#these are too white but my internet is too slow to upload a better version rn

[moonchair]

Happy 2017! [...] I thought I’d tell you what I got for Christmas.

[honeymoonjin]

bts reaction - a video of the two of you goes viral

A/N: requested by a lovely anon :) 

JIN

the two of you were always cooking together at the boys’ dorm so you didn’t think any different when some of the others asked you to make them some dinner

little did the two of you know that jungkook and hobi were conspiring against you by placing a little camera they had borrowed off staff and filming the whole thing

as normal, the two of you found your rhythm in preparing and cooking several meats and vegetables, completely unaware that your every movement was being live-streamed on v-live

as you waited for the hot water on the stove to boil, you snuck over and slid yourself under Jin’s arm so that he was trapping you against the bench 

“i can’t see the carrots anymore, honey”

“oh, jinnie, who cares about carrots when your beautiful girlfriend is in front of you” 

weirdly enough, just like jin loves complimenting himself, he also loves it when you’re confident about your own looks, and you know how to use that to your advantage

jin smiles sweetly down at you and leans in for a kiss, murmuring against your lips “mmm, you’re right, those boys can make themselves dinner for once, i’m in the mood for a little private eatjin”

just as he begins to start grinding his hips against you, jungkook scrambles into the kitchen, just about slipping in his socks

“hyung stop! stop!”

you watch in bewilderment as he opens a slightly ajar cupboard and pulls out a camera, which was pointing straight at you

“what’s going on?” 

jungkook waves at the camera with a little laugh and then looks back up at you “we just wanted to prank you guys, but then you had to go and do...that. eugh, it’s burned onto my retinas now”

you blink in shock but your boyfriend doesn’t seem nearly as surprised. “jin..?”

“i saw the red light beeping when i went to get the chopping board”

“you knEW? and you still were going to-”

jin grins cheekily “i wanted to show off my beautiful girlfriend, is that so wrong?”

you keep a neutral face, but you can’t help but blush. “...fine, but let’s continue this show in private, okay?”

YOONGI

when it came to righting serenades to lovers, rap wasn’t generally the best medium

yoongi knew that, so for a while he had been asking jin in secret to help him improve his singing

he knew his hyung had been through trying to learn everything, and he was a great teacher

now, yoongi sat you down on his lap as he sat at the piano, delicate hands wiping down the keys nervously

he’s set up a little camera in the corner because he wanted to record the audio as a demo to send to namjoon, but he couldn’t track down the voice recorder, so a decent camera was just easier

he can just convert it to an audio file later anyway

you lean back and crane your neck around to watch him, but he pushes you back softly so that you’re eyes aren’t on him

he’s nervous as fuck, okay? he’s way out of his comfort zone here

his voice is quiet and a little wobbly but there’s a genuinity there, and it sounds so beautiful with the piano to accompany it

the lyrics are beautiful, and as you feel yourself fall in love with him more and more, you wish you could see his face right now, but you obediently watch him manipulate the white ivory instead

luckily, or perhaps unluckily, a couple of weeks later namjoon accidentally uploads the video version instead of the mp3 version on the official twitter, and it immediately goes viral

you watch it yourself, melting at the way yoongi’s eyes barely glance at the keys as he sings, fixated on you

the song is messed with a little before the release of the next album, but when he performs it in concert, the whole audience sings with him

after hearing the lyrics and seeing the real love that it stemmed from, army have taken it on board as the official song of their love towards BTS

yoongi is over the moon that people have really connected with his song, but still, the best performance of it he ever gave was that first time, when it was just him, you, and the piano

HOSEOK

you can’t dance

you know this. hobi knows this. the rest of bangtan won’t let you forget it.

but unlike the other members who just laugh at your awkward attempts to mimic their choreo during sound check, hobi wants you to be able to enjoy the thing that he loves so much, so he takes it upon himself to teach you

unfortunately, bighit smell profit like blood in the water, and they decide hobi should start doing it as a hope on the street series

so every second tuesday, like clockwork, army get to enjoy a video of (in your c o r r e c t opinion) the hottest guy on the planet deal with the dancing equivalent of a trainwreck

“honestly, seokie, just give up now. it’s been three months and my dancing still looks like i’m fighting a ghost and losing”

“i told you if you stopped flailing so much and just slowed down your arm movements you’d be much better!”

“didn’t you say i should find something that made me unique?!”

and so the sixth episode of this special edition of hope on the street becomes you and hobi pettily arguing and making zero progress

fans in particular tweet a million times about the moment that hoseok gives up, chases you around the studio and then tackles you and straddles you, forcing your surrender

it’s a very suggestive position, so you kinda can’t blame them, but now the problem is that army won’t shut up about getting more of it

they want you to suffer so that they can see how sexy hoseok looks when he gets angry

because holy fuck is he sexy when he gets angry

episode nine has him slapping you in the ass every time you miss your cue

episode eleven features him manhandling you into position when you insist you’re too tired to dance

maybe one day you’ll improve but for now you’re destined to showcase your lack of ability on an international scale with your unbelievably talented boyfriend

NAMJOON

unfortunately as namjoon’s girlfriend, your viral video moment isn’t as pg

namjoon is a real horndog, so it’s become pretty run of the mill for you two to send pictures back and forth

normally it’s on snapchat so that there’s no trace

but namjoon tells you he wants a video he can keep before he goes on tour, so he asks you to send one on your basic messaging service, that way he can save it to his camera roll

namjoon is doing a fanmeet, and they’re playing a game where one of the members streams their phone to the screen behind them and the fans have to guess who it is

most of the other members use mirroring, where the whole screen shows up exactly as it is on the phone, so namjoon assumes its all or nothing

he does his, and once he’s done instead of turning it off like he thinks he has (because his screen is no longer showing up) he’s just turned it to the setting where only videos stream

the fanmeeting is boring af (no offense army) but maybe it’s just because namjoon is missing you rn

he pulls out his phone to take a sneak peek at the video, making sure volume is down, but then your moans blast through the speakers

yup. namjoon is streaming a video of you getting off to the entire hall

fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfcufkcufckuckfuk

his heart is beating so hard in his chest and his fingers shake as he desperately tries to mess with the settings and stop the video playing, but by the time he does, the whole room is chaos

fans are screaming and squealing and the members are either crying with laughter or look like they just want the ground to swallow them whole

namjoon is certainly the latter

but he laughs awkwardly, apologizes and tries to change the subject

army feel kinda bad for him and the way his cheeks are bright bright red so they let him move on, but you best believe shaky hand-cam videos of namjoon freaking out while his girlfriend’s sex tape plays on the big screen are going viral for MONTHS

JIMIN

in this case, it’s not a single video, but rather a compilation, that goes viral

we been knew that jimin is a slut for attention but one dedicated army scrounged up clips from all over the internet to put together a twelve minute-long video of all the moments of jimin being a needy boyfriend

there’s an entire three-minute section dedicated to his heart-eyes stare when you’re not watching

there’s a low quality video of you which all fans of bts have seen a million times where jimin straight-up grabs your hand and puts it over his dick behind stage after their comeback show

about a million different instances of him feeling you up as a way for you to stop what you were doing and look at him

and then of course there was a supercut of moments from the various Bangtan Bombs you had featured in where he whines and pouts and wiggles his shoulders when you’re chatting with namjoon and not him

the two of you see the video when you keep getting tagged, and while it just makes jimin even more whiny, you have a good laugh over it

in fact, you take it upon yourself to start tweeting some screenshots of jimin being needy, exposing him yourself

“it’s tiring being the girlfriend of an idol, but it’s even more tiring when it’s jiimin!” you tweet

of course, jimin’s feelings are a liiiittle hurt and you have to make it up to him for weeks

(and don’t think the fans don’t notice how jimin suddenly starts acting like he has the biggest dick in town)

(they’re well aware some shit has gone down every time he comes out from backstage only to have red cheeks and a dopey grin)

TAEHYUNG

this is 100% percent tae’s fault

he thought it would be fucking hilarious to post the drunken voicemail you had left him one night when you were out partying with your girls

to be fair, if it was anyone else but you, you would’ve laughed too

but that’s your voice in bubbling sobs confessing your undying love to him so it is most certainly Not Funny, thank you very much

“...and i hope you get a good sleep because you deserve it and i hope that you know how much i love you because when i look at you it’s like all the stars left the sky and they’re in your eyes and you’re so beautiful and i love you so much and sometimes it hurts me inside because you’re so wonderful and magical and. oh also, did we get milk the other day? we’re almost out of milk i think. anyway i just called to let you know i’m staying over at unnie’s place so don’t wait up. okay i love you. no, you hang up first! oh, you don’t wanna hang up on me because you looooooove me too much! goodniiight baby”

and then a solid 43 seconds of you breathing because you forgot to actually hang up, and eventually the recording stops

army think it’s the cutest thing in the world, and tae does too, but of all the beautiful things you’ve done for him in private he chooses to share the drunk one? just rude

#[your ship name]needmilk is the new trending hashtag, and army literally start bringing milk cartons to fanmeetings, telling tae to give it to you

you have too much milk, and not enough dignity

you tell fans this on twitter and then #toomuchmilk replaces it

next time you get drunk, you are determined not to call tae

JUNGKOOK

of all the things you could do with your time, become anonymous amateur porn-stars probably wasn’t the most productive or advisable

but being an idol had given jungkook both a desire to do something without being recognized as the maknae from BTS, and simultaneously a huge fetish for exhibitionism

he’s a performer, it’s in his blood, so why fuck when you can fuck and have people get off to you? that’s what he figures, so the two of you create an account

you’re obviously extremely careful about not showing your faces, and the current system you have set up is putting down a strip of tape on the bed (or wherever you’re fucking as it most certainly varies) where the edge of camera shot reaches

you keep your heads above that line, and no one can see a thing

you also try to keep out any identifying materials in the shot like clothes you’ve worn in public before, or the many figurines jungkook has lying around

maybe what makes the eventual discovery even worse is how long it takes

nobody finds out for well over a year, so there’s a preeetty hefty backlog of videos

in the end, it’s your own stupid mistake that gives it away

jungkook shoots a v-live shortly after the two of you film a video of you two doing it in his studio

you had cleared out the wall so it was just plain black, and even brought in a chair from a different room so that no one for whatever reason would recognise jungkook’s gaming chair

but he’s so blissed out from you riding him and giving him one of the best orgasms of his life that he makes a rookie mistake

he forgets to take off the blue masking tape that lies in a rough square on the wall

when he returns his studio back to the way it was and goes live, one army who clearly was also a fan of your porn videos notices the tape and mentions it in the comments

soon enough the numbers of the chat peak and fall crazily as fans leave the live to go check the pornsite and your most recent vid, and come back to compare it to his studio

jungkook tries to pretend like he’s not noticing the stream of comments talking about how hot he looks and how good his moans sound, but he realises he never wanted it to be this way

he wanted to keep this and his videos separate, and now he’s made an irreversible mistake

he shuts off the v-live without warning and runs down to namjoon’s room in tears, asking what to do

in the end the issue is resolved by deleting the channel immediately, and very few people actually thought to take anything more than a screenshot, but jungkook knows he won’t be seen as a baby boy maknae ever again

(namjoon also realizes that for the past five months he’s been unwittingly jacking it religiously to jungkook fucking his girlfriend)

(he doesn’t tell jungkook this)

[movimblog]

(preview only*)

The audience for artists' moving image practices has grown extensively in recent years. Of course, the Internet has played a huge role in this. An ever-growing part of this audience is using the video-sharing platform Vimeo. This website was founded in 2004, just a year before YouTube, and since the beginning its peculiarity has been the support of high-definition videos. Compared to the Google-owned colossus, Vimeo represents a smaller presence on the Internet, the Alexa rank being 2 for YouTube and 131 for Vimeo.

For a lot of reasons which I won't discuss here, Vimeo is mostly used by professionals such as filmmakers, animators, motion graphic designers, but also by private companies and institutions, most notably the White House under the Obama administration. Artists working with moving image use Vimeo's services to upload their work, password-protect it and share it with festival programmers, curators and other professionals. They also publish teasers, trailers and excerpts of their works.

I can't tell you when (I wish I could), but out of this standard practice another quickly came: a lot of these artists started taking the password-protection off their works. By doing this, of course, the artists aim to reach a larger number of potential viewers. But this practice is linked to two common (and closely-related) film festival policies: in order to be considered for selection, the work submitted needs to be recent (with the limit usually being set as two years since its completion) and not publicly available online (that is, password-protected). For this reason, after their two-year festival tour, a lot of experimental films and videos were being set free from their passwords and released into the wild.

In this framework, one should also mention other interesting practices: when artists don't care about festivals and make their new works accessible to everyone, or when they finally publish their older works (sometimes remastered, sometimes never before released). There are also artists who come from the contemporary art world, whose works are represented and sold by galleries and shown in contexts other than those of film festivals. They too, for one reason or the other, are now playing the game of free online availability.

With an increasing number of interesting works made officially and freely available, a niche audience was born. One that is potentially growing—because the general interest in artists' moving image is visibly growing, but also because, within the demographics of artists' moving image fans, not everybody can easily attend festivals and visit galleries. Some live far from big cities, some can't move, some can't travel, some are still too young to travel. Not everyone has access to closed, selective online communities such as Karagarga. And I could go on with these examples for a while.

I recognise myself as part of that audience. As a fan, it's been a fascinating experience since I started paying attention to what was being made available online by the artists I liked. Between 2013 and 2014, I  happily enjoyed the works of Portuguese artists João Maria Gusmão + Pedro Paiva both in physical exhibitions (at the Venice Biennale and at the IAC in Villeurbanne) and online through their Vimeo account, where one can watch a selection of digitised versions of their already iconic slow motion 16mm films.

In the winter of 2016, I was discovering the contemporary North-American scene. Through blogs, newsletters and social media, names like Robert Todd, Margaret Rorison, Stephen Broomer, Dan Browne and Mary Helena Clark were popping up and there they were with their accounts full of previous works available to watch. I remember sitting at my desk, watching Mary Helena Clark's astonishing Palms (which, at the time, was the most recent work she had made available in its entirety) and feeling lucky to get to see such revealing work. It felt like a gift.

Whether it be purely strategical or emotional, releasing a piece of work online can be the easiest or the toughest decision to make for an artist. It can be the result of (quite a few) compromises: selecting only a few pieces to release, making them available for a limited time only, going back to password-protection because of the renewed interest of festivals in a certain piece. For a distributed or gallery-represented artist, the choice can be quite difficult. After all, we have to consider that nineteen years of Web 2.0 have taught us to use and share online contents in ways that can clearly clash with the traditional sense of authorship. In the case of this niche, it has become common practice to hold public screenings of pieces found on video-sharing platforms without asking for permission from the author. Surprisingly, this happens in contexts where a wide range of authorship regulations should normally be acknowledged, including film studies classes and exhibitions (See the Abounaddara / Triennale di Milano case).

In the winter of 2016, I was thus looking for a way to give something in exchange, to contribute to such a thriving exhibition of works. My contribution ended up being the online project The Moving Image Catalog. At first I only created a Facebook page where I posted links to videos. It gradually became a curated selection of works that attempts to link artists, practices and themes, in the form of a website, with a sort of index that was going to be a perpetual work-in-progress, and various social media pages. That was my small contribution—that, and the daily romantic act of (always) barely scratching the surface of this huge collection of works.

Growing up in a small town in northern Italy in the early 2000s, with almost no galleries and only three cinemas that showed only dubbed films (one of them was torn down to build an expensive clothes shop), being interested in moving images meant having to rent DVDs and watch TV, notably the RAITRE channel. RAITRE had and still has an all-nighter film programme called FUORI ORARIO, where one can catch the latest Lav Diaz, or a De Oliveira film, or a segment from an amazing and mesmerizing film whose author you'll never know (because the programmers like the idea of not presenting the segments). As FUORI ORARIO shaped generations of film lovers, my emotional attachment to moving images was also shaped by these nightly encounters in front of a small screen and not in a traditional screening room. Today, while I do prefer galleries and screening rooms to TV and computer screens, I consider the act of watching moving image works on Vimeo to be a highly aesthetic and emotional experience.

About a year ago, I was checking the Vimeo account of an artist whose work I love and who is very popular today. Going to festivals and screenings, one gets to watch the films made by this artist. I was browsing this particular Vimeo account because the said artist's work was being gradually made available for free watching. Due to the prolific nature of this artist, I often visit this account. So, I was browsing, and I noticed a change. Placed between parentheses, a brief expression is now added at the end of each title:

(preview only*)

The asterisk directs the viewer to a disclaimer message which appears in the info section below the player.  This disclaimer is addressed to professionals who intend to screen the films in public events (festivals, lectures, classes etc.). The artist asks them to contact the distributor. By doing so, the artist warns us that the Vimeo link should not be used as such for a screening. Again, the addition of the said disclaimer speaks volumes about the decisions involved for an artist when it comes to showing work online.

But let's adopt the perspective of a viewer, and not the practical purposes of the artist. Even if one understands that the disclaimer is intended for a specific category of viewers - those who use Vimeo to select works to be shown in public events - one's experience can be thoroughly modified by this indication. I consider that the sentimental experience I normally have when I watch artists' moving image works on Vimeo is not one that can be described as the “preview only” of another, possibly better, experience, such as the public projection.

Which brings me to a few questions I've been asking myself, and which I now would like to ask you:

Is there an emotional hierarchy in the aesthetic experience of watching moving images? Is this hierarchy genre-related? Should public screenings still be considered the only true experience?

Are we, as artists, paving the way towards acknowledging online audiences as audiences in their own right, and as important as the audience at public events? Or are we just riding the online wave in the sole hope of reaching more physical screening possibilities?

[hope-for-olicity]

Hidden Thoughts and Feelings

Set during 2x14 when the team encounters The Clock King. Felicity questions whether she is still needed on Team Arrow. An alternate version to what happened on the show.

This is my entry for week three of Olicity Hiatus Fic-a-thon 2018 organized by @thebookjumper - the prompt is Hidden. Also available on AO3.

Felicity sat on the cold floor in the dark bunker with a flashlight in her mouth trying to sort out the mess that had been her computer mainframe. Had being the keyword. Thanks to William Tockman aka The Clock King all she was left were a bunch of melted parts.  Some of it was salvageable of course, she was putting the pieces into piles to figure out what parts she absolutely needed to replace.

Felicity took the flashlight out of her mouth. This was easier when Digg was holding the flashlight but he had gone to get food. Oliver and Sara were gone to Sara’s welcome home party, so Felicity was left by herself to wallow in her own mess. She couldn’t do anything right nowadays.

Until recently, well until Sara arrived, Felicity felt like she had an important role to play on team arrow. She brought her skills to the table. Felicity thought she really was helping the mission. Now, Sara could do everything she could do, plus she could fight. Felicity really wasn’t need anymore, perhaps she was causing more trouble than she was helping to stop.

Best she leave the team on their own. She would clean up the mess with Tockman, then move on. She enjoyed being part of the team but she no longer felt she was necessary. Felicity knew Oliver would be fine, he had Sara for literally everything.

*****

“I’m back and I’ve got Big Belly Burger!” Diggle announced as he walked down the stairs. He looked around the empty bunker. “Felicity?”

Diggle went to look around near the servers, it was still pretty dark but Felicity was tiny. Nope, no Felicity. Digg shook his head before seeing a piece of white paper near the now fried computer terminal.

Digg,

Thanks so much to you and Oliver for letting me be part of your team for so long. I truly enjoyed my time with you hunting bad guys but it is now time for me to move on. I will submit my notice at Queen Consolidated as well. It’s time for a fresh start for me. Don’t worry you will fine without me, Sara is very talented. Please don’t come looking for me, everything is fine. I’m just not good at goodbyes.

Felicity

PS. Consider The Clock King handled

Digg hit dial on his cell phone before he even finished the brief note. “Oliver, man, you have to come back to the bunker, it’s Felicity, it’s urgent.”

*****

Oliver felt his heart stop when he heard Digg say it was Felicity and urgent. Digg said he didn’t think she was hurt but not thinking and knowing were two different things.

Oliver rushed down the steps of the bunker. “Digg, any luck locating her?”

Digg stood in the darkened bunker, he held up a tablet. “Not yet but I’m a little limited here. No wifi here.”

Oliver began to pace. “Where would she go? What was she thinking? Why would she leave? Digg, we have to get her back.”

Digg walked up to Oliver, put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from pacing. “Hey, hey, man slow down. Where is Sara?”

Oliver looked down at his shoes. “She’s still at Laurel’s. She offered to come but I told her no. I just can’t deal with her right now. Digg, Felicity is missing! Where is her note? Can I see the note?”

Diggle quickly grabbed the paper, walked back, handed it to Oliver.

Oliver tried to read the note but it was so dark. “I can’t read this! There is no light here. There are no computers here. Let’s go to Queen Consolidated, we are going to need wifi to find her.”

Oliver turned to head for the stairs, Digg stopped him. “We will find her, Oliver. We said we would protect her and we will.”

*****

Felicity knew how to stay hidden. She really hoped Oliver and Digg would heed her note, let her deal with Tockman and move on.

Felicity was crouched in the lower level of the bank this was the trap Oliver set by making a large money transfer, hopefully, Tockman would take the bait and be here shortly. She hacked into the bank’s security system, security was unaware of her, it seemed Tockman had yet to arrive.

Felicity knew she was making the right decision. She wasn’t the type of woman to pine for a man who clearly met his match. She’d stayed on far too long as it was believing some silly fantasy. She was smarter than that.

Had she not been watching the cameras as closely she may have missed the hiccup. So Tockman hacked the camera near the vault. Well, she better get going to meet him there. She wanted to end this once and for all.

*****

Oliver and Diggle were in Oliver’s office at Queen Consolidated. Oliver was waiting for his computer to boot up, who turned it off? Probably Felicity, she insisted it needed to be rebooted at least once a week for updates. She knew how he hated updates. He caught himself starting to smile.

“Where could she be Digg? Why would she leave? Did I do something?”

Diggle gave him a look with a raised eyebrow.

“Something more than usual, I mean.” Oliver looked out at Felicity’s empty desk.

“Well, you did start dating Sara,” Digg said quietly.

“I’ve dated women before. In fact, Felicity encouraged me to date McKenna. It’s not that.” Oliver knew he was being defensive, he knew Felicity didn’t see him that way. Sure she liked his abs but that was more of a respect for the effort he put in thing. Felicity didn’t see him like that, especially after Russia. She had been so disappointed in him when she saw Isobel leaving his room. He honestly felt like he failed her. He would always keep his true feelings about Felicity hidden, she deserved far more than he could offer.

“Okay, how about we go with it’s not just that? Sara also seems to have taken over some of Felicity’s duties, checking Tockman’s blood, doing web searches…” Digg trailed off.

“Felicity can’t possibly think that Sara could replace her in ANY way? She’s Felicity Smoak! She’s the best!” Oliver through his hands in the air.

“Maybe you should tell her that when we find her. She might be thinking just that. I tried to reassure her earlier tonight, clearly, that didn’t work.” Diggle took a seat on Oliver’s couch.

The computer beeped. “Thank goodness, it’s finally on. Now, where to search?” Oliver sat at his desk, logged in.

Digg walked over, looked down at Oliver’s computer. “Well, she said she was going after Tockman. So she must have some idea how to find him.”

“You don’t think she’d go to the bank on her own? It’s too obvious. It would be like hiding in plain sight. Felicity is smarter than that.” Oliver typed “Felicity Smoak” into the Google search engine.

“Really? You think that will work? Do you think she posted where she was going on the internet so you can type her name in and find her?!” Diggle’s voice rose. He took a breath. “Sorry, I don’t know how to find her either. Felicity is the one who knows where to look.”

“It’s okay, Digg. I’m worried too. We said we would protect her, now she’s run off to take on the bad guy alone. What was she thinking?!” Again in looked at Felicity’s empty desk. “Okay, we can’t just sit here. On the off chance, she is at the bank she needs us. Let’s go.”

*****

Felicity managed to reach Tockman before he was able to break into the bank safe. She hid behind one of the pillars, keeping her out of sight of the security camera. She began hacking Tockman’s phone. She uploaded the same virus he had put in her system at the Bunker on his phone. She was almost finished typing when an arm yanked her from her hiding place.

“Well, what do we have here.” Tockman sneered.

“Stop right there! Your time is up Tockman! Get it? The Clock King has run out of the time”

“I suppose you think you are funny but I’m not going to be stopped by a small woman in knock-off high heels. Now, if you just let me be on my way, no one needs to get hurt.” Tockman pointed a gun at Felicity.

“I’ll have you know, I am funny and these are designer! I just got them on discount. Also, you have underestimated the wrong woman.” Felicity was typing on her cell phone behind her back as she spoke. Felicity hit send on her cell phone causing Tockman’s cell phone located in his breast pocket to self-destruct. The shock caused Tockman to fire his gun before collapsing to the ground.

Oh no! I killed a man. I didn’t mean to kill him just to stop him. She suddenly realized she was on the ground. How did that happen? Then she felt the pain. Tockman shot her. She looked back over at Tockman, noticed he was breathing.

She had been shot. Oh no! This was not part of the plan. Felicity struggled but managed to get out of the bank without being seen. Turns out looking at security cameras for hours is a good way to know where not to go. She carried her heels in her hand as she made her escape as quickly as possible. She knew the security guards would call the police. Tockman would be arrested.

Being shot hurt! She knew she there was no choice, she had to call Digg. So much for doing things on her own. It’s not like she could go to the hospital. She quickly hit dial “Digg, I’m shot. Behind bank. Don’t tell Oliver.” Then everything went dark.

*****

Felicity woke up to see the Arrow standing above her. “I told Digg, no Oliver.”

“Too bad. You got him.” Oliver leaned down, scooped her up off the ground. Diggle pulled up with the van, Oliver got them inside.

“Is she okay?” Diggle looked back from the front seat.

“She will be. She has to be. We need to hurry, Digg. She’s lost a lot of blood.” Oliver could not keep the fear out of his voice.

Digg accelerated as they headed to the bunker. As soon as they arrived, Oliver rushed to put Felicity on the exam table. Diggle placed some large emergency lights around the area as the lights were still blown from the earlier attack. Diggle quickly turned to Oliver. “I need you to stand back now. I need to work. You are too emotionally involved in this. I will tell you if I need you.”

“There must be something I can do!” Oliver looked down at Felicity covered in blood. He wasn’t even sure where the blood came from.

Diggle sighed. “You can help me get her shirt off, then turn her on her side. We need to find out where the bullet went in, fast.”

Oliver helped Diggle remove Felicity’s shirt, he then rolled her on her side facing him so Digg could inspect her back. He heard a low “Oliver,”

Oliver looked down to see Felicity drifting in and out of consciousness. “Felicity, baby, I’m here. I’m not leaving you.” He grabbed her hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

“Got it! You are going to have to hold her still while I get the bullet out. It’s just beneath her shoulder. Can you handle that, Oliver?” Digg looked at him seriously. Oliver nodded.

*****

Felicity was laying on her stomach on the table covered with a blanket her hand still in Oliver’s as she slept. Oliver sat on a stool, he ran his fingers through her hair. He came so close to losing her tonight. It scared him more than anything ever.

“You have to tell her now.” Diggle’s voice seemed louder in the silent room.

Oliver looked up startled from his thoughts. He looked over at Digg.

“Oliver, you have to tell her you love her. We both know how close we came to losing her tonight. You can’t keep your love hidden any longer. Life is too short.” Diggle got up. “She seems stable. I’m going to head home. I know you will stay with her.”

Oliver nodded. He watched Diggle leave.

The room was quiet again, minus the machines monitoring Felicity. Oliver looked down at her. Digg was right. He did love Felicity but she deserved so much more. It would be selfish to put that on her. Besides it would make her uncomfortable, it’s not as though she shared these feelings.

“Oliver.” Felicity stirred. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled. “You’re still here.”

“I told you I’m not going anywhere and I hope neither are you. Digg took care of the bullet but you are going to have a scar.”

“Cool, my very own scar. Oliver, are you mad at me?” Felicity suddenly felt worried.

“Mad?! No. I’m so glad you are okay. You really scared me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Felicity smiled again. “I feel floaty.”

“That’s the pain meds, Digg gave you. Why don’t you try to sleep?”

“I can try.” Felicity smiled again.

“One more thing, we need to talk about your note when you wake up. I don’t want you to leave, Felicity. I’ll do whatever you want so you will stay. Felicity, you are my girl.”

“Love you, Oliver.” Felicity closed her eyes.

“Love you too, Felicity” He knew she had not heard him but it was so freeing to tell her. Maybe Digg was right.

Oliver looked down again at sleeping Felicity,  he knew that once she recovered they were going to have to have a serious talk. No more secrets, no more hidden thoughts - just them.

@memcjo @wherethereissmoak @green-arrows-of-karamel @mel-loves-all @spaztronautwriter @charlinert @tdgal1 @oliverfel4 @vaelisamaza @coal000 @miriam1779 @laurabelle2930 @onceuponarrow @cruzrogue @lageniuswannabe @blondeeoneexox

[medusas--cascade]

Life tends to be the same. Life is very unmotivating lately. I realized I only ever write when I’m in periods of my life that are incredibly slow and alone. The only time I ever wrote before was when I was younger. Back when we didn’t have so many gadgets, when social media wasn’t such a big thing yet. When streaming services didn’t even exist. I mostly had books, the DVDs we had copies of, and hung out with friends. The “real” things. And of course that meant I had a lot of time to write for myself. I also wrote like, fan fiction and things like that. And tumblr back when blogging was a thing and curating your feed was important. Aside from that, I think high school onwards, I never really kept a journal of anything. I’d always have a notebook though of whoever I loved. and I always wrote to them. But i guess I now have an online version of that so that tim can see what I write when I upload it. It feels more real that way, and at least it’s never too late. but also, I don’t think I ever had this severe of a communication problem with anyone. Rafa and I lived so far away from each other but we managed to always see each other, like once a week minimum. Or frequently enough because we were both always willing to find a way and to make an effort. 

I haven’t written to tim in a while. there’s nothing i want to say and i dont think there’s gonna be anything good i can say. i think most people who know me know that im not here for the long run, and i think that fact would hurt him. he’s always worried over something that’ll happen in the future. it reminds me of me when i was a bit younger. more naive. i think we all hope that the one we love will be the one we love forever, but most of us don’t realize how incredibly rare that is. I think the moment I have something better going on in my life, this will end. and i wouldn’t want to be weighed down by him or anything. 

I do still kind of miss my ex and everything we got to do together. i was trying to plan a day out for me tomorrow because im on leave tomorrow. so i was thinking of going to commerce to see a movie. and i’ve been craving for a flat white the past few days. so i thought maybe i’d stay at a cafe and read for a while. but i think the last time i stayed in westgate to wait for the movie screening i was heading to was when i was still with gcarl. and i just didn’t like the thought of that. we really did so many things together and we were really part of each others lives. i think that’s how it supposed to work when you’re in a relationship. your schedules are always tied up with one another. but that’s just not how it is with tim, and i guess that adds to the reason why i dont feel and don’t hink that we’re like a real relationship. it still hurt him when i said that. because this is real for him but i don’t think this’ll ever be real for me, it still doesn’t feel real to me. 

im having trouble even writing here, on my own page. i think i’ve just been stuck the past few days. i’ve been watchnig and binging new shows, old shows, and getting into new books. it’s nice, revivng an old habit. and i do enjoy watching  these shows and reading. tim is going to be in mindanao until the results of the elections are announced. and it’s a bit of a stressful and busy time for him he’s not used to being this busy os we  really can’t set any time to do anything specifically. liek we can’t watch a bunch of stuff or play because the internet there is so slow anyway. so when we do get to call it’s usually just to briefly tlak to each other. messenger has something called watch together wherein two people ion a call get to watch the same video. and sometimes we just do that, tok ill time before going to bed. it’s as if we got to the boring part of the relationship without ever getting to the fun part. and that’s sad. i don’t know what to do. although i think the fact that i’ve been thinking of ending things for this long speaks volumes. although i don’t really want to, it’,ll just create an even bigger mess. i think he wouldn’t even notice if i acted distant or stopped loving him, and started to act that way. again-- because it’s like this wasn’t even real to begin with. 

[finsterhund]

Work on  the revived official Heart of Darkness website is never over! - a little update

Even though the website (or as much of it that wayback archived) has been up in its entirety for a while now, the archivist work behind getting the site up to snuff is never truly over. Whenever I’m at a particularly low place in my life I do more monotonous tasks.

This week, I figured I’d give an update because I finally got around to fixing something that’s been bothering me for a while.

The hit counter!

But I’ll save that for last. I have some more smaller updates.

While probably not the biggest deal, mostly because many people wouldn't bother checking them, I've decided to work on the HTML of the pages themselves, making the code appear much more closely to how it actually did on the original website. This basically means tiny little changes like capitalizing tags such as the <BR> and <BODY> ones that one of my HTML editing programs in the past thought it was okay to “modernize” and shifting up orderings of some stuff. Purely aesthetic, and not even something that visibly looks different on the pages themselves.

I've also been shifting around directories. Originally when uploading the site it was easier to just dump every single image file into the /images/ directory, but originally the site split things up neater, with more of them like /jpg/ and others. So I've been starting the slow process of moving the images around just so that in the code itself and the sitemap it more closely resembles the original.

I've also changed up some slight aesthetic things to text I've added on the site. The donate button and message is less intrusive.

Heads up though. I accidentally overwrote the second frame of the French HoD_main. So it’s not there. I’m working on getting it back from my backup, but I figured I’d finish with the English main page just in case I accidentally do it again.

(and on that subject, I’m never going to fix the typo in the 404 page. I've grown too fond of it. Even though it was something I made for my archive, I think it’s a staple of the site at this point, what with how much everything used to 404 in the early days of bringing it back.)

Also on topic, but I noticed some directories were accessible. Similar to the Paper Beast leaks, this is rarely left on purpose. If you discover any please let me know and I’ll patch them up. Visible bare directories feel so wrong to me. Like just looking at them will make the webmaster angry with me. I also noticed that our beautiful custom 403 page isn't working. Who knows really? Idk. I've tried everything I can think of. From the option in cpanel to manually editing the htaccess. Nope. Giving me the ugly default one. Maybe it’s temporary.

I also noticed a little issue with Opera internet browser that adds some tiny little transparent spaces after things that can mess with <center> aligned pages. It’s a really stupid thing and it makes me annoyed with Opera a bit. It’s most noticeable on the pages where the images are split up into multiple parts because it shifts the last one to the left a bit, making the image look like it was glued together poorly.

Fortunately it isn't a problem with Firefox or Chrome, and I was able to fix it in Opera without ruining it in the other browsers. It does mean that on many pages a single <BR> tag is in a different exact spot in the page than it was on the original site, but it’s so minor I figured everyone would prefer it looking right in Opera over the historical accuracy of the HTML itself. I’ll be going through the site every so often in Opera to see if this problem shows up elsewhere.

And now, for the hit counter!

Originally, on the 1997-1998 version of the second frame of the menu page (Main_frm02.html) there was a hit counter. It used the font that the menus of the site use. The function of this counter seemed to be in PHP and had each digit from 0-9 as its own separate .gif file in the directory “/images/digits/a/” 

When I first set about fixing this counter I had no idea how to create one in PHP that would use the original .gif digits, so I instead made another one that listed the full number of visitors in a single image that it created automatically. This is a more advanced and modern option, but it’s one I obviously didn't want to use for that reason, as well as it not visibly looking like the original one. I made a chart to demonstrate:

as you can see, you needed to manually set the font size, and in order to make it closer resemble the original I’d have had to adjust the spacing between the numbers too, which I didn't know how to do. I also noticed that the natural way the numbers fall in the fontface is different than how they were centered in their original .gif files, which means that using this method would never recreate the original to a tee anyways,

so I scoured the internet for code that I could create a hit counter with individual image files for the digits like the original and then I’d modify it to suit my needs. Which evidently happened. It took a bit to implement, mostly because I’m an idiot and decided to do this at 2AM after taking my sleeping medicine. 

The way my brain works is it’s not sharp enough at the intentional sleep deprived state I often am in to negate the effects of PTSD. Turns out I need my hypervigilance to work with code because the lifestyle I use to dull it also muddies my brain when it comes to programing languages, even simple ones like PHP. I’m hoping this can be avoided when I finally am put on new medicine. The entire process was rather humiliating when I woke up this afternoon and immediately figured out what I had been doing wrong. I needed to embed a php file of the script running. Not put the script into the page itself. Aka I was trying to write it out in the file when I should have just wrote it out in another php file and then stick a “<?php include” into the page. The page also needed to be a PHP file, not HTML, which I didn't want to do for authentic “just like the original” sake, but you can’t really tell unless you dig in the code. Looking back on social media where I was whining about how I couldn't get it to work was pretty embarrassing. This is the exact way my brain muddies itself in all situations though. I had it explained to me like this once: “You’re too smart for your own good. You think you need to work harder to solve an easy solution and you just end up blinding yourself to it in the process.” It’s extremely frustrating.

BUT!!! It’s finally working!!! It looks just like the original! It even uses the same directories for the images! It now logs all hits instead of unique ones though so... hmmmm... be careful.

I did have to create new .gifs for 0 4 and 9 because they weren't originally saved by wayback though. You might be able to tell that because they have strange red-ish pixels around the outside of the white number. I’m going to be working on making them look like the official ones but for now you’d have to zoom in on them to see it.

but anyways, that’s it. I don’t usually provide updates like this for the website, but I decided I wanted to in order to help myself feel better. 

A reminder to Heart of Darkness fans who may not know, but there used to be an official website at HeartofDarkness.com but it went down in the early 2000s. I painstakingly downloaded every file from Wayback and recreated the website at HeartofDarkness.ca that you are free to check out and run around in now. 

It’s got rare promotional art, a press bible with character write ups, some level screens, and a ton of 90s-tastic frames! Only the best websites are built with frames! 

It’s missing a few things that weren't saved like some images, so if you have those old files from the original site I’d be very much interested in getting them from you. I originally recreated the site because it wasn't accessible on Wayback due to robots.txt protocol. Briefly though it was, so I rapidly saved everything. Originally the highlight menus (in java) didn't work which made navigating the archive hard. As of late the current owner of the domain allows Wayback to show the archive, and Wayback even added Java support so the menus work, but I've managed to fix some issues with images being missing that a friend had managed to save after all these years so I think my archive is still the definitive version. Wayback has also been acting up for me lately, so other that citing it as the official source (it’s proof that those pages existed back then at all) it’s likely more reliable to use my archive instead.

[mathisrye02-blog]

Graphics As well as Electric battery Daily life.

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