#these are super quick little doodles from FOREVER ago but i still

[draconicdeityarts]

Keep it simple, stupid!

[lovelivingmydreams]

A story by heroes and villains

Book 2: secrets revealed Virgil Anker: trust and caution

Masterlist book 1

It's not easy to know who to trust and who to be wary off. But Virgil better learn soon.

When Virgil got back to the new house, he took a shower and sat himself on the couch in his pj’s. He was listening to his ‘winding down’ playlist. He was grinning to himself. Someone else was wearing his design. Sure he’d made Janus a shirt way back in freshmen year, but he barely wore it outside the house. This would be seen by tons of people. And it looked so good! He couldn’t wait till Monday. He could imagine Roman’s reaction. Would there be pictures in the papers? On the news? He just might buy a paper so he could keep a clipping to look back on later. Thinking about gushing over the costume with Roman at school made him think about seeing Janus again. J had skipped school after what happened in the hallway, leading to him having detention all of last week. He hadn’t even so much as looked at Virgil since. Not in a, “I am mad and ignoring you way,”. He looked ashamed. Scared. That was what made it so hard for Virgil to stick to his plan. Janus looked so hurt and lost and ashamed. And during lunch, he was nowhere to be found. Virgil needed to talk to Picani about this tomorrow. It would be a busy session. He contemplated where things had gone wrong for the millionth time for a while until he heard the door and looked up to see his fathers enter the room. “You’re back!” he greeted as he sat up. “So I gotta know, who’s your fourth guy?” he wondered casually. His dad just looked at him confused. “What do you mean?” “For your poker nights,” he clarified with a chuckle. Imagining Patton or uncle Thomas playing poker was kind of funny. It seemed so out of character for them. Still he couldn’t imagine what else would take all three of them getting together like this. Thomas had taught musical theatre classes, back when he was still a professor, and now he was the dean. Then again, Virgil wasn’t certain his uncle was always present. Tonight might just have been one time he happened to be there. But Patton definitely had been part of this project as much as Logan was. The past six months at the very least, but most likely from the start. “No cardgames I’m afraid kiddo. We’ll tell you about the project once it’s finished. It’s all confidential for now I’m afraid,” Patton told him gently. Virgil looked long and hard at Patton. He wasn’t lying. And confidential stuff made a lot of sense. He shrugged, letting it go. Even if his first guess was right after all and his dad was doing some kind of superhero stuff as BrainStorm, if Patton was there to help him Virgil felt assured that they’d be safe. Though he wouldn’t know how Patton, or Thomas, got wrapped up with anything involving a former super villain. “Okay, keep your secrets,” he sighed as he stretched. “Night Pat, night Lo,” he bid before heading upstairs. “Goodnight Virgil, I love you.” Virgil looked back at his dad when he heard that. “Love you to dad,” he replied with a smile. “Love you three kiddo!” Patton added, making Virgil laugh. “Love ya Pat.” And with that he went upstairs to his room. His new room was bigger than the one in his old house. But he didn’t care much about that. His old room had memories. He missed it honestly. He started to worry that he’d been too quick to say that he wanted to move out. No matter how nice the new house was, and how conveniently it was positioned, it would never quite be like the one he’d known most of his life. He let himself drop on his bed. It was pointless to think about that now. At this point, another family had probably moved into their old home. They’d brought their own furniture. Probably painted over the walls. Erasing the little doodles he’d made when he was little and bored. Before his mind could go any farther down that path, he heard a buzzing. Roman sent him a text. “Greetings! I just got back. Sorry for not checking in earlier. Could not be helped. Did you get home alright?” Virgil chuckled and texted back. “LOL. You worry too much. Hope you had a fun night.” Virgil certainly did. Just thinking about it made him impatient. Oh why not? Before he could second guess himself, he pressed call. “Virgil?” Roman sounded surprised, but Virgil was already way to giddy about his news. “I had to tell you now. I saw him!” he whispered. “Who? And why are we whispering?” Roman asked, mimicking his volume. “I’m supposed to be asleep,” he admitted, earning himself a chuckle. “Ok… Who did you see?” Roman asked. “Dream Prince!” expecting the logical next question he edited his story a little. “I went for a walk and I guess he was doing patrol in my neighborhood, I caught a glimpse of him,” well, that was an understatement. But he couldn’t tell Roman everything. Not yet. He’d lectured Prince about being cautious just today. He trusted Roman. But anyone could overhear them at any time. “He was wearing my costume! You were right! I can’t wait to get a good look at it in action!” Again. “You think someone got a picture? I didn’t have a chance. God I should’ve taken a picture so I could show you!” Though he wasn’t sure if he could’ve managed to get a believable citizens picture of him. He doubted Prince could be photographed if he didn’t want to be. “I’m sure I’ll see your work plastered around the front pages Monday. Pretty sure you missed out on the Saturday edition. But the news stations might talk about it.” Virgil’s cheeks hurt from smiling. “You sure you don’t want your name attached to it?” Virgil considered that for a moment. It would be kind of cool, he supposed. But he was trying not to draw any attention to his civilian self so long as he did the vigilante gig. Asides from that, he didn’t want anyone to be able to claim any of his future successes were due to his connection to a superhero, or have expectations based on this one work. “Yeah… I just… I know I should want the credit. But, just in case he becomes like this big time hero,” which seemed very likely to Virgil. His powers were pretty amazing and he had the personality to make it big. “I don’t want my possible career to be defined before it starts, you know what I mean?” He hoped he did, because he was starting to get confused by his own phrasing. “Maybe I’ll come forth with the original sketch when I’m like, 30, to prove it was me if it still matters by then,” he concluded. “Sounds like a smart plan. I’m going to let you go. I do need my beauty sleep after all.” Oh, he made it too easy. “You said it, not me,” he chuckled. “Night Princey.” “Buenas noches. Mi querido amigo,” Roman replied dramatically. Virgil rolled his eyes. Though he smiled as he realized Roman just called him ‘dear friend’. Trying to hide the way that warmed his chest he let out a groan. “Bon nuit,” he huffed in retaliation before hanging up. Janus had taught him a bit of French over the years. And just like that his thoughts returned to his old friend. Janus had been well behaved the past week. He hadn’t gotten in a single fight. Maybe he should try and show that he noticed. Just saying ‘hi’ wouldn’t be that bad right? Show that he meant it when he said he wanted to get back to being friends, real friends, at some point. With thoughts of a happy ending for everyone, Virgil fell asleep. The next morning he woke up early. He made sure to be quiet as he got ready for the day. Once downstairs he turned on the tv. And sure enough, the local station was talking about Dream Prince. A professional picture of him leaping across the street from one rooftop to another serving as background. The anchors were talking about his heroic deeds of last night, ranging from walking a girl home to taking down those criminals ‘single handedly’. “No one can deny it. This young hero finds no feat too great or too small, and he does it with style. Looks like he’s settled on a look.” They thought his costume had style! Virgil was vibrating with excitement. He couldn’t sit still. He had to do something with all this energy. He started on breakfast. Bacon, eggs… It had been a while since he’d felt up to making a big breakfast and been the first to wake up. Patton was as much of an early riser as he and Logan. Which meant he hadn’t had Virgil’s secret omelet recipe yet. He was bouncing on his feet as the two anchors were analyzing the costume in as much detail as they could. They found the heels a bold choice and the mask an elegant way to incorporate a crown. When Virgil heard his dads move about upstairs he turned the news off and set the table. Patton really liked the eggs. That or he really wanted Virgil to think so. Three servings made him think that it wasn’t pretend though. After breakfast, uncle Thomas picked him up for their trip to the zoo. Virgil had been looking forward to it. It felt forever ago since he last spent some one on one time with his honorary uncle. “That’s a nice one. You really got the eyes down well,” he complemented as Virgil finished a sketch of a koala. “Thanks,” Virgil said, pretty happy with the result as well. “You are really talented. Guess it runs in the family. I remember your dad scribbling away in his poetry notebook all the time.” Virgil looked at his uncle with wide eyes. “You knew my father?” he asked perplexed. Thomas frowned down at him for a moment before his eyes widened in understanding. “Oh, no. I never personally met your birthfather. I meant Logan,” he clarified. Virgil was a little disappointed. For a second he’d hoped to learn a little more about his birthparents. But if Thomas had been talking about Logan… “My dad wrote poetry?” Thomas chuckled. “Yeah. He was pretty good. Though he’d disagree. He felt more comfortable using his sharp tongue on the debate team. He won us some prizes,” he recalled. Virgil took this in. He had wondered what his dad was like at his age before. Now was a good time to ask more. “So poetry and debate team… Guess that is why you two became friends, huh?” he asked. Thomas shook his head a little awkwardly. “Not exactly. With my social anxiety I probably wouldn’t have approached him if my mom hadn’t told me about his mom losing custody…” “What!?” Virgil gasped. He never knew that. Thomas cringed realizing he had maybe said to much. He looked down at Virgil. “Your grandparents weren’t parents of the year. Not abusive, but… neglectful I suppose. Logan never talked about it, so I don’t know the details. Just what little ” “He was in the system?” Virgil asked with a shiver. He’d heard about the system. He was glad he never had to experience it. “No, like for you there was someone ready to take him in right away,” Thomas told him. Virgil wanted to ask who had adopted his dad. But he had an idea… And he kind of didn’t want to hear he was wrong. He wanted it to be his parents. It would explain why Logan had such a hard time talking about them, but had so much love and respect for them when he did. “What was it like rooming with him? Was he secretly a slob in college?” he asked hopefully. Thomas relaxed and started talking about a few college stories, though he quickly veered into high school and early parenthood stories. At the end of the day Virgil had a good handful of animal sketches, an idea for his art project for the semester and Thomas dropped him off at Picani’s office. “Hello Virgil. How are you today? I heard you had a good scare earlier this week.” Virgil let out a deep sigh, sat down and started his story. Leaving Picani’s office a little bit later than planned, he felt a lot better. Or, well ‘better’ never had been the right word. He’d realized that sometime during the camp. After talking about Picani about what bothered him, he was still bothered by it. But he understood things more clearly. He felt less confused and had an idea of what to do about it. Picani never told him everything would be okay. He helped him understand what was wrong and how to either steer it in a better direction, or learn to live with it. He now felt less uncertain about wanting to give Janus a sign that there was still hope for them, even after what happened last week. He felt less guilty over indulging the people asking him out even though Roman was still very much on his mind. He even felt better about getting more information than he should’ve from uncle Thomas. It had been a relief talking about his theory that his dad had been in his parent’s custody for at least four years and that that was, maybe, the reason why he took him in when they passed. And the fact that he had at least one set of grandparents that might be still alive. He wasn’t going to ask about them though. If they held bad memories for his dad, he didn’t think he wanted to know them. It was very low on his list of priorities. The fact that his dad never mentioned them told him enough. The whole scare with the ceiling lamp was discussed and Picani left it alone when Virgil said that he didn’t want to waste too much time on it. “I’m home!” he announced as he came through the door. He heard Patton call a greeting from the kitchen and saw his dad come from the living room to meet him in the doorway. “Dad!” he called out eagerly as he gave his father a hug. “Virgil? Not that I do not appreciate you seem excited to see me. But is there a particular reason?” There were a few honestly. Knowing a bit more about how he ended up being raised by the smartest, most patient man he’d ever met had him excited. On top of that knowing what his dad was like at his age made him feel closer to him. He decided to focus on the latter. He’d turn sixteen soon. If Logan hadn’t initiated the conversation by then, he would. He could be patient for another month. “Uncle Thomas told me about your teen years. I didn’t know you were on the debate team!” he told him. He could imagine his dad thriving in that environment though. Maybe they should check out the debate team this year in between Roman’s play and Virgil’s art exhibit. Logan gave Virgil a small smile, a bit of pride in his eyes. It was rare for Virgil to see his dad proud of himself. He liked it. “Well, yes. It was a bit of a hobby of mine, as well as an attempt to get better at socializing,” Logan said modestly. Virgil picked up on the operative word in that sentence. ‘Attempt’. “You were a socially awkward nerd,” he concluded with a chuckle. He was so used to being nothing like his dad. Finding flaws and similarities to himself in the man he’d idolized as long as he could remember, it was strangely exhilarating. Logan, however seemed to misunderstand what had Virgil so thrilled. “Hey, that’s a complement! I’m a socially awkward artsy kid. Sounds like I’m your son after all!” he clarified. That reminded him though. “Speaking off. Uncle Thomas told me you wrote poetry back in the day.” “Really!?” Patton exclaimed from the kitchen. Logan was blushing. Scrambling for a way out of the conversation it seemed. “I… Experimenting with different forms of self-expression is a natural part of discovering one’s identity as a teenager. It was a phase. I would like to forget about it.” Virgil was about to argue against it, but Patton beat him to it. “Aw, but poetry is so romantic,” he pouted. And Virgil could see the way that affected his dad. Well, their date nights were about to get ten times more sappy. Hopefully going for the heart, and his ego, would work out just as well for Virgil. “That’s too bad. I thought I could make a project around your old work for art class,” he sighed disappointedly. And just like that his dad’s firm posture melted away. “I’ll see if I can find some of my old notebooks. Just ask my consent before you pick one.” Virgil couldn’t resist hugging him again. “Thanks dad. You won’t regret it. I promise.” He felt his father put his arms around him gently. A wordless “you’re welcome”. Virgil was feeling very chatty during dinner and so told his parents all about his day. They had to go to the university again tonight. Since Virgil was planning on meeting up with Prince and not sure if he’d be out all night or just long enough to talk to the guy, he bid them both a good night now. Just in case he’d be too tired to wait for them to get home once he got back. As soon as they were out the door Virgil dug in his closet for his face mask, something he wore when he was feeling sick and didn’t want to infect others. And his shades. He was going to take a chance on Prince today. He made sure he had his evidence at the ready. He’d updated it earlier that week and last night he hadn’t learned anything new. He decided to go with the same look as yesterday so Prince would recognize him more easily. He made his way to the street and vanished in the alleys. After a few minutes he found the rooftop they’d used as their rendezvous point last night. Hopefully Prince wouldn’t make him wait too long. He lowered the intensity of his cloak to be more easily spotted should someone be looking for him. Suddenly he heard a sound behind him. “Good evening my shadowy friend,” the grand voice of Dream Prince drifted through the air. Virgil turned around, his coat flaring out with the movement. “Hey there highness,” he greeted as he tossed him the evidence bag. Clear of any fingerprints or DNA as far as he could manage it, as usual. Prince studied it for a moment. “Is this…?” he sounded surprised. “A show of good will. I thought about it…” not enough. Maybe he was biased because he reminded him of Roman. Or because he’d seen him during his training wheel days. Maybe he didn’t want to be alone anymore. “You seem alright. I’ll… I’ll have your back. If you have mine.” They could help each other. Grow stronger together. Weren’t heroes always at their strongest once they learned to work together? “You do know that if I hand this in, they’ll know I made contact?” This guy. Virgil chuckled, finding this strangely endearing. “You mean you haven’t told them yet?” Prince’s posture straightened almost defiantly. “You didn’t say you were alright with that!” Was he actually insulted by the idea of reporting back to his people without Virgil’s permission? Guess he’d read him right. Good to know. “Okay. Well, consider this my permission. If I don’t want to be found, I’ll disappear Prince.” He’d find a way to avoid Prince if it was necessary. “Tell the chief all communication with me goes through you. If you don’t mind.” Because Virgil didn’t trust the chief enough to go anywhere near her. Prince nodded as he reached for his ear. “I am currently debriefing Phantom. I’ll let you know when I’m done here. Tell chief I’ll stop by with a package. Radio silence until further notice.” Virgil couldn’t stop himself from letting out a chuckle. This guy. He really needed to be more careful. “You ever thought I might be a bad guy? You shouldn’t cut off your back up like that in front of me.” Had they taught him nothing at the GTH? “You’ve had plenty chances to take me out,” Prince pointed out, much to Virgil’s surprise. “You could have let those goons get me the first time you saw me. You could have attacked me while I was busy with those guys yesterday. And who knows how many times over the summer. And on top of that. Who says my communicator is my only way of contacting back up?” Okay, so maybe Prince knew what he was doing after all. “Fair enough. So what now?” He had no idea what would come after this. He just knew that Prince reached out, and he’d accepted. The ball was back in Prince’s court. “Now… I warn you about the collector.” That sounded very serious. He almost wanted to get out before he could get involved, but a gut feeling told him that this was important. He eyed the edge of the roof. Well might as well get comfortable. “I feel like this is a sitting down kind of conversation.” Once they both sat down, Virgil put on his sunglasses and dropped his cloak completely. It was symbolic or whatever. Letting his guard down in a visible way. He turned to the prince expectantly, a little annoyed at how the dark glasses limited his vision. Prince took in a deep breath and started his story. “The collector is an old enemy of Manifestor. He recruits Gifted, and those he thinks deserve to be gifted for some kind of revolution. You and I are probably his kind of people. Young, full of potential. All that stuff creeps like that love to go on about.” Virgil’s eyes widened. That did sound bad. He was suddenly very glad he had not confided in anyone about his powers so far. Who knew if the Chief was on the Collector’s payroll? Or maybe Picani was being spied on. “So we should be careful, you and I. I want to help you out,” Prince told him as he offered him two small objects. A stone and lip balm? “These can help you hide your identity without having to use your… Do you have a name for it?” Prince wondered. Virgil wasn’t sure if he could disguise his voice. But if he did, he was not going to risk Prince being someone from school who might recognize his voice. “Cloak,” he replied before dropping his guard again. “Cloak… Cool,” Prince nodded as he showed the black stone. “So this, is a voice modulator. I adjusted it to fit your tempest voice as best as I could.” Virgil couldn’t help laughing. Tempest voice? That sounded so cool honestly. But man was it dramatic. “You clearly have not heard it,” Prince pointed out and he had a point. He sounded normal to himself. “What’s with the lipstick?” he asked. “This will paint your hair black faster than any hair dye. It’s also a very good hair gel and it washes out right away,” Virgil bit his lip as Prince offered him the items. He was not used to being helped. Not as ‘Phantom’ at least. He still struggled with it as Virgil. Letting Roman help him with his English assignment yesterday had been hard. But he had to let people help him. He had to take a leap of faith here. So he took the items and got up to try them out. “No peeking!” he warned, though he would keep his cloak up. It was more to test if Prince would be tempted to go against his wishes. He didn’t. Virgil placed the modulator on his throat where Prince had his red stone and applied the balm to his hair. He spread it out and took a moment to decide on the style he wanted to go with. He tried for windblown, though he wasn’t sure if he did it right without a mirror. “Okay, let’s try this,” he said testing out his new voice. Wow, if that was what he really sounded like then Tempest voice might just have been the most accurate description. He looked back at Prince who was getting up and waling over to him. “Okay. So… what’s the plan?” he asked, curious what Prince was expecting out of this collaboration. “Well… We could try and meet up here regularly. We might not always patrol at the same time, and you might be busy. But I could… If you are okay with it… I could help you coordinate with the cops. Like you kinda suggested earlier. Or we could like, do some patrolling together? Keep each other company…” Oh, that was cute. Prince could be insecure. Virgil was starting to think he was unshakable. “It might be nice talking someone who gets it you know? You’re my age right?” he wondered. Nice try. Very subtle. “I mean… I guess, but I’m not sure how old you are exactly,” he shrugged casually. He wasn’t going to give anything away that easily. “Fair point.” Or maybe there hadn’t been an ulterior motive. He was getting paranoid. “Anyway… What do you want?” Virgil thought about that for a moment. He hadn’t expected to be asked for his opinion. “I mean… Debriefings sound cool,” he said casually. “I’d like to patrol with you, but my parkour is no match to that walking on air trick you got…” He was kind of jealous of that one if he was honest. “I was thinking of hanging around the clubbing district at the end of the night and making sure some party goers get home safe. I’ll see you around there when you’re done?” This talk was fun and all, but Prince should probably check in with his team soon. And Virgil needed to think about things for a minute. “That sounds like a good idea,” Prince agreed as he gave him a bow. “Until then. Know that the GTA’s resources are now at your disposal through me. So if you want to get a proper suit or other fun toys, you need only ask.” And with that Virgil’s new ally sprinted of into the night. A real suit huh? Virgil shook his head. He’d have to think on that some more. For now, he had work to do.

Hero au

@cirishere @hestianerd1 @moonlightshow00​ @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043​ @angelic-cali​ @selenechris​ @theblackveilinreverse

[logical-little-lies]

Can we get super little to who's trying to hide that he's little at all from the others by repressing and drowning himself in work?

SORRY IT’s BEEN FOREVER SINCE THIS WAS SENT IN BUT HEREEEE

Babyspace and Lying to Daddy-Agere!Sides AU (pt.29)

Roman whined quietly, biting at his lip and deciding the rest his chin in his hand for a moment. He was surrounded by papers, drowning himself in work that could probably wait. Along with just getting to see his brother again, there were a lot of emotions and stress that came with it. Not to long ago, Roman broke down and regressed very deeply when Virgil put him in timeout.

And now, it seemed that that kept happening. He felt so small, not the normal bratty five-year-old kiddo vibe, but a very contrasting soft, cuddly, baby boy headspace. His mind felt fuzzy, and he just wanted to be held. It felt different, weird, and wrong in a way. So, his solution to a problem that wouldn't exist if he didn't overthink things, was to work and distract himself until the issue disappeared.

He usually wasn't the one who had an issue with hiding when he was little, he was usually the one who had to pry at Virgil for it. He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and taking a breath. He got out of his chair and left his desk, going out into the commons. "Roman! Salutations," Logan gave a polite little wave from the couch, where he sat reading some book.

"Hey," Roman mumbled, rubbing at his eye. It was way harder than it should've been just to talk normal.

"Are you quite alright? You seem exhausted, should I get Virgil for you?" Logan quickly bookmarked his page and abandoned the informational source on the coffee table.

"N-no, I'm fine, promise," He was quick to speak, even if it was slight muttering.

"Alright, but you should eat something and try to rest," Logan seemed to be less tense. "Actually, Patton's in the kitchen. I'm sure he'll offer to make you something."

Roman nodded, going into the kitchen as planned. It's not like he was actually that tired, but he had acquired some soft of headache from repressing regression, and he felt a mix of emotions and stress. "Hey there, princey," Patton greeted him with a smile from his spot at the kitchen table, where he was eating oatmeal and working on a puzzle.

"Hi," Roman squeaked,pausing before going to a cabinet to see what he could make himself.

"Sit," Patton instructed, and Roman didn't bother to argue. "How do you want your oatmeal?"

"Not to thick, not to thin. Little bit of milk, cinnamon, and honey. And three spoonfuls of sugar," Roman sighed, and Patton set to work.

"That's a lot of sugar, but as you're not little, I guess no one can tell you not to do what you want," Patton knew it wouldn't hurt him, so he heated up the stove to boil water. While it boiled, he got out a bowl and put the oats in it.

"Do you wanna stay out here and work on the puzzle with me? Virgil said he would join me once he got out the shower!" Patton excitedly offered. "Ooh, speaking of the emo," Patton gestured to Virgil, who's hair was still wet as he stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

"You joining us, babe?" Virgil ran his hand through his hair. He had no eyeshadow on, and he had to leave his hood down in order to avoid messing up one of his hoodies.

Roman shook his head, mumbling. "I have some work to do, I just needed something to eat," he bit at his lip slightly. He was nervous, because compared to the two others, Virgil was really good at spotting when he was slipping, even before he did, at points.

Virgil looked like he was gonna say something before Patton cut him off. "He asked for a very sugary serving of oatmeal. Honey and sugar!"

"That would totally make Little Roman bounce off the walls," Virgil chuckled, coming and sitting next to Roman. Patton hummed to himself while waiting for the water to boil, so Virgil leaned closer and whispered to him.

"Hey, Ro. Are you regressing?" he asked hesitantly. Roman didn't respond. "You usually tell me if you're little, or close to it, so if you are I'd like to know. I just want to take care of you."

Roman shook his head, lying to his carer without real reason. "No, I'm fine," he gave a false promise.

Virgil didn't seem completely convinced but he let it go for the moment. "Well, are you okay overall?" he questioned, and Roman nods again. Virgil leaned forward, kissing his cheek lightly. "Alright. I love you,"

"Love you too," The act of affection made Roman want more affection, but his mind was pretty set on repressing this deeper regression.

"What'cha working on, anyways?" Virgil spoke again after a little silence.

"Uh, planning videos for Thomas, n' other stuffs," Roman cursed himself for the slight use of little speech. This is when Patton set the bowl of finished oatmeal in front of Roman, who picked it up and was quick to get up. "I'm gonna head back to my room and keep working. Thanks Pat," he gave a small, slightly awkward smile before heading out.

Virgil sighed once he left, "I'm like pretty sure he's repressing littlespace for some reason."

Virgil groaned. "It seemed like something was off, maybe you should go check on him? Figure out what is up, and if it is the regression thing, figure out why," Patton offered.

"I'll bring a sippy cup of juice," Virgil decided, getting up and reaching for Roman's prince sippy cup. "As a peace offering," he joked. He paused, and grabbed another one, it had a softer nipple. It was more bottle-like.

Patton got the apple juice out of the fridge and handed it to Virgil, who filled the pinkish-red cup about 3/4 of the way full, before twisting on the lid and heading back to Roman's room without another word. He knocked on the wood lightly, and he heard a light whine.

"Who is it?" he called out.

"It's Virgil," Virgil was slightly amused by his voice.

"Oh," he heard softly from the other side of the door. Virgil rolled his eyes and opened the door, spotting Roman at his desk. He held a pen in his hand, and he shyly dropped it when he saw the sippy cup in Virgil's hand.

"Hey, ro. What'cha doing?" Virgil closed the door behind him coming over to stand behind Roman's chair. He silently sat the sippy cup in front of Roman.

"Nothing," he tried to move all him papers and stack them up, to cover the adorable cloud, flower, and heart doodles on his paper. The other pages were actual work.

"That page of doodles is 'nothing'? Well that specific type of nothing is very, very adorable," Virgil's dorky comment made Roman giggle. He then cover his mouth and whimpered. Virgil sighed, motioning to Roman to get up from the chair. He did so, and Virgil pulled out the chair father, sitting down and pulling Roman onto his lap.

"Tell me what's going on, baby," Virgil ordered,one arm around Roman's waist, and the other occupied playing with his hair.

"Nothing going on, daddy," Roman tried to sound promising. Virgil could've audibly cooed at his first use of a caregiver name besides 'veevee'. Roman felt much smaller than usual,leading him to be more dependant on Virgil.

"Don't lie or you'll get a punishment," Roman whimpered at this, causing Virgil to reassure him quickly. "But I'm sure you'll talk to me before we get to that point, hmm?"

"I feel very little...woke up feeling like dat. Hard to talk, I want cuddles, and I feel like a baby," Roman admitted.

"That's okay, princey! It just means you have a deeper end to your headspace," Virgil coaxed him more by continuing to play with his hair. "Do you wanna tell me why you tried to hide that you felt little? You were pretty convincing until you slipped up on the little speech."

"I'm always da biggest one! big prince, even when I'm little. Never felt babyish before, feels weird," he pouted, trying to hide his face in his hands.

"So you tried to distract yourself with work, and then lie to me?" he questioned, and Roman whimpered again.

"Sorry, daddy. I be good, very good, promise!" He squeaked.

"I'm sure you will, little one. You're not in trouble, but I do want you to know that you never have to hide your little space from me. No matter how small you are," Virgil kissed the side of his head. Roman nodded, bringing his thumb to his mouth. "How about we take a break from working and just watch some cartoons? Cuddle for a bit, hmm?"

Roman seemed to like that idea, holding onto Virgil tightly as he picked him up. Virgil was there for Roman.

Even baby Roman.

[happymetalgirl]

March 2020

Wow, March seems like such a bygone era, time doesn’t mean anything anymore with so much turned upside down (especially in the music industry) in the throes of the pandemic going on right now. One of those things was me losing my punctuality with this blog. While I haven’t been on top of my writing, I have certainly been listening as much as ever, with plenty to talk about this month, so better late than never I suppose. Here are the albums I listened to during March.

Code Orange - Underneath

I just wrote about the Pittsburgh metalcore juggernauts’ highly anticipated fourth full-length, but I’ll summarize again what led me say that Underneath is a good album, but not as good as the breakthrough album whose high bar this album was always going to have a hard time clearing. The band go all in on the industrial elements that accented Forever on Underneath, as well as push their luck on the more melodic, alternative metal-oriented hardcore tracks, which came with some growing pains, the latter more than the former. And I really think that they probably are just growing pains with the band getting more comfortable with this expansion of their sound, which (contrary to what the many zealous 10/10 reviews are saying) I think the band will get significantly better with if they keep this trajectory going into their next album.

8/10

Body Count - Carnivore

I really have tried to focus on the positive aspects of Body Count’s music, the fearless, topical, confrontational lyricism and the capacity the band has to generate a good hardcore breakdown, but the band really do seem to be unable to get out of this one-dimensional rut they’re stuck in, with Carnivore simply a few shovels deeper in. The band’s appeal tires very quickly with Ice-T’s recycling of lyrical themes and his band’s repetitions of generic hardcore tropes. They come through with a few moments of intensity, a sick breakdown or two, but the positive, hopeful moments are too few and far between. I would think that with not a whole lot of competition and a hip hop icon behind the microphone that Body Count would have the capacity to do more for rap metalcore, but they seem stuck in a cycle I do respect the stances Body Count takes against injustice, and I want them to be a more prominent, important voice in metal, but they have some climbing to do to get there.

4/10

My Dying Bride - The Ghost of Orion

The grand masters of gothic death-doom don’t ever really steer too far off course, rather they sometimes just take their foot off the gas, as they do on The Ghost of Orion. It has all the elements of any beautifully melancholic My Dying Bride album; the slow and burgeoning guitars, the downtrodden vocal melodies juxtaposed with bursts of growled anguish, and the melodrama of vibrato-laden strings; but it’s all arranged and conjured without much tangible passion or pain. That’s by the standard of the band’s pretty solid discography though, so with that considered, it’s by no means a terrible death-doom album, it just won’t be converting anybody or getting anyone more excited about My Dying Bride and death-doom.

6/10

Warp Chamber - Implements of Excruciation

Brutal death metal can often seem pretty one-dimensional, and it often is, but in the hands of a band who really has the ambition to make more of it than just some guttural rumblings from all the instruments involved, the genre can really take on a wholy new monstrous form, its horrific, deathly instrumentation heightened by the melody and the compositional nuance that a competent band can bring to it, and that is exactly what Warp Chamber do on their debut album here. Full of cavernous growls and ceaseless low-register battery, it can seem, at face value like just a regular brutal death metal album, but when the band starts breaking out the winding tangents and manic solos that, again, just heighten the chaos and compliment the brutality. It’s more than just regular-ass death metal, and I’m glad to have heard this debut. I hope Warp Chamber has more in store.

8/10

Loathe - I Let It in and It Took Everything

Do you love Deftones? Maybe you do. I do. But I don’t think either of us love Deftones as much as Loathe loves Deftones. I’m goofing right now, but Loathe really do channel their Deftones fandom real hard when they’re not in full hardcore mode or getting eccentric with the segues on this album. And it does offer a great combination of styles, with angular, low-tuned modern metalcore noise riffage juxtaposed pretty strongly against the gauzy shoegaze that immediately hearkens to that facet of Deftones’ music. The band struggle to get the flow just right on certain songs and across the album in general, with some pretty inconsistent songwriting, but it’s definitely outweighed by its still somehow immersive quality and the strength of the individual pieces going into it.

7/10

Earth Rot - Black Tides of Obscurity

The Australian band brings forth some more of the tried and true modern death metal a la Bloodbath, Carnation, and modern Cannibal Corpse, but with enough eerie, blackened oddity throughout the songs to keep the journey from being too homogenous. It’s these moments that both give extra life to the bludgeoning, but at-times basic, modern death metal the band is conjuring and kind of disrupt the flow of that muscly death metal. At times I do wish the band would chose to focus one or the other more exclusively, but if this pushes Earth Rot further into this kind of stylistically ambitious death metal, I appreciate the stepping stone this album acts as.

7/10

Myrkur - Folksange

After riding a pretty strong wave of critical adoration for her contribution to the growing wave of atmospheric black metal that culminated in the respectably sonically unique Mareridt in 2017, Myrkur’s Amelie Bruun has taken a step back to refocus or recalibrate artistically. As the title suggests, Folksange finds its creator rewarding herself for her contributions to black metal with a return to her love of Scandinavian folk music, and you can tell she loves it on this entirely folk-music-based project devoid of any black metal elements. I may not have been as head-over-heels as a lot of critics were about her black metal albums, but I certainly appreciated her folk-inspired ambient take on the genre, especially the unique sonic pallet of Mareridt. I liked those albums quite a bit, yet it is clear that the sound on Folksange is her forte, which makes sense if Scandinavian folk has been a longer-standing passion than black metal for Bruun. The instrumentation is absolutely beautiful and Bruun’s angelic voice fits so perfectly with it, but Folksange is more than just superficially aesthetically gorgeous. The songs (old and original) are written and arranged with such a natural knack for the style that makes it such a serenely enveloping experience that stands as Myrkur’s best work yet. I highly recommend it.

8/10

Old Man Gloom - Seminar IX: Darkness of Being

The famed supergroup’s first of two releases planned for this year after the loss of Caleb Scofield sees them dabbling around in an experimental array of genres that all the members have some sort of significant experience and specialty with. From post-metal of the sludgy, Isis-esque variety to the more noisily esoteric, Sumac-esque variety, to distinctly post-hardcore-influenced stylistic diversions, the band’s wide-reaching sound takes all sorts of twists and turns along their most recent experiment with the members’ varying pedigrees and influences guiding the music on quite the unusual nomadic trek. From the repetitive chord progression of the opening track to the album’s noisy finishing tracks (one of which features what sounds like rocks tumbling down a shaft of some sort for an extensive period of time), the band let their adventurers’ instincts guide them as they wander through their own experiment through the interplay of their members’ various styles. It’s weird, and not super polished, but it’s certainly fixating.

7/10

Candlemass - The Pendulum

After further cementing their relatively unchallenged status as the kings of epic doom metal with The Door to Doom about a year ago, Candlemass have offered up a quick little demo-focused EP with one new fleshed-out song, the title track, which takes them to the faster, more Dio-era-inspires side of their sound with the grand, soaring operatic vocals on the chorus and the relatively fast (by doom standards) guitar rhythms on the verses (think “Paranoid” or “Children of the Grave’). I love the very Dio-esque delivery of the word “fools” at the end too, very fitting. The demo track “Snakes of Goliath” slows it back down to Ozzy-era Sabbath worship in typical Candlemass fashion, the riffs and arrangement pretty respectable for a supposed demo track. The other full-length demo, “Porcelain Skull”, by contrast, does feel much less compositionally fleshed out and more like an actual demo piece. The other three demo tracks are just little instrumental studio doodles that don’t really add anything to the EP. If this EP could be interpreted as any kind of power move, it’s that Candlemass at demo level have just such a sharp compositional intuition for grand Sabbath doom metal and can pretty much nail it in their sleep.

demo-level 7/10

Igorrr - Spirituality and Distortion

I was definitely looking forward to this album big-time after the gloriously unashamed weirdness of 2017’s Savage Sinusoid filled a massive void I felt was needed in my metal bank. By contrast, Spirituality and Distortion is such a reserved project it feels either shy or cowardly from the usually hyper-eccentric band. The greater absence of the vocals of Laurent Lunoir on the album highlight also just how much character he brought to Savage Sinusoid through his zany performances. Without his vocal wildness across the album, the attention on Spirituality and Distortion is then directed to the significantly timid production and electronic finagling that doesn’t measure up to that of Savage Sinusoid.

6/10

In This Moment - Mother

*Sigh* In This Moment is one of those bands who I think really do show a lot of potential but just can’s seem to reach it. They get a lot of unnecessary shit for Maria Brink’s sexy stage presence and generally theatrical aesthetic and live show, but they do have the capacity to produce emotive alt metal ballads like “Whore” and bangers like “Big Bad Wolf” that give some insight into what heights they could potentially reach if they were much more consistent. I was hoping that Mother would be a solid rejuvenation/comeback after the benign disappointment of 2017′s Ritual, and while it’s certainly different, it’s not better. Mother really tries to take on this big, enveloping sound, and biblical, post-apocalyptic feel, and it can sort of carry it for a little bit and be temporarily immersive until the band needs to go full force. When it’s just some fancy eerie atmosphere and Maria Brink’s sultry vocal delivery, it holds up okay, but when the horribly synthetically produced arena-booming instrumentation really comes in and breaks that immersion, you remember that it really is all just trite alt rock whose lofty flair is all a facade.

4/10

Mamaleek - Come and See

Undoubtedly the most wildly experimental album to grace my ears so far this year, I was not expecting such a forceful avant-garde project from Mamaleek so relatively soon after Out of Time, but damn I’m glad I got it! The anonymous brotherly duo have always taken black metal on quite the far-off journey whenever they bring it along on one, ever making it their mission to create something one-of-a-kind with their work, and Come and See has to be their most enthralling album yet. Ramming together the transfixing manic anguish of their blackened experimental noise with the angular dynamism of jazz and even some blues rock in a musical particle collider, Mamaleek have made a truly one-of-a-kind album, and that’s even by their standards. I’ve mentioned before that I tend to like my jazz pretty rowdy and aggressive (like my metal), and the chaos that Mamaleek already generates with their brand of black metal is perfect to trim with and infuse with the angular dissonance of traditional jazz at its more energetically extreme. While the array of chaotic sounds may make Come and See their most intangibly black metal album, the ethos of that root genre pierces through by way of the harshly shrieked vocals just as much as the new jazz elements do. I really might just have to do a full-length review on this one because there is so much going on here that is worth admiring and I can’t stop loving it.

9/10

Phalanx - Golden Horde

This album came out a few months ago and has been making some pretty significant waves on Bandcamp, and for good reason. The relatively young band on their second release ever do showcase a pretty good knack for groove and death metal brutality, balancing slow, thick, tasty groove and blasting death metal without falling into metalcore breakdown clichés or death metal clichés. The three-pronged vocal attack the band touts isn’t quite as dazzling as they might think it is (with the abundance of talented vocalists capable of shapeshifting through a variety of metal vocal techniques), but I do think it would be cool to hear them use that approach with all three vocalists acting more simultaneously to more effectively convey the chaos of the war-related lyrical themes they focus on. Nevertheless, this quarter-hour taster is a great starter for them and definitely worth checking out. Hopefully it’s a foreshadowing of the blossoming of a bright new act for death metal.

7/10

Regarde Les Hommes Tomber - Ascension

I’ve been seeing a lot of praise being thrown this album’s way, and I honestly can’t disagree too much with that it is a pretty damn good album. It is very reminiscent of the Numenorean album Adore that I praised so highly last year. Like Adore, Ascension is an atmospheric black metal album that could easily hook your typical dude who hates Deafheaven and blackgaze and makes a really big deal about it. The band’does well on Ascension to avoid the reliance on generic post-rock guitar reverb ambiance that turns so many people off from blackgaze, working together a lot of unique sonic twists that don’t usually find their way into ambient black metal and channeling direct, cutting, yet humanly vibrant instrumentation that’s backed by raw cries of agony very similar to what Numenorean was doing last year. Perhaps this is the new way forward for atmospheric black metal and blackgaze. If so, Regarde Les Hommes Tomber are doing well to lead the way.

8/10

Deadspace - A Portrait of Sacrificial Scars

I already offered my praises to this album at length with my long-form post dedicated to it, but I’ll give it another shout for its brilliant, bittersweet sending off of the seemingly tireless Australian band. Deadspace give their oppressive/depressive sound the added magnitude and glory offered by choir and orchestral elements with more tact than most bands that use those elements regularly. I really am surprised that the band have decided to split up at such a high point in their artistry and I wish there could be more from them, but I have to respect their decision to end it here, and A Portrait of Sacrificial Scars is a great note to end on.

9/10

[itsmarianstories]

All good things come in threes

[Taegiseok Oneshot]

Sequel to ‘Focus’ (it’s not necessary to read Focus first!)

Taehyung loves his best friend Jimin, but he doesn’t love that Jimin keeps dragging him to boxing matches. That may or may not change once he meets a certain boxing coach… The only problem: said boxing coach already has a boyfriend.

Moodboard

Part 2

Word count: 8.892

Tags: Polyamory, (mostly) Fluff, a bit of Angst, Food poisoning (just in case anyone is uncomfortable with that…), in this part is a scene where it gets a bis physical if you know what I mean, but it’s not really smut, there are some smut references tho

Okay, cut that. He regrets his decision. Holy. Fuck. He regrets his words so much. Why couldn't he just have choked on the spot and died instead of letting his traitor-tongue spill the words for his eternal agony.

It was Friday already and Taehyung had to be over at Jimins in an hour. Currently he was having a minor breakdown in front of his closet while he himself wasn't wearing anything beside the towel he had wrapped around his waist. It was so silly. He felt stupid about not being able to decide on what to wear. He wanted to be unbothered and confident and just wear whatever he felt like (which were baggy pants and a nice, fluffy hoodie) but whenever he reached out for the clothes images of Yoongi and Hoseok appeared in his mind and it made his tummy do stupid things. It was dumb and cliché but he wanted to look good. Dress to impress. He can do that easily, he knows in which clothes he looks the best, he is not studying fashion and design for nothing. But he also can't show up to a casual evening like he was ready for the catwalk. Finding the middle was harder than he thought it would be, but that may also be caused by his nerves and sudden self consciousness.

He would have kicked Jimins door down long ago if Jungkook wasn't already there. It's kind of suspicious if he drags Jimin out now to help him with his outfit so he had to deal with it on his own, but he is also running out of time and... god he really has no idea why he is making such a big deal out of it. He has never felt like this before, he has never struggled with picking an outfit. This is getting ridiculous.

Tae slapped his own cheeks a few times and took multiple deep breathes.

“Alright, Kim Taehyung, stop being a douche and get your shit done.” He mumbled before finally reaching out for his baggy pants and favourite hoodie. So what if he looks like a trash bin? They probably won’t even look at him in the first place. Okay, that thought hurt more than it should. Taehyung shook his head and ruffled through his still wet hair.

He knocked on Jimins door a little earlier than necessary. Junkook opened the door.

“Oh! It's you! Look at this, I wasn’t sure you are still alive.” He joked and Taehyung smacked his chest before pushing past him into the living room.

“Shut up.” Taehyung mumbled, trying not to sound embarrassed. “Where is Jimin?” He asked and Jungkook followed him in the living room, flopping down on the couch.

“Still in the bathroom I guess.”

“Jimin?” Taehyung called out, knocking on the wooden door.

“Taetae?” Jimin called back, voice muffled through the door. He heard rustling coming from the other side and then the door opened, revealing his best friend. Taehyung immediately pushed in with a groan and closed the door again.

“I'm going to die.” He whispered to prevent Jungkook from hearing anything.

“Sorry Tae. They made the plans without letting me know or I would have warned you. To be honest I was a little pissed seeing they made plans in my apartment without letting me know.” Jimin explained, shrugging slightly.

“It's okay, it's just for one evening.” Taehyung said, although they both knew that was bullshit since it probably won’t stay at this one evening. It's not like Taehyung can make up excuses forever.

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asked, making a little jump to sit on the counter next to the sink. Taehyung snorted again and flopped down on the closed toilet seat.

“It took me like almost an hour to get dressed and now I’m wearing this.” He said and Jimin raised his eyebrows surprised, because he knows that fashion is usually a thing Taehyung doesn't have to think about.

“If it becomes too much tonight, tell me okay? We'll just say you don't feel well or something.” The dancer said, his legs swinging in he air for they are too short to reach the ground.

“I'll be alright. It's not like I’m madly in love or anything.” At least he hoped so. Jimin didn't seem to believe him but he also didn't call him out on it. Instead he jumped of the counter and pulled Tae up and into a tight hug.

“You are amazing Taetae. I'm sure it will all turn out alright.” Jimin whispered again his chest.

“You sap.” Taehyung said but his smile dropped and he added more seriously “I just hope no one will notice.”

“Don't worry, Jungkookie, at least, is oblivious to anything that is not concerning food.”

Soon after that they left the bathroom and found the living room already full. Jungkook has moved into the loveseat next to the couch, Yoongi Hoseok and another man that Taehyung doesn't know (though he looked strangely familiar) next to them on the couch. Jimin jumped happily in Jungkooks lap and made himself comfortable while Taehyung took place on the armchair in front of the couch. He pulled the knees against his chest and stared at his hands, not daring to look at the couple. For a few seconds it was tensely silent until Jimin started speaking.

“Right so just to the beginning, I'd very much appreciate it if you guys could stop planning things in my apartment without letting me know.” He scolded. Jungkook wrapped his arms around the dancers middle and rested his head on his shoulder, a small pout on his lips.

“Sorry, baby.” He whispered but Jimin only shoved his elbow in his boyfriends side. Jimin may be all cute and soft but when he's angry he can become really scary real quick. Yoongi chuckled a little at the other couple.

“I'm sorry, Jimin. It was our idea and we thought it would be most convenient to do it here because our flat is pretty far away and Jungkooks is so small.” The coach said.

“Whatever.” Jimin mumbled.

“Anyways, this is Namjoon. An old college friend from us and now another box teacher.” Yoongi changed the topic and pointed at the guy next to him on the couch. Taehyung finally looked up and found both, Yoongi and Hoseok staring at him. He gulped and forced his eyes off them and instead looked at Namjoon. He was tall with rather short hair and plumb lips. He waved slightly a soft smile on his lips.

“Namjoonie is one of the few people who can take Yoongi down.” Jungkook giggled.

“Yah! You brat.” Yoongi complained though he didn't really look offended. All that Taehyung could focus on was Yoongis hand lazily massaging Hoseoks thigh.

“Well, to be fair, you are slacking off. In the old days when you were still actively boxing I wouldn't have stood a chance against you.” Namjoon spoke up for the first time. Yoongi shook his head a little but there was a fond smile tucking at the corners of his mouth.

“Enough of that.” Hoseok said. “Namjoon you already know Jimin right?”

“Hardly so, we saw each other for a few seconds when he picked Jungkook up after practice.” Hoseok rolled his eyes and flipped him of with his hand.

“Yeah, so you have already been introduced just say that. This is Taehyung, Jimins best friend.” Hoseok pointed in his direction and Taehyung forced a smile that probably looked rather ridiculous. He waved slightly at Namjoon who gave him a full on dimple smile in return.

“Oh are you a dancer too?” He asked and Taehyung ignored Jimins quiet snort. His dancing is amazing okay? Excuse him.

“No, I'm taking classes for fashion and design.” He explained.

“Ah so you like, design clothes?” Namjoon asked and Taehyung nodded.

“And he is super talented!” Hoseok exclaimed brightly. Taehyung stared at him a little confused and when Hoseok returned his gaze something changed in his eyes but Taehyung couldn't quite put a name on it.

“Yoongi told me about your drawings.” He said and Taehyungs lungs felt like they were imploding. His eyes widened almost comically as they jumped between Yoongi and Hoseok.

“Oh did he show you his drafts? They are so good right? I already made him promise me, once he is a famous designer I want free clothes.” Jimin chirped up. Yoongi ripped his eyes from the intense staring to look at Jimin.

“He didn't really show me. It was more of an accident, but I agree.” He turned back to look at Taehyung. “They are really good. I liked the details.” The former boxer added and Taehyung thought he would throw up any second.

“Ah, okay.” Jimin said, sensing that something was going on here. “Taetae.” He called and snapped Taehyung out of his trance.

“Come, help me get some snacks, will you?” Jimin smiled and Taehyung nodded stronger than necessary, already jumping out of the seat and basically fleeing into the kitchen.

“What was that all about? Are you okay?” Jimin whispered once they were out of the otheres possible eavesdrop radius. Taehyung sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“I kinda doodled Yoongi as model for a few designs and he saw it. I wasn't sure if he recognized himself but apparently...” Jimin hummed as he went through his shelves to gather a few snacks as well as drinks and glasses.

“Tae I think you really should reconsider your choice of hiding what you feel for them.” He suddenly said and Taehyung gaped at him.

“What?” He whisper-hissed. “Are you kidding? I-"

“Tae, did you not see how they just stared at you? Either you doodled Mona Lisa  or they like you more than you think.” Taehyung scoffed.

“Don't be ridiculous.” Tae mumbled because he couldn’t allow himself to believe it. He just couldn't. He couldn't hope.

“Tae-" Jimin started again but Taehyung cut him of.

“No Jimin, please just drop it.” He said, grabbed the snacks and left without another word. He heard Jimins sigh but decided to ignore it. When he returned to the group he found that quite the awkward tension has suddenly clouded the air and all eyes landed on him. He wondered if something happened while he and Jimin were in the kitchen or if it was just so obvious how uncomfortable he was earlier. He cleared his throat and put the snacks down on the small coffee table in the middle, feigning cluelessness.

Jimin followed him seconds after and flopped down in Jungkooks lap again. Taehyung eyed the couple with something he would later recognize as longing. Not in a creepy kind of way but a 'I want what you have' kind of way and he felt awful for it.

Anyways they actually started playing games soon after. Starting of with monopoly but Jungkook soon flipped the board from the table when he had to pay rent to Yoongi for the fifth time. So they moved on to Uno and this time Jungkook won with a happy grin and frequent reminders what losers the others were. Hoseok became second and Taehyung thought the little dance the older did when he put down the last card was the most adorable thing he has ever seen.

The evening goes on and everything actually goes smooth to the point where Taehyung is actually surprised and enjoying himself. He pretends he doesn’t steal quick glances at the couple every once in a while and that his heart doesn't squeeze whenever the couple is sharing a moment.

They play a quantum of games and eventually Jungkook suggest to play charade. Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon immediately agree. Yoongi seems rather displeased but he goes along with it anyway.

“We need to make teams.” Jungkook said. Jimin frowned a little.

“Let's just split up. Taehyungie can be in our team and Namjoonie in Hoseokie and Yoongis team.” The dancer said and Taehyung knew why he said that.

“That's boring we should draw lots and let fate decide.” Hoseok protested and as the stubborn energy-bundle that he is, of course he gets his way. So they draw lot’s and of course Taehyung ends up in a Team with Yoongi and Hoseok because fate hates him. Or the author who is writing a very shitty fanfiction that is his live is very sadistic, whatever. He just smiles and pretends to be fine and so they start brainstorming for words. Hoseok giggles at the words he is writing down and Yoongi just grins evilly and suddenly Taehyung is glad to be in their team.

He forgot about his stupid crush for a while and just enjoyed goofing around with his friends. It was loud and chaotic, but it was exactly what Taehyung needed after those last weeks. At some point it was Yoongis turn to portray a word. Taehyung and Hoseok both screamed words that didn't even match, hyping each other up even more. When Taehyung actually guessed correctly Yoongi threw both arms in the air and let out a rather high pitched scream, or more so the mix of a squeal and a laugh. Is eyes disappearing as bunch up in his bright gummy smile. Hoseok started screaming too because this was the last word and made them win the game. The couple pulled him in a group hug and it felt so natural that Taehyung held his breath for a moment.

And suddenly he was back on earth, his heartbeat picked up, his breathing became more of a silent panting, his hands started sweating again.

Really he can't say why it suddenly hit him like that. It was just a hug goddamn. But somehow that seemed to make something click in his mind and everything became too much. To be honest he doesn’t really remember leaving but suddenly his knees hit cold tiles and when he looked up he found himself in the bathroom.

He could hear voices from outside the door.

“I don't think that is a good idea.” “You have to trust me on this. Please, just let me talk to him.”

Taehyung froze. Not good. He can't handle talking to anyone right now.

Two soft knocks on the door and a single sob escaped Taehyungs throat. He didn't even realize he started crying.

“Tae.” Yoongi said and Taehyung bit in the back of his hand. “Please let me in.”

It's not even locked but Yoongi didn't try to open the door without Taehyungs consent.

“I... I'll be back soon.” He choked out but it didn't sound believable at all.

“Taehyung please.” Yoongi tried again and maybe Taehyung is a little masochist, or maybe he is tired from hiding and running away but instead of sending the older away he just whispers

“It's open anyway.” At first he hoped that Yoongi didn't hear it. Of course he did and the door opened few seconds later. Taehyung was still kneeling on the ground, his back to the door so he didn't see Yoongi before he felt him.

Big, warm hands brushing lightly over his back. He tensed a bit but his body reflexively pressed against the hand, searching for the contact.

“I'm sorry, if we overstepped.” The boxer mumbled, his voice almost more of a growl. Tae only shook his head.

“This... it's not like... it's not your fault.” Yoongis hands slowly wandered up his back and to his shoulder, turning him around and Taehyung looked at him for a second but the concern in the olders eyes made his heart clench so he lowered his eyes again.

“Please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.” Yoongi said but Taehyung only shook his head again. He could never say it. Even if he wanted to, the words would stuck in his throat.

Yoongi scooped a bit closer, cupping Taehyungs face and forcing him to look up.

“What are you scared of?”Yoongi asked. Tae felt his bottom lip wobble as new tears found their way into his eyes.

“I... I can't-" He saw Yoongi frown before he pulled the younger into his embrace and Taehyung hated how much he loved it. How much he loved the warmth and Yoongis scent. And how safe he felt. It made him so weak and he melted against Yoongis chest.

“You can tell me, Tae. I'm not blind I noticed how you behaved the last few weeks. How you avoided us.” Taehyung immediately froze. Was he really that obvious? Were his efforts all for nothing after all?

“It's okay you can talk to me.” Yoongi repeated. Taehyung fisted his hands in Yoongis sweater and hid his face in the olders neck. He didn't know what to do. Should he really just confess? Make up a lie? Change the subject?

Eventually he pulled away and finally met Yoongis eyes.

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled. “For avoiding you and being weird and a mess. It's not you I swear. I'm sorry if I made you worry, to be honest I didn't think you would notice.” He admitted and after a short moment of considering and another moment of 'fuck-it' he added “I didn't think you would care. I figured-"

Taehyung experienced a lot surprises in his life, good ones as well as bad ones. Like the surprise party for his 16th birthday that Jimin has organized together with some friends. Or that one phone call from his mother telling him his grandmother had passed away. Usually a surprise was either good, or bad. And Taehyung usually loved good surprises. He wasn't so sure about this one.

His eyes are wide open, his body frozen in shock as all he can think is “WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKEDYFUCKFUCKOMGFUCK"

Yoongis hands are still cupping his face and Taehyung can still smell his scent and feel his warmth. He can feel the others hair softly tickling his skin. He can feel his own heart beat at the speed of light. Maybe it's his imagination but he thinks he can also hear, or feel, Yoongis heart but ever so slightly slower than his own. However, all this is kind of a blur as the thing his mind his most focused on is the feeling of warm lips on his. Yes, I said lips. Min fucking Yoongi is kissing him. In the middle of his best friends bathroom, while snot and tears are covering his face and while his boyfriend is sitting just a few feet away in the living room.

To be really honest Taehyung had dreamed about this. Imagined how it would feel to kiss them. Nothing came near what he felt right now, though.

In total the kiss probably only lasted a few seconds, lips lightly pressed together and parting again. For Taehyung it felt like eternity until Yoongi pulled back again and stared him deeply in the eye. It felt like Taehyungs soul would freeze in place.

“Stop apologizing.” Yoongi said and it ripped Taehyung out of his trance.

“What the fuck?!” He hissed and jumped up, staring down at Yoongi in confusion, fury, fear, pain. Basically, a mess.

“Taehyung I-"

“Why would you do this?” Taehyung demanded further. Suddenly he felt very, very weak.

“Why would you do this to Hoseok? Why would you do this to me? I was happy with how it was. I mean not really but I could live with it. You just ruined everything! Oh my god, you made me a cheater! Your boyfriend is literally behind this wall? How can you do this? You have to tell him! You know what, I'll tell him. He deserves to know!” Taehyung rambled and made his way past Yoongi. He wanted to leave but he froze with his hand hovering over the door knob.

“He will hate me.” Taehyung whispered in sudden realisation. “Oh my god, he will actually hate me!” He whipped around staring at Yoongi who stood up again as well and didn't look fazed at all. It made Taehyung even more furious.

“This is your fault! He will hate me and then he will leave you and you will hate me too. Oh god and Jimin will be so disappointed.” He started pushing Yoongis chest. “I will end up alone because you couldn't fucking control yourself, what is wrong with you! Why would you even do this in the first place I-" Yoongi got hold of his hands and held him tightly in place. If Taehyung wasn't so distracted by his anger he would have been in wonder over how much strength Yoongi has in his tiny body.

“Taehyung.” The older said, his voice somewhat stern. “Are you done?” Taehyung frowned.

“Done? What do you mean done? I'm-" He tried to shake Yoongi off but the older was way stronger than him.

“Hoseok knows, okay? He knows and he is fine with it. No one will leave me, nor you, okay?” Yoongi said, his eyes digging into Taehyungs soul.

“What?” Taehyung asked softly, like a whisper.

“He knows.” Yoongi repeated. “Babe, can you come here for a second!” Yoongi yelled over Taehyungs shoulder and hardly 20 seconds later Hoseok stuck his head into the bathroom. Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes, Yoongi still holding his wrists tightly.

“Everything okay?” Hoseok asked, looking concerned as he noticed Taehyung standing there like he has seen a ghost.

“I kissed him.” Yoongi said, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. Taehyungs head whipped back to him, and back again to Hoseok staring at them both in shock because honestly what the fuck is happening? Hoseok opened his mouth, closed it again and eventually entered the bathroom completely.

“Is that why he looks like someone just told him santa is not real?” He asked and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Yoongi nodded.

“He thought I cheated on you. With him.” Hoseok snorted. Actually snorted.

“That's cute. As if you'd ever dare to do that.” He said with oh so dark eyes. Yoongi winked at him and Taehyung felt sick. This was all too much for him to handle.

Yoongi lead him over to the toilet and placed him on the closed lid before sitting down next to Hoseok and taking his hand, pulling it in his lap.

“I... I don’t understand.” Taehyung choked out, his eyes jumping between the two men. They both smiled and Taehyung felt weird.

“Have you never wondered why we showed up at the cafe so often? Your Americano is not that good.” Yoongi said and Hoseok smacked him on the arm.

“Aish, shut up you idiot.” Yoongi pouted.

“Let me explain, I have always been rather open as you may have noticed.” Hoseok started. “And I have also been rather open with my relationships. I noticed already in my teenage years that I don't always fall for only one person. I was in polyamory relationships before but they didn't work out and then I met Yoongi and it was enough.” Tae gulped. Was it suddenly hot in here? Yoongi tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes, just listening to what Hoseok is saying. The latter had a fond smile on his face throughout his whole speech.

“When I first met him, I told him that I might fall for someone else in the future and he was okay with it. We agreed that whenever it happens we would be honest with each other and find a way. I don't think either of us expected Yoongi to be the one to fall for someone else.” Taehyungs eyes widened as he watched a blush creep on the oldest cheeks.

“When Yoongi came home that one day telling me that he met someone, I felt so many things. I was kind of shocked to be honest, and nervous and maybe a little scared when he said he wanted me to meet them. But I was also excited because I saw that sparkle in his eyes, the same sparkle he had on our first date so I realized how serious he was.” Yoongi chuckled embarrassed and let out a single scream that made Taehyung jump.

“When Yoongi brought me to your cafe, I was literally so nervous and then I met you and,” Hoseok sighed, still smiling “ it just fit? Okay, at first I was worried because I thought you were only interested in Yoongi but Yoongi said I’m just being dumb. And when we continued to come by more often and actually get to know you, I was so excited. You just kind of completed us in a way that I didn't know I needed.” Hoseok started frowning.

“But then you started avoiding us and I thought you noticed how we felt and it made you uncomfortable. Then Yoongi told me about those drawings you did of him way back and I thought about everything a lot and I  remember how I felt when I first had a crush on multiple people and how scared and confused I was. I talked with Yoongi about everything for hours probably,” they both chuckled “and we decided to give it a try. You were already avoiding us so we didn't really have much to lose, so we came up with this evening. To this evening I'm still not sure if I'm right, or just hopefully assuming. Yeah, I just thought I'd be honest.” Hoseok looked actually nervous now. Yoongi let go of his hand and instead brought it up to his hair, gently trailing his fingers through the dark strands.

“You were amazing, baby.” He said and Hoseok snorted again, before they both turned to look at Taehyung who sat frozen on the toilet seat. Damn, this was so much for his two braincells to process. There are literally two hot guys sitting in front of him telling him they have a crush on him? Is this the real life?

“I,” he started but suddenly felt something drop in his stomach

“I really appreciate every thing you said just now and would love to continue this further but first, and really please don't take this personal-" He rambled as quickly as possible before jumping up, only to turn and drop to his knees for a nice reappearance from his lunch. God must really hate him.

“Oh my god, Tae!” Hoseok screeched. Yoongi was by his side within less than a second, brushing his bangs back and rubbing soothing circles on his back while Tae puked out his soul. Taehyung missed what Hoseok did, too busy focusing on not choking on his vomit.

“I-I'm sorry" He managed to slur out between his heaving . His mouth felt kinda numb but unfortunately it didn't block out the taste.

“Shh, don't apologize, love.” Yoongi murmured and Tae really wanted to appreciate the pet name but already gagged again. The small room was suddenly filled with multiple voices, Tae recognized Hoseok, Jimin and probably also Jungkook and Namjoon. Wow, this is just great.

Jimin flopped down on his other side, rubbing his shoulder. Yoongi flushed the toilet after Taehyung was done and Hoseok handed him a glass of water, which he accepted thankfully.

“What happened?” Jimin asked worried and pressed a cold, wet towel against his forehead. The dancer looked between the three of them but neither said a word. All eyes settled on Tae eventually.

“I uhm,” He coughed a little “I may or may not have eaten a salmon sandwich that I found in my fridge from like uh... two weeks ago.” He admitted sheepishly the whole room groaned.

“Tae, why are you like this?” Jimin whined and Taehyung wanted to make a joke but was rudely interrupted by another vomiting attack.

“You can stay here for the next few days, until you feel better. I don’t want you to be alone like this, you might smother on your own vomit in your sleep.” Jimin said. His only response was another aggressive heave though. At least until Taehyung was able to breath again.

“No, Jiminie you have practice and stuff. It's okay, I'll sleep on my side. You know, stable side position and all.” He protested.

“No, Tae really I-"

“He can come to us.” Yoongi suddenly said.

“How is that any better? Instead of bothering my best friend I'll bother the guys I-" He stopped midsentence when he realized what he was about to say. Damn this food poisoning must have an impact on his brain capacity.

“The guys you what?” Hoseok asked with a smirk and a brow raised.

“Nothing.” Tae quickly mumbled and blushed, gnawing on his bottom lip.

“Stop, both of you. We can come back to that once Taehyung feels better. Hoseok and I have kinda like, opposite schedules so one of us is basically always at home. We can take care of you.” Yoongi said and wouldn’t Taehyung feel so miserable right now, he would have thought it was hot.

“Okay" Jimin said “I guess that works. I'll come visit you, Taetae.”

“What? Don't I get a say in this?” He protested and it was almost funny like all three men said “No" at the same time. He huffed offended.

“You might be delirious, we can't relay on your opinion.” Hoseok grinned.

“I call that bullshit.” Tae pouted.

“ I don't know, that's probably just your sickness talking.” The older mused and Tae made an effort to punch him but Hoseok was standing too far away from where Tae was cowering on the ground and he was honestly too weak right now.

“Let him be, hope. I think he already suffered enough today.” Yoongi said, pulling Taehyung up from the ground. The younger whined in a silent 'yes'.

“Yeah well, I suffered the last few weeks.” Hoseok mumbled but rushed to Taehyungs other side to help Yoongi drag him out of the bathroom. Jimin rushed past them, heading to the kitchen only to return with a few plastic bags.

“Here, you know, for the car.” Taehyung grimaced and the thought almost made him vomit again. They said goodbye to Jungkook and Namjoon who were waiting in the living room and soon after he found himself in the back of Yoongis car, his head resting in Hoseoks lap as the older brushed his fingers through his hair. Man, this would be so nice if Taehyung wouldn't feel like dying right now.

“How are you feeling back there?” Yoongi asked with a glance in the rear view mirror, as if he just read his mind.

“Ugh" Taehyung groaned.

“We'll be there soon, it's not far.” Hoseok assured.

True to his words they arrived barely 15 minutes later and Taehyung realized that their excuse why they have planned this evening at Jimins apartment, was a blatant lie.

They helped him up the stairs into the second floor and Taehyung tiredly dropped on the coach as soon as it was in sight. He looked around in awe, taking in every little detail, from the poorly decorated window panes to the many photos on the walls and the kumamon pillows next to him. He loved everything about it. Especially how he was suddenly surrounded by their scent.

“Alright, we- Tae what are you doing, you can sleep in the bed.” Yoongi said. Taehyung frowned.

“Now, I don't want to-"

“You are literally sick did you think we would let you sleep on the couch?” Hoseok scolded and Taehyung was picked up again, manhandled really, and basically carried to the bedroom. The bed was huge. There was probably room for four people.

“Alright, we only have one bed, so you'll have to share with one of us. Actually I can sleep on the couch.” Yoongi said and Tae felt already bad.

“No baby, your back will hurt in the morning, it's fine I'll take the couch.” Hoseok contradicted.

“Can't we just all sleep in the bed? I don't want any of you to sleep on the couch.” Tae asked, already sitting cross-legged on the mattress.

“That would be quite cramped.” Yoongi frowned.

“What? Are you blind? Do you not see how huge this is?” He said and patted the bed.

“Fine.” Yoongi eventually said. They helped Taehyung get ready, things like brushing his teeth. He was a bit embarrassed but they took care of him so gently it made him feel all warm and fuzzy. Eventually he laid carefully tucked in, in bed and watched the other men get ready and it made something start bubbling in his stomach, but in a good way. Not the way that made him puke earlier.

Oh no, why did he think of that now. He hurriedly fought against the blanket to get up but his limps got tangled in the sheets and he initially winced about ruining the beautiful bed. At least he thought he would. Just in time Hoseok flopped down in front of him and handed him a bucket. It wasn't really much that came out, Taehyungs stomach probably almost empty by now. It's still nothing you want in your bed though. The forced heaving, the bitter-sour taste, the guilt and maybe exhaustion from today and the last weeks brought tears to his eyes. Hoseok went to empty the bucket and Taehyung felt so bad about it. He wouldn't even want to do it with his own vomit, even more so someone elses.

“I'm sorry.” He slurred, tongue still kind of numb. Yoongi took Hoseoks place and Taehyung saw how he already wanted to protest again so he quickly continued.

“For being gross and noisy, b-but mostly for avoiding you and making you feel bad.” He nervously rubbed the sleeve of his hoodie over his sweaty forehead but Yoongi took his hand away and kissed it instead.

“Go to bed love, you need rest.” The older said and gently brushed his cheek. Taehyung unconsciously leaned into the touch and closed his eyes with a quiet hum, or rather sigh. Finally he laid back down and moments later Yoongi followed, crawling in next to him. Hoseok came back with the bucket and placed it next to the bed, just in case, before joining the two men on the mattress.

The first few moments it was still a little awkward but then Taehyung decided to just say fuck it and make the best out of this moment. He could always just blame it on the sickness afterwards.

He snuggled up with his back pressed against Yoongi and pulled Hoseok closer. The first moments were a little awkward but when the two men got over the shock -or surprise really- they kind of melted together into a big puddle of human. It was amazing how they could make their bodies fit together so well, like puzzle pieces that match each other although they are from different puzzles.

Taehyung relished in the warmth and safety the others provided and it calmed his aching body. He smiled happily when Hoseok pressed a kiss onto his head and whispered a quiet “Goodnight Taetae”

 Taehyung spend the next week at their flat and at first he still felt bad and protested when ever they did something for him. However, he quickly realized that you can't ever win against Hoseok and you really, really don't want to piss Yoongi off so he just relented and allowed them to spoil him. Once he stopped puking out everything that reached his stomach (which was after about four days jesus christ) they cooked him food and brought it to the bed or couch, where ever he was currently resting. They helped him change and shower (that was a really hard discussion with Taehyung claiming to be fine by himself only to actually slip in the bathroom and having the two men scold him the full ten minutes while helping him afterwards) and cleaned up after him. Hell, Yoongi even picked up some notes a classmate wrote for him over the classes he missed.

With every day Taehyung felt himself falling a little deeper and at the fourth day he was sure this was not just a stupid crush anymore. He had enough time to think about everything Hoseok said in Jimins bathroom and while he still wondered how the fuck they could actually like him back, he also wasn't stupid okay. Now that he knew (and had a lot of free time) he started to notice small things, like the lingering touches, the fond stares, besides from the obvious. Yoongi almost ever only called him by some pet name and Hoseok hugged or cuddled him whenever he got the chance to. Besides, who would go out all of their way to care for a sick person when they don't even know them that long?

The exciting and giddy feeling from the beginning, the 'oh my gosh they like me back what the fuckedy' has changed to a current state of warmth that was lazily pooling in his stomach, more of a 'wow look at these beautiful men, yep I scored them'. And yes, he does realize that he hasn't really scored them yet, but he was determined to change that, now that he didn't feel like puking on their feet every ten minutes anymore. He actually prepared a speech, wanting to be ready so that everything goes smoothly and he waited for them both to be home. Hoseok usually worked in the early morning and came home around afternoon while Yoongi started around late noon and came back in the evening.

Taehyung was sitting on the couch, cross-legged, a pillow in his lap and watching some drama on Netflix while Hoseok was preparing dinner. The kitchen and the living room were one big opening so Taehyung was able to watch Hoseok work and damn if that wasn't one of the hottest things he has ever seen. So yeah, he didn't really focus on the drama, like at all. He also was kinda nervous and tried really hard not to let it show. Taehyung was glad as well as scared when Yoongi entered with a groan.

“Hey babe, hard day?” Hoseok asked. Yoongi came over and greeted him with a kiss. It was sickeningly domestic and Taehyung loved everything about it.

“Mhmm, it's getting better.” Yoongi mumbled against his boyfriends lips. Taehyung didn't understand why he suddenly blushed.

“Go get changed, dinner is ready and your clothes smell of sweat.” Hoseok said, petting Yoongis chest.

“Aye, aye, sir.” The boxer replied and made his way over to the bedroom but not before coming over to him and leaving a gentle kiss on Taehyungs hair. The younger couldn't help but beam. Yoongi probably didn't see it, but Hoseok did and returned it with a fond expression. It motivated Taehyung even more to have That Talk and he decided to approach it after dinner.

 “So, I'm not puking anymore.” Wow, Tae-dumbass-hyung, great start.

“Mhm, we noticed.” Hoseok mused, amused.

“It's just, I can probably return home soon and...” Damn where did his speech go? Why was this suddenly so hard?

“And...?” Yoongi asked.

“Well... I wanted to thank you guys. You really did so much for me, I don't know how to make it up to you.” He started to pick on the hem of his (Yoongis) sweater.

“You know we don't want you to do that anyway.” Hoseok scolded.

“Y-Yeah. On that note... I thought a lot about what you said, you know in the bathroom before I.... yes anyways. To say I was surprised would be the biggest understatement, I really...” He sighed frustrated, this is not how he wanted to do this. He took a deep breath and faced Yoongi.

“You know that night, where Jungkook fought that dude who harassed Jimin? And you were so angry at him for fighting like that, I was really amazed then. I always hated violence and everything having to do with it so I kind of just put you in that box as well. I judged you without even knowing you and you just went and threw those prejudices away just like that. It really impressed me but I didn’t allow myself to dwell on it too much because I knew you had a boyfriend. But then I got to know both of you and I really don't know when it happened but at some point I realized that... that my feelings were becoming a little more than what they should. And I kind of panicked because I was so sure you would be disgusted if you were to ever find out so I tried to minimize the contact. I didn't ever think there could be a possibility of you liking me back.” The two men stared at him with something close to awe and Taehyung really wanted to hug them.

“A-And I don't know how we should proceed from here, I have never been in this situation before, so I don't really know what to do. I just know that I really, really like you, both of you.” He mumbled those last words, suddenly feeling a lot more shy again. It was so relieving to let it out, to finally admit it. It felt like he had spent too much time underwater and was now finally able to breath again.

“Well, I've been in poly relationships before but everyone is different and needs different dynamics according to everyone’s comfort zone, so this is new to all of us.” Hoseok said, completely casually, like this was just some everyday conversation.

“R-Relationship?” Taehyung gasped. Technically this was the logical next step after they had confessed to each other, but it still felt kind of surreal to him.

“If that's what everyone wants of course.” Yoongi spoke up. He was a little more itchy and it was honestly adorable. Taehyung pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on it.

“I don't know.” Taehyung whispered. “I mean I want to but... I’m scared.” Hoseok and Yoongi moved to sit on his left and right.

“It's okay to be scared.” Hoseok said and ran his fingers through Taehyungs hair, pushing his bangs out of his eyes.

“Can we take things slow?” He mumbled, suddenly feeling very young compared to the other man.

“Of course. We don't have to label anything, we can just spend some time together and see how it goes, okay?” Yoongi assured, his hand caressing Taehyungs thigh carefully. The youngest gulped and nodded.

“And uhm... can we not tell anyone just yet?” He asked. “It's not like I’m ashamed or anything just-“ Hoseok chuckled.

“You don't have to be so nervous, baby. It's okay, we understand. Again, this is new for us too.” Taehyung nodded. He felt a little shaken up, he didn't know why.

Yoongi then stood up from his chair and pecked Taehyungs forehead.

“Alright, let's clean up, then we can watch a movie or something.” He said. Hoseok stood up as well and moved to help Yoongi but Taehyung grabbed his hand. The older turned around a little surprised.

“Uhm... I already k-kissed Yoongi and I think it would only be fair if I...” Taehyung blushed. Hoseok chuckled.

“You want to kiss me?” He asked as if it wasn't clear. Taehyung turned his head away.

“You have to answer me, or I won’t know what you want.” He grinned and Taehyung let out a frustrated scoff.

“Yes, okay? I want to kiss you, happy now?” He pouted and Hoseok smirked.

“Very happy.” He said, while leaning down and pressing his lips against Taehyungs. The kiss was over in less than a second and when Hoseok pulled back Taehyung chased his mouth but the older shook his head amused.

“This will have to do for now. Go clean up.” Taehyung pouted again but did as asked anyway.

It was a couple of minutes and a bit of dish washing being done later that they found themselves on the couch together. Tae sat in the middle his legs draped over Yoongis lap who was lazily caressing his thigh. Hoseok had an arm around Taehyungs shoulders and used it to brush his fingers through his hair. The youngests head was resting on Hoseoks shoulder. He had no idea what movie they where watching but he enjoyed it no less. He still couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

The next following weeks they kept hanging out like that. Going out for dinner together, to the cinema, to the mall. Tae even agreed to go to box fights together or they just stayed at home. And it was great and fun and all but...

Hoseok and Yoongi obviously were a little closer and while they tried to include Tae as best as possible but at the same time he felt them holding a certain distance. It was like he was a third wheel all this time.

“We need to talk!” He blurted out while they all sat together around the TV once again. Hoseok and Yoongi froze and exchanged a glance.

“What is it?” Hoseok asked carefully. Both man straightening up on the couch. Tae bit his lip and stared at his fingers, a bit scared of their answer to his question.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He said, quick like removing a band aid.

“What?” Yoongi and Hoseok asked in unison.

“I mean I’d totally understand. You two had a perfect relationship way before I came and I just like, squeezed in. You can just tell me if that’s the case. I mean" he chuckled coldly “I guess it would kinda hurt, but I’d really understand. It was fun but I guess it just doesn’t really fit-" His sentence was cut off when Yoongi turned his face and kissed him with such force that Tae gasped in his mouth. Yoongi used that opportunity to slide his tongue in Taehyungs mouth. It felt desperate and needy and it was everything that Tae needed in that moment. His hands covered Yoongis that cupped his face, holding them in place.

“Don't say stupid things like that!” Yoongi whispered against his lips, giving him a last peck before pulling back.

“We wanted to give you time, to get used to everything. We didn't know we were making you feel like that.” Yoongi explained.

“But we want you.” Hoseok added, his voice rough as he turned Tae to look at him. “We definitely want you.”

And then he crashed their lips together too. And wow. It was the first time they kissed since that almost nonexistencial peck all these weeks back and maybe Tae was greedy but really who cares. He wrapped his arms around Hoseoks neck pulled him impossibly close while leaning back on the couch, causing Hoseok to basically lay on top of him. In the process he reached out to his side, searching for the other one of his beautiful men. Yoongi got the hint and took Taes hand interlacing their fingers.

“Can-" He gulped “Can we go to the bedroom?” Tae asked shyly.

“Are you sure?” Hoseok asked and chuckled at Taehyungs furious nodding.

Yoongi stood up first and helped Tae up, Hoseok following them quickly. Maybe it was a bit soon but so what. Some people fuck at the first date.

The youngest went straight for the bed watching as the other two looked at him slightly amused, slightly endeared. Yoongi crawled over to him, sitting down next to him and watching Hoseok. The latter smirked and took off his shirt before joining them. Tae couldn't take his eyes off him, he was so stunning. His hand went straight to Hoseoks chest, feeling the muscles twitch under his touch, the smoothness of his skin, his warmth.

He gulped again, looking up to see both Yoongi and Hoseok grinning back at him. Hoseok leaned down to kiss him again with so much passion that Tae moaned against his lips. He felt Yoongis hand starting to fiddle with his shirt and shoving the hem up to the point where Taehyung pulled back to take it off completely.

He then turned to Yoongi, motioning him to take his shirt off as well, leaving them all bare chested. Impatiently Tae pulled both of them down, wanting to feel their skin against his. Yoongi dived right in, pressing his face against the youngest neck and nibbling at the skin there.

“You have no idea for how long I wanted this.” Hoseok murmured.

'Same' Tae thought as he took his hand and interlaced their fingers. He was in complete bliss of finally having the weight of his insecurities gone.

The night flew past them, with their bodies dancing together none of them paid attention to things like time. Dawn had already started once they flopped on the bed together, laying pressed together in one small pile of human. Taehyung was absolutely exhausted and he was pretty sure neither him nor Yoongi would walk much the following days but he didn’t regret it one bit. He sighed happily, hearing even breathing to his left and soft snoring to his right. In this very moment he was so sure that this is his place, this is where he belongs, where he is supposed to be.

Luckily it was Friday, or more like Saturday by now so they could stay in bed and laze around all weekend. Yoongi was the first to wake up, probably some when around noon. He pressed a kiss to Taes shoulder and Hoseoks arm (since it was the only thing he could reach) and crawled out of bed with a groan on his lips every time his hip ached. Tae woke up only moment later. He blinked sleepily and scratched his head, looking around. Once he saw that Yoongi was gone he decided to get up as well. He carefully tried to peel Hoseok from around him and pulled up a fresh pair of shorts (stolen from Hoseok). He rubbed at his lower back with a grimace on his face when he felt the stiffness of his body. Yoongi chuckled once he saw him waddling into the kitchen. It smelled heavenly of coffee.

“Morning sleepyhead.” The older laughed. Taes hair was sticking up in every direction.

“Morning.” He mumbled back.

“How do you feel?” Yoongi asked and Tae made a grimace again.

“I’m okay, what about you?” He asked back, carefully sliding on a chair, watching Yoongi making breakfast. Yoongi smiled at him.

“I’m used to it. Hope is... well he has a lot of stamina, you know.” Yoongi said and Tae snorted.

“Yeah, I noticed. I came like three times while he just kept going.”

“I know, I was there too.”Yoongi chuckled and looked at something behind Tae. A grin spread on his face. Tae turned around to see Hoseok stumbling into the room, scratching on his bare chest, eyes barely open. He walked over to Tae and slung his arms over his shoulders from behind and buried his face in his neck. Tae giggled as Hoseok started to nibble at his neck.

“How are my two lovely boyfriends?” Hoseok murmured against Taes skin. Technically they never officially agreed to be boyfriends but no one said anything against it.

“We are fine, hope.” Yoongi laughed and handed both of the a cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry for last night, I got a bit carried away.” Hoseok mumbled and started to massage Taes lower back. Yoongi walked around the kitchen isle and joined the pair. Tae pulled him onto his lap and Hoseok slung his free arm around his middle.

“We are gonna make this work, right?” Tae asked quietly and snuggled closer to Yoongi. The older hummed lowly.

“I think we will. We just have to promise each other to be honest and speak up if something bothers us. Like you did yesterday.” Yoongi stated.

“That was really brave of you.” Hoseok agreed, pressing a kiss to Taes hair.

“Stop!” Tae giggled a little flustered.

“You know what people say,” Hoseok said brightly “All good things come in threes.”

Yoongi groaned but smiled anyway.

 [Bonus]

"Can you please finally tell me what the hell happened in that bathroom of mine?" Jimin pressed. Tae smiled sheepishly.

"A lot. Basically I was an idiot and you were right and I should have listened to you and been honest and all this chaos could have been prevented." He admitted, staring at the ceiling. Jimin inhaled deeply.

"I'm not saying I told you so, but that's exactly what I'm saying." Jimin pouted. Tae looked over to his best friend who was laying next to him.

"Maybe your bathroom has magical match making skills we didn't know of. Somehow both our love stories started in there." Tae chuckled.

"Hmm, maybe I should make a business of it. We'll just lock couples in there until one of them cries or vomits. What could possibly go wrong?" Jimin joked.

"You mean except of the slight chance of us getting sued?" Jimin giggled and slapped Taes chest lightly.

"I can't believe you'll have threesomes on a regular basis now." The dancer mumbled. Taehyung snorted.

"It sounds like a lot of work to be honest. Isn't it exhausting?" Jimin asked and Taehyung couldn't help but love.

"Hobi does most of the work, so it's fine. He-" His sentence got cut off.

"Yah, actually I don't wanna know after all. But I'm happy for you, TaeTae." The two friends smiled at each other.

"I'm happy too."

[Thanks for reading! :)]

[hereliesbitches--me]

“You really think we should be celebrating that now?”

Valentine’s day in the Zompocalypse! ( Always accepting) 

“ As good of a time as any. I don’t think we’re gonna have a break like this again for a while.”

       After a weeks of travelling, avoiding the dead and other scavengers, sleeping with one eye open, and rotating in shifts when they had to sleep in the open, this was one of their rare opportunities to sit and sleep in a house that wasn’t tainted by any of the dead. They hit the jackpot. They found sanctuary in one of those gated communities that seemed clear enough to use the house without fear of waking up to a herd caging them in. The suburbs of New York had a sparse population of the undead in comparison to the congested cities. Here, Rosie comfortable let her bag fall into the kitchen, let the dogs roam about and sniff out for pests, and from the corner she watched as the kids excitedly pulled out a collection of colorful papers, scissors, markers , and glue to set out over the dusty table to work on once Eddie had left for some scavenging and clean up in that day. What he came back to find was a mess of paper clippings and cutouts all over the floor, the kids hiding their little projects away from his sights with a whine that it wasn’t ready – more Mia than Thursday, as her brother timidly tried to hide his creation under a dscolored manila folder he found. It was Rosie keeping Eddie in the living room, checking over what remains of supplies and what had been added. 

“ It’s Valentine’s day, ya know.”  She spoke up suddenly, softly, peering up from the collection and smiling briefly at him. “ That’s why they’re making projects. We used to have a tradition to make gifts for each other, just in case things don’t go so well at school.. ”Rosie settled for a moment, letting herself sit in the worn cushion that had once belonged to some unknown person that was probably among the wandering dead outside. It only took them a few months, but they were finally beginning to get along.. comfortable enough to speak with a little more ease. Sometimes she just talked.. sometimes he would listen, sometimes he wouldn’t, but it didnt matter to her (or did it?) , as long as she could just let it out. Those rare moments he actually conversed back, even if it was just a few words, she savored and kept in mind. The mother let her shoulders sink back for a bit, leaning into the groaning seat as the springs threaten to give, and she looked aside to where she could hear her children quietly chatting in hurried voices. The feline features at the top of her head stood tall and rotated to better catch their words. Her smile was always a tired one, but at least hearing them happy brought a warmth to her soul.. 

 “ Don’t ask why I know its Valentine’s day. Its an amazing worthless sixth sense I have for vital dates to keep in mind. I get its probably stupid to you, but its really important for them to still have a chance to keep good memories alive..”  Though Eddie asked for no explanation, she felt the need to defend it even when no one else would think it wise.  There was a conscious self awareness in her soul that always existed even before the end of the world. She was off in many ways, confusing and nonsensical to many, even before her spiral against mental illness after years of service in the military, and the police force. So few bothered to understand.. She knew something was strange inside her.. Something so very wrong that she just couldn’t fix, but she tried her best to hide it. The only one who had ever seemed to accept it was her Rocky… but just like everything else she touched, her illness was the very thing that killed him. She lived with it every day.. Could Eddie see how she wilted in that moment? How her eyes seemed to sink into her skull and hollow out as her racing thoughts remind her of her loss on a supposed day of love..? She practically ran in a state of autopilot, wearing an empty smile while her tired eyes stared off. 

 Wake up, Rosie. Wake up, you’re drifting. Don’t be so insensitive, you’re not the only one who’s hurting.

Suddenly, she blinked again. That’s right, she thought, he had a wife before too.. 

Rosie turned her head back to Eddie, and she mustered all her energy to offer him a warm look as she dug around her back for something that crinkled loudly as she pulled it out, “ I know it’s not much but..you won’t believe the fact that I found really good chocolate not too long ago to share on this day- ”Then, she was cut off by a chirping high pitched voice.

“ ITS DONE! ITS DONE! We finished- EDDIE, EDDIE, LOOK! FOR YOU!! ”Mia practically skid across the floor, her voice much too loud in a world of deathly silence as she skipped towards the two adults with her colorful crafts in each little hand. Even Rosie winced, and her heart spiked up in paranoid fear at the crowd the volume could arouse from outside. The look alone, sharp on her mother’s slim features, was enough of a warning for Mia to realize her mistake. The 8 year old gasped quietly, a warmth rising in her colored cheeks as she gave Eddie a sheepish grin. She lowered her voice in a quiet apology. In each hand she held a small, hand made card with the artistic eloquence of an elementary schooler’s work. To each adult, she offered her mismatching cards with an eager brilliance in her eyes. “ For you.” 

Eddie’s was a cutout heart much like Rosie’s, decorated in small doodles of hearts and stars and other little images in colorful marker on the front, titled ‘ Happy Valentine Day! ’ in bulky, slanted handwriting.  ‘ From: Mia! To: Awesome Eddie!  ’          Signed off with a heart.Mia was practically bouncing on her toes, eyes shining in anticipation while her restless little tail wagged. Rosie held her card, but her eyes were drawn curiously to Eddie’s card more than her own. “Open it!” Mia urged him, impatience clear in her voice. Rosie found her lips switching slightly in their corners. When the hard opened, It was a mess of glitter, stickers, and drawings. A true arts and crafts work with an explosion of color all around the lopsided heart she cut out of the card. In the center, her bulky little words were written with clear attempt to make it formal, though her hand writing send to change direction as she went. It read: 

      “ Dear Eddie, Don’t let mommy read this.        Happy Valentine’s day to the coolest superhero ever!         Thanks for staying, and making Mommy happy.           And you make me happy! And Thursday happy!          And the doggies happy! (Yes, even doggies are happy)          You make everyone happy, and we have lots of fun together!

          I love you lots, and think you’re so cool.          Thanks for not letting the monsters get us.We protect you too!

         I want you to stay forever. Can you stay forever please? 

         P.S. Mommy likes you a lot. I like when you don’t fight.         P.P.S. Keeping secrets are super hard.

             Love you! And Goop!   - Mia   ”

Drawn on the other half of the heart was their little family, made of triangles and circles. There was Mia in the middle, a lovely rectangle and triangle with a circle head, and little triangles that marked the ears on her head and tail. Besides her Could be assumed as Thursday, made of circles and ovals, with a head full of squiggly lines much like Mia’s own picture self. Mia’s doodle held onto a much larger catlike person, made of circles and triangles that made both her body and cat features. Rosie stood on one side, while on the other, holding onto the Thursday doodle, was the large Dorito-bodied persona that was Eddie. He was composed of bulbous circles and rectangles that make his arms and legs, towering above the rest of the family, with a triangle knife in his stick figure hand. Of course, complete with the dogs on the side, tied together with hearts, and dead bodies of green skinned zombies all around. And the family crudely colored in color pencil to complete the master piece.  “ What does it say?” All Rosie could see was the picture, her brows quirked curiously at the long paragraph her daughter had written, but Mia would not have it as she hopped in between the two and pushed for Rosie to read her own. 

Off in the corner, 6 year old Thursday stood quietly, bashful of the two cards he had in hand. They were not as elaborate as Mia’s… he couldn’t draw like her.  His handwriting was still shaky and in the works.. and worst of all, he decorated his cards with the flowers he picked from outside. Boys dont pick flowers.. men don’t like flowers.. He chided himself and felt the need to sulk away in embarrassment. Eddie would laugh at his card..He was about ready to crumble his creations, up until his mother noted her silent son hiding behind the wall.“ Honey, do you have cards too? What are you doing over there?” Rosie looked at him expectantly, smiling affectionately as she waited for her youngest to come over.. Thursday was startled that she mentioned him. A fearful feeling rose in him suddenly, a horrible ache in his muscles that didn’t let him move. The little boy felt his stomach drop under the eye of both adults, his face growing hot that showed blatantly on his pale freckled face. With wide eyes, he found himself frozen like a deer as they all turned to look at him. Especially Eddie… The light look became concern from Rosie when she noted the fearful shake that overtook her young son. How his breathing changed.. and his body shook like a leaf with the signs of tears that already threatened to fall. Rosie was quick to stand and hurry over to him , but by then he had already taken cover behind the kitchen wall and curled up. The two had vanished for a time.. Thursday whimpering and crying, Rosie’s hushed voice quietly soothing, until they both could talk low enough to not be heard. Mia frowned a bit as the attention was taken away from her card but she turned her attention to Eddie with a shrug of her shoulders. “ Sometimes, Thursday can be so weird. I can never tell why he suddenly cries..”

Rosie emerged once again with her son after a few minutes had passed, holding him in front of her, while Thursday timidly held his card desperately behind his back. His mother already had her pink card in hand, and smiled  gently as she ushered him towards where Eddie sat, “ He made you a card, Eddie. But he think you won’t like it because it has flowers. Isn’t that silly? Everyone likes flowers, right?”Thursday seemed to shrivel even more the closer he came. The boy dropped his head as he grew even smaller than he already was before his idol, stricken with fear that couldn’t make him stop his shaking. Rosie pursed her lips, and looked at Eddie expectantly for some comfort for her son. Her eyes expressed her desperate plead that he say something to encourage Thursday. As they stopped , Rosie knelt down and gently tapped on Thursday’s arms to bring them forward. From his mother’s touch, he nearly recoiled. Rosie grew more worried than before as she carefully put her arms around him, “ Thursday, please.. You didn’t work hard on it just for Mr.Eddie not to see it, did you? ” “ He won’t like it..”“You won’t know that unless he sees it. And I don’t believe he thinks flowers are bad, baby.. It looks so pretty. I bet he’ll keep it forever.”

Her assurance seemed to work to some extent. Thursday raised his head up just enough to look at his mother, and Rosie gave him a nod in return. He felt fragile and pathetic.. more than normal as he was put on the spot. But Rosie was right.. he wouldn’t know unless he tried. If Eddie liked Mia’s.. then he could like his own, right? Right. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and mustered all the courage he had in his little body to will his arms forward, to offer the black card of hearts.    “.. I-I hope y-you like it.. “

Yes, it was simple. It was not like Mia’s , who’s card looked like a rainbow threw up all over it with her abundance of stickers, glitter, and drawings that made it up. No, Thursday kept his card simple and clean. To the true nature of a fan, he kept it black and white themed, having written in chalk ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ on the cover with each letter a struggle to keep at the same size, and decorated the outside with an array of little flower blooms from lavender to yellow. Inside were drawings much like Mia’s, however oriented around action as ‘Venom’ kicked Zombie ass and protected them all. His text was much simpler, and expressed all he wanted Eddie to know :

    “ You’re my favorite Hero.        You make me happy. Please dont go.

       I love you.” 

Just like Mia’s, Rosie had taken the hint enough not to look.. Perhaps she’ll glance in later when the kids sleep. Satisfied with the scene, Rosie sat down on the couch, and pulled both her little ones into the seat besides her before once more reaching in to pull out a silver bag for them all.The Jackpot: Half melted hershey’s kisses. 

The sight of chocolate drew both the children’s attention onto the crinkling bag with slack jaws gaping. Chocolate had not been seen.. in months. almost  a year? Not edible chocolate at least. The fact that they let out audible gasps of excitement was enough to earn a rare titter of laughter from Rosie as she grinned,

“ I say since we passed out the cards, its about time we get into the chocolate.Dessert before dinner sounds good.

Anyone disagree? ”

There was not a word of protest from the children as golden smiles lit up across their faces. This would be a good Valentine’s day..

Even with their new friend.

[felinehypocritical]

dearest (though you’re the nearest to my heart) - chapter 3

Chapter Summary: “It’s juh-huh-hust so w-w-weird,” Bill said, his voice strained and absently confused. “He hasn’t tuh-t-talked to me in wuh-w-weeks.” He tossed the baseball he was holding up into the air behind him once, catching it in his mitt behind his back before tossing it right into the waiting Mike’s glove. 

“I dunno, man, he seems pretty normal to me, just a little sad.” Mike raised an eyebrow. “Maybe just let him come to you?”

Bill frowned deeper, the advice getting deeper under his skin every time it was given to him. “I’ve truh-truh-tr-t-truh- F-F-F-FUCK!” He closed his eyes, fingers running to cover his ears and grasping in his hair as he took deep breaths and tried to compose himself.

Composure didn't come easy in Derry, Maine.

Words: 3110

available on ao3

Two weeks week, four days, and fifteen hours.

That’s how long it had been since Bill Denbrough had last hung out with his best friend.

He’d last seen him when Bill had (stupidly) made a move after a rousing game of monopoly. He’d last seen him before Eddie had dropped Bill’s hand and run away, fear and a sort of warped disgust in his eyes. He’d last seen him when he’d said he’d felt sick, and started to walk home. And not since.

Bill had started out making excuses- it was flu season, so Eddie might be sick, or afraid of the Losers getting him sick. Eddie’s mom might be keeping him home right after school to do winter cleaning, or something ridiculous. Eddie was just taking a little bit of a break from the Losers as a group, because it was stressing them out. He was fighting with Richie. Anything.

Well, it had almost been two fucking weeks, and the kid wasn’t back to Bill yet. Something was up. And it was driving Bill nuts.

Bill was used to seeing Eddie every day- to being able to talk to him about anything at anytime, to be able to check up on him. To see how nice he looked that day. And now he couldn’t. Because Eddie was avoiding him.

They talked a little, sure- it was hard to ignore the guy who sits next to you in every class- but it was as little as possible. And when they did talk, Eddie always looked like he had early onset lockjaw. He looked so stressed and little and scared. So Bill dropped it- he told himself Eddie would just come when he was ready. He wanted to be mad at Eddie for brushing him off- he wanted to be angry that Eddie was giving him the cold shoulder and randomly up and leaving him. But he couldn’t be.

Because he was major, super in love with Eddie Kaspbrak.

Not just a little, no, not a crush. Not an infatuation. He LOVED Eddie. He thought about him day and night. Daydreamed about him. Thought about him every two minutes. If Richie knew, he’d make a joke about how teenagers think about sex every ten seconds in relation to Bill thinking about Eddie every seven seconds. It was BAD. So no, he wasn’t mad at Eddie for this- he was borderline heartbroken. He wanted his best friend back.

Bill loved his other friends, sure- they were all great. But Eddie was his BEST friend. He was different. He laughed at all Bill’s jokes, even if they were bad, he was always patient with Bill’s stutter. He waited for Bill after school. He let Bill copy his health homework, because he knew how Bill hated the teacher and spent the periods writing and doodling. He fussed over Bill until the redhead was almost laughing hysterically. He made the shrewdest observation in the group besides Stan’s. He was Eddie Kaspbrak.

And now he was ignoring his own best friend.

“It’s juh-huh-hust so w-w-weird,” Bill said, his voice strained and absently confused. “He hasn’t tuh-t-talked to me in wuh-w-weeks.” He tossed the baseball he was holding up into the air behind him once, catching it in his mitt behind his back before tossing it right into the waiting Mike’s glove. The ball made a satisfying swish and thunk as it landed, and Mike threw it up above his head, back up to catch it before going back to toe the line.

“I dunno, man, he seems pretty normal to me, just a little sad.” Mike raised an eyebrow. He was used to his friends over-hyping their drama with each other, but Bill never did that, and the furrow of his brow really seemed sincere. “Maybe just let him come to you?”

Bill frowned deeper, the advice getting deeper under his skin every time it was given to him, and he caught the ball again, putting his mitt more forward than it usually would be so he’d feel the impact more, before throwing it back twice as hard as he’d caught it. “I’ve truh-truh-tr-t-truh- F-F-F-FUCK!” Bill threw the ball down, and he took his mitt off as well, dropping it down next to the ball. He closed his eyes, fingers running to cover his ears and grasping in his hair as he took deep breaths and tried to compose himself. Mike simply watched, waiting for his friend to collect himself. Bill was quick and prone to anger, but it never lasted longer than a few minutes. Bill thought of how you say it in French- /en essayant/- and he tried again.

“I’ve truh-tried that f-for the last few weeks,” Bill explained. “Hasn’t w-wuh-worked.” He threw the ball again, this time a high arc, and Mike caught it expertly, eyes still on Bill. They only flicked to the ball for a moment. The redhead fixed his hair again, pushing it to the side, and his expression was almost pained. “H-he ignores m-muh-me in cuh-lass, Mike. W-w-we sit next t-to eachother, and h-he ign-nores me.”

Bill’s voice was teetering on the edge of breaking, and Mike made a noise of understanding before he walked over to Bill and slung an arm around his shoulder. “Hey, Bill, it’s okay, you know?” Mike said reassuringly. “He can’t do it forever, he loves you, man. He’ll get over it soon. He looks so sad nowadays when he hang out.” Mike raised an eyebrow as if he expected an epiphany..

Bill raised an eyebrow right back, not understanding what he was supposed to think of Mike’s vague statement. “Uh huh...”

“Ever since, well, I’d say two or three weeks ago,” Mike hinted again, smiling hopefully.

The meaning dawned on Bill all at once, and he playfully pushed Mike off. “Shuh-shut up,” Bill grumbled, “ih-it’s not to d-d-do with me, idiot.”

“Bill, are you /kidding/? Mike said incredulously. “Eddie looked at you like you were the fucking stars in the sky! He hung off of every word you said! He never did anything without you! I mean, he loved you, man, really /loved/ you!”

The other teen tried to hide his dopey grin behind his hand, beginning to pick up their equipment (Mike was a substitute catcher on the Derry High baseball team when he was free from football, so they’d been practicing catching pitches and stopping people from coming home) and shielding his face behind his burning red curls. “D-does not,” he said softly, but the softness didn’t seem like it was from shyness; rather, it seemed to come from a place of a flustered teenager in love with a voice thick and small from love and quiet thoughts. “I doubt h-he even luh-l-looked at me half the time.”

He knew Eddie did, though, he looked two halves of the time, and maybe that was why he was so sad that Eddie was gone. There was no one to stare and clap for and admire Bill. Was that conceited? To want someone there to encourage you? Of course Bill loved Eddie too- he loved everything about the blond boy. But the feeling of having a constant presence there with him was so comforting, he missed it more than anything.

Mike rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot, Bill,” he said, smiling a smile that flashed his brilliant white teeth, before slinging an arm around the tall, nervous, lovesick Bill Denbrough and starting to walk towards the street. They walked home together in the dying light.

--

On that same night, Eddie Kaspbrak awoke with fleeting feeling of warmth and dizziness in his head. He didn’t gasp, didn’t sit up- he only snapped open his eyes and felt the reality of where he was sink in as the barely-memorable dream faded away. Gasping and sitting up was for movie actresses, not teenage boys with breathing issues. God only knows how that might cramp his lungs, sitting up so fast like that.

He looked over at the clock- 3:40. Of course. Why would Eddie wake up from a dream at a normal person time?

He tried not to focus on that, though, and he got up to brush his teeth, despite knowing it would simply wake him up further. The cold water, the mint taste, the feeling of a substance in his mouth that felt kind of like it might be food, he knew it’d all wake him up, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

But, upon getting back into bed, he started to realize he wouldn’t have gotten back to sleep anyways.

Okay, so maybe he’d had a dream about Bill.

A not-so-platonic dream about Bill.

A kissing-touching-moaning-sinning dream about Bill.

He put his hands over his eyes, and he sighed. He’d been so good- he hadn’t let Bill distract him from his Path. He hadn’t talked to Bill in weeks, even, not about anything important, anyways. He didn’t hang out with him, think about him, do /anything/ with Bill… So why had this even happened?

Eddie let himself fall onto his back, hands still over his eyes, and let out another sigh. He was still mortified, disappointed, and angry with himself, but when he thought about the dream his stomach did this thing where it sank and felt like it was dissolving in a burst of heat that seemed hot enough to be causing the flare in Eddie’s cheeks.

‘Forget it already,’ Eddie was telling himself. ‘You’ve gotten this far, it’ll get easier if you just push through.’

Eddie’s hand slid down the length of his cheek and he cupped his own face, how Bill had in that terrible

(wonderful)

dream. He tried to think of something else, anything else, but he couldn’t. Eddie bit the inside of his cheek and let out a breath. “Just once,” he mumbled into the pitch black of his bedroom. “I’ll forget it tomorrow.”

Eddie began racking his brain for every last detail of the dream, almost desperately. He didn’t remember where he and Bill were, but they were sitting on a couch, or maybe it was a bed; it didn’t matter.

Bill had been looking at Eddie. Not in the normal, friendly way, either. His intentions were so obvious, as Eddie reflected, but in the dream he’d been so nervous he hadn’t been able to decipher what that look meant.

He remembered Bill putting his hand on Eddie’s thigh as they spoke and that they had gotten dangerously close. They’d been in similar situations in real life before (although nowhere to this extent), but instead of Eddie panicking and moving away from Bill, he stayed. Even when Bill leaned forward and crashed their lips together, Eddie didn’t move. He didn’t want to.

Eddie was waiting for Bill to pull away quickly, maybe yell at Eddie for being such a freak and letting him do that, but Bill didn’t pull away. He only kissed harder and moved closer to Eddie, so that Eddie was leaning so far back he was close to falling. Eddie felt Bill’s tongue slip into his mouth and gasped. Bill seemed to take Eddie’s opened mouth as an opportunity to kiss him more, while Eddie opened and closed his mouth clumsily around Bill’s lips. Eddie shivered when he remembered this, starting to trace his lips with his knuckle.

Bill had finally pulled away, smiling. “Wha-Wh-What’s wrong E-Eh-Eddie?” he teased, and buried his hand in Eddie’s curls. Eddie whined, eyes wide and fearful. He had no idea what was going on or what had gotten into Bill, but…

“Do y-yuh-you like ih-it?” Bill continued. Eddie nodded and squirmed a little, still in the position where he was nearly falling.

“S-Sure, Big Bill,” he said dumbly. “Could you, um, move a little, I’m—“ Bill moved quickly and pushed Eddie down onto his back fully. He put his hands on Eddie’s hips, and Eddie squirmed again. “I didn’t… I meant…” Eddie stammered. He gazed up at Bill and knew his face had to be red, he could feel himself burning up. The way Bill was looking at him and touching him and being on top of him like that was something so new, and it felt so good, even though it was so wrong.

Eddie turned his head to the side in embarrassment, but Bill remained undeterred. Instead, he started kissing up Eddie’s neck and throat, his hands making slow circles in Eddie’s hips as he did so. Eddie gasped again and reached for Bill, clawing down his back and making a small, drawn out noise.

“Ohh…” he breathed. “Oh, Bill.” Bill went back up to Eddie’s lips and started kissing him heavily again. Eddie froze up, still stiff and clumsy in his movements, but Bill didn’t seem to mind. Bill was doing most of the work, anyway.

Bill sucked gently on Eddie’s lip as he pulled away. “I like th-th-th-those n-nuh-oises.”

“What noises, Bi—mmmn…” Eddie���s speech tumbled to a halt when Bill started feverishly kissing Eddie’s neck again. He couldn’t think very well, his mind was so fuzzy. He just clutched Bill for dear life as he tried to keep himself under control.

“I thuh-th-think you nuh-know,” Bill said teasingly. His hands moved slowly, painfully slowly, from Eddie’s chest to his waist, and he smiled into Eddie’s neck as he felt the smaller boy sigh and his hips stutter. He took the action even farther, and he used  the opportunity to slide his hands down to the fly of Eddie’s pants.

Eddie’s eyes suddenly snapped shut, and he felt his mind go blank. He couldn’t even speak- he just let himself keen up into Bill’s waiting hands. Eddie let out a whine, letting Bill fidget with his zipper. The tiniest bit of friction that came from that was enough to force Eddie to bite his lip.

Eddie looked up into Bill’s eager face before looking back down at where Bill’s hand was. With full force he realized what Bill—both of them—were doing. He made a half-hearted attempt at a protest, reaching for Bill’s hand, but he didn’t push it away. He couldn’t bring himself to. God, he really did want this so bad.

“D-do you want me t-t-to go fuh-farther?” This dream-version of Bill asked, his big blue eyes turned to Eddie’s green ones as he fiddled with Eddie’s fly. Eddie nodded breathlessly, practically pulling Bill’s hand to his waistband, and he felt his heart quicken at the thought of Bill touching him where no one, not even Eddie himself, had touched him before.

“Yes, please,” Eddie said, and he felt himself start to float away from what was happening in this dream. “I love you, Bill,” he continued desperately. He was begging this dream not to end, even as his entire body and mind was screaming it him to stop. Only the Leper was encouraging him on.

As quickly as he remembered the dream, Eddie was brought back to reality. He’d drifted off as he remembered it, and when he glanced at the clock, it was around 5. He could hear the few over-achieving birds chirping outside the window, but in the dark, March morning, they were the only sound. Eddie was alone with the birds Stan would bring Eddie to watch later and his own uneven breathing.

Absentmindedly, he touched his cheek; his fingers were freezing, but his cheeks were burning. And wet. The silent tears he’d been crying- crying over his own sin, his own helplessness against the voices inside of him, his awful weakness to everything and everyone- turned into hitching silent sobs, and he buried his face in his pillow. ‘Maybe I’d asphyxiate if I do it long enough’, he thought dimly. ‘I’ll have an asthma attack and I can just hold my face against the pillow and it will all be over. Mom would be so mad.’ That last thought was with satisfaction. How he hated his mother for making him weak, making him so frail and vulnerable and scared of the world. He’d love to show her he had control over his life; when it ended or went on, that would be the greatest prize to control.

‘But Eddie,’ said another voice. ‘God wants you at His own time. Would you really take yourself before He takes you? Isn’t that selfish?’

Eddie turned that thought over in his mind as he lay there, in his too-comfy bed in his too-warm house with his too-stuffed pillow pressing into his mouth. Maybe God did want him to wait- offing yourself was a sin, wasn’t it?- but his mind had been wrong before. And maybe God was giving him a sign- maybe it was his time. And it’s not like he was disfiguring himself or anything. He’d do it cleanly, if he did it at all, wouldn't he? No messy slitting his wrists or shooting himself in the head business. Just quick and fast and clean, so he could be buried and look nice in his sunday suit one more time.

‘And anyway’, Eddie thought back, ‘it’s not selfish, really. No one wants me here. I don’t even want me here. Richie and Stan are best friends, and Beverly and Ben, and Bill and Mike- there’s no room for me, and no one else wants me. Why stay?’

‘Oh, but Bill wants you, Eddie.’ A voice from the very back of Eddie’s head purred itself back into the foreground. ‘Bill wants you everywhere. In his mouth, on his chest, in his throat- everywhere. He wants you on his cock, too, you know it. Give him what he wants, Eddie, it might be your only chance to do that for someone.’

That was the last straw. Large, hiccuping, snot-filled sobs started as Eddie’s shivering, small body sunk lower and lower into the mattress. He was so fucking weak, he didn’t even have his mind to himself. He had to share it like rental space with anyone who wanted to be there, it was ridiculous. It was awful. He wished he could die just so this would all stop.

The crying petered out as the sun came up, until the only remnants of it were in his puffy red eyes and his damp shirt. He got up, switching the unneeded alarm off on his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth for the second time that day.

Looking in the bathroom mirror, he promised himself something. His eyes were solemn and dark as he looked himself in the eyes over the rim of his sink.

The leper would not win, no matter what.

The leper wouldn’t win.

Hopefully, Eddie Kaspbrak knew what he was getting into when he made a promise.

[kipaia]

10 Writing Questions

Got tagged by @dickie-gayson LIKE DAYS AGO SORRY XD

1. What’s the longest thing you’ve written in one sitting? There was one super awesome day back like in April last year where I wrote seriously like five chapters of LB in one go. It was awesome and I will probably never be able to do it again XD 2. What’s the last piece of dialogue you wrote? “I know this year. Next, maybe. I know of an event a few years from now. After that?” I shrugged. “Not much. Only the direction things will go.” “And what direction might that be?” “I cannot tell, Fenris.” He gave me a sharp look. “Why not?” 3. If you had to choose one song to write a story about right now, what would it be? Hmm probably Glorious by Macklemore and Skyler Grey 4. Do you like to drink anything while writing? If so, what? Anything but water :P  5. Any guilty pleasure fics you got stirring? Not really? Like all my fics are kinda guilty pleasure in one way or another 6. Any author/story recommendations, be it on tumblr, ao3, ff, or published? OH HECK YEAH hold onto your butts because SO MANY RECS AAAAHH (mostly Dragon Age related and all on AO3 because I have A Problem XD ) @blustersquall is amaaazing, right now I’m totally obsessed with Only Make Believe in particular because I am a sucker for fake dating and this is the actual best fake dating fic I’ve ever seen in my life but she’s got a ton of other stuff that’s all just as awesome. @themarydragon IS THE ACTUAL BEST. LIKE FOR REAL. READ EVERYTHING. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Her two main Dragon Age series are both freaking insane in the best ways like holy crap and then she’s got a Legend of Zelda series that if you are at all a ZeLink shipper you will die of pure overwhelming feels. READ IT ALL. @e153n Has the actual best Mass Effect/Dragon Age crossover, and honestly his Agents of Change series is one of my absolute favorite things ever and he’s absolutely amazing at adding these little unexpected but also completely sensible twists to his stories that makes them super interesting to read (like, oh I did not expect that but DAMN IF IT AIN’T TRUE moments ^.^ ) @lechatrouge673 is the gift that never stops giving. Her little family of OC’s are so real and honest and she’s got a ton of AU’s that are all super unique and wonderful and you should read them all Uuuugh I am so sorry to everyone that follows but I can’t rant about you all or this post would never end so I’ma have to quick list this (I’m so sorry you’re all the best T.T ) @ma-sulevin, because Rose is perfect @slothquisitor #MARAxCULLEN4LYFE @thesecondsealwrites Noir AU. ‘Nuff said. @thunderscape-7 modern AU older Hawke Twins *heart eyes* THE ANGST @halfblood-fiend ADAARABLE DRABBLES FRICK YEAAAAAHHHH 7. Anything new in the works? LB is, as always, a work in progress. New chapters forthcoming. I’ve got a Mass Effect fic on the way, a Mass Effect Andromeda fic on the way, and a Fallout 4 one shot collection incoming. Just because I haven’t posted anything in forever doesn’t mean I’m not writing, I promise XD 8. How many stories have you finished? How many dropped? *coughcough* *slides all of my unfinished fics under a table* *whistles innocently* I haven’t actually dropped any of them, I rotate around pretty well through my wip folder but they are all definitely still in my wip folder :P 9. What’s your favorite snippet from something you’ve written? I WILL FOREVER RANT ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT IS MY ACTUAL FAVORITE BUT GO READ THIS BECAUSE I LOVE IT!!!! 10. Do you have any stories that will never see the light of day? Uh, yeah. I’ve got a positively massive LotR fic I’ve been adding to off and on for about ten years that I very seriously doubt I will ever show anyone ever. My ten questions are . . . 1: What was your very first fic and what inspired you to write it? 2: Fic you never expected to write? 3: Ship you only started shipping after stumbling into it facefirst? 4: Favorite trope to write? 5: Favorite trope to read? 6: Least favorite trope? 7: What was a fic that completely blew your mind, either for being completely unique or just like so unbelievably good? 8: When did you start writing fanfiction and why have you kept at it? 9: What’s a fic that you want to see, but haven’t found and don’t have time/energy to write for yourself? 10: What is the fic that you keep going back to and rereading over and over again?

Tagging @ma-sulevin, @e153n, @aelie-baby, @themarydragon uuuuuummm @jdtheninja and @dissatisfied-doodles ^.^