#these are the rest of the memes from the zine i made for my friend. they're the. weirder ones.

[blondie-drawings]

holding space for whatever the hell this is /pt1/pt2/pt3/pt4

[phaerlax]

Looking back at 2024 writings~ ✍️

Thought I'd have my own go at those "a year in art" things that artists do! I wrote something every month this year! Usually multiple somethings. There were a lot of fan events, huh. Here are the highlights... (The underlined things are links btw)

January: 🧪🌈🐍 supervised sex for science

This fic was way more popular than my average! The perks of not writing about GaruKaru... but evidently that allure did not hold me back for the rest of the year lmao I wrote this for a 2023 secret santa, but the deadline was until January and I only started in January, so it counts. I had fun with the fic, even though it's a bit outside of the 'written for sexual gratification' zone I usually go for.

February: ���🦈🎁🐺 Blade b-day bonanza

For the Blade birthday fanweek, I wrote this story wherein Garu and Karu give him a cute present. Then they fuck (unrelated). The main thing I like about this in retrospect is how I depicted Karu somehow failing to top someone who is clearly ok with doing whatever he says. さすがカイルくん...

March: 🐺❄️🐺 c'est le pupcest

I wrote it in response to a prompt in the Kink Meme, but also gifted it to Sungel because Sungel had been asking for something like this for a while and I would feel really smug if they were the anon who submitted the prompt but alas that they were not. Anyway. Garu's separation anxiety in Frozen Echoes sure was something, huh? Kink-wise, I love the 'wrestling for dominance' trope and I love the idea of Garu going along with it just to humor Karu but somehow winning.

April: 🌈���🐺 Morvay madness

One of my Morvay week contributions! I also did one for Karu/Morvay but that was less popular. I'm very fond of both anyway. Morvaru, my beloved...! I will continue to be your only prophet. Really hoping 2025 will bring us more Morvay content in general. Anyway, Garu gets to stick his little thing in someone again in this story and that's neat. Have I made Garu top more frequently than Karu lol

April was also a month in which I wrote quite a lot of my problematic original spanking-focused fics, hm. There was the bunny boys story, the mechanical boy, a new chapter of Smitten, and the prince/slaves fic!

May: 🌈🐺/🦊🐺 good master bad master

This is one of my Kuyaru Week pieces! Hugely inspired by that Ray drawing of Karu getting a hairbrush hiding from Kuya (which was in turn inspired by me of course, our relationship is beautiful). I thought it would be fun to compare Eiden brushing Garu's tail to Kuya 'brushing' Karu's tail. I was right, it was fun. Karu getting spanked will always do it for me. I also had Kuya turn him into a bunny that month, which was darker but also fun. A bit of strangulation for my good friend and editor who deserves such treats (do you see how beautiful our relationship is).

June: 🌈🪦 he died as he lived,

The first of many drabbles I'd submit to nuflashfic's Drabbles for the Birthday Boy(s) challenges. Writing these drabbles is quite fun. I get to make something really quick and dirty but still feel a sense of accomplishment. I think they're also a good creative exercise in figuring out which words actually matter. I managed to fit so many characters in this first one!

July: 🧪🐺 guilt-ridden medicinal dogfucking

This was written for the Rei zine! I knew that I wanted to write Reiaru for that project (see here), but Rei and GaruKaru's backstory was still nebulous when it began. I waited and waited, hoping that we'd get some elaboration, and boy did we! I ended up leaning into Rei's sense of duty in taking care of Garu, even though that kind of sentimentalism isn't much my cup of tea. This story inspired a very talented Chinese artist to draw this amazing piece, which is still crazy to me.

July is also the month of Human Quality, and Kuya/Quincy/GaruKaru which might be my best work.

August: 🐺☀️🐺🦀 can't meme this any harder

For the Dante zine, Sunkissed! Turns out that pairing the least popular characters in a not very evocative scenario doesn't go over so well, hits-wise. Whatever man, I got a crab fight scene. There's even art of it in the zine, drawn by contacthigh, whose dantaru pitches led me to the whole concept actually. I enjoy the instances of "Karu gets irrationally annoyed at Dante's use of magic to solve problems" in this story. Also the dogs being cluelessly sexy.

August is also when we started the Everyone/Garu anthology! I wrote the Dante chapter, then the Blade chapter, then the Morvay chapter, and edited all of the others. I'm very proud of that fic; three minds turned to a singular purpose... dogfucking 😌 we accomplished much.

September: 🦊🐺♀️ lesbian yaoi...?!

I had to see if I could... it seems that I can. My preferred flavor of humiliation transcends gender barriers to some extent, apparently. This year I lowkey found some latent bisexuality within me; I blame the gyaru bratty uke in that "Fucked by my best friend" manga.

October: ☀️🦇🏖️ bikini Aster, your honor

For Daster Week! I know that people are generally more interested in getting their bottom Dante / subverted expectations fix from daster, but I like bottom Aster too. I enjoy the dynamic of Aster being very manipulative and weaponizing his cuteness to push Dante around. This fic was inspired by that incredible fanart I'm happy to have boosted. Not enough people are sexualizing the cute boys to my taste in this game and I will continue working to change that. That sounded wrong but tbh it's meant that way.

November: 🦇🐺🍣🥢forever snacking on Karu

November was a busy, busy month with Wolves Week 2024! Apparently I only have a couple drabbles, since most of my effort went into writing the Morvay chapter and editing the Karu chapter of Project F.T.D. But I had to put out at least a little something for astaru! And continue consolidating my paralysis fetish...

December: 🐺🐍🌡️ shivering snake shenanigans

My contribution to this year's Advent Calendar, finally some proper yakaru from me! I love Karu being fussy (and failing to top, of course). Yakumo disastrously losing control of his urges is always good too. Though funnily enough, I'd rather see both of them be dommed and frustrated at the same time. Neither of these boys should top. Kuya please--

Closing thoughts

This was a year in which I got more "serious" about writing, starting around September or so. I don't want to be a professional writer (being forced to 'create' is something that I dread and the main reason I decided to quit academia this year!), but I'm starting to make a career out of editing/proofreading, in addition to my translation work. And it's kind of crazy how much fic-writing and beta reading have helped me hone essential skills for that field!

It has also been a year of liberation, in the sense that I started out still quite nervous about exposing the depths of my particular depravities. As the new year approaches, I realize I'm quite different now; I have no problem listing out the specific things that most appeal to me in smut, or shamelessly hitting those same buttons over and over and over in my writing. I'm fueled and encouraged by the kudos and comments from people who are almost always there for it 💛 Thank you for always being in my morning AO3 e-mails.

For 2025, I want to go back through my older fics and give them minor makeovers; fixing some jank, standardizing punctuation, that kind of stuff. I also want to give closure to the non-oneshot fics that aren't finished. But mostly I want to keep joining fan events and giving myself anxiety over deadlines, because I love looking back at everything later and seeing some impact on the fandom. It's neat. It's kind of like having a social life.

I might branch out into Noctilucent and Jock Studio fics in 2025 too, in addition to my sporadic and, uh, specialized original work.

Mucho texto, end post

[hermannsthumb]

For the summer prompts I’ll take a number 16 and a number 9 with extra sauce :^)

9. Stargazing + 16. Weddings

from the summer prompts meme here

another little summer prompt as a break while I work on zine stuff and do a million other things, WAHOO

---------------------------------

One of the most annoying parts about Hermann is that he actually makes for decent company when they’re not forced to stay within a two-foot radius of each other in the confines of the lab. Even more annoying is that Newt actually enjoys it. (Ugh.) He enjoys it even more now that they don’t have to share a lab at all and Hermann has started being kind of nice to him. And, you know, does other stuff with him. They’re not really boyfriends yet, because Newt is too afraid to use that term in front of Hermann—he knows Hermann would probably call him juvenile or something—but they’re inching towards it. Slowly. Very, very slowly, like the two emotionally inexperienced academics they are.

Newt’s fine with it, mostly. He wishes someone would invent a word between boyfriend and partner that he could use that doesn’t make him want to curl up in agony. It does make social situations pretty weird sometimes, though, like when he took Hermann to dinner with his dad after one of their big lectures and he couldn’t exactly say this is the guy from work I hooked my brain up to and like to make out with, or when he met some of Hermann’s family at one “we didn’t die!” gala or another and Hermann stiffly called Newt his companion (somehow more weirdly suggestive than literally anything else he could’ve said?).

It’s made this one in particular kind of weird.

They’re at the wedding of a mutual—well, Newt’s not sure if he would call the guy a friend, acquaintance maybe, research collaborator (which also sounds like something Hermann would introduce Newt as, to be honest, but Newt means it for real)—and he clearly assumed there was more going on with Newt and Hermann than just some humble companionship when he sent out their invitation. Singular invitation. Both of their names at the top, no mention of an allotted plus one(s) anywhere on it. It was more understandable than presumptuous, at least, since they are kind of joined at the hip and still very slightly at the mind. Newt and Hermann met the kid (okay, he was well into his twenties, but that's basically a kid) when he interned as a research assistant in the lab for a few months, back at the start of Newt and Hermann’s tenure with the PPDC when they still had funding and willing participants for that kinda thing. Newt always privately suspected that he had a little bit of a thing for Hermann—and seeing the incredibly dorky groom today all but confirms that. Definitely has a type.

Newt has also always suspected the kid was assuming things about Hermann’s relationship with Newt the entirety of his time under their supervision, which, you know, this also kind of confirms.

“I’ve never liked weddings much,” Hermann says, stirring a straw aimlessly through his cocktail. Their former-intern has tucked them away at a private table in the very back of the reception hall, out of sight and out of earshot, which would probably be an insult coming from anyone who isn’t one-hundred-percent aware of how bad Newt and Hermann are at socializing. It works out better for everyone this way—Newt and Hermann don’t embarrass themselves or the wedding party. “Seems like a lot of fuss over nothing. My brother’s had two now, and neither of them have taken—just a waste of time and money. ”

Newt likes the open bar at weddings, and he likes getting tipsy enough for it to become socially acceptable to dance like an idiot with strangers, but the rest of it is, yeah, pretty boring. He hasn’t been to a wedding since his cousin got married a couple years back. Newt flew all the way back to Germany for that, and all by himself, because he couldn’t bribe Hermann into being his totally platonic(/vitriolic, since they still pretended to hate each other back then) plus-one for the night. Still, he loves being a pain in Hermann’s ass, and the need to be a contrarian majorly outweighs the fact that he, you know, agrees with the guy. “Weddings are fun,” Newt says, mock-defensively. “I’m sorry you’re not romantic enough to appreciate them.”

Hermann snorts and nudges their knees together under the table, and Newt caves with a grin. “We could just leave,” Newt suggests. He steals a sip of Hermann’s drink. “I don’t think anyone would even notice. I can call us an Uber and we could be back at the hotel in literally thirty minutes.” It’s his turn to nudge Hermann. “We came, we said hi, we met the husband, we left them a gift—” A joint gift, with a yay congrats! card signed by them both, they were very much not dodging those relationship assumptions. “—so I’m thinking our social obligations are prettttty much done?”

The romantic thing to do would be to ask Hermann to dance. They could wait for a slow song, and Newt could hold his weight enough for them to sway awkwardly like two middle-schoolers for a little bit, and then Hermann would give him a furtive and equally awkward kiss. Very romantic. It would be fun to do that if it wasn’t so hot in here. July heat and a million people crammed into a tiny ballroom: not conducive to comfort. Newton took off his suit coat and undid his tie about an hour ago, and unbuttoned his shirt down past his collarbones (to Hermann’s scandalized judgement) not long after.

The second most romantic thing Newt could do is pay for the Uber. Hermann visibly wrestles with Newt’s suggestion before finally sagging in on himself. “We ought to stay a little longer,” he says, sadly. He does the unthinkable a moment later and actually takes off his own blazer and ugly quote-unquote dressy vest. Newt spots sweat beading his brow beneath his uneven bangs.

The third most romantic thing to do would be to help Hermann preserve his dignity before—God forbid!—he undoes his collar, which he's buttoned all the way to his throat in typical Hermann fashion. The glass doors to the patio adjacent to the ballroom have been propped open to let in a breeze, and though Newt can’t imagine it’s any less humid or muggy out there, any fresh air would be an improvement. Hermann doesn’t do well in large crowds for very long and Newt can practically feel the last of his patience ebbing away. If someone so much as tries to small talk with them Hermann might lose it for real. Plus—the venue is isolated enough that Newt suspects they might have a pretty nice view of the night sky, something that they've been sorely missing out on from all those years slouching around a damp basement.

He stands and holds out a hand in offering to Hermann. “Let’s go outside,” he says. “We can look at the stars.” Also, Hermann looks kind of cute all flushed and sweaty, and if Newt can't dance with him he'll see if he can snag a kiss or two. Hermann raises his eyebrows at this, but gropes for his cane and takes Newt's hand anyway.

The patio is thankfully deserted. Heat aside, it’s pretty nice out: the space is enclosed by tall, well-maintained shrubs strung with twinkle lights, and there are a handful of benches spaced around evenly. The night breeze is warm but better than nothing. Hermann primly dabs at his face with his handkerchief as he takes a seat at one of the benches, and Newt drops in a sprawl next to him. They can just hear the dumb early-aughts pop song the DJ had been playing through the crack in the door. Hermann says nothing when Newt tucks an arm around his neck. “We have an hour until the reception is meant to end,” Hermann says, glaring at his analog wristwatch, like he thinks that will make time pass faster. "Is there a socially acceptable time to leave before then? We could invent an excuse. Or—" A sigh. "Newton."

Newt has pressed his face to Hermann’s neck to leave little kisses at his jaw, and Hermann wriggles around, dodging further attempts with a wrinkled nose and another funny, whining exclamation of Newt’s name. “Ah, ah, not in public,” he says. “It’s—” Unbecoming, Newt thinks in his Hermann impression, and maybe he mutters it too. But Hermann kisses him properly anyway, toying idly with the loose ends of Newt’s tie before pushing him away. “Looking at the stars?” he echoes Newt sarcastically.

“I did mean it,” Newt says, with another goofy grin. “Kind of.” They're efficient men (sometimes) and he imagines they could very easily find a way to compromise and multitask.

“You should know you're hardly the only one to try that,” Hermann says, and Newt thinks, with a flash of hot embarrassment, of the number of times Hermann has talked about the stargazing dates he used to go on in college with the hot nerds in his chess club. Well, Newt’s paraphrasing that last part. Hermann actually said something like charming young men, but Newt thinks the odds of someone being in chess club and not being a nerd are pretty slim, which Newt (who was also in a chess club) has firsthand knowledge of.

"But," Hermann continues, his eyes dropping down to the curls of ink on Newt's semi-exposed chest, "I suppose we do have time to kill."

[thegoldenshi-shi]

Sunny Simp Anon here!

I had ordered the zine when preorders first started and when I saw that you were in the zine many months later i got very excited!!

I took a pic and sent it to Smooch and shared the rest of the art with them and their friends and we loved it all and I love what you did with Jazz ans Prowl!!

The officiator: Any one object?

Prowl: *silently glaring*

Jazz: *had a cannon* :D

Also they look so good and I want to frame your art on my wall but I cant because it’s in a book but it’s so pretty and I love it and i want to hug it but it’s paper and akskdldkdk

Many conflict here you see

Also personal update myself, I probably didn’t do good on one of my exams today because i forgot there was an exam and I didn’t have my book and it was open book and so like, i didn’t do good but it is what it is

Also I want to hold your sideswipe so much, he is such a pretty boi and when he pops up he overtakes Sunny for a minute and is the star of the show and he knows he’s a pretty boi and will use it

I want to hold him so badly and domestic soft thoughts are my enemy cause I want them to be happy and heal from their pain and they are twins and they know each other the best and they went through hell and back and deserve good things!!!

Let Sunny become a famous artist again, let Sideswipe help with selling his brother’s paintings and also maybe own a lil bar and stuff also Bob being his cute self and get doted on and Sunny also maybe makes vent arts and let out his pain

I do personally headcanon that Sunny makes some vent arts but keeps some of them secret cause he doesn’t want to worry Sides too much with how he feels and it helped to just draw it out

Also me and my friends in the JazzProwl discord server made a lil meme thing into a bug angsty au and then we talked about the future after they mostly heal and it was from dark and angsty and stuff to more fluffy but still some angst(it’s with the Elite trine but i am gonna ask if we wanna include other ships and other lil stories besides the elite trine’s)

Anyways! I hope to be in your inbox again soon but some smaller things jn my life came up that needed my attention so I had to focus on those for a lil bit but i will return

-Sunny Simp Anon💛

Oh! You ordered a Monochromatic zine?

That's so exciting! I just got mine a few days ago~ I'm so happy to hear that you like my piece! I was really nervous about it because it was kinda spoofy compared to the others. It's pretty silly even by my normal standards hehe As far as my digital work goes, Sideswipe has been given so much love lately. It's great that his "pretty boi" status has been recognized. I purposefully designed him to look more friendly and open, so if he's making you think soft domestic things then I have done my job correctly hehe. On the subject of Sunstreaker's art habits, I think all artists make vent pieces at some point, writers and other creative mediums too (I know I do). So Sunny does probably have some pieces squirreled away here and there, I agree. I'm glad you're having fun on the JazzProwl server, and hope you get through whatever requires your attention now.

Don't rush through anything, I will still be here when you get done hehe.

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

Hi! Here’s a pinned masterpost of all the content I’ve made for this fandom under the cut. Also I have a small tag directory of things to black/whitelist as you see fit.

Also a personal post about my blog

#SUBMAS ANGST is for anything involving sad, potentially upsetting things. Even if it’s funny, or a shitpost. I use this liberally because I want my blog to be for any fan to enjoy!!

#SUBMAS POSITIVITY will be used for any post involving non-angsty content of the boys. Certain things like “Ingo takes care of Emmet with a cold” will still go in here, just no actual angst

#REUNION will be used to tag just that: post-PLA reunion content! Now this one is pretty positive but! Some people may want to block the tag due to the fact that it’s all noncanon and that makes them sad. Or whitelist it. Either way! Reunions will be tagged!

#PLA ERA will be for any and all content during the separation. Either Ingo or Emmet or anyone else. Ingo in Hisui content will all get this tag!

#MINORS STAY BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE is for suggestive content. Once on a very blue moon I may reblog something suggestive, but it has to be funny enough for me to do so. Wanna keep this for all ages! (I am an adult and do swear though, just a heads up.)

Also, ***no blankshippers or anyone like that***. I will block on sight, I swear. This keeps happening. GO AWAY.

Anyways! My content is under the cut :)

Fanfictions: Since I ran out of links for this post, find all my fics HERE on my AO3! Below are quick descriptions of them all

Closing Doors - Emmet angst St. Elmo’s Fire - reunion fic Remember Who You Are - Ingo angst w/ hopeful ending Negative Space - Emmet angst The Nimbasa Trio Walks Into a Bar... - silly fic about drinking with friends Declaration of Intent - Gift fic about Ingo and a friend’s OC Positive Space - post-reunion hurt/comfort Storm Song - collab fic of Ingo in Hisui and Volo The Good In Me - Pre-PLA angst, heed the tags; what if Plasma attacked the subway Two-Headed - Gift fic of a submas fusion AU. Contains angst. I Can Feel the Darkness - Tragic alt end of The Good In Me. Mortal Singularity - Submas fusion AU hurt/comfort Trying Again - Gift fic about Ingo and a friend’s OC doing their best Ingo-syncracies - Since Ingo’s from the future, he has weird habits Subway Meme-sters - Ingo vs. Emmet meme competition! Do Not Stand at My Grave and Cry - Ingo is laid to rest He Trusts You - Spinoff of I Can Feel the Darkness It’s a Wonderful Life - the classic Christmas movie but make it submas The Trial - Ingo crashes his own murder trial Fear Not the Descent - Emmet gets into caving while Ingo is missing Remembered - Ingo remembers while still in Hisui Always By Your Side - submas conjoined AU longfic *disclaimer* Spare Parts - Ei deals with insecurity while back in Unova I Am Not There, I Did Not Die - Ingo and Emmet, post-reunion, contemplate time travel and graves Rise - Emmet runs to his brother Beyond All Reach - Ingo returns home to things not as he left them. Ghetsis Wins AU Keep Us Together As the Lights Go Dark - ABYS Ghostmmet spinoff Outliers Together - college submas; Ingo worries about them sticking together and Emmet reassures him. Derivatives - Emmet fears change, especially after the Hisui years, but now he has Ingo to help. A Tale as Old as Rime - the Grey family goes to pacify Kyurem

No Turning Back - Destination Unown zine crossover fic with Demon Slayer You're Still You, After All - Emmet and Ingo deal with a bad day post-Hisui Home Station - Jackie X Furze cute oneshot What Can You See On the Horizon? - Ingo comes out of a portal terribly injured I'll Sleep When I've Fainted - Akari fights Arceus in the Eternal Battle Reverie; for the In Pursuit of Victory zine A Lost Light Looking to Be Seen - Ghost Emmet and Ingo learn ghost lore The Solstice Express - Polar Express reunion crossover Bite Inhibition - Ingo and Calaba have a nice day; for the Hisui Chronicles Zine Hello World - Cyborg Emmet spinoff

Fanart:

True Story ▲ Joltiks Georg ▽ Violence! ▲ Two of Them ▽Drawpile #1 ▲ Who’s Driving? ▽ Hair Headcanons ▲ Endling ▽ Train Nap ▲ Forget-Me-Not ▽ Where Do We Go? ▲ Brother’s Day ▽ Post-PLA Ingo ▲ InGhost ▽ Shaming Mankind ▲ Sexyman Shenanigans ▽ Masking ▲ 1: Ghost ▽ 3: Robot ▲ Ingo Doodle ▽ Beach Day ▲ Sleepy AU Twins ▲ ABYS References ▽ ABYS Kids ▲ Apartment Layout ▽ He Won! ▲ 1: Pokemon ▽ 2: Family ▲ 3: Alt Outfit ▽ 4: Memories ▲ 5: Hobby ▽ 6: Emotions ▲ 7: Trains/Subway ▽ 8: Festival ▲ 9: Storm ▽ 10: Monster/Fusion ▲ 11: Visiting Another Region ▽ 12: At Work/the Office ▲ 13: Favorite Ship ▽ 14: Music ▲ 15: Summer ▽ 16: Memes ▲ 17: Silly ▽ 18: Food and Drink ▲ 19: AU/Crossover ▲ 20: Bug ▽ 21: Loss ▲ 23: Dreams ▽ 24: All Smiles ▲ 25: Emmet and Your OC ▽ 26: Home ▲ 27: Fairytale ▽ 28: A Day Off ▲ 29: Flowers ▽ 30: Party ▲ 31: Free Space Reunion Hug ▽ Con Doodles ▲ Sneasler Sticker

Christmas Sweater(s) ▽ 1: Bug Hunt ▲ 2: White ▽ 3: Battle ▲ 4: Sound ▽ 5: Forest ▲ 6: Cook ▽ 7: Voice ▲ 8: Cozy ▽ 9: Accessories ▲ 10: New Pokemon ▽ 11: Photo ▲ 12: Illusion ▽ 13: Stars ▲ 14: Game Night ▽ 15: Coffee Break ▲ 16: Hat ▽ 17: AU ▲ 18: Dance ▽ 19: Rose ▲ 20: First Day of Summer ▽ 21: Road Trip ▲ 22: Favorite Food ▽ 23: Fishing ▲ 24: Books ▽ 25: Rainbow ▲ 26: Comfort ▽ 27: Routine ▲ 28: Reunion ▽ 29: Smile

Other:

Submas Playlist - Youtube, contains angst

Submas Song Sunday:

Still Feel ▲ Always Gold ▽ I Bet My Life ▲ I Lived ▽ Fresh Static Snow ▲ When Can I See You Again? ▽ Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying ▲ Never Be Alone ▽ Home

[tiggymalvern]

Eight shows to get to know me, tagged by @dreamerinsilico. Only the first couple are in any sort of rational order. 1. Blake's 7. The original disaster crew, in which Blake the idealist wants to take down the fascist dictatorship. Unfortunately he's stuck on a spaceship with a bunch of accidental randos, only some of whom are idealists. The rest of them just want enough money to go and live somewhere the government won't bug them. I was a few weeks short of seven when I started watching it (yes, that was too young) and eleven when it ended. It was the first TV I saw where bad things happened to the protagonists, where they died and it made one hell of an impression. (Also, Servalan gave me the first inklings I was bi.) Since the BBC didn't broadcast a repeat, I didn't see it again until I was nineteen and it got a release on video tape. And it was SO MUCH BETTER even than I'd remembered. All the nuances, all the moral quandries had completely passed me by as a kid. What might you have to do to take down a fascist dictatorship? Where do you draw the line on justifying collateral damage? Then I discovered that there was a fandom for this show, that people wrote fanfics and published them in zines, and the university intranet (there was no internet) had message boards where people TALKED about it. It's not an overstatement to say that it changed the course of my entire life. This show is also probably responsible for my lifelong love of morally grey protagonists who snark at each other. So, that one got long, it always does. Shorter from now on, I promise! (Okay, maybe not that much shorter. How everyone else managed to do this meme without going off about their obsessions, I have no idea.) 2. Due South. My first slash fandom, illustrating my other recurrent fannish addiction, besides the snarky disaster crew - the two people who are odd, who are loners (or who socialise, but have acquaintances, not friends) and then they meet each other and they just fit 💗💗💗 And let's be honest, those two people were usually two men, because of the misogynistic writing for TV shows. 3. Burn Notice. My current snarky disaster crew obsession :-))) 4. Hannibal. Trope number two, the loners who fit, put together in one of the best, most complex TV shows ever written. It doesn't just happen to push my buttons, it's also objectively, amazingly good. The first time you watch it, you love Will Graham and want to squish him and protect him, and then slowly you find out more and more. And then you go back for the first rewatch and you realise that it was there, all the time, so many hints, but it was so carefully done that you just didn't see it. (I have stated before and will again that season two of Hannibal is probably the best single season of any TV show I have ever seen.) 5. Black Sails. Another snarky disaster crew, in which practically everyone is queer (SO many bisexuals, yay!). The first season is not what it became, because the writers started carefully with an action show about pirates chasing gold. And with that success, from season two, they were free to write the show they wanted. A show about idealism and love and rage at the world, in which every character is so well written that each time alliances shift and enemies become friends or friends betray each other, it's justified and it makes sense in terms of their motivations and who they are. 6. Deep Space Nine. The Trek series that changed the franchise. Arc plot! Morally grey characters, hello Garak! A Federation captain who says to hell with the rules, I'm doing what seems right at the time :-) 7. Trigun. I wondered whether to put this one in because I prefer the manga to the anime (the manga's longer, with more complexity, especially in Vash). But it's weird loners who instantly click perfection, with the added twist that one of them was put there to betray the other from the start, and then he can't and the angst is off the scale. 8. Farscape. A snarky disaster crew with the amazing bonus of Aeryn Sun, one of those rare at the time female characters who was as amazing and well written as any of the males. (I haven't watched Farscape in many years. I probably should, I wonder how it's held up?)

As usual, tag yourself if you wish to play :-)

[misdre]

tagged by @bobgoesw00t ! thank you bob!!!

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise? misi is what all friends call me

2. When is you birthday? august 3

3. Where do you live? (You don’t have to give city, you can give the state if your USA or country if you are overseas) finland. i don't mind saying it's turku because i like turku. i’m on täl pual jokke

4. Three things you are doing right now? making coffee.. typing answers to this meme.. about to watch a document about wine while drinking coffee

5. Four Fandoms that have your peak interest right now? four is a bit much to ask from me. well beyblade is a staple, and right now i'm reading the 7th chapter of higurashi no naku koro ni. ummm eurovision and... can i call it a fandom that i've been listening to audio books of the best mystery novels from last year a lot, basically one book per week. mystery novel fandom??

6. How has this pandemic been treating you? not very well. i'm pretty sure i would have got a job without this. i've been sitting inside alone all my life so that part hasn't really changed but like i just really fucking want a job and i think the pandemic really crushed all my chances to get one because every business is in trouble now so nobody's hiring.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now? i’ll be honest.... i don’t really listen to music these days..... and when i do it’s playlists instead of anything on repeat

8. Recommend a movie. it's almost the season to watch midsommar, just saying

9. How old are you? turning 30 soon. let's not talk about it

10. School, University, Occupation, Other? a bum with a university degree

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? cold

12. Name one fact about you that others may find unusual. i've never been to a doctor (other than the dentist), and i'm hardly ever sick either. i get the common cold maybe once in four years

13. Are you shy? yea

14. Do you have preferred pronouns? nah. finnish has only one pronoun anyway

15. Biggest pet peeve? people who don't take others in consideration in public spaces

16. What is your fave ‘dere’ type? probably deredere tbh i’ve kinda grown out of these character types

17. Rate your life 1-10, 1 being really crappy and 10 being best it could ever be. 5. it sucks but at least i'm not homeless or anything?

18. What is your main blog? this one

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for. the only one i use these days is @luukeitto which is my aesthetic and inspiration blog. then i have the beyblade zine blog that's obviously now inactive. the rest i haven't used in years

20. Is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you? online-wise, i kinda burned myself out years ago so i don't really make friends through social media anymore. i'd say the newer online friends i've made have happened because we're in the beyblade discord. offline-wise...... that i'm quiet because of anxiety and not because i don't like people lol.

[challengerbmxmag]

Sam Waller Interview

Sam Waller co-runs, the UK based Central Library, “a shop in the North West of England that sells zines, DVDs and other interesting bits and pieces.” He’s also part of the current resurgence of quality independent BMX media with his Red Steps magazine. In addition to that he finds the time to contribute to Challenger with his quarterly column, ‘Notes From A Fancy Island’ and of course, ride. And, when you talk to Sam, you can tell that riding reigns supreme.

Sam and I email back and forth fairly often because of the column but also about other random stuff like old spots, concrete skateparks, music, etc. It’s fun to email with Sam so I figured it would also be fun to ask Sam some more in-depth questions. Hit the link below for the full interview.

All photos by Gaz Hunt. Thanks, Gaz!

I know you live in Manchester, England now but where did you grow up and what is your BMX origin story? I grew up in the complete middle of nowhere in a place called Colton in the south of the Lake District. Whilst the countryside in film and television is often shown as a tranquil, quaint place, the reality is a fair bit different, and Colton in particular seemed like a hotbed for strange stuff going on. Only recently a large farmhouse was burned down by a wild woman who owned loads of pigs. She was exiled from the county, but the pigs remained to cause havoc.

Anyway, my older brother has played guitar since he was six or seven, but as I was a useless at it and couldn’t get my hands to move properly, I felt obliged to find a similar all-encompassing past-time.

I was mad on Formula 1 racing for a while (thoughts go out to the Schumacher family), and I went to a karate lesson once (a hobby quickly scrapped after the whole hour was spent being taught how to bow honourably), but up until the age of 12 or 13 it just felt like I was dawdling about.

All of this changed when, for some reason I’m not entirely sure of, me and my friends decided to make some jumps and drops and stuff to ride on our mountain bikes in some woods near a dual carriageway.

One of my friends knew some older lads from nearby who had proper bikes and Little Devil hoodies, so I think they must have planted the seed of raditude with him, but I think at that time I was just happy to be out the house and not playing Tekken 2. We later found out that the woodland we’d chosen was a popular dogging site frequented by truck drivers (I'm not sure if 'dogging' exists in America - maybe look it up), and quickly moved our spades and everything into another forest. By that point the damage was done and my mind was snagged.

After a bit of bouncing about on a mountain bike, I then splashed out on a second hand Standard that someone had painted post-box red, affixed some stunt nubs and never looked back (or lookbacked, for that matter).

The nearby town of Ulverston had a pretty big riding and skating scene, but thinking now about us lot trying to lay down ‘street style’ in this small historic market town, we may as well have been the Jamaican bobsleigh team — the rough ledges were strictly for stalls, and the closest thing to a flatbank was a grass verge round the back of a Texaco garage.

What were some of your biggest inspirations as a kid and what about now? I always think about how the 16 year old me would probably make fun of some of the things I'm into now. Is that the case with you at all? Apart from the receding hairline and the slight increase in responsibilities, I think I’ve stayed pretty much exactly the same since I was 16. Back then I think my favourite film was probably Natural Born Killers, and my favourite album was maybe something like Bad Moon Rising by Sonic Youth. Whilst I’ve maybe expanded my interests a little, I’ve pretty much been in a rut since then.

I’m not into memes or internet humour in the slightest, but I remember someone once showing me a video of a wrestling fan in America crying and shouting, “It’s still real to me, dammit.” That’s how I feel about a lot of things I was into back then. A lot of people who I went to school with moved on from being into music and films and pissing around on bikes, whilst I’m still snagged on it all, listening to The Minutemen and wearing check shirts. It’s pretty stupid really.

What's The Fancy Island? Good question. Just next to Strangeways prison and only a mere stone’s throw from Manchester’s slick centre, lies a true rat-pit of questionable activity. I’ve seen loads of stuff happen here, such as an aggressive man chase a prostitute with a two-by-four and a creep lying in an alley trying to lure small boys into his lair.

In amongst all this, there’s loads of naff wholesale shops that sell everything from low-end Halloween costumes to fake Air Jordans made out of cardboard and fuzzy felt. All these shops have mad names like EEZZEE and Vibe Centre.

Getting to the point now, coming up with titles for things is pretty difficult, so a few years ago when I was cobbling together a zine, I nicked the name Urban Mist from one of these shops, and then, when I went to set up a Tumblr during the carefree pre-Instragram era, I nabbed ‘Fancy Island’ from a similar establishment.

I think Fancy Island has closed down now, but it’s no doubt been replaced with yet another shop with a daft name selling cheap batteries and t-shirts with swear words on the front.

Whilst I’m explaining names, I’ll state that Red Steps is a classic spot in Manchester that I ride past on my way to work every day. It boasts a rusty, needle-thin flatrail, a few small stair-sets (that are indeed red) and a large flow of gormless students to crash into. I’m not too sure why I named a magazine after it, but it just struck me as a funny name for a spot and I was struggling to think of anything else.

One thing I struggle with is balancing how to take BMX seriously while balancing a sense of humor about it as well; i.e. it's pretty goofy but is also this amazing vehicle for new experiences, ideas, and a pretty incredible community. Do you ever think about this? Like with most things in life (except crucial necessities like eating and breathing), riding bikes is pretty stupid and abstract if you try and think about it too hard. That said, I don’t see why bike riding should look goofy (apart from actual goofy-footed grinding - as a self-confessed goofy grinder myself I’ve got a lot of time for George D, Ralph and Dave McDermott) — riding is loads better than pretty much all other activities, but it’s constantly being made to look daft, when it could so easily look dope.

I think to stay juiced and not turn sour, you’ve got to completely ignore most things going on with riding and stick firmly to the bits that you like. I treat riding like music or films or anything else. In the same way I don’t go to the cinema to watch big summer blockbusters, I don’t spend my free time watching Corey Martinez edits or endless hours of footage from some zany mega-comp.

I’m a simple man. As far as riding is concerned, I like smith grinds, bottles of Heineken, Galaxy chocolate, black and white photos, sitting on benches and talking complete nonsense. The rest of it is irrelevant to me.

I constantly hear/read people complain about the lack of BMX magazines but there's so much cool stuff being printed right now. We've discussed this in email a bit but it seems weird that people are complaining. It's almost like people just have an idea of what they think a magazine should be and if it doesn't have look or read a certain way they are just confused. How do you feel about all of this? A solid group of people do buy things and support these independent projects and whatnot, but I think it’ll take a while for the loud-mouthed Instagram warlords to come to terms with the fact that the new magazines around might have different names to the ones they used to subscribe to 15 years ago. I suppose it’s maybe easier to talk about the lack of magazines out there than actually go to the effort of seeking them out, but having said that, it’s not exactly hard to find stuff these days.

I remember years ago hunting down anything beyond Dig or Ride was an absolute hassle involving a lot of e-mail mither and blind faith - but now with yourself, Berks St. and 90East stocking interesting stuff in America, me and Clarky doing Central Library over here and the newly formulated Wiretap down under, it’s easier than ever for anyone to get their hands on zines and DVDs and all that.

The new stuff that’s coming out now is ten times better than Dig or Ride ever were anyway. Endless contest reports and dull bike checks have fallen by the wayside, and I haven’t seen a photo of Jimmy Levan’s zebra-print leggings in years. Things are really looking up.

What do you do for work? Thoughts on pursuing money via BMX and also what's the best job you've ever had? By day I work in an office writing stuff for a clothes shop. As you can imagine, trying to come up with an interesting way to talk about the 659th blue shirt you’ve seen this week can get a bit tough, but I can’t complain too much really. The office is fairly warm and there’s a kettle in the kitchen.

As for pursuing ‘serious wonga’ via riding, I’m one step ahead of you. Central Library has just received big investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Deborah Meaden (of Dragon’s Den fame), meaning we’re finally able to stock all those bizarre Caramac-coloured tyres that real bike shops seem to stock. We’re also expanding our print line to offer crime fiction and the Goosebumps novels. My main aim in life is to become one of those creepy industry characters who spends their time sniffing around young and naïve talent in the hopes of flogging a few ‘dad caps’.

My finest job was probably working for my dad in the family trade of dry stone walling (which explains my surname). I’m not sure if dry stone walls exist in America, but they’re those fairly humble looking stone walls you see dividing up the fields and forests around the English countryside.

Anyway, building them isn’t too bad as far as manual labour goes. When it’s raining and you’re miles up some hill wallowing in the mud lugging big stones around with nothing more for lunch than a chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle and a Penguin biscuit, then it’s a little miserable – but on a good day when the sun is shining and you’re working with ‘good stone’, it’s hard to beat.

The best days were when my dad would fall asleep just a few minutes before the end of the lunch hour, basically extending the break for at least another 45 minutes. Thinking about this job now, I’m not sure why I ever gave it up.

Do you have any other hobbies besides riding? Yeah, but I’d say the lines were pretty blurred. This is maybe a pretty boring answer, but I suppose riding lends itself to other hobbies pretty well. I might be wrong, but I don’t think keen swimmers or budding javelin-throwers get into photography or making videos in quite the same way. It’s sort of like the ‘pillars of hip-hop’ or something – riding, taking pictures, messing round with video stuff and generally snooping around all fits together nicely (or at least it does in my peppered mind).

It’s not like I’m slipping on my Etnies t-shirt for my weekly two hour power sesh and then the next night I’m wearing some short-shorts down at the climbing wall. Even when I’m on holiday with my wife, I’m still just snooping around the same way - we’re not buying tickets for some naff rollercoaster or dining out at exclusive restaurants with Abe Froman.

Are you able to take time off of riding and not feel like you're missing out or feel guilty? I have one friend who really goes in on the guilt tripping if I don't ride. Related: You said you like sitting on benches. Can you do that on a nice day? At the age of 28, I’d like to feel like I can just about deal with a few missed sessions. Obviously I still need a comprehensive run down of spots seshed and feats accomplished when I’m away, but it’d be mad if I was out all the time. The human body can’t handle that much raditude.

Fear of things going un-photographed does creep in sometimes, but Clarky will have filmed it anyway, and Gaz and Wozzy are better photographers than me, so if they’re about then hopefully someone caught the action.

Moving onto the subject of benches, these babies really come into play during my dinner break at work. I get on fine with everyone there, but when the clock strikes twelve I’m not going to be sat in the office spilling reheated chilli over my keyboard… I’m straight out into the city centre on full sit-off mode – hopefully getting into some daft conversation with one of Manchester’s many vagabonds.

A few months ago I was sat in town when I was approached by a fairly scruffy gentleman who was bleeding loads from his forehead after someone kneed him in the skull. The rest of my lunch break was spent trying to sort him out a bit. One meal deal, some wet wipes and a pack of king-skins later, he seemed alright. You don’t get these hijinks sat inside all day.  

I was just thumbing through the new Red Steps (nice job) and I just realized how much I enjoy your interviews -- what is it that you like about interviews? Not trying to stroke the ego here but you are really good at it... Cheers. Any ego strokes are much appreciated. This maybe sounds a bit daft, but I want to know everything. This is probably evident to the people who know me, but I’m a complete mither, completely hassling everyone with questions all the time.

This pesky nature extends into everything, meaning that I spend a lot of time reading a lot of interviews about the things that I’m into. I buy a lot of old copies of magazines like Wire, Ray Gun and Sidewalk on eBay, and even though the interviews contained within those pages might have been conducted in the corner of a pub maybe 25 years ago, they’re still worth reading today.

A proper interview with a little intro and some photos laid out nicely on a page… it’s mint – it’s a finished thing – sort of like a well-edited video or something. I know a lot of people are into ‘podcasts’ these days, and that’s fair enough, but to me – they’re not complete enough. I don’t want to hear people say ‘um’ and ‘err’ all the time, and I want something sick to look at (and by that, I don’t mean a load of pundits sat around a table with headphones on).  

I’m going to rattle on here whilst I’ve got the chance. Anyone reading this who gets the opportunity to answer questions for an interview, a ‘bike check’ or anything else…don’t just write a lazy sentence for each answer – go mad. Tell some funny stories. Or if you’ve got nothing to say, just make something up. No one cares about how responsive your headtube angle is or how you ‘usually just cut the bars down’. This could be your only chance to air your thoughts into the wider world, and you’re going on about what PSI you put in your tyres? COME ON PLEASE TRY HARDER YOU BORING GIMPS.

(above) Spread from Sam’s zine, Latvia Photos. (below) Cover of Sam’s zine, Around Town.

You also make photo zines/books not related to riding. Do you have any high art aspirations with this stuff? No real aspirations I’m afraid. Wine gives me bad heartburn, so I generally try and swerve anything resembling a gallery opening schmooze-off. As I was sort of saying before, making photo zines is just an extension of everything else. I like taking photographs, so it makes sense to put them together. It’s all pretty small-time really – it’s not like I’m getting thousands printed.

To be honest, it’s all a complete faff that I could easily avoid by not bothering and just sitting around watching American power-dramas, but it’s good to have stuff to look back on – even if it’s just a 40 page zine that nine people will see.

Crouching under a tattered old curtain processing rolls of film every night whilst being mithered by my cat isn’t particularly glamorous and I’d imagine there are probably easier ways to get cosy with the artistic elite.

What's your favorite slang word? Going back to my walling days, my dad uses some pretty intriguing slang terms. Unlike inner-city slang, which will usually be documented in music or useless BBC3 comedies, these more rustic words don’t get much recognition. I don't use these terms myself, but I certainly respect them. Here’s a few choice cuts…

“A few skins on the job” – a large workforce “Keitel” – a fairly humble work-jacket “Bait” – lunch “Bray it – hit it “Kessen” – when an unclipped sheep falls over onto its back and can’t get up due to its weight. This happens more often than you’d think.

You can buy scoop up a copy of Sam’s magazine, Red Steps, in the Challenger web shop here, look at the online shop, The Central Library, that Sam runs with Clarky here, and check out some of his other photo zines/books here.

[airanddust]

A day in isolation

Day I don’t even know. It’s March 27. I should be packed and ready for a trip to Japan, but that was cancelled a month ago. We should have been there to see the cherry blossoms and stay in a cramped Osaka hotel room. Now, as the meme says, we will be going to “Los Kitchenos.”

My mornings start with a sense of reluctance. Sailor nudges my leg two minutes before my 7 am alarm. I used to wake up at 6, which, since the time change, is now 7, but I haven’t been to the office since then so I’ve been waking up at this time for…three weeks. Since March 5.

I feed the dogs, stumble in the wan light to pull open the blinds, flip on my Happy Light, and unfurl my thick purple yoga mat. I don’t bother with the toning yoga videos anymore. It’s all stretches and relaxation practices. I choose fifteen or twenty minutes, or thirty if I didn’t hit snooze and feel luxurious. I tilt my spine side to side in tabletop position, hands and feet against the ribbed mat. A catch releases somewhere in my back.

The first downward dog is always a balm for my calves. My right leg is a block of concrete, stiff and unmoving after an uncomfortable night. I often wake to find myself jammed against one shoulder, or with a hand tingling, or my hip screaming so loudly it pulls me from a dream.

I work through the flow and inevitably need a tissue when my body spurts up some gunk that went dormant overnight. Clarity returns to my sinuses. I feel a little less hatred for the day ahead. It almost feels like a normal day.

Since stocking up for the vacation-apocalypse, I now have a myriad of breakfast choices as compared to my typical instant oatmeal packet or protein shake. I could have protein waffles, banana bread, strawberries, string cheese, or cinnamon raisin bread that Robert made, wide and puffy. 

I read the Bible while I eat. I used to read it on my YouVersion app, but that was creating a too-addictive don’t-break-the-chain habit (I got to 100 days this year), and the reading didn’t go deep. I switched to the mid-Psalms in my fifteen-year-old NASB college Bible and starting journaling my SOAP —  another unfortunate acronym, but a helpful one I gleaned from our church’s online messages. Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer. It helps me identify what most speaks to me in a passage and consider it more closely. Today it’s Psalm 41.

I have fifteen minutes to write, perched on the edge of my dilapidated former office chair, which has lost two silver wheels and now sits disabled next to my desk. I realized I need a separate space, even if it’s just a seat two feet from my office chair, in which to write and thus separate myself from work.

I check newsletters in my email. The Denison Forum, the New York Times briefing, the Hustle, Briefingday, and, on Fridays, Girls’ Night In. I take a quick scroll through Instagram. Sometimes I watch a few stories from my favorite fashion bloggers. Then I lift the lid of my work MacBook Pro.

It’s time to work, but the thought of eight hours ahead of me is nearly paralyzing. I usually open Trello, where I’ve divided my tasks into To Do, Doing, and Done, but today I try Marie Forleo’s handwritten method of finishing the sentence “The one thing I will accomplish today is…” Today, it is sketching and mocking up a grid view for car sensors.

Then the Slack messages come in. I removed Slack from my phone at the advice of a coworker — “only I can give myself anxiety; Slack doesn’t have that privilege” — but the desktop app still manages to contribute to the low-grade anxiety that I will miss a critical conversation. I disabled the red badge of death. I turned on Do Not Disturb. Yet I still compulsively open Slack every ten minutes. Working remotely seems to make me eager to prove I’m around, available, not goofing off, and I don’t get into that deep zone of focus I need. But I try. I turn on an instrumental playlist from Spotify — it only recommends classical and movie scores for me now — and clump my old, cheap Amazon headphones over my ears.

My cat Nala weaves in between my keyboard and monitor. She flips onto her back and splays her legs out, falls asleep, and spreads ever so subtly until her back leg shoves my keyboard to the far edge of the desk, where I am now forced to sit diagonal to my computer. If I shut her out of the office, she scratches the door and makes pleading guttural noises, but in the office, she seems to know when I have a Zoom meeting and pretends to run an agility course. More than twice I’ve had to introduce her to coworkers when she hops between me and the webcam, leaving a dark tail in her wake.

We had catered lunch daily at the office. Now we fend for ourselves. This week I wrote down a semi-meal plan, and today I pull two red-topped plastic containers from the fridge to mix Thai ground beef with leftover Kraft Mac and cheese. I microwave it until it’s a strangely humid combination of cuisines.

I read the latest edition of Real Simple while I eat. The magazine came bagged in a plastic sheath, which I peeled off and threw away before washing my hands. I know the content was created months ago before this virus existed, and yet it’s still odd to read something so remarkably free of Covid-19. There is, however, a spring cleaning feature that explains the difference between sanitizing and disinfecting. That reminds me we only have a handful of Clorox wipes left. When we run out I’ve thought of dipping paper towels into the leftover solution at the bottom of the canister. I haven’t been super diligent about wiping down surfaces, but then again, we don’t go out much. I haven’t been outside in two days.

I return to my desk and mindlessly nibble on a Seattle Chocolate Double Distilled Mint bar. I eventually return to the kitchen to make DIY milk tea — cold Lipton with a splash of milk, mixed in my reusable boba tea tumbler. I didn’t think I could tolerate caffeine, but the iced tea has just enough to propel me through the rest of the workday. I don’t have tapioca to add but that’s okay. There are apparently sixty-eight carbs per serving of boba. I’m already eating too much. We stocked up on rice cakes, bananas, peanut butter, oatmeal, canned soup, dried pineapple, Pop-Tarts, and granola. Five-year-old me is constantly aware of this and always planning my next trip to the kitchen.

At three I join a few coworkers for what we call Zoom-ba, our virtual dance session, where I share a pre-made YouTube playlist and we dance in tiny thumbnail windows with each other. Our favorite instructor is a guy named Mao who wears bright colors and dances on a pier somewhere over tropical waters. It helps us feel less like we’re trapped in our small, dark homes.

After an hour more of work, I join another Zoom call to work out with friends who exercise with me almost daily now. Today we do legs. Last time we did abs, which, for some reason, left Laura with sore arms and me with achy glutes. We’re still figuring out how to do this. We place our laptops on chairs and the floor and follow an impossibly fit woman on YouTube.

Sweaty and tired, I tell my friends goodbye and pull up Instagram to watch the nightly fireside chat from my favorite finance author. It’s comforting to have this small slice of a predictable schedule: to know that every night, he’ll appear on my screen at 5:30. After this I don’t know what I’ll do. Maybe eat, or walk the dogs.

Robert makes mashed potatoes in the Instant Pot, and a thick, starchy scent wafts through the house. The Instagram Live ends and I join him for small plates of mashed potatoes with canned green beans. It feels sort of like a survival meal. We forgot to defrost any meat. I know I’ll be hungry later.

It’s raining so we don’t walk the dogs. Instead, we finish watching the first season of Altered Carbon, which I wasn’t sure I’d even want to finish watching. I don’t like how the story is ending. I also realize that with each show I watch, I’m wondering why the actors stand so close to each other. It hasn’t even been six months since all of this started. Will I think this way about every show from now on?

After the show ends Robert goes to his home office and I go to mine, where I open Skillshare for the next new routine I’ve established: learning Spanish. A coworker mentioned it could be a good way to pass the time, and since we have several Spanish-speaking friends and I love Zumba music, I’d like to learn it. I sit in front of my laptop and repeat words to the screen.

Some nights I make a tiny zine out of a sheet of printer paper. I think I’m putting too much on my plate. My creativity feels dried up, restless, and I end up on Twitter or some other internet rabbit hole. I don’t want to look back and see that every decision I made during this time was reactionary, but some days I don’t feel like I can muster much more than that.

Before brushing my teeth and washing my face, I go through my planner, make sure I did everything I wanted to do today. I realize how crude that sounds when, as some articles tell me, I shouldn’t be focused on output during a time of global crisis. But I feel listless without these goals. I need something to put me in motion, even if only for distraction.

Now I’m in bed. I have a stack of library books procured hours before the library shut down, but I don’t always read them. I keep one on my nightstand just in case. I’ll probably watch Robert play Animal Crossing on the Switch until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. The music and repetitive actions are calming. Boring. Kind of like life used to be.

I fall asleep.

[knightedrogue]

R, V, X for the fanfic writer meme, please? Thank you!

Thanks @lajulie24!

R: Which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

Oh, yes. Let’s talk fic authors, because then we can all enjoy the fun together and call out some excellent people at the same time!

1. Ivylore: When I first started writing fic in the early 2000′s, I could not for the life of me figure out what kind of author I wanted to be. I wrote everything from mindless fluff to awful character death angst to a random story about archetypes. Sometime in there I started reading and talking to Ivy in the context of H/L message boards. And she completely blew me over with the maturity of her characters and their relationship. The way she wrote Han and Leia made me think of them as real people, with faults and failures, who are redeemed by their choices and love for each other. It was a revelation. I  know lots of people find “Renewal” too dark to read, and I understand that feeling. But talking with her about her choices in writing that story made me realize a fundamental truth about fic-writing: your characters do not have to be anyone else’s stories. They might be Han Solo and Leia Organa, but they are your Han Solo and Leia Organa. 

2. @corellianblue: I have a feeling she’s going to roll her eyes at me when she reads this, but it’s true. Lemme tell you: Cindy Olsen’s fics on the Corellian Embassy (and in zines) were the highlight of reading fic for me. Like Ivy she treats Han and Leia as real people, with failings and flaws. I remember reading “Day and Night” and “Only Night” (companion pieces about Han’s time in carbonite) and coming away with a new understanding of her characters every single time. Over and over again, I’d read them. It was a fundamental change in how I saw Han and Leia, a deeper, adult relationship that I had never considered and, to be honest, I hadn’t experienced. 

3. @holdouttrout: Also going to roll her eyes at me when she reads this. :) Trout is a real-life friend of mine and when we realized that we loved each other’s fanworks as well, it was a glorious moment. When you read a piece from Trout, you see her complete understanding of language and how to stab right at the heart of a matter. For me, a free-wheeling adverb-using anarchist, Trout’s writing was inspiring. And then, too, she was the one to remind me to keep writing when I first came back to fandom. I was so frustrated by my rusty skills and instincts, and she urged me to keep writing through all the shit. And that advice was the perfect reminder for me. 

I already did “V” so I just skip on over to ....

X: How would you categorize your fanfic reading?  Are you a voracious reader?  Do you carefully pick and choose?  Something in between?

I think for me it’s a matter of how much time I have to devote to fic-reading. Sometimes when I’m writing a fic that’s particularly challenging, I won’t be able to read anything for fear of my insecurity rearing her ugly head. 

But when I have the time and am feeling secure (god, that sounds awful, but I’m sure my fellow authors understand the sentiment), I like to read long stories slowly, completely engrossed in the world of the fic. For instance, it took me months to start reading Knitzkampf’s “Nobody But Yourself” or Dant Solo’s newest “Dark Matters 2″ but once I read them, that’s all I read. I’m not always the most voracious reader until I know that the author is committed to finishing their story (yes I know how ludicrous that sounds coming from someone that abandons their fics for years at a time) but I go all-in when I read. 

Because my real life is a hot mess of activity and demands on my time, I read what other people recommend. My list of fics is ENORMOUS and there are so many of you who I haven’t read yet but, rest assured, I will get there! I love to read when I have the time! It’s a beautifulr reprieve from the stress of my real life responsibilities. Thank god for fic! 

[attract-mode-collective]

The Super Instagram Entertainment System: Classic Edition

A few days ago, the Attract Mode blog celebrated its 5th birthday (the current iteration to be exact). And today is yet another anniversary.

Five years ago was also when I first began demonstrating how deeply video games have become imbedded in our everyday lives. So it only makes sense to present another round-up of game culture snapshots! Starting with…

Something else that was mentioned just the other day; this what it looks like when a Brooklyn-based indie arcade collective is invited to the nation’s capital, where a museum transforms itself into an arcade...

Those photos above were taken over the weekend. Whereas these pics of masskutt, and friends, are over 30 years old…

Another more recent image, from Jake Kazdal, from when he took his kids to a retro arcade in Osaka…

Not sure where Jake is here, other than it’s somewhere in Kyoto, which is home to Nintendo, so…

Yet another blast from the past, and a reminder of where Jake first made a splash, back when Nintendo and Sega were on less than friendly terms…

Speaking of work, it’s Mike Choi at his job, where he had to disassemble a Switch...

Meanwhile, here’s Cory Schmitz at home, settling into his new NYC digs. He’s apparently fitting in quite nicely, cuz our tiny ass apartments necessitates tiny ass shelves filled with only the barest and coolest of essentials…

arcadestick also recently relocated and this was his the temporary set-up at a hotel room. Nuts, I know…

Like many retro gamers, he partakes in dumpster diving for CRTs, though I have no idea where he was able to come across so many all at once like this…

And here’s a custom kit that lives up to his namesake. Gotta love that wood finish…

cpn_pixel showing off the insides of Super Famicom controllers; as one can tell, there have been various revisions over the years that most of us had no idea about…

The above was taken while the rest of the controllers were being cleaned, which retrokk_jp is also doing…

Madara, the Japanese only RPG for the Famicom is Japanese only no more, thanks to jake74…

Not sure if Jake also translated Sweet Home, but here he is most definitely producing his own custom cart art…

I’ll just let jjsignal do the explaining here: “I got this cart of Hector '87 at a Book Off because it felt powerful. There was obviously a lot of love and pride in it. Strange that they just let it go. It's certainly my favorite sentimental used cart. It's a fun SHMUP, but sadly, I'm awful at it…”

patrickashe showing off the ultra rare #2 of the 1UP MegaZine…

actual_iocat with a “Live Edition” of his Incredibly Strange Games zine; only 20 copies were made! So yeah, it’s pretty rare as well…

stulivingston’s Mario Kart 8 team, representing Cartoon Network, recently went head-to-head with folks at Nickelodeon Animation. So naturally he made a zine about it, entitled “4th-Floor 4th-Furious”…

Say hello to my new fave artist, adihash. Though I am willing to admit that his handiwork is not for everyone…

But hey, I’m a sucker for any Garfield related gag…

My MacBook needs this sticker, ASAP…

Behold the crown jewel of alexsavage_alexsavage’s animation cel collection…

No idea if microom made these Sega retro cookies himself, or if he simply came across them in the wild…

I also have no idea where the following hails from. Sorry! Hey, when you’ve constantly sifting through and organizing legit hundreds of Instagrams, mistakes will happen I’m afraid…

rainbow_blight recently acquired some Dragon Quest glassware…

It should be common knowledge by now, how I’m always eager to showcase the intersection of video games and Japanese wrestling, aka I want johntv’s shirt…

I also wouldn’t mind the one nameoftheyear is wearing, since I dig both Nier and the BORN TO DIE meme (no, it hasn’t gotten old for me yet)…

Is jewelry more your thing? Then please confer with mare_sheppard…

Speaking of game designers, time to find out what SWERY is up to these days, and… here he is dressed up all fancy and with an owl, okay…

I also forget if this room he stayed at had PJ Berri there already or if he brought him along…

Here we see Mathew Kumar receiving $40 from Jordan Mechner, which he had just gotten from John Carmack for whatever reason…

Here’s Akira enjoying a drink with Kazuma at stonyo_’s place…

And here's Akira making a mess, maybe cuz he had one too many…

I’ve actually never watched American Psycho, so I’m going to have to assume this shot from ghostarcade is legit and not some Photoshop...

miki800 notices a bus’s stripes and its passing resemblance to early Famicom branding…

EDIT: You all have no idea how long it took to choose the absolute perfect 50 images for this 5th anniversary round-up, but because the following so perfectly connects with my most recent post about Rez, as well as the photo that comes immediately after; it’s Jim Guthrie getting ready to ship his Cassette Boxset…

rj_star asks: “Deal or no deal?”

andonuts proudly showing off his copy of Dratula for the Game ???, as would I…

mrghostyx is currently in Mexico and sharing his discoveries, with my fave being this intersection of video games (in this case the Pokemon Jigglypuff) and Mexican wrestling (in this case the luchador Psycho Clown)…

All right, time to wrap this special anniversary assortment of game culture snapshots the proper way, with a bunch of cat pics. Starting with neoretro75’s…

misterraroo’s…

krispiotrowski’s…

finalfinalgirl’s…

smurfwreck’s…

And finally, the resident feline at Edit Mode…

Don’t forget: Attract Mode is now on Medium! There you can subscribe to keep up to date, as well as enjoy some “best of” content you might have missed the first time around, plus be spared of the technical issues that’s starting to overtake Tumblr.