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wonderlustlucas · 5 years ago

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soonie, doongie, dori, & john - lee minho

⇢ prompt “Why did you steal a fish? You don’t even take care of yourself let alone a fish.”—a prompt from @the-moon-dust-writings ⇢ pairing minho x female reader ⇢ word count 4.4k ⇢ genre fluff ⇢ warnings lots of cat interaction. if u don’t have a cat you may be confused. mega fluff. that’s it. ⇢ summary Sharing an apartment with Lee Minho has been an adventure since day one. Plus, you got a best friend and three fur children out of the deal. But when a heavy realization hits you the same morning Minho has an accident at the pet store, it seems as if it’s only a matter of time before John shoots Cupid’s arrow and paves the way for a happy ending.—friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n bear with me on this one, it’s kind of slow in the beginning. this is the first i’ve written in ages. i feel like i’ve forgotten how to english. also i did as much research as i could find to try & figure out the genders of minnie’s cats hopefully theyre right jsfajkhkjf. also i watched a lot of vids of minho for this & it rlly made me realize how much i love him & how soft i am for him & it seems as if my bias list is unstable now

From her curled-up position in between your legs, Dori’s ears twitch up in attention at the sound of the front door swinging open and closed from across the apartment. She has grown a lot since Minho first brought her home, you notice when she finally lifts her tiny head to listen to the footsteps past your bedroom door, jade eyes blinking tiredly at you in post-nap dreariness. Excited, she pushes herself up to arch her back in a long stretch before she abandons the warmth of your bed to greet Minho. Pouting, you watch as Soonie ditches you as well, hopping off from his perch looking out the window to follow the younger kitten.

“Oh well,” you mutter to none other than Doongie who stays by your side, white mittened paws tucked snugly under her chest that rumbles with a purr when you reach over to scratch the soft fur behind her ear, “I still have you.” You can practically feel Minho’s jealousy radiating from behind the door when only two out of his three children go to see him— not that this is new.

It has been this way since you moved in together nearly two years ago. Due to increasing international interest for your university at the end of each year, not every incoming freshman was guaranteed a dorm room. It just so happened Minho and you were two unlucky victims of such a shortage. By chance, you had met at an open house only seven months prior and so, not even knowing whether he was frantically searching for an apartment like yourself, you reached out to him with an offer your parents helped scrap up.

Minho was uncertain at first. First, he was not prepared to start university living with a girl. It wasn’t that he did not like girls; he simply grew up expecting to meet his forever “bro” in his dorm room. In addition to this, he was an only child and imagined living with a female only child could end up causing him some great distress.

Secondly, while the pros outweighed the cons for the most part, he was more than disappointed that the apartment was in a more… domestic part of town. Yes, the rent was cheaper than the apartments closer to campus. Yes, he would be able to have a car now and yes, the apartment really was more than sustainable for two kids, but it was all these things and more because it was not an area where sleaze balls sunk their talons into desperate students looking for a place to live. And so, this basically meant that the two of you were close to the only students in the area.

And last but not least: there was only one bathroom. Enough said.

But what eventually won him over was the fact that the apartment was pet friendly, which meant he could bring Soonie and Doongie (and Dori, eventually) with him. It was for this reason he finally agreed to share the apartment with you before he lost the opportunity and you asked someone else.

It couldn’t be that bad, right? Afterall, you seemed nice enough at the open house and you did go out of your way to ask him in the first place to live with you. And he was right. In fact, it was not bad at all. You were more than nice, generally not concerned with specifics other than the agreement that Wednesday was grocery shopping day together, Friday was cleaning day, and that you washed your own dishes. Minho did not mind those three simple promises because he found getting to be your friend easy and your roommate his favorite part of his day.

What he did mind, however, was the fact that Doongie instantly took a liking to you. “This isn’t fair,” he complained only your third day together after searching for said feline and finding her cozied up with you on the sofa, “how can she betray me like this?”

His possessiveness humored you, to say the least. “What can I say? She just likes me better. You’ve bored her, Minnie.” He grimaced at the nickname and your bold statement. You were just bluffing—there’s no way Doongie would choose you over him after all these years, right?

Wrong. After freshman year flew by and the two of you agreed to stick together for a second year due to how dependent you had become on one another, he suddenly brought home Dori to ‘fill the void Doongie left in my heart,’ he exaggerated. “Wow, is Soonie not enough for you? You make him sound so unimportant. Maybe I’ll steal him too,” you had replied, grinning from your spot in bed when he narrowed his eyes at you.

“I thought you’d be mad I brought a kitten home,” Minho admitted from the doorway, ignoring what you said and holding said tabby against his chest with one arm. He’s so cute, you admired for hardly a second, reaching for your iced tea on your bed side table and shrugging to him, “You know I don’t care, you’re the one who pays the vet bills. Bring all the cats you want; the more, the merrier,” you said, taking a sip and blinking at him lethargically.

For a moment he was quiet, processing your words before, “If we get married it would be our vet bills.”

You nearly choked on a mouthful of tea. Married? You took a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts. “Minho, if your plan is to marry me, you’ve done a terrible job at getting that message across.”

“Damn, what can I do?” He asked, sulking.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, grinning at him behind warm cheeks, “you can start by getting your ass over here so I can see this new kitty and discuss our wedding theme.”

And that’s just how things were; you, Minho, Soonie, Doongie, and Dori.

Or so you thought.

Past the hum of your ceiling fan and the purring coming from Doongie like an engine, for a minute or so you listen to Minho sing, “I want to see my little boy,” from Vine to presumably Soonie at least four times, followed by a loud thud, a high-pitched screech (not from a cat), a door slamming closed, and then the pipes moaning like a horror movie as the shower is turned on. Unfazed by the chain of events as this kind of chaos was something you have come to accept living with Minho, you shrug off all the noises you heard and opt instead to regretfully roll over until you meet the edge of the mattress.

Once you manage to tumble out of bed and stretch good enough to make your legs shake, Doongie lets out unamused meow now that her own personal space heater and pillow has moved.

It’s you. You’re the personal space heater pillow.

“Whaaaat,” you reply, grabbing a pair of cotton shorts from a drawer and glancing back at her. With ears drawn flat, Doongie follows your movements with a cold glare. “I’m sorry,” you coo, falling for her manipulation and bending back over the mattress to envelope her in a hug of sorts and cover her muzzle in kisses. When she starts struggling to get away from your grip, beginning to meow loudly and pushing your arm away with her paws, you pull away and scratch the base of her tail as she stands to stretch.

Shimmying the shorts up your legs with an unnecessary amount of effort exerted, you at last exit your room for the day, grabbing your phone from where it sat charging on the bed side table on the way. Padding barefoot down the brief hallway, you realize with a shiver when you reach the tiny dining room table how unreasonably freezing it is in the apartment. Minho must have not raised the thermostat this morning after lowering it to sleep.

Instead of fixing the problem, you reach for Minho’s orange university sweatshirt draped over one of the chairs and pull it over your head. At your feet, Doongie weaves between your legs, dragging the side of her face against your shins and she does not stop mewing until you bend down to gather her into your arms so that her front paws dangle over your shoulder. “So needy, you are,” you grumble, blowing her tail away when she threatens to swat your mouth and making way for the kitchen where coffee calls your name.

Minho must have made enough for the both of you as there is still another cup or two left in the pot, you realize with a smile, reaching up into the cabinet for a mug and pouring yourself a cup. Doongie leaps off your shoulder when you open the refrigerator for creamer, joining Soonie and Dori who sit poised like statues along the kitchen’s pony wall.

Stirring in cream and sugar, you wait until the color softens to a lighter shade of brown before unwrapping the flakey chocolate croissant Minho bought you yesterday and taking a seat at the table. Humming to yourself, you shift to cross your legs on the chair while taking slow sips of your coffee, heart beginning to thump faster in your chest.

And it’s not from the caffeine now making its way through your system.

This is too good. Life is too good, and you should not feel at such peace at twenty years old. You should not be having such a casual morning, drinking coffee Minho made for you, eating a croissant Minho bought you, wearing a sweatshirt Minho left hanging around, having a staring contest with the cats Minho brought into your life, listening to Minho sing in the shower one room over. Minho.

You slowly set your mug down with a newfound epiphany flashing like a billboard in your brain. Of course, you always knew Minho was the most special person in your life recently, your best friend really, and that you loved him. You probably would not have lived with him for this long if you didn’t. But since when were you in love with him?

You shake your head and take a hefty mouthful, hoping to wash away such troublesome thoughts. You’ll get over it. It’s just a crush. On the boy you live with. And spend all your time with.

“Oh boy, what are we gonna do now?” You ask the three felines who have abandoned studying you to stare down like hawks at the table, ears raised in curiosity. You follow their gaze, squinting in hope to better your vision when you see the fluttering tail of a fish as it swims within its tiny plastic cup. Blinking once, twice, and on the third you finally reach over and grab the container, bringing it closer to inspect and yep, that most certainly is a betta fish staring back at you.

Setting it atop the refrigerator where the cats can’t get to it, you stuff the rest of breakfast into your mouth and dump what’s left of your coffee into the sink before marching to the bathroom, swinging the door open without so much as a knock. He yelps from behind the shower curtain and you mentally thank God you did not barge in to find him butt naked in front of the mirror.

“Lee Minho, care to explain why there was a fish on the kitchen table?” You bark, crossing your arms and leaning against the sink for when he pops his head outside of the curtain.

“First of all, you could have knocked,” he starts, looking to the floor when you glare at him, “and I, um, I stole it.” You sigh in defeat, dragging your hands down your face when he disappears back into the shower. “Minho, why did you steal a fish? You don’t even take care of yourself let alone a fish.”

“That just isn’t true. I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my children. And I didn’t mean to steal it,” he retorts, turning off the water and you watch as he slips an arm out to slap around in search of his towel. “How the fuck do you accidentally steal something, Minho? And did you not think I would see it eventually?” You huff, exasperated.

“You see, I went to go pick up cat food and I dropped my phone where all the betta fish in cups are and when I went to pick it up the bag hit a cup and it fell and then the lid popped off and then there was water everywhere and the fish was just flopping around so I panicked and put it back in and then ran to get water from a fish tank and I thought I would get in trouble so I just ran out since no one saw me,” Minho rambles without taking a breather, whisking open the shower curtain and stepping out as he does so, towel snug around his waist and cheeks glowing pink from both embarrassment and the aftermath of a hot shower. You sigh for a third time, moving out of his way when he makes way for the cabinet and opting to sit on the toilet.

“Did you even get the cat food, then?”

“No, I just ran. With the fish.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you grumble, “You’re an idiot.”

“But I’m your idiot,” he grins, dragging a cotton round over his face with toner. You send him a warning glare. “Well,” you click your tongue, hypnotized as he combs out his hair and by how unfairly ethereal he looks post-shower, “we should probably go to a different pet store to get cat food. And we need to get a nice fish tank and food.”

He raises a brow, surprised with how nonchalant you are, and moves to stand in front of where you sit so he can tilt your face up with his index finger tucked under your chin. “Are you mad?” He asks.

It’s not fair, really, the way he asks such a question after making you feel so vulnerable under his touch and proximity, heart racing a mile a minute. Really, you should be mad. But when it comes to Minho, you cannot find it in yourself to be. This is just how things are with him.

“No, I’m not mad,” you smile reassuringly, leaning into his touch and you both seem to forget for a moment that you are nothing more than friends when his hand moves to cup your cheek, thumb ever so slightly brushing over your warm skin as he beams down at you, “just amazed as usual at how stupid you are.”

“Hey!” He steps back at this, running his fingers through his damp hair and shaking out the strands. “I’m not stupid.”

“Yeah, and Doongie likes you more than me.”

“It sucks we have a fish now. I was thinking about getting a guinea pig or something soon. Maybe even a rabbit,” you announce, leaning over with Minho to peer into the guinea pig enclosure. His giggle reverberates throughout the entire store and you cannot help but grin in return, even though he has scared all the little critters back into their huts. With nothing left to coo over, you grab his hand and tug him toward the fish care.

“Where are we going to keep… him? What’s his name? Do we even know if it’s a him?” Your question turns into three, stopping in an aisle full of different tanks and small décor pieces to go inside.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a dude. I think they only sell males in that section anyway. I’ll check if he has a dick when we get home though,” when you look over, he’s smirking as if he just said the funniest thing ever and you have to hold back your laughter. “Yeah, you do that, Minho. I’m sure you’ll be real successful.”

“We can probably just put him on the desk. I’ll move all my shit and he can just go next to my laptop,” he continues, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder as you look over the different tank options. It makes it hard to concentrate with him so close. “I mean— yeah. Yeah. That works,” you stutter, swallowing past the sudden lump in your throat and quickly scanning over the tanks one more time, “we should get this one. Is that okay?” You move closer to said tank, hoping he would let go when you reach out to grab the box but when he doesn’t, your heart seems to beat so erratically in your chest that you think it might fly out. Why, all of a sudden, are there butterflies—no, lions—in your chest when he is around you when there weren’t before? When did this happen?

“Minho. We can cuddle at home. I just want to get what we need and leave,” you whine, trying to pry his fingers apart from where they are linked above your hips, leaving your skin tingling even under his sweatshirt. He huffs, detaching himself from your frame. “Fine. But we’re gonna get home and you’re gonna say ‘Wait, we have to take care of the fish’ first and by the time we’re done, you’ll fall asleep before we even have a movie on,” Minho grumbles, taking the box you shove into his hands and trailing after you.

You gasp, pointing an accusing fake plant in his direction, “No, you fat head. You’re always the first to fall asleep. You just like to blame it on me.” He continues to grumble under his breath while you grab a bag of pebbles, fish food, and water conditioner, finally able to breathe now that he isn’t clinging to you.

“Come on, stinky. I don’t want you to start crying on me,” you grin, wishing you could hold his hand but alas, you did not think of grabbing a basket on your way in. His face brightens up with a smile anyway, and he follows you the rest of the way right at your side.

“So, you never gave him a name. What’s it gonna be?” You ask, nearly unhinging your jaw to take a bite of the Big Mac Minho begged you to order after making fun of you the whole ride home for never having one. You stopped at McDonald’s just to appease him. You look to the fish, surprised yourself over how pleasant his quiet presence is, especially with his emerald and sapphire scales that reflect and glow iridescent in the light.

“Mm,” he hums, chewing on his own hamburger and watching the fish in thought, “I think… I think John.”

You blink at him now, setting your food down. “John?”

“John.”

“Why… why John? Why not Nemo or something?” You ask, eyeing him curiously and gnawing on the straw to your soda.

“Dunno. He just looks like a John,” Minho explains, giggling cutely and looking back up to you with stars in his eyes. It feels like liquid adrenaline is being injected right into your bloodstream when you lock eyes, and looking into Minho’s cat-like eyes feels like looking into the sun for too long—it almost burns, instead, there is an entire zoo in your chest. But it feels good. You almost wish he did not stop giggling so you could giggle with him. Instead, you have found yourself lost in him, every ounce of breath stolen from your lungs.

“Are… are you going to actually take a sip of that?” He giggles again, glancing to the soda straw dug awkwardly into your bottom lip.

Your cheeks flush hot pink, stomach sinking heavily and you cannot find your voice. Clearing your throat, you look away as you begin to hyperventilate and stand up abruptly to grab John’s fish tank from the table and walk across the room toward the desk.

“___? You alright?” He asks, worry lacing his tone and you wince when you hear him push his chair in. “Y-Yeah. I’m fine,” you laugh breathlessly, placing John down and adjusting the tank so it sits catty-cornered next to Minho’s laptop.

“No, you’re not.” He is quick, you’ll give him that. In the blink of an eye he is at your side, grabbing you by the hips and spinning you to face him. Here we go again, you hiss at yourself to snap out of it, clenching your fists at your sides simply due to how overwhelmed you feel. How incapable you are to forget how you have been feeling and brush it under the rug.

“Why’d you get all googly eyes on me over there?” Minho questions, grinning like a madman when he brings his hands up to cup your face and squish your cheeks together. “And why are your cheeks all hot?” You gasp, defensive, and press your hands over his, “M’not.”

He drops his voice to a whisper, leaning in closer so his breath fans over your face, “Is that how I make you feel, ___?”

You blink at him, all the color draining from your face and you must look ridiculous right now, jutting your lips out in a pout as he continues pressing your cheeks together. And what can you say now that he has caught you? Lie? “No,” is all you quip, staring at him, practically begging for mercy. No more questions. Just a ‘goodnight’ and off to your room for the night.

“Hmm,” he hums, pondering for a moment, before grinning once more, “I have an idea.” Oh no, you do not like the sound of that. Minho? Having ideas? Bad. This thought progressively resonates louder in your mind the closer he gets, this is bad, this is bad, this is really bad. It just so happens that a whimper on behalf of your sanity escapes you the same moment his grip on your face eases and he moves his hands to rest below your ears, thumbs caressing your cheeks before his lips brush yours.

His lips are warm and taste… salty? The fries, you realize, before his tongue pressing to the seam of your lips obliterates every thought. The worries leading up to this moment evaporate like a summer shower on a hot car and, of course, you part your lips and grant him access. Drunk on endorphins, your brain seems to light itself on fire and warmth spreads throughout your entire body, your only desire to touch him, to stand up higher and to hold his cheek the way he holds yours.

His fingers run down your spine, pulling you closer until there is no space left between you and you can feel the beating of his heart against your chest. A kiss like this is a beginning, a promise of so much more. “___,” he whispers slowly when he pulls away, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. You smile, heart fluttering at his voice as you lean forward and bury your face into his chest, overwhelmed with relief and desire and worry and giddiness.

“___,” Minho repeats, running his hands up and down over your arms, calming you down before reaching your shoulders and pulling you back, “how did that make you feel?”

“You— what?” Is all you manage, searching his face for a trace of mirth, and yet you find none. In fact, he himself seems relieved, the corners of his mouth quirked up and his eyes bright and dark all at once like the midnight sky. He grins, laughing a little and stroking the baby hairs around your face with his finger. “I like when you wear my stuff,” he says, tugging at the collar of his sweatshirt you still wear.

“Um, I— thanks?” You laugh nervously, heartbeat beginning to skyrocket once more when he reaches for your arms and maneuvers them to hug around his waist. You hum, confused, but content nonetheless and link your hands together. He instantly presses closer, tipping your chin up, “I know you always say I flirt with everyone, but I don’t know how you haven’t realized by now I only want to flirt with you. It’s been you since Doongie chose you. I can’t even get you out of my head, imagine how hard it is living with you, not able to kiss you and do all the cute shit I know we would love.”

He what now? You blink up at him, more than bewildered, “Wait, are you trying t—”

“Yes,” he interjects, not even giving you a chance to finish, “whatever you’re thinking, yes. I’m confessing, or whatever. So let’s cut to the point. Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Your brain stutters for a moment and every part of you goes on pause while your thoughts catch up. Girlfriend? Well, of fucking course you want to be his girlfriend, but how have you been misreading all of him for so long? “God, I’m an idiot, aren’t I?” You mutter instead, slapping the palm of your hand to your forehead and his giggles ring throughout the room.

“How many languages do I have to get through for that to translate into a ‘yes?’” Minho cackles, prying your hand away to return it around his waist. When you look up at him, you feel as if you may cry, so instead you opt to laugh with him in order to dodge the waterworks. “Yes, of course that means yes. It’s always been a yes, stupid.”

“Hey, you’re the stupid one. Seriously, have you seen us today? We’re so coupley already, literally nothing is changing,” Minho chuckles, walking you backward until you comfortably fall back on the sofa together, “except now,” he pauses, settling himself above you and bringing his face up to yours once more, “I can kiss you wheneeever I want.”

And he does just that; peppering your face, your lips and cheeks and nose with kisses until he has made you a giggling mess, writhing beneath him until he finally stops, sharing a mingled breath with you. “Is it too early to say the ‘L’ word?” Minho whispers, tracing your upper lip with his thumb. You smile, kissing the pad of his finger before, “No. I already know I love you, Minnie. I’m more than in love with you.”

His smile is one of happiness growing, much as a spring flower opens. “Heh. I like this. I love you too,” he answers, finally returning to kiss you in a way that is slow and soft and comforting in ways words cannot describe. And then he pulls back with a gasp.

“I forgot the cat food.”

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palteringcecutiency · 8 years ago

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==> Psii: Yesterday, update your dancestor.

-- geminiDoomed [GD] has set their status to Idle --

-- palteringCecutiency [PC] is online! --

-- palteringCecutiency [PC] began trolling geminiDoomed [GD] -- PC: Good evening. PC: I believe you asked for updates? GD: eugh GD: ii forgot ii had thii2 logged iin GD: the me22enger alert ii2 goiing 2traiight through my head iin more than one way PC: ...are you quite alright? GD: miigraiin GD: ii wa2 doziing

PC: First off, turn off your alerts, good lord. PC: Second off, would you mind terribly if we left pretenses at the door and mangled our way through this, because it remains important but my skull is about to split open and finding all the right keys is remarkably taxing. GD: ii hone2tly dont giive a fuck riight now how you talk GD: ii'm not even typing, welcome two my 2tream of consciiou2ne22 PC: thank fucking god PC: you lucky bastard i wish i couldr ight now PC: anyway PC: found some shit out PC: its a mess PC: shocking no one GD: oh ii ju2t love more me22e2 two clean up GD: my ab2olutely favoriite pre2ent GD: happy new cycle two me GD: [confettiiii] PC: how about this for a present PC: you dont have to clean it up PC: i havent eevn mentioned you yet PC: and im sure as fuck not expecting you to PC: the shti that got all this stirred up should be doing allthe work PC: at least if he as any fucking sense PC: please god GD: oh thank ble22ed fuck2 GD: what ii2 iit ii'm not cleaniing up PC: okay first you gotta promise me youre not gonna get murderous PC: super fucking pissed off? im righ tthere with oyu PC: ready to strangle people? i have a jacket ready PC: but its really fucking hard to make him fix it if hes dead and god knows if hes gonna learn thats how he will PC: so im asking you as a personal favor to let me vouch for him in this case GD: for fuck2 2ake GD: ii piinky 2wear ii wont fly off the handle and go murder 2omeone 2peciifiically becau2e of the iinformatiion you're about two unveal PC: okay good PC: thank you PC: i said id help im get a chance to fix shit so this means a lot PC: makaras 'war' with the fae is an escalating shitstorm thats starting to sweep in other people on purpose and darkleer was the latest victim PC: hell be okay but hes pretty shaken up PC: ive got him tho so hes already solved PC: but he was delivered specifically with a message that was political talk for 'were gotnna start invovilng people that associate you since you captured and tried to kill me the prince dude' PC: sunfall was his name PC: 'and were giving this one back 'cause were so nice' PC: also fucking bullshit for the record PC: both sides of this thing are reprehensible PC: did i spell that right PC: i dont think i care GD: honly fuckiing 2hiitball2 GD: we told them that we weren't goiing two get iinvolved iin that dii2pute GD: we were extremely fuckiing expliiciit about how we were not takiing 2iide2 or iinvolviing our2elve2 iin that bull2hiit GD: and they're fuckiing GD: draggiing u2 iin anyhow?? GD: ii'm glad darkleer ii2 okay but we made our po2iitiion extremely clear about how we felt about kiidnappiing2 the la2t tiime they took 2omeone PC: yes well im thinking they dont do well with listening PC: apparently ampora sent one of them back into the woods with an offering to mediate and part of the message back was a facny 'go fuck yourself' addressed to him PC: oh and did i mention that zahhak got returned by marching him through the city to the castle gates PC: cause that was a thing PC: which is why the door was busted PC: zahhak was understandably furious GD: u g h GD: my head hurt2 far two much for thii2 complete ranciid fe2teriing bull2hiit GD: do you know what DL'2 favoriite alcohol ii2 by chance? PC: anything brandy or old though hell take shit to make into booze too PC: specially honey PC: but i have good news PC: not only do you not need to get involved PC: makara told me that hes afraid to stop this war for fear of retaliation PC: so i suggested he go to sky since hes the one talking to them PC: to work with him and get help PC: cooperate with diplomacy ideas in an effort to solve this once and for all PC: and he agreed PC: now i dunno if hes actually gonna do it PC: and if he doesnt im revoking my help and vouch PC: but i think he will PC: and maybe we can stop this ridiculous body count from getting higher PC: and by we i mean me too PC: im heloing GD: ii am riidiiculou2ly grateful that 2omeone el2e ii2 on top of thii2 GD: oh ii've got honey ii've got a lot of that, ii'll 2end hiim 2ome a2 2oon a2 tryiing two pry my look bulb2 open do2nt re2ult iin iin2tant piierciing paiin GD: what do you mean by riidiiculou2 body count PC: hell appreciate it and cheer up probably PC: as will like PC: leaving him alone for a while PC: he needs some space and a lack of people so he can process PC: but i got him hell be okay PC: ... PC: okay so remember that part where you promised not to kill makara PC: that is relevant GD: we don't really talk anyhow, he hate2 me becau2e ii'm iin charge and not a hiighblood GD: and al2o becau2e ii'm rude GD: ii'm a very rude per2on GD: anyhow the honey'll be iin hii2 hiiveblock wiithiin an hour GD: .... GD: ye2 ii do 2eem two remember piinky 2weariing not two kiill the large clown becau2e of thiing2 you 2aiid GD: ii wa2 wonderiing when ii wa2 goiing two fiind the part that made me want two PC: he seems to be tolerating me and my mouth so far PC: but yeah it was more of a dont come asking him questions about his incident or anything until he starts volinteering it himself PC: he needs to set boundries again and have them be respected PC: yes PC: well PC: here it is PC: makaras half of the escalation has involved hunting down fae to kill for at least religious reasons PC: i have no idea of the specifics because i was two seconds from knocking his skull from his neck i didn't want to tempt my restraint listening to him justify it more than he already was PC: but the phrase ritual sacrafice was used PC: and thinking about this is not helping my gut settle PC: i fucking hate bodies GD: ii cannot GD: fuckiing even begiin two GD: b eli eve thii2 BULL2hiit GD: holy fuckiing chrii2te on a riitz biitz GD: why doe2 he thiink that2 okay GD: murder ii2 not okay GD: bodiie2 are the wor2t ii triied two 2park and ii'm iin hell GD: ii'm dumpiing my2elf iin a cold dark 2hower and turniing off the lamp iin my bad eye and puttiing on an eye patch GD: ii am not capable of currently 2u2taiiniing the amount of outrage and ragerage thii2 de2erve2 GD: ii2 thii2 why he wanted two be 2eperate from the ciity? GD: 2o he could kiill people for hii2 god2? PC: at least there is that keeping you from being impulsive PC: god knows i couldve used it yesterday PC: and i do not fucking know i tried to hammer in that perhaps this was fucked up but he wouldnt have it an di did not care enough to make him PC: ...i do kmnow that that is not why he is out there PC: partially because he is an idiot but partially because he did not think any of you would have him PC: not that im defending anything he did but i do not htink he planned this from teh beginning PC: i could be completely wrong of course but that is where i place my bet GD: well we 2ure a2 2hiit wouldnt have been lettiing hiim 2acrafiice people whiile liiviing iin the ciity GD: he2 huge! and 2cary! and he 2how2 up covered iin blood all the tiime GD: maybe iif he 2topped doiing all tho2e thiing2! That would be niice! PC: and that would be a matter for his topleaf to handle PC: or one of his other quadrants PC: and i am right fucking there with getting them to fucking do that PC: i doubt i will put up with any more of his whining about how everyone is afraid of him and treat him like a monster or however he phrases it PC: murder does that im afraid and maybe he should fucking stop PC: what a concept PC: ugh PC: please pretend that has emphasis i cannot find the right puntuation to do so PC: being caught between having no fucks and needing to express this much disgust is a terrible hell GD: iit2 goiing two become my problem iif thii2 e2culate2 two badly becau2e ii'm 2uppo2edly the captaiin of thii2 leaky tugboat GD: ha2 he only been kiilliing faeriie2 do you know? PC: id hardly call it a tugboat PC: perhaps a cargo carrier PC: but it is far better than those tiny little pretend ships PC: as far as i know it has only been fae PC: he was insistant it was because he was at war with them and as far as i know he has not declared war on anyone else yet GD: tugboat2 are cute dont dii22 the tug2 GD: ..well there2 a 2aviing grace iin thii2 after all GD: 2o what happen2 when he deciide2 he doe2nt liike what we're doiing and declare2 war on u2 two PC: they're hauty little things that think theyre important and imposing when they can fit inside one of my cannons PC: the battleships cannons PC: sorry PC: see i made that exact point and he got all indignant PC: he insists he neither wants the throne nor another alternia but thats all i can fucking see with this PC: and like fuck he listens to me he has no reason to GD: 2mall thiing2 are adorable GD: and II liike 2hiip2 wiith atmo captabiiliitiie2 GD: even though II get iintwo trouble ziippiing my liittle 2cout when II go out on mii22iion2 GD:.. 2orry thii2 ii2 probably a bad topiic ii2nt iit ugh GD: II 2tiill dont know why anyone2 lii2teniing two me let alone why he2 acknowledgiing my soveirgnty GD: II wa2nt worriied bout iit two much before but now.. PC: ...not for me it isnt PC: hard to forget im free when my skulls trying to explode PC: i am more worried about you PC: of that i have no fucking clue PC: its not as if we sat down and had a chat about his hopes and desires for his church hermitage PC: there was quite a bit more yelling than that and a narrower focus GD: yeah? II'm glad GD: my 2cout doe2nt have a helmiing 2y2tem iin2talled at all and that2 more or le22 why II get yelled at for enhaciing her GD: you diie once from braiin hemorragiing and 2uddenly you cant be tru2ted two know your liimiit2 GD: MMnh GD: .. okay two be perfectly faiir about the fae GD: II have iin all 2eriiou2ne22 contemplated kiilliing them more than a few tiime2 GD: and Twoblade ii2 barely held back from iit GD: they havent endeared them2elve2 two anyone GD: but fuckiing GD: ritual 2acrafiice though PC: reckless little thing you are PC: though if you could possibley keep from bleeding out from the ears PC: its so messy an d hard to clean up after PC: i doubt anyone wishes to deal with that PC: what appeals to you so much about atmo capabilties PC: ...i find my sympathy for them strained after hearing what happened to zahhak and what they have done to makaras moirail PC: but at you point out PC: fucking ritual sacrafice PC: i dont have striong enough worse to saay how repulsed i am by the idea PC: and that someone i fucking ;know; is doing it PC: and has been doing it for long enough that he will not admit it PC: god fucking ;damn; it PC: it wasnt that long ago when he convinced me that alternai waas behind him! PC: that he had changed! that nothing would repeat itself PC: ;ha; GD: dont worry II'm not doiing anything ob2cenely 2tupiid ju2t kiinda 2tupiid GD: iit doe2nt help two be the fa2te2t thiing iin a uniiver2e iif you never get two u2e iit two you advantage, yeah? GD:II know II'm lo2iing a lot of maniverabiiliity and wa2tiing energy but II've been workiing on 2ome 2chematiic2.. GD: anyhow ju2t GD: yeah. GD: oh geeze II'm 2orry p2ii GD: II dont thiink anyone knew he wa2 doiing that he2 been liike GD: playiing at beiing harmle22 for a 2weep and a half and iit2 kiinda GD: II'm anxiiou2 now PC: oh thank goodnes for a moment i was worried PC: id be curious to take a peek if you are up for sharing though PC: i admit i am far more furious than worried PC: i dont take kindly to being played PC: especially over shit like this PC: and double especially with the way he fucking did it PC: its shit like this that makes no one want him anywhere near them PC: and think him a fucking monster GD: II would love two, iif you're iintere2ted --geminiDoomed [GD] has sent file myshipnow.zip -- GD: ..diid he liie two you? -- palteringCecutiency [PC] accepted file! -- PC: i will look at that when i can process without pining for death PC: ...not directly PC: he is different than he was when he was alternian PC: i hesitate to use the word better but PC: less terrible PC: but glossing over the part where he has been luring in and carving up living people for his gods for a sweep in a half is a fucking huge omition!! PC: how do you tell a person that you have become a different person when you're still fucking dping that kind of shit!!!! PC: fucking hell PC: how the hell can he be alright with doing this GD: dont a2k me II dont GD: II can barely handle kiilliing people at all GD: II alway2 end up 2iick a2 fuck afterward2 and 2hakey GD: even wiith my atrociiou2 temper GD: II've never been very reliigiiou2 GD: 2o II dont know or under2tand what he miight have been doiing GD: but II know that Grand- one of my be2t friiend2 and hii2 alternate2 liike GD: wiill do a lot of 2hiit pretty bliindly ju2t for faiith, and iit2 taken a lot two get hiim two even begiin two examiine 2ome of the thiing2 he never que2tiioned before PC: ...as do i PC: or dont in this case PC: it is a miserable experience even when necessary PC: ugh PC: ...god please let it not be that PC: please let it be he was a panvoid or it is Her fault or something else PC: i PC: just do not want to think of that PC: its hard enough to reconsile the alternian with the beforian without needing to shower for the next sweep GD: II'm tryiing two fiigure out exactly what II 2aiid and exactly what that reactiion two iit ii2 PC: ...him following his faith mindlessly down the road to slaughter PC: i would rather he chose to be awful than to just PC: not give it a single thought PC: to be able to do such a thing without even a glimmer of hesitation GD: oh, yeah GD: but II thiink the empiire wa2 ba2iically buiild on people doiing horriible thiing2 every niight that they never even thought about GD: or thought of a2 weiird or wrong GD: ..he 2hould have 2ome context out2iide of that now though 2houldnt he? PC: part of it was PC: most of it was fear and the abuse of power PC: what use is it if the slave realizes their lives are awful if they fear death more PC: what use is trying to tell a slaver their beast of burden are people if they have never cared who they hurt PC: and you would think he would but who knows how much got through PC: and having ampora as his topleaf certainly isnt reassuring GD: II know there2 nothiing II can really 2ay two change your miind about Cae GD: 2o II'm not goiing two try. GD: ..hone2tly II'm ju2t not goiing two conte2t any of that GD: My head ii2 2pliittiing and 2omeone need2 two tell 2ky what2 goiing on PC: not it GD: II 2ee how iit ii2 GD: driink 2ome fruiit juiice and get 2ome a2priin PC: hey i dealt with makara ampora and the fucking elves yesterday PC: and im here today PC: you can do ;one; to your kismesis PC: but i will give it an attempt PC: though it is so far away and my head is already shattering so i cant cheat PC: woe PC: my life is full of nothing but woe GD: do you want me two ta2k a robot two briing you a driink PC: ...i am tempted PC: not just out of laziness but fucking hell this nausia is not helping PC: ...could i trouble you to/ PC: god there it was fuck PC: ...andi f it is possible for horuss as well? PC: i am not alone i n my tragic suffering GD: driink2, headache and antinau2ea pill2 comiing up for both of you GD: feel better GD: II'll me22age 2ky PC: i appreciate it PC: all of it PC: thank you PC: appropriate emote GD: appropriiate emote back -- geminiDoomed [GD] has ceased trolling palteringCecutiency [PC] --

-- palteringCecutiency [PC] is offline! --

#geminidoomed #Honorable Mention:#devotedharlequin #methodicalauxilium #posted ooc #tw: brain trauma #tw: death #tw: slavery

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somedaypast-thesunset · 8 years ago

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this weekend was actually okay and something i needed. on saturday i spoke to my landlord who was very aggressive about our deal and it gave me alot f anxiety. i attempted to share this with.. well.. anyone, and it was really isolating. the day before i had spent just a few hours with him and another friend and i felt isolated. saturday evening he decided he wanted to hang out and was really, really excited to share that he had found a cottage he could use this summer. neither me nor my friend was that enthused. both of us have lives that dont reallt include cottages and who knows if he will still be our friend by then. honestly. and he presented this with such excitement, like it would be good news for me. like i would care. like i was supposed to care. i think in a way both my friend and i thought good news wouldve been him wanting to move out of his mothers house. like he had a change of heart and realized what was actually for the best. he stuck on the cottage, repeatedly asking me over the next day or so if i was excited. he said i could go fishing. if i dont, does he bring someone else? but having him in a good mood was much better than usual and made him much more affectionate and nice, which is what i needed to overcome some of my anxiety. not all anxiety can truly be solved on its own. he kept touching me and held my hand and was overall just really nice. it made me comfortable enough to share my landlord situation and surprisingly he had a similar reaction to my own - they had been nice before, they set out the rules im following, theyre just angry they arent getting anything right now by definition of their own rules. he told me it was okay and i didnt need to worry about it because they had resolved to threats and aggression when i never once acted inappropriately. i felt alot better hearing that. weve been very careful not to comment on each others choices but still offer passive opinions. he doesnt like me living with anyone and hes negative about all of my options. but he doesnt tell me outright what to do / what im doing wrong in his eyes. but it felt better to feel justified in my belief that i wasnt crazy for thinking that i was in fact following their rules and procedures. a bit later on he mentioned that i should try for my native status and to me its a very sketchy subject based on almost 100 years of people with a very flimsy story which i imagine is mostly true but there could be serious false parts. thats why i just accept the ancestry my father believed in but dont indulge in it. but its gratifying to hear a random opinion which someone came to on their own regarding my ancestry and their belief in my belief. but he added that i should seek out an aboriginal center that could help me through the process and they should be more than willing to help because ive experienced so much abusive trauma. i felt a bit thrown back by this observation and didnt really reply. i mean, im not insulted or offended. im more genuinely surprised that within his own thoughts he believed i had abusive trauma and he wanted a way for me to cope easier in life. and it wasnt just oh u had trauma, it was 'so much abusive trauma' - very specific, indicating belief that not onlt had i experienced trauma on its own but that it had been willfully inflicted on me in my past. i believe in a way this also refers to the fact i told him what has been unsaid between us but most obvious in our last fight. he is a contributing factor on a semi regular basis to my anxieties and depression because he chooses to be as close as he is in the type of 'relationship' we have but does things like randomly break up or blame things on me. but its up and down, putting me through a cycle and my trust and patience, as thin as it was to begin with, is hanging on by a thread. i do believe he could leave at any moment without deep thought into how it would affect me. and he tries to remain naive or ignorant to the damage he caused; he asks me if i know where random things are or why i havent taken care of our herb garden and i remind him that im not here and im not welcome to do these things or know these things. he pushed me away for almost two weeks and expected things to be exactly as they were like i had left yesterday. i believe, like my ex, my trauma is too large for him. like, its a hard thing to completely encapsulate and see on a single level at once. and its complex emotional abuse - whether purposeful or not by people that may or may not have had control over the situation. i have felt like an observer since i was a baby. like im just watching crazy shit go down over and over again without a real period of content in between it all. in the afternoon, i felt a bit better. i didnt need sympathy or a shoulder to cry on necessarily, but when you feel very isolated, having your existence acknowledged is good. someone knows. they thought about it. i didnt implant it or bring it up. i roller skated for a bit - im sure its like literally 5-10 minutes of skating at a time but to me its kind of amazing im outside on rollerskates at all. and i think its kind of unbelievable to others as well - not that im too lazy, just that ive made an active choice to emerge from things at the best of mt abilities. later i began looking for jobs and apartments, repeating the same routine of the last few weeks but grateful to be in comfort doing it instead of at the library. i began narrowing down my search - i know, i know, i should take all the jobs. any job. put myself on a production line, hand bomb boxes, cut up chicken - but i cant. i cant do it at this point in my psyche. i cannot physically or mentally bare the process of living that way. its incomprehensible to me - im not above it. im not stubborn. im not lazy. but when you barely have the desire to get out of bed and feed yourself and bathe, to create the desire from nothing to go to a factory and pack boxes for eight hours of the day is so much time alone with my mind. its not distracting or challenging enough and ive see. these terrible jobs make normal people depressed so to me it seems like a death sentence. so i began to narrow it down - its been a long journey, acrually. it started months ago when i sat down and sincerely though about the very few things i could believe or want in my life thriugh all the fog and trauma and stress. it was very basic - im kind of a simple person. or maybe im simple among my turmoil. i like animals - but they also can trigger alot of anxiety and emotions that i dont want to deal with on a regular basis on top of having employment to maintain. i like cooking and baking; but all job environments with this are very high stress fast paced places and i am a sloth. not lazy, again, but currently moving at a pace that is the best of my abilities. i like computers but my skills are from 2008 and i dont have the patience or attention span to upgrade them right now. i like, in some ways, cleaning but i dont think its something id want to do everyday of my life. i like caring for the elderly, but again, its a complex job with alot of mental stress. so for the past month or so ive settled on essentially something in horticulture. i like growing things. it brings me a little joy on the inside. i like herb gardens and flowers, i like being outside, i like learning about plants. i began looking for a job in a garden center but they were few and far between and i began to realize that it was still mainly retail. so i applied to landscaping - i could cut grass and weed gardens but its male dominated industry and i dont think my few years of experience doing well, nothing, makes me a their first choice. plus its back breaking and the weather conditions can be terrible. so i looked for jobs as a florist or in a flower shop or maybe just the flower department in a grocery store. it seemed relatively low stress, not incredibly fast paced but something that was always in demand and flowers and maintaining flowers is great. but i began to learn that it required experience, as most jobs do, but as i thought about it i realized perhaps i could be a floral designer. it sounds really.. meh. like a super unimportant job with no real purpose and may e thats okay. it has alot of options; floral shops, weddings, funerals - its an oddly versatile thing that also allows for creativity and an experience of art and a little bit of science. its not complex, but it could be. and it allows for expansion - i could run my own flower shop. its not the most useful trade but its something thats always useable. i hesistantly looked into schooling. it seemed like a random course you took once and they gave you a paper. but a neaeby college has an entire 2 semester course that includes fundamentals of color and design and business plus floral design and other similae things. i say near but its a 2 hr bus ride away. however, its only on saturdays. one day a week for eight months. for curiousitys sake i looked into student loans. my last experience was uncomfortable. despite my best efforts, including calling multiole financial aid offices and sending paper work, i was still messed around and had no idea what to do to fix it. in rhe end i was told it was unlikely student loans would cover my choice; it was an online course in criminal psychology. i felt defeated and turned away from it but looking back now it was a poor attempt to alleviate pressures. so i was weary that osap would cover this course. apparantly school was sketchier than i thiught and the websites were utterly confusing and just asking for money up front. but i continued on, certain that it must work - everyone else manages it. i found the loan calculator and inputted the data. it would be the bare minimum course load thst would count towards getting a loan. it seemed impossible, a course that only happened saturdays that would be covered by a loan. but it recognized the course and calculated based on my assistance i get now, which i know is possible and i know assistance encourages you to do so. it came back as covering my books as well as 9000$+ for living & travelling expenses for the eight months. right now, assistance would allow me a little over 5000$ provided i dont get a job. and thats for living and eating, 300$ a month for rent, 300$ for basic living. at 9000$ i could afford 500-600$ in rent, possibly more if i really wanted to stretch it more so as a loan, when i work, my money isnt deducted. so my shelter costs are covered and at an even higher amount of rent for 700$, i have 300$ still to live on. if i wanted to live alone, that is. having 500-600$ to offer in a roommate situation or towards anything in my future is better than the 300-400$ im looking at now. so i think i want to do this. im going to ask assistance to cover the application fee and im rly hoping i have the one pre requisite course they ask for. it doesnt solve anything right now at all. this is long term think over the next 6-8 months, whicb honestly is scary. im scared by planning so far ahead for myself. and its hard because what if what if what if. but i think its the right thing to do. i dont know if it is. was i ever going to be a famous chef or doctor or office person? probably not. im lucky to exist as i am now. its a reachable goal just outside of my comfortzone and despite the meager amount it seems like theyre giving me, its more than i have had for almost a year now. i believe im ready to handle this, which is funny because its thrown on 18 yr olds eith no life experience but it doesnt matter. a friend has been sort of wanting to be my roommate. its hard to trust her though. and its a really sketchy situation to enter into but financially it would make sense and it would allow me to keep a majority of my comforts. she said she drove around and looked for apartments yesterday and called a few, which is more than ive done. she did show me a few but they were just out of my price range and i wonder if i just wont have enough money to even have a roommate. i also havent had any calls or opportunties for jobs or cash and half of it is my fault. today i could go to contract testing andearn 20$. but ill spend 4$ to get there. i wanted to make it a trip and go to the assistance office too and submit paper work for my application but my desire is not there and im frustrated st myself because i was given a fine weekend. and i need the money; im nearlt short of first & last for 400$ worth of rent, which means i cant even look at 500$ places. i can, however, afford 450$ which is not so bad and i guess i could borrow 100$ from someone if it came down to it, considering my efforts. so 20$ today would sort of go towards living expenses right now and i guess i just.. dont care. i also have to call hydro because i have a past due notice im hoping doesnr translate to final notice? im past due on mt past due and even making the phone call seems daunting. my mornings have become battlefields, mental acrobats of havinf set a plan - even a simple task and fighting myself for several hours about doing it or why or for what purpose. i commend myself, sadly, on the three consecutive days at the library last week. thats actually unheard of in my world, getting up, getting ready and goinf out at almost the same time for three days in a row. then it was the weekend. and now im here. and the weeke d didnt bother me. it didnt cause this, or maybe it did but it doesnt feel like it. im glad to have spent time with him in such a positive way but i guess i have a looming feeling of "well tomorrow i know i wont see him" and ill work out my day alone and eat alone and sleep alone and have all this time because i barely have wifi and no cable and no tv and no movies. its not his fault though. its mt fault. he doesnt have to share his time eith me because i couldnt manage to have wifi. or that i sold my tv. it would be best for me to do the things i planned today. i also havent began cleaning or packing any of my things. i could use boxes. but i kind of want to sleep; i didnt sleep well last night and felt ljke i was up most of the night, having slept alone, and being woken up pretty uncemermoniously at 630am. he explained he was up until 3am working on his project and managed some niceties but dropped me a block from my apt for no real reason. i do scorn myself for not taking initative. these tasks are really fucking simple and crucial to my well being but ill comfort myself with "well, its only this time of day, i can still do this and this later" and its such a poor cop out. i could do it now. the two hours ive been sitting here, couldve done it. but i didnt and i honestlt probably wont and that really makes me such a bucket. its hard feeling down about your depression. but i guess unfortunately im going to start this day again in a few hours and im sure ill be much better off.. or atleast well enough to move from my bed.

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