#theres this insane rush and pressure

[vynive]

Man, I keep wanting monster hunter to be fun in multiplayer and it just keeps....not being. Idk if its the game, the people I'm playing with, or me. Whatever the case, I'm now PRAYING that they don't make Wilds co-op only.

[alexlikesairconditioninh]

Geo x MC who is kinda sadistic.

If someone smacks her with a tray, she'll bash their head in with that tray. If someone slaps her, she'll sucker punch them. With no expression at all. Maybe even a teensy bit sociopathic.

Love your work btw and expect more Geode reqs teehee. <3

Also don't feel pressured to do them quickly at all; remember to drink water, eat and sleep well.

Can be platonic or romantic: sorry for how ooc this is💔💔💔💔

NOT PROOF READ I WROTE THIS IN ONE SITTING!!! 1!1!1!

At first, he found you... Weird? But, he respected you nonetheless. Afterall its clear you're able to defend yourself and, you don't hesitate. Thats something alot of people struggle to do. So even though he doesn't know you, he respects you.

But, when you do get to know eachother hes protective. Automatically, even if he knows you can defend yourself, theres always this tinge of worry bubbling at the back of his mind- a mantra of what if 's?

Deryl, Brit, you, you guys aren't helpless nor defenseless and he knows that, but he can't help but join in on your violence when you give somome a taste of their own medicine.

You and some dude from your class were arguing, its clear you guys didn't agree on the topic. If he was mature he would've continued talking calmly about your disagreement, however younge college students aren't notorious for their maturity.

Geo was coming to pick you up from class. Your classmates used to look at him, surpised to see him of all people. At this point, the people in your class were aware of your familiarity with the tall man. Him coming from the class next door to pick you up was routine, normal. They no longer batted an eye; his presence no longer attracted all eyes.

That's when the guy slapped you across the face. Geo swore time slowed. Everyone went silent.

He slapped you?

Oh

He slapped you.

Oh hell no, hes not gonna let that slid-

Before he could move, before he could reach out to you and ensure your safety, a loud slam was heard. You wind your arm back before sucker punching the guy, so hard he fell backwards. Not a hint of anger, remorse, disrespect- emotion was on your face.

The guy sat there silent, so did you, so did Geo.

It felt like forever before your classmate broke the silence.

" M/C! Are you okay?" she said completely ignoring the state of the guy you just punched. Geo followed, looking at you. unlike you, with emotion- concern and worry.

You assured him you were fine, nonchalantly. He grew calmer, and he rushed you out of that classroom to find the rest of the group. He was tense at first. But, damn, the way you sucker punched him with no expression was insane. He turned his head your way,

"Your insane".

[agentplutonium]

EA talk!! I just got back from watching it and I need to speak about it. Thoughts/Theories under the cut <33 (also, this one is a long one guys)

OKAY FIRST OF ALL I AM GOING INSANE. LITERALLY INSANE OVER HERE. okay. now. onto things that stuck out to me (gonna bold the ones I'll focus on later in this post):

"... Abomination. I am authorized to end you." "You're chorus... is giving up on me already...?"

Articulate, answers to the chorus

Hush has telepathic abilities

"Do you have any idea what that freak is capable of?"

"He doesn't know I'm in your head" "We only have one shot" really the difference in tone between this and when Doc wakes up

THE SOUNDS OF HIS MAGIC. THERES WATER SOUNDS IN THAT BITCH. LIKE A GREAT RUSH OF IT.

"I don't know what I want to do with you, I haven't decided yet"

"path of least resistance"

"My name? ... Hmm. That would be rather odd if I didn't have one, wouldn't it? Let's go with... Hush. It's got a nice ring to it."

"I'm afraid I'm a little... new, here."

mentions a lot of people who want him gone

"I didn't want to hurt you. I still Don't think I want to."

"I needed it to act as a focal point. A Conduit. A bottleneck. I used your core to focus the spell song on a single point. Like channelling the entire force of a river through a pinhole and then using that pressure of all that magic to eviscerate Reticuli [...] I don't have a core. i needed yours. I could have silenced his connection to the spell song, but I didn't want his powers to be muted, I wanted him dead." (SCREAMING)

6'6" demon,,, (not hush, but like-)

"did it never occur to you that that demon might have been right? You have no idea about the man you saved. What I'm capable of. What I'm going to do" followed by "and foolish"

"I still don't know what I'm going to do with you. but I like talking with you, so that's something."

"What am I? [...] You're gonna have to be more specific. What kind of magic user am I? It's a simpler question, I'll give you that. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to think there's a lot of things I'd like to give you. If I get the chance" (SIR-)

Not a demon, not a human, not a robot "I'm more, and less."

that bitch disoriented us on purpose with the "complicated answer" Also, there's a voice in there, and it obviously did not feel good for human empowered Doc

"Maybe for now we just stick with that simple answer. maybe someday, knowing me won't have to hurt. Only one way to find out"

"I was put on elegy to do something very important, and there are a lot of people who are in the way of that."

"I don't think I want you to hurt. I don't think I'll like that."

"I'm not gonna wipe your memories. I think I want you to remember me. One day you might look back and think that, saving me was the worst mistake of your life. but here's only one way to find out, right?"

that bitch blew us a fucking kiss I'm dying

OKAY OKAY OKAY now time for me to go into hyperfixation mode.

First and foremost, I'm putting my stance out there: This guy is a sovereign. specifically, the one from Brachium's little journey into the river. The one who said "Death is already here" THAT GUY IS HUSH. I have no proof other than a hunch (that Max helped with), but I'm telling you guys. now as for which one, I have a feeling that (out of the named Soverigns) it's A'Xerahn (Desire, the one who created vamps, for the line "there's a lot of things I'd like to show you, given the chance." (still screaming)) or N'Dellex (Dreams, created Dreamwalkers, Hush, get it?). If it isn't a named sovereign then I still believe he's a sovereign from below the river. listen ARGUE WITH THE WALL I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS.

Moving on. I want to point out the language that Reticuli used when talking about Hush. Abomination, Freak, "I'm authorized to end you." Whoever Hush is, he has the council worried. He's not like them. They're probably scared. This also hints that Hush has done things in the past to get attention put on himself. He's talking about how dangerous he is, and what he's capable of. it's clear that the chorus knows what Hush is. But unfortunately, that lil conversation doesn't give us much. However, Hush seems to be pretty willing to give information, for the most part.

This brings me to my next point, the things that Hush has said. Hush, for whatever reason, seems very comfortable telling Doc that he wanted Reticuli dead. Not only this, but he tells Doc that there is not an insignificant line of people who want him gone. This man is being hunted, and he knows it. He then goes and warns Doc that maybe Reticuli was right and asked if they considered that. He says that they can't know what he's capable of, or what he's going to do.

Before we continue, I do kinda want to talk about the hints that we get for just what Hush is. He says he isn't human or demon. With that, for a being of power, that is, there's really only two options left, and that is Sovereign or Shade. However, he can't be a SHade, cause even when becoming tangible Shades just simply look a certain way that empowered's are aware of. "Oh but pluto, Sovereign is so out there-" not really, not if you think about it. We are getting an Avior narrative push around the same time that we got a new character. What was Avior's whole plot? El'aetum and Min'ara wanted Starlight to be the middle ground cause something was going down with the Meridian. In Inversion, Brachium met someone who tore a hole in the meridian and let the shades loose (or so I'm thinking). Who got out right as the Inversion was happening? Avior and Starlight. The fact that he doesn't give us his real name, and the endless fucking river references when he's being all mysterious- like it's obvious. Not to mention his "I am More. And Less." line. He is more than a regular empowered because he is a Sovereign, but he's also less cause in his "true form" I'll say, he is not exactly tangible or anything, he is power as a concept.

Okay, continuing on. Hush is a Sovereign. He's powerful. He can do things that others cannot. He got sent to Elegy to do something important, something that others don't want him to do. He's ruthless. And he's cutthroat. And he will do what he has to do to survive... but he's curious about Doc. He didn't know whether to let them go or not in the beginning, only to decide so at the end. He has a soft spot for them. He doesn't want to hurt them, but he will do things that might cause them to hurt. One of the last things he says to Doc was "I'm not gonna wipe your memories. I think I want you to remember me. One day you might look back and think that, saving me was the worst mistake of your life. But there's only one way to find out, right?" and guys. GUYS. I think we have a proper antagonist on our hands. I think we have a real villain. One that's gonna affect more than Docs/possibly Avior's storyline.

I think that's all imma write for tonight, but this new boy has effectively gotten me back into the redacted fandom in full swing. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

[understandableparadox]

I remember my grandpa used to tell me that "Texas was dragged kicking and screaming into the union". then i learned that was just texas isolatonist revisionist history and if thats alot of ist then tap danceing christ you dont know the fucking half of it.

the common myth is that america pressured texas into the union in order to reap major agricultural benefits and while part of that is true theres a lot to it.

original most of texas was gained through a bunch of border runners, those being americans who felt that the expansionist dream meant that they would have to claim chunks of mexico, meaning bum rushing any town, land or any peice of livable space, bunkering down then crying wolf when the mexican army started trying to buck them off, this is the almo fight that we are all constently asked to remember.

of course this works Somehow and now they have a massive chunk of ill gotten land that isnt able to join the union because the current imbalance of slave to free states, so they have to learn how to be a country which they do semi well, they become a major exporter of cotton, one of the largest in the world, riviling even american production. so england gives them a proposition, "Hey if you write into your consitution that you will not own slaves, we will recongize you as a soviergn nation and give you insanely good trade deals that will benifit you WAY more then what you could get as a slave owning nation!"

Texas turned down that deal and whimpered into the unions the moment a new free state was made.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 

hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie

↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc

u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy

u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news

u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him

u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks

one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in

ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated

ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together

ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together

u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him

“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?” 

ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing

ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u

“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”

baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u

“i’m five and a half months.” 

fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop

u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where

ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out

“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”

u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place

he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound

u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks

he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek

u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side

“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”

ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,

ur both nervous and cautious around each other

at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together

hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning

he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺

“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”

ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk

around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer

he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣

he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought

hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together

also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami

(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)

something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^

he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy

it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home

ofc u were crying

a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(

u explain n hiccup while doing so

hes so s o f t at this moment

he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—

he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses

“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”

enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n

spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby

u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like

“ow,, fuck that hurt.”

“hey don’t swear around the baby!”

u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often

kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses

hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that  ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝

yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??

well kkami was on it 

baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin

u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P

newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg

“it feels gross.”

ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out

he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind

last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes

though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts

hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary

hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction

“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”

ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark

u do not want to be t o u c h e d

touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u

hyunjin just sits there

hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall

hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(

hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺

yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again

he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong

“i— it feels like i have to push.”

he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors

they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position

hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO

yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look

like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy

here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin

“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”

his lil puppy baby boy 🥺

he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head

it was kinda creepy how similar they looked

anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different

u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺

“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”

he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly

“yea, we do.”

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[tigerdrop]

dogboy gordon rutting against benreys leg in the same way that benrey did it in the reverse. benrey encouraging him and also making fun of him in the same breath. yummy brain thoughts. i am rotating this

jesus christ i started thinking about dogboy gordon and have not stopped thinking. theres 7k words of dogboy stuff under here im going insane

how in the. help. Help. dog boy. how does he become dogboy. i cant keep giving these idiots potions but i guess thats what ive been reduced to

gman turns him into a dog boy. walks thru a portal and comes out in nintendogs but hes the dog and when he comes back out again hes still a little bit dogy. this is fucking stupid

THE TAIL WAGGING im going to pass away

> i think he would have such fucking issues with the fact that his tail and ears are expressing his emotions so much

trying to act angry towards benrey but hes given away by his tail wagging like crazy......and he never even knows its happening until somebody points it out

it would be cool if. um. he got a little more into roughhousing and rough play afterward. you know. like a . hes already really handsy......physical. . .. .

> okay like the anger turning into somewhat-serious jostling and pushing which turns into roughhousing

its not even horny at first it just gives him the weirdest fucking endorphins. like. its fucking fun man

> and by the time theyre roughhousing his tail is wagging furiously and like thumping on the floor when he gets pinned haha

> YES its about the exhilaration ......he gets this rush from flipping benrey over after he's pinning him, baring his teeth triumphantly

benrey pinning him by his wrists and half-laughing at him like "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and the rest of the science team chimes in like YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT

> gordon comes back to himself and turns red immediately and splutters like "i dont know! what - im just - benrey started it!” so like he refuses to do it again but then benrey pushes his buttons and he gets in his face, ears pinned back a bit and shoves him and benreys like oh...so its this again huh...

GOD......PUSHING HIS BUTTONS.......its sooo much fun now that gordons so physically reactive too

> what if he manages to get an honest to god growl out of gordon at one point and it makes something ugly twist in benrey's gut and he wants to make it happen again

and its probably really gratifying for him to see just how often gordons tail wags when gordon looks at him or snorts at one of his jokes

TWO SIDES

> the duality of their relationship....gordons tail wagging just a bit when hes looking at benrey though im

> im thinking about the growling though like...benrey gets fixated on how he fucking sounds, all deep and rumbly and this intensity just focused on benrey only....makes him think about how that would look in other contexts....

> benrey riling him up while their roughousing so he can feel that growl travel through his chest and like...getting gordon to that point makes him SO determined to win the "fight" over benrey hes almost a bit out of his mind with it......pins benrey and subconsciously ruts against him a bit as a sign of dominance....please stop me now goodbye....

NO LITERALLY THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOMENT I STARTED TYPING

prodding gordon further and further and riling him up until gordon pins him to the floor, hard, an arm jammed behind his back and his HEV suit jammed up against benreys ass and rutting subconsciously as gordon. h. gordon. clamps down on the back of his neck and growls

benrey sucks in a rattling gasp and is like "what? ow" in a weirdly shocked yet distanced way

he cant feel where gordons hard b/c of the HEV suit but he can feel the metal awkwardly bumping against his ass Like That. and inwardly benreys on a loop of "what the fuck what the fuck" but not in a bad way in the slightest. just utterly cannot believe this is whats happening, right now, gordon freeman dry humping his ass behind a bunch of crates, not 100 feet from the rest of the science team

> gordon snapping out of it and being like...what the fuck am i doing... or....maybe the gasp makes gordon bite down harder in response...not sure

> gordon not even realizing hes doing it until that moment is so great....i dont know but....maybe he lets go and pushes off benrey, panting and wild eyed, and the image of benrey on his stomach, his bite mark in his neck, is burned into his brain

> he just doesnt say fucking anything and just dips to get jacked off by the suit maybe.... cant stop thinking about how it felt to see benrey with his teeth marks....hates himself for feeling that sick satisfaction in his chest

benrey......touching the back of his neck afterwrds, kind of dream-like, both consciously and subconsciously.......

i like making gordon freeman suffer so i want him to just angrily try to rut against his arm in private later trying desperately to get off thru this stupid busted HEV suit that he cant get out of. pathetic. gordon freeman humping his own fucking arm in a bathroom stall. like a dog

and he thinks about how benrey smelled when he had his teeth clamped on the back of benreys neck, his nose buried right against benreys jaw and neck, smelling the sweat and the hormones and feeling benreys rapid heartbeat, and his whole fucking head throbs with how bad he wants to get off

> and he just cant get off....has to deal with going back the team tense and a bit sweaty and just move on when they ask what happened. benrey doesnt say anything just stares at him and gordon cant meet his eyes. gordon tries not to fucking let benrey get under his skin cause i think hes probably mad upset and embarassed that he reverted to his like,,,more base instincts because of BENREY of all people.....

> but he still thinks about it sometimes and....he tries to distance himself from him but hes still a pretty touchy guy and he find himself around benrey still....laughing at his jokes and getting in his space once in a while. always pulls himself away when he notices but not before he takes in a deep breath of benrey's scent...

> meanwhile benreys trying to think of how to make gordon do that shit again LOL

ohmy god. oh my god.....before this.....before he tries to stop getting in benreys business and before he even recognizes what hes doing.......he like.....hes so touchy feely that he subconsciously tries to mark benrey a lot. like just doing everything in his power to rub the inside of his wrists somewhere on him. even if its barely gonna do anything b/c of the suit. its just instinct

> NOW HE ...now he realizes that he was doing that the whole time..jesus,...

> AUGH....in the buildup before this he didnt realize that he was doing it........but now he realizes he fucking misses doing that shit and kind of berates himself for doing it in the first place....like what the fuck....be Normal gordon...you cant want to fuck him....do you..?

i want him to. grrgohg i dont even know how or why this would happen but i want gordon freeman to lie supine on the ground with his hands up like paws like hes a big pupy looking for tummy rubs OKAY! BYE. I HAVE TO GO. im going to fucking sob why am i like this why is this the cutest possible thing for a man to do. i cant even think of a fucking reason why he would do this so im so fucking embarrassed

i want to fucking. i want to rub his fucking tumy and make him pop a boner from it im literally so sick of this earth

> i was literally Just typing: i just think it would be cool . To pet his tummy and keep telling him "good boy" in a Certain kind of Tone that just totally fucks him up about it . maybe flushed and tongue starting to wanna hang out of his mouth as he goes from laying flat on his back to kinda twisted to one side, breathing heavy, tail thumping hard against the floor cause hes a big dog so that thing is like a lethal weapon

> petting the fuzzy lower belly while hes already hard & needy just to make him whine Very high pitched and desperate-sounding bc its so close to what he wants but that just makes it worse 8)

> What if. Benrey pinning Gordon, maybe scritches behind his ear, as a "joke", he's a dog haha good boy wants ear scritches?? And Gordon immediately squirming and whining. Maybe even kicking his leg just a little bit

> i think it would be cool for a post-black mesa puby gordon pinned benrey to the floor with his whole body weight and humped the life out of benrey's leg while panting and drooling in benrey's ear. a total lack of regard for benrey, (of course he's into it tho) just using him like an object that's conveniently there for him to furiously get off on

> i'm thinking.... this happening after a period of prolonged teasing, like you said. rubbing his tummy and ignoring his dick

> Man ok combined with the suit edging huh? I love that, but i also kinda want gordon to sneak off to get off and discover his uh. k. kn. knot

> he sneaks off and if in this situation he can.  idk. get at his dick in a bathroom or whatever. and well, he gets caught up so easily in his 'head empty' instincts mode that when he cums he's kneading that thang for like 2 minutes before he even becomes cognizant enough to notice. and then immediately panic. so idk maybe he cant get at himself for a while, right, so he didnt notice this

> i just think gordon being in the suit would not let him get at his dick and he would only be able to get off in really convoluted ways so like...he wouldnt fucking Know he had a knot he would just feel a weird pressure at the base that he doesnt know what its about. but he starts getting these fantasies of holding benrey down and staying in him when he comes and he doesnt know where the hell thats coming from.....yet. until after everything is over and he can get out of it, and the first time he jacks off again he realizes HOLY FUCK? like what the hell....but it makes sense in retrospect where those fantasies came from. but hes just super embarassed about those fantasies and pushes them down until benrey comes back into his life and activates him again

> in addition to embarassment i think he has a lot of complicated feelings about benrey and definitely feels a guilty about wanting to fuck him into the ground and fill him with cum....but GOD if benrey doesnt get to him just as much as he did in black mesa

> i think that something like this would be so unplanned and shit but like......theyve probably hung out a few times before this or more like maybe benrey has dropped into his house just to annoy him and gordon finds his ears pricking when he hears heavy footsteps around his house cause he recognizes them as benrey's...

> little rush of exhilaration maybe. cause it means they'll spend some time together and he has just all these emotions under his skin when they do. i dont know how this would happen but maybe gordon forgets to keep himself in check when benrey makes him laugh so hard he's snorting and his tail is wagging furiously.benrey tries to touch/catch his tail cause he's kinda curious about it and it never got to mess with it in black mesa. but it turns into roughhousing as gordon shoves him away a little bit but benrey keeps trying to get at it and then get at his ears

> "cmon man just let me touch them whats the big deal-" "NO!" but like hes still laughing a bit until they start really getting into it and he gets breathless and a little irritated at having to roll around and try to pin benrey's hands to the floor

hell on earth......the way his tails wagging and hes grinning and drooling a little once he gets benrey pinned.......

> little triumphant smile when he finally does.....got benrey on his stomach and he's subconsciously rutting against benrey's ass like in black mesa but hes just not noticing while he's berating benrey for losing

> talking right into his ear, and benrey lets out a little gasp when he does a particularly hard thrust and then hes like oh. fuck. he takes in a deep breath and can smell benrey's sweat and realizes hes just as horny about this as he is. cant help but bury his face in the back of his neck and lick. and benrey starts pushing back into him and talking the worst dirty talk and it makes him growl right against his neck and put his teeth there again as a warning not to move but benrey doesnt still, he just keeps talking. so gordon bites down, hard, cutting him off mid sentence with a yelp

f. fucking. benrey......arching his back into it.......pressing his hips up as high as theyll go......the angles bro.....the angles

> also: gordon popping boners more easily, even when he's just platonically excited w/ benrey..... yeah... :)

> like the thing about this is just that he got so excited from the wrasslin that he popped a boner....wasnt even thinking of horny.....

> not until benrey started gasping and arching back into him. then hes immediately aware of how this looks...like hes already basically in the position in his fantasies hes just rutting against him in the imitation of fucking

> gordon getting more frenzied by the little sounds benrey is making as he clamps down on his neck, drool dripping down his chin. benrey braces himself with one hand and gets the other to pull his pants down and then tug on the leg of gordon's down a bit because gordon is kind of. not thinking straight right now. gordon gets the message and fumbles with the buttons to get it down and like. haha i thinnk it would be fun if benrey prepped himself before this and gordon notices like. you really managed to prep urself this time? god, you really wanted this to happen. but maybe benrey had been doing it the last few times cause gordon would get in his space again sometimes and things were tense

NO GOD THIS IS GOOD. LIKE. oh my god gordon just like bitching at him and getting up in his face and Growling a couple times before while his pants are all tented from the inadvertent excitement boners that he doesnt even realize hes having.....and benrey might not be smart but hes not stupid

theres like a 50% chance theyre gonna fuck at any given time he realizes so like. why not......

even if it doesnt work out in the moment benrey still spends the whole time hopped up on the knowledge that they could have, that he was the little fucking pervert who got himself all prepped just in case gordon decided todays the day hes just gonna mount him, and honestly the way he beats his meat and fucks himself afterwards might be nearly as good as the real deal, just from that little bit of self-inflicted degradation

like u said...........he really wanted it to happen

> hhh.... maybe gordon ruts a bit against his ass and benrey guides him in and. he makes a deep growling rumble when he bottoms out. benrey feels it through his chest and gets a full body shiver as he's filled. i dont think hes fully developed his knot yet but its a tight fit. he starts fucking hard and fast into him while open mouthed panting, he cant keep his face away from the benrey's neck, licking up the sweat and burying his face there to breathe in his scent

the fucking . the desperation......every instinct in his body has been telling him to fuck benrey - yes, that benrey, fucking benrey - into the ground for......weeks now? months??

dudes probably tried everything he can think of to overcome it and to think about literally anything else when he gets off but nobody he fucks even comes close to smelling as good as benrey did when gordon had him pinned and gasping and sweating and he could smell the want rolling off him in waves.....and it sucks massive dick and he hates it

> hes been driven crazy by this thought for so long.....cant fucking control himself. wh. what if gordon managed to get a hold of a piece of benrey's clothes that he left and held it up to his face when he let himself jack off to this particular thought so he could get the scent but it jsut wasnt the same without his warm, panting body below him . he always nuts the hardest when he has it though

huffing benreys undershirt and desperately rutting into a pillow on his hands and knees with his ass fully up and hes just utterly debased right now

sad and pathetic gordon freeman humping his pillow like a dog and whining thinking about fucking benrey. if his past self could see himself like this right now he would be disgusted

> !!!!!!!!1 HIM GETTING INTO THE MOUNTING POSITION ON INSTINCT WHEN HE DOES IT...YOUR BRAIN ! i think that gordon would definitely give everything hes got to benrey when he finally gets to fuck him.

> now that hes actually doing it he's just out of his goddamn mind. benrey already being ready for him, slick and hot, just letting him push in .....i think he would definitely go insane

dudes never fucked so hard or so mindlessly in his life......for once all the neuroses just fly out the window. overcome by instinct

> letting out all these whines and moans, not even caring for how loud hes being... benrey's wanted this so fucking bad hes just eating it up, pushing back on him like an animal and getting a power trip that he made gordon this unhinged

thinking about him just being utterly shocked when benrey guides him in and he can just bury himself all the way to the hilt so easily and it makes something in his brain snap

> gordon doesnt even tell benrey when hes close, benrey can just start to feel his knot swell inside him and how it stretches him a bit past what he prepared for...but he wants it in him so fucking bad, he just lets gordon keep fucking into him

like. oh my god. does benrey even know about the knot or is this a brand new and fun surprise for him

> I DONT KNOW......I JUST REALLY LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING A BIT CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY IT....

> being caught off guard by it but being so turned on by the feeling of it filling him that he lets out this really high, needy sound. which goes straight to gordon's dick and he just pushes into him harder and jolts his whole body with it. maybe he h....he bites down on the other side of his neck again and thrusts in one more time before coming deep in him. just shuddering from it, eyes squeezed shut and jaw locked around benrey

benrey just fuckin. face down ass up and arching his back as high as he can

(mumbling very quietly) it might be cool also if. gordon maybe.....started growling some things as he got close. a certain something. a word

you know......just......bent over benreys back......arms wrapped around benreys chest and fingers digging into the soft flesh (maybe even his titties, if youre feeling spicy).......pistoning his hips in staccato bursts while he growls.........u bh hhhhh......"mine". over and over not even realizing hes doing it b/c his brain is so fogged out on the sheer delight of rawing benrey after having thought about it non-stop

(mumbling so quietly im speaking at a pitch below the human hearing threshold) benrey hoarsely saying "'m yours, 'm yours" while hes got one hand jammed underneath himself to tug at his dick is the thing that sets gordon off and makes him come, perhaps. perhaps

and gordon just.....slumps over him, leaning his full body weight on him, panting weakly into his ear while his hips subconsciously rut just a little bit, arms still wrapped around benrey but otherwise as useless as a bump on a log while benreys jerking himself off to the wild new feeling of having that knot stretch him open and tug at him every time gordon shifts his hips

gordon nuts and becomes utterly useless but at least his knots still fat as hell so benreys still got something to work with

(sobbing) i just want to see men acting like animals leave me olone..... its about the submission to instinct......the degradation and dehumanization......and also the scent kink its all about the fucking scent kink. its about wanting to huff a guy you pretend you hate like hes a fucking magic marker and its about wanting to make him smell like u

> for scent kink, Gordon's boners due to sweaty benrey hehehehe. this is narsty -> Benrey is like "yeesh that was a lot of exertion" after their first almost-sex wrasslin match, and gets embarassed, so next time he like, wears a bunch of old spice.... but gordon doesn't get as excited. like yeah he can feel him against his back and yeah he's not soft but.. he's not panting or as hard. benrey thinks real hard when he gets home

> CLEAN SWEAT OK ITS A COMBATIBILITY THING OK. IT IS. LOOK UP THE SCIENCE OK I ...walks away. clown shoez

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CORRECT THANK U

> Maybe next time He doesn't bother with the old spice at all, and he gets real into the wrasslin... hell maybe he even uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gets gordon's head under his arm im just saying

I DIDNT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY IT BUT NO YEAH THATS COOL. ITS A VERY COOL THOUGHT

think about......dogboy gordon roughhousing and getting pinned down himself and snapping his teeth up at benrey like joking but not joking. you know

they both start just getting really into roughhousing b/c sometimes gordons brain gets Stressed The Fuck Out by all the added stimulation to the senses of being pupy......theres too many sounds and smells sometimes and it makes him even more neurotic and makes him start acting up and getting irritable and trying to start shit until he exerts himself enough to tire his brain out and make it shut up

maybe even like.....in the interim after black mesa but before he runs into benrey again, gordon becomes a fucking hot mess b/c he doesnt know how to deal with it all and the only way he got thru black mesa without his brainstem snapping in half was b/c he and benrey would start shit and start fighting and wrestling and the rest of the science team eventually shrugged and accepted this as a (very weird) part of their life now. he looks like hes one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack and its so sad

any kind of physical exercise would help (he takes up jogging when hes feeling stressed out, which is a lot, and hes gotten some really nice legs by this point) but theres just something different about the roughhousing. its a mental exercise as well as a physical one, so it exhausts his brain more, and unbeknownst to him, he just gets fucking endorphins from the way benrey smells and from being able to mark him with all the up-close physical contact theyre getting. so. hence the wrestling and roughhousing and gordons occasional tendency to just pounce the guy in public and start fighting him with his tail wagging and thumping like crazy

it might be even better if gordon attempts to roughhouse with just about the whole science crew at some point, just for a point of comparison

like.....its usually good, its satisfying, and it wears him out and lets him function like a human being......but theres just something about roughhousing with benrey thats really satisfying and he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to figure out what it is

gordon freeman is an idiot, is what im saying

> tommy indulges him and probably lets him win a few times, coomer soundly wins out every time and bubby probably...loses some before getting pissy LOL. i think that its fun for him to get the most Good Feelings out of roughhousing with benrey.....

AUUUUGHHH WHAT IF HE LICKED BENREYS FACE THO

g gbfbhhh god im obsessed with the way benrey laughs at him and asks "what the fuck is wrong  with you?" in the act 3 commentary and thats the exact kind of vibe im feeling from him about like. everything gordon does in pupymode

> Okay, before I go to bed, I shall leave you with a Dog Thought™. Gordon probably wouldn’t be the “best trained” dog in the world because, well, he doesn’t have anyone to make him listen or obey. Heck, given his need to be in control, he probably thinks he’s the leader of the proverbial pack and nobody can tell him what to do. He’d probably slip and do quite a few “rude” and obnoxious dog things, including but not limited to being all over Benrey.

> Trying to goad him into roughhousing. Licking his face. Being in his space to the point that it even starts to make Benrey raise an eyebrow. Inappropriate marking and whatnot. [cough] And what if Benrey--in a weird reversal of the roles we usually give--is stuck with the task of… training Gordon… to behave…

> YOU KNOOOOW. Because pitting alpha dog Gordon against Benrey, who is trying to get him to be “good”...

> … Well, that could be interesting.

> Imagine if you will: Benrey realizing he needs to get Gordon under control. As much as he likes the attention, it's becoming too much. Relentless. Tables have been turned and now he's the one that's a little overwhelmed by the situation because, well, Gordon is running on pure instinct half the time. Making it hard to do things. Making it hard to live his life. Always in his bubble which was, like, fine at first but now he can't do anything without feeling a wet tongue on his face or having Gordon trying to goad him into rough housing.

> He needs so much attention. Has so much energy. It's too much.

> So, he decides he's going to try to "train" Gordon to not... do that. Benrey trying to assert dominance over Gordon, as if he were just a normal dog. Gordon, who has already marked Benrey and decided that Benrey belongs to him does not take to this very well. This is not how the chain of command works. This isn't how the chain of command works at all.

> Benrey, struggling to curb him through praise and admonitions--"good boy," "bad boy," tossing him ~treats~ if he does something right--is now facing off with Gordon, who is both enamored with the attention he's getting but utterly pissed off by the fact Benrey is trying to stop him from doing what he wants.

losing it at the tables being turned and now gordons the annoying fucker getting up in benreys business all the time and never leaving him alone. he deserves this

> They're basically both unmovable objects and unstoppable forces. Benrey is stubborn and isn't going to give up all his sweet PS3 time because Gordon won't stop humping his leg, and Gordon is not going to give up his God given right to make Benrey his property. But Benrey isn't completely averse to the idea of being Gordon's bitch. He just wants to be his bitch on his own terms.

> So, in a surprising show of... well, intelligence on Benrey's behalf, he starts redirecting Gordon's energy towards what HE wants Gordon to do.

> That's how you handle misbehaving dogs anyway. You redirect their energy. That's what all the books on dog training says anyway, and Benrey's inclined to believe it because he's read it in all two books on the subject he casually flipped through.

> So, when Gordon starts getting in his space, he starts redirecting him to touch where he wants touched. "Good boy." When Gordon starts getting a little rough, he purposefully positions himself so he gets the most out of it. "Good boy." When Gordon's licking his face, he starts trying to guide that tongue down to his neck. Feels better there. "Good boy."

> Because he's not a complete idiot. Him and Gordon both know this is sexually charged at this point. And Gordon... Gordon can bend his behaviors a little bit as he's being directed if he still gets to do what he wants (in a way), and Benrey still gets to be fondled by the nerd.

> "But part of the problem is that he is in Benrey's space all the time!" Yeah, but Benrey figured that out, too. You know what shuts up Gordon real fast? Pushing him back down on the other end of the couch and telling him to stay. And if he listens, he slowly, carefully hand feeds Gordon a treat as a reward. Pushing it into his mouth, making sure it goes all the way in. Letting Gordon lick the last bits of taste off of his fingers. He usually sits still after that. "Good boy."

i have a thought thats almost unrelated but im so desperate to give this scenario the proper context

thinking about......gordon getting out of black mesa and hes still dogboy.....and hes attempting to go back to life as normal now that benreys out of his hair for ever but one day his pupy nose catches That Fucking Smell on the air and he realizes that benreys not fucking dead. he thought benrey was fucking dead, b/c he killed him

gordon freeman losing his mind for a solid week or two trying to hunt that smell down (why?? to prove a point?? to try to kill benrey again??? uh huh.) and then when he does hunt benrey down, its like.....well, what was the plan, bud? you found him, and now youre having a staredown outside a 7/11 while benreys frozen halfway through his big gulp

i literally forgot what i was typing b/c dogy gordon tum y rub b gtfhgbb ggfabgbbg

and.....well......he doesnt know exactly what his game plan was, but he does know that benrey cant be trusted as far as u can throw him, and hes not about to let benrey wreak havoc on new mexico if he can help it, so now his new hobby is......tracking benrey across the city to keep an eye on him

and thats how they keep ending up in close proximity

and thats how u start looping in the whole role reversal thing.....suddenly gordons the one that benrey cant shake......hes a bloodhound and hes got the scent

SORRY im SORRY i crave context with the same ferocity that i crave, like, air

and then they start roughhousing when gordon tackles him to the ground one day to stop him from doing.....something......and gordon snaps being to being a normal person so quickly afterwards that its dizzying. turns out a solid 80% of what he really wanted was a sparring buddy

> good afternoon everyone this is not horny in the slightest but i just wanted to say- you know that thing dogs do where they get REALLY excited and playful when you come home from a long day at work? well i’m just thinking about. y’know how benrey has a tendency to just, vanish for a while and come back like nothing happened? think it’d be cute if he were gone for a particularly long stretch of time b4 catching up with the science team again and gordon RESPONDS in his typical annoyed, bratty fashion while his body language is saying something completely different (he still hasn’t mastered the art of puby)

> like, u know, tail wagging a hundred miles a minute, ears perked up and attentive, subconsciously getting all up in benrey’s space

Im going to Cry thats so fucking cute wtf wtf  wt ff

still going insane thinking about the “good boy” thing......like...... its all fun and games until hes grappling his best friend benrey and hes got benrey in a headlock and hes plastered against benreys back from head to toe and his tails thumping excitedly against the floor and hes panting hot and harsh right against benreys ear and benrey takes that moment, right there, to choke out "good boy"

its half outright horny and half power play b/c benreys banking that either theyre gonna fuck or gordons gonna let go and be like "what the fuck, man" and then benrey can get the drop on him again

the way gordon just goes stiff after he says it.....breath getting shaky.....dick twitching once against benreys ass and the guy can fucking feel it clear as day......Augh

his tail slows.....and then fires right back up again when he tentatively rocks his hips against benreys ass and feels the sound benrey makes more than he hears it......and like for fucks sake theyve been dancing around how horny their roughhousing sessions are for weeks, this guy deserves to finally get his rocks off by dry humping benreys ass while benreys getting spots in his vision from how tightly gordons got his arm wrapped around his neck. he deserves this

gordons free hand slowly opening up and pressing flat against benreys shirt, then crawling under it so that he can feel the bare skin of his stomach......rocking his hips against the dip between benreys cheeks and whimpering when benrey says it again, breathless and hoarse. "good boy." his tongue poking out to lick a broad, wet stripe up the side of benreys neck to taste the salt and sweat and the hormones, jesus christ, hes never been able to taste if somebodys horny before but its rolling off of him in waves.......and gordons breath comes out so loud and harsh and desperate when benreys leg lifts up a little bit for him to slot his own between them more easily

just mumbling stupid horny shit like "fuck benrey, you taste so good" while his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he licks the curve of benreys ear and rolls benrey onto his stomach b/c something in the back of his brain is whispering to him that it would be a really, really good idea, and hes originally got benrey just crushed flat against the floor with his full body weight but benrey takes a rattling breath and tells him to ease up, get up offa him.....

and gordons confused at this point b/c he was pretty sure this was where this was going, he was being a good boy, but that thought doesnt last very long b/c benreys shuffling into position under him, raising his hips and pushing gordons up with him while his face and torso are flat against the floor, and, Oh. hes. hes doing that. this is what theyre fucking doing now

> gordon taking the collar of benrey’s shirt in his mouth in an crude imitation of scruffing him

every fucking bone in gordons body is telling him to move his hips, fuck benrey stupid, bury himself to the hilt, but he cant do that when theyre both still clothed so he does the next best thing and ruts against benrey like he fucking means it and like if he just tries hard enough, gets enough friction, itll be just like fucking him for real......

hes so dizzied by looping thoughts of he wants this, he wants you to mount him, like youre a filthy fucking animal, arent you? you sick fuck, you wanna mark him and breed him and hed let you, hed beg you for it, look, hes doing it right now and when he comes back down to earth, yeah, benrey is begging right now, isnt he. while hes palming at the front of his sweatpants and whimpering and calling gordon a good boy, attempting to tug his pants down to his knees so gordon can rut against bare flesh, and gordon slows down just enough to let him do it and to fumble open his own zipper to ease some of the agonizing pressure

gordon fumbling his dick out of his underwear to line it up between benreys fat cheeks and god, the feeling of skin against skin is so much fucking better than chafing against his jeans that it makes him growl against benreys neck and benrey cant pump his fucking dick fast enough. hes so encouraging, what with all those little sounds hes making and the way hes arching his back and pressing his hips up as high as theyll go, groaning into the crook of his arm "fuckin, fuck me, bro, j-just like that"

> thinking...... they both get so lost in it, they both can’t hold back long enough to fuck for real. this is too hot, benrey feels something hot and wet on his ass and gordon is curling into him. benrey’s never felt so simultaneous turned on and frustrated that he’s still empty, he’s still gonna have to wait, snd ironically that denial pushes him over too

GOD yes fuckin. coming on his ass b/c gordons so frantic and desperate that he cant wait...... but seeing his cum all over benreys ass is deeply satisfying in its own way. he smears it deep into benreys skin to mark him like that

> oh hey imma be nasty sorry but Gordon all cum-high just sort of manouvering Benrey until he can start licking his cock clean bc he likes to uh. i mean benrey's all wet and you know. he likes it. and benrey comes from that, before he can even think about sucking him off properly

> he doesnt have a thought left in his head at the moment... and can u blame him? so he just uh follows he nose.......  and benrey's brain is deleted except for "GORDON FREEMAN ON MY DICK????????" bouncing around like a screensaver yes

> yeah he's not even trying to suck him off really, hes not gotten that far yet cuz hes so cumbrained, gone stupid, etc

im gonna be gross here too okay......and like. fucking. huffing and burying his nose into the crook of benreys thighs b/c he smells so intensely like sex and sweat and it makes gordon lightheaded

> YEAAH maybe he starts licking there before he gets up to his dick. it's not like he's dragging it out really so it's not long but benrey's gaping like a fish. he's trying to say something sorta but he can't get any words out and isn't even sure what he himself is trying to say

maybe he cant help himself and he just starts licking and biting on impulse b/c its your resident fuckin thigh guy here and i think benrey deserves to get em chomped like a drumstick

> and then that's gordon's tongue on his dick, bro and this neurotic mf looking so pleased and blissed out as he sloppily licks him all over is a sight he couldn't have even cooked up in his imagination before now

> benrey not coherently enough to warn him he’s like right there, his babbling incoherently at the tease of gordon’s nose and lips is gonna make him- and then his Tounge darts out and it’s over, the start of the end and he’s spurting all over gordon’s completely surprised face without even being jerked or licked through it

> maybe since gordon's been so stressed and keyed up for so long that benrey coming is a surprise but still doesn't shock him enough to clear the cumbrain, so he licks ben clean after that too, while he's twitching and whimpering etc

> think that benrey massive meat being useless and barely even touched is hip and rad even in the context of him technically being in the higher position of power

> then rests his head on beny's belly for a while, feeling very accomplished and tired. he'll panic later, don't worry

god im still thinking about. pillow humping/voyeurism

gordon freemans a bad fucking dog and sometimes he cant help himself and just starts rutting into a pillow with his ass up and his face buried in one of benreys undershirts while hes just panting and mumbling shit the whole time about benrey, benrey, benrey, why is he so fucking obsessed with benrey and with thinking about mounting him just like hes doing to his poor abused pillow every week

and. you know. maybe one day......benrey kind of.....catches him in the act. i think that would be cool. just coming home one day and cracking open his bedroom door and seeing gordon freeman on all fours, his teeth sunk deep into one pillow and another pillow between his thighs, desperately fucking it while hes groaning benreys name b/c he sure as shit was not expecting him back that early, which is why his cumbrain made him feel confident enough to crawl into benreys bed and roll around in it and mainline benreys scent from his clothes and nut on his pillow (and then feel fucking bad about it and frantically try to clean it off)

and benrey just slooowly steps back with his heart pounding out of his chest for possibly the first time in his whole life b/c he did not think gordon freeman ever wanted to fuck him, but here he is, using benreys pillow as an imitation of the real thing and jerking off in his bed

just turns right the fuck back around and goes into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face and stares down at his sudden boner

THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS B/C THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO THE PISS STUFF THAT WEVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT. SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

[ryeliths]

hey! so ive been missing streams 😭 and i was wondering wtf has been happening in the dream smp since the election results were revealed? i'm so lost and i really dont wanna watch all the streams 😔😔😔

oh god a loooot has happened; i personally recommend watching wilburs edited vids on his channel if u rlly want to understand everything but ill give a basic summary!! 

major MAJOR spoilers for the dream smp (obviously) so if u don't want to hear about it then don't continue on (also its kinda long bcause all i think about is the dream smp-)

SO schlatt and quackity won the election, schlatt banished wilbur & tommy from l’manberg & renamed l’manberg to manberg. wilbur and tommy created a new place called pogtopia which is a bit away from the manberg / main area. quackity is schlatts vice president, tubbo is secretary of state (i believe?)

 tubbo is a spy and is secretly working for pogtopia. technoblade joins the server and joins pogtopia to help take down schlatt. all he did for the most part was farm potatoes...and breed horses....

dream reveals he doesnt support schlatt out of fear that schlatt will begin to take over the entierty of the dream smp, but he cant show his support of pogtopia publicly. niki doesnt like schlatt, schlatt taxes her, they just hate each other in general. fundy is also secretly a spy, but hes not directly giving info to anyone, he just keeps a journal about what he has learned. fundy begins to question what side he supports, and begins to lean more in favor of schlatt because schlatt has been cleaning up the area and basically has been making everything look nice. 

tommy and tubbo make a giant tunnel under manberg that leads to pogtopia (which is also connect to the prime path for, well, obvious reasons). technoblade has mostly just been trying to get the best gear for himself & has been trying to breed the best horse (he gets a trident at one point). 

wilbur goes insane and believes he and tommy are on the bad side of history, that they’re the villians. wilbur gives up on getting l’manberg back and has settled on just blowing it all to shit so no one can have it. dream backs wilburs plan and supplies him with TNT and wilbur rigs the entire underground of manberg with TNT (much like dream did in l’manberg during the dream smp war) tommy doesnt support wilburs decision to blow everything up. 

(this isnt exactly really story-related but sapnap killed tommys cow, henry, and dream, techno, and tommy teamed up to fight sapnap and a few others. idk it isnt rlly important to the plot but i enjoyed it so :D)

schlatt announces there will be a manberg festival, in celebration of democracy and everything. wilbur decides thats the day hes going to blow everything up. tommy still doesnt support wilburs plan. tubbo and fundy (and i think quackity?? idk) set up for the festival. tubbo has a speech written for the festival and one of the lines is the cue for wilbur to press the button to blow everything up.

the day of the festival comes along, schlatt gives a few speeches, wilbur and tommy watch from the top of one of the buildings. everyone is invited (even technoblade) to the festival, except wilbur and tommy. technoblade brings and OP rocket launcher crossbow and tries to get info on manberg. they play games and stuff.

 wilbur starts to question if he really wants to go through with blowing everything up (because he will be blowing up all his friends in the process) and tommy continues to try to talk him down. wilbur ends up asking tubbo what he should do, and tubbo doesnt know. wilbur tells tubbo that if he says the cue in the speech, he’ll do it, and if he doesn’t, he wont. tubbos speech comes along eventually, and at the end he hesitates saying the cue, and schlatt begins to ask if he had anything more to say. tubbo eventually does say the cue, and wilbur goes and runs off to find the button to blow everything up. 

schlatt starts encasing tubbo in a box and wilbur gets distracted and goes back to see what is going on. schlatt announces infront of everyone that tubbo is a traitor. schlatt calls technoblade up to the stage and tells technoblade to “take him out”. technoblade tries to stall, wilbur and tommy assure tubbo that techno is on their side and wont hurt him. techno gives in to peer pressure and kills tubbo with the rocket launcher crossbow, killing schlatt and quackity in the process (because they were on stage as well and just vacinity stuff yknow).

tommy and wilbur panic. wilbur goes and rushes to find the button, but cant find it. tommy reveals his position and goes in to kill techno, claiming techno has betrayed them. techno just starts shooting his rocket launcher into the crowd, killing basically everyone. tommy and tubbo meet up in the manberg-pogtopia tunnel. wilbur, tommy, tubbo, and techno all go back to pogtopia. wilbur and tommy are the most mad at techno, but wilbur forgives him. tommy doesnt and still believes hes a traitor. wilbur manipulates tommy and tells him to use that anger and to kill techno, so they fight in a pit that wilbur made. tommy dies, and everything is basically settled (though tommy is still mad at techno). niki also joins pogtopia. niki, tubbo, and tommy meet up just outside pogtopia and discuss whats going on. they all agree that wilbur has lost his mind and that they can only trust each other, and they begin to discuss plans of building up pogtopia so they can fight back to reclaim l’manberg. sentimental bit of them three looking off into the sunset as tommy plays the original blocks disc. 

schlatt doesnt really care what happened, him, quackity, fundy, and a few others continue to play games after the whole techno thing. (i believe something with antfrost, bbh, and awesamdude happened? i dont quite know because i havent watched their pov yet but i believe they formed some kind of alliance to fight against schlatt? correct me if im wrong-) schlatt starts talking about his plans for manberg. he plans to replace the hto dog van with an apartment complex. fundy, quackity, bbh, antfrost, and awesamdude try to talk him down from it. they eventually come to an agreement that the appartment building will be built around it, so you cant see it. schlatt kills a few cats for no real reason. schlatt talks about how he wants to remove the white house (the one quackity built with wilbur and such), quackity gets defensive and tells him not to destroy it as it is a symbol of peace and he worked hard on it. schlatt still wants it to be removed but they plan to discuss it at a later time. fundy is left alone, he questions which side he supports. he is now more in favor of wilburs side because of the public execution of tubbo and the fact he killed cats. 

day after the festival quackity and schlatt are on, tommy eventually joins as well. tommy plans to JFK schlatt and goes over to manberg to do so. he watches quackity and schlatt from a far, who are both at the white house. theyre both arguing over whether the white house should stay or go. schlatt wants it gone, quackity doesnt. tommy doesnt make a move and continues to watch. schlatt begins to insult the white house and starts to take it down. quackity gets pissed and kills schlatt and claims that he is no longer a part of manberg and proceeds to run off into the forest. schlatt then continues to demolish the rest of the white house. 

tommy goes after quackity; quackity joins pogtopia and they head off to pogtopia. wilbur gets on and claims he has found where the button is and that he doesnt care if no one else is on, all he wants to do is kill schlatt and blow everything up. tommy tells wilbur quackity has now joined them. quackity and tommy then proceed to build a giant dick infront of the manberg flag.

 wilbur then goes and shows quackity and tommy the button, quackity finds out about wilburs plan as a result. wilbur tries to push the button multiple times and quackity and tommy try to talk him down from pressing it. quackity says the only reason he ran against wilbur was to prevent dictatorship. they continue to attempt to stop wilbur from pressing the button. tommy at one point stands infront of the button and wilbur tells him to move to the side if he trusts him. tommy hesitates, but then moved. wilbur then destroys the button. wilbur says that now tommy will be leading them and making the next move. before returning to pogtopia to discuss the new plan, wilbur asks for quackity and tommy to wait outside. theres a sad moment and wilbur sings the l’manberg anthem and places the button back and says its just incase, as a backup, just so he knows that if something goes wrong, he can always rely on the button.

the three head back to pogtopia and discuss a plan. im going to be honest i was v lost on what they were saying when discussing the plans because they were all talking at once basically but the first plan, named plan a, is to use quackity to get to schlatt (its named plan a because ass...), then the second plan, plan 1, is yet to be determined, and the last plan, if those two fail, is plan b, which is to go with wilburs original plan of blowing everything to shit (b because bomb haha) 

YEA thats the basic summary i think? theres a lot of other details like the fact that fundy, tubbo, and sapnap are now dreamon hunters but !! yea. sorry for this being so long aaaaaaa

[heartbunnymoth]

im gonna list a bunch of games that you most likely dont know so im gonna like give the little blubs about the game Sayonara o Oshiete 

The protagonist is a trainee teacher who commutes to a certain girls' school. Safely finishing the daily practice period, and becoming a regular teacher is his goal. However, his mind begins to tire. Uneasiness and nightmares come in sudden attacks, causing a strain, a social phobia, begins to grow more and more every day. Slowly a fear of the girls he meets with after school begins to emerge, yet at the same time, a desire and passion. Disgust, a kind of taboo, such a feeling is directed to the adult women who are his colleagues. "Am I really fit to be a teacher?" Day by day, the pressure builds. Even when the lessons are over, the lights are off, and the school is closed for another night. He cannot help but wander.

[taken from https://forums.fuwanovel.net/topic/24388-sayonara-o-oshiete-~comment-te-dire-adieu~-walkthrough/]

higurashi no naku koro ni onikakushi-hen

It is told from the perspective of Keiichi Maebara, who grows increasingly paranoid and eventually violent as he believes more and more deeply that his friends are trying to kill him. [taken from https://wiki.whentheycry.org/wiki/Onikakushi-hen#:~:text=Onikakushi%2Dhen%20(%E9%AC%BC%E9%9A%A0%E3%81%97%E7%B7%A8,are%20trying%20to%20kill%20him.] fushigi densha

Our protagonist awakens in a bar in front of the station, intoxicated and drunk. He finds himself in a strange city rife with insanity and bereft of all sense. Yet, he spots a mysterious train rushing to the platform. In the absence of a great many alternatives, he boards the train and sets out on a journey full of bizarre stories and lots of sexual temptations. Except when he finally gets to the terminal station, the sun has long hidden behind the horizon, so he decides to wait for the dawn in a bar conveniently placed in front of this very terminal station. Once again drunk, he awakens and finds himself in a strange city with a mysterious train running through it. Having lost all of his previous memories, our hero gets on it and sets on a mysterious journey once more. How long will this seemingly never-ending journey last? Will he ever make it home?

[taken from https://vndb.org/v7272] im sorry i didnt summarize them myself i have played or wacthed a play through of higurashi no naku koro ni onikakushi-hen yet cuz its like 1 million words long and ive been busy with other stuffs

alos theres a couple other games i think are denpa games but they arent really considered ones [its just echo and kinda arches . i liek them a lto and they fit the clarifications]

do you like denpa games? theyre all mostly VNs to my knowledge

What are Denpa games????? What are VNs????? WHAT IS HAPPENING'?

[losangelesvalorant]

interesting things from tactical crouch’s interview w toronto assistant coach/analyst barroi on 1/19

barroi talks about why the team failed last year, the atmosphere/coaching of the new team, beast and nevix and why he believes in them, and the meta. [link to the full podcast]

on why the team failed last year

team atmosphere was biggest problem which lead to stellar retiring, tried to "better" atmosphere by trading envy to shanghai. going mixed roster didnt improve atmosphere and it just spiraled

Said toronto was beating everyone in scrims in stage 1, barroi thought they were a 4th place team and just got unlucky w getting shock in playoffs. Emphasized this several times during the podcast

team wasnt built for atmosphere, "long-term sustainability," was built to perform well but exploded "sooner than expected" and they HAD to make changes which was where they made bad decisions and it spiraled.

biggest thing he learned was coaching was all abt psychology, keeping morale up, small things to do to keep everything working, learned its HUGELY important

last season toronto's structure wasnt as great as it is this year

barroi was part of the roster building, thinks building a roster the way they did will always fail

implied toronto scrimmed way way too much last year and burned everybody out

noted specifically that ivy was nervous onstage even in later games

on the new team’s atmosphere/chemistry:

new team made for morale and high team atmosphere, all personalities will mesh well. that was the most important thing and its been working insanely well. everyones not best friends but its working well. 

happy with the players and environment they have, thinks adding an extra element might disturb that not in current plans to add anyone else. they are thinking abt contingency plans tho, have plans in case of emergencies

some competitiveness in the roster, but not a high level. Doesnt like the idea of an a and b roster bc every day is a high pressure environment where the better squad will start

Toronto scrims 2 blocks a day 6 days a week. do 3 blocks sometimes but not every day. def lower than highest hours of scrims in the league since some teams do 3 blocks a day.

when asked if fefe drives the coaches/players differently responded with "YES." 

fefe is rly good at motivating people, rly knows how to "get to people." may not be the biggest brain but knows his stuff and knows how to create a good environment. "hell of a difference" compared to last season (sounds like drama w bishop to me!)

everyone in coaching staff has their own role, like a venn diagram, bc of how specific their structure is. everything is really efficient

there's never been any discipline things on toronto yet, theres rules for scrims but no ones broken any of them yet

doesnt think toronto is gonna be a top 5 team. thinks maintaining a top roster + taking team psychology into account is very difficult

its possible that toronto could hit a really high high, but its a low possibility

last season barroi was worried abt pressure on stage bc everyone was silent, atmosphere was different, is not at all worried now. thinks the team drives itself very well, points to kariv and beast as motivators and nevix and logix as people who will never perform bad under pressure

on beast and nevix

beast is a huge motivator and a really fun guy for the team, keeping the team atmosphere up. has a huge competitive drive, learns REALLY fast and takes any and all feedback. theyre putting more and more emphasis on beast's role and more responsiblities bc theyre really satisfied w how he performs and learns. thinks beast is a very good pick for them

people on roster were chosen for specific reasons, beast was chosen bc he's super competitive. 

beast is kind of person where having a backup mt would motivate him even more, he wouldnt shut down if he was benched he would fight for the starting spot

nevix is "not the best player in the world" (in response to reddit saying he is the best player in the world). has been a good asset to the team, goes to the coaches/teammates most w questions. rly wants to prove himself

on the meta

in scrims sometimes offtank plays orisa now since mt is playing something else

"2 big archetypes" everyone is running in scrims. poke and rush comps. rush is reaper/mei/orisa/rein/lucio moira/bap. poke is mei hanzo, dif flex sups, orisa, no lucio. variation within those comps but its only those 2. the comps play very differently despite having similar heroes bc of dif win conditions and styles. poke is map dependant, wins over rush when speedboost cant close gap fast enough. theres not a core meta comp thats as ridiculous as goats, tho rush is similar to goats. 

teams playing junk, widow, probably double sniper, more diverse than past but again 2 archetypes of comps. running one or the other is very team/style dependant, for instance shock is probably sticking to rush and nyxl is probably sticking to poke based on their histories. wont talk abt what toronto runs

dive is map dependant, not smth you want to do all the time bc the other two comps are very good, rush is a natural counter to dive. doesnt sound like hes scrimmed dive comps often. sees dive having a place and being good at times but thinks its very team and map dependant. map and team both have to be good for it for it to work. dive is not the third archetype. if you have a good sombra vs poke, dive could work but was kinda like /shrug

havent scrimmed any teams in asia, which makes sense

thinks this season is exciting bc of scrim bubbles, nobody knows whats happening on other regions. each bubble conforms to one thing, may be different may not be, one may be superior but nobodys gonna know til they play each other.

yiska thinks theres gonna be some wild meta diversity since some teams have long breaks and can afford to grind out new comps, also bc there will be patches

misc things i thought were worth including

theres a german player coming to owl who hasnt been announced

apparently not a lot of other teams have that kind of good structure. Also mentioned that toronto’s scrimming outlaws

yiska brought up the csgo(?) team moscow 5 as an example of how the best teams can crumble completely and become bad under the stress of travel

roky is the person who grinds ranked most on the team, nevix is 2nd

barroi thinks defiant will place better than 13 (in response to tactical crouch thinking theyll place 13th), things would have to go “seriously wrong” for them to place lower. Thinks theyll have a strong first half and is sure if they do that the 2nd half will be even better. Convinced theyll at least make playins

barroi thinks chengdu will do fairly well especially w the scrim bubbles. Thinks they’ll be one place below defiant maybe. 

difference between coaching completely mixed roster and a 1 language roster, dont have to put as much emphasis on making sure everyone understands each other. depends mainly on the philosophy of the head coach, which changed so its different. probably the same without the head coach factor tho

[junionigiri]

Boom Clap [bnha: vigilantes one shot]

Story Summary: Haimawari Koichi is quite content spending New Year's Eve alone in his run-down rooftop apartment, but Iida Tensei has other plans.

Relationship: Haimawari Koichi/Iida Tensei

Rating: T

Warnings/Notes: haha wtf is a  warm-up drabble anyways. this isn’t edited but whatever. gonna go back to my other AU in a bit. Happy new year everyone :)

31 December 20XX, 2154H

Haimawari Koichi watches the night sky alone.

He has cans of beer, one of them already open and half-empty in his hand. His phone is out, but apart from taking piss-poor quality photos of the stray fireworks already colouring the night sky in vivid oranges and greens and pinks, it is glaringly quiet. Almost… annoyingly so. But he can’t complain.

Pop is finally spending time with her family and not with some college-aged vigilante, as proper middle school girls ought to. Makoto-senpai is with her older brother too--she managed to pressure him into going home to see their parents after so long.

His college friends wouldn’t step near here, for obvious reasons. And the kinda-friends he’s met as a vigilante… well, Koichi’s kind of dense, but even he understands that inviting Eraserhead for a beer here isn’t the most genius idea.

Knuckleduster… well who knows where he really is right now. Koichi only hopes that he’s alive wherever he is. He doesn’t have a lot of chances to say that he misses that insane master of his, not even to himself.

And… that’s the extent of his friends, he realizes. Those close enough that he can theoretically ask to spend some time with him on his little rooftop in the city, at least.

That’s… kind of sad. But he tries not to think about that too much.

There’s no one else here.

It’s not so bad, he supposes. Life as a college student by day, a vigilante by night isn’t exactly the most quiet. He made up a stupid University-related excuse not to go home to Mom’s because villains don’t take the holidays off (and also he prefers meeting the new year without being slapped silly like a fly). So he should really enjoy the quiet, while he can.

Another stray firework explodes above his head. He tries to capture it on camera, for what it’s worth. As expected, it looks shitty, exactly what you get from a flip-phone camera.

He deletes it.

It’s quiet. A breeze blows by, cold and biting, but his All Might hoodie keeps him warm.

It’s the perfect time for a villain to strike. If he were a villain, he’d strike now.

He looks at the streets below his complex. Come on. Somebody? Anybody?

Nope. Nada. He sighs, and looks up the sky again. Maybe he should patrol, or something? Ah, but during holidays like this, the younger heroes are out and about, on higher alert than on a normal day. If he ran into any of them, he might just be the one to get arrested. Not the best thing to happen to greet the new year.

His phone rings like a bell, startling him. “Ah--”

He flips his phone open. A single message, a short one, but just enough to make his heart flutter.

Tensei Iida (2201H): Happy New Year to you and your family! Here’s hoping that the incoming year is prosperous! Let’s work hard together! - Turbo Hero Ingenium

He’s two hours too early for the generic new year’s greeting texts, isn’t he? He must have thought ahead and sent the message before the signals got congested. Figures that the Turbo Hero is ahead of everyone, even new year’s texts.

Still… Koichi’s smiling a little too wide just receiving a generic greeting. Ah, frickin’ stupid, really--

Their chat thread isn’t exactly brimming with messages, either. In fact, this is the first message in their log. They exchanged numbers ages ago during one of their runs, but there really isn’t a good reason for either of them to send messages to each other. Besides, Koichi thinks that it wouldn’t be good for one of the more popular heroes to be in close contact with an infamous vigilante--who knows when the police might need to check his text records, or something…

Oh… and also, his crippling shyness gets in the way of making a proper human-like text too, let’s not forget about that.

His fingers tap nervously against the keys of his phone, erasing and re-typing and erasing his messages again. Double-thinking whether it’s too eager or too disinterested or just right for him to text now, or in a minute, or in an hour--

What is he going to say, anyway? Blessings to you too, please keep watching out for us? Yeah, let’s work hard together, you on the legal side and me on the dark shady criminal side? Yeah man I can’t wait til we run again, please wear tighter jogging shorts this year hehe jk lol. Oh, wait, is this the appropriate time to confess his crazy gay crush yet? With any luck, the moment Tensei reads it, there’s fireworks in the sky, boom boom and then--

Koichi, no. Just. No.

He inhales, and lets his thumbs fly over the keypad. Happy New Year, he starts out in Japanese, ending with a :) .

Too plain. He deletes that.

Happy New Year, he writes, in English this time. There, that’s not too plain, that might be something that Tensei will at least be a lil bit amused to read. Right. He thinks about it a little more, and adds another :) .

Well. That won’t make any hearts throb. That’s… seenzoned material, that’s not really-- yeah, that’s really boring, even for a generic new year’s greeting that he’s spent a lot of thought on.

A generic new year’s greeting that he’s spent five… ten… fifteen minutes composing already. What the fuck, Koichi. Just say something, anything, just fill up the screen with some shitty fireworks kaomoji and blame it on Pop if he asks about it.

He takes a deep breath. Okay, so… the past year he’s gotten away a lot with being a little more impulsive, right? So just… say what you want, and just let things happen. Most likely nothing will happen, so.

Me: Happy New Year! Thanks for all your help this year. Hope you and your family are doing well, ‘specially Tenya. If you’re patrolling, I hope you don’t run into anyone too dangerous lol~

Before he berates himself for sounding stupid, he presses send. It gets delivered at 2218H.

Okay. Well that isn’t so bad. But the cutesy ~ makes him cringe.

He shuts his phone with a satisfying snap and takes a sip of his beer. Ugh, his face is getting warm, this beer isn’t cold enough! Come on, isn’t it supposed to be winter, where are the bitter biting winds when you need them?

No cold wind comes, only another message. He almost tosses his phone over the side of the building the moment his phone chimes again.

He takes a deep breath, flips his phone open and reads:

Tensei Iida (2221H): Thanks, Haimawari-kun! Tenya’s doing well, he’s with our grandparents outside the city. Just about to finish my shift now tho, so obviously I won’t be celebrating with everyone ^_^’ Are you patrolling too? Try not to get caught, okay?

Ahhh ahhh a real reply ahhhhhhh a blessed smiley from Ingenium, ahhh. He needs to go in and put his head in the freezer.

But he doesn’t--Tensei replied to him really fast, so surely it’s polite to reply to him really fast too. I mean it’s the polite thing to do. A guy on patrol in a quiet city has the means to reply fast, so he should return the favor.

Trying to will his heart not to go doki doki much like a shoujo manga heroine, he struggles to type, Oh, im not lmao theres a lot of you out there and i dont want to spend the new year in prison.

Tensei Iida (2224H): You’re right! That’s a relief. I don’t want to go to Tartarus just so we can go jogging together! ;) Tensei Iida (2224H): so are you with your folks? Out of town?

The winky face, and the implication that Tensei would visit him in maximum security prison should the opportunity arises almost kills him on the spot. Koichi suppresses another urge to roll over the cement tiles of the rooftop and manages to reply:

Me (2226H): nah. naruhata Tensei Iida (2327H): oh. In the university dorm, by yourself? Me (2228H): haha no lmao i dont live in the university. i live up on the roof in that one rundown apartment two blocks away cant miss it Me (2229H): but yeah by myself Tensei Iida (2331H): !!! on new years eve? Me (2232H): yeah? Tensei Iida (2335H): Oh! Well, that’s not good... Me (2236H): lmao do u feel that sorry for me Tensei Iida (2337H): It’s not that! Sorry hahahaha Me (2238H): its ok haha

Well, that’s a little awkward. Koichi doesn’t know what to say next, and when the minutes pass by, the speedy replies suddenly stops. He tries to type out another reply to tell him to change the subject but he has no clue how to proceed.

And then, the minutes pass in silence. There are more fireworks rising in the skies now, building up a crescendo for the bigger ones scheduled for midnight. They’re really pretty, but Koichi’s guts are in turmoil, giddiness making them churn in one direction, and pure anxiety in the opposite direction.

Fifteen minutes later, to his surprise, his phone chimes again.

Tensei Iida (2253H): 16th st apartment complex?

A firework goes boom behind his head. Koichi blinks. Uh. yeah, he types in dumbly.

Tensei Iida (2254H): Ok. Look down. :D

Koichi stares at the message for another dumb second and almost trips over himself rushing to the edge.

It’s a little hard to see since he’s way down there, but Koichi doesn’t miss the shiny silver and blue of Ingenium’s mecha-inspired hero suit. He’s waving up at him, and Koichi hopes that he sees him waving back.

He’s prepared to turn on his heel and run down to meet him, but he sees Tensei hold his hand up, in a gesture for him to stay right where he is. Koichi tilts his head curiously, raises both arms in a confused shrug.

He’s far away, but Koichi sees him give his trademark grin. He goes five steps backwards…

And Recipro-bursts his way up the side of the building.

“Holy sh--”

It’s less than half a minute when Ingenium makes it up and over the ledge. Smoke rises from the engines of his arms and it’s really concerning, but the way the Turbo Hero is just smiling at him with a salute, like he’s in a mission to rescue him from the burning building of his heart just... makes him melt in a stupid puddle without any sense of comprehension.

“Hey there, Crawler,” Tensei says, stepping closer to him.

“Hey,” Koichi stammers out. “Um… that was neat and all, but you know we have an elevator, so--”

The pro laughs. “Yeah, but elevators are pretty slow, and I wanted to see you faster than they would allow me.”

Anyone who is interested is free to canvass Koichi’s corpse of its vital organs. Just. Say the word.

“Yeah, you were… pretty fast, haha.” His voice catches like he’s still in puberty. He clears his throat. “I didn’t know you could run up the sides of buildings. That’s pretty insane.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know I could too.”

“Uh.”

Tensei collapses on the floor, legs crossed and arms waving in front of him like they’re boneless. “You wouldn’t happen to have any juice there, would you? My arms are feeling pretty wobbly, and--”

Aaaah wtf! “Y-yeah, hang on a sec, Iida--”

Koichi glides in his apartment in the speed of light and rummages through the scanty contents of his fridge. He has to dig a bit to find the stock of grapefruit juice at the back.

(Since that incident with the Catbus, he buys a stock of them on impulse and carries a bottle with him during patrols. In the tiny chance that he runs into Tensei and he needs extra fuel, he’s frickin’ ready. And if he doesn’t, well… grapefruit juice doesn’t taste that bad, so…)

He’s back to Tensei in record time. He tosses the bottle to him, and the pro chugs it down gratefully. He instantly looks refreshed at the last gulp, puts down the bottle with an aahhh and only grins at Koichi’s distress.

“What the heck, Iida! You haven’t done anything like that before?!”

He laughs awkwardly. “I’ve run up two storeys before, but--”

Koichi’s apartment complex is, like, ten storeys high. “Y-you could have gone splat or kaboom on the way up here, man! You could have been a really bloody human firework!”

Tensei shrugs. “I didn’t though! This tells me a lot about what I can do with my quirk!”

He’s a little too chill for someone who could have fallen ten storeys down onto the dirty Naruhata pavement, Koichi thinks. He gives him an exasperated look and collapses next to him. “Yeah, I guess, but… you didn’t have to do all that just to see me…”

He grins at him again, leans his head closer to his, like he tends to do from time to time. Koichi reckons that it’s because Tensei doesn’t have a good sense of personal space, but all the same it makes his heart throb painfully in his chest. “I felt like I did. Let me show off from time to time, Haimawari-kun.”

Ahh you cheesy bastard, Tensei, you bleeding show-off. It’s a good thing it’s so dark, because he’s sure he’s a cherry tomato by that time, and he can’t blame it on the half-empty can of beer next to him. “Hah! Sure, do that… I’d show off my new moves to you too if I could. You’re lucky I can’t, you’d feel like a total slowpoke hahaha--”

What the fuck is he saying, he doesn’t know anymore. This back-and-forth shit-talking thing (Makoto insists that it’s flirting, but Koichi disagrees because hah why would Iida Tensei flirt with a guy like him?) is more natural when they’re running out the streets and out of breath from trying to outdo each other. Without the excuse of physical exhaustion to explain away his stammering, Koichi’s a little worried of how brainless he might have sounded then.

Tensei only looks more and more amused, and doesn’t get any less close. “I dunno about that, Crawler. Been a while since we had a real race.”

“Heh, you’re right.” Koichi has been more careful using his quirk in public, out of disguise. He doesn’t wear his All Might hoodies when he’s around Tensei, unless by accident.

A silence falls between them, a slightly uncomfortable one where Koichi is hyperaware of the steadily increasing proximity between them, of the alcohol in his veins, of his rushing pulse. Trying to distract himself, he reaches out for an unopened can of beer and offers this to Tensei, who accepts.

He pulls the tab off the cheap, lukewarm thing, tilts it close to his. “Cheers.”

Koichi nods. “Cheers.”

They take a swig in unison. Fireworks explode above them, spurts of colors in the sky. The shine of the lights above do something interesting over the steel of Tensei’s suit.

“Hey, so… if you want to take your suit off--”

“Hm?” Tensei looks down on himself. “You want me to strip down? I usually expect dinner first, but for you--”

“That’s not what I--” Koichi stammers, as he flushes in an ever deeper scarlet that he doesn’t think is even possible. Ah, how drunk is he, huh? How Asian is he that he would turn this red, just from drinking this teensy amount of beer?

He takes off the metal plates more carelessly than Koichi reckons he should be handling them, and lets them down on the floor next to him with a sound. Tensei looks grateful for the extra breathing space as he leans back to appreciate the growing noise and lights above them. “This is an awesome spot, Koichi. The view’s great from up here, huh?”

“Yeah, you know it.”

(And the younger boy leans back, away from him, and tries not to appreciate how Tensei looks in just that tight black bodysuit thing he has underneath. Lean, broad, muscly, like a Greek god, and...)

A few quiet moments pass by. Tensei finishes a can. Koichi works on his third one and he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly drinking so fast. He coughs a little to clear up his suddenly tight throat. “So it’s weird because you almost died going up here, but thanks for coming up here, I guess… it’s pretty cool being up here, by myself--”

Perfectly content, and lonely, and quite possibly drunk by himself by this time, but not as drunk as he feels right there next to him--

“--but it’s cool not… looking at all the pretty lights by myself this time,” he struggles out. Stupid, really, he isn’t even looking at the fireworks anymore, just the beer can under his nose, like he’s reading tea leaves and begging for some clarity.

“Yeah. I’m glad I invited myself up here, too,” Tensei says gently. “I’m shameless I know, but knowing you’re alone up here, I couldn’t help myself--”

Koichi laughs nervously. “Yeah, you are pretty--”

When he turns his head, Tensei’s nose is two centimeters away from his. His eyes are looking right into his, freezing him in place.

“... pretty,” he swallows, already lost. “... shameless.”

Tensei makes a sound in his throat, so quiet that he can’t hear it among the sounds of explosions, but he’s so close he feels the hit, like he Shooty-Go-Blammed himself in the chest. He might be agreeing or disagreeing but fuck whatever they were talking about, Koichi can’t remember why the small talk matters anymore.

Tensei puts one gloved hand underneath his chin, a lackadaisical grin on his face showing off that sharp incisor that Koichi thinks is very cute. “Pretty,” he agrees.

He feels the change in the air, feels the charge spark in between them, through his eyeballs and his little brain.

They lean in closer. Eyes flutter closed. Koichi’s heart is beating fast and hot and electric.

Lips touch.

Explosions go off in his brain.

Ahhh, Koichi screams in his head, as the sensation of Tensei’s insanely soft lips on his beery virgin ones immediately makes him question reality. One hand goes up to experimentally touch the back of the older man’s head, fingers threading through that soft, dark hair. He pushes a little, nudges him just a little closer to him. The minuscule distance between them practically disappears.

“Ahhh--” This time his mental scream is an audible gasp when Tensei pushes him down on the concrete, supporting his head and back with gloved hands, and continues the kissing with Koichi underneath him.

Sparks of light litter the night air, like violent blooming flowers against the infinite canopy of darkness, in booms and kablooeys and claps and other ridiculous noises. Koichi doesn’t care to wax poetic about them, not when his heart is probably doing the same shit, with Tensei and his warmth is right there above him, feeling so nice and right.

Yeah, he belongs right here, right in his arms. What the hell has he done all year, the blur that is his 19 years of life, before this?

Eventually they have to break the kiss to get some of that chill air between their lungs. They gasp in unison, a dashing smile on Tensei’s face, and a dopey smile on Koichi’s. The older man caresses the side of his face. “Haimawari-kun,” he says gently.

“Yeah? Ah, it’s Koichi, by the way.”

Tensei nods. “Koichi-kun,” he repeats.

That right there is the stuff of dreams. Koichi feels like he’s overheating, despite the winter night. “Hah, is it new years yet, Iida? We should be counting down, or something--”

He gets another sweet kiss on the lips instead. Moments stretch before him. The concrete under him feels like the softest cloud as he allows himself to melt under his touch once again.

“It’s Tensei,” he breathes sensually into his ear. “And… honestly, I don’t care about the time, Koichi, just--”

There’s jovial shouting down at where the city square is, and more light and noise, far away from their rooftop.

“Yeah,” Koichi agrees with a smile. “Fuck that clock.”

They laugh like a couple of idiots, and kiss some more and damn, he could do with more of this in the coming years.

Soon, it’s January. The air is getting a little colder. They spend the rest of the first day of the new year in Koichi’s humble apartment, warmer than either of them could ever hope for.

[moonlightint]

i want to send a genuine thank you for posting about the topic and all the replies. im 19, taking time off from a degree that has quickly stripped away all the progress i made on my mental health during the last couple years of high school (confidence, ability to ask questions & talk to teachers & make friends, having a balanced life & recognizing what that is). seeing people say theyve gone back to school after over a year makes me feel like that's a possibility for me too once ive matured more

hi angel !! sorry it took me a while to respond to this. i feel for u. im so angry that this society has made it unacceptable for young people to take breaks. theres sm pressure on us from such a young age, the first time i got introduced to planning out my future and my career was when i was FOURTEEN. i hadn't even gotten my period yet and they expected me to know what i wanted to do with my life already. it's fucking insane. im here to tell u that its ok. ur mental health should always come first. school can wait, it always can. take the time u need, dont rush urself for others and be kind to urself. ur so young. u have all the time in the world ok !! im thinking of u, and sending u all the love in the world, wherever u are. ❤️

[meetmeatmidnightsblog]

Why she disappeared ( part 3 )

Today was the day of Taylors materinity announcement photoshot. She got up before Joe, got ready. She picked out her favorite pastel pink dress that hugged all of the right curves, her baby bump in all of the right areas. She picked out a few more dresses to change into. She combed out the curly rats nests in her blonde hair, as it waves in 50 different directions no matter how she tried to flatten it. She got a text from tree with more details. The photographer was going to meet them at the house. She was going to have the shoot set up in the backyard. She picked out two tiny pink shoes to do the reveal, along with the very first ultrasound picture. She still couldnt believe that in a few short hours the entire world will be meeting there newest addition to there growing family. She decided on adding her cats in the shoot but only if they behave. Joe woke up a few minutes later, rubbed his tired eyes. He rolled over and saw his girlfriend who looked radiant in that dress. He crawled out of the covers, puts his favorite pair of slippers on, walks over to her, kisses her neck and shoulders. She closes her eyes, already feeling turned on by the slightest of touches. She needed to focus and not be late for this photoshoot. "Babe, you need to get ready." "Can we delay it for five more minutes,drag you back into that bed with me instead." She was tempted to have a quick makeout session before hand, but there wont be enough time. She didnt want to feel rushed or pressured. Though her hormones were driving her insane. She rubbed her belly, ignored his attempts. "Babe, the photographer will be bere in less then two hours, get ready." "Oh alright, I better get ready. Is there any chance you want to join me in the shower?." Taylor laughed as she rolled her eyes at him, points him directly to the bathroom. She went downstairs and made a pot of cofee, eggs, baccon, for breakfast. She ate like a horse to keep this baby girl of hers satified. She was trying to hide her nerves the closer the time got. Joe joined her in the kitchen, wraps his arms around her neck. "Whats wrong love?. you seem tense." "I dont know if I want to do this. I mean we have kept this pregancy a secret for almost 5 months. Im scared." Joe rubs her shoulders, she tensed up almost every musscel in her body. She stepped away from the media scene. She did not miss the rummors, or speckulations, or choas that surrounded her. She was going to bring this baby of theres into this world, before she is born. she flips the baccon, eggs over before they burned. "I can always call tree, cancle it if your not ready to do this." "No dont do that, he went through a lot of trouble for us. Besides I owe my fans this. I promised them that they would be the first to know." "Just relax, focus on all the fun youll have. I hear that this photographer is amazing." Taylor was not sure if this photographer will know what to expect until they walk through the door, stare at her big belly. She needed to trust joes words, relax and just have fun. She couldnt wait to post this on her instagram and share the news with her fans. After breakfast, The photographer showed up. The woman set up in the backyard, talked momentarly with the mom to be. She did Justin Timberlake and his wife Jeessica Beils birth announcements. That made her feel more comfortable. The woman was excited that her publicist told her that this shoot was with Taylor swift. She was a huge fan of the popstar. She kept things very professional. The singer was kind, gnetal and very hospitable. She was glowing in her pregancy, it was pretty obvious. "Miss Swift are you ready to get started?." "Yes, I am. Sorry I took so long, I was scared to do this." "Its okay, A lot of first time mothers get scared. Just relax and have fun." Thats exactly what joe told her to do. Its like this photographer can read her mind. She took off her coat, sat on the pavement with her legs crossed together, smiled. She leans up against the fence, tucked her long blonde hair across her shoulders, as the wind blew. After the first half of the photoshoot, Joe joined Taylor, did a couple of cute pictures of just the two of them. He wrapped his hands ontop of her belly and held the soft pink shoes, ultrasound. He enjoyed doing his with his girlfriend. They were a natural at it. They took over 50 pictures. they could pick out which ones they liked most. Taylor liked the one of them kissing, he liked the one where she is holding her cats, She agreed that one should be added to the hallway. Her favorite one was the one where He held the pink shoes ontop of her belly as they snuggled into each others necks. They picked out a few more to give out to there friends and families. He wanted to mail some to his parents. They could not be here to see this. She even did a sit down interview, talked about her music, and her pregnacy. How they managed to keep it a secret for almost 5 months. *** No ones point of view. "So Taylor, how are you feel so far?." "I am getting better, but the morning sickness likes to ruin my day and kick me down for several hours. I have a lovely boyfriend who has been here for me through this whole thing." "Why did you and Joe decied on keep this a secret?." "We were not trying to keep it a secret from everyone else, It was a choice that we made so I can just focus on the pregancy, avoid getting stressed out from fake stories, hatred that can have negative effects on my confidance. I wanted to thank the fans who have been so paitent and loyal to me all these years. I promise them that there will be new music coming after my daughter is born." "When are you due?." "Decemeber 13, Ironic right?. considering that is my lucky number, I am praying that I dont go into labor on my birthday." She giggled like a little school girl. "How do you plan on balancing your carrer and motherhood?." "Im not exactly sure on how I will handle both, but there is a balance to everything that all natural mothers have. I am sure that I can juggle this and my carrer. I have my families support and my manangers, my boyfriends love and passion for me to succeed in anything that I choose to do. I want to show my daughter that she can do anything your heart desires to achive." "Do you and Joe plan on getting married before your daughter is born?." "I dont plan on answering that question, but yes we have talked about getting married down the road." "Im so sorry, I should have asked before my filter interupts our interview with all of these personal questions." "Its okay, you are just doing your job." "Thank you Miss swift, thats very sweet." "No problem." **** Taylor was proped up on her bed as a white-fluffy cat sat beside her, as Oliva purrs happily. She watched curiously while the singer goes through the number of photos on her laptop. How can people narrow this down?. She has like over 50 to pick from. You may as well be deciding on which one was your favorite. Joe came into the room, with a tray of his girlfriends favorite foods. He did not want to interupt her creative process. She needed to eat. The smell of food got her attention. "How are things going in here?." "I can decied on which pictures to use." He climbed on the bed, snuggles besides her and Oliva. He scrolls through the file, points to the one where he is holding the two pink shoes. She liked that one as well. Taylor uploads the picture on her twitter, instagram, and tumblr. She captions it "I am so sorry I have dropped off the map. I wanted to let my fans know that there is a new addition on the way. Joe and i are expecting our first baby girl together on Decemember 13th. I cant wait to go on this amazing journey with you guys." XOXO Taylor. She copied and past the note and shared it on her instagram and tumblr accounts.

[puroresu-musings]

NJPW WRESTLE KINGDOM 12 in Tokyo Dome Review (Jan 4th 2018)

IWGP Jr. Tag Title Match: Roppongi 3K (c) vs. The Young Bucks ****

NEVER 6 Man Title Gauntlet Match **3/4

Kota Ibushi vs. Cody ****

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Title Match: K.E.S. (c) vs. EVIL & SANADA ***1/2

NEVER Openweight Title Hair vs. Hair Match: Minoru Suzuki (c) vs. Hirooki Goto ****1/2

IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title 4-Way: Marty Scurll (c) vs. Will Ospreay vs. KUSHIDA vs. Hiromu Takahashi ****1/2

IWGP Intercontinental Title Match: Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) vs. Jay White ***1/2

IWGP U.S. Title Match: Kenny Omega (c) vs. Chris Jericho ****3/4

IWGP Heavyweight Title Match: Kazuchika Okada (c) vs. Tetsuya Naito ****3/4

Photos.

This was a great supershow that, despite its gargantuan runtime, was actually incredibly easy to sit through. I don’t think it was quite as good as the three previous WK’s (specifically the 2015 outing, which I think is one of the greatest cards ever), but it was tremendous stuff nonetheless. One (sort of) negative to the show is that there were some curious winners, but on the whole it didn't matter as the action was so good. I missed around 70% of the pre-show New Japan “Rambo”, but what I did see was suitably horrible. Despite this, it had a super happy ending in that cancer survivor Masahito Kakihara won the thing when he last eliminated Cheeseburger with an STO. He then thanked everyone for donating to the Yoshihiro Takayama foundation, which just made everything seem really feel good. I also had to laugh when Kakihara made his entrance, and the old UWFi theme played, and commentator and UWF legend, Kazuo Yamazaaki teased he was going to enter from the booth.

The main show kicked off with an excellent IWGP Jr Tag Title clash, in which The Young Bucks won the straps for a seventh time. Much like their match last year, this was a great, storyline and psychology driven match from the Jackson’s in which they worked over YOH’s injured back, and in turn RPG 3K worked over Matt’s injured back all match, both of which were sold beautifully, and played into the finish. SHO looked great getting the hot tag and hitting his impressive power spots, including the double German, and I’m sure he’s going to be a big name in the years to come. The finish came at 18:49 after the Bucks hit the Meltzer Driver on YOH, then Nick locked in the Sharpshooter for the submission win. The CHAOS team of Ishii, Yano and Baretta walked out of the Dome as NEVER 6 Man Champions after surviving the gauntlet. This was all-action, but realistically was exactly the same as every other one of these we’ve seen. Sabre Jr, Taichi and Kanemaru eliminated War Machine and Elgin, then the Suzuki-gunners were sent packing by the CHAOS trio seconds thereafter. Taguchi, Makabe and Juice were in next, but Yano rolled up the Funky Weapon to send them home, which left them against defending champions, the BC Polynesian crew of Fale, Tonga and Loa, which ended after Baretta pinned Tama with the Dudebuster at the 17 minute mark. This was all fine.

Kota Ibushi defeated Cody in an excellent match which far exceeded my expectations. This wasn’t quite as good as Cody’s match with Okada in Long Beach, but it was easily in the tope three Cody matches I've ever seen. Ibushi looked incredible here, and Cody more than held his own. The big spot was Cody hitting a hideous looking Cross Rhodes off the apron, which I was certain killed Ibushi as he landed right on top of his head. However, Kota fired back, hitting that devastating Lawn Dart spot which folded Cody up, destroyed him with Kamigoye, then turned back the clocks and won at 15:08 with the Phoenix Splash. The win here potentially sets Ibushi up for the IWGP Heavy Title, but time will tell on that front. EVIL and SANADA won their first Tag Titles over Lance Archer and Davey Boy Smith Jr in a very good doubles clash. I can't help but feel that K.E.S. are somewhat under-utilised in NJPW at present, but they looked really good here, dominating the match and destroying the Young Lions at ringside, as if they were channeling Hansen and Brody or something. I hope they get a better run in 2018, and that all these multi-man’s for these titles go away for good. SANADA predictably picked up the win for the LIJ team when he pinned DBS Jr with the Muto Moonsault in 14 minutes.

The NEVER Hair vs. Hair match between Suzuki and Goto was a dramatic, strong style war, which was the best match on the show up to that point. These guys could easily have had this match last year, if it weren't for all the shenanigan filled matches they had, and it was all the better for just being down to them without all the faction nonsense. They smacked the hell out of each other, with Goto getting the worst of it, ending up with a bloodied mouth and swollen face, and at one point Suzuki hit a sickeningly stiff headbutt. This was just great, believable stuff throughout. Suzuki almost won several times with his choke, but Goto would somehow power out with Ushigoroshi’s. Goto went for what I thought was going to be the Shouten, but he dropped Suzuki across his knee in a modified GTR, then hit the regular version at 18:04 to win the belt and keep his hair. In the post match, Suzuki teased reneging on the stipulation, but like the man’s man he is, shaved his own head. Next up was the insane 4 way for the Junior title. This pretty much lived up to expectations, and was an action packed, high flying spectacle. There was almost too much action to call, but it featured so many great spots, including Ospreay hitting a Moonsault off the lighting rig, everyone hitting dives, and a bunch of Sunset Flip Bombs out of the ring. The finish came at 21:18 after Ospreay scored a near fall on Hiromu with an imploding 450, then missed the Oscutter, but was hit with Time Bomb by Takahashi. Scurll broke it up and annihilated Hiromu and KUSHIDA with hard umbrella shots, but was hit with the Oscutter for Ospreay to win his second title. Tanahashi’s I.C. Title defence against Jay White was interesting. I’d say it was Tana’s least appealing Dome match since his IWGP Title match with Suzuki at WK6. I mean, it was a very good contest and despite his physical limitations, Tanahashi put on a great performance, but on the whole it just lacked something. I think the main problem here was that realistically, nobody bought White winning this at all, even with the Tanahashi knee injury. White worked the knee most of the match, then Tana insanely hit the HFF to the floor, hit some Sling Blades, then missed a HFF in the ring and sold the knee. White got a near fall with a Kiwi Crusher. Tana scored a near fall with a Dragon Suplex, before retaining with two more High Fly Flow’s in 19:56. Honestly, I don’t think White was hurt by the loss here. If anything a win may have harmed him more as he hardly put on a performance good enough to justify having the belt. In reality, this match was very good based on the performance of Tanahashi and not because it was a break-out star-making one by White. As it stands, I think the company are big on him, so he’ll be fine and theres no point rushing to put a top belt on him at this point. 

Then the Alpha vs. Omega co-main event. This was just a crazy brawl, as it had promised to be. Jericho was clearly having a ball here, heeling it up like nobody’s business, slapping around Red Shoes, his son Umino, and stealing photographers cameras at ringside. It was like he was channelling old boss Genichiro Tenryu, both with the grouchy old dude gimmick and the fact that, at the grand old age of 47, he may have had his best singles match ever. Kenny juiced after being rammed into a chair in the corner (not before he awkwardly dropped his gig for all you eagle eyed viewers), which really gave this the aura of something special, as virtually no mainstream promotion does juice anymore. This was an intense grudge match which was completely different to what we’re used to seeing from both guys really, even though both hit all their signature spots. After Jericho was sent off the second rope through a table outside following a V-Trigger, things really picked up. Jericho rolled through a OWA and locked in the Walls Of Jericho, which teased the stoppage, but Kenny made the ropes. Omega fired back with V-Triggers and the One Winged Angel, but Jericho grabbed the ropes for a tremendous near fall. Kenny countered a top rope Frankensteiner by dropping Y2J face first on the turnbuckles, but Jericho hit the Code Breaker for another great near fall. Jericho draped a chair over Omega, and went for the Lionsault, but Kenny threw the chair at Jericho, then hit the match winning OWA onto the chair to end a fantastic match at 34:36. Negatives out of the way first, this was maybe a little too long, but honestly this was just great pro wrestling and it makes me want to see more of Jericho in New Japan (I suspect a showdown with Naito is on the cards at some point).

Then the main event, which was under quite some pressure in the sense that they had to follow the last match, Okada’s main event from last year’s show (and really, the last three WK shows), and the fact that after a four year struggle, they're finally in the main event spot, so they had a lot to live up to. This was a fitting end to an incredible show, it was probably the match of the night, and they worked this like it was the most important match of their respective careers. Its also worth noting that Okada worked the match in these hideous, bell bottomed pants which he needs to lose ASAP. Both guys seemed to work each others necks, as they dropped one another on their heads repeatedly. Things got very interesting when Naito went up top, but missed his old Stardust Press finish (which reminds me, seeing as he’s no longer the Stardust Genius, shouldn't he really have gotten rid of the old Stardust entrance theme?). This was the turning point of the match really. Okada hit the German and transitioned into the Rainmaker for a believable near fall, then went for a Tombstone, but Naito reversed it into Destino, but was too exhausted to cover. This all built to the crazy finishing sequence that is prerequisite for Okada title defences, filled with counters and reversals, as the packed Tokyo Dome went crazy. Naito finally hit Destino again, but inexplicably elected to go for another instead of the cover. This time, the champion reversed Destino into the jumping, spinning Tombstone, then hit a final, massive Rainmaker, to retain the crown at the the 36:30 mark. Theres been a lot of anger and disappointment to this finish. I must confess that I certainly didn't see the match ending in this result, but I don’t think its necessarily a terrible mistake. I equate it to when Kobashi pinned Jun Akiyama in NOAH’s first Dome show in 2004. People’s arguments then were that Akiyama was the hottest he's ever been, and Kobashi had held the title for well over a year. However, Kobashi’s reign went on for another 8 months and he produced more classic title defences, hitting the most in Japanese history at that point (an unprecedented 13), that ultimately meant more in the long run than Akiyama winning would have. In essence, I feel like this is potentially what New Japan are going for here with Okada. Time will tell of course, but I think its much too soon to be doomsaying just yet.

On the whole, this was a truly exceptional card of action from NJPW, who never really disappoint with these big shows. Personally, I have waned on New Japan since the G1 really. This is for several reasons, most of them personal life related, but in general I feel that G1 27 was potentially the apex of modern wrestling. Shin Nihon have set the bar so high nowadays that its almost impossible to top themselves, and I feel that this is the potential problem here too. Nothing hit those sky high standards set previously (or anywhere close to Dave Meltzer’s fabled 6 star rating), so it was easy to feel disappointed by the show. Realistically, its going to take a lot to top this as card of the year. 

NDT

[delestre]

it drives me up the wall how much dylan doesnt take seriously. drives me absolutely insane sometimes. everythings a joke to him. even things that matter. “politics are a joke right now”. as though thats some kind of intellectual revelation.

but on the other hand, it means that he takes the relationship only as seriously as i do. theres no pressure between us for anything. every time i express my fear of deep romantic commitment, my fear that he’ll fall in love with me, my fear of what it means to move in together after six months, his response is restrained eye rolling and assuring me that, really, my exes were just crazy and clingy and manipulative. he rolls his eyes and looks like hes holding back annoyance while he tells me that hes a normal person and not about to trap me in anything i dont want. and its that aggravation that i find so comforting. hes not annoyed that i cant be His And Only His Forever. hes just annoyed that i think hed want that after six months, at four months, at two months when he was particularly affectionate one night.

he even asked about cleaning! he knows how important it is to me! he asked how we should divide the chores! how domestic. splitting chores in our apartment. he can do the surface cleaning like dusting and sweeping and like. putting dirty laundry in the hamper and clean laundry away. and i can do deep cleaning like mopping and sanitizing and loading the dishwasher.

the other night, we were cuddling, and i told him that i felt accomplished now that everythings been approved. and he told me, “YOU did this. YOU made all the calls, you did all the talking, you filled all those applications before i did–you even have way more in your savings than i do! you did this, baby. and you wont have to answer to anyone anymore. im proud of you.”

and hes right! i did this! i did all of this!

im still trying to process the fact that he closes the toilet lid now. he actually listened to my whole rant about toilet bacteria when the lid’s up. everyone else just calls me crazy. even my OCD mom and my germophobe dad. 

anyway. i say all this to lead up to the fact that sometimes when we cuddle, especially when he tells me things ive accomplished and that hes proud of me, my apathetic ass feels something. 

sometimes, in vegas, there’s these weird not-quite-summer days, where it’s hot out, but there’s still chilly winds. when i completed the application for the apartment, i felt a very tiny, very brief rush. it felt like a hot day when the wind isnt quite sure if it wants to blow or not and theres this quick ‘whff!’ that cools you off for a split second. thats what finishing the application felt like. i think that was supposed to be A Sense Of Accomplishment. 

and when dylan reassures me that im Doing Things, that im being independent, or literally whatever the fuck, i get this. like. spark. it feels like a dud firecracker. like you light it and it -should- be exploding in a glittering shower of gold embers, but all it does is “pew!” and fizzle out. thats what i felt. thats more happiness than ive felt in the entire last two years. this weak little spark of something. i think im getting better. i think i can live with dylan. 

[ecotone99]

[TH] All the Pretty, Shiny Things

The walk home was always nerve wrecking. I constantly told myself that it didn’t bother me, but in reality, the last street lamp on my route plucks my nerves. It flickers on and off, and occasionally burns out, leaving those behind it to cast shadows of demons frolicking on the pavement in the dark. Or maybe they’re trees. I never really stopped to stare hard enough to look.

But I pass it, and make it the half block more. My keys laced between my knuckles, tumbling through my front door until I am once again in the sanctuary of my own home, always panting from the near sprint the last few minutes of the trip.

I’ve never been a brave one.

I hear my brother call out “hello” from the kitchen, and I manage a “hey” back between gasps for air, and drop my keys onto our hall table. I go back to the door and lock the 4 locks and set the alarm, turning around to admire the hallway table. It’s one of my favorite pieces of furniture in our shared house. Tall and slender, the black oak table sits flush against our matte gray walls, adorned with pictures above it. On it. Next to it. Our house is definitely a pottery barn cutout; “settlement money” may as well be plastered on the front door next to the house number. But it’s ours. Bought by us after our parents’ untimely deaths.

I don’t know if we have ever been the same. Tragedy has a funny way of affecting people sometimes. Holden started taking every course he could find on self defense. Weapons. Martial arts. Me? I hid. From my self, from the world, from everything I didn’t consider safe or comforting.

Fight or flight. It’s either in you or it’s not. It is most certainly not in me.

I walk into the kitchen and he’s sitting at the massive, dark marble island, typing away furiously at his lap top with a headset on. I smile at him and mouth “whats for dinner?” And he looks at me and shakes his head. I sigh.

The fridge is threadbare, partially because he didn’t food shop, and partially because he eats nearly everything in the house. Dude is a human vacuum.

I order a pizza, mouthing “pay for pizza” while making the hand gestures to him and I ruffle his hair as I pass. He throws some paper at my face and gives me the finger followed immediately by his award winning grin and a thumbs up. I laugh, and walk out of the kitchen to the sound of his discussion. A shower sounds so good right now.

The second floor of our house has 4 bedrooms and one “extra” room, two of which are master suites on each end of the floor. That extra room is a panic room. Accessible from both master suites, its in the middle of the floor and set to the back. Essentially a metal box, fortified steal makes up the walls on all sides. It's armed with weapons we are both trained and certified to use; cameras, beds, bathroom with a small shower, outside line, it’s own power source- literally any and everything you would and could possibly want out of a panic room. It also has enough provisions to sustain us for a month should we need.

By the grace of god, We have not needed.

****************

I turn off my light and go to bed. My sheets whispering against my skin softly as they wrap me in their cool, white embrace. I always need it cold when I sleep. The night was pretty cool so instead of turning on the air conditioning, I opened my windows. The breeze rolled over me and lulled me to a sweet sleep.

****************

I could have sworn I was sleeping for 20 minutes, but my clock on my phone read 1:57, so I had been sleeping for almost 5 hours when I heard the first sudden crash. I could feel my heart creep into my throat and felt frozen. I reached to turn on my light, and was puzzled for a second.

“What the fuck?” I said out loud, to no one in particular. The switch slid back and forth with soft clicks, but it didn’t turn on.

Something was wrong. This wasn’t just Holden banging ‘round, drunk on a Friday night. I reached into my nightstand and tapped the secret compartment that slid down from the top to offer me the hand gun she kept hidden. I racked a round into the chamber, and pulled the sheets back. I just have to make it to the safe room. Thats our plan. We don’t fight, we go for safety and assess the situation from there. My eyes trained on my window, still open to the 6 inches I had left it, and I scanned my bedroom, my eyes darting to the darkest corners, my mind betraying me with flickers in the blackness. I moved one foot out of my bed at a time, careful to not make sudden movements, and once my feet hit the floor I began my slow craw to the hidden door in my closet. My body felt like molasses, almost as if I was restrained, my legs and arms nearly immobile as I moved. The sweat was beading off of me now, my skin electric. I could feel it dripping off the tip of my nose and down my chest on to my breasts, slowly beginning to soak through my shirt.

I heard the first cry. I froze.

Unlike anything I have ever heard before, and I was a flood rushing to the door in my closet. Throaty and growling, animalistic. And then another bang. I was at the door now, and I put my finger on the entry pad and felt the gush of air as it opened.

The second. And a bang. What the actual fuck is going on. My hands were shaking. Get in, get in, get in.

I poured myself into it, and typed in the code behind me to seal it for 48 hours, which wouldn’t activate until Holden put his own in. I heard another inhuman cry, and a bang. And I cursed at myself for not being braver.

Fuck, Holden.

I looked around the room quickly, and immediately knew he wasn’t in there. None of the surveillance equipment had been turned on, and all lights were still dimmed. Behind the door, I relaxed a bit knowing I was safe, and began to turn everything on while I pulled on more practical clothing. It takes 2 minutes and 38 seconds for the system to fully boot, which is a lifetime if you’re fighting for your life, or worried about someone who maybe fighting for theirs. We spared no expense, however, and by the time I got my pants over my hips and was lacing up my tactical steel toed boots, I had a full view of the entire house, including his bedroom.

My heart bled in my throat as I scanned the wall of monitors for signs of life. Holdens, and whoever else might be in there. I turned on the sound and listened. The hum of Holdens ceiling fan softly floated through the speakers, and there he was, in bed. Sound asleep.

I felt sick. I frantically searched the rest of the house in the screens, but not one movement, not one thing out of place. No activation of the alarm. No dark figure lurking between rooms. The infrared cameras doing exactly what they were supposed to. I ran my fingers through my hair and over my face and take a deep breath. What the fuck is going on?

This room has its' own power source. My light didn’t work. Those screams. My mind races as I try to figure out what it is that I should do, and I decide that going to get him, that it is the only option. It’s the only way.

I go over to his door and punch in the exit code, and feel a familiar rush of air as it opens; I am so quiet, church mice are envious. The floor feels like quick sand under my knees and palms, pulling me into its abyss with each advance. I can hear my heart beat.

I get to the side of his bed and rise up. I can feel my throat close up, and the pressure build behind my eyes as I gently pull the covers back from him, the sting of tears burning behind them.

“Holden,” I breathe, “Please, Wake up.” I feel his body shift below my hand.

“What, Ryann, what are you fucking doing right now?” His voice is full of sleep.

“Please, please, just come with me. please. I heard something. The lights are out. You need to come, just come please. Reaper protocol.” I’m pretty sure my eyes were more pleading than my voice. He looks at me and I can feel the tears burning their paths down my cheeks, lava down a grass path.

“Oh, Ry, honey, nothings here. I promise” his voice is calm, assured. He slides his hands through my hair, and for a second I close my eyes and its ok. I feel his fingers come to the back of my head, and then pulls the back of it hard. My neck snaps back like an 80’s bracelet, and my vision blurs.

“HOLDEN!” I thrash.

I for a second I think I’m in my childhood home, and then I realize I am strapped to a bed. The walls gray. The frame metal. The bars on the insanely high window close, and thick. The bottom opened about six inches. The sheets white. The room cool. Theres a man standing over me telling me to calm down, but everything is underwater.

He was never there, the man says. This is a dream, he says. Take a deep breath, he says. Please, we don’t want to medicate you, he says.

I begin to calm down. My arms and legs are both restrained and I cant move the hair out of my face, and it’s in my mouth and sticking to me and I need it to stop.

“Ryann, do you know where you are?” The man says. And I just look at him, Is he insane?

“No, I don’t fucking know where I am. Where is my brother?” Calm but then “HOLDEN?! HOLDEN?! LET ME GO, LET ME FUCKING GO!” I could feel myself struggle. Futile. But I tried.

“Ryann, you’re in Letchworth Psychiatric Institute.” He says, gently. “Your brother Holden, and your parents, were murdered 15 years ago. “ he paused. I could feel the sting of salt sliding down my face. There is no way.

“No. Just mom and dad. Just mom and dad…” I trailed, “Not Holden. We live together. He does private security. I work for an attorney. I take the bus because I don’t like to drive. We order pizza because he never remembers to go food shopping.” I shook my head “ Not Holden. Tell me where he is. TELL ME!” I couldn’t tell if I was begging or if I was demanding, or if I was guessing.

The man looked at me with such sympathy, I could taste it.

“Ryann” he said " They were killed the summer of 2005. You killed them by accident. Someone had broken into the house. You were camping in the living room. Ryann, you shot them all, including the intruder, with the rifle your father kept in the closet. You have been here since this happened. Your family came running down the stairs. You didn’t know. You thought they were all intruders…” his voice trailed off. “ I tell you this once a month.”

I just looked at him, the tears stopped.

“I want to see my brother. Please. Just… let me see my brother.” I was calm now. I swallowed hard, and the pity mixed with sympathy in his eyes didn’t change. That’s ok. I was brave now. I’d find him.

You can be brave. Be the bravest you’ve ever been.

submitted by /u/thedutchess914 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Yo5b2M

[ajcurtis-blog]

Kicking my own Butt!

So I always talk about it and make these promises to myself that I will get back into shape.  Months go by, the talk is still there and the disappointment in myself mounts.   Theres not many things that are more damaging than letting yourself down.   Breaking your own promises.   Then the excuses come in, like, I haven’t had any extra time, I have deadlines, I'm too tired etc, etc.   So, I finally did it a few weeks ago.   I got my ass out of bed...Wait, let me back up.  I was invited out for a private tour of Jet Propulsion Laboratories, as I am writing a new sci-fi novel and this is a great place to do some solid research.  While I was there, a friend of mine took a photo of me standing next to an engineer.  I looked at the pic about a week later.   I can not express to you how shocked I was at how I had let myself go, my weight was through the roof, my hair was disheveled, I was... Well I knew it was time for a change.   I had never let myself go like that before.   All the exciting things that have been happening in my life recently with my newly published book and traveling etc, were no excuse for this.  Also I knew that the key to energy is movement.   So where was I... Ah, yes!   I got my ass out of bed one morning (the next morning after seeing the photo) and I went down to the local gym and got a three day pass and got myself on the hamster wheel for 20 minutes, then did a light weight yet extensive chest workout, went home and made a healthy breakfast.   Normally I would wake up, make a coffee and sit outside, read my emails from the night before and smoke my vape and then eventually make my way back into the kitchen and make eggs and bacon or a breakfast rice stir fry, etc.   On this morning, I got up, made a coffee and put it in a togo container, went straight to the gym.  On the hamster wheel, I watched motivational kick your own ass, go out and take the world by storm youtube videos and listened to a little Bob Marley while I worked out, came back and made this breakfast:  Greek yogurt with a spoonful or organic honey, fresh blue berries, half a banana and some raw almonds, hemp seed and a little added fibre, then 3 eggs with some chicken Breast scrambled in.   Ok, so, yeah, I was tired.  I could barely move, but wow I felt proud of myself.  Something just kicked in.  Seeing that photo of myself set a fire in me, motivated me to really just get up and take care of myself.  Not for my wife, not for my friends or family, but for me!   I’m deep into week three now, and my results are mind blowing.  First, my energy level and enthusiasm for life and the projects I have been working on are through the roof.  Part of that might just be because I am proud of myself, for actually doing what I’ve been telling myself I should be doing for so long.  The other reason is because I am seeing a noticeable difference in my body and energy levels, strength, waist size, etc.   I’ve lost about 15 pounds, I trimmed the hair, trimmed the beard, bought some new closes, just got myself to looking like a person who is an active participant in his own life, rather than a house bound writer sitting for hours in front of his computer everyday and eating crap!   This was something that I had to do for me.   My wife had been asking me to go back to the gym and take better care of myself, this made me feel pressured and I started to feel resentment and used that as an excuse to just keep putting it on hold and continue being lazy.   My friends were teasing me about being fat.   Let me say this, there’s nothing wrong with being fat, as long as you are healthy and active and trying to eat well.   Still, I have always been the guy who was in extremely good shape and yeah! I got husky! lol.   Very husky!    The second week was tough, I’m not gonna lie.  I was exhausted and my body, every muscle in my body, was sore, but I knew that going in, and I was motivated, something in me just said, enough!!! get yourself back into great health and a great mindset.   So here we are in week three, 15 pounds lighter, energy already through the roof and I’m completely turned off by pizza and heavy carbs, the things I normally love to eat.   My wife and friends have commented on how they are amazed, at how quickly I have transformed my body and my look and health, how dedicated I am.   That feels great! Also I will add that muscle has memory, so if you were in shape before, it will come back quickly, you just need to put the effort in.   One of the other things I’ve noticed is that my focus has increased greatly.  How do I find the time?  I get my butt out of bed early and make a coffee and go straight to the gym, then come back to a nice healthy breakfast and get to work.  Best way to start my day ever.  Also, one more thing, this time I haven’t put any pressure on myself.  I just go to the gym, get active, my desire is to be healthy! I had always gone before with the mindset of a competitor.  Not anymore.  I just want to be lean and healthy and have the energy I need for my life and to feel good about myself.  I’m not rushing anything or putting insane expectations on myself either.  I am being patient and kind with myself and I am enjoying the process.   This is what I need to accomplish those things.  So there’s a wee tid bit about my life.