#they actively hate the idea of having kids and it just breaks my heart

[icarusredwings]

Scent. 1/2

Sfw, Primal scenting, established poolverine, countryside comedy, angst, and fluff. Wade gets smothered in front of the fireplace by a big domestic wolverine because of his self-confidence issues.

Post Save a horse/Ride a wolverine

Requested by @asaturnerofficial

Somewhere in Texas, On a small plot ranch with only a handful of chickens and 2 horses. One is a pony, actually. Her name was Buttercream, and she used to do kids' parties. She just kinda came with the house, and so did the chickens, but Cupcake (who was, in fact, a gelding, named by Wade) was bought off a different rancher who claimed he couldn't be ridden. Well- that was apparently a huge lie because Cup allowed him to ride him every now and again. Maybe it was a scent thing.

Actually, Scent was very important in this house, and it was something Logan checked each night before bed. Sniff around the property and shoo off any animals that didn't belong. He didn't mind the Co-yotes they just were trying to live as much as anything else, but it made him nervous to think about what they might do to the chickens or hell - to Mary Puppins. They would eat her for a snack and still be peckish.

"Alright, I fed the chickens, fed buttercream cupcake, fed puppins, now what do- Woah! Jesus's mother, Mary Magdalene!"

He had just walked into the living room to see Logan laid out on a rug in nothing but his iconic wife beater, some worn in-in all the right places- jeans, and his boots. He had got the fire place working I guess because there it was, heating up the home.

"I dont think its really a good idea to have a fire place inside of house made of wood but what do I know? Im not OSHA certified." He said, of course, to the wall.

Rolling his eyes, Logan was far used to this by now, chuckling a bit. "I got it workin' "

"Yeah I see. I was just talking about that."

"I saw. Who are you talking to anyway?" For once this question was genuine instead of condescending.

"Oh, you know. The viewers. Readers. Whatever you wanna call them." Again, he turns and waves. "Hi. Also- where did he get a bear skin rug? This guy. Ruining the budget. Do you know how expensive bears are?"

Having seen this a billion times, he's learned to just go with it. "Viewers...? Like.. a reality tv show?"

"Kind of. And let me just say, This?" He put his hands out like he was taking a picture. "Is beautiful. You're going to make the ratings sky rocket! Think of what this will do for your PR!"

"Right.. well. I hate to break the.. viewers.. little hearts but this isn't a bear skin. What bears do you know that have black and white spots?"

"Pandas."

Blinking, He sat up. "Wade, this is the middle of texas. Where do you think im going to find a panda?"

"The zoo." He shrugs, watching his boyfriend laugh at him, rolling his eyes.

"So you think the zoo is just going to let me take one of their pandas and skin it for my livingroom?"

"Oh. Yeah, that's a bit of a streach for the budget, isn't it? What is it then?- GAASSP- Don't tell me it's puppies!!"

"What?" (He's found himself saying this about 50 times a day now when living with him, possibly 100) "It's cow.."

"Oooh! Okay- that would have been a deal breaker. I can deal with skinning an endangered species, but I draw the line at Cruella activities."

"So are you just gonna keep talking to that wall, or are you gonna come're?" He muttered, smirking some as he made a small squeal, rushing over to sit down.

The scent of cheap dollar store foundation made him cringe, his mood and demeter changing instantly. "What did I tell you about wearin' that shit.."

Tensing up, he smiled awkwardly, putting his hands in his lap as he looked away. "It's the 21st century, Wolvie, Men wear make up now."

"No. You know damn well that's not what I meant. Come here." Before he could even begin to protest, he grabbed him by the belt, a signature, pulling him into his arms only to flip him on the floor.

"Eeehh!! Peanut, seriously, it's fine! It's just makeup! I didn't even put my mascara on!"

"Im taking that shit off of you. It stinks!" He growled, now straddling him on top of the soft cow rug.

Squirming a bit, Wade was trying to push him off but it was hard to do that when your boyfriend was so heavy, having just started to get back to a healthy weight, healing his relationship with food and his appearance. It only reminded him how much he loved having him. Oh, his big beefy boy. Usually, he would enjoy being manhandled, but he worked hard on his blending today!

"Noo! Do you know how hard it is to cover all THIS up!?"

"Exactly my point. That's why it's coming off. It doesn't NEED covered up, moron!" Pulling off his shirt, both the view and the words put Wade into somewhat of a dormant state.

"You really mean th- Ahh!! Hey! No! You tricked me with nice words!" He protested as he used the shirt to wipe it off, spitting on it and rubbing cirlces to get it off of him. It was times like these when Wade realized that Logan COULD actually hurt him if he wanted too. Then again.. Trapped under a bronzed muscly man like him?

Glory, glory, what a hell of a way to die!

"What are you talking about?"

Oh shit- he hadn't noticed that he said this out loud. "Nothing!! I just - Why do you always have to ruin my makeup!? What are you jealous or something?" He turned to the side, away from him. "Oh, let's be honest. It would be a crime to cover up that face."

"I could say the same thing about you, Bub." He muttered, wiping off the last bit off his neck, holding it as he leaned down to sniff him, still cringing.

"Gross."

This word alone was enough to audibly hear Wade's heart snap. Swallowing as his throat tightened and put his arms over his face.

Oh shit.. that wasn't the best of word to say, was it? God, why was this so hard? This is why he grunted instead of spoke. Words were too complicated.

A pang in his chest ran deep, his own heart clenching as he heard him whimper.

"That's.. That's why I do it.."

"Oh, Wade.." You'd have to be deaf to not hear the tears in his voice, visibly upset and nowhere to run off too, nothing to hide with. He was trapped. The next option was to push him away, Hit him in the chest so he'd let go. Know that he was done playing. That this was serious.

"You know that! So W-why would you -"

He kissed him, holding both sides of his face. Despite the pushing still lasting, it quickly died down as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

Pulling away only when the air in their lungs ran out, He smirked again, breaths heavy.

"Now, if I thought you were so terrible, would I do that? Hm?"

"Y-yes.."

So he kissed him again, this time giving a little growl into it the way he liked it, causing him to giggle and push his face away, turning again.

"Who is this starving man? Where is my wolverine?"

"Right here, baby. All me." He says, looking to where he was too.

"Hey, you can't talk to them! They're mine!"

"Too bad. So what's the census? My PR or what ever you call it up yet?"

"I don't know.."

"Oh sure, you do. It's your show, isn't it?" He asks, turning him to look at him as he crosses his arms, looking away again, still upset with him.

"... It's our show, actually...Deadpool AND Wolverine... sometimes featuring Dogpool, but that's besides the point! Im thinking about cutting you... you're taking up too much budget."

"Oh, am I now? Well, maybe you'd have more budget if you ditched that stinky shit."

Wade went silent for a moment, stalling to tell him what Logan already knew.

"Ooh... Ratings drop when you're you... don't they?" Right. That made so much more sense. Wilson has taken his own negative thoughts and categorized them into show manager and critic positions. And the critics didn't like him bare faced.

"Well... What if we raised ratings or whatever way up? Without all that bullcrap?"

"Do you know how hard it would be to-"

A third kiss.

"You really should learn to shut up, mouth."

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

Do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

Hello!

I’m relatively unknown in the fanfiction world which is great, but I’ve got some friends who are known, and I’ve got things to say, from an outsider perspective.

I’m a writer, but I’m also a reader. I participate in the fandom in the way I know how, which is through writing stories.

Here’s what fandom should be. It’s a village, called Fandom, and people all interact in the village in some way. Write, Art, Ideas, Comments, Reblogs, Kudos, Podfics, Bookbinding, Etc etc etc. It’s a Smurf village, because currency doesn’t exist, and everyone does what they can for the community to thrive, for fucking free. They offer gifts, and encouragement, and once a week we all gather round in the center of the village and scream about it in a very unhealthy way. Some people are more active than others, some like to be known, some prefer to remain anonymous, some watch from the sidelines and everything is done with care and a warm heart between our teeth.

There are pockets of that, which, great.

Here’s what fandom is, sometimes.

1/People elevating others to the point of God, sometimes dragging other writers down (for no reason, no one asked to be rated as the best fic writer of all time) to make a point. What is the point? Is there one?

2/People harassing writers for more things. Write an epilogue, write another chapter, write this and that. Writers aren’t your own personal AI machine to make what you want to write. A lot is blamed on age, and perhaps there is an element to it, but I believe it’s just decency. An 18 years old kid is capable of making sensible decisions, just like a 24 years old, just like a 14 years old. Your age doesn’t give you a passe-droit to be a dick to people you admire (!!!???!)

3/I won’t even touch on the subject of hate reading because that’s just straight up insanity.

But it’s just… hate and tantrums and anger breeds more hate and tantrums and anger. There isn’t a virtuous way out of that, and I’d love for people to…just, cater to a more positive experience for everyone.

When your fingers are typing rot on your computer, you are venomizing everything that it touches: the people who will read it AND the people who will respond to it.

So far, from what I have seen, this behaviour leads to only one thing: depressed writers/artists/etc who stop writing/drawing/etc, or pull their work, or take breaks, or retreat from the limelight because it is too much.

You are pushing too much.

Enthusiasm is wonderful. It’s a powerful tool and should be used, everyone on this fandom is posting because we looked at The Thing and thought, “yeah.” No one in the history of the world (I hope) has posted after thinking “that is straight up shit and I hate it with a passion.”

Enthusiasm does need to be curated in a healthy way. I understand that Fandom is for fans, but it is also by fans. No one here is better, everyone here is different.

Some writers have a voice that resonate with more people, or stories that resonate with more people, and that is perfectly fine, but, once again for the people in the back, do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

In what universe, in what galaxy do you believe complaining about someone’s work will make them go “oh right, nevermind all the work I put into this thing I love, let me just do the thing a random stranger is asking me to do.”

Do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

Maybe I sound like bitch, but by god, the shit I’ve heard from my “popular” friends the past few months is absolutely mad. Mad, people.

You are normal people, and SO ARE THEY.

They have lives and interests and they are people. Treat them as such.

Do not confuse Enthusiasm with Entitlement.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I hope everyone enjoys Le Mange Dieu et le Dévoreur de Mondes, which we wrote and enjoyed writing, and which does not mean other writers weren't doing their own thing and writing other stuff in the meantime, and I HOPE we can all start to have some fucking respect for the people who spend hoursdaysweeksmonths pouring over a project and posting it for fucking free, all at once, so it’s not stressful for the reader. YOU.

Because against all fucking odds, we actually care about our readers. When you’re being nice.

Thank you and good day from a Fandom Elder.

[vauxxy]

sad, beautiful, tragic

distance, timing, breakdown, fighting

silence, the train runs off its tracks

kiss me, try to fix it

could you just try to listen?

hang up, give up

and for the life of us, we can get back

peter parker x reader!!

(treacherous part 2)

PLOT - in which peter parker tries to talk to his rival after multiple drunk make out sessions the previous night.

WARNINGS - sexual references, no smut, make out scenes, allusions to sexual activity, weed, smoking, kiss and makeup attitude

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“just talk to her, don’t be an arse” gwen smiled, swaying with the movement of the subway. the sun peeked through the windows as the train made its way out of a tunnel and closer to their destination.

“what exactly are you supposed to say to someone you made out with like, 3 times while drunk?? especially if you used to hate their guts”

“i don’t know, ‘sorry i hated you before, i just internalised my fetish for goth stoners as hatred- let’s make out some more’ or something-“ gwen joked, before being cut off by a frustrated peter.

“are you kidding me? she’s gonna spot us across the carriage any second now and i won’t have any idea what to say to her!”

y/n sat cross legged in her seat, reading some depressing book from the early 1900’s about some depressing characters, written by a depressed closeted gay man. she tucked a chunk of hair behind her ears before re-adjusting her headphones. “i bet she’s listening to fucking my chemical romance or korn or some shit,” peter chuckled as his eyebrows furrowed, gripping onto the hanging bars of the train carriage.

“nope, look on spotify,” gwen corrected. peter turned away from y/n to look over at gwen, his eyes drifting to the screen of her phone.

“it says she’s listening to… taylor swift?” she said, a confused expression painted on her face. peter jolted his head back in shock, overcome with anxiety. “aunt may loves taylor swift…” he murmured, the rustle of the train carriage pulling him away from gwen.

“let me see what song,” peter insisted as he gestured to see gwen’s phone. she passed it over to him, watching his face move as he read the title.

“sad, beautiful, tragic… i’m pretty sure that’s from red, right?” peter questioned. gwen shrugged her shoulders in response. “i don’t know. i’m more of a midnights and evermore type of girl” she replied. peter scrolled down to the lyrics of the song, his eyes widening and his lips pursing.

“gwen, i’m totally fucked”

y/n had slept on what had happened the previous night. spider-man saved her from getting robbed and gave her some very unhelpful advice. what the fuck would spider-man know anyways? he doesn’t get any bitches. y/n may have also ghosted peter, but who cares? y/n put her heart out on the table, for some reason expecting more from the person who constantly teased her everyday for 2 years. sure, she should’ve saw it coming, but she didn’t. which is why she was going to be as dramatic as possible.

this meant a new playlist. no more limp biskit; nobody cries to ‘break stuff’!! it was time to listen to the entire red album on repeat, along with ‘ultraviolence’ and elliott smith. y/n was fully ready to be a sad little bitch.

on monday morning, she scored a seat on the subways and started listening to her new playlist, putting on one particular taylor swift song on repeat while she read her sad little bitch book. she looked up for a split second to see peter and gwen talking.

‘oh, so he can make time to talk to gwen, but not the girl he snogged three times?’ y/n thought.

y/n turned up her volume and put away her book as she listened to the lyrics of the song. the train pulled up to the station within walking distance to her school and so she stood up. catching the eye of peter as she walked to the doors, she quickly averted her gaze and took a few steps back.

peter flinched at the sudden eye contact, turning his full body towards gwen. “gwen. do something” he anxiously muttered. gwen nodded, smiling innocently, before beginning to casually walk over to y/n.

“y/n! how’d that hangover treat you?” gwen asked, pulling in y/n for a comfortable hug. y/n smiled hesitantly and embraced the act of affection. “so, so badly,” she replied, thinking back to the incident that followed the day after the party.

“the hangover is the least of my troubles” she stated and she glanced over at peter, who was watching both of them. “oh, do you mean…” gwen asked as she gestured over to the lanky boy trailing behind them, walking onto the platform as the train doors opened.

“what? no! i was mugged,” y/n announced, arching her eyebrows. peter didn’t look surprised. y/n took note of this, feeling somewhat offended that he didn’t care.

“y/n! are you okay?? how did that happen?” gwen asked, completely and utterly shocked. peter walked over. “wait, yeah… are you okay y/n?” he asked, breaking out of his anxious state for one moment.

y/n sighed softly, rolling her eyes. “i’m fine, spider-man saved me and then gave me some very unhelpful advice.” she said as she pursed her lips, her eyes darting between gwen and peter. “he’s a total ride though- i hope he’s not like… 46 or something,” she continued. gwen chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand as her cheeks turned pink. “did you get to feel his abs?” she asked as the trio walked across queens to get to school.

“yeah, they were rock hard. i didn’t expect him to be so fit!” y/n exclaimed. peter tried to stifle his blush as they got closer to the school, blocking out their conversation.

as they entered the gates, gwen quickly walked towards her class, leaving the two alone.

“um, we have math-“

“i know, peter” y/n interrupted. her voice was cold and unemotional- a stark difference form her previous cheerful demeanour. this was the guy that she was squabbling with for years now… the guy that she also maybe had a few steamy dreams about as well. her preconceived notions about peter were contradicting with her fantasies and the realities of what happened over the weekend- causing her to spiral into a semi-depressed state of rage.

peter, on the other hand, knew exactly what he thought of y/n. he always thought that she was attractive, but a total arse. now, he found her being an arse super endearing. but that could have something to do with the fact that they made out 3 times and he almost touched her boobs.

the two walked in awkward silence to their math class, a strong tension in the air. they took their seats and sat painfully silently for an hour.

y/n tapped her pen on her notebook, not listening to a word the teacher was saying. ‘fuck it,’ she thought, ripping out a piece of paper.

she scribbled a few words down before passing it over to peter.

‘make up for ghosting me by skipping second period and hiding in the unisex bathrooms’

‘sure :)’

the unisex bathrooms were dimly lit, far away from the rest of campus. surrounded by unused classrooms. the unisex bathrooms were a prime hookup spot… but for y/n, it was her own personal hotbox.

she lit the end of her joint and put her lighter in her jacket pocket as she leaned against the bathroom wall. y/n took a drag as she stared at the wall. she took another short hit, before passing it to peter. he did the same, his legs crossed.

“so why didn’t you text me, dick face?” she started, crossing her arms. smoke escaped her lips as the talked, mesmerising peter.

“dick face?” peter repeated, stifling a grin as he shook his head.

“um… i guess i didn’t know what to say,” he replied, passing back the joint. y/n smiled awkwardly as she rolled her eyes. “classic parker…”

“well, do you know what to say now?” y/n asked, sliding down to the floor, head level with peter. he shrugged his shoulders. “kinda,” he muttered.

“are you gonna say it, mcslutty?”

“i don’t appreciate the name-calling, y/n.” he said irritably, his voice somewhat breathy.

“you ghosted me too, remember?” peter added, raising his eyebrows.

“yeah, but i was mugged!” she said defensively, opening her mouth in shock. “obviously i was too busy!”

peter laughed, covering his face. “fair point.”peter pursed his lips, looking down before taking another hit of the joint.

peter took a deep breath in, tapping the floor anxiously. “i really like you, y/n” peter averted his eyes. “i used the think i didn’t, but i was just lying to myself so i wouldn’t have to confront the fact that there’s actually nice stuff about you,” he’s smirked.

y/n chuckled. “what nice stuff?”

“your face, obviously. your musical skills, your rolling skills. you’re also really funny, and you’re so generous. you’re not nice to everyone, but you still help everyone- if that makes sense? but yeah… shit like that i guess,”

y/n smiled sincerely, slightly tilting her head to the side. “that’s pretty sweet, shithead”

it took them a whole 40 seconds before they started jamming their lips together, peter’s hands gripping y/n’s waist as she sat on top of his lap. her hands cupped his face gently, occasionally pulling a hand away and running it through his hair.

she pulled away for air, before continuing her attack on his lips, her hands trailing down his torso as she fiddled with his shirt. peter pulled away, looking up at her before her eyes drifting to her hands.

“what are you doing there?” he asked teasingly, his voice limited to a hoarse whisper.

she began to frantically kiss his neck, her hands still fiddling with the fabric of his shirt. “felt something hard. wondering if you’re ripped or just really horny.” she muttered breathily, one hand resting under his shirt as she caressed his torso, while the other hand gripped a bundle of his hair.

he looked as her curiously as she felt up his chest, watching her pull away with a look of shock and confusion. “peter? what the fuck?” she exclaimed, her hair messy and cheeks red.

“what? what’s wrong?” peter asked, panicked as his eyes drifted down to his pants, before meeting her eyes again. his face turned red, putting up his hands in surrender.

“hey, you were the one grinding against my-“

“no, you’re fully ripped!” she whispered, her eyes wide as her hand retracted from under his shirt. “jesus christ…” she muttered, lifting his shirt to take a peek.

peter burst out into a fit of dry laughter, tilting his head back and lightly hitting the wall of the bathroom stall.

“oh, yeah. that.” he said casually. y/n grumbled, standing up.

“right. i was not expecting that.” she huffed, her face completely red.

“anyways, i’m not fucking you in a hot-boxed bathroom stall at school. if you decide to stop being a little bitch and message me, maybe i’ll forgive you for ghosting me.” y/n proposed, leaning against the wall as she looked down at peter.

peter nodded, standing up. he opened the door, turning to face her. “yeah, i definitely won’t be ghosting you anytime soon. sorry about that, by the way.” he murmured.

“it’s fine. just as long as you send me a picture of your abs after school.” she demanded, her face completely serious as she looked peter up and down. peter nodded, his eyes wide.

she bit her lip, meeting his eyes once again. “seriously, they’re almost as good at spider-man’s.” she added, exiting the bathroom- leaving peter alone to deal with his thoughts.

[donteattheappleshook]

Not Broken At All Chapter 16/?

Summary:

A season 1 Neverland AU. Emma is still trying to adjust to her new life as Sheriff of Storybrooke and mom to Henry, who still believes everyone in town is a fairytale creature. When she finds a badly beaten, one handed man while patrolling, she’s convinced he’s crazy. He is, after all, rambling about fairies and shadows and crocodiles. But when Henry is suddenly taken out the window of a house everyone believes is haunted, the madman in the hospital might be her only hope of getting her son back. Whether he likes it or not.

Rated E

Catch up on Ao3 (where my italics work) or on Tumblr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Oh hey, remember me? Remember this story I haven't updated in a year…… Please don't hate me lol Sorry for how long this took - this chapter was just impossible to write and time just kept passing. I'm hoping there won't be such a long break again but I know better than to make promises.

Hopefully some of you are still reading this and enjoy this new chapter!

Note that I made a small change to the last chapter (which fixed this one). You don't have to read it, just know that the lost boys who died on the beach are still out there.

Anyway… here you go! Sorry!

Thank you as always to @the-darkdragonfly for letting me just throw ideas at you about this story all the time and putting up with all the changes! 💕💕 And thank you @kmomof4 for looking this over and helping me decide on the ending 💕 (You can blame her! I kid... mostly)

Small content/trigger warning: This chapter includes more of the aftermath of the hunt. There are no children actively hurt in this chapter but there are bodies and burials and grief.

*******

Part 16

“Mom?”

The thundering of her heart rips her from sleep, hollow and echoing with the blood rushing in her ears, painful in her chest. But there’s only darkness in the small room of the ship, eyes wide and unfocused, the remnants of a dream she can’t remember still making shapes in the dark. She could have sworn she heard it, like it was there in the room with her. But there's no one here - only Killian still in the bed next to her, the arm that had held her close before now outstretched beneath her as he sleeps. A dream. Neverland playing tricks on her - or one of the lost boys above deck calling out to the dark for their mother. 

“Momma?” That one’s real, quieter. One of the children must have found a way down, wandering the halls looking for someone he’ll never find. “Mummy…” That one is heartbreaking. She rises from the bed, Killian not stirring as she slips from the sheets and makes her way quietly across and out of the room. The boys were told not to come down here - better she find whoever it is than one of the pirates. “Mom?” There’s no one there to accompany the sound in the dim light of the lantern outside the cabin and she hesitates, looking towards where the disembodied voice came from. Whoever they are, it sounds like they’re making their way back to the deck on their own… “Mom?” 

The word cuts through her, paralyzes her, heart so tight in her chest she can’t breathe. Henry. She knows his voice - already so deeply ingrained in every part of her being after such a short time that hearing it now is like a piece of herself lost and calling out to be found. 

“Emma?” Softer, getting further away from her - losing him all over again. Her bare feet make no sound as she runs past the crew’s quarters, past the bosun’s room and the galley towards the deck. The door creaks wearily as she climbs the steps and opens it to the night air. The lost boys are asleep - all of them - every single one exhausted from the horrors of the day and she pads carefully through the bodies - sleeping and dead - searching. Henry’s not among them. The ship holds that eerie Neverland silence she can’t get used to, no crashing of waves or rustle of wind, the faint discordant song of the Lorelei the only hiss of sound as it floats in and out on the sea. 

“Mom?” 

Her eyes snap to the back of the Jolly. “Henry?” she hisses. 

“Mom!” Emma nearly stumbles over a sleeping child as she tries to catch up to him before he’s lost to her again. He found her. Of course he did, just like before. She should have known he would. She rounds the helm, heart pounding so violently it reaches the stern before she does. But there’s no one there, again, just an empty deck where a child should be, where her son should be. 

“Where are you?” There’s nowhere else to search, only the sea that surrounds them.

“Emma?” Wendy is standing in front of her, head cocked. “What are you doing up here?” 

She looks towards where her son should be, where the voice no longer calls out to her. There’s nothing there, no one, just the sleeping boys, just Will. 

“Did you see him?”

“See who?” 

“Henry. Did you see him? Did you see where he went?” 

“Henry? There’s no one else up here. It’s just me and the new recruits. You must have been dreaming.”

“I know what I heard. I know my son.” The other woman’s expression turns pitying and Emma’s shoulders tense. “I heard him.” 

Wendy’s frown deepens and when she speaks her voice has the same tone that hers had when she’d been trying to calm Hook in the hospital, the one you use to console a crazy person. “I’m sure you did.”

“It wasn’t a dream.” But even as she says it she starts to doubt her own words. There’s no sign of him, no sign that he was ever here. Wendy wouldn’t lie about that. 

She sighs. “I believe you.” She does, but she also doesn’t believe Henry’s on the ship either. Emma goes to the ship’s edge, careful not to trip over any sprawled limbs, and squints out at the beach against the sun that’s just starting to rise. Maybe he’s not on the Jolly. Maybe he’s somewhere out there. There’s no sign of him on the blood soaked sand and relief settles like a stone in her throat even as the fear of not knowing where he is rises up again. “Neverland plays tricks, Emma.” Wendy joins her at the bow, leaning against the rail, back straight and alert as she looks out at the carnage before them. “You can’t trust anything you hear. The shadows’ll do anything to lure you out.”

“The shadows?”

A nod. “They see into your dreams, see what it is you want most and use it against you. It’s how so many of the boys end up here in the first place.” Wendy’s shoulders sag a little, looking out at the bodies on the beach. It’s the closest Emma’s seen her come to breaking the hard mask she’s worn so well since the hunt started - the real person behind the cold captain. “And now they’ll never leave.”

“What happens to the bodies?” she asks, looking back at the dead, carefully wrapped in sheets on the deck.

“We bury the ones who made it here at sea. Neverland takes back the rest.” 

Emma frowns, eyes darting to the shore. “What do you mean it takes them back?” 

“They become the shadows that live in Dark Hollow, whispering to Pan, finding children, his way of keeping an eye on the outside world. He’ll come at sundown to collect them.” 

“They become the shadows?” she swallows, cold dread tasting bitter at the thought of all those kids having to become Pan’s creatures, forced to do his bidding forever. “The boys?”

Wendy nods and her stomach drops. 

“What about the ones who died here? Will they be shadows too?” 

She shakes his head. “Neverland magic can’t touch this ship. Whatever enchantment’s on it is powerful enough to keep even the darkness away.” Neverland can’t find you here. 

Emma hears her sigh when she looks back out at that beach. “Don’t even think about it.” She’s thinking about it. “He gets to keep his winnings. Those are the rules of the game. Those rules keep us alive.” 

She doesn’t answer, only gives the captain a small nod, thoughts still spinning with the cruelty of it all, that even in death these children can’t escape Pan. Wendy puts a hand on her shoulder, the gesture surprisingly consoling, the mask slipping again. “You’re not the only one who wishes it could be different.” 

Emma nods, grim and defeated, and Wendy pats her shoulder with a tight-lipped smile before turning towards where some of the children have started to stir. 

She wishes she could say she thought about it longer, or at all, really. But all she can think of is every single kid she knew growing up, all the ones who fell through the cracks, the ones who were given up on or abandoned, all the adults who threw up their hands and said there was nothing they could do - that was just how the system worked, that rules had to be followed. Fuck that. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

Wendy’s shout echoes above her, cut off by the water when she plunges into it. It takes her deeper than she expected it to, the fall further than she thought, but she kicks wildly, eyes burning against the salt until she breaks the surface. And then she’s swimming, boots and vest heavy against the waves, hat lost somewhere between the ship and the surface, but she keeps going. She can make this swim, she’s made it before - and she has a purpose now. 

She stumbles as she climbs onto the beach, the tide pulling at her knees and then her ankles like it’s trying to draw her back to where it’s safe. Emma fights it, running and slipping across the sand once it’s hot and dry beneath her feet and collapsing beside the first boy she finds. He’s tall and wiry, limbs stretched out, calf-like, not yet grown into his elbows and knees. And now he never will. 

She kneels beside him, stroking his cheek before closing his eyes. Salt water drips onto his skin, turning dried blood fresh again as she tells him she’s sorry - that this happened, that she couldn't do anything to stop it, that Pan gets to keep living. She doesn’t know how long she just sits there with him, looking out at all the other kids who won’t ever go home. 

“Swan…” No. She’s not going back - not leaving them here. She slides her arms under the boy’s shoulders, heaving his limp, heavy frame onto her chest, not sure how she plans to get him back to the ship, just that she will. “Swan.” She ignores it, digging her heels into the sand, trying to plant them under her enough that she can get to her feet. But it slips away beneath her boots and she falls on her ass again and again. She’s not leaving him here. She’s not leaving any of them here.

“Swan.” 

“What!” she snaps, barely looking up at him, wet hair plastered to his face, coat left behind, shirt soaked in water and salt. She can’t get her legs steady enough beneath her, can’t lift the kid any higher into her arms, so she starts to drag him back across the beach, holding tight to his chest as she makes it inch by inch, blonde head rolling limply against her shoulder. 

“Emma,” Killian says softly when she stumbles, she and the boy fall back against the sand. If he says her name one more goddamn time… His hand is gentle on her arm, stopping her as she moves to stand again and she looks up, ready for a fight, whatever she has to, but she’s taking this kid back to his stupid, magical ship where he can rest in fucking peace. 

But his gaze isn’t scolding, not a warning or even pity and he reaches for the boy in her arms, taking his weight from her and hoisting him over his shoulder. He fixes her carefully with a solemn, resolved stare when she stands to meet his gaze. “There’ll be consequences.” 

She looks back towards the shoreline where Will and Wendy are standing by the dinghy. “Do you care?” she asks him, turning to the others, “Do any of you care?” There are more coming out of the water now, pirates and lost boys marching onto the beach.

The residual anger fades from Wendy’s eyes, hardening into something different, and then she kneels beside a small body, this one looking too young to have been on this side of the hunt. “John didn’t make it off the beach,” is all she says before lifting him from the sand and meeting Emma’s eyes with equal determination. 

Will shrugs. “Pan already wants me dead,” he says, bending to pick up another child, cradling the boy to his chest. “Might as well be for a good reason.”

Slowly, the others begin doing the same, gathering the fallen, some searching for brothers, friends, others finding any they can carry. Emma follows Killian’s gaze to where two older kids come to the aid of a young boy trying to pick up a bigger body that bears him a painful resemblance - a brother no doubt. She doesn’t miss the way Killian watches them carry him across the beach, the younger boy not letting go of his brother’s sleeve. He’d lost his brother here as well, to Pan’s cruelty. She wonders how long ago it was, wonders if any amount of time matters. 

Emma follows Killian as he brings the tall boy’s body to the dinghy and sets him down gently. 

“So what now, Swan?” he says, turning to look at the Lost Boys gathering their fallen friends, “You’ve declared war on Pan. And these boys will follow you to the end now. Where will you lead them?” 

Emma spares another glance at the beach, at the pirates that were Lost Boys and the Lost Boys that will be pirates, all of them stolen from their lives and their families for Pan’s enjoyment. “Home. When this is over, and Pan is dead, we’re taking them home. All of them.”

“Aye,” he says, with an edge of something she can’t place in his voice, his gaze holding hers just a moment too long before he moves to collect another body, damp skin and drying shirt becoming stained with someone else’s blood. He hesitates, casting a glance back at her. “They aren’t the only ones who’ll follow you,” he tells her before turning and walking back towards the shore.

***

There are twice as many bodies on the deck as there had been last night, a sea of white cloth laid out on the bow of the Jolly like snowfall, twice as many ghosts wrapped in sheets waiting to be buried at sea. There are twice as many lost boys too, half of them no longer cowering by the edge of the ship’s rail, gazing longingly out at the island they’d just escaped. Instead they stand in rows, backs straight and heads bowed, already falling in line, already soldiers as they wait for their captain to speak. 

They’d sailed further from land than Emma’s been since they first arrived, the water deeper here, where no light can reach the depths even with the sun burning high and bright above them, and no shadows can be cast. “They’re weakest when the sun is at its peak, where the light can’t cast them further,” Wendy had explained. “At night though… at night the whole world is shadow.” 

Killian stands tense before them, Wendy and Will at his side, the two captains and their first mates. There’s something off in the line of his shoulders, in the way his thumb keeps sliding over the rings he wears. She’d seen him in the aftermath of the hunt, surrounded by the bodies, used to death and slaughter and cruelty. He’d held back then, composed and calm as always around the boys and young men that had survived. But as he looks at the sea of white, the cannonballs tied to their ankles that will drag them all down into the darkness where the shadows can’t reach them, she can see him losing that tenuous grip on his cool indifference. So can Wendy, if the hint of sympathy barely cracking through her own harsh disguise is anything to go on. 

When she thinks that he might not manage it, that his first mate might have to step in and take over, he lets out a bitter sigh. “Best not to draw it out.” Will steps forward, he and Killian lifting the closest body onto a plank balanced on the rail, held steady by two of the older crewmen - both barely out of their teens - preparing to tilt the body into the sea. 

Before he can raise his hand to signal the order, a small boy appears at his side, and Killian freezes. Emma hadn’t seen him break rank, hadn’t seen him make his way across the deck - no more than seven or eight years old.  She recognizes him, the one who’d been trying to carry his brother on the beach. She wonders what he could have possibly done for Pan to decide he’d had his fill of time in Neverland. 

The boy’s coat is tattered and dirty from however long he’d been in the jungle, and her reaches into it to pull something out, and then stretches as far as he can to reach across the body that’s nearly at eye level with him. And there, in the center of white sheet, he sets a baseball card down on the fallen boy’s chest. 

Emma doesn’t breath, the men holding the plank staring at the card, everyone on deck silent and frozen. The child moves to Killian’s side then, tugging at the thick leather of his sleeve until the captain leans down and gives the boy his attention. “Jack.” 

A strange sort of uncertainty falls over the crowd at the sound of the lost boy’s name. This is clearly not how things are done. Even the newest recruits shift uncomfortably - waiting. She watches the understanding settle in the line of Killian’s shoulders as he nods at the newest member of his crew. After a moment, one of the men who’d been holding the plank reaches out and tucks the card into the folds of the sail and then looks to his captain. Killian turns to the boy before nodding again.

“Jack,” he repeats, loud enough for everyone to hear.

There’s barely a splash as the body disappears beneath the surface, hardly a sound in that chilling stillness that Neverland possessed, but it resonates across the deck and Emma feels something shift. Wendy moves to help lift the next body onto the plank as Killian waits. A name is called from somewhere near the back, too quiet to place among the rows of former lost boys, but Killian repeats it as he had first one and there’s a moment of solemnness before another splash echoes across the deck. 

He names each of them -they all do - friends and brothers calling out to identify the fallen, to remember them before they’re laid to rest where Pan will never find them, where he’ll never hurt them again. 

***

“What do you think he’ll do?” 

Killian looks up at her standing in his doorway, shirt slipping over his head, catching on his hook. “Pan?” He sets to working the fabric free, hair windswept and sticking up at strange angles, skin still marked with the blood of the children he’d carried. 

Emma nods. He’d said there’d be consequences and she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since they’d gotten the last boy off the beach and onto the ship, his body wrapped in a sheet and sent to the depths with the others.

“I don’t know, but he won’t be happy.” 

She worries her lip between her teeth, casting a glance down the hall to the steps where overhead the boys are being introduced to their new life of piracy. “Darling makes ‘em spend days scrubbing the ship clean when they first come aboard. Says it ‘builds character’,” Will had explained. “Let it go already - it’s been nine years.” 

“Not having second thoughts, are you?” 

She shakes her head. She knows she did the right thing, that the children that died yesterday deserved some amount of dignity, of care, even in death, that those who lived deserved to see that they mattered, that they would be missed, that they wouldn’t be cast aside or forgotten. And that they wouldn’t be forced to be a tool in Pan’s neverending need for more playthings. 

“No, but I guess… I guess I didn’t consider that the consequences might not just be mine.” He could come for any of them. As far as Pan knows, she doesn’t exist. But Killian and Wendy, Will and everyone else on this ship could fall victim to Pan’s anger because of her. 

“Every person out there made a choice today, Swan. Something they haven’t been able to do in a very long time.” He finally gets the shirt free of his brace and lifts his gaze to hers. “Whatever consequences befall us now, the burden will be all of ours to bear. Not just yours.” He waits until she nods in agreement, then moves to dip his hand and hook into a basin, Emma watching as the water turns a murky red. “I will say though, Swan, I pity Pan for when he finally finds himself on the wrong side of your wrath. You’ve turned all of Neverland against him, even his own.”

“I think he did that himself when he tried to kill them.”

Killian shakes his head, grabbing a dampened cloth with his hook and scrubbing at the blood and sand dried to his hand. “The fact that they’d defy Pan and choose their fallen friends… the fact that half of them didn’t run for the treeline to beg him to take them back… You’ve changed something, love. You’ve done more for the creatures of this island in a week than any of us have managed in centuries.”

“I couldn’t just do nothing,” she mutters, crossing her arms and shrugging awkwardly. 

Killian gives a short, humourless laugh, avoiding her gaze, scrubbing harder as the cloth continues to slip from his hook. “Believe me, Swan, it’s very easy to do nothing.”

Emma takes a step into the room. “You didn’t do nothing.” 

“I didn’t do nearly as much as I could have.” 

“Stop it,” she scolds, crossing the space between them and taking the rag from him. He startles as she grabs his wrist, running the cloth over the blood caked into his palm. She knows her hair and clothes probably look just as bad - everyone out on the deck today carrying the stain of Pan’s cruelty on their skin. “You did what you could while staying alive. You can’t protect people if you’re dead. You can’t protect your crew, and you can’t protect the kids Pan sends your way if you’re dead.” He doesn’t have an answer to that. Good. 

They stand in silence as she finishes her task. When she can’t pretend to be cleaning the now non-existent blood anymore - the most stubborn bit finally wiped clean - when she can’t avoid saying what she came to say anymore, she sighs. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“I know you could have just as easily made me leave them there on the beach - that it probably would have been the safer choice.” 

She rests the cloth in his open hand, focusing on it instead of him. She’s not great at this ‘thank you’ thing, at people understanding her the way he had on the shore today. 

“I don’t think anyone could make you do anything easily, Swan,” he teases and she shrugs, matching his hesitant smirk. “And it may have been the safe thing to do, but it wouldn’t have been the right thing.” His fingers curl around hers, keeping her there and drawing her attention back to him. “I should thank you as well.” 

“For what?” she echoes, frowning. She’s pretty sure she’s done nothing but cause problems for him since she got here. 

“For reminding me that I can still choose to do the right thing. I’d started to believe I’d forgotten how.” 

Her frown deepens. “Killian, you’ve done the right thing since -'' always, she wants to say, since she met him and made him bring her back here. He’s done right by her and her son and everyone else here from the beginning. 

“Since you chained me to that bloody sick bed,” he finishes, smirking again even as he shakes his head in disbelief, thumb is stroking across her knuckles - she doesn’t think he means to be doing it. “I don’t seem to have the option where you’re concerned. It’s exhausting, really.” Emma does her best not to laugh, not when he takes a step closer, fingers curling more purposefully around hers, the metal of his ring cool against her skin as he drops the cloth, eyes focused on hers like he’s trying to find an answer in them.  Voice soft, the teasing gone now he breathes, “you’re a bloody marvel, Swan,” and he’s so damn close now that she can feel his words warm against her cheek, can smell the salt and leather and rum that clings to his skin even after a day like today. 

He doesn’t move and she can’t decide if she wants him to, if the pounding of her heart stems from a desire to have him close the distance between them or from fear of what it would mean if he did. He’s watching her like he’s trying to decide the same and the words come out before she can stop them.

“Are you going to kiss me again?” 

His brow quirks up in amusement, before it shifts into that smug arch that’s become so familiar. “I believe you’re the one who’s initiated all of our previous dalliances, love,” he points out and she can feel her face going hot because he’s not wrong - she’s been throwing herself at him every chance she gets since that first kiss that was meant to distract him. “But aye,” he continues before the embarrassment gives her time to second guess herself. His hand lifts to her cheek, thumb tracing over her lip. “If you’ve no objections…” 

She should have some objections - like that making out with the really hot, annoyingly heroic pirate that makes her feel all kinds of confusing things she doesn’t want to be feeling is a really bad idea. But her head shakes without her permission and then he’s leaning in, carefully and agonizingly slowly until his lips only barely brush hers, the taste and heat of his mouth leaving her aching for the promise of more. She’d accuse him of teasing, only it doesn’t feel like a tease, more like a question as his lips catch hers gently, chaste and slow before pulling away and hesitating a moment longer. 

Emma’s fingers reach to tangle in his hair as she resists the urge to pull him to her like she has in the past. He lets out a small sigh at her touch and she can almost taste it before his mouth is on hers again, kiss slow and deep, swallowing the small sound she lets out when his brace slides low across her back to draw her closer. He kisses her like they’ve never done this before, every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue and exploration and she’ll never get over how strongly her body reacts to him and the all-consuming way his mouth claims hers. 

She breathes his name and he lets out a low growl, hand tightening in her hair, pulling her closer, teeth dragging over her lip like he can catch the sound before soothing it with his tongue. He walks them back across the room to the door, pushing it shut, cradling her head against the impact as he presses her into the wood, mouth not leaving hers. She’s taken aback for a moment by the gentleness of his touch, but then his lips leave hers to trail the length of her neck and the shuddering heat that burns her everywhere his tongue meets her skin has her arching into him, need pooling low in her stomach. 

Emma lets out a small whimper when he follows the line of her shirt to the swell of her breasts and Killian groans, pulling away, forehead resting against hers as they both pant into the space between them. “I don’t have the energy to do everything I want to do to you tonight,” he sighs.

“How about just some of it?” she asks and he laughs, hand tracing the same path his mouth had, stopping at the center of her chest, over her heart, and sounding as frustrated as she feels - but also just as exhausted. Today had been a trying day, even by Neverland standards, and they’re both weary and still covered in blood and dirt and sweat from the exertion. 

“I know,” she agrees with a sigh, even if she doesn’t like it. Her hands slide from where they’d woven themselves into his hair to settle on his chest, his skin warm and soft against the coarse hair, heart beating hard under her palm. “Can I…” He waits, gaze focused on her even as she looks at the floor. She hates feeling vulnerable, but with everything that’s happened, with what Wendy told her about the shadows, and the now growing threat of an angry, vindictive Pan she just… “Can I stay?” 

They hadn’t talked about it in the morning, about Emma coming to his room the night before, the ship so loud with the cries of those broken children thrust into adulthood too young, into piracy against their will. She’d been gone before he woke, chasing phantoms across the deck and jumping off ships and they’d pretended as though it had never happened. And she’d been grateful for that. It made her feel brave enough to ask now, to admit that she needed this.

He seems surprised by her question before an expression of gentle understanding softens his features. “Aye, love,” he nods, reaching to brush her probably wild and matted hair from her eyes. “I’d like that.” The hitch of her heart calms when she realizes that maybe he also doesn’t want to be alone tonight, that maybe he needs the comfort and safety of another person after all the tragedy they’ve seen these last few days. 

He kisses her again, soft and gentle and easing some of the dread that’s made a home in her chest since she left Storybrooke. She thinks he meant it to be chaste, but neither of them seem in any hurry to give up the press of his mouth against hers, the reassuring comfort of his heartbeat, beneath her palm, or the warmth of his calloused fingers against her cheek, the metal of his hook, cool and grounding on her hip. 

She lets it go on longer than she should for a kiss like this, one that isn’t building to anything else, that isn’t meant to excite or seduce but just to feel and savour something good for once, something easy. It’s the way she’d kissed him by the water on Solstice. It had been dangerous then and it was dangerous now. 

Still, Killian is the one to pull away first, Emma chasing his lips without meaning to before he clears his throat, cheeks flushed and an expression she can’t place in his eyes as they meet hers, like the one he’d worn in the brig - perhaps I would - and suddenly it’s all so much more than it was supposed to be, than it can or should be. He must sense it too because he takes a step back, fog still not fully cleared from his gaze as he straightens. 

“I should go ensure the crew are prepared for the night - that there’s a watch planned.” She peels herself off the door so that he can get by. “There’s hot water in the pitcher if you want to wash the day off,” he adds, waiting for her nod, returning it, and then darting out of the room. 

Emma sags back against the closed door. What the hell are you doing? She can’t be doing… this. Whatever this is. Not here, certainly not now when she should be focused on her mission, on her son, not when the last time she came close to this was… Her fingers brush over the boot laces tied around her wrist. Look how well that had ended. Look how well it always ends. 

By the time Killian returns she’s washed her hair and the worst of the grime from her skin before slipping under the covers in a stolen, clean shirt. She feigns sleep when she hears him move almost silently around the room, there’s the splash of water and the rustle of clothing as she forces her eyes to remain shut. It’s not until she knows he’s standing by the bed, hesitating, like he’s not sure he should still join her now that she’s ‘asleep’ - as though she didn’t ask him if she could spend another night in his bed- that she breaks her pretense. 

“Just get in, Killian.” There’s a pause, a stillness in the air before she feels the sheets move and the bed sag beside her as he slides in, settling on his side next to her but leaving enough room that there’s no risk of them touching. And it’s a palpable distance. “Do you… do you want to sleep alone?” she asks quietly, anxious now that this isn’t one of his frustrating gentleman streaks but that he’s changed his mind, that she’s imposing, asking too much of him. 

“No,” his voice is just as low as hers and she holds back a small sigh of relief. 

“Please don’t make me ask…” Emma feels him calm beside her, the awkward tension leaving him as he inches closer. His fingers ghost over her shoulder for a moment before he slides his arm around her waist and pulls her back against him.

“I’m here, Swan. You don’t have to ask.” The promise is breathed into her hair, lips pressing to the crown of her head as they had the night before and Emma shuts her eyes against the tears that burn at the edges of them. “You’re safe,” he tells her again, like he knows she needs to hear it, and she nods. She knows. Even as the cries of the lost boys drift into the room from above deck and the jungle beyond, she knows. 

She turns in his arms, tucking her hands beneath her cheek so she can see him, follow the outline of his jaw and neck in the moonlight that steals through the drawn curtains. Even his silhouette is beautiful, the light playing over the edges of his skin, turning it almost iridescent, and making her want to reach out and trace the curve of his bare shoulder and arm where the shadows suggest shapes in the dark. 

“You are too, you know.” Killian might be one of the bravest people she’s ever met, but she knows that Pan terrifies him. And today he pissed him off - because she asked him to. “If Pan wants any of you he’s gonna have to go through me first.” Bold words as they hide beneath the covers like children hoping they won’t be found.

She doesn’t have to see his eyebrow tick up to know that it is. “Aye?”

“I’m scarier than I look.” He bites down on a laugh or a teasing comment. Her fingers found their way to his elbow at some point - she hadn’t meant to. They follow the line of his bicep, his shoulder. “I can keep you all safe.” Her voice nearly breaks on the last word - because she has to. Henry, Killian, Wendy, Will, she needs all of them to survive this. She’s lost everyone she’s cared about. She won’t add them to the list.

His finger is gentle beneath her chin as hers dance across his collarbone and she lifts her gaze to the pale blue that shines even in the dim light. “We’ll keep each other safe then,” he offers like a compromise and she nods. She can do that. 

She doesn’t have to ask if he’s going to kiss her this time, and she doesn’t care enough to be conflicted by the fact that she wants him to - not here in the dark where her doubts can’t find her. His hand slides over her cheek, fingers tracing the shell of her ear to curl around the nape of her neck, like he’s mapping his way to her by touch. When he draws her in she goes willingly, mouth meeting his like muscle memory, the heat and feel and taste of him a familiar temptation that she could find blind.

He hums low in the back of his throat when her lips part beneath his in invitation, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tongue hot and slow against hers, using his hooked arm to pull her close, legs tangling beneath the sheets. She’s on goddamn fire as he continues to touch her with nothing but his hand in her hair, lips not straying from hers, and it’s not fucking fair because nobody should be able to push all of her buttons and make her want them so badly without even trying. And he’s not trying. This is just… how he is with her, how they are together and it’s maddening and intoxicating and she wonders if it’s always like this when you care. 

Fuck. The thought stops her. Fuck, she cares. She cares if he lives or dies - if something were to happen to him… If it happened because of her, she doesn’t -

“Are you alright, love?” The words are spoken against her lips. No, she’s absolutely not. But she’s not dealing with that right now. She doesn’t want to deal with how or why or when she ended up caring so fucking much, what it could do to her, like it’s done so many times before. She shakes her head, ignoring his question, both her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him back to her, mouth slanting over his in a silent sort of plea. He returns it, though his kiss is gentler than hers, softer and less urgent than it had been a moment ago and her heart and mind grow a bit less frantic. 

He changes the pace, slowing her, calming her, Emma sinking into the purposeful slide of his mouth and tongue and the tug of his fingers in her hair. He pulls away, their breath shallow and he finds her eyes in the dark again. The shadows don’t let her read his expression, but he must see something in hers because his hand slips from her hair, following the strands down her back to her waist where it flattens against her hip, slipping beneath the fabric of her stolen shirt. He moves so slowly, like he expects her to stop him, or he’s just giving her the chance to, but the heat of his palm trailing up her side is the most agonizing kind of torment and she bites hard on her lip to keep from begging as he inches across her skin.

When his hand finds her breast she lets him swallow the gasp that escapes her and the small curse she lets out when his thumb rolls over her nipple. She breathes his name when he continues to touch her, her nails digging into the back of his shoulders when he moves to nip and lick at the pulse point of her neck. He releases her only long enough to work the few buttons of her shirt open and then his mouth is on her breast and the room fills with her poorly silenced gasps and pleas as he teases her with teeth and tongue. 

She’s grateful when he kisses her again, just as his fingers trail over her stomach and dip between her legs, muffling the sound that would have alerted anyone still awake to exactly what was taking place in the dark of the cabin. His touch is fucking perfect, like he’d watched her in that fairy field where he talked her over the edge because ever stroke and curl and thrust is exactly what she likes, exactly what she needs and she knows it won’t take long. 

Killian falters when she reaches for him, fingers sliding into the soft, slippery fabric of his pants and finding him hard and straining in her hand. He bites out her name like a curse when she strokes him and he tries and fails to regain his composure. When her mouth claims his he groans into the kiss, his fingers matching the pace she sets with her hand on him and the roll of her hips. His thumb finds her clit and she bites his lip at the meticulousness of his touch, determined and fervid and she thinks he must be close too if he’s trying to send her over the edge so urgently.

Her free hand is vice-like in his hair, holding him to her as they whisper hushed gasps and curses into each other’s mouths and Emma has to turn her head into his shoulder, teeth sinking into his skin as she feels her climax building, hips rocking frantically as he brings her higher and higher. Her grip on his cock tightens, her strokes faster as she nears that edge. His words fall out in a choked mix of encouragement and pleasure, beard rough against her skin, breath hot on her neck, until she feels him tense against her. He groans a muffled ‘fuck, please, Swan,’ against her throat, fingers curling and urging and then she’s coming, back arching and her cry cut off by his mouth on hers before she feels him spill himself in her hand. 

“Fuck,” Killian curses, low and breathless in the stillness of the Neverland night. She doesn’t have any words, heart still racing and eyes still shut tight, her body feeling like it’s going to float away despite the heaviness in her limbs. She tugs his mouth back to hers with the grip she still has on his hair and the groan he lets out almost makes her feel bad, exhaustion and desperation and desire wrapped into one, low sound. 

He kisses her again, lips moving to her neck, her shoulder, her breast, and she’s about to warn him not to start something he can’t finish as the low hum of warmth settles over her skin, but then his fingers tug the edges of her shirt closed gently, pressing one last kiss to her mouth before standing and retrieving a cloth.

“Was that one of the things you had in mind?” she teases when she hands it back to him and he discards it. Her voice is still breathless and strained as he climbs back into the bed, sliding beneath the covers and taking her hand in his. She watches as he raises it to his lips, placing a kiss to the center of her palm and then weaving his fingers through hers. She tries not to let her heart grow frantic with the mix of fear and longing that surges when he lets their entwined hands rest in the bare space between them. 

“That was… wholly unexpected,” he rasps, thick with sleep and sex. She thinks his eyes are drifting shut, the strain of the day finally taking him even as his thumb strokes carefully over the back of hers, slower and slower as he’s pulled under. 

She watches him for a moment longer, making out the line of his brow and cheek in the dark, the steady rise and fall of his chest, more relaxed than she’s ever seen him. And as she pulls his hand to her mouth, lips settling against the cool metal of his rings, she knows exactly what he means. 

***

Emma wakes to a hand pressed firmly over her mouth, her eyes darting open in panic, muscles tensed, braced for a fight. But where she expects an intruder she finds only Killian, face close to hers, finger held to his lips, and she’d fucking deck him for scaring the shit out of her like this if it weren’t for the seriousness of his expression, the fear he just barely hides beneath the command. She knows that fear can only mean one thing, even before he whispers it into the darkness, eyes darting towards the ceiling, to the deck above them.

Pan.

******

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[moonshynecybin]

it’s probably been said already but rosquez howl’s moving castle

INSANE!!!!!!! vale's tiny earring vaguely androgynous wizard swag... old man marc... this got long?? under the cut

and see the thing is. i think this is a unique kind of torture for someone like marc. truly. like marc knows he's hot. marc enjoys people thinking he's hot. even in this universe, where he's sadly running the family shop so alex doesnt have to, i simply must believe he has six pack abs and is in fact invested in making people look at them. like he views his body as a machine, hes very active, he would NOT enjoy all of the new aches and pains and limitations that come with being magically EIGHTY. so after the witch of the wastes (uccio?? someone jealous and in love with vale LMAOO) brushes in to the hatshop that night and hates marc on sight/fundamentally alters his body, i think he IMMEDIATELY starts militantly looking for a solution.

the solution: the wizard valentino is this oft elusive but INCREDIBLY charismatic wizard known by whisper and rumor to a. be insanely powerful and b. eat the HEARTS out of his young suitors. and marc (CRAZY MAN.) goes oh well im not hot anymore so he wont do that to me. i will make him fix me! and then he invites himself into vale's home and refuses to leave! says i am your new HOUSEKEEPER. and you will help me break my curse thank you :)

BUT: instead of a mystical and powerful wizard, hes confronted with the HOT GUY that he met several weeks ago that he helped escape from the witch of the waste's GOONS. he was like. walking home. and vale (in his big poofy shirt) whisks him into a scheme... looks at marc all bright eyed mischief... and marc hasnt had any enrichment in his enclosure in so long and just feels LIT UP from the inside, falls into step with vale immediately, matching him as they go. feels ALIVE for the first time since alex took his apprenticeship in another town... so he helps vale escape, flirts with him a LOT and laughs even more. smitten. but crucially and unfortunately, he also has NO idea who vale is throughout this. so later when he walks in the door and finds out that the guy he has a major crush on is also THE WIZARD VALENTINO. who also has a small FLEET of HIGHLY SKEPTICAL teen boy apprentices that marc is now kind of in charge of coparenting and like. convincing to clean their rooms, its a bit of an insane time to be marc.

so some WILD but highly amusing control freak behavior from marc ensues.. lots of little frictions as he arrives... pushback from the kids, vale acting cold and dismissive, a brand new body that doesnt do what he wants it to do... but after a while, marc MAKES space for himself. forcibly improves their lives. settles in to a FAMILY and CRUCIALLY starts emotionally fulfilling the little feral animal inside him that yearns to throw himself off of motorcycles at high speeds. get this many adrenaline seeking freaks that know MAGIC in one place and they are inventing new types of danger Know This. marc is with vale and the kids doing insane shit. and for the first time since he took over his family's shop, he is allowing himself to do what he LOVES. find his purpose. enjoy a community. relieve some of the crushing weight of familial responsibility. its literally the best hes ever felt. and he is. SO in love. so so in love.

BUT im gonna pull something from the novel here: marc is also an incredibly powerful sorcerer. has been forever. he just has NO IDEA. like i see marc literally his entire life using magic in little ways to influence all of the crazy thrill seeking stuff that he's done, but entirely unintentionally. but vale fucking knows. could see it the second they met. in FACT. marc has already broken his curse (marc doesnt know that). but he likes sticking around vale. so he's unconsciously keeping himself old so he can avoid leaving. truly, like when he isnt thinking about his body and hes normal and happy he looks like his actual age. marc with silver hair just laughing with vale and the boys... smile lines staying there but wrinkles fading more and more as time passes... he doesnt want to go back to his old life!!! back to being unremarkable in the hatshop like he knows he should!!! and everytime he remembers he looks decades older... but vale doesnt want to lose him either. so he doesnt tell him. but he also vant make a move with it hanging over them like that... so they live in a fraught equilibrium of pining that is also lowkey a marriage LMAO. like you are coparenting. jesus.

EYE THINK. that the breaking point here is alex returning at some point. talking with marc. and marc is. SO happy to see alex. smiling as hard as he can. but also he looks older than he's looked since he first arrived. all of that responsibility and guilt rushing back for abandoning his life at the hatshop. and it TEARS into vale like omg i am keeping him here selfishly away from his brother.... so he sends him away, "breaks" his curse. and marc thinks hes being DUMPED. and thats how the divorce happens....

[lightlycareless]

What are something the kids do that get on Y/N and Naoya’s nerves?

Hello anon!!

Ngl I had no idea how to answer this ask initially because I just kept going back to the same situation over and over again of “well, I don’t think they’d like if they were being loud or disobedient” but that’s kind of expected from any young child and I think they might not really find it that irritating/upsetting, grown used to it by the 3 babies they have by now.

So, I did some research, eventually going with my mom to ask her about, you know, firsthand experiences, and she gave me one that I was completely convinced would be the #1 situation Naoya and you would absolutely hate when it happens.

warnings: none. just family dynamics :> Naoya being a surprisingly good father, he got all kinds of bad examples to not follow, after all.

The one thing that always gets on Naoya’s and Y/N’s nerves (or more like upset them) is … when their kids fight with one other.

And I don’t mean “playfully”, whining because they want what the other has or so, but rather making them cry, angry… and maybe even hit them.

This is undoubtedly the most painful thing Naoya and Y/N had experienced as parents.

The two always pictured having a loving family, strived to do everything in their power for it to happen, and even if there were some bumps along the way, it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle—until reality reminds them that not everything was to be smooth sailing: with clashing personalities, and the unwanted occasional intervention of the Zen’in clan, it was only natural problems like this would arise.

And while both try to comfort each other by saying that sometimes siblings argue, have discussions, or do things to get in the other’s nerves… it isn’t until one of them strikes the other that they actively put a stop to this.

It breaks Naoya’s heart to see that this aspect of his personal life has unwillingly befallen them; and he has no doubts that this is learned behavior, replicated from some of his unruly relatives which he has threatened to keep away from his family…

He doesn’t how they do it, how they have this unspoken talent to stick their noses in what does not concern them, and no matter what he does, Naoya can’t make them stop, infuriating him every single time he remembers this fact!

Nonetheless, he doesn’t give up, and understanding the best he could do is refocus his efforts in what he can change.

Thus, you and Naoya teach the kids on how to deal with these emotions, explain that while its normal to feel frustrated and there’s nothing wrong with it, it’s not okay to take it out with others, specially towards close ones such as family, because it can be very hurtful.

At the end, this turned out to be a very informative and fruitful situation, just another step in their growth, having learned how to apologize, understand why certain things are not right to do, as well as assertively communicate their emotions (to the best of their ability, anyways.) or do activities to let out their pent-up frustrations before they get the best of them.

Aside from this progress, two more things develop from here.

First, amongst the activities they could do to deal with their emotions, Naoya begins to train them in jujutsu. I cannot describe how excited he is to spend time with them, teaching them all he knows of his technique (maybe I’m too greedy, but I like to imagine they took after Naoya’s technique in that matter 🤭) and encourage healthy competition and self-improvement.

Secondly, because these behaviors eventually quieted down, the kids having understood a new sense of what a family means, they all grew protective of one another (specially Naomi, who is the oldest of the 3—no one messes with her baby siblings!) an adorable sight that plants the seed of wanting a bigger family in your and Naoya’s mind, eventually welcoming a 4th member to the family ❤️

:') I like answering questions like this because I end up unwittingly developing their family, from their timeline, personalities, and how naoya and you are as parents 😭❤️

Thank you so much for sending in this ask!! I really wouldn't mind answering more things like this hehe, or if you have general hc's, just let me know!! 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ we gotta spread the domestic side of Naoya please 🤭

Take care and hope to see you soon!!

[witchersmistress]

Family is everything

Hello my darlings i am back!! this particular story is for the lovely @livesinfantasyland so this is my apology to you!

Trigger warnings: warm and fuzzy feelings, angst, saucy feelings and irritations at yours truly

Word count: 1k

my usual warnings, you do not have permission to copy my work in any shape way or form, if you do ill find you and haunt you for the rest of your days

You hated family get-togethers more than anything. Sure you got to see your mom, dad and siblings but that wasn't what made you dread them, not even your mom’s brother whom you rarely see and stopped calling your uncle when you were 15. No no no, it was much worse, it was your fathers best friend that he had met in the military, someone who has known you all your life, someone who not even 30 minutes ago had you cumming in your childhood bedroom, with the pink walls and white frilly covers on your full size bed, because you wore a short dress to the cook out and he didn't like it, that was the man you dreaded to see in a public setting

Captain . Logan. Fucking. Syverson.

That smug mother fucker with his texan drawl, over there sipping a beer with dad,running his hand down his face, his distinctive hand tattoo with some bite marks glaring back at me,  like his face wasnt just buried in my pussy while i bit down on that hand to prevent my screams from escaping. I mean sure with him i have absolutely no problem if he text me “ STFUATTDLAGG”

And I do, no questions asked, like Daddys good little whore, but seeing him at family gatherings or out in public when I am with mom or dad is the bane of my existence. That man damn well knows the effect he has over me and knows i don't control my facial expressions or my mouth all that well, which is why his spreader bar and i have are the best of friends most times. He says I look pretty with my anklets. So you know what I did, I got one of those anklets that have to be welded on much like the bracelets. The look on his face was priceless. My ass was red hours later but totally worth it. I was grinning like the cat who ate the canary, while my mom asked me all sorts of questions about it. My father shook his head and Sy just drawled “Kids will be kids you know” but that wink he gave me while he took a long sip of his beer told me that I was indeed in deep shit, and I loved it.

So that is our game, I find new ways to disobey him and I get punished and I love it. Before I get too far ahead of myself, I probably should explain how I ended up in this situation in the first place and how I ended up with my dad’s best friend being my dom. It's a classic situation of the wrong place at the wrong time. I was out in LA visiting an old friend and Sy was out here for work so my parents felt comfortable letting me go. I lied to his face when I said I was staying in for the night, total bullshit lies but how can you tell someone whom you've known forever that you were going to check out a sex club and put yourself up on the auction block?

Well you don't so you lie like your life depends on it. So here I am drinking a fruity cocktail at the bar waiting for my name to be called. My best friends Ed and Jill were here with me. After all this was her idea and Ed just came along for the ride “Come on’ she said “Lighten up, it's not like you're selling yourself, you are offering up an hour of your time and you get a percentage off your final price'' she wiggled her eyebrows at me. I pulled at my black mini dress “You look hot” Ed said when he was done ogling this drop dead gorgeous male waiter that just walked by, Ed always knew how to pick them. The good looking ones that will break your heart. Syverson included. The club was buzzing with more activity than usual. 

“What's all the fuss about?” I mused out loud. “The boss man is here” a deep barton voice said behind me, causing me to jump. It was the bartender, a sneaky bastard. Placing a hand on my chest, he threw a white towel over his shoulder and gave me a wink before walking away. Jill and Ed were in some kind of debate when a woman dressed in all black with red heels approached me “ Ms. Harlowe?” I nodded, setting my empty glass on the bar, “If you would follow me, you are to be called next” I gulped and followed after her. Jill and Ed gave me a thumbs up as I walked away.

As we walked through the smoky lounge I felt as if ice water was spilled down the back of my neck and down my spine. I looked around to see if I could pinpoint the culprit but it was too crowded to even begin to figure it out. That feeling followed me all the way up to the stage, where the woman rattled off some of the basic rules which I wasn't listening to. I was too busy looking out at the crowd. I spotted Ed and Jill towards the back and the butterflies in my stomach settled but i couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching me from one of those dark corners

“Now Ladies and gentlemen, our last bid for the evening is the lovely, this stunning briar rose, Aurora Harlowe'' swallowing the lump in my throat i made my way into the spotlight and looked around the room, men had sat up straight, specifically one gentlemen in the back, i could only see from his chest down, he had an empty tumblr in his hand that i thought was going to break since he was squeezing it so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

He slammed back what was in the glass before waving to the waitress for another one. Even though i couldn't see him, i knew his gaze was trained on me, the auctioneers voice pulled me out of the haze that Mr. Whiskey had casted on me “ for just one hour of her time, the bidding will start at $10,000” one man called out 11 and another man called out 12, but my heart stopped when a deep timber yelled “$15,000 for the girl” my heart dropped out of my chest and into my stomach there was no doubt in my mind that was Mr. Whiskey himself.

[lacrimosathedark]

hey!!!i just wanted to know what is your lian harper?and cheshire?and roy? i personally love them what about you

I'm guessing your asking my opinion on them?

I love Roy Harper. He's been through so much and struggled and been treated like shit but damn if he doesn't do his best to be the best dad ever. Man turned his life around entirely when he learned he had a kid and I genuinely love that for him. And when he's not written by dickbags he's also just so sweet as a whole while still acting like a cocky asshole and I love that about him.

Lian is a fucking angel, she's so sweet and pretty funny sometimes, and now she can kick ass and has blue hair and tats. Hell yeah. Love her. I also admittedly love the idea of heroes having kids. It makes stories so interesting, especially if you can get the kid's perspective. And gosh, little Lian also just loved her daddy so much it breaks my heart sometimes. At like not even 4 she could tell her dad was consistently depressed and didn't want to sleep and leave him alone I love her so much.

I hate Cheshire with the passion of a thousand suns. Jade Nguyen is a cold-blooded killer who actively enjoys the suffering she causes, takes pleasure in poisoning and murdering people, and not even her immense love for her daughter is enough to make her stop. To me, she is the worst fucking thing possible; a genuinely loving and not awful parent who is an unforgivably awful person. Lian's gonna have to face that eventually, and it won't be pretty. Unless they change Jade's entire character in an attempt to redeem her.

But last time Cheshire played anti-hero and protected Alleytown, not even a week later she tried to kill Jason and was talking about how she'd wanted to for a long time and was having a blast with it. She is irredeemable to me. Fuck her (but not literally that's caused historic changes in reality)

[zealouswerewolfcollector]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@sallysavestheday and @grey-gazania, thank you so much for tagging me! This seems like fun.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 55 non-anon works under the username HewerOfCaves. (122, counting anon fics and my previous usernames).

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 168.204, but if I count my previous lives on Ao3, probably around 400.000

3. What fandoms do you write for? Silmarillion. I'm an one fandom kind of writer.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Idea Dump - 20-chapter collection of random ficlets and drabbles

For the World's End - My very first fic in the fandom! Post-canon Maedhros angst

We Live a Lie - A slightly disturbing ficlet about Fëanor in Arda Unmarred

A King Uncrowned (A King Enthroned) - Maedhros and Fingolfin on the day of Fingolfin's coronation

Ages of Secrets - Russingon and the people who knew their secret through the ages. Tbh, I'm still baffled that this is among my more popular fics.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I can't rest easy until I've responded to all my comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Heh, I thrive on angst, so this is a very hard question. I can't choose just one. It's a tie between Monomachy (Maedhros and Fingon cross paths during the Third Kinslaying), Happy Ending (Maedhros daydreaming, it's just... bleak) and Alone in the Unknown (Maglor reaches his breaking point, Maedhros reached his a long time ago; this entire series is angsty, but this part is the angstiest of all).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I went looking and was surprised to discover that I've written fewer happy endings than I thought :D But I still have some!

Peculiar Spiritual Connection - QP Russingon and their happy, carefree post-canon ending with just a smidgen of angst.

Greetings Without Farewells - Teenage Maedhros and Maglor, kid Celegorm and Fingon are happy in the bliss of Valinor.

What's in a Name - Debatable because the protagonist, Turgon, is decidedly not happy, but everyone else is, so...

8. Do you get hate on fics? Hasn't happened yet, thankfully. I hope it never will.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I actually started writing smut and am actively trying not to be embarrassed about it. As to what kind... What kinds are there? :D So far, I've written two kinds - wouldn't this be fucked up and wouldn't this be hot. Here's what I have:

Proxy - Maedhros/Fingon, unrequited Maedhros/Maglor. Wouldn't this be fucked up kind of fic. All characters are definitely fucked up.

The Hunters - Maedhros/Aredhel and they are both women. Wouldn't this be hot kind of fic. It would.

Kaleidoscope - Fingon/Sons of Feanor, M-rated but still fucked up.

Purification - Maedhros/Thingol. Actually, I think this is both wouldn't it be fucked up and wouldn't it be hot.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? My only attempt at writing a crossover crashed and burned. It was supposed to be SPN/Silm :/

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not! I'm not aware of it at least.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! Very nice people have translated some of my fics into Chinese and Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once, in a different fandom. It was a reincarnation AU, and me and the other author took turns writing each life of the characters. It was very fun.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? It's Russingon. No contest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Every WIP is a WIP I want to finish but doubt I ever will. If seriously, it's probably my Maedhros on the Thangorodrim fic. I started it about five years ago and haven't finished it yet. And it's not a long fic! If I finish it, it'll be 5k at most, I think. I don't know, I'm just over Maedhros suffering. I want him to be happy. That's a lie, but I just can't deal with the whole Thangorodim torture.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue. Twist endings. Breaking people's hearts.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Descriptions. Beautiful comparisons and metaphors. Also, I have a very narrow focus, meaning that there is only one fandom, one ship and very few characters I write for. I rarely diversify.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic. Not a fan. A few words are fine, but entire lines are too much for me.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I shan't say.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? It changes all the time. Right now, I'm fond of To Evil End. Fingon lives, but will it change everything for the better? The answer may surprise you but probably won't.

Tagging @eccentricmya, @runawaymun, @echo-bleu, @searchingforserendipity25, @undercat-overdog

[wicked-jade]

OOOHHHH for the fic ask: I please? And since it's you, also K :D

Thanks for the asks!! 💖💖💖

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Hmm, I can't really think of any examples off the top of my head. I'm fairly shameless and don't have much guilt when it comes to liking what I like, I guess. 😂

Does putting Johnny through the emotional wringer count?

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

You know me well. 😂 One of them is already an active WIP: Or Forever Hold Your Peace. Basically, for the uninitiated: Dutch and Johnny are bitter exes that haven't spoken in years, and are reunited at Jimmy's wedding. That one is pretty angsty, because Johnny is just not in a good place. Like, even by my usual standards. I can't really say much about it without spoiling future chapters, but there are hints scattered throughout it about their history, and what went down the night Dutch got arrested that messed Johnny up so badly.

Let's see, what else... At one point, I also considered a 'Bad Luck' sequel where Daniel has a heart attack during class, right in front of Johnny and the kids. It was going to be based on a series of drabbles I wrote for one of the AV100 prompts. But I have too many unfinished sequels in that series already, so I never bothered starting it.

But the absolute angstiest idea was for a stand-alone LawRusso fic. I never wrote it because it features a much darker version of Daniel than I usually write, and I got cold feet. It was going to be set after they lose the All Valley in S4. They lose their dojos, and both of their lives fall completely apart. Carmen blames Johnny for Miguel running off and breaks up with him when he fails to find him. Daniel goes into a downward spiral, much like S5. Amanda leaves him, and the dealership fails despite the Doyona bailout. Silver wins. But instead of going to Johnny for help, Daniel blames him for everything and takes it all out on him. And Johnny feels so guilty/hates himself so much for fucking up everything with Miguel and Robby, that he figures he deserves it and just lets him. Cue lots of dirty/nasty hate sex, with self-loathing, self-destructive Johnny letting Daniel use him to vent all of his pain and rage (while also having feelings for Daniel that he knows are not reciprocated.)

So yeah, that one was very dark. All hurt, no comfort. Just very, very bleak.

[irenewsky]

My experience watching 9-1-1, or alternatively, my slow descent into madness.

Made the decision to watch all of 9-1-1 from the beginning since I’ve only ever watched episodes of it here and there when my mom was watching it. So, I thought it would be fun to document the experience.

Spoiler alert, my favourite characters in this show are Buck and Eddie. Expect a lot of text about them. Also, they only have seasons 1-6 available in my country and the 7th is only now being shown on tv so… no seasons 7 or 8 in this one.

Here we have it. Prepare yourselves, long as fuck post incoming. And spoilers, obviously.

Season 1

Oh, Abby. Right. You were a character in this show. I forgot that you existed.

OMFG CHIMNEY HAD AN IRON REBAR GO THROUGH IS HEAD??????!!? I did not remember this

HEN NOOOO DON’T CHEAT ON YOUR FUCKING WIFE

”You can always ask for help if you need it” *bobby nods* ”help” istg that had me in tears

”I killed my family” the hot pastor and I had the exact same look of shock on our faces.

Rip abbys mom ig

Early season 1 Buck and Seasons 7-8 Buck are like night and day

Season 2 (took me through the wringer)

It’s somehow very funny to watch how Buck is trying to be a little stand-offish toward Eddie as is they aren’t gonna become the bestest of friends.

The fucking insane move to introduce Eddie to us by making other characters point out how beautiful he is, showing him changing clothes and having Whatta Man play in the background. Oh and then have Buck act like a jealous brat pulling on Eddie’s methaphorical pigtails

Nothing as bonding as removing an active bomb from a man’s leg 🤝

Urgh this Taylor Kelly girl pisses me off. She probably has her reasons for being the way she is but right now, at this very moment, she’s giving me hives

Bobby doesn’t like her either! My man! 🙌🏻

Aaaand now I’m crying over an elderly gay couple. Like actually, properly sobbing. They stayed together, even death didn’t do them apart 😭

TOMMY?!? He was introduced to us in season 2 (Hen’s episode)??!

The old chief Gerrard was an asshole. A true piece of shit.

They called each other ’brother’ exactly one (1) time and it both sounded and felt so wrong I'd be glad if that never happened again

”You two have an adorable son” no way she just said that. bless you santa’s elf. And buck didn’t even have the heart to deny it

NO WAY DOUG WAS THE MAN WHO CHIMNEY MET AT THE MOVIE RENTAL! FUCK!

NO CHIMNEY STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT MADDIE! HE’S HER ABUSIVE EX

NO NO NONONONONO CHIMNEY HE’S BEHIND YOU NOOO CHIMNEY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

Ah, the asshole chief is back

I feel bad for Howard. Seasons 1 and 2 really have made life kick his ass

Tommy. My dude. What the fuck. ”If I ever even thought about you, I probably wouldn’t [like you]” like damn, okay

Chimney just can’t catch a break huh

I really, really, really hate guns. Truly one of the worst inventions ever

”Guess I’m a man in a uniform too, huh” is that uniform a turd shaped costume?

IN THE FACE?! WITH A FIRE POKER?! Let’s goooo Maddie

Holy shit Maddie. That’s…. Wow

Bobby: *gets suspended and tried to plan a wedding* also bobby: *becomes an agony aunt to 118 crew*

This bomber kid is a fucking idiot! It’s not the 118’s or Bobby’s fault that his dad is a moron

Rip Buck’s leg. Also, the people were so quick to go and help lift the entire fire engine off buck’s leg. Humanity and compassion win again.

Season 3

christopher and buck being besties! This is what I’ve been waiting for 🗣️

Buck? Shit. BUCK!

Blood clots???? Aw man that’s not good

”You could have died” ”but I didn’t” this show in a nutshell

Is this the ”life kicking Buck’s ass” season?

Wait. Wasn’t there a real life case where a woman cut a baby out of another woman because she had been lying to her husband about being pregnant? Or am i tripping?

Uncle Buck! Uncle Buck!

Sidenote: how is Buck able to afford this nice ass loft apartment with a firefighter salary? Granted, I have no idea what the salary is for a LA firefighters but I imagine it’s not much.

Hold up. Is this… is this the tsunami episode..? It is. Oh no.

You’re gonna amputate the man’s arm??? I feel sick. I hate things like this. Nah, I can’t. I gotta skip this.

”Buck… There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you” stoopppppp that’s so sweet

Ah yes, this is 9-1-1, a show where Evan ’Buck’ Buckley is always going through it. If you think you’re having a bad day, then rest assured, Buck is always having a worse one.

Not Buck and Eddie arguing in the grocery store like they're a married couple going through a nasty divorce and a custody battle

Buck, respectfully, the decision to sue the city and the fire department was and is a stupid ass decision. Bobby was right about you being a liability for the time being because if you got seriously hurt on job then you being on bloodthinners is gonna make things risky.

Good, the besties are talking again. Don’t stress me out here, Eddie and Buck.

Sooo when are you going to tell your bff about the illegal fighting ring you’ve been attending, Eddie? 🤨 and that you needed to be bailed out of jail? and that you wanted him to do that and were angry and bitter that you couldn't call him?

Bobby did ice skating? Not the kind of lore drop I expected but pop off king

Oh I love the relationship between Buck and Eddie

”Hey Buck, can I spend christmas with you?” Chris, buddy, you’re breaking my heart here.

Buck randomly throwing out fun facts is something that can be so important to me

2012 called. It wants its song back (Phillip Phillips? In 2024? I say)

”i guess there really is no honor among thieves” A SLY COOPER REFERENCE?!

EDDIE YOU CUT THE FCKN LINE?!

Buck digging up the ground and screaming Eddie’s name will never not hurt to watch

Eddie to his dad: ”you don’t get to make up for lost time with your children by stealing mine” *stares hard at season 8*

Buck feeling lonely and having a fear that everyone he’s ever loved has left and is gonna leave him… that, uh, that’s too relatable buddy

Buck has such a big heart and so much love to give. He deserves every ounce of happiness there is

Ain’t no way Abby ghosted Buck and then had the audacity to show up again but this time engaged to another man. Immediately no.

Also a long sidenote that I’m leaving here because I think this happens around seasons 3-4 of 911 canon timeline: I started watching 911 Lone Star after catching up with season 7 and the collab episode in season 2? I can’t believe TK thought Buck was (maybe) asking him out. Buck wasn’t even aware of his bisexuality at that time so my question is: just how much chaotic bisexual energy has this man been unknowingly radiating? And how did a firefighter from Texas, who by all means was a stranger until now, clock that so fast? Also! The fact that Eddie doesn’t really use social media (relatable king) but has posted pics about Chris and Buck there. And ofc, Hen being an actual badass once again! AND ALSO I’m never gonna forgive this show for never showing us the visit Eddie, Buck and Hen made to see Eddie’s family in El Paso. I feel robbed.

Season 4 (my bias for Buck is on full blast during this season (as if that wasn’t case in last season, too, or the upcoming ones))

I’m happy for Maddie and Chimney, but everything related to pregnancy makes me really uncomfortable

Happy that Buck’s finally going to theraphy. Also Copeland is a funny ass name for a therapist

Not Bobby lifting the robot vacuum out like it’s a misbehaving dog lmaoooo

If I remember correctly, there was a deep dark Buckley family secret buried somewhere there

*Eddie throwing out a fun fact* ”I can know weird stuff too” you’ve spent a lot of time with Buck huh

Hildy - Eddie’s new arch enemy

The fact they didn’t make a baby box for Buck is fucked up. Truly shows how little they care for him. Also, the fact all of the family has been lying to him for decades!

Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to get another child to save your other sick kid and then not love and care for the kid that you brought into this world after the other one dies???? Fucked up. It’s no wonder Buck feels unloved, invisible, and unworthy of anything good, when this is the kind of shit he had to grow up in the shadows of.

And the fact that he felt like he had to get hurt or do something reckless to get at least little attention??

I look at younger Buck and all I feel is this intense big sis instinct kick in

Not Bobby and Michael stalking the next building neighbour and his suspicious trash lmao

The vibes I’m getting from Ana Flores… I don’t know how to feel about them. She might be cool but rn idk

You’re telling Chris about Ana already? Isn’t it a bit too soon? You’re not even sure if this relationship will go anywhere, let alone last. Chris certainly didn’t seem too happy about to hear about it

Chris ran to Buck?? That’s so sweet. He just needed a friend, someone to talk to.

Oh thank god the pregnancy plotline is done. I don’t have to feel uncomfy anymore

Buck is so popular with the kids 😭 love that for him

How is Taylor not interested in Buck’s random facts?? That’s one of the things I like about him. I love it when people have their own points interests and are enthusiastic about them.

Oh yeah the police chief from the Grimm is a police in this one too. What a type cast lol

Nooo, mom and dad are fighting 😭 (athena and bobby)

EDDIE HOLY SHIT HE GOT SHOT NO NONONONONO!

And the way Buck and him just looked at each other for a moment. The sounds around them becoming muted, ears ringing, disbelief evident. 

I just realized… Buck crawled under the fire engine… despite being crushed by one in the past. The adrenaline kicked in real hard.

GET HIM BUCK! GO GO GO GO GO

”Are you hurt?” It’s very sweet of you to be worried about Buck but now is not the time eddie

”I need you to hang on” he’s begging. Buck is begging for eddie to fight. I’m crumbling in pieces.

Oh buck, he is barely holding himself together. He’s shaking like a leaf.

Well, Buck, you’re now Chris’ guardian for the time being

Not Buck just breaking down in tears 😭 you’re gonna make me cry too

I think I’ve cracked to code for why I don’t really enjoy Taylor. It’s bc I like her more as Buck’s friend than I do as his love interest. like, she's cool and ambitious and it would be great to see more of her outside of this relationship

”Still. I think it might have been better for him [Christopher] if I was the one who got shot” boy what the actual hell are you saying. As if Eddie would ever agree with that

FUCK! NOT BOBBY TOO! SHIT

You made Buck Christopher’s legal guardian should the unthinkable happen to you? I was half joking when I said Buck was his guardian for the time being but okay. ALSO, you did that 2 years ago, meaning you two had known each other less than two years at that point. If that doesn’t demonstrate the level of love and trust then I don’t know what does

...This will scene is going to haunt my every waking thought and my every dream from this moment onward, isn’t it

Also, the way Eddie hates the thought of Chris going to his parents because ”it’s not what I wanted then. It’s not what I want now”. Oh season 4 eddie, you’ll hate to see seasons 7 and 8 coming

”But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him” shut up omg. You two istg. 

Season 5 (*phew* what a season):

eddie? I think it’s normal to get panic attacks over getting shot. But it is kinda sus that the attack hit the moment the sales associate thought Ana was Chris’ mom

This piece of shit Jeffrey has such a punchable face.

I should add Eddie to the group of ”always having a worse day than you.” Buck’s there already so he at least has company

Ah yes, a panic attack. Totally normal reaction to having your girlfriend be confused for your wife (please talk to someone Eddie)

”He takes Christopher there [the zoo] all the time. Has the place memorized” i hate you two so much (affectionate)

Sometimes the music choices are too spot on lmao i love it

Yeah, maybe breaking up with Ana is the better choice here all around

Buck and Chimney can now form a new group called ”victims of Maddie just up and leaving when they needed her and when it was clear she herself needed help” …it’s a very exclusive group

Claudette needs to grab a piece of humble pie real quick. Her holier-than-thou attitude is not it (she pisses me off)

”There’s no shame in asking for help” May didn’t ask tho??? jesus fucking christ Claudette. Let. Her. Do. Her. Job.

Oh look, it’s Lucifer - locked up, planning to escape and make people’s lives a living hell (yes, this is a Supernatural reference. Yes, I think I’m hilarious)

The universe is not gonna give Buck and Eddie a break, is it? A hostage situtation? Really? Starting to sound like an average Tuesday for these two

The way Buck screamed Eddie’s name after thinking he got shot again 😭😭

Buck, that burnt orange colour looks so good on you. Really brings out the blueness of your eyes 👌🏻👌🏻

Ain’t no way this show is still edging me with the back story to Chimney’s nickname. It’s been five whole seasons.

I kinda love having the Grimm cop in this show too. Don’t ask me why bc idk

Oh how I wish this proposal goes well for Micha- HOLY SHIT AN EXPLOSION

Actually obsessed with Buck and his floral patterned dishwashing gloves (I love this dorky trivia-dumper so much)

Buck having to listen to stories about his dad’s (bobby) sex life. Scarred for life.

Christopher’s just as particular about decorating the christmas tree as I am

Ah yes, every girl’s dream christmas gift: a portable generator

YOU’RE LEAVING THE 118?! Eddie! You’re just gonna leave everyone? Leave your partner??

Oh Eddie’s gonna be absolutely miserable. That man is not made for a boring and steady 9 to 5 desk job

I feel like I’ve neglected to show my love and appreciation for Bobby so here it is. I love Bobby. Best team dad

Okay Buck, what happened to staying loving and loyal to your girlfriend??

Not both Eddie and Buck digging holes deep enough to reach Australia for themselves… these two I swear

*sighs* fine, I’ll add Maddie to the list of ”always having a worse day than you”

The Buckley siblings have it rough man

Eddie’s struggling as well. Glad he’s going to theraphy.

Okay, I’ll admit. Taylor has started to grow on me. I still don’t like how she was ready to use Bobby’s addiction and grief to get a newsworthy piece but she does seem to like Buck and she doesn’t deserve to get cheated on, even if it was ”just” a kiss that ”didn’t mean anything”

What in the Magnus Archives episode 16 is this. The dude’s buried in spiders and web.

Chris is lucky he has a working Macbook. Mine would end its puny existence if I even tried to play a game more taxing than ”A Date with Death” on it

The fact that Chris called Buck when he was scared and knew his dad needed help 😭 there’s so much trust in that boy’s heart towards Buck

Eddie and Buck really have seen each other at their best and at their lowest

The heart to heart convos between Eddie and Buck are what I live for

Buck truly goes over and beyond for Eddie and Chris. I mean, introducing them to Carla even though Eddie didn’t ask him to, taking Chris and Eddie to equine theraphy because he thought it might be fun for Chris and to make Eddie see how his actions helped Charlie, being always ready take Chris to school if needed… He is such a good man 🥺

Like, I look at those two and all I can think of is that one Grey’s Anatomy quote ”you’re my person. You will always be my person”. I’m going fucking feral (if you haven’t noticed already)

Also, shoutout to the tumblr user who pointed out that Eddie told Chris that he was just happy to silently listen to his late wife yap… and now Eddie listens to Buck’s in depth ramblings about things he’s done a wikipedia deep dive into… the parallel… i’m unwell.

God, I love Karen and Hen. Let’s go lesbian’s let’s go

Claudette’s still testing me. That condescending attitude is driving me nuts.

Buck was so shaken by the reality that he could have actually lost Bobby who is, for all intents and purposes, his only real father figure 😭

WAIT CLAUDETTE DIED?! I didn’t like her but I also didn’t want her to die!

Wait. Wait wait wait. Did mr. Monday kill her???

Saw a post saying that Hen and Chim match each other’s freak perfectly and I can do nothing but 100% agree

Why are you two so domestic!!? 🗣️🗣️🗣️

Who the FUCK tells their 10 year old son to man up and be the man of the house?????? That’s a child!! Man, both Eddie’s and Buck’s parents are fucked up

Buck being the first to end the relationship?? Therapy and boundaries look good on you, my man

Eddie, oh my darling Eddie. You have NO idea how good of a timing you had with that visit to see Bobby. Oh my god.

Season 6

New season, same old domesticity. Cooking for Eddie and Chris, joking about exes, just having grand old time together… god I love this trio

Aww Buck is so desperate to make a good impression so that Bobby would choose him to be the vice-captain while he’s away. Kinda cute, but also a little embarrassing ngl

Okay, why is Eddie pouring coffee actually one of the most attractive things I’ve seen in this show??? My aroace self is actually a little shocked. I don’t know why that specifically got to me lmaooo (ryan guzman, you are one beautiful man) (S6 ep. 1 at 31:52)

Oh, Hen, you’re stretching yourself way too thin

Hold up. Ain’t no way that the little girl, who went missing when Athena was a child, has been buried underneath their house this entire time

Buck becoming a sperm donor wasn’t the kind of storyline I was expecting from him this season but okay sure I guess 🧐

I want to ride my bi-cy-cle 🗣️🚴🎶

Hen and Buck, drunk as skunks, listening to their friends resuscitate an overdosed dog - my heaven, I love this show

Trouble in the Diaz household. It ain’t easy being a parent to a pre-teen

Why am I stressed about Hen’s test re-do 😭 guess you can leave higher education but the higher education stress does not leave you

Not Chim wingmaning Hen and Karen together. A true bestie

The gods of Pompeii might actually hate you girlie pop (or maybe it’s just a greedy man and your assistant)

”Four weeks of abstinence” ”it’s starting to sound like a whole another type of emergency” *laughs in asexual*

Eddie ”i’ll believe it when I see it” Diaz

Connor and his wife: ”I hope we didn’t make this awkward for you” well, if I was Buck I would be praying for the ground to swallow me so no, not awkward at all

BEES 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Unle Buck 🥺 he loves Jee so much

The little onesie for Connor and his wife’s baby 😭 oh buck the man that you are

Dry thunderstorm… this can’t be going towards what think it is…

It’s weird to hear Chimney call Buck ’Evan’

Chim’s dad: ”a man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it’s unnatural” well that’s a stupid ass opinion

You know the opinion was shitty when even the Buckley parent’s are ready to defend their son

Buck getting hit by lightning. Eddie screaming Buck’s name. Yelling at Buck to talk to him. I’m unwell

Was that Eddie doing compressions on Buck??? 😭

”We’ll do our best” ”do more!” Oh. Oh my heart

The fact that Buck’s in-another-life fantasy is about him having a loving and caring family 😭😭😭 Sucks that Doug is there and that bobby’s dead. AND Eddie doesn’t have custody of Chris??? yeah, scratch everything I said. This is a nightmare.

Eddie can barely look at Buck and is crying as Chris talks to him 😭 i’m unconsolable

Buck, 911 Lone Star S2 ep. 3: ”my captain is not my dad but might as well be.” May: ”Mom brought two kids into this marriage. And you brought one” bobby and Buck’s father-son relationship is actually something that is so important to me 🥹

Aww Buck ran to Eddie’s place to get away from his many visitors. His safe place

Yeah, Buck seems to be at least okay with how things are with his parents currently, but me? I don’t forgive and forget that easily. They should be groveling at Buck’s feet, begging for forgiveness.

Math wizard Buck!

Eddie looks SO good in that turtleneck and blue suit 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 exquisite. Maroon velvet suit looks fantastic on Buck, too.

No way Eddie brought Buck to a secret poker den

”3 minutes and 17 seconds” You counted the time Buck was dead down to the exact seconds???? Oh, eddie. I mean, if my person, my soulmate, died then I too would have counted

Human calculator Buck and his biggest hype man Eddie

Tía Pepa setting Eddie up for a blind date… I wish I could say I don’t relate to his frustration, but unfortunately I do. The talking to that I gave to my aunt… oh I was positively livid.

Ravi Panikkar my boy hello, long time no see

I swear to god, Eddie is so demisexual and/or demiromantic coded it’s not even funny. Eddie, I’m gonna gently hold your hands as I tell you little something about aro and ace spectrums

Eddie shouldn’t be forced to date if he doesn’t want to. I mean, compulsory heterosexuality and amatonormativity are shitty as fuck. I would know!

And so the saga of ”Eddie being pressured into finding someone to date” continues… poor dude (I hate that I can relate)

Very wedding and relationship heavy, these last few episodes

Hello Natalia. Bye Natalia. (is it weird that I actually have this certain fondness for her after reading a pic that started as Buck/Natalia and Eddie/Marisol and ended with Buck/Eddie and Natalia/Marisol? Such a good fic)

Omg no, Ravi is a landlord

Oh right this was Marisol

Omg no. No no no no no. Eddie’s in the van!! He's being crushed!

”i’m fine” eddie, you have multiple broken ribs. You are NOT fine

To be fair, Kameron did herself a solid by going to stay with Buck because at least he’s trained to help with this whole giving birth thing. Also, it is not lost on me that he’s helping her give birth to a child he kinda helped to bring into existence. Poetic cinema. A full goddamn circle.

My god SOMEONE give this man a child

Also, you might have to burn your couch Buck. Sorry.

Okay, Marisol seems really nice (too bad I already know everything that’s gonna go down in this relationship (love you tumblr). It ain’t gonna be pretty)

[fiona-fififi]

⏳⏳🧭🏃‍♂️‍➡️ if I may be so greedy

My love, you can be as greedy as you want. I am, however, very, very late answering this, so have many more sentences than you requested. 💚

⏳️ Eddie's gone (aka the coma!fic)

As an aside, this one decided to give me all the problems, and I kind of hate where it landed, so whether this is where it will end up, I don't know, but it's what I managed for now. Also, I have done zero research for this fic, so like. no one expect any kind of medical accuracy, we're here for the drama.

They make it to the hospital in record time, Buck stumbling through the doors on wobbly legs and heading straight for Eddie, leaving Maddie behind in his desperation. No one stops him—a testament to just how much time he's spent at Eddie’s side in the last months—and he's grateful for the grace of the staff, too afraid of just how quickly he would break down if confronted, and desperate to keep himself together at least until he knows what's happened. 

He's a few steps from Eddie's room, at a near sprint, when Eddie's doctor steps out in front of him, and he only just manages to stop himself before barreling into her, breath coming heavy as he stares with wild eyes. “What is it?” the words a rush of fear and hope, the sound jumbled enough that he's not sure she'll even understand.

But she does, maybe out of pure instinct, and she gives him a sympathetic smile and reaches out to lay a comforting hand on his elbow, steering him gently away from Eddie. He wants to protest, twists back to look over his shoulder, even as she guides him toward the little waiting room nearby that Buck hates with his entire being.

“Mr. Buckley,” she says carefully, tone even, not betraying a bit of what she's about to say, “let's talk in here. You can sit, make yourself comfortable.”

And he knows she's being kind, but he's tired of being handled with kid gloves and the last thing he could possibly do in this moment is sit anywhere other than Eddie's side, so he stands his ground, even in shaky legs, and shakes his head in defiance. “No,” he tells her, not unkind, but forceful, “just tell me what's going on.” 

“It's good news,” she promises, and Buck lets out a shuddering breath he hadn't realized he was holding, tries desperately to keep the tears from gathering in his eyes. 

Maddie rounds the corner, then, just in time to hear the words, and her eyes fill with a relief Buck thinks must mirror his own when he meets her gaze for a brief moment. He reaches for her, and she meets him there where his feet feel nailed to the floor, tucks him into her side in a way that makes him feel small and safe, and he clings as he chokes out the words “good how?”

“There have been some changes. He regained consciousness for about five minutes earlier. It was short-lived, but it implies improvement we hadn't fully expected. We're running some tests now, but when it happened, he was alert and seemed coherent. He asked for Christopher. And for you,” she tells him, and it's matter-of-fact in a way that feels unreal—because the idea that Eddie's awake, that he’s recovering in a real way and awake feels like some kind of miracle, but her tone reflects none of the intense joy that threatens to knock him off his feet.

“He-he's awake?” Buck chokes out, voice threatening to die in his throat as he struggles to keep himself upright, clutches to Maddie's shoulder to steady himself.

“At the moment, he's resting. And he's weak. All the work his body's been doing to help him recover has taken a lot out of him, and with all the time he was comatose, even the smallest activities are going to be a struggle for him for a bit. Probably a long while. So I want you to be prepared for that when you walk in that room. It may well seem like nothing has changed,” she speaks carefully, and Buck knows it for the warning it is—what he will see is the same thing he has for months now, and he knows it's going to feel like a knife to the heart even with all the assurances, “but I assure you that things are improving rapidly. He's still not completely out of the woods, but we expect him to wake again, and recovery looks promising.” She pauses for a moment. Let's Buck take in the information, and he's grateful for the pause. “Are there any questions I can answer for you?”

Buck nods, tears suddenly flooding his eyes as he chokes on the words that try to tumble from his throat. “Can—can I see him?”

“Of course,” the doctor smiles at him in a way that doesn't feel like it's full of pity for the first time since Eddie was admitted, and it makes Buck feel out of sorts in a way he's not sure he expected. “Just remember that he may not wake while you're in there, but that doesn't mean he's not making progress.” Buck nods at the reassurance, and he clings a little tighter to Maddie. “I'll be close by if you have any questions. I'm glad I could give you some good news today.”

Her tone is soft and earnest, and Buck holds himself together as she walks away, even as the tears that flood his eyes start to fall. He sucks in a harsh breath as soon as she's gone, choking on a sob as he turns to tuck himself into Maddie's arms as she tugs him close and hugs him tight, hushing him gently just as she had in their childhood, and he lets the rush of tears fall as relief overwhelms him.

🧭 Eddie's gone - alternative universe

WARNING for suicidal ideation on this one.

“Buck?”

It takes a moment for the pull of consciousness to settle over him. He feels comfort like he hasn't in days—soft fingers stroke his hair, and for a moment, the voice sounds like Eddie's, even if part of him knows it's only in dreams.

“Evan, can you open your eyes for me?”

It takes him longer than it should, too bone weary and aching for waking. But then a quiet “please” that sounds almost as broken as feels pulls him back, and he forces his eyes open. Finds Maddie sitting on the arm of the couch beside him, eyes damp with unshed tears, and lips pressed into a tight line with worry.

“You weren't answering your phone,” she tells him in that shaky voice that's somehow endlessly gentle and equally as accusatory. 

He blinks a few times. Tries to process her words through the fuzziness of his mind. Pushes himself up until he's sitting up, hunches over, but out of her reach. He thinks he notices her lips press tighter in distress. Knows he should feel guilty. Can't really feel at all.

“Told you,” he insists, tone a little harsher than is fair, “I need some time.”

“What, so you can sit here and drink yourself to death?” Her tone turns just a little angry. He understands why when she tosses the bottle of pills into his lap that had been sitting open on his coffee table next to a near empty bottle of whiskey when he'd passed the night before. “You can't take these with alcohol, Buck. You could have killed yourself.”

“Yeah,” he snaps back before he can think, all the hurt built up in ways he doesn't know how to control dampening his common sense, “that was the point.”

🏃‍♂️ Maddie's not the only fugitive in the family

“Buck,” Eddie finally murmurs, drawing Buck's eyes to his, and there's so much guilt and worry there that Eddie feels himself soften further, as he tries on a sad smile, “I promise you, I am okay.”

Buck watches him for long moments, big sad eyes locked on Eddie's until he finally gathers himself, trying to blink away all the emotion he'd let Eddie see, even as he whispers “I missed you” so quiet that Eddie's not sure he's supposed to hear. 

And part of Eddie wants to be angry over that—wants to scoff and remind Buck that he's the one who left. But Eddie can't bring himself to respond with cruelty to Buck's vulnerability. So instead, Eddie gives him a sad smile and answers with a soft “missed you, too,” because he means it, and he hopes Buck knows.

Buck stays for a moment longer, holds Eddie's eye for as long as they can both stand, and then, finally, drags himself away and stands, moving back toward the door, where he digs through a small stack of shoes until he produces a pair of barely worn slippers with hard soles. He holds them up triumphantly and then returns to kneel before Eddie once more, carefully helping him to slip them on. When Eddie tries to protest, Buck shakes his head. “Uh-uh,” Buck scolds gently, “no arguments. You're going to get cold without them.”

And Eddie can admit he's probably right. Even with the warmth of the little space, he can admit that there's an underlying chill in the hardwood floors that he's not entirely accustomed to, so he nods and responds with a sincere “thank you” that has Buck grinning, much of the earlier discomfort melting away as he clambors to his feet.

Once he's up, Buck starts moving near immediately, smile still in place, and Eddie's not sure Buck has even realized how much his earlier tension has melted away. “I'm gonna go grab you a sweater, so you can ditch the bulky jacket, and then I'll make us some dinner. Sit tight, okay?”

For a moment, Eddie considers protesting. Wants to tell Buck he doesn't need to go through all the trouble. But Buck is already gone, ducking back into what Eddie imagines is the bedroom, and Eddie can't bring himself to crush the ease Buck seems to have regained at the idea of helping care for Eddie, so instead, he strips the jacket off his shoulders and lays it carefully over the arm of the couch to wait for Buck to reappear. 

Make Me Write

[kairithemang0]

Tomorrow it's been a year. A year since he was here. So, lets talk about all the things he did <3 gonna get a little tmi but I need this off my chest because I'm finally realizing the gravity of the situation and maybe I'm just overdramatic but honestly, I'm so over it at this point I want to wrap it all up in a nice little bow and never think about it again

One year to when he kissed me, when he turned on the food network incase we "made too much noise". he was 17, I was 14. Just found out about this now but a year before he asked my cousin to have sex with him because "they were basically both adults" (both 16 at the time). He was into my friend, he actively talked about how much he loved her when i was having a panic attack, after he kissed me he said she was just so damn cute (they met in person for the first time that day). He told me I was a bad friend because I said that him practically begging an aroace person to date him wasn't a good idea and then getting pissed when they broke up with him, refusing to talk to me after i tried to comfort him, saying a loved and cared about him. he ghosted me for 3 days after, he didn't come online that entire time and when he came back he begged me not to be mad at him, said he loved me with all his heart and wanted to be with me and be there for me. He asked me to break up with my partner, a partner I cared about, a partner I adored. I did so. We're still friends, she's found a lovely person. I'm so happy for her. Me and my friend would make jokes about how we're in a love triangle with him and how her and I should get together as a fuck you. He said what we had was straight, that no matter what gender I idenitified as he'd never be gay. He used my deadname under his breath, he made me look at him. I hate eye contact but he held my face and forced me to look at him. He pushed me away when he turned 18. He said he was "too worried about falling for me". That was in December. Back to last july after he left he said he wanted a relationship, he wanted something with me. He wanted this to be real. He said he'd only date me if I never left him, if I promised to have kids with him. Looking back that's way more disgusting than i thought it was back then. I shot the idea down, I said it sounded like some fucked up contract. Thinking about it now makes me want to vomit in my mouth, I don't know if he emotionally manipulated me or if I was doing it to myself for letting it happen? He had this crush since he broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years, October 2022. My cousin has since apologized for making him believe he had a chance, which I'm appreciative of. He ended up having a crush on her as well, we both agree he's just fucking pathetic. The worst part about it is the emptiness that followed. He never tried in conversations, they were all flat. He said our friendship only worked when he was there in New Jersey, when he was with me. When he was allowed to be there and touch me. We met in person 4 months after I first met him in June of 2022, I was 13 and he was 16. Everything was great. And then only a year later a feel empty talking to him as he's forcing me to look at him. There was a time where if he wasn't talking to me I felt physically ill, I was so deep in this hole of needing him, meanwhile it never felt like he needed me as much as he said he did. I just wanted someone I considered my best friend, I sometimes wonder if he was waiting until I was legal. He said he'd never hurt me, that he wouldn't do something I didn't want to do. Frankly I don't think he should've listened to a desperate lonely 14 year old who he ghosted for 3 days and then became so emotionally dependent on. I don't think he was intentionally manipulating me, I was more of doing it to myself, but looking back I just feel manipulated, yknow?

Sorry, you guys don't need to hear this. I don't need to share it. I'm happy I've blocked him, I'm happy I don't need to think about him. I hope this post will help me forget about it all, or at least turn it into something I can reflect on as "wow, I can't believe I let that happen". I may reblog this with more things as my memory shows. Maybe I'm being overdramatic, I just needed this off my chest

[sideprince]

'I am about to attempt to break into your mind,’ said Snape softly. ‘We are going to see how well you resist. I have been told that you have already shown aptitude at resisting the Imperius Curse. You will find that similar powers are needed for this … brace yourself, now. Legilimens!’ Snape had struck before Harry was ready, before he had even begun to summon any force of resistance. The office swam in front of his eyes and vanished; image after image was racing through his mind like a flickering film so vivid it blinded him to his surroundings. He was five, watching Dudley riding a new red bicycle, and his heart was bursting with jealousy … he was nine, and Ripper the bulldog was chasing him up a tree and the Dursleys were laughing below on the lawn … " ... “Did you see everything I saw?’ Harry asked, unsure whether he wanted to hear the answer. ‘Flashes of it,’ said Snape, his lip curling. ‘To whom did the dog belong?’ ‘My Aunt Marge,’ Harry muttered, hating Snape.

OOtP Ch. 24

‘We thought we’d just have a few words with you about Harry,’ said Mr Weasley, still smiling. “Yeah,’ growled Moody. ‘About how he’s treated when he’s at your place.’ Uncle Vernon’s moustache seemed to bristle with indignation. . . . “The point is, if we find out you’ve been horrible to Harry -‘ ‘- And make no mistake, we’ll hear about it,’ added Lupin pleasantly. ‘Yes,’ said Mr Weasley, ‘even if you won’t let Harry use the fellytone -‘ ‘Telephone,’ whispered Hermione. ‘- Yeah, if we get any hint that Potter’s been mistreated in any way, you’ll have us to answer to,’ said Moody. Uncle Vernon swelled ominously. His sense of outrage seemed to outweigh even his fear of this bunch of oddballs. ‘Are you threatening me, sir?’ he said, so loudly that passers-by actually turned to stare. ‘Yes, I am,’ said Mad-Eye, who seemed rather pleased that Uncle Vernon had grasped this fact so quickly.

OOtP Ch. 38

I'm far from the first to point out the correlation between these two moments and the implication that Snape, having seen Harry's memories of the Dursleys' abuse, alerted the rest of the Order who then acted on it (and there's some good meta out there on how it's not until an adult speaks up for Harry that action is taken, even though the Weasley kids tell their parents about his mistreatment as far back as CoS, but I've read miles of meta this week and literally can't find the link).

The idea that Snape watched Petunia stand there and laugh at Harry with her family, having known her as a child. The idea of him, of all people, noticing the overlarge clothes and malnourishment and various signs of neglect. The idea of him having dedicated his life to protecting Harry in order to make amends for his role in Lily's death and to make her sacrifice worthwhile only to see that her sister actively and deliberately failed to do the bare minimum when he was entrusted to her care.

The idea that Snape only realized that the scene wasn't a one-off bad memory, that it was Harry's family finding entertainment in his torment, because he recognized Petunia and put two and two together.

The second Snape gets a glimpse into Harry's childhood he sees neglect and abuse. He's never liked Petunia and probably hasn't thought of her in years and here she is, in a memory, the face he knew as a child all grown up now, laughing derisively with the same cruelty she showed Snape himself years earlier but now directing it at her sister's child instead of taking care of him when Snape is risking his life for the kid. I can imagine his anger went well beyond just giving him a different perspective on Harry and this insight being the first moment he saw Harry as more than just an echo of James.

The idea that Snape knows Harry is bound to keep going back to that house because of the magical protection it gives him, while also knowing that this is all the protection he's afforded there. There's a parallel in there to Snape's own choices as the books progress, between the lesser of two terrible choices.

[angstyaches]

hi! i’m very much missing my StW boys :) may i perhaps have some tidbits about them that we haven’t yet heard? ooh okay maybe everyone from StW? i kinda want to ask about ALL your ocs tbh but i think that’s a bit much to ask for all at once. so we’ll stick with StW for now! I would also love to know more about Mitsuko and Bastian!!

how are you doing btw? 🍄

You're so sweet! You might also be happy to know that I am also working on your request for Rin and Charlie to visit Shayne and have a sleepover at the Aldridges' (I even hinted at it in the last sick Charlie fic). It's just that lots of different ideas keep hitting me and my brain wants me to incorporate all of them lol

As requested, some tidbits:

Charlie's niece's full name is Isabelle Waters-Nowak.

Charlie has five aunts/uncles on his father's side (Simon, Greg, Jane, Mary Claire, Frances) and only one uncle (Graham) on his mother's side. He's closest with Graham because his grandfather (Ingrid and Graham's dad, Benjamin) lived with them for a little while and Graham would often come over to visit them all.

Charlie has eleven cousins, all on Trevor's side; Lucy*, Frank, and Gina (Jane's kids), Stephanie and May (Mary Claire's kids), Tara and Gray (Simon's kids), and Katie, Philip, Jessica, and Nathaniel (Greg's kids). Charlie is the oldest out of all them with, with about six years between him and the next-eldest. (*Not the same Lucy as Lucyverse.)

(Is it obvious that I drew out Charlie's family tree? 🙃)

Madelyn never legally changed Shayne's name to Devine, but even after he finds this out from Ryan, he decides to keep the name anyway.

Shayne continues getting motion sick on public transport, which he has to deal with a lot when Felix is travelling abroad and he has to take the bus to get to the nursing home to see Trish.

Rin doesn't get along with Autumn when Claudette first introduces them. They don't actively hate each other or argue a lot, but neither of them can get a good read on the other. Rin also feels a bit envious over how close Claudette and Autumn are, and how long they've known each other. Deep down, she resents the fact that she's had to abandon 90% of the friendships she's put time and effort into over the past ten years, because they all turned out to be toxic.

As well as spending time with the Pride Society, Rin takes up roller skating and hip hop dancing in college.

Elliott starts writing a detective novel in his free time. He's too embarrassed to let anyone read it as a work-in-progress, but he finds the process therapeutic. He bases a lot of his characters off of people he knew in the past.

Elliott thinks a lot about cutting off and donating his hair, especially when summer arrives.

Elliott used to ride a motorbike before he and Felix started dating. He once brought his bike and "kidnapped" Shayne from school once, while Ryan was visiting Madelyn. They went to a forest (not Mulberry), Elliott did some hunting, and they just kind of hung out. It was one of the last times they saw each other before losing contact for a few years.

(I've been trying to think of something for Felix but the guy wears his heart on his sleeve and I can't think of anything hidden or secret about him right now lol)

CW: mention of disordered eating and body dysmorphia past this point.

Mitsuko has dealt with disordered eating her whole life, in so small part due to her older sister's attitude towards food and appearance. She's been doing well for a while before she meets Bastian.

Mitsuko very often experiences body dysmorphia though, which Bastian thinks is just her messing around when they first start hanging out, but he eventually realises she believes the things she says about herself and it just breaks his heart.

Bastian is covered in tattoos. Some of them have religious symbolism, because he chose them at a time in his life where religion was a big deal, and while he isn't sure he believes in them anymore, he still accepts them as part of who he is. Physically, at least.

Mitsuko loves roller coasters. Bastian hates them because they make him feel so sick. But he's a sucker for her, so he goes on them anyway.

Bastian finds it hard to be civilised around Yumi, knowing how bad she makes Mitsuko feels about food and her body, and it's been the cause of arguments (between him and Mitsuko) on several occasions.

After he eventually finds out that Mitsuko can shift into wolf form, he gives her the pet name "Puppy", which she hates* (i.e. *gets very flustered by and feels very cute afterwards).

I think that's all I've got in me for now!! Thank you so much for the ask 🖤

[asbealthgn]

2, 16, + 77 for the fic writer asks! (for 77, choose any of your fics!)

thank you! questions are here

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

definitely write as i go! i have vague ideas for what i want to have happen at some point but i don't really plan much out. if i do it's just a really bare outline that i don't necessarily even stick to

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

there's like three i'm actively working on right now? there's hey, where did we go? which i'm working on the most and posting, then there's a darker monster!eddie one that i've been working on here and there. i may start posting that at some point when i have more of it done but i'm a little uncertain on it since it'll be pretty dark compared to anything else i've written. then i also have a pure smut fic that i'm working on that may very well never see the light of day bc i'm still embarrassed about posting smut O.O oh and i guess my big bang fic should also be counted on there? the first draft is pretty much done so i probably won't touch it again until after artist claims. then i also have several wips that i haven't touched in months so i doubt they'll ever get finished.

77. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? 

thank you for this question! i'm just going to copy and paste a scene from one of the fics i'm the proudest of (near wild heaven) (spoilers for it btw):

Steve looked over at Eddie, who was focused on the water below. The setting sun caught on his face, turning him golden. Steve didn’t think he could take it anymore. He was thinking of Robin over the phone, saying “Tell him, dingus.” He was thinking how he didn’t want to go the rest of his life without Eddie knowing how he felt. He was thinking, God, Eddie is so fucking beautiful.

“I love you.”

Steve felt his breath leave his body as time slammed to a halt. He saw Eddie blink, like in slow-motion, then look at Steve.

“What?” he asked. 

The words were out there. Steve couldn’t be a coward now. He had to do this. Eddie had to know. 

“I love you,” he said, “I’m in love with you.” He saw Eddie’s mouth open slightly but he barreled on because he had to say this now or he was never going to be able to. “I’ve been falling in love with you for the past five years, God, maybe even longer. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, not since the first time we kissed.

“I love how you are with the kids, I love your voice when you sing, I love your hair, and your rings, and I love your music even though I hate your music, and I love how fucking smart you are, and I love—God—I love you, Eddie.”

Eddie was looking at him in a way that made Steve’s stomach plummet. His expression—Steve realized it was the same exact way Robin had looked at him when they were curled up on the floor of that bathroom at Starcourt. 

“Steve,” Eddie said, voice soft and heartbreakingly gentle and all Steve could think was Oh, God, please, no, this can’t be happening again—

“Steve, I’m sorry,” Eddie said. And he sounded so deeply and genuinely sorry. Steve felt a pattern of fissures forming on his heart, spreading out through his whole body. “I don’t…” Eddie went on, “Listen, I care about you so much—”

Steve bent over the railing and put his head in his hands. “God, Eddie, don’t,” he groaned.

“No, listen,” Eddie said, putting a hand on his back. “I do, okay? I really fucking care about you. You matter to me, so much. I just don’t… I can’t give you that.” 

Steve lifted his head just enough to look at Eddie. His brows were knit together, face pained in the twilight. 

“I’m sorry, Steve,” he whispered.

The fissures in Steve threatened to break open. He took a shuddery breath and tried desperately to hold himself together.

thank you for the questions i love doing these!