#these people shouldn’t been even allowed in the World Cup

[aventurineswife]

im under the assumption that requests are open, so uhmmmm

ahem-

can i request Aventurine giving Reader a hug or whatever physical affection, and Reader starts crying because of that? (Reader is crying because it's been a long time since they were last touched/held, and the thought of someone wanting to touch/hold them is very scary. even the sensation behind being touched/held is almost overstimulating, despite how badly they want to be held)

i know my request is, uh, oddly specific ?? hope that's ok with you tho 🧍‍♂️ im one of the few dorks out there that is so touch-starved that i cry when it happens lol,,, it's not that i hate touch, my brain just can't register it.

“If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did”

Summary: After a long time without any physical affection, you’re overwhelmed when Aventurine gives you a comforting hug. The sensation is almost too much, and you break down, finally allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Aventurine reassures you with gentle words and a steady presence, letting you know he’s there for you whenever you need.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Emotional Vulnerability, Reassurance, Established Relationship.

Warnings: Emotional Overwhelm, Touch Starvation, Reader Crying.

A/N: Don’t worry, Rose! My requests are open, so feel free to drop yours whenever you like! ;) And don’t worry, your requests aren’t weird or anything—actually, they’re cute and wholesome. 🤧🥺 I can also relate to the touch-starved feeling, though I’m uncomfortable with people touching me without consent (trauma). I’d be fine with holding hands or arms, though. :') Hope you enjoy this! And remember, you're valid! 💖🌹🫂 *Sending virtual hugs <33*

Sorry this uh rushed and I didn't edit it properly and got to your request late :')

The room was quiet, save for the soft murmur of the city outside. Aventurine led you in, his gentle hand resting on your back. You felt your pulse race as he guided you to sit on the sofa, his easy confidence steadying you as you took a shaky breath. Tonight, he’d traded his playful banter for a quieter presence. His usual grin softened, and his eyes were filled with something far more tender.

You sat beside him, hands twisting nervously in your lap, feeling that comforting warmth radiating off him. Despite how close he was, you couldn’t shake the distance you felt from it, as if an invisible wall held you back. It was as though you were tethered to a feeling you couldn’t escape—something that had kept you from letting anyone close for so long.

“Are you alright?” Aventurine’s voice was low and gentle, his words laced with concern. He reached out, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, the gesture simple, yet it felt like a landslide of emotion.

And then, without another word, he drew you into his arms, pulling you close against his chest. The sudden warmth, his touch, the feeling of his heart beating steadily—it was too much. A wave of sensation hit you, so foreign yet so needed, and before you could stop yourself, tears blurred your vision.

You hadn’t been held like this in so long, hadn’t felt this kind of closeness. It scared you, left you trembling in his embrace as the ache in your chest spilled over into silent sobs. Every part of you was screaming that this was wrong, that you couldn’t trust it, that you shouldn’t let yourself need it so badly. Yet Aventurine held you tightly, his presence unwavering, silently urging you to let go.

“Hey… you’re safe here,” he whispered, a hand rubbing slow circles along your back. “I’ve got you.”

You felt his hand press against your back, steady and comforting, grounding you with each small touch. His other hand cupped the back of your head, cradling you as though you were the most fragile thing in the world. His words, low and close to your ear, were soft promises that left no room for doubt.

The tears came harder, and you pressed your face into his shoulder, feeling the fabric of his coat against your cheek. You clung to him, fingers clutching the back of his shirt as though he might disappear if you let go. Every part of you felt exposed, vulnerable in a way that was terrifying, yet liberating.

“I’m sorry...” you managed, voice muffled against him.

“For what?” He shifted slightly, pulling back just enough to look at you. His eyes, usually playful and glinting with mischief, were filled with nothing but understanding and warmth. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Your words choked up, and you simply shook your head, a fresh wave of tears welling up. You couldn’t explain it; it was too raw, too deeply ingrained in every wall you’d ever built around yourself. But Aventurine seemed to understand. He stayed, hands gently brushing up and down your back, thumb tracing soothing circles along your shoulder.

And in that moment, for the first time in ages, you felt safe. The warmth, the steadiness of his heartbeat, the quiet strength in his hold—it reminded you that maybe it was okay to let yourself be held, to be cared for, even if it was overwhelming. His hand found yours, fingers entwining, grounding you in the here and now.

“Whenever you need this,” he murmured, his voice steady and filled with reassurance, “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

The promise lingered in the quiet, like a lifeline you hadn’t realized you’d been waiting for. You let yourself lean into him, allowing the tears to finally fall as he held you, the world slipping away until it was just the two of you, wrapped in warmth, safety, and an unspoken promise of more moments like this—of a love that was patient enough to wait.

This is so Aventurine 😪��

[undertoweyes]

Today is the day where all of Latin America sing the only and one prayer: DEATH TO AMERICA!!!

Go Iran and burn those Yankees de mierda!!

[junicult]

!! the bachelors after their first kiss with you

contains ; fluff! gn!(but written with fem in mind)farmer for most. implied male in alex’s. non canon setting (for most). unestablished relationships—pre dating. alcohol usage. smoking (cigarettess).

note ; i had a nice time in my imagination with this one

harvey.

he stares at you, stunned at how easily you were able to do the thing he’s been thinking about for weeks. how soft your lips felt, how comforting your hand on his chest was, and how genuinely intoxicated just one simple kiss from you was already making him feel.

he clears his throat, and almost like you just sucked every world out of him, all he could muster up was a mumbled, “thank you.” he thanked you. for kissing him.

you purse your lips, trying your darnedest not to laugh watching his face just drop, realizing the first thing he said to you after you kissed him for the first time was a thank you.

“oh no, it was my pleasure.” you tease, allowing a small giggle to slip. he sighs like his blood has run cold, too embarrassed to even respond. luckily for him, you’re just too perfect, and you cool his sting by leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. you pull back with a smile, hand cupped over the opposing one, “goodnight harvey. i’ll see you tomorrow. you can thank me for that one, then.”

sam.

he acted almost as quick as you did, the moment he saw your eyes fixate on his lips and lean in, he wasted no time to fill in the gap between you two.

“you kissed me.” he says, face washed in amusement and adrenaline. he remains a solid grip where his hands rest on your lower waist, clear he has no intent on letting you go anytime soon.

“i might’ve.” you murmur, flickering your gaze to and from his. if he didn’t know any better, he’d think—

“are you all shy now? did i make you nervous?” he angles his head to chase your nervously wandering eyes, mischievous grin and tease in his tone. his hand consciously cups the side of your neck, thumb pressing into your jaw to gently force your chin up and maintain eye contact.

you huff, shaking your head. “well, a little! we just kissed!” you try not to sound too whiny—though, the way his grin spreads almost makes you forget that plan.

“aha! i made you nervous! am i so handsome? am i such a good kisser?” he muses, snickering in triumph.

“sam,” you test, narrowing your eyes through your eyelashes.

“what? you dunno know the answer? wanna kiss again to find out?”

shane.

he didn’t actually think you’d lean in, much less keep it going for so long that he’d have to push against you a moment later to give him a second to breathe.

but you shake your head, misinterpreting it all so quickly. “i’m sorry—i’m so sorry, i shouldn’t have kissed you, i don’t know why i did that, i’m sorry—“

“whoa, i wasn’t pushin’ you away,” he immediately rouses, “i’m not mad that you kissed me.” and he snickers lowly, “more like pounced on me.”

“you’re not?” you hum breathlessly, straightening your pants and tucking pieces of your hair back. now your chest bubbles with a new kind of embarrassment. you nibble on your lower lip, attempting to ease your breaths. “i—i dunno why i did that. i don’t usually drink…much less makeout with people while i do.”

you slouch back down on the old, creaky dock next to him. he snorts, tilting his head, “‘m just too irresistible, huh?”

you shoot him a glower. “yeah,” you say like it’s sarcastic, but really, you’re well aware you aren’t drunk enough to start behaving irrationally. “i just didn’t mean to do that.”

“i don’t mind that you kissed me.” he shrugs.

you watch as he takes a swig from his beer can. his eyes focus on the overall still lake in front of you both. “you don’t?”

he almost wants to tease you for all your disbeliefs. he chooses to scoff out a laugh instead, shaking his head. “mm-mm.”

you turn to face the water, gently swinging your dangling legs over the edge. “hm,” you hum back, “maybe we should talk about that when we’re both sober.”

sebastian.

he’s borderline shocked at how easy it was for him to kiss you back—no hesitation after your fingers brushed the back of his hair to pull him in. he’s almost loopy, too, and he’s never been the type to swoon so hard from these kinds of affections. but he’s also learned a lot has changed since he first met you.

“you taste like cigarettes.” you murmur as you step back, licking your lower lip as if to repeat the taste. you turn towards the city lights, and for the first time he’s finding it nearly impossible to follow your gaze.

“i’m sorry,” he truthfully says, absentmindedly stepping down on the previously tossed cigarette butt at his shoe. “i’ve been trying to stop.”

“tastes like you, too. mixed in, i guess.” you note with a smile, “it’s not terrible though. but good, you should try and quit.”

he honestly doesn’t know how to take that—in his mind, he can’t imagine that tastes good, much less the combination any glorious. yet you turn to him again, stuffed hands unfolding from your pockets to reach across for his.

all you had to do was to give him a tiny tug, sliding your hands up his shoulders before he repositioned his own back to where they previously sat on your waist.

“let me bask it in while i can, though.”

alex.

you’ve almost never seen him with this soft, content look on his face. you’re half expecting him to burst into laughter, try to justify his actions with a teasing lilt and offer to pretend like it never happened.

but no. all he does is look at you, watching the way your eyes shift between each of his, evaluating. like he’s waiting for one of you to break.

you take the bait. “why’d you do that?” you murmur, quiet enough the wind almost picks it up.

he shrugs. “i dunno. it felt right.” he hums, and despite his uncertain words, he says it with sincerity. “was that the wrong choice?”

you think for a moment. for you, you surely thought about it for weeks. but the timing certainly didn’t feel appropriate. vulnerability changes a man like him most of all, and the last thing you’d want to do was take advantage of that. you absentmindedly swirl the grains of sand under your fingertips.

“no, i don’t think so.” you respond easily.

he nods. you’ve never seen him this quiet, but despite that, you’ve got an idea of what’s exactly going through his mind. when he turns away, you’re certain.

“you won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“of course not.”

elliott.

he had almost forgotten why he invited you over—just for inspiration on the last couple chapters of his novel, or did he honestly plan for it to go like this?

“so…what happens after they…kiss?” you coyly murmur, still held in his embrace so close you can smell the drop of pomegranate on his lips.

“well, i haven’t written that far just yet,” he pauses to take a breath, “i was hoping they’d finally confess their love.”

he’s so handsome this close, your head still reels and lips feel fuzzy as you struggle to bring back in your even breaths.

you nod, slow and computing. “yeah—no, that sounds good.”

your plump lips hold him in a trance, as do his, making it so hard to concentrate on his words all the while you feel you’re too fixated on them.

“so you believe they love each other? that they should finally tell the other?”

the kiss rendered you thoughtless—what can you expect from a romantic like him? however, the metaphor is not lost on you. and had he let you go at this point, it wouldn’t have been so easy for you to eagerly nod, “absolutely. two people in love should tell each other they’re in love.”

[bippiti]

syulang -

pairing jake sully x human scientist reader (afab)

wc 1k

warnings p in v, size kink mentions, stomach bulge, s3x pollen

based off a req from @oyasumimosura <3

after the war, you were one of the scientists allowed to stay back and continue studying pandora. you had gotten your own lab that was deeper in the forest so you could continue studying what you loved most, plants. as a botanist and biologist the world of pandora amazed you, even after a few years you would never cease to be starstruck at what you saw.

jake would occasionally stop by to visit. his insights as he became more knowledgeable on the forest were invaluable, but you also just liked seeing him. as he dropped by more, you could feel yourself falling for him more and more. it was futile though, you knew he would choose a na’vi woman eventually, especially as he became more settled in as the new olo’eyktan.

during one of his routine visits, you both climbed on top of your lab to watch the stars. he pointed various constellations out and rambled on about their symbolism. a few hours later, you were coming back down into your lab. while the lab could fit na’vi people in, the boxed space did make them prone to small accidents. you shouldn’t have been surprised when jake knocked off a jar as he was walking to the door. you laughed as you bent down to grab the jar and froze. of course. of course the one jar that would actually have consequences was the one knocked down.

“jake you should- you should leave, i don’t know how long it takes for this plants effects to fully wear off” you pressed your eyes shut, hoping he could leave before you embarrassed yourself

as you heard the door close you breathed a sigh of relief and opened your eyes only to see jake towering over you. he knelt down and raised a hand to cup your cheek, it almost covered half your skull. he brought you closer and brought his head to the crook of your neck. you could feel him inhale your scent and your eyes almost rolled back, you don’t know how long you could take it. it was too much. he was too much.

he pulled back and stared at you again, his face came closer before his lips brushed yours

“do you want me as much as i want you?” he whispered

you didn’t give him a verbal response, opting to instead grab his face and kiss him. you couldn’t help it, his voice, his face, his hands, it was all intoxicating. he kissed you back, quickly gaining dominance as he swiped his tongue on your bottom lip. when you whimpered he slipped his tongue in, you moaned as you felt him in your mouth, you couldn’t wait anymore. you both broke apart, panting. he grabbed at your shirt, you started unbuttoning it but he got impatient and ripped it. he tore off your bra and sighed as he laid you on the floor and started leaving kisses down your neck, making sure to leave marks, as he went down your chest and stomach he left a slew of purple and pink blotches. you were his and he was going to make sure everyone knew. eventually he got down to your stomach and you lifted your hips to help him take off your pants. he stepped out of his and youre eyes widened. he was big. too big. how was it going to fit? you’d come this far and now you wouldn’t even be able to go through with it. you were going to loose your mind.

his hands on your jaw broke you out of your minor panic, bringing you up so you could stare into his eyes.

“i’ve got you, don’t worry”

that was all you needed to relax again, you nodded and laid back as he started kissing your neck again. while doing that he began to tease your folds, sliding up and down before eventually pushing one in. you threw your head out and repressed a moan. he added another and started gently scissoring you open, once he felt your walls start to clamp down and your breathing become erratic, he pulled his fingers out. he brought them up to your mouth

“taste”

you did what you were told, barely getting half of his finger in as you began to taste yourself. once he was satisfied, he took them out and pulled you on top of him. he aligned himself with your entrance and began pulling you down slowly. you felt a burning sensation as you began to descend, once you bottomed out the pain started fading into pleasure. you looked up at him, and saw he was glancing down. following his gaze you looked down to your stomach. his length was kissing your cervix, and bulging out. you could see the impression on your stomach. you grabbed his arm and looked at him, he started to move.

as he started pushing in and out you started seeing stars. he pulled all the way out only to slam back in. you’d never felt this full, he picked up the pace and put a hand on your waist, it wrapped all the way around. you couldn’t focus on anything besides the feeling of him inside your walls, you pushed your head into his neck, hoping to stifle your moans.

he caught on to what you were doing, and changed positions to where you were on the floor, hips never stilling. he came down to your ear, you felt his warm breath as he whispered

“don’t hold out on me, i wanna hear how good i make you feel” you arched your back, and started letting go. he started to move even faster, each thrust hitting your cervix, you felt your toes curl and let go. the pulsing of your walls caused him to finish not long after, and he pumped you full before pulling out.

you both caught your breath on the cool floor. as you turned over you began to laugh

“that’s some syulang”

-

(syulang = flower)

[baldudiable]

pick a card : where you need to take action

choose the image you feel most drawn to.

pile 1

six of swords, nine of cups, the star, ten of wands

this pile is about leaving something behind feeling disappointed. this has costed you and taken a lot from you, but it has also taught you a lot. i feel like this refers to a job or a certain lifestyle. whatever this is, you have decided to leave it behind because it didn't align with your values. even if you feel like time was wasted, this experience has allowed you to acquire the knowledge and skills necessary for your next step. if you're still thinking about leaving something behind but are feeling fearful about it, you should trust your instinct and take action. if you do, the outcome will be extremely rewarding.

the nine of cups indicates that the situation you were in took a lot of mental space and made you forget about the things that actually make you happy. the card represents a man sitting in front of nine cups with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. you are soon going to reconnect with a practice or motto that you have abandoned. you are going to spend more time nurturing this activity, and that will make you happier because it’s something that you actually enjoy doing.

then we have the star. the star is about taking energy from a source and pouring it to another. it’s associated with Aquarius, the humanitarian. in this context, it means that there is something that you can offer to the collective. maybe you have always wanted to be a creative, or have always wanted to help others in some way, but have been advised against that by your parents or by society in general. the star says that your gifts are not meant to be hidden. you are meant to share them with the world. someone, somewhere, needs to hear the message that you want to spread.

this card is also an encouragement to trust both yourself and the universe. if there's something that you wanna do because it makes you happy, you shouldn’t wait to do it. you shouldn’t postpone happiness, as the future isn’t certain. there’s nothing else more important than feeling good in the present. when you are feeling good, the universe will deliver more experiences that makes you feel good. like attracts like. wealth, health, connection�� all of these things will be given to you when you feel happy and fulfilled. if you don’t know about the law of attraction yet, you should learn about it. it will help you to feel more grateful about what you have and also more relaxed about your decisions.

the last arcana suggests that this change of course won’t be easy, though. you will have to give it your all. some people see the ten of wands as a burden that's too heavy to bear. but as the last card of the wand suite, it signifies accomplishment and satisfaction. you will have to put more energy and intention into what you're doing, but the more that you do, the more rewards you will get. the man on the picture carries ten wands home, which represent the trophies he’s earned along the way. he is bringing them home so he can finally rest and enjoy the success he has fought so hard to achieve.

pile 2

seven of cups, queen of swords, nine of cups, temperance

i feel like you are confused about where to focus on energy on. i feel like there are opportunities and options in front of you, and that you don't know which one to choose. so you are asking yourself what it is that you want. is it status, meaning, or connection that you seek ? is it wealth ? some of these paths are dangerous and deadly, as indicated by the snake and weird creature appearing out of the cups. be careful what you wish for, because it might well come true. does any of these paths resonate with the person you're trying to become? will they actually make you grow, or are they just shortcuts to success?

the queen of swords suggests that you can be very decisive and determined. you might be a fixed sign, or have a lot of fixed energy in your chart. once you are sure what the goal is, there is no going back. you give it your all, until you reach your destination. but i feel like you have been influenced by your peers or by society in general to pursue things that aren't really you. you have been walking toward a dead end. the queen is looking straight ahead, with her sword held high. she's ready to cut through the bullshit. the clouds behind her are lifting, meaning that state of confusion is disappearing. you know what you're supposed to do. and you know that you've got what it takes to succeed. all you have to do is to take the step.

once you do, you will be highly satisfied. we can relate the nine of cups to the act of doing what one knows and enjoys doing. you will decide to do something that actually makes you happy, and not another person's idea of happiness. once you do, you will be highly proud of yourself and proud of the thing that you are creating. the joy you will feel will attract even more opportunities for you to be happy.

temperance indicates an equilibrium between water and earth; between the spiritual and the physical. whatever enterprise you are planning to take on, you should know that it is your calling. the angel on the card is enlightened, while the Sun behind him is rising. balance will be restored. you will finally be doing something that you are supposed to do. once you are walking this path, everything will align. you'll feel better and more hopeful about the future.

pile 3

the tower, two of pentacles, nine of wands, ace of wands

i see the destruction of one's fondation, of one's support system. you may have lost a friend, a lover, or a job. maybe they left you. this thing or person meant a lot to you, and you don't know how to go on without them. you might be depressed. you don't feel like you have enough energy or drive to do anything. so you let chances pass by in front of you, feeling stagnant and regretful.

the two of pentacles represent the contemplation of a ressource or opportunity. the character on the image plays with the pentacles, instead of using them. the movement of the pentacles draw a figure 8. you are living in your head and juggling with this idea instead of working actively to make it come true. you have wasted time but it's not too late to start moving. you have a lot of ressources at your disposal, as indicated by the nine of wands, the penultimate arcana of the suite. you have almost arrived at your desired destination. success is near. but you are still looking backward, focusing on the past instead of making the most of your present situation.

the last card of the reading is the ace of pentacles. which is funny as it's the first card of the wand suite. it's about starting another journey, and the infinite potential that comes with it. wands are associated with the fire element, which isn't fearful about new experiences. on the contrary, fire gets excited when new opportunities present themselves because they allow it to spread and expand. whatever opportunity presents itself to you, you should take it because once you do, you could accomplish things you didn't think you didn't think you were capable of. all you have to do is to decide to get moving and things will stat moving. whatever happened is in the past. you might not be able to get it back, but i don't think that you need it to keep going on your way. you still have the most important weapon in your arsenal, and that arsenal is you.

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Sim Jaeyun x F!Reader TW : angsty ; little tiny argument ; mainly fluff though ; Word Count : 1.1k Request : Anonny : Hey hey can I request a Jake fic Where HES had a really bad day and he comes home from work and you don’t know what’s wrong so you keep walking on eggshells around him and then one minor inconvenience just makes him break down and you’re just there to comfort him A/N : Haven't done an Enhypen fic in so long, omg. I hope everyone enjoys it though!!

Jake was the personification of a puppy, a labrador to be exact. He was the happiest person you knew, and everyone around you would agree. He had this ability to just make everything better, he made even your worst days better just by walking into the room and smiling in your direction. From the moment you met him, bad days didn’t exist anymore, he wouldn’t allow it. That’s why you thought yourself to be the luckiest person in the world, not because you were dating Jake the idol from Enhypen… No, it was because your boyfriend was Sim Jaeyun, your best friend, your favorite person in the whole universe. 

Like clockwork, the front door unlocked and your head quickly turned to look at it, awaiting the appearance of your wonderful boyfriend. Every single day he’d come through the door with a smile and a little snack that he picked up on his way home. You’d run to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss as if it were the last time your lips would ever connect. He’d spin you around, peppering the top of your head with more kisses just to hear you giggle, and you always did. 

Today shouldn’t have been any different, but when he came in, he was empty handed. That wasn’t a problem though, you knew that sometimes little things like that can slip people's minds. He wasn’t smiling either though, and the vibe that he gave off was completely different from what you were used to. He was usually so warm and inviting, but the coldness that you felt from him had goosebumps prickling along your entire body. 

It was the first time since being together that you felt like you didn’t know how to approach him, or better yet, whether you should approach him at all. “Is… Is everything okay?” You practically squeaked out the question, and while he wasn’t a scary person, the look that he shot in your direction was nothing close to friendly. 

“Does it look like everything is okay?” He snapped, and you weren’t used to him talking to you like that. You weren’t used to the way he was being right now at all. It was so unusual in fact, that it made you extremely uncomfortable, your mouth snapping shut immediately, not knowing what to say or what to do next. “I’m going to bed, I just want to be alone.” He mumbled, stalking right past you to go into the bedroom. 

“But… You haven’t eaten yet… Do you want me to bring you-” 

“Alone!” He repeated his last word more forcefully this time, not even letting you finish your sentence, and once again, your mouth was shut as you meekly nodded your head in agreement. The bedroom door slamming shut made you jump, but as soon as the initial shock from the sound wore off, all you could do was cry. You weren’t sure what had happened, you didn’t know what was going on… But you did know that the man that had walked into your house today surely wasn’t the boyfriend that you were used to. 

///

You ended up dozing off on the couch, or, moreso, crying yourself to sleep on the couch, and after an amount of time that you weren’t even aware had passed, you were awoken by the sound of sniffling right beside your head. “Jake…?” You groggily questioned, your eyes barely opened when you rolled over, but you were met with a very blurry picture of his face only a couple inches from yours. 

“I’m sorry…” He said weakly, his hand coming up slowly to cup your cheek. “I couldn’t sleep… Not until I apologized… But you were sleeping when I came out and… Usually you look so happy when you’re sleeping, you look so peaceful… But you looked so sad and felt even more awful… And I’m sorry… I’m really sorry…” He was getting choked up again, you could hear it in his voice, but before you even had the chance to try to tell him it was okay, he was talking once more. “Work was just really stressful today and… I couldn’t get the dances right… And they had to keep stopping practice because of me… And I felt like crap because of it and I was so mad at myself… And I came home… And I just messed up again with you and I made you cry… And I’m just failing at everything… I’m sorry…” 

You didn’t want him to feel like a failure, not when it came to his career, and definitely not when it came to being your boyfriend. You sat up as fast as you could, the sudden movement making you momentarily dizzy, but you were in a hurry to comfort him, to make sure that he didn’t think that way any longer. “Babe, everyone has bad days. They happen. It’s normal. I have bad days all the time, that doesn’t make me a failure… Well, I hope it doesn’t. But you’re amazing, you’re a great dancer, and the only thing that you’re better at than being an idol, is being my wonderful, loving, cutie patootie of a boyfriend.” The corners of his lips twitched up for a split second before lowering back down to a pout. “Come… Come sit.” You patted the seat beside you, and he slowly moved up onto the couch, but once he was there you tugged his sleeve, pulling him down so that his head was resting in your lap. “Comfy?” You asked, and he nodded his head. “Good…” You brushed your fingers through his hair, doing everything you could to calm him, to comfort him. “You know… Whenever I have bad days, you’re always there for me to make me feel better… I want to do that same thing for you. I’m here for you, not just to love you and give you hugs and kisses… I’m here to support you too, to cheer you up when you’re sad, to calm you down when you’re angry… I’m your girlfriend, that’s what we do…” 

“So… you’re not mad at me?” He whispered, looking up at you with the cutest puppy eyes, and how could you possibly stay mad at him when he looked at you like that? You shook your head no, leaning in to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. “I’m really sorry though… I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I love you so much… I was scared that you’d leave me…” 

“You’re gonna have to do a little more than that to get rid of me.” You joked, and you were happy to hear the small chuckle that vibrated through his whole body. “I’d never leave you because of something like that… I don’t want you to worry that some small little tiff is going to break us up. We’re stronger than that. I just want you to know that you can talk to me, no matter what it’s about… I’m always going to be here for you. Always.”  

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[wosoimagines]

Disappointment

part 8 of rivals

Jo has to deal with the disappointment of an injury.

3,295 words

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I grinned as I waved to my teammates who were sitting up in the stands. I knew that many of them would be here, but I hadn’t expected them all to show. Many of them waved back to me. 

It had been extremely lucky that the finals for our State Championship game was in the middle of the week. I knew that if it had been at the end of the week then none of my national teammates would have been able to make it.  

Even some of the retired players had shown. 

Jill being in the stands hadn’t been too surprising either. I had only started playing again during the State Tournament. I appreciated that she waited until now to come to watch me playing. It allowed me to get my bearings especially as I had only been called up as a training player during April for the team to get an idea of where I was with my recovery. 

I tried not to let her eyes being glued onto me get to me too much. But it was hard. 

Especially with the way my knee decided today of all days it was going to ache. I knew I should have just cautioned myself and sat out the game, but this was finally my shot at a State Championship. It was the first time I had finally made it this far into the tournament. If I didn’t this year, then I would only have one more year before I was headed to college. 

Maybe that’s why I had decided to risk playing today even though I should have rested with the Olympics right around the corner. I was a lock for the Olympics roster after all, so long as I was healthy.  

Healthy being the keyword. 

I just had to prove that I was healthy enough to get through the Olympics and then I could rest before my school season started up again next year. I was sure that Jill would give me the time off. Especially if I proved to be as big of a part of the Olympic game plan as Jill wanted me to be. It’d give me plenty of time to heal up my knee the rest of the way before we went into the new year. 

But I tried to shake my head clear of the thoughts and the nerves that came with the eyes on me. 

It wasn’t just Jill being here that had pressure on me. Most of my family had come out to watch. It was the first time this season that they had come to one of my school games. But I knew the main story that was following this game. How I was supposed to lead my team to the championship. I was the only one who would be on the field who had even had the chance to play with the national team. 

It was all anyone had been talking about. How could we lose? Plus, with my history with Jennifer? The fact that we were playing Lawson High meant we should have the game in the bag already. They had been one of the lowest seeds in the tournament. They shouldn’t have even made it this far.  

This wasn’t like the World Cup. Here I was the leader. Here I was the star. Here I was the one who was expected to get the win for my team. 

Maybe it’s what made the pain worse. Maybe my knee could hold my own weight, but the added pressure was what made it crumble. 

Because one second, I was planting my right foot to take a shot with my weak foot, and the next I was face planting into the turf.  

You know how people say pain is all in your head? Well, they’re liars. Because of all this added pressure that made my knee crumble, that pain was now etched itself into every bit of my body. I had to muffle the scream just to give myself hope at saving my spot at the Olympics, but I wasn’t sure that this pain was going to be something I could ignore this time. 

I wasn’t surprised by the quickness of our athletic trainers. The questions were quick to start. The same questions I had been asked nearly two months ago. 

I was honest with them like I was last time. This time I hadn’t heard or felt a pop, but I didn’t think I’d even try to walk off with this pain.  

I didn’t. 

I was helped to the locker room as I was kept off my right knee. I had briefly heard my coach talking about moving me from the starting line up to the bench in case I would be able to play after my knee was looked over. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he should completely change the game plan now. 

Everything started to just mesh together as the trainers checked over my knee. I didn’t even really register the trainers reaching out to schedule an MRI for me tomorrow or as they got a brace fitted onto my knee. I was mostly left alone as I tried to really get a grasp on what all of this meant. 

I hadn’t been surprised by the student trainer who had been left with me, but I wasn’t even sure who it was until I snapped out of my haze. I knew that I could go and sit on the bench to watch the match. I hoped that my team would win, but I had no idea what kind of mindset they could possibly be in after knowing that I already had one knee scare just months ago and now I wasn’t coming back out to play. 

I wondered how long it would take. For the team to forget about me. It seemed to always happen. Even with my own family. I had often been forgotten. 

“Turn it off.” 

I lifted my eyes just enough to meet Catherine’s. 

“The light. Turn it off and leave.” 

Catherine hesitated. 

“Go!” 

I didn’t miss how Catherine jumped, even as I looked away from her. 

But it was enough because the room went dark, and the door shut. After all, I’d have to get used to this feeling soon enough. Being completely by myself. 

They’d get someone else near my age to take my spot. Mallory Pugh. She seemed likely to fill my role. Mal had been seeing call ups ever since the beginning of the year. 

Maybe she wouldn’t take my playing time just yet, but as the team’s baby. Becky and Alyssa could decide they like her more. See more potential in her. Jill probably would as well. Who wants someone who’s broken on the team? 

The United States Women’s National Team was meant to be the best in the world, not for broken athletes. Ultimately that’s what I was now. 

I hadn’t even picked a school to commit to. There was no telling how few would want me now. Scholarships, especially for soccer, were few and no one would want to waste one on a player who had a major injury and might never be the same again. 

I’d be lucky if Stanford or UNC or UCLA would even still want me. Not with all the players that they recruited. I’d be even more replaceable with– 

The lights flicked back on. The clacking of cleats against the floor was a familiar one. It was what really pulled me from my thoughts as my eyes landed on my teammates who were quickly filing into the locker room. I didn’t pay much attention to our coach who was giving the halftime speech, but rather the excited looks that my teammates were sharing. 

“Don’t worry, Jo,” Isabella said as she patted my shoulder when she walked by me. “We’ll get the championship for you.” 

I furrowed my brow in confusion as I watched the rest of the team head back out. I knew that I should go out to support them. It would be expected of me after all. 

I was moved as quickly as I could to change my jersey out to the shirt I had worn to the game today. Once I had finished that, I used the crutches to get out to the field. Catherine was the one to meet me at the end of the tunnel.  

The second half hadn’t started just yet. So, I was greeted with claps and cheers. 

But I didn’t deserve them. There was nothing impressive about hobbling out on crutches. Especially to face the fact that my team was down without me. 

Except they weren’t. 

We were up 2-1. 

I furrowed my brow as I moved to sit on the bench. 

“What happened?” 

I wasn’t even asking anyone in particular. Just in general to the others who were sitting on the bench with me. 

“They opened the scoring, but we’ve been dominating since,” Ellie said. I furrowed my brow. We were the powerhouse we were because of me. Right? “Don’t worry. Jennifer hasn’t done anything this game.” 

That wasn’t what I was worried about. 

If my high school team, who was supposedly only a powerhouse because of me, could win a State Championship without me, then what use would Jill ever have for me again? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Finally got revenge, huh?” Pinoe grinned at me from across the table. It took everything in me to not sink down in my seat. “Bet the only thing to make it sweeter is if you had been able to be on the field today.” 

I didn’t say anything, but I did nod. I didn’t want to alarm my teammates either. They all had enough to worry about without me knowing that they would forget me after long. 

“What are they thinking?” I raised my eyes to meet Alyssa who was sitting across from me. “About your knee. What did the athletic trainers think?” 

“They’re not sure,” I shrugged. “I didn’t hear a pop this time so they’re not sure if I just sprained it. They set up an MRI for me first thing tomorrow.” 

“Are your parents going to go with you?” Becky asked. I shook my head. “Lys and I will take you.” 

Maybe they wouldn’t forget me after all then? Or maybe Becky just wanted to go with so that she could let the coaching staff know how it went. It wasn’t like this MRI would be rushed though. I’d have to wait a week for the results. 

“How bad do you think it is?” 

I deflated in my seat a bit. No one had asked me just yet what I thought about the injury. Sure, I had been asked about the pain and what was the worst, but not what I thought it could be. 

“I don’t think I’ll be going to the Olympics.” 

The whole table went quiet at the admission. I turned my gaze to my plate which still had a piece of pizza on it. I didn’t want to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“Then you’ll get your rest and you’ll be back with us for the Victory Tour after the Olympics,” Kelley said. 

I shook my head at that. I didn’t think that this was going to go away. 

“I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy.” 

The team stayed quiet at that as well. I still refused to meet anyone’s eyes. I knew that these Olympics were meant to be an ushering of a new era. 

“Then we’ll get through it,” Becky said, resting her hand on my thigh. “And when you’re finally cleared to play, we’ll be right here to help you get back to the team.” 

I wasn’t even sure what this team would look like when I was able to come back. We were trying to move forward, so the vets I knew now would be retired and the players in their prime would be the vets. There was no telling what our younger core would look like. More so, there was no telling if I would even be a part of that younger core. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“You guys didn’t have to come with me, you know?” 

Becky and Alyssa both glanced at each other before turning back to me. 

“You deserve to have someone here with you,” Alyssa said softly. 

It was weird. My parents hadn’t come to these kinds of appointments with me since I was able to start driving on my own. But then again, none of my appointments had the possibility of being so serious. 

Maybe they already knew the results of my scans. Maybe it wasn’t actually as bad as I thought. 

My head turned from the two older players when the door opened. 

“Hey, Jo.” 

“Hey, Lance,” I sent the man a small smile. I wasn’t too surprised that he would be the doctor handling my case. “Becky, Alyssa, this is Lance Beck. He’s friends with my older brother, Angus.” 

“We went to high school together,” Lance said. Neither Becky or Alyssa really looked surprised to find that out. “So, your knee.” 

“Yeah.” 

“How long are we looking at her being out?” Becky asked.  I didn’t bother to look at her over my shoulder, but Lance did. “And is it her ACL?” 

“It is,” Lance slowly nodded. He turned his gaze back to me. “I am curious to know how you’ve been playing on it. There’s quite a bit of damage to your ACL. I’d wager you tore it a while back.” 

I lowered my head. I tore it during the CONCACAF Tournament then. 

“Back in February,” Becky spoke up.  

“Have you had trouble walking on it?” Lance asked. I didn’t answer as I knew how upset Becky and Alyssa would be with me. “Jo?” 

“I mean, it hurt, but I just thought I needed to rest it. I figured it’d be fine. We’ve all had days where we couldn’t walk on a knee. It comes with being an athlete at our level.” 

The room went completely silent at that. 

“You’ve had days where you couldn’t walk on it?” Becky was next to me in an instant. I didn’t get the choice to look away from her as her hand rested on my cheek and kept my head facing her. “Jo, be honest. What do you mean you’ve had days where you couldn’t walk on it?” 

I sighed as my eyes flicked to where Alyssa was standing behind Becky now. 

“There have been times where it just... crumbled out from under me,” I shrugged. I wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it. “Sometimes I plant it wrong, other times it’s just like my knee can’t hold up any weight at all. I can’t put any kind of weight on it for at least a day.” 

“How often has this been happening?” 

I was able to move my head just enough to look at Lance. I gave him a small shrug. 

“It hasn’t happened since last camp.” 

“It happened at camp?” 

My eyes darted back to Alyssa. I tried to shrink back, but with Becky’s hand still on my cheek I wasn’t able to. I knew Alyssa wouldn’t be happy about that since it had been the first time I roomed with her. 

“Jo, did your knee give out on you while you were at camp?” Alyssa asked. 

I hesitated but nodded after a moment. 

“It was on an off day. I didn’t want anyone to worry,” I rushed to get out as Alyssa ran a hand through her hair. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. The scans had come back clear, and the Olympics are this year. Jill wants to move to a newer era and get me more involved. I didn’t want to risk that.” 

“Okay,” Lance said as he stood up. Becky looked at him before letting go of me. Lance took a few steps to move in front of me. “I understand why you didn’t tell anyone, Jo, but you could have made your injury a lot worse. If you want to play professionally, you’re going to have to learn to talk whenever something feels off or there’s pain. You could have ended up with a chronic ACL deficiency and I wouldn’t be able to fully fix that.” 

“So, what are the next steps?” 

Lance glanced to Alyssa over his shoulder. When Lance turned back to me, he gave me a small smile before patting my leg just above my good knee.  

“We’re gonna get Jo fixed up. I’m pretty confident that we’ll only need one surgery to fix her ACL,” Lance finally said. I sighed as I rubbed the back of my neck. “After that, you’ll rest for a week and come see me. We’ll get an idea about the kind of pain you’re still in and then decide if you need another week of rest or if we can begin rehab. The PTs will stay in contact with me, and we’ll decide if you might need another surgery or not. So, please, Jo, be honest with them about the pain you’re in.” 

“What happens if I need a second surgery?” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” 

“We can schedule the surgery today?” Becky asked. Lance looked over his shoulder at her. “Even without her parents here?” 

Lance nodded. 

“Scheduling it won’t matter. I’ll let your parents know that at least one of them needs to be there. Just stay off your knee until then.” 

“We’ll schedule it,” Alyssa said as she stepped forward. “And then we’re gonna have a serious talk with Jo about telling people when you’re injured.” 

I just followed the two through the office before we stopped at the desk to check out. I didn’t pay much attention to when the surgery was being set up other than agreeing to the earliest time as possible. 

Neither of them said anything as we made our way to the car. It wasn’t even until we were all inside and buckled up. 

“Are you seri–” 

“Why do you care?” I cut Becky off. She turned to look at me with her eyebrows raised. “Give it a few weeks and no one will. Not parents. Not my siblings. Not Jill. And I’m sure you two will follow suit. That’s how it’s always been.” 

The two stayed silent. 

“Everyone eventually stops caring, so just go ahead and stop pretending. It’ll be easier on me if we just stop now.” 

“You really think we don’t care?” Alyssa turned to look back at me this time. “Jo, if we didn’t care, we wouldn’t have come with you to the MRI scan. We wouldn’t be here today. We came to support you. Because you shouldn’t be alone to get those kinds of results.” 

“So, you could tell Jill,” I cut in. Alyssa sighed as she shook her head. “You know I’m right. You’ll drop me off at home and then Becky’s going to call Jill to let her know.” 

“I’m going to call Jill to tell her so that you don’t have to. Would you rather have to do that yourself? Tell her you can’t go to the Olympics? Or I can do it for you.” 

I huffed but looked away from Becky. 

“Jo, we both care about you. That’s not going to change. We might not be able to be here for you all the time, but we’ll check in. We’ll call. That won’t change,” Becky said. I didn’t look at her, even when she put her hand on my knee. “Jo, you might not believe, but we do care. We’ll both be here for the surgery, and, after that, we’ll call at least every week, if not more.” 

I scoffed at that. I was sure that they would. 

[thewalkingwillowtree]

Safe Haven

Series Part Listing Found Here

Neteyam x Original Na'vi Female Character

Summery: Seeking refuge, Xilä and her father venture to the lands of the Omatikaya clan, in the hopes that the Toruk Makto would be generous in allowing them to stay. This is her story about not only finding her strength, but finding love. 

Warning: This story contains smut, violence & abuse (please don't read if these topics will affect you)

Some characters have been aged up. Neteyam in particular is 24.

Xilä is my own creation.

~

Part 20 - New Life

From her spot around the crackling fire, Xilä felt as if she were being watched. She didn’t need to look up to know who it was though. 

Since their arrival at Awa’atlu, she’d gotten her fair share of stares and peaks and glances. She’d expected it really. 

Physically wise, Xilä was no Omaticaya, so she didn’t blame the Metkayina people for their curiosity. She herself was curious about them.  

So when the other clans had arrived- all in their varying physicality's, she wasn’t the only one of interest and it was nice if she were being honest.  

But Aonung however, well his stares were different. She didn’t think they had anything to do with her features, not really. It didn’t feel rude or inappropriate either. More… intrigued, perhaps? Confused? 

He always watched her as if he had a question right at the tip of his tongue, but he never asked. Instead he’d always pursue his lips and look away. 

Tonight, a large group of them- all mostly within the same age bracket, had escaped to a nearby little island, which was nothing more than a sandy beach with very little vegetation. 

Away from the rest of their families, they built an impressive bonfire and made themselves comfortable on woven mats whilst pouches and cups of strongly brewed spirits and fermented wine were shared around.

Xi politely declined any offers of the alcoholic beverages and was thankful that no one questioned her about it. 

Their large group was scattered along the shoreline, creating clusters of conversations and activities and attraction was heavy in the air. 

For those single- the women whispered and giggled amongst their groups, eyes darting over to whichever male had caught their attention. 

As for the men- well, their own peeks and glances weren’t as hidden either, not even the ones being silly and dumb by daring each other to do stupid things by the water’s edge. 

There were even couples- some mated like her and Neteyam who cuddled and spoke quietly as if they were in their own world, gazes locked and glistening with love. 

The vibe and atmosphere all reminded Xilä of the night she’d completed her rites. They were all so young and full of life. And the rare freedom to let go and be themselves- away from elders or younglings, it was refreshing. 

Unable to bear the feeling any longer, Xilä finally turned away from her mate and met Aonung’s intense stare. 

He was quite a sight to see- he always was really. Aonung had not one, but two gorgeous females under his arms. A flirty, bubbly thing- the daughter of an Anuri warrior who seemed to be animatedly talking his ear off. 

And the other- a sultry, vixen of a Metkayina woman whose lips appeared to be permanently attached to his skin- her mouth lavishing and sucking at his neck with gusto. The woman whispered something to him- something that made his lips quirk devilishly. 

“I’m beginning to think your friend has a staring problem,” Xilä murmured to her mate. 

“He’s asking for it now,” Neteyam replied through gritted teeth. “I won’t warn him a second time.”

She probably shouldn’t have said anything. “Ignore him. He’s probably doing it on purpose, trying to test your patience.”

“Sure.” 

Xilä tittered when he wrapped a possessive arm around her and allowed herself to be shifted out of view- face pushed into a hard chiselled chest. She didn’t need to glance up to know her mate was probably boring holes into Aonung’s head. 

Their bickering hot and cold, frenemy relationship never failed to amuse her. They were adults- men, but yet they behaved like boys around each other.

The Metkayina male gave him a knowing smirk before returning to the conversation with the group surrounding him- his voice so important that all eyes fell on him to hear what he was saying. 

Lo’ak’s laugh pulled Neteyam’s attention away- and Xilä’s. 

“They’re adorable, aren’t they?” she whispered, peeking out to observe the couple seated nearby. “He’s completely smitten.” 

Neteyam watched Lo’ak and Tsireya. His head was in her lap and their fingers were interlocked- they looked every bit in love. 

He’d never seen his brother so open with affection. Not with anyone really. Lo’ak was a heartbreaker- unknowingly to himself. Kiri didn’t joke about his fan club for no reason. His brother had charm and the moves to have any woman at his feet- something Neteyam had once upon a time been jealous of. 

But this? This open display of ‘this is my woman’- Neteyam had never seen this from him. 

“Oh yeah... He’s a goner. She’s good for him.” 

When the drums and bone flutes began with a deafening roar, Xilä was quick to find Kiri- both girls pulling a hesitant Tsireya along to dance amongst a growing crowd. 

And while she was busy, Neteyam enjoyed conversing with a spontaneously formed group of men he and Lo’ak had befriended during their stay. There were K’ayno and Astlu- cousins from the Tipiani clan, Ye’k- a warrior from Ta'unui and Cxian the son and next in line Olo'eyktan of the Sarentu clan. 

Neteyam of course couldn’t help himself and still kept careful watch on Xilä, lips quirking upwards every time his eyes landed on her. She was enchanting as she moved- standing out from everyone else. 

She and Tsireya eventually made their way to him and Lo’ak- Xilä begging him to dance with her- eyes dangerous and weaponized to make him weak, however could he say no? 

They danced for what felt like hours- yipping and  twirling on fast feet. Rhythmic music beats speeding up, Xi’s hips moved wildly in time with the drums. Neteyam followed, eyes heated and intense on the woman before him, hands greedy and unable to not touch her skin while he stole and planted kisses wherever he could. 

It was electrifying. 

There was no one else but her and him.

As the night wore on, almost everyone was on their feet, bodies moving carefree and minds loose as they gave in to the spirit of the music. 

Eventually needing a break, Neteyam left Xilä in the trusted hands of his brother, sister, and now soon to be sister-in-law. Xi loved dancing, she was not stopping any time soon, he knew. 

Returning from relieving himself in a secluded patch of shrubbery, he saw a lone figure near the water’s edge. 

“Not in a dancing mood, I see,” he teased, startling his friend who had been tossing pieces of his meal into the calm ocean, a sort of game with a few clustered ilu.

“Not really, no. Although I must say it was quite shocking to see you of all people out there with the rest of them. Last I remember from your previous visit, you turned down almost every teenage girl who’d dared muster the courage to ask you to dance.” 

Neteyam snorted. “Yeah well what can I say, Aonung? Those girls weren’t my wife.” 

Aonung's flickered to his, and the same curious expression he’d been staring at Xilä with was now directed at him. He stared as if wondering who the man in front of him was- as if seeing him for the first time.

“Alright, enough. Spit it out. What’s the matter? If I didn’t know you, with all the looks and staring you’ve been giving my mate lately, I’d think you were interested in her- but I do know you so I know you’re not stupid enough for it to be that. What’s going on Aonung?” 

Aonung’s gaze fell. Jaw clenched in irritation, he pretended to be far more interested in the rolling sea. 

Before Neteyam could speak again, they were interrupted. 

“Aonuuung, come dance with me,” a Metkayina woman crooned through slurred speech. She plastered herself to him, most likely unaware that Neteyam was standing right there since her fingers tried to creep into Aonung’s loincloth. “Or do you want to sneak any instead? I’ll do that thing with my tongue like last time and maybe we could-”

“Zers’i,” Aonung chided, although there was no real bite to it. “Go find someone else to warm your bed tonight. I’m sorry, but I’m not very good company right now.”

“Oh…” She pouted dramatically- huffing in disappointment when he pulled her hand away from groping him. “Well maybe next time then, yeah?”

“Next time,” he promised. 

Neteyam coughed and looked away when the woman promptly kissed him- practically sticking her tongue down his throat in goodbye before finally stumbling back to the dancing crowd. 

“Brother, don’t even.” 

But Neteyam couldn’t keep a straight face. 

Aonung scowled and flopped to the ground with a sigh when he heard his friend’s stifled titters turn into a full bellied laugh. 

“Right… no, because while I’m thoroughly traumatized, that- that was entirely too entertaining.”

“How’d you and Xilä happen?” 

“What?” Neteyam sobered up quickly at the sudden question. 

Aonung blew out a breath and hung his head, elbows digging into his propped thighs. “I need a mate. Soon.”

Understanding dawned upon Neteyam. He glanced over to the crowd in the distance and once he spotted Xilä who was squashed between Kiri, Tsireya and a few other familiar females, he slumped down onto the sand beside his friend. 

“A mate… You’ve been given a deadline I’m assuming?” 

“A year. One fucking year,” Aonung rasped. 

“Shit.” And Neteyam thought his six years were ridiculous. 

“I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think I’m cut out for all this. How do you deal with the pressure? We have to take over from our fathers, follow in their great and mighty footsteps- lead an entire clan of people who hold us with the highest of expectations. They expect us to find a woman and make sure we produce the future generation, they expect us to be the best examples and not step an inch out of line because when we mess up it’s-”

“Our responsibility and we should have known better… yeah.” Neteyam rubbed the back of his neck. He knew exactly where Aonung was coming from- from each and every side. “Believe me I get it- all of it.”

They sat quietly for a few long minutes- the drums and yips and hoots being the only thing they heard until Aonung broke the silence between them. 

“Your Xilä is great- amazing. I’m halfway not joking when I say sometimes that I’d steal her from you… but she baffles the shit out of me.”

“It what way?”

Aonung shrugged. “She’s as in love with you as you’re in love with her. Right?”

Well now Neteyam was straight up confused. “I’d say so, yeah.”

“And it’s not all an act?”

“Fuck no. What are you trying to get at?”

“The last time you were here, you said you’d probably never take a mate. You said- what was it again? Oh right, that you hated the pressure of being “the chief’s kid and wish you had the guts to do things your way.” Did I remember all of that right?”

“Impeccable memory there, brother. You should also note that I was sixteen and an idiot.” 

“Skxawng relax,” Aonung chuckled, amused by Neteyam’s sudden defensiveness. “I’m glad you found happiness, truly. I’m simply looking for it myself. You saw a couple of the others-” he jerked his chin towards a certain group of men- men like them who either followed in their father’s footsteps, or “married” into it. “Not everyone like us gets lucky like you.” 

Neteyam absorbed his words. He knew arranged matings were the norm for most clans. Some pairings eventually found love, while others tolerated the match. Neteyam knew he was blessed, this trip had solidified it as much. 

Of the many Na’vi who’d shown up to Awa’atlu, he and Aonung had met some of the unlucky ones- the ones who’d taken another out of duty and expectation. It wasn’t that they were out right miserable, but it was clear as day… They weren’t really happy. 

“I guess I should be grateful that my parents are allowing me to find my own mate and haven’t just thrown someone at me… K’ayno over there”- he pointed to the Tipani man- “his mate was picked out for him before he could even talk. They’ve been together for eight years already. They’ve got a kid and another on the way… does it seem like there’s an ounce of affection in that relationship to you?”

“Eight years? He’s only two years older than me..”

“Yeah. And I don’t want that. Couldn’t do it.”  

Neteyam distractedly nodded in agreement, mind whirling away. 

“How’d you choose her though? Xi? How did you decide to spend an eternity with that one woman?” 

“Eywa.”

“Eywa? That’s a given, ‘Teyam. I’m being serious here.”

“And so am I. Look, just like you I got a deadline, not only that but a blood-oathed yes from me, sealed the deal- I had no choice. At first I did try to make a connection. Nothing felt right. I fooled around with a couple women- though, not as openly as you, my friend,” he said, making them both chuckle. It eased the tension somewhat. “But it wasn’t until Xilä who practically landed in my arms, did I know. Eywa’s to thank for that.” 

After another quick glance to his woman, he continued. “She’s impossible not to love. It was fast. I didn’t even court her. I claimed her as mine without going through all the traditional bullshit, and pissed off our mothers and half the clan while at it… and I have no regrets. I’d do it all the same way in a heartbeat.” 

Aonung’s brows rose high at the admission of pissing off their mothers and made a playful jab that made the conversation veer off topic for a couple minutes. 

“Man, your story was sweet and all, but that tells me nothing. How’d you know it was Xi?” 

He considered the question. “I cared.” 

“You… cared? That’s it? It was that easy?” 

“She was the first thing on my mind when I woke up and the last before I slept. It might sound trivial, but I cared about whether she’d eaten dinner or what her plans were for the rest of the day. I wanted to know everything about her. What her favourite food was, what her past was like, what she wanted for her future. I wanted to know what her fears were and what I could do to make them all go away. I hated sharing her- wanted her all to myself all the fucking time. And… and I’d never felt an ounce of any of that with anyone. Ever.” 

Aonung had an indescribable look on his face as Neteyam spoke. He shook his head, brows furrowed in hopelessness. “I don’t even know where to begin looking for someone like that. Not that I even tried looking yet, that is.”

“So don’t.” Neteyam shrugged, “This might be shit advice, so take it at your own risk… but maybe you shouldn’t look. I had about given up until Xilä came along. Maybe it can work for you too. Eywa will hear your heart.” 

Aonung reluctantly nodded. “Thanks,” he said in a tight voice, and Neteyam knew his thanks weighed heavily- that it meant more. 

“Oh and by the way, if you tell anyone about this little conversation, I’ll deny it and kick your ass. I’m not giving up hope for round two with you and beating you this time around.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” Neteyam shoved him with a grin of his own. 

His friend's chin jerked forward to where Xilä stood a couple feet away, seeming unsure if she should interrupt. 

“I think your pretty mate misses you,” he pointed out, taking in the way her cheeks were flushed and hair was wild and askew from her dancing. There was no doubt she was gorgeous and although he was wholeheartedly happy for Neteyam, he still felt that subtle pang of jealousy. 

“I’ll see you bro,” Neteyam said, eyes drawn to his waiting wife. They both got to their feet and slapped arms in parting. 

Aonung watched Neteyam greet his mate, head ducking low to claim her lips, one palm cupping her cheek, the other pulling her close while Xilä tucked her fingers into his belt. 

“Hi baby,” he heard Neteyam murmur, “you ready to go?” 

Xilä whispered something that Aonung couldn’t make out, but it made Neteyam laugh and kiss her again, deeper as if he hadn’t seen her for ages. 

And when they broke apart- voices hushed and eyes intensely locked, Aonung didn’t miss the way his friend’s palm spread across the span of Xilä’s stomach… or the way they both looked down to where it rested, smiles matching in the moonlight.

~

The old device gave a loud whirring noise that made all three of them cringe and wince in discomfort. Xilä in particular slapped her palms to her ears to try and muffle the sound, while Neteyam himself clenched his teeth together- ears flat to his head. 

“Sorry! Sorry! Lemme just- oh don’t do this to me now.” Norm’s fingers moved furiously across the keyknobs and the instant the high pitched sound ended, he released a joyful WHOOP and raised his fist in the air. “It works! I am a fucking genius.” 

Neteyam chuckled and peered over the older man’s shoulder at the large, clear monitor screen. The glass had a slight crack on the top left corner, but then again the thing was most likely ancient after all. 

Xil watched too, fascinated by the numbers, letters and moving lines that flooded the “page” Norm had brought up.

“Alright then genius, lets see you get it up and running now.” 

They left him to it, and it took him another half hour filled with curses and threats at the poor device, but with a final few strokes of the keyboard, Norm was looking back at Stephan and Max- their background being the familiar scenery of the labs back at Home Camp. 

Between him and Stephan, they made a few more tweaks, and then- finally then, Xilä was staring back at her parents who were also awed by the technology like her.

“Xilä! Oh magnificent Eywa- Jxo, look, look it’s our Xilä!” Salveen was yelling at the top of her lungs. “Darling, can you see us too?! Can you hear me?!” the elder screeched while her face pressed up into the glass.

Norm, Xilä and Neteyam smothered their amusement while watching a very patient Max explain to her parents how the communication worked and that they could speak normally. 

“We’ll give you some time to catch up, but I’ll be back, okay?” Neteyam murmured before he and Norm quickly made their way out of the designated mauri used for communications- a makeshift lab of some sort. 

“Hi,” Xilä breathed, smiling wide at the sight of them after so long, fingertips gently pressed to the glass. 

“Oh I miss you, my sweet girl. Darling you’re glowing, you look so beautiful, doesn’t she, Jxo?” 

Jxo grunted in agreement. “When are you coming back?” was the first thing he said. 

Xilä’s smile faulted a little, she was going to have to tell them. “I miss you too. So much. Have you been taking care of yourselves?” 

“Bah, we’re fine. Just fine. Oh I have so much to tell you though. You’ll never guess who broke off their betrothal!” 

On and on Sal went, filling Xilä in on all the latest gossip of the Camp. Xilä awed and gasped and laughed throughout it all- giggling, especially when Sal would throw out a “right, Jxo?” to which the man would simply nod or grunt in agreement. 

Xilä loved them both so much. Right now all she longed for was to hug them, to physically see them in person. She missed them a ridiculous amount. 

She perked up when she heard a familiar shriek in the background. 

D’avi and Yalnïk appeared with their two babbling children. “Xilä!” 

“D’aviii!”

L’eya was plonked onto her grandfather’s lap and then an overly excited D’avi invaded most of the space on the screen and started blubbering away- much like her mother had done before. 

There were many “I miss yous” and “look how shiny and long your hair has gotten!” and “when are you coming home?” 

Both sisters were momentarily in their own little world and Xi was saved from answering her sister’s last question when L’eo shrieked- the baby clearly needing some attention. 

Yalnïk and D’avi proudly filled her in on the twins' newest milestones. L’eo was even more a talker now, and Xilä had just about burst into tears when Yalnïk pointed to her and asked his son to say hi to his aunty Xilä- to which L’eo strung together a jumbled mess of words that sounded exactly like it. 

L’eya had finally taken her first steps and was now cautiously toddling around after her brother who’d Xi had had the joy witnessing his own first steps before she’d left. 

Jxo had gotten up to give Xilä a little demonstration by placing the baby down on shaky legs. She was still wobbly and didn’t want to let go of her grandfather’s fingers, but she managed to make a couple solid steps before falling on her bum. L’eya’s bottom lip wobbled in preparation to cry but still distractedly clapped her hands along with everyone else when they’d cheered her. 

Xilä had tears running down her cheeks by now. “Ah my babies, I miss you two so much,” she sobbed whilst smiling back at the toothy little grins of her chatty excited niece and nephew who blew her sloppy kisses. 

“Do you want me to come get you?” Jxo suddenly asked- voice gruff and no nonsense as ever. He kept staring at her as if trying to figure something out. “What’s that damn boy doing to you? You keep crying, darling. I don’t like it.” 

“Jxo!” Sal chided but her mate paid her no mind. 

He simply handed her L’eya and came closer to the screen, frown deepening. “Where’s he at, Xilä? I want to talk to him.” 

Xilä couldn’t help laughing while she frantically tried to remove the evidence from her under her eyes and cheeks. “I’m fine, father. I am. Neteyam is as wonderful as ever to me. I just really miss you all. Finally talking and seeing you,” she sniffled, “just makes me really happy.” 

Her father seemed to buy it after a couple more of her assurances. 

Her family asked about life at Awa’atlu- Yalnïk in particular was highly interested in the fishing techniques and gear- which Xilä suggested he ask her husband instead- she’d not really paid any attention to the job. 

D’avi told her that Leati and Ze’lu had finally started courting- much to Fe’ska’s displeasure and apparently there was a very public argument between the mother and daughter that was all the clan could talk about for days. 

They spent another half hour of bonding before Neteyam returned and quietly asked if she was ready for him to interrupt. Crouched beside her with a warm palm to her thigh, he greeted her family and caught up with them- marvelling over how much the twins had grown in the few months they’d been gone. 

And when the Sully family started trickling in- Spider included of course and when Mo’at appeared on the screen as well- it was like one big happy reunion. 

Mo’at had eyes for only her at first, ignoring everyone else in favour of asking about her health. The Tsahìk was not usually the fretting type, but with all the questions and attention, Xilä had a feeling that the grandmother knew.

Afterwards Lo’ak introduced them to his lovely future mate who shifted nervously under Mo’at’s assessing gaze. D’avi saved the awkward encounter by complementing Tsireya’s hair, and from there, the two became quite chatty. 

Finding the right moment, Neteyam stood, cleared his throat, calling for everyone’s attention. He squeezed the back of his mate’s neck in comfort when she leaned her head against his leg. 

“So, I’ll admit, I had a bit of an ulterior motive for making all this happen. We- Xilä and I have some news we’d like to share.” 

A soft gasp was heard through the computer- D’avi.

“Oh I knew-mpf!” 

Yalnïk covered his mate's mouth like he’d probably had to do a thousand times, and shot Neteyam a sheepish smile and nod to continue. 

“Right, um, baby?” He offered her his hands and helped her stand.

Xilä was nervous, but with an uncontrollable excited grin, she pushed down the bunchy material of her long slitted skirt which sat high up on her waist and revealed the little bump she’d been hiding for the last couple of weeks. 

“Surprise! I’m pregnant!” 

The noise that erupted was deafening- cheers and screams and cries of happiness which was mildly overwhelming. 

Neytiri was the first to wrap her up in a hug, pulling back to cup Xilä’s cheeks with a blinding smile before she was leaning over to do the same to her son. 

Sal was just about squeezing the life out of poor Jxo as she squealed and jabbered on and on. 

“I knew it!” D’avi was telling Kiri whilst taking a whining L’eo into her arms, and blindly pulling at her top so her baby could feed. “She’s got the glow- and the tears.” 

“Shit, you’re right, the tears! I knew something was up,” Spider laughed, “no regular sane person cries over fruit- Ow! Kiri!” 

Kiri rolled her eyes at him, then made her move to congratulate her brother and sister-in-law.

“XiXii!” Lo’ak shouted from across the room. “I’m really going to be an uncle? You- you’re not pranking, right? Because this is the best day everrrr! Babe, hold me,” he fake sobbed dramatically, throwing himself at Tsireya. 

A frowning Tuktirey had made her way to her eldest brother and patted his leg to get his attention. He’d been wrapped up in a hug by his father who was teasing him about his upcoming journey of fatherhood. 

“Hey there, baby sis.” He lifted her up with a dramatic groan and planted a kiss on her cheek. 

Tuk poked his nose and then frowned at Xilä who was chatting away with Mo’at and her family through the screen. “You’re still gonna love me the most right?” she pouted. “Even when the baby comes?”

“Aw, Tuk. Are you worried about that?” 

The little girl shrugged and played with the beads on his choker. “Täylley said when her sister had a baby, everyone forgot about her. She said they only ever wanted to play with the new baby. Just like everyone sometimes does with L’eo and L’eya.” 

Neteyam knew the feeling Tuk was experiencing all too well. He was the eldest of four after all. 

“I’m sorry your friend’s feeling that way but I’m sure that’s not the case at all. And it definitely won’t be the case for you. Who do you think is going to teach the baby how to build a fort or paint the best looking flowers I’ve ever seen?” 

“I can climb the best in my class. I bet they wouldn’t know how to do that either.”

“Nope. See, they’ll need an expert like you to show them.”

“Yeah, I can show them… but only when they get older. When they could talk- and walk,” Tuk said, hesitantly as if trying not to get too excited. 

“That’s right.. You know, the baby, and L’eo and L’eya are going to need someone they can look up to. Someone awesome, and brave and smart. Someone who can-”

Tuk’s eyes were wide as she absorbed her brother’s words. “Me. Me! I can be that person. I know I’m only seven, but I can do it! Almost- almost like a big sister, right?”

Neteyam kissed her cheek again and playfully tickled her side. “That’s right.” 

Xilä shook her head at her mother’s question. “I haven’t really been sick, mostly nauseous around certain scents.” 

“Oh you lucky bitch,” D’avi teased without heat. “These two had me constantly throwing up for the first four months straight, and then it was a constant fight or dance party inside me for the other eight.” 

“What has Ronal been giving you for your daily nutritional maintenance?” Mo’at asked with a slight frown. 

“A couple things I’m unfamiliar with. But I feel fine and my energy is good. Once I have a nap in the afternoon, I’m not overly tired for the rest of the day.” 

“What worries you mother?” Neytiri, who was at Xilä’s side, asked. 

“I know not about the Metkayina’s ways. I would be far more comfortable knowing Xilä was under my care. How far along are you, dear? Did Ronal confirm?” 

“I’m nearing the end of my fifth month,” Xilä admitted with a hand to her stomach. She knew where this was going. She knew it was time to share the other part of the news with her family- news she was dreading. 

“She- Ronal strongly advises against me returning home until a couple months after the birth.”

“What?!!” D’avi and Sal exclaimed together. Even Neytiri- and Kiri, who had just joined, glanced at her in alarm, Jxo’s lighthearted expression turned to stone. 

“We don’t leave here for another two and a half months and by then I’ll be too far along to risk the journey by ikran… I’m sorry mother, I-”

“No… No, Tsahìk, tell her it’s fine,” Sal gently demanded- though a hint of hysteria poked through.  

“I’m afraid Ronal is right. I was against you going on this trip in the first place. But it wasn’t for me to say at the time- and the risk was far lower. As much as you may not like it Xilä, the safest thing for you and the baby is to stay there.” 

~

Neteyam didn’t think he could ever tire of the beauty spanned before him. Even at night, Awa’atlu was a sight to behold. 

He and Xilä sat on the beach while calm waves rolled in, kissing the tips of his toes before fading back. His pretty mate sat between his propped up thighs, head and body molded to his chest while he cradled her bump. 

Since they’d found out she was expecting two months ago, her bump had grown- still small but prominent enough that she couldn’t hide it anymore. 

“You’re quiet tonight. Too quiet.”

“Just thinking.” 

“More like overthinking. I can hear your thoughts a mile away, sweetheart… Tell me.”  

She sighed. “I think it’s finally registered for me that we’re actually having a baby… a baby who’s going to be here in only a couple of months. Our baby, yours and mine… I- I’m going to be a mother.” 

At her tone, Neteyam’s fingers paused their gentle caressing on her bump. He said nothing, waiting for her to continue. 

“I know we’ve had conversations before and I agreed to all of this, and I’m not backing out- I’m not. But I’m scared, Neteyam. Eywa gave us a precious gift.”

Her hands came up to rest over his. “I’m scared that I’m going to mess this up somehow. I don’t know the first thing about being a good mother. I mean, look at last month- I completely freaked out when I felt our baby flutter inside of me for the first time.” 

Still listening, her mate hugged her closer, chin nudging her temple, propped thighs pressing into hers.

“My birth parents messed me up. Their own parents messed them up too. I want to break that cycle. I refuse to be like them. But it doesn't stop my worrying and I- Ugh… You probably think I’m being silly bringing this all up again.”

“Xilä…” Neteyam licked his lips and exhaled a breath. “You’re not alone in the way you’re feeling. You don’t think I worry about being a good father? Of course I do. But we’re in this together. You and me, baby. We’ll figure it all out together too. And you what? We’re going to mess up. We’re going to make mistakes. There’s no perfection in all of this.” 

He flipped the arrangement of their hands, his covering hers as they rested against her skin. “But you know what? The little one we created inside there? We’re going to try our damn hardest to be the best parents we could possibly be for them, and we’re going to love the heck out of our kid. ” 

“Yeah?” Her head tilted to meet his gaze. 

“Yeah, baby. You and me. Always...” He ducked and kissed the tip of her nose. “You’re going to be an amazing mother, Xilä. Our baby is lucky.” 

Just as Xilä was about to respond, a sharp gasp escaped her lips instead. 

Neteyam tensed. “What-”

“‘Teyam, I-” She grappled for his palm and moved it lower- just under her navel where she’d felt it.

He was going to ask her what was wrong when he felt it too- he felt the light pressure press into his hand, a small little first hello from his baby. 

“Was that-” And if he thought he’d imagined it he certainly didn’t, because he felt it again, and then again. 

“Oh Eywa,” he whispered, meeting her awed ecstatic expression. “Was that the first time? First kick?”

“Uh-huh. Oh! There it is again.” 

“Well hi there, little Sprout. Are you finally saying hello?” 

“Sprout?” Xilä chuckled. 

“Yeah, been calling them that in my head since your tiny bump first appeared.”

“Sprout. I like it- it’s a cute nickname… Hello, baby Sprout,” she sang to her tummy. 

“Speaking of names, we’re going to have to pick one ou-”

“‘Teyam.” Xilä suddenly sat up and turned to give him her full attention, finality set in her expression. It had been eating her alive and now she was more sure than ever. 

“I know Ronal said it’s not safe- but I really don’t want to have the baby here. I want to go home. I want us to go home.”

And without hesitation or worry over how he was even going to make it happen, Neteyam gave her a firm nod. “Okay. Then we’re going to go home.” 

~

“Are you going to get big like D’avi was? She was so huge! Bigger than Täylley’s sister when she was having her baby.”

“A-ha! Um, maybe. D’avi was having twins after all.”

“Oh right… Is it only Sprout then? They’ll be lonely inside of there don’t you think? Oh! Do you remember the christening grandmother Sal took us too? The one where her- her friend’s daughter had three babies?! You should do that Xi. 

You should grow three.”

“Three?” Xilä spluttered with a laugh. “Why three?”

“Three’s better. There’ll be one for me, one for L’eo and one for L’eya to play with,” the seven year old stated matter-of-factly. 

“I see… Well, I’m sorry I can’t make that happen. I don’t think it works like that. And anyway, Ronal confirmed there’s only one little one growing inside of me right now.”

“Oh. Mm that’s okay too, I guess. We’ll just have to share, but I’ll be the baby’s fav-”

Tuk stopped. Her brow wrinkled as she pondered in thought, fingers pausing their works on the pile of sand she and Xilä were constructing.

“Xilä? Do you think Sprout will like me? Täylley fights all the time with her sister’s baby- and he can’t even talk yet! She said he’s always pulling her hair or biting her finger! Can you believe that?”

Xilä tried her hardest not to laugh at the little girl’s theatrics. “I think the baby will love you, Tuk. Just like I do. I’m a little jealous that my baby will grow up having someone amazing like you in their life, honestly.”

“I am pretty amazing, huh?” Tuk nodded seriously, making Xilä smother another incoming chuckle. 

Tuktirey scooted over on her knees, sandy little hands reaching out to rest against Xilä’s bump. “I think you’d be a really great mommy.”

Xilä sucked in a surprised breath. “Yeah? What makes you say that?” she whispered. 

“Just because, and my mommy and daddy said so too last night,” Tuk shrugged while she continued to rub Xilä’s belly, rendering the pregnant woman slightly speechless. 

“Why’s the baby so quiet? Can you make Sprout do the kicking thing again?”

“Baby’s probably sleeping. Lately, they seem to like keeping me awake at night with all their stretching and kicking. Shall we see if we can wake them up?”

After a couple nudges and feeling around, they finally felt a small, almost barely there kick which made Tuktirey giggle then pout when the baby didn’t move again. 

“I think Sprout’s a bit grumpy today. Probably telling us off for disturbing their sleep.”

Tuk sighed dramatically, a sigh that reminded Xilä too much of Sal. “Okay, well let's get back to work then. I’ll finish the mountains and you dig the hole for the lake. Then we can fill it with water.”

“Hey, Tuk,” Xilä called when she caught sight of a lonely figure. Ronal and Tonowari’s youngest son was playing in the sand by himself a couple feet away. “This seems like a really big task. Why don’t you invite him to come help us?”

“Ohh, great idea!”

Once the trio completed their masterpiece and the kids decided to run off and play near where Neytiri was helping shell clams with a couple other women, Xilä stepped away and walked toward the shoreline. 

A cool breeze sent her hair flying. She shook out the thin shawl she’d been sitting on and wrapped it around her shoulders instead to combat the chill of the wind. 

Neteyam and Aonung were still where she’d left them since she’d come out here. They were further out- knee length deep in the crystal clear waters as they fished. 

Xilä bit her lip at the sight before her. She openly ogled her mate, appreciating the ripples of his back muscles and biceps while he worked the massive net in his hands. Aonung must've said something funny, because her husband's shoulders shook slightly. 

“Can you not look at my brother like that in public, Xilä?” Kiri complained with a dramatic groan, making the pregnant woman jump as she approached. “I get that your hormones are all over the place but sheesh. Every time I see you it’s the same damn look. No one needs to see your fuck me eyes in public. Bleh.” 

“Well hello to you too. I’ll remember this the next time you want to drag me to the training rings to spectate and find that Tasam’s the one who’s conveniently already there, mid-fight. I’ll remember to tell you the same thing when you’re shooting him your own fuck me eyes, as you call it.”

Kiri’s mouth flopped open to argue a retort, but she quickly shut it when nothing came out. “Shut up,” she seemed to come up with, failing at hiding her blush while Xi laughed. 

“Do you miss him?” 

“A lot honestly…” She made a face. “Is that weird?” 

“Not at all. You like him, it’s okay to miss him… Do you find it weird?”

“Yes. I find the entire thing strange. We went from never hanging out, to pretty much spending all of our free time together. And now I’m wondering, how’d I never noticed him before? It’s like one day he just appeared. And he’s so…” 

“He’s so what?”

“Unexpected.” Kiri settled on. She sighed. “Did you know he told me he’s liked me for years? Years, Xi. I didn’t even notice. It took your sister one afternoon to pick up on it and meddle her way into creating this thing between him and me.” 

Xi drew into the damp sand with her toes. The waters rolled in and covered her feet, erasing her artwork when it fell away. “Honestly? I’m not surprised you didn’t. I’m sure you’ve not even noticed your Awa’atlu admirer either.” 

“What? Who?!”

Xilä jerked her chin towards Rotxo’s direction. The quiet man seemed to always appear wherever her sister-in-law was. He was currently seated nearby, whittling a spear whilst shooting not so subtle glances in their direction. 

“Are you talking about Rotxo?!” 

“Mmhm. He’s definitely got a crush. Very sweet too, don’t you think?”

Kiri stared at him with a tilt of her head, brows furrowed in thought. “Huh.” 

Xi snickered.

A comfortable silence fell over them, where they both got lost in their own thoughts. Xi returned to appreciating her husband’s backside while Kiri pursed her lips as if forcefully trying to keep words in.

“Tasam said he’s going to ask me to court when we get back home.”

An audible click was heard when Xi flung her neck towards Kiri, mouth open in shock, then morphing into excitement. “And what did you say to that?”

“Nothing… and then I felt bad because there was a whole awkward silence moment happening while my brain went haywire. He told me not to say anything yet. He wanted me to take the time away to really think about it before making a decision.”  

“Aww Kiri. This is exciting. Do you know what you’re going to tell him?”

“Not yet,” her sister-in-law replied, but there was no hiding the blushing smile she tried to rein in. 

A splash had them both looking out at the sea again. 

“Oh look, here comes, your admirer, and I’m not talking about your husband,” Kiri deadpanned. 

“Hello beautiful,” Aonung called out, wading through the waters towards them with his and Neteyam’s catch for the morning. 

“Stop flirting with my wife, skxawng.” 

Aonung jogged ahead of him and sent Xilä a playful wink with his good eye as he passed. 

“Better get out of here before he gives you a matching black eye, you fool,” Kiri taunted. She followed after him then broke off and headed towards Rotxo who’d beckoned her over.   

“I really still can’t believe you punched him, ‘Teyam. You’re not boys anymore. You use your words, not your fists!”

“I did warn him though. He’s the one who decided to keep flirting with you,” her husband shrugged as he made his way closer. “He knew he had it coming.”

“Handsome! He only does it to piss you off. You could just ignore him. You know that right?” 

“I like my solution better.”

“Of course you do.” This man never ceased to amaze her. 

Like an insect to a flame, when he got in reach, Neteyam’s hands crept under her shawl and immediately found her belly, fingers trailing over the smooth firm skin. 

“Hi,” he whispered in greeting, ignoring her exasperated expression and kissing her anyway. “How’s my little Sprout doing today?” 

Sprout gave a big kick as if awakened by the sound of Neteyam’s voice- as if saying hello daddy!

“Quiet until now. Our baby always knows when it’s you.”

That made him happy. 

“What are you doing later? If you’re not busy tonight, do want to go on a date with me?” he asked with a wiggle of his brows.

Xilä pressed up onto her toes and looped her arms around his neck. Her bump prevented her from getting closer, but she made it work. 

“Always… Will there be sex at the end?” she teased quietly. 

“It’s on the list of activities, yeah.”

“Good. We haven’t done that in a while and I miss you.”

“It’s been only four days, Miss Greedy.”

“Exactly, it has been four days. I’m glad you’ve been keeping track. You’re the one who keeps putting off every one of my efforts.”

“Yeah, cause… baby, you’ve been so tired lately and- hey, don’t even,” he said, halting her objection. “Sprout’s been keeping you up a lot with all the kicking and you need to rest. So, I’m making sure that you do when you can. Even if it means, no sex sometimes.”  

Xilä stared up at him for a long minute- taking her time to roam over his facial features. “I love you. What did I do to deserve you? I must have done something right- something big.” 

“Stop.” He was trying so hard not to blush. “I hope you remember you love me the next time you want to rip my head off for simply breathing too loud.”

“That was one time.”

He raised an amused brow as if saying really, babe?

“To be fair you have been behaving ridiculous lately. Actually if we’re checking, pretty much since you found out we’re expecting.”

“When have I ever been ridiculous?”

“Are you kidding me? I have a whole list of instances, but if you want more recent- You tried to ban me from hanging out with Spider and Lo’ak just this morning at breakfast!”

“Because the idiots wanted you to go with them to explore Cx’ove Creek!” he hissed. “Who in their right mind invites a pregnant woman to go exploring a srakat infested water cave for fun?”

“I told you already, they were just being nice and simply offered. I wasn’t actually going to go! You didn’t have to be so bossy about it.”

“But I thought you liked it when I was bossy?”

She turned flustered. “Well yes, but-” 

Neteyam silenced her with a kiss. Then another when she was about to protest and one final one before she finally gave up trying to argue. “I love you too by the way. Are you hungry? Have you had your second breakfast yet?” 

She shook her head with a grumpy frown, eyes following him when he squatted in front of her. 

“I think your mama’s mad at me, Sprout,” he whispered to their baby, kissing right where felt a poke, “but don’t worry, I’m going to feed you both and then I think we should all take a nap, and that means you too. Can’t keep waking her up every night, alright?” 

They both grinned at their baby’s nudge. 

“Alright,” he said, getting up, “time for second breakfast.”

Second breakfast. It made her chuckle every time.  

When Jake had picked up on her habit of having another meal after breakfast and before her first lunch, he started calling it “second breakfast” which was some sort of inside joke between him and Norm. 

They tried to explain the movie where the joke came from. There was something about a quest and a ring and a creature called a hobbit? 

And although it went over her head, second breakfast stuck. 

~

Their final two months at Awa’atlu flew by, bringing many changes along with it. 

The majority of the other clan leaders and clan representatives had by now returned to their homes, but for the Sully company, they’d stayed the longest. Jake and his team’s roles were far too important for the massive project they’d started. 

What they had accomplished was far from simply great- it was incredible, completely world changing. They had gotten the clans of Pandora to come together. Uniting them in a way that was marked as historic. 

With Norm’s guidance, a temporary form of communication between all clans was successfully up and running. It also aided the new system they were trying to implement for the sharing of resources which was finally underway. 

And thanks to it, Neteyam was able to secure a safe solution for his wife to return home…

The moment he saw her, the man’s jaw dropped. His grin broadened at the sight of her midsection. “Well look at you, kiddo!” Stephan laughed as he gently hugged Xilä. “The bump suits you, doll. Congrats, darling.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, proudly, hand automatically running along said bump. “Nice hairstyle, it suits you,” she replied, taking in his new-do. The sides were shaved and the hair in the middle was short and spiky. 

“Much more me, right?” he winked, moving forward to their packed things to grab up three overstuffed satchels in one hand and a wrapped heavy net in the other. She’d gotten Aonung to organize the specially crafted gift for her last week- she couldn’t wait to give it to Yalnïk.

Neteyam and Lo’ak had just strolled into the marui when she awkwardly tried to bend to pick up a bag with the intention of following after Stephan. A belly bump made simple everyday tasks difficult sometimes, she was still adjusting. 

Her mate was quick to tell her off however, mildly scolding her for even attempting to lift anything. 

Xilä huffed. “We’ve talked about this, Neteyam. I’m not an invalid. At least let me help carry something out to the ship.” 

“Here.” He handed her a small pouch of seaglass stones she and Tuk had collected which made Lo’ak snort when Xilä shot her husband an unimpressed look. 

He took off with his own armfulls- the large case he’d brought his weapons in, a thick rolled up pelt and the last three satchels that held their belongings. 

“Four more months. Just four more months,” Xilä sang to herself. “Have I told you that your  brother is driving me crazy, Lo’ak?”

“Only two or three times a day since you told us you were expecting,” he teased. 

“Ugh! Everything is don’t lift that, don’t go there, that’s too dangerous, my baby shouldn’t be eating that, eat this instead, you should rest, you should sit, you should sleep! Eywa! If I didn’t love the man…” 

“Hey, don’t look at me for help. You’re the one who willingly chose him as your mate. You knew what you were getting yourself into…” His playful words fell away as he stared at her. “I’m going to miss you, XiXi.” 

“Don’t do that, Lo’. You’ll make me cry. Do we really have to do this now?” 

He clicked his tongue sympathetically. “Come on. I’ll walk you out.”

Xilä took one final glance at the now sparse marui before Lo’ak led them out onto the bouncing pathways. 

“I’m going to miss you too, you know. You’d better not hold any blessing celebrations over you and Tsireya without me.”

“Nah. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. After that stunt Neteyam pulled with you, mom would kill me in a heartbeat, and Tsi’s parents aren’t people I want to cross either. Even grandmother threatened me on our last call. She wants to meet Tsireya in person before I officially ask Ronal and Tonowari for their blessing.” 

“I get it. You’re bringing her on your visit in a couple of months right?”

“Yep. So you better not have that baby until we arrive.” 

“I still can’t believe you’re moving out here. I am so happy for you, though.”

Lo’ak stopped and pulled her in for a hug, being extra careful not to squish her belly. “Hey Xi? I don’t think I ever apologized… but I’m sorry I was such an asshole the first time we met. You’re hella awesome.”

Xi hugged him a little tighter. 

The beach was crowded that morning- much like it had been on the first first day they’d arrived. Many Metkayina surrounded Stephan’s ship, all awed and fascinated with the odd metal, bird-like aircraft. 

From Xilä’s viewpoint she could see the eccentric Avatar giving a couple of the younglings a tour through the wide glass windows at the front of the ship. 

This was it. It was time to return home. 

Her and the Sullys’ goodbyes were bittersweet.

Awa’atlu had been their home for the past six months. She had formed deep connections, friendships and had grown attached to the sea and all the beauty that came with it. 

“Take care of him for me, will you?” She overheard Neytiri asking Tsireya as they embraced. “He can be a handful sometimes- too stubborn for his own good, but he really is the sweetest boy.” 

“Are you sure that contraption is safe?” Ronal interrupted, to ask Jake who was chatting with Tonowari. “I don’t know if it’s any better than your tempered ikrans. It doesn’t look like it.”

“It’s safe,” Jake assured. “They did a lot of repairs on the ship in preparation for this trip. Xilä and the baby will be well protected.” 

She gave an unimpressed hum, but said nothing else on the matter. Her expression softened when Xilä approached to bid her goodbye. “You better bring that baby with you next time you visit. I can already sense your child will be destined for great things…”

Xi was finishing making her rounds when a voice called for her.  

“Are you not going to say goodbye to me, beautiful?” 

“Aonung.”

“Tsk. Aw come on Xi- I’m hurt, wounded,” he joked solemnly- palm over his heart. 

“Take care of yourself, okay? I mean it.” 

His smile fell a little. “I’m going to miss having you around. It was sure fun riling up your husband… I never did get to fight him again.”

A chest plastered against her back and she automatically leaned into it. “Yeah, cause you know you’d lose again, you skxawng,” Neteyam teased from over her head with a possessive palm to her round tummy. 

Xi shook her head, highly amused- there they went again. 

She was really going to miss this place. 

~

Xilä’s reunion with her family was a joyful one. Welcomed home with open arms and all the love they had to give, she knew she made the right decision to come home. 

Returning to the forest eased Xilä’s worries. It was safety, it was warmth and love. It was… home. 

And although they’d been gone for six months, she and Neteyam had settled back in quite quickly and were able to return to their routines just like before. 

She resumed her studies with Mo’at, eager to share all that she’d learned from the metkayina and Neteyam returned to his duties as a high ranker, along with all the other responsibilities he had under his belt. 

What was most exciting was catching up on how much she’d missed out on. 

Kah’lee and W’aote were on some sort of weird break where they weren’t talking but would still have the occasional “fuck session.” W’aote apparently was ready to settle down, but Kah’lee wasn’t- which was strange because before Xi left for Awa’atlu, it was the other way around. Kah’s hesitancy to officially court him sparked an argument between the two, thus creating the weird separation.  

Leati and Ze’lu however were going strong. The female warrior loathed public displays of affection but Ze’lu appeared to be a stage five clinger- Kiri’s words, not hers. The man was completely in love and would smother his woman in affection despite her grumpy, lackluster protests. 

Xilä personally thought they were a perfect couple. He calmed her bitchiness and temper tantrums and she brought him out of his shell. It was the perfect balance.

The twins' development, however, amazed Xi the most. They were toddling around everywhere now, and always chatting up a storm in a mixture of baby babbles and their ever growing learnt vocabulary. 

They were also both fascinated with her belly bump, especially whenever Neteyam was able to coax a big movement from Sprout- tiny little hands patting her with excited squeals. 

And speaking of babies. Xi and her husband had done a lot of preparing for their little one’s arrival. Xi had never sewed as much as she did before- Sal was a big help in that department. 

Meanwhile Jxo and Neteyam did a lot of upgrades and rearranging of their tent in their spare time. Jake had pitched in too, only he called it baby proofing. 

Her father had also built them the cutest little cot she’d ever seen… It was very similar to the ones he did for his first two grandbabies- and yes, she did cry when he gifted it to them. 

Since finding out that they were going to be parents, the mated pair were eager to absorb as much information and advice from those closest to them. And sure, they would have the support whenever they needed it, but they wanted to learn to do as much of it as possible on their own. 

As she neared the end of her pregnancy, Xi had grown increasingly miserable. She couldn’t move as fast as before. Her bump prevented her from certain tasks, her feet ached all the time, she could never find the right position to sleep in and quite frankly, she was just about ready for Sprout to move out. 

Neteyam was another matter entirely. 

Four weeks ago, Mo’at had instructed her that she was supposed to be taking it easy- an instruction her husband was all too eager and diligent in making happen… 

He’d become increasingly overbearing and overprotective of her throughout her pregnancy. It seemed as if as her baby bump grew, so did his possessiveness.

He snapped at anyone who so much as breathed too much in her direction. It was probably worse than his clinginess back when she’d been rescued from Li’ona.

Suffice to say because of said behaviour, it was no surprise when he and the women of their family butted heads a few times. 

Sal and Neytiri had to keep reminding him that pregnant women were tougher than they looked. He and D’avi also got into far too many bickering matches whenever he hovered and lingered during their “sisterly bonding dates”. 

Kiri and Mo’at simply found Neteyam’s behaviour amusing- Xi was sure she’d never seen the grandmother so entertained before. 

And when Xilä had finally met her twelve month mark- due date coming and going, there was no baby. She was a week overdue now and felt uncomfortably massive. 

“Why doesn’t the baby want to come out,” she whined. 

“You’ve made too good a home for your little one it seems,” Mo’at joked mildly as she ran her hands over the stretch of Xilä’s skin, fingers pressing down to feel the baby’s position. “We shall have to do some coaxing then, hm?”

“What kind of coaxing?” Neteyam asked quickly. 

“Have her take a walk. She can try some char’mille tea, heavily spiced herb broth, perhaps a warm bath and sex.” 

Xilä knew the list of suggestions, and yet even as the Tsahìk voiced the last one, her cheeks still tinged lightly. Her mate seemed unaffected though. He nodded seriously and asked his grandmother a couple other million questions- like he always did whenever they came in for a visit.  

Is it normal that her boobs are already leaking milk?

When will they know for sure she’s in labor?

Do they need to wait until her waters break or until the contractions start before coming in?

How painful will the birth be for her?

Was there anything he could do to ease it?

Fingers interlocked and propped up on her bump, Xilä relaxed as best as possible while her husband went on and on with question after question. 

Midway through their visit, he handed her a leaf wrapped snack that appeared from nowhere- some thinly sliced nectar coated meat placed between two sari cakes with mashed teylu and diced shrooms. Not the most appetizing thing to anyone else, but it was all she livid off of for the past week. 

Xilä smiled at her husband’s attentiveness and dug in without needing to be told. 

“And I know I’ve asked already, but are you sure there’s nothing else I can do for her during the birth?”

“Your role is to support her. The moment is all about her… and then all about her and the baby. She needs calm. You soothe and encourage her through it all. That’s it. If you can’t do that then you stay outside the birth room… Now, any other questions?”

“Yes. What-”

This boy! Mo’at huffed and shot Xilä a half amused, half frustrated expression. “Are you sure you want him to stay during the birth?” 

“What do you mean? Of course I’m-”

“I’m not asking you, ‘Teyam… Xilä?” 

“I wouldn’t want him anywhere else,” she smiled.

~

They’d tried almost everything. 

But no amount of tea, or broth, or walks or baths did anything to nudge their little Sprout out of her. 

She was too uncomfortable for sex, so only when nothing else on the list worked and she was just about at her wits end, did she finally decide to give lovemaking a go. 

“You’ll have to do all the work. I’m not moving a muscle,” she groaned. 

“We don’t have to do this, you know.” 

Xilä could cry. “Well we’re going to have to! I want the baby out already, ‘Teyam! I’m so uncomfortable. My skin feels stretched to its limit, my boobs feel like they’re about to explode. And there are parts of me that hurt, that I didn’t even know could hurt like this! I don’t want to do this anymore. Please- just please do something! And why are you standing so fucking far away?!” 

Shit! “Alright hey, hey. I’m here, baby.” He climbed into their hammock beside her, sensing a mental breakdown. “Sweetheart-”

“This is not sex,” she frowned when he cuddled her into his arms. 

He tried not to smile. “Let’s take a breather first, yeah?” 

She nodded and blew out a gush of air. “I’m sor-”

“Stop,” he whispered against her lips. “Just relax, sweetheart.”

He hummed the little tune he’d started singing to Sprout whenever he got too rowdy while his large palm soothingly ran over the curve of her belly. He prepared her with tiny kisses wherever he could reach from his position and sent silent prayers to Eywa to ease her discomfort. 

“‘Teyam.”

“Xi.”

“I have to pee… again.” 

He kissed her forehead. “Okay. Let’s go.” 

After helping her to her feet, they probably only made it a couple steps before Xilä stopped with a gasp. A gush of liquid escaped her- it coated her inner thighs and rolled over her calves and ankles as it fell to the floor. 

“Was that-”

“My waters broke,” she said, staring dumbstruck at the puddle at her feet. 

~

The room was too crowded.

Neteyam was itching to throw them all out and with every passing second, every glance towards anyone who wasn’t his wife, his patience grew thinner. 

They were nearing the fifth hour since Xilä’s waters broke. Her contractions were slowly growing more frequent now, and it was killing him every time he saw another wave of pain hit her. 

Seated between his raised thighs, he felt her body tense up again. She moaned through gritted teeth and desperately squeezed his forearms while the pain consumed her for a couple seconds too long for him, before her shoulders slumped and head fell backwards as she panted. 

“You’re doing so good,” he whispered against her temple. 

She gave a shaky laugh in response. 

“Do you want me to take over, ‘Teyam? You can go stretch your legs for a bit and-”

“No.” He winced at his tone and shot his mother-in-law an apologetic half smile. “Sorry. But no, I’m good, Sal. I’m not going anywhere.”

Five minutes later, his mother came and asked the same damn question. 

Ten minutes after that, D’avi offered to sing Xilä a “calming song” she thought would help sooth her. 

Neteyam knew it was their custom to have a “village” present for a birth… but this? This was too much. 

Why couldn’t they wait outside with the men- as well as the shocking mass of clan members who’d shown up to give their support? 

That damn song made him reach his limit. 

The singing, combined with the not so soft chatter from Leati’ and Kah’lee seated in the corner of the tent, Sal and Neytiri’s bustling around the small private quarters Mo’at had set up for them as they made arrangements and Kiri and Mo’at’s ingredient tinkering- he’d had enough. 

“Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“How mad at me would you be if I kicked them all out?”

Her head moved against his shoulder. 

“What? Who?” 

Even with sweat slicked hair and heated flushed cheeks, he thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

“All of them? Except grandmother of course.” 

Xi turned and took in the room’s activities. Her stifled anxiety quickened so she quickly glanced away again. 

“You can say no.” 

“Honestly? It’s crowded. I won’t be upset if you ask them to leave,” she admitted. “I love them all and I’m glad they’re here to support us… but it’s just…”

“Overwhelming right?” 

She nodded, feeling a wave of guilt consume her. 

Reading her all too well, he brushed her jaw with his thumb. “There’s nothing to feel bad- or be sorry about. They’ll understand.” 

Xi internally debated asking D’avi to stay. But if she was being honest with herself, she wanted this moment to be between her and mate. 

“Wait”- she stopped him before he could move- “do it nicely, okay? I don’t want any of them to think they’re a problem.”

He kissed her neck and promised to be nice about kicking out everyone before he got up. 

Sal looked ready to put up a fight with him but with one glance at her daughter who Mo’at was helping through another contraction, she relented. 

The women understood- thankfully. 

Both mothers showered Xilä with kisses before they left and assured they’d be a call away and just in the next room giving up prayers of their own. 

~

In the quiet dim space, Mo’at’s chats shifted in waves of highs and lows. Xilä’s wails however, overshadowed them. 

“No more. No I can’t. I CAN’T do thi-” Xilä broke off into another cry that Neteyam helplessly tried to sooth. 

“Xilä, breathe.” Mo’at patted her thigh and waved another round of spiced smoke from a lit herb bundle. 

“‘Teyam,” she whimpered through never-ending tears, breathing heavily in pants she fought to control.

“I know sweetheart, I know.” He brushed away the stubborn strands of hair that kept getting stuck to her forehead. “You’re doing so good. Almost there, baby.” 

Her chin wobbled and she licked her chapped lips. 

“Tell me what to do for you. What can I do?” We wished he had the power to take away her pain. 

“Tell me a story?” 

He couldn’t help the breathy chuckle that escaped him. It had been a while since she’d asked for one of those. Lips to her temple, he tasted salt. “What kind, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know. Any? I just need to hear your voice. Please?”

“Okay, I got you,” he soothed. “I’ll tell you about the one that changed my life, yeah?”

Her head fell forward when another contraction rolled in- back arching away from him. Her fingers bit into the flesh of his thighs that bracketed her own. His palms ran over her sweat slick skin- shoulders, arms and the backs of her hands whilst soft cooed words fell from his lips. 

Only when it was over and she sagged against him- fatigue dripping heavily with another plea for him to talk, did he start his story. 

“It all started on what I thought was a random day of the worst year of my life. Nothing was going right and so much was weighing heavily on me. I decided I needed to get away for a couple day, so I went on a solo hunting trip to blow off some steam.” 

He ducked to check on her. Her eyelids half closed while she stifled a whimper. 

“I caught nothing though, couldn’t focus- I kept missing my shots. On my last day, after catching nothing again, I was just about to head back home when a woodspirit distracted me. And then I heard a sudden scream- a gut wrenching and skin chilling one at that. So I followed it and I found this odd little cloaked thing running from a nantang. They tried to climb a tree to escape, but they slipped, and fell.”

Xilä’s heart thudded in her eardrums… She knew this story.

“Anyway, after I took care of the beast, I approached the hooded and masked stranger. They blinked up at me for a second, with- with the most incredible eyes I’d ever seen, before they blacked out. And when I pulled the mask away”- he made an approving pleased sound- “the stranger? Prettiest thing I’d ever laid my eyes on.”

Mo’at’s chants grew quieter as she continued to waft smoke in Xi’s direction- it helped her calm somewhat. 

“Anyway, I didn’t know it at the time, but I made the best decision of my life by taking her home with me… After an order from my dad, I had no choice but to spend time with this gorgeous creature every day, and you know what?”

Xi’s eyes closed. “What?”

“It was pure torture,” he whispered in her ear, making her snicker with a moaned wince. 

“So then what happened?”

Neteyam bent and nuzzled her cheek, palm coming to rest on her stomach. “So, then I fell in love with her… and by some miracle she loved me right back.”

“And then?”

“And then I claimed her as mine, and she claimed me as hers… can you believe that? She became my mate. Mine.”  

Xi peered up at him- pure love and adoration shining through her pain stricken face. “And then?”

He wiped the tear rolling down her cheekbone. “No… and now… and forever.”

“Xilä,” Mo’at called. “It’s time to push.”

“‘Teyam… can’t-” 

“Shhh. Come on baby, what am I always telling you? Hm? You’re strong- you can do anything.” 

“It hurts,” she whimpered. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. Lean on me, sweetheart, I got you.”

~

Their baby came into the world with a hearty cry. Wails almost deafening but Neteyam laughed in glee- eyes prickling at the sight of the tiny wrinkly blue creature Mo’at placed on Xilä’s bare chest. 

A boy. A son. 

“Neteyam- oh ‘Teyam, look at him. He’s-” Xi grinned through her tears- pain forgotten, “he’s perfect.” 

Neteyam couldn’t keep his eyes off of their little Sprout. “Holy shit.” He was here- their baby- their son.

Arms over Xi’s he gently cradled his baby’s head. “So much hair,” he marvelled. 

“It’s dark like yours, handsome.” Xi couldn’t move her eyes away- too busy trying to absorb every single detail. 

Index finger extended, Neteyam touched his son’s palm, and when his teeny tiny fingers closed over the digit, his heart melted. 

Their son’s cries turned to whimpers as Xi soothed him and he looked almost annoyed as he blinked up at them through half opened eyes before they closed again.

“Hi precious, I’m your mama. Hi, aren’t you the sweetest.”

“I think he’s got your eyes, baby. I caught a flash of silver.”

Xi took a damp cloth from Mo’at and began to clean their son- removing away as much of the waxy type substance that coated his skin. 

Mo’at eventually took over after ensuring Xi was taken care of. The elder handled their baby with expertise. He began to fuss while she checked him over- gums, tiny tail, pointed ears and queue. 

The grandmother failed to hide her sniffle and misty eyes, voice soft in her whispered prayers to Eywa. 

“He’s okay?” Neteyam was itching to have their baby back. 

“Perfect. A healthy baby boy.” She handed the crying infant back to his mother and he instantly quieted. She gently cupped Xi’s cheek. “You were amazing, darling. Congratulations to you two.”

“Thank you, grandmother. For everything. Thank you.” 

Little Sprout gave an unhappy coo, and like a natural, Xi arranged him in her arms and helped him find her nipple. It took a couple tries and whispered coaxing but the instant he latched, he was hungrily suckling. 

Neteyam stared at the two of them, entranced and amazed- unaware when his grandmother snuck out to share the news with the rest of their family. 

He kissed his wife’s temple, with whispered words of praise- telling her how proud he was of her. She met his lips with hers for a brief moment and with her own I love you’s.

After she shifted their baby to her other breast and he had his fill, she gently burped him, cooing a soft good job when he did. 

“Ready to hold him, handsome?” 

He nodded eagerly and shuffled out from behind Xilä, accepting hands comically larger in comparison to their infant. 

Was it possible to love someone wholeheartedly after knowing them for less than an hour? 

His mate was right, their son was perfect. 

Nestled in the crook of his arms, their baby yawned, tiny fists clenched against his cheeks, knees drawn up against his tummy. 

Neteyam’s heart could burst. Happiness consumed him. 

“He looks just like you. Just like his daddy.” 

The resemblance was startling, he thought. A mini him. 

Xi peered at the second love of her life, head resting against her husband's bicep. “I don’t think any of the names we picked out suits him, and as much as I think it’s a cute nickname, I’m not calling our son Sprout.”

“You’re right… we’ll figure it out though.” He kissed the top of her head. “How are you feeling, sweetheart? Do you ache?”

She nodded, fingers gently touching her son’s tiny toes, they twitched and Xi thought she’d just about burst into tears. “Yes, but I can bear it. I can’t believe our baby’s here with us now. I’m so happy, ‘Teyam, I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

“Me too.” 

Sprout shifted and made a soft noise in his sleep before settling- tail giving a slight flick against Neteyam’s hand. He truly couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

“Our families’ are going to go crazy, they’re gonna love him. They’re probably going mad over waiting so long as well,” he joked. 

“Let them wait,” Xi sighed, the pad of her thumb tracing a delicately soft cheek. “Let’s just be together a little longer, yeah?”

Neteyam smiled in agreement. “Whatever you want, sweetheart. Whatever you want.” 

~

This chapter was soooo difficult to write & edit, I hope you all enjoyed it anyway!

First things first, yes, that was the last chapter- but WAIT. There will be a two-part epilogue. One- a slice of life after the birth of little Sprout and Two- a couple years after that.

PS. I still haven't settled 100% on a name for Sprout, so you can still send suggestions. Also, for girl names too (since they may or may not have another baby/babies in the epilogue).... (Who am I kidding, of course they will) LOL!

Okay, now cue the waterworks...

Thank you, THANK YOU to everyone of you who've followed me on this journey. Safe Haven is so special to me and I have enjoyed sharing it with you all.

Every read, every like, every comment, every suggestion and idea- just know I appreciate them all!

This community has been so welcoming and the response to a newbie writer like myself is profound.

As always, please share your thoughts :)

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Pile 1 “Tomorrow is another day”

 Temperance,  of pentacles, 5 of pentacles, 7 of swords, knight of swords

Pile 1 time is not running out, I can guarantee this. You need to be a bit more patient and easier on yourself right now. You may currently be undergoing a lot of change - this could be a new job role, a new relationship, even a whole new city and the world is asking you to take things as they come and to above all enjoy yourself and enjoy your time. Time is not running out, make the best out of the time that you have in the present whether this means to work harder, learn a new skill or rest (because pile 1 you guys are hard workers and you need to rest!!!)

Try not to stress out about things out of your control - most things do not need to be done today and it is fine to leave certain things for tomorrow. You are not a failure. No matter what you may think or what others may say. You are incredible.

Be more direct and say no to things that you can’t take on. It is time to work more on your boundaries. This is much better than you being overwhelmed by things that you could have helped and sorted before. Pile 1 you can do this, I’m cheering you on!

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

Pile 2 “Everything will be alright”

The sun, 5 of cups, page of cups, the devil

Don’t let your doubts get in the way of your dreams pile 2 - no matter what your dreams may be. I feel like a lot of you are happy on the outside but numb on the inside. You may be numb to your own feelings or things happening to you. You…are struggling to understand these feelings and emotions though. Why do you feel this way? You may struggle to cry or cry too easily but why feel numb? 

A lot of you pile 2 may suffer from childhood trauma or your childhood is unfortunately still negatively affecting your life and choices. The world wants you to have a look at how you are living life - are you being honest with yourself? Are you living the way that you want to live? What’s missing and how can you get there? 

It is time for you to fall back in love with life, this may take you a while but it is important that you start this journey sooner rather than later. That you face your fears and addiction directly instead of going around and around the issue. It may be time to message that person you have been avoiding.

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

Pile 3 “Have you been crying lately?”

Blood, sweat and tears pile 3, that’s how hard you are currently working. You are focused more so than any other pile and you are not taking a “no” for an answer right now. Pile 3, I am proud of you and your dedication. Are you proud of yourself? How hard are you working?...I really hope that you are because you should be! So many people look up to you and admire your strength silently. 

You value independence and having your own luxuries (by the way you may marry someone who has more money than you).

It is important right now that you find a better balance between your home life and your work life without compromising either. But at times sacrifices need to be made and you shouldn’t feel like you are alone in these because you aren’t.

The world is asking you to find that light that you have within and allow it to shine now more than ever - this may start with a meditation or simply the decision to allow the light to shine

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

All he love x

[cardboardheartss]

Checking up on HYBE’s biggest opps reading

NEWJEANS - AESPA - NMIXX - ZEROBASEONE - MIN HEE JIN - DKZ

⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️

Overall K-Industry Thoughts on HYBE’s National Assembly

10oC, The Emperor & 9oP rx

Seems like everyone, and I mean everyone was tuned in… CEO’s included. Well, everyone seem to be happy that HYBE were finally exposed for their dirty work. I think this reputation of HYBE is actually quite known within the industry but people aren’t allowed to speak about it at all.

NEWJEANS Thoughts on the National Assembly

Minji : 6oC, PoP

She seems to be glad that the public will be more on their side even more and somewhat ‘protect’ her group, but she’s happy all of this got exposed.

Hanni : 8oP rx, Magician

She is also not surprised all of this came to light, but in general, she’s still not okay, all she wants to do is work, she misses performing and wishes to have been doing NJ1 content these days.

Danielle : 6oS, WoF, The Hanged Man, KoP

Seems to believe that NWJNS depressive periods is almost over, but she really isn’t interested with what’s happening with the HYBE CEO’s.

Haerin : KNoP rx, KoS, 9oC, 10oW, KoP rx, 9oS, AoS, 2oC

Was she watching it live? Most probably, she probably so the Be Lift CEO stuttering and shaking in fear. Apart from that, this isn’t her main concern, her main concern is her salary being taken away from her.

Hyein : The World, 7oP rx, The Lovers rx, Empress, AoW rx, 3oW, 10oS rx

She’s hoping that intl antis and fans can finally understand the truth and what they going through, apart from that, she’s still going through a lot of emotional turmoil.

SOMEBODY FREEE NEWJEANS RN!

AESPA thoughts on HYBE causing their hate trains.

Karina : The Fool rx, KNoC rx, 8oW rx

It seems like she was aware of what they were doing and thought it was a really stupid move to make.

NingNing: QoS rx, 3oP rx, The Sun

Seems like she also knew what was going on, she possibly even knows the women behind this fiasco. She thinks HYBE are just jealous of aespa’s success.

Giselle : 2oP rx, PoC, AoC rx

Would I say she is disinterested… most probably but she is aware of it but apart from that, she thinks that HYBE lack creativity, and they can’t reach their caliber so… why not play dirty?

Winter : 6oP & 2oS rx

Damn… she also knew? She’s glad that the people who were bribed to write the comments, and just the overall scheme are finally exposed.

NMIXX thoughts on HYBE saying they’re solely hear for smex appeal

Lilly : QoW rx, KNoW rx, Tower rx, 4oC, 8oC rx, 10oP, Higher Priestess rx, Strength, Queen of Cups rx, 5oW

I just know that she is mad mad mad. She is hoping for more dirt about HYBE to be exposed so that they’ll deal with more hatred from the public.

Sullyoon: AoP & 3oS

She’s heart by that comment, she feels disrespected because she worked hard for this… she didn’t expect people to view her group that way.

Bae: 6oW

I don’t think she’s aware of anything going on… she is focused on her own endeavors.

Haewon: The Hierophant, Death, The Chariot, 9oW rx, Temperance, The Star

I believe she is aware of what was said, and is also clearly pissed. She believes that HYBE being the top company has truly ruined this industry, she is tired of how unfair her career has been, from the public hate to now being labeled as that…

Jiwoo: PoW rx, 3oC, Justice, 7oW rx, Judgement

She believes that was an unnecessary comment. She knows it’s going to be brought up in a lot of fan wars. She’s also kinda glad this was brought up to the public by the law… seems like she’s thinking :

“People in glass houses shouldn’t be throwing stones…”

Kyujin : KoW & 4oW rx

She is offended, and believes that HYBE don’t deserve to be in the position they currently in right now because they’re ruining the Kpop scene.

ZB1 thoughts on HYBE calling them unattractive

Ricky : QoW rx, 8oP, High Priestess, 4oC rx, 10oP, The Tower

Kinda pissed but not surprised… it seems like he just intuitively knew that his group was going to be involved one way or another. He just doesn’t want this to be mentioned a lot on the media.

Hanbin : PoP, 4oP, KoC rx

He doesn’t believe any of those claims from HYBE, he really wants to protect his group and reputation but he just thinks that BSH… is an odd man.

Yujin : Justice & 8oC

Has he probably heard that many times before? He probably has, and he’s really sad about the fact that those comments won’t ever stop.

Jiwoong: 7oP

He feels kinda sad that the slander on his group won’t end, he just wants them to financially successful and not focus on other issues.

Hao: The Lovers rx, Empress, 3oW , 10oS rx, Temperance, The Star

He dislikes HYBE a lot for that comment. I don’t believe he cares much because he knows that his fangirls/boys find them attractive and believes HYBE are just saying stuff out of envy of their stardom?

Matthew : QoC rx, Judgement, 7oP, AoP rx, PoW, 3oC rx

He hates that judgement, he just wants to work and he fears that this comment could cause a rift in the bond of them members as that comment will really stick to them mentally??

Gyubin? : WoF, 6oS, 6oP, KoW, 6oW

Well… seems like he’s kinda tired of fame, like he wants to leave and from now on, he will be convinced that any hate comments or posts from the socials are all directly paid for by HYBE.

Gunwook? : Sun, Strength rx, QoS rx, 5oS rx, Hermit

Really sad about the comments, he just wants this to end. He doesn’t want to be involved or see any conflict anymore.

Taerae : KoP

He knows he’s fine… just knows HYBE are delusional.

Min Hee Jin thoughts on National Assembly

World, KNoC rx, The Fool, 5oC rx, AoW rx

She is happy that people have finally realized that she wasn’t lying about HYBE, she is glad their foolish behavior has been exposed. She is slowly healing, but she also just wants to work again… work in peace.

DKZ overall thoughts of HYBE trying to sabotage them

KNoW, QoP, 10oW rx, 9oC rx, KoS rx, KNoP

Oop! We’ve kinda given them an ego boost ngl lol! Anywho, they quite surprised why such a big comeback could be intimidated by them?? They also wondering if maybe their delay could be because of HYBE, and they kinda pissed by it but they’ll continue to push til they reach their successes.

[bullet-prooflove]

BlackIce!Series - Part One: Black Ice: Frank Castle x Reader

Part of @storiesofsvu Holiday Bingo! The square was Ice!

Tagging: @purrrrfect @juliannatryon @beardedbarba @crazy4chickennuggets @wooshwastaken @justreblogginfics @anime-weeb-4-life @pleasurebuttonwrites @annetje @adaydreamaway08 @est1887 @multiflixshelves @thanossexual @bonsaijoons @spookyboogyuniverse @ankhmutes @spaghettificationandpretzels @trublu2u @nu1freakshow @thebaileybugle @kmc1989 @withakindheartx

It’s late but Frank doesn’t care. He doesn’t care because right now he just needs to see you, be with you, because hearing that you got into a car accident whilst he was away has got him all kinds of fucked up.

When you answer the door, there’s a relief in his chest because the images he had in his head, they are far worse than the reality. The left side of your face is black and blue, there’s white butterfly stitches holding together a cut on your forehead. His gaze strays down to the knee brace and you sigh.

“Fracture and ligament damage.” You say by way of explanation as you open the door to allow him entry.

“You shouldn’t be walking around on it.” He tells you gruffly, closing the door behind him.

Before you can hobble towards the couch. Frank’s arm is already looping around your waist, supporting your weight as he guides you to it. He’s gentle as he sets you down, careful with you. What people don’t know about Frank is that he has a great capacity for softness. You are the only person who gets to see that side of him, that gets to see his tenderness, his vulnerability.

“How’d it happen?” He asks you as he heads into your kitchen. He takes two cups out of the cupboard, before filling up the kettle and setting it down on the stove.

“Black ice.” You tell him, closing your eyes as your head comes to rest on the back of the couch. “The car’s wrecked.”

You were lucky he thinks, damn lucky.

His gaze strays back to you, drinking you in. It’s been a couple of weeks since he last laid eyes on you and even with the bruises you still look like the prettiest damn thing. He can’t imagine a world without you in it, where you aren’t bringing that special brand of sunshine into his life.

You’re in pain, he can see it, it’s in the clench of your jaw as you exhale. You may be able to get away with pretending to be a badass in front of your friends and colleagues, but he knows you, intimately, he can read the subtle changes in your body language like a book.

He reaches for the medication on the top of the fridge, checking the label before filling a glass of water and bringing it over to you. He boops your forehead with his fingertip lightly, causing you to open your eyes.

A man could get lost in those eyes. Frank has over a thousand times, and it never gets old. He doubts it ever will. The left side of his mouth tips up into a smile and you smile back and for a second everything is right in the world. He’s back home with the woman he loves.

“I’m gonna stick around a while.” He tells you, watching as you swallow the painkillers. He takes the glass from your hands before setting it down on the coffee table behind him.

“Frank…” You begin and he cuts you off with that look, the one that says this isn’t up for discussion.

You forget that he knows you. As soon as he’s out the door, you’re going to be walking on that leg instead of resting. You get into all sorts of mischief when he’s not around, he dreads to think about how some of that will play out if you’re not at full strength.

He cups your jaw, those fathomless dark eyes of his looking into yours as his thumb trails across the line of it.

“I’m going to take care of you, angel.” He promises as his lips brush over yours. “And you are going to be a good girl and let me.”

Love Frank Castle? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[spicyicetea]

Okay so the poll isn't over yet, but I wanted to post the draft I had as I'm worried I would forget it and hey, Halloween upload. This is more of a scenario than a long fic, under 1000 words. As per usual, MDNI this story contains suggestive content (no smut don't worry) Yandere behaviour (meaning mentions of violence, possessive behaviour) I hope I didn't slip up but the reader should be completely gender neutral but just in case, I do usually picture Y/N as having female genitalia. I don't think I mention any fem indicators but fair warning.

Yandere!Fallen angel Lucius X Nurse!reader

Rage, nothing but rage ran through the veins of the holy being, wings crumbling to ash around them. How dare they! How dare his god forsake him like this. He would have preferred to have been cast to the fiery pits like his brothers before him. His soft peach hair curled around his eyes, framing the wild gold. The world stops around him as your hand finds the skin between his shoulder blades. The poor entity that touched him... how their time on this earth was now rapidly depleting. Looking over his shoulder, your eyes met, his scanning the form of the being who dared lay eyes upon him in this moment of weakness. 

"Excuse me... can I help you in any way?"

In your hand was a small box, with a red plus. Having been a guardian angel he recognised it immediately, a first aid kit. You were here to help him? The scrubs covering your body told a story themself. A dedicated doctor that wanted nothing more than to help people, even the crumbling man before you. He saw you, your whole being, mind, body and soul. What a gorgeous soul... he has found his new deity. The entity he will worship to the ends of the earth, his god/goddess that he will bring forth the end of the heavens above for, no matter the cost to himself or humanity.

The feathers of his wings ruffled up as he tried to calm himself. Showing such a dishevelled side to his darling deity? Preposterous. He observed your demeanour like a hawk, narrowing his eyes to focus in on each and every movement. The twitch of your brow as your fingers swiftly opened the first aid kit, trying to gauge what would even be useful treating a creature like him. The dilation of your pupils as you ripped out the gauze, unwrapping the bandages and ushering him forwards. Before he could even warn you to avoid his bloodied wings, you wrapped a loop of gauze around it. The wing crumbled as you tightened the fabric, ash like remains falling to the ground. Your scream filled the air and that anger returned. Not directed towards you, but back at his bastard creator. How dare he be designed with such a horrifying flaw? How dare he be designed to scare you. 

Torn from his deprecating thoughts by your sniffles, he finally raised his head. Messy tears bubbled down your cheeks, nose runny as you hunched over the pile of ash, sifting through it as if searching for something. As your sobs racked your body, it shook his very being. Your bleary, bloodshot eyes met his from below.

“I am so sorry! I had no idea that would happen!”

Your voice wavered as if begging for his forgiveness. Don’t you know you shouldn’t do that? Hush your shaky voice and allow your angel to answer your needs, comfort you in the warmth of his bosom, right the wrongs done against your divine form. He didn’t miss the way you flinched as he raised his hand to grab you. His large hand cocooned your cheek as the other purposefully cast aside the first aid kit you had brought. It flew so far, it no longer remained in your eyeline. His hair surrounded your head as he caged you in, towering over with his inhuman height. Your head was held firmly against the fabric of his robes as he pushed his other arm at the backside of your knees, folding your body up in half and hoisting your body up to his. His hold was warm, delicate, possessive. The warm hand that tightly cupped your thigh rubbed back and forth, venturing further towards your hip before going back to the original position.

From the position you were in, you missed his looks. That wild fire returned. Pupils eclipsing the gold of his Irises, taking in every inch of your body. The soft flesh of your thighs. Warmth radiating from your body to his. Your arms shakily hung over his shoulders. The drum of your heart. He could hear the blood rushing through your body. Fear can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Yet the lack of a throb ,which he had only heard about from those who ascended through the pearly gates, pulsing through your body disappointed him. Instead it was him who was struck with the intense throbbing torture. Of course his god/goddess wouldn’t feel the same way but he still desired you in a way that was unfitting of such a loyal servant. His breathing had gotten heavier without his notice, catching your attention. You had long since stopped crying, holding onto his neck, worried about being dropped. Your eyes met as you looked up at him, something dangerous about the way he stared back. His eyes were like black holes drawing you in, yet you wanted nothing more than to run away, but at the same time to stay wrapped in his embrace. It took a hefty grunt from him to realise you were both moving, your body being jostled with every step he took. 

The being may have looked like an angel, but the nails digging into your skin, as if trying to fuse and become one, certainly didn’t belong to one.

[g0rygutz]

♱ ◞ an overwhelming concert ◟ ♱

☓﹒﹕charactersᶻ﹕→ flesh curtains rick x reader

☓﹒﹕small summeryᶻ﹕→ flesh curtains and reader do drugs after the concert!!!!

☓﹒﹕trigger warningsᶻ﹕→ drugs, cnc (only implied, never actually done), tied up, knife play, smut WITH plot

you could feel your entire body warming up, whatever that drink was that you got from the bar was making you feel good. your cheeks were all warm and hell- it was sweet. if you didn’t know any better you would have assumed it was non-alcoholic.

it almost tasted like cotton candy, you took another sip. trying to let yourself relax in the chair you were sitting in but your leg kept bouncing. glancing inside the cup, you saw some bits of… something. no clue what it was. well, seeing the fact there were literal aliens at this party you shouldn’t be so surprised to see stuff you’ve never seen before.

speaking of the party, you didn’t even want to be here in the first place. one of your friends knew one of the members of ‘the flesh curtains’. so after the concert, he dragged you along to the after party. apparently he had a plus one and you just happened to be the ‘lucky’ one.

you disliked partying. not because you were anti-social. you just hated it because it made you want to scratch your skin. it was crowded, people kept accidentally touching and brushing against you, it was so loud, and lots of drunk people. it all just set off your autism to no end.

the only reason you barely survived the concert was your noise canceling headphones and the fact you liked the music.

the party? you still had your headphones but half the music you didn’t know. you’ve gotten two or three people that accidentally spilled some kind of drink on you already. thankfully it was only on your shoes but still, felt gross.

glancing down at your bouncing leg as you took another sip of your drink, trying your best to focus on just the music and the sweet tasting drink.

before you could cancel out the rest of the world, in your peripheral view you saw someone take a seat in the chair next to you. turning your head towards them– you saw the person you absolutely did not want to see. you didn’t know them personally, but you had a feeling just interacting with them would wrap you up in a world you wanted no part in.

rick fucking sanchez.

you couldn’t even remember how your friend had met birdperson, but you were aware that band did some sketchy shit. you were also aware they got themselves caught up in at as well.

from the quick glance you allowed yourself, he had on a blue tank top with a black leather vest, some kind of black pants– they looked tight but you couldn’t tell from the short glance, and a black choker with a metal ring on it.

looking down at your own outfit, a black sweater with the bands logo on the front and tour dates on the back, a plaid gray and black skirt, and black sneakers. it seemed like everyone else embraced the punk look fully so, in your eyes at least, you stuck out like a sore thumb.

“so, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing here all by yourself?”

he snapped you out of your thoughts, turning back to look at him. taking a minute to even process the other had said anything, taking another minute to even figure out what the guy had said.

your leg began to bounce even more, glancing the other up and down to get a better look. trying to figure out their intentions before anything but you just- couldn’t tell. the poker face on the man’s face gave nothing away.

“oh- um- just.. y’know, hanging out..”

the poker face turned into something that looked curious, he placed a hand on the thigh that was bouncing up and down. that quickly stopped you, eyes widening as you looked down at his hand then back up at his face.

once the bouncing stopped, he pulled his hand away. the curious look turned to a grin.

“you really need to relax, i’ve been watching you for about five minutes and you looked like you were on the verge of a panic attack the whole time. y’know, i bet some space weed would calm you down.”

once the hand was removed, you went right back to bouncing. he noticed this but didn’t bother moving his hand back towards your leg again. instead pulling out a metal container that looked like a cigarette container.

flipping it open, it had a couple blunts inside. pulling one out, standing up from the chair. he glanced back at you, almost as if asking a question without even speaking.

“oh- i’ve uh- never smoked- uh- weed..”

“relaaax, it’s all good. i can show you how, come on. let’s head to the balcony, as much as i’d like to smoke here. we’ve been requested not to.”

you paused, adjusting your headphones to make sure they were still in place just in case you had to walk by one of the speakers or something. hesitantly, you slipped off the chair. following after rick, out of anyone at this stupid party, he had to come up to you.

your luck was shit and that just proved it to you.

he never glanced back to make sure you were following, the first time he actually glanced back was when he opened the door to the balcony. holding the door open for you. he didn’t move from the door until you were all the way through. it almost felt like he wanted to look at you from behind-? you couldn’t tell.

at the same time you could just be over reacting, you’ve done that plenty of times and the fact you're a little buzzed probably heightened your paranoia.

he took a seat on the outdoor sofa, patting the seat next to him. pulling a zippo out of a different pocket as you sat down. lighting the blunt and taking a deep breath in. you didn’t know when he breathed it out, only that you saw the blue-ish green smoke slowly drifting up into the atmosphere.

“here, grab it with your thumb and index finger.”

he held it out to you, which you nervously took. you told yourself you didn’t plan on doing drugs but this couldn’t but be… too bad. it was just weed. or, space weed. it couldn’t be too different.

“alright, good. now place it between your lips and breath in, hold it for a few seconds before letting it out.”

you gave a small nod, hands shaking softly. keeping your fingers on the blunt as you placed it between your lips. not wanting to drop it if you started coughing. attempting to take a deep breath in but failing, before much of anything could enter your lungs- you began to cough.

nearly dropping the blunt, rick quickly grabbed it as you leaned over. his free hand started rubbing your back. your leg bouncing up and down, instead of the anxiety going away. it just felt so much worse. you were embarrassed, you couldn’t even get a little bit of smoke down with choking on it.

he kept rubbing you back gently.

“hey- alright, i have a better idea. you’re fine, don’t worry. honestly i’m not even surprised that you coughed up a storm.”

after a few minutes, you finally were able to get your breathing under control.

“you can shotgun it.”

realizing that you could barely hear the other anymore due to the fact the music was muted by the thick walls. pulling your headphones off your ears and placing them around your neck, you turned back to the other.

a bit confused before you remembered what shotgunning was, you had watched your friend and their partner doing it a few times. blinking a few times before realizing the other was being serious.

“uh- isn’t that- um.. intimate- and like.. you have to put your lips o-”

before you could finish stumbling out your words, rick began to laugh. the arm rubbing your back wrapped around your shoulder. a wide grin on his face as you turned towards him, you didn’t know if it was how close you were or the alcohol but your cheeks were red and hot.

rick breathed in a hit from the blunt, holding it for a few seconds before blowing it all in your face.

“you’re stuttering and stumbling on your words like a teenage boy. but yes, it’s basically like kissing. relax, baby. can i?”

you blinked away a few tears in your eyes from the smoke, looking up at rick. you could feel the flush getting worse but you gave a small nod. not trusting your voice anymore, at least not right now. you know it would come out in an even worse stuttering, stumbling mess right now if you spoke.

rick moved the hand from your shoulders to your chin, resting his thumb on the top of your chin and the rest of his fingers on the bottom. taking a deep breath in from the blunt before placing his lips against yours, holding you in place by your chin.

when he opened his mouth just a little bit, you did the exact same. you could feel smoke blowing into your mouth as you tried your best to just breathe in. focusing on keeping calm. when all the smoke was in your lungs, he pulled away. your eyes were watering but you did your best to hold it in, after five or six seconds. you breathed out. smoke blowing in rick’s face due to how close you both were.

instead of his eyes watering, he just let out a small laugh before getting ready to blow more smoke into your mouth. the two of you ended up doing two more shotguns before he let go of your chin, pinching off the cherry. placing the roach inside of the metal tin he originally pulled it from.

you let yourself relax, your leg wasn’t bouncing anymore. instead your whole body just felt.. nice. you were more relaxed then you had been in a long time. closing your eyes, barely hearing the ruffling of rick moving around.

“there you go, much more relaxed now, huh?”

opening your eyes at the question, glancing off to the side only to see that rick was looking up at the sky. his arms thrown out around the couch. he nearly wrapped back around your shoulder but seemed to stop himself.

you turned your head towards the sky, looking at all the stars. a smile on your face, everything felt so floaty and amazing. you were happy right now, the music was barely heard but loud enough you could almost make out the lyrics. not that you were trying to make it out, you were too floaty to do that.

“so, how’d you end up at the party? you don’t seem much like a social person. you also look extremely out of place.”

“oh- uh- y’know.. my friend knows birdperson- i think. we live ‘round here and he had a plus one so.. i just happened to be the ‘lucky’,” you put air quotes around the word lucky, “person that got to come.”

“you could have turned it down.”

you thought for a moment, turning to face rick.

“i mean.. yeah, but i didn’t wanna be rude. ‘sides, there was alcohol.”

rick gave a small laugh, turning to face you as well. which as he did that, you turned back up to the sky. a small flush on your face- embarrassed that you had been caught. before you could try and distract yourself, an arm wrapped around your shoulder finally and the other hand gently grasped your chin.

the thumb rubbed over your cheek gently as he forced you to look him in the eyes, a wide grin on his face. almost as if he was excited or something similar.

“can i?”

you could feel your breath catch in your throat, only able to give a small nod as he placed his lips against yours. using the arm around your shoulders, he pulled you closer to him. leaning back against the arm rest so he could have you between his legs. the arm around your shoulder moved to the back of your neck, the hand on your chin moved to your waist.

after a minute, he pulled away. leaving your brain even more fuzzy than you had started with. it felt- amazing.

the hand on your waist gently moved up and down, using the hand on your neck to pull you into another kiss. this time slipping his tongue into your mouth. your eyes closed, completely relaxing against rick. the rest of the world was blocked out until it hit you, everything rushed back in all at once. you realized anyone could come out here and find you two.

pulling away from rick and standing up, you started brushing yourself off and trying to make sure that you didn’t look like you had been making out with someone.

“what the hell–?”

you glanced over at rick, he seemed confused as he sat up. eyes narrowed on you before standing up. taking a step towards you which prompted you to take a step back.

“did i do something?”

he seemed worried, especially with the fact you had taken a step back.

“no- oh no- don’t- no don’t worry- i uh- i just- anyone could come out and just- see us. i don’t- i’m not someone that just- has one night stands- sorry- i shouldn’t have- uh- lead you on-”

rick paused for a moment before taking another step forward, grabbing your wrist and pulling you close. his other arm wrapped around your back to keep you in place.

you could feel his hot breath on your neck, gently nipping at your earlobe. a deep flush on your face. you didn’t want something casual, that wasn’t your thing but with how the other just manhandled you– it was getting really hard to say no.

“to get a pretty little twink like you in bed with me, i’d definitely do this more than once.”

he moved down to nip at your neck, a small hum escaping his throat.

“if you’d like, after the party you can come back to my place. i’m staying at the moongrove hotel.”

you thought over his offer, a small huff coming from you due to being called a twink. you just- it sounded like a nice offer.. away from prying eyes, it wouldn’t be just a one off thing. or at least he says it won’t be, can you trust him? probably not but– it sounded good.

it sounded really good.

he nipped at your neck, you gave a small whine. it was your breaking point.

“okay- yes- yes- please.”

rick smirked as he pulled away, taking a step back. you were trembling, a hard-on straining against your pants. you could feel his eyes all over you, taking in all off you. it almost felt like he was undressing you with his eyes.

pressing one last kiss against your lips before pulling his phone out of his pocket, turning it on and opening up his contacts. passing the phone to you. he watched as you added your name and number before passing it back to him. a small smirk on his face.

“(y/n). cute name. i’ll see you soon, baby.”

with that, he headed back inside to the rest of the party. leaving you outside by yourself. you took in a deep breath of fresh air, placing your headphones back on and stepping into the party as well. glancing around, the weed was making things easier. every small touch didn’t feel like you wanted to rip your skin off, the music didn’t make you want to run off.

your eyes landed on your friend, he was talking with one of the other band members. it took you a minute but you realized it was birdperson, taking a deep breath- you made your way over. gently grasping your friends shirt once you got close enough.

for the most part, you often did this to not get lost in crowds. this was a crowded place but they weren’t moving so there wasn’t a true reason to do it other than just habit.

“oh! (y/n), i was wondering where you had run off to!”

birdperson took note of you, glancing over you. out of everyone here he seemed to be the most sober.

“birdperson, this is (y/n). (y/n), this is birdperson. have y- wait holy shit are you high?”

blinking a few times as his words caught up with you, only giving a small nod. you felt like your words were gone at the moment, so this was the best you could do. your friend gave a small laugh, shaking his head.

wrapping an arm around your shoulder, holding you close to him and placing a small kiss to your forehead. it was completely platonic, he had done it so many times before it seemed natural.

“is this your partner you were telling me about, wren?”

“ooh- oh god no, (y/n)’s more like my kid if anything. he’s only like nineteen, and he’s my roommate.”

there was a pause from birdperson, staring at you before he spoke once more.

“he smells of rick.”

tensing up at this, trying to figure out what he meant by that. there was only one real meaning behind it but you still hoped there was something else behind it. wren turned his head to look at you, not moving to remove his arm. giving you a questioning look.

you glanced away, a small blush on your face. not knowing how to respond to any of that. the whole point was for no one to know, you’ve seen people who just had one night stands with celebrities have their life spiral out of control. all you wanted was a normal boyfriend, a normal life, to work at your normal library job, and to live with your mostly normal roommate.

“holy shit dude! did you smoke weed with rick fucking sanchez?”

you gave no response other than removing your grip from wren’s shirt, your friend shook you gently. he seemed excited by this, you understood why but at the same time you didn’t.

after a minute, the conversation went back to whatever else. the hours ticked by, eventually you found a dog and just curled up in the corner with the puppy. at some point in time rick had come to check on you but you didn’t respond. he just stayed for a minute, ran his fingers through your hair before leaving.

the party was winding down, people were going home. that included you- at least at first. the light buzz of your phone caused you to stop your walking. pulling your phone out and checked the number, you didn’t recognize it.

that was until you checked the text, it was an address to the moongrove hotel. it showed the room number and what floor it was on, telling you to walk right past the front desk and to the elevator.

putting the address into maps, it was only a five minute walking.

you opened up wren’s text messages and started typing one out as you started your walk to the hotel.

>> hey, if i dont come home or dont text you to tell you im staying out longer than tomorrow night i got kidnapped <<

<< bro?????? did u like, meet someone at the prty? >>

>> yeah, i did, gonna go to their place <<

<< oooooo have funnn, be safe, u have to tell me all about it later >>

laughing softly, putting your phone back in your pocket. glancing across the street to see the hotel was right there. glancing both ways before crossing. doing just as the text said and heading right for the elevators.

there was only two other people in the elevators, they pressed the sixth and eighth floor. you didn’t want to ask them to press a button for you, too nervous. instead you pressed the eleventh floor yourself, fidgeting with your skirt. barely noticing that the two had hopped off until you heard the robotic voice saying ‘eleventh floor’.

stepping off and making your way to ‘1103’.

you stood in front of the door, ready to knock on the door. you were hesitating, rick would never know if you just didn’t show up. he could blow up your phone but he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to do that. after a few minutes of just- standing there the door swung open. standing there was rick, he was still wearing the same clothes other than the fact he had taken off his leather vest.

“squanchy has the room down the hall, he texted me saying someone was standing outside my door.”

your face went a dark red, everything went warm again as he stepped to the side. giving you space to walk inside. a small hum that sounded something like one of the songs you heard at the concert tonight.

once you stepped in, the door shut and locked behind you. you slipped your shoes and socks off before turning around to face rick, he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him. his lips mere centimeters away from yours.

“you want it hard ‘n’ rough or sweet ‘n’ easy?”

he pressed a soft kiss against your lips before pulling away.

“h- hard an’ rough- please-”

rick chuckled at this, the look in his eyes went from something sweet and caring to downright malicious. pressing soft kisses from your mouth down to your neck. a soft purr as he give a nip every now and again.

“safe word?”

“p- pancake-”

“do you understand you can say stop all you want but unless you say your safe word, i won’t stop?”

his hands moved down to rub gentle circles in your hips, slowly moving you towards the couch. all you did was give a nod, he completely stopped a few inches from the couch, pulling away from your neck.

“tck, verbally. do you understand?”

“y-yes- i understand.”

“good boy.”

with that he pushed you onto the couch, looking over you as you tightly grasped the couch cushions. glancing up at rick, slightly nervous but also excited. a wide smirk was on his face, the other hand pulled out his metal cigarette tin.

“let’s get some ground rules down, one. if i tell you to do something, you do it.”

this time, he pulled out a normal cigarette. lighting it with his zippo and putting the tin and zippo back in his pocket. taking a deep breath in before exhaling through his nose. it was- god it was hot. as much as you didn’t want second hand smoke, you also wanted him to just blow it in your face. he took another inhale before speaking again.

“two, while with me. you belong to me. no one else. i don’t care if you end up dating someone, engaged, get married, while your with me. they don’t exist. do you have any hard limits?”

he placed the cigarette between his lips, fumbling with the collar that was around his neck. after he got it off, you half expected him to throw it somewhere else in the room but he didn’t. instead, he placed it around your neck. the smoke that came out of his nose blew right in your face, you could feel your underwear getting tighter.

god- you coughed a little but it felt good. and rick seemed to notice that. once the collar was around your neck, he took a deep breath before taking the cigarette out of his mouth. blowing to smoke directly in your face.

“i- i- no- don’t- don’t have any.”

rick looped his index finger around the metal piece of the choker, tugging gently as he straddled you. a leg on each side of you, letting go of the choker. instead moving the hand to grab your hair, tilting your head back slightly. pressing his lips to yours.

nipping gently at the bottom of your lip, a rumble coming from him at the sound of you whimpering from him tugging on your hair. he began to move his hips back and forth, just grinding on you. you didn’t know what to do with your hands so all you could do was continue to grip the cushion.

the hand that wasn’t in your hair started pushing up your shirt, running his thumb over your nips. a soft moan escaped your lips, they were sensitive. you had gotten them pierced a couple months ago. rick pulled away from your lips, now interested in the fact your nipples were pierced.

letting go of your hair, one hand gently rubbed at one of your nips while the other started taking your shirt off.

as soon as it was off, he stopped gently rubbing and instead started twisting the piercing around in his fingers. a small hiss of pain came from you as he started– it felt good but hurt at the same time. a few tears pricked in your eyes.

“mn— fuck, that.. that hurt.”

rick just laughed, continuing to twist for a couple seconds before stopping. gently rubbing at the now sore nips. they were so much more sensitive now. blinking a few tears, not wanting the other to see you had cried just from a little bit of pain, it hurt but at the same time it felt good.

after a moment, he stepped away from you.

“c’mon, we’re heading to my bedroom.”

you let out a whine, not really wanting to get up. you felt like you had already melted into the couch, you just wanted to get your brains fucked out right here. you had already forgotten the first rule.

“i’m not gonna say it again, c’mon.”

all you gave was another whine, rick raised an eyebrow before a frown crossed his face.

before you could react to the annoyed look, he reached out and grabbed you by the hair. dragging you off the couch and towards the bedroom. pained whines and whimpers escaped your throat, instinctively you reached out and grabbed rick’s wrist. trying to pry him off but he wouldn’t budge. so instead you just stumbled along.

he practically threw you on the bed by your hair, a pained yelp escaping your throat as you clung to the first thing you could grab which was a blanket.

once you finally got control of your breathing and thoughts, you glanced over to see rick shedding his tank top and leather pants. all he had left on was his boxers.

you started to work on taking off your skirt as well only to be stopped by rick talking.

“leave the skirt on, i wanna fuck you in it.”

blinking a few times, it took a minute for you to actually process what rick just said but afterwards you adjusted the skirt so it was still snug on your hips. instead reaching under to pull off your boxers, tossing them off to the side. glancing over at rick, he was already on the bed.

as soon as the boxers were off to the side, he trapped you under him. straddling your chest, running his thumbs over your nips once more. after a couple seconds, he moved one of his hands to the bedside drawer. you couldn’t see exactly what he grabbed but whatever it was, hopefully one of the things were lube.

before you could realize it, your hands were being pinned above your head. tied together and then tied to the bedpost. by instinct you tried tugging, wondering if they were loose enough for you to pull off. they weren’t.

“look at you, all tied up. so willing for me..”

“please- wanna- wanna touch- please-”

“no can do, you look so hot like this. i can’t wait to fucking ruin you.”

he placed another kiss to your lips before scooting back, you heard the small pop of a cap. a few seconds later, you felt something cold press against your entrance. squirming slightly- you’ve felt it before but it still just felt so– new. it felt new almost every single time.

two fingers pressed inside, a soft moan left your mouth as you once again tugged on the rope. you could feel it start to rub at your skin, by the end of this it would probably be rubbed raw. before you could be given time to adjust, a third finger was inserted. the pace was slow, almost teasing. every now and again it would hit that one special set of nerves but it almost felt like he was avoiding it.

“oh please- please- faster please-”

he didn’t get a response, nor did the pace pick up. if anything he was pretty sure it got slower. still struggling against the rope, trying to rock his hips back and forth. the hand that wasn’t taking it sweet time with you, grabbed your hip tightly. holding you in place.

after a few minutes of what felt like torture, rick removed his fingers completely. another whine came from you. as much as you didn’t want the slow pace, you felt so empty now.

leaning down, he started leaving bite marks all over your chest. his free hand gently running over your cock, just barely touching you. you still couldn’t buck your hips due to one of the hands holding you down.

pulling his hand away, he stepped back to look at you. your wrists were already a bit red, a few tears ran down your face, small whines and whimpers were leaving your mouth, bite marks littered your neck and chest, it was perfect to him.

“so handsome… such a good boy for me. you want me to fuck your brains out? beg.”

“oh- please- rick please- rick, rick- please fuck me, need you so bad- please-!”

he gave a quiet laugh, working on getting his boxers off and throwing them off to the side. rick flipped your skirt up, using both hands to pull you close to him. lining himself up with your entrance before shoving in. not bothering with going slow, listening to the loud yelp you let out.

“don’t come until i say you can.”

before you could respond, he was already going at a quick pace. not giving you any time to catch up with everything going on. your brain was all fuzzy, it felt amazing. everything felt heightened. you felt so full too, it just felt good.

his pace was quick and hard, slamming against your sweet spot every single time. tears ran down your cheeks. loud moans left you, one of rick’s hands moved from your hip up to your neck. squeezing gently, just enough to make your head spin but not enough to keep you from breathing.

“such a good boy- god you- you feel so fucking.. good- holy shit-”

you could feel pressure building up, gripping tighter on the sheets.

“please- please- i’m close- can i- please-”

“no. not yet.”

you gave a small whine, you could feel yourself growing closer. you needed release so badly, you didn’t know how long you’d be able to hold it. tugging even harder on the rope, more tears ran down your cheeks.

after a few more minutes, you couldn’t hold it. you let out a loud moan as you came. rick didn’t stop though, it took a few more minutes of him pounding into your ass before he came. a quiet whimper left you as he filled you up. letting your head rest off to the side.

“i told you not to.”

you tried to apologize but you were still out of breath, rick finally released hold of your neck. he was drenched in sweat, a smirk on his face as he reached back over to the bedside drawer. pulling out a pocket knife.

you could feel anxiety running down your back, watching as he flipped it open. gently pressing it against your stomach. slowly pressing down, more tears ran down your cheeks as he carved– something into your stomach. tugging harshly on the rope, squirming. a hand moved back to grab your hip. holding your still once more.

it only took a minute or two before rick finished whatever he was doing. setting the pocket knife off to the side, instead working on undoing the rope.

you weren’t paying attention much anymore, instead just taking deep breaths. trying to calm yourself down from your high. as soon as your hands were released, you instinctively moved a hand down to the wound on your chest. a hiss coming from your throat as you traced it. realizing it was an ‘R’ carved into your stomach.

“hey– hey, don’t touch it. careful, don’t wanna let it get infected. just, wait here. i’ll be right back, just breath. alright?”

moving your hand away from the wound, you have a small nod. closing your eyes as you heard footsteps walking away. letting yourself relax, ignoring the burning sensation of the cut. god- you’re so glad that you ended up coming. this was- it was amazing.

after a minute or two, rick came back. you opened your eyes to see he had a pair of boxers on now. in one hand was a wash cloth and a water bottle, the other had a first aid kit.

you could feel the wash cloth cleaning up your lower parts, not having enough strength to prop your head up and look down. you have no clue when, but at some point he got your boxers- or maybe they were his. they felt a bit big so they were probably his. he slipped them on you and slipped your skirt off since it was dirty.

a different texture touched your stomach, it was some kind of disinfection because it burned like hell. you shot your hands to cover the wound but rick caught your wrists first. using one hand to hold your wrists and the other to clean up the wound. gauze and medical tape down on top once it was clean.

you closed your eyes once again, you could hear the first aid kit being placed somewhere else. footsteps moving to the other side of the bed and then the bed dipping. an arm wrapped around you, turning you and pulling your close to him.

nuzzling your face into the guy’s chest, eyes closing once again. you could feel sleep grabbing at you, a hand running through your hair.

“you did so good, you feeling alright?”

“mhmm…”

it was the last thing you said before passing out, curled up against rick fucking sanchez. you did the one thing you told yourself you wouldn’t.. you didn’t regret it in the slightest.

[cwritesforfun]

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader: One Bed One Heart

Prompts: "Person A cannot believe Person B is actually scared after watching a horror movie." & "Reader/Character can't sleep, but heard that cuddling with a loved one makes it easier to fall asleep"

prompts from @imagining-in-the-margins - thx!

Y/N - Your Name & I Do NOT Own the Criminal Minds characters**

Spencer's POV

To say I have a crush on Y/N is an understatement. I genuinely think I am in love with her. She's like the perfect girl - the perfect balance of talkative, passionate, quiet, understanding, intelligent, driven, beautiful, and witty. She's drawn me into her life and made me want to learn every possible thing about her. Penelope and Derek know about my crush, so basically everyone on the team, but Y/N knows.

I spent the plane reading next to Y/N who napped on my shoulder, and then we were squished in the back seat of the SUV together. She joined the team one year ago and because she’s only 1 year older than me, we tend to gravitate toward each other and have a lot in common. I spend time with her in most cases because she’s great with other authority figures and piecing things together with the police or victims. I don’t mind spending time together one bit especially because JJ is usually occupied and it gets lonely at the station.

We just arrived at the hotel because we all needed to change before heading out to the police station and the homicide site. We were recommended to be ready to run and blend in. Hotch passed out the keys and told me that I was sharing with Y/N because Derek is slightly contagious with some sort of flu. My opinion is that Derek shouldn’t be on the case, but he���s at the end of his flu. He will be masked up for the first day or until Hotch approves it.

As I tie my shoes in the room with ONE BED, I almost combust from nervous energy. 1, I have to share a room with Y/N. 2, I have to share a bed with Y/N. This trip is shaking my world up too much right now.

Y/N exclaims, "So, are you excited to be in Columbus, Ohio?" I answer, "Not really since it’s for work, I wish we were here for fun. Did you know the Columbus Museum of Art has The Mediterranean by Monet and Picasso's Still Life with Compote and Glass?" She answers, "I did not know that. Did you know that the Columbus Aquarium can fit 90,000 gallons of water?" I answer, "I did and they have a 76-year-old Aldabra tortoise there." She replies, "That's amazing."

We continue to talk to the cars.

Y/N's POV... 1st Night in Ohio

We just got back from working on the case and I'm so tired. I just got out of the shower and Spencer is standing near his suitcase.

I exclaim, "You know I don't mind you sleeping in the same bed as me, right? I don't know how you and Morgan decided who got the bed, but we can share. We're both pretty small and can fit." He laughs and says, "Morgan always put me on the couch, so I appreciate this." I laugh and say, "Imagine sharing with Prentiss and JJ. It was the ultimate sleepover every night, but it simultaneously made me crave my own bed even more. I want and need alone time sometimes.” He lays down, laughs, and says, "That is completely understandable."

We talk for a bit and we go to bed when we both yawn.

Next morning...

I stand next to Morgan and sip the coffee that Spencer just handed me before he went off with Prentiss to cross-check their notes. Morgan asks, "So you and Reid, eh?" I ask, "What about it?" He answers, "He's been watching you a lot this morning like more than usual. He made you coffee the way you like it. You two seem happy and we're on a case, so something has to be off." I ask, "So people aren't allowed to be happy?" He answers, "Yeah they are, but not on a homicide case." I wait for him to put his cup of water to his lips before I say, "We slept together." That causes Morgan to choke on his water and start coughing. Hotch asks, "Everything okay, Morgan?" Morgan answers, "Yes. Water just went down the wrong pipe." Hotch replies, "Morgan and Y/N, behave and get ready to check out the first site. You head out in 5." I'm never picked for checking out the sites. According to Hotch after a month of working with the BAU, my skills lie in working with authority figures or victims' families because I seem in charge and also empathetic. Hotch either trusts me a lot today or just needs to get rid of me. THAT NIGHT

We just got back to the hotel and I'm so damn tired. I hear my name and see Hotch. I walk over and say, "Yes sir? You called my name." He exclaims, "I just wanted to talk with you about today before you went to bed." I nod and he continues talking, "I don't know what you did with Reid and Morgan today. But, they were on top of everything whenever they were with you and we made huge progress on this case, so thank you. I have no idea what gave you that productive push today, but it was great to see… When you joined the team and throughout this year, I know you’ve asked me a lot about how you can get closer to the team and how you can be the best agent you can. I know being a part of this team, you feel like you have to make sure everyone is okay and that they are okay at all times. But it’s okay to not solve other’s issues for them. I also don't want you to neglect how you feel to try to fix them. I see you downing coffee in the mornings and holding back in conversations with us recently. Everyone on the team likes having you on the team, so it’s okay to just be yourself and to open up to someone you are comfortable with. I know it can be hard to open up to others and to be your authentic self, but I just want you to be okay. I also have to ask, are you okay?" I answer, "I am okay. Frankly, sir, I thought you were going to reprimand me for how I acted today. I got Reid talkative and filled with coffee, and then I caused chaos at the police station with Morgan. I felt horrible with how I acted today." He replies, "You and Morgan were loud, but it was not chaotic. Reid was talkative, but I've seen him talk a lot more. It was manageable. Neither acted unprofessionally, so no I don’t mind how they acted. You acted professionally and were a hard worker today. I have nothing about your work ethic to complain about.” I reply, “Okay. Well then thank you for checking on me and I will try opening up to someone on the team.” He half smiles and says, “Good then that’s where I’ll leave you for tonight. It looks like Reid is waiting for you by the elevator.” I nod and tell him good night.

I make my way to Reid and say, “Thanks for waiting for me.” Reid says, “Yeah of course. I didn’t want you to have to walk to the room alone, especially after an intense conversation. I know conversations with Hotch can make me feel overwhelmed, I don't know about you. There is also a serial killer on the loose targeting young women. Enough about that, is everything okay?”

We get in the elevator and I answer, “Yeah Hotch was just worried about me. He said that for me to be the best I can be and improve my job, I should trust the team more and be myself. I know I should, I just get scared sometimes. He also said that today was very productive and I was on top of my work." He replies, "You were... if you ever need to talk to anyone, feel free to talk to me. I'm here for you, if you ever need anything." I reply, "Thank you, Spencer."

TIME SKIP... END OF THE CASE - Spencer's POV

Team Dinner has been something that I either dread or love. We've been out all together for 2 hours and I'm tired. Morgan, Emily, and JJ are going out after this. They're trying to convince everyone else to go out too. Another reason that Y/N is my dream girl. She does not want to go out tonight with the rest of the team to drink.

After dinner, we decided to come back to the hotel and watch a movie. She said there were Halloween movies on Freeform every night until Halloween this October. We both shower, change into pajamas and turn on the hotel tv. The first movie is Hocus Pocus, which is very fun. We switch around station to find another movie and we find some horror movie.

As we watch the horror movie, Y/N cuddles into my side, which I don't mind. I actually really like it. I feel like I'm keeping her safe. I exclaim, "I'm personally shocked you find this movie scary." She jokingly hits my arm and says "Well I am. I don't like the reality of it. I prefer horror movies that feel like they wouldn't happen. We see real-life horrors during work and it makes you look at movies differently." I nod, and reply "I can turn it off, you know?" She answers, "But I know you love Halloween and I don't want you to miss out on the movie. I can tell how into it you are, so we can watch until the end." I smile and say, "Okay, only if you keep cuddling with me." She smiles and I pull her closer.

When the movie finishes, I see that Y/N fell asleep. I flick off the lights and lie there thinking. Honestly, the ending of that was a little sad. The main character's love interest survived the whole movie only to die by natural causes a week after the story was resolved. I know I haven't told Y/N about my feelings for her, but what if she were to die? What if I never tell her? I have to now.

I feel her move on my chest and she moves off my chest to her pillow. I whisper, "Could we cuddle tonight?" She whispers, "Oh I thought you would get too uncomfortable." I whisper, "No I was fine. Besides, Did you know that the heart rhythms of co-sleeping individuals not only do independent heart rhythms appear in the same relative phase for prolonged periods, but also that their occurrence has a bidirectional causal relationship?" She moves off of me and asks, "Spencer, it's way too late. I have no idea what any of that means. What are you trying to say? I answer, "I ... uh I was trying to say that when people sleep in the same bed, their heart beats sync up. So... kind of like this one bed has one heartbeat... The end of the movie kind of made me sad and I feel safe around you. So I thought if we cuddled, I would feel safe and my heart would feel as calm as yours to sleep." She replies, "I see. Then before I lay down to cuddle, are you in a comfortable position?" I answer, "Yeah I am." She then lays down and I wrap my arm around her. We soon both fall asleep.

Sources (it's a Spencer fic... yeah there are sources):

https://www.columbuszoo.org/animals/aldabra-tortoise

[bachissidehoe]

the birds and the bees

chapter 4 of it's classy, not classic [bachisagi]

Sleeping has been practically impossible for Isagi Yoichi over these past few days- he’s been tossing and turning with Rin’s voice repeating over and over in his head like a broken record. 

“Be less obvious about how panicked you are from a kiss on the cheek, for one thing.” 

His lie has too much attached to it now: his reputation, Bachira’s reputation, the well being of he and his teammates, the possibility of going to the World Cup- there are too many implications for what could happen if he comes clean. 

And unfortunately, Rin provided some pretty good advice. Isagi needs to figure out how to be convincing about his relationship with Bachira. Tweets and articles surfaced about his quick little cheek kiss, and many have been pointing out Isagi’s obvious embarrassment.  

So, the best thing Isagi can do is make a plan. It’s what he does best, really- taking in all of the information to analyze and make the best possible decision. He has to figure this out, winging it is just no longer an option. 

“Hey cutie.” Bachira leans against Isagi’s door frame as he opens it, a sly smile spread across his lips. 

It doesn’t help much that Isagi still feels the imprint of Bachira’s little cheek kiss. From three entire days ago. He’s thought more about that little peck over these past few days than the fact that he earned a hat trick in that game. 

“Shut up.” Isagi rolls his eyes, letting his fake boyfriend into his apartment. 

“Don’t be like that baby boy, I brought you some food.” Bachira continues to tease. 

“Don’t call me that.” Isagi sits at the table, beginning to unpack the takeout Bachira so kindly brought over. 

“You’re so uptight! It’s all okay, we’re figuring stuff out.” Bachira smiles, resting his hand on Isagi’s shoulder.

Isagi doesn’t know why, but the touch is so comforting to him. It allows him to take a breath and destress. It seems like Bachira doesn’t take anything seriously, but he really does know how to show that he cares. 

“Alright. Yeah.” Isagi takes a breath. It’s literally just Bachira, his close friend. He should be comfortable with him by now. 

“So, you don’t know anything about relationships, huh?” For a former player known to dance on the field, Bachira certainly doesn’t dance around what hits Isagi right where it hurts.

Isagi dramatically clutches his chest. “Ugh!”

“Sorry.” Bachira chuckles.

“No, you’re right. I don’t know anything about this stuff. I’ve never had an actual relationship.” He sighs.

“It’s fine, you’re super young! It’s normal.” 

“Coming from you, the sluttiest slut of all time.” Isagi grins. 

“Hey! I’m not a slut! Just a flirt.” He smiles back. “I get mad bitches.” 

“Shut all the fuck up.” Isagi rolls his eyes, shaking his head with the same grin on his face. Even if Bachira drives him crazy, he’s still fun to be around. He really missed him, all things considered.

“So what are we exactly planning here?” Bachira finally sits down, diving into a takeout container of dumplings. 

“We need to figure out how to be more convincing. I’ve thought up a few things we need to do: number one is posting on social media. Number 2 is going on dates. And Number 3 is-” He gulps. “Physical affection.” 

“Your brain works in such mysterious ways.” Bachira stares.

“Coming from you!” 

“Hehe, well, it’s just not that deep. Nobody treats relationships like this.” He giggles. 

“Well we’re not in a relationship.” Isagi reminds him. 

Bachira only shrugs, but Isagi’s own words seem to sting in a weird way. He feels like he shouldn’t have said them, or maybe he should be apologizing to Bachira. 

“This is a weird question, but do guys go on dates the same way as straight people?” Isagi asks, uncomfortably tapping his fingers on the table. 

Bachira smiles. “Yeah, of course.” 

“Okay.” Isagi pauses. “But like, who pays?” 

“Either of them?” Bachira cackles, making Isagi turn red. He may as well just be permanently blushing at this point. 

Isagi’s so embarrassed he can’t even look his friend in the eyes, he can only keep tapping on the table and looking anywhere besides Bachira. 

“So, generally, dating a guy is just like dating anyone else. But I can tell you, the feeling of dating or kissing a guy is way different than a girl. It’s just a way different feeling. I don’t know how else to describe it.” Bachira explains.

“Huh.” Isagi replies. “So kissing a guy is different.” 

“It’s still just kissing, but it’s just a different feeling. You don’t have to do anything different though.” 

Isagi’s only kissed a handful of girls before, and he can’t say for sure if he even knows how to kiss properly. He’s not experienced at all, it’s kind of embarrassing that Bachira knows what he’s talking about here. 

“Hm.” It’s all Isagi can really say. He has no idea how to navigate this situation, what to say next, how to progress. Maybe he really just isn’t cut out for this at all. 

Bachira is so casual and normal about everything, he really believes none of this is a big deal. Isagi only wishes he could go with the flow like that. If nothing else, maybe he can learn a lot from his fake boyfriend. 

“So you said we should post more on social media? Like some cute pics of us?” Bachira brings the discussion back to Isagi’s plan. 

“Yeah, probably. Just so people see that we’re together and stuff. It seems more realistic that way.” He explains, though his tone still sports a hint of embarrassment. 

“Sure. And dates?” 

“Mhm, like where people can see us and take pictures.” 

“Well I like hanging out with you so, sounds fine to me.” 

“And you should keep coming to my games.” 

“Then you should come to my shows.” Bachira replies. 

Isagi pauses. He never even considered that Bachira would need equal support in this relationship. The only thing Isagi really cares about is soccer, so it never dawned on him that he would have to go to art shows as part of this arrangement. It’s not that Isagi minds supporting his friend in his endeavors, it’s more that he can’t comprehend how an individual could spend their time doing anything besides soccer. 

“Of course.” He answers.

As if Bachira can read his mind, he responds. “I really miss soccer. It’s all I ever really wanted to do.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Isagi reflects back, recalling the day Bachira was injured. “You could have come back.” 

“You were all too far ahead of me. The level of play was so high, I would never be able to catch back up.” He pauses. “I know art might be boring to you, but all of my paintings are soccer related, if it helps.” 

“Oh, no that’s not what I-” 

“I know it’s not, but I also know you better than you realize.” Bachira forces a smile. “If you wanna be convincing and follow your plan, you’re gonna have to suffer through my next show.” 

“I won’t suffer, I’m sure you’re amazing at it. You’re good at a lot of things.” Isagi replies. That’s another thing he’s never had to do since he’s never really been in a relationship like this: emotional support. Even though they’re not really dating, Isagi feels like he should at least try to say the right things. 

“Yeah, yeah. Wanna play some video games or something? We could take a picture on the couch and post it or something like that.” Bachira suggests, doing his best to go along with Isagi’s plan. 

It takes a lot to make Bachira flustered. He’s used to being a tease with a smirk that could send anyone into brainrot, but something about how Isagi is trying with him- he can’t help but feel a light blush creep across his cheeks. 

“Here, just- take a picture where I’m not looking but you can tell it’s me. Wait wait wait- I’m gonna take half this blanket so they know we’re sharing it.” Bachira holds a game controller in his hand, helping stage Isagi for a picture. “If I look like I’m playing the game it’s a cute picture.”

“Okay, okay.” Isagi let’s Bachira get in position on the couch as he holds one side of his blanket. It would definitely be a cute picture if it were an actual candid, with Bachira’s golden eyes focused on the TV, looking as cuddly as ever sunk into the couch with a blanket. 

“Here.” Isagi snaps the photo, then turns his phone around to show Bachira. 

“Cute! My hair kinda looks a mess.” He chuckles. “Maybe you just got done fucking me.” 

“Huh!?” Isagi nearly squeaks. 

“That could be the case! In the fake story!” Bachira laughs, almost cackling as he falls backward into the soft couch cushions. “Right on this couch, you know?” He continues his laughing fit.

“You’re such a tease, holy fuck.” Isagi rolls his eyes, uploading the picture to his Instagram story. “There, it’s posted.” 

“Great, wanna make out?” Bachira laughs. 

“You’re such a weirdo.” Isagi says, but he can’t help but look away, the memories of the tiny cheek kiss flooding his head once more. 

“I should probably say, I’m sorry for kissing you out of the blue the other day.” Bachira’s tone changes, hoping to direct Isagi’s attention back to him. He means it, too. “I was trying to get you out of that situation, and I didn’t think it would be a big deal to kiss your cheek real quick. I’m sorry it was a lot.” He apologizes, his words genuine and soft. 

Maybe this is the relationship experience Isagi has been missing out on. This aspect of communication and talking things through is brand new to him, he’s never really had to answer to anyone besides himself. He hangs out with his team and close family and nobody else really, he hasn’t really wanted to. But now, the concept of communication is suddenly becoming extremely important, and Bachira seems to be really good at it. 

“No, no it’s okay. Really. I just don’t have any experience with stuff like that. It threw me, is all.” Isagi replies. What is he supposed to say? That he can’t stop thinking about it? That it replays over and over in his head? That he can’t sleep because it’s burned into his brain?

“You know, people might expect more of that. I’m just saying.” 

“Hm? What do you mean?” 

“I mean, people will ask you to kiss me and stuff. It’s just part of being in a relationship that’s in the public eye.” Bachira continues his explanation. 

“Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Isagi flushes again, the thought of Bachira continuing to give him surprise kisses may just melt him. “I just don’t have experience with all that.”

Bachira sighs. “Not to sound gay or anything, but maybe we should practice.” 

Isagi practically short circuits. 

“You’ve never actually kissed a guy and all, so it might be helpful to know what that’s like so it’s less surprising if we have to do it or something.” Bachira rushes through his words, suddenly displaying a nervousness that Isagi didn’t expect. “You know?” 

A silence fills the room, the two of them sitting on opposite ends of the couch, looking anywhere in the apartment besides each others’ eyes. 

“I, I guess that makes sense.” Isagi finally says. Bachira’s right, if this plan for being convincing is going to work, Isagi has to learn how to kiss a guy without freaking out. Even if he doesn’t like it, the time will come when he’ll have to do it. 

“Okay.” Bachira says, turning to look into Isagi’s deep blue eyes. “I’ll just kiss you once on the lips, alright?” 

Isagi’s entire body is nearly shaking, he feels like a little kid. Like a middle schooler about to kiss a girl for the first time. He can trust Bachira, that’s his close friend. Plus, Bachira knows how to kiss guys, so Isagi is in good hands- or rather- good lips.

He nods. “Mhm.” He mumbles.

“Close your eyes, don’t worry. It’ll be fine. I’ve been told I’m good at this stuff.” Bachira jokes, crawling to Isagi’s end of the couch. 

“Okay.” Isagi whispers, letting his eyes flutter shut as he anticipates his kiss. His breaths are quick and nervous, his heart practically pounding out of his chest. 

Bachira leans in, and for a moment Isagi can feel his hot breath close in on his awaiting lips. There’s something about it that’s comforting, warm, calming. And finally, Bachira presses his lips against Isagi’s softly, his plump lips meeting Isagi’s slightly parted ones. 

He only holds the kiss for a few seconds at most, but in that time, it’s like an electric shock runs down Isagi’s entire body. This must be where kissing guys is different from kissing girls, that different feeling Bachira was talking about earlier. With even a quick peck, Isagi feels his pants becoming awfully tight. Maybe he really is pent up. 

“See? That’s it.” Bachira pulls away, flashing Isagi a quick smile before scooting a bit away from him once again.

A weird part of Isagi wishes he didn’t move so far away.

“Where are you going?” Isagi says aloud, a yearning he didn’t expect present in his whiny voice. “I mean- that’s it? It’s not that bad.” He says quickly, his cheeks burning, his mouth tingling with the sensation of Bachira’s soft lips. 

“Yeah, it’s really not a big deal.” He chuckles. 

“Shouldn't- I try to kiss you too? Since you were kinda- in charge…you know?” Isagi stutters. There’s no reason to do this again. It’s really just kissing, and he’s 22 years old. He shouldn’t need lessons in kissing. But still, he should at least make sure he knows what he’s doing, just so that the anxious feeling might go away. 

“Sure.” Bachira says with a smile, turning his head back toward Isagi, locking eyes with him. 

Isagi is nearly taken aback by the expression on Bachira’s face. It’s one he’s never seen him make before. His eyes are darker, not as wide as they normally are. There’s something about the way his mouth moves when he speaks that’s different. His lips are glistening with a light layer of spit he must have licked so his lips weren’t too dry when they kissed. He looks pretty. That’s the only way Isagi can think to describe him. He’s very pretty. 

“Alright.” Isagi nods. 

He would have expected that his bodily reaction to a kiss from a guy would have put him off to doing it again. He also would have thought that his realization of Bachira being very pretty would have put him off to doing it again. 

But no.

In fact, it makes him want to do it again. 

Geez, maybe Isagi really does need to get laid one of these days. 

But he leans forward, letting his eyes close as he moves, swallowing his pride to let his lips reconnect with the pretty boy on his couch. He tilts his head further to the right, finding himself eager to capture more of Bachira’s lips. 

There’s suddenly a hunger, similar to the one he feels when he can smell a goal. The need to make a play, the need to forget all else and reach his fullest potential. He wants more. 

“Ah-” Bachira leans back, letting an unintentional noise escape from the surprise of Isagi suddenly pressing a little harder. 

Perhaps it’s the tiredness, or the stress, but hearing even a light huff from Bachira sends every ounce of logic flooding out of Isagi’s brain, leaving nothing but an unexpected lust. A desperate need to keep going, to taste him. 

Bachira was right, this does feel much different than kissing a girl, Isagi’s never felt more intense than he does right now. Regardless of the reason, Isagi can’t help it, he forces his lips harder, one hand reaching up to hold Bachira’s chin in place. He finds himself clasping Bachira’s bottom lip between his, as if he’s desperate to hold on. He only pulls back for a second before he connects their lips again, his heart beating faster, his breathing getting harder. 

Bachira finds himself reaching to clasp Isagi’s shirt, tugging on it a little to pull him closer. 

It’s the reality check Isagi needs to remind himself that Bachira’s the one he’s kissing, that this is just practice, that none of this is real. That Isagi is straight. 

He pulls back suddenly, out of breath, quickly snapping the thin strand of saliva that still connects their lips. 

“I- I think I got it.” Isagi says quickly, shuffling back to his end of the couch. 

“Um, yeah. I would say so.” Bachira breathes out, frozen in place. 

[drhu0806]

2 - "It's been a long time"

Fandom - Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem/7KPP (fanfic) Content warnings - none Pairing - Clarmont x MC

Other notes: angst [ Spoilers for the Clarmont route and endgame! ]

Clarmont knows he should be grateful.

It’s a busy day, surrounded by servants and workers alike bustling about performing their duties. As chaotic as the commotion is, he welcomes it; it’s a sign of life, of the peace they’ve worked so hard to attain in the formerly war torn nation. It’s been five years since the last summit, five years since what he felt was the impossible had been achieved. Five years since last he’d seen—

He stops himself from finishing that train of thought. This is a time for celebration, for work, for learning to appreciate and cherish the lives they saved, not to wallow in what had been lost. What he lost.

Though if he was honest with himself—which he rarely allows himself to be over this—it would be more accurate to say what he threw away.

But it shouldn’t matter now. He should be thankful for what he has, what everyone gained.

Of course, Clarmont has become a master of pushing away his own thoughts and desires, and he pushes down the dark tide within his heart that he knows will swallow him whole if he isn’t careful as he appraises the work before him. When ideas for a new grand library were initially put forth, people were surprised at how readily he had offered up his lands as a potential construction site. He wasn’t sure what the fuss had been about; while it’s true he’s not particularly known for a love of books but there was nothing wrong with wanting to provide that for others, was there? So much had been lost twenty years ago, what better way to try to preserve what could be saved, so future generations could learn from past mistakes?

A single person can die. But knowledge? Ideas? Those can be passed on. And in that way, they live forever.

Words once spoken by someone very important to him. He shakes his head and blinks away the memory. This has nothing to do with her.

“Lord Clarmont? A moment, if you will?”

He’s led to a quieter area, away from the main construction site for a discussion. They speak of various topics and concerns regarding the library, before the lead worker tells him, “We’re in luck, the consultant from Jiyel is set to arrive today. She’s likely already here, if not soon.”

As if on cue, they spot something over his shoulder. “Ah, there she is!”

Clarmont turns, and in that moment his heart stops.

Even from a distance, he would always recognize her. She strides up the path with a familiar gait, donned in elegant yet functional Jiyelan garb. She never liked letting her hair loose when there was work to be done, so of course her long black tresses are tied up and styled atop her head. The worker next to him, unaware of his distress, gestures at her and begins to approach.

“Lady Octavia! I’m glad you could finally make it!”

He doesn’t know how his body is able to move when his mind feels like it’s been ejected right out of him. His legs are able to stiffly carry him forward as he follows, trying in vain to make sense of his bearings as he feels the world around him begin to tilt. Five years without her, five years of ignoring and hiding away the memories, and it all comes undone with a single glance.

Clarmont almost wants to believe that it’s all a dream, but the closer she gets the more reality begins to truly set in. Then their eyes meet, and he freezes as it all comes rushing back.

Golden eyes. Eyes that, when he first laid eyes on her, he thought stood out so clearly among the other Jiyelans. Intelligent, clever eyes that could hold you in place as she tried to solve the puzzle that was you in her mind, a gaze that could be as warm and comforting as a freshly brewed cup of tea, or as hard and immovable as polished amber. He knew what those eyes looked like when she gazed at him with all the tenderness in the world, and he knew all too well how they were when filled with immeasurable hurt.

Five years, and she looked the same yet so different at the same time. Five years, and she looks just as beautiful as she did then.

Five years, and he finally has to confront the fact that his feelings hadn’t changed one bit since then, not in all this time.

But when they look at each other now, Clarmont sees none of the energy or affection he once knew. Instead he’s met with a stony blankness, almost indifference, as if she doesn’t even recognize him. He can’t help it; in the suddenness of her presence he loses some self-control, reverting a little back into old habits, to the man he was when they first met.

“Octavia,” he greets with a weak smile, “it’s been a long time.”

He realizes his mistake a second after he finishes speaking. The lack of formality causes Octavia’s eyes to narrow, almost imperceptibly so, yet she doesn’t remark upon it as she dips into a formal curtsy.

“Lord Clarmont. I hope you’ve been keeping in good health.”

Her tone is formal, distant and aloof in a way that leaves him a little in shock. Has she, unlike him, moved on? Has she been able to march forward from that fateful summit and put it all behind her in a way that he never could? Does she simply not care anymore?

“Oh, do you two know each other?” the worker asks.

How could he even begin to answer that? Yes, he wants to say, they knew each other once, when the world was slowly coming apart at the seams. When they were young and relatively beneath notice, when his life was something to throw away when needed for the sake of his country, and she shot into it like fireworks against the night sky, so for a few precious moments he could be reminded that it was worth living for.

And then, within the span of less than a week, it all crumbled away, for them to only become strangers again.

Octavia smiles faintly at the question, looking as if she just heard a good joke. “We’ve met. Several years ago, briefly.”

Clarmont wonders if he’s just imagining it, or if she did in fact place more emphasis on the word “briefly”. His heart trembles, saying nothing as the worker launches into a discussion with the newly arrived lady. His body moves automatically when they lead the two of them around, leaving the bulk of the conversation between the other two as it’s all he can do to hold himself together. There are moments when he can’t help it, and his gaze drifts only to rest on her, taking her in. He’s heard rumors of Octavia’s activities through the years, tried to keep tabs when the pain of thinking about her was somewhat tolerable. He found himself thinking, was she happy? Had she achieved some of her goals? How similar is she now to the woman he knew five years ago?

Throughout the entire walk, she doesn’t so much as throw a glance at him even once.

He’s able to glean a few details of her unexpected arrival: he knew of plans to consult various scholars on restoration of cultural centers throughout Revaire, and somehow she had been requested for this site while he was none the wiser. Underneath the roiling cauldron of emotions he was already undergoing, he can tell something about the arrangement seems too perfect, but he doesn’t have the energy to dwell too deeply on it. Octavia, on the other hand, is at ease and knowledgeable of the location and the job at hand, indicating she was perfectly aware of what she was getting into.

Clarmont, against his better judgment, holds onto this like a lifeline. Perhaps she has a reason for coming all the way here, in spite of knowing whose lands she’d be attending to. Perhaps there’s a chance…

The worker wraps up introductions, bidding farewell to them as they return to work. Without another word, Octavia turns heel and begins walking back down the path she came up.

Emotions he cannot hope to name threaten to boil over and suffocate him, and all Clarmont knows is that if he lets her completely walk away from him now he may never have another chance. He trails after her, searching for his voice.

“You’ve likely had a long journey, my lady. It would be my privilege to escort you back to your lodgings, or provide any other assistance in accommodations.”

“There is no need, my lord. I manage perfectly well on my own,” she replies, with the same indifferent tone she used before. Her pace is brisk and businesslike, unwilling to relent, as if he’s nothing more than a minor nuisance she’s humoring on a whim.

“...It would put my mind a little more at ease, my lady.”

Her response comes out as a sneer, the first bit of emotion she’s revealed in front of him all afternoon. “Do you think me so helpless, my lord?”

At this, Clarmont, growing more and more desperate by the second, reaches out to take hold of her arm. “Octavia, please—”

She whirls around, firmly wrenching herself out of his grip and sending him a piercing glare that sends an uneasy shiver down his spine. There is no gentility in her eyes, only what he recognizes now as thinly veiled contempt.

“What is it that you want from me, Clarmont?”

A sharp ripple of pain rushes through him at the way she speaks. “I just… I just want to talk.”

“Talk? Now you want to talk? The time for talking is over, Clarmont. You made that quite clear, five years ago,” she spits.

He opens his mouth yet no sound escapes. Memories of that fateful conversation come flooding back, memories he wishes he could keep buried. Regrets and grief churn and mix until they sit like a large, jagged stone within his soul that he can’t ignore.

She rolls her eyes, unimpressed. “Ancestors, why did I agree to this?”

That’s enough to rouse him, just enough to speak. “Why… Why did you?”

The little kernel of hope planted within him when she first arrived, the hope that maybe, just maybe, she came in part to see him, is slowly dissolving away, with each passing second proving to be nothing more like the rest of his fleeting dreams. But he had to know, he had to at least have some of the burning questions that have haunted him for the past several years.

“I was personally requested. They said I would be most suited,” she answers with a shrug. She scrutinizes him, a realization dawning on her. “Don’t tell me… Did you think I came to see you?” Octavia barks out a laugh. “Oh, Clarmont, you really have lost your touch!”

She steps forward within arm’s reach, close enough that he can smell her perfume and make out the finer details of her face that he used to be able trace with his eyes closed. “Let me make myself completely clear so you never forget. After what happened, I have never done anything for you or your benefit, my dear Lord Clarmont. So banish those childish fantasies now, along with the rest of your fanciful thoughts about justice and fairness.”

She speaks of these things with such clear derision, clearly meant to mock him, but how could he give them up, when she was living proof that they could come true? And it is this hope, this tiny, insignificant, vain hope, that he continues to clutch onto.

Because in the end, that’s all that he had left of her.

“If they were as childish as you say, why did you fight so hard all those years ago at the summit?” he mutters. “I know you’re not the type of woman to fight for nothing but a fancy.”

She laughs again, harder this time. “What, you mean brokering for peace? Oh, my dear, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thought about how much easier it would have been to give you up? How much simpler my life would be if I had just given Gisette everything I knew?” Seeing the look on his face, she continues, relentless, “Do you know how difficult that entire affair was? How I would have been set for the rest of my life with the Revairan royal family in my debt? Oh, I will admit, I’ve spent many a night wondering if I should have chosen a different path. Why are you looking at me like that? I’ve told you before, I’m no saint. Don’t put expectations on me that you’ve come up with in your own mind.”

With every word comes another little cut across the already ravaged, bleeding landscape of his heart. He didn’t want to listen, he didn’t want to believe and tarnish those precious memories of those seven weeks, even if he didn’t want to always face them. Could she really have been so cruel to even entertain the idea? To truly regret it?

Octavia leans in, speaking just barely above a whisper. “I want to know something, Clarmont. I want you to know why exactly I bothered to put in the effort to give you your peace, even after what you did to me. Because, let’s be honest here, you really didn’t give me a lot of reason to.” Raising her chin in a mocking, conspiratorial way, she says, “It was so that for the rest of your life, every single day for as long as you live, you’ll know it was me. You’ll always remember that this would have never been possible without me, and you’ll always know that this could have all been turned to dust had I simply made the decision to look the other way.

“Every passing day without conflict, every inch of progress you make towards a better tomorrow, you’ll remember that I made it possible, that I was the one who could give you a fighting chance. You’ll remember what I did for as long as you breathe, and you will never forget what you did, and what you lost.”

Smirking, she steps away, and this time he can’t bring himself to follow as she marches down the path without a second glance. Clarmont stands rooted to the spot, those few minutes seemingly stretching into eternity as Octavia’s confession rolls over him like a landslide, crushing him down under. It takes a moment before he finds the strength to move, and in a daze he makes his way back to his personal estate. He’s able to stumble his way into his personal chambers before slowly collapsing into a chair, hands trembling as he holds his head bowed in pain.

He’d known hardship, and he was no stranger to loss. But for the first time since the end of that fateful summit, Clarmont wonders how it could be possible to grieve not for a something that was taken away, but for a future that never was to begin with. He lets his regrets and heartbreak wash over him, with nothing but the bittersweet memories of the past to keep him company.