#these ppl werent exactly my friends. but it was still fun bc we were all really trying. bouncing ideas off eachother. working together.

[the-good-luck-anomaly]

[babysizedfics]

Roman involuntarily going into littlespace because he's repressing it, cgs comfort him that its ok to be little

so on saturday roman became upset by something, and usually he can cope. but the thing is, in the last few weeks he has been repressing his littlespace A LOT because he felt like he just got his adult life back, and he throws himself 100% into things

he threw himself into littlespace at first and now he threw himself into adult life and ignored his age dreaming. even when he wanted to he forced himself to keep being grownup - or in his teen headspace if he needed to get out frustration

but this time he couldnt actually help it, he accidentally started feeling really little to cope with his negative emotions. it wasnt even that bad what happened, but its the stick that broke the camels back yknow - basically he had to feed vee at snacktime and she got messy and roman complained she was gross then ppl on the blog called him mean for saying it

so roman was suddenly little, and went to sit with his family bc he didnt want to be alone but he still hid being little. he just stayed silent, even while internally he just kept thinking i want daddy i want my daddy i wanna be held i want mommy to say its all okay

then vee fell asleep in mamas lap and logan took her up to bed, and when he returned to the living room with patton and roman he jokingly asked "so i take it snacktime went well going by the applesauce all over her clothes?"

and romans face immediately crumpled and he started crying

it was so sudden and unexpected and out of character, the caregivers were frozen for a moment as roman desperately hid his face in his hands and folded into himself on the couch

when roman cries its very quiet too, so even though he was close to sobbing he bit his lip hard so he didnt make a sound and was just sniffling and tiny whimpers kept escaping

the caregivers hearts broke a little

logan immediately crouched in front of ro asking "roman what happened? why are you upset sweetheart?"

meanwhile patton jumped up from his chair and quickly scooched over on the couch to be right next to ro and put an arm around him "honey, can you tell us what you need?"

and at that roman just whimpered "daddy" in his super little voice, strained from holding back his cries

"oh little prince" patton cooed sounding heartbroken, he wiggled his free arm under romans legs and shuffled him into his lap in seconds. "shh, it's okay, daddys got you baby"

roman tensed and logan gave patton a stern look at the nickname slip, and patton hurriedly apologized - its just natural for him to use that word

usually roman is a tad insecure about the fact that hes taller than patton when hes in psttons lap bc hes worried it looks weird, but he didnt have the energy to worry this time and just lets his daddy cradle his head to his shoulder and rock him as romans cries got harder to hold back. it felt such a relief to finally be little and let his daddy take care of him, but it was v overwhelming since it was basically involuntary

logan swiftly joined them on the couch, pressing himself right up against patton and rubbing his hand firmly over romans back and shushing him gently and reassuring "good boy. it's okay, let it out. its okay to cry little one" because he knows how embarrassed roman gets about crying, especially when little

but then roman choked through his tears "n-not sposed to be - be l-little!" then sniffled and whimperd again and buried a sob in pattons shoukder

and logan calmly managed to coax him to talk about why, in the same way he coaxed vee into evaluating why she thought diapers werent for her in labd. lots of gentle prodding into why roman answers the way he does, why is he supposed to be big, why is being little bad

patton knew to stay quiet during this process, just squeezing roman to encourage him to answer, and kissing his wet cheek when he says something that makes pattons heart ache

then eventually logan got roman to admit that hes been forcing himself to be bigger because he thought he should be big to not bother the caregivers and to help look after vee and so he is "more of a real grownup" when hes with his friends

the thing is once you manage to break into that well of emotion that romans been repressing, he cant stop it from flowing. so once they reached that conclusion roman just kepts rambling (all while little and stumbling over his words)

"i i been tryna be a big big boy and big brother for vee vee cos shes a baby and needs a big brother... b-but i dont wanna be that big all the time, its too big, i wanna be a little big brother again. too much big"

then patton sighed "oh sweetheart, we know youve been much more grownup recently but we thought it's because you wanted to be big"

" i do!" roman argued loudly, more tears building "b-but little too a-and... and i dunno" he finished in a sob, and patton quickly pulled him closer to his chest and rocked him

logan realised roman is too little to have such a complex discussion about tricky emotions, so he promised that the following day they would all have a big grownup talk about how to help roman find a better balance.

"but for tonight" logan whispered, leaning down and kissing romans head and cupping his jaw gently and looking at him gently "mommy and daddy are going to take care of our sweet little prince. how does that sound, little one?"

romans lip wobbled and he nodded and launched himself into mommy lap to give him a tight hug

so that night logan and patton gave their full attention to taking care of roman and helping him be extra little - they watched disney movies and held their little prince and encouraged his headspace, singing along to the songs and poking roman playfully to get him to giggle and sing along too but much quieter than usual.

patton even reminded roman when to go use the potty, not because roman would ever have an accident but because its another way of showing roman that daddy is taking care of him and to reinforce that younger headspace that ro so clearly needed that night

they were all squished onto the one couch - its big enough for them to spread out but logan and patton sat shoulder to shoulder, with roman laid across pattons lap and his head on logans shoulder. with daddy letting roman play with his fingers as a fidget and logan scritching his nails gently at the base of romans neck which makes him sleepy

and every once in a while, logan would lean down and kiss romans temple so gentle, seemingly randomly but actually its that logan kept thinking about how little he knows about romans mental state recently. and whenever he thought "god i wish i knew what was going on in his head", he would lean down and kiss it in the hopes it plants the thought in romans mind that his parents love him

roman was actually very low energy - usually his littlespace is defined by playfulness and loudness and running and jumping and dancing, but on that specific night he was very quiet, very sleepy, and very very cuddly. he really just needed to feel protected because it was such a vulnerable state for him, being involuntarily little, so just letting his caregivers take full control and take care of him and look after him was exactly what he needed

he would never ever say this to anyone and the caregivers agreed to not tell vee or anyone else, but i think they actually had snacks at one point and roman was just so muted and sleepy and clingy that he didnt wanna let go of daddys hand to get some popcorn even though when patton asked roman admitted he was hungry... so logan offered to feed him, and roman very shyly accepted and let logan put lil pieces of popcorn in his mouth

he thought it was embarrassing, but it actually gave him more energy both because popcorn is yummy and because he found it fun and got kindve giggly - to which patton of course told him he was adorable

after the first movie though vee actually woke up from her nap regressed and the caregivers took it in turns looking after her while the other stayed and cuddled roman extra tight

but soon vee was put in bed for good for the night - roman actually got a little upset again because he assumed since mommy was putting the baby to bed, that meant it was romans bedtime too and he would have to be all alone in his room.

but then logan returned to the living room with the baby monitor in hand and immediately asked "so what movie next, sweetheart?"

bedtime be damned, the caregivers stayed up watching disney films with their little one until he fell asleep snuggled in his mommys lap

just imagine those really gentle vibes when you fall asleep on the couch as a kid and your parent gently wakes you up and leads you up to bed. Exactly like that, patton very gently woke roman up once the credits were rolling like an hour after roman dropped off to sleep

"mmh... daddy.. wha?" roman mumbled sleepily

and patton smiled, happy that roman was still letting himself be little. and of course in that moment he decided there was no way roman was going to sleep alone that night.

"c'mon honey, up up"

roman whined as logan helped push him off his lap and stand up

"i know sweetie. but you can sleep in my bed tonight, isn't that exciting?"

as soon as roman heard that it gave him more motivation to let his daddy hold his hand and carefully lead him upstairs to pattons room while roman is just blinking sleepily and letting his cg take full control and take care of him

logan helps to set up romans njghtlight in pattons room while patton helps roman brush his teeth, and then gives roman one last hug and big soft kiss on his head. "we can talk about it when youre big, but i promise you can be little for as long as you want, ok?"

roman sighed sleepily "ok mommy"

"good night little one, i love you" another forehead kiss

"love you mommy"

and then logan went off to his own bed while patton got him and roman settled in his bed for the night. logan honestly knew he wasnt the best person to take care of roman overnight because he really isnt a cuddly sleeper but roman really is, so he trusted pstton to be the primary caregiver and cuddle roman in bed

meanwhile logan kept vees baby monitor in his room which isnt how it usually goes. usually its in patton room bc patton is a light sleeper and likes to be the one to take care of his baby if she wakes up in the night, but logan took on that job for that night so that patton could focus fully on roman

...

the next day roman was still little but in the playful bouncy way again almost instantly! then when he grew up later in the day the three of them had a serious talk about how to help roman feel better about his littlespace/grownup life balance

logan broke it down into exact hours for roman - they realised that there was 20-25 hours every week where roman had to be grownup for various commitments and responsibilitiea. and the other 148 hours? (ish bc i cant remember the maths lol) logan and patton assured roman he could be little for all of those other hours if he really wanted to be and they would be completely okay with it

and seeing it broken down into numbers and basic stuff really helped roman , he is still going to struggle a little with letting himself be extra little when he needs it, and itll be tricky for him to find a good balance of little vs big because he gets so invested in one headspace so easily, but its backed up by those numbers and by the knowledge that his caregivers really do love to take care of him

[pirate-kid2k19-blog]

Explaining the behaviors i grew up around to explwin why im like this. Started writing at 3:06AM and finished at 3:48AM

So basically in tennessee where i was born my uncle was an alcoholic pothead. We used to like plsy wrestle a lot and once i accidentally kicked him in the balls now obviously his natural reflex was to push me and i literally flew out that room so hard i nearly fell down the stairs. I broke my right arm. And i forgive him not just because he apologized but he stopped drinking because of that. He now only drinks on holidays or his birthday. Anyways, i grew up for 5 years around christians, witches, and 2 stoners.

my moms cousin was problematic af if he was famous twitter would cancel him harder than anyone else ever bc of this shit that traumatized me. Ill start with what only traumatized me for like 2 years, but then whatll haunt me forever.

So when i was 3, he was cleaning the cat litter. We had 4 cats at the time so there was a lot of shit in the litter. I was trying to get his attention bc i ended up with the room he used to hsve and i didnt want all the hotwheels cars on the wall, and i wanted to ask if hed take them down. Apparently i bugged him so much that he picked me up and put me in the trashcan w i t h t h e c a t s h i t l i t t e r wnd thats why i never went around big trashcans for 2 years.

Now im never gonna forget this. So he and my dad were having a small disagreement bc he did something wrong on a car they were trying to fix (they used to do that together) and well that turned into a full blown fight. Doors were broken, holes were msde in walls, amd my 3 year old self hsd to stand by the stairs and watch paralyzed by fear. Luckily my aunt called the cops and they stopped the fight before it got too bad wnd they were hurt n shit. But i will never forget watching my dad duct tape my kom's cousin's mouth shut and hearing the police sirens and seeing th lights outside.

Anyways, the people who owned the family home died and we had to move. My granddad on my dads side of the family let us stay 2ith. This dude names T.R. (im not giving out real names, but he used his initials as a nicknwme so we'll call him that.) He wasnt that bad of a guy, except for the fact that i developed insomnia due to not being abl3 to sleep til he went to bed at 5am bc of how loud he had his video games. We wouldve said something but we didnt wannw be rude and i think TR just dirntt think we could hear it. He couldnt real,y afford to take care of his dog with the job he had, and while my dad had a good paying job hed help take care of the fluffy chow he had. But after a while, we couldnt afford it either ehen my dad as unemployed and when we went to get him taken to the shelter to be put down (he was really old and miserable, he hardly got any attention bc 1 tr worked until nighttime 3very day just to afford rent and shit for him snd the dog to live off of, and 2 he was really skittish wnd an outside dog in a pen (though the pen was big enough for him and it had a roof and a little house n stuff, everything was just a bitndirty yeet) so he hardly got contact with people.) He kinda jumped out and ran away. He got ran over later on, sadly.

Once id been in georgia for about a year with an empty house next door (they were renovating it so ppl could live there and they wouldnt have to demolish the building since it was good on the outside and all that), my old neighbors/family friends moved in. This little autistic boy a year younger than me exactly (same day but he was born a year after me), his mom who laypter suffered an aneurysm and was paralyzed on all her right side, and her oldest kid mason who wprked at gamestop. You can tell what he looked like just ehen u think that he worked at gamestop and loved legend of zelda. Anyways, this kid and i hsd a lot of fun bc we hsd a lot in common and we both loved nsture and stuff like that. After abt 2 years, we uhh... did bad shit, we stole alcohol and got drunk n shit, hed steal his moms weed (it was illegal weed, she didnt have a card to get it for medical reasons at the time and btw this is after the aneurysm) and sell it to kids he met in the woods. See in the woods by my house theres a small-ish clearing where the property owners hunt and ride four wheelers n stuff, and we were all told we were allowed bsck there as long as the ppl who owned the property werent and we had to wear orange or bright neon yellow in hunting season in case they came bsck there thyd know it was people. This kid nearly got me to join this "gang" he called it. I was pure and innocent back then and said no bc in order to get in i had to cut myself (i had depression but not bad enough to wanna hurt myself or anything, and i hsd no clue wbt self harm or anything i was fuckin 8) and i just told them that me selling shit we werent supposed to hsve in school (candy/gum, slap bracelets, stuff that an 8 year old shouldnt have access to) was good enough for me. However, i wonder what happened to those kids. Theyre probably in high. School juuling in the bathroom lol. But anyways,this fuckin kid and i got drunk together a couple times when we'd sneak off into the woods and trespass n shit and after a while of not seinf each other, we got to meet sgain. I explained to him what being trans was and that i was a guy and he deadass just told me i already acted like one and he accepted me and called me a guy whenever we were alone (i wasnt out to my family yet). But then his house started falling apart and he moved and we havent seem each other in q year and a half. However, we might get to celebrate our next birthdsy together. We never got the chance to before and if i dont have company over next year on my birthday we might get to celebrate together :)

Some more shit abt this kid: he was the only friend i had up until fourth grade when i started selling art and being less of an asshole. And he knows more about me than any friend i have or used to have. Im the only person other than his mom who understands his memtal disorder so when my mom would babysit him i had to go over there after school in case something happened i could calm him. But uhh yeah this kid and i had some fun times and i hope i get to see him again soon. He still lives in the same city, just on the other side of the city.

About this area, basically im surrounded by woods and rednecks. Neighbors on the right are nice sweet old ppl the neighbors on the left are shady af and we in the white ghetto virtually. The hood is right down the street to the left and im scared to go there unless i was in public school on the bus or like if i had pepper spray lol.

Anyways im yoo tired to keep going gn.