#thesexed

[beginagaincolorado]

IS SEX ADDICTION A MENTAL ILLNESS?

Sex addictionis a mental illness because, like other addictions, it alters your brain chemistry. To startsexual addiction recovery, you must determine the root cause of yoursex addiction, treat that issue, then work through the addiction and associated behaviors. Recovering fromsexual addictionis challenging, but it’s also possible.

What Defines a Mental Illness?

A mental illness is a health condition that alters a person’s emotions, thinking, and behavior. Mental illness symptoms vary, depending on the person and the condition. Regardless, the symptoms associated with mental illness make it difficult for a person to function in their daily lives, including at school, at work, in relationships, and in social situations.

Mental illness impacts how a person thinks, communicates, learns, behaves, and feels. Daily life can be an ongoing challenge for a person with a mental illness. 

It can impact anyone regardless of age, income, social status, orientation, or other factors. It can take many forms and affects a person’s emotional and physical well-being.

Some people have more than one mental illness happening simultaneously.

The good news is that mental illnesses can be treated, or the symptoms controlled, to help the person live a happy, productive life.

Is Sex Addiction a Mental Illness?

Sex addictionis a mental illness categorized ashypersexuality disorder, which is compulsive behavior related to sexual experiences like sex, masturbation, or pornography viewing.

Some mental health practitioners question thesex addiction diagnosis because it’s not in the American Psychiatric Association’s “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,” which is the official diagnostic manual of the profession. But not having an officially listed diagnostic code doesn’t mean a disorder isn’t real.

“While there has been a lot of speculation and jokes aboutsex addictionbeing ‘real,’ we need to look at it from the lens of treating a mental disorder, trauma, or addiction. That’s the only way for us to help those who are suffering,” said Ed Tilton, Chief Operating Officer atBegin Again Institute.

Like any other addiction,sexual addictionrequires education, treatment, and help to recover fully. 

As Ed clarified, “Sex addiction carries all the clinical hallmark features of other addictions like those to substances, eating, and gambling.” 

The 4 Cs of addiction are:

Compulsion. Feeling like you must do something, as if you’ve lost your free will and can’t control yourself.

Loss of Control. Engaging in behaviors more frequently and for longer than intended.

Craving. You still want to engage in a behavior, despite making promises not to, feeling shame or guilt, or other negative consequences of the action.

Consequences. Engaging in behaviors despite effects such as physical harm, relationship damage, or financial ruin.

The symptoms ofsex addictionand its outcomes fulfill the four Cs. 

Symptoms of hypersexuality disorder include: 

Repeatedly engaging in sexual behavior without regard for physical or emotional harm to yourself or others. 

Excessive preoccupation with and time consumed by, planning for, or engaging in sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors.

Engaging in sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors in response to your moods – such as anxiousness, boredom, frustration, or depression.

Excessively and repeatedly engaging in sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors in response to life events or adverse feelings.

Unsuccessfully attempting to control or reduce your sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors. 

People withsex addictiondeserve help in the same way that people with other addictions do.

Sexual Addiction Recovery Options

You’ll need professional help to recover and heal fromsex addiction.Healing starts withchoosing the right type of treatment program.

We offer multiple treatment options atBegin Again Institute, including our14-day Men’s Intensiveprogram. In a dedicated, specialized program aimed at addressing the root cause ofsexual addiction, you’ll be able to focus on your healing and start the road to your recovery. 

Therapeutic options include:

Trauma-Focused Therapy. Start healing at the source of your addiction by discovering and addressing the trauma that resulted in your addiction. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT helps you learn new coping techniques and more helpful decision-making practices.

Group Therapy. In a small group, you can see that you aren’t alone and feel supported by others who understand your feelings.

Contact Begin Again Institutetoday if you’re ready to recover from yoursexual addiction.

Source: https://beginagaininstitute.com/blog/is-sex-addiction-a-mental-illness/

[maturetemptations]

I fucking love general Peron. He was such an insanely sexy man. I just cannot contain my self when I see a powerful man with aquiline nose. Add a uniform, and I have to excuse my self for a couple of minutes

O. M. G. thesex appeal is shooting through the roof!

On a sidenote, Edward Herrmann was a spitting image of him, for the life of me I cannot understand how he wasn't cast to play him in the movie, instead of that no good AND UNSEXY hack Jonathan Pryce. I mean... Pryce comes off like a schoolgirl, compared to real life Peron. Talk about a missed opportunity!

[marvelgreyson]

Written, yes. Received, no

[raggedypansexual]

man idk what anyone says this song was made for hanma shuji and if you don't see it you are blind

@shujiphoria go read some of her hcs you'll see what im talking abt

[fatestemptress]

Paramount Remembrances - Chapter 7 - Part 2

Summary: Dean Winchester has reached a point in his life where he doesn’t have many firsts left to fulfill.  Except maybe falling in love.  This is the story of how he got there.

Warnings: Smut. Lots and lots of smut.  Oral (male & female receiving).  Dry humping.  Backseat sex. Teaching/Guiding.  Some Angsty Feels. 18 Plus ONLY!

Pairings: Young Dean x OFC, Dean x OFC, Dean x Reader (We finally made it!  Woohoo!)

Word Count On this Chapter: 3,711

A/N: Okay Guys!  This is it.  The second part of Chapter 7 and possibly the end of this fic.  I have a list of firsts that can be utilized for future Dean x Reader parts, but I’m on the fence.  I can possibly just use them for some side stories but I’m kind of in love with this little world being built here. 

Let me know what you think! 

If Dean kept pacing like this, he was going to wear a hole in the already thread bare carpet of his and Sam’s motel room.

But he couldn’t seem to sit still.  He couldn’t get his body to relax.  And he sure as shit couldn’t drown out his brothers words to him.

He didn’t love Y/N.

He didn’t dammit.

He couldn’t.

Because like everything else in his life he was going to fuck it up.  He would somehow end up getting her hurt or breaking her heart or God forbid, get her killed and then he would really be in a world of trouble because living after that was gonna be a touch and go situation.

He liked her.  (She annoyed the shit outta him.)

He respected her. (She knew how to throw a mean right hook.  He may or may not have been on the receiving end of one of them.)  

He trusted her. (Her and Sammy. At his back.  Always.)

And he damn sure was attracted to her.  (Did she have to wear fucking booty shorts to bed?!)

But love?

Dean took a deep breath and really thought about what he actually felt when he thought about her; was around her.  

And there was no denying he had never felt anything like how he felt for her.  The foreign emotion that bubbled up inside of him so wrapped up in all of his other feelings that it confused him.  And anything that made him feel vulnerable was pushed to the side. Hidden under layers of sarcasm, whiskey and flannel.  

He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair for the four thousandth six hundred and twenty fifth time tonight.  

There was a jiggle of a doorknob next door and he heard a jangle of keys and a muffled curse as they fell to the floor and his heart leapt in his chest.

Y/N was back.  

And currently being unsuccessful in getting into her room if the sounds and curses were any indication.

A distinct sound of a palm hitting a door echoed down the hallway, “Goddamn it!”

His feet took him to his door before he could really think about it and he turned the knob, opened the door and looked into frustrated and then surprised and then terrified eyes.

“Dean!”  She squeaked and promptly dropped the keys in her hand again, “I, uh, I’m having trouble opening my d-door.”

Dean raked his gaze over her, taking note of her slightly trembling hands and rapidly blinking, darting eyes as she picked up the keys yet again and he groaned as he laid his head against the doorframe to his room, “Sammy opened his mouth didn’t he?”

An audible swallow echoed down the hallway, “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I, uh, was just really tired and wanted to get to bed is all.”

Dean gave her side eye from his perch against the doorframe before pursing his lips and straightening out, “Give me your key.  Let me see if I can get it open.”

Y/N held out the key in her hand and her fingertips brushed against the inside of his palm and she may as well have touched his dick with the way he shuddered at the slight graze.

Ignoring the strangled sound she let out, Dean stood in front of her and rammed the key into the lock before roughly turning it and successfully opening the door.  He handed her back the key, careful not to touch her, “You, uh, sometimes, you gotta be rough with these old things.  They always need a little extra push.  To, you know, open.  Ahem.”

Y/N blinked down at the key in her palm and let her gaze raise to his, “Rough, huh?”

He cleared his throat again, “Yeah.”  He rasped.

That something was there again.  Pulsing between them.  Roaring with a heat that made him almost want to flinch at the energy that kept expanding and releasing with each of their harsh breaths.

Jesus Christ.

Suddenly, he was surrounded by soft skin and mouthwatering curves as Y/N grabbed his neck and brought his mouth down to hers and pressed her lips roughly against his.  He momentarily stilled in shock and Dean could feel her stop and start to pull away before he let out a groan of release and pulled her against him, running his hands through the silky strands of her hair, grabbing her around the back of her neck with one hand and bringing her flush against him with the other.  

Y/N let out a moan of surrender and he could feel his heart trying to make its way out of his chest as he pivoted her until she was up against the wall next to their doors. Her hands slipped under his black T-shirt and she ran her fingers over his chest, a fingertip scratching against a nipple making him jerk against her.

“Fuck, Y/N.”  He groaned against her mouth, before sliding his mouth over cheek and down to her neck.  He let himself take a deep inhale of her scent and his eyes closed as he realized he had started to think of that smell as home.

“Dean….” She let out on a sigh.

Breathing heavily, Dean pushed back from her and placed both of his hands on either side of her head, leaning against the wall, encasing her in the small space.  His green eyes met her light ones and for the first time he was granted with what she looked like when she was turned on.  Her mouth was wet from his kisses, her lips swollen from where he had bit on them and her cheeks were flushed with desire.

She was fucking delectable.

And he wanted her so bad it hurt.

He swallowed and placed one of his hands against her cheek, before sliding it the back of her head and holding it so that her gaze met his head on, “Y/N, please tell me you want this as bad as I do.”

She swallowed shakily, let out a deep breath and nodded, “Fuck, yes.”

Dean let out a low desperate moan at her words and brought her mouth back to his, rolling his tongue against hers and moaning louder at the taste.  Not letting her go, he maneuvered her so that he was walking her backward into her room, slamming the old door behind him.  Y/N grabbed at his T-shirt and helped him pull it over his head before laving her tongue along a nipple, making a strangled sound come out of his mouth.

“Shit.”  He whispered as his cock started to leak into his pants and he held her head against his chest.  

Y/N released him with a small pop and started rolling her tongue down his chest, over his stomach until she was kneeling and had reached the top of his jeans.  She bit lightly at the skin in front of her as she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants before roughly pulling them down.  

Before he could even think to ask her to slow down, she had her tongue rolling over the exposed tip of his cock that was sticking out of the top of his dark blue boxer briefs and she whined as she sucked down his dripping pre-come while massaging and squeezing his hard length over the material.

“Holy-fuck-Y/N-wait.”

Ignoring him, she ripped down his boxer briefs to his thighs and hummed in appreciation at the sight of his cock out in full display.  Before he could blink, she had his cock over tongue and down her throat as she moaned wantonly over her mouthful.

“Gah!  Holy shit woman!”  Dean yelled out as he quickly (reluctantly) pulled out of her mouth and reached for her under her arms.  Standing her up, he pulled her against his heaving chest, his cheek resting against the top of her head, “You tryin’ to kill me?”

Letting out a huff of laughter, Y/N tilted her head back with a smile and licked her lips, “Been thinking about that for so long.  Couldn’t help myself.”

Dean let out a groan as his cock twitched between them, “You are trying to kill me.”  He looked down into her twinkling eyes and smiled, “God, you’re beautiful.”

Y/N’s smile faded and her eyes looked down briefly before flicking back up, now filled with earnest, “Kiss me.”  She whispered.

His own smile disappeared and he took in every line, every eyelash, every beauty mark on her face before raising a hand behind her head and burying it in the soft strands of her hair. He tilted her head back even further before slanting his mouth over hers and sliding his lips over her soft ones with a reverence he had never felt before.  Every hitch of her breath and tremble of her hands on his waist made the feeling in his gut intensify into something that made him want to barricade the door to the motel room and never leave.    

When they both finally ended up on the bed, he only in his now pulled up boxer-briefs, she in her bra and panties, his hands never stopped caressing every part of her that they could find as he lay next to her. The silky smooth feel of her skin against him making him moan into her mouth as her tongue tangled with his.

When his fingers rolled over a nipple through her bra and squeezed she let out a gasp and rubbed her panty clad core against his thigh and he could feel how much she wanted this. He danced his fingers down her stomach and pressed them against the damp spot at the top of her heat, “Mmmmmm,” He hummed into her mouth as she canted her hips up into his touch, “So wet for me.” He rubbed even harder as she gasped in his mouth, “Can I taste it?” He whispered against her lips.

“Oh, God,” She moaned as she threw her head back, letting him run his tongue over the dip in her throat.

Dean smiled against her chest and licked into the space between her breasts before mouthing over her covered nipples as he continued to rub up and down over her underwear, “Is that a yes?”

“Do-do you like doing that?”

His head shot up at her question and he quirked an eyebrow at her, “I love eating pussy if that’s what you’re asking.”

Y/N’s cheeks turned beet red and she let out a heavy breath, “Fuck, you’re crass.”

He grinned up at her, “You like dirty talk, Y/N/N?”

She pressed her lips together and shrugged looking slightly embarrassed.

Dean bit gently at her hard stomach, relishing the clench and release of the lean muscle, giving her a second to gather her thoughts before soothing the bite with his tongue, “Cause I love talking dirty if it means it’s gonna make this pussy even wetter.”  He growled out as he pinched her clit gently with his fingertips.

Y/N let out a whine as her hips lifted into his touch, “Shit.”

His face was now at the edge of her underwear and he breathed in her scent and groaned against her skin, “Fuck, you smell so good, Sweetheart. Please let me taste you. Want you in my mouth.”

“So fucking dirty.” She gasped out before pushing her underwear to the side and letting out a deep moan as Dean’s tongue laved at her now exposed clit, “Is that what you wanted?”  She asked on a shuddering breath, as she lifted her pussy into his tongue, keening as he started to flick it over the engorged bud.

Dean sucked her clit into his mouth before gently pushing her hand away, hooking the edge of her underwear with his thumb and shoving his tongue deep inside of her, moaning at the taste of her slick flooding his senses, “So fucking delicious.  I want to stay here all night, making you come over and over.”

Running her fingers through the short strands of his hair, Y/N pulled on them, forcing his head up, making him growl in need as a pulse of desire at her roughness made him swell even further and he pushed his cock into the mattress.

“So take off my underwear and do it right.”  She challenged with a raised brow even as she blushed at his intense stare, “FYI, finding my g-spot always gains you cookie points.”  She winked.

Letting out a surprised chuckle, he slid her panties down her legs and threw them across the room before settling between her legs, “And what can I cash these cookie points in for when I inevitably find said g-spot?”

“So confident, Mr. Winchester?”

He winked, “Always, Sweetheart.”

She bit her bottom lip as she mulled it over.  Suddenly her eyes softened and she ran a hand over his cheekbone sighing in contentment when he leaned into her touch, “I’ll tell you about the first time I knew.”

Dean’s breath hitched as he blinked up at her, “Knew what?”  He asked quietly.

Her eyebrow quirked up playfully even as she took in a deep shuddering breath, “Guess you’ll have to find that special spot to find out.”

Turns out Dean could find her G-spot.  Rather quickly as well.  And when he relentlessly rubbed against it with his two fingers while mouthing at her clit, making her arch her back as she came with a scream of his name, instead of grinning in victory, Dean worshipped at her mound and brought her down with a gentleness he hadn’t felt in years.

And when he finally, finally slid inside of her, he made love to her mouth as he made love to her body, slowly building her back up again as he stared into her face memorizing what made her mouth fall open in a gasp.  What made her scratch deep marks into his back that made him shudder with need.  

And mostly, what made her eyes lighten with that special something he had seen briefly on a cold morning in the mountains.

Her guards were down and she was letting him in.

And inevitably that’s what made him reach for her leg and drape it over his forearm as he deepened his thrusts, groaning loudly as she braced her other foot into the bed and met his hard thrusts urgently.

The trust in her eyes, the desperation he knew was reflected in his own, made his heart pound so loudly it felt like a roar in his ears.

“Gonna…Oh God-.”  She whined out as her core grabbed him tight and pulsed around him, her eyes wide open and staring into his as she came.

Dean’s hips started to stutter at the tightness of her pussy and he couldn’t hold back any longer as he thrust deep inside of her and moaned her name so loud he knew they could hear him across the street as he shot ropes of come inside the condom.

When he stopped shuddering, his face buried in between her breasts, he finally lifted his head and looked into her eyes as she gently played with the ends of his hair, “I….Y/N…I…”

Y/N smiled at him gently and brought his lips to hers, cutting off his rambling and kissed him senseless.

He nuzzled at her lips and kissed the tip of her nose before he rolled the rest of his body until she was tucked up next to him with her face in his neck.  

And that same feeling that he had only felt with her, returned.  He was….happy.  Content.

And, inevitably, scared out of his mind.

Cause if she didn’t love him back, he didn’t know if he would be able to handle it.

And he didn’t know how to tell her.  How to let his own guard down.  

How to let her in the way she had so selflessly let him in.

They made love three more times that night, pent up desperation egging them on.  Her body on top of his, taking him so fucking well as she undulated her hips.  On her knees, her hands grabbing the headboard as he reached for her hair and pulled it back in his hands, watching her back arch in ecstasy.  Her lips parting on loud gasps as she wrapped her legs around him and met his thrusts with her hips.

It was rough.  

It was gentle.

It was perfect.

It was everything Dean ever wanted.

Dean knew he would inevitably fuck it all up.

It was the fear.

The fear of losing what he had never thought he needed.  Never thought he deserved.  The fear of being vulnerable around someone who could break him so easily.

It was when he woke up the next morning and was wiping down the mirror in the bathroom after his shower, that he saw someone looking back at him that he didn’t recognize.  

He could see the stress lines at the side of his eyes being turned into smile lines.  He could feel the heaviness in his chest lighten with all of the new possibilities the day could bring.  

And he slowly started to panic even more.

When Dean came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist to Y/N’s smiling face, he just stared at her with wide eyes until her smile faltered and she sighed.

Instead of questioning him, as he expected her to, she got out of bed and padded naked to him.  She raised her hand to his cheek and caressed it, making him unconsciously close his eyes and lean into her touch with a shuddering breath. She stood on her tippy toes and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth and made her way into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind her.

Leaving Dean to roughly run his hand through his hair and curse under his breath.

He was scared.  

Scratch that, he was fucking terrified.

She got ready to go to breakfast as if it was any other morning.  And somehow, even though Y/N wasn’t the type of woman to let sleeping dogs lie, she let him be silent.  She let him brood.  

And she still smiled at him.

Although, it broke a piece of him to see that smile was now tinged with sadness.  Acceptance.  

And when Sam knocked on their door to let them know he was ready to go, a triumphant smile stretched across his face, Dean pretended not to see it waver as Sam took in Y/N’s quiet good morning and tremulously returned smile.

Sam and Y/N’s friendship was close enough that despite Sam’s questioning glance to Y/N, the car ride was filled with their affectionate bantering. And as Y/N leaned forward from the back seat and ruffled Sam’s hair at something he said, simultaneously poking him in the side making him wince, Dean’s stomach dipped with emotion as he realized that he wanted a million car rides just like this.  

He wanted her there always.

He wanted her there in the mornings when he woke up.  

He wanted her at his back when the bad guys were closing in.

And most of all, he wanted her eyes to be the last thing he saw when he finally left this world for good.

So, he let the fear go.

Let it melt into another dimension where it couldn’t touch him anymore.

Because she was worth it.

Dean found himself itching with the need to reach behind him and bring her to the front seat so that he could feel her body pressed against his side, her arm around his waist, his mouth pressed to the top of her forehead.

But now that he had made the whole situation awkward, he battled with himself as to how to make it right.  

Lucky for him, apparently scrambled eggs, bacon and a greasy diner made Dean into a helpless romantic.

Because as he watched Y/N laugh at something Sam said, a small piece of cheese from her omelet clinging to her bottom lip, he reached over from his chair at her side, wiped away the cheese and held her chin in between his thumb and forefinger and blurted out earnestly, “I love you.  So much.”

Sam coughed and spit out his coffee back into his mug as Y/N blinked wide eyes at him.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before.  When it counted.  I’m sorry that I’ve been a complete ass all these months.  And I’m sorry that I’m a fucking coward who made the best morning of my life into a shit show.”  He grasped her cheeks gently in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers, “I love you.”  He whispered again intensely against her lips, wanting her to swallow the words and have them slide down her throat and into her body for safekeeping.

Y/N’s lower lip trembled against his before she pulled back, searched his eyes and then smiled wide, “You are such a moron, Winchester.”  She reached up and grasped at his hands that were still holding her face and squeezed, “So, do you wanna know when I knew?”

Dean’s forehead scrunched at her abrupt change of subject, trying to ignore the disappointed drop in his belly, before remembering her proposition from the night before, “Knew what?”

She rolled her eyes, “Knew when I loved you more than chocolate.  Duh.”

Dean’s heart skipped and his fingers trembled, “When?” He said lowly.

“The first time I kicked your ass into the ground and your body bounced and you glared at me with those pretty green eyes of yours.”  She said with a cheeky grin.

He fought a smile and mock scowled at her, “You surprised me.  You got lucky.”

She leaned forward, her eyes serious, “I sure did.”  She said against his mouth, capturing his lips with her own for a brief kiss before sliding her mouth over to his ear, “I love you.”  She whispered.

Sam groaned from his chair, “Yuck.  I reeeeally didn’t think this whole matchmaking thing through if I’m gonna be subjected to this for the rest of my life.”

Dean let out a shuddering breath as he brought his lips to her forehead and took a deep breath of her scent, (Definitely mangos.), “I should be so lucky.”

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 8

@akshi8278 @curly-haired-disaster @chook007 @scorpiongirl1 @pisces-cutie @winchesterbroys  @xalgaliareptx  @purrculiar  @meganywinchester

[unlockthefuture]

You know, I lift things.

[vodkastinger]

Though the clothes, including a black turtleneck and a velvet evening gown, were hardly body-hugging, the shoot provoked even more controversy than the earlier New York Times photo. “This is Hillary the sex goddess,” one columnist wrote. [...] No matter that Clinton had insisted the evening gown be worn high, like a turtleneck, rather than off the shoulder, as designed. [x]

[junotunes]

(Flitterffic Deluxe-Bastet-Juno-Alias-The Sex:P)

[captainpirateface]

#thesex #CaptainPirateFace https://www.instagram.com/p/CLj-5naASMe/?igshid=1tuis0h1ef0ab

[justineportraits]

Paul Rader    Cover Thesex plan

[weedqueen4twenty-blog]

Yumm!

[validtrollnames]

Whatis Thesex Iestna Meinth Eworld? is a valid troll name 

No, really, what is it, I’m curious. 

[serscheeminogue-blog]

Disfruta de Sexercize (The S.E.X. Remix). Mashup que combina las dos canciones de las divas Madonna y Kylie Minogue. #kylieminogue #madonna #sexercize #thesex #mushup #theonlyonekylie #goddessofpop

[fatestemptress]

Paramount Remembrances - Chapter 7 - Part 1

Summary: Dean Winchester has reached a point in his life where he doesn’t have many firsts left to fulfill.  Except maybe falling in love.  This is the story of how he got there.

Warnings: Smut. Lots and lots of smut.  Oral (male & female receiving).  Dry humping.  Backseat sex. Teaching/Guiding.  Some Angsty Feels. 18 Plus ONLY! 

Pairings: Young Dean x OFC, Dean x OFC, Dean x Reader (We finally made it!  Woohoo!)

Word Count On this Chapter: 5,180 

A/N:  Sooooo, the Dean x  Reader part kinda got away from me and I realized that I was over 8,000 words in, rambling my way to the conclusion.  So, I decided to break it up.   Good new is, the second part is almost finished.  :)   Again, thank you so much for all the likes and re-blogs.  I’ve had a blast writing this and I’m glad there are those out there enjoying it.  I’ve strayed away from exact canon time periods as I’m not following it as closely as some awesome writers do, however, for purposes in this chapter, this portion is set sometime in Season 7.  Lisa is in Dean’s past and Sam has his soul back with no memories of his experience in Hell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dean was thirty-one when he fell in love.  And it scared him shitless.

Over the years, he’d had more sexual partners than he could count, his job never affording him the opportunity to stay in one place for any extended period of time.  He never led any of them on, always left them satisfied, always making sure they both were on the same page as far as the non-status of their relationship would be.  

Dean didn’t want to be labeled as a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type but apparently those rules of the road his father had spewed out to him so long ago held some substance.  

Too much tragedy followed him everywhere he went, and he found he’d rather leave ‘em than have any of the women in his life physically hurt in any way shape or form.

Cassie had been the closest he had come to the word ‘love’, and while he had been hurt so badly by her rejection, he realized when revisiting her years later, it had been too easy for him to walk away from her when she finally knew who he really was for him to believe it had been anything more than maybe a puppy love in its most pure form.    

Lisa was his most recent and the last mistake he would make in believing that he could have ‘normal.’ That whole relationship had quickly gone to shit and while he had cared for her and Ben deeply, love was never a word that he uttered out loud because he had never truly felt that he could love a woman the way they deserved.  Especially, when he spent his days and nights in constant fear that something could happen to her and Ben, coupled with being restless living an ‘apple pie life’.  It didn’t help that he had eventually realized that she had been a poor substitute for the aching hole the temporary loss of his brother had left behind.

So, Dean had resigned himself and made himself believe that one night stands were the way to go.  

Unless of course there was a woman that came along that could, surprisingly, kick his ass.

And when that happened, well, the world seemed to tilt on its axis a little bit.

Dean never thought of himself as a true masochist.  A dominant? Yes.  A submissive?  At times. But one day when a long leg shot out and kicked him in the stomach before bending down into a sweep that dropped him onto his back with a groan….

Well…he was reminded why.

The reason people and, yes, sometimes even he, embraced pain and put it hand in hand with pleasure.

He’d gladly take another kick to his solar plexus if it meant he could look up at her and see her for the first time over and over again.

Long straight dark hair and light brown eyes looked down at him as one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen stood above him with a gun pointing at his face.

And his gut twisted in more than just pain from that well-placed kick.

“You move, you die.  Now, who the fuck are you?” She said between clenched teeth.  

Dean lifted up his hands in surrender, “Dean.  Dean Winchester.  And you might be?”

Instead of answering, she cocked the gun, “None of your damn business.  Get up.  Slowly.”

Dean complied, his eyes unable to stop drinking in her form.  Black leather jacket over a black tank top and skin tight black jeans tucked into calf high combat boots, rolling over toned curves, her hands and eyes steady as she followed his movements with the precision of a well-practiced fighter.

She was gorgeous.

She was also still pointing the gun at his chest.

“The Winchesters have an anti-possession tattoo.  Show it to me.”

He considered trying to be funny, but the way she held her gun let him know she knew how to use it, so instead he raised an eyebrow, pulled down his t-shirt from his collar and waited as her eyes roamed over the pentagram.

It was only then that she put up the gun and slipped it back into its holster at the small of her back, “Well, Winchester, looks like your reputation precedes you.  Unfortunately, you swaggered your ass into what was supposed to be a trap for the werewolf in town.  So, if you don’t mind, if you could just mosey your way back to wherever you came from, that’d be awesome.”

Dean pursed his lips at her blatant dismissal, “Apology accepted.”  He said sarcastically.

“What the hell do I have to apologize for?  Kickin’ your ass?  Ain’t nobody told you to come here.”

He stepped forward, his eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance, “I’m here for the same reason you are, lady.  To kill a werewolf that’s eating people’s hearts.”

“Well, I got this.  So, you can go.”

And that’s how Sam found them, engaged in a screaming match over who had the biggest balls.

They had known each other for exactly fifteen minutes and already Dean hated her.

Well, he actually kind of liked her too.

When she got really angry, her eyes lightened dangerously, her voice got lower instead of higher and she poked him in the chest with her finger.

Dean wanted to break that finger so bad.  He also wanted to put it in his mouth and suck at the tip until she melted underneath him.

Needless to say, the first six months of their friendship had been frustrating at best and downright tumultuous at worst.  

Mostly because Dean couldn’t figure out if he wanted to smother her in her sleep or kiss her until she made that low moan in her throat that came out when she tasted something delicious.  

He also had a hell of a time trying to just figure her out.  The layers of who she was hidden deep underneath a gruff exterior and smart mouth leaving him dumbstruck when she gave a soft smile and kind eyes to a grieving family or when she turned into a protective mama bear and practically growled when a child was involved in any of their cases.    

It didn’t help that her and Sam got along like two peas in an annoying pod from the moment they met. It had taken Sam six seconds of puppy dog eyes to get her name that day.

Y/N.

Beautiful, breathtaking, annoying Y/N.

And now?

Whenever the three of them joined up on a case, Sam and Y/N spent hours researching the shit out of them and wallowed in long silences where neither of them needed to speak to one another but they still seemed to know what the other was looking for.  

Meanwhile, whenever Dean and Y/N were in the same room it was as if a fire was lit under their asses and instead of putting it out they spent their time trying to find as many leaves and dried kindling they could to keep it at its hottest temperature.  

Their constant arguments could be as serious as who was going to save the world tonight or as ridiculous as what was better than sex.  

Pie or Y/N’s weakness: Chocolate.

The correct answer was neither.  

But they were both so stubborn they refused to come to an agreement on the subject.

And while he would fight anyone who tried to convince him that his pie obsession was uncalled for, he still managed to pick up her favorite candy bars at various rest stops, making sure to always keep a secret stash in his duffel bag if only to torture her with them as he waved the chocolaty goodness at her from the farthest corner of whatever room they happened to be in.

And when she shrugged as if she could care less before distracting him with a well thrown book, pillow or elbow and tackled him on the ground, wrenching the chocolate triumphantly out of his hands, Dean tried not to think too hard on the way his body buzzed the minute her curves made contact with him.

Or the way he stared at her as she gave him a middle finger and bit into her prize.

She was so ridiculously annoying.

And then, there was the……moments.

Moments of something palatable that rolled its way over the two of them and made Dean feel like there was almost something tethering them together, tightening with each deep breath, each sigh of frustration and each smile that he managed to get out of her.

In fact, if Dean really wanted to be honest, there was one moment that stood out more than the rest.

The three of them had been searching for a Wendigo in a forest outside of North Dakota and they had set up camp around the perimeter of where multiple attacks happened, hoping to draw it out instead of traipsing through unknown forest and getting their asses lost.

It had been unseasonably cold that night.  Sam was up keeping watch wandering around the base of their camp jumping up and down to keep warm.  Meanwhile, Dean and Y/N were in separate sleeping bags laying by a fire that hadn’t been enough to keep Y/N from shivering in her sleep.  Dean had stayed in his sleeping bag for twenty minutes contemplating how hard she would hit him in the nuts if he decided to lie down next to her and try to help her stop shivering.  The decision was made for him when she rolled onto her side and her teeth started audibly clattering and he couldn’t take it anymore.  

Grabbing up his blanket and sleeping bag, he laid his sleeping bag next to hers and wrapped her body under the plaid wool of his blanket.  He lay on his side against her back and after hovering his arm over her this way and that he finally said fuck it and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her body flush against his.

She woke up immediately and tensed and he swore he could feel her reach for her gun that she had kept next to her.  But before he could say anything, he heard her take a deep breath through her nose as if sniffing the air, then she visibly relaxed into him, saying nothing.

It was ten minutes later, as his nose was in her hair and he was trying to not make it obvious that he was trying to figure out the scent of her shampoo, (Oranges?  Mangos?), when she finally spoke up.

“What are you doing, Winchester?”

Dean tensed against her and tried to surreptitiously move his face out of her hair, “Trying to make sure you don’t freeze to death, what else?”

She hesitated before answering him and to his surprise moved her body even closer to his, moving until her ass was right up against his now very interested cock and burrowed even deeper under the blanket he had thrown over them.  Dean let out a silent curse as he felt himself swell even more when her delectable backside rubbed against him and he tried his best to picture and name the ugliest monsters he had seen to date in an effort to get his dick to stop being an asshole.

He had finally gotten himself to relax some when he heard her clear her throat, “Thank you.”  She whispered, “This…this is a lot better.”

Dean closed his eyes against the warmth that amplified in his lower belly and took a deep breath, “Yeah, well, the Wendigo aint gonna want no frozen meat, so, gotta keep his dinner warm somehow.”

Y/N let out a harrumph but didn’t move from her position against him, “Moron.”

A half smile graced his features as he felt his body settle into something he hadn’t felt in so long, if ever.  Despite their current circumstances, despite the fact that they were on a hunt and could very well be dinner, he felt….safe. Warm.  Content.

And before he could talk himself out of the feeling, he felt his heavy eyes finally drift closed and he fell asleep.

The next morning, found him still alive.  

And hard.  

Sometime during the night, he had rolled onto his back and Y/N had rolled into his chest with her arm wrapped tightly around him and her face buried in his neck. Her leg was bent and thrown over his waist, and either Y/N was deliberately trying to get him off or she was having a very good fucking dream because her hips were undulating against him slightly causing her calf to move against his very interested, throbbing cock.

Dean blinked a few times and desperately tried to hold back a groan but he was unsuccessful.  Y/N’s head sleepily popped up and she looked up into his eyes.  He watched as unnamable emotions flickered through the light brown depths as she stared at him, her hair adorably sticking up haphazardly, and he would have bet money she was going to kiss him.  Except his asshole dick chose that moment to twitch in interest and her eyes clouded before she reared back, sat up and hit him in the chest.

“Really, Dean!  We’re being hunted by a monster and yet you still can’t control yourself?”

He hid his disappointment by bringing his arms behind his head as he grinned up at her, seemingly unrepentant, “It wasn’t me rubbing all up on you, Sweetheart.  If you’re gonna offer it, he’s gonna take it.”

Y/N gave him a disgusted look even as she blushed, “What the fuck ever, Dean.  Aint nobody offering nothin’.”

He winked at her, “Sure, Darlin’.  Keep telling yourself that.”

“UGH!”  

And with that, Y/N threw the covers back and quickly made her way to Sam where he was standing at the edge of camp giving them extreme side eye.

While Dean was sure they had killed the Wendigo, the who, what and when’s of it was a blur.  

Because the only thing he could focus on from that moment in time was that split second when her eyes were clear and the guards were down and he saw….something in their depths.  

Something that made him both exhilarated and fucking terrified.

From that trip on, the fire that burned was slowly turning into an inferno and the tension was at an all-time high.

But they still had each other’s back.  Still steadfastly protected one another in dangerous situations, taking hits when it meant they could distract would be bad guys from hitting the others; from hurting the team they had built on a precarious platform constructed from frustration, sarcasm, smirks….and that something else.

He would be damned if admitted how much he missed her when she was gone, on her own, hunting the bad guys on her terms.  

But he did.

And it made him even angrier when he felt it. That something missing, gnawing at his belly and deep inside his chest.

He wouldn’t even touch the emotion he felt when he saw her name pop up on his or Sammy’s phone or the rush of elation when he saw her truck pull up beside them on whatever no name highway they agreed to meet on.

However, it was during a particularly stressful case, where they couldn’t agree if it was a God or a Djinn causing havoc that apparently Sam had finally had enough.  

Enough of them and their unnecessary arguments.

Enough of the yearning dance they had perfected as they circled around one another.

“I’m soooo glad Dicky Dean is coming out to play today.”  Y/N growled as she threw a pillow at his head, the movement of her arm making her breasts jiggle slightly in her tight red tank top.

Not that he noticed.

Dean ducked just in time before casually sitting back in the motel chair and taking a drink of his beer as if he didn’t have a care in the world, “Why am I a dick? ��‘Cause I don’t agree with you?”

“It’s not that you don’t agree with me.  It’s the way you don’t agree with me.  All high and mighty with that cocky grin.”  

Said grin slid across his lips and he shrugged, “I’ve been told I have a big reason to be cocky.”

“Yeah, well, people lie to spare our feelings all the time, Dean.”

“Facts don’t lie, Sweetheart.”

“For the four millionth time, don’t call me Sweetheart, you ass.”

“Sorry, Baby.  I’ll try not to.”

“Dick.”

Sam stood up, “All right! Enough!  You two are driving me to drink.  As a matter of fact, that’s what I’m gonna go do.  Go to a bar and get a drink and maybe it’ll muffle the sound of this nonsense and we can go back to actually solving this case.”

“Wait, Sam,” Y/N said as she stood up next to him and grabbed a jacket, “I’m gonna go with you. I need a drink too.”

Sam threw his hands up in the air and walked to the door, “Whatever.  Let’s just go.”

Dean blew a kiss at Y/N as she gave him one more glare before sticking her tongue out him and the door closed behind them.

Childish?  Yes.

But that tongue?  He could imagine it doing any number of things to his body and the thought made him groan deep in his chest.

Pretty soon the silence of the room started to grate on his nerves and when he noticed himself pacing over the same space over and over he finally gave in, grabbed his jacket and headed to the bar down the block from the motel.

The music was loud but not too loud and it was fairly crowded for a weekday.  There was any number of available conquests waiting for the kill but his eyes automatically gravitated to the one person who made his blood boil for so many different reasons.

She had discarded her jacket somewhere and was swaying to the current song, standing in front of the digital juke box, vodka club in hand, as she perused the other music selections.   Her round ass encased in her skinny jeans had the attention of most of the bar and if she continued to shimmy it for much longer, she’d have a line of eager suitors ready to roll.  

Dean’s feet started making their way over to her before he had to physically stop himself.  

What was he doing?  Let her annoy someone else for the night.

He made his way over to where Sam was keeping an eye on Y/N from the bar, beer in hand.

“Was wondering how long it would take you to make your way over here.”  Sam said in greeting.

“I got bored.”

Sam smirked at him, “Uh huh. And I’m sure it had nothing to do with Y/N.”

Dean gave him a look of disbelief, his eyes following Sam’s stare to where Y/N was laughing with some random male stranger over who knew what, “Why would it have anything to do with that pain in the ass?”

“You guys fight like cat and dog.  And the tension keeps building and building…”

Dean raised a hand at the bartender and deliberately turned his back on Y/N’s form across the room, “There’s no sexual tension, Sammy.  She just makes me want to choke her out.  And not in the good way.”

A sly smile slid across Sam’s face as he leaned against the bar on one elbow, “Who said anything about sexual tension, Sigmund?”

“Shut up.”

Holding his hands up in surrender, Sam shrugged, “Okay.  Okay, Dean. So, then, uh, I want to ask you something.”  Sam shoved his free hand in his pocket, a sheepish expression sliding over his face, “Ummm, if you’re really not interested, then, uh, you wouldn’t mind me going for it, right?”

Dean stilled as he stared at his brother’s face in shock, “You’re not serious….are you?”

Sam shrugged, “She’s hot. And she’s smart and brave and can tell your ass off as fast as she can sew you up after getting hurt.”  Sam’s eyes flicked over to her, watching as she picked up a cue stick and started playing pool with the random guys she had been speaking to earlier, “And she has the nicest ass I’ve seen in a long time.”

“Sam!”

“Oh, please.  Don’t start.  I’ve seen you checking it out plenty of times.”

“Yeah!  Cause I have eyes!”  

The bartender finally made his way over to them, “What can I get ya?”

Thanking the bartender silently for the interruption so that he could gather his thoughts, Dean replied, “Whiskey.  Neat. Thanks.”

The bartender nodded and made his way back to the other end of the bar as Dean took a deep breath and raised his gaze to Sam’s, “Look, things like this can get complicated, Sammy. She’s independent as hell and prefers to work alone.  Making a relationship like that work would be hard.”

Sam scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, “Who said anything about a relationship?”

Dean shot Sam a confused look his own, “Huh?”

“We’re both adults, Dean. Sex doesn’t have to equate to a relationship.”

An anger that Dean wasn’t sure he understood shot through his body and he felt his jaw involuntarily clench as he turned his body toward his brothers’, “You sayin’ you just wanna bang her and act like nothing happened after?”

Sam’s eyes scrunched further, “Dean…I’m not sure what part you’re not understanding.  If there’s anyone who could comprehend something like this, it’s you.”

Dean threw his hands up in frustration, “Yeah, Sam!  With random chicks that know the deal and are okay with having a one night stand that’s not gonna amount to nothin’.”

Sam bit down on the inside of his mouth, his lips quirking slightly before he turned it into a frown, “And if I tell Y/N what the deal is and she’s okay with it, what’s the problem?”

With a growl, Dean tossed back the whiskey that had appeared in front of him and wiped the side of his mouth before pointing at Sam, “The problem is that she’s not just some random chick, Sam.  It’s Y/N! She’s our friend and she deserves more than just some random fuck and a ‘See you around sometime.’.”

“So you do care about her?”

“Of course I fucking care about her. It’s…she’s….SHE DESERVES MORE DAMMIT!”

Sam finally let that quirk at the side of his mouth slide into a full-fledged grin as he drank the last of the beer in hand, “Then why don’t you stop being a dick and tell her how you feel already.”

Dean blinked at Sam, momentarily thrown at his change in demeanor and his mouth opened and closed like a fish as he realized just how telling his words were, “Wha-?”

Slamming the empty bottle on the bar, Sam rolled his eyes, “Get out of your perpetual hole of denial and go get the girl you’ve been in love with for months already.”

Dean stubbornly ignored Sam’s last statement, “Soooo, you don’t want to bang her?”

Letting out a scoff of disbelief, Sam rubbed at his eyes in frustration, “God, please give me strength. No, Dean. I don’t want to bang her. I would never, ever get in the way of what I’ve seen between you two.”  He grabbed at Dean’s shoulder and tightened his grip forcing his brother’s eyes to his, “It’s okay to love someone, Dean.  It’s okay to love her.”

Dean stilled and stared at his brother as he bit the inside of his lip, a million thoughts racing in his mind.  The most prominent one being the nonononononononono that was echoing in his brain bouncing around like a pinball against the memories of all he had endured.  Every moment in his too short/too long life that had changed who he was before to who he was now.

He didn’t love her.  

He couldn’t love her.

He still had so much darkness in him.  Guilt. Pain. And he struggled every day to put those feelings of inadequacy into a small corner of his mind until they reared their ugly head at night when it was too quiet to drown out the memories.  

Everything in his world ended in tragedy and tears and so many had been hurt or died because of him.

He couldn’t risk it.

His eyes flicked over to where he saw Y/N raising her hands in victory before holding her hand out to the poor schlep in front of her.  She playfully curtsied in thank you as the money was slapped into her palm with a grumble. As she smiled, she turned her gaze towards the bar and met Dean’s eyes with her own and waved the money at him with a smirk and a wink, before letting the smirk drop into a frown as the intensity of his stare seemed to burn her from across the room.

He couldn’t risk her.    

Dean swallowed thickly as she gave him a concerned face.  Y/N brushed off the guy currently trying his best to earn his money back and pushed her way through the crowd to them.

He could feel Sam watching him from his perch “Moment of truth, Dean.  She’s making her way over here and since she’s seen you go pale as a ghost, she’s gonna wanna know why.”

Flicking his eyes everywhere but at her, he felt his heart start to pound even faster and panic quickly set in.  He reached into his pocket and flung some money on the bar before making his way to the door.

“Shit!  Dean!  Dean, wait!”

Ignoring Sam’s calls, he opened the door to the bar and disappeared into the night.

He wouldn’t risk her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  

“Oh my, God!  It’s a Wednesday.  Why is it so fucking crowded in here?”  Y/N muttered as she finally made her way to the bar where she saw Sam standing by himself, his mouth set in contemplation.

Grabbing his arm none too gently, Y/N pulled his attention to her, “Hey!  Where’d Dean go?”

Sam let out a soft sigh and shrugged, “Not sure.”

Ignoring the disappointment in her chest, she pulled up the empty stool next to him and sat down, “What do you mean?  He was just here and he looked like he was gonna puke.  Is he okay?”

Sam let out another sigh and motioned to the bartender, “I, uh, may have said something that he wasn’t ready to hear yet.”  He lowered his head to the bartender when he appeared, “Another beer and a vodka club, please.”

Y/N stared at Sam’s profile and took note of the hard clench of his jaw, “Sam, he looked physically ill. What could you have possibly said to make him react that way?”

The ridiculously tall hunter’s eyes flicked over to hers before looking away.  He rubbed his hand over his face and then he suddenly shrugged and threw his hands up, “You know what?  I’ll tell you because I honestly can’t take much more of this.”  

“Sam?”

He placed his hands on Y/N’s shoulders and lowered his head to look into her eyes, “My brother is head over heels, madly, insanely, in love with you,” Sam squeezed her shoulders tight, “And at this point I’m convinced, he will never tell you.”

Y/N blinked up at Sam as her mouth dropped open.  She let out small sounds of disbelief before she swallowed hard, shook her head and let out a loud laugh, brushing his hands off of her, “Get the fuck outta here!  No, he isn’t.  Sam, you’re outta your mind.”  She plucked the vodka soda out of the bewildered bartenders hand before he could place it on the bar and quickly swallowed two large gulps before turning her attention back to him, her hands trembling slightly, “Did he…did he tell you that?”

Sam gave her an indulgent, gentle smile, “He didn’t have to.  There’s no one in this world I know better than my brother.  So that means I also know he’s drowning in a denial pool and with each day that passes, he keeps going deeper and deeper and he’s gonna drive both you and I crazy until he either drowns or runs away.”  

“Soooo, he didn’t tell you this himself?”

Sam groaned and slapped himself on the forehead, “Do you two ever listen to anything other than what you want to hear?”

“This isn’t what I want to hear, Sam!  Do you know how stubborn, how controlling, how much of a pain in the ass that man is?!”  Y/N let out a growl, “H-he is constantly trying to tell me what to do.  He’s always challenging every thought I have,” She threw back the rest of her drink; “He’s always nagging me about every move I make.  Make sure to check your six, Y/N.  Make sure you don’t hesitate, Y/N.  Make sure you watch Sammy’s back, Y/N.  Why didn’t you say you were cold, Y/N? Like, what the fuck?!  When we’re in the same room it’s hard to breath as is and he just makes it so that I feel like I’m suffocating when he…when he…”

Sam let out a small laugh as he watched her struggle, “When he what?”

Y/N wiped at the side of mouth, catching a stray droplet of liquor before whispering, “When he teases me and then nudges me trying to get me to smile at him.  When he waves coffee under my nose trying to get me to wake up in the mornings.  When he steals the bacon on my plate because he already finished his and then he fucking winks at me and….and…”  Y/N closed her eyes and swallowed deep, “When he looks at me….with those eyes of his…..”  

Oh, God.

In the months that she had known him, Y/N had pushed whatever she might be feeling deep into the caverns of her heart because she knew, she fucking knew, Dean was never going to address the proverbial elephant in the room.  She would watch him, watch her out of the corner of her eye and would see…she would feel this utter sense of loss coming from him.  

At first, it confused her. But then the nights she was forced to share a room with them, she would hear him struggling in his sleep, whimpering as memories of pain assaulted his senses and she understood.

Dean Winchester couldn’t afford to feel anything.  

Because everything that mattered was eventually taken away from him.

And Y/N understood.

So, she left it alone. And she ached.  But she left it alone.

She was a proud, stubborn woman and she wasn’t going to force herself on anyone.  

No matter how much she loved him.

Fuck!

Now what?

A whimper left her mouth and she banged her head on the bar top in front of her and groaned, “Why did you have to tell me that, Sam?  I was just fine doggy paddling in my own damn pool.”  

His large hand rested on the top of her head as he affectionately ran his hands through the strands of her hair, “No you weren’t.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 7 - Part 2

@akshi8278 @curly-haired-disaster @chook007 @scorpiongirl1 @pisces-cutie @winchesterbroys

[orchidbreezefc]

OH SHIT YALL ARE WE PUBLICALLY TALKING ABOUT THE SHIT THE KFAM CREATORS PULL? IS THAT A THING WE’RE TALKING ABOUT NOW? I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

first: im not going to go into issues i have with the show itself. yall heard the helen keller episode and the walt storyline/the character voice a white dude used for him same as i did--my input won’t be necessary there i think. i also recommend the blog @kfam-tea​, thank you for your service, for being an archive for creator-based shit, the current snafu and their history, etc.

this is about my personal experiences with the creators. there’s plenty of behavior by the FANDOM that i don’t appreciate, especially in the official discord--where it’s specifically encouraged and cultivated--and maybe i’ll indulge myself with that in a separate post, but this i think will be more relevant to more folks’ interests and the current climate.

so. remember ep90, “if you’re hungry and you know it”? it’s the one where maggie calls in to apply and gets treated like shit by our protagonists for 15 minutes. comments are made about her breasts. they try to dissuade her from applying for the job posting they’ve been advertising because chet would sexually harass her and rather than address that they’d rather just.... warn off every female applicant? maggie through the conversation is trying to make amends for her wrongs (i.e. high school drama and attacking a guy who sexually harassed her so badly for years she quit her job) and talk about her efforts at recovery, and she is mocked, both in the way she is written and in the way sammy and ben talk to and about her.

it was bad. it was very sexist and bad, and nothing was said about it for a month (7/15-8/15), at which point ep92, “words: greater than pen, greater than sword” aired, which contained lily tearing sammy to shreds over it. ben wasn’t there, which was interesting, because it did create a dynamic where our resident socially aware lesbian (who solely bears the burden of educating people when they are being shitheads and is richly rewarded by being widely regarded as an unlikeable bitch by the fandom and many of the characters) rightfully confronts and gets an apology from a gay man for being half of an extremely misogynist shutdown of a woman. meanwhile, his hetero counterpart and unassailable purehearted fandom darling is not yelled at for his misogyny, and gets to have this Very Important Lesson relegated to him offscreen later. i mean, presumably? i’m pretty sure we never hear whether that actually happens.

still, it was a pretty thorough discussion of how gross that conversation had been, and it was addressed and apologized for in the show itself by the characters (or one of them), which was more than i expected. it regained some lost trust. it was clear to me that the kfam team had received the same sort of outcry from the fandom that i had seen in more private servers, and these were their amends. i decided to tweet at them applauding the effort. this is how that worked out:

[ID: a tweet by me that reads: “@ KingFallsAM hey.... today's episode was good. this was a good way to respond to fan criticism and the apology is appreciated. thanks.”

the official kfam account quote tweeted this to respond: “This was an intended storyline, we don’t course correct. We have ALWAYS had imperfect characters that learn and grow and will continue to. Also... we only saw one tweet even mention it. But thanks?“

a fellow fan, whose username and icon have been redacted, replied to the official kfam account’s response with: “I feel like there’s a less sarcastic way to respond to this tweet. I’m a diehard fan, however I saw quite a bit of criticism about thesexism[sic] in the recent episodes. I too was under the impression that it was a course correction, regardless I am glad that there is character growth“]

so. that was a cool thing. like, i do owe that other fan my life and will show up for them in their hour of need for being the only one to publically stick up for me despite being a stranger, but that sure was a quote tweet that a multi-thousand-followers account used to dunk on my under-100-followers account for trying to pay them a compliment!

i mean, really. the passive-aggressive ‘but thanks?’ at the end? and them saying not that they didnt course correct in this case where followup (a month later) was planned, but that they don’t course-correct, as in they never do that--was a clear statement of ‘we don’t accept fan criticism or feedback on writing OR representation and take it into account, ever’. hey kfam, pro tip: when you say 'thanks for accepting our apology i guess' it really sounds like you didnt feel like you needed to apologize in the first place. which is a pretty bold attitude to take about an episode where a character apologizes for being sexist.

like no wonder you only saw one tweet about it if that’s the attitude you present toward criticism (and, as @kfam-tea​‘s blog thoroughly proves, it is and has been, consistently). i know the risk of backlash is definitely why i hadn’t said anything about 90 in public up to that point. but yeah, 'nobody told us that episode was disgusting in our samebrain discord server that contains the literal creators who have a history of backlash, so can you really say there was fan criticism at all? maybe it was just in your head. after all, if we did something wrong with the intention to correct it a month later, did we really do anything wrong in the first place? checkmate'

tl;dr im not surprised by the new developments. my hearts go out to the MINORS, who are specifically cultivated as an audience by the sfw policy of the official server, who were publically chewed out by the grown ass author on twitter for requesting tags, warnings, or really any sort of discretion or consideration at all on nsfw content.

p.s.: here’s something kyle said on the discord in response to a conversation in which i criticized ben’s behavior during an episode (i.e. said he should apologize and take responsibility for a hurtful thing he did even though he did it by accident, or at least have it acknowledged in the show or the fandom that he did a hurtful thing--another post, perhaps) and the rest of the discord dogpiled me until i cried and shut down and stopped defending myself or speaking at all because i couldn’t deal with inviting any more argument:

[ID: a discord message from kyle that reads: “Thank you all for talking about this maturely and with your words. I’ve personally never seen that heard[sic???] of this scene with that POV attached but that’s the beautiful thing about this show and shows like it, is[sic] that we all kinda copy & paste ourselves on these characters and situations at times. Everybody’s opinions on the situation is[sic] valid with their own personal context of the scene.” two people have reacted with blue heart emojis.]

how magnanimous, kyle. wouldn’t have described the preceding argument as civil even if i did understand how anyone could possibly do anything on a discord text channel that didn’t qualify as using their words, but thanks? somebody literally DM’d me to ask if i was okay because without having ever talked to me one-on-one before they could tell i was deeply distraught by the end, but i’m glad you got to be the benevolent author and shake hands with both sides for a swift shutdown of dissent well executed. /s

[sinner-as-saint]

In watching eb and holy SHIT THESEX SCENES

Mhmm