#theres probably more of mine anyway but this is the poll for now

[pocketramblr]

Poll Results

Alright, that’s it, i’m tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.

memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, I’d Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, I’m in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight

(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesn’t realize they’ve passed it on until later.

a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guess 

Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals. 

If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow

Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor

Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.

Probably a vial of blood so it’s easy and over quick

kiss 👉👈

i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )

Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and you’ve made First/Second my new OTP, so I’ll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?

This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe a scraping of skin cells

Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.

Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for

I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like you’re eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.

My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them

little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it

Put it in my coffee.

If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"

knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood

who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa 💀afo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason

Sexy battle where I’m the villain, and randomly the hero thinks “I wish I could save you”. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.

You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties

I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.

You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... y’know..... AFO...........

okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper

Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy

Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.

i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.

Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)

okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)

no i like my bones

drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair

no

Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something

First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.

If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.

If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.

If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.

Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually don’t like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.

Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!

not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie

I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@÷out.h pretty lady.,

Q-tip to the inside of the cheek

Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me

Via consumption of blood, babey

I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?

Sweet love

Hair

If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.

i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such

Last option, cause first is sexy as hell

okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...

Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me

Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.

Blood

Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Mido’s hair like a dad to pass it on. I’m sure you get it

Bleeding over an open wound

lil bit of spit in a milkshake.

I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!

ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore

drink from the same water bottle?

“EAT THIS!”

Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it

[explxsiveoutcxst]

announcement. (important)

((so,,,people voted on the poll. and i’ve also thought abt the things people have said. i’ve,,,thought a lot in general. this,,,isn’t easy for me to say or do. i’ve been super overwhelmed and dragged into things and it’s just,,,chaos. but,,,i think i’ve made a decision as to what to do in this situation. so,,,it’s really stressing me out. i don’t wanna have to be in this situation or stress abt it anymore. if we continue to write with each other, people will continue to drag us both down, andi’ll just feel extra stressed on top of it. the writing and the threads were fun and enjoyable and comforting. i didn’t think anything was wrong with the person behind them and man i really tried. i tried to be as understanding as possible and as willing to let people change but--i don’t think i can do it anymore.))

((it’s just,,,i’m way too stressed and overwhelmed. i’ve thought abt it and abt everything and i just,,,this is really hard for me to do but,,,i might just have to,,,stop interacting with her. i don’t have the time, energy or willpower to go back and delete all the threads we did, so hopefully they just get buried over time. they used to be canon in terms of the blog and character development but,,,i’m gonna have to say not anymore. for the sake of my own and everyone else’s mental health, let’s just say,,,it’s like none of that ever happened. yes that will revert whitty back into having no one to truly care for him. but that’s how it was for the most part in my whitty canon anyway. and yeah it’s a kin-based blog, it’s based on a past life of mine, but i figured i could do whatever in this current life and portray myself in situations and form new connections and it does help me feel more valid abt myself and the threads we did definitely made me feel better but i just...theres too much. too much stress coming with this. i just can’t anymore.))

((this is hurting my mental health too much. this is a really hard decision for me as i really didn’t want to have to cut off anyone. i didn’t know someone i considered a friend would,,,do these things and that it would spark such controversy and drama. ofc, being the friend of someone who does that,,,well it’s not easy on me. i’m in a real tough situation. i hope you guys can understand and,,,god this is one of the hardest decisions i’ve made since starting this blog. but,,,from now on i will no longer be interacting with silver-moon-arts/fallen-angel-fnf on this blog for the sake of my own mental health,,,and everyone else’s. i’m sorry if it ever seemed like i supported her actions, i do not condone or support any of what she’s done. i was simply upset and let my emotions and my hate of callouts get the better of me. i wanted to help a friend, i’m a naturally caring person who tries to see the good in people. but,,,i can’t. this is too much for me.))

((,,,,,,,,so. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yeah. i’m,,,,,,,,,,i’m sorry but i can’t be her friend anymore if it’s going to cause me this much stress and pain and drama i’m tired of it i’m overwhelmed i’m,,,i wanna believe people can change, i really do! but sometimes there’s nothing i can do and i need to learn when to quit. this is really hard for me but im tryna put my foot down and say,,,yeah no we cannot! anymore! ,,,,,,,,,,,i hate blocking people so i probably won’t block (for now), but the interactions we had on blog are no longer considered canon. i’ll probably keep them up simply because it’s too much to go through and delete, but,,,it’s no longer canon and is not to be treated as such. anyone else is welcome to try and befriend whitty but,,,at the same time i may need a bit of a break. i’m gonna try and go calm myself down for a bit. maybe then,,,idk we can do some m!a shit or somethin. after i get back. i just,,,this is so hard but i need to step away for a bit. i hopeyou guys understand and that no one is upset with me))

((,,,,,,,,this doesn’t change the blog itself. it’s still kinbased and personal to me and i’ll stil lbe active as much as i can i just need a moemtn i heed time to chil i cannot tpe too wel anymore i gota. sit don.))

[oswednesday]

oh opps let me not put this under a readmore at all

battle 1

(ability: forewarn, moves: psychic terrain, calm mind, imprison, future sight)

(it was a gift, like most starter pokemon, right)

(ability: regenerator, moves: reflect, light screen, snatch, recovery)

(im trying to give his team a floaty feeling that isnt just me being like see! see i can use stat boost moves in my fantasy competitive pkmn)

(psychic/dark)

(ability: shadow tag, moves: miracle eye, dark pulse, psybeam, heart stamp)

(hey im going to make this thing half dark type its literally a gothic lolita fggh, its old moveset is so much better why’d they nerf this thing so hard? it has fun like dark diva like moves between like being nice moves its fun?? they kinda keep it in swsh but not as back to back plus no feint attack,)

(he gets a lot of pkmn cause hes a rich kid)

(ability: healer, moves: quash, life dew, play rough, endure)

(despite being the chairmans kid, he doesnt have the crowd support as say marnie, mostly because his battle style isnt flashy and he says unpleasant thing, like, its a weird combo its one thing to talk trash and have explosive moves and its another to, not)

 ( if you read him as just spoiled it doesnt make sense that he’d pass autographs up imo, but i read him as not use to positive attention hes like shifty and avoidant, but he does have his fans, his team is cute after all! but i think hardcore fans of the game might also be like dubious the legitmency of a chairman backed trainer rather that super pumped up about it, idk trying to make sense of why he wasnt cold bopping like gary oak and imo its cause hes super shy and his team isnt like flashy its soft without the e-boy status, like its hard to maintain that fake gucci persona without huge breakdowns and temper tantrums, thats my read anyway)

(i realized im writing more for him than i did for marnie but i didnt want to spoil marnie plans but nothing about bede stuff changes fundementally, just that hes lowkey happy at the end and not making an emotional scene be a bad joke sdsfg)

(this battle is the challengers getting a rank an motorstoke! hes ranked 2nd place, much to his chagrin obvi)

--------------------

battle 2

(no changes to the first one cept a bit higher level, this format im doing the rivals feels like, not the most effeciant but its what i ended up doing for hop cause i tweak his team like every battle to fit the canon a bit more) 

(again no change! i could evo this one in this time frame, but im keeping the progression canon like, it was so well done in game for once it really feels like you grow with bede and a completely theme coherant team instead of like theme gimmick and just same type, it shows off how varsitile pkmn can be in character writing)

(ability: pastel veil,  moves: morning sun, heal pulse, agility, horn drill)

(this battle happens in the mines still!)

----

battle 3

(ability: regenerator, moves: reflect, pain split, snatch, recovery)

(ability: shadow tag, moves: miracle eye, dark pulse, psychic,heart stamp)  

(moves update: quash, brutal swing, play rough, psybeam)

(i think this battle actually happens just a little after rose is like [pretends to forget bebe’s name] like comic reasons theres less logic behind a battle and then the murual scene continuing; the lateral violence of it all)

----------------------

battle 4

(ability: forewarn, moves: psychic terrain, calm mind, stored power, healing wish)

(ability: dancer, moves: revelation dance, teeter dance, quivering dance, lunar dance)

(this line is so popular youd think they’d update it with some interesting moves? oh oops lunar dance is cresselias signature move, but like, im sure she wont mind, besides that has nothing to do with her role in the story and is in dire need of a cinematic update like, maybe, she needs like anti nightmare like moves like if user is asleep both pkmn gain hit points,cause lunar dance is just a renamed like healing wish basically ddfg)

(ability: regenerator, moves: reflect, heal block, snatch, recovery)

(i was soo big mad when they cut this and replaced it with a mawile like bede??? its not even his colorscheme out of all the fairys to have picked!!)

(aside note the shiny of this is really pretty!)

(i like the sudden pop of green he gets on his team instead of being jarring its like he picked something complimentary? but if i do go shiny that dancing onion will be shiny too omg its sooo hard cause the added pop of different color makes me read it as like a thing he thought about, like his aesthetic, but maybe the blue would look just as nice? maybe ill do his team side by side and do a poll gfdgf)

(ability: shadow tag, moves: miracle eye, heart stamp,foul play, future sight)  

(like im using future sight elsewhere as like story telling but this is like, before hand these humany shaped ones had aggroy attacks and now they have more like ones that play up their concept, like reflecting bede’s state?)

(ability: pastel veil,  moves: morning sun, heal pulse, glitzy glow, horn drill)

(i thought about just keeping the same moves like, but it could probably know its signature move)

(moves update: lucky chant, sparkly swirl, night slash, dazzling gleam)

(i wanted to give her life dew again, its such a nice move! but maybe lucky chant rounds out the witch vibes? also did you know night slash is called crossroad killing???? thats so cool i might call it that in comic but night slash has just as god a witchy vibe)

(the championship cup!)

[jordantanevisualessay]

Nicolas Connor Barnes

My mom named me after the actor Nicolas Cage and I hate it, its horrible. Also my dad apparently named me after Sinéad O'Connor you know who she is? the one who sang “Cause nothing compares to you” that girl who is now a crack head so my dad just pulled her last name and put it in mine. Anyway that’s my name.

Tell me about your family?

My Mom’s family is a bunch of crack heads. My dad’s side obviously don’t know my dad, but I still keep in contact with my Aunty, Uncle, Grandma and Grandpa from that side. My mom was a single mom, she remarried. But besides all that they are all from Australia and just plain white. 

Describe your aesthetic

Extra , Boujee, Colourful would you say I’m colourful 

What do you mean by colourful?

Like I have a lot of colours, like yellows and blues and purples.

Oh like you’re colour palette?

Yes, so yeah I said colourful, would you describe my style as designer? Like is that a thing? 

What designer brands are you into?

Gucci, Louis Vuitton, love me some Prada, Dior, Chanel, Dolce, Versace, Bottega Venetta, Jimmy Choo, Fendi, I could be here all day.

So just anything designer essentially?

Of course

So obviously we have known each other since high school, and we have seen a lot of our friends change dramatically, so my question is do you think you have changed since high school up until now? Or even seen a change during high school?

I think I have definitely started to come out of my shell more, like I felt more comfortable to kind of wear what I want, I don’t give a fuck now, like I don’t care if you don’t like it, If I wanted to wear a fur coat to class bitch I will and I’ve done it. 

Through this project I have been reflecting back in year 9 till like both of us in our 2nd year of Uni 

Oh I had terrible style in year 9, actually I think we all did, we all thought we were hot fly and sexy.

How would you describe your sense of humour?

Certainly very dark and inappropriate, but also like I find very immature things quite funny. You know actually imma go real deep here, the reason I think I enjoy immature jokes is cause I never got the chance to be immature as a kids and that’s a fact. Hit the dong on the head with that. But yeah that’s the thing with you and I, feel like we both missed out on our childhood’s and kind of being a kid almost, so yeah that’s probably why I’m the way I am. I find certain stuff really funny but at the same time very mature for my age.

Do you feel like people don’t like that? 

Mainly people would just say oh you can’t laugh at that. But I would generally say it turns some people off but at the same time I don’t really care, I’ll do what I want.

In regards to your humour and perdsonality do you feel like you need to hold back at times? 

I just don’t care. If you don’t like my humour you can just fuck off somewhere else. Like what I find very self deprecating humour funny some people obviously don’t and like I find that very funny and if don’t like it its not my problem.

So tell me, what are your influences?

In terms of what like in life?

Yeah, before we get into like you’re aesthetic influences, I would love to know your life influences or even you why

Definitely my mother, 100% my mom and also just my self influence of wanting to do well for myself. But its definitely because of my mom I am where I’m at, she’s the only influence I need. 

What actually got you into designer clothes?

This is going to sound really stupid, but around the time of year 11 was when I started to become interested in it. And around that time I started watching, this is so terrible, I started watching you know house wives and all of their designer wear,  it was all a different world to me. So I would be like ooh I like that and would google it have a look at the website and find more stuff and then it was a continuous thing, each week a new episode would come out you would see it. Also a lot of the music I listen to its all about the Gucci bags and all of that. It wasn’t until about year 13 my last year of high school I started to watch more Youtube luxury videos of like unboxings, but yeah in year 13 was when I was like I really want these things but can’t afford them. And I actually started to buy fake designer items. And that was around about 6 months and then I stopped, got myself a nice little collection, then once we came out of lockdown the following year, I had all this money and I was like you know what I always wanted to go and buy something and that’s where it started and it hasn’t stopped. So now I don’t buy any fake designer items my stuff is real. A lot of people can call me shallow or whatever but in a way that’s what I put value and that’s my pride, happy and joy. 

Do you feel like you value objects more than people?

Yes omg facts, and they wont turn your back on you they will be right where you left them yesterday.

I know you mentioned before that one of your first designer influences was house wives, what actually got you into the show?

I still watch them, it was because I had a lot going on for me personally during that time, and for me that show even today its the same reason, you see a bunch of people fighting all the time, they go on holiday, they go shopping, and that is a life, not like what I want to have but a life you can almost live by curiously through, so I can put my shit on the side and invest in someone else’s drama, cause its not my drama so I can watch you fight and its not my problem. And it just spiralled out of control but like I have a picture of fucking  Lil’ Kim on my wall dressed in Chanel like she is obviously an influence on me and so is foxy brown. And if whoever asked who are your style icons and I know they are woman and we cannot wear the same things, I mean we could but it would be very strange, but those are my style influences.

I know in this day of age a lot of people are crossing those gender boundaries when it comes to style, is that something you would want to explore?

Like would I want walk across the street in heels, no. Thats not for me but I generally feel once I move out of home, cause my mom does make some comments on what I buy and decide to wear, but once I do move out of home I will be able to wear more. Im not huge on purses or anything like that not for me. Honey I sit there all the time looking at them, like they are so beautiful. But still not for me, but still there are some for when I do move out of home then I may be able to start looking into that more. I more kind of want to explore that unisex area of more feminine fashion but also masculine at the same time. I wouldn’t go for a purse which is feminine but I just want that balance. 

Would you use/wear a purse or like have them on display?

Like look at my Chanel bag I’ve never warn, but yeah once I do move out of home there are bags I do want like the Chanel Boy bag, its not a super feminine its more one of the masculine bags they have but it certainly not a ‘guys’ bag. It’s probably one of those things that I will grow into at some stage.

Theres certainly a scale of some kind of  masculinity and Femininity what are your personal thoughts on that and where would you fall on that scale?

Personally for me, Im certainly not the most masculine fellow out there but there are way more feminine people than me as well, but I would say I’m in the middle but leaning more towards the masculine. Im certainly in that middle point because there are some part of me that can be quite feminine.

So yeah back when we talked about Influences you talked about housewives and but then mentioned a bit about music so tell me more

I listen to a lot of current things when I was young like whatever Britney Spears had put out, whatever was just on the radio, we didn’t have Spotify or anything like that, and then it go into 2014 I got very interested in Nicki Minaj, she’s kind of into her fashion as well but I didn’t really take any notice of her. This is really strange but I found out about Lil’ Kim cause they both had beef, instantly liked Lil’ Kim more than Niki Minaj, and that’s when I began to notice she was a bit more out there. One of the first songs I listened to by Lil’ Kim the first line was “Being the first rap bitch to rock Chanel” and it was just very prevalent, and even all of her outfits and everything was very extra. 

What Is the main difference between Lil’ Kim and Niki Minaj? 

Honestly they are quite similar to each other, and thats why they had problems. For example Doja Cat, I almost would say Niki Minaj, Cardi B and Doja Cat are in the same box in terms of how they are very poppy, rappy. But Lil’ Kim is outta of the hood, and she’s never really done like pop music its very hardcore rap. Same with Foxy Brown, again all hardcore rap and even some of their music has heavy depth. I was thinking there’s a quote by Foxy Brown “And if you only knew I hold my minks at nights with cheap, Or no other hands can hold me right” Things like that are just like ouch, like I feel that. Obviously they are both very like into their designer labels so I was like me too. I just love that they don’t keep it PG and I can relate to that as I’m very outspoke myself. I just love me some hood music. 

Yeah and you just started recently going clubbing now too

Yeah I got to the point where I was like you know what I need to experience it at least once before I’m too old, and now I just keep going. I actually saw old videos of me slut dropping and back in that moment I thought I was hot as fuck but after seeing that not anymore.

What Clubs do you go to?

One of the first places I went to was Shadows which in enjoyed since they played early 2000s music I was all up in on that. Went to Ding Dong, it was creepy, didn’t like it, it was a very satanic vibe. It was an underground bar with a bunch of strip polls and shit like that, it was weird. Bar 101 is terrible, been once and never again. Went to Cassette for like 4 hours, Cassette was so much fun and then I went to Family Bar for like the rest if the night. But yeah my main bar/club is Family Bar. Even though there is just drugs everywhere shirtless people like where am I. 

What you mentioned before about once you move out and have more freedom where do you see yourself in that future ahead?

Hopefully I will be graduated by then. I really don’t think my style is going to changed its just going to be more of it. Alot more outfits, shoes, bags, hopefully some diamonds. Love me some diamonds. Me as a person, I don’t think I’m going to change much either, I say that because I look at everyone else I grew up with especially  from high school I would say everyone changed completely compared to myself, some for better some for worst. I’ve felt like I’ve been consistent with who I am, so I don’t think that’s gonna change. I’ve never had that rebellious phase that most of us goes through. I had to keep it real, having that childhood innocence taken from you and having to be mature early on, theres no room for that rebellious side, there’s so many bigger things in life than just vaping and doing that shit. But like I still have my fun you know, just have my head screwed on straight. 

How have you coped with this current lockdown?

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve really struggled with this lockdown. Like I just don’t wanna do anything, I will literally just sit here dead sad, so I just start drinking and I will just drink, like last night I got fucked. I’ve drank everyday, I’ve finished a bottle of grey goose in a couple of days. I’m just really struggling but I know once this lockdown is over, my life will pick itself over. Im not worried I will become like an alcoholic or something but its been rough. 

Tell me about your Instagram Lux with Nico 

Oh no, oh god, okay well its my Instagram page, which I haven’t on for a long time. It was a way for me to get into the community of designer lovers, like I’ve met some amazing people through it. Especially here in New Zealand, people don’t really get the whole designer thing.  My mom is always like what the fuck, why do you need this, and a lot of my friends don’t understand it either but they kind of accepted it but I do feel some sort of judgement from some people, they just don’t get it. So its nice to have that community not in a bragging kind of way like omg I brought a Gucci bag, and there’s other people excited for you and when they get something you get excited for them, and its a nice community to be apart of it. You get to see a lot of other peoples things and they get to see yours and you can get into those conversations. It’s nice but it always does has it dark side to it, its like a blog and you are wanting that blog to grow and they only way for it to grow is when you buy things. So I felt this kind of self pressure to be like “omg I haven’t gotten anything a new thing in like a week, what am I gonna post” so then I would go look at Prada like go looking for anything to buy just so I can upload something, to keep growing my account. Cause I did this everyday for awhile, and I just ran out of things. You look at other peoples accounts and they buy like Louis Vuitton bag like every week. I came to realise that was very fucking stupid, you should only buy things that you want and can afford. So yeah there is that dark side to it and you can go down that hole, you feel like you have to buy things for other people to look at. Which really it’s not what it’s about.

Do you wish to continue with that account and going into that social media realm?

I do, but I got this point where I ran out of things to post about. Like do I start posting pictures of the same thing but in a different angle? I mean I’ve brought things that I haven’t posted. But for me if i’m going to start posting again, I want it to be regular thing. And yeah I can post maybe weekly and space it out but you can’t really grow your account, you need to be very consistent if you want your account to really grow. I got to like 300 followers in a month, like I know that’s not huge and that’s even 3 times that what I have on my own personal account. After awhile the numbers were kind of slowish because you reach all the people that are interested in your shit. More people did come and I even had people like I had this girl who did custom designs on designer items and I had people like that who reached out to me, being like “oh we love your collection, we would love to do this for you etc” that’s stuff is nice and all but I did get to the point where I was like I don’t know what else to do here. 

Using your imagination is there anything else you would love to do besides posting of your designer items etc? Like even create your own stuff?

I would love to make my own collection of something, actually I would love to sell shoes, like design my own shoes. Would love love to do that, but then i’m like how would even start that sort of thing, would people even buy my shit. 

Would you say your favourite designer item is shoes?

Well, the only things i’ve brought this year have been all shoes. I mean I love my shoes, that’s my thing. 

And on top of all of that your studying psychology

Yeah I’m wanting to get into the Clinical side of psychology, I’m currently in my 2nd year doing a bachelor  of Psychology at University of Auckland. I think the reason of me wanting to get into that field stems from childhood things, like all of the people studying psychology are fucked up so. But yeah I would love to help someone else and give them that second chance. Currently at the moment we are doing a section on relationships and intimacy, I would love to be a relationship therapist that would be great, like that to me is super interesting. 

Why are you more interested in the relationship side of psychology? 

Don’t know really, just very interesting to me, seeing how relationships work through its ups and downs and all that kind of stuff. And for order for me to get into Clinical I will need to get a PHD and write a whole thesis, so I was kind of thinking of doing something on the lines of retail therapy, and I feel that would be very interesting for me to explore in a psychological level. 

So I know you are wanting to become a psychologist after your studies but do you think you would ever get into designing your own stuff like you mentioned before?

I would love to have my own brand or design something, that’s not a realistic goal though. You have to work fucking hard, everyone will say the work you put into is what you get out of it. You can put your heart and soul and even money all kinds of shit, but if no one buys you’re shit you’re not successful. So half of it is yeah people have to like it and want to buy it cause otherwise you ain’t going to be making shit. But if you go into a job in like psychology there is good money associated with and there is money for it, so for me that’s the most financially responsible decision. 

Were you born here in New Zealand?

Yeah I’m actually from Palmerston North, we lived briefly in Rotorua and then lived in Auckland up until now. I don’t really have a sense of belonging to a particular place, like Auckland yeah I grew up in the city and I have respect towards it but I don’t wanna live here, but also know that I’m very luck and very thankful for being in Auckland cause I don’t not think I could survive anywhere else. I know that sounds terrible but like Wellington I don’t like the atmosphere, Christchurch is the same. And anything smaller than that no thanks, we live in the city and I’m very thankful for that, we’re in the most established place in the country, and I’m grateful that I live here in Auckland. Im a mother fucking city girl. 

Do you wanna move outside of New Zealand then?

I know for a fact I do not want to stay here, I would actually love to live in Dubai or like Sidney or even London. Theres nothing really keeping me here in New Zealand, like I don’t have a huge family or anything and the opportunities here are very far in-between, cause I do feel like in New Zealand there’s a certain place you can end up, and no room for growth but I feel like in other countries there’s more opportunities, more money to be made and even more places you can go. So that my reason. 

Like you mentioned before about not having a lot of family holding you here, I know for a lot of people they are rooted to where they come from and have that connection what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah I just feel like this is where I live and that’s about it, I don’t see myself being here forever.

Do want that family aspect like in your future would like to start your own family?

I think so, I want to find a place where I can call my own, I mean you never know once you explore the world. Its quite interesting thinking about life like that. Yeah I’ve never realised how much your childhood affects you in your adult life until now. Especially of the way I am, that I’m very closed off. I do have that part of me that wishes for a family which I didn’t have growing up but then at the same time I’ve gone along time without it so why do I need it. Honestly I feel like would be a good parent but I don’t think I would want children, cause I would always try to do the best for my children and at the same time I don’t have real desire to have them. 

How are you with people Generally?

Oh still hate people, I think everyone is a piece of shit.

Final question of the day but what are your life goals? 

Having a job, be financially stable and just do the best I can for me personally. I know that sounds very boring and cliché but that’s the truth.

[idadayalla-blog]

Brazil’s emotional election period got me emotional ...

So it has already been two weeks since the elections and the news about Bolsonaro have spread globally meanwhile. On the night of that election Sunday, I had actually been very calm. I picked up the result at the counter of a bakery as a cashier quietly updated another cashier and it was just my turn to pay my bill. I was on my way home by bike from a little hike with friends. Some cars honking had been passing me and I heard noises of firecrackers justifying me that Bolsonaro had won. This behavior of victory celebration, like after soccer games, personally matched my notion of Bolsonaro voters.

The week before the second ballot I had become very emotionally touched because of all the news considering street violence linked to the elections, conversations with friends about politics and experiencing the effort at my university to demonstrate resistance against an anticipated far right shift for the country. I became extremely worried about what is actually going on in the world right now. Right-wing populism isn’t just a phenomenon in Brazil; it is gaining more and more popularity in many countries of the world right now and has already settled within positions of power. If I am thinking of going back to Germany, I would certainly not return to a soil not being infected by that cancer yet having the AfD as the third strongest party right now within the Bundestag (German parliament).

Well, I literally felt that major bricks regarding democracy are breaking right now. Usually I used to not take myself and the world I am living in too serious, however these days something just felt so profoundly serious about this planet leaving me literally unable to focus on stuff I wanted to do during the day like writing this text.

The internet totally consumed my mind shortly after the election Sunday.

- The Pittsburgh shooting (to me: a brutal evidence of anti-Semitism and basically hate)

- Angela Merkel’s (Germany’s chancellor) speech to announce her retirement after the current election period (although I am not an elector of her party, her speech left me impressed on her rhetoric capability and honest attitude regarding the current government’s work. But the intention of her speech also left me sad.)

- chatting with my mom and my former host dad from the states regarding politics, as my host dad writes that they would “joke (for now, at least) about civil war between far right and the left, problem is, the far right has all the guns!” (right after that message, I saw and read a then recently posted vice article with the headline “A new American Civil War feels closer than ever after Pittsburgh”)

- youtube documentaries on Brazilian politics

- the usual random madness within the facebook feed: Seeing the latest news on post elections violence in Brazil: A kid being killed by a gun during Bolsonaro victory celebrations, vandalism in indigenous communities, people wearing T-Shirts with the number “64” which dates the initial year of the past military dictatorship in Brazil (comparable to Neonazis wearing shirts with the number “88”.). But then also videos plopping up about positive thinking vibes, a kitten drinking milk “to brighten your day”, some holiday pics from long forgotten classmates, a video about an American motel trying to give shelter for people which are basically totally lost in their life, a video collecting all homophobe statements of Bolsonaro and so on… within the mess theres had also been a call to sign a petition to attack the plan of a pro Bolsonaro student deputy (as far as I understood the news) who wants to led professors be videotaped while holding lessons. The student deputy says: ‘what do they say which society is not allowed to hear as well?’

By the time I saw news that the “Nigerian army is using Trump’s words to defend gunning down dozens of protesters” (vice), I’ve luckily already made my way out of this depression trap called internet. However, when I was walking along my street for instance and passing neighbors I just felt so little trust in the faces I saw. Like I was thinking meanwhile: “Oh she/he probably voted for Bolsonaro as well”. And many of them did so for fact, as there is apparently a lot of arguing going on in my street’s groupchat on WhatsApp, which is what my hairdresser neighbor told me the other day while giving me a new look. Gosh, am I glad that I am not in that group. I am hating group chats in general. But anyway she voted for him as well, as she didn’t really answer to my concerns and criticism on Bolsonaro except “He might had been kidding a lot” and “Well let’s see”, in Portuguese ‘vamos ver’, also belonging to one of the most outspoken sentences over here and expressing the uncertainty within the Brazilian mentality pretty much on point. Well, she might had voted for a radical candidate but during my appointment she had been a bit afraid and hesitating in giving me, as she said, a ‘radical haircut’. I was asking her to do me a very straight-lined hair. “Do many people have that haircut in Europe?” Me: 🙄. Well, back to the group chat misery:

A guy I met at a friend’s birthday said that the group chat of his apartment complex is full with pro Bolsonaro content and he wouldn’t dare to text something contra. Most of the people he is sharing the building with are apparently evangelic. “I’d be probably screwed leaving a red scarf or so on my door handle”, he was joking. Because the Pro Bolsonaro side argues/d that the left-wing would want to turn the country communist.  

So now, post elections, many people are very afraid, especially the ones belonging to minorities or being activist. Uruguay is a considered country among those and professors and artists and maybe other people as well to emigrate to. Some of them have already left the country prior to the elections because the victory of Bolsonaro had been a pretty save prediction. A friend of mine told me that he basically doesn’t see a future for him. On election day he held a specific meditation, to mentally prepare himself for a new era. Within the WhatsApp group of my university, ‘UDESC against fascism’, a five screen long guide with security advise in fascist times had been dropped immediately after the result was final. And last week in my ceramics class I could definitely feel a despondent mood capturing the studio.

But how am I feeling eventually? First of all, the major voting motivations seemed very ridiculous. At the second ballot, the majority of people would vote for one of the two candidates to not let the other win. I mean, voting for a party based on being supportive on their political plan is totally left out in this sort of voting scheme. In general, many people voted for Bolsonaro as a matter of protest against the past year’s corruptive politics by the PT. On the other hand, had many Haddad voters (in the second ballot) not been convinced by him or his party, but basically voted for him to save democratic values in their country. A fact that made me very angry is that many people of my social environment haven’t gone vote because they didn’t transfer their voting region in advance. They moved to Florianópolis within the past years, e.g. to go to university here, but they didn’t officially change their location of residency to then be able to vote at the polls here. They are all against Bolsonaro and saying that his voters are ignorant but to me this way of letting the election just happen is ignorant as well and letting shine through a pretty lazy attitude on top. Some people drove back home over the weekend to go vote but many whose parental residency are farer away, like outside of Santa Catarina or its bordered states, didn’t due to the travelling effort and expenses.

Postal vote isn’t possible in Brazil which is what I am usually doing in Germany. Thus I suppose all the Brazilians living in the exterior, which certainly aren’t just a few, didn’t influence this election at all. So, I guess there could have been a chance on flipping the result if left orientated people would have made use of their right to vote having been more urgent than ever to make use of, and if the voting conditions for people living outside the country would be sorted out in some way. I mean, ultimately the voting difference had only been 10% and something between the two candidates.

Above all it is kind of crazy to already feel that this election will very likely divide the country’s society in two sides, as already happening in the United States. Over here, the two mindsets clash with each other even within inner family circles. In many families the older generations, parents and grandparents, are pro Bolsonaro and the children contra.  And so it is in the family of my former flat mate, thus he decided to not travel back home for Christmas this year.

In general, it is very disillusioning to see another success of an election campaigning targeting to create fear and anger within the people and doing this mainly via social media platforms. It feels nasty that there is a specific agency supporting Trump, AfD, Bolsonaro and surely many more right-winged politicians and parties in other countries besides USA, Germany and Brazil, and thus supporting that antidemocratic and inhuman behavior becomes accepted again. It is kind of ridiculous to see that people turn very nationalist again while everybody is making use of a globalized world on a daily basis. And yes, here you can receive a “Go back to your country” as well, as this sentence became very common to hear in public in Germany after its refugee wave in 2015.

Well, but Ida come to a point: I realized that living in a democracy had been something very unquestionable for me. I guess people of my generation take it very much for granted. And so far, my political interest had been very low or not there at all. But I can feel that the circumstances over here and the emotions I am absorbing are making me aware to become more involved. We, the generation Y and close by generations, are spending so much time by dealing with ourselves. We are so busy in discovering ourselves, finding the sense and fulfillment for our lives. But meanwhile, the shelter to do so, to develop our personalities freely, is losing its power. And that is frightening me. I surely do not want to live in an environment where repression is ruling, where being oneself, being authentic in public, is in danger.