#these elves looks like regular people with bad prosthetic pointed ears

[coopsgirl]

Review of Rings of Power ep 1 (some spoilers)

This dude (Galadriel's "brother") could really use a comb for that severe cowlick he's got. What's even more egregious though is what he says to young Galadriel when he's trying to teach her a lesson. He says he may not always be there to help her in a very ominous foreshadowing of his death. Except he would have no reason at this time to think he would ever die as they are living in the bliss of Valinor.

I guess they didn't have the rights to use a map of Beleriand. When the elves left Valinor (end of years of the trees/beginning of the first age) the map didn't look like this. This is what it looked like at the beginning of the second age.

Sauron looks cool here but one cool shot ain't gonna save this thing.

One of the soldiers tells Galadriel that their mission was supposed to end months ago and she tells him no one wants to go home more than her but the "home" she's referring to is Valinor and she says she can't go until her mission is done (the mission is finding Sauron and avenging her "brother"). This is totally out of character for her as she did not want to go back to Valinor. She wanted to be in Middle Earth and have her own realm.

The CGI of the snow troll looked good (so that's at least where some of the money went) but the wire work (where the actress playing Galadriel would have been in a harness jumping in the air to attack it) looks very unnatural. Elves are light on their feet but they still move within the bounds/laws of physics.

The way they had the "not hobbits" hiding was clever but they are all so filthy that they just look like a bunch of old hobos and the acting amongst them is really not very good. I do wonder why they made the decision to make them sound Irish.

We meet Elrond and a couple of female elves tell him he can't go to the next council meeting because it is for lords only and he looks a bit upset. Of course that's because this version wants to be a politician (please kill me now!). At least Lindon looks pretty.

At one point Galadriel says, "Why Elrond, you really have become a politician" and he says, "You make it sound so grim". I'm dying inside here!

Gil-galad seriously chews some scenery to announce that he's rewarding some of the soldiers with a rare honor - they are going to Valinor like they just won a trip on a game show. That wasn't rare or an honor as it was a natural place for elves to go. If they wanted to go, they just went there.

Galadriel is standing amongst some statues of fallen elven soldiers including her brother and she tells Elrond that she doesn't want to leave them. That is just really dumb because the actual elves would be in Valinor alive (if their spirits have left the Halls of Mandos) and that seems a damn sight better than a statue. Then she tells Elrond that going to Valinor will not make her feel better or take away the bad memories of battle but that's exactly what it would do. Tell me you know nothing about Valinor and elves without telling me you know nothing about Valinor and elves.

They must have a Supercuts or something here for this dude to get such a fresh haircut. Seriously though, you see something like a very modern haircut that you would need electrical clippers to get in something like this and it takes you out of that world. It's like noticing zippers on costumes where they shouldn't be (they were first used in clothing in the 1930s).

One of the elves tells fresh haircut that he will return home with more than he left with including a title. There is no such thing as an elven aristocracy! This is just so dumb.

My response to seeing Celebrimbor was to burst out in a fit of laughter which I don't think is the reaction they were going for.

Then we cut to this and I'm laughing again! Why did they make him look like he has a square head?

Nice mullet there buddy!

As they get close to Valinor, Galadriel jumps off the boat which should basically mean death as they are very far from any land so that was a really dumbass thing to do. Then the meteor lands with the dude in it that I guess we're supposed to think is Sauron but will likely end up being Gandalf.

This show is just basically a big disappointment and feels like a cheesy TV show instead of the beautiful, complex world of Middle Earth.

[thesilverdragoon]

The Crystalline Mean

Previous: The Musica Universalis

Next: An Iron Grip

Wandering around for a short while around the marketplace eventually led him to the so called Spagyrics. More specifically, one of the citizens noticed him limping down the walkway, and suggested he visit the place (and even offered to walk him over there, though he declined.)

The outside of the facility looked about as plain as everything else within the Crystarium. That is to say, extremely elaborate and ornate in terms of architectural style. Or perhaps that was just the doorway. Vesevont had never been to any sort of hospital or apothecary that looked as… clean? as this place did.

Letting out a small sigh, he inhaled sharply afterwards and continued on inside, muttering to the worm. “Stay quiet.” Puffy wriggled in his chest, causing him to scrunch his face up.

Immediately an old elezen woman with gray sideswept hair and big round glasses looked up from her writing desk in the corner, standing as he came inside and moving towards him to help. “Well, here’s a new face!” She sounded pleasant, almost like a grandparent might have. “You can sit over here.”

Ves tried to wave her away, but found he actually needed the help as another pain shot through his spine. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and blinked away the small tears in the corners of his eyes. “Thank you- I… I think I pulled a muscle-” “That’ll get them every time. Always happens at precisely the wrong times. Running from an eater, squatting down at the-” “Not in my legs-” The Ishgardian sat down slowly, biting back a groan as took the weight off his feet. “My arm and my back- it shoots downwards is all-” “I see, give me a moment will you? Hanameen?? I need to fill out the log book, take this one will you??” The old woman called out, leaving Ves at the bedside as she returned to her desk. She didn’t sit down, and instead rotated her book around so that she could continue writing in it. “Name??”

Not long after came another elezen woman, much younger and with long, wavy light-brown hair and a very freckled face. “Coming, coming- Oh! Hello there!” She smiled at him. “I haven’t seen you around here before.”

Ves immediately felt his face grow hot, and stuffed it down as quickly as he could. “I’m uh-” “Name sir!” The old woman snapped her fingers to get Ves’ attention (which only made him even more flustered.)

“V-Vesevont, ma’am.”

“Vesevont. Sounds foreign. But if that’s your name it’s your name.”

The one named Hanameen rolled her eyes. “Oh don’t mind her, Miss Chessamile’s a fiesty one, even in her old age. It keeps things interesting around here I’d say.” She glanced over her shoulder and grinned.

Chessamile let out a short ‘hah’ at that, but smiled nonetheless. “Yes, yes I’m the babysitter, putting bandages and salves on every wound you could possibly imagine! And everyone’s better off for it aren’t they?”

“They sure are.

So then! What’s wrong? You look all right to me, no eyes missing, no guts spilling out the front, no blood?”

Ves swallowed again, his mouth feeling drier by the second. “I uh…”

“Well don’t be bashful about it! Says he pulled a muscle!” Chessamile said aloud from her desk.

The Ishgardian wanted to suck his neck into his torso to hide. His face at least.

“Pulled a muscle?” Hanameen repeated, tilting her head.

“Well I mean- I don’t really know-” Ves paused. “It’s my arm actually- I think I need a mechanic more than I need a chiurgeon-” “A chiurgeon? I wouldn’t exactly call myself that, but let’s have a looksee.” Hanameen pulled up a stool and sat beside the edge of the bed as Ves held his prosthetic out.

She took it, turning it over a few times as she gauged his reaction. “My, what a fancy looking thing this is. Are you from Eulmore?” She asked, slowly moving the arm up and down. Ves’ breath hitched, so she stopped. “I don’t remember. People have been asking me that all day long- the Exarch had me brought here from the woods outside the gates, he said-” “The Exarch??” Immediately the memory of the morning she’d seen the Exarch walking across the plaza from his tower came back as clear as day. “The Exarch ventures from the tower on a semi-regular basis- but to see him in such a hurry to be somewhere was quite odd. I remember it!

Are you a friend of his?”

“I uh-” Ves’ head went blank.

“Hanameen,” Chessamile shot a warning glance.

“Oh don’t mind it, I’m just curious is all!” The knight looked back and forth between the two woman, confused. “Uh? Why th-” “It’s an unspoken rule around the city, but seeing as you’re not from here apparently... We aren’t to question the Exarch’s personal business or relations. Out of respect mainly. While being a mysterious figure himself, the man’s done everything in our best interest here, and protected us for so long.” Chessamile explained. “It would be unwise to accidentally invoke bad luck or some sort of curse for prying. Not that that would actually happen but, you never know.”

Hanameen chuckled. “Chessamile errs on the side of caution. And for good reason. As you can probably plainly see.”

Ves tried to smile but it looked lopsided and funny. His nerves were getting to him. “Ahah…”

Puffy writhed painfully in his chest again, causing him to suddenly shudder and bend forward a bit more.

Hanameen leaned back slightly but placed her hand flat on his chest to catch him, “Are you all right???” “N-...Y-yes...” “You’re sweating.”

“A-am I-” He was.

The woman stared at him with a fair amount of concern, before going back to his prosthetic. “...If you say so…

Well… have you tried taking this off?? Perhaps the arm’s pulling on something and causing you discomfort. It might be broken. I’m no mechanic, as you so graciously pointed out earlier, but I’m sure Katliss upstairs could find someone or something for you in the meantime.”

The idea seemed so obvious. Why didn’t he think of that?”

Vesevont hummed, unsure as he reached across with his normal arm to disconnect the prosthetic. There was a sudden jolt of electricity (or so he assumed) and then a hiss as the piece detached from the port installed onto his shoulder. He set it down carefully on the bed beside him, breathing a sigh of relief.

“How about now?”

“I don’t really notice anything different.”

“Walk around for me a moment.” Hanameen instructed, standing up and moving the stool out of the way with her foot.

Ves stood up slowly, looking down at his legs as he took a few experimental steps forward.

His knees didn’t shudder, and his footfalls felt all right. His back wasn’t killing him near as much.

“Any better?”

“Yes- it has to be the arm- I probably damaged it while I was out in the woods...” He sighed, looking back towards it in dismay. “The only thing I’m worried for now is that I’ve no money to pay for repairs...”

Hanameen put a hand to her chin in thought. “I wouldn’t count yourself out just yet. We may be able to find someone to take pity on you and do it for a reduced price, or for free. You’ll have to hash out the details.

Do you know where to find the Crystalline Mean?”

Ves scratched at his face with a finger, “I’m afraid not.”

“Here, I’ll walk you there then. It’s just upstairs, and the stairs, lucky us, are right next to the Spagyrics.  It’ll take only a minute.”

“Only a minute!” Chessamile repeated. “Famous last words.”

Hanameen ignored her and moved over towards the doorway to wait, with Ves trailing behind her like some pitiful looking stray. “We’ll be back!” She called out, before leading him away.

As they turned left to walk towards the iron stairwell leading upwards, Ves looked back several times. “...You were right, she’s a spitfire.”

“I told you! She can take care of herself, certainly.

So what happened in the woods?”

“Pardon?”

“You know, before the Exarch came out to meet you.”

“OH- oh-” At that point Ves was hardly sure if he should share or not.

...It would probably be all right.

“Well- I was stumbling down the path, completely lost, when I ran into one of the Crystarium’s patrol groups- the ones with the blue scarves?” “Those are the Lakeland guards. They’re stationed outside at Fort Jobb and watch the roads. My two sons’ father is with their unit.”

“Oh?” Ves’ ears perked up. “Oh- I see.

Anyhow, I had run into them and ...Captain Lyna?? The viera??” Hanameen raised a brow and paused at the top of the first set of stairs. “The what??”

“...The viera?” “What’s that?”

Ves stood still, mid-step. “...You know… the ears?” He raised his hand and motioned above his head.

“You mean Viis?”

“I thought her name was Lyna-” “No, no, Captain Lyna is a Viis. You know, with the,” Hanameen mimicked his motion with both her hands above her own head.

“...OH- oh-” “Viera… what a strange word. Do you have words for the others as well?”

“I mean- maybe??” Ves huffed. The stairs just kept on going.

“Well- what are we called then?” Hanameen asked, continuing on.

“Elezen.”

She laughed in disbelief. “Elezen?? Now I’m really curious as to where you’re from.”

“Well what are we called then? Here??” “Elves.” “...Elves? And you think elezen is ridiculous?”

“A little bit!”

By the time they had reached the top of the final stairwell, Ves was out of breath. Though he’d at least learned several new words by then.

Hanameen seemed perfectly fine. “Goodness, look at you. Do they have stairs where you’re from I wonder?” Ves’ brows furrowed once he caught his breath. “It’s been a very long several days, I’ll have you know. I have no idea where I am, or how I even got here. I think I’ve a right to be tired after three entire stairwells.” He hadn’t gone up that many stairs in a while, truthfully. But he wasn’t about to admit that.

Not to mention, carrying the prosthetic only added to everything, as it was a bit on the heavy side (and this was the lighter model, Mei had said...)

“Don’t remember, and why is that?” Hanameen asked, hands at her hips.

“Pixies.”

“Pixies? You came from Il Mheg?”

“I think so… I just woke up in a field of flowers and managed to find my way to the forest outside the city.”

“Well that explains it. They’re tricksy little things, pixies. You’d do well to stay away from there in the future, lest you be forgetting everything you’ve just learned today!

Anyway, here we are, you see that terrace over there?” Hanameen walked a few paces away from the stairs and pointed straight ahead. “That’s the Crystalline Mean. Many of the city’s crafters gather here and set up shop, if you will.”

Ves frowned as he raised his brows, scanning the area jam packed with said craftsman and all their...crafts. And things. There were entire stations set up and dedicated to every sort of thing he could possibly imagine. Where would he even start?

“...Overwhelming isn’t it?”

“...Yes.” Hanameen sighed through her nose, “Come on. I’ll introduce you.

...Come on!!”

Ves shook himself out of whatever intimidated trance he’d fallen into and quickly went after her.

“Katliss!!” The woman raised an arm in greeting as they approached another elezen- or elf woman in a leather tunic and a hat with goggles standing at a wooden counter.

“Hanameen! ...You never come up here. What do you need?” Katliss asked, sizing up Vesevont from her spot. “Newcomer?”

“Yes, his prosthetic is damaged. He came in complaining about muscular pain, but I think we figured out that it was his arm causing that.”

Katliss sighed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head slightly. “That’ll do it. Can’t say I’ve seen any prosthetics of that make before. That’s quite a fancy piece of equipment you’ve got there.” Not to mention his coat. “Eulmoran?” “I don’t know.” Ves answered flatly.

“Pixies got to him.” Katliss cringed and sucked her teeth. “Ooh. That’s a shame. Well, I can find someone to look at it for you if you’ll give me a moment. From that slack-jawed look on your face I take it you don’t have a method of payment either huh?”

Ves’ ears turned bright red again. “...No. I don’t.” The woman laughed. “We’ll figure it out. Come on then! I’ll take him off your hands Hana.”

Hanameen smiled, “Thanks.

Well it was nice meeting you Vesevont! Try not to pull anything else while you’re here.”

Ves sputtered and squinted at her as Katliss took the prosthetic from him. Hanameen waved at him several times before leaving back to the stairs.

The knight let out a low ‘hmmm’ as they moved further into the terrace in search of a mechanic.

“Are those that work in the Spagyrics normally that… well not standoffish but-” “Sarcastic? A bite to their humor? Absolutely. With how many people come in day in and day out, dying or otherwise, I’d imagine you’d have to be in order to keep your head intact.”

“Mm...” That much he could understand.