#they ARE the modern day t-rex after all

[asthedeathoflight]

I do think there is smth deeper here about what dinosaurs represent for us psychologically. Theres this sense that theyre simultaneously incredibly vital - bigger, stronger, faster, badder than anything that ever lived - and inevitably doomed. Any story about dinosaurs is inherently tragic because they all have the same ending: and then everything died. Theres this sense that all currently extinct animals are tragic figures, that the shadow of death hangs over them inextricably. Even though, like, the VAST majority of individual dinosaurs just lived extremely normal lives.

Or is it that fossilization requires death? Are we obsessed with depicting the death of dinosaurs because all we have of them is the moments of their death? We put their deaths into all our scientific works because its the only thing we really know for sure about them, we know so much about how they died but so little of how they lived.

What is it with animated dinosaur "documentaries" and making me cry. Like at least when real documentaries make you sad its cause that really happened in real life. But dinosaur documentary directors just invent a fake dinosaur and make you get attached to them and then kill them. And for what.

[shanardo13]

Obikin College AU - RA/Don!Obi-Wan/First year!Anakin - Part One

I’ve been reading a lot of modern au Obikin fics recently, so one could say I’m on a bit of a kick.

That’s where this idea comes from!! I’m gonna outline it below so I can reference this if I ever decide to write it/for your enjoyment. Also, the pic is what I imagine they look like 😎.

Link to Part Two

Link to Part Three

Anakin and Obi-Wan go to Uni together.

It’s Anakin’s first year, and he moves into residence ready for FROSH week.

Obi-Wan is a RA/ Don for Anakin’s residence building, mainly because it looks good on a résumé and it helps cut living expenses.

Anakin becomes obsessed with him. When he first moved in, he was honestly going to skip all the FROSH stuff, opting to explore the new city on his own. After meeting Obi-Wan he is the first one to show up for all their activities, volunteering to help whenever he can. Anything to be on the older boy’s radar.

They get through FROSH, Anakin flirting desperately through little side comments the entire time. Obi-Wan just believes he’s excited and eager about the events.

During FROSH, Anakin makes friends with other incoming students - Padmé, Rex and Ahsoka. They become a little group. Everyone is quite fed up with Anakin’s Obi-Wan obsession after the week. They pray once the semester starts and they no longer spend every day with Obi-Wan he will shut up. He doesn’t.

“Dude, do us all a favour and actually talk to him.” “Please, Anakin, we really can’t take this anymore.”

“Oh Come on guys, what are friends for if not to listen to each other ramble about highly likely unrequited crushes?”

He does try to talk to Obi-Wan one on one during FROSH. To say it was a little awkward would be an understatement.

“So, what’s your major?”

“English/Literature with a minor in philosophy.”

“That’s nice. I read a book once.”

They kinda just stare at each other and then Anakin rushes back to his little group of friends who all wear mortified expressions.

“Dude…”

“Don’t even! I was nervous!”

After this, they don’t really speak during FROSH, until the last night of events. They are the only two left cleaning up after the evenings activities.

“Thanks for all of your help. I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, no worries!” Please marry me

“Out of curiosity… what is the one book you’ve read?”

“I’ve read more than one book!”

“I sort of figured, considering the University acceptance and all.”

“Yeah… I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s alright, it was charming. In a himbo sort of way.”

Oh my god, you think I’m charming? Take me right here in the common room, I’ll show you charming.

The semester starts and they don’t see as much of each other anymore.

Part of Obi-Wan’s job as RA/Don is to take shifts working the desk in the lobby of their building. He does this every Friday night.

Anakin discovers this by accident. He and the gang had been at an off-campus party. They’re coming home late one night, all quite drunk.

As they walk through the door and see Obi-Wan everyone starts giggling and poking at Anakin as he flushes.

“Hello folks.” Obi-Wan greets cheerily.

“Hello Obi-Wan.” Ahsoka smirks at Anakin.

“Did you tell him yet?” Rex pushes him forward.

“Tell me what?”

Nothing! It was nice seeing you Obi-Wan!” Anakin ushers them all toward his room, leaving behind a confused Obi-Wan.

Every Friday afterward, Anakin takes advantage of the knowledge that Obi-Wan is working the desk.

He hangs around, striking casual conversation. They talk about anything and everything. School, classes, hobbies, music, other interests. They become well-acquainted.

“You’re telling me you’d pick The Cure over the Smiths?”

“Oh, of course. Easily. The Smiths are so depressing.”

“So is The Cure, idiot! At least Morrisey’s hot about it.”

“Are you saying Robert Smith isn’t hot?”

Anakin flirts shamelessly. Oblivious, Obi-Wan doesn’t catch the hints and just thinks Anakin is killing time waiting for his friends. Unbeknownst to him, Anakin bails on his friends every Friday to hang out at the front desk.

“You sure you don’t want to come tonight, Ani?”

“It’s his Obi-Wan night. He won’t come.”

Another part of Obi-Wan’s job is being the “Don on Duty”. This means he responds to any complaints/emergencies the residents have. He carries around a special phone for emergencies. He does this every Saturday night. Again, Anakin discovers this by accident.

A loud knock at his door interrupts Anakin’s dorm room party. He and his friends are wasted, watching movies and screaming about them.

He opens the door to reveal Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan is looking down. “I’ve received several noise complaints about this room. You guys are going to have to - Anakin?” He cuts himself off once he looks up and blue meets blue.

“Obi-Wan! Come drink with us!”

“Anakin, I can’t. I’m on duty.”

“Oh come on, pretty pretty please?”

“I-,”

“Don’t say no! Please”

“Oh fine, but if this phone goes off I have to leave. And we really must be quiet.”

Obi-Wan spends the evening getting drunk with Anakin and his friends. Thankfully the phone doesn’t go off.

They watch films together, everyone growing drowsy. Anakin curls up next to Obi-Wan and rests his head on his shoulder. When Obi-Wan wraps his arm around him and holds him close, it’s merely because he’s drunk and tired.

That night, the two finally exchange phone numbers.

Anakin starts texting Obi-Wan relentlessly. Obi-Wan would call it harassment.

Anakin: do you ever think about the overwhelming and paralyzing passage of time? How you can’t do anything to stop it? (Sent at 3:42 am)

Obi-Wan: no, but I am now. (Sent at 3:44 am)

Anakin: lolz look at this silly kitty pic. He’s u! (Sent at 3:47 am)

Obi-Wan: go to sleep!!!!! (Sent at 3:48 am)

Anakin: jeez ok Mr. Grumpy pants 😡😡 (Sent at 3:50 am, Read at 3:50 am)

Obi-Wan starts getting invited to Anakin’s friend group hang outs. He was charming enough last time. Truthfully, it’s mostly because if he’s there, it saves the others from having to hear Anakin yearn for him all night.

Alright, this is kind of just the general idea/ all I’ve got right now! Lemme know if you guys want to hear more or have any suggestions! My DM’s are always open if anyone wants to brainstorm, or just chat in general!

I’d also be down as heck to rp this if anyone was interested.

Thank you for reading if you’ve gotten this far!!

I’ll update it later when I think of more! (:

EDIT: I've created a second part to this! if you wanna read more, the link to part two can be found at the top of this post!

[cryoculus]

— dream a little (dream of me) ⟢

you're a modern-day succubus just trying to get by, and your superior, mister zhongli is next on your hit-list. but every time you invade his dreams, he becomes someone else entirely…

★ FEATURING; zhongli x succubus!reader

★ WORD COUNT; 23.3k words

★ TAGS; modern au, office au, superior-subordinate relationship, angst, like SO MUCH angst, zhongli dreams abt his past life as rex lapis, smut

★ WARNINGS; graphic sexual content (minors dni), some depictions of violence (it was the archon war so), reader gets drunk at some point in the story and a co-worker exhibits unwanted interest, near-death experiences, mentions of pregnancy

★ NOTES; this was the longest thing i've ever written in one sitting TT wrote it for 3 days straight, and i'm honestly still proud of it even a year later! take note that this was loosely based off a manhwa i read in passing called sweet dream, so if the plot is a liiittle familiar to you, that's probably why!

★ HEADER ART CR; donaldakron on twt

★ SMUT TAGS; sex dreams, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex, clothed sex, i-thought-i-was-gonna-lose-you-forever sex, riding, the perfect balance of sweet and dirty talk, creampie

“Miss? Are you alright?”

You blink out the spots in your eyes when you hear Ganyu call out to you in a worried tone. She’s standing awkwardly by the side of your cubicle when you finally snap out of it, and you receive the documents in her hands with a rushed apology.

“Sorry, I’ve been feeling under the weather lately,” you reason, signing whatever she needs to have signed before handing it back. “This is nothing, though. Anything else you need?”

She hesitates for a moment, as if gauging whether or not she should pry, before speaking her mind. “Um, if you’re having trouble falling asleep, I could recommend a shop that sells qingxin petal tea. It’s based in Feiyun Slope, and I always order my stress relieving herbs from there.”

Despite the weight settling across your eyelids, you manage to flash Ganyu a gentle smile, tearing a blank Post-It off the pad on your desk before giving it to her. “Could you write down the name of the store? I’ll make sure to check it out before I head home for the night.”

Ganyu visibly perks up. “O-Of course!”

When she slides the piece of paper back onto your desk, the secretary exchanges farewells with a curt nod – saying she has to pass over the files for Mister Zhongli’s perusal before anything else. If Ganyu notices the way your staged grin falters, she doesn’t say anything. But once you’re alone, you can only slink back into your chair with a contemplative look on your face. 

You aren’t going to check out the store that Ganyu recommended like you initially promised. After all, your kind has never responded much to any sort of human medicine. Whatever’s bothering you is only going to be resolved if you stop being stubborn and fed on time – something you only care to do once a month at most. 

Even after living your life as a succubus for almost twenty-four years, the idea of having to draw out your life force from… that still made you sick to your stomach. It’s bad enough that your strange constitution wouldn’t let you settle down and have normal relationships, but having to constantly find a source of nutrition is a pain in and of itself. 

Your body has quite the standard for the men you’re supposed to suck some sexual energy out of, too. When you indiscriminately pick some rando you saw on the street, you might not effectively absorb the energy you harvested if you aren’t invested enough.

Case in point: unless you try to sleep with someone you remotely care about in their dreams, you’re going to keep craving for a proper fix.

Last month, you had to terrorize the poor barista who’s been serving you coffee at that new café across the street. You thought he wouldn’t think much of it, since you had the inkling the guy was hitting on you every time you ordered. But lo and behold, mister charming, suave barista is actually quite timid when it goes down to it. Your sessions usually took an hour at most to complete and you wouldn’t have to harvest energy again for at least another month. But that guy? You could barely ask him to strip without having to deal with him stumbling out of his dream-bed out of sheer embarrassment. Took you three hours in that dreamscape just to get the bare minimum out of him. And that just goes to show that the people you meet aren’t always what they seem to be – yourself included.

As entertaining as that session turned out though, you couldn’t really make substantial progress with mister barista, which eventually led to your premature hunger pangs. You started feeling a bit off-kilter last week, but you made the mistake of listing it off as nothing but a seasonal flu or something. Once your co-workers caught wind of how exhausted you are at work, you knew it was that time of the month again.

You can always just make up for the minimal energy gain of harvesting from a complete stranger by invading multiple strangers’ dreams, but you still have some shred of dignity. Well, you could just settle with the men in your department, but those slobs are the last ones you’d ever consider sleeping with. But then again, your team is working on a big, end-of-year project that you can’t afford to slack off on, so you need to find this month’s match before your body shuts down completely – even if that means seducing your awful desk neighbor in his sleep.

“Hard at work again, I see.”

You startle at the sound of a deep-seated voice coming from behind you, whisking your chair around to see your boss showing you a kind smile. It isn’t unusual for Zhongli to do some rounds in the office, but –

“Ganyu was looking for you, sir,” you blurt out, trying not to focus on how his neatly pressed tie compliments his eyes. “She had me sign some documents for the project you asked me to oversee, and it seems like she was on her way to your office.”

He hums. “I see. I just made a quick trip to the pantry, but I’ve yet to figure out how one operates the machine they installed in the break room. That’s why I just asked my assistant to purchase a drink from the coffee shop down the street… Are you alright? You’re looking quite pale.”

“Yeah, I’ve never been better,” you lie, trying to force out those memories of too-timid-for-his-own-good barista out of your head. “I’ll make sure to follow up on my assigned report at the end of the week, sir.” 

Once again, your senses jolt to life when you feel a large, comforting palm settle on your aching shoulders, giving you a few pats. The sincerity in Zhongli’s eyes doesn’t fade, and you’re seriously wondering how he has it to be so encouraging all the time.

“Everyone deserves to rest when their bodies require it,” he says. “Don’t hesitate to file for sick leave if you’re unable to perform at your fullest because of health reasons. I didn’t overhaul the employee benefits clause in your contracts for nothing.”

Your face heats up at the thought of your boss being this considerate of your well-being. You’ve been working at Wangsheng Corporation for almost two years now, but employees have never been treated the way Zhongli treats them. It’s a miracle that he got transferred here last month – with his gentle voice and mindfulness of others. When he walked through the doors of your department that day, the last thing you expected was a compassionate superior, given that all those assholes in the corporate ladder only cared about money and none else. He was easily a breath of fresh air in the smog of Liyue Harbor, and you’re not about to complain.

“I best be on my way,” he tells you with a hint of remorse. “I’ll be attending a board meeting in thirty minutes. Once it’s been adjourned, you can come to me if you need anything.”

Come to him if you need anything…  

For some reason, his words ring inside your head longer than they have to. But before you can even get your bearings straight, your mind is suddenly plagued with images of your boss in a more sensual setting. 

You picture a Zhongli who’s free from the stifling confines of his suit – regardless of how dashing he looks in it, you always wondered what he would look like dressed down. You imagine him lying on his bed, golden eyes half-lidded as he beckons you closer; how his hot breath would make your skin tingle as he whispers all the lewd things he wishes to do with you – 

“Of course, sir,” you tell him in real life, mustering up a smile that’s enough to hide your own embarrassment. “Thank you for taking the time to stop by.”

Zhongli raises a hand to wave at you before sauntering off to his office, leaving you alone with lecherous thoughts and a growling stomach. But the moment the door clicks shut behind him, you come to a guilty conclusion.

Guess I already found this month’s target. 

The hardest part, you think, is falling asleep before feeding.

You’re still at odds with everything you had to do just to survive, so of course you’ll feel a bit queasy when you lay on your bed in preparation. Whether it’s that one cute barista or your attractive boss, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re nervous beyond belief. Navigating a person’s dreamscape is just as tricky as it sounds, and if you aren’t careful, the slightest mishap can lead to unwanted casualties. Worst case scenario: you might get trapped in the dream until the person you’re feeding off of wakes up. 

But you can trust your worrisome nature to keep that from happening. The only instance you’d ever get trapped in someone else’s dream is if you lose touch with your own existence within it. That’s why you tend to limit the degree of pleasure you feel in the dreamscape during your feedings. Orgasms are one of the many things that make people, succubi included, lose their grip on reality, so you make sure not to experience such a thing, no matter how tempting it could be at times. And while there are no explicit rules stating that your kind isn’t allowed to indulge in the desires of the flesh – let’s face it, you’re basically a sex demon – you’ve always been too afraid to lose yourself in something that isn’t even real.

You heave a deep sigh as you pull the covers up to your chest. It feels a bit humid lately, so you opted to wear a loose nightgown – one flimsy enough to hopefully tempt Zhongli in his dreams. In spite of the impeccable decorum he exhibits at work, surely he’s still just a man under all those layers of courteousness, right? Humans tend to be more unhinged during your feeding sessions (sans mister timid barista). If the Zhongli that regularly checks up on you at work would exercise more self-restraint, maybe he won’t be as gentlemanly once you hijack his dreams.

The plan is set in stone. Fall asleep, make your way into Zhongli’s head, have sex with him, and make a run for it. You’ve outlined the same plan of action during your previous feedings, so this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

Still, a small part of you still feels the bite of guilt for intruding on your boss’ peaceful night like this. In what little time he’s spent at Wangsheng Corporation, you can already call him the best superior you’ve ever had, and choosing him as your sacrificial lamb makes it seem as if you have no sense of indebtedness to him. But at the end of the day, you’re just a baser creature with needs to tend to or else you can’t move forward as a fully functioning member of society. 

Surprisingly, you doze off much quicker than usual. This must be from the fatigue you accumulated over the past week. Well, that’s what you get for not feeding the moment you started to feel something was off. Either way, you’re en-route to your boss’ subconscious and you’re going to feel much better right after the trip.

The in-between that connects your dream to Zhongli’s looks just like everyone else’s – a dark, narrow corridor that opens up to a light at the end. You traverse the familiar path with bare feet, not so much in a rush despite how hungry you are. Whether it’s your hesitation to use your boss like this holding you back or something else entirely, you’re not very sure. But once you finally step into the light, you close your eyes and hold your breath.

When you come to, you find yourself inside a wide cavern – making your face scrunch up in confusion once your mind processes your surroundings. You expected to appear in a bedroom in his apartment, maybe. But as you glance around the barely illuminated cave, you realize that your timing is incredibly off since Zhongli must have been having a weird dream. It’s happened once before when the person you were supposed to feed on dreamt of living inside the latest superhero movie he saw. Maybe Zhongli watched a strange documentary before heading to bed. That totally sounds like something he’d do.

You decide to have a closer look, noticing that the only sources of light inside are the stone torches perched on the sides of the cavern. Your curiosity gets the better of you when you attempt to approach the flames. But that plan is immediately thwarted once you accidentally step on something solid underfoot. It breaks underneath your weight – the sound echoing deeper into the cave. 

You can’t feel any sort of breeze inside, which cements your assumption that the corridor leads to a dead end. Something tells you that you’ll cross paths with another soul if you press forward, but your instincts, however flimsy they might be inside a dream, insist that you go back. To just forget about trying to feed today and just try again tomorrow. Maybe Zhongli wouldn’t be dreaming about weird tunnels by then. None of this is real, but the dread that’s slowly festering in the pit of your stomach is too apparent to ignore.

But it’s as if your body isn’t your own at the moment. Instead of heeding your own sense of danger, your feet carry you further into the darkness – making your imaginary heart pound with both anticipation and fear in equal measure. 

Your hunch is proven right when you spot a lone figure at the end of the cavern – observing you from afar where he’s seated rather comfortably. He has one elbow perched on the armrest of his seat, the side of his face resting atop a closed fist. You’re unable to recognize who he is at first, but once you’ve crossed the threshold of the man’s vicinity, you feel a pang of surprise surge through your veins.

“Mister Zhongli...?” 

No matter how closely you looked, he's the spitting image of your boss. However, it dawns on you half a second later that he is not the kind-hearted man you've been working with for the past month. This one sits atop a throne of jagged rock, golden antlers sprouting beneath his hood as eyes of a deeper shade glower on with disdain. 

“I do not remember giving you permission to speak,” he says, voice reminding you of untamed tremors deep within the earth – resonating with every word. “You best know your place before I'm forced to remind you of it.”

Back in your bedroom, you awake with a start.

Your heart threatens to bust out of your own rib cage with how hard it pounds against it – as if it’s barely catching up to what you just witnessed and heard. You’ve never once pulled yourself out of a dream so quickly, but there’s just something about that version of Zhongli that sets off every code-red alarm inside your head. That isn’t someone you’re going to easily seduce with a see-through nightgown and a bat of your eyelashes. In fact, that man (was he even human?!) looked like he could kill you if he wanted. 

“What the fuck?” you mutter, throwing the covers off yourself as you watch your hands tremble in your lap. “Who the hell was that…?”

You don’t have the slightest clue why you’re so shaken up. You’ve seen weirder dreamscapes in the past, but for some reason, when you stepped inside Zhongli’s, everything looked so life-like. As if you were actually transported to a real location in this world. If you actively tried to recall the details, you could’ve sworn you felt the gravel on your feet and caught the archaic scent of stone in the air. But what could a strange-looking Zhongli be doing inside such a place? You knew better than to assume there was a rhyme and reason behind a person’s dreams, but –

The sound of your ringtone going off nearly scares the living daylights out of you before you cast a frantic stare at the nightstand. There, your phone vibrates in time with the obnoxious noise, and you force yourself to get a grip. It’s over. You managed to escape whatever harrowing fate you could have ended up with had you stayed in Zhongli’s dream for even a second longer. There’s no use mulling over it now, is there?

Without checking who was insane enough to call you at this hour, you speak. “H-Hello?” 

“Hello. I do have the right number, yes?”

It takes you a moment for your mind to register the voice at the end of the line – that smooth baritone that you’ll never get tired of hearing. Of course Zhongli’s going to ring you up out of nowhere after that. 

If it were any other day, you would have swooned at the notion of your superior calling you so late, but this seems a bit too coincidental for comfort. The recurring joke that Zhongli can be a little bit of an airhead has been going around your department for a few weeks now, but sometimes you forget that he can still be as sharp as a whip. Could he have sensed something amiss from the dream you gave him? How did he even get your number?

“Sir,” you greet him as evenly as you can. “Is there something wrong?”

Zhongli is silent for a moment, as if deliberating the words. “Hmm… Nothing in particular. My apologies for disturbing you beyond work hours, but I feel like I had something to tell you but regrettably forgot.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, shifting on top of your bed as you swing your legs over the edge. “Well, if it’s about the report you assigned, I won’t be able to give you the numbers until the end of the week, sir.”

“You’re mistaken. My inquiry isn’t about work,” he tells you, chuckling in a way that makes you blush for some reason. “It’s something a bit personal…yet I can’t seem to put my finger on it.”

“...Is it important enough that you couldn’t wait until tomorrow to discuss it?”

Alright, maybe you spoke a little out of line there. He’s your superior, yes, but your mind is still a bit frazzled from your earlier encounter in the dream. Zhongli certainly sounds like someone that just woke up, and while you like to entertain the idea that you’re the first person he thought about the moment his eyes opened, it’s not enough to dispel your unease. 

“Forgive me. Calling you at this hour does seem out of turn –” It is out of turn. “– but I had quite the odd dream. I can’t remember what exactly took place anymore, but I do remember you being in it.”

Calm down. He doesn’t remember the details – not that he had a lot to remember anyways. You could have sworn you only lasted two minutes in his head before scampering back to your own body because that’s how terrified you were. What’s even there to recall about it?

“I see,” you play along. “Maybe you were dreaming about work like usual. You do seem a bit more dedicated to your job than most.”

Zhongli breathes out another laugh that makes your insides tingle. Why does he sound infinitely sexier fresh out of slumber? “You really think that?” 

“Wouldn’t dream of anyone who does your job better than you do, sir.”

You wonder, at the last minute, if you said the right thing. But Zhongli lets out a satisfied hum from the other line, coupled with the sound of fabric rustling in the background. You try not to picture what he must look like right now – disheveled hair, unkempt sheets, drowsy eyes – but the image makes its way to your head regardless. The Zhongli you’re speaking to is already so different from the man you met in his dreams, and you can’t even see him right now. 

“I suppose I’ve taken up enough of your precious time,” he murmurs, sounding more and more apologetic by the minute. “Thank you for answering my call, regardless of what little value our conversation tonight harbored. I’ll see you tomorrow at the office, hopefully when I’m in a better state of mind.”

Better state of mind, he says. So Zhongli was affected by that dream, too…

But that’s something you can definitely think about later.

“Anytime, sir,” you reply. “Good night.”

“You’re looking worse and worse each day, you know that?”

This time, the person who bothers you at your cubicle is none other than your superior, Director Hu Tao. Though, even if she holds the highest position in the Wangsheng chain-of-command, she’s a bit too free-spirited to call a proper boss. 

She watches you slave away behind your laptop with folded arms, not looking the least bit amused. Though she wasn’t really meant to know, the director is one of the few people – more like, the only person – who’s aware of what you are and what you do to survive. It’s probably because Hu Tao comes from a family with deeper connections to all things supernatural, and thankfully, she’s more understanding of your predicament than you’d otherwise expect. 

In fact, she was kind enough to let you keep your job so long as you don’t let your…special needs affect your work. But for all of Hu Tao’s usual antics in the office, you know there’s no escaping her when she gets serious about something.

Especially when she’s nagging you about feeding intervals.

“When’s the last time, hm?” she asks, poking your cheek. “Aiya, you’ve lost the flab on your face. Come on, how am I supposed to pinch them now?” 

“About a month ago,” you grumble as you revise an important email for the fifth time today. “Director, shouldn’t you be in your office? I heard from Ganyu that you’ve been passing your work onto Mister Zhongli.”

“Pah, the consultant can deal with all the trifling matters in my stead.” Hu Tao shrugs. “Besides, he’s the one who started advocating for better employee conditions in this dump, right? I’m just making sure my subordinates are healthy and happy in the workplace~”

Speaking of Zhongli, it’s been a while since you saw him around. The last time you heard his voice was the night he called you out of nowhere – the same night you hijacked his dreams. Now, it’s already the end of the week and you’re yet to meet with Zhongli despite the deadline he gave you days prior. 

“I can hook you up with a bunch of guys I know,” Hu Tao suggests, unceremoniously swinging herself on top of your desk. “All you have to do is get inside their heads and do the magic, right? Hmm… If that’s the case, why don’t you just pick a random celebrity or something?”

“It doesn’t work that way, director,” you sigh. “If it were that easy, I wouldn’t be having this problem every month.” 

“Ehh, you’re so choosy.” She pouts. “If sharing a dream with strangers doesn’t work, why don’t you just come after them in real life? Nothing beats the real thing, right?”

You’re mildly aware of how loudly Hu Tao started to mouth off about your…predicament, but fortunately it was the middle of lunch break, and none of your desk neighbors were present to overhear. Pushing your chair from beneath the desk, you breathe in deep as you consider the director’s words. 

In hindsight, she was right. You know a bunch of succubi and incubi who copulate with humans nearly everyday – more because they’re weird sex addicts than them trying to last themselves to the next day. But you were drawing blanks as to how you’re going to explain to Hu Tao that the creatures she might have heard about have sex to enjoy it; you have sex to survive. The act itself still makes you squirm, so even if you have attempted to harvest energy in real life, you’d rather steer clear of resorting to that if you could still do the same thing in an unsuspecting man’s dreams.

But now, you aren’t even able to squeeze the tiniest ounce of sexual energy from your usual method. Hence, the problem.

“I’ll think about it,” you half-promise, stretching your limbs with a quiet sigh. “Oh, and if you see Mister Zhongli anywhere, could you tell him I’m done with my report? I was going to ask when he’d like to see it, but I haven’t seen him around lately.”

“Hm? Oh, right. I asked that guy to secure a deal with a Snezhnayan diplomat who’s visiting Liyue over the season,” Hu Tao tells you before hopping back to the floor. “Well, hope you get some sustenance soon, little devil. Wouldn’t want to find you all shrivelled up from sex deprivation one day.”

“Director, please…”

“Hahaha! Just teasing~”

Hu Tao hums a lively tune once she scampers away, and you’re left staring at the blinking cursor on your screen. The email you were drafting is supposed to be sent to the PR officer of the company you’re trying to scout with your report-slash-proposal attached as an extra file. But you can’t send it in without Zhongli’s green light. What’s worse is that it’s starting to get busy in the office at this time. The end of the year is the most hectic, and you’re not sure if you’re ever going to get used to the hustle and bustle that comes with it. It would make sense why Zhongli is suddenly hard to catch.

And your feeding shortage just had to coincide with all of this.

You pull out a hand mirror from your bag, inspecting the way your face looks. Eyebags and chapped lips can easily be concealed with makeup but it’s more difficult to mask the way you’re abnormally losing weight. Even Hu Tao was able to notice it right away. If only eating human food actually contributed to your body mass…

“Tonight for sure,” you mutter – knowing damn well that your words are only worth half a promise.

In all honesty, you don’t put much thought into the exact time of your feedings. You just lay in bed, get into the minds of your targets, and hope both of you fell asleep at the same time. It’s no different on your second attempt at harvesting energy from Zhongli.

You don’t call him, don’t text him. You don’t even bother trying to get some inside information about his sleeping habits from Ganyu. So when you attempt to just wing it one more time, you’re a little surprised to find yourself transported into the dreamscape – a wave of relief washing over you when you realize you’re not inside a cave anymore. 

You’re seated at the side of a river surrounded by ruins as far as the eye can see. The sound of flowing water fills your ears, a sound you almost find calming. Someone calls a name that doesn't belong to you, but your body responds to it either way when you turn your head around curiously. 

Zhongli stands in front of you, carrying a basket of sunsettias. He doesn’t look as intimidating as the first time you saw him in his dreams, but he’s donned with the same hooded robe, and the same gold-tipped antlers. The cruelty imbued in his gaze in that cavern has long gone – replaced with quiet sincerity that’s reminiscent of the one he exudes in the office. You feel your shoulders relax at the sight of him, but… 

Something doesn’t feel right.

He folds his legs at your side, and when he speaks, you hear nothing but a garbled, faraway noise. But despite not understanding a single word he says, you let out the occasional laugh, sometimes nodding along to Zhongli’s words before biting into one of the fruits he foraged. The wind whistles through the reeds in the overrun marsh, and all you can do is admire your companion’s autumn vesper eyes as you partake in a conversation only he understands. 

But when you suddenly inch closer to him – caressing his face with a hand that isn’t your own – that’s when you finally realize what was amiss.

“Rex,” the woman whose body you hijacked murmurs fondly, the sleeves of her dress billowing in the breeze. “You should give yourself more credit. The faith of the people has always been well-founded.”

Zhongli gazes at you (at her) with wide eyes before the look melts into a fit of chuckles. His lips move in response to what the woman said and, still, you don’t catch any of it. But when your eyes drift to where his strong arms peeked from the holes of his robe, you’re surprised to see his hands shining like molten amber in the waning light. Golden veins can be seen jutting across his forearms, eventually connecting to the odd patterns depicted on his bicep. The longer you stare, the more you question why your boss made himself look so godly in his dreams. As humble as he is, he does look highly of himself after all.

Turns out, you’re not the only one who was ogling Zhongli in the most inopportune moment. It seems like the woman you’re possessing(?) also treated herself to some eye candy the same time you did, and now you can feel your face heat up with embarrassment when he catches you staring. 

You expect him to laugh it off like usual. Your boss gets thrown compliments everyday since he started working at Wangsheng – compliments that never seem to do him enough justice. But he takes them all in stride before resuming the conversation like nothing happened. This Zhongli does none of that.

One of his strange, golden hands seizes your wrist tightly – your bashfulness suddenly morphing into confusion. Zhongli’s mouth twitches into something akin to a smile as he presses forward, forcing you to lean back to introduce as much space between you as possible. You can feel his breath fan against your face – cor lapis eyes glowing with desire – and you’re too stunned to retaliate. His other hand forces itself against the ground next to your hip, caging you in the heat of his embrace. Zhongli speaks again, and you’re starting to feel annoyed with the fact that you can’t make sense of what he’s even saying. But you can’t exactly relish in the feeling much because your body is reaching a fever pitch that’s making your head spin.

This is what you came here to do, isn’t it? Sure, you’re not really the person he’s seeing right now, but anything to get the deed done, right? All you had to do was suck out the sexual energy emanating from the god of a man that’s about to ravish you out in the open. Easy as pie.

His mouth latches onto yours in a way that’s almost familiar – which tells you that this isn’t the first time that Zhongli and this woman met each other so intimately. You respond in kind, letting your borrowed body take the reins as you feel him nudging apart the lapels of your dress, exposing supple breasts to the humid air. A full shudder runs across your skin when he growls against your lips, one arm curling around your waist before Zhongli possessively pulls you to his chest. 

Mine. 

You don’t hear his voice, but you feel the intent resonate all the way to your core as he practically tears off your clothes. Zhongli rests you atop the grass with little care for possible on-lookers, rolling his hips against yours as he decorates your neck with lovebites. Your fingers rake through his long, dark tresses – imprinting the image in your head for years to come. Your boss Zhongli always ties his hair with a jewel-encrusted band, so this version is definitely one for the books. 

I should’ve done this sooner, you think to yourself – whimpering when you feel the ridge of his cock straining against your middle. Much sooner… 

The rest of the details are lost in the muddled haze of your thoughts. You don’t remember if Zhongli even prepared you for what’s to come – all you know is the feel of his length prodding your slickened entrance. His grip on your body never falters even as the tip of his cock glides teasingly across your slit. You desperately move your hips closer, begging for the friction he’s holding over your head like a prize. But then, you meet his deep, amber gaze and for a moment, his eyes seem to soften in the midst of his lustful display.

When he kisses you again, your heart – this woman’s heart – comes alive. You can feel how much love she harbors, how she aches for him despite the fact that Zhongli’s hands roam around her body with the intent to leave no inch of skin untouched. 

I love you. That’s the only thought that echoes in your mind when he finally takes you – here, by the riverbank where you were the only two people in the world. These emotions aren’t your own, but you feel a surge so intense that you gasp aloud when Zhongli presses himself into you deep enough to make your vision blur. It all feels so real that you don’t even notice it when you naturally absorb the energy you’re meant to take in the first place. 

You’re not sure how it’s supposed to work in this situation, given that the body you’re using isn’t even yours. But you practically feel how Zhongli’s libido indirectly rejuvenates your spirits. Despite the fact that you’re being pounded in the middle of nowhere, you feel more refreshed – mind clearer as opposed to the jumbled mess it’s been over the past week. You never actually realize how your hunger can drive you into so much lethargy until you’re finally given the clarity of your sated instincts. 

“I don’t care for the humans like you do.”

You startle when you finally hear Zhongli’s familiar voice – hoarse with need, but still the same one you’ve come to admire. His forehead rests against yours as he thrusts his hips relentlessly, with a desperation you can almost see on his face. The woman lets out a sigh before she caresses his face with a gentle hand, thumb gently sweeping across the cut of his cheekbone. 

“You will,” she murmurs. “You’re their god, Rex. Their archon. You might not have any love for them now, but in time, you’ll understand.”

Her reply seems to irritate him. You watch as those golden eyes flash yellow with rage, but Zhongli is quick to manage the split-second shift in his emotions. Instead of lashing out, he buries his face into your neck, murmuring so softly, you almost didn’t catch the words.

“You’re the only one I’ll truly care for,” he says, fingers raking through your hair as he stills – filling you with the white hot rush of his release.

“I hope you know that will never change, Guizhong.”

There are two things that you end up mulling over when you finally get back to your own body. The first is the fact that Zhongli has way too hyperactive an imagination. About ninety-five percent of your feedings take place in your targets’ bedrooms, so having sex in the middle of a field is quite the new experience for you. The second is how your boss might actually have a girlfriend and you just…gleaned your monthly sustenance from him. Just like that. 

Your latter realization took you the fuck out. The moment you woke up, you marched into your kitchen, popped open whatever cans of beer you had inside the refrigerator, and decided to contemplate your actions for a long time. You typically don’t think about whether or not the person you’re feeding on has a significant other because…you’re not exactly committing adultery if it only takes place in their dreams, right? It isn’t supposed to be a big deal unless they try to make a move on you in real life. But thinking about how you unknowingly trespassed on an ultra hidden fantasy that Zhongli must’ve been having about his girlfriend introduces a spectrum of emotions that you’re too tired to sort out. Embarrassment, regret, shame. Those are just some of the things you’re feeling right now, and hopefully a six-pack is going to be enough to drown your not-so sorrows.

…On the bright side, at least you don’t feel like shit anymore. As you finish your third can of beer tonight, you make the effort to take a look at yourself in the mirror. The color in your cheeks has returned, as well as the so-called flab that Hu Tao misses so much. Those dark circles beneath your eyes have gone too, and admittedly, you haven’t seen your skin glow so much since your last successful feeding two months prior. 

But even if this is a cause for celebration – because finally, you won’t have to deal with those nasty hunger pangs again for at least another month – you can’t find it in you to be pleased with your results. 

You’re still a bit…conflicted with what you saw in Zhongli’s dream. You assumed it was just some weird fictional fantasy of his, but you’ve been inside the dreams of other men often enough to know that your boss’ dreamscape is a lot different from the rest. You’re yet to put a finger on the rhyme and reason behind your logic, but the experience filled you with the kind of curiosity that’ll get you in trouble one of these days.

“No more prying into your boss’ private life,” you say, pointing at your reflection in the mirror with a frown. “You are not a homewrecker. Got that?”

Now that you’ve recovered from being “under the weather”, all that’s left is to get your work quota over with before the year ends. You’re practically brimming with ideas now that you’re finally in the right headspace to brainstorm about the project that Zhongli entrusted you with. As you pop open your fourth beer alongside your laptop, you’re quite horrified to see the mess of a proposal that you worked on during the onslaught of your physiological suffering. Dear gods, you’re never going to deprive yourself like that again. It’s a good thing you waited for Zhongli’s approval first or else, you might’ve made a fool out of yourself to your clients.

When you finally finish proofreading and making all the appropriate edits, you hop into the shower for a nice, hot bath. And when you crawl underneath the covers, the smooth glide of your sheets feels like heaven against your skin. But regardless of how comfortable you are in your own bed; how relaxed you feel for the first time in weeks, you can’t bring yourself to fall asleep as easily as you’d like. 

Every time you close your eyes, all you can see is a man with molten gold irises and branches sprouting from his rich brown hair. You can even remember the smidge of red decorating the fine line of his lashes if you recalled the dream vividly enough. But the moment you start thinking about how he spread you apart and had his way with you –

I’m fucked, you realize as you wrench your eyes open – staring at the ceiling as if it’ll show you even an ounce of sympathy. I am so fucked.

Little did you know that ‘fucked’ is the understatement of the century.

“Ganyu, can I ask you something?”

The next day, you coincidentally find yourself sharing a table with Zhongli’s secretary during your lunch break. Ganyu looks up from the salad she’s been happily feasting on and flashes you a questioning look. “Of course. How can I help, miss?”

You pause for a while – deliberating whether it’s even worth looking into at the last minute – but you’ve already bothered Ganyu so… 

“Do you know a woman named Guizhong?”

You’re purposely avoiding her gaze when you bring up the question, casually sticking your fork into the food you ordered at the office cafeteria. But when you notice how Ganyu fell silent for too long, you flick your gaze back to her in the most casual way you can manage. To your surprise, she’s staring at you like you just insulted your family.

“H-How did you hear of that name?”

Brows raised, you offer a nonchalant shrug. “Hmm… I was looking through some old company records and found that name listed in the contacts. I just thought you might know who she is.”

You’re not even sure Ganyu is even going to take the bait for that white lie. There is absolutely no one who knows Wangsheng’s documents better than she does. This woman used to work under the Liyue Qixing, so it’s only natural for her to be meticulous in every aspect of her duties. But instead of laying suspicion on you like you expected her to do, Ganyu seemingly heaves a relieved sigh. 

“Well, yes. Miss Guizhong was one of the company’s contacts, but…” She bites her lip, fingers drumming nervously on her thigh. “Please refrain from mentioning that name to Mister Zhongli. As for the reason, it’s…quite complicated. I hope you understand why I can’t disclose any further, miss.”

…So Guizhong is a real person. A real person that Zhongli cares about deeply. But from the way Ganyu responded to your question, things might’ve gone awry between them at some point. 

Why do you feel…relieved all of a sudden? 

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” you promise – this time, you mean it. “I was just a bit curious.”

The secretary nods. “Mister Zhongli should be coming back today as scheduled. I’ve already gone over your proposal like you asked, and I don’t see any flaws in your plans, miss. I’m certain he’ll approve of it.”

Way to shift the topic of conversation. You might’ve applauded her for how smoothly she made that transition, but Ganyu just indirectly reminded you to keep your head in place. There’s still work to do, and you shouldn’t spend what little time you have fretting about your boss’ not-girlfriend. 

“Copy that,” you tell her, finishing the rest of your food with a newfound resolve.

When Zhongli finally arrives back at the office, you make sure to act like you usually do – timid yet just a touch daring when needed. You presented your proposal to Zhongli and the board of directors, since your boss insisted that they’re entitled to study its contents last minute. The idea of having an on-the-spot address makes you queasier than the moments leading up to your monthly feeding. But the entire time, the expectant stares of your other superiors didn’t faze you as much. All you can really focus on, aside from the important points you’ve outlined, are the vibrant gold of Zhongli’s eyes – peering from the nearest seat in the front in silent observation.

He looks so composed, like a slab of unmovable stone. You find it quite difficult to believe that your boss and the man who shows up in his dreams – the one with unruly hair and golden ichor horns – are the same person.

Once you’re finished speaking, the board begins to ask questions one by one – clarifying some things they wanted you to expound on. Thankfully, you’ve gone over your report multiple times before coming into the office this morning. Whatever inquiry they could throw at you, you justified with answers based on the sufficient data you’ve gathered over the past two weeks. You have to admit that being on the receiving end of their impressed stares is doing things to your ego, but what’s important is that your proposal has been pretty much approved. Nothing beats a sense of accomplishment, after all.

Zhongli is kind enough to escort you back to your cubicle, but you insist on dropping by the pantry first for a much-needed coffee break. You tell him that it’s alright if he doesn’t stick around if he has other matters to attend to, but it seems that your boss is going to take his time giving you his brunt of the praise.

“You did well. Far exceeded my expectations, even.” He smiles so radiantly that you can almost feel your chest twist with an unfamiliar feeling. “My apologies for suddenly disappearing all of a sudden. I was planning to help you work out the necessary details for this, but something else came up at the last minute. Though I know this all sounds like me making up petty reasons for my absence.”

You shake your head, taking a sip on your cup of instant coffee. “Not at all! Director Hu told me about your dealings with a Snezhnayan diplomat, so I figured that I needed to step up one way or another.”

Zhongli’s expression morphs into something unreadable before he reaches for one of the paper cups stashed away – filling it with cold water from the dispenser. “Is that what she’s told you all?” he sighs, taking a long gulp of his drink before setting the cup down on the table. “That child… I’m aware she has her way of running things in this company, but she needn’t lie about my whereabouts.”

…Lie? Wait, what exactly did Hu Tao –

“Since I forced you to spearhead such an important project alone, I might as well let you in on the truth,” he laughs softly, lips pressed into a small smile. “Would that make for sufficient compensation?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, avoiding the intensity of his gaze. “Um, you don’t have to if it’s a touchy subject, sir. I respect that we all have lives outside of work.”

“I insist,” Zhongli says, leaning against the wall without breaking eye contact. “It’s also a…means for me to ‘let out some steam’, as the director might’ve put it. But I won’t divulge anything you don’t wish to hear, of course.”

You take a moment to mull over his words. Is he saying that he wants to open up to you or something? Well…

“I don’t mind,” you reply, feeling the skin of your fingertips buzz underneath the heat of your cup. Anticipation –  that’s what you’re feeling. “You can tell me anything, sir. And I swear upon my end-of-year bonus that I won’t share it to a single soul.”

Your boss flashes you another smile, shaking his head in amusement. “I’m grateful for your promise of confidentiality. You truly are a worthwhile companion.”

“...As for the real reason behind my absence, no I did not meet with a non-existent envoy from Snezhnaya. I made a three-day trip to Guili Plains.” Zhongli speaks each word carefully, as if not wanting you to miss a beat. “You and the rest of the department aren’t familiar with such a tradition that I make sure to uphold every year, since I was just newly transferred. Ganyu, however, has known me long enough to know that I pay the cemetery there a visit during this season if time permits it.”

The break room is quiet, save for the ever-present hum of the water dispenser. You don’t know why, but there’s a sinking feeling in your gut that tells you you’re not going to like what he’s going to say next.

“When I was still pursuing my Bachelor’s, I had this…friend,” he continues, eyes trailing up to the ceiling as if reminiscing about a better time in his life. “A friend that I held closer to my heart than anyone else. We were supposed to build a company that could change the world together – a pipe dream that youths often pour their souls into when they think they can do anything and everything they desire.

“But one day, that friend fell ill all of a sudden. We both thought it was just a mild sickness, nothing so severe that we should fret about it.” He sighs, and you can see how his mild-mannered demeanor makes way for the sorrow that roots itself on his face. You’ve never seen Zhongli look so…downcast before. It makes you want to reach out and pull him into an embrace, but you know better than to overstep your boundaries. “I’m sure you know where this leads. Turns out, the disease wasn’t just an ordinary coughing fit. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and died of it faster than I could even complete my final semester in college.” 

“I-I’m sorry,” you blurt out all of a sudden – the shock on your face surfacing too suddenly for you to hide. “Oh, gods. You didn’t have to tell me this if it pains you to remember sir –”

“None of that,” Zhongli interjects, waving a hand in dismissal. “I chose to tell you this tale, didn’t I? Insisted, even. So you don’t need to worry about my grief, as this is something that I’ve long come to terms with.” 

Holy shit. Now you feel twice as terrible for feeling relieved that things between him and Guizhong have gone south. It’s all because she was dead. Great, now the fates are probably going to turn you into a lizard in your next life just to call it quits or something. But you don’t really have much room for those self-deprecating thoughts after everything Zhongli just told you.

“Guili Plains is quite far from here,” you comment, choosing your words carefully. “Did she live there? 

Zhongli hums. “Yes and no. The two of us lived together here in Liyue Harbor while we completed our studies, but she grew up in Guili. They’re no longer growing there today, but she used to tell me about how much she loved the glaze lilies that bloomed outside of her childhood home.”

…A ‘friend’ he used to live with. A ‘friend’ he held closer to his heart than anyone else. If there are awards for being the worst at masking hidden details, Zhongli is definitely raking everything in. Though you suppose now’s not the time to be nitpicking about your boss’ lack of subtlety. 

“How long has it been?” you ask. “If…you don’t mind me asking.”

“I think we’re both past the point of minding,” he chuckles, despite everything, and you can hardly believe it. “But…it’s been six years since she passed.”

Six years, and he still dreams of her.

You nod slowly before finishing the rest of your coffee – now cold with how long you took to drink it. 

“Thank you for sharing all this to me, sir. I–I…don’t know what to say,” you admit. 

“Nor do I expect you to say anything at all,” he tells you. “Just having an ear to listen to my…troubles is worth more than all the mora in this company combined. It’s quite rare for me to find anyone willing to hear me out.”

You wonder if it’s because of Zhongli’s picture perfect image that no one would stop to think that he experiences the same things everyone does. He grieves. He loves. He even lays himself vulnerable like this. Hell, you wouldn’t even dare to imagine Zhongli being anything but the unflawed superior everyone knows and adores if he never spoke about this at all. 

But he did. He trusted you enough to share a part of himself that he doesn’t just let anyone else know about. Whether it was just to repay your so-called stellar performance or something else, you’re grateful for his faith in you either way.

All of a sudden, you stride closer to Zhongli – the sound of you bumping against the side of the table at your urgency surprising him a bit. Before you can slip-up any further, you hold out your hand as you cast him a determined stare. 

“I’ll be looking forward to working on this project with you.”

Zhongli is at a loss for words for a while, those deep amber eyes alternating between your face and your outstretched hand. You wonder if he thinks you’re doing some sort of alien gesture. But in the end, your worries are dispelled the moment he shakes it gingerly.

“I feel the exact same way,” Zhongli says – in a much brighter tone now that the storm has passed. 

You just hope it will be a while before the clouds roll overhead once more.

The days pass by before you know it.

Along with the end of the year comes the beginning of your newest project. Zhongli was kind enough to lay all the groundwork in your stead, and all you had to do was secure some due partnerships with other companies residing in Yujing Terrace. With just a bit more convincing, you might even get the Liyue Qixing to become one of the official sponsors for the event, especially with someone like Ganyu by your side. Rumor has it that she’s one of Lady Ningguang’s favorite secretaries, until Zhongli whisked her away. You just prayed that she won’t take your boss’ past history of secretary-nabbing personally. 

Your reputation has slowly picked up in your department as well. For the past two years, you were always careful about the connections you made because even if Hu Tao is privy to your unique constitution, you’ll be forced to switch locations if someone catches wind that you’re a succubus. You’re certain that the director could pull a few strings if something like that ever happened, but you never really liked relying on others too much – more so making them share your burdens.

At least, that’s how things were before Zhongli entrusted you with such an important task.

“There’s a drinking party somewhere at Chihu Rock – one of the newbies is treating,” Zhang, the desk neighbor you used to hate so much, informs you as he stuffs his laptop into his backpack. “The girls from accounting asked me to invite you, if you’re wondering.”

You cast him a surprised stare while you tidy up your own workspace, sparing a quiet laugh once you get ahold of yourself. “You guys aren’t bullying the new employees into footing the bill, are you?”

“Hey, if this is how they want to get in their seniors’ good graces, who am I to say no?” He shrugs, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “So, you coming or not?”

Now that you think about it, you don’t particularly have anything else to get done for this week. All the necessary preparations for the first leg of the event are in place, and your team members assured that they’ll give you a ring once something comes up. 

“Sure thing,” you tell Zhang with a smile. “There better be finger food.”

Company drinking parties aren’t as bad as you thought. They’re not mixers in disguise, like all the manga you’ve illegally downloaded off Inazuman websites suggested. You got to know your close colleagues, and some other people in departments that rarely come into contact with yours. The alcohol isn’t half bad either, especially when the lively newcomer Zhang told you about is going to make good on his promise. You’re not so stuck-up that you’ll deny free food and drinks once they’re offered.

To your dismay, you still aren’t used to drinking with a lot of people as company. Normally, you just grab a few packs of beer from the supermarket before consuming them in your lonesome at home. You realize a little too late that if you’re drinking out, you really shouldn’t be chugging glass after glass as if you’re the only person enjoying the liquor out here. 

After a few more pints, some of your co-workers have started to tap out – making you pout at them, red-faced and more pissy than usual. “What? You guys are going? And here I thought these drinking parties lasted until morning.”

Zhang shakes his head at your side, clinking his glass with yours before downing his drink. “Right? These guys have been hanging out with us for months, but they act like they can’t handle drinking on a work night.”

“Hmph, we all know why you’re insistent on staying behind tonight, Zhang,” one of the girls from accounting – Chen? Was that her name? – says, rolling her eyes as she hoists her handbag over her shoulder. “Just…take care of her, alright? Zhongli’s going to kick your ass if something happens.”

You’re still feeling a bit woozy from the beer, so you can only crane your head in confusion. What did she mean by take care of you? You can take care of yourself, thank you very –

“I will, I will,” Zhang chuckles, and suddenly, you feel a heavy arm drape itself across your shoulders – making you wrinkle your nose. “I never expected her to drink so much, but it’s a good thing that I’m here.” 

“I doubt that,” Chen scoffs. “Oh, well. See you guys tomorrow!”

Once the others make their leave, that’s when you start mumbling under your breath “Ugh. The first time I actually come along to these kinds of things and the people who invited me don’t even last until the end,” you complain, pressing your face against the wooden table in front of you. “Where’s the kid that said he was going to pay for everything? It’s just the two of us left…”

Zhang rubs your back in a way that isn’t really soothing the way your skin burns from the alcohol, but you’re a bit too intoxicated to tell him off. “Aww, don’t worry. Some of my pals helped the poor guy home, but he asked the bar to put everything on his tab before he passed out. So if you still want to have a go, I’m down.” 

You can feel something buzzing in your bag, but it’s probably just a text notification from your phone carrier. You’ve been receiving a lot of those lately. Maybe you should pay your bill soon. But your thoughts about phone bills are rudely interrupted by the feel of Zhang snaking an arm around your waist – pulling you upright as he steadies your shoulder with his free hand.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep here,” he says. “You’re going to feel like shit once you wake up from a drunk nap, you know.”

“Don’t care…” you mumble, eyelids drooping as you lose your grip on the handle of your glass. “‘M so sleepy. Can you get me a cab back home, Zhang…? Don’t think I can commute anymore.”

Zhang doesn’t respond right away, and you nearly doze off in that short bout of silence. But eventually, your desk neighbor helps you back to your feet and walks you out of the bar – exchanging farewells with the bartender on your way out.

The late evening breeze feels chilly against your legs, even through your stockings – yet that isn’t quite enough to make you snap out of your drowsiness. You end up leaning against Zhang for support as you wait for him to call a cab, all the while you screw your eyes shut – trying to stop your head from spinning. 

“You know… There’s a hotel nearby that we can just crash in for the night.”

You’re too far between consciousness and slumber to fully process what he just said. All you can do is press the side of your face against his shoulder as you attempt not to fall asleep on the spot. But, apparently, Zhang takes your lack of a response for confirmation – wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he leads you to the direction of the hotel. You don’t really think of it much, since the desire to sleep is the only thing weighing on your mind right now. You’re just glad someone’s patient enough to guide you as you stumble around the sidewalk. 

Suddenly, though, Zhang’s strides come to a halt. 

Your mind vaguely registers the sound of him speaking to someone else. Huh. You could’ve sworn the others have already left. But their conversation lasts a bit longer than you anticipated, and you force yourself to listen in. 

“...Thank you for watching out for her all this time. I’ll take it from here.”

This voice…? Is that –

“U-Uh, sure, sir,” you can hear Zhang sputter beside you before you feel him shift your weight onto something – no, someone else. “I don’t really know where she lives so –”

You don’t really hear the rest of what Zhang has to say because you’re distracted by the person who just joined the fray. His clothes feel thick underneath your touch, like tailored fabric made from the most exquisite material, and they carry a familiar scent that reminds you of incense – one with a unique spice, just a touch archaic. You might’ve been too drunk to tell at the time, but if you had more strength than you did, you would’ve pushed Zhang away because his touch alone already didn’t feel right. With this person, though? You’d gladly lay in his arms for days. 

The last memory you have that night is the sensation of being gently ushered into the passenger seat of an unfamiliar car. A soothing voice speaks to you constantly, as if trying to keep you awake. But the gentle lull of his words do little to aid that particular cause, and when he slides into the driver’s seat next to you, you’re already out like a light.

“Is anything the matter?”

You blink in non-plus, feeling like you’ve just woken up from a dream despite the fact that you’re sitting in a vast field of flowers. Wait a moment. 

Glancing at your side, you see the Zhongli’s humanoid counterpart – those draconian eyes of his scanning your face to see if something was wrong. In his hands is a bundle of pale blue flowers, clutched tightly between his clawed fingers, and you feel your shoulders sag. The idea that you unknowingly stepped into his dreams again as Guizhong incites a rush of guilt that you have all the reason to feel right now.

You don’t even remember planning on feeding tonight. Sure, it’s been a while since the first time you collected energy from your boss, but you’re not particularly in need of a refill right now. How did you even end up here in the first place?

Thankfully, Guizhong does all the talking while you accustom yourself to your unplanned invasion. “I just never thought you’d humor my request. You were never that fond of the glaze lilies.”

“This is where I met you all those years ago,” he reminds you. “Why would I ever loathe the thing that brought us together, my love?”

Silence envelops the two of you for a sliver of a moment, and you catch the scent of the ephemeral flowers even in the filtered reality of Zhongli’s dream. Guizhong lets out a peal of gentle laughter as she picks one of the lilies that grew in abundance – examining the unassuming bloom rather fondly.

“These flowers take the memories of the land and transform them into an unforgettable fragrance,” she murmurs. “When the war is over, do you think they’ll still carry the scent of our union, Rex?”

…War? There’s a war?

But in the end, you never get to hear Zhongli’s answer nor the proper explanation behind what Guizhong just said. When you open your eyes, it’s to an unfamiliar room that makes you bolt upright – eyes frantically darting around the vicinity while you try to recall what happened before you fell asleep.

Drinking party. Zhang being all touchy feely. Being taken care of by someone else.

You try not to think about the awful taste that lingers in your mouth as you try to figure out whose house you’re currently crashing. This obviously isn’t yours because you can’t afford the imported rug that’s tucked underneath the queen-sized bed. However, when your gaze lands on the dark-wood nightstand, you see a couple of glaze lilies sitting in an expensive-looking vase.

The next thing your barely sober mind takes note of is the presence of another person on the bed right next to you. Anticipation coils in your gut as you turn around slowly, and when you see Zhongli sleeping soundly a respectable distance away, you can’t help the way your heart throbs at the sight. He looks a bit more like the man in his dreams like this – dark hair pooled messily across his pillows. And you also notice that he’s still in the dress shirt he often wears to work, further suggesting that he might’ve fallen asleep while watching over you. The idea is enough to make your face flush with shame.

You spot your bag placed on top of a table at the other side of the room, so you quietly slip out of his bed before retrieving your phone inside. How did Zhongli even know where you were? Was he aware that you were out drinking with your colleagues? A single glance at your lock screen is all the answer you need because there, you bear witness to several unanswered calls and text messages from your boss himself. 

From where you stood, you cast the man in question a longing stare. He was kind enough to take care of you when you obviously couldn’t do that for yourself – even going as far as to let you sleep on the same bed as him. Zhongli is quite the busy man. Busy enough that he always turns down any and all invitations for drinks, yet he showed up outside the bar earlier tonight and just…took you back home with him? You don’t see any signs that he might’ve tried to take advantage of your inebriated state either – not that you believed that Zhongli is capable of such a thing. He was a proper gentleman through and through.

But…good intentions aside, you’re still at a loss for answers when you recall the dream you shared with him just now. This is the first time you found yourself inside a dreamscape without meaning to, and you’re unsure of whether or not this is a cause for alarm. What’s more is that his dreams always seem to take place in a world that’s wholly unfamiliar to you – a place where you take the form of his past lover without any real reason behind it.

Not wanting to overstay your welcome, you quickly type in a text message to Zhongli – thanking him for everything he’s done, along with an apology that you’ll probably repeat once you see him again in the office. Although you’re more conscious of his aberrant dreams than you imposing on his kindness. 

You tell yourself to just leave whatever you saw, whatever you heard there in his mind. There’s no reason for you to keep nosing in. You already got your fill, right? And you never feed on the same person twice – never.  

You just hope you can live by that personal rule of yours for as long as you can.

News flash: you cave to your pesky, curious tendencies not two days since the incident.

Zhongli makes it terribly easy for you, too. Every night, by eleven P.M., your boss is already sound asleep – providing you with ample time to travel in-between dreams before reaching the one that perpetually occurs inside his head. 

The more you make these timely visits, the more you learn about the life that Zhongli – no, Rex Lapis – lives in this world. He’s someone that mortals call the God of Contracts. Someone who shows no mercy to anyone who dares break any sort of agreement that they willingly set in stone. He and Guizhong live in an era where the gods fight for the title of archon – a concept that you’re still having some trouble wrapping your head around. But in the most fundamental sense, Rex is someone equally respected and feared, and you can’t blame others for feeling that way.

When he speaks to people that aren’t Guizhong, he dons a stone-cold visage that still makes your blood run cold despite how many times you’ve seen it. It wasn’t a bluff when he said he didn’t care for the humans he and his lover watched over. All he wanted was to give Guizhong a place to live comfortably – and if that meant felling other gods just to attain that goal, he’ll gladly bloody his hands for it. 

But Guizhong, the God of Dust, was never that fond of Rex’s violent ways of doing things. 

She reminds him that humans are just as small and fragile as dust. They do not know when they’re bound to lose their lives to disaster or strife, and so they live in fear. Because they live in fear, they try so hard to be much more than the small, fragile creatures that the gods have reduced them to. Guizhong is a god who’s more human than divine, and you suppose that’s something that Rex is yet to fully understand.

These are only some of the things you learned during your visits, and you can’t help but tune into every scenario that unfolds. Like a television series you can’t quite get enough of. However, you’re careful not to let the curious tale of Zhongli’s dreams hinder you in your waking life. 

Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to remember any of the things that take place in his dreams. Whenever you run into him at work, Zhongli simply greets you with that trademark smile of his before discussing business as usual. No telltale signs of any sort of disturbance rooted from his slumber. 

At the office, you notice that you’ve become closer beyond measure as well – both as colleagues and, you daresay, friends. Along with the team you’re heading for the project, your boss is one of your constant support systems during such a hectic time in your career. 

Not only does he serve as something similar to your advisor, but he also keeps you company whenever you need to unwind.

During one of your late dinners, you share a glass of wine in his company as he shares some embarrassing work stories over the years. Zhongli is about three years your senior, so it makes sense for him to have more tales to tell. Nonetheless, you enjoy every minute of it, and in the back of your mind, you wonder when he’ll take you out like this again.

But when Zhongli drives you back to your apartment that night, he abruptly grabs hold of your wrist as you open the door to the passenger seat. You shoot him a startled look, but your boss’ alluring gaze doesn’t waver. You want to ask him what’s the matter, but before you can even get a single word out, he’s already pulling you close enough for a kiss.

You can’t process what was happening fast enough – simply sitting there in shock as you feel your superior’s mouth move against yours. When Zhongli doesn’t get so much as a reaction from you though, he pulls away with a troubled look on his face. 

“I apologize. Really, I do,” Zhongli says. “Perhaps I’ve had too much –”

This time, your senses finally kickstart into motion as you throw your arms around his neck before pulling him in again. You return his kiss in earnest, even going as far as licking the swell of his bottom lip to show you that you’re more eager for his affections than he initially assumed. And when you feel his strong arms circle around your waist in the same, possessive way he held you in the first dream, you all but moan into his mouth.

You’re not sure how things led up to this point, exactly. It’s true that you and him have grown more familiar with each other since the project’s launch, but you never would’ve imagined doing this with Zhongli in real life. You thought you were content with having sampled the more sensual side of him in your dreams, but as it turns out, Hu Tao was right.

Nothing beats the real thing.

“What does this mean?” you whisper in-between gasps, laughing a bit as Zhongli chases after your lips. He lets out a disgruntled noise when you pull away, and you feel the urgency in his touch when his hand rests against your cheek.

“It means I fancy you very much,” he tells you bluntly. “Though I admit, this might be too sudden. I understand if you don’t feel the same way, or if you don’t wish to do these kinds of things with me. I just hope my admission doesn’t change our dynamic at work.”

…Is he being for real? Did Zhongli just assume that you didn’t feel the same way? 

“Everything happens all in due time,” you tell him with a smile, brushing away some of his bangs as you take the time to admire the man before you. “And who said I wasn’t at all interested, sir?”

Zhongli sighs, dipping his head closer to press a fleeting kiss on your forehead. The sensation sets your heart alight with glee, and you can’t help but lean closer to his touch.

“When it’s just the two of us, I’d prefer it if you called me by my first name,” he tells you as he presses another kiss to your cheek. “Would that be alright?”

“Of course,” you breathe – placing your hand over the one he’s using to cup your face. “I’d love that.”

At that moment, you don’t think about how it’s been tough for you to find yourself a boyfriend over the last few years. How starting a relationship like this with Zhongli is going to give you more problems than you bargained for. All that matters is the comforting warmth of his touch as the two of you bask in each other’s company in the privacy of his car. 

Nothing more, nothing less.

Times where you attempt to contact people like yourself are few and far in between. You want little to do in the lifestyles of other succubi and incubi, but it’s a different case with Xingqiu.

You met him by chance in the most awkward way possible. One time, you decided that a college boy who once interned at Wangsheng was going to be your target of the month. But on the night you tried to harvest energy from him, someone else was already occupying the dream – doing the things you were supposed to do before you could even arrive.

Long story short, you ended up doing a little snooping around with your targets first before going in for the kill. You wouldn’t want to run into Xingqiu in the middle of a feeding again, after all.

“It’s been a while,” he comments as you slide into the seat across from him. Xingqiu closes the book he was reading and props an elbow on the table, resting his head against the curve of his palm. “I’m guessing this is really important if you came to me for help.”

“It is,” you sigh.

Your companion nods along and smiles. “Okay, I’ll hear you out. Make sure to order something first because I can tell this one’s going to take us a while.”

Wanmin Restaurant, the place he chose for your quick meeting, serves the best Black-Back Perch Stew you’ve ever tasted in your life. This makes it a whole lot easier to settle down and explain your situation to Xingqiu to the most minute details. He quietly eats his own food as you tell him about the dreams you experience inside Zhongli’s head. How it always takes place in the same setting. How the sequence of events seem to have a linear pattern to them – which is quite rare to encounter in a human’s dreams. You’ve never once felt any sense of order whenever you hopped into the minds of your targets, but it’s as if you’re witnessing something straight out of a film reel when it comes to your boss-turned-lover.

You suspect that Xingqiu has been an incubus long before you’ve even been born. In spite of his appearance, you can tell he holds more wisdom about your kind than one would expect. So it doesn’t come as a surprise when he quietly hums at the end of your story – an answer already prepared in advance.

“Memories,” he says simply. “You’re not just witnessing that man’s dreams – you’re watching his memories.” 

You frown. “But…that place is something that’s straight out of a fantasy novel. Gods and monsters? A world plunged into a war? How could Zhongli have memories of that?”

Xingqiu spares you a soft laugh. “How do creatures like us still exist in a world catered for humans and humans alone? There are many things that can’t be explained by pure logic. But I have a hunch that the owner of the memories you see is both your boyfriend and isn’t at the same time.”

“...I’m sorry?”

“Do you believe in past lives?” he asks. “Reincarnation, exactly. Do you believe that all of us have already lived once before?”

“Are you saying that the stuff I’m seeing in his dreams are memories of a past life?” you clarify, face twisting with confusion. “Xingqiu, isn’t that a bit…”

“Crazy? It is,” he chuckles. “But like I said, this world leaves a lot of things unexplained. Some details are meant to sound crazy so you wouldn’t think they’re actually possible.”

You toy with what’s left of your dish, the appetite you’ve built up suddenly dissipating at the idea that Xingqiu just proposed to you. So even in a past life, Zhongli adored Guizhong to the point that he’d tear both heaven and earth asunder all in her name. You wonder if the Zhongli in this world, the one you’re currently dating, loved Guizhong to the same degree as well. He probably did, and you probably wouldn’t compare to someone like her.

“Is it possible for past lives to have some…parallels to the ones we live now?” Your voice is quiet, almost as if you fear for the answer.

The incubus considers the question for a moment. “Well, yes. The saying ‘history repeats itself’ isn’t exactly true because history doesn’t repeat itself – sometimes, it just rhymes. Things that occurred in the past can occur again in the present, but they won’t always entail the same meaning.” 

You receive his words with a solemn nod, feeling your chest twist uncomfortably. Somehow, you don’t really like the sound of that.

“Thank you,” you tell Xingqiu when the two of you are done splitting the bill. “You seriously shed some light on a lot of things that were confusing me.”

“Don’t mention it,” he insists, tucking his book underneath his shoulder. For a moment, you think that this is where you part ways, but Xingqiu suddenly pauses – eyes narrowing as he leans closer to you. “When was the last time you fed?”

You’re taken aback by his sudden inquiry, but you manage an answer all the same. “Um, a while.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? You have a boyfriend that’s more than willing to help you, right?” He posits the question like he expected the answer to be yes, but when you shyly avert your gaze, Xingqiu’s smile falls almost immediately. “Oh, no. He doesn’t know what you are, does he?”

“It’s kind of hard to just go off on a tangent and say, ‘hey I’m actually a demon that receives my life force from dream sex’,” you point out, but know he’s right either way. “I…I do plan on telling him. Just not anytime soon. We’re kind of busy with a huge project at work, and I can’t really drop something like that out of nowhere.”

Xingqiu sighs, pinching his nose between his fingers. “But you’ve been spending a lot of time in his dreams anyways. Am I right? You seem to know an awful lot about his past life now that I think about it.”

…Of course Xingqiu’s going to be the one who catches you red-handed.

It’s really no secret that you still frequent Zhongli’s dreams, not to feed but to learn more about the life Rex lived alongside Guizhong. Since you started going out with your boss, the details became more descriptive with each visit. It’s as if you’re starting to assimilate yourself better in Guizhong’s body, and you could glean more insight about that strange, strange world with more certainty. Last night, she and Rex talked about how they plan on transferring the Guili Assembly to the harbor city, where they’ll be far from the evil gods that wish to kill them all.

“Well, whatever your circumstances are, you know what happens when you don’t feed,” Xingqiu reminds you almost grimly, not leaving any trace of his once cheerful façade. “Don’t downplay the effects of hunger. We’re already an endangered species as is.”

As you head home that day, you end up thinking about his warning more than you should. Everything Xingqiu said is in the right – you knew as much. You’ve had to suffer through the aftereffects only recently yourself, but...

You can take it. Just a bit more.

The next day, Zhongli comes over to your apartment to prepare dinner for you. He’s been excited all week to serve you his signature bamboo shoot soup, but Xingqiu’s words haunt you for the entirety of the day. You try your best not to make your distress obvious to your boyfriend, but you’re gravely mistaken if you thought Zhongli wasn’t going to catch on.

“Is anything on your mind?” he asks softly, pressing his lips to your neck. You’re seated comfortably in his lap as the two of you lounge on the sofa. But even if this has become one of your favorite places to relax with him, you just can’t bring yourself to do so now.

“Just…work,” you sigh as you rest your head across his chest. 

The beat of his heart is steady like usual, reminding you that Zhongli is real and breathing right beside you. That he’s not just a product of your dreams, like your mind always leads you to believe.

“Somehow I don’t believe that.” You can almost hear him pout. “Was dinner not to your liking, perhaps?”

“No, it’s not that,” you insist. “I’m just…really tired is all.”

That’s not exactly a lie. You’re starting to feel the effects of your own self-deprivation with each passing day. And even if you already learned your lesson last time, your conscience can’t take the idea of feeding on another person when you have a boyfriend. To further add to your list of problems, even if you wanted to harness energy from Zhongli, the setting of his dreams is too convoluted for you to pick up the right momentum. 

Rex Lapis was working hard to defend the land that he and Guizhong dedicated their lives to protect. Even if you appeared as the woman he loved more than anything else in his dreams, you doubt you’ll be able to seduce him during such a crucial period in the war. 

So now, you’re stuck in a stalemate between your own stubbornness and physiological needs. You’re not even going to be surprised anymore if your body just suddenly gives out on you one of these days.

“Can I propose something that could take your mind off such trifling affairs?”

The room falls silent once he utters the words, and you feel the blood rush to your cheeks. Was he suggesting what you think he’s suggesting? 

As far as intimacy goes, you haven’t really gone all the way with Zhongli. Apart from the occasional makeout sessions in the break room, in his office, and sometimes even his car, you never really sought for anything more than that. You’re well aware that Guizhong’s death is still fresh in his heart, and if he ever considered the possibility of sex, you’d want him to come to you in his own time. 

This is quite the opportune moment for it, too. You’re barely keeping up appearances now that your stockpile of sexual energy started to dwindle. But now that Zhongli was coming onto you, you suppose it won’t hurt to kill two birds with one stone. 

There’s something different in the air as he carries you to your bedroom – lips never straying too far from yours. Zhongli’s eyes are heavily lidded with want, a look you have a tough time imagining on him given the man’s saintlike patience. But as he carefully peels off your clothes, you can’t help but think how different he is from Rex. Where the God of Contracts is ferocious and impatient, Zhongli seems like he’s going to take all the time in the world to drown you in his love. 

“That tickles,” you mewl as his fingers trail across your inner thigh and you feel him smirk against the skin of your throat. 

“I know,” he says. “I quite enjoy seeing you squirm underneath my touch.”

“You’re mean…”

You can barely contain the gasp that resounds from your lips when you feel him tracing your slick entrance with the prod of his fingers. Zhongli murmurs the sweetest things against your lips, yet the things he’s doing between your thighs are anything but innocent. He keeps your knees apart, spreading you open for only him to see, and as he gazes at you from above, you clumsily tug off the tie that’s holding his beautiful hair in place.

Dark brown tresses cascade across the sides of his head. You stare up at the gorgeous man above you with a longing sigh.

When his long, thick digits sink into you, you silence your moans in the curve of his shoulder – teeth biting down at his flesh as Zhongli loosens you up. You feel his thumb occasionally catching on your clit, as if meaning to tease a momentary sensation of pleasure before denying you a few moments later. He’s cruel like that. Nonetheless, he watches you with quiet fascination as you practically grind yourself against his hand – feeling just how wet his fingers have gotten in the short time you were inside the room. The squelch of your cunt is a sound you would’ve been too embarrassed to hear, had you been with someone else. But with Zhongli, everything just seems so right.

“That’s it,” he goads you huskily, teeth grazing the side of your jaw. “Lose yourself for me, darling. Think of no one else but me.”

Darling? That’s new. But the new pet name only serves to push you over the edge – making your walls clench around his fingers as you ride out your orgasm. Zhongli claims your lips in another heated kiss, relentlessly plunging his digits into you despite the overstimulation. You beg him to stop, but the only sound that comes from your mouth is a broken moan of his name.

You’re nothing but a boneless pile on the bed when you finally come down from your high, breathing heavily as you attempt to reorient yourself to your surroundings. The sensation of Zhongli shifting above you registers a bit late in your mind, but your frayed nerves jolt back to life when you feel him rubbing the head of his cock across your glistening seam. 

“Too much,” you whimper. “Zhongli, i-it’s too much…”

He leans down to press a loving kiss on your mouth, one of his hands rubbing your hip soothingly. “Shhh, I know you can take me. Just like you always have.” 

…Wait, what?

You can’t even offer what he said another thought because Zhongli makes good on his words and slowly slips his length into you without much warning. A sob nearly tears its way out of your throat with how his thick cock stretches you to the brim, but your lover kisses away the tears before they even come. 

“You mean so much to me,” he murmurs, twining his hands with yours. “More than you could ever know.” 

That was a given. Having Zhongli as a boyfriend made you feel like you were important; you were loved. Though you haven’t been dating for all that long, he never once gave you a reason to doubt the sincerity of his feelings. So despite all the odd things you unknowingly witnessed in his dreams, you like to believe that he meant every word. 

His hips slap against yours unabated, pumping his length hard and fast enough to make you croon his name over and over. And even if he managed to exhibit some degree of patience a while ago, it takes little time for Zhongli to move past his courtesy and bite down on the skin of your throat hard enough to bruise. 

“Mine,” he growls. “I’ll never let you go, my love.”

You would’ve teased him for such a cheesy choice of words if you were under different circumstances. But the moment the new endearment falls from Zhongli’s lips, you go completely still underneath him. 

“Stop. Zhongli, please stop.”

To his credit, he listens just as told – gazing at you with a puzzled look as he takes his length out. Zhongli is concerned for a moment, because you’re staring at him as if he’s killed a man right in front of you. When he reaches out a hand to touch your face, intent on asking what was wrong, you instinctively slap it away.

“I…” Your voice fails you. After all, how on earth can you just tell him that you wanted to stop because that was the very same thing that Rex calls Guizhong in his dreams. You can’t help but think that Zhongli used to call the Guizhong of this world the same thing, too.

Sometimes, real life could coincide with what happens in the dreamscape. Inside his mind, Rex Lapis sees Guizhong, not you. And you’re more than inclined to believe that it’s the same case here with Zhongli.

You’re not the one he sees – it’s the dead woman that he’s never stopped loving these past six years.

You know you’re being obtuse. Your boss isn’t the kind of person who lets his past grievances interfere with his present relationships. But the anxiety you’ve accumulated since your meeting with Xingqiu had boiled over with the worst timing possible. 

Instead of talking it out, you roll over to your side of the bed – pulling the covers tight enough around your body so that he sees no inch of it. You know that what you’re doing is probably hurting Zhongli more than you think, but you shut out any hint of remorse that threatens to make you waver.

It doesn’t take long for him to settle on the spot right next to you. Zhongli doesn’t ask why you suddenly pushed him away, nor do you make an effort to explain. 

“I’m sorry.” 

His words ring sincerely enough, but it sounds like he doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for. You don’t fault him for it. You’re still unsure why you even let yourself be consumed by your own doubts. Didn’t you just say you believed in Zhongli when he told you how much you mean to him?

You suppose this is where you fall short compared to Guizhong. The God of Dust put her faith in Rex Lapis despite his violent tendencies. She believes in him both as his follower and lover in equal measure. You, though? You’re already lucky enough to be dealing with a mellowed down version of the man in your dreams, but you still decide to take it for granted. Because…what? You’re insecure? You’re jealous of a woman who’s been dead for six years?

In the end, you decide that you’re too tired to think about it at the moment. Since you interrupted your own feeding session, your body wasn’t able to gain even an ounce of energy. You’re better off preserving what little you had left if you knew what was good for you.

(If Zhongli hears you choke on your own sobs later in the night, he says nothing of it in the morning.) 

“Can you make a contract with me?”

Rex Lapis is cleaning the blood off his polearm when Guizhong’s voice cuts through the silence of the night. He stares at her hard, yet his gaze still carries a hint of fondness he’s reserved for her and her alone.

She purses her lips before continuing, “If I were to be infected by the miasma that’s tainting the guardian yakshas in the front lines, I want you to take my life.”

“No.” His answer is quick and precise, as if he’s already mulled it over several times before she even brought the matter to light. “If that happens, I’ll turn this world upside down just to find a cure that can save you.”

“Yet you can’t even do that for the children who devoted their lives to you?” 

He stills, feeling the jab of his lover’s accusation hit harder than he expected. It’s not that he doesn’t care for the adepti – he simply knows that it’s in their nature to be more tenacious than the rest of their soldiers. Rex Lapis is certain that they can resist the effects of the miasma on their own merit. Guizhong, however, is just as delicate as the dust she holds dominion over. He’d rather watch the world burn first than let her die either by his hand or the corruption induced by that pesky miasma.

But still, he respects all his lover’s thoughts and wishes. She isn’t the brains of their operation for nothing. Without her, he wouldn’t have made it half as far in this war as he did now.

“Very well,” Rex Lapis agrees, albeit reluctantly. “I will honor this contract until the day I die.”

Guizhong’s eyes soften at his decision, and when she smiles, he feels his stone cold heart thawing at the radiance that only she can ever exude.

“I know you will.” 

“You’re doing it again, huh?”

Hu Tao ambles by your cubicle with that knowing tone of hers, arms crossed in a way that suggests you’re about to receive another thorough scolding. But you’re really not in the mood to be told off by someone who hasn’t lived in your shoes before, so you opt to ignore her. 

“Hey, I’m talking to you,” she huffs, fingers pinching your face like she often does but you keep your eyes straight on the screen of your laptop. “Aren’t you and the consultant seeing each other lately? Is he not good in bed or something?”

Thankfully, the director has the decency to lower her voice when she speaks, making you heave another sigh before glancing at her warily. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Hmm… Let me guess. You’re doing something you’re not supposed to, aren’t you?”

Hu Tao’s perceptiveness is absolutely beyond you. You’ve always known that she’s quicker on the uptake than most people you’ve met in life, but it’s almost scary how she’s seemingly aware of your actions. You’re the succubus and she’s the human, but sometimes you feel like Hu Tao has more power over you than you initially assumed.

You try not to think about the more recent additions to your vignettes of Zhongli’s past memories. You can tell that the stakes of the war were growing higher and higher each time you visited his dreams. Could that be the influence of the current events in his life?

Ever since the night you pushed him away, you and Zhongli haven’t been on speaking terms. Sure, the two of you still conversed about details that need fine-tuning for your project, but beyond that, it’s complete radio silence. His good morning and good night texts have stopped, and he’s never once dropped by your apartment in that time frame; nor has he invited you over to his own. His distant behavior tears you up more than you realize, but you tell yourself that he has all the right to avoid you if he’s upset about what you did.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tell Hu Tao. “Director, forgive me for being blunt, but I’d like to focus on this report now.”

Your superior sighs. You assume she’s going to concede early for a change, but the moment you think Hu Tao is already on her way, you feel her lean closer to your ear, whispering something that sends a chill down your spine.

“Don’t dive too deep into matters that don’t concern you. Don’t try to change things that have already been set in stone,” she says calmly, her fingers digging slightly into your shoulders. “If you lose sight of what’s really important, you might lose yourself in the process, too.”

When she lets go of you, Hu Tao continues humming that same, lively song she always sings – leaving you to deal with the guilt that grips your heart like a vice.

About two weeks since Zhongli started giving you the silent treatment, you come to a sound conclusion.

He’s still thinking about Guizhong. Well, she was his first love – meaning, your boss isn’t exactly going to stop thinking of her anytime soon. But you thought about your conversation with Xingqiu several times over the last few days. You hypothesized that the reason why Zhongli was continuously dreaming about his memories of a past long gone is because his grief cuts even deeper than he let on. 

Though you have no means of making sure, you’re almost too certain that the reason Zhongli still thinks of her even if you’re right in front of him is because her memory is too painful to let go. He clings to it subconsciously, and that desperation manifests itself in his dreams – back to a lifetime where Guizhong still lives.

The things that happened in the past are bound to happen in the present; that’s what Xingqiu told you the last time. So if the Guizhong in this world has already passed on, it’s safe to assume that the one in his dreams is bound to face the same fate as well. 

But…you have the power to change that.

Even if it’s nothing but a memory now, what if you could alter the outcome? If Zhongli is left with memories of Guizhong that aren’t tained with sorrow, maybe he can finally move past it.

Maybe he can finally see you instead of her.

It’s a fool’s line of reasoning – you know that. This was going to be one of the most dangerous things you tried in anyone’s dreamscape. But you’re so catastrophically in love with Zhongli, that you’d give up anything just to ease his pain. 

You’re well aware that your body is deteriorating at an exponential pace. Not only are you expending a lot of energy to tinker with Zhongli’s memories, but you don’t even bother with feeding anymore. You tell yourself that you can do that later, once you manage to save Guizhong from her timely demise. 

Everything you can think of to keep her from dying, you made sure happened in the dream. You don’t let her walk out to the front lines to give orders like she usually does. You make sure to avoid all the guardian yakshas, who are already tainted with the corruption that craftier gods weaponized against Rex Lapis’ forces. And most of all, you don’t let her leave his sight longer than she needs to – because if there’s anyone you can rely on to keep Guizhong alive, it’s Zhongli himself.

Of course, you’re still doing splendidly in keeping your work life separate from everything else. Your project has officially come to a close, raking in more revenue for Wangsheng than anyone expected. 

Today, you’re scheduled to give a speech addressing everyone’s efforts in the company’s conference room – something that you’re a bit reluctant to do because you know Zhongli is going to be there, too. The idea of him looking at you from the crowd with none of the adoration he used to give so freely is enough to make your stomach turn.

But still, you compose yourself. You’re no stranger to adversity, so seeing your boyfriend (can you even still call him that?) in a crowded room is the least of your problems. 

At least, that’s what you thought.

When Director Hu Tao calls you up to the platform, you're raring to go – practicing with deep breaths as you repeat the gist of your speech inside your head. You made sure to cake your face with a heavier layer of makeup this time around because the last thing you need is for her to pull you to the side and scold you for still refusing to feed. 

But the moment you get up from your seat, the world suddenly tilts to the side – your vision going black within seconds.

The last thing you remember is being whisked into a pair of strong arms. You want to curl your fingers in the fabric of his coat, to apologize a million times over, but the familiar scent of his clothes is enough to put you straight to sleep. 

“Goodness, miss. You had us terrified back there.”

Ganyu is sitting by your bed in the infirmary when you regain consciousness, wiping the tears off her face with a dainty handkerchief. You mumble a half-hearted apology, but immediately seize up when you see Zhongli leaning against the wall in front of you. 

“The nurse told us she suspected that you might have an eating disorder,” the secretary continues, rubbing your hand comfortingly. “It did seem like you were pushing yourself harder than usual during the last few weeks. You should really take care of yourself more.”

An eating disorder…? Well, if depriving yourself of your required sustenance can be translated into a human affliction, you suppose that was the most obvious counterpart. Still, you’re still feeling a bit too groggy for conversation, so instead of addressing Ganyu’s plight, you sink further into the mattress.

You can feel his gaze on your pitiful form – those eyes of endless gold. But you’re too much of a coward to face him when you’ve been reduced into such a state.

A little while later, you hear the door to the infirmary swing open. Is it odd that you can tell that the newcomer is Hu Tao based on the sound of her footsteps alone?

“Leave us,” she says sternly – addressing both Ganyu and Zhongli at the same time. “There’s something I need to discuss with her.”

You half-expect Zhongli to complain, or at least contest the director’s orders. But your heart sinks when he resigns himself to what he’s told, quietly ushering himself and his secretary out of the room.

Hu Tao waits for about two more minutes before speaking again.

“You better feed now or you’re going to die for real.”

“...But –”

“I can’t have you dying on my watch just because you’re being stubborn about it,” Hu Tao nearly snaps – eyes alight with rage. “Feed now. I don’t care who it is, just do it. I won’t let you out of this place until you’ve gotten better.”

To say that you’re terrified is putting it lightly. You’ve never seen Hu Tao get angry before, but the absolute urgency in her gaze – practically begging you to please just save yourself – makes you consider her request. 

“Okay,” you say quietly, only surrendering because you can’t save Guizhong if you’re dead. “See you in a bit.”

‘A bit’ is a lie that you didn’t really mean to tell. When you entered the crossroads of the dreamscape, you didn’t bother picking targets anymore. You slipped into the dream of a man who’s probably in his thirties, intent on just getting him off, sucking out some energy for yourself before making your leave. 

But no matter how many times you attempt to drive him to an orgasm, you don’t feel yourself getting any better. The energy that always emanates out of a man post-coitus is nowhere to be found. 

You switch targets faster than you can even blink. This time, it’s a boy that’s probably fresh out of high school, and you feel a bit horrible for having to trespass like this. But instead of fretting about common decency in a goddamn dream , you make him come about two consecutive times before realizing that –

This isn’t working, you mutter to yourself. Why the hell isn’t it working?

You’ve always had a hard time harnessing energy from strangers, yes. However, those instances granted you at least a tiny ounce of energy that could stem the hunger for a while. Now, you’re getting absolutely nothing.

It seems that Hu Tao is already privy to your dilemma when you wake up in your own body. 

“I’m going to put him to sleep,” she decides with a vexed sigh. “Make sure you get enough energy to last you for an entire year, got that? No meddling with anything else.”

“W-Wait,” you croak out, and damn, you feel even weaker than before. “What do you mean you’re going to put him to sleep? Are you talking about Zhongli?”

“Who else could I be talking about, little devil?” The director rolls her eyes. “Now, I’m going to ask you to pretend I’m not about to do something illegal and just rest. The moment you fall asleep, get into Zhongli’s head and feed. Okay?”

You don’t even get a chance to respond to Hu Tao’s words because you’re already nodding. Your bones feel like lead, limbs feel like they’ll fall off any minute. If you stay conscious any longer, your eyes might just dry out. 

It doesn’t take five minutes for you to fall asleep again. And as you drift aimlessly in the depths of your subconscious, a part of you that’s still coherent anticipates that it might take a while before you find Zhongli’s dreamscape. You’re not sure how long ‘putting him to sleep’ is going to be, but surprisingly, your existence is abruptly transported to the familiar marshlands of Dihua. 

You chalk it up to how often you’ve been hopping into Zhongli’s dreams, but you immediately notice that something isn’t right. The skies have turned into an ashen gray color – columns of smoke rising in several locations at once. When you gaze around, all you see are the fallen bodies of both soldiers and monsters alike. 

Rex. You need to find Rex Lapis.

That’s your very first instinct once your consciousness fully pulls through, careful to step over the decaying corpses as you mutter a silent prayer for each one. But just when you thought you’re going to end up tripping on one of them, you watch in equal parts horror and confusion when you witness your leg pass through the carcass of a dead monster.

All it takes is a single glance down for you to know that you’re no longer inside Guizhong’s body. Instead, you drift around as an apparition of sorts – arms, legs, and torso appearing less saturated than usual. It’s like you’ve become a transparent cut-out, and you give yourself a minute to think about what the hell was going on. This has never happened in your previous feedings. You’ve always been able to maintain your form, despite the numerous instances you’ve hopped in between dreamscapes. 

In the distance, however, you find the answer to all of your questions.

You spot them amidst the debris left behind by the battle. Rex Lapis kneels at the side of the most beautiful woman you’ve seen in your life – cradling her frail body in his arms as golden tears flowed forth from his eyes. It’s the first time he’s surrendered the unmovable visage you’ve gotten so used to seeing in this dream. Gone is the unfeeling, uncaring God of Contracts who felled his own enemies like it was as easy as breathing. In his place is a man who only wanted to live with the person he adored the most.

Guizhong’s pale skin is overrun by dark lacerations that look like black veins rooted into the surface. Her own eyes glisten with tears as she reaches up to cradle Zhongli’s face. She says something that you don’t hear over the wind howling in your ears, but you don’t let yourself remain stagnant for a second longer. 

You run straight to them with what little strength you can muster – intent on shaking Guizhong by the shoulders to scream, “No! This isn’t how things were supposed to be! You were supposed to live. I was supposed to save you!”

But none of these messages get across to either of the two. To them, you’re nothing but the breeze on their skin – violently whipping all around as the war only worsened. There aren’t any clear winners here, this is becoming clear to you. But as the God of Dust heaves her final breath, you hear Guizhong speak for the last time.

“Thank you… For honoring our contract,” she sighs, blood dribbling down the sides of her mouth as she forces herself to smile. In her hand, she lifts up a stone dumbbell with a complicated structure – something you’ve never seen before despite all the time you spent in her body.

“This is the mark of our pledge, and it is also my challenge to you.” Guizhong hands it to him shakily, still careful despite being on death’s doorstep. “All my wisdom is contained inside. If you can unlock it –”

She never gets to finish the words. A loud clap of thunder booms across the marsh – deafening even when you don’t have the body in this dream to perceive the sensation. Zhongli makes a mistake of letting the noise distract him, because when he glances at Guizhong once more, the woman he loves has already crumbled in his arms. 

Once the dust settles over the war-torn battlefield, Rex Lapis rises back to his feet. You can see the weight of his grief in the way his golden hands tremble at his sides. But just as quickly as his lover’s passing, he summons his polearm back in his hands – thrusting the hilt into the ground hard enough to break through the barren soil. The God of Contracts lets out a monstrous shout – terror rooting itself into your being. The sound is fearsome. Inescapable. 

And with a single twist of his hand, the earth starts to shake beneath your feet.

Xingqiu arrives at Hu Tao’s quarters faster than she anticipated, blue eyes startled to see the two bodies resting on top of her bed. The director pays his reaction no mind, though. Instead, she fills him in on the situation.

“I had my guards carry these two up here,” she explains, pointing a finger interchangeably at you and Zhongli. “That guy, I drugged to put him to sleep so she can get inside his dreams for sustenance. But it’s been about three hours, and neither of them are waking up.”

“What? She still hasn’t fed?” The incubus asks incredulously. “It’s been almost a month since I last saw her. Back then, she was already starving. Don’t tell me she’s been holding out all this time.”

“You’d be surprised at the lengths that stubbornness can take a person,” Hu Tao chuckles, leaning back into her seat as she twists some of the rings on her fingers. 

Xingqiu lets out a long, exasperated exhale as he sits by the bed – watching you and your so-called boyfriend doze soundly next to the other. But your deathly pale complexion doesn’t escape his notice. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve assumed you were dead.

“While I am very concerned about my friend’s destructive behavior,” he begins, casting a sidelong glance at the Wangsheng director. “I’m more curious about why you’re helping them in the first place. It’s not like you to meddle in things that are none of your business to begin with. And yet…”

Hu Tao sighs. She’s been hanging around this demon boy from the Guhua clan for too long. He can already discern what’s normal and unusual for her behavior, and she isn’t really a fan of being perceived like that.

But unwittingly, his words got her thinking.

“Remember how you pulled me out of the in-between when I tried to reach out to Grandfather in the afterlife? I nearly died because of it,” she sighs, remembering her past experiences with meddling none-too-fondly. “I can’t just stand here and watch my subordinate slowly kill herself the same way when I know someone who can help.”

Xingqiu sighs again. “Director, I’m an incubus, not a miracle worker. Us crossing paths at the in-between was nothing but a coincidence… But then again, that’s the same way I met her back then, too.” He casts your ghastly form a wistful glance. If he’d known that divulging information about your lover’s past memories would lead to this, he never would’ve said a word. 

“I need you to fetch both of them before they get trapped in their own dreams. I’ll fork over whatever amount you like,” Hu Tao proposes, her usually playful demeanor now replaced by something more grim. “Just – please. Save them.”

“...That’s a really tall order, you know?” The incubus shakes his head in disbelief. “The in-between is the last place I’d want to hang around, but this woman is my friend, too. You don’t have to cough up any –”

To both their surprise (and relief), Zhongli seizes up on the bed, sitting upright as he gasps for breath. Hu Tao uncharacteristically scrambles to hand him a glass of water, which he empties in the span of five seconds. But even if the sight of your boyfriend rousing himself from the dream is a good thing, Xingqiu notices how you’re yet to follow suit.

It seems that Zhongli followed his line of sight as well, and both him and Hu Tao can practically hear the sound of his heart plummeting straight to his stomach at the sight of you. 

“No,” he murmurs, a shaky hand reaching up to caress your face. “Not again…”

Again?

“Xingqiu, change of plans,” Hu Tao calls out softly as she meets his eyes. She doesn’t even need to elaborate further for him to understand. 

“What plan are you talking about?” Zhongli interrupts with a hard frown. “What did you do to her?”

“Oi, consultant. Don’t go accusing the people that are trying to help,” Hu Tao snarks, shooting him a dirty look. “We’re running out of time, so I’m going to give you the abridged version. Your girlfriend? She’s trapped in some place called the in-between. It’s the space that separates dreams from reality; the afterlife from the human realm.”

“But if she’s really trapped in your dream, she should’ve woken up at the same time you did,” Xingqiu adds. “That’s why I’m assuming she wandered too far and got herself stranded in your memories instead.”

“...My memories?” 

The director nods. “Yup. And unless she finds the key in her own subconscious and escapes on her own or someone else enters the same dreamscape and helps her…”

“She’ll be trapped in there forever.”

Both director and incubus stare at the poor man expectantly, wondering how he’ll take the information they just dumped on him. Xingqiu wouldn’t be surprised to see him call them a bunch of lunatics before contacting the authorities for the unsightly method Hu Tao employed just to get him to sleep. But Zhongli is strangely composed, nodding once, twice before turning to his half-dead lover.

“Tell me what I need to do,” he says quietly. In turn, Xingqiu breathes out another sigh in relief as Hu Tao claps her hands together gleefully.

“That’s the spirit, consultant!” The director beams. “Now let’s save your girlfriend, yeah?”

You didn’t want any of this.

The sounds of a never-ending battle rages on outside – the impact of gods fighting to the death causing your temporary shelter to quake where you hide yourself away. The cave you took refuge in resembles the one you woke up in the first time you attempted to feed on Zhongli, but you don’t bother making comparisons. Not that it matters. You’re nothing but a ghost anyways – unable to go back from whence you came, and unable to go to the next place you’re supposed to be.

Still, you didn’t want to bear witness to Zhongli slaughtering hundreds in mere seconds. You’ve seen him fight before – he’s always fought valiantly in this war especially when Guizhong was by his side. But now that she’s gone, the God of Contracts is nothing but a husk of a man.

All that’s left is a bloodthirsty killing machine that intends to paint the land in the angry red of his grief.

Despite how hopeless your situation is, you can’t help but pray to whoever’s listening. You want them to remind Rex Lapis of the dream he once shared with Guizhong – to build a nation by the harbor, where no gods nor monsters can hope to harm the Guili Assembly. But as long as he continues his onslaught of carnage, that dream will never be realized.

Then, you think about the Zhongli that’s waiting for you back home.

Regret is the first emotion that occurs in your ephemeral form. You wish you could have apologized for that night – for assuming that he still isn’t over his dead ex-lover. For attempting to alter memories that aren’t truly his own for the sake of your own ego. 

For never saying how much you loved him before disappearing for good. 

If only you communicated with him normally like a proper girlfriend should. If only you didn’t assume the worst about him just because he once loved someone more than he loved you sometime ago. 

You’ve heard of incidents where succubi and incubi aren’t able to wake up from their feedings. It’s either they’re trapped in an unstable human’s dream or trapped in their own because of internal instability. You don’t know exactly how to classify your situation, but you suppose that the reason why you can’t wake yourself up is because of Guizhong.

She became your vessel in these memories during your first successful feeding. And since then, you’ve used her body to traverse the strange land that she and Rex Lapis supposedly hold dominion over. But regardless of how careful you were with Guizhong, she still died. There was nothing you could do to change something that was already set in stone, and instead you lost your way back to where you truly belonged.

For someone who claims to hate her own heritage as a succubus, this just goes to show how much you actually relied on your powers.

Gods. This fucking sucks.

You can only imagine how devastated Zhongli would feel to find your lifeless body in the real world – clutching you to his chest the same way Rex did with Guizhong. Two girlfriends dying on him in the span of six years. You wonder if he’ll ever love again.

…If Zhongli was in your place, he would have spoken to you the moment he felt uneasy about your past. He would’ve asked for some reassurance so he wouldn’t have to worry like this. 

He never would’ve tried to change you.

He would’ve told you that he trusted you.  

You miss him so much that it tears you from the inside out. If only you can see him again – see that beautiful smile again – you’d hold him tight and tell him a million times. 

You’d tell him you were a coward. That you were too afraid of splitting his affections with a woman who doesn’t even exist anymore. 

But…it’s too late for all that now, isn’t it? 

Helplessly, you pull up your barely-there knees to your chest, burying your face in between as you make yourself smaller. You want to cry yourself hoarse, but the tears never come. All you can do is sit alone in the darkness, where you can only dream of someone finding you in the middle of the chaos.

You’re too caught up in your own sorrow to discern the beam of light that splinters through the darkness. You don’t notice the man that steps into the in-between with you; don’t notice as he approaches. It’s only when you feel the familiar sensation of a large, comforting hand on your shoulder that you snap out of your misery.

“There you are,” Zhongli – your Zhongli – breathes out. 

When you finally wake up, you feel like someone brought you back from the dead.

You can barely breathe without it feeling like the oxygen is ripping your lungs to shreds. But before you can asphyxiate yourself, a familiar figure hands you a glass of water, along with a handful of dried leaves. You glance up at Hu Tao in confusion as she stares at you nonchalantly. 

“You were in the in-between for gods-know how long,” the director reminds you. “Go chew on those to recover.”

“...I was what?”

“You were as good as dead.” The sound of Xingqiu’s familiar voice makes you jump, but the incubus simply turns the page on his novel from where he’s seated by the foot of the unfamiliar bed. “I’ve heard of succubi going a few weeks without food, but two months? Do you have a death wish?”

Your head is spinning from all the whiplash, and you actually take Hu Tao’s advice and drink some water before chewing on her magic leaves. But when you notice that there’s someone else occupying the mattress with you, your heart soars with relief.

“Hello,” Zhongli greets you.

“Hi,” you greet him back.

In your peripheral, you can see Hu Tao mouthing something you can’t decipher to Xingqiu – a message that your incubus friend is quick to pick up on before the two of them step out of the room to give you more privacy. Now that you noticed it, you were probably taken up to the director’s quarters at some point during your coma. Either way, once the door clicks shut, it’s just you and Zhongli – the first time you’ve been alone with him since that night in your apartment.

“I guess the cat’s out of the bag now, isn’t it?” you say nervously, unsure where you should even begin. But you suppose an apology is a good starting point. “I’m…sorry. For everything.”

Zhongli sighs, sitting up right to pull you in a tight hug. The abruptness of the gesture makes you drop the leaves on the bed, stunning you into complete silence.

“I thought I lost you,” he nearly chokes – a sound that you never would’ve imagined Zhongli making. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

The pure anguish in his voice makes your heart clench, and now that you have a body that actually lets you feel things, you’re finally given the familiar sensation of eyes stinging with tears. You return Zhongli’s embrace with equal fervor – letting yourself sob into the hollow of his neck.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you babble, chest seizing with tremors as you curl your fingers into his hair. “I never should’ve hidden the truth about me. I never should’ve meddled with the past. And… I never should’ve questioned the way you feel about me.”

You can feel Zhongli’s erratic pulse against your chest, and you find the fact that it’s possible for his heart to race a relief to know. When he pulls away, his cheeks are wet with tears – not the golden liquid that poured from Rex Lapis’ eyes, but the very same tears that you’re crying right this second.

This is your Zhongli. This is the man you fell in love with. 

You wonder why you even tried to change a past he experienced in a different life – knowing full well just how different he is from the God of Contracts.

“I love you,” you murmur, pressing your forehead against his. “Zhongli, I love you.” 

“And as I do you,” he breathes. “The director and the Guhua boy have already informed me of your…special circumstances, but I’d like to hear the tale of your escapades in my dreams some other time.”

You pause. “So you don’t want me to explain why I did everything I did?”

“Of course I do.” Zhongli shakes his head. “But…I was also told that you’ve been depriving yourself of sustenance for nearly two months now. As your lover, I’m inclined to help you out of your predicaments, yes?”

Oh. Oh.

“B-But we’re in the director’s room…” you tell him bashfully, feeling a surge of heat creep up your neck. “And I owe you a proper explanation for –”

He promptly shuts you up with a kiss. The nerve of this guy!

“Darling, will you allow me to make love to you?” he murmurs the words against your lips, already pulling you to his lap. “Properly this time.”

You know you should snap him out of it and insist that you’re fine. That you’ll last another day without sex if that means you can sufficiently explain yourself because Zhongli deserves as much. But you remember, at that moment, that you’re particularly weak when he starts to trail featherlight kisses along your neck. Zhongli knows this as well as you do, and you can feel him smile triumphantly when you let out a sigh in defeat. 

He doesn’t bother removing your clothes; practically tearing a hole into your pantyhose at his impatience. You balk at him for doing such a thing, but Zhongli promises to buy you another set once everything is settled. 

“Do you find it strange that I’m terribly aroused despite everything that happened?” he asks you, hauling his cock out of his unzipped trousers as he gives it a few pumps. 

“Not at all,” you respond in kind. “I’ve always thought you were hornier than you seemed. It’s always the prim and proper ones, you know?”

You bite your lip as you grind your clothed cunt against his hardening length, feeling your desire pool in between your thighs at the mere thought of him inside you. Zhongli bites down his laughter, nuzzling the crook of your neck as he spreads you open on his lap.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Nudging your underwear aside, you sink yourself onto his thick length with a blissful sigh – feeling his cockhead hitting all the right spots. Zhongli plants his palms firmly on your hips, barely able to contain the hunger in his eyes as he watches you bounce on top of his dick. Your skirt hikes further up your thighs with each downward plunge, and your lover cares to swallow your moans with an open-mouthed kiss.

You all but muffle a scream into his lips when you feel Zhongli thrusting his hips up to meet the cadence of your movements. Tears catch in the lines of your lashes from how good it feels, and you nearly come right then and there when he pulls away to whisper in your ear.

“I’m going to fill you to the brim,” he promises. “My seed will drip down your thighs from here on out so you’ll never forget where you belong.”

“By your side?” you whisper, purposely clenching your walls around his length to elicit a reaction.

Zhongli grunts in approval, much to your amusement. ���By my side.” 

He switches things up at the last minute, flipping you over so that you’re lying down on the bed. You open your mouth to protest, but Zhongli is already pressing your knees against your thighs – plunging his cock into the velvet heat of your cunt as he hits it deeper than before. 

“I’d gladly fuck you everyday if that means you’ll never starve again,” your lover tells you with a growl, golden irises boring deep into your own. “Would you like that? Would you like me to sate your needs?”

“Yes,” you mewl as your fingers rake across his back. “Yes, yes yes! I only want you, Zhongli. Please –”

Your climax blindsides you out of nowhere, cunt squeezing around his cock impossibly tight. You screw your eyes shut, burying your face in his shoulder as your body shudders and trembles from the force of it. Zhongli, however, is intent on taking advantage of your vulnerable state. He doesn’t relent – just continues pounding you into the bed as he chases his own high.

“You’re the only one I love,” he tells you all of a sudden, momentarily pulling you out of your lustful haze. “You might not be the first, but you’ll certainly be the last.”

“Stop saying cheesy things while you’re fucking my brains out,” you moan. “You’re going to make me cry…”

“Heh, that’s the point.”

As promised, Zhongli finishes inside you with a shuddering sigh – and you feel the surge of his hot seed painting your insides. You’ve never felt so satisfied after having real sex with a real human, but when you’re actually in love with the person you’re sleeping with, you suppose there’s lots of room for exceptions.

“So why were you chasing ghosts that don’t even haunt me anymore?” 

You finish the rest of the water that Hu Tao offered earlier when Zhongli asks you the million-dollar question. Your heart twists with both guilt and apprehension, but you know that this is the best time to lay the truth on the table. 

“I was…bothered when you called me by the thing that Rex Lapis called Guizhong the goddess in your dreams,” you admit. “I thought you were thinking about Guizhong your ex while you were with me.”

Zhongli nods as he fixes his own clothes, an unreadable look settling on his face. “Rex Lapis…is the identity I had in a past life, isn’t it? And Guizhong was his lover.” 

“Yes.”

“That doesn’t explain why you tried to alter my memories, though,” he points out.

“Well, I thought if I could lessen the pain of your memories of Guizhong, you’d stop thinking about her and start thinking about me.” Gods, you sound like such a fucking brat. “That – That was really childish of me. I’m sorry. I even got the director and Xingqiu involved because of my own impulsiveness…”

“If you look at it that way then, yes. It is very childish of you. But I think that just goes to show how deeply you feel about me,” Zhongli suggests with a handsome smile, reaching out to hold your hand in his. “You want me to look at you, and only you?” 

“Of course I do,” you mumble. “You want me to do the same for you, right? I’m just trying to make things even…”

Your lover lets out another laugh, raising your hand to his lips as he places a soft kiss on your skin. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to Zhongli’s show of affection.

“Guizhong…is a person who’s near and dear to me even now,” he says, going off a tangent as he rubs comforting circles into your wrist. “But do you know the last thing she told me before she passed?” 

You shake your head. “What?”

“That I shouldn’t chain myself to the past, no matter how painful it is to carry on,” Zhongli continues. “My life here is much simpler than the life Rex Lapis lived. I have no idea what you saw in my – rather, his memories to make you assume that the same applies for me. But I assure you that I’m not a man who’ll punish himself by constantly mulling over what-ifs and could-have-beens.

“All that matters is the present, and what I choose to do now, while you’re still by my side.”

…Damn it. You’re feeling the waterworks again.

“What did I do to deserve you?” you whisper, squeezing his hand just to make sure he was real.

“That, I’m afraid I can’t answer,” he chuckles. “But, on the topic of your immeasurable love, the Guhua boy imparted another interesting piece of information before lending me his powers to save you.”

“...Wait, I’ve been wondering how you got inside the in-between,” you tell him. “So it was Xingqiu? How the hell did he do that?”

“Darling, please refrain from asking questions I don’t have answers to.”

“Fine, fine. What did he say that was so interesting then?”

Zhongli laughs, and something about the shift in his tone makes you narrow your eyes in suspicion. “Director Hu said you tried to harvest energy from other men while you were on the brink of death but it didn’t work. Xingqiu informed us that when your kind starts to feel strongly about a certain human, you won’t be able to harness energy anywhere else apart from that person.”

“...Why do I feel like you’re just gloating now?”

“That’s because I am.”

The sound of the door sliding abruptly catches your attention. Hu Tao emerges from the entrance as she claps her hands loudly. “Alright, that’s enough lovey-dovey chit-chat. I’m going to have the maids launder my sheets first before I sleep in them tonight!”

Your face flushes with embarrassment. “Director Hu Tao, I –”

“Aiya! No apologies. It’s all good,” she insists. “But hey, consultaaant~ Now that I let you and your girlfriend have reunion sex in my quarters, you’re not going to press any charges for assault, will you?”

“Wait, what charges?” Your gaze darts between the two of them curiously.

Zhongli drags a palm over his face, as if having just realized something terrible. “In order to help you get into my dreams, the director laced my tea with a potent drug. I was unconscious for quite some time. But I won’t press any charges, since I have little patience for the tedium of the Liyue Police Station.”

“Aww, you’re the best!” Hu Tao gushes before turning to you. “By the way, Xingqiu already went ahead, but he asked me to give you this.” 

You blink as Hu Tao hands you a sleek black business card with the words “Dr. Paimon” printed with embossed lettering. Zhongli peers over your shoulder, examining the card with the same degree of curiosity.

“He didn’t really elaborate, but rumor has it, that person can turn you into a normal human,” the director explains, smiling with intent. “I figured that since you’re probably gonna want to spend the rest of your life with the old man, you’d want to give up your immortality.”

Immortality… A staple that comes with being a succubus. It’s one of the most fundamental reasons why your kind fed on sexual energy in the first place, yet you never stopped to think of your future if you stayed immortal, while Zhongli continues to age with the passage of time. 

You won’t be able to start a family with him; have his children; grow old with him. Because that’s the fate that your kind has long been cursed with since they first walked the earth. But now, you’re given a way out – even if it sounds too good to be true.

You’re afraid to look at Zhongli. You feel like you should accept the offer, but everything that transpired today is just so overwhelming that you’re not sure if you can make the right choice…

But as always, he’s here to support you.

“You don’t have to make a decision now,” he reminds. “We still have work tomorrow, so I suggest we head home and rest first. I’m sure that can wait.”

…Being thrust back into the nightmare that is the Liyuen corporate ladder after nearly dying in the in-between. Way to maintain a sense of normalcy, Zhongli. 

Well, ‘normal’ is the best thing that the universe can give to you right now. Too bad you’re not selfless enough to deny the one thing you’ve been craving after all this time.

“Miss? Here’s the tea you asked for.”

Ganyu’s voice flits through your ears like a calming breeze. She places your drink on your desk – just behind a plaque that reads Wangsheng Corporation - Consultant. The scent of freshly brewed qingxin petals wafts to your nose and you feel every nerve ending in your body relax at the more aroma.

“Thank you,” you tell her kindly. “You’re right. This tea really does work miracles.”

Your secretary hides a giggle behind her hand. “Both Lady Ningguang and Mister Zhongli became fond of it when I started working for them. I figured it would be the same with you.”

The golden band on your finger seems to glint in the sunlight streaming into your office as you take a few sips. You used to think that tea was nothing but leaf water, but if you have someone like Zhongli for a husband, you’re bound to start appreciating the finer things in life – Ganyu’s herbal remedy included.

“Oh, that reminds me,” she perks up. “Is the director coming back soon? I heard that four months is already a good time to check for the gender.”

You’re a bit surprised by her words, but Ganyu has always exhibited her excitement for the budding life in your womb the moment you made the announcement a few months back. 

“Zhongli’s secretary told me he should be home by the end of the week,” you tell her kindly, free hand instinctively going to the slight swell of your belly. “Once we figure out whether it’s a boy or a girl, I promise you’re the first person we’ll inform.”

She gasps. “You really mean that, miss?”

“Why not? You’re the godmother after all~”

Once Ganyu recovers from the initial shock from being assigned as your child’s godmother, you’re left to your lonesome once more. 

It’s been six months since Hu Tao stepped down as the director for Wangsheng Corporation – passing the title onto Zhongli – and six months since you’ve held office as the company’s new consultant. At times, you still find it strange, how you’re the one giving advice with regards to your husband’s dealings with other businesses. But you remind yourself that everything happens all in due time. 

Your old life as a succubus is way behind you now, but there are moments where you still think of what happened to Rex Lapis after Guizhong’s death. Did he get killed by the other gods? Did he lead the Guili Assembly to the harbor? What happened to the stone dumbbell Guizhong gave to him? You’ll never know now that you’ve lost the ability to travel through dreams. 

But in the back of your head, you hoped he was able to find some sort of deliverance from the pain induced by his lover’s passing.

In the midst of your contemplation, your phone buzzes with a text – one that you’re quick to open.

Zhongli [10:54]: I’m boarding the plane at Fontaine National Airport right now. Should be back by tonight :)

Huh. That was earlier than expected.

Me [10:54] We’ll be waiting with a nice bottle of osmanthus ^__^

Zhongli [10:55]: Darling, please. Drinking is bad for the baby

Me [10:55]: One glass won’t cause genetic disorders, Zhongli.

Zhongli [10:56]: Very well… I’ll still make sure to watch your consumption though.

Me [10:56]: Fine by me <3 Take care on the way back. I love you.

Zhongli [11:15]: Sorry, just got past a checkpoint. I love you, too.

You put away your phone with a sigh, tracing the rim of your teacup absentmindedly. For good measure, you pinch your cheek the same way Hu Tao used to do when she was still in charge – just to make sure you’re not dreaming. 

But the baby is intent on helping you out with that when you feel it kick a bit too hard against your navel.

“Okay, point taken,” you mumble. 

A year ago, you wouldn’t have pictured yourself carrying a human child – much more picturing yourself as a human. But you learned that time is kind to those who wait. It’s just as Zhongli said: regardless of everything that happened in the past, what’s important is what you do now in the present. 

And to you, that’s all that matters. 

★ MASTERLIST . AO3 ★

© cryoculus | kaientai ✧ all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my work on other platforms without permission.

[velocitross]

Okay I think it’s finally time for my

Multi-Fandom Fic Masterlist!

Here you will find all my fics from Baldur’s Gate 3, Star Wars (TCW + TBB), and Dragon Age (2 + Inquisition) ✨ Mostly one shots with multi-chapter fics noted. All multi chapter fics are written to completion and posted weekly.

Plenty of smut here (🔞) but also T romance and gen fics! I love to dig in and explore character, world build, etc.

I am generally open to requests but do prefer writing within ships or characters already represented here! But, feel free to ask 😌

Continue below!

Baldur’s Gate 3

Vigil (durge OC) x Dammon

Imperceptible Progression of the Stars - Vigil finds Dammon outside the tiefling party. (T)

Last Light - Vigil opens up to Dammon about their violent urges. (T)

A Sunrise Worth Seeing - Dammon and Vigil grow closer following Vigil’s triumph at Moonrise Towers. (T)

Oaths Broken & Bonds Reforged - Dammon and Vigil meet each other again in Baldur’s Gate. (G)

In the Clarity of Dawn - Vigil is redeemed. (T)

Epilogue - in a quiet moment at the epilogue party, Vigil expresses how much Dammon means to them. (T)

Always Forever - Dammon knows just how to finally reveal his feelings for Vigil. (E)

Made Yours - Vigil and Dammon celebrate the Elturian holiday of love (E)

Respite - Vigil gives Dammon a full body massage. (E)

From the Dark - With Dammon’s help, Vigil grapples with some long forgotten consequences of the urge. (M)

Rolan x Dammon

Working Steel - Rolan, frustrated by his work, seeks out Dammon for some… stress relief (E)

Up in the Tower - Dammon tries to get Rolan to take care of himself, with limited success. (M)

Within the Storm - Rolan is a mess after losing Cal and Lia to the cultists. Dammon helps. (T)

Nighthawks - Modern AU! Long distance relationship woes. Webcam sex. Cyberpunk 2077 (E)

Infernal Arcana - multi chapter and complete (35k). An interesting project steeped in the infernal brings Dammon and Rolan very close. (E)

Candlelight and Wine - Rolan is grumpy, Dammon cheers him up with a dance. (T)

Dammon x gn!Tav

A Little Light Reading - Dammon thinks about Tav whilst enjoying some spicy reading material (E)

Needful Evenings - Dammon gets caught in the act while once again thinking of Tav. (E)

For Services Rendered - Dammon gets tied up and teased. (E)

Halsin x gn!Tav

Seed of Oak - It’s breeding season, you get the idea (E)

Isobel x Dame Aylin

Alive Again - Isobel struggles to cope with her resurrection. (T)

Gen fics

Sun Will Set - Halsin helps a dying snake along his journey. (G)

The Ring of a Hammer in the Hells - Dammon is haunted and inspired by his tutelage beneath Carixim. (T)

To Endure - Rolan finds his resolve to endure his abuse at Lorroakan’s hands. (T)

The Exiled - Dammon comforts Silfy over their exile and situation in the grove. (G)

Cat Nap - A cat helps soothe Dammon’s worries over his future in the city. (G)

Star Wars

Captain Rex x gn!reader

Rainy Day Refuge - A perfect rainy morning for cuddling back up with Rex. (T)

Golden Dreams - You dream of a quieter life with Rex. (T)

Midnight Souls - Rex doesn’t know how to dance, so you resolve to teach him. (T)

Heart of the Universe - After a long day, Rex is there for you. (T)

Summer’s King - On vacation with Rex, you (flower) crown him king. (T)

Killing Heat - You, traitor to a guild of listeners and spies, are sent on a covert mission for the republic with Rex. Intrigue, action, slow burn romance. Multi chapter and complete (105k) (E)

Briefings and Reunions - after the events of Killing Heat, you have a secret tryst with Rex. (E)

Rex on the Beach - beach trip with Rex goes exactly the way you imagine. (E)

Yadrinovo’s Rings - Following Rex’s loss and assumed death in battle, Kix finds him on a remote frontier planet. It’s your job to bring him back, but… do you really want to? Angst, domesticity. Multi chapter and complete (45k) (E)

Captain Rex x Riyo Chuchi

Rendezvous - Rex and Riyo find some comfort in one another in an unexpected way. (E)

The Way to Be Together - Rex and Riyo discuss what’s between them and resolve how to go forward. (E)

Gen fics/misc

Concessions - death troopers Pik and Waffle spar, and then, you know, spar. (M)

With Honor - Multi chapter and complete (160k). Post order 66 exploration of Rex’s grief, trauma, and agency. (T pushing M)

Waves - Exploration of grief and “what comes after.” Feat Rex and two OCs from With Honor (T)

Dragon Age

Note!! These fics were written a long time ago, 10 years in some cases. They’re not well formatted, written in first person pov, I was shaky on how to tag, etc. Please show some grace for early 20s xan 🙏

Gen fics only!

How I Saved Weisshaupt and Also the World - 50k, Hawke discovers a cult that lives in the Fade and drives their followers mad. Varric, as always, is there to ride to her rescue. (T)

People Need Stories - Varric helps Hawke cope with the loss of his mother. (T)

They Forget So Easily - Cole struggles to be remembered. (G)

[mjrtaurus]

Following up on that old ask about Zoan children turning feral, I've found a way to combine that with the Seraphim.

Do you recall Hanafuda? The warlord who Ace defeated and was replaced by Kuma. The guy whose hobby is collecting Ancient Zoan Devil Fruits and whose epithet "King of Lizards" implies he has (had?) the T Rex zoan.

Safe to say there's a high likelihood the World Government is still in possession of Hanafuda's DNA , which meant a Seraphim in his likeness was produced as part of the reserve lineup consisting of Nemo and potentially Weevil and Law.

While the locations of S-Weevil and S-Leopard are still unknown, S-Rex was released at the same time as Nemo but was left behind on Egghead after the World Government extracted all the resources from the island post-Buster Call.

Months of roaming alone through this charred futuristic jungle and scrounging off whatever food from the machines and dead sea beasts he could find reduced S-Rex to operating purely on instinct. His puffy hair became matted and dirty, the rest of his body even more so because he hadn't been fitted for clothes like the other Seraphim before being released from his containment tank.

He can't control when he switches back and forth between his zoan and Lunarian form, but even when in the latter he walks with his upper body in a horizonal position and his arms tucked close to his chest like a T Rex. His wings flop uselessly at his side because he has no idea how to control his wing muscles and no clue of how to fly.

S-Rex can only communicate through screaming, growls, and chuffs. His aggression is growing by the day, in large part because he's not eating anything else but meat and he's wracked with digestive issues.

Needless to say, he's not much prone to genetic memories like the other Seraphim. Except when Dragon and Sabo are doing recon of Egghead months after the World Government has dropped their guard, the sight of Sabo's flames fills little S-Rex with rage and fear like nothing has before.

Which brings us to Sabo fighting the dinosaur who's actually a 4-5 year old kid who is probably going to be next on Dragon's adoption list. Although I'm kind of tempted to put him with King since Hanafuda is theorized to have been the broker for the Beast Pirates before Doflamingo and really King needs a Seraphim to care for bc all of the others already have adopted families.

The poor kid…

Dragon’s done well to put restrictions on his bleeding heart over the years. He saves who he can and tries anyway for those he can’t… but he typically doesn’t take them in. Sabo was a special case in the sense that the boy had worse than nothing to go back to, and would have fought tooth and nail against the world with or without the Revs’ support.

And the kid had imprinted on him, and Dragon was- is- still grieving…

And this child that’s been picking through wreckage and ruin, that had no chance to develop properly, had no sense of personality because the fight to survive took all of his effort and left nothing to spare for developing one…

And it just so happens that the Tyrannosaurus Rex - let’s assume it is as closely related to the modern day chicken as current paleoscience theorizes for this hypothetical- imprints like a chick. And this poor boy sees him call Sabo- his nightmare incarnate- off of him. And the fire goes away.

The man stopped the fire.

The man is safe.

And suddenly Dragon has a little winged T-rex chick huddling up to him like he’s looking for warmth. A return trip to the Wind Granma and a zoan transformation later, the little dinosaur is cuddled up against a very broody Amaru.

King might not be getting this one right away.

It takes a long time for him to trust Sabo, but by the time he can communicate well enough, the two talk about pyrophobia. A shared fear the both of them have. Ironic that the Flame Emperor of the Revolutionary Army is afraid of the very element that he is made of…

A side note, too: do you think S-Rex would be terrified of the Lunarian fire on his back? Running from it all the time? It flaring up because he’s scared and making him even more scared?

[deepdreamnights]

Tribute AMV for Dr. Underfang and Mrs. Natalie Nice/Nautilus.

From TyrannoMax and the Warriors of the Core, everyone's favorite Buzby-Spurlock animated series.

After all, who doesn't love a good bad guy, especially when they come in pairs?

Process/Tutorial Under the Fold.

This is, of course, a part of my TyrannoMax unreality project, with most of these video clips coming from vidu, taking advantage of their multi-entity consistency feature (more on that later). This is going to be part of a larger villain showcase video, but this section is going to be its own youtube short, so its an video on its own.

The animation here is intentionally less smooth than the original, as I'm going for a 1980s animated series look, and even in the well-animated episodes you were typically getting 12 FPS (animating 'on twos'), with 8 (on threes) being way more common. As I get access to better animation software to rework these (currently just fuddling along with PS) I'm going to start using this to my advantage by selectively dropping blurry intermediate frames.

I went with 12 since most of these clips are, in the meta-lore, from the opening couple of episodes and the opening credits, where most of the money for a series went back in the day.

Underfang's transformation sequence was my testing for several of my techniques for making larger TyrannoMax videos. Among those was selectively dropping some of the warped frames as I mentioned above, though for a few shots I had to wind up re-painting sections.

Multi-entity consistency can keep difficult dinosaur characters stable on their own, but it wasn't up to the task of keeping the time-temple accurate enough for my use, as you can see here with the all-t-rex- and-some-moving-statues, verses the multi-species effort I had planned:

The answer was simple, chroma-key.

Most of the Underfang transformation shots were done this way. The foot-stomp was too good to leave just because he sprouted some extra toes, so that was worth repainting a few frames of in post.

Vidu kind of over-did the texturing on a few shots (and magenta was a poor choice of key-color) so I had to go in and manually purple-ize the background frame by frame for the spin-shot.

This is on top of the normal cropping, scaling, color-correcting, etc that goes into any editing job of this type.

It's like I say: nearly all AI you see is edited, most of it curated, even the stuff that's awful and obvious (never forget: enragement is engagement)

Multi-Entity Consistency:

Vidu's big advantage is reference-to-video. For those who have been following the blog for awhile, R2V is sort of like Midjourney's --cref character reference feature. A lot of video AIs have start-end frame functionality, but being able to give the robot a model sheet and effectively have it run with it is a darn nice feature for narrative.

Unlike the current version of Midjourney's --cref feature, however, you can reference multiple concepts with multiple images.

It is super-helpful when you need to get multiple characters to interact, because without it, they tend to blend into each other conceptually.

I also use it to add locations, mainly to keep them looking appropriately background-painting rather than a 3d background or something that looks like a modded photo like a lot of modern animation does.

The potential here for using this tech as a force multiplier for small animation projects really shines through, and I really hope I'm just one of several attempting to use it for that purpose.

Music:

The song is "The Boys Have a Second Lead Pipe", one of my Suno creations. I was thinking of using Dinowave (Let's Dance To) but I'm saving that for a music video of live-action dinosovians.

Prompting:

You can tell by the screenshot above that my prompts have gotten... robust. Vidu's prompting system seems to understand things better when given tighter reigns (some AIs have the opposite effect), and takes information with time-codes semi-regularly, so my prompts are now more like:

low-angle shot, closeup, of a green tyrannosaurus-mad-scientist wearing a blue shirt and purple tie with white lab coat and a lavender octopus-woman with tentacles growing from her head, wearing a teal blouse, purple skirt, purple-gray pantyhose. they stand close to each other, arms crossed, laughing evilly. POV shot of them looming over the viewer menacingly. The background is a city, in the style of animation background images. 1986 vintage cel-shaded cartoon clip, a dinosaur-anthro wearing a lab coat, shirt and tie reaches into his coat with his right hand and pulls out a laser gun, he takes aim, points the laser gun at the camera and fires. The laser effect is short streaks of white energy with a purple glow. The whole clip has the look and feel of vintage 1986 action adventure cel-animated cartoons. The animation quality is high, with flawless motion and anatomy. animated by Tokyo Movie Shinsha, studio Ghibli, don bluth. BluRay remaster.

While others approach the scripted with time-code callouts for individual actions.

[malorisaurus]

I posted this in a community I am in, but I also wanted to post it here for my own posterity.

I live in Idaho, and for the past week, I have been on a long road trip driving through Utah and SE Idaho going to various fossil sites, museums, dinosaur attractions, etc. The list of places I visited are:

Dinosaur National Monument - hot hot hot! But very worth it. It is perhaps the most well known location on this list, so I won't be too detailed here. Highly worth it, though!

Utah Field House of Natural History State Park Museum - a smaller museum, but they had an interesting focus on actual field work which is great if you are interested in spending time in an exhibit focused on the discovery and preservation of fossils as well as seeing skeleton and fossil exhibits. Good hands on exhibits for kids.

Hiking trails like the Mill Canyon Dinosaur Bone Trail and the Copper Creek Dinosaur Track trail - The sun! It is brutal! BRING LOTS OF WATER.

Museum of Ancient Life at Thanksgiving Point - This is one of the largest, if not the largest, displays of dinosaur skeletons in the country. It was interesting to see the positioning that they chose, and the skeletons were often posed in fully decorated scenes which was a fun change from the usual museum pedestal setups. The museum moves through the fossil record chronologically, so while dinosaurs are a large feature, they are not the only focus.) Excellent space for kids with lots of activities and hands on displays.

Natural History Museum of Utah (they had lokiceratops fossils and a skull cast on display, which was pretty cool to see. Their displays in general were wonderful. Their other displays were also wonderful, and they did a great job including hands on stuff for adults and kids alike.

George S Eccles Dinosaur Park in Ogden - I had a really fun day here, though the dinosaur statuary was often comically outdated—their T. rex was standing fully erect putting weight on his tail, which was nostalgic and funny. A lot of that statuary is dated because it is from when the park was founded, but they have made some attempts to update the statuary. Inside is a geology exhibit as well as a fossil exhibit, and their signs were informative and more accurate. Overall a very fun experience, though.

Did some driving around and hiking to view some outcroppings at the Wayan Formation, but this was just general site seeing for my own gratification and there isn't really access to much of the area.

Idaho Museum of Natural History at CSI in Pocatello - they had several oryctodromeus fossils as well as complete skeleton displays. This was of particular interest to me because they are unique burrowing dinosaurs found pretty exclusively to the area, and it is now our state dinosaur as of 2023. The museum is small, but I will say that all of the displays are very thoughtful, and they included a lot of birds, small mammals, and plants in their informative displays. The Hagerman Horse also featured, which is our state fossil, and they highlighted the unique fossil record of Idaho.

Hagerman Fossil Bed National Monument - This was my final stop of this particular trip, and I am glad that I went. There is no access to the fossil beds themselves, but there are some great trails with lots of informational placquards with views of the fossil bed area. The Thousand Springs Visitor center for the monument is one of my favorites that I have been to. The rangers were so excited, friendly, and informative. I asked to become a Jr. Ranger, and I did the book and got my badge and patch after being sworn in as a protector of fossils and advocate for conservation by a wonderful ranger who talked with me for a long time about all of the things they had on display as well as an endocast of a hagerman horse brain. The ranger got very excited about that and told me the thing he loved most about it was that the brain size to body mass ratio indicated that it would have been similar to that of modern day horses, so that it indicates that the hagerman horse had personalities, emotions, etc. just as modern horses do. I am already of the belief that this is largely true of all life on the planet, but how it was described really hit me and I got quite emotional about it! It was extra fun because I could see how excited it made the ranger—the expression of like "YES we have TRUE ENGAGEMENT." 😂 It is a small little place, but turned out to be a highlight of my trip.

Anyway, sorry for the long-winded post! I took about 5 million pictures, and am working on organizing them all by location and animal. My goal is to go through, animal by animal, and read the current literature and compare it to the information and skeleton positioning at each of the museums. I will be sharing that progress here eventually. If anyone has any questions or recommendations for travel in the area, hmu!

[docholligay]

Shamash day points: Misc Nominations

Boy do I always have so much fun reading these! Thanks you to everyone who answered. It was hard picking the winners, as it often is, but here they are!

The question was: Tell me about the worst meal you had this year.

1 point to @beefsaladthethirtythird with that's herring under a fur coat! I love herring under a fur coat WHAT DID YOU DO:

For new years my partner and I made this Russian dish called "selyodka pod shuboy", dressed herring salad. It has salted herring, potatoes, carrots, beets and onions,(but we might have left them off), all held together with layers of mayonnaise. My partner put way too much mayo on the salad, and combined with the fatty herring, it was so greasy as to be borderline inedible. Like, it was give-you-GI-issues bad. My partner loves that salad recipe, but she also could not eat more than a little of it. I tried to get through it but it was making me ill after eating so i trashed the leftovers. we made other Russian New Years dishes, and they were all pretty good, but the dressed herring was a no-go.

2 points-- @seolh with the saddest bachelor meal I have ever heard

It's late. I've been at the office for over fourteen hours, but finally I am home. I am hungry but I am also so, so tired. A basic salad sounds like a nice, low-energy idea for food.

I take a chicken breast out of the freezer and put it directly in the oven. It is not seasoned.

I put some lettuce in a bowl. I decide to I am too tired to chop veggies right that moment. I sit on the couch. I sit. I sit some more. I'm so hungry.

I go get the bowl and start picking at the lettuce with my fingers, shoving it into my mouth. It is bland and almost bitter and not particularly pleasant. I continue eating it. Soon, it is gone. The chicken continues to cook.

I just want to go to bed, but I am not sated, and know I need protein. I wait for the chicken to cook. I let it rest. With no seasoning or oil, the top of the chicken breast looks rubbery and a bit shrivelled.

I slice up the chicken breast. I consider attempting to add some flavour, but that's effort. I stand at the corner eating unseasoned pieces of chicken breast. It is not unpleasant, but it is extremely boring. And finally, time for sleep.

…THE worst meal of the year, by far, and I did it to myself!

3 points, @katrani with how did you manage to fuck this up so badly what a wild ride:

….it was actually just this morning. I had bought some ciabatta rolls last weekend, for a specific thing, then because of Reasons couldn't make the thing on the planned night. We had a get-together yesterday, and someone had to spend the night because they were a little too drunk and tired to get home. Perfect, thinks me, even though it is the time of year for jinxes, I still have that bread and can do breakfast sandwiches! Well. Morning arrived, cheerful and optimistic. Even having our first real chill for the year was fine, cause it meant I had been extra cozy and woke up gradually, I felt so rested! Amazing energy levels for cooking! …..the bread had molded. I took too long, and it had been claimed by that stealthy t-rex of modern biology.

This is still okay, muses me, I can find a workaround. Except my fridge and cupboards are emptier than normal, as I'm trying to keep things low so I can scrub everything during an upcoming long weekend. However!!!!!!!!!!! A light! A shining, glorious utility food- I have instant potato flakes! I can very easily make some bullshit hashbrowns!!!! Who doesn't love even a shitty hashbrown patty! And it'll still work as a sandwich kind of thing!!

So I mix the flakes with the smallest amount of water, just enough to make them pasty/battery. I season them, I mold them together, they're sticking as patties fine enough! I heat up the oil, and… they fall apart. So badly. I forgot that the last time I used them for this I had to make them into the mashed potato format and then fry dollops of that. Doing it straight out of the box does not work. Can I blame the heteros for straight out of the box being a terrible idea? Probably not, but it would make me feel better.

Even thinking that okay, it'll be a skillet now, I'll break apart the patties and fry it as lumps of potato batter does not work. They just WILL NOT fry up, the oil soaked into the solid portion a bit too much and now it's not cooking right. Sure, the bottom is crisping, and I can scrape that up and mix it in, but most of it has become just a sludge. A slurry even. Completely unappetizing. I'll have to throw it all out, and borrow someone's rosary or something so I can make proper apologies to the spirits of my fiance's Midwest Irish family for fucking up perfectly good potato product so horrendously.

So all I have to offer my guest, 45 minutes after we've been awake, is some eggs, and they do not like eggs by themselves. My fiance and I eat what I was able to make, and they're well-seasoned, and the texture is actually the best I've gotten eggs to be in a while… but it is poisoned by the shame of not being able to care for my guest, any enjoyment I might have would be a slap in the face to their hunger, a breach of their trust in me to be a proper hostess.

As they were leaving they told me they don't really have breakfast most of the time anyways.

You definitely would have gotten points if you had elaborated at all, @iscahwynn because a 7-11 challenge sounds TERRIFYING

[pearlywritings]

Let us take this pain and shed it away

synopsis: The text you recieve from your husband makes you restless, worried of what could possibly happen for the man to be so terse in his message and who that ‘fourth person’ he is talking about can possibly be. As it turns out it is someone very dear to both of you, someone who is in a desperate need of comfort.

pairing and characters: Zhongli x fem!reader, Xiao (the Rex-Lapis family), Hu Tao.

tw: hurt/comfort, modern AU, University AU, established relationship

word count: 5.4k+ words

a/n: was listening to Continued Story by Hitomi Kuroishi while writing. The fitting song in my opinion.

Also a part of my University modern AU with history professor Zhongli

Just one more hour you thought, straightening in your chair and flexing your shoulders, just one more hour and you could go home.

Work was quite slow today and you weren't even that tired, eyes scanning through another document as you gave your body some light exercising. A pain in the neck and back was honestly such a pain in another place, and while you did love Zhongli's strong fingers massaging your tense muscles after a couple of long days at work, you didn't want to abuse his kindness too often, so you were really pondering over the question: should you ask him for one today or not.

Speaking of Zhongli… This husband of yours had been exceptionally quiet today - you knew he had his phone with him (oh his tendency to leave it at home sometimes, forgetting to get it from recharging) and usually he'd message you something on his bigger breaks - but today your phone buzzed just once - when you both arrived to work and notified each other about doing so safely.

Well, he was a very busy professor, it honestly could be anything: a meeting, extra time taken from breaks to explain some more if students asked for it and so on… maybe even all at once!

Suppressing a rising groan you reached for the phone to make a work-related call, when the device vibrated suddenly. The name of your beloved appeared on the screen along with a picture of him with Xiao and Ganyu from the last time she came to visit during the University break of hers.

But a message from him, finally!

You didn't wait long to unlock your screen and tap the chat with him. At first your face lit up with joy. Though upon reading just the beginning of his message it changed to confusion, until you reached the end of it and pure concern overtook your features.

"I'll be home later. I know it's my turn, but please, be so kind as to get Xiao from his evening classes and cook dinner for four people. I'll explain everything once we arrive.

Love you."

Now that was strange. You reread the message a few more times, even waited a couple of minutes, hoping to get one more message, that'd bring the light upon the situation at least a little bit. But nothing.

Wrecking your brain back and forth in attempts to predict the possible reason behind the message you, nevertheless, typed back an "of course, dear. Be safe, see you later. Love you too", before putting the phone back on your working table. Then picking it up back again, almost having forgotten there were calls to make. You wouldn't question your husband and think about all of it much until he came home and explained everything. After all, you trusted him and something told you patience was the best you could do at the moment.

Two and a half hours later you were standing in the kitchen, stirring the vegetables in a pan and glancing at your phone occasionally, only to see no new messages every time you checked. Four people, four people… No, your daughter couldn't be the one, you knew your husband, if it was a surprise there'd be some sort of slip because of Zhongli's excitement, but there was clearly none. Not to mention it is the middle of her semester. Oh, but what if something bad happened and that's why she arrived?? Oof…

"Mom?" Suddenly a voice brought you back from a worrying brooding that overtook your mind, so engrossed in thoughts that you almost burnt the vegetables. Turning off the stove and then around you spotted your eight-year old son in the doorway.

"Yes, dear?" You hummed, moving the pan to another hob. The boy walked into the kitchen, ember eyes trained on your hands and, only when you reached for the towel to wipe them clean, moved his gaze to your face.

"I did my homework. Where is dad? He was supposed to come home an hour ago."

Oh yes, you'd like to know the answer to that question yourself. Glancing at the phone again gave you nothing and you sighed. You had no idea when Zhongli was going to arrive home, and honestly the uncertainty started to slowly kill you, but you didn't want it to put the same pressure on Xiao. So you opted for gently petting his hair to praise him for finishing his tasks so fast.

"Dad is going to be soon, baby. But if you are hungry, I can feed you now, I have everything almost ready."

Your son lowered his gaze for a moment thinking, but the loud rumbling of his stomach the next moment was a dead give away.

"Go wash your hands, I'll serve you your portion."

You didn't miss the small embarrassed pout on the boy's face before he scurried away to the bathroom. Oh baby, you smiled softly, turning to the cabinet to grab some plates, there was nothing wrong with that.

Ten minutes later the boy was stuffing his cheeks with dinner, swinging his legs and telling you about his day at school. Everything felt normal, and you almost convinced yourself there was no piece missing, despite an empty chair at the table. Xiao's soft voice, muffled by food, enveloped your senses like a small blanket, and you put your chin on a fist, a fond look not leaving your eyes, watching your son, who resembled his father so much with soft brown locks and liquid gold eyes, that curiously stared back at you.

"Mom, why aren't you eating?"

"Huh?" You snapped out of the daze and dropped your gaze to your plate that, indeed, was barely touched and slowly getting cold.

"Just spaced out a little, sorry, baby. You were saying?" You offered a smile, encouraging him to resume the retelling of today's event. Though you could clearly tell there was doubt written all over his face - he was always a sensitive baby - he did not comment anyhow on your strange behavior and just carried on.

This time you stayed more focused and Xiao's words even managed to pull your attention from the ever silent device, resting on the table just mere inches away from you. There was even an occasional giggle passing your lips whenever your boy mentioned something hilarious, or your eyes widened a little in wonder if he spoke of something new he learnt.Yes, everything finally became quite peaceful. Until it wasn’t.

You heard the doorbell ring and the sound echoed off the walls in a suddenly silent kitchen, and just like that all worries came back at you. The pace of the heart quickened, pumping blood with intensity, though you tried to keep yourself under control. You almost missed Xiao calling for you and asking if you were alright.

No you weren't. Not until you knew what was going on and the anticipation was gnawing at your mind at the moment.

"I am fine, baby," of course you couldn't admit it to him, standing up and giving the boy your best smile. "I'll go check if it's daddy. Go on with your food."

You saw how his arm flinched in a clear attempt to move to follow you, but yet stopping himself before his whole body was set in motion. A frown on his face though was evident now and molten gold in eyes turned sharp; he could clearly tell that something got you worked up and the nature of it wasn't necessarily good.

Before he changed his mind about staying in his seat, you bent down to place a quick peck to his cheek and just as fast you were out of the kitchen.

Behind the front door there was almost no sound, which made your stomach flip. Hesitant to peak in a peephole, you opted to take a deep breath and ask, as calmly as you could.

"Who's there?” 

A beat of silence and the heart drumming in your ears was deafening, beating against the ribcage like a crazy, freedom-thirsty bird. Another second ticked, and it became unbearable, nerve-wrecking, you chewed on your lips, fingers twitching, a thought of just yanking the door open flicking in your brain.

God, say something-

"It’s me, darling." 

Everything stopped. The sounds, the movements, the thoughts. The only thing registering was a smooth and so dearly familiar voice of your husband that made your whole body slump in relief, as if a huge weight was taken from your shoulders. 

“But I must warn you I have a guest here with m-”

Not giving him a chance to finish, you swiftly unlock the door and swing it open, letting the light from the hall illuminate two figures - one bigger and one smaller. Zhongli pursed his lips shut, when he saw a worried expression on your face, that soon became puzzled, as you finally realized who the fourth person the man was talking about was.

Hu Tao.

A vivacious girl in her early twenties, whom you treated like a dear niece ever since Zhongli first introduced her to you as the daughter of his old friends. She occasionally came by to hang out with Ganyu, even though the two sometimes finished their playdate with whining and complaining, because Ganyu was tired and wanted to nap and Hu Tao had way too much energy and mischief in her body to rest. She became an even more special guest after her parents passed away in a car accident around the time both her and your daughter were finishing middle and starting high school. Zhongli volunteered to help her grandpa look after her instantly and you supported that decision with all your might, always happy to see the girl in your house and providing her with comfort whenever she needed.

And by the look of it, today was just the case.

Brightly colored eyes didn’t hold the same gleam they usually did, and the way she was holding onto your husband’s coat draped around her shoulders told you of the stress she was under.

Yet nevertheless she tried to force a smile upon meeting your gaze.

"Hey, Mrs Rex-Lapis," her voice sounded so small, but she even gave you her usual wave of a hand, though it came out so meekly, your heart clenched in pain.

"Sweety,” softly you stepped forward and gently enveloped her in a hug, it felt crucial to do so, “It’s just Y/N or auntie for you. We've talked about it so many times, no need to be so formal with me, alright?”

All she did was nodding against your shoulder. Zhongli carefully guided you two inside, not wanting to break this embrace just yet, and slowly closed and locked the door behind. Just as carefully he peeled his coat off of her trembling frame - how didn’t you notice that? - and hung it in a wardrobe, along with his scarf and hat.

Then his palm found its place on her back, soothingly rubbing up and down, comforting her for something you weren’t aware of. He didn’t forget to kiss your cheek, murmuring a small “hello” against your skin, redirecting his eyes to the girl almost immediately. 

“Why don’t you go and wash your hands, dear? We’ll have some food heated for you, okay?”

Just like the first time she didn’t utter a word, only nodding, and the action seemed so lifeless to you, lacking the usual spark, a quick jerk of her chin she used to communicate ‘positive’. 

Now everything felt like slow motion. She drew herself from you reluctantly, lowering her eyes. Not even bending she used her feet to kick the shoes off and then quite literally dragged them to where your bathroom was down the hall. Only when she closed the door and water started running, you turned to Zhongli, staring at him and pointing your finger to the direction Hu Tao disappeared in with a raised brow.

“Well?”

“Love, I know I worried you and I am sorry,” sighing he bent to put the shoes neatly on the carpet, adding his own a second after, “but the moment I got the news I was just as worried as you are. Her grandfather was hospitalized.”

Your eyes widened and a hand flew to your mouth to muffle a horrified gasp, the scolding you had for him just at the tip of your tongue long forgotten and nonexistent.

“No… No, please, don’t tell me-”

“Nothing life-threatening yet, but they said he’d be in the hospital for a couple of weeks, so they could monitor his condition,” you let out a relieved exhale at that, taking a hold of Zhongli's hand when he reached to comfort you. “But Hu Tao didn’t want to leave the hospital either, so they had to call her emergency contact - me - and ask to convince her to go home. I even let my students go earlier, so I didn’t get in a traffic jam on my way there, I had to be there fast. I managed to persuade her to go with me and stay with us for these two weeks. I couldn’t let her go home, alone, in a state like that, I just couldn’t.”

“You did an absolutely right thing Zhongli,” you quickly reassured him, taking his second hand in yours, squeezing both. “Of course she can stay as long as she needs. I promise to do my best to take care of her.”

“I know you will, love,” the corners of his mouth lifted and adoration swirled in the gold of his eyes. “I count on your help. Words can’t describe how grateful I am for you always being here for her just as much as you are for our kids.”

“Don’t mention it, she is important to me after all. But speaking of our kids - go and greet Xiao, he’s been dying to finally see you today.”

“But Hu Tao-”

“Will be looked after. I am on it. Now go before our boy comes here himself.”

The man finally gave you a full smile and a proper kiss on your lips, squeezing your hands back, before letting go of them and hurrying to the kitchen.

You, on the other hand, approached the bathroom. Back pressed to the wall, you patiently waited, listening to the water running and the girl shuffling around, until all sounds came to a stop.

"Um… What towel can I use?" It seemed she heard you coming and knew you were standing outside.

"Yellow one, sweety," some more shuffling before the lock clicked open and Hu Tao emerged from the bathroom, having her knitted cardigan hanging off of her arm. Bare slumped shoulders only made the misery of her state more prominent. Caramel red eyes glanced at you briefly, before staring at the floor intently, as if she wanted to burn a hole in your parquet. In general she looked like she didn't know what to do with herself, so you decided to take the matter in your own hands.

"Hey, butterfly," you said softly, carefully placing just the tips of your fingers on her shoulder, to make sure she wouldn't flinch, "how about we go and get you some dinner? I bet you are hungry. How does it sound?"

"Sounds good," she quietly murmurs, sniffling and bringing a hand to rub at her eye, metal bracelets clinking melodically on her wrist. "Is Xiao there?"

"He is, but he won't ask questions, I promise," and you hoped your husband had warned him no to.

"Okay… okay," she nodded, more to herself, than to you, and allowed you to gently lead her to the kitchen with a full palm resting on her shoulder. Passing the hall, Hu Tao quickly glanced at the key hooks and stopped briefly to hang the cardigan on a free one. Then she paused in hesitation, sleeve caught between her fingers, as if contemplating should she really leave it there or she’d better take it to cover herself. The moment of doubt was short though, and she quickly let go of the browny red article of clothing. You saw everything, but didn’t comment anyhow, smiling at her, when she returned to your side and resumed your way.

When you stepped into the kitchen two pairs of golden eyes darted in your direction - one concerned and the other silently empathetic. This was enough to know Xiao was aware your guest wasn't in the right state to answer questions. Nevertheless he waved at her in greeting to which she did the same, mustering a small smile for the boy that was gone the moment she turned her head to look at Zhongli, who, instead of going to change, was busy with heating up food for Hu Tao and himself. You set the girl at the table and sat next to her, positioning your chair closely to hers. 

You observed how she straightened in her seat, squaring her shoulders and keeping her head high and gaze directed forward. Maybe this display, put out more for Xiao than for anyone else, could play out as convincing, but you weren’t fooled, not with the way her slim fingers, adorned with many rings, were tightly clasped under the table, turning white immediately from the intensity of her grip. Wordlessly, you reached to them, enveloping this lock of hands with your warm palm and keeping it there, as Zhongli put down the plates for himself and your guest, excusing himself just for a moment to finally change, and Xiao hopped off of his chair and started moving it closer to the sink, volunteering to wash the dishes.

Only when the man returned did Hu Tao bring her hands back to view and took the chopsticks.

With plates and mugs dried and placed in the cupboard, you closed the doors and placed the chair in its original place. Next step was to grab your wallet and give your son some shiny jingling reward for helping with chores, which you quickly proceeded to do. Your little wonder’s eyes twinkled happily and he scurried to his room to add it to his personal savings.

Zhongli watched you with a half-finished cup of tea in his hand, leaning to the countertop. He didn’t want to leave Hu Tao’s side at the time like that, but he also understood his duty as a father and, honestly, he missed Xiao the whole day. His face expression was screaming controversy, and you caught his gaze, upon coming back to the kitchen from putting the wallet away.

“You've done a lot already bringing her here, darling. Go spend some time with Xiao. You can join us later, I got it,” you pulled the cup from his grip and put it in the sink - the tea was cold at that point anyway. “We’ll be in the living room cuddling, text me if Xiao would want to join us too, alright?”

“Alright,” he nodded, pressing a short peck to your lips, pouring his gratitude through the small gesture. Then he once again looked at the girl, who seemed to be deep in thought, hardly hearing your interaction.

“Promise me she’ll be fine,” he whispered and you sighed. Of course you’d make everything to assure it. With years going by you grew to love and care for Hu Tao just as much as you did for your older daughter. Your heart ached just as much seeing sadness overtaking her features, and it pained the same way it did whenever you saw the expression on Ganyu’s face, no matter what the cause was. Even if both were almost grown up women, you still couldn't worry for them any less.

And you knew that the girl had a special place in your husband's kind heart.

“She will,” you said firmly, determination radiating from your eyes and Zhongli for a second almost lost himself to falling in love with you over again. You had to push him a little in the doorway direction, to remind him he was needed somewhere else at the moment.

With your husband gone from the kitchen, you hummed softly, drawing Hu Tao’s attention.

“Hey, butterfly,” gaze filled with melancholy shifted to you, “let’s get you to the living room.”

A silent question and confusion flashed behind her eyes, to which you offered her a smile, and then an extended hand.

“To cuddle, my dear.”

“To cuddle…” She repeated like a parrot, absentmindedly sliding her palm into yours and forcing her body to cooperate and stand up. She was putting her trust into you while showing no resistance, and you were sure not to fail her.

“Mhm, there you go,” encouragement poured from your lips, washing over her in calming waves, making the girl take a deep breath. She grimaced a little, as the take proved to be too much for her lungs in an almost painful way, so she hurried to exhale. Your heart clenched again. If only some of this pain could be taken away, if only you could take and shed it away.

But you were no deity and could only do as much as bringing her to the couch, gently setting her there and brushing her bangs away.

“Let’s untie these,” you didn’t wait for her response, carefully twisting the hair tie off of one of her ponytails and letting her long brown locks cascade down her face. Soon the twin tail was released as well, and you busied yourself with running fingers near the roots, to soothe her and brush the tangles a little bit. You didn’t see the girl’s face, but her back against your legs became more relaxed.

"Now ready to cuddle?" 

Hu Tao thought of how amazing you were, sounding cheerful, despite being so obviously worried for her, touching her gently and delicately, helping her further on the couch and into your warm embrace with a duvet being dragged over your bodies. How precise you were in your movements, bringing her close, yet giving all the freedom to get into a comfortable position, which the girl didn't hesitate to choose. One arm tightly wrapped around your middle and the other fisting the material of her own shirt, with head tilted down and long hair obscuring half of the face.

"Is this okay?" You were so considerate and kind it almost hurt, but in a good, most joy-bringing way.

Her eyes stung and she quietly sniffled, hoping you didn't notice. Even if you did - you did not seem to show, letting her have her moment of trying to not start the waterworks. She knew she could be vulnerable with you and Zhongli and she had washed her makeup before dinner, but it wasn't that.

No. She just knew, if she let herself go now…

...the dam would be broken and no human would fix it for hours.

Yet, she desperately wanted for those painful intrusive thoughts to go away, mind and body exhausted, worn out with worry and the feeling of hopelessness. Images of white still dancing before her eyes - white walls, white coats of nurses and doctors, whose words she couldn’t decipher with all that white noise filling her ears after hearing the news… And the pale, almost white face of her grandpa.

No, no, she must not think of it.

You shivered when suddenly she curled even more into your body, fingers letting go of her shirt and then clinging to yours, crumpling it.

"...is this okay with you?" Your heart sank in your stomach. Did that shiver make her think you were uncomfortable? Of course, you weren’t, it’s just that her voice sounded so quiet and broken… almost shattering your own resolve.

"Sure it is, butterfly, I love cuddling with you, it is totally okay," you hurried to reassure, wrapping your arms around her frame to prove your words. So secure, Hu Tao felt so protected by a simple touch, by you... She barely managed to force the emotional choke back down her throat, tightening the hold on the front of your shirt.

"No, that's… not what I was asking about…" murmuring she turned her face to the side, muffling the words against the sofa cushions, yet you heard them.

"Want to talk about it?" Your hand is back in her hair, delicately cupping the back of her head, fingertips gently scratching the scalp. A shaky sigh and a quiet cough - exhaling into a solid object wasn't the best idea. The girl was silent, barely showing her face, so you leaned forward, putting your chin on top of her head, holding her impossibly close.

“Just don’t suffocate yourself, dear,” you reminded her and in a second felt her head turning, facing your collarbones and properly breathing. “Good, good… We can just stay like this, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk, I got you.”

You heard a tiny sniffle and a ragged breath. Comfortingly you started humming, rocking your tangled bodies as much as the lying position allowed.

Hu Tao’s eyes stung more unbearably than before, so she squeezed them shut tightly, pressing her forehead to your collarbones. A full sob wrecked her throat, but she still was trying to hold on what crumbs were still left of her self-control, but gods was that hard. Not when she felt so safe next to you, not when your voice, so sweet and soothing, plucked at the strings of her soul, not when you were so willing to be here for her, when you had absolutely no obligation to be there for her…

Just like her loving grandpa.

…

Oh no.

The tears welled in her eyes, escaping and running down her rosy cheeks, facade ruined completely. Wailing cries muffled against her fist, still holding onto your shirt, didn’t sound less heart-wrenching. The dam was broken.

The headache was killing her. Her throat burnt and eyes felt like they were going to roll out of her sockets. Everything felt slightly painful, with body having been stuck in one position for so long - she didn’t think she’d be able to move even a muscle.

There were still arms tightly wrapped around her, cradling her head in a warm palm, and she still heard the same soft and loving voice, now talking to another, equally dear one.

“She is worn out… we need to take her to bed.”

“Ganyu room?”

“Yeah… She’d need privacy.”

“Agreed.”

“She looks really tired… You think you could carry her?”

“Of course, let me just-” Hu Tao heard the footsteps of a person coming to the other side of the sofa - her side. Your arms carefully unwrapped from around her and rolled her body to lay on the back. Then two other arms - much stronger ones - slide under her knees and shoulder blades, effortlessly lifting her from the couch. “Here we go.”

Only then did she open her eyes. Everything was blurry and it was hard to see with lights dimmed, but even so the liquid gold staring down at her was unmistakable. She blinked a few times, sighing and cringing a little from how raspy it sounded. Palm fisted and came to rub at her eyes, ears picking on the sound of shuffling - of you getting yourself off of the piece of furniture where the whole outburst happened and where you spent two hours holding her close and comforting the poor girl the best ways you could. The memory of what happened was a saddening one, but Hu Tao was actually glad for taking all of it out of her system. She didn’t want to think what it would be like, if she was all alone.

“Dear,” but the smooth deep voice of the man who vowed to be her guardian instead of her deceased parents reminded her that she was not indeed alone, “I’ll get you to the bathroom so you can wash your face, and then to rest for the night, okay?”

“Okay, sounds like a plan” your face lit up when she did not simply nod, but voiced her answer, exhaling in relief. You watched as she carefully wrapped her arms around Zhongli’s neck to make holding her more comfortable for him, and thought that she’d be alright.

“While you two are at it, I’ll go and put the new sheets and stuff.”

Hu Tao turned in your direction, just as you were ready to head out, and cleared her throat.

“Thank you.”

Halting in your steps, you faced her and, seeing the gratitude reflecting in her eyes - the eyes where a small spark was flickering once again, smiled.

“Always, butterfly.”

She watched you disappear in the hallway and her heart swelled with unspoken emotion. She was so damn lucky to find a family in you two. Was that what Ganyu felt when you adopted her, and she started living a proper life as the daughter of the Rex-Lapis couple? Probably it was.

She kept silent and to herself all the way to the bathroom, where Zhongli put her down on the tiled floor carefully. Assured she was firmly standing on her feet, he let her do her thing, promising to come back with slippers for her - something he had forgotten to give at her arrival.

Rings and bracelets clinked against the edge of the bathtub, where she placed them to not be in a way, leaving just one spare hairtie she always had on her. Rolling it further up her wrist, she reached for the faucet. 

Cool water helped to clear her mind and wash the dried tear trails from her cheeks, and a moment later a very tired, but not as miserable as it used to be, face appeared in the mirror above the sink. Already red eyes were bloodshot, but, she supposed, it wasn’t that bad, it’s not like she was going to a beauty contest in ten minutes. The small joke even made her chuckle softly, rubbing at her cheek and then bending down to blow her nose.

Zhongli was back in ten minutes and knocked politely, just as she was half-done with twisting the strands of her long hair in one braid.

“Almost done, uncle Li. Come in,” the doorknob turned and the door opened slightly, just enough to squeeze the slippers inside and leave them there.

“No, no, take your time. I’ll wait outside.”

And wait he did. When Hu Tao stepped out of the bathroom, tapping the hilarious spider-like big slippers, the man was there, switching the lights off the moment the girl closed the door. Now let me tell about those slippers - you once bought them for your husband as a joke for Halloween, which, upon seeing during one of her visits, the girl fell in love with and always asked to wear when being over. It’s not like Zhongli had something against it, in all honesty, they were hideous to him. He loved you with his whole heart, but they were hideous and uncomfortable. 

However he had to admit, his gaze softened when she lifted one of her feet and jerked it, making the spider legs jump up and down. Oh, she really loved them.

“Here’s a box you can store your accessories in,” he offered her a small plastic container with a lid - simple, but quite enough to have all her rings and bracelets stored. She literally dumped those inside, and Zhongli closed the lid, handing it to her.

“Thanks, Uncle Li,” the first smile after the crying fit grazed her lips, and Zhongli mentally kissed all over your face, for being there for her.

“Uncle Li?” oh, speak of the devil. You joined them with a pile of bedding you took off the bed in your arms. “What happened to “Lincle”?”

“My love…” your husband’s brows shot up at the mention of the nickname Hu Tao once came up with. Cause combining “Li” and “Uncle” this way was faster and easier to pronounce.

“Come on, dear, that was cute,” you giggled and glanced at Hu Tao. “He thought it was cute too.”

“Did not.”

“Sure did.”

“Y/n-”

Listening to your meaningless, soon-to-be-turned affectionate bickering and seeing how a barely noticeable blush crept onto the esteemed University’s professor’s cheeks, Hu Tao shook her head with a soft smile. She was definitely in good hands.

And she vowed to herself that she wouldn’t let depressing thoughts corrupt her mind anymore, she would show gratitude to this family by doing so, since that’s what made them so worried. She’d have so many great stories to tell her grandpa when he got better, and he would. 

She was sure of that.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: S3/EP4/One's Got Class The Other One Dyes

Episode titles with 6 or more words (the first four seasons): Season 1: The Lorelais First Day At Chilton, Star Crossed Lovers And Other Strangers Season 2: Red Light on The Wedding NIght, Nick And Nora And Sid And Nancy

Season 3: One's Got Class The Other One Dyes Season 4: The Lorelais First Day At Yale, The Hobbit The Sofa and Digger Stiles, In The Clamor and The Clanger, Girls In Bikinis Boys Doing The Twist, Last Week Fights This Week Tights, Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel (come on AmyShermanPalladino. Come on. She's just fucking with us with that one. She didn't envision a future where people like me would have to type that shit out). Anyway. This episode is a classic.

Let's have a look at what Jesstopher is reading...

That tracks. Lorelai: I think I'm in touch with the other side. Rory: Republicans? Ba dum tsssh.

What are we doing, naming things we see in the room? Dead cow, dead cow, non paying customer, non paying customer, old timey scale, the only business proprietor in America who purposely tries to drive away his own customers by insulting their selections from his own menu... Lorelai has been having premonitions about her own death. How does she know about the script for my Gilmore Girls horror movie trilogy titled "Blood In The Hollow"?

No, Lorelai will get a much more dignified slaughtering in BITH (at the hands of Rory? Luke? Jess? Her mother? Crusty? Possibly even DEAN, her jilted lover? The script is still in progress).

Now you're just naming all the hilarious ways I've imagined Dean's demise. TWWGG is chock full of "Dean Forrester should get eaten by a ____" , Most recently, it was a pair of T-Rexes. I may have suggested Death by Turtle before, I can’t recall. I do know that when he wore this sweater I said he looked like a turtle anus.

Stars Hollow has never once rocked and or rolled. Lane's got dreams of rock superstadorm. Not if AmyShermanPalladino has anything to do with it. Rory wraps her half eaten burger (The fakest fake burger I've ever seen) in a napkin (this is not a thing) and R&R leave Luke's without paying. INCOMING!

Lorelai's face. Lorelai mutters that Shane is a freak. Because why...? Sure, she doesn't have the best manners with all this barging through the door stuff, but you wanna talk about ettiquite, Miss Dine and Dash? So what makes her a freak? The girl has (horny, horny) needs and she knows how to get what she wants. Shane doesn't play silly games. On a random Tuesday at 6:17 pm, Shane thinks, "I want Jess Mariano's tongue in my mouth" And then she goes to the diner and gets that tongue in her mouth. That doesn't make her a freak, that makes her an example R&R should take after. Shane is a role model. Shane is Rock and Roll. Shane is a modern woman. Shane is a GOD DAMN HERO. SHANE IS SWAN FOOD (soon).

Nobody in the diner even blinks while this is happening.

There may not be any rock and roll in Stars Hollow, but there's certainly free porn, and Rory's going to grab a popcorn and watch the show.

"That was my intention, Uncle Luke"

Introducing for the first time, Zack Van Gerbig and Brian Fuller. I don't have any dog in this fight of "Which boyfriend was better for Lane". Well, maybe I do have a dog, but she's a sleepy bassett hound who can't be bothered to choose because anything that happens after season 4 (aka Lane's life trajectory after high school) doesn't affect me in the grand scheme of things. Alright let's briefly rate the members of Hep Alien: Zack: Lane's first sexual experience with Zack is a complete disaster. Zack enters into a teenage marriage with Lane, buys cheap off brand condoms and knocks her up with twins on their honeymoon, derailing her entire life and destroying her rock and roll dreams. (People on this show need to stop getting married right out of high school, for the love of all that is holy. And stop sleeping through Sex Ed! You live in a blue state where sex ed in school might actually be adequate and available! CHERISH IT). Zack is cuter than Dave. Zack is the lead singer, but I tend to crush on band members that are not the lead singers. Lead singers are trouble. That blond floppy hair is trouble. He looks like he might not shower that often. Dave: Dave didn't do any of those things. Dave definitely takes showers. Maybe too many showers + Impeccably clean, geeky clothes. Did you know Dave read the entire Bible in one night to impress Lane's mother? What a guy. He has curly hair which means he's a good guy. Got sucked up by the Male Gilmore Girls Character California Wormhole but unlike Jess and Max, She liked him so much she never spat him back out. Brian:

Lane gets a taste of the rampant sexism inherent in Rock and Roll when her suggestions for improving the band's sound are totally ignored by the men. Lane's paranoia about her mother is incredibly annoying and stifling to the other members of the band, and they almost walk out, and I'm not saying it's right to ignore her...I'm just saying, I understand.

In my gritty unrated Gilmore Girls spinoff with cursing and nudity and realism titled the Hollow no one would be shielded from perversion. At one point, Kirk apparently had a rock band called "The Kirk Gleason 5" who played covers of Queen songs and Mrs Kim put the kibosh on them.

The people of Hartford to the people of Stars Hollow: Please stop coming over here. There are other cities in Connecticut you can visit if you want to escape The Bubble. What about Stamford? We're full. Lane has to find a way to make it to band practice in Hartford 3 nights a week while still under the watchful eye of Mrs Kim. Rory and Lane try to brainstorm how she might get away with this Super Secret Band Thing, even though Lane has no money, no car, and no instrument.

A circa 2002 Karen (real name: Debbie), calling the Gilmores. Lorelai doesn't remember Debbie-Karen because Rory can only describe Karen-Debbie, the mother of a former classmate, as blond haired and average height. We find out Rory actually had another childhood friend of sorts besides Lane, Debbie-Karen's daughter Kathy. Rory would frequently go swimming at her house. Lorelai claims she can't remember any Stars Hollow Moms because they all look the same, except for Mrs.Kim and a woman with a glass eye. I guess that's Lorelai's way of saying Mrs Kim and Mrs Glass Eye are the only two minorities in Stars Hollow. That tracks. Lorelai doesn't even know Dean's mom? Things might get awkward when Lorelai and Dean have to write out their wedding invitations. Karen-Debbie: The PTA likes to ask prominent locals in business to talk to the students, you know, someone who knows about how much hard work it takes to run a business, and we thought of you. Bahahahaha. Lorelai, a hard worker. Don't make me laugh. Oh wait, I already did. I will laugh some more. Bahahahaha.

The Gilmore Girls California Wormhole is about to claim it's first female snack, Kathy. Things Googled While Watching GIlmore Girls We Owe You Nothing (first tried I Owe You Something because I couldn't see the cover), major cities in Connecticut, Brian's last name (it's Fuller)

[stanfordsweater]

i'm obsessed with this ao3 generator

sam and dean get caught on a case in a museum and dean has to sacrifice himself to get sam out of a tough spot, oh noooooo... thankfully sam gives him mouth to mouth just before he dies, but before they can do anything we realize dean is laying on a cursed dinosaur footprint!! he's transported back to prehistoric times and runs around while sam in the modern day frantically searches for a fix. eventually dean is rescued from a t-rex by two dinosaurs who are brothers and while observing the big brother dinosaur baby-birding the little brother, realizes all he and sam need are each other. this realization breaks the curse and they all live happily ever after (except for the brother dinosaurs who get hit by a meteor a few years later)

[therosielord]

If you are planning on fleeing a red state, here is my pitch for moving to Chicago

I am a lesbian and a lifelong Chicagoan and I fuckin love it here. I grew up here, went to college here, and now live here as an adult, and I have no plans to leave. Despite being the 3rd biggest city in America, Chicago gets weirdly overlooked a lot and many people have never even been here.

If you are fleeing a red state because you're LGBTQ+, a woman, or an immigrant, here are the reasons I think you should move to Chicago:

We're a super queer-friendly city with several historically queer neighborhoods (that are actually affordable enough to live in).

Illinois has literally never voted red in my entire lifetime. That's the entire 21st century so far, btw.

We have a looooong history of fighting for abortion rights, even helping women get care before it was legal (google the Jane Collective).

Although there are red counties in the more rural part of the states, the blue influence of Chicago spreads far beyond the city's official borders. Chicago has such a large network of sprawling towns around it that still feel like a part of the city that we have a name for it: Chicagoland! So even if you're not a city person, you can find lots of more rural spaces within Chicagoland.

If you can't stand the idea of living too far from nature, never fear: there are tons of gorgeous nature preserves around Chicago! I grew up in a suburb where both the city border AND a forest preserve were a bike ride away.

Illinois has a great governor, J. B. Pritzker, whose response after the recent election was "To anyone who intends to come take away the freedom, opportunity, and dignity of Illinoisans, I would remind you that a happy warrior is still a warrior. You come for my people – you come through me."

We're a very diverse city with a large immigrant population. (Fun fact: the only city with a larger population of Polish people is Warsaw.) We have many localized ethnic neighborhoods all over the city. Which ties into my next point...

We have amazing food! Seriously, Chicago is super overlooked as one of the best eating cities in the country. I can find literally any cuisine from any country somewhere in Chicagoland, and we have everything from 3 Michelin star restaurants to hidden gem counter service spots with the best tacos al pastor you've ever had.

We have very strict gun control laws. Unfortunately, people get around these laws by going to Indiana to buy guns (thanks a LOT, Indiana), but the extra hassle means that there are actually fewer guns here than in red states and no one can open carry.

Chicago has a $15 citywide minimum wage and has plans to phase out tipping in restaurants (replaced with higher salaries).

We have really amazing museums like the Art Institute of Chicago (widely considered to be one of the best museums IN THE WORLD), the Field Museum (home to the most complete T-Rex ever, our beautiful mascot Sue), as well as a great aquarium, modern art museum, planetarium, and so many more I can't list them all. And they all have free days for Illinois residents!

We have great public transit. I don't own a car, most of my friends don't own a car, and we can get around just fine.

We never have hurricanes because we're a LAKE city, baby. We do have tornados but they rarely hit the actual city, they tend to stay out where there's more open space.

Cost of living is lower than other major blue cities like San Francisco and NYC

We have two baseball teams so that's double the baseball

Broadway shows frequently do a premier in Chicago before they open in NYC so we get a lot of huge musicals here. I've gotten free tickets to shows that later went on to tour the country.

Unlike SOME other large blue cities I could mention, we know how to put our trash in DUMPSTERS instead of IN THE STREET.

Giant bean

Your life will change after you've had a juicy Italian beef sandwich with hot giardiniera.

And finally, to address all the stories about Chicago being a crime-ridden warzone, here's the deal: they are simply not true. Where do those stories come from? It's simple: Chicago has a historically large black population and we're a liberal city. Racist republicans have convinced themselves that this means we must be a haven for crime. We have the same amount of crime as any large city, which is to say: far less crime per capita than in rural red areas. Seriously, look it up.

Not only is Chicago not the most dangerous city in America, we don't even make the list of the top 25.

But the thing is, those lies about Chicago actually kind of work in our favor, because it means that Republicans are too scared to come here. My own grandparents haven't visited in 10 years because they're convinced that if they do they'll get shot or something.

Anyway, move to Chicago, it's great here. And it'll probably be one of the safest strongholds for whatever comes in the next 4 years. If you're also from Chicago and have any other points I missed, please add them!

[harringtonswriting]

the one with the birthday surprise | s.h.

summary: the day before your baby boy's birthday party, you and steve make a startling (but not entirely unwelcome) discovery as to just how much he takes after his dad (modern!au; spidey!steve universe; dad!steve) pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader word count: 3.4k warning(s): fem!reader; allusions to reader giving birth (not in detail); language; allusions to sex (none depicted or described in detail) notes: this lovely anon asked for dad!spidey!steve, so here you go! i hope you enjoy :)) this was originally written as a present for the lovely emma (@sunshinesteviee), who loves this universe as much as i do <3

...

“What do you think, bub? T-Rex or Triceratops?”

Loud giggles fill your ears as you hold out the two different cookies, one in each hand. Each one is decorated in colourful icing, which you’d spent all morning doing with the batches of cookies sitting on the kitchen counter for the birthday party you were throwing tomorrow. Your tiny toddler, little Jude the almost birthday boy, is sitting on his booster seat at the kitchen table and patting his hands on the placemat in front of him.

“Mama!” he’s calling out for you, and you walk closer to show him the cookies in your hands.

“Which cookie do you want?” you ask again, and Jude’s large, warm brown eyes crinkle at the corners as he inspects the two cookies you’re holding out. He seems to be weighing his choices, and you can see the tip of his tongue poke out between his lips as his hands slow their tapping.

He makes a snap decision, reaching for the cookie in your left hand. “T-Rex, please!” he cries, lisping slightly, and you hand him the cookie. He starts to chew on it, and you’re glad that you made the cookies softer than normal as you watch him eat. You put the Triceratops cookie back with the others like it before you take some rubbermaid containers out of the cupboard to start putting the cookies away.

The sound of the shower turning off and the squeaky bathroom door opening and closing sounds through the apartment as you’re snapping the lid on the container. You put it up into one of the cupboards.

“Sounds like Papa’s all done getting clean,” you tell Jude, but he’s too focused on his cookie to pay any attention to what you’re saying. You’ve seen the same intense look of concentration on your husband before; it’s normally reserved for when he’s trying to fix his webshooters, or when he’s stitching up his suit, and Jude has absolutely inherited that from his father. He looks so much like Steve, with your husband's sweet brown eyes and more than slightly untameable hair, and the resemblance is getting stronger all the time.

Within a few minutes Steve is walking into the kitchen, and you turn to see him. His still damp brown hair is hanging in his face, getting droplets of water on his glasses and the shoulders of his yellow sweater. He’s also wearing the salt and pepper joggers that were normally reserved for late night Spidey runs for junk food or anything you needed; those had become less frequent once Jude was born, but with how cold the weather is this winter, you’re not surprised your husband has broken them out to wear around the apartment. He’s also got some mismatched fuzzy socks on his feet, ones you recognize as your own, with the little non-stick bumps on the bottom so you don’t have any slips or falls.

“Someone looks extra gorgeous today,” he says, and you can’t help the smile that stretches across your face. He returns it, bigger and brighter, pushing his hair back out of his face. “Is this all for me, pretty baby?”

You roll your eyes, though your cheeks feel warm at the praise. Steve never hesitates to remind you how much he loves you, all of you, and it never fails to fluster you. “It’s all for Robin,” you tell him as he walks over to the kitchen table where Jude is nearly finished with his cookie. Steve makes a face. “I’m meeting her to go shopping for Jude, remember?”

“Last minute shopping? She does this every year,” he tells you. Jude finishes eating, finally noticing his father is here and clapping his hands in greeting. Steve reaches out to pick up the toddler and pull him up into his arms, which has Jude squealing in delight. “Good morning, bub! You look happy today.” He does; Jude is always happy to see his dad, and it always makes you melt to see the two of them together, all soft words and happy noises that you’ll never get tired of hearing.

“Hey, she just has a few things she wants to get. And we’re also going grocery shopping. We need enough food to be able to feed everyone.” All of the kids are driving in from Hawkins to spend time with you two in the city to celebrate Jude, plus all your friends in the city will be stopping by at one point or another. Steve’s been excited about it for weeks now, his mood even more cheery than usual. It’s been nice, seeing him so happy, and if it’s anything like last year’s party you’re going to need to get enough to feed a small army just for Dustin, Mike, and Lucas. Thank goodness for Costco.

You walk over to him and Jude, and press a kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth. “Can you finish putting up the rest of the decorations in the living room while I’m out?” you ask, and Steve hums his affirmation as he bounces Jude lightly in his arms and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. “It's all in the boxes by the TV. Need to get everything put up before everyone comes over tomorrow.”

“We can definitely do that, right, bub?” he asks your son, who’s busy licking his fingers now that he’s finished his T-Rex cookie. You push the sleeves of Jude’s little blue sweater up his arms and brush his hair out of his face while Steve bounces from foot to foot. When you’ve finished, while your son is distracted, you move to put on your coat and pull on your purse from where it had been sitting on one of the kitchen chairs.

“I’ll only be a couple hours at most,” you tell Steve. This is when Jude, having gotten most of the sweet sugary icing off his fingers, looks up and sees you bundled up and ready to head out. You smile at him while Steve walks closer. “Hey, baby. You’re gonna have so much fun with Papa today, and I’ll make you some spaghetti for dinner when I come home. How’s that sound?”

Rather than answering you, Jude grabs your face in his hands, his palms and chubby fingers are still sticky with the last remnants of icing that he hadn’t managed to clean off, and he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose just like he’d seen Steve do earlier. You grin, pressing your own kiss to his tiny little nose, and you relish the loud, unabashed laughter that bubbles up from your baby boy. His hands pat your cheeks, a little rougher than you’re sure he intends, before he lets go.

“Be good for Papa, okay?” You keep your voice soft, using your index finger to tickle his tummy. Jude nods, loud peals of laughter ringing through the kitchen. You give him one last kiss on his chubby cheek before you move to get your boots on at the front door.

“Be good, Papa!” he says, and he waves his little hands at you as you leave and close the door behind you.

…

You know this is going to be a big birthday because, while out shopping with her, Robin tells you twice that Jude is now old enough to be fun while opening gifts; he’s finally interested in them enough to grab and hold his presents on his own (most of the time) and to rip off any wrapping paper. Which means that you know she’s gotten him too much; everyone did last year, since he’s the first baby out of all of your friends, and they love him and his huge amounts of personality. Dustin especially gets a kick out of Jude, and he’s always down to play games and be as silly as possible with the toddler. You're sure you have hours of videos of the two of them together, which you've sent to Dustin's mom at Steve's request.

Thankfully, you’re able to get what she needs and make it through the massive hordes descending on Costco without too much fuss; Robin had to keep her elbows up to wade through the crowds and clear a path for you, and there’d been a bit of a scuffle with an elderly lady over the last of the chocolate oranges on sale, but you got almost everything you need. You drop Robin off at her place with a big hug and a promise to see her tomorrow, before you’re heading back to your apartment. You leave the presents you’d picked up in the trunk for now, just to keep them out of Jude’s sight until you can wrap them without interruptions, and grab the groceries before you make it back to your place.

“I’m home!” you call out after you open and close the door. You toe your boots off, leaving them a bit haphazardly by the front door as you walk into the apartment. You can hear soft music and the low hum of Steve’s voice coming from the direction of the living room, so you drop the heavier bags onto the table and keep one in your hands before heading into the room.

You were expecting them to be sitting on the couch, reading one of Jude’s books or watching a movie on TV (Eddie had given Jude a new Elmo movie recently, and your baby had not been able to get enough of it). Or, maybe they were still putting birthday decorations up, having gotten busy eating some more cookies or sneaking some of the cupcakes you'd made for tomorrow (which you’d caught Steve doing yesterday, claiming Jude talked him into it). Hell, you would even be expecting the two of them to be facetiming with Dustin or Max to talk strategy for beating the others at the party games you'd gotten before you’d find out what Steve and your son are actually doing.

It takes a minute for you to realize what’s happening, because while you can see that the TV is turned on and an oldies music channel is streaming some from previous decades hits, the living room is empty. Or, well, there’s no one sitting on the couch or the floor near the TV or the big living room window. You can see that the decorations you’d asked Steve to put up are all out, and he’d also done some vacuuming and dusting as well. Jude is a big fan of the duster, and you can imagine Steve letting him use it on everything that wasn’t super breakable.

You hear Jude’s giggle, which you’d know anywhere because it’s very quickly become one of your favourite sounds. It’s coming from the living room, which you’re currently in, but you don’t see him. You’re very confused, until you realize that the giggling is coming from above you. So you look up.

You drop the bag in your arms. You very vaguely register the sound of glass breaking; that’ll be the pasta sauce you bought for dinner. You blink once, then once more, hoping this isn’t happening. It is. And you’re not having spaghetti for dinner.

Steve and Jude are here, all right. Sitting together on the ceiling. Steve is cross-legged and Jude is beside him, mirroring his father's sitting position. By himself. They’re both sitting on the ceiling and Steve isn’t supporting or holding Jude. Jude is sticking to the ceiling on his own. Both look absolutely delighted with themselves, hair askew and cheeks flushed pink with glee.

“Say surprise, Mama!” Steve says, waving at you, and Jude giggles and waves too.

“Surprise, Mama!” he repeats, his words a little jumbled. You feel faint. Your baby is sitting on the ceiling. Steve on the ceiling? You wouldn’t bat an eye. That’s how you get cobwebs down, and it’s how you painted the ceiling last summer. Spidey powers come in handy sometimes. Not right now, though. Jude, though? This is not what you wanted for his birthday, or any day. You don’t know if you’re proud, or terrified, or angry, or maybe a mix of all three. Or maybe something else.

Steve seems to realize that you’re not saying anything, just standing in the middle of the living room while red pasta sauce oozes through the cloth grocery bag on the floor. This is obviously not what he was expecting as he looks sheepish and shrugs his shoulders. “Surprise, babe?”

“Oh my god.” The words sound weak to your ears, and Steve’s eyes widen before he pulls Jude into his arms, carefully flipping down off the ceiling to land on his feet. He’s careful to mind the bag of groceries and the small puddle of sauce forming on the floor, and pulls you over to sit down on the couch. You let him, still a bit stunned at the idea of your son crawling around on the ceiling by himself. Jude is wriggling in Steve’s arms, reaching out for you and calling out for you. He manages to kick Steve in the abdomen, and he winces as he passes Jude to you.

As soon as Jude is in your arms, his little hands find your face and he starts babbling happily about his day and his time with Steve as he presses kisses to your cheeks. His hands aren’t sticky like they were earlier, but the feeling of his hands grabbing at your nose brings a small smile to your face as you look down at him. You’re still in your coat, and he moves to play with the material on that while you check him over. He seems absolutely fine; he’s wearing a yellow sweater now, the one you’d bought him to match with his dad, and his hair is freshly washed and brushed back out of his face. He doesn’t have any bumps or bruises, which brings you some relief as well; not that Steve had ever let Jude get hurt before, not on purpose, but you also didn’t know your son was part spider too, so maybe he also inherited Steve’s knack for injuring himself. God, you hope not. Patching one of them up constantly was bad enough, you don’t want to have to do it for both of them.

You look up and Steve is cleaning up the spilled sauce; the bag is no longer on the floor, and he’s got a roll of paper towels and some cleaning wipes while he kneels on the floor to get it all taken care of. “Hey Jude, can you do earmuffs for me please?” you ask, and Jude complies by covering his ears with his hands while he buries his face in your chest. You then hiss out, “What the fuck, Steve? Why was our baby on the ceiling?”

“Well I was putting up the decorations like you asked, and you know it’s so much easier to get the banner up if I do it while I'm on the ceiling,” he explains, gesturing wildly with his hands. He accidentally flings a glob of sauce back onto the floor, which he starts to wipe back up. “So I got up there while Jude was watching the Muppets, and I swear I took my eyes off him for two seconds and then boom! He’s up there with me. Holy shit, right?”

You sigh, tapping Jude on his head. He removes his hands from his ears and goes back to playing with your jacket. You’re getting much too warm to keep it on, but you don’t move to take it off while he’s playing with it. You would much rather he do this than crawl back up onto the ceiling. How are you supposed to baby proof the walls to stop him from climbing them? This is going to be a problem, and you can already feel the headache settling in behind your eyes.

“He’s like me, babe! I mean, we both knew it might happen, but he’s just like me!” The joy in Steve’s voice is extremely apparent, and you can’t blame him. God, Steve looks absolutely radiant right now, all smiles and glowing skin in the warm light coming from the lamp in the corner of the room. He’s radiating pure warmth and joy, looking so sweet and happy at the thought of Jude taking after him in yet another way that you really can’t find it in yourself to be mad at him for this. It’s not his fault that apparently DNA-altering radioactive spider bites are genetic; it’s not like you knew anything about that either, so really, who would have predicted this?

Steve tries to take Jude from your arms, but the toddler pushes his dad’s hands away. Steve’s eyebrows furrow and his mouth drops open as Jude’s arms wrap around your neck and he snuggles closer to you. You laugh at how offended he looks, and Jude copies you.

“I am literally a superhero; I’m Spider-Man! Why am I not his favourite?” He tries tickling Jude, but your son climbs higher up in your arms to get away from him while shouting at his father to stop.

“Steve, he’s too young to understand who Spider-Man is,” you tell your husband, and you lean over to kiss his soft, pink lips where they’re pulled into a pout. He kisses you back, though he grumbles through it.

“This is blatant arachnophobia and I will not stand for it.” You roll your eyes, getting up off the couch.

“Not what arachnophobia is.” You settle Jude on your hip, his hands fisting in your coat as you bounce him gently and walk towards the play area you have set up for him near the TV. You notice Steve has tidied it up a bit, and you smile. “Do you wanna watch Bluey, Jude? Want Mama to put on Bluey for you?” Jude squeals loudly, shouting the affirmative, and you ruffle his hair gently before you put him down on the soft blanket set up on the ground. He immediately latches onto his favourite stuffed animal; it’s a large, fluffy stuffed black cat that Eddie gave you and Steve for Jude at your baby shower. It looks so much like Ozzy, right down to the yellow stitched eyes, and Jude always has to have it with him. Eddie brags about it every chance he can, stating that he’s training Jude to love Ozzy. You tell him to wait to indoctrinate your son into his cat cult until he’s at least in pre-school.

You grab the TV remote from the coffee table, changing it from the music channel so you can put on the first episode of Bluey that you see. Jude yells out happily, and seeing him laugh and wiggle and shake his stuffed cat makes you smile. You pull your coat off, which Steve takes from you without any words, and you look at Jude paying rapt attention to the tiny Australian dogs running around. You really hope this keeps him distracted for a while, long enough to figure out what to do about having a tiny Spiderling for a son.

You then swear you’ll never refer to Jude as a Spiderling out loud because Steve will never let that go. Neither will Robin, who you’re sure Steve has already told about this. Tomorrow is going to be an adventure.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of Steve’s arms wrapping around your waist, and the warmth of his front pressed to your back. His chin hooks itself on your shoulder as he presses a kiss to the side of your neck. You melt into his embrace, leaning back to have him support some of your weight. “Y’know, I think we need to make another one so I can be that one’s favourite.”

You laugh, pinching the back of one of his hands with your fingers. He squeezes you tighter in response, not letting go. You tell him, “Steve, do you know what your son did to my body? Do you remember that? I deserve to be loved.” Which you know he did; Steve was never shy about how much he worships you, how much he loves all of you and every inch of your body, both during and since your pregnancy. He always made sure you knew how grateful he was to have you, every single part of you, and helped you fall back in love with yourself and how you look.

“And if we make another one, I can show you just how much I love you,” he murmurs, his nose nudging the soft patch of skin behind your ear. “Many, many times.”

Jude shouts out something at the TV, getting up to dance with his little cat, and you think maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

Well, until you realize you somehow have to clean his little footprints off the ceiling.

[digi-tama-in-your-pocket]

A photo I took of all the modern Giga Pets in order of colors in the rainbow, at the request of someone on the Giga Pets discord. They thought it would be satisfying to look at... I agree.

I've run only two of these devices so far, blame the frog, I loved it so much I started buying the rest of the new releases, but I also loved it so much that I didn't want to stop playing until 100 days had passed.

I ran the T-Rex and the Pixie, but they were older releases. T-Rex was from the AR line that had no adult form, and worse battery life. It was still a cute device. The Pixie's main problem is that more your pixie evolved, the longer and more tedious the minigames became. I'm not sure how this new model is different yet but i've been told it's more balanced.

I had a digit doggie in the 90's too... but I lost him mere days after my grandma bought him for me. I look forward to running all of these but i'm already running three Digimon and the Cryptid so I'm not about to pile any more on.

[ninja-muse]

April was not a good reading month but wow, was it a writing month! I spent a lot of my home-based reading time working on my current WIP instead, so I’m trying not to have regrets about how much I didn’t read. I also didn’t truly manage to read anything off my physical TBR, but I’d wanted to reread The Goblin Emperor since I finished it the first time and so technically that’s off my TBR now?

My main bookish achievement this month, besides reading The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi, was pulling off another Indie Bookstore Day at work a couple days ago. I had help, my coworkers are awesome, I wasn’t organizing or running it alone or anything, but it’s still a lot of work to put together a party while handling the regular bookstore day-to-day, and then there’s set-up and twice the customers on the day and the tear-down which took all of yesterday…. I did unhaul a bunch of my unread ARCs for a book giveaway as part of this, which I’m very glad about. That’s really going to help my end-of-year stats, I think. (I also unhauled a few of my read ARCs that I was keeping for … some reason?)

And I accidentally bought two books. A Long Day in Lychford was a planned buy, but I got a gift card from my parents for Easter, which went impulsively towards The Gashlycrumb Tinies, and then yesterday I bought some bookish things for a little one and somehow the Pratchett bio found itself in my stack. No idea how that happened. 😅 No regrets, either.

May is going to be a lot like April, I think, or at least it hopefully will involve more writing than reading when I’m home. I’d like to ride the inspiration as far as it’ll take me, after all. It’s also going to be like April in that I’m waiting for the library to come through with a lot of my holds. I’m tag-teaming on a few of them, with physical and e-book reserves. I have no idea what I’ll read when I’m done the ones I’m working on now.

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi - Shannon Chakraborty

Amina, mother, retired pirate, signs up for one last job. She should have known better.

8/10

multiracial Muslim protagonist, Indian secondary character, Middle Eastern secondary characters, Muslim and Hindu secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay, gender-questioning), Muslim author

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen - KJ Charles

Days after Gareth ruins his chances with a charming stranger, he finds himself elevated to an estate in the country—and threatened by smugglers a few towns over. Fortunately (or not), the head of the local smugglers is very familiar….

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonists (gay), Black British protagonist and secondary character, African-American secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (not gendered)

warning: child abuse and neglect, mild sexual assault

Once Upon a Tome - Oliver Darkshire

A Millennial offers a behind-the-scenes look at rare bookselling.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 author

Tasting History - Max Miller

A cookbook featuring historical recipes reworked for a modern kitchen.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 author

Episode Thirteen - Craig DiLouie

A ghost hunting show is the first to investigate the most haunted house in America. It’ll be fine.

7/10

African-American secondary character, 🇨🇦

Eight Strings - Margaret DeRosia

Franco escapes his childhood home to apprentice as a puppeteer and reunites with an old friend, which might mean hope for the future—or his destruction.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (trans man), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian, sapphic), 🏳️‍🌈 author, 🇨🇦

A Sleight of Shadows - Kat Howard

Sydney sacrificed much to destroy the violent House of Shadows and rebalance the Unseen World of New York—but it looks like the House may not be entirely gone.

6.5/10

African-American secondary character, Latina secondary character

Picture Books

We Don’t Lose Our Class Goldfish - Ryan T. Higgins

Penelope Rex has to look after Walter the goldfish but he scares her.

Grandad’s Pride - Harry Woodgate

When Milly finds a rainbow flag in her grandad’s attic, she learns he hasn’t been to a Pride since before Gramps died—so she finds a way for him to have one.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (the whole spectrum), 🏳️‍🌈 author

Reread

The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison

Maia suddenly finds himself Emperor of the Elflands and must find a way to be true to himself while navigating thorny court politics.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay)

Currently reading:

Magisteria - Nicholas Spencer

A history of the interactions between science and religion. Out in May.

The Sinister Booksellers of Bath - Garth Nix

The booksellers of Bath must rescue Merlin after he’s trapped in a map—which might mean taking on an unknown Entity.

🏳️‍🌈 main character (genderqueer), Black British secondary character

Stats

Monthly total: 7+1 Yearly total: 44/140 Queer books: 4 Authors of colour: 0 Books by women: 4 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 2 Off the TBR shelves: .5 Books hauled: 3 ARCs acquired: 7 ARCs unhauled: 14 DNFs: 0

January February March

[mizkit]

new blog post: ICFA: the last two days

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/icfa-the-last-two-days/

ICFA: the last two days

Let’s see. Friday I had a 10:30am thing, which I know because I couldn’t have breakfast with the family. Oh, yes, it turned out to be what Geoffrey Landis said might have been the most fun he’d ever had at an ICFA panel! laughs

It was a panel with myself and Kate JohnsTon, moderated by Novella, and Kate read an incredibly funny piece from the point of view of a genetically engineered modern T-Rex who was very, very horny, followed by two more very funny pieces, after which I read from my Pride & Prejudice pastiche, Magic & Manners, which was not nearly as funny and yet led, ultimately, to what arguably became the theme for the panel, which was…ejaculation. o.o

(See, in Austen, people don’t ‘burst out’ with words when they speak enthusiastically. Sometimes they exclaim, but very often they ejaculate, and given the whole horny T-Rex part of the panel… yes, well, it was very funny and poor Novella was just sort of sitting there with a hand over her face while Kate and I howled with laughter. It was AMAZING.)

Seriously, though, it was a great panel; the audience had good questions, the whole thing was obviously incredibly silly, and we had a truly wonderful time. Kate and I felt like kindred spirits immediately, and just, my god, yeah, it was really fun. I’m sure I could come up with more details (actually, the Magic & Manners stuff led into a pretty good, if brief, conversation about decolonization of fantasy), and I know we made Kate read more of her T-Rex book (which is actually a post-apocalyptic story based in a lot of science, and I’m really looking forward to it), but yeah, overall, it was great.

I think we went straight to lunch after that, where Mame and his wife, Woppa Diallo, who was the other guest scholar but was unable to attend in person, gave plenary speeches that ended with me having an entire LIST of non-fiction books to read; Mame (suffering, as he was, from imposter syndrome) kept saying he hadn’t even realized he WAS a scholar, but my god, the man is incredibly well-read, well-spoken, and insightful. We should all ‘not be scholars’ like he is. He and Woppa both spoke about ‘whimsy’ in African cultures, which was so interesting I may break it out into a short blog post of its own, and just…yeah, it was great.

Friday afternoon all the GoHs had a student caucus thingy that we went to in order to be available to answer questions specifically from students. Mostly there weren’t students in attendence, but the moderator (Andrew, from yesterday’s post) was great, and we ended up having a really good discussion, some great audience questions, and hopefully some insightful stuff was said. (Mary did end up asking me if I’d considered the possibility that I’d been a shaman in a previous incarnation, so, you know, things went a lot of places in that conversation!)

Ellen (Kushner, yes yes I’m definitely name dropping) invited me out to dinner on Friday with herself and Delia, and a couple of other people, including Kate of the T-Rex story, MaryAnne Mohanraj, who ofc I knew OF (we own one of her cookbooks, in fact!) but whom I’d never actually met, and a charming man named Will whose last name I’ve forgotten but whose reading I’d enjoyed earlier in the conference. Ellen apparently has a thing about finding good places to eat that aren’t right on the conference site, and we ended up going out for an Uzbek/Turkish meal that was almost impossibly delicious. We were partway through ordering when it became clear we were going to order half the menu, and the guy taking our order said, more or less “ok but you’ve got to order the to’y osh, it’s the house special,” and upon being reassured that we intended to, we just hadn’t gotten there yet, was satisfied. :D It was a wonderful, funny, delightful evening with absurd amounts of truly delicious food, and I’m extremely grateful for it. wibbly smile

Saaaaaaturday…oh, I hung out with MaryAnne Mohanraj in the morning for a bit, and…at some point? I had another panel? I think? With the other GoHs? And it was–well, for one thing, we were asked to read, which literally none of us expected, but Mame had his award-winning short story on his phone and Mary had a copy of one of her books of poetry with her AND she had a copy of URBAN SHAMAN!!! that she plopped in front of me to sign and, as it turned out, read from. :D And after that it was a Q&A that ranged from use of time in our various pieces (AGAIN, some really INTERESTING STUFF about African perceptions of time in storytelling that could probably use a post of their own) to copaganda, which as I’ve become aware, my stuff is rife with.

I went for a little walk after that and came back into the hotel to sit down and play Pokemon in the lobby, and after a few minutes Mame came by from a walk of his own and sat and we chatted, and then MaryAnne dropped by just as he had to leave, and then just as she was leaving, someone else she knew stopped by, so I was introduced, and as SHE was leaving, someone SHE knew stopped by–it was great, I felt like I was holding court. :D

I met–ah, man, I met so many cool people. I was sitting with the head of the conference’s fairy tale division at dinner one night, and at the banquet reception on Saturday she introduced me to her fairy tale ladies, who included a real genuine fan of mine (the woman who had asked about the copaganda, which was such a good question, honestly), so we had a lovely conversation and then they invited me to be in their annual picture. Obviously I said yes, and my fan, who is short but happened to be standing right next to me, when I said, “Should the shorter people go in front?” said, “I am short but I am not going anywhere. I am never moving from this spot ever in my whole life,” which was pretty cute. laughs She kept saying she was trying REALLY HARD not to completely fall apart, and she didn’t, and she was adorable and sweet and I loved her. :)

The dinner and awards ceremony were lovely–I, as were the other GoHs, was given an honorary award from the BIPOC committee, which made me extremely emotional–and post-dinner we all went out to the pool for an after-party, where I went with the express goal of “I’ll say good night and goodbye and that’s it,” and which took longer than the 90 minutes I’d expected it to (quite a lot longer, actually), but was a wonderful way to end the conference.

I could honestly write more and more and more about it all, but post-con writeups are taking up my “ok I have no brain to write fiction with” time, and I think by tomorrow I’ll be back to Able To Write, so I probably can’t spend the rest of my life waxing lyrical about the conference. :)

Me, Mary & Mame (picture by Mame): We had a great time. :)