#theres only so many books i can read that pretend black is the only race besides white

[anqaspond]

fucking finally a book about racism that isnt centered around america

[elsanna-shenanigans]

April Contest Submission #10: Green Like Flowers

Words: ca. 4,000 Setting: Modern AU Lemon: No CW: mild angst

The train whistled as it left the station. A piercing scream, cutting through the dewy darkness of early morning. Birds, startled awake from their nightly slumber, took to the sky. Fleeing like their wings were on fire, up and away from branches that were all but safe a few moments before. Their small black bodies quickly lost to a sky that had not yet been kissed by an unforgiving sun.

The engine chugged, rhythmically turning large, cold steel wheels. Pulling both itself and its posy of railcars along with it. Quickly picking up speed, outside one of the windows; a dog ran alongside the tracks. His tongue hanging outside his large muzzle, flopping with each bounding leap. He ran on a well-worn path, a frequent activity. The further the train went, the more he fell behind until Elsa could no longer see him. So too did the path fade. Giving way to leaf-covered ground and sparse trees. The click-clack of the train melted into nothing, like the ocean waves when one lives by the sea.

Elsa Settled into her seat but dared not to rest. Her mind racing fasting then the landscape outside the window. The train was still mostly empty, many seats were vacant. She glanced around, taking everything in without fear of looking creepy. The floor was carpet tiles, frayed on every edge but free of at least large debris. The seats, two on each side of the aisle, were a worn blue fabric. Each headrest was adorned with stark white doctor’s table paper. Fluorescent lightbulbs of varying shades of white and yellow had been illuminating the narrow walkways, now dimmed. Allowing the high-backed seats to cast long shadows.

A few rows back an older man sat slouched in his seat, his fedora, which had seen better days, was pulled down to cover his eyes. The ghost of a beard was painted across a jaw held tight by clenched teeth. Next to him, an older woman sat, knitting with the speed of a youth long past. She was counting to herself or perhaps singing. Her thin lips moving in unison with dancing needles. So the yarn was tugged and so too the corners of her mouth.

In another row a small child was fast asleep, curled into his’s mother’s side. The woman’s head tilted back, mouth agape. She wore what looked to be a brand new hoodie, a large sports logo plastered across the chest. It wasn’t a team Elsa recognized, the child shifted slightly, and they too wore a matching hoodie.

Elsa turned back so she was facing forward once more.  She glanced out the smudged windows to see the faintest hint of light, peeking over the horizon. And she took a moment to marvel at the fact she had to travel North, then West, then South, then West again just to reach the opposite coast. All the years of human advancements and there still wasn’t a train that simply went East to West. Instead, it zig-zagged across rivers, over the plains, and through mountains.

A movement to her left caused her to turn. A man about her age sat restlessly in his seat. Large headphones completely engulfed his ears. One hand clutching a phone, the other gesturing wildly through the air - pointer finger and thumb fully extended with the remaining fingers ever so slightly curved inward. His voice was barely above a whisper, Elsa had to strain to hear the words which were choppy, loose, but forever moving forward like a rushing stream over stones.

Just then the door between cars slid open, spilling the outside in. Chains rattled, wind blew, the click-clack of the track demanded attention. And standing there, a young ember, sparking as intense eyes surveyed the nearly empty train car before settling on Elsa and finally flicking to the seat next to her. The door closed as if in agreement and the woman floated over. Two copper veins of braids framed a speckled face. She smiled and sat down without asking.

“I’m Anna,” she said, it wasn’t a comment or an introduction, it was a commanding statement. She was Anna and whoever she was, Elsa had no choice but to deal with the sudden intrusion.

“Elsa.” She replied, trying to match the other’s tone.

This earned a nod from Anna, her head tipping back, chin raised for a brief moment before landing in neutral again. Silence settled like a heavy fog. Elsa was never good at small talk. Through the defining silence, she heard the ticking of knitting needles and soft rap lyrics start again. Nothing from the mother or child, this new woman’s entrance had not been enough to wake them from slumber.

“Where are you headed?” Anna asked, keeping her voice low.

“San Francisco,” Elsa replied, trying to ignore how much the woman’s eyes stabbed right through her.

“Oh what?!?” she paused to take a breath and bring her volume back down. “I’m going there too, maybe we can be train buddies!”

And suddenly the flames that protected the young woman from the outside world parted and Elsa saw, not a commanding bitch of a woman, but an innocence - a kindness that she hadn’t seen in a person in a long time.

“Buddies,” Elsa repeated slowly as if tasting the word for the first time.

This earned another smile from Anna, who had either not noticed Elsa’s lack of enthusiasm or chose to ignore it.

“Well it’s what like, 15 days to get from here,” she pointed beyond Elsa to the series of trees whipping past the window. “Aaaall the way over to there. So I think, it would be nice to have someone to talk to, have meals with, maybe exchange playlists…”

“I mean I don’t know,” she pulled her arms in like pulling a trenchcoat closed. She dared not to let the demons out nor let any new evil in. She hated meeting new people, hated that period of time when stupid questions are asked. Hated, even more, when the friendship was temporary, formed for convenience rather than growth. Why spend all that time putting cereal in a bowl piece by price only to find out theres no milk.

Elsa was not yet old in the traditional sense, but she had lived many lifetimes. Broken enough hearts and had enough hearts be broken, both from love and friendship, to waste even more hourglass sand on the freckled book in the seat next to hers.

“No offense but I don’t really know you.”

Anna laughed, a full-bellied laugh that had her eye squeezed shut and her head tipped back against the paper covering the headrest. Elsa felt her face start to numb and fought the urge to bounce her leg. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip and she turned her head to study the trees.

“We can be train buddies while we get to know each other. Like, we might as well anyway, seeing as we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other anyways.”

Elsa didn’t turn her head, “It is a long train.”  

“Yes and no, the length? Sure. But there’s the cargo cars, the sleeper cars, the dining cars, the private cars, and THEN there’s the passenger cars like this one. Sooo I think I’m gucci when I say; we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Gucci?” Elsa turned, pulled by the odd choice of word. She was met with yet another smile from her unwanted companion and she regretted turning at all.

“Yeah you know, ‘it’s gucci’ or ‘it’s all good’ same thing.” Anna shrugged but otherwise didn’t move, oblivious to Elsa’s inner turmoil and discomfort, instead, she used this as an opening. Like a racer who finally found a way to pass the leader.

“So, let’s just get all the weird basic stuff out of the way. I’m Anna like I said. I’m from Tennessee, born there, lived there, and went to school there. My favorite color is green. I don’t have any pets or siblings. My parents are divorced but they kinda get along. And I fly drones and do photos for realtors. In my spare time, I like watching movies and pretending to read.”

Behind them, the child resting against his mother stirred, his muffed words, likely exaggerated, were somehow loud enough to be heard over everything else. When his mother didn’t respond, he yawned louder till she awoke will a start. Immediately the child leapt up and took off running towards the door Anna came through. Elsa feared he would open it but he waited, bouncing on his heels till his mother, groggy with sleep and not yet aware of the world, shuffled over. Together they disappeared through the door.

“Aaaand you?” Anna asked. Elsa sighed, the reprieve caused by the commotion had ended and she found herself backed into a corner. She had to at least give some answer or she feared the girl would never leave.

“I’m Elsa, I am from the East Coast. I have a master’s degree. I enjoy the color blue.”

  A few beats passed, the train clicking along the tracks. The sun was higher now, its warm beams reaching out at greedy fingers, casting golden whispers within the other girl’s braids.

“Wait, that’s it?”

“Yes.”

“I told you so much more. Are you one of the people who can’t open up and I have to ask a bunch of questions to get them to talk?”

Elsa flinched, she was one of those people. But she didn’t like being called out so directly like that.

Anna smirked, catching the flinch. “I’ll make it less of an interrogation and more of an exchange, so it’s not so scary, alright?”

Elsa nodded, it was actually a good solution to this trap she was in, as much as it pained her to admit that.

“I’m moving to San Francisco or the outskirts at least. What about you?”

“More or less, the same.”

“I have a job lined up with a big real estate firm downtown, I start at the end of the month. And you?”

“At the end of the month, I will be starting my job as well.”

Anna sighed and shifted in her seat, readying a new approach like a hunter with a spear. “So why the train?”

Elsa felt her face redden and she mumbled a quick “I just felt like it.”

And in the spear went, embedded deep within. Its jagged backwards teeth holding it in place. It wasn’t a good answer. It was a very bad answer, one that said too much without saying much at all.

“Oh come on, that’s not an answer!” Anna waited a beat for Elsa to answer before pressing further. “So I’ll ask again, why the train? And this time, no mumbling,  I need you to say it… out loud.”

Elsa exhaled through her nose. And opened her mouth to speak before closing it again. She was at the crossroads of telling a stranger a lie or speaking the truth into existence for the first time. Giving a name to the shadow of guilt that hung over her, maybe it would let go and take with it this spear. Maybe still the light that so gently clung, in a smooth loving caress to Anna’s skin would, if only for a moment, grant her one kiss of its warmth. And so she chose the path, and took a deep breath, and pushed forward.

“I left my husband at the altar. I packed as much as I could into a few pieces of luggage, and hopped on the first train headed west.”

For once, since their meeting, Anna was quiet and Elsa suddenly felt the need to fill the silence.

“I left him my car and anything I didn’t pack, like the dog and my piano. I quit my pointless job as an actuarial analyst via email right before I boarded the train.”

Anna exhaled loudly and blinked purposely a few times before speaking, “You.. wow. Just left everything behind huh?”

“I wanted to get out of town quickly. I couldn’t breathe.” Elsa tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“So you chose probably the slowest mode of transportation to go across the entire country, just because you ‘felt like it’?”

“I figured it would be a fun adventure and give me time to think.”

Anna laughed, “You mean to brood?”

“I didn’t say that”

“Come on Elsa, you weren’t seriously going to mope and look dramatically out the window for 2 weeks were you?”

“Well, when you put it like that, I guess not.”

“Meaning, yes Anna I was but you called me out on it and now I don’t know what to say. Right?”

Elsa made a face, she had known this woman for less than an hour and she was already so far in her head that Elsa might as well charge her rent. But saying her, what she now saw as reckless and impulsive plan, out loud was freeing.

She felt warmth on the back of her neck and turned back to the window to see the sunlight set fire to a field of corn. Brown wispy tops of long green stocks danced in waves, long endless rows bent and swayed. A lone tree in the middle of the field broke the pattern, the stalks that had come to worship at its feet paid the price for being in the shade. They were shorter and more sparse, yet the further from the tree, the more they grew. The further away from the city, the train went, the more Elsa felt like those corn stalks away from the tree.

  +++

The dining car was busier, packed full of life and people. All of whom were in various states of dress. Some sporting loose-fitting sweats, wiping sleep from their eyes. Others in formal business attire, already on their third cup of coffee and 7th morning briefing. The clicking of their keyboards and monotone voices of video calls faded into the conglomerate of sounds contained in the frankly small space.

“Can I get you ladies anything this morning?” a younger woman in uniform asked, she placed two small, single-page menus in front of Elsa and Anna, who each sat on opposite sides of a small booth.

“A coffee and some toast, please.” Elsa handed the menu back, she hadn’t bothered looking, it was a simple basic order that she never struggled to find anywhere she went.

“Umm,” Anna on the other hand was scanning the menu up and down, trying to decide. “Orange juice and a coffee and a bagel with butter instead of cream cheese. Please!” the woman smiled and took her menu, continuing down the row.

It wasn’t long before the food and drinks arrived. Elsa put one sugar in her coffee and sipped it slowly. Outside the large, clean, windows of the dining car, there were vast sprawling fields. It had been only a few days since Anna became her companion and nearly that entire time, the train had seemed to be continually chugging through the same boring field. So much for seeing the country.

Anna dumped several packets of sugar and a few creams into her coffee before taking a large swig and chasing the hot liquid with orange juice. She made a face and busied herself with her bagel.

This is how their mornings went, and it was a comfortable enough routine.

+++

“So listen,” Anna said. They were back in their seats in the passenger car. “The next stop is going to be a long one, apparently there’s a delay further up the tracks and they’re holding us at this next station for a few hours.”

“Yes, I know this. I heard the announcement too.” Elsa mused

“Yeah ok but listen, they said 4 plus hours right? So I googled things around there and I found this!” she handed Elsa her phone, on it was a photo of a waterfall with text below that mentioned a hiking trail.

“I don’t hike, plus I don’t think we have time anyway.” “We wouldn’t BUT! This,” she jabbed the phone screen. “Is a 10-minute walk from the station. See it’s part of a hiking trail but the station itself is a rest stop for the trail. So we’re going.”

There was that commanding presence coming out again. If the waterfall was so close to the station itself, Anna did have a point. So Elsa agreed.

An hour or so later they were stepping off the train onto a dusty brick platform. To call this a station was being generous. There was a small building, which contained two single restrooms, and one vending machine that looked like it hadn’t been serviced in years.

A soft hand grabbed Elsa’s forearm and she found herself being pulled away from the building and towards the beaten path to the waterfall.

+++

“You know, when I left home. No one checked on me. No one text or calls. Not even from my would-be husband.”

“Not text or even a Facebook message?”

“Nope.” Elsa left out a sigh. “I’m not surprised honestly. People say I’m difficult to get to know. At the wedding, the bride’s side was nearly empty. The few people over there just sat there because the groom’s side was full and they wanted a better view.”

Anna picked up a small pebble and tossed it into the stream, it made a soft plop sound before sinking below the surface. “Why did you guys want to get married then?”

“Well,” Elsa chewed on her lower lip for a moment before answering. “When you’re in business people expect things from you. It’s incredibly outdated and sexist too. But you’re expected to have a wife or a husband, expected to have children, expected to own a home, or at least rent somewhere nice. Have a good, clean car, new tech, nice clothes. All those things.”

She paused to copy Anna’s move with the pebble but missed the water completely, the small stone disappearing somewhere in the woods.

“We met at a company gathering and didn’t hate each other. Our drinks were the same, we watched the same evening news, had the same mild interest in the local sports team. It was enough to bolster a conversation. We started dating a few weeks later.”

“What about the wedding?”

Elsa laughed or at least made a sound that was like a laugh. “We had been dating for 2 years. And when I saying dating, I mean we were each other’s plus one to events, and we had dinner together at the nice restaurants. He was up for a promotion, asked if I wanted to get married and I agreed.”

“Wait what, he didn’t romantically propose?”

“No, we were never really intimate. A kiss here and there, maybe a night over to relieve stress. But if I’m honest, we spent most of our time apart and doing our own thing.”

Anna picked up a stick and picked at the bark, her brows pulled together and the ghost of a frown on her face.

“Did you love him?” she asked quietly

Elsa didn’t answer right away, choosing instead to turn her attention to the waterfall. Finally, after a few long minutes of silence, she answered. “No. No, I didn’t love him. And I would bet everything I own that he didn’t love me either.”

This time Anna sighed and scooted closer to Elsa. “You deserve to be loved, Elsa.”

“I’m not sure I even know what love is.”

Anna stood and walked in front of her field of view. Hands on her hips. “Sure you do!”

Elsa responded by standing and making a face.

“Elsa love isn’t a contract, it’s not a business proposal. It’s work and it’s hard but it also good and warm. Love is telling someone about your day and them listening and offering advice. Love is watching a movie together and laughing at the stupid parts. Love is holding someone while they’re sick and telling them dumb jokes to make them feel better. Love is a lot of things, but what love isn’t is convenient.”

“He was very convenient…”

“But was he love?”

“No.”

Anna reached out and took Elsa’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. “It’s okay, you know? You’re going to be okay. Fresh coast, fresh start.”

“Fresh coast, fresh start?” Elsa repeated, confused.

“Yeah, you’re moving to the West Coast, fresh coast, to start anew, fresh start.”

“Fresh coast, fresh start.” Elsa said again, “You know what, I like that.”

Anna beamed and that warm feeling prickled on the back of Elsa’s neck again.

+++

“So we have the colors all picked out, purple and green. And my dress is white but it’s ever so slightly green like it will catch the light, it’s so pretty.” Anna said. They were back in the dining car, having just finished dinner. About a week had passed since the waterfall adventure and train was rolling again. This time outside the window the fields were broken by large rocks and streams. Anna had her phone out, swiping through photos of her wedding prep.

“You sound excited,” Elsa commented, taking a sip of wine.

“Oh, I am! It’s going to be a lot of fun…” Anna looked up suddenly and stared right at Elsa. “You should come!”

“You don’t have to invite me.”

“Oh please, we’re like practically sisters at this point. Like I know what brand of tampon you used and I know that you snore when you sleep.”

“That’s… that’s a weird thing to know.”

“Elsa, everyone snores, pay attention, I’m forwarding you the rsvp so you can fill out what type of food you want.”

Elsa had to smile as she pulled out her phone to answer the email. “What a strange trip this has been. One day I’m running from my own wedding, and now I’m getting invited to a stranger’s.”

“Not a stranger, a friend,” Anna added, smiling warmly.

“A friend,” Elsa repeated, genuinely returning Annan’s smile.

“You know I was just sitting in the dining car, having a coffee and playing a pointless game on my phone. When I suddenly just felt this pull to leave. And I followed it blindly till I saw you. Then it’s like everything clicked. I think we were meant to find each other.”

Elsa was quiet for some time, considering this. Anna had swooped into her field of vision and hadn’t left since. And for once she didn’t mind the company. That warm feeling was back and with it, Elsa found herself agreeing. “I think we were meant to find each other too.”

+++

In the morning they would be arriving in San Francisco and would be going their separate ways. It was likely they wouldn’t see each other again. Sure, they had exchanged numbers - but in a city of 3 million people, it was easy to lose a single soul.

She didn’t want to lose Anna though. This blaze of a woman who dared to knock down Elsa’s walls with a bulldozer. She had never really had a close friend, and as Anna, asleep on her shoulder, stirred in response to a dream - Elsa couldn’t help but wonder if this is what it felt like to be loved.

Anna shifted, reaching out her hand, searching for something. Fingers moved with a purpose, slowly curling and uncurling until their ship reached the harbor. And she wrapped them around Elsa’s hand, holding firmly, as if she was once again reading Elsa’s mind and was too, afraid to let her go.

Elsa decided then and there, that this time would be different. This time she wouldn’t close the door on someone. She gave Anna’s hand a slight squeeze, causing Anna to nestle into the old woman’s neck.

Elsa turned to watch the lights from the city fade into the darkness of the desert. Her neck was warm and this time it traveled down and warmed her whole body. She ran a thumb over Anna’s hand and smiled.

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[alicedoessurveys]

165 Questions

(this took a couple days to complete so I don't know if the answers will even make sense haha)

did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?   we didn't really have a ‘health class’ at our school. we had a whole day once a term where our usual lessons were cancelled and we were all split off into different groups to learn all that shit. i used to stay home on those days because the routine change sent my anxiety sky high

what are your feelings regarding shopping?   i like it when I'm in the right mood

do you think people have any misconceptions about you? i think people sometimes mistake me for being rude or stuck up when its actually that I'm quite shy

have you ever worn fishnets? Nope

do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? my sister’s house

do you believe prayer really works? i do, especially after this week

do you have one best friend who is always there for you? kind of

describe one of your most emotional farewells. not really had any emotional farewells

have you ever been tied up? eh, nope.. well not in a serious way :’)

how many times have you been cussed out? i dont think i really have been in a genuine way, only ever jokingly

does it bother you when people ask personal questions? not really, if it did i wouldn't have a tumblr just for surveys haha

do you know anyone who’s been in jail? dont think so nope

have you ever considered acupuncture? Nope i cant do needles

have you ever watched the same sex undress? only when it happens in films/tv but never watched a guy get fully naked aha

have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Nope

have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yeah, but only a handful of times

do you enjoy mario games? not really played Mario games tbh

do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) not sure

does it bother you when dogs lick you? i love my dogs but i don't really like being licked, i don't like the feeling of it especially on my face or feet

do you feed your pets human food? Occasionally, but we always double check before that its nothing poisonous or anything

which is worse: being sexist or racist? dont even get me started. They're both as bad as each other. The thing about racism is that its never picked up on when it happens to a white person. We experience it too, but for some reason it doesn't count if you're white.. Racism is NEVER okay and it affects ALL races. White people, black people and every skin colour in between.

do you think suicide is selfish? Only if the way you do it affects someone else. for example, jumping in front of a train or car, or throwing yourself of the top floor of a busy shopping centre in front of loads of people. thats when it gets selfish because youre forcing other people to witness something that could be potentially traumatising and could disturb them for the rest of their lives. Especially when it involves jumping in front of a vehicle because that driver has to live their life knowing that someone died because they hit them with whatever they were driving. personally, if someone jumped in front of my car and ended up dying i would never drive again and it would ruin my life. so yeah, thats when suicide is selfish, and this was a long answer haha

would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? No

what are the most embarrassing songs in your itunes library? probably glee songs

how picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? seems I'm not fussy enough from past experience :’)

do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? i wouldn't know

in your opinion, is it ever okay to get back with an ex? depends on the situation and why you broke up

what’s the first animal you go to see at the zoo? Whichever is closest to the entrance. we always need a system when we go to the zoo so we see everything haha

what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? when i went to australia zoo there were loads of creatures i didn't even know existed and i cant remember any of the names

what animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn’t be? im not sure. i think as long as the animals have a good way of life, are treated right and are happy then theres no reason why they shouldn't be at the zoo. and if being there means they're protected and can help the species not to go extinct then thats awesome!

do you like zoos or aren’t you bothered? i like the a trip to the zoo :) I'm gonna love taking a foster kid to the zoo

i offer you a cigarette, you say… no, and do not smoke anywhere near me

why do you think you were put on this earth? i haven't quite figured it out yet

is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? it is never okay to hit a child

do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation also? Maybe slightly, i think it can de-sensitise us and make us see violence as more normal. BUT saying that, i play gta and it doesn't make me want to go round punching/shooting people so it depends on the person i guess..

are you in any shape or form, racist? No. i don't understand it at all. at the end of the day, we’re all humans no matter where were born, what our nationality is, skin colour is. It doesn't matter. A person is a person.

are you in any shape or form, sexist? again it doesn't matter what gender you are, you're still a human being

how do you think the world will end? as a christian, i believe it ends when God decides it will end.

what natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? Aurora borealis or however you spell it

would you kill someone who killed a child? how about YOUR child? i dont think i could ever kill someone.

what is your favorite cover of a song? pretty much everything Pentatonix does. I LOVE their cover of ‘Hallelujah'

have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? neve been in love

have you ever received or given a make-over? Yup, received a few. given a few, my male best friend was the best because he let us do a photoshoot of him in full make up and i still have the pictures :’)

do you know anyone who is HIV+? not that i know of

have you ever been to a desert? no, i was supposed to go riding camels in the desert while on holiday but i got sick and spent two days stuck in the hotel in bed

do you know any trans* people? Nope

what is your favorite beatles song? let it be.. is that them? Idk

what is the poorest you have ever been? Teenage years when i got £70 to last a month but it basically all went on my gym membership and bills.

i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? dont really follow any gamers, i like watching pointless blog play sims though

is there something written on your shirt right now? nope, its a plain black shirt

what is your favorite song to play on guitar hero or rock band? i dont play either of those

where do you find the surveys you take? i follow a load of survey Tumblrs and steal ‘em of there

what’s one weird/annoying thing your pet(s) tend to do? Sit at the door and bark every time they see a squirrel. or a bird. or a shadow. Literally anything and one of them will bark, then they all start barking and having four dogs barking its an absolute headache.

what’s your favorite song by your favorite artist?   oh i cant answer that, i have too many favourites.

do you have an “original character?” i dont really get the question

what about a persona/fursona?   wut..?

do you ever MAKE your own surveys? nope im not very original

why’s it the woman who have to give birth anyway if the man is physically stronger in most cases? first of all, rude. secondly, its all Eve’s fault.. read the bible

do you get good internet where you live? yeah its alright most of the time

ever had a cavity? how many? Never

ever broken a tooth? Nope

what did you do on the playground at your school as a child? i liked playing make believe. me and my friend in primary school came up with our own pretend kids tv show called witches and fairies where she played a witch, i played a fairy and we had adventures :’)

are you into comics? a bit

did you ever have computer disc games you played as a kid? Sims!! Rollercoaster tycoon & zoo tycoon.

what do you think of people who have therapists? Brave. I've had a few therapists during school/college so i know how difficult it is and i gave up on therapy so i really admire people who stick with it

do you have any of those adult coloring books? i have a few, my favourite is one full of the original Alice in wonderland artwork. ALSO i found out the other day theres a fantastic beasts one and i rally want it

ever ridden an elephant?   Nope

deserts: dreary or beautiful?   i think they can look beautiful in pictures but i imagine they'd be dreary irl

ever seen a panda?   only in pictures

what kind a camera do you have?   my phone is my main camera. i do own a Sony a290 dslr that i have to buy for college but i don't use it anymore

do you have stretch marks? where? don’t be shy, they’re tiger stripes! i do, on my thighs

lobsters: cool or scary? Scary

opposoms: total vermin or cute? i dont know what they are

what tv channel dominated your childhood?   Cbbc

ever actually seen a snake in the wild? dont think i have nope

have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? NO! Snakes scare me

ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! i have not nope

do you like oatmeal? Nope

wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? does England have a national bird?!

ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? Nope. i would like a bearded dragon, but having to feed it live bugs freaks me out. even just the thought of having the bugs in my house i cant even

ever play hearthstone? dont know what that is..

ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot?   No. and I'm disgusted by people who do hunt

how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught?   i used to fish with my grandad when i was a kid, but i only ever caught small ones

coolest place you’ve ever been fishing?   Idk I've only ever been to lakes on camp sites

which is cooler: african or asian elephant? i didn't know there was a difference

craziest thing you’ve ever eaten? i dont eat crazy stuff, I'm too scared of eating crazy stuff

what’s in a camel’s back? Idk ask the camel

steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? Brave. i love Steve irwin, i think he did great work and its a shame he died. I've been to his zoo in australia and I’ve never seen happier animals in a zoo. we spent at least half an hour watching the tigers play in the water with the zoo keepers and you could tell there was a genuine love between them.

what do you think of people who put their whole life on social media? If thats what they want to do then fine.

don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra?   nope. if wearing a push up bra makes you feel better about yourself and gives you confidence then you do it!

do you truly believe we came from chimps? No

well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them?   Idk

if you could choose anyone to be your father, who would it be? my dad

weirdest video game you’ve ever played? i dont think I've played any weird games tbh

we’re having a pig-pickin’! whatcha eating? a what?

ever been on a scary hay ride? no I'm a chicken

ever been to a castle?   Yuppie live like half an hour away from Warwick castle so I've been there a lot in my life

what’s your favorite kind of penguin? rockhopper- we had to make penguin masks in college for one of the shows the actors were doing so i made a mask of a rockhopper penguin

whales. should they be allowed in sea world? if they're treated right then yeah

ever seen an albino? whether it be human or animal?   yeah there was someone in my school who was albino

what do you think of the song “miss jackson” by panic! at the disco? Don't think I've heard it

what is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? it used to be a picture of me and him but i don't know if he's changed it

do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? No

do you like using big words when you talk? No I tend to say words wrong and make a fool of myself

do you EVER use caps lock? Rarely. i cant read things very well if they're written in capitals

are you loud when you’re having sex?  Doubt it

have you ever wanted to drop out of school? yes, i hated school but in England you're not allowed to just drop out

when was the last time you watched south park? dont think I've ever watched it

are you italian? nope

are you interested in photography at all? Yes i enjoy taking photos and used to be super into it but when i studied it in college i had such an awful time it kinda ruined it

any survey takers that annoy you on tumblr? nope

do you like bob marley? hes alright, I've not really listened to his music much so i don't really have an opinion

can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? my mom, pretty much yeah. dad, not so much.

are you interested in art? a bit, not a lot though

don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? no i think were not spending enough. we should all be way more concerned with global warming than we are

everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? i dont have a first favourite so i cant have a second favourite. i just have a big list of favourites

who’s your favorite disney character? again, i don't have a favourite there are too many. i tend to like the sidekicks in the movies more than the main characters like Sven & Olaf from frozen, Pascal & Maximus from Tangled etc

have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? Nope

do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? Vitamin C

how much was your prom dress? what’s the most you’d spend? my prom dress wasn't very expensive, I can't remember exactly how much it was. I still have it in my wardrobe but I don't like it 

would you marry someone of a different religion? Possibly, if i loved them enough. and if they understood i wouldn't change my religion

how did you learn the word “fuck”? probably at school

if you could make one of your enemies your best friend, who would it be? i dont have enemies so idk

what is the last movie you saw in theaters? Passengers

have you ever got into a wreck?   not a serious one nope

do you think you are an argumentative person? Not really, unless its something I'm passionate about or if I'm hurt by something

can you admit when you’re wrong?   Yeah

are you easily confused? very :’)

do you think you would make a good wife/husband?   i think i would

have you ever caught a butterfly?   not on purpose.

have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? nope i dont drink so i wouldn't try make anyone else

do you like being kissed on the neck? no, it feels gross

favorite song by the band the offspring? never heard of them

how many times each morning do you press the snooze button? i dont set an alarm often and when i do i don't press snooze

when you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? normally fries

what video game or computer game are you best at? sims

how do you normally come across new music? listening to the radio, or when ads or videos use a song i like the sound of i find out what it is

what subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? English, I've never had to analyse a book or poem in my life since leaving school

do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? no they're annoying

are you pretty politically correct? idk probably

have you ever behaved like a stalker?   probably online yeah :’)

do you appreciate other people’s opinions?   depends what its about

if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be?   pet name for myself or for an actual pet..? I've already decided when i get my own dog i want to call it moose

do you care what’s going on in the world? i care, but i don't make an effort to find out cause its usually all depressing stuff

how many partners is too many? at one time or like in a lifetime..? lifetime it doesn't matter but if you have more than one parter at once then thats too many

do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose?   nope

do you prefer boys to shave down there?   Idk

how much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)?   she knows its non existent

are any of your siblings married? what are their spouse’s names?   Nope ut she lived with her partner Tom

have you ever had a pet bird?   Yeah, we used to own to cockatoos called bobby and beauty

how many times have you moved in your lifetime? 2

if you could get one piercing and one tattoo, where would you want them?   dont want any piecrings. i have a tattoo already but i want another one on my ankle/foot of a lighthouse

would you consider yourself to be adventurous?   Nope

has any part of your house ever been flooded?   dont think so

is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? who and why? our foster baby, he's two weeks old tomorrow but he's still in hospital with drug withdrawals so he cant come home yet

if you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? to what organization would you donate it?                                                                                              I would donate to dogs home or a mental health charity

describe the best friend you’ve ever had, or the best person you’ve ever known.   I cab right now 

have you ever adopted a stray animal?   We've adopted a few dogs in my lifetime but none recently

what time did you wake up this morning?   about 9am

ever wonder if you’re someone’s everything?   yeah, i cant see anyone getting to know me and being like ‘shes perfect for me’ like srsly I'm too much of a mess

would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde?   not platinum nope

what is your mom’s middle name?   Anne

do you know the color of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s eyes? n/a

have you had your wisdom teeth out?   Nope

your appendix?   yeah, mine burst when i was two years old and tried to kill me haha