

Where I actually didn't cry by the end of our story.

Like I was shocked for a moment, like:

"Why do I feel ok?"

"Why am I not angry or sad?"

"Or ready to toss myself out of a window?"

It’s because we've already died once. I've accepted this death.

My soul has felt like this, twice maybe nearly three times....ok maybe 16 if you’re including childhood. Heartbreak don't phase me no more. It’s required when falling in love with someone like you. Someone who has ripped through people so many times as the same had been done to you as a child.

But Jesus rose again each time.

He has gotten me through every hell hole with you.

I shall fear no evil.

No longer do I fear the love in my heart for you either.

I dont have to do anything. I dont have to say anything.

I can just be here, chilling, living my life, as I should.

Helping myself to a pack of gummy worms

That I forgot was on the floor.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

Im not choosing to be bitter.

Im not choosing to be scared that my ex lovers might kidnap me, kill me, or break my heart again in the future.

(I might have these thoughts in the back of my head...)

But for what? Because of the past?

I know who they are and I know my God.

"God is bigger than the boogie man"

He will protect me from Peter Pan, Captain Hook, and his crew of theives.

Im not crying in pain anymore.

My wounds are sealed.

It’s finally been done.

Even though im still in love with you, yet left me with none in return.

I know you still burn a secret torch for me.

And you’ll probably be the last to know as you still say to yourself “its just lust”

But i did the same thing, holding myself back because I thought it was just lust and look at where it got me.

Stuck playing with you, and sipping vodka at pity parties whenever you or she called it quits.

And I'll probably be there once they realizes how to escape from the prism of prisons that they (one person; my ftm) had forced themselves into to survive their childhood:

1st- their insecurity and battle of mind

2nd- their complex view on sex, marriage, and commitment

And finally 3rd; childhood trauma.

Jay you gotta heal from your mother and your father's wounds that they gave you. Emotionally and physically.

Because the scars that you bare now, can pass on to your children if you don't grieve properly.

Showing emotion is not weak. Yes, you are going to be vulnerable. But it takes strength to show where your wounds are to somebody that you trust.

I'm sorry I lied about my involvement with Calvin to try and make you feel jealous. We're just work buddies, nothing more. It was to get back at you for making me feel jealous on purpose in Franken----, I had a feeling that you were doing it for attention from me and her, because you wanted to see how I would react. So instead, that day (and the day at the target/mall) I gave you the cold shoulder and ignored you every time you attempted to get a reaction out of me. Because I knew you were being sly and sadistic to me, you felt a dry spell between us and wanted to know if I was being mischievous or did I actually stop being interested in you?

I know its confusing, because by this point usually you would say something argumentative like "well, how do you know all that?"

And then I would say, "Clearly, its simple. I know you. Jay-Jaiden-Jocelyn. Because clearly you operate on entirely different plane of view than I. You think like 3-4 different people at a time, and that my friend sounds exhausting.

That repepetive pounding in your head is from, your father still infiltrating your mind. The one who abused you the most.

I saw this that night we got into it at your apartment. You got in my face, poked me in my chest as you said "Now you have to make the asshole."

You made the energy in the room feel cold. And I knew it wasn't you.

It was your father. You became your father's energy. You replicated that.

Because your body remembers.

You, Jay, might not remember.

But the other people in line for your spot in your mind do,

Remembers all too well. They keep your secrets safe within you.

Once the council figured out that I knew,

they got scared and tormented me for it.

Na, knows it too.

She's playing mind games on you.

But you can't see it physically.

I couldn't see it either at first.

Until I got home everytime and reflected back at what happened

In reverse.

Everything is inverted.

This whole time I thought it was you that was evil.

But its really been her.

She's been using your mind against you.

All because of cheating on her with other people over the years. It hurt her deeply. She grew numb, cold, and distant. That’s why she wants another. Because you were always looking outside from her to seek pleasure and attention.

She used to be serving, and submissive to you, but now she’s outsmarted you. She knows that you will always play outside, so she gave you a leash. Thus, a leash for herself to gift you, so she could seek her benefits elsewhere too.

She said she always felt like she needed to take care of someone or something to feel better. I think you’re still in delusion about everything staying together with her.

She said she was gonna ask me to move in with y'all! Of course I was next to have a leash. I was her next project to take care of.

I needed to get out of there. Before she had me hip to her bosom just like you.

A girl with mommy issues.

I was next on her guest list.

She knows the key is to my heart. And the only way to get instant access is my...... “peaches.” SHE WANTED EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO MA’ PEACHES!

OF COURSE I RANN!

And I’m glad I did. Cause’ then you and I would have been stuck on that boat for awhile. Like her two light skinned boyfriend/girlfriends.

I know it sounds like I have commitment issues, but tbh she was way too controlling of a girlfriend to begin with. And I see why, but still...

I know it might take awhile before you actually find this.

But please know, my intention was to help you.

But at least I found out before its too late.

That I can't.

You can't save someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with their environment. I can see you’re both hurting, but I have to let you both learn what's been going on on your own.

Only you can break down the walls that your mind built yourself within.

That damn rabbit hole. I didn’t want you to fall in.

But I can see now that you already did.

And I accept that I’ve lost you. My best friend.

But you’ll come back when you are ready.

But I can't say that I’ll be the same person by the time you come back.

Because we always do.

I love them, and thats it, thats the end of it.

And I finally know its alright to feel peace

After I’ve already done all that I could.

What happened. Happened. And its up to me now to carry my own weight and pack my saddlebag for my next adventure

-✈️You’re looking at your new Flight Attendant.

P.S. I’m earning my badges as I go. And Tumblr, I’m just venting while my therapist is on my vacation and I’m waiting to come out to my parents until I move to have a decent, stable home in New York or Connecticut somewhere...wherever...damn...imma be 25 next year wtf

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stinkyratshadowgod · 5 years ago

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Crazy Storyline Apex Theory

(P.s: I’m reposting because Tumblr F*CKING ate my first post)

Okay in the trailer for the new event “Lost Treasures”, we see at the end that in Mila (in some way) spoke to Crypto through his drone, saying “Tae, it’s me. Be carefull! they’re watching you”. Naturally i was going to joke “Haha Mila is going to be the next Apex Legends next season lmao”. But then i stopped and thought more about it, and instead of making a joke, i decided to write a theory about why is that plausible and it’s going to be the next storyline (or maybe...this storyline)

Okay what do we know about Mila? Not much actually, she and Tae found a prediction algorithm that is directly related to the Apex Games (but we don’t know who made that and the real purpose), and then she saves it in a pen drive, leaves and is found “dead” next morning, with her brother being blamed as the killer

I know that this isn’t a lot to work with, but i think it’s enough to cook something. The name of my plate (aka theory) is “Apex is going to pull up a Winter Soldier and make Mila a brainwashed soldier (or expert Hacker) from Hammond”. You better enjoy it while it is still hot

1-Mila is still alive

Ok so why do i believe that? It’s because i believe that Mila is actually alive (even tho it’s a schrodinger cat paradox situation because shes alive and dead at the same at, and we will only know the real result when Respawn pulls her out of the “box”).

My evidences is that 1-The new trailer (lol) and 2-Shes actually pretty usefull: Shes a hacker, a good one, she was the one (with the help of Tae) to unlock the prediction programm, and she developed the system that unlock it (or at least had the knowledge that the system she found online would help unlock the algorithm). And because shes connected to the biggest hacker of the outlands, so perhaps they are going to use her to blackmail Crypto to stop going after the truth.

Respawn never explained how the brothers found the algorithm, but whatever the case is, if the sindicate would go out of their way to “eliminate” Mila and then go after her brother (but we know that this time they wanted for real kill Crypto) that must mean that the prediction algorithm must be really important, and we know why:

2-Season 4 (and the Override event)

Hammond had great interest in the Apex Games in the start of Season 4, and so they made a deal with the AG, and so Hammod brought us 1-Revenant (the best decision ever i love him but i better stop or else i will write a full essay on why i love Rev); 2-The evo shield (at least i headcannon that the evo shields are a Hammond creation in order to please the Legends), but in return they would build the planet harvester and do some promotion...it’s just me that thinks that a big company especialized in robotics (and titans) would only bring a harvester and do a propaganda to show that their hip and cool?

Even the harvester is a little weird, because: 1-The Apex Games takes ages after Titanfall 2 campaign (10 years i belive), and the war is over, so the need of building Titans wouldn’t be very necessary, yeah they can be used as heavy machinery in hazardous jobs, but the main use of the titans was military, and they already use MRVNS units to replace humans. I know that building robots and guns requires a lot of materials, but the harvester seems like a little bit of a overkill, also are we even sure that they are collecting materials for the robots? (which brings me to my next point)

2-What the heck is the planet harvester even harvesting? By the looks of the big lazer, it looks like they are actually harvesting the core of the world edge’s planet (idk if it’s also sucking materials for robots and guns, but you never see pieces of scraps flying up with the lazer, and we don’t see a storage thing to store the minerals)

I believe the real reason that Hammond is so interested in the Apex Games is actually because of 2 mf’s: 1-Revenant (since he was killing all the Hammonds workers and those connected to the simulacrum project) and 2-Crypto, since hes the one going after their tail, and Hammond knows that Crypto has the actual powers to be a real problem to them, so they partner up with the Apex Games just to keep a closer eye to Tae Joon (and Revenant but who can blame them Rev is a real eye treat).

(Side point: While i was writting this theory, i remembered a critical point of the Override event...the rewards, the rewards you got when you gained points, and in the points reward’s menu, we see this:

At first we thought this was Rev doing, but when you think about, it doesn’t make a lot of sense since Revenant doesn’t give a crap about helping people, he just wants to kill (go you, you funky lil robot), and when you think more about it, hes couldn’t pull that off since hes not a computer specialist. The only character that could this is Crypto, but Tae A)Already knows that Hammond cannot be trusted or B)He coudn’t have predicted the partnership. My point is, Crypto also didn’t left the message (cuz it would be weird leaving a message about something that seems obivious to yourself). So the only one remaining is...Mila Mila is somewhere in the Outlands (maybe she escaped or she sneakily sended the message through the place she is being held) sending messages to Crypto.

2.5-The bunkers

You know whats weirder than The Planet Harvester? The underground holes (bunker? vaults? Its hard to use these words since they’re already taken) introduced in Season 5. In the trailer they looked like bunkers that you could open at any moment (like a trapdoor). In the release of season 5 the first thing i saw youtubers do is try to open the bunkers, they failed, and then they tried to use Loba (and they would usually fail and fall to their death, which was funny content). So i thought “Okay, maybe it’s going to be like Fortnite and with each week they are going to open one by one (and yes i play Fortnite casually, it’s actually a great and fun game), and nothing. So i ask “What is the purpose of those trapdoors?”

In the trailer of the new event, after Mila talked with Crypto through the Drone, it showed us a underground bunker opening, perhaps it’s Mila, or at least a secret base that Mila used to send Crypto the messages to warn him about Hammond. Whatever the case is, i strongly believe thats it’s going to be something related to Mila

3-The artifact and the “broken ghost”

The name “broken ghost” is actually a weird name for something that has something to with Loba, sure you can say “It actually refers to something that is going to be used against Revenant” or “It’s actually something that we are going to use to bring back Ash from the Titanfall 2 campaign” and while yes that can be the case (especially the Ash theory) i actually believe that what we’re building is a universal locator, a locator used to locate everything and everyone in the outlands. You may be asking “...okay...why?” And i tell you: “The legends don’t live together”

On what i mean by that: In a tweet sended by Tom Casiello, he told us that the legends don’t live in the dropship or in a big house like housemates (even tho i decided that in my heart they are one big family of friends living together in a mansion, with each one of them having a room with their themes). And in the Chapter 4 of the storyline, it’s revealed that Bangalore and Lifeline live in diferent houses.

Where i am going with this is: Crypto is still living like a nomad, always running (and he even says in one of the elimination lines [“Sometimes you get tired of running, I understand, but you can't ever stop."], thus showing that even in the Apex games, hes running from the sindicate, the people who got his sister and now is after him, but as we can see, they still didn’t got him. Hammond could be building a robot (since the artifact [currently] looks like a skull, which spookes me a lil bit) that could pinpoint the exact location of Crypto and finally capture him.

Now for the most bonker part of this theory: They brainwashed Mila and turned her into a winter soldier

As i already said, Mila is actually pretty useful, not only because of her smarts, but because of the advantage that using someone that Crypto is closely familiar with could bring his downfall. So heres what i concluding: Mila gets brainwashed by Hammond in order to have someone to be a strong match against the best hacker of all the outlands and get rid of a big threat.

You may be asking “How?” and for that, i call my favorite boy:

4-Revenant (also yes this is a excuse to talk more about my main)

Rev doesn’t need a introduction, but heres one anyway: He was a hitman that at some point has died, so Hammond used his still somewhat salvageable brain to put it in a Simulacrum (in which i headcannon that at the same time they were also experimenting with some supernatural elements, but thats a theory for another day). after 200 years, during a hitjob he found out about who he really was and now here we are...do i need to say more?...really? Okay then: Hammond showed that they can brainwash simulacrums for an extensive period of time (200+ years i believe) in order to make them believe that they are actually human (even tho climbing a 15 store building, turning into a shadow and stabbing people with hands isn’t very...human). So in Rev backstory (and in the simulacrum lore) Hammond shows that they have the capacity to brainwash brains since the simulacrums are in a way cyborgs, being 99% robot and 1% human (that would be the brain btw). So using these techniques on a human would be very easy (i think?, i don’t know a lot of Simulacrums cuz they’re not real)

5-”THE broken ghost”

I want to touch upon is the name “The Broken Ghost”, i know that people believe that it’s actually Ash from Titanfall 2 (because spoilers she died), but don’t you think it’s weird that even 10 years after the main campaign, they couldn’t bring Ash back? I know that Simulacrums are diferent from robots, but couldn’t they just repaired Ash? And to answer myself: No. You see Simulacrums have an internal brain that is used to datastore information, but Rev is a special boy cuz hes handsome and his storage system is external, so in another words, when she died in the explosion caused by when a Titan is destroyed (or worse if you did an execution on her), her brain was destroyed, thus meaning that there is absolutely no way to bring her back. And yes, i just debunked the theories about how Ash is actually the broken ghost. Speaking of ghosts, that brings me on another point

6-Revenants and Ghosts

I wanna talk briefly about real life urban legends. First the Revenant myth is that a phisical deceased person who returns from the dead with an eternal rage for revenge, they are strong, smart and imortal, only leaving the world of the living when his thirst of revenge is sated (which fits very well for our baby boy Rev from Apex Legends)

And the Ghost is a spiritual deceased person who starts haunting the world of the living, sending chills down the spines of those who looks at them.

While yes their backstories are similar, their main diferences is that Revenants are corporial, and ghosts are spiritual, aka, Ghosts have the ability to dissapear and make people wonder if what they saw was real or not. Sounds familiar? If not, let me spell out for you: Mila. In the Crypto’s backstory, she suddenly dissapeared from Tae’s life, even in a surreal way since his life suddenly came crashing down overnight. And even better: If she was truly the broken ghost and got introduced in the Apex Games next season, that would really mess with Crypto’s brain, cuz his paranoia would make him wonder if his sister was back for real or not.

7-”Hold up”

-Said the handsome reader, scratching their brain (and yes i write fanfics)-”What does that mean for the future of Apex Legends and the storyline?”. I look at them, with the fire of knowledge burning through my eyes-“Let me tell you about the Winter Soldier movie from Marvel”

One key element from the Winter Soldier is that he was being brainwashed by Hidra (a Marvel version of the Nazis) and Bucky Barnes would transform into a emotionless killing machine, ready to kill the next target or those who got in his/Hidra’s way. But one thing that would turn him back into a normal human is his best friend Captain America, that through his pursue and persistence, by the end of the movies he saves Bucky from the brainwash trance and later movies he becomes Captain’s ally (and my OTP don’t @ me)

So if everything i talked about here is correct, heres what i think it’s going to happen: By the end of the storyline, it’s going to be revealed that Mila is alive, but she has been brainwashed by Hammond to kill Crypto. Even tho hes the main target and it would go against his better judgement, hes going to try save Mila from the brainwash trance, and not only that, hes going to use the help of Mirage. “Mirage?”-Asked the reader-”What the heck does Mirage have to do with an complicated story about family reunion, betrayl, saving someone from brainwash and fighting against a evil corporation?” and for that, i call Tom Casiello yet again (and a piece of Tae’s past):

8-Mirage, Casiello and a letter

In a early Season 5 tweet, Casiello confirmed that Mirage and Crypto’s story is far from done, and they would have many misadventures together, and while everybody (myself included) read it as Cryptage fuel, now i can confirm that Crypto is going to need Mirage’s help to make Mila remember who she was. You ask again ”But why Mirage?”, well, while i was researching Crypto’s page on the wiki, i found a peculiar letter that he sent for someone: “[Mystik -- I survived my first match, with only two broken ribs. Being as safe as I can, and keeping my distance. Unfortunately, the others are already asking about the Tower. The one Legend you love confronted me on the dropship. I thought he had evidence, but it turns out he’s just an idiot.There are two others here who are BIG guys. Like your son. Very intimidating. I’m sure one’s a sociopath, but I may have judged the other too soon. His name is Makoa Gibraltar, and he’s here to help Legends survive. I always chalked the Games up to neanderthals trying to prove something. Turns out some of them have a strong code of ethics. Ironically, the only neanderthal I’ve met trying to prove something… is me. Burn this letter as soon as you receive it. Will write when I can. Family forever. --TJP]” (https://apexlegends.gamepedia.com/Crypto)

Now you’re wondering “what the heck is that letter? Who is “Mystik” ”, and according to the wiki, Mystik is Crypto and Mila’s former caretakers at Ticacek Orphanage in Suotamo, aka the closest person they had to a parent. And in the letter, Crypto knows that Mirage is Mystik’s favorite legends, showing that him, Mila and their caretaker watched the Apex Games together

Thats where Mirage comes in: Crypto is going to use Mirage’s handsome and familiar face to remind Winter Soldier Mila the past, and then try to deactivate the brainwash (and headcannon, we are going to visit Angel City (the place where Mila and Tae used to live together) and collect parts of Crypto’s past and then bring it back to try make Mila remember who she was, but the FBI and Hammond is going to stop the legends)

Oh, and before you leave, ask yourself this: “How can a ghost get broken?”, now, instead of trying to find an answer, i’ll be kind enough to respond it to you (you’re welcome ;) ): Mila is the ghost that Hammond broke and put it together into Winter Soldier Mila, and then Crypto is going to have to break the ghost again to put back the right pieces

(I wanna thank everybody that somehow read everything, i do apologize if broke my english in some parts, it’s not my first language, also i would appreciate if yall could share my theory. It’s because i worked so hard on it, and it’s probably only going to receive like 10 likes and 3 reblogs. Also if you have a piece of information that could be considered important for my theory, please do let me know)

part 2 here

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softforcal · 6 years ago

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okay okay okay. I’m obsessed with your writing (and you, what who said that) but that gryffindor Ash x slytherin reader had me thinking about slytherin Cal and Gryffindor reader cause like the broody hot intimidating slytherin everyone wants ends up getting together with Gryffindor’s Quidditch seeker and captain the princess who embodies the house his housemates loathe? yeah clearly i’m deep in my feelings and your blurbs are totally not making it worse at all ♥️

SLYTHERIN CAL X GRYFFINDOR READER

(I love you)

-okay so Broody hot intimidating Slytherin Cal who i will also make team captain and seeker because yes please

-and classic Gryffindor Quidditch seeker and captain princess

-so the two of you don’t outwardly hate each other

-Ashton is team Captain for Hufflepuff and he’s super into the Ravenclaw team captain so he suggests that the four house team captains do bonding activities to ‘keep everyone friendly’

-(he just trying to get in Ravenclaw girls pants, but Calum agrees because he’ll do what he can to help Ashton get it, you’re just a minor nuisance to deal with)

-so the four of you meet for butterbeer and Ashton and the Ravenclaw girl straight up ignore you and Calum

-Calum is just chilling, not really saying much and you are getting bored as fuck

-so you just kind of look at the gorgeous Slytherin

-he’s as brooding and quiet as everyone says he is

-and being a courageous Gryffindor (who gets bored easily) you’re not just about to sit and be bored so you throw out something that you know he’ll respond to

-”so i don’t see what the big deal is about you.”

-”what do you mean?” he asks, taking a sip of his drink as he looks up at you.

-you shrug, “girls are always throwing themselves at you and i guess you’re attractive but so are a lot of people.”

-he laughs slightly, “name one guy who you think is as ‘attractive’ as i am.”

-”Luke Hemmings.” you state, “Michael Clifford-”

-”that’s two.” he cuts you off, “didn’t ask for a list.”

-and so begins the bickering

-he’s kind of hurt that you think he’s just a pretty face but you’re right, he doesn’t talk much, and when he does, its usually to say something cocky and arrogant

-he’s surprised at the way you’re talking to him, most people don’t have the balls to just outwardly attack him and he realizes you’re a true Gryffindor

-you continue bickering all the way back up to the school and finally Calum snaps

-”if you want to see what the hype is about, maybe you should let me take you on a date and prove to you that i’ve earned my reputation.” Calum suggests

-you narrow your eyes at him. if you say no, you’re backing down from a challenge, but if you say yes, you’re agreeing to go on a date with the most classic Slytherin ever, and your house will have a FIT

-but you refuse to back down, “fine.”

-”i’ll pick you up tomorrow after dinner.”

-before you can argue he’s gone

-Cal and Ash walk away and Ashton’s like “are you serious?” and Cal’s just like “she questioned me.” as if that makes the whole thing chill

-he’s pretty open about it and by the next morning every Slytherin knows that he’s planning on taking you out and knocking your socks off

-girls are jealous as fuck and by lunch everyone, even the Gryffindors, have heard about the whole deal

-Slytherins are confident that Cal is going to make you fall in love with him and Gryffindors are confident that you’ll have the snake wrapped around your finger

-everyone holds their breath as Calum swaggers over to your table after dinner, he ignores all of the Gryffindors who are watching him. complete confidence.

-”lets go.” he says. you roll your eyes, “wow, so charming, how will i ever escape the bounds of lust i have for you.”

-he grins and the two of you leave the Great Hall but you have no idea where you’re going because he’s walking further into the school

-finally he stops and stares at a wall and you’re about to question his sanity when a door appears.

-he opens the door for you and you state “what a gentleman” sarcastically as you enter.

-but your eyes widen when you realize what the Room of Requirement looks like inside.

-its like a game room/arcade. the sort of thing you’d see at a carnival. all sorts of two player games. the race car driver ones, basketball, skee ball, dart boards, everything you could possibly want.

-you turn to look at Calum who’s grinning because he knows he’s surprised you, “the room loves me.”

-”so this is the secret to how you woo girls.” you tease, “arcade games and skee ball.”

-”nah, this date is specially for you.” “oh yeah, why’s that?” “because you, like me, are a team captain and its obvious that you enjoy kicking my ass at a game so i figured, the way into your heart is by some friendly competition.”

-the two of you approach the dart board and he hands you three darts, “do you want to go first or should I?”

-ya’ll competitive

-its not just you and Cal playing against each other, its you defending your houses

-super competition, lots of bickering

-being pretty even at most things which is super frustrating

-before you know it, you’ve tried practically everything and hours have passed

-you look around “we’ve tried everything.”

-”guess the dates over.” he sighs, “so what do you think? still think Hemmings and Clifford are better than me?”

-”well-” you begin which earns a playful shove from him which you return even harder

-”stop that!” you laugh. “you stop.” he insists as you both continue to push at each other

-finally he grabs your hands and secures them at your sides as he keeps you caged against his chest and thats when the laughter dies out

-you’re looking up at him and he’s looking down at you

-you can feel his breath on your face

-he wets his lips and you laugh, “now who has the upper hand Hood!?”

-he rolls his eyes, letting go of you because FUCK you definitely just caught him about to kiss you

-the two of you leave the room of requirement and he walks you all the way back to your common room. “do you think you’ve been good enough to earn a kiss?” you tease

-this fuck knows you’re going to be an ass about it but he also knows you totally actually want him to kiss you.

-so this Slytherin FUCK just grabs you and pulls you to his chest and presses his lips against yours. you kiss back roughly immediately

-he was not expecting you to return his aggression with aggression and that brief moment of surprise lets you push him against the wall and he grins against your lips but quickly turns the tables by flipping it so you’re against the wall and he’s holding you there with his body

-you make out until you nip at his lip and he pulls away, lips moving to your neck as he states “like it rough.” as your fingers tangle in his hair and tug slightly

-you shove at his chest and he immediately pulls away, eying you. he knows you liked the kiss and he knows he made the right choice but he still is a good guy at heart who backs off when pushed

-”i’ll see you tomorrow.” you state before you slip away into your common room

-Cal stands there stunned for a few moments

-who really won that date?

-you’re both terrified now because neither of you knows if the other is just playing around to prove themselves

-you’re both freaked out

-like really bad

-because neither of you can sleep after that kiss

-Ashton straight up being like “Cal you fucked up big time.”

-and you confide in the Ravenclaw Captain because you really don’t want to go out with her and Ash again, its practically a double date and you are NOT ready for that shit

-so Ashton and his Ravenclaw meet up and are like “they’re both so scared, its hilarious. but we should probably tell them right?”

-so Ash tells Cal that you like him and Cal gets super cocky and is like “i knew it!” and then Ashton tells him that the Ravenclaw has told you Calum likes you back and all of Calum’s ego flies out the window because SHE DID WHAT?

-so you both know you’re into each other

-which is… like… thank god, sigh of relief

-at dinner the day after your date, everyone is waiting to know what the fuck happened on your date because only Ashton and the Ravenclaw girl have any details

-you and Calum ignore the shit out of each other and everyone is super disappointed

-you’re almost back at your common room after when Cal grabs you, “meet me in the room of requirement in fifteen minutes.” he instructs before just leaving

-and its like, who does this arrogant fuck think he is

-you go anyways

-walking into the room and its literally just a bed and Calum immediately is like, “look i can’t control what the room thinks we need.”

-unlike last time where he took charge you straight up barrel towards this fuck who is sitting on the edge of the bed and push him down into it, straddling him

-he’s down for you to have control for a bit but when you start grinding down against him he’s like enough is enough

-tearing each others clothes off

-its just raw sexual energy

-but you’re both just way too aggressive and finally he has to pin you down and just be like “look, i control this time, you control next time, deal?”

-you agree

-umf all the good kinky Slytherin sex with choking and biting and straight up GROWLING because yes he’s in control but you are still a lil bit aggressive

-the two of you are so fucking competitive

-you bet your ass its easy as fuck to rile him up

-like he wants to make you cum until you can’t fucking see straight

-so even after he cums, he continues with you until you’re a mess

-collapsing next to each other afterwards and neither of you is down to cuddle because ya’ll aren’t soft fucks, you are a Slytherin and a Gryffindor

-”what’s your recharge time?” “like ten… fifteen minutes?”

-you dom the shit out of him next

-going two or three rounds at least

-lots of aggression

-finally, after the third or forth round, you collapse on top of him and he just holds you like that… so it’s like cuddling… sort of

-yeah you both are super into each other but you try to hide it in public

-sneaking off to bone every chance you get

-still having hella competition at Quidditch games

-hiding marks on each other

-getting pissed off anytime he teases with a mark too high on your neck, always getting him back, its a vicious marking cycle

-until finally you reach a day where he’s like “just do it. mark my neck. i don’t care anymore.”

-cuz he’s tired of hiding the fact that you two have this wild, crazy, sex filled relationship but he definitely feels for you

-he’s tired of seeing Gryffindor guys flirt with you

-being surprised when he offers his neck for marking because you know what this means

-”Careful Cal, or i might think you’re asking me to be your girlfriend.” you tease

-he presses you against the wall, “and so what if i am?”

-”ask me properly and find out, or do you not have the balls… captain?”

-”be my girlfriend.”

-”okay.”

-making out then and there in the hallway and people totally see you two going at it and people are shook

-”next thing i know you’re going to get all sappy and try to hold my hand.” you tease when he pulls away

-he straight up grabs your hand immediately after and smirks at you, “don’t tell me you don’t enjoy this Princess.”

-true fam

-neither of you will admit to loving the sappy shit at first

-and neither of you want to appear to be soft

-but everyone knows you adore each other

-you bicker all the time but it usually ends in giggles or making out

-and you two bicker but if anyone tries to fight either of you, the two of you will fuck them up

-people are not allowed to question your relationship

-like… you two are together and no one is going to stop you

-okay so this is my new fav pairing? wtf

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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More thinking about the story big sis Bane is from

Lol this is SO awkward how on earth did i create the bff/mentor supporting character before ANY OF THE REST OF THE PLOT but man its been so much fun thinking up different stories she could fit in

* i was talking with a friend and they suggested she'd use a warhammer in battle ans now im like "hmm yes this story must be a game with combat" and that at least narrows it down a bit! I absolutely support her being a buff blacksmith cuddlebug who protects her friends with her fists as well as her mentorly perfectness. Also this friend said they're gonna design me a cool battle outfit for her IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHITTTT

* I'm not sure if the character she's bffs with would actually be a grandpa or just.. Grandpish? I just have this sense that its someone frail and depressed who doesn't believe they deserve friends and family, and they're all hermitty social anxiety until they meet this blacksmith lady who is like Fuck I Will Devote All Of My Considerable Power Towards Making Your Life More Alive. Seriously man i love Bane SO MUCH already!! She's basically a shonen hero archetype?? THE GRAMP AVENGER! Or a grandma or a dad or a whoever this person ends up being COS IF LITERALLY ANYONE IS IN NEED OF HELP SHE WILL BE THERE!! THE BANE OF DEPRESSION!!

* oh but im pretty sure that neither her nor the grandpa are the main character? I dont know why but i just feel like they would be better experienced from an outside view. I wanna be someone making friends with them! Also i feel like the protagonist should maybe be a young kid hero? Like, represent a different archetypal family role in this lil found family of hugs and sads.

* first initial idea- grandpa is a mysterious dark sorcerer and you are his apprentice! Or rather he just SEES himself as a dark sorcerer? Like all magic is considered evil, so even thougj he chooses to use his powers as a town doctor saving lives he still feels like he's a cursed monster. So he has an awkward dynamic with his apprentice cos he just Does Not Know How To React to someone hero worshipping him like this?? Like this orphan kid just came out of nowhere yelling BE MY TEACHER and hugging him and he's like OH NOOOO I CANT LEAVE THEM TO DIE IN THE COLD and theyre like SEE THATS PROOF YOURE GREAT and he's like NOOOOO!! xD i think a sort of "guy who never planned to be a gramp but had grampness thrown upon him" And he rose to the occasion spectacularly!!

* Another idea is that potentially instead of just being a random orphan, protagonist apprentice's backstory is shrouded in mystery? I was thinking maybe of a reveal that gramps actually did use to be a grandpa and his granddaughter died, and the protagonist was his failed attempt to ressurect her using dark magic. And for a long time he's been holding out on the hope that he really did bring her back, and that the protagonist will be able to recover her memories if he just tries hard enough. But as he grows to know you and love you like his own child, he realizes that you're your own person. (Or, well, your own homunculus?) And he takes responsibiluty for the new person he created, and helps you deal with finding out that you're not human, and you just form this very strange cute little family together with also the badass blacksmith lady yay! Also possibly LGBTQ elements because why not? Have the original dead grandkid always be a different gender to the protagonist, and them being trans could resonate with the themes that even though you're a clone you're your own person. And maybe have some sweet sad dream sequence where protag meets the ghost of the dead kid and you see a vision of what they might have looked like if they grew older. So throughout the course of the story you've become very different looking, and now you can embrace your big sibling for the first and last time, and feel like you really are a family. And they tell you to take care of gramps *sniff*

* Another idea is that maybe the protagonist is a secret government weapon? Like the gramps is still a dark sorcerer but instead of the dark incident in his past being a dead family member, its that he was part of a team of magic scientists and found out that his coworkers were crossing moral lines in their pursuit of power. So he finds a bunch of people locked up in a lab being turned into monsters and he managed to save only one of them during his great escape. And now he's trying to hide from them and raise this poor little monsterized kid to have a normal life.

* OR another idea is maybe taking this oc idea i had for a mismagius belonging to charon, because when i headcanon i tend to headcanon so deep i give everyone a full party and every party member needs a deep backstory too, lol. Anyway in that original pokemon version this mismagius was a lot more like an original ghost critter anyway i guess. His name was Hex and his concept was sorta like.. Charon meets kid charon? The other pokemon i gave him were all cute and bubbly to contrast him so i wanted to have one who was equally cynical. But also Hex is actually just a little kid even though he tries his damn best to be a Big Scary Evil Demon You Made A Contract With In Exchange For Great Power but really he's like a nine year old larping as one XD i think the whole concept could work better if he really WAS a magic spirit demon thing that this sad grandpa made a contract with in order to get the power to make his dreams come true. But also he's kind of a reject amoung other contract demon spirit thingies, and he's Really Just Babbu. I had this really sad idea for how he first met his trainer back when he was still a pokemon oc. From charon/new oc grandpa's perspective he found this big ominous scary demon lord and made an unholy contract! But from the demon's perspective he was just a tiny pathetic lonely lil kid who'd been hurt too many times by everyone he once trusted. So he grew to hate all those monsters who make friends with humans, and tried to act all egotistical like he chose to be alone. But eventually he just couldnt take it anymore and he decided he'd just go with the next human who tries to take him. Even if theyre evil.. Itd still be better than being alone. So he put up all those barriers around his true self and was so reluctant to trust gramps, but eventually being togethee has helped him regain his faith in having a happy life, yknow? And meanwhile grandpa is just like "oh god oh fuck youre a BABBY oh god how did i never know WHO WOULD LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE!!!" "Dude im a demon its not exactly normal to care about my wellbeing." "FUCK THAT, I AM YOUR GRAMP NOW"

* so yeah lol loads of different ideas about what the story could be, all kinda similar at heart but wildly varying from an innocent cute protag to grumpy cynical who's secretly an innocent cute protag, lol!

* in any case whoever you are and whoever gramps is, Bane is still be love u as big sis and support u thru the everything, yes

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taxesdeathtrouble · 7 years ago

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so! about that hogwarts au

im gonna get housing/birth status (??? whats the word for that) done right off the bat

alex is a slytherin, as stated in my previous post (i’m gonna put it in the same tag: hogwarts au)

Molly is a Gryffindor, through and through. the second it was placed on her head the hat was yelling

Chase is a Hufflepuff, which i know is controversal but it boils down to boy needs a hug and people who care about him and he gets that in Hufflepuff

Nico is also a Hufflepuff and I’m right. her sisters one too but thats not my main reasoning my main reasoning is that she’s really loyal and a fucking awesome friend and she’ll go to great lengths to protect the people she loves.

Karolina is a Gryffindor, but she was also a hatstall because she really really wanted Hufflepuff because her mother drilled it into her that it’s the only truly good house but the hat sees her potential and puts her in with the lions and she ends up ruling them all through her kindness and how willing people are to follow her

Gert is a Ravenclaw, she was a hatstall too but she really didn’t want to be Slytherin (’not that there’s anything wrong with Slytherin it’s a great house’ but it’s just not what I want’)

So Chase and Karolina are purebloods (well, chase is. karolina’s dad is secretly a mythical being but she doesn’t even know he exists so thats for another time) nico is a halfblood (me mum’s a witch. dad’s a muggle. bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out) gert is a pureblood that doesn’t know she’s a pureblood because her mother died when she was three-four and she barely remembers her- she has dreams sometimes where she’s flying on a broomstick with a dark haired woman who’s face she can’t see. the moon is bright, and they are both laughing in joy. she got adopted by the Yorkes, a well meaning muggle scientist couple who make fast friends with their new neighbors, the Hernandezes, a pair of wizards with a child of their own. when Gert is seven and starts making the flowers in the backyard grow like crazy and begins to float down the stairs every morning, Gene and Alice spill the beans that she’s probably a witch and explain about the wizarding world. they give them Neville Longbottom’s card because they’re personal friends (he and gene go to the same bookstore a lot and are kind of buddies) and he explains about the wizarding world and hogwarts and gives gert a bunch of books about their history which leads to an obsession with Hermione. Neville checks in a few times and Gert chatters nonstop and Neville is like ‘i know her, actually’ and Gert screams. anyways Molly gets adopted by the Yorkes when her parents are killed by a mysterious accident and she’s not a pureblood because her family was never obsessed with that purity bullshit but it does make her family tree kind of...........spotty, and other relatives hard to find.

now, on to the good stuff aka Plot

- the five of them meet near the beginning of first year

- gert and chase are friends first because they meet on the train

- by the way this is going to be gertchase heavy dont @ me

- so anyways they meet on the train, and gert sees this very pretty boy sitting alone in a compartment as she walks the length of the train looking for a place to sit for the trip

- and he looks really sad. this is because ten minutes before boarding the train his father had just finished a long, self righteous lecture on why he should ask the hat to be in Gryffindor because ‘that’s what house i was in and you should be like me’ which is the last thing Chase wants.

- ‘hey, mullet, mind if i sit?’ gert asks, flouncing in and plopping down without waiting for an answer, and chase, who’s never been called a mean name by a peer in his life, and certainly never by someone this pretty, is flabbergasted.

- ‘excuse me? i do not have a mullet’ by the way chase is british gert is irish the others i dont care as much but these are the ones i’m attached to because i’m writing something else where that’s their nationalities

- ‘uh, yeah you do, mate. the name’s gert.’ she sticks out her hand, and it’s covered in scribbles. chase takes it hesitantly, and says, ‘uh. my name is chase stein.’

- gert spends that entire first year trying to get him to stop acting like he’s a grandmother at tea time and talk like a normal kid because he’s literally never hung out with anyone his age before

- the way the rest of them became friends: gert decimates alex at gobstones, alex is friends with nico, nico is friends with chase because #puffsolidarity and karolina is friends with gert from like, day two of their first year when they both got detention (the story of which they will Never Tell) (they conspired together to let the frogs from the transfiguration course escape) (they got two weeks detention)

- when chase gets sorted into hufflepuff, he cries. years later, he still doesn’t know why.

- chase develops a big crush on gert in their third year, which is also around the time she decides she’s going to be an animagus (alex told her she couldn’t do it and she got so pissed at him they didn’t talk for a month but it did start her on that path so she’s not super mad anymore)

- so for about a month she’s being secretive as hell and won’t talk, which she comes up with a variety of reasons for, ranging from ‘i’ve taken a break from talking so you all remember how funny i am’ to ‘i have a debilitating non life threatening illness so i can’t talk until the month is over even if i wanted to’

- chase totally calls bullshit, and he’s kind of upset with her because he JUST figured out he’s likes her and now she won’t even talk?

- when she finally becomes an animagus she doesn’t tell anyone because it’s technically illegal but the first thing she says to anyone is ‘hey, mullet, pass the eggs,’ to chase (because he’s thirteen and still has the mullet although she’s probably going to be calling him that even when they’re married) and he cries. she’s like ‘woah what’s wrong?!?’ and he says through tears ‘you’re (sob sob) talking to me (sob sob) again (sob sob)’ but he gets a hug out of it so the ribbing from the guys on the quidditch team is worth it

- speaking of quidditch

- oh wait right gert’s animagi form is a kitty cat which she’s pissed about because she wanted something badass but nope she’s a fluffy calico with glasses markings around the eyes (and a purple tuft when she dies her hair)

- anyways quidditch

- gert and chase are both on their respective teams, gert is a beater and chase is a chaser (haha) and later on they become captains

- nico is the announcer for the games and a common theme is her dramatically making fun of their sexual tension/basically being a couple without being a couple bullshit

- ‘oh and there goes yorkes hitting stein with the bludger again, now, we have to wonder how bad their little lovers quarrel was’

- in fourth year, there’s the tournament and the yule ball

- karolina gets picked to represent hogwarts, and she doesn’t win but she still ‘loved the experience!’

- she takes nico to the ball, and that’s how they get together it’s really cute

- so obviously chase was planning to ask gert to the ball

- but he gets nervous and waits too long, and he’s literally mid sentence about to ask her when this girl from Beauxbatons (abby, if you’ve read one of my previous fics) waltzes up all cool and asks Gert straight up ‘will you go to the ball with me?’

- gert looks at chase first, just for a second, then says, ‘of course!’ because she really didn’t think anyone would ask her and abby is really really pretty and nice

- so gert looks gorgeous the night of

- she’s wearing this long, shimmery dress, and her long, dark hair is in ringlets, and chase is enamoured

- she asks his opinion first, because best friends and all

- gert: so what do you think?

chase, completely heartbroken that he’s not taking her to this dance but trying to be cool: you look nice :)

- gert thinks hes being insincere tho and it kind of hurts her feelings

- the dance is fine until gert goes to get her and abby drinks and abby is making out with someone random and gerts heart breaks in two

- she runs out of the ballroom in tears, and chase, who’s been sitting at a table all night completely ignoring his date, to her annoyance, sees her leave. he immediately gets up and goes after her, and finds her crying her eyes out in an empty classroom

- ‘hey’ he says, sitting down next to her. ‘hi,’ she says, voice cracking, and he wraps his arms around her and she presses her face into his chest as she cries.

- and then she starts rambling. ‘so i just saw abby kissing on some other girl, and i mean, i knew this was too good to be true, but i didn’t want to believe it, you know? i was just happy someone wanted to take me, but i should’ve known when she kept calling me beautiful. liars don’t make good dates.’

- ‘what? gert, you’re, um, you’re beautiful’

- ‘pfft yeah right i know you think so, sure-’

- chase holds her face in his hands in a rare moment of fourteen year old boldness and says ‘gert. you’re gorgeous’

- ‘o-oh’

- he seems to realize what he’s doing and pulls away, and they don’t talk about it after, but gert gets the beginning of a crush that day.

- so fifth year

- gert and chase don’t see each other all summer, because gert’s parents drag her and molly to america for research, which is where gert meets tandy and ty, super cool american wizards and she posts a picture with one of them on insta and Chase gets mega jealous even if he doesn’t say anything

- gert cuts and dyes her hair with tandy and molly’s help but keeps it a secret so she can surprise him

- they text more than call because chase’s voice is in the midst of dropping and he’s embarassed

- and the whole summer he’s bored as hell so he just goes to the gym every day

- and he finally gets a good hairstyle

- so that first day at the train station gert sees him and literally doesn’t recognize him

- who is this broad-shouldered, deep-voiced beauty standing beside her? and staring at her like he can’t believe what he’s seeing?

- ‘gert?’ ‘oh my god, chase? you look............so different. so what do you think? of my hair, i mean.’ her brain’s a little wonky. chase is so attractive, what the fuck

- he reaches over and winds his finger around a curl. ‘it’s really pretty.’ his voice is soft and to her ears, intimate, and oh, fuck you, hormones, this is the last type of reaction she wants to be having to this.

- she blushes really red and chase is like hmmm this is new

- that whole year there’s something different underlying everything. they spend a lot more time alone, doing homework together or going out on their broomsticks or splitting off from the group when they go to hogsmeade

- coincidentally, they both also make prefect that year, and through a lot of twisting schedules around by the kids (nico and karolina make prefect and there’s a few other interhouse relationships so gert and chase get paired up) they do patrols together

- and there’s a metric fuckton of flirting

- they also start playing dumb magic pranks on each other around this time, so often one of them will show up to breakfast with green hair or galaxy freckles

- chase did the freckles to piss her off but, oh no, she looks so cute, this isn’t fair

- fifth year is also when gert’s anxiety starts to get bad, so there are a lot of nights where she roams the castle in cat form, still kind of pissed about the tuft of purple that sticks up

- on one of these nights, chase can’t sleep. and i mean really can’t sleep. so he puts on the little device he wired up to make teachers not notice him because im lazy and cant think of anything else and heads down to him favourite alcove where he can look up at the moon and the snow falling and just think.

- gert comes across him, still in cat form, and she still hasn’t told him, or anyone, that she’s an animagus, so she considers just walking away, but then chase sees her and is picking her up and babytalking at her and oh, this is so cute, she can’t leave now

- so she settles in his lap and he starts petting her, saying, ‘you’re so soft, yes you are, pretty girl, yes you are,’ because ya know. he thinks hes talking to a cat.

- and then he just starts rambling about his issues and hes kind of maybe vaguely talking about ‘this girl’ (gert) and he doesnt say that he likes her but if you listen closely its clear, and okay, gert needs to transform back now or she’ll fall asleep, and she’s been meaning to tell chase anyways.

- so she changes back and oh, she didn’t think this through, because she’s sitting in his lap in her- oh, shit- pyjama shorts and tank top and no bra, what the fuck was she thinking?

- chase screams, and gert slaps her hand over his mouth so they don’t get caught. ‘are you done?’

- chase is wide eyed as he nods, and gert takes her hand off his mouth.

- ‘so. you’re an animagus, right?’ ‘yeah’ ‘how long?’ ‘remember that time in third year when alex said i wouldn’t be able to do it and we fought?’ ‘oh my god’

- his arm settles around her waist, fingers brushing against bare skin where her shirt has ridden up, and they’re both staring at each other and thinking ‘what if we made out right now’

- but then they hear a loud banging noise and jump to their feet, running back down the hallway. gert turns into a cat midstep, and chase whisper-shouts ‘that is SO not fair!’

- they make it back to their respective common rooms, just barely, and neither of them are able to sleep the entire night because of what almost happened between them

- at the end of the year, at the train station, they share a very long hug and promise to see each other over the summer. their friends are definitely making fun of them in the background

- near the start of sixth year they’re still doing patrols together, and one night, out of the blue, chase kisses her. they end up making out for like, an hour, then go back to their dorms smiling their asses off

- but guess what? they’re idiots. so they don’t get together right then

- they don’t actually talk about it. but every night they’re on patrol together, guess who’s ignoring their duties to make out in some dark corner? them

- but during the day they’re kind of ignoring each other and everyone is so sick of it so one day nico shoves them into the room of requirement (which she definitely found really early on in her hogwarts career- hufflepuffs are particularly good finders, after all) to force them to talk to each other and locking the door.

- they kind of just stand their awkwardly for a minute until gert is like ‘wanna make out’ and chase, being chase, says yes

- so they do that for a while, and there’s a couch in this nondescript room because story reasons, so it gets a little pg-13 up in the room of requirement if you know what i’m saying

-but chase gets hit with this wave of i wish she was my girlfriend why isn’t she my girlfriend what are we doing and stops kissing her. he’s so tempted to just dive back in, just from how she’s looking right now, but he really, really needs to say something.

- ‘look, gert, i want you to know.........i have feelings for you. there, i said it. and i’m not comfortable with just messing around when i care about you so much- mph!”

- Gert cuts him off with a kiss. she pulls back, and says, ‘I like you too, mullet.’ and then they make out some more and when they come out of the room of requirement their entire friend group is waiting outside the door with Bertie Botts and chocolate frogs waiting to see the results and they come out holding hands and everyone starts cheering dramatically, like, ‘FINALLY, AFTER SIX YEARS, I KNOW PEACE!’

- and they all live happily ever after the end

#gertchase #this took me. 2 hours.#mine #runaways #marvels runaways #hogwarts au #nico is a hufflepuff and im right

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sister-location · 7 years ago

Note

hi! i know you probably have a lot of asks right now, but i wanted to get some clarification on something. what exactly do we know about remnant? do we know anything except that it's what the scuper was designed for?

Yes and No!

The secret ‘insanity’ ending is the only time we ever see Remnant being mentioned. But we need to keep in mind that like with everything else in FNAF, being directly told about something is just meant to be a hint to look for context clues!

Longer post under the cut because there’s a lot to be said here and it’s image heavy because I just woke up!

edit: I realized partway through this that gameverse Afton might be injecting himself with whats essentially robo-ghost blood and it’s really fucking funny to me, sorry for obviously laughing about this for the entire post.

First up we see the SCUPer, A B C and D functions, and the Afton Robotics, LLC trademark. Let’s go over them!

NAME: S.caleable C.reation of U.lterior P.resence

Ok so you can see that either Afton or Scott are really weird with names, because this.. is honestly weird word choices, but they sure made it fit the ice cream theme. Rammed it right in there. But let me work these words down;T.his M.achine M.akey G.hosties. Call it Thingmmagig.

Scalable Creation refers to being able to generate more [ghosts] and likely also be able to remove (or relocate..?) [ghosts]. Ulterior Presence is.. actually a little funny, because it means ‘Secret Secret Ghosts’ kind of. And honestly these ghosts aren’t really hidden, unless you count that no one was sure if the Funtime animatronics were haunted or not. Maybe in-universe, the fact these robots were haunted at all was a huge secret and only like, 4 people knew. Maybe to everyone else, blood and mucus coming out of robots is normal. Whatever.

BLUEPRINT PART A: EXCAVATING ARM

No bonus data given, this is just the weird… partial cylinder. I’m not sure why A wasn’t put on the actual folding arm structure. Maybe the A is on the end because that is the part that, well, scoops you. slurp

BLUEPRINT PART B: REMNANT INJECTOR

NOTES: Leaves trace line amount on interior. Over-usage /Over-exposure negates effect.

Honestly the fact that there’s an ‘injector’ here somewhere is weird because it seems Scott made this thing really lowpoly and didn’t add much if anything when he went ‘lets make this a blueprint!’ because there’s clearly no… tubes, or needles, or… hell maybe the whole things hollow and it just kinda opens a hatch and it gloops out. I can’t see scott

Anyway this part of the blueprint identifies that.. somehow, there is an injector!So not only does this blueprint have one, we also now know that, yeah, there is a reason to inject people with whatever ‘remnant’ is. People and/or machines. So it clearly has some sort of reaction when placed inside other substances, and… actually why isn’t the SCUPr itself haunted. Scott probably didn’t think of that…. Moving on.

BLUEPRINT PART C: ARM BASE AND BALANCE

It seems that both wheel-shapes are just balances, given how low the D is. Weird design but not an important part of the machine, aside from making it sturdier while it tears things open.

BLUEPRINT PART D: REMNANT RESERVOIR

NOTES: When heated, no observable motion. Keep in heated tank at sustained temperature. Substance should be malleable, but not more. There is a possibility that overheating might neutralize the effects permanently.

Here’s the juicy stuff. Remnant is something that moves, and when heated, it stops moving and softens up. If it gets too hot, it neutralizes ‘effects’. So now we know that whatever Remnant is, it’s heat sensitive and moves on it’s own, so it’s alive in some way. People who have looked at the game files might remember something like that…

Also a weird fact here is that heating may neutralize the effects, but isn’t clear on what effects, or if it means while they’re in the tank or not. This could either mean that the remnants will get heat-resistant in the tank, which us unlikely, or…

Whoever uses Remnants for the SCUPr’s intented purpose needs to be kept cool at all times, or the effect, which we assume to be immortality, will wear off. What’s a coolant that we have in all games, and are only able to disable in FNAF 6? The fucking fan. THE FAN KEEPS MICHAEL AFTON ALIVE, LITERALLY. In theory anyway thats just a theory … but god would it make some god damn sense.

—————————————————————————

FACIAL RECOGNITION FILE 0072

Remnant is also mentioned in this blueprint!

SECURITY TAGS ACTIVE:001 “Funtime Freddy”002 “Funtime Foxy”003 “Ballora”

It’s unclear here if the numbers are the security tags (which implies funtime freddy is the first animatronic on the tag system, ever?) or if Henry was just absolutely prepared to have to write blueprints on a 100-tag hell machine. It’s probably just aesthetics. Either way, as referenced in LEFTE’s blueprints, all of the animatronics have security tags, or bracelets, or security receivers.. actually it’s likely

Henry’s robots: Security Receivers are so animatronics, Toys especially, can connect to each other to keep out bad people and protect children.

Afton’s robots: Security tags, so he knows where the robots are at all times, and doesn’t let the robots escape.

FE/AR Staff: Security bracelets so the robots know the difference between staff and patrons, and theoretically know staff by name. You guys know the theory that Lefty is submitting Henry’s frequency to the Puppet / his daughter? Shit’s sad.

That aside, come to think of it, would William have sent Michael a bracelet with his number on it, just to make sure the robots think Michael ‘looks’ like him to the animatronics? Michael goes through a lot of name changes over the series, but it’s possible. Maybe?

Anyway the main point here is that Molten Freddy is Freddy, Foxy and Ballora (Chica? Suzie?). No Minireenas, no Bonnie hand puppet, no pre-Ennard, no Yenndo, and especially no Circus Baby.

Priority One

With the most amount of Remnant collectively in it’s structure, this amalgamation of Afton’s constructs is a necessary element of Paragraph 4.

Paragraph 4′s direct meaning still isn’t really clear aside from that it has to do with the end of the game where Henry sets fire to Molten Freddy, Circus Baby, Springtrap and Lefty/his daughter, setting them all free. Of course with Molten Freddy being multiple spirits together, he’s the top priority: Even if Henry can’t stop the Aftons or save his daughter, he needs to save the most kids he can.

That said, note the wording: The most amount of Remnant. Not ‘the most spirits’ or ‘Likely to have the most attachments’ or anything clearly stating dead kids: the most Remnant. So although Remnant was only stated in Afton’s SCUPer blueprints, Henry is not only aware of what Remnant is, he clearly knows how it works, and how to remove the haunting ‘effect’: Heat. Fire.

This implies that Henry may have still worked with Afton even while Afton was doing a side job with Afton Robotics, despite Henry saying he built at least some of the robots. It’s very unlikely Henry would build.. child-grabby machines, so we’re assuming here that they just.. both made robots. At the same time. Oh timelines…

—————————————————————————

SO WHAT IS REMNANT?

In short, Remnant is some sort of life essence that may or may not always mean ghosts. The way we see the SCUPer work, through Circus Baby’s lines and Ballora’s scene in the Springsuit game (which the springsuit was distracting you!), is that the Funtime Animatronics capture kids in some way, ‘malfunction’, are taken to the SCUPer, and have the remnants of the kid scooped out.

Why don’t we see some kid’s corpse get mangled up and slurped out when we see Ballora get scooped? Well, maybe she opened up just off screen, orr it’s that it’s a kid’s game. There’s probably a better reason here, I just am not sure what it is.

Here’s a brightened gif of her being Scooped, which I was too lazy to reupload.

The eye color might be from my de-blueing it, so I won’t bring that up.However, what we see in the scooping process is odd. It’s not really a scoop, she just looks like she got uppercut in the face, twice for some reason. And that whatever the scooper’s doing, it’s causing a flash of light each impact. Whatever it’s doing seems to take a lot of ‘energy’ from Ballora, since she slumps over after as if she’s tired, but is clearly still possessed… or at least has the energy to be creepy while the Real Ballora is now inside the Scooper’s Excavating Arm.

It’s important here however to remember Scott’s intended view of this sprite:

This. This is all you get. By the time the faceplates open up, Ballora’s already staring at you slumped over. However, something also hidden by the faceplates, that perhaps Baby was specifically hiding from you, is something that isn’t present on the sprite. Because when different objects animate on their own, Scott makes them their own little object and spritesheet in game.

Because anything moving down there, you wouldn’t see them. Something wiggling, moving, because the scooper is extracting them, and they’re just not warm yet. Something that, just like the Insanity ending, we’re not supposed to see.

#fnaf #fnaf theories #remnant #sister location #fnaf6 #fnaf 6 spoilers #fairygodrobot

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cow3survivor · 4 years ago

Text

Ep. 5: “Nothing to Report” - Jabari

JENNET

jennet vs ethan? more like jennet + ethan😀😀😉😉

(a little later)

plan was a success, i know thats right!

ETHAN

Somehow the Pennino vote worked, and Pennino if you are reading this, you really are an amazing guy, and I hope we get a second chance someday. That being said, you are too smart and self-aware, and that is dangerous. For this round, the reward challenge is interesting. I haven't met everyone in the game yet, so I don't know if people are looking at challenge results yet, and I have done my best to have middling performances, but winning this would mean I get put in the spotlight again for winning 2 individual rewards, so that potentially makes me nervous. More than anything, I want to avoid tribal, I don't think there would be a repeat of last time if we go again. I anticipate a swap in 1-2 more votes, either to 2 or 4 tribes. Video conf coming soon :D

JABARI

The girls and I flopped on the reward challenge and Ethan came up like a beast. I really feel out tribe of 5 is doing well and hopefully we can pull win and stay together. If not I Imagine Sam will be out, as for idol searches nothing to report though I feel I am getting close.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/FM19WJ1tTmk witty catchphrase, y'know?

SAM

https://youtu.be/MrYZw3I22ms

JESSICA

Me when I found the idol: :) Me when the hosts told me I had to gamble my vote like 13 times in order to get it: :( I really wish we’d lost now so Nicole could be out and I could have an idol! If we don’t swap next time and it’s there, I’m taking the idol and throwing the challenge. Then we can vote Nicole out and I can have an idol! Will my allies be suspicious that I didn’t vote at that tribal? Not if it’s unanimous for Nicole which you KNOW I’d be doing the work to make happen. If we do swap, I’ll probably go get the idol anyways UNLESS we swap to tribes of 5 and my tribe is bad. But even then, I might as well go get it because I could play it that round if I needed to. Um not much else happened this round! I hope we merge soon.

LINDSAY

sorry ur getting text today ok im so fucin ajfdkhsakjlfhsalkjfhskjfhksjd i hate this anyways i think the tribe is split into two duos and then me - jennet and jabari /ethan and sam. pennino was kinda my duo but also eh. i think ethan has an idol or at the very least an advantage. a f r a i d not sure what to do. could stick w jennet and jabari and hope for the best or preemptively flip and try to make it w ethan and sam... i think there'll be a tribe swap soon but ajsfhsaldfhsdkj afraid if there's too few calumma come merge we'll be fucked but sokka pulled it off before it's not impossible we'll be okay depending. but if i piss off jennet or jabari calumma might not vibe w me following so i'll be stuck at the bottom of the totem pole w old not calumma and that's not a good spot to be either. :( my "lets do something fun" says lets flip fuck it, but my loyal ass/wants to make it to merge this game ass says sticking w calumma is my best bet. jabari was posting cryptic shit last night so im gonna lead into that and see what hapepns anyways fuck this tribal. fuck tribal. i love all of these people i dont want to vote them out like genuinely there's no one here i want to see gone i HATE THIS anyways if i flip on calumma id probably go jennet bc she's a bigger threat than jabari iirc and if i stay loyal i'd probably aim for ethan bc sam is the more obvious target i... think?

JONES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApcRUkdtxm4

JENNET

going go tribal again im SUPER nervous... i formed a tight alliance with ethan and sam and i feel bad for betraying the girls but this will help propel me in the long run and i have to take this shot

JESSICA

REALLY hoping we don't swap tonight...... that way I can instantly go get the idol! Or if we do swap, I hope I stay on Calumma. I think I should have actually just gone for the idol but I was worried about needing my vote at next tribal and not knowing what's ahead. Like imagine if I went for it, I lost my vote, and I only got the idol to be good for one round. Or for no rounds. It literally would have been useless and I would hate to swap and have no idol AND no vote. At least now if we swap, I definitely have one of those things! I'm not interested in gambling everything to get nothing so it just didn't seem like a smart choice. I did consider taking it and only gambling once just so Nicole definitely didn't get the idol but that didn't seem like a good idea. She only has like a 1/25 chance of finding it IF she's been guessing every single day and even if she does find it and we don't swap, my guess is Pete will want to throw his vote on Mikey which is fine with me because that is their relationship that will be affected, not mine. 24/25 odds Nicole has no idol is better than a 1/13 chance of losing my vote right? I'm honestly not sure as I still to this day cannot do any math <3 I have been saying this whole game I think we're going to swap at 15 into 3 tribes of 5 so hopefully I am wrong! And we swap at 14 or even better do not swap at all again until the merge. At least I will know who could have the idol if we swap. Narrowing this down is useful, as is knowing that the all 3 pre-merge tribe idols likely have expirations close to final 8/9 and probably aren't good until f5. Plus I'll get the chance to try and get another idol from a different tribe (or find out that someone else already has it too!). You may notice I didn't mention my other teammates in this confessional. Well that is because none of them are really here and nothing is going on since we've been winning. I have still been talking to Mikey and Pete on and off but Lovelis seems to be pretty busy so he hasn't been here. And Nicole...... has left me on read again. We just do not know what is going on there.

LOVELIS

WOO we won immunity!! I'm anticipating a swap soon so I'm tryna stay as cool with Mikey and Nicole as I can just in case I'm put on a tribe with them again, but I do hope I can stay with Shane or Jessica in the future because those two are the ones I get on with the most for sure, and I'd feel more comfortable moving forward on a tribe with them for now! I don't think Nicole has any trust in me after the Nash elimination so I'd be more weary if I had to work with her in order to save myself in the long run, but let's see what the future holds shall we!

SAM

https://youtu.be/F0Zt0L8lScA

ETHAN

Ok this tribal is terrifying. Apparently lindsay and jabari are trying to blindside me by telling me the vote is Sam, and this could be a super good bait from Jennet to try to get Sam to idol. If they’re playing logically, they vote Sam if that’s the case anyways. It wouldn’t make much sense for Jennet to spill, not vote with us, and vote for me, I hope these people are logical, because I’m operating under the assumption that they are.

MADISON

I honestly have to laugh at Shane messing up 2 times during the challenges, us having the lowest counting score, and still being immune at the end of the day. It's truly beautiful. Daisy won the reward so she will be attending the tribal tonight and I hope she can give us an idea of how the dynamics are on another tribe. It's hard when there hasn't really been much to do on Brookesia so having a little bit of info could go a long way in this game.

NICOLE

Hello! So we won. I was having a little bit of a hard time this round if I'm being honest so I'm glad we won immunity because I think I definitely would have hit the road if we did not. Logic puzzles are really gonna be my legacy in this game huh...anyway, I have been searching for idols everyday and have not found ANYTHING except a second guess which I already used to find nothing. Even worse it seems that everywhere I look something has already been found! Which means other people have things! Which stinks. But, I think I'm in a pretty good spot if we swap after this round. But if we stay on this tribe....yikes!

JENNET

super nervous, i have TWO alliances with the same name... hoping that helps me at tribal so when i say the name of it, both groups thinks its them😳😳

(a little later)

told ethan and sam what jabari and lindsay have planned for them... hoping it doesnt blow up in my face

(after searching for an idol)

was hoping to vote out lindsay bc shes been playing this like shes our leader but shes the stronger competitor and i dont want to push sam and ethan too much

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-RKbRCfntNc75XUsCg7iKmFfxne0qcMt

SAMMY

i feel like this game is nonexistent lately...I do want to say Shane is lucky bc in the counting challenge he messes up like 2-3 times and i was like ...blinks.... idk but luckily we managed to escape tribal council once again so our odds going far and having numbers are pretty high I’d say? I feel like a swap is coming tho so I’m a bit nervous! My confessionals are gonna remain dry for now sorry mwah

DAISY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuVm7kTkEL4 ugh sorry its so shitty this didnt go as planned and i give up. love u all. kiss kisss

PETE

I’m pretty sure Nicole may still get numbers against me when the time comes. I’m nervous for a merge but honestly i’ll be grateful if I even make it to one for the first time lmao like at this point I may have a few numbers but I’m hoping another struggling alliance picks Jessica and I up at the merge and we can rest in majority for a little bit at the start of it. I was thinking about maybe throwing one challenge so we can either A. Vote off Nicole who is a big threat and could do damage later on. or B. Vote off Mikey who could be a secret snake which could win a couple more trust points with Nicole and maybe pick up and ally there. I’m not sure. I did save Nicole in one light by redirecting my alliance’s target from her to Nash, but in another, I didn’t side with her in voting off Mikey so she lost her ally. It’s complex, I feel like throwing a challenge AND not throwing a challenge could both be the mistake I look back on when I get voted out later on. i dunno send help lmao

TRIBAL COUNCIL

youtube

JABARI EXIT INTERVIEW

youtube

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

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nietzsche-key-555-blog · 8 years ago

Text

-I don’t actually preach for a living anymore .

--1 reason is that I’m not allowed. .. I understand totally that’s totally beside the point, but, but that’s exactly where it (The Energy) turns into a different forum, and becomes another , then, form of action -- like in talking to making love, or, in talking to fighting, or planning to doing, basically, and so on ... thought to word. . .. That’s actually I was Preaching about, actually --- there’s -- there’s like this Series of Turn-Arounds called Religion , and ... anyway . ... They’re pretty fucking useful, Most of the time, and what have you. -- Attached to this reason, and not a second reason, or its own reason all together -- I more or less either am, or formed, or both, like, the matrix version of the weather underground . .... Its not something I take lightly, and, so much in the siprit of good nature, im going to have a quick drink and excuse myself fro I type this , because, If nothing else ... and even if I have nothing else -- I want , whatever this is about to be, to be clear . . ...

The thing is, nobody Did anything, which is why its so fucking awfully odd . ... {Its collapsed at this point -- compleatly collapsed -- [This is my 2nd Cult] ..3rd, cult . .. this one isnt even a Cult ... ?} --- So --

This is )

oops

This is what this one’s about -- male and female, d and s, good and evil, Binary, Art. . ... Noww--- thats a strange Grab bag, unless you have unlimited time to yourself, in your own mind, in secret nuclear prisons, designed to escape time covertly, so as to Not tell the public, but then, then , when its time to Tell the public, th-- theres this big fucking Eating gap, and, its like , catcher in the rye shit, --

So Im an artist , as this , political saga not tv advertised *SHIT goes down --- that’s .. actually no longer written down anywhere, but that was stil in the Extraction phaze, where you turn, like earthworm droppings into perfect plant fuel ---- in MY case, they left me Hypnotisex in GOLD for about 10 years, and , basically, all my pre18 memories turned into Gasoline, and, Riiiiiight about when they struck the drill in there -- 2010, Deepwater Horizon, is Right about when... oh shit -=--- ive lost All control and higher function, and im more Panicky and Horrid right now than Ever before, and, im literally chemicalyly not permitted to use my higher brain --- So , I fight that for 7 years -- in and out of combinations of military trials and missions, to, *Yawyns, collapse-my semi-other cult, which is still threatening the intregity of the usd, which is fine, which is , it is determined that its End Game, is Literally to Have no Intregity . ... So ... that’s that, and as a Fact, no longer Applys . .. So -- Soo === It Ends, at this Place, o n a Road, in Pittsburgh , PA, that, is jut fucking Baked to Death, with f, with fucking Uranium , or Plutoniuom, or, fucking, whatever the fuck it is , and, theres Schoolsl there, and the Hospital i was Tortured in is right down the uccking street --- So

So , so you throw in War --- to my, Personal-Destiny-Vers-Personal-Problmes list, n--- and theses this Clusterfuck hangover from WW2 -- that goes Straight to fucking Nietzche, whom, Likely buit the fucking Building as well as Certainly the Labyrinth l. ... (Its hard , Now. ) .... so --- So, I hack my way out with Borges at the behest of ************* and *****************88 and ***************88 and 8************************************88 and **********8 and *************88 8 N and *************** and ****************** and so on , and, i get to the fucking End, and its ikie -- this high and tight circus of asmospheric superational catesrtophe, and, None can get there, and im fucking Armed to the Teeth --- so I just let the fuck Go 000

-- I end up (This isnt even the Ancitnt Secret Cult which was the Reaction-Pooint of to my Second cult [first wone awas pre 18 and doesnt count. }|| -- I end up

Winning -- somehow, this Massive pre-industrial contest about the magnamousness of meditation, and how, you Can build lightening, and talk to the sun (Im on fucking Camera -) --- anyway ---- that porn went for a lot . . .. So -- So,

So, I end up with thi Applied thing of Love (What happens if I apply what I know . .... --- What happens if you dont have anythign to Know when you go to Apply ?? ) -- I end up -- with this cyclic love mess, which, is ONLY in me, the , --- outside it --- I look at my meditations (You have no idea , how much, I hate, having to Know , that Saying this, will Make you better, an d That I have to say it, for what. why ?

Why

The -- effort, of your extent, or the recgonition , .. of anything I said, --- is a Dome, of anti-trust 0 ----- -- Which now threatens my Air ----

-- I realize I have only 9 minutes left . ... That after that --- -there’s no more minutes for this kind of thing anymore . ...

---- due to 2012, and so on . ...

the male an d femaile argument, then

-- oit was , I m , with astrology, with profession, with immediate task, with outlook , training, force, -- like, in action , 2/3 female, Really . ... Now, how much does Changing, what Projects that, what its Projecting ??? -- but this is Art

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mewshuuartblog · 8 years ago

Text

Time to run

so here we have a short story of my sidon x mew... well more like pre- sidon x mew but yea

CanonxOc, if you no likie, no readie~

Summery: mews secret is out, and the prince knows. time to hit the road!

this was done in like, one day, so its probably not the best story iv done. but i think its pretty good for a quick short story *is proud of herself*

i might not have nailed sidon completely, but that is something im working on, so bare with me |D

---*---

Mew was an upset wreck. Her secret was out now thanks to one of her zora friends.

An accident,

yes,

but it only got worse when she heard that the prince was standing close by, hearing it all. Mews face lost all color when her friend said that. Before the female zora could even attempt to calm the human down, mew was already gone. The woman frantically packed her bags at the little zora inn. She would have to leave now, and was probably never coming back.

Some might say she was just over reacting. But mew had done this more than twice before.

Back when she traveled a lot she would come across guys who were sweet and kind. Mew would inevitably develop feelings for them. However each time she confessed, they would let her down as gently as they could, then avoid her all together. The last one taught her a lesson tho.

After that, she vowed to never admit her true feelings to someone else. They became best kept secrets for her, but when you join a persons fan club, its bound to get out there. Knowing that prince sidon now knew her deepest secret it killed her inside. It wasn't out of embarrassment, but the fear of him walking up to her to say 'we cant hang out anymore' then avoid her like the others. Mew enjoyed the zoras company, hell she loved zora's domain, despite she was scared of water and couldn't swim. Having the prince as a friend really helped her self-worth.

Once her bag was packed she tossed it over her shoulders and ran off with a rushed goodbye to the zora innkeeper. All the zoras just stood in a confused daze as they saw the short, round human woman rushing off down the bridge.

Mew made it quite far without bumping into any other zoras. Once she felt far away, her quick pace slowed down to a normal walk. The girl looked down to her feet as emotions started to swell up inside her again. She didn't want to leave the zora's domain, having called it home after a years stay. But she knew what was going to eventually come to her if she hung around any longer. To her, it was just best to leave and avoid contact with the prince.

The woman walked over the last huge bridge to zoras domain, it started to feel like an eternity would pass before she got to the other side. Images from the first time she tried walking across flickered in her mind. Thankfully the monsters that once lived around here were long gone by now, no more games of 'chunk the human over the bridge'.

Mew paused as she looked around at the bridge. It was still the same, even after a year had passed. She still remembered that day quite well.

A fellow traveler she talked to at a stable told her of the most beautiful scenery she had ever seen, with people to match. It sounded so wonderful that the round human just had to go see for her self. A few times she wanted to turn around and leave, the large amount of water terrified her, her biggest fear in the world was actually death from drowning. But she had made it so far, it would have been a wasted effort to leave then. Thats when she saw the monsters at the end of the bridge. Her heart raced at the sight. She was ill equipped for any sort of combat, armed with only a knife. Mews entire being was telling her to run back to the other side. It was a futile effort, however. A large moblin stood only a few feet from her, fierce and armed with a large club. Out of pure fright, mew froze in place. She didn’t budge, she didn’t even know what to do, her brain decided it was time for a vacation and left her standing there.

The moblin yelled at her and swung its club. Thankfully the womans legs turned to jelly at just the right time, causing her to fall to the ground and totally dodge the club, if you would even call it dodging. It was in that moment mew knew she had to try something, even if it would prove futile in the end. She fought with the pocket on her backpack, reaching into it and pulling out the small knife. Her reflexes were slow tho, the moblin snatched her up in the blink of an eye. It raised it club up high, readying for another swing. Subconsciously, the woman sheathed her knife in the monsters hand. The moblin hollered out in pain, and from reflex, tossed the woman over the bridge.

Mew hardly remembered much between the moment she was falling till she woke up on side of the river below. When she finally came to, there he stood over her, prince sidon.

Halfway over the bridge, mew started to hear the faint calling of her name. The voice, at the moment, was too far away to clearly make out. As she was pulled from her other thoughts, she began to think it was her friend trying to stop her. Brushing it off, the woman continued across the bridge. The voice got louder, and closer. Mew immediately froze, her heart raced. She was recognizing exactly whos voice it was.

Reluctantly, her head turned, peeking over her shoulder. To her dismay, a tall, red and white zora in royal garb came running. How she wanted to run but was unable to do so, her body refusing to cooperate with her.

Sidon stopped just a few inches from mew. He was obviously wet, having swam down the river to get there quicker. The water dripped off him and made puddles under his footsteps.

"Mew! How I searched high and low for you!” he began. “The zora's told me about how you were frantically running about. Did something happen?" The zora looked down to her, sadness clearly in his eyes. Mew looked away quickly yet remained silent.

Sidon looked the woman over, calmly trying to read her. He took a few steps closer "If anything is troubling you, you know that you can tell me." He walked around till he stood in front of her. Yet the woman once again turned away. Her cheeks were burning hot, yet she was unsure what for, cause it was the prince or cause of the situation at hand.

The prince stood there silently, deep into his own thoughts. It was strange to see a close friend of his act so strangely, had he don’t something wrong? He leaned a little closer to the human, placing a large hand on her shoulder. "Is this about the crush I over heard you had for me?" When he felt her tense under his hand, he knew he was right. The zora leaned back up, looking over the girl once again.

Mew heard a slight chuckle behind her. This slightly annoyed her enough to turn around. "Whats so funny?..." she asked, feeling a little hurt and offended that he found some joy in this.

The prince quickly put his hands up, waving them to the short woman. "Oh no, pardon my rudeness. I didn't mean to do that aloud." He couldn't help but smile at the look the human was giving him. Yes he knew she was mad at him, but with a round face like hers, anger only made her look cute.

"Please allow me to explain myself. I find amusement in it cause you are the first to act like this. Most of the female zoras just get embarrassed and apologize for it. I am by all means flattered that you have feelings for me. But if you don’t mind me asking, for how long?"

Mews face quickly reddened. Looking away, and at anything other than the zora, she started to stutter. “S-since... you rescued me... and it only got worse the more I hung out with you afterwards...”

The woman quickly looked back up to him, small tears in her eyes as the embarrassment became to much. "A-arint you the least bit disgusted to know a human like me has a crush on you?"

Sidon tilted his head, confused by all belief. "Disgusted? Why in hyrule would I be disgusted for by that?" The zora noted the blush deepening on her face, but this only added to his confusion. "Did... Something happen in the past to make you think this way?"

Mew stuttered around with her words even more, tho try as she might she couldn’t stop. Her hands began to fidget with a need to be busy with anything. "I-i don’t want to bother you with boring stories.” she fussed. But the look in the zoras eyes told her he truly did wish to hear it. To understand why she had such a mindset like this. Mew let out a heavy sigh as she brought back old, painful memories. “Years ago... there was a guy I liked. We became pretty close friends, or so I thought. He was nice and kind to me, so of course I started to like him. After a four months of hiding a crush I walked up to him and... confessed it." There was a long pause before she continued. "He... didn't take well to it. I found out he didn't like fat girls at all. The only reason I was allowed to travel with him and his group was cause I could make and mend clothes. He... ended up throwing me out of the travel group out of disgusts.” she sighed once more “Since then, I learned to just keep my mouth shut."

She took a glance up to sidon. His face was no longer the smiling, bright one she always saw. It was now an angry contorted look, his eyes sharp enough to kill. "T-that wasn't the only reason. I-I've confessed to a few other guys before him. But they were nice about it and gently told me they wasn't interested in me. However, afterwards our friendship wasn't the same, and they avoided me..." she looked down to the ground, eyeing the large puddle around sidon. "I assumed you would avoid me too...or...get disgusted and tell me to leave the domain. So I thought it would be best to just leave." A large sigh escaped sidon, his features calming down and becoming soft once again.

"Mew, I must admit, that I do not share the same feelings as you do. However, I would never ask a friend to leave zora's domain, unless they were a threat to my people." The prince watched as mews eyes grew wide at his words, tears collecting at the bottom, he tensed yet prepared himself for the water works.

"W-wait” she balled her small hands into tiny fist. “So were still friends???" She finally asked. The zora blinked, stunned at her response but quickly started smiling. "But of course! Just cause I know you love me doesn't mean I no longer wish to be friends with you!" Sidon watched the huge round tears flow out of the little humans big eyes. "T-then that means we can still hang out?! A-and I can still live in the domain, right?!" The zora couldn't help but release a bolstering laugh. "Of course we can! And of course you can! You did say yourself this was your new home did you not?"

Mew threw her fist up into the air, giving a loud "YEY!"

During her excitement she rushed over to sidon, possibly giving him the biggest hug she ever gave.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH SI- wait, we can still hug, right?"

Sidon chuckled. "Right!"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH SIDON!!" mew finished. The prince lifted mew up, giving her an equally large hug. "Now then, Shall we return home, friend?"

Mew nodded with happy tears still pouring down her face.

#got canonxoc going on #mew does short stories #still gotta think of a ship name for this |Dc

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survivorkomnata · 6 years ago

Text

Episode #3: "I’m probably the biggest threat rn because I’m gay" - Isaac

My tribe seems to hate me so that’s amazing. I understand the sentiment behind it or lack thereof. Whatever though it just seems counterproductive to blast me like that when I, and the other tribe who chooses who goes to exile, can see it.

youtube

Welp, we lost again, but last night I ended up getting rid of Shea who could have been a threat to my game and proved to be very strategic so good riddance. Right now Imm in an alliance with Fede, Stephen, Luke and Jake. And we will have to either decided to eliminate TJ or Alyssa and tbh i’m leaning more towards Alyssa but idrc tbh.

We won the challenge!!!!! Woot woot. Me and Jess have made it to 61 on the idol search! We're gettin close kids! We also strategically chose to send ratboy back to the basement!! He may find some advantage there but at least that makes tribal more difficult for everyone else!

we won immunity ✨ im so excited because tribals are stressful and now im not sure what would happen if we did attend. i feel pretty safe with the connections ive made as of this point buttttt as always, you never know.

i think there may be a swap tomorrow. it said a live challenge and all but im not rlly sure... maybe both??? swap at 14 seems reasonable too but i feel like itd be too long. but yawls could do that and then merge at 11 or smthing. either or, if we do, i hope im not swapfucked LOL.

also fuck the idol system. its so hard 4 me likeeee i always only last two steps before BZZT’ing. 😔

And so starts another round of "how the hell do I keep my name out of people's mouths?" Right now, I think the obvious vote would be to do Miguel, but there's still a lot of question in that. So do I want to make that move and be the driving force behind it, or should I play more conservative to guarantee what just happened to Shea doesn't happen to me.

Dear Confessional, I am writing to you today to confess my sins.

I really want Daniel GONE. I thought he would be someone on my side since he's the only person aside from Tim I knew prior to this game. However, he's super underwhelming. He's busy so I understand but the effort just ISN'T there. I've been trying to build some sort of connection based on our prior relationship and it's just stale. Tim expressed that he had some interests in targeting him to if we lose so I hope that time comes because HOMEBOY HAS GOTS TO GO. Him and TJ WILL work together and that won't be good for me. TJ ain't no bitch. He's gonna target me as soon as he can because of Guyana.

Speaking of Guyana.. Tim! I love Tim. I'm really enjoying getting to know Tim but he's acting so paranoid lately. Today he asked me ONCE AGAIN not to share our idol search.. Why would I do that? 1. It decreases MY CHANCES at an idol. 2. I don't have anyone on this tribe I like enough to help find an idol with BUT TIM. I know he has his doubts about me and that's ONLY normal but I hope those doubts sink like the Titanic SOON.

Tim and I are getting CLOSE in that idol search. We are half-way there. I know he's going to try and make sure I go before him in these searches to see how far I've gotten. It's going to be a mess whenever one of us gets close to the idol. I'm kind of regretting agreeing to idol search with him because that idol isn't going to JUST BE my idol and I'm a greedy bitch.

Do I think a swap will happen? Probably. I can see it happening if our tribe wins one again. Am I prepared for it? NOT AT ALL. I kind my new tribe. My new tribe makes me feel safe. I am safe when I am away from TJ and Alyssa.

So I just found the hidden immunity idol and I’m like ????? SHOOK???? Like in the game right now I’m probably the biggest threat rn because I’m gay but ALSO because I’ve been to the basement the most. Tbh Blame my fucking idiot tribe. They legitimately blasted my ass in a public place where the other tribe could see? Like OF COURSE they’re going to send me back after that. I can’t let anyone know that I have the idol. Some secrets just have to be taken to the grave. I can feel my game slowly starting to turn around, hopefully I can persevere and give the underdog story I’m meant to give 😔✌🏻 I’m literally sobbing because my tribe just HATED me and now I have another form of safety besides Takagi.

I am sooo confused rn about what being loyal actually is. I am not the kind of player who pits people against each other but rather the one who tries to keep his allies together to make progress in the game. I am only as strong as my allies so I do require solid,smart allies to enhance my game. I do believe I have found such allies in Zach, Stephen and Ally but the only problem is even though we have an alliance together there seems to be some mistrust and we are not working as a group. Ally wasnt interested on working with Zach for the idol and now Stephen and I exchanged notes to figure out that Ally has been working with both of us for the idol hunt. Stephen also came up with a plan which makes us stay one step ahead of Ally in the hunt and I am going with it so that I could build some trust with Stephen. I would have rather preferred us to be open and just worked together on the hunt as a group.

I am torn on how to handle things coz there is no other option but to lie / hide things from one person so that I could be loyal to another. I would like to be loyal all the 3 equally as of now but unfortunately thats not even an option. I do consider Zach as my #1 now but it sucks that I have to keep things away from him. I just hope I could somehow come out of this unscathed.

This seems to perfectly fit the Escape room theme of this game as you have lot of choices to decide from but you will never know which is the right path until you reach the destiny.

It’s a tough round for me, being limited during a challenge and potentially another isn’t good for me but I’m pushing through. I still have my alliance to fall back on and I’m hoping no scheming is going on behind my back but idk I’m getting some sketchy feelings from my tribe, this tribal should be interesting and show some true colors. Hopefully I can make it through to the next round and show my tribe that I will be there when they need me.

This is such a hard week for me after the drama of last round. Goddd I said I wanted to lay low and be drawback, but when people are so laid back it's really hard!! This might be my last confessional. I've decided against creating more chaos. I'm laying low and hoping that the alliance doesn't betray me. Some people are being quiet, some others are being VERY quiet. It's scary. If I leave, am I leaving this game with the head high, satisfied with my game? No. I should have played differently, I should have sticked with the plan. I shouldn't have bitten the bait so easily. Am I doing the right thing by lying low after last tribal? Probably not. We'll see. There are still many hours left…

My mental state is finally more stable and I'm less worried about school taking up my time, yay!

I think going forward I want an All-Canadian alliance, cause I love those people the most. That being said, I'm not gonna be the one to divide lines...at least not until whoever else voted me goes home!

So FUCK playing a quiet game. Usually my MO beginning games is to stay as quiet as possible but uhhhhhhhh it's not looking like the social plane of this game is going to allow that. With Shea popping the FUCK off last round, everyone on my tribe has been suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper fucking quiet about this vote. Like.... absolutely silent. Which is like???? Cute and all????? But it's literally 6 hours before tribal and we have 0 names out there for elimination. UNLESS of course mine is somehow being thrown around??? But I doubt it because me + TJ = Duo and I have heard TJ is a VERY loyal ally. We've done nothing around camp to indicate that we're close so I wouldn't be surprised if they went to him with a plan to get me out. And I also have faith that if TJ knew of a potential plan to get me out, he would tell me. We just need a jump on a name at this point. So insert MYSELF. We have 5 people on this tribe and TJ is 100% on my side. I feel safe with Stephen and Jake, and that's majority for me. So I'm literally gonna be like that pots and pans lady like "I AIN'T GET NO SLEEP CUZ OF Y'ALL, Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA GET NO SLEEP CUZ OF ME" and be loud as F U C K about who I want out and where I want this game going. Like tbh.... I'm not even 100% on the name I'm throwing around? We just need SOMETHING that isn't me or TJ. And the bottom of the list on our tribe for me is Miguel sooooooooo ya know here I go. TJ is 100% on board, Jake seems like he is, and Fed is giving some push back. I think ultimately Stephen will do whatever TJ and I ask and if jake is on board, we don't need fed anyway. Let's just hope no one's lying to me and I don't get turned on for TALKING....

also can we talk about how i'm the only woman on this tribe? And also the only one DOING ANYTHING. Girl power, amirite?

These past few days I've tried to lay the ground work to get this idol somewhere in my grasps. I figured out that Karth and Ally were searching for the idol together while I was also searching with both of them, and came up with a plan with Karth to tell a itty-bitty lie to Ally in order to make sure one of us gets the idol. I'd really like to find the idol myself since a swap could separate me from Karth, Ally and Zach which I do NOTTTTTT want right now. Ever since I started searching for the idol with Ally, I've become a little less worried about her/Zach/Jess potentially being a tight group, since she doesn't seem to be cooperating with them to find the idol.

Strategically, I don't really know where Tim/Liam/Daniel stand. I wanted to make an alliance with them a few days ago, but I don't feel like I really need to anymore, and they don't seem all that interested in getting super in-depth strategically in the way I want from my allies. I think if we lose, Liam or Daniel will be voted out for being inactive similarly to how Timmy was. Tim and Jess have at least been active socially and I think down the line I could work with them more closely. Liam and Daniel either feel really comfortable not getting strategic with me right now, or they don't care. Either way kinda makes them look sketchy to me. Daniel especially since he was in the minority at the first vote.

OK HMMMMM ignore my previous confessional... Either this people are amazing liars, I'm incredibly blind, or they really believe I'm not snaky.... what door would it be? Cause now they started throwing names, and they seem interested in having me voting with them........ Okayyy I can work with this. Now the question is... Do I lie like last week and continue with my pizza hut character (ty Shea for the inspiration) or do I become a good boy? Hmmm

Once again Alyssas the target, it sucks because she’s awesome but i get a “good player” vibe from her and that worries me. Alternatively I can pull Alyssa, TJ and someone from the Abscondants and vote out someone else.... or maybe I should just play it safe.

We won another challenge woooo. I feel bad I wasn’t able to help, but I have just been unexpectedly busy lately. I’m still trying to keep in touch and connections with most of my tribe so when we do lose I’ll be safe. But really there isn’t much to say when we win and all get along!

So today I decided to LIE to Tim about how far I got into the idol search. I just need to keep at LEAST one search ahead of him to secure this idol. HOWEVER, pretty sure there's going to be a swap either this round or next round and alll my beautiful progress will be LOST. I feel bad about lying but I can't SHARE the idol. This is a risky move because it could possibly ruin shit with TIM so I'm scared shitless..

Also? I have an alliance now? Of: Me/ Tim/ Stephen/ Karthik? oh? I'm down with that but I don't trust Stephen not to spill to others. But when offered an alliance you CAN'T say no? right? it's NOT POLITE.

youtube

Ok so first here is my video confessional. I said 13 people left when I meant 15 but meh it will be ok.

https://youtu.be/8xbwx-pruN0

Ok so MAJOR TEA INCOMING. I just pulled a powermove by approaching Stephen about forming an alliance. He suggested it be a group and I suggested Karthik and Jess, my two closest allies as of now. ITS LIT. We're just waiting on Karthik to wake up before we make the group. We love a powerplay making King called Tim. I just hope this doesn't backfire.

thank FUCK shea got voted out... now i can go back to forgetting his unfortunate existence on the same planet as me. i wish i knew the tea from last tribal tho. obviously he’s a messy POS and based off tribal answers he came for my fave argentinian fede so... glad he went

here’s some thoughts about my Quest To Find the Idol sorry it’s a screenshot i can’t copy paste on mobile https://imgur.com/a/T9UccpS

as for my relationships with the tribe,,, i rlly love karth. he’s an angel. i like stephen but i don’t trust him. zach and jess r skinny legends. i had a nice chat with tim yesterday and he’s super funny!! the only person i don’t rlly talk to is daniel, so if we go to tribal before swap he’s who i’d want out for sure.

i’m kinda nervous about a swap but also hopeful. i feel like i have good relationships on my tribe and i also feel like i’d be open to making some w the other tribe too.

i’m gonna be high as hell for this 24h challenge so pray 4 me

20 minutes till tribal? Definitely enough time to flip on my alliance and change the vote. Yeah, its fine. its fine. definitely. So alyssa and tj had a dnm with me each, and now i feel like out of the tribe its better to vote out Fed, and jake may be the 4th vote we need.

Federico is voted out 4-3.

#escapenow #episode

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fourhoursaftermidnight · 7 years ago

Text

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like random.

Stranger: hi?

You: hi

You: you gonna say anything?

You: what?

Stranger: what did i just say?

Stranger: i dunno

You: ok

Stranger: where you from?

You: uk

You: you?

Stranger: Philippines

You: nice

Stranger: how old are you?

You: im 21

Stranger: same as me

You: how old are you?

You: oh cool

Stranger: yeah

You: but i can't actually see you

You: so you could be very old

You: hi

Stranger: im not that old

Stranger: hi

You: you seem sweet

Stranger: why thank you

Stranger: i could say the same to you

You: thanks

You: do you study?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: nearly done in college in a few months

You: wow

Stranger: how about you?

You: i'm only in my first year

You: i study fine art

Stranger: i'm in my last semester

Stranger: wow

Stranger: i study information technology

You: that sounds both boring and interesting

You: at the same time

Stranger: yeah,it's boring and interesting at the same time

Stranger: though teachers would be the one who's boring

You: yeah

You: teaching IT sounds like hell

Stranger: it doesn't sound like hell, it is hell itself

You: my apologies

Stranger: some teachers don't really know how to teach properly

You: *most

Stranger: so we have to study it ourselves

You: yeah

You: it's like that in art

You: anything you want to know you have to teach ypurself

Stranger: yeah, right to the point

You: what time is it there

Stranger: it's 8:14 p,

Stranger: pm

You: time for bed

Stranger: and there? nahh..

Stranger: my bedtime is 12:00 am

You: it's 12:25

You: it's good to have a bed time

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: even though the bed time is very late

You: do you dream much?

Stranger: sometimes

Stranger: but most of the time i don't want to dream

Stranger: it's freaks me out

You: what kind of nightmares to you have

You: if they stop you from wanting to dream?

Stranger: i always get sleep paralysis

You: oooh man i've had that it's so trippy

Stranger: i have a hard time breathing when i have that

Stranger: some dreams that you don't want to remember

Stranger: i forgot most of them though

You: thats something at least

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: some of it felt too real

You: i once had a dream that my dad turned into a giant spider and tried to rape me

Stranger: well that's something

Stranger: i had a dream once a mascot kicked my mother in the face, and when i woke up i was leterally crying,i don't know why

You: what

You: ?

Stranger: that was true

Stranger: a mascot kicked my mother in the face,and when i woke up,i was crying about it

You: poor you

Stranger: that was not a very nice dream, i must admit

You: my dreams are always so psychological

Stranger: i really had a hard time sleeping after that

Stranger: how?

You: always invole violence/sex and family members

Stranger: i also do get astral projections...

You: wow i want to hear all about them

Stranger: like i was seeing myself sleeping or i was floating and seeing some people having conversations

You: that's a gift

Stranger: after watching insidious,i got scared

You: you get scared a lot

Stranger: nope

Stranger: just sometimes

You: ok

Stranger: i had this dream once, someone or something was chasing us,we were really scared, i do't even know who I was with

Stranger: don't

You: those are fairly common

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but it was really scary though

You: yeah the weird creatures my mind thinks up are so much scarier than any horror film

Stranger: yeah, i can definitely relate to that

Stranger: so,what do you like about fine arts?

You: just the freedom to do whatever i want

You: because everything is art

Stranger: do you paint?

You: i used to

Stranger: used to?

You: but these days i do sound and video based pieces

Stranger: that's popular nowadays

You: yeah

You: it's the future

Stranger: what kind do you paint?

You: i used to do landscapes in oils

Stranger: that's nice

Stranger: do you do abstract?

You: not really

You: but i'd like to

Stranger: I'm really amazed to those who paint tabstract

Stranger: abstract

Stranger: really creative

You: some people do it so well, but with others it just looks shit

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: it looks like they just put together some paints for the sake of having a painting

You: nothing worng with that though

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: some people appreciate their work

You: the only thing that bothers me is if a piece isn't interesting

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: i like paintings with dark setting

You: ooo edgy

You: sorry

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: that's fine

You: hold on

Stranger: alright

You: i'll show you some of my work

Stranger: wow

Stranger: really?I would love to

You: you won't like it though

You: probably

Stranger: we'll have to see

Stranger: first

You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar4VRG9UidQ

Stranger: that was nice

You: you like?

Stranger: i like things like that

Stranger: yeaahh

Stranger: veru

Stranger: very

You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=7lPe3lyn56I

You: check out this one

Stranger: that was funny

Stranger: i've seen a lot worse in the dark web

You: you go on the dark web?

Stranger: sometimes

Stranger: but i stopped

You: casue it was tto weird?

Stranger: nah

Stranger: it was too immersing

Stranger: once you go there, you will just get more curious

Stranger: and it was too risky

You: how do you get onto it?

Stranger: you download certain apps

Stranger: and you have to use vpn, not you isp

Stranger: to hide you ip address

You: ok....

You: interesting

Stranger: does fine arts involves poems?or not?

You: yeah

You: fine art is about poetry sometimes

Stranger: actually, what i really wanted to get was english literature

Stranger: but there were no such course here,it was just a subject

You: awww man

You: that sucks

Stranger: i do have a lot of written poems

Stranger: yeah..

Stranger: it sucks

You: you should try to publish them

Stranger: i tried letting others see it, but they just stole the poem from me and told others that they are the ones who made them

You: wow

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: i was really pissed

You: was that an official publishing company or people online?

Stranger: and my poems are too scary for others to see or read

Stranger: personally

Stranger: it was my classmate in high school who did it

You: ah

Stranger: i write poems in my notebook

You: i don't think a publisher would do that

Stranger: i let them read it,what I didn't know was they started to copy it without my permission

You: oh well i guess maybe they'll get found in your notebook and get famous after you die

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: people get known and remembered when they die

You: i'm crossing my fingers on that one

You: cause i don't think i'd enjoy being famous while alive

Stranger: it's too much work when you get famous while you're alive,i agree with that

Stranger: and fame changes people

You: if i ever get famous i wanna be like a d-lister or something

You: just enough to stroke my ego everynow and then, not so much it's a hasstle

Stranger: yeah,i get that

Stranger: just for once in while but not everyday

You: yeah

Stranger: but sometimes,you just can't get enough of dreaming that you're famous

You: daydreaming is like an actual hobby for me at this pint

You: point

Stranger: it is for me too

Stranger: when i don't do anything, i day dream

You: ok can i ask you something?

Stranger: yeah,sure

You: i want to know your opinion

You: cause i've been daydreaming a bit about dragons lately

Stranger: game of thrones?

Stranger: hahahah

You: no

You: not like that

Stranger: okay

You: hear me out

You: i mean

Stranger: okay

Stranger: sorry for interupting

You: what if it was like the typical princess in a tower with a dragon story

You: but you end up with the dragon

Stranger: oohhh

Stranger: does the dragon become a prince?

Stranger: or not?

You: nah, the dragon kicks the princes ass

Stranger: it would be too cliched it the dragon was aprince

You: and the dragon has a sexy human form

Stranger: you're toying with me,aren't you?

You: no

Stranger: seriously?

You: i really daydream about this sometimes

Stranger: the dragon kicks the princess' ass?

Stranger: what the?

You: no

Stranger: oohhh

You: the dragon kicks the prince's ass

Stranger: sorry

You: not the pirncess

Stranger: i misunderstood

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: actually ,that be more realistic

Stranger: how come a human can defeat a dragon with just a petty sword,right?

You: exactly

Stranger: that would be nice

You: and then you end up living happily ever after with your dragon boyfriend/girlfriend

Stranger: but the question is,how does the dragon end up with the princess?

You: the dragon kindnaps the princess usually

You: but maybe that's creey here?

Stranger: was the dragon instructed to kidnap the princess or no?

You: maybe the dragon just did it cause he wanted to?

You: that's bad i know

Stranger: because the dragon loves her or just wants to eat her?

You: the dragon likes her

You: wnats to protect her from the evil prince

Stranger: then they should have a back story

Stranger: a back story that the dragon and princess met before

You: childhood friends?

Stranger: how about the dragon was the last of their kind?

Stranger: and then it was hidden in a secret dungeon

You: :O

You: poor baby drgon :(

Stranger: the princess accidentally finds that dungeon and then, voila,childhood friends

You: yep

You: when he escapes he takes her with him

Stranger: that would make sense rather than the dragon just roaming around

Stranger: yeahh

Stranger: he took her with him because the prince just wanted the throne and not her

You: the prince was like joffrey?

Stranger: and the prince has a plan to kill her eventually

Stranger: joffrey was a sadist

Stranger: let's try, the prince was nice when there are others but is joffrey when no one is around

You: yeah

You: yeah that's good i like it

Stranger: like a hypocrite prince

You: she also knew the pince growing up

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: and is scared of him but the princess' parents doesn't know about him

You: mmmm

You: now how does the dragon confess to her?

Stranger: that would be tricky

Stranger: when the dragon doesn't even speak human

You: well i guess he'll have to use... other ways

Stranger: what specificaly?

Stranger: would you enlighten me?

You: ...with his body

Stranger: would it be compatible?

You: yeah i mean

You: he has a more human form that he is sometimes

You: but when he's in human form he still has a tail and yellow eyes

Stranger: he'd look like a devil

Stranger: in an anime

You: maybe im into that

Stranger: yeahh

Stranger: i know what you mean

Stranger: or the princess becomes a dragon too

You: how would that work?

Stranger: the prince' mother was a witch,and then they cursed her

You: like he bites her and she becomes part dargon too?

You: ohhhh

You: ok

Stranger: it would be too cliched if the dragon becomes human

You: but i feel like if she becomes a dragon then we are just writing shrek right now

Stranger: i like the donkey dragons there

You: maybe they just get it on despite their differences?

Stranger: i can't imagine that

Stranger: no one can,ever

You: but when i say dragon i mean like maybe smaug

You: not the one from shrek

Stranger: i was thinking about the dragons from game of thrones

You: whatever floats your boat man

Stranger: was the dragon a pterodactyl?that would be awkward

You: woah.. dinosaurs in the story now??

Stranger: does it look like that?

Stranger: yeah,for a change

You: a dinosaur gangbang?

Stranger: what kind of princess are we talking about?

Stranger: that's no princess

You: she is hw she is

Stranger: what kind of parents does she have to be like that? XD

You: carzy scientist ones

You: that bring back dinosaurs from the dead

Stranger: this story is getting a different path

You: yeah this is like a jurassic park porno now

You: i bet one exists

Stranger: like chris pratt getting gangbanged?

You: you know he wants it

Stranger: the title would be "Raptors gangbanged Chrsi Pratt, and he likes it"

You: "blonde hunk get taken by a brontasaurus"

Stranger: that would get a million views in a second

You: so... why aren't we making this then

Stranger: let's do this!

You: we could be millionaires

Stranger: i agree

Stranger: we could be richer than bill gates because of this

You: ok so which one of us is gonna do the "bringing dinos back to life part"?

You: and which of us should be the film director

Stranger: you should be the film director

You: yeah makes sense

Stranger: i'll do the other one

You: you study a kind of sciene and i study art

Stranger: we make a good combination

You: but in all seriousness i do wanna make out with a dragon

You: no shame

Stranger: really?

You: yeah

You: in human form though

Stranger: i wanna make out with a devil XD

Stranger: either will do

You: watch what he does with those horns

Stranger: i could latch myself onto them without worries

You: see... we're all secretly into this stuff really

Stranger: yeah

You: most just don't admit it

Stranger: couldn't have said it any better

You: i think maybe i just like the idea of being with a supernatural being

Stranger: like bella and edward?

You: no

You: i have way more personality than her

Stranger: true

Stranger: no doubt about that

You: and i wouldn't wanna be with a guys that was so boring and old fashioned

Stranger: yeahh

You: i like openminded peoplpe

Stranger: not vampires

Stranger: they're boring

You: they're all depressing and shit

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: they all have that deepest and darkest secret shit going all around them

You: yeah f that

Stranger: a shapeshifter would be good to have

You: oooo YES

Stranger: yeahhhh

You: i didn't even think of that

Stranger: i just thought of it

Stranger: he can be whatever youo want even a dragon or a devil

You: think of all the possibilities

You: unlinited dicks

Stranger: dicks everywhere

You: just a giant ball of dicks

Stranger: that would be pretty plesaurable

Stranger: pleasurable

Stranger has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like random.

Stranger: DRAGON

You: yo

Stranger: YO

You: its you

You: the girl who likes devils!

Stranger: yeahhh

Stranger: and we are the girls who love shapeshifters

You: how do you feel about werewolves?

You: the invisible man?

Stranger: invisible man?

Stranger: that would be exciting

Stranger: you wouldn't know where he is or what's he gonna do

You: exactly....

You: you'd just go to sit down on a chair

You: and it's be his lap

Stranger: and he'll do the rest for ya

You: it works cause it's simpple

Stranger: definitely

Stranger: how's it going for the dragon/dinosaur gangbang?

You: well... can't find any actors who could take a giant dragon dick

You: so not well

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: that'd be too hard to cast

You: but the cinematographer ir great

Stranger: yeah,the plot is very easy

Stranger: just a princess getting gangbanged

You: so pterodactyl is like on her? and there a brachoisaurus watching

Stranger: and the dragon?

Stranger: so it's a foursome?

You: i feel like to dragon is almost too sweet to be involved

Stranger: yeah

You: i feel like the dragon really loves her

Stranger: he genuinely loves the princess to do that

Stranger: so dinosaurs kidnapped the princess from the dragon and then gangbanged her

You: yeah

Stranger: we really do make a good team

You: and after they have their way with her the dragon comes to rescue

Stranger: but it was too late because she was ravished thoroughly XD

You: you get me

Stranger: ravished being the word XD

You: what if she gets pregnant and has dino babies

Stranger: half dino half human

Stranger: that'd be new

You: i imagine dragon wouldn't be very happy

Stranger: he'd go berserk

You: he's posessive over her

You: tries to make her get an abortion

Stranger: what if the dragon was too late in rescuing her and other form found her, the centaurs

Stranger: we should involve everyone in this

You: omg she just get pounded by all the creatures in the land

Stranger: that'd be unfair for them if we didn't

Stranger: she literally became a sex slave in an instant

Stranger: she should've stayed with the prince

You: and killed him in his sleep

You: and then been queen

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: that'd be an easy way

Stranger: what a foolish princess we have

You: luckily we are not so foolish

Stranger: getting attracted with the size of that dragon XD

Stranger: luckily

You: well who can resist ;)

Stranger: yeahhh

Stranger: true

You: ah... if you could choose anyone to look like the dragon (in human form) who would it be?

Stranger: a man with a hard facial features definitely

You: don't fully know what that means

You: pick a famous person

Stranger: let me think for a while

You: ok

Stranger: this is a serious matter

You: this is an important decision

You: think it through

Stranger: we can't make a mistake

You: you know wonho?

You: maybe him

Stranger: him?

You: yeah

Stranger: nahh

Stranger: chanyeol would be too cute

You: is he one of the ones from exo? i don't know them too well

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: the cute one who has big ears

You: ooo i see isee

Stranger: g dragon would fit in a way

Stranger: oooh oohh

You: yeah

Stranger: TOP would be best

You: BUT G dragon is too obvious

Stranger: yeaahh

You: top works!]

You: yes

Stranger: Yeah,TOP with that voice,ooohhh lovely

Stranger: who wouldn't fall for that

You: we've cast the dragon!

Stranger: finally!

Stranger: our hard work is paying off

You: do you think he'll do it?

You: i'll contact his agent

Stranger: yeah,of course,for a hefty price

Stranger: contact YG Entertainment right now!

You: "hey YG, do you think TOP would like to star as a dragon in our porno?"

Stranger: "Yep,definitely!"

Stranger: "He could do it for free"

You: he'd have to leave the millitary to do it though

Stranger: And there we have it,ladies and gentlemen.TOP is our dragon!

You: perfect

You: this is a piece of art

Stranger: who would be our princess

Stranger: ?

Stranger: she should look dumb and vulnerable

You: idk but i kinda want jungkook to be the princess

You: lol

Stranger: jungkook?

Stranger: that's would be just a cross dresser not a princess

You: a princess could be a boy?

Stranger: and it's a TRAP!

You: ok ok

You: i don't know many girl groups

Stranger: I only approve of 2ne1

You: which one?

Stranger: Bom

Stranger: she looks too innocent and she's perfect for the role

You: yeah i can imagine her getting pounded by dinos

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: without her resisting the gang bang

You: who's the evil prince?

Stranger: seung ri

Stranger: he look pretty evil to me

You: yeah

You: i get american psycho vibes from him

Stranger: have you watched that movie?

You: yes

Stranger: american psycho?

Stranger: hahahahahaha

Stranger: that was too funny

You: cause seungri is actually a ceo of some company now

You: a restaurant chain

Stranger: wow

You: and seeing him getting ready for work on a tvshow was like watching american psycho i swear

Stranger: didn't know about that

Stranger: and he's always with a suit and tie on

You: it's cause he can't put an outfit together to save his life

Stranger: definitely true

Stranger: so we've cast the dragon,princess and evil prince

Stranger: this is the crucial part

Stranger: casting the infamous dinosaurs

You: i almost wanted to cast jyp at the evil prince though

You: oh yeah the dinosaurs

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: the pterodactyl first

You: maybe he's the prince's dad

Stranger: i would like to vote dae sung for that

You: it juu#st hit me how weird this is

Stranger: his face fits the pterdactyl part

Stranger: hahahahahahaha

Stranger: well it's fun being weird sometimes XD

You: would g dragon be one of the centaurs

Stranger: tae yang would be the centaur because of his abs

Stranger: and g dragon would be the harpy XD

You: harpy?

Stranger: half human half bird

You: i just google them

You: wow

Stranger: hahahaha

You: poor guy

Stranger: he's demoted to being a harpy XD

You: shownu feels like a dinosaur to me

You: he's one of the big dumb ones

You: that eats grass

Stranger: the one with the long neck?

You: yes!!!

Stranger: hahahah

Stranger: he really was made to be that dinosaur

You: you know lil mark from nct? he's one of those tiny lil dinosaurs that raom about

You: probably not involved in the action just wandering around neareby

Stranger: yeahhh

Stranger: he looks weird XD

Stranger: he would fit into the dinosaur task

Stranger: isn't he a bit young for this?XD

You: yeah that's why he's not really involved

You: just an extra

You: in the forrest in the background

Stranger: a passerby perhaps?

You: yeah

Stranger: a passerby while a princess is getting gangbanged? XD

Stranger: he would die in shock

You: he probably goes and tells dragon what's been happening

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: he'd be the little messenger

Stranger: we should give him wings,like icarus

You: awwww

Stranger: and now greek mythology is getting involve

You: who be Zeus tho??

You: cause he fucked with everybody

Stranger: yeah

You: he's like an oldschool artist

Stranger: it should be a flirty one

You: one of shinhwa?

Stranger: would johnny depp do?

Stranger: the man looks flirty to me

You: man i hate johnny depp

Stranger: and he's like he's always drunk

You: have you seen recent pics of him?

You: they're crazy?

Stranger: everybody hates zeus

Stranger: hahahahah

Stranger: he looks like a drug addict XD

Stranger: very different when he was young

You: (not to be a bitch but) i bet he is

Stranger: i guess everybody in their industry does

You: wasn't there also that scandal about him abusing his wife

You: ?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: amber heard

You: she heard what?

You: sorry

Stranger: amber heard was his wife

You: i know i was making a terrible jin joke

Stranger: okay

Stranger: sorry about that

Stranger: we've cast all of them

You: i think so

Stranger: should we now make the productions?

You: which company are we gonna work with?

Stranger: we should involve elon musk for futuristic reasons

You: i like your style

Stranger: for the dinosaur thing

Stranger: we need him for that

Stranger: thank you

You: but what if he wants to have a dino gangbang for himself

You: he'd lock them up

Stranger: ohh no

Stranger: we should make a deal with him

Stranger: he can have them after the productions and shootings are over

You: i bet he'd give them all collars

Stranger: yeah

You: make them wear a leash

You: bastard

Stranger: and drag them around town XD

Stranger: maybe he'd hit them with a flogger

You: make them touch each other while he watches

You: he's sick

Stranger: right in the head

Stranger: that's his sexual fetish

You: just being sick?

You: anything terrible he's into it

Stranger: i approve of that

You: even eating shit?

Stranger: the man just launched a tesla onto space

Stranger: that'd be too gross but i guess he's into it

You: whats a tesla

Stranger: a car

You: oh

You: wait

You: why would he pt a car in space?

Stranger: i dunno

Stranger: maybe he's too rich not to do it?

You: i guess

You: it's been awesome to talk to you

Stranger: yeah,it's been awesome

Stranger: do you have instagram?

You: not really....

You: this is a cringe question

You: but

You: do you have a tumblr?

Stranger: i do have the app

You: ahhh

You: ok my instagram is erinawhyde

You: i haven't used it in a while tho

You: i need to start using it

Stranger: is this it?

You: yeah

Stranger: are these your work?

You: yeah i have a microscope i take pics with

Stranger: they're fantastic

You: cool

Stranger: really

You: i should really get around to posting all the other pics i take

Stranger: they're way too awesone

You: well then look forward to more!!

Stranger: yeah

You: i'll try to post some tonight

Stranger: i'd be your number 1 fan

You: you're so sweet

Stranger: I'll try promoting our story XD

You: me too

Stranger: the dinosaur gang bang

Stranger: wait

Stranger: what would be the title?

You: the dino gangbang ft dragon

Stranger: the dragon is only a featuring?

Stranger: hahahaha

You: it would be called "TOPped by a dragon"

Stranger: you really are a prodigy

You: i'm just too witty

Stranger: a genius

Stranger: no doubt about that

You: do you know if instagram has a chat function?

You: or anything like that

Stranger: yeah it does

You: alrighty them

You: then

You: i'll talk to you again sometime

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: we have to continue with our stories after all

You: i'll write the script

You: send you a draft in the morning

Stranger: and i'll think of a plot

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: please do

You: yay

Stranger: we have to make it quick

You: it was cool meeting you

You: good luck with stuff and thingsd#

Stranger: it was a pleasure meeting someone with the same mind XD

You: SAME

Stranger: really SAME

You: goodnight (sleep well)

You: don't have any bad dreams!

Stranger: goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

Stranger: Hope so

You: (it's afternoon here)

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: i forgot

Stranger: well

You: but thankyou anywya##ay

Stranger: have a great day then

You: you too!

You have disconnected.

0 notes

joannawillshrink · 7 years ago

Text

shower thoughts

only this is a thought coming up while watching a Dr Who special called the end of the world part two.

Which I think is a humorous title. End of the world, PART TWO. anyway

The Master character is the baddie and he has a drumming in his head, constantly, driving him crazy. The Doctor says he could help. And the Master replies in a misty voice, “I dont know what I’d be, without that noise.”

Made me immediately think about myself and current life, without my Mom. Like when people lose someone close to them, common advice or like, motivational talk is “go make them proud” and whatnot. And I’m thinking, I wonder if she can see me and see what I’ve become. So bored and depressed and stagnant, different. Because I really do feel very very different. I’m changed. And I dont like it.

But I then went on to think about myself in a break up. How I want the other person to miss me. How I, in a twisted way, think its kindof flattering when someone is fucked up after losing me. Which is partially why I’m having a hard time knowing Jesse is fine and has moved on. Because I want to be mourned more. I want to have more visibly affected him.

And I wonder if, and I’m not saying that my Mom is in any way twisted, or thinking maliciously... this is just my weird thought trail,

But like, if I died and my family were really “fine” quite quickly afterwards, I feel like I’d be a bit bothered! Is that so immature of me? Like of course I’d want them to be functioning and get out there and do their thing, but not like... too soon! I guess everybody copes differently... I feel very out of touch with what other peoples’ lives are actually like. But just, I feel like my world is much more shattered than I was ready for. But is that my fault? For not “getting over it” faster? But Mom was everything, beyond words of worth or value, her love was like gravity. And it was August 9th, 2015 when it happened. Wow, I just had to look up the year. I guess its been longer than I thought? I dont know. I just feel like my processors are broken.

Anyways. I feel like I have so much to unpack about this. “I dont know who I’d be without that noise.” Like, I am now a girl without her Mom. I am Joanna without my Mom. And I dont know who I am. I held on to what I thought was normal, with my relationship with Jesse. But now that ending obliterated the false bonds I had convinced myself were working. The phantom ties.

Theyre gone, and I feel untethered. More purposeless than ever.

When I didnt know who I was before, I leaned against trying to be a good daughter. That was a wall of my definition of self. But now that wall is gone, with her. I still want to be a good daughter, but showing up for her and having her love and friendship is gone. I know the tra-la-la “she’s always with you” but I mean, in real-time, its gone.

And its like, a break up. If you get over it too easily, it kindof seems like it wasnt that big of a deal to you.

But unconditional love is different, right?

I dont even think I know what unconditional love means. I dont think humans are that perfect. I dont think its genuinely possible to unconditionally love someone.

I find it hard to believe that Jesse cared for me that way. I dont think he thinks of me, I think he nothings me. You know? When its like, I dont like you, but I dont dislike you. I nothing you.

I wish I nothing’ed him. I dislike him right now. I dont want bad luck to befall him, but I wish I didnt have to witness his happiness. Because I’m jealous. I want to be happy. When I’m upset and other people are happy I feel like theyre bragging about it, rubbing it in my face. Especially when its a partner or friend, and especially especially when its an Ex.

I used to fear talking to my mom on the phone because if I was sad and needed help or support, she was always more sad. Sadder. And needed MY help. Or if I was happy, and wanted to share it, I was afraid it would sound braggy or she’d feel lesser-than compared to what I had going on. Like, at the beginnings of things with Jesse, I’d mention a detail about kissing or holding hands or something, and she’d get weird about it and throw in some comment about “I wish your father still kissed me” or “goodness, I miss that” or something.

I worry thats rubbed off onto me. If I’m upset, like, deeply bothered, I dont want other people around me to be good at walking away. I want to be seen, and to effect others. If I’m crying I want someone else’s mood to change if they see me or hear my story. I want to be respected for enduring the things that are happening. I feel like when people hear a sad personal tale or listen to what youre feeling at the moment, and get up at the end and are fine and just walk away, its incredibly rude and unfeeling and gross. Offensive, even. Maybe thats playing too much of the victim.

The lawyer in me immediately says “stop wasting your energy trying to get other people to be sad like you, to see you for how sad you are, and use that energy to do something about your own sadness”

but if youre sad, and just put in the energy to make it go away, is that fixing it? or just ignoring it?

is ignoring pain the secret to success? just, get on with it? never let it catch up to you?

I wonder if thats everyones suppressed secret. That they ARE in pain, but just running from it.

I want to be heard and to share my story before I can move on from it. Its like airing out a ghost. Giving it its proper attention and respect so its existence is justified, giving it love, really. I want even the sad parts to be loved.

So when someone just gets up and walks away unphased from a story I’m explaining, I dont feel love or connection or anything at all. It almost adds to the pain itself. Setting it further back down the hill with even more to climb to escape.

I stay in bed a lot. I’m not sure how to air out being upset about my ex Jesse. I want to run my mouth about the shit he was in our relationship. I was lousy too, but different. Definitely no saint, but I understand the quiet spectrum in the motivation of cheaters. Not all cheaters. But I get why some do what they do. Because I seeked out attention from other men, men from my past, because I needed more, but didnt want to give up what could maybe be built with Jesse. I was scared to lose the potential of him. But he behaved so coldly, often cruelly emotionally to me, both in obvious but also very quiet subtle ways, that I needed to be around the energy of men who knew me before all that. Old friends who knew my sparkle. Because I needed to remember it, myself. I wished and wished and wished Jesse saw my sparkle, at the beginning of our relationship I thought he did. Which is why I decided to move to his city from my own, and really give it a try.

But I felt like just another hobby in his life, another thing that needed his precious time. I felt juggled between work, his band, and his motorcycle. Literally, if I saw his eyes light up because he ordered another guitar pedal or motorcycle part, I knew it meant less time/money/enthusiasm for me or our time together. This literally happened, time and time again.

And after losing the one person in my life who I knew I was their everything,

I needed to be loved more. I needed to be loved more than a new amplifier. I needed to have someone look at me and get excited like they would when something new would arrive from Amazon.

I needed to be appreciated for more than just when I was game to have sex.

I needed to have my sparkle be seen and fanned.

So I diminished, and I felt, after a while, that he didnt deserve me. That he didnt deserve my best. So when I traveled or was around old flames or friends who I knew understood me and made me feel great just being me, I gave THEM my best. Which, in black and white on paper, is cheating, and isnt cool.

But my heart needed it. I shouldve broken up with Jesse so much sooner than I did.

But now, we ARE broken up, and I’m super fucked up about it still. I’m glad we’re not together, but in a way like... he treated me this way when we WERE together. Indifferent, not seeing how special I am. How great we could be.

So its like... I guess he’s acting exactly the same. It hurt this much within the relationship, too... but when we were together at least I could yell at him about it. It felt good to yell at somebody for what hurts. His lack of attention still hurts, but now I have no right to get into a fight with him about it.

Its all to be expected. His behavior. He left his wife to be with me. Someone of 8 fucking years. And he never talked about her really. So why should I be surprised that he doesnt talk about me, or miss me, or seem forlorn. He didnt seem forlorn for her. He was barely single. He wasnt single. He jumped right from her to me. And now he’s very shortly on to the next. I really shouldnt be surprised.

It would be easier if he wasnt so entrenched in all the people I know.

Theres always a risk of seeing him out. I wish I was more mature about this. But honestly I’d feel the same even if we were just friends from the start. Its like seeing someone you just simply dont like, regardless of context. If someones a jerk, you dont want them to be where you are.

I may leave Austin. Its weird, being trapped by comfort. My house is pretty good. Like, the shape of the house itself is cute. Theres a porch. Theres a patio, and a coffee shop across the street.

But I dont feel happy here. I have no idea where I’d go. But I’m sick of living in a pot house. EEEVery day its bowl bong weed pot cough cough sneeze laugh lame joke bong bong lame joke bad pun leaving dishes fucking everywhere hoarding objects and never using them leaving dirt and coats and shoes and opened mail and bullshit all over the place.

I feel like I cant bitch because I dont have a job. I’m lazing around sleeping 80% of the day because... of what? Because of sadness, because I dont really want to go out there. I dont want to interact with my roommates who I find annoying. I dont want to take a walk around the neighborhood that I think its pretty boring. I dont want to go to bars and feel less than my past self. Fatter. Older. Uglier. I dont want to go feel my inadequacy proven right. Jesse treated me that way. I moved here five months after my Mom died. Brand new city.

And I didnt get a job. I didnt do a whole lot of anything. And he hated me for it. He didnt understand and it leaked in. It absolutely showed.

So now its February 2018. So many months have passed. And I’m still not doing anything. I just dont want to. I dont know where to get a job here, I dont want to commit my time to something that doesnt feel like anything. I want to exercise but it requires a 15 minute drive to get there. I want to cook but our kitchen is so fucking cluttered it drives me nuts.

Am I too uptight? Like, is this coming off like I cant function unless somethings perfect?

Im sure it sounds that way... I just... feel no spark. When my new roommate cleaned the bathroom and had music going and was doing the shit I normally do, I felt so pleased and relatable, it was marvelous. But then other two roommates come home and toss their coats all over and smoke weed and plop down watching stupid shows, and it just..

Should I try to be more of a leader? Force my way through it and burn my own trail? If theyre watching dumb shit, suggest something better? Take an active interest in life?

I definitely have been passive. I want other people to be interesting. I want to be intrigued by someone’s starting something. Somebody to already have the breadcrumbs laid down and I get to follow them and add to the adventure. I dont know if I have the energy to take the risk of being bold and leading the way, not knowing the caliber of people I’m talking to or bringing with me. Like, I want to spend energy being great around someone I already think is great. I miss having crushes. If I think someone is awesome, I feel like I then get to be super awesome too, in hopes that showing my favorite self, enjoying my own shine... that they’ll notice and enjoy it too.

But like, why shine for boring people? I dont have any interest in that. I dont want to impress people that dont impress me.

That sounds super bitchy but whatever.

Anyways. I’m way off track.

I just remembered that I need to call my Aunt Carol, who I think is mad at me, because she retired today and I’m overdue to call her. I really dont want to but it needs to be done. Calling a family member that you know is disappointed in you is NEVER fun. I feel the weight on my chest already. Okay, gonna call her. I’ll write again soon.

#emotion journal #rant

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nicotineandtears-blog · 7 years ago

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The Prologue.

It's been 2 nights since my whole world came to an burning end. I had lost all 14 of my friends within the matter of a few hours and I had no idea it happened. I found out after they decided to vote me off the island. Why? That’s the burning question in my head.

That may sound stupid and like an excuse, but I promise you, it's not. I don't know what I did, I dont even know what Im being accused of all I know is theyre upset with me and dont want to speak or see me. But I guess before I get to that part I should explain some backstory.

It started last year. I came to college to sort of become “my own” as my mom would say. Did I want to move 8 hours away from all of my friends? leave my family? No. All of my friends were 20 or 21 and going to the university in my hometown. They all were starting their careers and we all shared the same dream. My friends and I spent more time together than we needed to. We were inseparable. But me, being the 18 year old baby of the group, with my mother in my ear, I moved 8 hours away with no friends.

I hated my life, and when I say hate, I'm not being dramatic. It seemed as if no one understood me. I didn't have friends who shared the same ideals and dreams as me (which is actually very important FYI), I had no family, the food was horrible, it was about 15 degrees colder at all times and the beds were extremely small. But anyways, I hated my life. Till one day I decided to get in contact with an old friend from middle school. I saw she was attending the same Uni and I thought it would be cool to reconnect. Which it was, when I went to her dorm room, I instantly felt a connection and group dynamic between her friends and roommates.

That night was the start of a beautiful nightmare.

We all became so close within the matter of months. Me, Jenna, Briana, Donna, Dionne, Joe, Grace, and Rachel. These are the main characters of the this story and my daily diary entry and for privacy reasons I chose not to use their real names. There was 15 of us in total but those are the main ones you need to remember as I vent on here. But anyways, yes we all became a very close knit group, laughing every chance we got, getting dinner together every night, studying together, hanging between classes, walking to classes, going out on the weekend, or even staying in on the weekend. We were always together.

At first it was really hard for me to blend in with the group because they all went to high school with Jenna. Grace and I went to high school together (and eventually got really close but we will get there) and actually requested to be roommates with each other, we just weren't that close on a personal level at first. We were both very quiet and reserved people and didn't like to be public about our feelings. But with the majority of the group having gone to high school together, it was hard to blend easily. They had all these inside jokes and memories. They knew each other so well.

It's not that I was jealous of that, cause I wasn't. I missed my friend group. I didn't want to start over and blend with these people. I barely knew them. I was so different from everyone else. I didn't like secrets and it was apparent that this group had A LOT of them. They hid secrets from each other so easily it was 2nd nature. It was hard to accept and be apart of that. I dont show my feelings very well, I don't like expressing when I'm sad, mad, or something offends me. I have a thick skin and nothing gets to me. It's the way I was raised and brought up.

Group chats was also an adjustment. This group ran and operated under one thing. Group chats. They had group chats for everything and that's how they all communicated. If only a few of us were going to the student union, there was a group chat about that. If someone annoyed the majority of the people in the room, someone would make a group chat specifically about that annoying person. The members of that group chat would then make fun of the person being talked about it right then and there. (DISCLAIMER; Im not innocent of this by any means, I did everything that I will explain about this group but it was an adjustment and chipped away a piece of who I really was as I made it my normal) I hated group chats in high school. I hated all the notifications and how many conversations would go on at once. It seemed like nothing could get done. And that's exactly how it happened with this group. So many messages that it was easy to miss plans.

If someone was left out of certain plans it was the end of the world. Even it was posted in the group chat, talked about for 45 minutes, and made a solid plan, if someone missed the messages, wasnt online, or couldn't make it, we were horrible friends and they would make a scene about it. (This is what I mean when I talk about sensitive)

Now, I was desperate to find where I belonged. At that time, I had no where or no one. So I made sure that I belonged in this group. I changed my views and ideals on things. I put my dreams on hold. All to fit into a group who then later chewed me up and spit me out without a second thought. But I was so blinded by wanting to be accepted, I actually made it in and they became my normal and I became theirs.

Before I move on to a new topic, there is something you should know. The group, one of their favorite pastimes was, shit talking. They shit talked about absolutely everything and everyone, including members of the group. If someone annoyed them, if someone wore an ugly color, if someone looked at us funny, etc. You get the point.

From the moment I entered, I knew there was something off about them and there was shadiness within the group.

I did my best and actually became really close with Jenna again. We were both a mess and didn't want to be in that boring city, if you could even call it that. It was like we were in middle school again, fan girling over stupid boys, making stupid jokes about anything and everything, and spending hours on end together. It was nice to have one of my close friends again. I felt normal and it was like a piece of home. But It was very apparent that other people in the group didn't fuck with her as heavily as I did hence a shadiness that I mentioned earlier. I tried my best to stay out of it. But it got messy a long way. But my point is, they talk so much shit, even about each other.

Now I had a hidden paradise within all of this high school drama madness was, Taylor. I met Taylor at freshman orientation, we were in the same group and we partnered up in a game and dominated together without knowing anything about each other. That's when we knew we were meant to be together. The best part of Taylor was he loved guys just as much as I did. So we were a match made in heaven. We were competitive, stubborn, funny, smart, driven, insensitive, and both loved men. After orientation, I expected to never really see him again, we exchanged each other's numbers but I didn't expect to become close. I never do with those kind of encounters. But turns out we were destined to be together and once again faith did its job. We ended up just a few doors down from each other in the same dorm hall and on the same floor. What are the odds of that. We saw each other everyday and I honestly never got tired of his presence. We think alike and hes is very blunt and honest about everything. He didn't like to express how he felt and he didn't like secrets. So we got along very well. (Now I am actually roommates with him in a house)

He was my escape and my little paradise. I could tell him anything and he would either agree with me or give me his honest opinion. I think what I like most about him is that he reminds me of my true self. Even though I didnt realize this until recently. He reminds me of the old Valerie.

I tried to bring him around the group but they hated him. Taylor is complicated for people who don't have a complex mind. He is too smart for his own good, he literally knows everything about everything, and at times it could get really annoying, but it's charming, he doesn't show emotion and he's very robotic. He doesnt like to be wrong, but does anyone? You could say that Taylor and the group were the same but the group does not admit when they're wrong and anyone who isnt in their inner circle, is irrelevant. They were right and never wrong. But Taylor, he was hardly ever, ever, ever wrong but when he was, he owned up to it. So Taylor was hated for how strong of a person he was, something I was afraid to be around these people.

This group was the death of a girl I use to call Valerie. No thats not my real name. (I refuse to use real names.) I ruined myself and everything I believed in and tried to accomplish, but I'm definitely not innocent in all this either. I destroyed my friendship with them without even meaning to. Its hurt me more than I expected. Their is an emptiness inside me, I feel alone. My whole life for the past year is now gone except for a few pieces. Its like it never happened and they never came into my life. They vanished so quickly and I didnt get the chance to even say goodbye. But after some thinking and long deliberation, I came to the conclusion that they damaged me just as much as I damaged them.

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tilly-tali · 8 years ago

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Andromeda Ask Meme [SPOILERS]

Thirty Questions About My Decisions in my first playthrough

The Basics: 1. Male or Female Ryder?

male, default Scotty

2. Feelings on being the Pathfinder?

i think it was irresponsible of alec to give ryder command. i wasn’t trained and i wasn’t ready to lead in such a high capacity in such extreme and dangerous circumstances. the vote of confidence from a dad who didn’t really know or trust me yet was a nice boost, but he could have given over the extra sam connection without laying the full pathfinder responsibilities on me.

3. Your Pathfinder’s feelings on SAM?

sam is a gentle friend but scotty was a bit wary of the extent of the changes alec incorporated. he trusts sam, not his father.

4. When your comatose sibling asked about the current situation in Andromeda, did Ryder lie or tell the truth about Alec Ryder and Habitat 7? Why?

Scotty told Sara the truth because he knew she would kick his ass later if he had lied. she deserved to know even if it was difficult to tell and difficult for her to hear. he was so worried when the shock hit her and became too much.

5. Romantic entanglements, if any, and hopes for a future with your partner?

he romanced Peebee. he seriously likes her in a casual way, if that makes any sense. their love is lighthearted. he would very much like to stay together and see what trouble she gets him into and out of. it will be an adventure thats for sure.

Major Locations: 6. Eos: Was your first settlement scientific, or military? Reasoning on your choice?

scientific. a military post felt like the wrong first impression to make to any new races beyond the kett and we needed the resources and information that the science crew would unveil.

7. Eos: During the mission Making an Impression, a non-Nexus settlement requests that you mine natural gas instead of rerouting their water source. What choice did you make, and why?

i did both as i happened to have a glitch or crash around the time of this mission but i can’t recall which choice actually made it into my save. i think i elected to reroute the water because even though helping the settlement would have been nice, we needed to find out the source of the disruption we had been tracking.

8. Voeld: After discovering the Angaran AI, did Ryder choose to kill or preserve it? If preserved, was it taken to the Nexus, or turned over to the Angara?

the ancient AI went to the nexus per its request. scotty doesn’t fully trust it and hopes that sam will keep an eye on it.

9. Voeld: At the conclusion of the mission The Lost Song, did you allow Dr. Lekaaret to continue her research on the Yevara, or force her to stop hunting them?

i believe she was asked to stop her hunt. learning more about a species is a noble goal but not at the expense of that species.

10. Kadara: Did Ryder side with Sloane Kelley, or the Charlatan? Why?

Scotty would have sided with the charlatan if given a choice, but he did pull sloane out of the sniper’s sights.

11. Kadara: Did you recover Dr. Ryota’s Oblivion Formula, or leave it in the hands of Arenna Farenth?

either i never got this mission or i just do not remember it....

12. Kadara: If your Ryder completed the side quest Mind Games, how did they choose to handle the Cerberus scientists?

Scotty disrupted the scientists work with minimal impact to the test subjects.

13. Elaaden: Did Ryder turn the remnant drive core over to Morda, or keep it for the use of the Nexus?

the core was given to morda with slight hesitation. had another, more trustworthy krogan been in charge the choice might have been easier. Scotty is hoping that drack will be able to keep things under control if necessary.

14. Elaaden: After discovering the source of Annea’s water, did Ryder allow her to continue her operation, or expose the source?

he allowed her to continue. he wasn’t going to disrupt her income source and she did find it first, but he would have hoped that she keep her prices fair.

15. Nexus: How did Ryder respond to the protesters who wanted their families brought out of cryo?

he sympathized for sure, people need something and someone to live for, work for, but he did hold his ground. he would have worked to get them out sooner, ahead of schedule, but it just wasn’t feasible at the time of the protest.

16. Nexus: In the on-going series of interviews with Keri T’Vessa, did Ryder choose to highlight the stark truth regardless of the poor light it put upon Nexus leadership, or did they choose to promote a message of hope in the new galaxy?

Scotty stuck to the truth, even when it was hard to hear, just as he did with Sara when telling her about Alec’s death. the truth is always preferable to lies and is important when making history to be as accurate as possible.

Squadmates and Crew: 17. Cora: After discovering the truth about Sarissa’s actions with the previous pathfinder, did Ryder keep her secret, or inform the rest of the Asari? Was Sarissa allowed to maintain her post, or was Vederia promoted?

Scotty relieved Sarissa of her position and promoted Vederia. He was very happy with her progress and was glad he took that small risk, after all she was in nearly the same position he was. He felt telling the other asari about Sarissa’s actions was necessary, the truth is the only way to go in his book.

18. Liam: How did Ryder feel about Liam’s actions? Did Ryder choose to detain Verand after the mission’s end?

he was not thrilled with liam’s actions, but knew his heart was in the right place and was not about to abandon liam over one mistake. i might have detained Verand just to be sure she and the information remained safe.

19. Vetra: Was Ryder supportive of Sid’s actions, or agree with Vetra that Sid wasn’t ready to see this side of their work? Did Ryder take the risk and shoot Meriweather?

Ryder appreciated Sid’s initiative, but would have defered to Vertra’s judgement as she knows her sister better and is the boss when it comes to their family arrangements. i don’t recall taking the option to shoot meriweather, as it would be out of character for Scotty to do so anyways.

20. PeeBee: After launching the escape pod, Peebee asked if you were mad. Were you? How did you handle Kalinda in the moment where she begs for Peebee’s help?

he was maybe a little mad but it wasn’t the end of the world. plus thats his gf so its hard to be mad at her. of course he agreed with peebee that it was only right to save kalinda, even at the expense of the information.

21. Drack: After exposing Spender on the Nexus, his punishment options are imprisonment or exile. Which did Ryder choose? Upon rescuing Vorn and the Seed Vault, Drack threatens the life of Spender’s associate, Aroan. Did Ryder allow his death?

Scotty always went with imprisionmet over exile when those choices were available, and not just in spender’s case. He was not happy with Drack’s threats against Aroan either.

22. Jaal: Jaal asks Ryder to follow his lead, and not be tempted to take Aksuul’s life, but there is a real moment when Aksuul seems as though he is going to shoot Jaal in the face. How did Ryder feel? What did Ryder do: shoot first, or trust Jaal?

we trusted Jaal and did not shoot, but was very tempted to, was possibly in the process of drawing our gun as Aksuul made the shot. had scotty made a shot, he would have made it non-lethal anyways.

23. Does Ryder agree with Suvi’s spiritual perspective on the universe?

not wholeheartedly, but he supports her beliefs and allows that there is so much of the universe that is not known that for all he knows she could be right. she is so much smarter than he is after all.

24. Did Ryder side with Gil or Kallo regarding the Tempest’s ongoing modifications?

Scotty sided with Gil, though he feels for Kallo. Kallo and his crew gave a great baseline with the tempest’s original specs but supports Gil in making new, needed modifications, but while docked and not in the field, you know just in case something goes awry.

25. Was Ryder supportive of Gil’s decision to become a father?

yes because it seemed to him that it was something that Gil wanted. scotty would have been supportive of Gil’s choices in either direction, so long as it was Gil’s choice and not influenced by someone else. (i will admit that i was not always listening with the greatest attention so i might have missed something about these conversations as i have seen much discourse on this subject and Gil’s friendship with Jill. will be more attentive on a later playthrough, but my general impression is that Gil wanted this and was not coerced by Jill.)

The Main Story: 26. After rescuing the Moshae from the facility on Voeld, she begs you to destroy the facility, regardless of the captives still inside. Jaal pleads with you to try and save them. What was Ryder’s choice? Did the Cardinal survive your encounter?

we saved those still inside but the cardinal did not survive.

27. To locate the Archon’s flagship, you need information from Resistance traitor Vehn Terev. Does Ryder rescue Vehn from imprisonment to obtain this intel, or allow him to be executed for his crimes?

Vehn was rescued and turned over to the angara where we later found him on aya doing some manual labor.

28. Upon boarding the Archon’s ship, Ryder discovers that the Kett have been experimenting on the Krogan. Does Ryder rescue the Krogan captives, or opt instead to save the Salarian Pathfinder, Zevin Raeka?

i personally hated this choice because krogan vs salarians again? and i wanted to rescue the krogan, but Scotty saw the value in saving the one originally selected and trained pathfinder he had access to.

29. Which Pathfinders were available to support Ryder during the assault on Meridian? Did Captain Dunn survive the Hyperion’s crash?

Scotty had Vedaria, Rix, and Raeka and Captain Dunn (whom i love!) survived (i am thinking that this is tied to what is basically ryder’s first choice in game, to side with Dunn and wait before going planetside upon arrival in andromeda).

30. Ryder Family Secrets: Did Ryder unlock all of their father’s memories and encrypted logs? I’ll leave this open-ended to encourage wordy responses, but how does Ryder feel about what they learned?

yes, all memories and logs were unlocked. Scotty was in complete shock over the final revelation. he is angry with alec for the deception but can’t be too angry because its his mom after all. he is trying not to be too hopeful that she will be cured and return to his life, but Scotty knows that its something that Sara really wants. he is going to try not to think about it much and just keep going on as before.

#mass effect #mea #mea spoilers #long post #will continue to update

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