#theres somewhat of a story but i was too tired to draw any of it lol

[head---ache]

alexa play circus by britney spears

[lcnguor]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess.......  so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

[the-kipsabian]

OkAY I LOOKED AT THEM SO IM JUST GONNA ASK FOR ANYTHING ABOUT THESE BABIES SINCE OHMYGOD EVERYONE IS SO AMAZING AND I COULDNT PICK THEM ALL: I wanna know some headcanons/facts/details about Noah, Raen, Isaiah and Nerita!! Random bunch but I just love their designs and I shall request more but I don’t wanna spam ya so p l e a s e tell me about these babies if you can!! 💕🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕

AAAAA THAKN YOU FOR THESE ily

noah is a soft boi tho. hes pretty much always tired and hes shy as heckaroo, which often makes it harder for him to come along with others. he tends to (and to some degree likes it too) become invisible when theres a lot of people around, and doesnt draw attention to himself pretty much at all, if thats in any way possible for him in the situation. most often you’d see him pulling his tail close to his body, trying to make himself even smaller than he already is

raen is a big sweetie! shes a shapeshifter who can shift into a deer and vice versa, tho even in human form her antlers are always visible! shes studying to become a botanist and loves flowers and forests and all things green pretty much. she might come across as really shy at first, but when she gets used to the people around her (and she does that quite fast too!), she laughs and smiles a lot and can get very loud, but tbh most people just think its adorable cause her laugh is just so pure and sing song-y. also she loves pastel colors a LOT ~

isaiah is a demon boy! hes a newer one to my group so i dont have much together for him yet (and looking at it now i might chance the group hes involved in a story with too hmm), but hes a demon that loves all kind of mischievous pranks and just messing around with people a lot. he has nothing short of a hot temper and if someone pisses him off even slightly, he will let them feel it. if its something more serious, he will get physical, but if its something smaller and he just gets ticked off, he’ll pull a pack of shitty pranks on you to put you back into your place. also he doesnt listen to his elder demons cause hes a dick like that lol

aaaand nerita! your super friendly neighborhood bartender/karaoke host! she loves singing, and can get very competitive about it too, so if the bar shes working at is having a karaoke contest for the night, shes more than likely to slip in a couple of songs on her own too cause she just needs that spotlight to be on her at least once a night. she loves flashy lights and loud music and is. probably also at least somewhat skilled dancer, having spent most of her life in clubs with various activities tbh

[cas-tellation]

Not What You Thought (I’m Sorry, I Didn’t Know) part 8

Last chapter - Masterlist - Read on ao3

A/N; Firstly; I just wanted to say that I have this fic pretty much mapped out, BUT there's a big empty space between now and the ending -- just because i need some filler stuff that i can use to add some ~development~ that being said, if you want anything specific to happen in this fic, please, please leave a comment telling me as this is the perfect time for me to maybe fit some of that stuff in. Nothing too big, just lil things. (do you want phil to get a pet? do you want more flashbacks from dan? flashbacks from phil? more about their family & all of that?? literally anything little like that that i can write a little bit about)Secondly; here a playlist of all the music i listen to whilst writing (i mean theres other music i constantly forget to add songs whoops) so if you wanna really ~get in the zone~ whilst readin you can go listen to that if you want i guess here it is And finally; lots of people who read this fic are ftm trans and thats great!! all the feedback that i've gotten back from them is so nice, and im very, very happy that this fic is at least somewhat realistic. I, myself, am not trans, however i am agender (demiboy? idk lol im figuring things out still) so i do have ~some~ experience with dysphoria and all that stuff, but at the same time its also amazing to hear what people say(a huge thanks to everyone's who's left comments on this fic so far... they really are greatly appreciated.)

Dan’s tired. He doesn’t want to get out of bed. Doesn’t want to do much of anything, really. The dysphoria is there; strong as ever. Maybe that’s the thing that he hates the most about himself: The dysphoria. Some people say that they understand that; understand the self hatred that comes with being stuck in the wrong body. But really, how could they, if they were cis?

When his mum claims that everything will be okay and that she understands, and that what he’s going through is something that every teen goes through-- isn’t she lying, because he’s not every teen. He’s Dan, not Yazi. He’s trans, not cis. He doesn’t know anybody who is trans - save for a couple of youtubers that he watches, more for the education aspect of being trans than anything else.

He feels alone. He can’t go to someone. Say, Phil. He couldn’t go to Phil and have the other boy comfort him, and tell him that everything’s going to be okay. Because how would Phil know, if he’s cis? How could Phil possibly know? How could anybody? Sure, they could have little glimpses, but nothing tangible. They wouldn’t feel dysphoria.

They wouldn’t feel this tired.

There’s a certain level of self hatred, but a lot of it was just the dysphoria. It makes him want to physically claw off his own skin.

-

School is stressful. He feels like he’s falling apart under the pressure of it. He’s doing too much and yet he still feels like he’s not doing enough. He stops doing his homework completely because whenever he hands it in and gets anything less than a perfect score; he feels like he’s failed somehow.

Of course, he hasn’t failed just because he has gotten a lower score, but still.

His mind is constantly messing with him and he’s so tired.

-

Phil’s embrace is more than welcoming after a long day. Dan melts into his arms, taking a long, shuddering breath and burying his face into Phil’s chest.

Take another deep breath. Now, close your eyes. Feel, where are you?

In, and out, darkness. Phil’s arms, Phil’s body, Phil’s heart, beating slowly and steadily beneath Dan’s cheek, further calming him. Phil’s saying something, maybe asking if Dan’s okay. Or alternatively, what’s wrong.

God, it feels like everything is wrong.

Everything, and it’s all piling up.

It’s too much. It’s all just - too much. He doesn’t know if he can deal with it anymore. He misses the sharp kiss of the blade against his pale skin.

But he’s here in Phil’s arms, safe from physical harm.

l

Only for the time being. Phil would leave and then - and then.

God.

Since when does the world spin like this? Since when does the world hurt like this?

Phil’s arms are drawing tighter around Dan’s thin body, one hand coming up to comb gently through Dan’s ever-so-slightly curly hair.

“It’ll be okay, Danny,” Phil’s saying.

But the thing is, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be okay. Because everything hurts but at the same time everything’s so empty and heavy and full and painful. In Dan’s eyes, it’s not going to be okay. Not by a long shot. He feels so broken, and used up, and thoroughly useless.

He’s none of those things.

But his mind refuses to think of himself as anything but that.

Phil’s arms are around him, holding him together. When all Dan is doing is breaking apart.

-

Phil’s gone. He hadn’t wanted to leave. He’d been worried about Dan. They’re all worried, all the time. Phil, the teachers at school, Dan’s parents.

But Phil had to leave.

And Dan is now alone. Feeling the worst that he has in a long time. And he doesn’t know what to do.

-

Everything’s hazy. It’s like he’s looking at his life through a keyhole. Not really there. It’s almost as if he can’t feel anything. Is he dreaming? He can’t remember going to sleep but he still doesn’t feel like he’s properly awake. Through a keyhole. Hazy. Dream-like. Sitting on the edge of a bathtub, rolling up his sleeves.

Numb.

A razor, in his hand.

And god is he really going to do this?

-

Sleep is laced through with unease.

-

The feeling’s not gone the next day. He had hoped that after a good night’s sleep that the hurt would go away.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through the day.

The binder fits too tight. His hair is growing out a little and it only adds to the dysphoria. Everything feels too feminine. Too much. Way too much. Make it stop, please.

-

He walks to school, the overcast sky reflecting his emotional state perfectly.

He pauses, in front of the school door, weighing his options.

Then, he turns around and walks in the opposite direction. Fuck school.

-

He doesn’t go home. God, he doesn’t want to go ‘home’ ever again. He goes to the park instead, where he and Phil had been. Except that now Phil’s not there. Instead, there are countless children and their parents. He almost regrets coming but sits down on the edge of a bench anyway, pulling a book out of his bag and trying to lose himself in the story. At least for a little while.

It’s weird, how invisible he is.

Nobody seems to notice him.

Nobody bothers him.

He almost wishes that he could do this everyday. Until he remembers how much school he’s missing and feels his throat choke up. Too much, this is all too much, and yet not enough.

-

Phil texts him just after noon, when Dan would usually meet him.

Dan doesn’t reply.

-

Everything is falling apart at a steady pace and there’s nothing that Dan can do to stop it.

-

That night, Dan lays in bed, his hands resting on his stomach, tears racing down his cheeks. He thinks, ‘I need Phil’, and then, ‘I need Nicole’, and after that he hates himself a little bit more.

-

The amount of notifications that Dan wakes up to is absolutely horrifying, in his opinion. Dozens from Phil. Even one from Nicole. He breath catches in his throat as he sees it;

Nic: where have you been ive missed u

He doesn’t know if he can reply to it. He does anyway.

Dan: i miss you too.

And he does. Fuck, he does.

He locks his phone again before he replies to Phil. A sick feeling settles in his belly.

-

At lunch the next day, Dan’s almost disappointed to see that Phil isn’t yet sitting on the dusty patch of ground behind the building. He pulls out the same book that he had started yesterday, and begins reading. He’s hoping that Phil will show up.

But scared, too, because he’s so unresponsive. He’s scared that Phil will think that Dan doesn’t like him and he’s scared that Phil won’t see how lost Dan is.

But fear isn’t helping him so he pushes it down and tries so hard to focus on the words in front of him. He doesn’t know if it’s working.

Phil does show up. He’s not mad that Dan hadn’t been there the day before, instead, he was worried about how Dan was feeling.

Phil says, “Hey Danny.”

And Dan says, “I told you to stop calling me that.”

And then Phil hugs him again and all Dan can think is: Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Because what did he do to deserve someone like this? Since when did he get to be with the Good Guy? Since when did someone who actually cared about things pay any sort of attention to him?

Usually it was someone looking for a good fuck.

Or Nicole, who simply didn’t have her life together enough to care.

Dan lets Phil hold him and is scared that Phil will leave once he realizes how well and truly fucked up Dan feels.

-

Feeling good is something that takes a long time. Dan feels a spark of it that night when Phil texts him saying:

Phil: Goodnight dannyyyyyyy <3333

The spark being Dan’s stomach flopping around happily. Happily. Happiness. It’s something that he has a hard time feeling.

But with Phil, it seems to come easier.

-

Dan wakes up feeling a bit more awake than usual. He tells himself that this means he’s getting over the depression, though he can still feel it lurking there, right under his skin, waiting for the worst time to make it’s re-appearance.

It’s horrible, living like this, but at the point that Dan is now at, it’s impossible to avoid.

[herbalzee]

Get to know me tag!!!

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

   1. headphones (always!)    2. at least 50 hair ties    3. a full bottle of perfume    4. free pens from like everywhere    5. lots of tissues lmao

Five Things In My Bedroom:

a fish tank! i love my lil fishies

shoe cabinet

a Moriarty (from Sherlock BBC) calendar of him saying “Miss me?”. I love it

a small yellow chair!  

a color-coordinated bookshelf!!!

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

learn sign language!

travel all over europe

write my own book

become a therapist

have kids!! and pets!!!

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

hanging with friends!!

listening to music, podcasts and ASMR

watching movies

doing artistic things?? idek what that means but like i love going to operas and theaters and taking aesthetic pictures and being creative, shit like that

talking, ranting, expressing my opinions comfortably, theorizing, brainstorming

Five Things On My To-Do List:

read books

hang with friends

write short stories- or write in general lmao

travel!!!

prepare for uni... i need to seriously do that

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

i am passionate about psychology

i had an obsession with piercings and tattoos when i was younger

i had the yellow belt in karate when i was in practice

im very old school about silly things yet quite liberal about the serious stuff

im basically in love with malmo, sweden

Name?: zaina

Nicknames?: zee

Zodiac?: sagittarius

Sexual Orientation?: straight

Ethnicity?: middle eastern/ north african

Favorite Fruit?: mango!!!!

Favorite Season?: winter

Favorite Flower?: after a quick flower research, i found the soft pink spray roses and the blue hydrangea the most appealing to me

Favorite Scent?: vanilla! cocoa! banana-scented stuff (or generally fruit-scented stuff). old books!!! 

Favorite Animal?: bees!! or just any domesticated animals honestly (that can be kept at homes or farms)

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: tea

Cat or dog?: dogs

Dream Trip?: a boat travelling all around western europe!!!

Number of Followers?: i dont really care about this stuff

What do I post about?: any posts containing message worth-spreading, funny content or aesthetically-pleasing stuff..

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: nope! so famous that i had to close my ask box 

Favorite Band?: twentyone pilots, little mix, imagine dragons, coldplay, hey violet, abba (almost forgot them omg)

Aesthetic?: cinematography, animals and nature, books and libraries, literally anything vintage, multicultures, feminism and femininity. i cant think of other stuff but im majorly into art

Fictional Character I’d Date?: john bender from the breakfast club!!!!

Hogwarts House?: ravenclaw

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

Relationship status: single

Favorite color: purple, blue, green

Lipstick or Chapstick: lipstick!!

Last song I listened to: hard times by paramore

Last movie I watched: The Boss Baby

Top three TV shows:

(btw these three tv shows are the only shows ive ever watched and actually finished lmao)

BBC Sherlock

Clique

Yuri! on ice

Top three characters:

These are the ones that came to mind first, not top favorites

Sherlock (Sherlock BBC)

Todd Anderson (Dead poets society)

Savannah Karlsen (Girl, interrupted)

rules: copy/paste and replace my answers with yours and tag people :^)

a - age: 17 
b - biggest fear: my actual biggest fear is too personal so im gonna say my second biggest fear: not achieving anything valuable in my life  
c - current time: 3 am lmao 
d - drink you last had: a peach detox lmao 
e - every day starts with: checking phone  f - favorite song: of all time or currently? ive never had an all time favorite but right now my favorite song is hard times by paramore (mainly the chorus bc its awesome) 
g - ghosts, are they real: only the ones in our heads 
h - hometown: a.d. 
i - in love with: psychology 
j - jealous of: productive people 
k - killed someone: ... 
l - last time you cried: literally yesterday..  m - middle name: dont have one  
n - number of siblings: eins (one) 
o - one wish: to be satisfied with who i am and what i have p - person you last called/texted: im talking to my friend on the phone right now as im doing this.. shes the one who so kindly guided me to these fun questions q - questions you’re always asked: “why are you so quiet?” “what major are you getting into and at which university?”  
r - reasons to smile: youre very much well and alive!!

s - song last sang: i was having a fetus 1d songs marathon at like 2 am the other day so... definitely the entire up all night album

t - time you woke up: these days.. 12 pm, bc im tired and its my holiday 
u - underwear color: ohhhh boi v - vacation destination: anywhere cold filled with warm people 
w - worst habit: procrastination 
x - x-rays you’ve had: the most recent one i remember is a chest x ray y - your favorite food: pasta 
z - zodiac sign: sagittarius

post a screenshot of my lock screen, home screen, and last song played

RULES: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions. Then tag some friends.

I choose:

bbc sherlock

clique

yuri! on ice

The first character you loved:

ohhh, first was sherlock! then john almost 0.001 secs later

im pretty sure it was elizabeth. shes the cutest and i relate to her the most

probably Minako Okukawa, because shes so charming and funny

The character you never expected to love so much:

mrs hudson!!!!

louise!!! shes so smart and gorgeous and the least involved in the drama

yurio!!! i used to dislike him lmao but now hes my son

The character you relate to most:

molly hooper

like i said above, elizabeth!

ohh definitely yuri

The character you’d slap

john because sherlock suffered sooo much for him and opened his heart only to be abandoned because john is a naive idiot who still cant tell sherlock’s NOT a sociopath

SO MANY bc almost all of them did shitty things.. but the ones id slap right on sight are Alistair and the Steiner dude

ohmygod no, theyre all pure!! probably yurio bc that kid needs to love himself (but id immediately hug him right after)

Three favorite characters (these are in order of preference):

sherlock & john (one answer), mrs hudson, WIGGINS

holly, rachel, and fay (elizabeth and jude too)

the obvious trio: yuri, victor and yurio

A character you liked at first but not so much anymore:

mary lmao

alistair. i was a little suspicious of him but i liked him at the beginning bc he was cute and innocent. i HATE him now obviously

i love them all.. theres not a single one i dislike

A character you did not like at first, but they’ve grown on you:

ahahah mycroft

 uh georgia

christopher and JJ (but now i love them both so much)

[anotherler]

Time for more LQ notes! I read probably...40 pages if not more yesterday and the night before that so I’m taking a little break cause I got emotional but I still have tons of notes to post and I have been dividing them up so that the lists aren’t too long. I’ve also got some longer notes because I really like to think about this blog.  I probably should have mentioned this earlier but yeah...spoilers for ALL of LQ’s blog because i’m taking into account past and present posts.

This one has some of the longest notes in it and it ends at page 24 of his blog.

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

186. LQ seems to be feeling peachy keen ehehehe

187. The quality of LQ’s eyesight it somewhat correlated with seeing the truth or seeing clearly…so to speak…or quite frankly in a completely litteral sense.

188. LQ KNOWS ABOUT THE HAIRDRESSING BLENDER RUMOUR ABORT ABORT

189. (Also I understand forgetting of/being sick of drawing glasses.)

190. Blood faucet

191. Ah yes. Stove’s bestest friend; Oven…heheh.

192. In nightmares. In the distance…a hazy silhouette. No wonder LQ is so terrified of his dreams. Does he know that other guy is there? (Also I love ‘Ending’ by Ellie Goulding that’s an amazing song for LQ) Another thing of note is how LQ just sits there with his hands on his head. I wonder how he feels when he’s there. Is it a reminder of a part of him that literally died away?

193. LQ dabbles in the ancient language of magic anon..without success. Gosh that’s so meta.

194. LQ doesn’t really seem to think there is much of a difference whether he’s female or not. He’s pretty much right about that if you ask me.

195. Oh LQ :” D

196. The tags on the “static explanation” post are golden

197. LQ talks about his mom and boy does it hurt.

198: LQ sorta seems to prefer his female form in some ways…then again it’s really tricky to nail down. Such is gender, honestly.

199. LQ is very self aware and rather smart so it’s hard to believe him when he says he’s an idiot and doesn’t understand himself. But I do get that you can never full understand yourself.

200. LQ confirms that he really really didn’t take the surprise of being an aftermath well and that’s probably how he got all those injuries…he’s also been screaming in his sleep. As to whether or not he’s saying any additional thing is…hrm. Perhaps at this point he already knows about HQ and it’s just something he kept hidden from his followers. Considering it seems as though his dreams are composed of a bloody wasteland…why would he have any other reason to scream.  Just a theory.

201. I really appreciate LQ admitting he feels cowardly and going at his own pace. It’s good for him to take it slow but dangerous I suppose to sorta fall back into stagnancy. It’s a feeling that’s easy to recognize…

202. Be NICE to LQ he’s trying his best!!!!

203. Swiggity swall what’s with that pink ball…in his tags he mentions colossal con…hmmm. If LQ really did win that ball then maybe he’s so happy about it because it was a little victory.

204. LQ is immortal; on account of peaches

205. HQ is probably one of the best kept secrets on this blog because to my understanding, the concept for HQ has been around far longer than HQ has been present. I wonder if LQ’s laughter and words and sudden duality were because of HQ. LQ does mention being tired and he appears to be falling asleep and his head hurts so hm…hmmm

206. THIS PART!!! THIS PART!!!!!!

207. I’ve got a sense of déjà vu at this part cause there was a drawing of LQ facing to the left where it’s dark and his eyes were obscured and here it is again…but not quite the same. Just a second while I locate that other one….yup, page 52. LQ addresses his name and how he got it.

208. VALLEY/ONCIE LQ!!!!

209. No static on LQ but static on trees

210. TBH I love LQ’s once-ler story like all the other parts of it too like his valley days and boy did I want to see him at the height of his business but he did sorta act like he was at the start of the blog…but I get the sense it woulda been a bit different.

211. The illustrations in this part of the blog are so beautiful too. There are tons of other really notable areas but you can’t help but admire the complexity and the bright colours.

212. Interrupting your pleasant flashback to remind you of how much deep shit you’re in!!!

213. So LQ totally knew what was gonna happen and did it anyways…could he have even avoided this?

214. So I can see what makes LQ so bad. He talks about yelling at people, took his brothers for granted, calls people fuckers and idiots when he’s mad and I get the impression that with his delusions of grandeur he milked his success for all it was worth and used that time as an opportunity to feel superior and successful for once and quite simply give himself whatever it was he wanted for some time. Allowing himself to act however he wanted too. You get hints about this kind of demeanor throughout the blog, especially when he’s upset. But frankly, I think he’s been upset this whole time thinking about how nothing could change, how he couldn’t change anything about what direction he was going in because he really didn’t think he could. And then he slipped up and lost the seed. His last hope to not be a fuckup and come out as somewhat of a hero in the end despite how he acted. He probably didn’t think it would matter back then. The way he talks while holding the seed just oozes with selfishness. This part is really fucking sad. Plus a lot of it plays out in LQ’s mind: what others think of him. He doesn’t seem to believe that love can be unconditional that one day if you appear to be shitty enough people will leave and he braces himself for that constantly. This note is long, but this is a very important part of his story and a clear view of his past.

215. I’ve said it once. I’ll say it again. I FUCKING LOVE HQ. I love how he…antagonizes and challenges LQ. I love his charismatic way of speaking. I love his energy. He’s wild. He does sometimes refer to LQ as separate. How could he not? They ARE separate. HQ tends to aggressively oppose everything LQ does and I wonder what caused HQ to exist. Is this what LQ wanted?

216. IT HIM. I also really like how his reveal is dragged out like…who IS this guy. Who is he??? Is it LQ talking holy shit theres two of him??????

217. Me, forgetting how long HQ’s cape actually is: SHI T (also it looks really good long oh my god how did I not realize it was long?????????)

218. Well…so that’s why LQ’s mother started to avoid him and never spurred him on. She knew that Once-lers were bound to fail. I kinda wonder if that notion of failiure caused LQ to think less of himself...oh, probably.

219: So HQ is pretty much kinda like LQ’s…”true self” (insert persona joke here I suppose) so it makes sense for him to insult the followers as much as he does because LQ was probably holding his tongue somewhat. But HQ kinda takes LQ’s…truthfulness and bumps it up to 50 so in a case where LQ is mildly irrated, HQ just amplifies it to a screaming fit till it’s impossible to ignore or shrug off. LQ also perceives himself to be rather horrible and HQ definitely drives that peg in.

220. LQ was apparently distrustful and managed most of the tasks of business on his own and not very well either. Comparing this to previous things he’s  said , suddenly it doesn’t add up. A while back he mentioned that he shouldn’t HAVE to work because he is CEO but I think maybe he just didn’t want to get the credit for running his business so badly. Not to mention he had widely forgotten things back then.

221. Frankly when HQ is calm it’s really hard to discern him from LQ and he does. Get really calm at some point. I could picture LQ saying these exact things in previous posts. LQ doesn’t always lie, afterall. And HQ is not as much unlike LQ as people would think. But HQ kinda is a separate school of thought. I guess some part of LQ really wanted to be honest about everything and say everything that was on his mind and not hold it in anymore.

222. Wow. LQ really knows his METAphysics. (As in he understands perception of reality quite well.)

223. LQ is pretty much aware of everything you do. All your lewd questions, all your ships, everything. He just keeps his mouth shut because…common courtesy, eh? Even if talking about these things makes him ache. And just the way LQ defends this  makes personal sense to him. He believes that since he has an askblog people have the right to ask him whatever they want and he can’t be too mad at them cause otherwise he wouldn’t be running it properly. Never the less, it hurts and though the hints are there throughout the blog, HQ makes it painfully obvious here and then. And he gets really mad too, so LQ is clearly rather mad and fed up with it himself. LQ also mentions that he never should have..what? Talked about it? Yelled at his followers? Questions.

224. Okay, also now that I’ve read his blog through I really understand how LQ and HQ are one in the same because I remember all the ways that LQ has acted in the past and making these notes expanded my understanding. Perhaps the most unprecedented thing about the blog is how the followers are going to react and the majority of them seem to think there is no way that he and HQ are one in the same.

225: HQ sorta explains that why he’s there is so that the truth wouldn’t be coming from LQ himself. HQ’s kinda like a scapegoat.

226: LQ honestly does inflict a lot of punishment on himself.

227. Static Oncie was attacked by LQ because he stood for the hope of not messing up for good and LQ didn’t think he had made any mistakes. Static Oncie continues to be an enigma, however…I’m still trying to figure him out.

228. Shout out to Corv who kept LQ alive by feeding him like a mother bird. Good bird man.

229. Shout out to Mori for everything so far because it’s still fucking amazing!!!

230. LQ looks super adorable with suspenders. I really like them ^^ And yeah LQ you’ve come a long way since you’re not as pale as the sheet you were wearing on Halloween anymore.

231. Well, LQ honestly explains it well saying that some part of him probably got mad at him for not taking charge or a sense that when wandering in his thoughts they took control.

232. It’s pretty hard for LQ to have to push himself to face what he’s done and remember it when it hurts so much. But the latter isn’t exactly good for long either. It seems hard for him to find the right way of going about things.

233. From this angle you can see that LQ’s wall has blood on it and it’s only more obvious by how the static gathers in front of it.

234. GLOVE PARTY

235. Nice Stove cosplay

236. LQ seems to have a strong aversion to the colour black.

237. I love it when LQ tries to be spooky hehehe~

238. rainbow gloves are amazing gloves

239. HQ’s back! And LQ is intitially being a bit of a good sport about it it seems.

240. Again, this part is rather hard to read. Litterally because most of it is supposed to be obscured. Frankly…what I’m starting to understand about HQ is he’s the part of LQ that wants to improve to some degree. What other reason would he have to be so honest? He also reacts in shock to LQ not responding in the light of holding a knife up to his own throat. HQ also tends to plead and question the other side of him. It hadn’t occurred to me but among many of my thoughts HQ is kinda like a manifestation of survival too. He’s aggressive as a last resort. He kinda acts out of turn and does whatever he has to do and overtime he just never gives up. He keeps trying different things and I think it might be for the sake of trying to get better. What would it be alternatively? Punishment? Later posts really nail that notion in, if you ask me.

241: It really fills me with warmth to remember how Mori decided to update LQ on my birthday. It meant so much to me UuU it still does

242. Peach farmin’

243. I only have oen thing….to say……..8 >

244. The first time my dumb butt decided to come off anon and talk to LQ eeee :”D Kinda fucking weird that I’m such a fangirl ahahaha…ah well LQ would probably understand. As would…most people.

245. I kinda wonder if LQ doesn’t want visitors and doesn’t want to leave moreso on the basis that he’s scared of being judged and hurt by others as opposed to “Oh I’m an aftermath and that’s just what I do.”

246. LQ claims that he met HQ when everyone first saw him.  I had another theory but maybe LQ is telling the truth here too…or is he? Did he maybe just not know what was going on until HQ truly stepped in?

247. LQ is convinced that he’s not a good person. Is he really as bad as he says? That’s almost never the case.

248. It does seem like HQ and LQ can feel different things at the same time so it’s quite likely a sort of split personality conundrum

249. I am still really sad about the history surrounding LQ and his real name.

250. Honestly it’s so cruel that LQ can’t really keep anything to himself. But there is that entire dilemma of wanting to know something someone won’t tell you. Of just being curious an then having that curiosity satisfied. Sorta the nature of an askblog and opening yourself up for questions, isn’t it?