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uwurakax · 4 years ago

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boy, i need you ♡

pairing: akaashi x reader ♡

genre: angst // cheating // minimal swearing // suggestive (not explicit) ♡

summary: he knew it was wrong, every fibre of his being told him it needed to end with you. so why couldn’t he bring himself to do it? ♡

♡ sequel to ‘boy, i hate you’ - read the first part here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: warning, not proofread or anything! wasn’t planning on part 2, but then it was brought up and i thought “hey i can work w a 2nd pt”. reader has no gender mentioned - but again ig default fem if theres vibes here? idk. also have a note at the end so there’s no spoilers here haha. excuse the crappy writing as always - my 2am brain refuses to work at any other time ty for coming to my tedtalk that no one cares about ✌️ ♡

♡ (inspired by f.u by little mix) ♡

unfaithful

/ʌnˈfeɪθfʊl,ʌnˈfeɪθf(ə)l/

adjective

1. engaging in intimate relations with a person other than one’s regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Akaashi couldn’t say exactly why his infidelity started. Honestly there was nothing inherently wrong with your relationship. You were amazing, loyal, kind and everything he could ever want in a partner. He supposed at one point he was like that to you. Not anymore though. He could never be like that ever again. Not when he found comfort in the arms of another. Another that wasn’t you.

Akaashi knew it was wrong. Wholeheartedly he wanted to free you of the unforgivable. Did he take advantage of your sweet behaviour? Deep down inside, he knew he was. The cheap thrill of loving somebody else while you waited patiently for him back at home. Back at the home the both of you had made together. The home that he had inadvertently tainted with the presence of another.

This is the last time.

How many times would he tell himself that? That the momentary pleasure he got from her was just that. That he’d stop before it went too far.

Over a year later was already beyond what was classified as ‘too far’.

He couldn’t kid himself into thinking it was just a brief lapse in judgement anymore. Not when he didn’t stop. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you in the slightest. How could he do that? To the one he promised to love. The one to always be there for you, care for you. To do everything a good boyfriend should do.

To never, ever be the reason for your tears.

He knew he didn’t have the right to feel this way. It was selfish. Completely and utterly selfish. But when he’d come home and find you there waiting for him, while he was whispering sweet nothings, words that should’ve only been reserved for you, to somebody else just minutes prior, he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. Akaashi, ever so observant, noticed that you stopped faking your smile. He remembers the first time he saw it.

5 months after his unfaithfulness began, something he swore that’d happen just once, he saw the look on your face. The warm smile you had greeted him with just earlier that morning before he left, was now gone. This smile wasn’t as bright, and the shine didn’t reach your eyes. He didn’t like this smile. It was beautiful of course, because it was from you, but he didn’t like how fake it was. You had given him some half-assed excuse.

“I’m just a little tired Keiji”

He knew you too well. Knew you were lying to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to press on further. Day after day, your smile continued to drop. Further and further, until it was some terrible imitation of the one he had fallen in love with years ago. No matter how much you tried to hide it, he would always notice the slight redness in the whites of your eyes. Dark and puffy under-eyes that you tried desperately to conceal. The tone of your voice, no longer lively and cheerful. He supposed after a year, you just didn’t want to pretend to be okay anymore.

This will be the last time.

He’d break it off with you. His silent promises to spare you from anymore pain. The guilt ate away at him, feeling the nausea rise in his stomach. You deserved someone better than him, someone who would treat you the way you should be treated. He used to be that guy. Where did that man go? What happened to him? He supposed he didn’t have the right to be that person anymore.

He was always so tense thinking on what to say to you. On how to finally admit his wrongdoings. Whether you knew of his actions behind your back, finally voicing them out would be the nail in the coffin. The confirmation that he was indeed doing the things that you were suspecting him of. Perhaps thats why you could never ask or actually push forward with it.

Because even if you knew, with great certainty, you could deceive yourself into thinking he was still the boy you had fallen in love with all those years ago.

Akaashi only received a fleeting moment of peace from his thoughts of you when she was around. He absolutely despised it. It was despicable how he could find a sense of safety in her arms. It should’ve been you, only you. It was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong, and yet he couldn’t help but think it felt right. It was wicked and evil, there was no other way to put it. Her hands. Her kisses. Her touch. All the moments with her made him forget about you, if only for a brief period. The gentle feel and traces of her were like invisible tattoos, covering all the places you had marked, kissed and touched.

It was all just too intoxicating for him. From her silky smooth hair to the softness of her skin. However, when he ran his fingers all over her body, he couldn’t help but think of you. God he was pathetic. So, so badly he knew it was wrong. He already had you, had your love, had everything you had to give. So why would he run for comfort to her, only to end up wishing it was you instead? It didn’t make sense, and he couldn’t understand it at all.

“Keiji, why don’t you stay the night?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry”

“It can’t keep going on like this. You guys should break up. Then you wouldn’t have to keep going back there, and then you can finally stay here with me. Isn’t that what you want?”

No, it wasn’t. It was probably the reason why he’d never stay over with her. Because he always wanted to come home to you. If he didn’t want to stay with her, if he didn’t sleep in the same bed with her, if he didn’t want to hold her hand - everything he wanted to do with you - why did he still do it? Why! Why! Why! It constantly plagued his mind. He was just selfish.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

And so, Akaashi sat in his car, with his grip on the steering wheel, thinking of the words to say. He knew he needed to be delicate, but firm. To the point, but not blunt. ‘This will be the last time’, he says to himself. The last time he thinks of the words to say. The last time he sits in his car contemplating about everything. The last time he has to hurt you. He’ll let you go, let you cry, even let you throw any object in reach to let out your frustrations on him. Just as long as he didn’t have to hurt you anymore. With a shaky breath, he unlocks the car door and steadies himself. He makes his way to house you both shared, hand on the handle as he closes his eyes. It’s time to face the music.

He quietly opens and closes the door behind him, setting his belongings on the dark oak table sat next to the door. He hears you in the kitchen, your feet padding around on the tiled floor. He makes his way there and freezes. You’re slaving away in a large t-shirt and shorts just a bit too big for you. They’re his without a doubt. You hear his shoes clicking against the floor and turn around to face him.

“Welcome home Keiji”

He hated that the gleam in your eyes was gone, and that your lips had to form a smile way too forced. He hated what he had done to you.

“I’m making your favourite, it should be ready in about 10 minutes”

With that, Akaashi loses all composure. He steps forward, his long legs carrying himself towards the stove top, situating himself behind you. He reaches around to turn it off, and moves the pot to the next hotplate. You turn around to question him, only to end up surprised at how close he was. You’re flustered, and he can easily tell how nervous you are at the way your eyes dart at anywhere else but him.

The temperatures rising in your body, and you swear that Akaashi can feel it steaming out of you. He closes the distance quickly, and soon enough your tongues are fighting for dominance against each other. He was in such bliss, it was like your lips were moulded to be with his. In moments like this he could forget. When your touch covered the traces of her. When your taste overwhelmed hers. He wanted you imprinted on him again. But he knew, knew that soon enough, he’d wash it away with his mistress. A continuous cycle of you and her. Disgustingly selfish.

This will be the last time.

The last time he takes your hand. The last time he has the pleasure of kissing you. The last time he undresses you. He takes his time, drinking in your form under the moonlight. Not even the darkness could overshadow your light. He knows you do the same, your eyes focused on him now. You push him forward so he falls back on the plush mattress. Why would he ever think about anyone else? He knew this had to be the last. The last time he’d let his eyes fall over you. He needed to save these moments in his head so he’d never forget.

The last luxury he’d have of you.

So he’d soak it all in, ingrain it forever. He needed to remember it vividly so he could look back. Look back at the idiot he was for ever hurting you in this way. He didn’t deserve you in the slightest. He thought that if he could capture every last detail, it could be the least of his karma. To miss what he took for granted.

How many times had he thought that himself?

And at the end of it all, he’ll just lay there. In the bittersweet afterglow of the love you two had shared. He’ll close his eyes and prepare himself to lose it all. Lose you. You think he’s asleep as he’s so still and his breathing so even. You’ll comb your fingers through his hair, just like you always do, and mumble quietly about your devotion to him.

“I love you, so much Keiji”

You pray he doesn’t hear you, but he does. As clear as day, you whisper confessions of love and admiration for him. He knows he doesn’t deserve it. Not in the slightest, not at all.

But the gentle kiss you place on his lips has him reeling, and his resolve cracks. He can’t do it, because he’s just that selfish. He knows that in the end, it won’t be the last time. He’ll go through it all again. The guilt will eat him alive. The feel of bile on the tip of his tongue no longer phasing him - he’s gotten used to the taste. He’ll break your trust, again and again, and then carelessly attempt to put the pieces back together, just to shatter them more. It’s cruel, he knows this. He wishes you’d just insult him. Cuss him out. Do anything, but show him love over and over. He loves you, he truly does, and he knows how horrific it is to do this to somebody you claim to love. He just wants you to hurt him, tell him what a disgusting asshole he is, how he’s a piece of shit, a waste of space. Any and everything you can think of.

But you don’t.

And while you continue to show him affection, he’ll drown in the abyss of despair that he, himself put him in. Because during these moments he could pretend that you actually loved him. That you didn’t know of his cheating ways. That he wasn’t touching you with the same hands that held someone else.

So tomorrow it’ll all start over, and the cycle will continue. He’ll keep on breaking your heart, and you’ll both pretend to be okay with it. No matter how many times he told himself it would be the last.

He hoped that one day he wouldn’t be such a coward. That he would finally cut the strings that tied you both together and just end it. Akaashi knew it was wrong, but he was just that selfish and hypocritical.

extra: IM SORRY! i know this probably wasn’t the part 2 that was wanted but 🤟😭 i couldn’t help myself! pls give any akaashi merch hugs and kithes 🥺🥺 my friend told me this mad him mad at him (i was going for sad, so im sorry if you get angry 😭) 💕✨ tysm if you read it 💝

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #akaashi angst #akaashi x reader #akaashi x you #haikyuu angst #hq angst

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sydneyshipsstuff · 4 years ago

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so uh last night at like 4 am i couldnt sleep, decided to walk my dog, and came up with this bad boy. It’s a rough draft, though. um @professional-benaddict read it and told me to post it, so whatever rafni says goes.

-Little! Peter with like everyone lmao (platonically), but main pairing is Tony x Peter. everyone is 18+ and Littles are known. but yeah, I call this “uncanonically Canon AU” because it follows canon character tropes (except Peter).

----------------

so i LOVE the doctor trope w stephen and tony to death, like probably a lil too much, but hear me out

--canon tony and the avengers with not canon (aka powerless) little peter

--im thinking how they met is before peter became classified as a little, he was smart smart. so, he still gets the internship, but a real one this time.

--hes hanging out with the other interns when he feels himself regress. he freaks and goes to hide in a bathroom or something

--he runs into (probably pepper??) someone and they help him get out of the tower because he's obviously very vulnerable

--they (pepper?) take him to the hospital to get tested and find out hes a high care little. once they find out peter freaks out because omg he cant work like this

--(pepper?) assures him that they will figure it our, but with no CG, and just for plot sake, he also is living alone at this point so they dont feel comfortable sending him home, so he stays overnight, at least, in the hospital

--(pepper?) goes to talk to tony himself about this since hes the one who chose and hired the interns. tony isnt quite sure what to do because peter is one of the best in their group

--(pepper?) suggests that he go have a one on one talk with peter and see what the boy wants to do with his future, and also meet with the doctors to see what they think is best for his future

--now, tony has met peter a few times, and the kid is pretty cool, but he never really cared about him (harsh, but canon tony is pretty reserved so yuh) so, when he goes into the hospital room to talk with him, hes mentally preparing to never see peter again

--but, when he walks in, he sees peter sat on a cot carefully coloring in an avengers coloring book, and his entire aura is different and /adorable/

--as if he wasnt already kinda done for, when peter notices he's there, he looks up, eyes blown wide and a kid-like face on full of awe

--he sits on the end of the bed and they simply stare at each other before peter finally gets the courage to ask why tony is there, stuttering through it like an adorable mess

--tony freaks out, because as good as peter is, he planned on letting peter down, but now that hes here, all he wants is to see the boy.

--instead he smooths his nervousness and easily asks about how the boy is doing. he asks if peter has a CG, and predicably, peter just sadly shakes his head

--anyways i dont really know how this part would be worded, and it probably wouldnt happen in just one day, but eventually tony asks peter if he wants tony to take care of him

--peter is a cutie and accepts, again dont really have this part planned out, im akward when it comes to writing about the adopting of a little

--he goes with tony and since he lives in the tower, he also gets the avengers as glorified CGs. now this is the part i LOVE

***added part by Rafni:

"I’d imagine that Peter would just be kept in the hospital, like he doesn’t need any meds nor saline so he doesn’t even have a drip nor is he hooked up to any monitors. He is just there in the hospital pyjamas colouring and waiting for someone to take care of him🥺👀"

And since there’s no medical concerns (anymore) the nurses would have more time to just chat with Peter and make sure he is like mentally taken care of 🌸🌸

---

tony stark- he's obviously the main man and does all the main caring. hes the one who sleeps with peter and makes sure he gets food, and plans the days. he also sometimes will hand make little gadgets (safe ofc) to occupy peter. he gets peter little engineering/inventing kits and will hold back any groans he has as peter hits his leg with a plastic hammer and screwdriver. he also is the one who is ALWAYS there, when he cries, when he's happy, when he's sad.

thor- he lets peter play with his hair, and even lets the boy snuggle, and sometimes even chew on, mjolnir (because of course peter would be worthy)

steve rogers- he lets peter look at and hold the shield. one day he finds the boy curled like a cat dosing on the inside of it

natasha- she speaks in russian to him, and when he goes outside to the park, shes there making sure no one disturbs him

wanda+sam (i had an idea for them when i originally thought of this, but i cant remember it now :/)

bucky- he lets peter also mess with his hair, although more rare than thor, but he does let peter suck on his metal fingers when hes really small, and will scratch peters scalp with it, the metal scratching much better than normal skin. also if he ever gets a fever, the cold of the arm feels amazing on his forehead

bruce- not strictly canon since hes more sciency than doctor, but i imagine bruce is the one who does checkups and takes care of the meds when peter is sick

stephen- he doesnt do it often, plus he's not at the tower much, but hell do little harmless "magic" tricks to excite Peter and when peter gets grumpy, stephen will give him a little stress spell thing to calm peter down

peter quill- i imagine hes the one who is down to do lots of fun stuff, but is also the most reckless towards the actions suited towards littles, getting a lot of scolding from tony. also, he has great taste in music, so when peter has bursts of energy, he'll bounce around the room dancing to old 80s music

rocket- hes the closest peters ever gonna get to a pet, and with lots of bribing from tony, rocket /occasionally/ lets peter pet him and feed him "treats", sometimes peter will ask rocket to do a trick like jump or spin, but rocket with always decline...at first. peters trademark pouts do the trick because either rocket will concede and hurt his pride, or tony will see and threaten rocket into making his little boy happy. its always worth it to see the happy little squirms and claps

gamora- she's the resident story teller. when its bedtime, she'll share her cool space stories, leaving out the gory/scarier aspects. it always does the trick as hes out in minutes. sometimes hell catch her and peter q engaging in loving activities (ie kissing, hugging, whatever), and he'll just giggle away, and as embarrassed as gamora gets, not being an openly affectionate person, she might just go to the extreme to hear the cute giggles out of the little boy

clint- hes pretty chill with peter. he also likes to play games with the boy, playing things like peek-a-boo when he's super small, or playing darts when he feels older. tony isnt /too/ happy about it, but its better than quill so he doesnt say anything.

pepper is there too because i love the idea of tony working away somewhere and pepper calling peter in, handing him a few sheets of paper, sometimes actual documents, sometimes just scratch paper to entertaim the boy, before asking peter to deliver them to tony. she always has a smile when peter eagerly nods with his whole body before running to the office to give tony the papers. it almost always ends with peter in his lap, but it /always/ ends in tony praising him, saying something along the lines of 'theres my little helper boy. look at you'

---

--on any particular day peter wakes up aged up, he doesn't even miss his old internship because this life is so much better, although on these days tony actually lets him help with some safer stuff in the lab with him

--also, they are still the avengers and still have to save the universe. tony leaves him in the care of Happy or Pepper, trusting them both to handle him. sometimes, it ends in disaster. sometimes, they are lucky enough to find happy laying on the couch, with a drooling little boy soaking his suit

--no matter how things end up, it never gets old being able to come home and cuddle up with the reason tony wants to save the universe.

--its no surprise peter is able to help the man just as much as tony helps him. tony stops locking himself up so late at night so he can put peter to bed and cuddle up. he stops drinking when he's stressed, instead finding his boy and reading a story to him. his hookups end, he wants to be there for peter all the time. he gets more work done, the added bonus of having a pretty little boy in his lap helping keep his mind on track.

--tony still has his canon issues, but having peter there makes everything a little more manageable. and when he eventually gets too old to be ironman, its okay, because his universe is lying in bed, a red pacifier in his mouth, and a family of superheroes softly arguing about who the boy loves most

--and despite tony being a narcissist, he knows this is not that, when he thinks that without a doubt he is peters favorite. after all, peter helped him see the good inside the bad

---

so uh yeah thats all i had to say. maybe in the future it will become an actual thing, idk. i still have so many projects im working on first. feel free to add whatever you want to it though !!

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daaziscoolbesties · 4 years ago

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i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

#long post #sorry its so messy but like i said its almost 3 am and i dont want to go back and format all this #i might come back and make it look nicer in the morning #maybe not who knows #i just checked and this is 1.5k words what the hell

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tartxglia · 6 years ago

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Ethereal // Bang Chan

Pairing: Chan x Reader

Genre: Smut

Requested: No

Words: 2,905

Warnings: Smut, oral (male receiving)

Stray Kids Surprise Live!

찬이의 “방” 🐺 Ep. 25

The notification that buzzed your phone catches your eye and you raise an eyebrow as you click it open. The app loads up to a close-up of Chan who stands directly in front of the camera, his chest and biceps covering the whole screen as he shows off his Stray Kids tank top. Fuck, his biceps. You could see the natural curve of his muscles, and the way they moved as he flexed. The pixelated screen could only do so much justice to the real thing but even so it was enough make your breath hitch. You’d seen it yourself many times, Chan slept shirtless after all, but perhaps you’d never get used to it.

"Pineapple juice, one of my favourite juices!"

Woah, you’re sure he meant that in a completely normal way–just like how your favourite juice is mango–but your mind is quick to wander and fill your head with some other rumours surrounding pineapple juice. You push the thought aside for now and instead continued watching the live as he now went on a whole lecture about the cleansing properties of pineapple juice.

“Pineapple juice, you know what I mean.”

This time, you can’t help the snort as you register his words. Oh you definitely did know what he meant. A small voice at the back of your head wondered whether Chan was feeling sexually frustrated in the studio before he started this live, but if he were he would’ve texted you. Either way, you were sure some STAYs were going to have a field day over this clip. But it doesn't take long before your suspicion stopped seeming so silly because now the guy was talking about–

“Peaches…” Chan’s overdramatic ass lets out a wistful sigh as he things about peaches, probably craving for the juicy fruit. Then he brings up his hands in a grabbing motion, as if he was holding peaches in them. You being the dirty minded person you were, of course you had long-since linked “peach” with its urban synonym “ass.” Now, his hand grabbing motion left little to imagination as you recalled all the times Chan had you straddled on his lap, the two of you deep in a make-out session and his large hands kneading you ass, pushing your hips to grind into his. A few seconds later and the lick of his lips signs your death warrant as a strong feeling washes over you. Fuck, the power Chan had over you should be illegal.

“I don’t know if you guys realised, but I have a really thick vein here.” Chan points to his temple, bending close to the camera as he tries to showcase how “vascular” he was. You swear this man had a vein kink. Every so often, perhaps as the two of you sat on the couch watching TV or during the sleepy haze of early mornings, you ran you hands up and down his arm tracing his veins. Chan would always find it amusing, looking down at you fondly or softly rubbing his thumb across your arm as you trailed up and down his veins, sometimes pressing down on the protruding vessel.

But soft was the farthest description of how you were feeling. Bang Chan? Looking this good? Talking about pineapple juice, peaches, and now a vein kink? God had left the chatroom a long while ago and now you were left in an uncomfortable situation; you wanted to head over to the studio since Chan was obviously sexually frustrated and now so were you, but he was still in the middle of his vlive. With a deep sigh and an exaggerated groan, you sink further into the couch of Stray Kid’s dorm. Chan was only a few minute walk from here but you had to wait it out; so close yet so far.

You decided to spend the rest of your time waiting it out, getting yourself comfortable on the large leather couch as you watched Chan talk about his DIY Stray Kids tank top, bop along to a few of the new Stray Kids tracks, and give a few anecdotes and inspirational words. God he looked so pretty it was unfair. His hair was swept to fall over his forehead in the most perfect way, his eyebrows powerfully coloured and his eye make-up on point. To top it all off, he’d discuss about the music he made and the Lord knows you always found it hot when he talked technical or passionately.

Twenty minutes later and you were just about at your limit. This had to be classified as torture–for you at least–and as much of a masochist you tended to be in bed, everybody had their limits. You nibble on your bottom lip in thought as a thought crosses your head and you wonder if you should go forward with it. You didn’t know how Chan might react but to hell with it. You swipe away from the vlive, the live video minimising to a pop-up hover video as you navigate over to your messaging app.

If you can wrap it up in the next 10 minutes I’ll be omw to the studio and suck you off.

Your finger hesitates for a millisecond over the send button but in the end, it gets delivered anyway. Your eyes move back to the mini live video hovering over the messaging app and you wait as the text you sent gets delivered. You watch as Chan pauses between sentences for a moment, his attention briefly drawn to something else. Simultaneously, the delivered tick mark turns blue signifying that he had read it and your heart speeds up a bit in anticipation. Soon after, Chan announces the next song to be the last and you can’t help but let a cocky smirk grow on your face.

“I feel like I’m gonna have to go a bit early but um…”

And with that being said, you collected your essentials from Chan’s bedside table, put on a thin outerwear and were out the door off towards the JYP building.

“Uhm…Thank you STAYs, thank you babystays! And I’ll see you guys tomorrow! Bye bye~"

You have your earphones plugged into your phone as you watch Chan bid his farewell on vlive just as you entered the JYP building. The building is lit up just enough for the hallways in front to be visible and you weren’t surprised–it was around midnight and long past regular working hours. When you finally reached Chan’s favourite studio, you first peaked in through the glass pane to find Chan’s side profile as he focused on the large monitor that his laptop was connected to. You tug the thick heavy door open then slip through, the sound letting Chan know of your arrival.

“You couldn’t have been more subtle?” Theres a swing to your hips as you approach Chan with eyebrows raised. You drop your sling bag down onto the closest single leather chair before making your way towards Chan who had swivelled his chair to face you. “STAY are gonna go insane with all the innuendos you made this live.

“Hmmm,” Chan hums as he grabs you who now stands right at the edge of his wheeled-chair. His arms naturally wrap around your waist and rest on your hip as he gazes up at you. “It got you here, didn’t it?” The words are softly spoken and his voice is husky, pulling you closer to him.

“Well, I can’t have your fans thinking you’re some kind of horny sex-deprived man.”

A throaty chuckle escapes from Chan and you see the lust swim in his darkened eyes, “We definitely can’t have that.” In a flash, his one of his hands drops from your waist to your knee. He tugs the back of your knee, bending your leg as he pulls you down to have you straddled on top of him. His other hand climbs up to the side of your neck, guiding your head closer to lock lips with you.

The first touch is gentle, his lips just barely brushing against yours, but it seems to spark a flame in him. His hand cradles your head, his fingers buried in your hair from the side of your neck and his thumb caressing your cheeks as he pushes the two of you closer. The kiss is a lot more heated and continues to grow intense, the flame in the pit of your stomach burning stronger and stronger. Chan sucks on your lip, pulling it into his mouth to toy with it as he nibbles on your lip with his teeth, only to later softly caress it with his tongue.

You return the kiss with just as much passion, settling yourself comfortably on his lap like second nature and running your fingers through his bleached hair. A sharp tug of his hair has Chan groaning into your mouth–he always loved it when you tugged his hair–and you eat it all up, opening your mouth wider. Your tongue reaches out, slipping into Chan's hot mouth and the two of you get carried away sucking, grazing, dancing. A particularly rough grinding of your hips has Chan pulling away from you, all clammy and panting from the make-out session you just had. This sight in front of you is beautiful and you'd never get used to it.

"You gonna live up to your promise, babygirl?" He groans, leaning forward into your neck which makes the latter half of his sentence muffled. As soon as he's done speaking, his mouth attaches onto the skin of your neck in a wet, open mouthed kiss–the first of many.

You throw your head back, giving Chan more access to the rest of your neck. "Of course," your voice is just a whisper, barely able to function considering the trail of hickeys Chan is placing up and down your neck. You let him have his fun for a while, marking you as his with no regard for how hard it would be for you to hide the marks later. Just as you had previously enjoyed the groans from Chan whenever you tugged on his hair, now he was basking in the melodic sounds of your moans bouncing off the soundproof studio walls.

A little while later, you place a hand on Chan's shoulder and gently push him away, his mouth detaching from your neck with a shlick sound. He stares up at you with a dark gaze, his eyes hooded in a lustful haze and you look down at him, committing the sight in front of you to memory. A notification sound from his laptop behind you snaps him out of it, his eyes drifting behind you to the large monitor. His eyes skim the notification before checking the time.

"Fuck, it's 2AM already?" One of his arms remains looped around your waist as he runs the other through his hair in frustration. "I need to finish the melody done for this song tonight."

Before the poor guy in front of you can spiral into a hole of panic and worry, you cup his face and pull his focus back to you. You can see the tension on his forehead, his eyebrows tauntly brought together due to the stress of the situation and you smooth your fingers over them.

"Hey, it's okay. You'll get it done, don't worry about it." Your hand moves from his eyebrows to delicately brush stray hair's away from his eyes and you can practically feel him slump as he attempts to internalize your words. You grip his chin, tilting his face up a little more as you gaze down at him. "You just do your work, and I'll help you de-stress."

You watch as Chan thinks over your words, the expression on his face transitioning from confused to realization to excited in a second. A sly smirk grows on his face and you smile back at him in response, getting off his lap to kneel down between his spread legs all while holding eye-contact with him.

Just the sight of you on your knees has him riled up and he releases a guttural groan while you shuffle back under the desk. Your hands move to the legs of the chair and you pull it towards you, towards the desk so Chan can continue working. But you leave a bit of space too because you want to watch Chan crumble because of your mouth–an otherwise rare opportunity.

The sound of mouse clicks let's you know that Chan is working again–or at least trying to–and you take that as a sign to get started. You slowly drag your hands up his thighs, taking the time to caress his strong thigh muscles and raking your nail up and down. The feeling sends shives down Chan's spine and he automatically flexes his thighs, giving you more to admire.

When your hands finally reach the one place Chan had been wishing for you to touch, it's only soft caresses and brushes. The frustration builds until you hear Chan growl your name from above the table in warning, "Y/N." And that's all it takes for you to obey.

Your fingers are quick to unbutton and loosen his pants, having done it countless times before. You dip your hand into his boxers and finally pull his length out. The sight instantly has your mouth watering; it's the perfect length, having reached unimaginable depths inside you, and his girth gave you just the right amount of stretch. His dick stood painfully upright, the veins decorating it thick and bulging, and you realized that no wonder the guy was sexually frustrated. Chan had an insane sex drive–you should know–and with comeback promotions keeping him busy, the two of you hadn't had much time together.

Not to keep him waiting any longer, you lean forward and give the tip of his cock a lick, getting a taste of the pre-cum oozing out. "You can do better than that, Kitten." Chan's words are half-encouraging and half-snarky but you submit to his demands, slipping his cock slowly into your mouth.

The feeling of your hot mouth swallowing down on his cock has Chan's eyes rolling back in pleasure, his head thrown back on the back of his chair. The sound of mouse clicking and keys pressing pauses for a moment as Chan relishes in being balls-deep inside your mouth.

"Shit, babygirl," you can hear the breathiness in his voice and you feel pride in knowing you have such an effect on him. With added motivation, you quicken the pace and now you're bobbing your head up and down Chan's cock. His girth stretches your mouth wide open but it makes sucking him easier and so you do just that. You suck, hallowing your walls around the length of his cock and you're awarded with a delicious growl. "You're doing good, baby, you take me so well."

One of Chan's hand slips under the desk, caressing your hair and taking control over the pace at which you bobbed on his length. With one hand controlling you and the other working in the music software in front of him, all you can do is keep your jaw open as this man uses your mouth for his pleasure.

Sometimes he sets a hard and fast pace, pushing your head up and down to ruthlessly fuck into your mouth. Othertimes he lazily pulls and pushes your hair, letting himself completely feel the way your mouth hugs onto his cock. And from time to time, he would push your head down only to keep it there, your nose buried in the destination if his happy trail as he has you deepthroat him. You moan on his cock, swallowing around the head and also gagging but it all only serves to make Chan more turned on than he already is.

After playing around with you and your mouth for what seemed like forever, he finally let's go of the vice grips he had on your hair. His hand goes back up to his computer as he pressed keys here and there, playing around with the melody.

"Finish me off, babygirl."

You don't dare to disobey his orders, placing your hand on his thigh as you guided his cock back into your warm cavern. You set a fast pace, slathering your saliva up and down his whole cock, sucking the head, sucking his whole cock into your mouth, humming as you deepthroated him. With the way you worshipped his cock in the final moments, it didn't take long for Chan to finally cum.

You had licked up his veins, sucked the head of his dick, and finally bobbing back down to take his whole cock into your mouth when he exploded. As expected from a high sex-drive man, his cock squirted ropes and ropes of thick white cum into your mouth–and briefly you wanted it to be inside you, breeding you. You swallowed most of it but also let a few drops slide out of your mouth, hanging out the side of your mouth.

Chan looks down to see the sight, you with some of his cum dripping down your chin after having just worshipped his cock. Your hair a whole mess from when he had grabbed onto it and used it to fuck into your mouth. He thought you'd never looked more beautiful, more ethereal.

#stray kids smut #skz smut #kpop smut #stray kids chan smut #skz chan smut #stray kids x reader smut #skz x reader smut #stray kids chan x reader smut #stray kids bang chan x reader smut #skz chan x reader smut #skz bang chan x reader smut #chan x reader smut #bang chan x reader smut #chan smut #bang chan smut

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inevitably-johnlocked · 6 years ago

Note

I agree with your view on marys character, she wouldve been a fantastic villain, theres definitely buildup. Do you have some fic recs for villain!Mary?

Hi Lovely!!

YES I love a good evil / Villain Mary plot, if only because she had so much potential as one in S3 and just never fell through with it. I know a fic I DIDN’T put on this list because Mary was such a background character that she shows up in the penultimate chapter and her REVEAL as a villain was the “big spoiler reveal” in the fic’s climax, so rather than spoil that fic for y’all, I’ve omitted it all together; feel free to message me if you want to know which fic it was, LOL.

Anyway, hope you like what I’ve got for ya here!

EVIL / NOT-NICE / VILLAIN MARY

See also: Evil Mary (Alexx’s List)

Quite Contrary by Hollyesque (T, 1,805 w. || HLV Fic, Sherlock Whump / After Mary Shot Sherlock, Hallucinations / Flashbacks / PTSD, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Lestrade POV, ) – A short one-shot, alternate scene to Greg’s hospital visit in HLV. Instead of Sherlock disappearing, Greg is faced with an unexpected reaction to a hospitalized Sherlock and winds up figuring out something that he really would have rather not known.

BBCSH ‘Poor Mary’ by tigersilver (M, 1,839 w.|| HLV Fic, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Missing Scene, Sherlock POV) – As the tin says above, this is a missing scene, set directly after Sherlock awakens in hospital after having been shot by his best mate’s wife. Minor angst, some pining, nothing nasty; please don’t be alarmed unduly.

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he’s been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

It’s a Dummy by Johnnlocked (T, 2,574 w. || Confessions, HLV-AU, Major Character Injury) – What if Mary had taken the shot?

Green Carnation by glenien (T, 2,616 w. || Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Meta-Fic, Angst and Fluff, Communication, Post-TAB) – John takes Sherlock home. Part 1 of It’s No Longer Eighteen Ninety-Five

The Trial of Sherlock Holmes by jenna221b (G, 3,015 across 3 works || TAB!lock, Metafic / TJLC, Victorian AU / 1895, Christmas, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Oscar Wilde) – Scripts based on speculation that Sherlock will be put on trial in The Abominable Bride to parallel the Oscar Wilde Trials of 1895.

In the cherry blossom’s shade by Eliane (M, 3,934 w. || Post S3, First Time / Kiss, Sleeping Together, Pining / Obsessive Sherlock, Minor Char. Death) – This isn’t new. Sherlock has already done this – has gone through cities, and dingy hotels, and sleepless nights but it was different before. John wasn’t there before. They’re in this together.

Recovery by thesignsofserbia (T, 5,948 w. || HLV-Fix It / Rewrite, Villain Mary, Pining Sherlock, Major Character Injury, Scars, Self-Hatred, POV Sherlock, Doctor John, Friends to Lovers) – Set after the confrontation with Mary, and Sherlock’s cardiac arrest, John stays at 221B to aid Sherlock’s recovery, forcing them to confront wounds both old and new as they try to heal their damaged relationship.

Never Been This Swept Away by estalita11 (T, 8,531 w. || Post-TAB, Mary is Not Nice, Drug Use, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – Set immediately after TAB, Sherlock visits his brother to definitely not apologize about earlier and ends up finally learning a few things that would have been nice knowing about months ago. Mycroft never wants to deal with lovestruck idiots ever again.

Out of the Darkness by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (M, 12,165 w+ (WIP) || Death, Overdose, Heavy Angst, Whump, Mary is Not Nice, Post S3/TAB Compliant) – John Watson has long assumed Sherlock Holmes is immune to sentiment, “doesn’t feel things that way.” Sherlock, however, would do anything for the person he loves most in the world, including putting himself in danger while keeping John in the dark in hopes of keeping him safe. Tired of being left behind, John is running a strategy of his own. Unfortunately things do not go as planned for either of them. And as John lays bleeding, Sherlock finally allows himself to say the things he’s always meant to… This is the story of love, forgiveness and finally making right all the wrongs in these two men’s lives.

Barricade by stitchy (M, 14,127 w. || Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending, UST, Mary’s Not Nice, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock has been struggling to keep his feelings at bay for everyone’s sake. Part 1 of Barricade

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a “normal” family. It’s easy enough to pretend when all you’re doing is dropping the act. {{Background discussion of Mary who’s neither evil nor nice}}

Vena Cava by SilentAuror (E, 27,452 || H/C, Infidelity, Angst, HLV Fix-It, Romance) – Sherlock has been shot in the chest; John has been shot in the heart. Though everything is broken, they do their best to heal the wounds that Mary left on them both.

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

Pater Noster by SilentAuror (E, 34,256 w. || Case Fic, HLV+, Family Trauma, Sherlock POV, Villain Mary) – During the autumn that John is staying at Baker Street again after Sherlock was shot, he ruminates over the similarity between Sherlock’s shot and the one that killed his father when he was fifteen. Cold case meets series 3 fix-it. Part I takes place entirely within His Last Vow, Part II takes place starting at the end of HLV and continues after.

The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

Malediction by MapleleafCameo (M, 36,680 w. || Ladyhawke AU || Magical Realism, Romance, Curses, Eventual Happy Ending) – Cursed to a half-life, John and Sherlock must fight the forces of evil to be reunited once again.

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Indifelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,493 w. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

The Bells of King’s College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays) – It’s only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths… (Mary is only mentioned but she had a profound effect on John which is why I kept this one in)

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary’s betrayal and Sherlock’s deceptions.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w. || Pining, Love Confessions, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock POV, Eventual Happy Ending) – “For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Sacré Coeur by Mamaorion (M, 95,236 w. || S4 Fix It Rewrite, First Kiss, UST / RST, Eventual Happy Ending, Coming Out, Holmes Family, Marriage Proposal, Husbands, Healing, Evil Mary, Beekeeping, Caretaker Sherlock, Mind Palace, Alzheimer’s Disease, Protective / Big Brother Mycroft, TD-12) – In this s4 fixit, John must piece together the gaps in his altered memory if he and Sherlock are to face the terror that has plagued Sherlock since childhood. As they untangle the web, seven years of hidden love ignite. (TO READ)

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

MARKED FOR LATER

(these are fics I have in my MFL list for future reading and have not read them yet. Read at your own discretion).

Stay for Me by Itsallfine (M, 17,310 w. || Post-TAB, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss/Time, Bed Sharing, Mental Health Issues, Not-Nice Mary, Divorce, Angst with Happy Ending, Parentlock) – 221B was packed into boxes and bins, and that was when John knew, really knew—Sherlock had planned to be gone forever.

Collateral Damage by SilentAuror (E, 24,952 w. || Post-HLV, POV Third Person Sherlock, Snipers, Drama, Villain Mary, Moriarty is Alive) – Upon learning that Moriarty is alive, Mary disappears, leaving Sherlock and John to work on the mystery of Moriarty’s survival on their own. Until Mycroft’s people find and bring her back…

An Everlasting Inferno by thatawkwardfriend (M, 35,011+ w. || WiP || Criminal AU || Different First Meeting, Minor Character Death, Gun Violence, Sherlock Whump, Friends to Lovers / Enemies to Lovers, UST, Mutual Pining) – Sherlock and John are both men who operate outside the law. John works for Mary and her hitmen in order to keep a roof over his head. Sherlock does anything his drug dealer asks of him in exchange for free drugs and housing. They meet one night in a darkened garage to negotiate a deal. But they soon find out that neither of their bosses are being entirely honest with them about their goals or motives. With a little poking around, they stumble upon something much bigger than themselves and discover that perhaps, it might be in their best interests to work together. (Loosely inspired by StartUp and Little Favour)

The Craving in Between by love_in_mind_palace (E, 69,349 w. || Wedding Planner AU || Infidelity, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Sexting & Texting, Alternating POV, Mary is Not Nice) – Sherlock Holmes, The wedding Consultant. Picky about his projects and a nightmare to work with. Rejects ninety percent of the couples after just having a look at them and can predict how long a marriage will last. But when unassuming, plain, John Watson reluctantly limps his way in his office, with his more than enthusiastic fiancée, Mary Morstan, instead of dismissing the ill-assorted couple on the spot, he promptly decides that the project, and the groom.. are definitely worth working on.

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton (M, 93,848+ w. || WiP || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – WORK IN PROGRESS – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

A Ritual to Read to Each Other by weeesi (E, 101,463 w. || Post S3 / Post HLV, Pining, Alternating POV, Masturbation, John’s Nightmares, Mary is Not Nice, Love Confessions, Flashbacks, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, BJ’s / HJ’s, Shower Sex, Anal, John Deals With Feelings, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Injury, On Holidays, Implied Mystrade) – After Mycroft terminated his exile but before Sherlock could escape from the infuriating plane, John and Mary were whisked away by car to an unknown location.Sherlock hasn’t seen them for an entire year. He doesn’t know when he’ll see John again – until one day, he does.But, of course, nothing is simple.

“Merry Christmas” I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying “I love you” by starrysummernights (E, 136,580+ w. || WIP, chapter missing? || Post S4, Slow Burn, Mary is Not Nice, Christmas, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Parentlock, Past Torture / Rape) – John has moved back into 221B with his daughter Rosie after Mary was killed, but things are not exactly comfortable between him and Sherlock. After everything that has happened, they are trying to become friends again…and maybe something more. What better time than the Christmas season?! Takes place after TLD.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #villain mary #mary is not nice #my fic recs #Anonymous #long post

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fightevilandthengetblownup · 6 years ago

Text

Chat Conversations

(for Lexy!)

Jo and Anna talking (seemingly before the binding and collar sections):

<Jo> http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1q0h6mZYM1qaqwxto1_500.gif Jo saw and felt the need to share/for nonfeelings one from that bet a while back

<Anna> hehe

<Anna> “are you saying you miss me?”

<Jo> “Miss. Miss is such a strange word, could mean lots of things..”

<Anna> “I didn’t hear a gun so I assume that you didn’t miss me that way.”

<Jo> “Maybe I was going old school. If I was missing you that way. Why do you ask? Did you want me to be saying I miss you?”

<Anna> “Defensive much?”

<Jo> “More like curious.”

<Anna> “What would you say if I said looking back at some of this has made me miss you.”

<Jo> “I might say that I’d agree.”

<Anna> “wow..we’re agreeing.”

<Jo> “Not exactly that uncommon… …No, actually thats sort of a lie”

<Anna> *Anna laughs*

<Jo> “It’s even more uncommon that we’re not fighting. Nice, even.”

<Anna> “I agree, it’s nice. Those are the best memories, when we weren’t fighting.”

<Jo> “Most definitely. Or when it was just pointless bickering that didn’t go out of our mucking about with it.”

<Anna> “You mean like you trying to get in my pants.”

<Jo> “Rather when I was kidding about it. Was still right about that bra.”

<Anna> *Anna smirks teasing* “I missed that banter and your frustration”

<Jo> “… Same. Though I dont really miss the frustration.” *Jo grins back*

<Anna> “But you were so cute”

<Jo> “Oh screw you, I was frustrated. That and you never did believe me about that kind of stuff.”

<Anna> “What kind of stuff and frustration made you cute.”

<Jo> “Frustration does not make me cute! And the kind of stuff like if you wore some weirdly angelic white lacey number.”

<Anna> *Anna smiles* “Yes frustration does make you cute. You’re cute now. And you don’t have to worrry about the lacey stuff. I rarely wear a bra now.”

<Jo> “it does not! I am not cute, in any form be it normally or frustrated or what. And I’m… glad to hear you’re embracing my take on the world. Less things to get in the way.”

<Anna> “Totally cute.”

<Jo> “God dammit..”

<Anna> *Anna giggles madly*

<Jo> *Shakes head staring, starting to smile again after a second* “Either nostalgia has gone to your head, you’ve somehow eaten too much candy or your really happy right now. This is so weird…”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs* “I don’t know but this is comfortable and it feels nice again to not fight with you everytime we open our mouths*

<Jo> “I cant help but completely agree.. Its nice actually.”

<Anna> “It is.”

<Jo> “I’d ask how you were doing or what you’ve been up to but chances are one of us will get upset, so I’m goin’ to just make a joke ‘bout my habits rubbing off on you if you’re not wearing your bra that much these days.”

<Anna> “I’m sure other habits have rubbed off but it’s like you said if we went into details one of us would probably get upset.”

<Jo> *Frowns for a second before shaking her head and laughing* “You know.. I’m surprisingly past that. It’s not like I can get upset about your having a sex life these days since I do too, and lord knows that might be whats helping you mellow out so much these days.”

<Anna> *Anna blushes a bit* “Who said I was talking about sex. I’m sure you have lots of bad habits I could pick up on without it being sexual in nature.”

<Jo> “Very few of my other bad habits would probably make us upset.” *Jo grins slightly at Anna’s blushing before it turns into a smirk* “Course, the blush completely gives you away anyway”

<Anna> “Oh shut up.”

<Jo> “To steal a phrase - you’re cute when your embarrassed.”

<Anna> “I am not!”

<Jo> *Jo just laughs*

<Anna> *Anna grumbles*

<Jo> “So, you’ve stolen my no bra and sexcapades - have you progressed to no panties yet?” *Jo continues grinning*

<Anna> “No….” *Anna blushes more thinking about some of the things she has progressed too* “Possibly sleeping nude..”

<Jo> “Lucky.” *Tilting her head at the blushing, Jo gives a laugh* “Theres something else though. Cause you’re doing the cute blushing thing again.”

<Anna> “No..there isn’t.” *Anna says looking away from Jo* “It’s not like I kiss and tell anyway.”

<Jo> “Fine fine, I’ll leave you and your monsters filthy kinky sex habits be.”

<Anna> “They are not filthy!” *Anna says a lil too fast looking indignant*

<Jo> *Jo bursts into giggles at that* “Oh, but now I think they are!”

<Anna> *Anna crosses her arms* “I think you would have liked some of it if we had stayed together*

<Jo> “You’re gonna have to give me examples, cause I’m a bit more vanilla than most people think.” *She smirks back at Anna, cocking an eyebrow suggestively*

<Anna> “Oh what are you asking for a demonstration?” *Anna raises a brow looking at Jo*

<Jo> *Jo snorts slightly, waving a hand* “I don’t think your boytoy would like that. I said examples.”

<Anna> “And I doubt yours would take kindly to it either.” *Anna grins*

<Jo> “Casual sex.” *Jo points at herself* “Relationship. I think your guy has more sway in the matter.” *She points back at Anna, shaking her head slightly*

<Anna> “True. And I think it would be more fun to leave you to wonder.” *Anna grins impishly at Jo*

<Jo> “Not sure that’s a good thing, given I’ve got a pretty active imagination.” *Smirks back at her*

<Anna> “Its probably not but really who are you going to ask? Gray? I doubt it.”

<Jo> “Suddenly Im thinking I could probably bully some answers out of Harry if I was interested enough..”

<Anna> “All Harry will have heard is screams and moans.”

<Jo> “Thank god for his poor virgin eyes then.” *Jo laughs again, smiling*

<Anna> *Anna laughs and then blushes* “Then there was that one time..the door was open to the bedroom..”

<Jo> *Jo stops laughing for a second before starting again* “Oh lord, you left the door open?! Though I guess I can’t say much but gees, what if someone came to see if you were okay?”

<Anna> “It wasn’t my choice! Gray hit all the right spots and well..I didn’t want to stop to close it and he wasn’t going too. I think he was enjoying it.” *Anna shakes her head, thankful Cas hasn’t said anything about it.*

<Jo> *Jo stares before flushing embarrassedly and laughing* “Oh god, me and him have something in common then. And of course he wasn’t going to, though no harm no foul?”

<Anna> “And it’s not like Harry would have seen anything he hasn’t already seen before.” *Anna gives Jo a pointed look and then tilts her head thinking.* “And why am I always the one naked in these things.”

<Jo> *Jo bursts out into hysterics at Anna’s look, shrugging a shoulder as she tries to talk through it* “Cause… Youre less aggressive?”

<Anna> *Anna huffs as Jo laughs and she waits for the blond to get herself back under control* “I wouldn’t say less aggressive..”

<Jo> “You’re not just gonna stradle someone, rip your and their clothes off and get right to it there and then. You’re.. a little more patient.” *It took a while but Jo gets herself together and smirks wickedly as she talks, raising an eyebrow*

<Anna> “Well no, that isn’t my style but..nevermind.”

<Jo> “No, but what…?”

<Anna> “Nothing. Let’s just say, Gray has come back from feeding to some intersting things.” *Anna says with a smirk and a blush*

<Jo> *Jo pauses for a second before grinning slightly* “Now /that/ is something I wouldn’t have expected. …Wait, did your involve porn or dress ups - or dress downs as the case may be?”

<Anna> *Anna squirms* “I’m not sure how you classify it.”

<Jo> “I’m gonna say not ‘personal time’ things then.” *Jo shakes her head slightly, flushing slightly before grinning* “Were there costumes or no clothes? Easiest way to tell.”

<Anna> “Um. No costumes..”

<Jo> “….Fancy underwear? Or starkers?”

<Anna> “Neither”

<Jo> “… Okay you’re gonna have to explain. Before I start thinkin’ he walked in on your getting off. Which isn’t exactly a bad thing to happen in my experience.”

<Anna> “No! no! nothing like that..but..well..” *Anna squirms turning red* “Thanks for leaving behind some of the silver chains down stairs*

<Jo> *Jo stares before laughing* “Oh god.”

<Anna> “Shut up!”

<Jo> “Thats just…” *Jo continues giggling*

<Anna> “Just what?” *Anna says regretting saying anything*

<Jo> “I wouldnt have expected is all. Well, from him, yeah, but I wouldnt have predicted you would.”

<Anna> “Well I did it for him..but it was fun..” *Anna grins just a bit*

<Jo> *Jo smirks back nodding her head* “I’m sure he probably enjoyed that.”

<Anna> “Oh he did, twice.”

<Jo> *She snorts out a laugh, shaking her head* “I could actually believe you did that..”

<Anna> “Why is it so hard to believe?” *Anna tilts her head*

<Jo> “I said could. Its not hard to believe at all, though I wouldn’t have expected it.”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs some* “I guess I want to make sure Gray stays happy and its different”

<Jo> “… There a reason he wouldnt be?” *Jo frowns slightly, crossing her arms* “I’m suddenly so glad I don’t need to worry about that these days”

<Anna> “No, stupid ass won’t leave even if it’s for his own good.”

<Jo> *She raises an eyebrow for a second before waving her hand for Anna to explain*

<Anna> “Crowley used me to get to him. He begged for Crowley for me..and nothing I do now will get him to leave or fight back as long as Crowley has me for leverage.” *Anna’s frustration is starting to show some*

<Jo> “That… ….sucks. A lot.” *Jo frowns slightly* “Did you want him to fight back and risk your safety instead?”

<Anna> “I don’t ..I’m not worth it. He shouldn’t just do what Crowley says because I might be hurt. It’s not like I haven’t been hurt before and he’s not supposed to be willing to lay down for me like that!”

<Jo> “It’s called being whipped Anna, or in the more affectionate venacular - love. You’d do the exact same for him, so regardless of my feelings on the subject given I’d really like to see him flayed alive by Crowley these days…” *Jo pulls a face as she says the word ‘love’, frowning back at Anna* “Youre stuck with it. You tamed the beast, now you’re gonna have to deal with it.”

<Anna> *Anna give Jo a glare as she says she wants to see Gray flayed alive by Crowley*

<Jo> “Oh come on. I’ll let you have a snark about Grey and then we’re all even. It’s not like your boy doesn’t want me hung, drawn, quarterd and fed to birds.”

<Anna> “Only becaus of what you did…”

<Jo> “And I only feel that way about him cause of what he did. We’re both justified in our hatred of one another Anna, that aint gonna change”

<Anna> “Did I say I wanted it to change?”

<Jo> “The glare indicated otherwise…”

<Anna> “Well for once I wish you were right and I could do whatever it is that I do to drive people off and drive Gray off. I would happily accept it being my fault and ending up alone then if it kept him and everyone else safe because you know I’m such a fuck up.” *Anna turns walking off*

<Jo> “I doubt you could do that - driving him off wont stop Crowley!” *Jo calls after Anna, sighing slightly at the end*

<Anna> “maybe but least then he would fight back.”

<Jo> “Again, I doubt it.”

<Anna> *Anna just makes a sound of frustration*

<Jo> “Anna its not that simple to get rid of that protective feeling, regardless of his being a monster or not. Why do you think Crowley picked you for the second person, not Dean or Sam or anyone else? It doesnt go away that quickly.”

<Anna> “he picked me because I tried to kill him, he holds a long grudge.”

<Jo> “No. He picked you because he knew it would hurt me on top of that.”

<Anna> “Well then everyone would be better off if I were dead.”

<Jo> “Do you have a deathwish or something? I thought I was the suicidal one of us all.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything*

<Jo> *Jo sighs* “Anna, as it stands, youre making it better being alive and being used as a bargaining tool. A weight over peoples heads that is. Cause all we’re getting is emotional pain, it’s a buffer to stop everyone acting stupidly and getting hurt more. I mean - I came away with only a busted lip from my talk with Crowley, at least visibly.”

<Anna> “Is this supposed to make me feel better??

<Anna> “

<Jo> “…Sorta?”

<Anna> “You still suck at giving pep talks.”

<Jo> “You thought over everything that’d be what changed?” *Jo smiles slightly, hoping Anna’d follow cue*

<Jo> out of* (wtf brain?)

<Anna> *Anna just shakes her head going and retrieving a bottle of drink* “I don’t know what to think anymore.” *opening it she just drinks straight from the bottle*

<Jo> *Jo raises an eyebrow at Anna grabbing the bottle and drinking straight* “Well, that’s different. C’mon, lets look at it this way - what /has/ changed with me since… everything? I know you’ve gotten more adventurous and seem to like your liquor to squash things now. Your turn.”

* STATUS: Online

<Anna> “I know you’re with Grey..living there, seem happy even if you call it casual. Your mom is back, you’re hunting still, Crowley made you drug me…mostly what’s different is your monster relationship.” *Anna doesn’t say anything about what Jo says about her drinking.*

<Jo> *Jo keeps her face straight as Anna speaks, lips tugged out to an almost pout* “You’re less likely to pick a fight.”

<Anna> “What do you mean?”

<Jo> “It’s something thats changed.”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs*

<Jo> “Well its true.”

<Anna> “What is new with you that I don’t know?”

<Jo> *Jo frowns for a second, thinking* “I’ve been saying I’m sorry.”

* STATUS: Online

<Anna> *Anna looks surprised for a moment and takes a drink* “Huh..it is the end of the world after all. One of the signs of the apocalype, rivers shall run red, fire shall rain down, cities will fall and Jo Harvelle will apologize.”

<Jo> “A few very ugly fights with more than just the one person tends to do it.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder before reaching for the bottle and swigging back a mouthful*

<Anna> “With more than one? So it wasn’t just all me after all?” *Anna can’t help but sound just a bit amused*

<Jo> “You can blame your boytoy and that predjudist view you used to have about monsters for it all.” *She scowls slightly, taking another larger drink* “Me and Mom were fighting tooth and nail long before you and I were… And then there-nevermind.”

<Anna> “Oh no you didn’t let me off the hook. And there was??” *Anna takes the bottle back from Jo taking another drink*

* Quit

* Rejoined

<Jo> (I missed that. Resend)

<Anna> <Anna> “Oh no you didn’t let me off the hook. And there was??” *Anna takes the bottle back from Jo taking another drink*

<Jo> *Hitting her forhead Jo sighs, pulling a face* “And there was my fight with Grey about… ….inappropriate techniques to make people stay and answer questions which was highly wrong. Of me.”

<Anna> *Anna snorts* “You used iron on him didn’t you?”

<Jo> “… Yes.” *Jo cringes taking the bottle back and taking two large gulps before continuing* “Shackles actually.”

<Anna> *Anna laughs slightly* “Wow and all I did was lock Gray in a room.”

<Jo> “Yeah, shut up, I know. Bad bad bad bad bad. I swear to god I thought he was going to blow up or somethin’… Can’t believe I did that honestly.” *Jo continues to drink for a few more seconds before offering the bottle over*

<Anna> *Anna takes the bottle laughing still before taking a drink* “I can, you used to threaten me with holy oil all the time and I think a few times you would have used it if it hadn’t been fatal.”

<Jo> “Difference is I didn’t like you back then. I blame your dick of a partner for getting me in a flurry before it happened.”

<Anna> “Gray held a gun to your head and forced you to shackle his twin?”

<Jo> *Jo sighs, shaking her head and running her hand through her hair* “No, he… Not the point. Just. I’ve been getting over my stupidass pride more, is all.”

<Anna> *Anna takes another drink* “Yep end of the world, were doomed.”

<Jo> “Glad to know I’m now a sign of the Apocalypse coming. Again.”

<Anna> *Anna smirks offering Jo the bottle* “Could be worse..could have been the apacalypse”

<Jo> “I’m not even going to pretend that was amusing.” *Jo shakes her head, taking another swig, changing topics dramatically* “Have you said ‘I love you’?”

<Anna> *Anna blinks and looks like a deer in the headlights* “What? How did we get onto this? What does this have to do with what we were talking about??”

<Jo> “It’s somethign different, we never actually said it, so I was wondering if you’d said it these days.” *Jo smiles slightly around the lip of the bottle, taking a smaller drink* “So, have you?”

<Anna> *Anna reaches for the bottle taking another drink* “If I didn’t say it you and you have human emotions, what makes you think I’ll say something like that to Gray?”

<Jo> “Cause. I’m an emotional cripple with no tact or seeming understandiing human emotion as it is. He at least knows what they are to eat off of them - so who knows you might have. Was just wondeirng.”

<Anna> “You seem to be getting better. Have you admitted to Grey they you really like him?”

<Jo> *Jo snags the bottle back, looking slightly serious though taken aback by Anna’s question* “He’s my best friend, and I love him. He knows that much. What makes you think I like him more than that?”

<Anna> “Because he seems to tolerate you even after pulling a stunt like iron shackles so there must be some serious feelings running deep.”

<Jo> “Tolerate sounds so cold… And it took a while but I think we’re past that - at least he doesn’t freak out when I touch his wrists any more, and I’ve been paying my dues for it. I asked why you thought /I/ really like him though”

<Anna> “You’re still with him and you’re admitting that you apologized and called him a best friend and you love him.” *Anna raises a brow at Jo* “He obviously has something that I didn’t to get you to move forward like that”

<Jo> “He just lets me be me is all. I’m just trying to fix the problems I’ve had in the friendships and relationships I’ve fucked up. Learn from mistakes and what not - make up for them if I can.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, taking another drink* “You didn’t answer my question.”

<Anna> *Anna takes the bottle taking a drink trying to not feel bitter at hearing Jo saying she’s trying to work through her mistakes with Grey but didn’t try with her till the point everythign was wrecked.* “What was the question?”

<Jo> “Have you said anything about your feelings to Gray?” *Jo blinks at the slightly nasty look, but shrugs it off*

<Anna> “No.”

<Jo> “Because of what he is…?”

<Anna> “Because he isn’t the type to have deep emotional conversations”

<Anna> “you aren’t the only one learning from your past mistakes with people.”

<Jo> *Jo frowns slightly, before nodding her head* “Okay, yeah, I get it. You know, I’d like to be able to actually be friends after … all of this has blown past. The Crowley stuff. I mean it when I say I’m wanting to make up for things I do wrong - yourself included.”

<Anna> *Anna gives a small snort* “It’s funny that you think we will get through this.. but sure.”

<Jo> “Who knows, the guy might get so over inflated with himself he spontaneously combusts.” *Jo gives a wry smile back at her*

<Anna> “We aren’t that lucky.”

<Jo> “Never know. We might catch a break for goddamn once.”

<Anna> “Probably..arm, leg, spine…”

<Jo> “Already got the ribs covered, I say.”

<Anna> “So that just leaves the rest of the bones in the human body.”

<Jo> “At least a third are in the feet?”

<Anna> “Well thats one reason to stay in bed all day..”

<Jo> *Jo gives a laugh, taking another mouthful of the bottle, shaking it slightly* “Without the need for chains.”

<Anna> *Anna takes the bottle from Jo* “Funny..”

<Jo> “I think I’m hysterical.”

<Anna> *Anna rolls her eyes*

Jo and Anna talking for the first time after Anna gets her collar put on

<Anna> *Anna sends Jo a text with a long list of things she needs from the bar library closet asking her to bring it over*

<Jo> *It was easy enough to find the things Anna was after, it was the sheer number which was annoying as Jo fumbles her way to Anna’s apartment. Knocking once, Jo tries the handle, heading inside when it’s unlocked* “What on earth is with all this stuff, Anna? You planning on making some magical bath for your leg or something?”

<Anna> *Anna comes out of the bathroom after having a shower to work out the kinks out of her muscles from a day of failed attempts. Toweling her hair dry she points to the kitchen counter.* “You can put that there and no something else. Thanks Jo for bringing it over.”

<Jo> *Setting them down, Jo turns to look at the other, frowning at the shiny metal around her neck and the lack of bruising and problems* “No problem. …Where’d you get the jewellery from, that looks really familiar?”

<Anna> “Oh I thought you would have heard all about it from Grey.” *Anna raises an eyebrow, her voice a bit rough as she walks over looking through the bags and sorting them for each spell.*

<Jo> “Funnily enough, you’re not exactly a topic of conversation we have any more.” *She sighs, raising her brow back at Anna as she crosses her arms and leans back against the counter* “So.. what happened?”

<Anna> “Crowley, what else happens, beside Grey and Ruby. He put it on, Grey got a good laugh as he caught me walking home. Gray is pissed..by the way, thank you Jo. I don’t know what you said to him but thank you.” *Anna looks at her smiling some.“

<Jo> "Ah, that’s why it.. that makes sense. And I’m sure he did, this is the exact type of thing Grey finds amusing.” *Jo shakes her head, running a hand through her hair as Anna thanks her, shrugging a shoulder* “I let the guy beat up on me and told him he wasn’t allowed to do something, nothing too hard. I cleared up the stuff he was reading into you and Grey as well though.”

<Anna> “You alright?” *Anna could imagine if she caught Gray in a foul mood and tried to talk to him about her when he didn’t want too.

<Jo> *Shrugging again, Jo rubs at her neck briefly before crossing her arms again* “It’s fine. I’ve had worse from him before so it’s not so bad.”

<Anna> *Anna nods walking over to sit on the bed.* “Crowley’s given him a choice, he can either take it out on me or Crowley will bend him over he won’t and he isn’t.”

<Jo> “You sure Crowley isn’t just trying to worm his way into joining the two of you? Because that’s a new threat I’ve only heard the both of you get delivered.” *The flash of sympathy Jo feels towards Anna and Gray gets stomped down as hard as possible - at least those for the monster of the pair - with a quick spin to look away from Anna and fiddle with some of the bowls left out*

<Anna> “We aren’t exactly back together, just talking and no. I think Crowley is enjoying using me against him.” *Anna snorts softly as she shakes her head, it’s either laugh or cry at this time about the fact she’s a weakness for Gray.* “I keep hoping he gets bored with us but no luck.” *She bites her lip to stop from saying that she wishes he would go after Grey.*

<Jo> *Jo sends Anna a thoughtful look before tapping her knuckles against the top of the counter* “I’m sorry if I cant really get any sympathy for him about that - you sure, but him.. not really. I don’t want that asshole getting bored and snooping about my house.”

<Anna> “I know. Someone has to keep him busy while you kill him.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she sighs, she’s not used to stepping back from everything but it’s what she’s doing now.* “How are you doing in that?”

<Jo> “Good actually. I think I have a short list of spells which might do the trick, now it’s just a case of.. finding the right one, the right changes and the right ingredients.” *She sighs again, rubbing at the back of her neck awkwardly, giving Anna a look* “Any advancements on your end?”

<Anna> *Anna shakes her head* “I don’t know anymore I’m just stepping back before I mess anything else up for anyone.”

<Jo> “Stepping back and waiting for the horror again? Sounds…. dreadful.”

<Anna> “It is but hey at least I’m just a bitch now instead of a control freak bitch.” *Anna jokes weakly*

<Jo> *Jo just shoots Anna a look, shiftng to move to stand nearer the bed* “So… whats all this stuff for then?”

<Anna> “Trying to get my new jewelry off, can’t do any damage that way to anyone but myself. So far, I’ve got a sore throat and I feel like i’ve been run over by a truck.” *Anna shrugs some as she looks at Jo scooting over and making room for her if she wants to sit.*

<Jo> *Moving her weight from one foot to the other, Jo looks about and then back to Anna and the collar with a frown* “Have you got him to try and help with it? I know that Grey couldn’t get his off, even back when the two of them were joined and fighting against it.”

<Anna> “He tried when he saw it but hasn’t touched it since everytime anything happens it..well… Have you ever seen one of those collars a dog wears if it barks?” *Anna huffs feeling embarassed and annoyed at the same time, she still can’t stand the idea of what it represents.*

<Jo> *She nods, giving the plain metal surface a curious look before sitting down* “I recognise tha tlook on your face, I’m guessing it really fucking hurts when you try? At least it doesnt shrink?”

<Anna> *Anna nods and then she laughs* “Don’t say that too loud and give him ideas. And Grey can kiss my ass if he thinks I’m just going to sit here and wait for Crowley to take it off. He enjoyed rubbing that fact in my face.”

<Jo> “…You should be glad he hasn’t seemingly taken up any of my ideas yet, actually.” *Jo kicks her foot out against the floor, bouncing her ankle against the surface* “I’m sure he did, Anna, like I say, this is totally to his sense of humor.”

<Anna> “Sense of humor? It’s spite and hate, I’ve seen Gray have that same look in his face when he’s rubbing salt into a wound. Stop trying to down play it but we were good, no one touched each other.” *Anna snaps and then she looks at Jo as she realizes what Jo said.* “Wait, what are your ideas?”

<Jo> “Like I said, I’m sure he did. So long as no ones touching or hurting one another, I don’t care how much steam you blow up at one another, Anna. I know you’re just as likely to find enjoyment out of his being beaten and broken down as he is his, so I’ll downplay the both of you until someone bleeds.” *Her voice is blank as she looks back at her, shrugging a shoulder* “I gave him some suggestions when he was trying to make me his babysitter.”

<Anna> “Is these ideas anything I should be worried about?” *Anna ignores Jo’s comments on Grey but she raises a brow at the wording, no touching and no bleeding, maybe she can do something about the monster after all.*

<Jo> “..If you don’t like acid or starving to death, then yeah, I’d say so.” *Jo shrugs, picking at her jeans as she looks away from Anna with a frown*

<Anna> “Sounds pleasant.” *Anna looks at Jo studying her and she tilts her head to the side.* “You seem upset, what’s wrong?”

<Jo> “Definitely not pleasant. He seemed to find them enjoyable enough not to come after me with them, but I’d be on the look out if I were you.” *Anna’s question stumps her a bit, not really sure how she could explain in such a way that Anna wouldn’t see it as a free shot towards her housemate* “It’s nothing. Just my talk with your not-partner got me thinking about some stuff is all.”

<Anna> *Anna raises a brow.* “What do you mean?” *She tries to keep the edge out of her voice but she can’t help it a bit because Gray just started to talk to her again.*

<Jo> *Jo shoots the other a look, shrugging a shoulder again even if she wants to snap back at the tone* “Just stuff, okay? He’ll be fine”

<Anna> “No offense Jo, you generally have a small list of things you think about. How to kill, how to fuck, what to drink or eat and can you do the other two while killing something.” *Anna gives Jo a look to elaborate on which of these things she’s thinking about.*

<Jo> *Jo flushes, half in anger half in embarrassment, at Anna’s comment, crossing her arms and standing up* "Its not of your damn business, okay? I’ve just been thinkin’ is all and it’s not just about your guy.“

<Anna> *Anna holds her hands up in defeat.* "Fine fine but you seem like you have something on your mind is all.”

<Jo> “Yeah, well.. I do. But it’s fine.” *Jo scowls slightly, shooting Anna a look when she doesn’t seem like she’s about to fight it out with her about it* “It’s just.. I’m not acting like I should be but I’m not feeling weird about it. Which is weird, is all.”

<Anna> “So you’re not feeling like you want to kill him, is that what you’re saying Jo?” *Anna tilts her head as Jo seems really uncomfortable right now,*

<Jo> *Rubbing the back of her neck, Jo shifts her weight between her feet, looking anywhere but at Anna* “In a very dumbed down version, sort of. I want to kill him, I do, I just… don’t want to kill him all the time. He needs to be killed, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to every second of the day.”

<Anna> *Anna snorts* “So he’s growing on you then.” *She’s trying to not smile, glad for some thing to make her laugh right now. She just never thought it would be hearing Gray is growing on Jo.*

<Jo> “/No/!” *Jo practically shouts back, digging her nails into the back of her neck to stop from throwing her hands upwards, scowling at Anna’s attempt to hide her amusement. Pacing a little way aways and then back, the scowl doesn’t shift at all, even as she rolls her shoulders and continues quietly* “It’s not that.. I don’t like him, I just.. understand him a bit. And it’s not just him, I’m not working properly and it’s throwing me off.”

<Anna> “He’s totally growing on you. Is that why you tried to get him to talk to me? Because if this had been reversed and I thought that you were dating a sociopath of a monster I would do everything I could to keep you from going back to him.” *Scooting back she gives Jo room to explode.*

<Jo> “He’s not! He’s a sociopathic asshole with no redeeming features at all and I have no clue how or why you like him at all and he’s just..” *Jo keeps pacing, not even looking at Anna and turning redder and redder as she talks, scowling fiercely* “He’s throwing me off! Him and his brother! I’m not acting right and it’s bloody pissing me off.”

<Anna> “Gray’s the psychopath, Grey is the sociopath.” *Anna offers helpfully as Jo keeps pacing. She’s not sure she’s ever seen Jo so red and she’s having a hard time keeping herself from laughing.* “How is the fact you’re starting to accept him, his fault for throwing you off and what is his brother doing to you?”

<Jo> *Jo growls at Anna’s correction, shooting her a look as she keeps pacing, running a hand through her hair like it will calm her down* “Because I /can’t kill them/! I just… I can’t kill either of them, and I know I have to or might have to but I /can’t/, Anna. And it’s making everything else harder and I don’t.. I need to kill that bastard, but I can’t because you’ll get upset and I can fucking /understand/ him! Dont you get it?!”

<Anna> *Anna’s eyes are growing wider as Jo explodes and she finally bursts out laughing.* “You can kill him. Just pull the trigger. And how do you understand him?”

<Jo> *The second Anna laughs Jo snarls back at her, hand jerking out of her hair in a fist and hits a punch at the wall closest to her enough that a few bits of plaster shake off* “It’s not fucking funny! I’m serious!” *Glaring, she pulls her hand back, stuffing it into her jean pocket before she can punch anything again, before muttering darkly* “You don’t fucking get it.”

<Anna> “There goes that deposit…” *Anna bites back her laughter as she looks at Jo’s hand to make sure she isn’t bleeding.* “Then explain it to me. Breath deep and explain how things have changed and why you can’t kill him and why you understand him.”

<Jo> *Scowling, Jo pulls away from Anna, starting to pace again while opening and closing her hands at her sides* “I just get him, alright? He says stuff and does stuff and thinks stuff that I do, and I just.. It makes sense, a lot of it. Not the psychopath crap but a lot of the other stuff, and… I can’t kill him, because once again, that would mean you’d kill … and I can’t have that either so it's just throwing me off of my game. I can’t /hunt/, Anna, it’s hard. It’s never been hard before, but now, I just..” *She slows to a very sedate walking pace, hitting her hands gently against her hips before sighing* “It’s messing me up.”

<Anna> “Welcome to how I started seeing Gray. At some level he’s a lot like us but just more bloody when he gets pissed off. Trust me he keeps growing on you. And Grey, is a lot more like his brother than you want to admit and you’re having a hard time with that because if you want to kill Gray then you should want to kill Gray.” *Anna raises a brow at Jo to see if she’s close to be right.*

<Jo> “I don’t /want/ him to, Anna. I want him dead, I don’t want to be thinking about this or to have that minute pause every time I go to stab or shoot something of ‘what makes this so different’. I don’t want to deal with that, I want him /gone/.” *Jo hisses back, hitting her fist hard against her hip as she looks back at Anna’s look* “And that’s not the case at all. I know what Grey’s /really/ like, not just the jackass he is around you or how nice he is around Harry, alright? He’s not hurting anybody or at least he doesn’t want to, Gray on the other hand just wants everyone to be hurt.”

<Anna> “Really? Then why did you go try not once but twice to get us back together?” *Anna can’t understand some of what’s Jo going through because she could still kill Grey without hesitation.*

<Jo> “I don’t know! You were upset, and he was being creepy, and I just..” *Jo hits her hip again before crossing her arms, frown firmly in place*

<Anna> “Have you ever felt bad for him?” *Anna gets up going to the freezer taking out a bottle of vodka she has in it and throws it to Jo*

<Jo> *Jo catches the bottle, waving it a bit to test how much was in it, almost surprised by the amount, before screwing off the top and taking a quick swig of it, starting to pace again* “…Why?”

<Anna> “Just curious.” *Anna goes back to the bed, sitting cross legged as she watches Jo. She sorta feels bad for her but not totally and she’s more than a bit pleased to know that Jo can’t just flat out kill Gray now.*

<Jo> “I felt bad for him putting up with your crazy moodswings, for one.” *She mutters in response, looking suspciously at Anna’s almost pleased expression*

<Anna> “I feel bad for anyone putting up with me.” *Anna prompts knowing that Jo puts up with her more than she should even now.*

<Jo> *Jo nods, tipping her head back for another mouthful from the bottle, not really feeling any better for it* “Yeah well, what the fuck else are we supposed to do for loved ones, right?”

<Anna> “Protect them?” *Anna smiles some watching Jo take another swig.* “So have you been feeling bad for Gray?”

<Jo> “…Other than that? Why should I?” *She mutters quietly, shoulders shrinking up as she frowns slightly* “I just understand him, doesn’t mean I give a crap what he goes through. I’d much rather not know anything at all and put a bullet through his frontal lobe.”

<Anna> “But does knowing make it even harder to put a bullet through him? You know before he left he said to take care of myself and watch out for you as well. Whatever you did, I think he’s going through a bit of the same because I’ve never seen Gray express concern for you.” *Anna’s voice drops some as she looks at Jo, thinking about Gray.*

<Jo> *Jo’d opened her mouth to speak at Anna’s question but cuts herself off when Anna continues talking, staring almost in disbelief at her* “He.. what? That’s not like him..” *She says the words but doesn’t really believe them, figuring that if she could find some kind of connection other than mutual hatred with him, then it’d probably be the same in reverse* “…It does make it harder, of course.”

<Anna> “Who knows, maybe if we all live through this everything will go back to normal or you two will actually not hate each other. Maybe there’s been some good come out of Crowley after all.” *Anna smiles some at Jo.*

<Jo> *The thought makes Jo shudder, taking another swig from the bottle* “It’s kind of depressing to think me and Gray are more likely to make ammends than you and his brother.”

<Anna> “That is a depressing thought but who knows, things could change. I would have never thought that I would witness the budding chance of friendship between you and Gray.” *Anna chuckles some as she holds out her hand for the bottle.*

<Jo> *Jo snorts at Anna, flushing out of anger for certain this time* “There will be no friendship - he’s a cold blooded murderer.” *She looks between Anna’s hand and the bottle consideringly before grumbling and handing it over, kicking her ankle against the side of the bed as she passes*

<Anna> *Taking the bottle she drinks and offers it back to Jo as the liquor burns going down, not feeling the best on her throat and she coughs some* “Well, friendship is a strong word. Acceptance of each other, let’s put it that way.” *Anna teases Jo some.*

<Jo> “You probably shouldn’t drink anything for a while Anna.” *Jo takes the bottle back, drinking another mouthful before capping it, setting the bottle on the kitchen counter as she stays back away from Anna again, slightly grumpy at the insinuation of potential friendship* “Again - he’s a cold blooded killer. It’s wrong, he can exist /without/ killing anyone or anything, and yet he decides not to. I can’t abide by it..”

<Anna> “Why are you holding him to human standards? He’s not and it’s not fair to expect him to go outside of his nature. It would be like asking you to stop hunting and go into, I don’t know raise puppies.” *Anna challenges Jo.*

<Jo> “I’m not, I’m holding him to the same standards I hold the rest of their kind: are they killing people? Are they intentionally hurting them? Do they have other options? Are they taking them? I get a yes, yes, yes and a no playing the 'Does Gray do this’ game. How 'bout you?” *Jo scowls, crossing her arms as she leans back against the counter* “They don’t /have/ to kill to survive, but he does it.”

<Anna> “No he kills because he wants too. But then again he was created because Crowley did something to Grey correct so he’s unique to the rest of his kind.” *Anna counters logically.*

<Jo> “Yeah, he’s.. ….He’s the part of Grey that didn’t want to stop being a monster, basically. All he does is do what he wants, no regard for anyone or anything else. He’s got no restraint or control - or rather, he has too much control and he just doesn’t care what he does with it.”

<Anna> “And he’s starting to change.”

<Jo> “He’s still hurting people, or he still wants to and will.” *Jo raises an eyebrow, shifting to sit attop the counter space since the table was broken and she didn’t feel like sitting in the table-less chairs or near Anna* “How come he is able to change, yet you won’t believe that Grey isn’t what you think he is?”

<Anna> “Because Gray doesn’t hide what he feels or is. Grey does nothing but work to make others forget he’s a monster but he has no problem acting like one if he doesn’t value your life. Sound familier?” *Anna shifts so she’s facing where Jo has decided to finally sit.*

<Jo> “He sounds like you, honestly.” *Jo looks back at Anna blankly, almost anticipating the response to that, even as she shakes her head at the, in her opinion, shallow interpretation of the monsters*

<Anna> *Anna shrugs* “I’ve got a higher body count technically than you all put together if you really want to talk about killers. Maybe it’s why I can seperate it easier between the two of them.”

<Jo> “Not because you wanted to though, and theres your difference.”

<Anna> “Killing an innocent though is killing an innocent. Why are you holding me different than Gray?”

<Jo> “Because you didn’t /want/ to. You didn’t do it because it made you happy or brought you joy - the same way Grey doesn’t. …While your guy on the other hand does it for kicks, and don’t even try to deny it - I know he does because I get the same when I kill something that I wanted to.” *Jo bites her lip as she finishes, staring at Anna even as she got quieter as she talked*

<Anna> “Then why do you kill the monsters that have no choice but to eat humans. Do they want to because it’s them or the human? How is that justified? Do you feel the same sense of satisfaction or is it simply your duty as a hunter?” *Anna’s expressions have almost vanished as she sits looking straight at Jo, unblinking.*

<Jo> “If they can’t control themselves and are hurting people, then it’s my duty to protect people. It upsets me to kill those that can’t help themselves - the monsters who can’t fight it and who aren’t aware or don’t know any more. If they have the ability to make a choice but decide to continue because that’s what they want?” *Jo shrugs her shoulder, feeling a little too analysed under Anna’s gaze* "Then I /want/ to kill them.“

<Anna> "But you’re hurting them. What makes humans so supperior to monsters? You don’t like it when the angels considered you little better than trash but you are more than happy to do it monsters.” *Anna’s voice still remains flat as she starts to understand more of why Jo is bothered by Gray.*

<Jo> “I don’t give a crap where any one is on the superiority scale - monsters, humans, angels, we’re all really the same, just different end destinations and paths on the way there. What I do give a crap about is whether something is killing a lot of things because they /want/ to and they want to hurt other’s and make them suffer. I care about that, and I know I fall into the second catergory but I'm trying to balance the lives that I save from being killed in future by something that can’t control themselves or want to murder them - with those I do kill. I’m hoping at the end of the day my good will balance out my bad, but if it doesn’t, then I get what I deserve as well.” *Jo shrugs again, tucking her arms tightly under her chest as she looks away from Anna, the stare completely unnerving*

<Anna> “Death is death. We all live with the comfort and delusion that by killing that one we save this one in the future but when it comes down to it. We are all killers.” *Anna speaks softer now as she watches Jo still, her expression softening as well.* “Gray enjoys killing and so do you but you seem angry at Gray because he doesn’t try and justify it like you do and he doesn’t feel guilt over it.”

<Jo> *Jo nods at Anna’s first comments, knowing that it’s a little childish to have that opinion but still feeling more comfortable with that theory to life. Her head jerks back around to Anna’s face at her observation about Gray, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of her neck* “..Maybe? He doesn’t care that he doesn’t have to, he’s got no reason other than his own enjoyment and he doesn’t even show any of his victims any /respect/. That’s… that’s wrong on so many levels. I’ve seen those bodies, I’ve spoken and seen some of them while they were alive.. …Ive killed them myself. And they’re just.. it’s /wrong/ how he treats them and how he acts, Anna, it’s pointlessly cruel and horrible and he just does it because its fun. Doesn’t even give them a grave or make it so the family can learn..”

<Anna> “Do you notify the next of kin of the monsters you kill that have no choice? Do you leave them a grave other than a pile of ash in the middle of no where? Have you ever taken pleasure in prolonging the death of something or torturing it simply because it’s not the same species as you?”

<Jo> “..Werewolves and skinwalkers. Rugaru’s I track the families. The rest it gets a little harder to identify and do anything for them, most of the time the families are dead already.” *Jo chews on her lip as she ducks her head, feeling a little ashamed of herself for admitting to even following further than her cases need to, like Anna was like the hunters from the Roadhouse who expect her to be tough* “Burning is the simplest, but even that’s the same as a grave given it’s a cremation. Gray just leaves the mangled remains where ever he’s finished with them. …And you know torture isn’t exactly my favourite thing in the world. Or something I take part in often, Anna.”

<Anna> “I believe Gray would disagree with you on the torture Jo.” *Anna breathes in and she pushes her fist question more. “Those are the ones that have human families but what about those like the kitsune and djinn? They have family, structure, loved ones, do you notifiy those families or simply track them to kill them?”

<Jo> “Gray is a special circumstance.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder as she says it, looking back at Anna curiously* “I don’t know, I haven’t crossed paths with a kitsune before or anything that I know have actual family structures.”

<Anna> “Maybe it’s because while I want to be human to feel things and I admire all that I have seen from you since you first crawled out of the ocean that I favor you and I want to stop you from being wiped out but it doesn’t mean I put you as a species above others. It’s no longer balanced, no matter how many people monsters kill, it won’t ever hurt you as a race and perhaps it’s just their time to go. I don’t hold you and higher than I do Gray. When I put Grey down for being a monster, it’s because angels are above him and humans, equally.” *Anna leans back giving a small shrug as she looks away from Jo finally and towards the bottle of vodka*

<Jo> *Jo nods her head, fisting her hands into her coat pockets* “Yeah, I know Anna. Though I’d think there were both humans and monsters who might disagree about that, but I get it. I know I favor my own kind, but I try to get rid of or have bad humans taken care of as much as I can without getting myself a one way ticket straight downstairs - and if I knew a monster who wasn’t hurting other’s needed my help, I wouldn’t say no if I could help them. It’s.. it’s hard to say though, given I’ve only met a few monster’s who try to control themselves and avoid killing and hurting people.”

<Anna> “I just think you need to stop holding Gray and yourself to higher standards. He’s who he is and so are you.” *She smiles some at Jo as she stands walking over and getting the bottle, taking a drink, trying to shake the feeling she has right now.*

<Jo> “He’s who he is, and who he is is against everything I stand for..” *Jo mutters in return, twisting her hands as she looks down awkwardly*

<Anna> *Anna chuckles as she takes another drink before handing Jo the bottle.* “Yet you can understand him.”

<Jo> “Let it never be said that my life isn’t complicated.” *She takes the bottle herself, sipping another mouthful and relaxes her shoulders a little*

<Anna> *Anna nods feeling hte collar and she starts sorting herbs again, her skin crawling. She feels like an angel right now talking to Jo about this and now she feels like the collar is choking her.* “All of our lives are complicated. Angels, monsters, humans all living together and being friends.”

<Jo> *Jo looks at her out of the corner of her eye as she scratches and presses at her collar, mouth tugging up on one side as she watches* “Or hating one another, depending.”

<Anna> “If history repeats like they say it does then you and Gray are going to be best friends by how we started out at each other’s throats.” *Anna teases as she prepares the ones that need ground in a mortar and pestle*

<Jo> “In contrast to the potential for you and Grey to start knocking boots if history really does repeat itself. …Not sure if I like either of those ideas, myself.” *Jo teases back, taking another mouthful of vodka and glad to finally feel a little less stressed or aggressive from it as she watched Anna* “…What are you doing?”

<Anna> “Working on new spells and I promis to not knock boots with Grey if you don’t with Gray.” *Anna smirks a bit as she stops for another pull on the vodka, clearing her throat some.* “What’s the worse this collar does, kill me?”

<Jo> “That’s a bit of a hard promise to make. Should probably get him to agree to it as well just in case.” *Jo half jokes, leaning around to look t what Anna was mixing* “Well.. I’d say yeah, killing. Or make you completely paraplegic maybe.”

<Anna> “Well, then I couldn’t feel it when Crowley decides that he finally wants a piece of me. Might be a blessing.” *Anna jokes weakly as she adds more herbs and begins to grind them.* “Won’t have to worry about having just lame foot then either.”

<Jo> *Jo swallows dryly looking at the other as she’s focussed on the herbs and grinding, folding her own arms and shifting a little away* “Just try not to blow yourself up while I’m in the splash zone..”

<Anna> “You watch to many horror movies. My head isn’t going to explode.” *Anna takes a knife, running it over the inside of her arm, next to the other cuts and she lets the blood mix with the herbs. Human blood she muses, if she had any grace left her blood shouldn’t work but it does.*

<Jo> “You can blame that on Grey these days; never know with Crowley though, do you Anna?” *Jo watches on in interest from as far away as possible*

<Anna> “Is he taking refresher courses for how to be a monster?” *Anna takes a cheap shot as she draws the marks on the collar in blood and then lights a match, taking a breath as she throws it into the bowl, speaking in Enochian only to have her words choked off as the collar activates*

<Jo> *Jo was meaning to reply to the crack when Anna seizes, not sure what’s going on at all and leaping off the counter to grab her as she starts falling backwards* “Anna? Anna are you okay?”

<Anna> *Breathing hard she just nods, not able to speak yet. Maybe doing the rests of the tests on the bed would be smarter as Jo doesn’t let her hit the floor. If she had thought of that earlier she probably would have a few less bruises*

<Jo> *She tightens an arm around Anna’s waist before pulling her back towards the bed gently, helping to set her down* “Okay, no more blood tests. I don’t think it’s going to work.” *Jo tries to shuffle Anna back as far as possible so any movement won’t have her rolling off the bed before stroking the other’s hair from her face with a small frown* “And no, he’s not. Though maybe you’re taking refresher angel ones - unless you’re just being completely stupid wiht these attempts. Does that happen every time?”

<Anna> *Anna nods, the shock easing and she coughs taking a deep breath* “It sucks and sort of hurts.” She whispers with a weak laugh. “Thanks.” She relaxes slowly, her muscles unclenching. “Refuse to believe that Crowley is only way out.”

<Jo> “Looks like someone was zapping you with fifty stun guns at once, Anna. That can’t be good for your heart..” *Jo sighs, looking at Anna’s clammy and sweart skin before holding up a hand* “Stay.” *She rushes into the bathroom and grabs one of the small hand towels, wetting it and coming back to rest it on Anna’s forehead* “Can’t help but think that he might be. Which is disgusting as all hell”

<Anna> *The cold feels good and she closes her eyes for a moment. Jo keeps bringing things up she hadnt thought off, the shock goes down her spine she never even thought about her heart.* “Just, demon magic, not like real electricty. Crowley won’t kill his pet.” *She’s breathing easier as her chest unclenches and she reaches up with a shaking hand to move the towel down her face* “Thank you again.”

<Jo> “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. He practically did kill Grey the first time he got him. Back when he had one of these.” *Jo reaches out and taps Anna’s collar with one finger gently before moving to pick up the towel for Anna and moves it as gently as possible, frowning down at the silver piece of metal* “I’d avoid doing that more than once a day though, just to be sure..”

<Anna> “He killed Grey?” *Anna blinks not knowing that and she lays her head back letting Jo move the towel over her skin.* “More than once, that was number 6 today..I think..”

<Jo> “I said practically. I don’t know the details, I just know it was bad..” *Jo frowns slightly, giving Anna a sharp look* “/Definitely/ no more tests today. Honestly, you thought that was a good idea?”

<Anna> “No. Never said it was. Only one that can’t hurt anyone else.” *Anna winces as she looks away as Jo gives her a look.* “Tried to get Gray to try and pull it off, just ignore the shocking but he wouldn’t. Never actually finished spell, hard to speak when your jaw locks up.”

<Jo> “I’d go ahead and hazard a guess that it isn’t coming off then, because I don’t know anyone who will willingly help you or hurt you.” *Jo sighs,folding the towel into a long strip and leaving it across Anna’s neck right near where her skin was slightly red from the collar’s reaction*

<Anna> “Maybe provoke Grey, he wouldn’t care.” *Anna reaches up, rubbing the collar.* “This sucks, trade problems? Can be upset over not wanting to kill someone you can have new jewelry.”

<Jo> “He’d know it was helping you, I doubt he’d want to do that..” *Jo sighs, sounding a little bitter when she says it before an idea strikes her making her laugh awkwardly* “I wonder if I had taken Crowley up on his offer if I’d have been given a key.. And I think I’ll keep my own problems, thanks.”

<Anna> “Offer?” *Anna looks at Jo blinking several times as she feels her body wanting to shut down but she doesn’t want to sleep.*

<Jo> “I keep you 'pets’ in line.. take you out for exercise, stop any harm coming to them - and Mom gets a free ride up to Heaven and a long happy life with no problems.” *Jo shrugs, looking down at Anna as she blinks blearily* “I told him to fuck off.”

<Anna> “Still doing it though. Won’t let Grey and I fight, telling me I’m stupid for this, bringing a cold towel.” *Anna’s blinks are getting longer as her words slur worse and worse. “Could use massage if pampering pets..”

<Jo> “I’d rather do it without the connection and feeling like I’ve sold my soul to the devil.” *Jo sighs, watching her carefully before smiling slightly* “You’re not a pet, Anna, 'least not to me. Roll on your front if you want, otherwise just nod off. I’ll take care of everything.”

<Anna> “Take care of Gray?” *Anna asks as she gives up the fight and let’s her body’s demand for sleep take her. She’s relaxed there with Jo, only other person besides Gray she feels totally at ease around when they aren’t fighting.

<Jo> *Jo looks uncomfortable for a second, frowning as Anna seems to slip off slightly* “I’ll see what I can do.” *She waits until Anna’s out cold to stand up, taking the towel with her as she starts packing away the bowl of herbs and generally cleaning up and replacing the towel with another before pulling out her phone to play with instead of just leaving*

#yay chatlogs

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hogsteeth-archive · 6 years ago

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alright then i answered one of them oc questions things for both versions of ira bc like. why wouldnt i. first answer is 1976 58y/o rhodesian ira, second answer is 201x 16y/o houstonian ira. i just wanted to figure out how different they really are. questions from here. if readmores still dont work on mobile im sorry lmao

what are some things they have strong opinions about?

he has sort of a cioranian attitude to the value of life, like, hes one of them “theres always reason to kill a man, theres no way to justify his living” types. he doesnt believe in nationalism per se but he does believe in war, hes literally a mercenary, and hed probably get along just fine with someone like mike hoare, but hes not one for unnecessary cruelty. hes kind to who he considers innocent. if he was alive today i can see him getting grouped w/ like, anti-natalists, right-wing “primitivists,” people who browse /fo/, people who think theyll thrive in the post-apocalypse even though they cant even spin yarn, people who dont understand fallout, you know, those types, but i like to think his attitude wrt civ is closer to perlmans or, well, mine. its a good thing he doesnt live in internet times. he thinks technology makes people complacent and weak and hes fallen into the trap of the “noble savage” myth; sign of the times. he could just as easily live off the grid in like, alberta, but he chose to stay in southern africa bc of his colonial attitudes & fetishization of the “less developed.” (sidenote, if youre like, new here n reading this for some reason, yea i write like really really bad characters were talking irredeemably evil here, just like, know that im aware of that.) also he detests hippies for both bad and good reasons ⸻ not much, really, hes an opportunist, a hedonist, hes selfish, goes w/ the flow. he thinks denying yourself pleasure for no reason is microfascism — not in those words — and while he doesnt think that selfishness leads to a bettering of overall society, hes no randian, he feels justified in what he does. hes uh, a mercenary in spirit and ive always intended to have him join the marines n later work for a pmc but were nowhere near there yet

what traits do they like in other people? what traits do they not like?

he likes people (men, that is) that are exactly like him. he likes Narrator bc hes just as quiet, as patient, as stubborn, as antisocial (using that the right way here, i like, know about psychology), as violent, as old-timey-ly masculine as he is. he can tolerate clade (his former accountant) bc she keeps to herself and shes loyal to a fault, but he doesnt go out of his way to like, actually talk to her. he likes will bc he reminds him of what he was like as a child living with his matabele mother. ⸻ he hates everything he perceives as weakness, but hes not all that open about that, i think hes not even 100% aware thats what it is. he needs to be talked back to. he lacks compassion, doesnt know how to deal w/ anyone whos less resilient and abrasive than himself.

do they have a significant other? if so, who?

i mean, theres Narrator — thats kinda what this whole thing is about. but theyll never think of each other that way. its complicated. theyre uh… closer to being marlow and kurtz than to being boyfriends. idk how to explain it. its bad. ⸻ hes fake-dating millah for appearances and secretly seeing jack, im not sure about the details either so im not getting into that, but hes eventually gonna meet will; ive written their first encounter like ten different ways and i still dont really know what i wanna do w/ them........ also Complicated

whats their friend group like? what role do they play (leader, mom friend, etc.)?

he lives in a hut he built w/ his bare hands on the edge of the kalahari. his friends are one horse and one vaalboskat. ⸻ he uses his friends but they use him too. hes reasonably popular bc hes athletic n wealthy, but i think the only one of his friends who really truly sees thru his act is millah, and bc he doesnt take her seriously as a threat, she has more control over him than he realizes.

do they care about their physical appearance? whats their routine like?

nah ⸻ not really. he showers too often and his hairs kinda dry but other than that hes like. Normal. idk i dont care about these things

do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

i dont think so ⸻ he has adhd

what would they die for? kill for?

oh hes not picky. he joined the military at 17, hes made peace w/ the prospect of dying. hes been more uncomfortable w/ the thought of growing old, actually. and again, hes literally a mercenary. not a big deal to him. ⸻ i dont think hes selfless enough to die for anyone. hed kill to protect the people he cares about, but thats more just bc hes possessive. im sure thats gonna come up eventually. i cant really write shit w/o weaving murder in somewhere.

do they have any magical powers or abilities? if its a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

absolutely the fuck not i hate magic. hes not religious, actually feels a little intimidated by religion. in one version of his story he spends his 50s on east nusa tenggara where he doesnt live far from a church, and he makes peace w/ the concept of god thanks to the influence of catholic-raised Narrator, but i doubt hell ever actually step foot into a church, or temple, or mosque, or what-have-you. hes internalized some things during his upbringing though that he doesnt classify as religious. little superstitions. he likes to keep objects that may be used for divination around his house, but he never touches them. ⸻ not religious, but if he had to pick, like to pretend, hed say baptist.

do they celebrate any holidays? how do they celebrate?

nah ⸻ like, the regular american ones. hell welcome any excuse to drink and to socialize, and id say his favorite holiday is the 4th of july, really just bc he likes warm weather and theres not a lot else you can celebrate in the middle of summer. hes not attached to the significance of any holidays. hes not crazy about christmas but he likes his family well enough and hell go along w/ it all, just to have sth to do. hes not good w/ time off.

if they were the protagonist in any book series, what series would they choose? alternatively: what would be their favorite book?

he doesnt really read but hed feel right at home inside heart of darkness or maybe the thin red line. or maybe sth by mccarthy ⸻ hes 16 he hasnt read jack shit. i wanna say deleuze would probably resonate w/ him bc hes a total self-insert but i really dont know. i try to keep the intertextuality way low bc i hate that shit in most fiction, so like, i try not to think too much about other books here

do they have any vices?

uh he drinks and he occasionally smokes opium but compared to most of my characters hes pretty okay wrt that ⸻ yea like… all of them. already said hes a hedonist make of that what u will

do they play any instruments?

nope ⸻ violin but he hasnt been practicing a lot lately

what would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

hes never been to one ⸻ i feel like hed be into sth really lame… like you know that video by jenny nicholson, top ten lame things to do at disney world? sth like that. like hed go just to get a specific food item or to admire the infrastructure

what animal would they say best represents them?

hyena 100%. the spotted kind. id say tortoise also but hed find that insulting ⸻ id say hyena but hed be reluctant to answer that bc hes a Youth and he knows what a furry is

how do they act when theyre drunk?

vulnerable. little more talkative. he talks to himself (or the cat, rather) sometimes ⸻ more abrasive/tactless/impulsive. he talks w/ his whole body and feels like moving/running bc, again, self-insert

which era of history would they most like to live in?

the old west, like early to mid-19th century, maybe late 18th. that or like the really olden days, like mid-paleolithic ⸻ idk maybe like ten or twenty years earlier. i think he fits the 21st century pretty well. hes a curious person though and if he had a time machine hed go Everywhere at least once

whats their favorite food?

ah thats. complicated actually i have a whole list of foods that remind me of Narrator but ive never gotten around to making one for ira. hm. he likes poultry, like ostrich. white fish. dry/salty foods. sour fruit. breadfruit. fatty dark meats, blood sausage. hes not picky though, hell live on pap and water if he has to. ⸻ i genuinely dont know. im not used to the contemporary western setting yet like… pop tarts exist in the same world as he does and im not comfortable w/ that yet. like, branded food articles wrapped in plastic. thats so weird to me. i guess he likes (american) pizza w/ greens on it, like spinach? and seafood. sour candies, maybe, i dont think he has much of a sweet tooth. he puts salt n butter on potatoes and cottage cheese on pancakes.

what songs remind you of them?

conveniently theres a whole playlist rite here

whats their favorite season and why?

dry season. he doesnt like cloudy/foggy weather bc it makes him feel trapped when he cant see as far. ⸻ summer. i honest to god think people liking cold weather is a conspiracy like im not sure thats even biologically possible. like summer is the obvious answer here

which d&d class would they play as?

nah we dont do nerd shit round these parts

whats their favorite expletive?

he like, barely talks ⸻ nothin weird thats for sure, we campaign for simple straight-forward language in this house. having a Favorite is inherently at odds w/ that. bad question

whats their favorite candle scent?

no scented candles in the desert ⸻ sth fruity but not sweet, like mixed berries, sth red or purple

how do they feel about death?

he doesnt ⸻ hed feel cheated by life if he died young. he has a lot to see and do and itd like, bum him out not to get to do that but hes not afraid of death

do they collect anything? whats their most prized possession?

he lives pretty austerely but he does keep little rocks and gems and bones and pieces of wood n such. also coins from all the countries hes been to bc hes a simple old man. i wanna say his most prized possession is his hogs tooth bc he does value the marines a lot still. its where he first met Narrator :-) ⸻ he really appreciates gifts people give him, things that remind him of people. jack carved him an eagle once

do they play any sports?

no ⸻ nothing too organized. i dont think hes on any school teams bc idk if he has the time but that might change. he does run/hunt/fish/shoot

what one place do they really want to visit and why?

he likes deserts, wide open spaces. hes been to the kalahari n namib but not the gobi/sahara/simpson etc, so, those. no ice deserts though those scare him ⸻ polynesia/southeast asia, just tropical places in general. bc theyre nice what do you want me to tell you. tropics good

what languages do they speak?

northern ndebele, afrikaans, english (w/ various influences), some vietnamese ⸻ english, some cajun french, some spanish

what are some items they always carry? what weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

hes got his fal obviously and he does always carry a knife, just to be safe. more out of habit than actual necessity (not to imply rural areas were safe in the late 70s, but he lives in the literal wilderness, hes not much of a target. stays away from roads and all that.) ⸻ man hes really not as classy as i want him to be :/ he probably has like, a glock 17 w/ ten thousand pointless modifications n some uglyass stipling pattern. hes a little bit paranoid + irresponsible n carries all kinds of shit he doesnt need, mostly way too much cash

which emoji would they use the most?

no ⸻ he doesnt have a phone, hell maybe use a burner if he has to. this is an anti-phone household

what fantasy race would they be? if they already are one, pick a different one.

absolutely not

do they want to start a family? if they already have one, describe it.

no ⸻ no

what stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

hed swing between the jrotc kids n the stoners honestly, but still mostly keep to himself ⸻ hes like, too much of a jock for the Delinquents, too much of a Delinquent for the jocks. hes really only popular bc hes rich-ish n blessed w/ good looks, and by association w/ millah

whats one thing that they dont need do they waste the most money on?

he doesnt ⸻ everything. hes really wasteful. he buys more food than he can eat, clothes he never wears, etc etc, hes terrible

what kind of shoes do they wear?

combat boots or just traditional sandals. the terrain around his house is mostly grass and flat boulders so he goes barefoot a lot ⸻ regular tennis shoes, nothin too fashionable bc he cant be bothered to keep up w/ trends, but usually clean n new. hiking boots when hes not w/ his regular friend group

do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

really dont like how aliens are always grouped in w/ esoteric shit bc like, thats like asking if you believe in atoms honestly. no shit “aliens” exist thats like not up for debate. both iræ would agree w/ me here. 70s ira doesnt believe in like, Ghosts per se, but he has some vague concept of spirits that he got from his mother. he sees/feels them when hes half asleep. ⸻ 2010s ira doesnt believe in jack shit

which deadly sin do they most correspond to? which heavenly virtue?

nooo cardinal sins dont work that way theyre not hogwarts houses. its so much more complicated than that thats impossible

if you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

hmmm four of swords? knight of coins? eight of cups? this is hard ⸻ seven of swords? nine of cups? the devil? i dont know

what do they consider to be their best quality? what actually is their best quality?

his strength, which is really just his callousness and lack of convictions. and uh. i guess his independence ⸻ same here for the first part. and. maybe his loyalty? i dont consider loyalty a good thing personally idk

what do they consider to be their worst quality? what actually is their worst quality?

his lack of social skills maybe? he doesnt need them too often of course but like, the first time Narrator showed up at his doorstep he was genuinely nervous and that did fill him w/ some semblance of shame and in his eyes he should be good at everything, so like. that. really its his lack of conviction and his timidness/avoidance of the world ⸻ his dependence on others/lack of discipline. really its his lack of compassion, like, obviously

#ira #ricky pwease come online

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rileyomalley · 7 years ago

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Curiosity Kills (A JunkHop Fic)

Chapter 1 cont! Previous Entries: [x] [x] Word Count: 4228 Rating: General (theres just a bunch of BOOMS in this part) Pairings; Roadhog/Mako Rutledge x Junkrat/Jamison Fawkes x Overwatch OC

So as it stands, Hopper found herself in quite the situation. Despite how desperate she was to pull some stunt and escape mid ride, she couldn’t help but be focused on the pain in her wrist…and she hadn’t much experience with jumping out of high speed vehicles.

There was only one time…and it was not pretty.

So now she was faced with being an infamous duos captive, lord knows what that would entail. At the very least she found some relief knowing who they were now and how to potentially use that to her advantage later.

For now though…she was being stared at by the two of them. It wasn't long before they'd arrived at this supposed hideout and Hopper and been sat down for questioning. She idly looked between the two of them before speaking up.

“…you just gonna sit there or…” not that she wanted to question what plots they had in store for her, but Junkrat spoke promptly after.

He looked to be scheming…real hard as he looked her over.

“Since we got you now, we have a few questions and ground rules. Gotta make most of keeping you captive. Seemed reeaalll important considerin.” might be able to strike a deal with her as bait. A trade perhaps for loot or some nice upgraded tech.

There was a lot going on in that head of his, which only left that grin to curl all the more. An important agent, a spy of sorts, a tracker maybe? Whoever she was…she may be their ticket to all they need.

His companion on the other hand thought otherwise. His arms crossed before his chest looking over Hopper.

Small. Only potentially an issue in terms of fighting, more than anything he saw her as a liability. He wouldn’t admit out loud that he agreed there was potential there for their own gain, but last they needed was someone making their operations all the more difficult.

Junkrat did that enough on his own.

Before Hopper could say much else Junkrat pointed a prosthetic finger right in her face.

“Alright sheila, who you work for?”

Hopper pushed the finger out of her face.

“That is unfortunately classified. As much as I would love to tell you…I really cant.”

Roadhog gave a grunt. Junkrat furrowed his brow. “And why not? Could always get it out of ya by different means…”

“A waste of time…” Roadhog chimed in. Hopper just quirked a brow at the large man before shirking away at Junkrat close vicinity to her now.

“Ah..well I mean, I cant mostly because its potential breach of my contract. By doing so that leaves me with uh…the possibility of being stuck out on my own. No contact.”

Well better late than never to start lying about you and your employers. Maybe shed be able to get on their good side before finding a way to separate from them. Lie out your ass, girl.

Junkrat was still staring.

“…not only that there’s a hiiigh possibility that if they learn where I am, they’ll find you and it’ll be more if an issue than uh…a fruitful solution, yeah? So..”

The agent started to fiddle a bit. Why did he have to BE SO CLOSE? She almost felt claustrophobic.

Actually, it was legitimately making her nervous.

“SO UH – I guess it all depends what you're looking for?? I mean...” She cleared her throat. Don't lose your cool girl. Think of something.

Junkrat gave a hum, rubbing at his chin almost exaggeratedly looking Hopper up and down. The way he was looking at her did not make her any more comfortable. She leaned away as best she could until she nearly fell off that chair. “Look-I have to apologize. I've only been in so many of these situations with brilliant criminals like yourself and...well. I'm rusty. So...I guess what I'm getting at is-maybe we can come to some middle ground? You don't do anything to me, I don't do anything to you, and maybe I can put in a good word for you as...long lost colleagues? I mean...d-don't think I wasn't seeing you eyeing this tech.”

Okay. Seemed to be catching their attention. Or at least Junkrat's.

“I mean...sure I could have tried my best to get out of here once you guys gave me an inch but...I'd rather not go a mile into death and destruction, at least for a little while.” She tried to give her best grin, hopeful that they'd consider the offer. First chance if she saw it she could get out of this joint.

The Junkers sat, Junkrat tapping his peg leg and Roadhog just idly watching Hopper. It was one thing for Junkrat to be eyeing her as much as he did practically BORING holes into her skull, but...not being able to see the face behind Roadhog's mask, or even a semblance of eyes was...unnerving. He didn't speak up much either, and when he did it sounded like a stance of indifference.

Junkrat sat up in his seat. “Alright sheila, we'll be considering this deal. You're lucky you got what you do, otherwise we might not. Me and the hog will have to discuss it further. You got a pretty good way of wagerin' in all. Now...” The lanky fellow stood from his seat, pacing back and forth before stopping near his companion. “We got a set of ground rules you'll be followin' while we have you here.”

Roadhog sat forward resting on his forearm.

With a flourish of that prosthetic hand, Junkrat begun. “Rule numbah 1, you gotta behave and follow what we tell you. You will be taken care of here in our hideout but that doesn't give you full reign of everything.”

Roadhog raised a large finger. “Two, don't even think of escaping unless you want a death sentence.

“I've got all sorts of surprises around here, sheila!

So chipper about it, wasn't he....she just grimaced.

“Rule numbah three! While we have you here, you gotta make your way in helpin' us score some loot. Not getting off scott free just cuz yer captive here.” Wait...how? “-which is why we'll be putting your tech to good use on heists!!”

UM.

Even if they were running over any others cockamamie rules they had, Hopper was stuck in her mind thinking of what exactly they were planning on using her for. She was in more than what she thought. Hoo boy.

Hopper just took a deep breath. “Alright. Fair enough. As long as you're fine with giving space I can follow these rules.” As screwy as some may be to her, fair or not. Junkrat moved over with a quirky grin. “Good! Glad to have you aboard then! We'll be setting out in the next couple days. Got some good word about a rather rich place we can hit up next! Eehehehe~”

That laugh was going to be the end of her. God give her strength.

After everything was settled the whole group stood, Roadhog making his way off in one direction without a word, Junkrat doing the same until Hopper piped up. “Ah...not to ask too much but...you guys got a shower? All that travelin' out in the desert got me sweating like a mother.” She was to the point of waving out her pits. Junkrat perked looking over his shoulder at her.

“Oh sure. Just over there to the right, can't miss it. Will warn you though, don't take long. Last we need is ol big Hog mad cuz of low water reserves.”

Hopper just nodded watching as he made his way out. Must have been with the larger man for some time now. Probably got on his bad side more than once himself but...that was fair. Last she wanted was to be caught up in this and screw it up right off the bat. She would try to keep any thoughts on escaping to the back of her mind. For the time being she had to play captive and follow what they said no matter how ridiculous it might be. The only things she'd deny was them looking at her tech.

That was her own and she was going to fight tooth and nail for it.

One thing Hopper had to be thankful for was showers. It was one of the most relieving luxuries human kind had and she wasn't sure where she would be without them. Even when she had to bath under a waterfall, it still felt refreshing. A renewed sense of self washing away the days dirt and grime. Keeping it as short as she could running through that long, long hair of hers she finished up and made her way out. Her clothes were still a little sticky, but she had to deal since she didn't have any way of washing them immediately.

Donning her casual wear she made her way out, hair up in a towel and prosthetic legs hooked back on, she decided to wander a little through their hideout. At least to the main areas she felt were safer than say, a workshop or potential bedroom. Might as well familiarize herself

Despite the messy look of this shabby shack, there was an odd bit of charm and a lived in feeling that could only fit those two men. It wasn't overly cluttered, but enough to show they'd really been around and had probably scavenged for a long while. She wondered how much making way to the kitchen to see what their food reserves were like.

Surprise surprise. Probably the worst judge in the world, it looked to be they'd done pretty good for themselves out here, considering the amount of canned foods, baking products and various snacks that lined the cupboards. Even the fridge looked to have plenty to drink with a good stock of water. She bit her lip—would it be too soon to play to her captor's stomachs? She wasn't particularly hungry herself, but a good gesture was always nice, albeit fishy looking depending who you ask.

Before she could consider reaching for a few items Hopper was halted by the sound of heavy footsteps making their way to the kitchen, the gentle jingle echoing through the air. She looked a might silly with the cupboards still open upon looking, yet her eyes looked straight to Roadhog.

Crap.

“What are you doing...?”

Hopper was thin lipped and wide eyed, moving to close the cupboards and step back a bit. It was ridiculous but she couldn't help in feeling like she was being stared at by a wild animal. Having to tred carefully both in her movements and next choice of words.

“Just looking mostly. Curious. Wasn't gonna take anything. Considered maybe making you guys something if you were hungry.” Her words were a little shaky, stepping out of the way when Roadhog moved over towards the counters. He gave her a silent look, a low rumble in his throat before looking through the cupboards himself. She kept her hands behind her back, idly watching him.

“...that is a way I can help around here. If you guys don't mind.”

“I usually cook. Don't let Junkrat near the kitchen.”

That was understandable on so many degrees. She shifted from small foot to small foot.

Roadhog looked to be pondering over that food, she wasn't sure if he was getting a snack or if he was starting up already.

“...do you need any help?”

“Go sit down, metal legs.” He muttered in a low tone. Hopper just sighed, not fighting it for now and moving over to the table to take a seat. “Alriiiight...you're call, big guy.” Roadhog just snorted in response. She wasn't gonna push it but hey, can't say she didn't try.

This however did leave her fidgety waiting patiently. She wasn't really sure if she could just get up and walk out for a moment before returning when it was done.

“Guess you got exiled from the kitchen too, eh?” Junkrat's voice called out making way to the kitchen. Hopper looked behind her chair and settled back when he came over.

“Seems like it. Offered to help but guessin' he's the head honcho in this regard?” Pointing a finger at Roadhog, Junkrat just snickered plopping down.

“He doesn't like anyone else fussin' about the kitchen, so he does all the cookin' himself. Barely let's me do anything even if I keep tellin' him otherwise.” Well duh, idiot. She knew why. She pretty much resonated with the large man in that regard as if that was the only wavelength the two of them had.

They both knew Junkrat was a hot mess.

“Last you need to do is make a mess of the kitchen, for all he knows you'll probably set anything aflame.” Junkrat just squinted at her with a small frown. The two of them went on like that for a while.

Roadhog grunted. “That's enough out of the two of you.” He'd throw you both out if he felt like it. He not only had one headache, but two to deal with .

Junkrat just shrugged in his chair before idling by, watching Hog move over with the food he'd been making all the while. He couldn't help but look at Hopper curiously, the woman as calm as ever. Most captives weren't like that...

“So how come you ain't scared about all this, eh? You get captured a lot before?” Hopper just rolled her eyes crossing her arms over her chest. She just shrugged.

“Either I'm desensitized enough by situations like this or my training actually did me some good. I know when and when not to do something stupid and I mean- sure if you guys really wanted to do something bad, you'd have done it by now?” Don't let her calm and cool attitude fool you – of COURSE she was scared. She was plenty nervous about the next few steps from here on out, and whether or not her disappearance would be picked up by her employers. It was all part of the job, unexpected. It didn't deter the scary aspects of it however.

A soft thank you came from her at the last disbursement of food receiving a 'hmm'. Everyone finally settled in to eat their food. Most of what kept her from doing the wrong things was being as observant as she was. The two settled right in on their meals, so of course she followed. She took it slow, poking at the strips of what looked to be steak and soft potatoes, melted butter dancing about the fluffy texture. There was a bowl of rolls but she'd be careful not to get too greedy.

She was more wary over Roadhog than Junkrat.

Dinner was fairly quiet, dishes being picked up and taken to the sink. Between the two men she piped up that she could take care of the load if they have business elsewhere. Surprisingly enough she at least got to do that without much hassle, as much as she had goddamn eyes at staring at her from just about everywhere it felt. Nonetheless, she was being cooperative, that's all that mattered.

Get on their good side.

Now was the matter of where exactly she was gonna be staying for the night. Seemed Junkrat saw the confusion on her face. “You'll be stayin' right there on the couch. S'not great but it'll do for now until we can get you set up with something better.”

Set up with something..better? Did you assume she was going to stay here for a vacation?? The expression on her face only made him laugh.

“Wot? We're not gonna throw you into some cage or nothin' like that! Least we can do while we keep you here. Can't have you bent out of shape.” It was surprising, she had to give him that. A nod in response thanking him, she looked over to the couch.

It obviously had seen better days...but if she was to compare it to anything worse, it was better than laying in that cave. She had a napsack she could fashion over it if need be. So far this wasn't too bad. Unexpected, a little weird, maybe awkward....but not bad.

She takes it back, it's actually worse.

By the time evening came Hopper hit the hay early uncertain of what she was going to face tomorrow. Better to bed early than to be thrust into madness at a moment's tired notice. Probably was going to happen anyway but hey, no harm in preparing for the worst.

The unfortunate circumstance however, was that no matter how she tried to rearrange that couch or her items, it was still uncomfortable as HELL. She found herself more kinked than she was last, tossing limbs here and there to the point she fell off the damn thing. Luckily it wasn't too loud or she'd probably be agitating the others in their room.

Sleep to no avail, Hopper sat up and looked around the low lit hideout. It was never easy for her to get to sleep easily. By the looks of it there wasn't any other potential spots she could try, unless she wanted to curl up in the sidecar of the motorcycle. That brought on worrisome thoughts so she pushed it from her mind. A loud huff she stood and popped the kinks out of her body. Looking around again she saw a top level window or...door? Maybe gazing up at the stars would help. ..

Making her way up their quietly, and carefully remembering what Junkrat had said about 'surprises', she looked out the glass windows at the night sky. She was able to see the moon just a ways up, bright as ever can be.

There was a pang in her chest suddenly, resting her forehead against the glass. She'd been cool up to this point, but Hopper couldn't deny that she was going to miss her own bed. Her safe place, seeing the faces of her coworkers and....she had to keep it together.

It wasn't long that she was up there before she returned to the couch and found before her was a slightly larger nest of her napsack, pillow, blanket and...pillows...and...more blankets?? That...was unexpected. She looked about to see if anyone else was awake, with no sign of either of the Junkers. She could only assume they heard her flopping, so they decided to help make it a bit better?

Either way Hopper was going to make use of this nest. She had a big day ahead of her, and after that was....

A heist.

The day prior seemed only a bit of preparation for the Junkers and Hopper and surprisingly they hadn't looked much into what Hopper had. Other than the obvious she mentioned she'd done a couple sneaking missions, intel search and may or may not have some skill into hacking. It wasn't her expertise but in the last resort she had to do so to prevent becoming swiss cheese in heavily armed locations.

Turrets were a fucking bitch.

The place they were heading to however by what Junkrat told Hopper, was a heavily barricaded and locked bank of sorts. Obviously not a local reserve, but apparently it was owned by some big wig who lived just some miles away in the desert lands. None she knew of since that wasn't part of her database, as far as she knew anyway – they had been hoarding quite a bit of their economy hidden out where most wouldn't dare to travel.

Most weren't as dangerous. Or stupid. Or a little mix of the two.

She wasn't entirely sure how this was going to go, but it seemed they wanted her to sneak in to give them the general parameters of the area. See about shutting down any security that she could to make it easier on them to get inside and get out fairly quickly. Hopper questioned why they didn't want to just take an abrupt and obviously explosive resort, to which Roadhog chimed in about subtly. As much as Junkrat ENJOYED making a scene, they actually needed to lay low. They also needed money.

In her mind she knew this was wrong of her to do, but in retrospect if this person was as potentially sleezy, high stakes and narcissistic...it couldn't be that bad of a job, right? Sure it wasn't what she was hired to do in her original line of work. She technically was freelance,-

Hopper are you seriously trying to rationalize this entire situation as okay? Girl has the sun melted your brain?

She just shook it off with a grimace, reassuring Junkrat that she was fine when he gave her a rather quizzical look. A couple hours passed...and she found herself in a situation that was quite a tricky one. She wasn't trained to sneak in and break in to places like this—but she had to keep up the cooperative facade until she could either relay a message to her employers, or escape.

Hell she even tried to do so in the middle of hacking a couple of the reserves' networks before being interrupted by the agitating australian's voice. Goddamn he didn't have to SPEAK SO LOUD. She was starting to regret making the suggestion of communicators. Hopper just sighed, making her way through

Everything had been going to plan with a few tricky moments, but Hopper seemed to be keeping up her end of the bargain. She'd get brownie points as far as the Junkers went and...admittedly she was learning a little more in terms of her skills. Who's to say she couldn't apply it to better things than, oh, you know, breaking and entering into someone's personal bank??

She really hoped this person was as bad as they were or else she'd feel a heaping helping of guilt right about now. There was unfortunately no time for that right now. Her eyes widening when she finished relaying her location to the Junkers, there was a faint humming coming from behind her. Her body tensed, eyes wide as she slowly turned around. Through her orange visor she saw a large quadrupedal robot, pointing it's red LED sensors right at her. It was warming up to shoot what she could only assume was going to be-

CRASH! A second longer and Hopper would have been vaporized, nothing but a splatter left on that metal ground. She was dashing and bouncing as quickly as she could, screaming as she tried to escape it's line of sight. Because of this she was coming over the communicator which alerted the Junkers to plan B.

Completely obliterate any entryways and head to the core!

This place once filled with silence and calm now was being utterly THRASHED by robots, guards, and Junkers alike. Bombs and explosions as far as the eye could see and hardly any survivors lest they ran for their lives with their tails between their legs. It wasn't a problem for either of the men, especially not Junkrat who seemed to have an endless supply of bombs and tricks. Roadhog was a master with knocking heads, tossing and snatching with that hook, cackling as he was causing just enough carnage.

It took some time but they finally made it to the core of the bank reserve where the commotion originate from and Junkrat began to call out to Hopper. She seemed nowhere in sight.

“Hoppah! HEY HOPPAH! WHERE YOU AT?!” Was she taken out? Damn, that would be a shame since she had done so well getting them this far...despite the sudden change of plans but hey, he couldn't complain when he got a hand in on it apart from breaking into the vault.

Once the two rounded the corner they saw the massive robot Hopper had been screaming about, the area around the vault completely and utterly messed up with laser lines, cracks in the ground from it's stomping weight...the two readied themselves to take it on and make way, sure the woman had been taken out. The robot screeched and rattled in a way that was agonizing to the ears, still together despite what shitty condition it looked to be in. That armor was pretty much on it's last limbs yet the thing kept on, targeting the Junkers and readying it's beams for a heavy fire.

Within a flash something came falling from the tall ceiling out of the shadows, a loud scream to follow. Before Roadhog and Junkrat saw a fierce look in the eyes of the familiar tiny woman, now wielding rather LARGE robotic gauntlet that thrust themselves with a near erupting force, the sheer power flying off them as they made impact with the robot's head. Those red lights flickered frantically as it's entire body shuddered. That was the last blow it needed it would seem as the large robot nearly crumbled underneath her.

The Junkers, safe to say, were absolutely gobsmacked.

Hopper stood on the now defeated robot breathing heavily, covered with scuffs, cuts and her own bruises, brushing back her hair with a large gauntlet hand. She looked over at the Junkers with a wheezed attempt at a chuckle.

“...you guys gonna need help with the...the vault?”

#riley writes #overwatch OC #Hopper #Roadhog #Junkrat #overwatch x OC #roadhog x junkrat x oc #roadhog x junkrat x hopper #im honestly having alot of fun writing this #so I hope anyone reading is enjoying it too

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soapyest · 7 years ago

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fire!hoseok & ice!yoongi au prompt / ideas

okay So this isnt going to make any sense to many people but me... ignore this unless you really wanna continue with the series im gonna do.

there are 6 essences. I will list them below along with some traits that they come with (possibly some character ideas??...??/.>?)

ice essence: cold, quiet, shy, can seem passive aggressive but are really just nervous,always blue hair, sapphire gem [yoongi], modest / purple hair, great style??? wtf??? like...... dude.

water essence: similar to ice essences. they are like cousin species (ex- tiger and lion,,) and because of that usually only hang out with these types of essences. (this is true for most essences. it is not rare but uncommon for different essences to befriend each other.) !!very pure!! very in touch with aquatic animals. wishes they were a mermaid/man ngl,, [jimin]

fire essence: nice! warm, (literally... they generate heat and glow...) very friendly. more likely to start a conversation with a stranger. in touch and not ashamed! of their sexualities. it is not an ‘awkward’ topic for them unlike ice / waters. very close with family- when youre with them you will fit right in. they are non discriminate and love everyone. [hoseok] red / orange hair

energy essence: cousins to the fires, less outgoing, they glow more than fires, and are very athletic. very extroverted- loves company. [jungkook] is most likely to answer questions in class. likes to take charge. leadership qualities.

earth essences: down to earth (ehhehh puns) green thumbs!! love gardens and plants and growing their own food etc. are very close as a community. take care of each other! very loving! (for example??? amity from divergent if yaknow what i mean) very good at cooking? like - grandma good cooking. always ave the best recipes. you can go over there if you ever need to - theyre great at giving advice and being a shoulder to cry on. [jin]

air essences: cousins to earths. more similar to earths than the other’s are to their cousins. (I USE THE TERM ‘COUSINS’ LOOSELY. THEY ARE NOT RELATED. IM NOT INTO INCEST. THANKS.) very chill. they believe in ‘all in moderation.’ probably smoke a lot of weed but thats none of my buisness,,, have lots of parties. like- their parties are legendary. very looked up to, very popular. probably is the leader of chess club even though theyre cool, because who doesn’t like chess yknow? [namjoon] green/brown hair. probably has a lit as hell mixtape.

tae is a mix of air and earth. his mom was born an earth and his dad was born an air. he has more traits of an air, but still does have a few from earth, so thats why i classify him as both.

ships [SPOILERS!!] yoonseok/ <s>yoonmin<s> / taejoon? tbd i guess / maybe a little bit of namjin / okay i lied no taejoon-only vkook bc yes /

heres the plot? i think? [probably spoilers idk ill try my best dont expect much]

basically? yoongi and hoseok bump into each other. yoongi has had a crush on hoseok for a while so hes like freaking out yknow how it is,, they exchange numbers. hoseok invites yoongi to his house and there he meets jin and joon hyung line are friends and the maknae line are friends] yoongi breaks out of his shell because he feels comfortable around these guys!! woo character development!! and thEN namjoon befriends jungkook. jungkook introduces him to jimin and tae, while joon does the same with hoi, yoongs, and jin. they all [oddly enough] become great friends woo who wouldve thought [i might change that idk its too cliche. we’ll see.] theres some relationship drama with yoonseok and taejoon. also? i think i want tae or joon to have a crush on the other and get really excited that they have a mutual friend. maybe. to be determined. jimin has parent issues. his parents dont really like the fact that he’s bi, so he goes and hooks up with a bunch of people. yoongi notices and although he’s dating hoseok, it hurts him. hes like whOa do i hAvE a cRuSh oN cHiM??//? and everyones like duh how havent you noticed yet. basically only him and chimmy boy are oblivious. hoseok and him have a mutual breakup, nobody’s really that~ upset over the breakup and they remail best friends. yoongi has a ‘talk’ with jimin. maybe. probably not. i dont like that idea. okay so how ABOUT-- since yoongi and jimin are both depresso espresso they go out to a bar and get CRUNK woooooooooooooooooooo and they end up like hiGHkey kissing. like- makeout sesh kinda thing. (bow chika wow wow:]) and after they kiss they boTH get very flustered and blushy because theyre SHY and eventually just admit their feelings to each other. (i just realized theres so many typos. oh my god. whatever i dont care oops) and then wooo i have no more ideas so we’re going with what i have rn

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thaumatological · 8 years ago

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speaking of rouven, and since ive also been thinking about hotline miami renat- theres already some parallels between those two with renat’s mainverse backstory but when it’s put in the context of hotline miami specifically it goes from coincidence to “these two characters are thematic opposites in every way” like. even the basic character design. renat’s blue to rouven’s orange. there’s still that core-riot sentiment of “its ok u dont have to talk some people say i talk enough for two people” buried somewhere deep in renat but it’s been suffocated and pushed down at every opportunity vs rouven using that same mentality as his sort of basis for his whole relationship w jacket. both of them spent a lengthy amount of time wandering. ALSO– they were probably IN THE MILITARY AT THE SAME TIME ON OPPOSITE SIDES??? UHH?? POSSIBLY EVEN THE SAME PLACE?? they also both grow their hair out when growing more comfortable with themselves?? ALSO THEY HAVE MUTUAL BAD EXPERIENCES WITH NUCLEAR DISASTERS. personality wise theyre. very different, whereas renat leans more towards introversion and isolation youve got rouven “its on the house” blankenfeld over there being an extroverted neutral good ray of sunshine even. even the alignment differences. renat is a strong chaotic neutral especially in hotline miami. i feel like they can be summarized with two very different interpretations of “have fun and be yourself” where renat’s idea of morality leads him to the conclusion of “i get to have fun and be myself at whatever cost and i dont have any interest in harming anyone else directly but if you get in my way thats your problem” fuck theres something else i had to mention too something really obvious. i lost it. OH i feel like for a pretty long time renat was viewing people as expendable, like,, “nothing matters except me not killing myself” but from a place of desperation rather than a petty form of selfishness, because,, he just didnt know how else to think. when you look at a infinitely vast multiverse and have to choose between “all of this must matter” or “none of this can matter” because of the way your brain is wired, it’s far easier to choose the latter. it’s still acts of selfishness, but from his perspective its self preservation. and because of that he makes a lot of regrettable choices that are pretty far removed from his own sense of morality (which as we found out in hexxit, does exist, he’s just jammed it into the back of his mind and is ignoring its 24/7 screaming) but in his mainverse he gets to get out of that pit of desperation in favor of a slightly less extreme form of it, where he’s not as.. bad? or at least where he’s not actively indulging in risky behavior in order to feel alive and doing things without any regard for the consequences (because in theeee eeeend it doesn’t even maaattteerr. do you think renat listens to linkin park and cries?). he just kind of ends up living an isolated life on some backwater planet where he spends most of his time preserving the local wildlife post-death, taxidermy style and collecting bones. but in this au and going from “heres a war where people are dying constantly and all your friends probably will do that too” to “you run a giant mafia operation out of florida and people HAVE to be expendable to you or else you will break from the weight of your own conscience” would only worsen that mentality, even without the weight of knowing and understanding the multiverse, because in the end it all comes down to the irrational black and white reasoning that dictates riot’s every move. it manifests differently in renat vs riot even because where most versions of riot are the same kind of chaotic good that i would classify anders as being (out of nowhere, uhh. im tired) renat is still… chaotic neutral. he has no interest in any overarching causes, he has no interest in being “good” or doing good. which (what the fuck is this paragraph anymore) actually makes me think that c3 has the potential to develop into a really strong chaotic good vs colorado being also chaotic neutral. what the fuck was i supposed to be talking about? hotline miami? oh yeah. so renat and beard, how about that. they would probably never meet each other directly, meaning the only connection between them would come secondhand from jacket possibly killing renat. neat!

#194

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topicprinter · 7 years ago

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1. Entrepreneurs are burdened with vision AND a sense of obligation — they’ve all taken a leap of faith.“Somebody should do something… and I’m somebody.”This is perhaps the first “point of divergence” between entrepreneurs and non-entrepreneurs. Everybody has daydreams and fantasies — but entrepreneurs seem to be more pained than everyone else at the prospect of not doing something about it.Entrepreneurs of all personality types, introverts and extroverts, “thinkers” and “feelers”, all seem to casually–yet–sincerely use words like “vision”, “conviction”, “leap of faith” and “courage” to talk about themselves and their work.I’m naturally quite a creative person, and I really had passion and flair for my craft. I’ve always had a million ideas for things I would do to break the mould of the cafe market. I always had ideas that I was so sure would work, and I would always propose them to my manager. They’d get rejected — because of issues like costing, ordering, storage, the additional impact on existing operations, etc. So I was constantly on the lookout for the opportunity to start my own thing — and the moment I spotted one, I dove right into it. — Christine Seah, Dapper CoffeeNot every entrepreneur has a clearly-articulated grand unifying vision, or a super-elaborate business plan. But every entrepreneur has taken a leap of faith. And taking that leap is never easy, no matter how much preparation you do. It almost always boils down to “somebody’s got to do it, and I’m somebody”.Interestingly, when I tweeted about this, someone asked, “But you’re probably talking to SMBs in tech right? That would explain the emphasis on vision and mission.”And the answer is… nope! It’s true for restauranteurs and ‘traditional’ entrepreneurs selling everything from seminars to standing desks. Vision and mission may have become buzzwords, but they’re still fundamentally important to entrepreneurs.Why is this so persistent? I think it’s because of the activation energy required to start a business. Unless you have lots of disposable cash to burn, starting a business requires you to decisively walk away from everything familiar and comfortable to most people.I think every entrepreneur puts a significant part of himself into his business. Not just time, energy, money, but also vision, personality, values, ego, in a way. Self doubt is huge, when you struggle to meet your business goals, when you think you’re not good enough. When as the leader responsible for the entire business, you couldn’t think of the answer, or do the right thing that can unlock the answer to your goals. But even deeper than all that is the idea that your business is a part of you, a representation of you and your beliefs and values. For that to fail, and be rejected, can be extremely personal. It can feel like the world is rejecting your existence. […] All the way through, theres the questioning of whether even if we irreversibly compromise our values, whether we can achieve the vision. Is that vision even still meaningful? — Louis Puah, Praxium2. Entrepreneurs constantly battle self–doubt , and they do it in an arena where there are real stakes and consequences.“But can I do it? I’ve never done anything like this before.”To most people, the phrase “self-doubt” tends to imply a generalized self-criticism: doubting whether one is fundamentally capable, good, worthy. And that definitely is a question that many entrepreneurs have deal with — and sometimes one that they turn to entrepreneurship to answer.But entrepreneurs also grapple with a much more granular, nuanced sort of self-doubt than most people relate to. And that’s about contending with each aspect of their abilities.Are you good enough to hire the right person for the job? Are you good enough to make the sale to the client? The success of your business depends on you being accurate in your self-assessments!“I’m a specialist, and I’m focused on making the classes better. I rely on my teammates to focus on bring in sales. I did a strengths test — I’m all about relationship building. It drains me to think about sales.” — Fagan, MOVE AcademyLots of people don’t know how to support entrepreneurs through The Struggle. For example, when they have self-doubt, it’s tempting to say, “Don’t doubt yourself!” But that wouldn’t actually be good advice, because self-doubt is part of what helps entrepreneurs survive in challenging and uncertain environments.3. Entrepreneurs endure increased accountability to others — to customers, employees, vendors, investors.“I need to deliver the goods so I can realize our potential. I cannot let everyone down.”The word “entrepreneur” literally means “one who undertakes”. To be an entrepreneur is to volunteer to shoulder more responsibility than other people. It’s to declare, “I think we should go that way,” and then bring people along with you for the ride — without being completely certain that it’s absolutely the right thing to do.Just think for a moment about all the people entrepreneurs are accountable to.They’re accountable to their customers, who will sometimes write scathing reviews online if something isn’t right.They’re accountable to employees, who expect their paychecks to come in on time, but may not necessarily feel the same sense of obligation when it comes to clocking in the hours.If they have investors, they’re accountable to them too — to give them a return on their investment.Some entrepreneurs even feel accountable to all their friends and family — by choosing to strike it out on their own, they become a flag-bearer for the pursuit of dreams.“I often feel guilty that I’m not giving Statement enough attention. I believe there’s still tons of ideas that we can explore with it. I feel like we are sitting on this huge mountain of potential, and possibly inhibiting its growth.” — Desmond, Statement4. Entrepreneurs appreciate the true nature of constraints better, because they’re rubbing up against them all the time.“Can I feed my family doing this? Does a market exist? Will competitors eat me? Can I make payroll this month?”As consumers, we never quite appreciate how tough it is for SMBs to survive — and how personal it is. Deciding to start a business is a very personal, overwhelming decision — and the moment you start, the timer starts ticking. Costs are guaranteed, revenue is not. And so begins a frantic race for survival.“Time is one constraint. We spend our office hours in an ad agency. After dinner, paperwork, and the occasional fitness/social/me-time, there’s not much time for anything else. Market size is another. Our brand isn’t directly scalable, so growing while remaining authentic is a challenge. We also have partners not paying up on time, which isn’t fun.” — Selena Soh, Temasek ClothingsThis has all sorts of effects on entrepreneurs. Some liken it to the highs and lows of gambling. Others describe it as like “living in the wild”, hunting for every sale, warding off predators.One thing is clear — SMB entrepreneurs are hypersensitive to the beating hearts of their business. Every sale, every review, every social media share has a real impact on their moods, even if they try to be somewhat stoic about it.When I first started, I was the only cafe making a variety of homemade vegan-friendly milks out of nuts. We had hazelnut milk and macadamia milk, it was fantastic. But it took a lot of labour to make them, and nuts are expensive. One day I realized, “I’m just going to have to get packaged almond milk because it’s taking 2 days to make a batch of homemade nut milk and nobody’s buying it.” So y’know I had to really have a good hard think about what I do, and how to compromise creativity vs product quality vs cost vs marketability.But in a way I felt it was good to have so many constraints, because you can only really do something out of the box when you have an actual box to work with. Unicorn Tears was my best work, arguably classified as a “perfect” product. it was creative, no one in sg had seen anything like it before. it was tasty, visually impactful, it was cheap and easy to make, and it sold like hotcakes. — Christine Seah, Dapper CoffeeEntrepreneurs are also always mindful of the opportunity cost of what they’re doing — many of them have walked away from lucrative, well-paying jobs in order to enact their vision.5. Entrepreneurs “wear many hats” — in a much more fragmented way than regular folk are used to (or can even imagine)“I do everything around here — operations, accounting, sales, hiring, morale…”“I was really exhausted. Trying to pull everything together — construction, manpower, suppliers and costing; was a considerable feat for one person. I struggled because of my lack of experience. I learned the hard way that running a café was a lot more than just the simple stuff like preparing items and serving customers.” — Samantha Koh, Curbside CafeThis is obvious intellectually, but experiencing it is something else altogether.You might start a business because you want to do your own thing — say, selling your specially-frosted cupcakes, which your friends have raved about. But you can’t just be a specialist — you also need to be a salesperson. You need to manage the numbers. You need good communication and interpersonal skills. You need to figure out how to hire people, fire people. You need to be an “influencer”.How do you actually build that up in almost no time at all? Most of the time, you have to learn on the job. And that means enduring a lot of failure as you learn.In school, we learned about the various fields of management, finances, technology— but until I experienced it for myself, I didn’t fully appreciate why there are specialists in each field. I understand now why there are entire disciplines about the various subsets of business. Each thing takes a lot of expertise. How can a single person build that up overnight? You have to figure it out as you go, on the job — and that means you’ll be failing a lot. — Fagan, MOVE Academy6. Entrepreneurs are constantly overwhelmed with decisions, “fighting fires” and an infinite todo list"I have more things to do than time to do them."“Our vision has always been to empower couples and the challenge has been to avoid getting distracted by other things. So the question we’re always asking ourselves is, “Does this help empower couples?” Recently we’ve looked at expanding the ways in which we empower couples but our end goal remains the same. Sometimes it can be helpful to distinguish between what the goal is and the means by which you try to achieve it. From time to time, the means might change but our goal is still the same.” ~ Dharma and Leana, The Wedding Scoop Every entrepreneur is living in a sort of chaotic state in their minds, where everything around them is suboptimal and needs to be fixed, corrected, addressed, taken care of.Nothing good happens unless you make it happen, while bad things happen all the time — sometimes because of your neglect and failure, and sometimes due to events entirely beyond your control.“Our todo list? Well — there’s a mix of things we haven’t done, things we need to do now, and things we need to do in the future. At some point I realized I can’t just keep cleaning what’s due or past due. It’s always never done. So I have to touch a bit of everything, and be okay with the fact that every day is going to be like this. I have to keep reminding myself of that.” — Selena Soh, Temasek Clothings7. Entrepreneurs value relationships a lot, and often speak about them with a certain tenderness and reverence“Through shared struggle, my partners and have developed extremely intimate bonds.”To me, this seems related to the fact that they get to “choose their partners”. If you start your own business, you get to decide who you’re going to hire — and each person you hire is going to contribute the culture of the organization you’re building.Most people inherit their relationships and coexist with their colleagues. Entrepreneurs are more discerning.“We didn’t initially expect to work together. But it made our relationship even better. I think we’re both ambitious career-driven types. And we get to make more decisions together, face conflict and challenges together. Solving problems together on more than just domestic issues helped us grow.” — Lydia Shah, A Good CitizenIt’s interesting to consider the causality here — in several cases, it seems to me that entrepreneurs either crave the sort of intense relationships only cofounders have, or they dislike ‘regular’ relationships (consider the stereotype of everyone going to the bar after work to complain about their jobs).I have a huge, huge appreciation for everyone that becomes part of the journey, even if it’s just giving support, giving advice, making connections. […] Regular folk” would form friendships with colleagues, but retain a business relationship for anyone outside of the department or organization. But as an entrepreneur, every connection is valued, nobody I encounter is “none of my concern”. — Louis Puah, Praxium Ironically, entrepreneurs are often “people persons” and yet quite lonely — because they’re so consumed by their work. As my colleague Si Quan pointed out when I talked to him about it,I’ve grown to realize, there is a loneliness to entrepreneurship. It’s a funny paradox: they’re very sociable, that’s why they’re in the people business… and yet they’re too busy to have much of a social life. One merchant even said to me, “I don’t think anybody has actually asked me the full story before.” — Si Quan, Breakdance Decoded8. Have a growth mindset: prioritize learning and growing to get better at managing uncertainty“It’s not going to get easier. I’m going to become stronger.”Being an entrepreneur is staggeringly overwhelming — if you don’t believe that you have room to learn and grow, or you don’t believe you’re capable of doing it, you’re going to quit.I find that running a business makes you almost “live on another planet” compared to friends who stayed in a regular job. Most employed people “avoid uncertainty” (or so they think) by e.g. going for a fixed contract or sticking with a big name employer. As an entrepreneur, we learn to “manage uncertainty” by not relying on one big client, agree things clearly in contract, requiring payment up front. While it can be challenging and draining, I tell myself that employment only provides the illusion of security. And I really see no alternative for learning to manage it. If you have a job, it’s just one job and when it’s gone, it’s gone. By always managing uncertainty, entrepreneurs live more in the real world. Once you build the skill of managing uncertainty, you are much better equipped to deal with sudden events. — Guus Goorts, Crystal MarketingTo me, this seems directly related to the fact that entrepreneurs operate in a more uncertain environment.Some seek out the uncertain environment because they want to learn, and tolerate the uncertainty to enjoy the accelerated learning.Some prefer the uncertain environment to other more controlled, predictable environments, and learning is the rent they pay to stay in it.And for some, well, why not both?In the best cases, this results in entrepreneurs learning and growing more than — if they manage to survive in a chaotic, uncertain environment, they begin to develop skills and abilities that they wouldn’t have otherwise. They learn to manage and inspire people. To set a course. They create meaningful, colourful experiences, that make the world a brighter, more colorful place.There’s a staggering caveat, though. Having a growth mindset does not guarantee success. And growth only really feels good on retrospect — it’s uncomfortable, painful and exhausting all the way through.After working night and day to make your vision reality, you wake up to find that things did not go as planned. Your company did not unfold like the Jack Dorsey keynote that you listened to when you started. Your product has issues that will be very hard to fix. The market isn’t quite where it was supposed to be. Your employees are losing confidence and some of them have quit. Some of the ones that quit were quite smart and have the remaining ones wondering if staying makes sense. You are running low on cash and your venture capitalist tells you that it will be difficult to raise money given the impending European catastrophe. You lose a competitive battle. You lose a loyal customer. You lose a great employee. The walls start closing in. Where did you go wrong? Why didn’t your company perform as envisioned? Are you good enough to do this? As your dreams turn into nightmares, you find yourself in The Struggle. — Ben Horowitz, OpswareThanks for reading! The struggle is real.

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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