#theres no possible way me putting this in the cyvanni tags could have any serious repercussions

[thekuraning]

do cyvanni next for ship meme 🔫

KURA LORE UNLOCKED!! IT'S HIS ULTIMATE OTP!!! hi jen

@tieflingfangs and I are AbsoluteControl shipping pioneers from the Dark Times :3

if you are looking at this going huh whu something you NEED. TO UNDERSTAND. Is the N U A N C E. So I've put an FAQ under the cut!!

"kura what do you mean cyrus is idealistic and follows his heart"

the man decided emotions were fake and gay and decided to summon ancient gods to restart the universe and crown himself Supreme God of All, next question

"kura what do you mean giovanni craves attention"

he is a pathetic wet persian yowling in the bathtub, next question

"why is cyrus ~40ish"

the fact that pokemon company decided he was 27 is fake and gay, next question actually it's because that was an age only established in platinum, we jumped aboard our covered wagon on the trail to absoluecontrol oregon shortly after the release of DP, when we (correctly and rightfully) assumed Cyrus was around the same age as Giovanni, Archie, and Maxie. We have constructed an elaborate timeline to make the math work out, which is the Correct canon now we've decided

"kura this ship is problematic"

in more ways than youre probably imagining. next question.

"what is the starly migration board?"

wouldn't YOU like to know

"kura stockholm syndrom isn't real and--"

i dont care giovanni locked cyrus in a closet and then they were friends and then they were traumatized and then they werent friends and then giovanni hunted cyrus down and then they were in pokemon hell and then they were dating I DON'T. MAKE. THE RULES.

anyways as i have returned from my decades-long slumber to reclaim my throne as King of AbsoluteControl shipping, I will in fact be taking questions at this time. Just remember, my word is LAw.