#these tragic gay bitches won’t leave me alone

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

had a really weird moment right after waking up where i started thinking abt satoru with a curse user!reader who’s really bratty and pissy that he refuses to kill them but then i realized that it’s. literally just stsg 💀

[backofthebookshelf]

Horror Recs for Magnus Fans, Part the Second

Last time I did this I was assuming that anyone who was listening to a horror podcast already knew some horror, but I have since learned that this is not the case, so there are a few more classics in here, as well as some more of my faves.

For anyone and everyone who listens to TMA: Sarah Monette's Kyle Murchison Booth stories, many (though not all) of which are collected in The Bone Key. Queer information professional would very much like for ghosts and monsters to leave him alone, does not get what he wants; can't resist the impulse to help out people who are more fucked over than him anyway. I love Booth so much, he deserves much better things than he gets.

For Web stans: Blindsight by Peter Watts, a sci-fi horror novel about free will and consciousness. Lydia Nicholas named this as one of her favorite books in the first Assistant's Round Table; I respect her for it, but I read this once and it gave me an existential crisis. Highly recommended, but make sure you've got a palate cleanser.

For jonelias fans and/or fans of the Corruption: Candyman (1992). With bonus folklore & urban legend meta! Kissing bees into your (potential) lover's mouth in order to convince them to become a murderous spirit of vengeance just like you! "All you have left is my desire for you"!!! It's extremely sexy, is what I'm saying, in all the best ways. (Trigger warnings for violence against children and a fair amount of gore, in addition to the aforementioned bees.)

If you love the no-holds-barred social commentary of season five: The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle. No, I will not shut up about this book until absolutely everyone in the world has read it. It's short! You could read it in an afternoon! This is Lovecraft's "The Horror at Red Hook" from the point of view of a black musician and hustler who's hired to help out with the ritual, and it's incredible. (If you're enjoying Lovecraft Country, absolutely do not miss this.)

If you miss the standalone statements of season one and two: the works of the early 20th century cosmic horror and ghost story writers: M.R. James, Algernon Blackwood, Arthur Machen. Machen has a tendency to get pretty eugenics-y, and they're all either misogynistic or don't have women in their stories at all, but goddamn do they do atmosphere. ("The Magnus Archives" is named after James's "Count Magnus," Jonny's favorite M.R. James story.)

For Stranger fans and those who love unexplained mysteries: The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher, a Southern horror (not a Gothic) about a woman who goes to clean out her abusive grandmother's house to sell it only to find that there are things other than his wife that her grandfather was afraid of, and for good reason. Features hot competent neighbors, extremely practical reactions to terrible monsters, and a Very Good Dog (the dog does not die).

For Lonely bitches: "The Horla" by Guy de Maupassant, the story I use to describe my depression to people. That's a pretty good content warning, honestly.

If you loved the "Am I still human?" plotline: The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht, a grotesque little novella about monsters in (dysfunctional) love. I'm a bit iffy on the ending, but honestly landing the ending of horror is so tricky that I'll almost never discount something just because I'm iffy on the ending. The body horror and emotional repression throughout make up for it.

If you crave the supernatural adventure series starring Gerry Keay: The Sandman Slim series by Richard Kadrey - modern noir, so gritty you can feel it in your teeth, featuring all kinds of monsters, demons, curses, and narrowly-averted apocalypses. Not as misogynistic as noir can get, but it is noir so there's definitely a bit of that (but definitely not as misogynistic as Jim Butcher). Trigger warnings all over the place; this is B-movie horror in book form.

For Distortion fans: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Bears almost no resemblance to the Netflix series of the same name, or any of the movies based on it; this is a twisty psychological novel with a profoundly unreliable narrator and a lot of repressed queerness. Michael/Helen would be right at home in Hill House. (Content warning for suicidality.)

If you want your horror to make you cry: El Orfanado, directed by Guillermo del Toro; a family moves into a house that used to be an orphanage, that is, of course, haunted. This is a tremendous distillation of the way that horror movies are so often centered around women not being believed, so content warning for gaslighting (and for harm to children); I saw this movie once and entire scenes are embedded in my brain in full color. (Honestly you can't go wrong with any Guillermo del Toro movies; he's fantastic.)

If you want your horror to make you cry, but make it gay: In the Flesh, two seasons of a zombie TV show tragically cut short (yes, it ends on a cliffhanger, I’m sorry). Uses zombies as a metaphor for homophobia, but also includes actual queer people. Content warning for small-town-typical homophobia and tragic gays. Please come yell with me about Simon Monroe, I love him so much.

For Slaughter fans: The Shining by Stephen King - look, look, I know. He's not great. He needs an editor. The movie is all kinds of fucked up. But this book is one of the most raw, personal horror stories I've ever read, and it's got an excellent combination of supernatural influence and real-life mundane fear of addiction and personal weakness that really grabs you by the intestines. Again, an iffy ending, but it's worth it for the slow descent into paranoia and madness.

If you just want to try to find some authors to read: The Borderlands anthology series, paperbacks from the height of the 80s horror boom; there are so many different kinds of stories in here that I can pretty much guarantee you that you won't like some of them but you might well find something new to fall in love with. A lot of these writers are out of print but readily available at used bookstores or for pennies on Amazon.

As always, let me know if you liked any of these or if you have a specific need: it is no longer my job to recommend books and media to people but it is still my very favorite thing to do and I will be obnoxious about it forever

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Maltese Falcon Job

leverage 2.15

Hardison (checking phone): Guys, they are ripping through Nate and Tara's cover stories. All their financials are blown. So look, until I know what they know, no credit cards, no debit cards, no ATMs, nothing that can be traced back to us. OK? Cash in hand only.

- - - - -

Nevins (on phone): No, not a safe house. Interpol wants Culpepper someplace off our system. We're taking him to the Governor Hotel.

Nate: OK, that's it. That's where we're gonna hole up.

Tara: The Governor Hotel?

Nate: Yeah.

Tara: The hotel crawling with FBI?

Eliot: FBI and Interpol.

Nate: Yeah, you know, it's the one place in Boston they won't be lookin' for us. Come on, we just gotta get there first

smart

- - - - -

Tara: Oh, thank God! I just stepped out to get the paper and then my door closed behind me and I tried to find a house phone, but you guys don't have those anymore. (drops towel) Oops.

Man: Uh...

(Eliot and Parker look down the hall, then at each other, then down the hall)

parker, g i r l, close your mouth

they were both slightly Into It™ and you can’t change my mind

- - - - -

Hardison: In-room checkout. (sits down on bed with keyboard) OK, look, this means that I have access to the hotel's billing computers. It's a big ol' backdoor in every hotel room in America. (hacks system) As of right now, we've been here for a week, and our reservations are good for another week, courtesy of this man's platinum card, Mr. Ogden Shields, who has spent a lot of time in the adult section of pay-per-view. I mean, did he even leave the room?

Parker: In-de-panties Day?

~ a few moments later ~

(Parker takes keyboard from Hardison’s hands)

Eliot: All right, I'm gonna go get some keys made. I'm goin' to the gym. Make sure I can charge stuff on the room.

Hardison: I gotcha.

(women moaning on TV)

Parker: Wow, she really wants that car clean.

Hardison: That’s-that's enough of that

parker is baby and hardison wants to protect her from that nastiness

- - - - -

Nate: Why do we care about him?

Hardison: 'Cause he's big on the surplus weapons market.

Eliot: (laughs) That's just a polite way of saying arms dealer.

Tara: His specialty's buying cheap guns from Third World countries and reselling 'em.

- - - - -

Nate: Don't worry about Sterling.

Eliot: Did you just say, "Don't worry about Sterling?"

Nate: Yeah, don't worry about Sterling. What you don't think I can beat Sterling?

Eliot: I think in the last six months, Nate, I've heard you talk about beating the Triads, beating the Russians. All right? Maggie's boyfriend. Huh? How'd that work out? We all said that meet was a bad idea, right? But you got a taste for taking down this Mayor and you can't resist.

Nate: You wanna walk away? Walk away.

Eliot: I'm not walkin' away. It's not my job. My job is to get your back. And, Nate, I'm gonna do it. All the way down. But I need you to do your job.

Nate: And what's that?

Parker: Be Nathan Ford. Be the person we came back for

PARKER BABY she showed emotion I’m so proud of her

- - - - -

(Eliot holds up the piece of paper taken from Bonanno’s house that reads ‘Maltese Falcon’)

Eliot: That's still bugging me, man.

we love to see eliot confiding/leveling with hardison

- - - - -

Parker: Ooh! But, uh, I have mini-bar.

her in the maid outfit with the french accent

+ HER WINK IM GAY

- - - - -

Nate: You help Tara and Parker. I'm gonna stall Sterling.

Hardison: How?

Nate: I'm thinking.

(Sterling gets into an elevator. Nate heads up the stairs, stopping at every floor to push the elevator button. Sterling begins to get irritated when the elevator stops at every floor but never sees Nate, who gets progressively more tired as they go upward)

[Hallway]

(Sterling gets off on the 14th floor. Behind him, Eliot pushes his cart into the elevator. Sterling glances at him but the door closes before he can get a good look. Sterling approaches the door the FBI agents are guarding)

petty and fucking ICONIC I wouldn’t have the stamina for that but neither would nate tbh and honestly he was probably running on pure spite to make that happen and I respect him for that

- - - - -

Parker: Housekeeping!

(she goes inside, pulling her cart in behind her. Once in the room, she finds Tara and Hardison in the window. Hardison is tangled in his line, and Tara is trying to help him)

Hardison: Ow. That's... Stop. Hey, I got this. Stop. I don't need help.

Tara: Clearly you do.

Hardison: I got this. I got this. Go.

LMFAO E V E R Y TIME

we love to see the running bit of hardison utterly FAILING at anything rappelling related

- - - - -

Culpepper: Where are the agents? Where are the agents? There should be two FBI agents standing at the door.

(Eliot walks in with Parker thrown over his shoulder)

Nate: Did you have to?

Eliot: She saw our faces.

Nate: OK. Yeah, put her in the tub with the others.

(Eliot takes her into the bathroom)

- - - - -

eliot can always knock a bitch out with one (1) punch

- - - - -

Sterling: So, I'm gonna make you a deal. You find Kadjic, tie him to the guns, I'll give you a free pass. Just this once, you get to walk away with your record wiped clean.

Nate: My team?

Sterling: They go down. Every last one of 'em. They deserve to go down. They're criminals, Nate. Thieves. So that's the deal. You bring me Kadjic and the guns, and I cut you and you alone loose. Because at the end of the day you're always right. You're not a thief. This is your second chance.

(Sterling picks up the flask and walks away)

this was actually really interesting to see. sterling leveled with nate. he knows nate, knows how he works, thinks he knows who nate really is on the inside. they have a Past™

- - - - -

Nate: Yeah. No. I... I, uh... Listen, I need you to come back. Um... I need you. Uh, I need you.

[Interior Helicopter]

Sophie: No, no, no. Speak up. I'm traveling and...

[Leverage Headquarters]

Nate: Not the team. Me. For me. Not for a con. I just... Listen, I... I don't know who I am anymore, Sophie. And, ah... When, when I was chasing you and everything and we were doing cons, I knew who I was, but not anymore. As crazy as this sounds, I need you to tell me, tell me when I'm goin' too far. I mean, it just... It gets out of control and I just don't know who I am and, and you've always been... .y compass. And, you know, I care about you more than yo-you'll ever know, because I lo... I lo...

lmfao when the signal is lost? tragic

- - - - -

eliot is wearing a flannel in the final scenes

- - - - -

the obama portrait very visible in the background of the government building? we love to see it

- - - - -

eliot DING DONG WE’RE HOME spencer owns my whole (whole) heart

- - - - -

Nate: What are you doing?

Eliot: Countin' all the guys with guns.

Nate: How many?

Eliot: A lot

smart and TOTALLY an eliot thing to do

- - - - -

Parker: Don't worry. No one's ever died going in through an air duct.

Tara: Oh, this is comforting.

Parker: I mean, worst case, you slip and fall. Break your legs. Lay there for days, scratching on the metal. It's like a long, metal coffin with wind. (excited) Let's go!

(Parker runs across the roof)

she’s baby and I love her. never, ever change parker

- - - - -

Computer: Match identified.

Hardison (bending over keyboard): Damn, you finally found something, half-pint?

HE CALLS HIS COMPUTER HALF PINT ??? ICONIC

- - - - -

Hardison: Parker, where are you?

Parker: Sorry, had a buzz from the alarm system, I couldn't hear a... thing. What?

(Parker’s face hardens and she heads for Tara, who is putting the rappelling gear back in the oxygen tank)

Tara: Parker, what's wrong?

(Parker grabs Tara by the throat and pushes her back until she is leaning over the edge of the building)

~~~

Tara: You're really strong.

Parker: Yeah. I hang from buildings with my fingertips.

Tara: It's not what you think. I was setting up a meeting!

Parker: Actually, that was exactly what I was thinking. Bye now.

Tara: Not for myself

- - - - -

ANNIE KROY IS BACK

- - - - -

(Eliot, his hands tied, is being led to some stairs by two goons.)

Man: I'll get the hatch.

(one man moves ahead of Eliot while the other stays behind him. When Eliot doesn’t follow the first man up the stairs, the second pushes him)

Man 2: Come on.

Eliot: Thirteen.

(Eliot and the second man struggle, sending gunfire rifling across the ceiling before the second man is knocked down. The first man comes back and kicks Eliot in the face. Eliot kicks him in return)

Eliot: Come here!

(Eliot swings his hands across the first man’s face, knocking him back)

Eliot: Twelve.

(Eliot knocks the first man out)

Eliot: Eleven.

(Eliot starts up the stairs, but hears someone else coming and waits around a corner. After a brief struggle, he knocks this man out as well and breaks the zip ties on his wrist)

Eliot: Ten. (heads up the stairs

HOOOOO BOY

MARK ME DOWN AS SCARED AND HORNY

also if parker and hardison know what he was doing? they’d be marked down as the same

- - - - -

Tara: All she asked was that I report back to her every now and then. Are we sure this is the fastest way?

Parker: Yeah, look. (looking at car GPS) There's no traffic this way. So, you were spying on us.

Tara: I was not spying. I was an early warning system. Sophie just, she was worried Nate might go off the rails. So, if it ever looked like he was spinning out of control, I was supposed to call and let Sophie lay in a backup plan just in case.

Parker: Yeah. Why not us?

Tara: Because you were too likely to forgive him.

Parker: I suppose gettin’ busted by the FBI and trying to bring down arms dealers while kidnapping a mayor does qualify as out of control.

Tara: So, anyway, I used my contacts to get Sophie set up as a buyer for the guns. You know... You actually had me worried for a second that you were gonna drop me.

Parker (laughs): That is silly

- - - - -

(Hardison is carrying a large monkey wrench and smiling. He hears noises and goes to investigate, seeing Eliot starting up a ladder)

Hardison: Hey. It took you long enough.

Eliot: What?

(Eliot starts toward Hardison, but a man points a gun to his head)

Man: Freeze.

(Eliot grabs the gun and knocks the man out)

Eliot: One.

Hardison: What

hardison if he knew what eliot was doing: hot damn

- - - - -

(the team gathers together. Parker hugs Sophie)

Sophie: Ooh. Parker touching.

Parker: Kinda, yeah.

- - - - -

Eliot: There's not that many ways out of here.

Sophie: Eliot, when I arrange a rescue, I do it properly.

(a helicopter lands on the docks near the ship. The team heads down the stairs, but Nate hesitates, looking down at the blood on his hand from his side. He goes down the ladder to join the team on the lower deck)

- - - - -

Nate: I've destroyed all the evidence the FBI has on Culpepper and Kadjic. You have no photos, no tapes, you don't have anything. You don't have a case on anybody, unless you arrest me. And only me.

Sophie: Nate?

Nate: I agree to turn state's evidence. I testify to what Kadjic told me, how he put the hit on Bonanno. Hell, I'll even give you Bonanno's evidence against the gunrunning.

Eliot: Nate, I can take these guys.

Hardison: It's just ten more yards to the chopper, man.

Nate: Listen, guys. I got you into this mess. This is the only way to get you out.

eliot is still ready to fight for his family no matter what and hardison just wants them to leave because they’re SO CLOSE

- - - - -

Nate: Come here.

(the team moves closer to him)

Nate: You guys are the most honorable people I have ever met in my life. You've become my family. My only family. I won't forget that. (looks at Eliot) Now get 'em on the chopper. Please. Now!

Eliot: Let's go.

(Eliot nudges Parker and she reluctantly heads for the gangplank. Eliot touches Hardison’s arm)

Eliot: Let's go, man.

(Hardison walks away. Eliot hesitates a moment, shaking his head, then follows the others, hesitating at the top of the gangplank near Sterling)

nate trusts eliot, and only eliot, to be the one to be able to get the rest of the team out of there and into the helicopter. he knows eliot and how much he cares for his family and will do anything to make sure they’re safe, and nate is betting on that to get them out of there

eliot has to be the one to make parker and hardison move because they’ll listen to him and also there would be a good chance that they’d try to stay with Nate otherwise

+

his gentle hands leading them away have my whole (whole) heart

- - - - -

(Sophie and Eliot get on the helicopter, Eliot hesitating one last time before getting in)

this hurts eliot so much because he’s the RETRIEVAL SPECIALIST and he’s supposed to get everyone safe and never leave anyone behind I’m-

- - - - -

Agent: Who the hell is this guy?

Sterling: I don't know.

Nate: My name's Nate Ford, and I am a thief.

(more sirens are heard. Nate begins laughing as the helicopter lifts off and more police cars and agents arrive, surrounding Nate and the dock. Nate watches the helicopter fly away)

MAJOR character development for nate this season (2.01 had him refusing that he was a thief and in multiple other episodes in this season)

oh and also, y’all, just like last season, if I had to watch this go down like that with my own two eyes and have that be the end of leverage (because they close every season like it’d be the last) I would have fucking R E V O L T E D

[nicostolemybones]

Odd One Out

Tw: references of ableism, discussions of consent and boundaries (just to clarify there is not underage sex referenced implied or depicted as a result of this discussion so no worries)

Nico was always the odd one out. No matter what, there was always something about him, always a strike against him. Son of Hades. Immigrant. Gay. Neurodivergent. Disabled. That last one was a relatively new revelation for Nico- it wasn't like he hadn't noticed the pain, hadn't used being lazy or being in the underworld as an excuse for people to leave him alone on days where the pain was so bad he couldn't move- because he didn't want anyone to know. And he didn't want it to be real. All he had going for him was his ability to fight, his freaky powers that gave him the upper hand, his command over the dead. But some days he was in so much pain that he'd lay in bed and cry. Sometimes after using his powers he'd pass out asleep for far too long to be normal. And it was getting worse, because he'd been ignoring it.

It wasn't that he thought less of himself for it. Or that he was ashamed. It was the limitations. And sure, people loved to tell him that he could do anything and he was only limiting himself- but that wasn't true. Sure, today he could go and train with Percy. But he'd probably collapse in pain, potentially cause himself irreparable damage trying to push himself too far. He'd end up in the infirmary with Will having to sit him up whilst he cried out in pain, he'd be unable to stand because the pain would be so bad he couldn't physically load bare.

Simply: he had physical and mental limitations. And Nico was struggling to accept that. 

He was struggling to accept it because yesterday he was running around playing capture the flag, and this morning his hips felt like somebody had a cheese grater on his joints every time he moved, flaring with a sharp and dull burn. His body felt heavy and sore and he felt like he was suspended in a heavy raincloud- he barely had the strength to get up. He hadn't slept last night- he'd tried, but Nico suffered with insomnia. It wasn't abnormal for him to go several days unable to sleep, even with sleeping tablets. It also wasn't abnormal for Nico to flit in and out of long bouts of naps for two days straight unable to eat or move apart from to go to the bathroom. 

He was struggling to accept it because nobody else did.

Today he was using his walker. He'd already had a camper say he didn't need it because he was running just fine yesterday. He'd already had someone chastise him for using the disabled toilet because he wasn't really disabled. He'd already had someone tell him he was useless as a demigod. He'd already had someone say he wouldn't last long because natural selection would pick him off. Not disabled enough to deserve aids, too disabled to deserve respect. Not visibly disabled enough for people to accommodate his needs, too visibly disabled for people to not speak to him like he was an infant- or worse- ask someone else what was wrong with their friend whilst saying what a shame it is their friend is disabled. Nico wished the word used was disabled. Instead it began with an s. Then when Nico yelled at them the next word used against him began with an r. 

He went back to his cabin after that for a shower- he could feel his energy just draining away by the minute and his pain was worsening and he knew he'd probably be unable to shower comfortably soon. He knew he'd probably need his wheelchair for a few days. And he knew camp was absolutely fucking terrible to navigate in a wheelchair. Tables were too low or too high, the apparently flat ground was bumpy and he kept almost tipping out every time he hit a bump, uncut grass kept snagging in his wheels, he couldn't reach a lot of stuff, and the ramps- the ramps were so fucking steep Nico was practically sisyphus reborn but instead of pushing a boulder up a hill it was Nico trying to push himself up a goddamn ramp just to use the bathrooms. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. Nico was scrawny- strong yes, but malnourished and disabled. Pushing himself up those bumpy steep accessibility ramps made him want to tear the whole thing up and scream. And then the doors- wide enough for a wheelchair yes. But not wide enough when someone's arms are at the sides trying to push themselves through it. Nico's arms were so scraped and grazed already from the doors- which were heavy and did not stay open, trying to close and hitting him repeatedly, and then there was so little room to actually manoeuvre anywhere. Nico was losing his mind. And then his cabin- well that was just steps, of course he had to struggle up them.

So despite knowing he should probably use his chair today, he kept to his walker. He was in so much pain and he knew he should be in his cabin or in his chair but it was so much hassle at camp and any time he complained somebody was always there to tell him that camp was fully accessible for people with real disabilities. He was sick of it. Sick of people defining his disability, his accessibility, his capabilities, his limits- sick of people seeing his mobility aids as a burden to Nico. Because no, they weren't a burden to him. They were helping him to fucking move. He needed them and he wanted them. He didn't care if people kept telling him they were unattractive or how much more amazing his life would be if he just tried to walk. Bitch he didn't owe anything to anybody, he didn't have to put himself through pain just to be somebody's inspiration porn. And worse- whenever Nico called someone out, rather than apologising and listening, they'd wax poetic about how much of a good ally they were trying to help and how Nico was being ungrateful.

When Nico emerged from his shower, he was surprised to see Will Solace sitting on his bed- Nico blushed a little, but he was even more surprised to see his walker completely covered in yellow smiley face stickers. "Will?"

"I know people really suck," Will said, "and I know you feel like the odd one out and I know you get insecure because you're tired of everyone's bullshit. So I just- I wanted to remind you that it's all okay. Something to make you smile. Also I wanted you to know that I don't see your mobility aids as ugly or tragic like they all think I do. And I like putting stickers on all my favourite things and- your walker helps you to be in less pain and that's important to me. I don't care if it's bulky or if it's always in our photos. It's a part of you, kind of, and I love and accept all of you, and I hope the stickers don't come across as me trying to improve the walker and make it less ugly and if it does let me know so I can apologise and stuff…" Will trailed off, glowing nervously, in a way that Nico found endearing.

"Thank you," Nico said softly, "for trying to cheer me up, for not- treating me like a burden- for always trying to make me feel like I'm worthy of love."

"You are, Nico," Will said softly, "you're a person, a good person, you deserve to be respected and loved and you deserve the world, okay? And I can't give you the world but I can be cheesy and put my favourite stickers on your stuff to try make you smile. And maybe think of me when you feel sad and you look down at the floor. Because then when you're sad and you look down on the floor you'll see the happy smiley stickers and that's me reminding you that I love you and accept every part of you and assholes can fuck off and shut up. I know a few stickers won't fix everything but I hope it at least makes you feel less alone."

"Will…" Nico knew his angsty demeanor was completely melting. He could feel the heat in his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry if I'm not helping very much…"

"You fucken dork," Nico smiled, making his way to Will. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetcheeks."

"Call me that again and I'll rip your face off," Nico laughed.

"Sure thing. Sweetcheeks." Nico laughed. If Nico was uncomfortable with a pet name, he'd always say so, seriously. He'd communicated this with Will- threats were playful banter in response to cheesy nicknames, and meant he was okay with them. Will knew Nico wasn't uncomfortable and trusted that Nico would communicate if he was. Will rested his hands on Nico's hips, and Nico moved them up to his waist instead. "Sorry," Will said sheepishly, "is that a no-go always or just right now?"

"I'm not sure, Nico answered honestly, "I just felt a little uncomfortable because your hands were so close to my ass and my junk. I think maybe I'd be okay with you holding my hips when I'm not on edge, but wait until I give you the okay to do so? I'll move your hands where I want them to be."

"Of course, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable." Nico leaned down to kiss Will softly, and Will still looked guilty. 

"Will, I'm not upset. You haven't crossed my boundaries. I trust you. I know that if you get handsy I can just push you away and I know we'll always talk about it. Relax and kiss me. I'm grumpy and I want to be carried to campfire later."

"You mean you want to feel my muscles whilst I carry you?"

"Shut up," Nico blushed, letting his fringe fall over his face, "but yes. I have a gorgeous boyfriend, why wouldn't I take the time to appreciate that once in a while?"

"I'm jealous of your boyfriend," Will joked, and Nico snorted. 

"Fucking dork. Wanna make my day and take me out for lunch?"

"Of course I do! But out of curiosity how much do my chances of kisses-"

"Sleaze," Nico joked.

"I'm kidding, Neeks. Even if I didn't ever get kisses I'd still love you and go out with you. You don't owe me kisses."

"I know," Nico smiled, "I trust you and your self control."

"What about my intentions?"

"Will. You're a teenage boy. So am I. Of course I don't trust your intentions," Nico joked, and Will snorted and glowed.

"Okay okay I want so badly to tell you you're wrong," he giggled, followed by "but seriously. My intentions are to make you happy, not to get in your pants. I mean I won't deny that my mind is very familiar with being in the gutter but I respect you and your body and your consent and your worth as a person. My dirty mind is my responsibility not yours. We're kids, casual dates and kisses are more than enough."

"Will, I love you and I know this," Nico smiled, "It's okay to joke about these things and have these feelings. I don't feel pressured by you at all. It's fun getting you all flustered and riled up. But I do appreciate that you always respect me and I do appreciate that you always clarify that I'm enough. But we've already had these serious talks, it's okay to joke about and talk about it. It's kinda flattering. You're my boyfriend. I'm comfortable with your feelings for me and I'm comfortable enough with you to know how much you respect me and love me."

"Does this mean I can stare at that ass in training?"

"Will. Do you really think I'm not purposely teasing you when you come to watch me train? With the tight leggings and my hair in a bun? Taking my top off?"

"Wait what." Will was staring, dumbfounded. He was bright red to the tips of his ears and glowing. Nico smirked. He liked teasing Will. 

"I know you like it," he admitted, "consider it my treat."

"Neeks you don't have to put yourself on display and wear things for my benefit, my feelings are my respo-"

"Will. Shush. I know you're being respectful and I love that about you but have you thought that I like knowing I make you feel like that? I do it because I want to. Not because you'd like me to. But I like flustering you. I love it when you finally allow yourself to stare at me and you have to excuse yourself. It's fun, it's harmless. We're not crossing any boundaries by flirting. You're allowed to like my body. You don't make me uncomfortable and I'd say if you did. Relax. I like it when I catch you staring at me. When you're eager to kiss me. It makes me feel wanted. I like feeling sexy and wanted. I like knowing that my boyfriend finds me attractive. This is your permission to shamelessly stare at me and think about me. I know you won't cross my boundaries or make me uncomfortable or try to rush our relationship until we're old enough. You're a perfect gentleman but Will please be at least a little selfish sometimes? You can stare at me and you can ask for kisses. It's okay to be needy. It's okay to want kisses. It's okay to want- well, me, things, relationship stuff! I know you're trying to make sure I'm comfortable and happy. But Will. For gods sakes that doesn't mean you gotta act like a monk or something. It isn't a bad thing to be selfish and ask for kisses. You don't need to feel guilty for wanting to kiss your boyfriend. You don't have to wait for me. Just kiss me. Just grab me in the mornings and pull me behind the infirmary and pin me against the wall kiss me silly. Just pull me close of an evening and kiss me slow and hot just the way you like it. I'd tell you if I wasn't in the mood for kisses."

"O-okay!" Will looked like a very radioactive tomato. His blotchy red blush was reaching down his neck and he was glowing like crazy.

"Well?"

"Well w-what?"

"You're dense, Solace," Nico huffed, yanking Will to his feet and kissing him hard. "Kiss me and don't hold back. I trust you won't take it too far."

"O-okay! Yes! I can totally do that! The kiss of your life-"

"Will, stop being adorable! Shut up and kiss me like you mean it-" Will seemed to finally get the message and engage his last brain cell, and gods, Nico could die like this, because Will was a filthy kisser, and gods, Nico loved it. 

Nico didn't feel like the odd one out with Will. Instead, Will made him feel like he was his whole world, one in seven billion. Will made him feel special and wanted and loved. 

-

-

[Taglist: @spencerwritestuff @i-am-triple-a @minty-ships @fullobjectcreation] {you can ask to be added/removed! Also yes you can rb if you aren't on here}

[geometricalien]

U bet I'm gonna ask for my boys Aomine & Kagami!!

Hey!!!!!! I will gladly talk about your boys!! I LOVE YOU, thank you for the ask sweetheart <3

Kagami

Why I like them - He’s great, just great. His fire and passion. The fact that he gets so excited about playing a match that he can’t fall asleep. He’s scared of doggos, that’s adorable! His extra two toned hair and split eyebrows. The fact that he’s just so cool. I think about him growing up gay in california alot. God what a great character, so much to play with

Why I don’t - I j-just said that I like him?? OH I don’t like the fact that he leaves after The Last Game (I do though because it creates a fun long distance dynamic which could be fun for ships, you know long distance pining and then a reunion at long last, but I also hate it which I will get in below)

Favorite episode (scene if movie) - Hmmm I’m not sure… I don’t think I can pin point an exact episode, I really love his moves in the Seirin vs Rakuzan match, like covering the key like Akashi did and when Akashi steps in he steps back and passes the ball off because thats a hard nope, the moment he fucking dunks on Akashi with Meteor Jam. I love seeing him in the zone, it's so entertaining

Favorite season/movie - Maybe the first season?? Because you are still getting introduced to him and who he is as a character

Favorite line - “Life is all about challenges, there’s no point in living if there’s no one strong to play with, it’s better if I can’t win.”  (tell me that him and Aomine aren’t soulmates, I dare you, they are literally foils for each other, they truly understand each other and complete each other)

Favorite outfit - I don’t remember if it's when he leaves for training in America or he leaves to go back to America, but he’s wearing a hoodie and headphones. Those headphones make him feel so real?? You know??? I want to know what he listens to

OTP - AoKaga

Brotp - (can I say AoKaga again??? fjdsaljf) If not, Kagami and Himuro, obviously jfdklaj

Head Canon - After his mom died (maybe she left?) Kagami took it on to learn how to cook because his dad worked late. He still can’t get her katsudon quite right. 

Unpopular opinion (I don’t really have an unpopular opinion, so this is kinda a surprising Head Canon) - Kuroko would successfully get him used to dogs and then he would adopt 2 big ole doggos

A wish - I really hope he makes it into the NBA, its my favorite career for him

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen - Leave Japan after The Last Game…. OKAY HEAR ME OUT, what happens if Kagami leaves? Huh? If we are being frank here, Seirin doesn’t do well at nationals (assuming they qualify if they don’t go against other GOM teams) because yeah, they got like 2nd in Nationals when it was just the senpais, but we have the monsters from Teiko now and without another monster to combat them in some way it's a landslide in points. But Rachel, Kuroko is a GoM! You’re right! And he would definitely help them get points, but my point still stands, Kuroko is a support/booster who can’t even be in the entire match. AND THEN they won’t be able to beat Touou, at all! AND THEN IT WILL ONLY BE WORSE WHEN THE GOM ARE 3rD YEARS! Secondly, Aomine…. I fear the fact that they separate from each other. Because it's so easy for Aomine to slip back into his depression, But Rachel, Kise is still in Japan! He would be a good competition for Aomine! You are right, that’s assuming he actually could beat him But Kise has finally broken the ideology that Aomine is special and can’t be copied! And I say again, you are right. Give me this fic. I want this fic. Please make your words a reality, otherwise I won’t accept this. Because Aomine will be left alone with no strong fiery companion to fight against, and it's easy to slip into old thought habits when your brain follows the same path… SO PLEASE SEND ME A LINK TO A AOKISE FIC WITH THIS PREMISE

5 words to best describe them - Passionate. Stupid. Heart-of-gold. Determined. Tiger-man.

My nickname for them - ….. Kagami…. I know I’m so smart. Besides that, Basketball Idiot #1

Aomine

Why I like them - Have you seen him??? He’s so hot and slick, I fall in love a bit and bit more when I watch him play basketball. No but really, I love his more childlike innocent playful side. Even when he’s sarcastic slinging an arm over his boyfriend Kagami’s shoulder. Like, What are you doing here bitch? He’s fun, and has a lot of depth

Why I don’t - He’s crass?? Like in irl, I would either be deeply scandalized by him or he would make me laugh uncontrollably while transforming into a tomato, no inbetween

Favorite episode (scene if movie) - I think… oooo, I really love the first 1 on 1 between him and Kagami, “Your light is too dim” because he was looking for a light for himself too. Someone who would push himself to being better, to bring him out of the darkness. BUT, him in the zone and dancing with Kagami is also really good. I watch those amvs every other week

Favorite season/movie - hmmm the second Seirin vs Touou match, BECAUSE THEY’RE DANCING, THEY COULD DANCE ALL DAY try to catch me try to catch me, im sorry I had to

Favorite line - “That’s it, show some spirit so you can entertain me, even a little.” The sexual tension when he drops his arm over Kagami’s shoulder, and like… that’s definitely something you could read in a smut fic jfdklsj

Favorite outfit - HIS ASS KICKING OUTFIT. I love his parka 

OTP - AoKaga

Brotp - AOMINE AND MOMOI!!!! THE BEST OF FRIENDS, I THINK ABOUT THEM PLAYING IN SANDBOXES AND ON THE BASKETBALL COURT AS BABIES AND MY HEART GETS SOFT

Head Canon - He fell down a lot as a child and has many scars on his legs. 

Unpopular opinion (I don’t really have an unpopular opinion, so this is kinda a surprising Head Canon)- I guess, he plays 1 on 1s with Kagami every Saturday at sunset and they go to Maji afterwards until it causes a hefty dent in his wallet and hangs off of Kagami to get him to cook for him. Also, they get some other GoM’s to join in their weekly fun matches, Kuroko, Kise, and Momoi

A wish - He also goes to NBA :)))

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen - He fucks up his leg and isn’t able to play basketball anymore, too tragic for me to even think about

5 words to best describe them - Depressed. Let-down. Child-like. Intense. Feral energy.

My nickname for them - Ahomine (yes I stole it) and Basketball Idiot #2

[faiasakura]

long live all the magic we made 

a kent pov jackparse endgame playlist that takes us through their friendship, breakup, and reconnection click here to listen on spotify!

Act 1 – The Golden Age (until it wasn’t)

1. A Place in this World – Kent entering the Quebec Junior Major Hockey League.

I'm alone, on my own And that's all I know, I'll be strong, I'll be wrong Oh, but life goes on Oh, I'm just a girl Trying to find a place in this world

2. Sparks Fly – the electric meeting between Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world But with you I know it’s no good 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

3. Fearless – the unstoppable Zimmermann-Parson duo

And I don't know how it gets better than this You take my hand and drag me headfirst Fearless

4. Dress – sneaking around in the Q

Our secret moments in a crowded room They've got no idea about me and you

All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you

Say my name and everything just stops I don't want you like a best friend

5. Cornelia Street – making memories that will come back to haunt

We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead Leading us home

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

6. Eyes Open – Juniors is still major league hockey

The tricky thing Is yesterday we were just children Playing soldiers just pretending Dreaming dreams with happy endings In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords But now we've stepped into a cruel world Where everybody stands and keeps score

7. Mean – fuck you media pt.1, we keep dreaming

Someday I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever gonna be is mean

8. State of Grace – they make magic on and off the ice

You're my Achilles heel This is the golden age of something good And right and real

9. Change – one set back isn’t a final loss

Because these things will change Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down It's a revolution, the time will come For us to finally win

10. Long Live – winning the Memorial Cup

Long live the walls we crashed through All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made" And bring on all the pretenders I'm not afraid

11. I’m Only Me When I’m With You – codependence

I'm only up when you're not down Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground It's like no matter what I do Well, you drive me crazy half the time The other half I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you

12. Both of Us (B.o.B. feat Taylor Swift) – how do we help the ones we love?

I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us

13. Wonderland – the lead up to the overdose

We found wonderland You and I got lost in it And we pretended it could last forever, eh

14. Out Of The Woods – the overdose

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet?

Act 2 – The Fragile Line Broken

15. The Lucky One – fame and fortune isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

And they tell you that you're lucky But you're so confused 'Cause you don't feel pretty You just feel used And all the young things line up to take your place

Another name goes up in lights You wonder if you'll make it out alive

16. Forever & Always – stage of grief: shock and denial  

Oh, I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called And then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all And you flashback to when we said forever and always

17. Cruel Summer – stage of grief: pain and guilt

So cut the headlights Summer's a knife I'm always waiting for you Just to cut to the bone

18. Me! (feat Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco) – stage of grief: anger

I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh I know I never think before I jump And you're the kind of guy the ladies want (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go

19. All Too Well – stage of grief: depression

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

20. Haunted – first confrontation at Samwell

Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted

Stood there and watched you walk away From everything we had But I still mean every word I said to you

21. Last Kiss – stage of grief: depression

So I'll go sit on the floor Wearing your clothes All that I know is that I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss Never imagined we'd end like this Your name, forever the name on my lips

22. Death By A Thousand Cuts – stage of grief: back to denial

I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier still flickering here 'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not It's death by a thousand cuts

23.The Story of Us – stepping into the Epikegster

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us How we met and the sparks flew instantly People would say, "they're the lucky ones"

Now I'm standing alone In a crowded room And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah

24. The Archer – fight at Epikegster

Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

25. The Last Time (feat. Gary Lightbody) – the unheard plea at Epikegster

This is the last time I'm asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I'm asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye

26. Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat) – newfound grief

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie, It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see 'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down, Now I don't know what to be without you around

27. Red – stage of grief: (attempts at an) upward turn

Remembering him comes in flashbacks And echoes Tell myself it's time now Gotta let go But moving on from him is impossible

28. Sad Beautiful Tragic – stage of grief: acceptance

We had a beautiful magic love there What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

Act 3 – This Love Came Back To Me – the canon divergent pimms endgame

29. New Romantics – LV Aces vs the world

'Cause, baby, I could build a castle Out of all the bricks they threw at me And every day is like a battle But every night with us is like a dream

30. Shake It Off – fuck the media pt 2, ignore them bitches

But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop grooving It's like I got this music in my mind saying it's gonna be alright

31. You Need To Calm Down – fuck the media pt 3, possible coming out

You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate 'Cause shade never made anybody less gay

32. Holy Ground – parse in a better place

Tonight I'm gonna dance Like you were in this room But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you

33. Gorgeous –thirsty for Jack and his glow up

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine You've ruined my life, by not being mine

You're so gorgeous I can't say anything to your face 'Cause look at your face

34. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince – stuck in old patterns

And I don't want you to (go) I don't really wanna (fight) 'Cause nobody's gonna (win) I just thought you should know

And I'll never let you (go) 'Cause I know this is a (fight) That someday we're gonna (win)

35. Delicate – reconnection and insecurity

We can't make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate

36. Wildest Dreams – hookup, not daring to hope for more

His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever Say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend

37. New Year’s Day – the fragility of beginning again

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

38. End Game (feat. Ed Sheeran & Future) – what Kent has always wanted

I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A Team

39. This Love – together again

This love is good This love is bad This love is alive  back from the dead, oh These hands had to let it go free And this love came back to me,

40. Everything Has Changed (feat. Ed Sheeran) – approach a happy ending

All I know is, you held the door You'll be mine and I'll be yours All I know since yesterday, yeah Is everything has changed

41. Lover – the ever after

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever) You're my, my, my, my lover I’ve spent almost a year working on this playlist and have so many thoughts still. Feel free to talk to me on tumblr, discord, or wherever else you can find me.

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

[artificialqueens]

They Don't Love You Like I Love You 4/? (katlaska) - kamylove

“There is absolutely no factual or metaphorical fucking going on.” Not yet, anyway. Or, Katya and Alaska take the slow train.

It helps Alaska to know she’ll be seeing Katya soon, to know she’ll be able to look into Katya’s eyes with no camera in between, to make sure sure Katya’s as okay as she claims in the days after their phone call. Not that she’s ever known Katya to lie about her mental health; Katya’s more open about it than almost anyone. It’s just that Alaska knows what it’s like to lie to herself.

And Katya hasn’t been dumping her entire psyche on the internet as often lately, so there’s less information to go on.

Alaska turns down the offer of a ride from the airport. Instead, she waits 83 minutes for Katya’s plane to arrive, and buys an iced coffee the way Katya likes it, to take to the gate.

She doesn’t get a chance to hand it over. Katya walks right up to Alaska, pulls her close, and buries her face in Alaska’s neck.

Alaska hugs back, careful not to spill the coffee. “Hey,” she says, and Katya sighs like she’s put down a heavy load.

Are you okay is such an empty question. Alaska says, “Missed you,” instead.

Katya squeezes her tighter and just breathes. Alaska rests her cheek on Katya’s head and they stay that way for a long time, just two gay boys in the sea of travelers that, for these few moments, is passing them by.

<><><>

“I really am okay,” Katya says, as they head to baggage claim. “It’s just nice to have someone who won’t judge me.”

“I judge you for all sorts of things,” Alaska says. “Like that fucking raccoon.”

Katya, waving her drink around in a way that often leads to a big mess, fakes an insulted gasp. Alaska laughs and takes the cup away from her, just in case.

“That fucking raccoon is my best friend!” Katya says. “Don’t insult her, she’ll hear!”

“Is she in your backpack? Is she listening right now?”

“No, but we share a deep, devoted, psychic link.”

“That makes it even more-”

“I lied,” Katya says. She stops without warning in the middle of the concourse, annoying the family behind them.

“What?” Alaska says. Usually she can follow Katya just fine, these days.

Katya looks her in the eye. “I’m a shitty liar. I don’t care who judges me. I just wanted it to be you.”

Alaska feels something warm and unexpected bloom in her chest. Honestly, it hadn’t crossed her mind to question why Katya had called. “I’m glad,” she says. “I’m glad you called and I’m glad I could help.”

Katya smiles at her, and they keep walking.

<><><>

They are, thankfully, not performing that night, so it’s almost the reverse of that first night in Aspen: room service, a couple movies, and Katya falling asleep sooner than either of them expects. Alaska watches her sleep longer than she thinks she should.

In the middle of the night Alaska hears a text notification on her phone, and decides to ignore it. But a few minutes later the phone actually rings and she reaches for it blindly, moving nothing but her arm.

It’s Roxxxy, who must have just arrived, and who sounds wide awake. “Where are you? I went to your room. Are you in there and being rude?”

“I’m in Katya’s,” Alaska says without thinking.

“Really?” Roxxxy says. “You and Katya? You might be skinny bitches, but that’s just hot.”

Katya stirs and throws an arm over Alaska, but Alaska, not wanting to wake her, slips out of bed and into the bathroom.

“It’s not like that,” Alaska says. “She needed a friend. I fell asleep.” It isn’t true; she’d never intended to leave. But she’s not ready to open it up to questioning.

“Okay,” Roxxxy drawls. “So, how many times have you fallen asleep in Katya’s room?”

“Oh, my God,” Alaska groans. “Leave me alone.”

Roxxxy’s still laughing when Alaska hangs up.

<><><>

It’s a short series of shows on the East Coast, just a couple weeks, with most of the All Stars 2 girls. They know each other so well by now that they can just relax and have fun and make people laugh.

Katya can’t even explain to herself what a relief it is to have Alaska there. She loves all the girls, and she’s happy to have them around, too. They keep her busy and entertained. They’re family.

But it’s so nice, and so easy, to have somebody who can keep up with her no matter what, somebody who won’t ask her to slow down or repeat. Their brains spark off each other, like fireworks. If left to their own devices, which happens more and more lately, they’ll take off down a rabbit hole and look up to find hours have passed.

All the Ru girls are smart. Many of them are brilliant. But there aren’t many who are as quick as Alaska.

They rewatch Katya’s episode of Hey Qween together, and Alaska laughs and laughs at how shell-shocked Jonny looks. “You broke him!” she says.

Katya preens. “ADD is my superpower.”

“You can leap 20 topics in a single bound,” Alaska says.

Katya preens some more, but she can’t keep it up. She laughs instead, flailing a bit for effect.

“It’s disturbing how easy it is for me to follow you now,” Alaska says.

“Agreed,” Katya says. “I worry about you.”

“When did I start liking you so much?” Alaska asks.

“I have no idea,” Katya says, “because I am a heartless, hateful bitch. And I’ve never even eaten you out, which is usually what makes me so popular.”

<><><>

Katya: dinosaur

Alaska: bat

Alaska: You are sitting three feet away from me.

Katya: spoilsport

Alaska: harmony

Katya: turnip

Alaska: cowboy

Katya: Czechoslovakian

Katya: eclair

Alaska: jerky

<><><>

Alaska colors in pages from Katya’s coloring book, making them as garish as her imagination can come up with. She likes to practice keeping a straight face when she hands them to Katya, who always pretends to be offended.

“I really question your taste level,” Katya says.

Alaska just gives her another.

<><><>

“So, Miss Alaska,” Alyssa asks her while they’re in line at Starbucks. “Tell me the truth. What is going on with you and Katya?”

“I hate her guts,” Alaska says. “Everyone knows that.”

“All right, all right, if that’s the way you want to play it. But there’s something there.” She points at Alaska’s eyes, and then her own, with two fingers. “I can see it.”

“Well, then, you need to explain to me what that is,” Alaska says, “because I don’t see it.”

Alyssa makes an Alyssa face, but it quickly shifts to something more more mischievous as she says, “She likes you, too, you know.”

Alaska groans. “Will you stop?”

“Okay, I’ll drop it,” Alyssa says. “I can take a hint.”

“Since when?” Alaska asks.

“You shady bitch,” Alyssa says cheerfully.

“If you want drama, you’re going to have to stir it up yourself,” Alaska says. “Try Phi Phi.”

“Ooh,” Alyssa says. “Seriously shady bitch.”

<><><>

“Tell me the truth,” Ginger says quietly, as she and Katya touch up their faces in the same mirror during a show. “I already know you’re sharing rooms.”

“Friends with room sharing benefits?” Katya says.

“Is that the only benefit?”

“Is having access to her wig wardrobe a benefit?”

“You tell me,” Ginger says.

“Honey,” Katya says. “Look at this tragic thing I am wearing.” It’s intentionally ugly, to go with the rest of her look, and she twirls to show it off. “What do you think?”

“Tell me you don’t have a fetish for those long, blond locks?” Ginger asks suspiciously.

“Is not fetish,” Katya says in her Russian accent. “Is obsession. Why you cannot keep straight?”

“Ain’t nothing straight about that,” Ginger says.

<><><>

Alaska: pogo stick

Katya: You’re sitting three feet away from me.

Katya: cactus

Katya: fossil

Alaska: artichoke

Alaska: talent

Katya: Alaska

Alaska: That’s cheating.

“What the fuck are they doing now?” Detox asks.

Tatianna says, “I don’t even want to know.”

<><><>

After the tour, half of the girls, including Katya, are off to Europe for a month, and the rest, including Alaska, go their separate ways.

Alaska has a week in LA and too many things to squeeze in: meetings, interviews, a recording session, dry cleaning. But Willam talks her into going out by saying, “Support your local queens,” which Alaska can never resist.

Standing there, cranberry juice in hand, sighing the occasional autograph as Willam flirts with everyone in a twenty-foot radius, Alaska has trouble keeping her mind on the show. The drag is good, and she claps and cheers and tips, but she reluctantly admits to herself that it’s not where she wants to be.

She’s home so rarely now that she feels out of touch. But she doesn’t think that’s the real problem.

“What’s with you?” Willam asks eventually. “You’re a real downer tonight.”

Alaska just shrugs.

“It’s not right, working as much as you do. You need to say fuck it sometimes.”

“Fuck it,” Alaska says.

“Weren’t you seeing a guy?” Willam says. “The one with the glasses? He was hot. I would have done him.”

“That was months ago,” Alaska says. “I don’t know. He was nice, but he couldn’t hold my attention, you know?”

“Been there, done that,” Willam says.

(A long time later, Katya will say, “You’ve held my attention for at least .09 seconds, which is impressive considering my average is .03,” and Alaska will say, “I’m three times more interesting than average!” and Katya will look at her like she’s an idiot and say, “Duh. Everybody knows that.”)

<><><>

Alaska stays just long enough after the show to say nice things to all the performers, and to demand that Willam give her phone back. (“Be in the moment,” Willam had said. Alaska had rolled her eyes.) She’s performed here many times; she knows where all the exits are, so she sneaks out while Willam’s not looking.

When she turns the phone back on, on the way to her car, she finds just two texts from Katya, which is a surprise.

“Bored. Lonely. Bored,” says the first, and “Need constant entertainment,” says the second.

Alaska facetimes her, and finds Katya just waking up, her hair sticking out in all directions.

“You need a constant audience,” Alaska says.

“That too!” Katya says, pointing her finger at the screen like Alaska’s said something earth shattering.

“Trade?” Alaska asks.

Katya makes a face. “Not that kind of audience,” she says. “Or that kind of lonely.”

Alaska knows exactly what she means.

[sweetblink]

Prompts list #1

- Riverdale 

- The Gifted

- Chicago Fire

- Chicago PD

- Chicago Med

#1. “Dude, what the hell?”… “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it just came out.”

#2. “Tragic, that was just tragic.”

#3. “That reeks disaster… let’s do it.”

#4. “We’re so gonna get caught, and I’m blame it on you.”… “Hey, you said you wanted to do this, therefore it’s not my fault.”

#5. “Suck my d*ck.”… “I honestly don’t know what to tell you man, you keep saying suck your d*ck as an offensive line, but like, are you lowkey gay for them?”

#6.  "I have no soul, you should know this by now!“

#7. "Let’s work on a prank.”… “We’re gonna get caught.”

#8. “I wanna tell him/her how much I love them, but what difference would it make?”… “Don’t give up.”

#9. “Okay, you needa get over yourself, you ain’t that special hunnie.”

#10. “We’re not getting the f*cking onsies!”… *hour later* “We got the f*cking onsies.”

#11. “How DARE YOU! You…YOU MONSTER!”… “How am I the monster? Is this because I said I haven’t seen the Lion King?”

#12. “It’s pretty much guaranteed that I could trip on air, so yeah, I’m that clumsy.”… “That’s just cute, and sad.”

#13. “You should’ve came with a warning, cause it’s crazy how you make all these sexual jokes.”… “I actually did come with a warning.”

#14. “You started this series without me?”… “Uh, sorry?” … “I can’t even look at you.”

#15. “Hey, you know I love you, right?”… “Alright, what did you do?”

#16. “Babe, Marvel or DC?”

#17. “Either you leave this room, or shut up your trap and watch the show/movie in silence.”… “Geez, and you say I’m the mean one.”

#18. “Dude, you have a food baby.”… “Yeah, I know.”

#19. “What the hell is wrong with you! You don’t fucking skip Bohemian Rhapsody!”

#20. “Journey or Queen?”… “Honestly, I’m about to beat you up for even asking me that.”

#21. “I’m done with you!”… “What?” … “You just ruined my dramatic exit, thanks a lot.”

#22. “I sacrificed so much for you, and this is how you repay me?”… “I’m so sorry…”

#23. “Are you blushing?”… “Noooo, I just look like a bright red tomato, of course I am you idiot!”

#24. “Code Red, we have a code red.” … “What does Code Red, even mean?”… “See this is why you’re not my best friend.”

#25. “I still love her/him.”… “Yeah, kinda figured out when I caught you both locking lips together.”

#26. “I wish I can hurt you the same you hurt me, but I can’t, because this feeling is something I wish for no one to feel, ever!”

#27. “How did we even end up here.”… “I don’t know you said to run, and we ran like a chicken with no head.”

#28. “Oh yes, I’m bilingual. I speak bitch too.”

#29. “Usually it’s the girl stealing the guy’s shirt, so why are you stealing mine?”

#30. “Oh kaay, I’m pretend I didn’t see you dress like a girl, I am just, I’m just gonna go back to sleep.”

#31. “Why are you on the floor.” … “Oh I don’t know, maybe it’s because my bf/gf kicked me off the fucking bed!”

#32. “You walk out that door, and I promise you, I won’t be here when you come back.”

#33. “I’m fluent in Sarcasm, Cussing, and occasional French.”

#34. “Alright listen up losers, I hid Nerf guns all around, I made up a scavenger hunt to find them, when the clock says times up, we’re all meeting here, and we’re gonna have an epic Nerf gun fight.”

#35. “Come sit on my lap.”… “Or I can just sit on your face.”… “What?”… “Huh?”

#36. “I gave the most important day for you, only for you to deceive me, I’m so disappointed in myself. ”

#37. “I’m afraid that maybe one day, we’re gonna fall out of love. That one day I won’t be good enough for you.”

#38. “I will never be someone’s second, in fact if you even have have to think about who to pick, then don’t bother choosing me.”

#39. “My specialty is quoting songs, and movies in the most awkward situations ever.”

#40. “RuPaul called, and told me to tell you that your make up is a disgrace.”

#41. “So not only did you cheat on me, but you also lied and used me?”… “I’m sorry.”

#42. “Puh-lease, your go to karaoke song is Aqua’s Barbie Girl.”… “Shut up! We agreed that was a secret!”

#43. “She’s/He’s a mess.”… “Guuurl.”

#44. “Put the book down, and give me attention.”… “No, I’m in the best part of the book!”

#45. “She’s/He’s happy right now, and I’m not going to mess that up, simply because of what I feel. I rather sacrifice my happiness, than to see them in pain of knowing they can’t give me what I want.”

#46.“I still don’t understand why people think you’re some type of angel, you’re literally the devil.”… “Shut up, I’m a sweet innocent angel.”

#47. “Dude, why are you singing?”… “I’m bored, so leave me alone.”

#48. “Love is like a Russian Roulette game, it can either make you feel so alive, or kill you.”

#49. “I love paranormal things.”… “And this is why she/he, scare the living shit out of me.”

#50. “Here’s the thing that set us apart. You only know her/his favorite color, but I know why it’s her/his favorite color, you know her/his favorite movie, but I know why it’s her/his favorite movie, you may know what her/his favorite things are, but you’ll never exactly why its their favorite.”

[kadyshackkk-blog]

Final Reckoning Episode One Review plus a little info from seasons past.

Hello World! Mtv’s Hit The Challenge Returned Tuesday July 10, 2018 at 9pm! This season is “the end of the challenge as we know it”. Which as of right now I’m calling total b.s. since well mtv the last few season has been “recreating” older seasons ie; The Challenge Invasion of the champions, a very sad and terrible attempt to recreate the iconic The Ruins. Then we went into Dirty 30, the longest season in existence and a horrible rip off of Free Agents which in my opinion was the last great season of the show. In the dirty 30 we had something called the purge aka lets fuck Darrell over and allow a bunch of idiots to run the show. Yes I am still bitter because Darrell was robbed out of a title that season and instead our winners were a racist and an anti feminist douche lord, I mean Camila and Jordan. Then we slide into Vendettas after that tragic second season of Champs V stars, which we won’t even talk about since it was a bunch of d list celebrities who i didnt even know and well the terrell owens aka the biggest bitch in the nfl. Moving along, on Vendettas we received a much needed invasion of new people from big brother and mtv uk! Be warned I have never watched mtv Uk shows or any big brother so I had zero idea who these people were but I was excited to see them! We also got from season 5 of are you the one Kam, Eddie, and Alicia. I loved that season of ayto and the people they chose to come onto vendettas made total sense. But what didn’t make any sense at all was the poor get rid of eddie they did. Now I will only say this once and the source that told me this is very credible since he was on their season of ayto he also doesn’t like either person involved however he dislikes eddie more. Simple fact is Alicia Lied, plan and simple. There was never a restraining order or anything of that nature. You can look it up online its public information in every state. Moving on from that, the additions from the uk were all very attractive, and before you gasp and say even Kyle?! Yes even Kyle , I feel like he looks better in person then he does on tv. The fights that season we’re beyond annoying . This was my face anytime Kailah or nicole spoke or were on my tv screen  

I give them both a chance every season they are on but they always make me regret giving said chance. The luggage throwing incident pissed me the fuck off. & Before you all go WeLL cArA dID iT To JOrdAn guess what she put a waterproof bag of his clothes in water omg get over it. Jemmeye Kailah & Britni Ganged up on kayleigh because of a rumor about her and bananas that Devin started to get Johnny thrown into elimination. It was not okay, it is never okay to touch someone elses belongings ever. I do not care, her stuff was broken and none of the actual apologized for it. 

Now for what you came for my review of the Challenge Final Reckoning Episode 1

First off I was hoping this season was a team season sadly it was just a rip off of the Rivals series which was only decent for rivals 1 and 2. Rivals 3 was ridiculous and a waste of time and energy. In the beginning we see everyone show up and Tj is all like guess what your partner is buried and you have to find them! oh and the last two teams will be sent home ending their time in south africa. Me as a view knowing damn well tj is full of shit 

We see Zach dig up his partner Amanda first. Listen I was very excited to hear that Amanda was coming back this season! I really was until all the twitter beef with cara, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you know exactly what I am talking about. (hint him and amanda won the challenge wooooooooh)

Here is everyones partnerships.

Zach & Amanda; Their beef seems a little forced since it’s about Amanda “making up” lies about jenna that even jenna confirmed was true. This team will go far if Zach learns how to work well with women.

Angela & Faith; I honestly don’t understand their beef, really over tor’i really. irrelevant ass team. Angela doesn’t have that same energy she did with Alicia when it comes to Shane and Kam. They won’t go far unless someone (cough cough angela sleeps with someone in power, pulling a veronica in the ruins when she hooked up with my favorite toothbrush twin evan.)

Dj Bald I mean Brad & hair plugs pathological liar I mean kyle; THIS TEAM MAKES ZERO SENSE YALL DEADASS MADE SOME SHIT UP. UHM HELLOOO DARRELL TAYLOR DID NOT WHOOP THAT ASS ON THE RUINS FOR ZERO REASON. Like mtv please stop calling kyle , he literally makes me want to stab him daily.

Cara & Marie; Listen these two have serious dislike for each other over a fucking tweet cara liked & it makes sense they are together. I honestly think this team will do well if Marie Actually fucking tries which i think she will. Tbh marie did campaign to be caras Partner.. However I feel like we as viewers deserved a coral cara team. Those two are both very strong women who need to work out their issues and become civil because I personally love them both.

Ct & Veronica; An og team, ct called v weak but she won more daily challenges then the majority of the girls on dirty 30 . A team to actually fear if they try and win 

Derrick & Tori; Yasssss my boo derrick is back!!!!!! Don’t tell tyler but i adore derrick and think hes amazing. I really like tori as well but her taste in men is just as questionable as mine. Back story tori cheated on derrick with jordan. therefor they don’t like each other.

Bananas & ??? : THIS LITERALLY COULD BE ANYBODY. I’m hoping its sarah so he can break his curse and retire because honestly no one can touch his record unless Landon came out of retirement or if production doesn’t keep fucking over darrell

Joss & Sylvia the sheep; Joss is Hot , and he voted sheep into the elimination and she got mad. damn well knowing she would’ve done the same thing. they do great.

Kam & Melissa; I love this team, this “rivalry” started over a misunderstanding I’m hoping they do well...

Natalie & Paulie; I don’t care enough to waste my time

Nelson & Shane; I’m actually started to like nelson, my dislike for him comes from my loyalty to tyler.. I love shane he is the sassy gay bff that I need in my life. This team will do well if nelson and shane both keep themselves in check

Mama Day & Jozea; I’ve never watched big brother but this team is by far my favorite big brother pairing, I follow both on twitter and they make me laugh daily. underdogs i stan

Britni & Chuck; The hotmess express team. Clearly still feelings there, chuck sucks for what he did to her, they will need to find a way to get past their issues

Jenna & Jemmeye; One of the best moves in challenge history caused this feud. they will do well, jemmeyes brain and jennas brawn.

Kailah & Kayleigh; Failah likes to bully others kayleigh was her victim last season. they’ll probably be out pretty early..

Now to the results of the challenge

Amanda and Zach won.

I’m not to sure about the rest of the order except for the fact Day & Jozea came in last but before jem & Jenna and Chuck & britni.

it was chucks fault him and brit lost 

it was jennas fault her and jem lost

but was anyone really in shock

So then we hear bananas yelling for help since his partner left due to family emergency everyone goes digs him up and if it was up to me he wouldve been sent “home” and not brit and chuck since they almost beat day and jozea.. after they get bananas hoe ass out tj announces that amanda and zach are able to send another team home! And out of all the teams these two dumb asses pick day and jozea. like uhm helllooooooo!!! ya’ll deadass had the chance to send send strong teams home... I can’t the stupidity of these two i can’t. SO  then the three teams leave and “go home”. Everyone goes to the house and already a fight breaks out between shane and angela, over a fucking shelf. Homegirl didn’t have the energy with shane like she did with Alicia , but we already knew she was a fraud. Then cut to outside where Joss and amanda are already flirting with each other. I will give credit is due, Amanda is a beautiful girl but has a very ugly soul and joss is very smart to hookup with her, camera time is everything and why not hook up with one of the most dramatic cast members ever. Cut to Syliva saying this could go great for her alliance or terribly for her alliance at least shes smart. The Que the amanda and joss makeout session. Then we cut to bananas cara and hair plugs talking about cara and kyle. Everything out of kyles mouth is a lie and garbage. Kyle states hes gonna sleep with other people and caras like cool whatever . The cut to faith and hairplugs making out, then faith gets into hottub and johnny being johnny brings it up in front of cara, and cara pulls a queen move by being like if he doesnt want me im not gonna wait around. boy bye best choice shes ever made. Then baby girl proceeded to go into a room and make herself look bad by trying to get at paulie. Like oh no baby what is you doing go to sleep and leave him alone..

Then we cut to the best part of the night in my opinion, first we see melissa walk in and try to be civil with kailah, failah wants zero part in it but melissa still tries because melissa wants to be nice then failah pushes melissa and melissa molly whopped her then they were pulled apart 

Everyone but kailah stans on twitter 

Then the teams who were “sent home” arrive at the redemption house and tj explains some shit i wasn’t paying attention because i didnt care at that point 

Then they go to the photoshoot day and Tj shows up which is never good..

Tells melissa and kailah they are both out ..

Now we dont know kam and kayleighs fate, we find out next week..

Over all this episode was awesome , the cliffhanger was needed , we had a fight some hook ups and a twist.

this season will be interesting to say the least. 

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

[singingpuddle]

My commentary whilst watching Buzzfeedblue’s “The Tragic Murder Of JonBenét Ramsey”

Yo. Here we go again. But before we begin, It hurts me to see a child on this show. So if I seem a little less jokey than usual, please understand.

Warning:

1. I ship them, if you don’t thats cool with me.

2. This post is super long

3. I long for the day I no longer have to cross out the boy in boyfriend when it comes to these two. this will be abundantly clear by the amount of times i do

4. After a little bit i will stop putting full names, so just know.

5.I recommend watching the video along with or before going through this post, because if you haven't seen it you will be lost.

R=Ryan and S=Shane

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Me: Well at least I know i’m not alone in my dislike for child murders.

Ryan: Heck no your not alone. What type of person would like that.

Shane & Me: *in unison* Child murders.

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Me: Soooo... what your telling me is.

R: Yes?

Me: Her dead body was found in the house

R: uh huh

Me:Eight hours after the ransom note was found

R: yes

Me: Yet there was a Ransom note?

R: Look I don’t get it either.

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Me: So autopsy says bludgeoning, Coroner says asphyxiation. I say both.

S: Both?

Me: Well maybe they tied her up or duct taped her then hit her over the head. To make sure she was dead they strangled her using a wire.

S: ah...that makes sense.

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Me: Oh no... please dont tell me she was raped. Please.

Me: Oh thank god.

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Me: Okay, Riddle me this. How does one leave footprints in one place but not another? Leave evidence, yet get away clean? Provide DNA but not be found? And enter a house, but not break in?

R: I once again find myself lacking answers.

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*S&R bickering like an old married couple*

S:(Is from Chicago) I know snow, you don’t know snow.

R: (California native) But it could have covered its self-

Me: (New York native) No... no it really couldn't.

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Me: First off, a “group of individuals that represent a small foreign faction” is about the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Like, are you a gang, are you a militia. Also, What the fuck are the Ramseys doing to deserve this kind of ransom note, if any. Like the party sounds concerned. “The delivery will be exhausting so I advise you to be well rested.” THE FUCK? 

S:Also the ransom is weirdly specfific.

Me: Im not even at the ransom yet. The person who wrote this letter is willing to have a flexible schedule. also It low-key sounds like the Ramseys are arms dealers or money launderers. Also as Shane said the ransom is an oddly specific number.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: Come on Ry. We can all clearly see you think he is adorable. We see you.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: I second this motion. 

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Side note: That mmm that Shane does reminds me highly of an interview with Alex Turner and Miles Kane. It sounded oddly flirty then and it sounds oddly flirty now. Like flirty in the sense that you know this person well enough to make the noise and not be judged. (Im sucking at explaining it I know) 

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: Okay... so this woman wanted her daughter dead? Because her immetiate response was to phone the police.

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Me: Let me pull out my TI-84. That means there is a *presses buttons and shit* 1% chance she wont die. Im liken those odds.

S: You are?

Me: No, Im pretending to be her mother, who decided to disregard the note and call the police right away.

S: Oh

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Me: MURDER LAPTOP!!!

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Me: Then wouldnt it seem logical if it was like a co-worker. Also the Inntials could have been a sentence and not a name. (S.B.T.C.) I used to do that alot when I was younger and wanted to pass noted with out getting caught. Use a sentence as a alias instead of a name.

**************************************************************************************************** 

 *Cue the boyfriends lovingly bickering*

 Me: Daddy Dorkos

R: Don’t call me daddy please.

S: Good one, but yeah don’t call us daddy.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: No shit sherlock. Whoever wanted that money was in the house, knew the family, and probably only left after killing JonBenét. They probably heard her mom call the police. Okay... that is creepy.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: um... Shane. Do me a favor and don’t murder me.

S: Okie dokie, I won’t.

Me: ugh, i cant help but like you, you say okie dokie.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: lookie here, I am dis-graphic and it constantly happens that i misspell easy words and get harder ones right. Its because i think more about the more difficult spelling. (for example, spellcheck fixed it but i misspelled constantly earlier but spelled dis-graphic correctly)

**************************************************************************************************** 

S.B.T.C.: the practicde ransom note wasnt written in bubble letters it was in wingdings.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: Nope the calculations arent adding up. Murder Laptop™ says its unlikely.

**************************************************************************************************** 

S: *Cough* 

Me: Okay, I was wron about the order. they strangled her then bashed her brains in happy.

S: No, a little girl is dead. But i guess yeah.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: Can you tell how uncomfortable and shook I am. I make fun of Ryan for being shook but he is a heka lot braver than me. aaaa... hold me tall lanky gay dad.

*Dallon Weekes, Miles Kane, and Shane all hug me*

Me: I meant Shane but i’m glad you two are here also.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: Why would anyone think it was her family. They have nothing to gain, plus if it was an accident the logical thing is to call the hospital instead of writing a fake ransom note.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me:Thats a bit too specific 

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: Look, It sounds creepy but he loved this little girl. It seems he loved her like a relitive. That glitter ment alot to him. I wouldnt be surprised if he saw her almost like a grandaughter. Asking for the glitter to be mixed with his ashes is a weird request but it probably means alot more to him then just glitter. It might represent the good in the world. So i am standing by this weird old man and his little girl glitter. I mean its not going to hurt anyone if the glitter is mixed with his ashes, is it?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: He isn't. He obviously cared for this girl deeply. Not saying it wasn't creepy as shit, but i just don’t think he could ever bring himself to harm her. 

(I actually have a experience involving a neighbor that is really close to this one. He was like 36 and he took a shine to 8 year old me. He even asked me if i would marry him one day. It was creepy. But he would never hurt me, that i knew.) 

(I turned him down btw, i was creeped out by him back then too. But he wasn't a mean guy, just a little off.)

R: Well... that took an oddly personal turn. So this guy never laid a hand on you.

Me: Nope. He gave me a Betty Boop magnet once though.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Sound like our guy. TAKE HIM AWAY BOYS

****************************************************************************************************

Me: See... that old glitter dude doesn't sound so bad now right.

S: I stand entirely corrected.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Shane... your moaning Ryan's name.

S: No i’m not.

Me: Keep this shit up and you guy might actually end up sleeping together.

S: Oh, shut up.

Me: Yes Mr... Are you keeping your last name when you two get married or taking his?

S: Im warning you.

Me: Shane Bergara, has a nice ring to it.

S: That’s it *chases me out of the room*

R: *Yelling after us* So i take it that’s a no to my proposal.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Dude... Hes they guy... lock this son of a bitch up.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: BOY! HE IS GUILTY! Also this son of a bitch (sorry Mrs.Oliva nothing against you.) has issues.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: THE FUCK! He is shady as shit. Why is it never that easy.

S: Its life.

Me: Its wrong, that’s what it is.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Why can we see his face?

S: Ugh... I remember this guy.

Me: Oh... that’s why.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ok... so we got a confession. Why is this case unsloved??

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Or when your friends start talking about their kinks. Because this about describes those conversations.

S: Wait what?

Me: Nothing. I said nothing

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Look the return of Ryan’s Totally Hetero™ Im kinda turned on but i’m not gonna say anything face. We can all see that Shane knows what he is doing to his boyfriend, and is totally OK with it.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: My theory of sombodsy who knew the family is really holding up isnt it. *feels a little throw up in mouth*

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Excuse me while i projectile vomit in the corner.

S: Imma join you.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Of course she stayed there. That’s where you killed her you idiot.

****************************************************************************************************

S: Ahh im super bummed out. *Looks at Ryan* I suddenly have the will to keep going and know I can make it through.

Me: *Coughing* Gay as shit.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: DUH.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: *yelling in the other room*

S: Im gonna go make sure she doesn’t rip someones head off.

**************************************************************************************************** 

Me: How many times am I going to say duh.

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Me: Maybe he was being a Pedo somewhere else and confused the two girls. Excuse me while I go and throw up again.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Nice Totally Hetero™ i’m enamored with you eyes Shane.

*discussion continues”

S: “You don’t get prison you weirdo.”

Me: Why did he want to get arrested so bad? Did he want to get raped in jail or something?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: *Flips a table* Ok... My bets on Gary. 

****************************************************************************************************

S&Me: Feel the frustration

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Well that was a roller coaster of emotion.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: They are dating, I swear.

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This long ass post brought to you by:

These X-Files au Aesthetics by @drstdeer  

Original post here

 also Brought to you by: The Murder Laptop™

Link to video here

Link to Master post here

[shakespearerants]

Why Modern Y/A Literature Is Shit - Five Lists, A Rant, And A Conclusion

Let’s start with the lists, shall we? First, we have the typical overused y/a protagonists. There are:

1) the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. I’m talking about that “oh I’m not like other girls I hate makeup and I’m sooooo clumsy and also a nerd because I don’t like to party” girl, the one that always says she’s ugly but is described as stereotypically attractive. Usually white. Always gets the insanely attractive guy in the end. Relatable ™.

2) the mysterious bad boy that every girl wants a slice of. Usually either rich, a supernatural being, or involved in some sketchy shit. Has a Tragic Backstory™ that is unlocked by the female protagonist after little-to-none probing, maybe some bambi eyes, when the story is at the point where he would look like a real douche if his shitty behavior was left unexplained.

3) the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually white. Fights for Freedom and What Is Good, would actually be pretty ok in my books, if there weren’t…

4) the male love interest of the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually very flat character. We know exactly two thing about him: a) He’s Sexy b) He’s In Love. Sometimes there’s a small bonus and we also know that he has a Tragic Backstory™, usually involving something that is supposed to show that he and the female Leader of the Revolution are Soulmates or at least that they have History Together. And then there’s…

5) the Love Triangle. Im counting this as “one” main character because, lets be honest, most (read: all that I know) love triangles don’t have enough depth to justify analyzing all three parts separately. It goes like this: girl was Normal and had Best Male Friend who was In Love With Her since Forever, but Never Said Anything. Then Something Happens and Guy Two (the mysterious bad boy) shows up, usually quite out of the blue. He is Mysterious and Experienced and Interested In The Girl, who is suddenly Very Important for a Higher Cause. Then Best Male Friend Gets Jealous and Confesses His Feelings when confronted by the Girl. Then all there of them go on an Epic Quest together. A common variation of this is Girl meets two boys. One is Nice™ and one is Sexy™. HOW WILL SHE DECIDE???!11?? (also epic quest in the backround)

And then we have the supporting characters. Who are usually either…

1) the gay OR the racially diverse Best Friend of the Protagonist. Especially if it’s a male protagonist. BUT CAREFUL!!!!!111! He has to be a) male b) EITHER gay OR racially diverse, and c) ok with casually used homophobic/racist stereotypes

2) the Nerd Friend of the (usually male) protagonist. Wears glasses. Doesn’t know anything about sports. Easily hurt. Thankful™ for their Cool Protagonist Friend. Usually bullied. Knows stuff about: a) Star Wars b) Comics c) Lord of the Rings. If the author is really adventurous he also cosplays, usually as a LOTR character

3) the Best Girl Friend of the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. Usually very flat character. Comes out of nowhere to Give Advice and disappears back into the void. 

But the most annoying thing is that literally almost every y/a novel or series that you pick up in literally any bookstore/library can be assigned one of these general storylines:

1) the Your Are Different storyline. Girl is Normal™. Maybe has a Tragic Backstory™, but nothing too bad. Then Something Happens and she learns that she is Not Normal, by which I mean that she either has some sort of supernatural powers or that she is The Long Lost Princess or at very least The Chosen One. Then some love triangle comes to spiel, she has to Leave Her Old Life Behind and Save The World. Book ends with some sort of sappy love confession or her deciding which part of the love triangle she chooses. Sometimes seen with a male protagonist, but without the love triangle. 

2) the Love Triangle storyline. Well. I think it’s self-explanatory.

3) the Supernatural Shit Going On storyline. Someone (usually a guy) is the Chosen One. Chosen One has to fight in order to save some recently discovered world/their own world. Meets some friends who are usually two or more dudes and one super badass girl who is only there because Equality™ and is either the one who gets Possessed By The Evil or is the only one who has to be saved at one point in the story. If we have a female protagonist then she and the girl Hate Each Other For Literally No Reason until the protagonist Saves The Girl in some very dramatic way and they realize that the other is Actually Not That Bad. Female protagonist usually teaches girl about Feelings and maybe sets her up with That One Guy In The Group that she’s had a crush on for Literal Years but never made a move because Feelings Are For Babys or she was Scared And Didn’t Know What To Say To Him. 

4) the This Book Isn’t Like Other Books storyline. Some shit that doesn’t have anything to do with interpersonal relationships or at the most bullying is going on. Usually features a Controversial Protagonist™ (read: the one who started the deeply illegal or at least sketchy shit that’s going on and is also the muggle version of Voldemort, character wise). The (usually male) protagonist, who is also a social outcast, now has to work to Stop The Sketchy Shit that he started, but he Can’t Do It Alone. A group of three people (two boys, one pretty girl), who are also a part of the Popular Group At School, are somehow pulled into the shit and help the Controversial Protagonist™ Fix His Mistakes and Become A Better Person. Sometimes they become friends in the end. 

AND, because I can, have some shitty shitty plot devices.

1) the Love Triangle. It’s shitty and unnecessary in every way because it always features at least 3 of these things: bad writing. Heteronormativity. Exclusively white people. Disregard of the feelings of the female lead by at least one of the guys. Use of past traumatic experiences of one of the male leads to justify predatory and/or dangerous/possessive behavior. Related to that: use of mental illness/trauma solely to gain sympathy of the audience. Characters’ (specially the guys’) lives and decisions revolve around romantic/sexual relationships. Related to that: romanticization of unhealthy relationships. Enforcement of gender stereotypes. Objectification of the characters (especially the male characters). 

2) Miscommunication. I don’t even have to say anything, do I.

3) The One Friend In The Group That Betrays Them All And The Subsequent Fallout. WHY. WHY do authors feel the need to have one person in a close-knit group of friends betray everyone. I mean, it would even be THAT bad if most authors didn’t use it as a cheep method to create suspense for the final showdown, or kill off a character, or to distract from the fact that most villains in modern y/a literature are really flat characters with no real motives for their plans for world takeover or whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish by giving them a radicalized follower. 

4) the Love Confession When The Guy Either Thinks She’s Chosen Someone Else Or Is Being Separated From The Girl. Like. NO. Just no. Thats like THE cheapest way to create emotional conflict. Or to subtly manipulate your readers. Because that is essentially what the author is doing: guilt-tripping you into supporting a relationship, because unless that guy was a real douchbag, and if he WAS, 99% of the people who read that stuff will be like “OH MY POOR BBY JUST GOT HIS HEART BROKEN” and BAM, no one’s gonna argue that his feelings aren’t genuine, or say that he doesn’t deserve her, bc bitch did you read this he confessed to her when he thought he was never gonna see her again  

5) the Love Confession From Her Jealous Best Friend. Again, a cheep way to create emotional tension and gain sympathy from the reader. 

6) the Vaguely Sexual Encounter. Usually something comparatively innocent, like a heated kiss or make-out session, usually used to intensify emotional dilemma, either because of a love triangle (I really can’t stand love triangles) or because she shouldn’t be kissing the guy or something. And the thing is, it wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it weren’t completely misplaced (like, a day away from the final battle misplaced) in most cases, or worse: slutshaming. Or, worse still: the cringey sex discussion that ends in either slutshaming or kinda just fizzles out.   

7) the We’re Gonna Die But It’s Okay Because I Love You talk, usually delivered by the male lead to the female lead before all goes to shit. And honestly I have never read a book where this shit happened where they knew each other for more than four weeks. And lemme tell you there is nothing more unrealistic than a teenage dude giving a two-page talk about why he loves a girl that he’s known for a maximum of four weeks. I once read a book where this happened and they knew each other for three days and made out once and he literally gave that speech twice (no, I’m not taking about Romeo and Juliet). Like, do you authors understand the people you are writing books for? Do you have any idea how teenage relationships work? 

8) Bulling That’s Used As A Plot Device But Ultimately Stays Unresolved or, even worse, The People Who Bully Me Are (A Part Of) The Group I Have to Join To Save The World And Suddenly We’re Best Friends. THIS. THIS is almost worse than the fucking love triangle shit. Because lemme tell you something: If bullying isn’t stopped, if the bullies don’t face consequences for their actions, then guess what? IT’S NOT GONNA FUCKING STOP, THATS WHAT. It’ll continue on and on and on until someone won’t take that shit anymore. Yeah, sure, it might seem like it stopped, especially if you’re seeing everything from the view of a character who was suddenly not bullied anymore, but let me tell you: that is an illusion. They just shift to the next victim. And it’s so so toxic to write it like everything is suddenly ok, oh my gosh. Because it’s not, it doesn’t stop, it just shifts to somewhere else, and thousands of bullied kids that read these books are gonna think that it does. And they’re gonna go and look at their bullies and start feeling sympathy for them because they read a hundred and one books where the bullies are actually good guys, so their bullies can’t be that bad, can they? And voila, thats the first step to excusing toxic behavior. The first step to make sure that these kids never speak up against oppressors. 

Some things that I am really sick of in general but even more when seen in y/a literature: 

1) bad and/or lazy writing, especially when it comes to character development

2) casual sexism

3) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of LGBTQIA characters

4) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of non-white characters

5) lack of female supporting characters

6) little to no character development seen in male characters, especially love interests/supporting characters

7) reinforcement of stereotypically masculine/feminine character traits

8) little to no explanation offered concerning culture and other specifics of fantasy worlds (also known as WHY WRITE FANTASY IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA INCLUDE SOME ACTUAL FANTASY)

9) romanticization of toxic relationships

10) hypersexualization of teenagers, because no matter how good looking he is, you shouldn’t describe a sixteen year old boy the same way you would a twenty five year old porn star

And the thing is that this isn’t some kind of one time thing. I didn’t just finish a series that i really disliked or read a few bad books in a row. This rant is the product of literal year-long frustration because I literally cannot find anything in the y/a section of bookstores and libraries and publishing companies websites that doesn’t feature at least one of the above mentioned main characters, one of the above mentioned supporting characters, and some variation of the above mentioned storylines. And I am honestly so sick of it, and so are many many more young adults, because in the beginning you just read that shit, you know. And then it comes to the point where you get so sick of seeing the same stories repeated over and over and the same characters used over and over that you start really searching for books that are different. But these books are so rare, and so hard to find! And after some time you start feeling like you’re being bullshitted by authors and publishing companies. Because most of y/a literature is not only cliche and stereotypical and just plain boring after some time, its also often very badly written. And I’m not just talking language here, though that is a part of it. I’m talking major plot holes, complete lack of character development, period novels or novels that feature time travel being so cringe-worthily historically inaccurate that you actually start wonder if the author did it on purpose, a suspense arc that would, drawn, look like a squiggly line or, even worse but sadly even more common, just a downward sloping curve that maybe, if you’re really lucky, curves slightly upwards again in the last five chapters. There are so many y/a novels out there that I seriously can’t imagine ever having been edited or beta read. And lately it seem like most publishing companies out there just don’t care what they publish any more, you know? Its just one love triangle after the other. And honestly society is moving forward at an increasingly fast pace, the current generation of teenagers and young adults is becoming more tolerant and open minded by the second, and the literature that is written for us, marketed towards us is still dominated by heteronormativity, all-white characters, a lack of male protagonists in the romance and of female protagonists in the action/adventure genre, and sexism. Like, okay, if you think a love triangle is necessary for your story, why not write in a bit of representation for the LGBTQIA community and make it a polyamory in the end instead of having your heroine decide between two hot guys? Or just feature a bi protagonist instead of the cliche straight girl? If you wanna write that stereotypical high school romance why not feature a protagonist who is not white for a change? Also there is a huge difference between books written for boys and books written for girls that is honestly, in my opinion, incomprehensible. Especially if you factor that most boys between the ages of 12 and 20 just don’t read novels because they think reading in general is stupid or they can’t relate to the characters that are portrayed. And this is honestly so concerning because most boys are behind their female classmates when it comes to reading and language skills, which scientists say is a result of boys reading less for enjoyment in their free time, especially less fiction. (sources: (x) (x) (x)) And honestly I can see where thats coming from, there is a) very little literature written for boys, and lets be real, how many boys do you know that would voluntarily read something thats explicitly being marketed for girls and b) the literature actually written for boys is tremendously boring and even more stereotypical and redundant than literature written for girls, plus, you sometimes get the very paradox impression that sex is a kind of tabu theme in boys literature. Like in girls literature its ridiculed and treated in some sort of prepubescent giggly way even though most of literature written for girls revolves around sexual and romantic relationships, but it is addressed, even if its done in an immature way. But boys literature is all about action and danger and bros before hoes. Most books written for a male audience don’t even feature a love interest. And again, this is paradox and kind of weird or even ridiculous because boys are expected to be sexually active from a very young age and the teenage years are the years of (sexual) self-discovery, so in almost all media boys are portrayed as very experienced and sure in their sexuality, except for literature aimed towards them, where they are treated the same way little children are treated: you just don’t talk about sex. How can you expect boys to be sure of themselves when you just leave them in the dark about what they are supposed to be sure about? And don’t even get me started on hyper masculinity portrayed in almost every male character I’ve ever seen in a book (honestly, I won’t start on it because I think that a) my point is clear and b) no one would actually have the patience to read this till the end if I did).

So what’s my conclusion? Well, mainly that y/a literature is currently a lot of shit, and it needs to change to fit the needs and interests of the group that it’s trying to reach. The current development in literature aimed towards young women that features a growing hyper-sexualization of teenage boys and a shift to almost exclusively straight romance literature combined with a gradual decrease of writing quality is very concerning, as is the lack of development in literature aimed towards young men, which seems to be stuck in three genres: mystery/thriller, sports, and action/adventure.

[julianafarmer]

1. 9. 7. 14. 17. 20. 24. 25. 29. 32. 35. 40. 42. 46. 50. 86. 91. 94. 100.

Oh boy. You must be in love with me or something. I probably know you. Chicken, just ask me ❤

1: What is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m confused about a lot of things right now. I’m confused as to why you asked me so many things anonymously. You can totally just message me and ask anything you wanna know. I don’t bite. Not without consent, anyway. But I’m also really confused about a person I really like right now. I like them quite a lot. Kind of an embarrassingly massive crush. I’m not sure how they feel about me, and I’m too afraid to ask or push. They’re pretty aloof and distant sometimes, and I’m someone who needs consistent validation and affection in order to feel secure. I’m confused on whether or not I should hold on and hope things become closer, or cut my losses and not try for a relationship.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

No. It’s been a little while since I’ve kissed someone. I wish someone would kiss me tonight. I’ll give my address to anyone who wants to come kiss me, damn. I’m a slut for kisses. And cuddles. 

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Probably cry. A lot. And then immediately harden my resolve to make them miserable. I deserve better and I deserve to be valued. The last person that cheated on me… well… Let’s just say I stole his girlfriend.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

My fucking self. And I have this friend… She’s pretty much the embodiment of Murphy’s Law. She’s always getting herself into these absolutely awful situations almost daily. I can’t even hang out with her anymore because something tragic happens to ruin it. She owes me money still. She promised she’d pay me back with interest, but that was over a month ago. She hasn’t even said anything about it. 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

Yes. Falling for someone is really scary for me now because of him. I’m afraid of becoming attached to people now. I’m afraid of falling in love. I don’t trust it because experience has taught me that falling for someone means that I’m going to get fucked over. I hate him so much for ruining my happiness in every relationship since.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I thought about the three people I care for most right now. My three most important people. My best friend, the person I’m in a relationship with, and the person I’m starting to develop feelings for.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

Absolutely. @fetishforfresh. I know you’ve left tumblr. Probably forever. And I know you’ve left me. Probably forever too. I pushed you away. I was the shitty friend. All you’ve ever done is shown me love and compassion and kindness. I’m the fuck up. I’ve tried to call you every day and I only get your voicemail. I just wish you would talk to me again. I miss you. I love you. You were my best friend and I fucked up.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Bitch, I cried yesterday. I cry several times a fucking week.

29: Do you have a best friend?

Yes! I have lots of best friends! But if I had to pick one, I’d say that my absolute bestie of all time is @thereisacactusinsideme. No joke, I wouldn’t be alive without this motherfucker. We’ve had fights, but everyone does. I think it says a lot that we can put our shit aside at the end of the day and realize that we mean too much to each other. I love you. You’re my family. When I’m with you, I feel safe. I feel home. I feel like nothing can hurt me because you’re there. You have my back, and you can bet your stretched out, shaven gay ass that I’ll always have your back too.

32: Are you mad at anyone?

Literally all of my exes and anyone close to them. 

35: How many more days until your birthday?

155 days. July 4th is my birthday. Miss independence.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

No. Every single person that I have ever kissed, I’ve done so deliberately and with great thought or enthusiasm behind it. Maybe long after the fact, but I’ve never lost sleep or felt shitty about kissing someone. 

42: Are you available?

For you? Absolutely. Just be better than the last several douchebags I’ve been in relationships with. Trust me, the bar is set ridiculously low.

46: Do you regret anything?

I regret dating my very first boyfriend. Let’s just call him N. He was abusive. Both sexually and emotionally. I regret dating him, and I certainly regret not leaving him sooner than I did. I was with him for two years. That’s two years I’ll never get back. I hate myself for allowing myself to be so weak and in such a dangerous position. I should’ve done something sooner.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

Because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m too clingy or too needy. They come off as the sort of person who is very nonchalant about relationships. I don’t think they take it seriously. I don’t want to be out there with serious emotions when they’re not putting themselves out there for me too. I want something consistent and stable where I don’t have to second-guess that I’m cared about and wanted. Mainly because I’m just fucked up from past shit. That and… I guess you could say I’m trying the polyamory thing. I’m afraid of being involved with too many people at once. Right now, It’s only a serious romantic attachment with one person. But this person that I like… well… I don’t know if I’m ready to pursue them as well. I don’t know if they want me. I don’t know if it’s mutual.

86: How can I win your heart?

Kiss me a lot. Cuddle me a lot. Always hold my hand, even if it’s getting sweaty. If you’re too far away for that, skype me. All the time. Every day. Make it so that I don’t even feel the distance. Message me when we can’t skype. I want to be a part of your everyday life, and vice versa. Tell me everything. Past, present, and future. I’ll listen. Ask everything about me. I’ll tell you. I’ll be completely honest. I won’t hold anything back. Above all, don’t let me second-guess that you care. Be open about how you feel towards me, and always remind me. Always tell me things that make me giggle and blush, or stubbornly deny them because I don’t think very highly of myself sometimes. Make me always feel safe around you. Be spontaneous. Be silly and crude and vulgar and random. Watch movies, tv shows, and anime with me. Play minecraft with me. Play any PC game with me. Shower with me. Be with me when I’m having an anxiety attack. Hold me as I cry and hyperventilate. Tell me to keep breathing. If I ever tell you that I need to be alone, don’t let me be alone. I say that because I actually want to be with someone, but I’m too stubborn to ask for help. Be my best friend.

Just… give me everything and I fucking swear to you that I’ll give everything back.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

I want a relationship more than anything right now. A stable, healthy, consistent relationship. I don’t want any doubts or fears. I just want to be happy with someone and have them be happy with me too. The relationship I’m in right now is pretty troubling. I’d leave him if I had a safer person to be with. I’d leave him if there was someone I loved more. 

Honestly, I’m his plan-B. He’s 18 and he had a 16-year-old girlfriend before me. Her parents found out about the age difference and made her leave him. But.. he’s still in contact with her. He still loves her more than anything. He loves her more than me. He’s just… settling for me. He’s settling for me until she’s legally an adult. He’s waiting for her and setting a time limit on me. I feel so shit about the whole thing. 

I want someone who can just… be with me. No complications.

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

Money to pay for the tuition of the college I want to go to. A partner I feel completely secure with. A new phone because mine is super old and broke as hell. A consistent job.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

Yeah. Fuck yeah. Date me. Sorry for calling y’all out.

@abovethepeople @fetishforfresh @monsterinmybloodstream @shap-kid (woops my secret is out, I’m a shitlord) @thereisacactusinsideme (Too bad you like dick in your ass) @corrupttheinnocence @imperatorsapphiosa @gravitymango @too-bored-for-you 

honestly like all of my mutuals. I’ll date em all. You guys rock.

Anyway! Thanks for that, anon! You gave me a nice therapeutic introspection hour. I kinda cried a lot while typing up #86, but oh well. That was fun. Please don’t be shy. Message me.

[holycrabsauce]

20

(warning: super duper messed up english, i wrote this at 2 am in 24th January so i was sleepy af when i wrote this so it’s a mess and i saved it in my draft and now y’all can see it, so i hope you don’t mind with whatever english words and sentences that i typed in this post)

so. guess who turned 20 today ? this bitch.

here i am eating some chicken and fries alone in my apartment billion miles away from home

20 years i’ve been through some weird ass crazy stuff but hey guess what ? i’m still here so maybe the world is not as shitty as i thought i guess

ain’t gonna lie, life hasn’t been pretty nice to me in this past 20 years lmaooo but hey,  i do learned something from it tho so, it’s a win win situation right ?

when i was 4 i learned that you can’t actually fly and how do i know this ? well it’s stupid and hilarious at the same time, i was in kindergarten and i was just hanging out at the swings and my friend pushed it for me, so the swings were getting high and my smart ass 4 year old self thinks that ‘oh, maybe if i let my hand go from the swings, i can fly’ and yup there she goes! Nothing serious happens beside a bruised back and chin and i’m pretty sure i sort of dislocated my jaw but in some weird ass way i fixed it back (ain’t gonna lie tho i think it’s still effect me till now because if i sleep in the wrong position my jaw kinda hurts a bit which is kinda fucked up but hey at least i learned something right ? lol)

when i was 7 i learned that you can’t always expect your parents to be there for you everytime. I’m a pretty shy kid at school and i always want my parents to be there with me (god that’s embarrassing) and thats the moment that i realized that ‘holy shit is this what being an adult feels like ?’ Lol it doesn’t even make sense now that i read it but my stupid ass 7 year old self think that it all makes sense.

When i was 10 i learned that boys can like boys and girls can like girls too. Okay, this topic is gonna be batshit serious real quick. when i saw a gay kissing scene in a movie for the first time it was actually kinda hilarious, you know when some people watched a gay couple in movies or tv shows for the first time their reaction was probably either shocked or feel kinda weirded out about it. Well my first thought was ‘wait ? Guys can like guys too ? Does that mean girls can like girls too ? That’s interesting’

12, the age that i realized that not all people died a happy ending.  So i was watching the news and there’s this guy who got death sentence and i thought ‘wow, you can die like that ?’ Honestly, sometimes i always wondered if some people just destined to die in a sad/tragic way no matter how happy they are with their lives, which i think is fuckin sad, like whats the point of living if you die anyway ? Ok now this just took a dark turn real quick so let’s change the subject while we’re at it.

14… probably one of the saddest years of my life. My parents officially got divorced, i was actually expect it to happen at one point, so it doesn’t really affect me that much, which i know that’s kinda fucked up. It does affect my brother more though, now looking back, i wish i could’ve done something you know ? Like always be there for him and actually act like an older sister. I’m pretty surprised that my brother feels sad about the divorce, i mean i feel sad too but at the same time i feel kinda relieved too you know ? What’s the point of marriage if you never gave a shit about each other in the first place ?

ain’t gonna lie when i was 17 it was probably the most useless year in my life, basically i just graduated from high school and i decided to take a gap year before going to college and man oh man what a ride. It was a pretty sweet year because i slept a lot and it’s probably the only great thing that i’ve done lmao.

it’s also the age where i realized that its okay to leave someone who’s bringing toxic into your life, even though it’s hard to let it go but you gotta do what you gotta do you know ? 

18, the age where i cried while showering for 30 straight minutes because i’m scared of becoming an adult but also really starting to questions everything about love ? ok this is gonna be fuckin hilarious because love is the one conversation that i rarely have with anyone. if my friends asks me stuff like ‘hey sonia ? have you ever had a boyfriend ?’ or ‘are you liking someone ?’ i just kinda laughed it off because let’s be real i can’t even take care of my own shit let alone have a boyfriend ? and honestly if there’s an actual dude that wants to be with me i would laugh so hard and be like ‘haha that’s hilarious buddy’. But let me just tell you why this is kinda one of the reason why this topic kinda affected 18 year old me back then.

so basically my aunt is desperately looking for a husband and it’s not that easy to find the ‘perfect’ man for her, my mom told me that she knows someone, but she told me that my aunt is pretty picky about choosing a dude, and my mom was like ’she will never find a husband if she’s always so picky’ but the point of this story for me is basically ‘do people nowadays get married not because they loved each other ?’ like seriously, everytime i have this kind of conversation with my mom she always made it like true love doesn’t really exist anymore. And honestly it kinda makes me sad, you know what ? nope, it makes me sad, like a shit ton of sad lmao that doesn’t even make any sense. So my true love out there ? are you even exist ?????? AHAHAHA yup this is the part where i need to stop, see ? this is why i never speak about love because random shit just came out of my mind

19…….. bloody hell, where do i even begin with 19 years old sonia ? this is probably the age where a shit ton of stuff happens. like i could legit make a post about 19 year old me alone, but trust me, that won’t be necessary. Let me just give you a recap

It’s the age where i graduated from college, unemployed for a couple of months, considering on owning a strip club at my hometown (don’t ask why), almost hiring a private investigator to follow my brother, considering on selling my kidney because i’m broke as fuck, so yeah… it’s pretty fuckin wild ain’t gonna lie. But also the year where i got the chance to visit Japan for the first time so… worth it!! lmao

okay Sonia, is there anything you want to do now that you’re 20 ?

well, tbh, it would be kinda nice to study again, which is wild considering how much i hate school but i want to travel, i want to learn, and to be honest it would be nice to actually go to school in other countries like becoming an exchange student, learning new culture, meeting new friends, but let’s be real, it’s not easy and i really desperately kinda want to learn again, my last college wasn’t really a college ? and everytime my friends told me about their college experiences sometimes kinda makes me wonder if maybe i just missed being young again… LMAO now i sound like a woman in her 40s who just got divorced and wishing she could have a younger boyfriend (so basically my mom ? lmao jk love you madre)

well sonia, what did you learn at 20 ?

[vaportea]

okay. got a rant.

a huge ass one. not a rant, a gripe, a grievance.  it is tearing me up inside and i’m so..angry...angry that i’m so powerless, but i gotta get this off my chest so if this personal shit isn’t for you, then just block my in other bara unrelated news... tag.

His name was Steven Rowe.  He and I dated.  Briefly.  Our real relationship was a while but when I take into account the cold, unexplained silence during?  Brief is the only word to describe it.

I thought he was nice, seeking what I was seeking.  And when I look back now I feel so...utterly stupid.  Because the red flags were there, they were glaring...but...when you see someone with rose tinted glasses?  Those red flags just look like flags I guess.

He is a southern fried Kentucky boy.  Or was it Tennessee?  In either case, lived a closeted life until he came out and his life went to hell.  That’s what he fed me.  He is the kind of gay that is ashamed to be gay, ashamed of gay culture, a type of gay who fights for a heteronormative lifestyle.  That alone should have tipped me off...ugh, the things he would say about other queer people, god I feel stupid...

He had me believe his friends were limited to nonexistent, that he was the outcast in his family, shunned for his sexual preference, yet would grovel to them.  You’ve probably heard the tale, bible belt parents, mother throwing bible verses at his sinful choices, father close to disowning him, you’ve heard the tale because, well?  It is a tale easy to manufacture.  Out of college and with nothing and no one but desperately wanted to start a new life and leave this oppression behind, he fed this to me and my lonely heart fell for it, ate it up without a thought because his silver tongue worded it to be so real, so true.

And while I was lost in the collection of lies of what he painted himself to be, it began.  When I questioned him, the disquiet was becoming more palpable.  Slowly his anger issues seeped out, slowly his mental instability, slowly his abusive behavior was too hard to ignore, and those rose tinted glasses began to dim.  Not to mention..he would avoid me.  Days, weeks, months on end, with no explanation, nothing.  And come back, after over a quarter of a year at a time, apologize, insist that he was getting his shit together, and do it all over again.  Even when we did talk, healthy communication was not something he desired, he wanted things his way, or he wouldn’t hear it, and use it as an excuse to keep the months of cold shouldering and utter avoidance.

I found out that he’s just a whiny white boy, big inheritance from his father, his family gifted him a house, he’s set for some time--though he painted a tale of a man near starving who could barely afford the bread and water to sustain the next day.  I found out that he isn’t as distant with his family as he likes to paint himself to be.  They give him more than I can dream at least; thousands of dollars (reaching the hundreds) to invest?  A fucking house??  Bitch my mom can’t even spare me 20 dollars.  And maybe they try to throw their faith in him because his family is notorious; his brother was convicted for murder and it was a pretty big thing, and as for the other relatives, who’s to say?  According to him though, he’s the ‘good one’.

But that too was a lie, in fact, everything I probably know about him is a lie.  Because the straw that broke the back was this.

He wanted a Classic Tragic Backstory, so he made one, one where his father hated him, hated him for being gay, so his father committed suicide, clean bullet to the head.  And as my father passed away the same year, I felt for him, I cried for him...for him, but not with him, because he wouldn’t let me, he played it off, only more distance.  I thought it was because of the death that affected him, I thought it was because of the fact that him moving a third way across the country didn’t work out for him and the stress was over much.  Nah...turns out it was two things.

One, cheating.  Maybe not, but that isn’t how the other boy tells it.  Hooked up with a confused teenage racist, and told both of us that we weren’t supposed to talk to one another, spread lies to keep us apart.  But we found each other, shared our experience with him.  And I don’t owe anything to a racist piece of shit, but the Other Boy DID give me something juicy, which made my jaw drop.  Because when I told him how Steve told me his father killed himself...I was given this.

http://wate.com/2015/11/03/dandridge-sex-offender-arrested-for-wearing-halloween-costume-around-kids/

His father.  In the flesh.

Steven had forgotten that he spun his melodramatic tale to the Other Boy, who did not hesitate to give every ounce of info to me as we crosschecked this twisted man, lie by glorious lie.

Steven forgot, and the Other Boy, also having the same issues with Steven as I did before him, held his tongue, knowing this information could be used one day.  My only regret was finding this out a week after I ended all contact.  I texted him the link to the news article before I blocked his number, called him despicable.  I wonder if he got it.  I wonder if he knows that I know.  I wonder if he knows how the Other Boy and I conspired that day.  I’m glad he’s stupid, it worked to my advantage.

I wonder most of all though, how you can love someone yet so casually destroy them with little care.  Steve knew my father passed, new I was actually grieving..how could a person possibly do this to someone else in their time of need?  How did it come so easy for him?  How can someone live with themselves, live with this kind of lie and keep it up for so long?  Especially at the expense of the state of others?

The last thing I gave him was a link to psychiatrists in his area, begged him to seek help.  But I know he didn’t.  I know he’s still miserable.  I know he’s still lying.  I know he hasn’t changed.  I know too though that because he hasn’t been called out on it by his friend, he won’t change, he doesn’t need to, why would he, after all.

I write this because he is in my space, as we speak.  And it burns me.  I write this because I have the power to socially decimate him, and it takes SO much of my energy to take the high road and hush my pains.  I see him...see him living as if every lie he told isn’t here or there.  And I hate him, because in my heart of hearts...I want to see him suffer, I want to see him pay for what he’s done and who he’s hurt.  And I know that must make me terrible, or petty, and I know it’s just the hurt talking, but to just casually go about your life as if our relationship and all it stood for didn’t matter, or my friends, or even that other piece of shit he tried to rebound with--I just don’t get it.  I don’t..get it.  I don’t get how people can just..DO this.

And I don’t know what to do...

All I know..is that he is in my space...breathing my air, and with every breath drawn I can’t help but seethe.  And an apology is the LEAST he could give me, and I would maybe feel better, feel as if he’s human underneath it all, because I can’t keep these heavy and terrible thoughts inside, but..can’t let them out without it being a lash out and I just...I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I want him to learn.  I want him to feel remorse.  I want him to acknowledge what he did was heinous, and be a man.  But I know it won’t happen..but I want it.  And I just don’t know what to do with myself right now, but I don’t think I can avoid his proximity for long.