#theres a lot of aspects to it. sometimes i want to talk about the bands as bands. like pretend theyre real

[seased]

specific gripe but. i wish. more sp/latoon fans were music fans. like music industry, history, genre nerds, into the culture. theres a surprising amount music culture shit in the game. like they clearly wanted to invent 40 fictional bands and have them do photorealistic band shit. but its just not really the way many fans interact with the game

[kirk]

I deeply apologize, because you didn't make that post and now I'm dumping all my thoughts about it on you, but I saw it on your blog and I love you, so that's why.

anyway, I think about that a lot. like, sometimes I really doubt pete and patrick are as close as we think they are. pete is so aware of how people perceive him, especially in the early days, and I think a big aspect of his interactions with patrick back then were performative, bc he knew how much fans love it.

but then I think there's something else there. in the pandemic, patrick was composing. he was happy. he loves composing. pete talked about how he wasn't sure he wanted to make another album, that he became insulated. but patrick pulled him out, made him excited. when patrick wrote that letter saying he was giving up on music during the hiatus, pete reached out. pete writes so many songs that reflect themes of twin souls, twin skeletons, soul mates, pieces of ourselves in others. and you can argue its about lovers (and I'm sure it is sometimes). but p2 also talk about swimming together, making up one member of the band, being each other's other half. there's something there that I think that's deeper than music, that's deeper than any of us know.

(I am so sorry for all this!!)

oh definitely, there was a chunk of pre-h that A LOT of p2 stuff was fluffed up cause... thats just how media reacted in that time i feel like van days/tttyg/cork tree and early ioh was authentic as possible when theres cameras watching you but then late ioh and folie a lot was what was expected of them as their roles in the band, which included this Best Friend quota but i think thats what makes seeing and hearing about the hiatus and then srar to now so fucking insane because... slowly but surely we have seen them start to act like they did back in their roots, nothing flashy, but always joking around and knowing what the others going to say, even amounts of physical affection from both sides, having the others back, pulling each other out of dark holes and having the weirdest inside jokes ever. like i always say that stardust era especially (but id honestly include abap/mania era in this too) that stardust is like early days peteandpatrick but... healthy and i think they only could have got here by enduring this played up best friend thing in esp folie era, and then losing literally All of it and then having to build it back up again but this time knowing what is fake, knowing what is real, what they appreciated from each other and what they didnt (we can kinda see the remnants of folie in srar era when pete especially is trying to feel out what they should be doing in the public eye, but then it all but evaporates by abap era where theyre just. so much more mellow but a new type of insane cause theyre more comfortable with each other and at ease yknow?) and they may not be best friends in the Usual sense but, honestly the guy from good charlotte who had that podcast with pete a few months back put it perfectly where the Best best friends are the type where you can go weeks without talking but still know they would put it all on the line for you, and when you talk again after some time, its as easy as breathing to be around them and i think thats Exactly what peteandpatrick is. they arent the Doing everything together best friends they once were in the early days, but they know each other better than anyone in the world. they are good buddies, and theyre kinda the other's other half, too

[transgenderer]

Think you've made this post before, but what would you recommend for someone who wants to know why you like TMG so much? (Have listened to basically nothing by them)

this is a subtly different question than the usual "what should i check out from them". and its interesting! so to me there's a "classic trio" of mountain goats albums: all hail west texas, tallahassee, and the sunset tree. they tend to be more direct, and therefore more immediately achieve their goal, which is "make you feel something intensely, something youre not used to feeling, or which you dont have the words for". like...there's an *emotion* to no children, a specific and intense emotion, for which the language is lacking. theres this one tweet abt tMG that really clicked with me, that people who like tMG a lot are often distant from their emotions, and jd is really good at tunneling through your emotional walls and letting the dam out

so anyway thats the main thing, they make you FEEL a lot, with the words, and especially with the way john darnielle sings, which is not traditionally good but imo has an unusually large amount of emotion in it. but another major aspect is that a lot of his songs, especially the pre-2000 stuff, are telling a weird ambiguous interesting story. a lot of his early songs are these weird cryptic little poems, which i find very compelling. here's one, its called love hymn to aphrodite:

The sunset gets a little longer every night And it's no good but I feel alright The sky turns orange and the colors start swirling You float downstairs, your body spinning in perfect circles It's the 18th of July What what are you doing

part of what makes this work is the trust i have in JD as an author. i dont know what he meant, but i believe he meant *something*, and something that was at least interesting to 90s-JD. which makes these songs fun impossible puzzles

ANYWAY so thats one thing. and then his modern stuff, the appeal there is like...so he used to do a lot of love songs, right? i mean thats sort of what he made his name in. but he hasnt made a love song in nearly 15 years, i think the last one was on heretic pride in 2008. his songs are are about rarely discussed events, emotions. hell make an album about professional wrestling, or goths, or the fall of paganism in the roman empire, and it feels silly when you say it but its not silly, theyre like...actually affecting! and part of this is that theyre often metaphors for more down to earth stuff but sometimes theyre not. sometimes its just a song about the band gene loves jezebel, and its a good song. anyway. theres a lot of novelty

but the CORE the core of all of it, is the lyrics are just...really really good. you mentioned earlier, that most song lyrics sound bad when you just write them out with no music. and this is true! but its not true of tMG, at least not imo. imo their lyrics stand up to a remarkable amount of scrutiny, their lyrics *make sense*, theyre talking about something, something specific, theres no...platitudes, no vague generalities. theyre telling stories! which is weirdly rare! when i was like 13 i was briefly really into fandom music (like, fan music for some property) for this trait, of music that means something specific. but yeah. the lyrics are good and jd makes them shine with the emotion in his voice

oh i spent most of the time explaining. i guess it depends a lot on what style you like. he had a period like 2001-2012 or so when he was doing a lot of stuff in a more like traditional "rock" ish style to varying degrees, the stuff before 2000 is mostly super lo fi which i love but you may not, post 2012 his stuff has often been like...idk, almost jazzy? not like jazzy jazzy. soft rock? i dont know music words. anyway. uh. yeah. i would rec listening to sunset tree, tallahassee, and all hail west texas, then try a song or two from other albums and see if theres any whose sound you like

[its-me-im-coraline]

NSFW Alphabet // Ethan Torchio

words // 2383

warnings // smut, clearly its nsfw headcannons

pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader (might be mentions that seem like they are for f reamer but comeon theres lingerie for every body 👁️👄👁️)

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. an apology to the people on my tag list i think i accidentally have not been tagging you this whole time i am so so so sorry omg

request // yes, it was a reblog i cant find it right now

summary // self explanatory

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Regarding you, Ethan is the king of after care. As rough as he can be in bed, that’s just how sweet he can be once you're done with it. Goes full on dad mode (don’t know how else to explain this). He will have water, painkillers if you’re now in pain, a washcloth to clean you up, new clothes, and of course the cuddles.

“I’m alright, Ethan. I can do it on my own,” you say as Ethan walks to you with the wet cloth ready to clean the mess he made on your body.

“I know you can, amore. I just want to take care of you,” he says as he leaves a kiss on your lips.

I can also see him being the one to make a big fat breakfast the morning after, or at least get up early to pick something up.

Now I also feel that he is in need of some aftercare. It depends on the day really, if he’s had a pretty rough day and all I feel like he’d ask for some backrubs after. In this case he’d fall asleep so quickly like omg. But on the biggest part I see him feeling the need to reassure you that the things he said (i think we already established that this man would call you a slut) are not how he feels about you and will be asking if you feel the same.

“Do you love me?”

“Wha- of course I do, Ethan! Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know… I guess - I guess I am worried that you don’t after what I said.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

When it comes to himself I feel like he really likes his chest and arms. Like I don’t know but I see him really getting off with you pretty much mastubating on his chest. Ya know what I mean? (i think you do you little sluts). He pretty much enjoys anything you do on his chest. I can imagine him looking at the mirror after you two had sex, seeing the cum on his chest along with the marks you have left and just smiling.

“What are you looking at, love?” You ask, seeing as the man is standing in front of the bathroom mirror from your spot on the hotel bed.

“Nothing, just the mess you made.”

“Mhm, and I bet you like it, huh?”

“You have no idea… Hey, are you sure you got tired? Cause I think I can do another round.”

As for his arms, as I said, he simply really enjoys that he can man handle you anytime, get you in any position he likes and feel you scratching them from the pleasure.

When it comes to you, Ethan is an ass guy. Say what you want but the man is an ass guy, end of discussion. He loves anything that involves your but. It does not explicitly have to be something like anal. He simply enjoys seeing your butt and holding it in his hand. It does not matter if it’s big or not, if it has stretch marks or whatever. Wear lingerie that he likes or that itty bitty teeny weeny bikini if you wear them or even some tight pants that make your butt just poìp and he can not contain himself.

I think I have said that to someone here (i think I had sent an ask to zodi @ icouldbeyourputtet) before but I feel like this man is very into spanking, like not even the rough malicious way. but this very wholesome chill way.

You had been talking about it all day, not having had a minute alone with each other for days, you could only dream what you could do that night after everyone left.

A playlist was playing in the background and a cigarette was burning on the ashtray next to your legs, you assuming a similar position, as said cigarette, bent over Ethan’s lap as he caressed your ass cheeks and back, playing around with the lingerie set he had gifted you a while back. (Did I just go to search my fave porn vid, lol exposing myself, and get disappointed because I can’t find it and translate it into fanfiction? yes yes i did, so bare with what i can remember)

“It’s okay, baby, you can take a little more, come on,” he praised, leaving a spank and yet another soft rub on the very red cheek.

He continued, going with the music, a very nice pattern, not very rough spanks but just enough to cause pain, pleasure and redness all over. Accidentally the man landed a few very rough ones causing a gasp and a series of giggles as you practically fell off his lap.

“Ethan, what the hell?” You laughed getting up from the floor and this time sitting on the man’s lap, sharing kisses with him.

“What,” he copied your action and laughed, “it was not intentional. I got carried away by how nice your butt is.”

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He is and is not messy. He will not want the cum to be in every surface possible you know, he will be careful but at the same time this man just loves to see his cum on you, whether it’s your back or your stomach, or in you if you’re ok with it. I bet he has a teeny weeny breeding kink but not necessarily because of the idea of breeding you but rather because he looooves seeing his cum run out of you… I'm not sure if this falls in the breeding kink category but alright

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes to fuck you while watching porn.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I feel like he is pretty experienced. From what they band has said in interviews and stuff, he seems to be getting some pretty often (no one, NO ONE, is surprised at that). He is not acting arrogant tho (not unless that’s the dynamic of the night), he is willing to learn what works for you and you specifically

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

As I said this man is an ass guy so I’d say anything that involves having the view of your ass. Humor me but i think he’d really like 69 with a female/afab partner (don’t know if this works very well with two dick-baring people lol). It has it all, eating you out,

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think it can be both with him. He will not exactly try to make jokes but if something like the previously mentioned spanking incident happens it’s def welcome.

Now as a general rule I see him being pretty serious. I will be honest, I’m getting brat tamer vibes from this man so it’s all pretty serious when you really get into it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Considering he’s an Italian man and if you look at a lot of photos of him he def fit the ‘mediterenean’ man type. I see him just barely grooming. I don’t see him really shaving or whatever but he also wouldn’t want you to choke on pupic hair, he much rathers you choke on his dick

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It all depends, really. He can be quite intimate with you but it all depends on the moment. There are different occasions for everything. For example, and this is a paradox that I hope I’m explaining well enough to understand, he is not very rough (will not be very aggressive and stuff, like to the extreme those tik tok boys want to pretend they are with their * growling * ew) but he will be rough. intimidating looks, spanking just enough to make you feel pain and redden up your ass cheeks. He’s like that mostly when you are being bratty.

Most of the times, like we’re talkin kind of lazy sex moments, it more wholesome ig, like very intimate and just comfortable and almost comforting. Ok, but like why do i see him having sex and having casual conversation (not the most common, i see this as like lazy day off, having nothing else to do and not being like super horny but being more like h o r n y … am i making sense?)

Setting the scene, you two are at home, both have a day off but it’s kind of raining so any of your plans are ruined. At this point it’s at around 10 am, not early, not late. You have missed each other and both have made it obvious but you are both in a very tired state so you opt for something not too much.

Plain and simple missionary is what goes around this time, Ethan on top just holding your legs around his waist,, going at a pretty medium pace.

“It’s a pity the weather is bad today,” says Ethan staring out the window.

“I know, we were going to go to the beach… I’m bummed about it,” you say, short of breath as the man continues his pace fucking you.

“Mhm, true. But this is better, amore, no? I’ve missed you so much,” he breaths out the last part, moans interrupting his words.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He does that pretty often, especially if you are not around to help. Sometimes it’s because of you that he needs to. I would def see him exchanging naked pics with you and at first he does that to tease you but he ends up teased when he sees a video you sent of you masturbating.

Bets that he’d be taking photos and vids of you fucking on occasion so he goes to these when he misses you on tour.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As I mentioned previously I see Ethan to be a brat tamer. That I see to be the main kink that kind of works around everything else.

“Can you stop this, slut? It has gotten exhausting. I told you no noise but here you are,” he ordered, looking down at you trembling below his finger tips.

His face was quite stoic, voice never wavering from the strict and cold tone he tended to have when scolding you on the daily. Most times it was leaving a cup out of the sink but this time the scolding came from misbehaving. As if it was not enough that he was punishing you for being a brat and riling him up all morning, now you had to disobey orders. It was getting to him for sure.

“I’m sorry daddy,” you whisper, Ethan seeming satisfied with the response.

“Aw, why so tame puppy, now you decide to be nice?” His tone stayed the same, his words imitating a joke but the whole ordeal was not even close to it.

Now as for other kinks (did I open a site because I could not think? yes, shut up), as a result of being a brat tamer dom there are some few more kinks accompanying specifically that. He is def into bondage, both tying you up but also being tied up on occasion.

“Puppy, I have told you that is not a way to treat me. Untie me,” he says calmly, wrists tied on the headboard of the bed, eyes fixated to you.

“Well, why not? You do it all the time,” you whine, placed on all fours, facing Ethan as you lean towards him on your hands, “I want in on the fun.”

If only he was not tied… Ethan’s mind was already going places, figuring out exactly how he would punish you after you untie him -or after he escapes the restrains, whatever comes first. You knew that, very well - in all honestly that was the plan, that is always the plan.

“Amore, let me go. Let me go and your punishment will be tame,” he voiced looking at you, now positioned on top of his lap, touching yourself right then and there.

“I sense you want to be punished puppy, don't you?” You simply nod your head, eyes closed in pleasure.

“You see, the problem is you will not enjoy what I am thinking.”

“Mhmn.”

“Well, get yourself off now that you can, cause after I get my hands on you… You’re not getting to cum for days, amore.”

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Honestly, anywhere. I can see him having a preference to the luxury of either of your houses or a hotel room but if you push his buttons just right, some restaurant’s bathroom it is.

why can i imagine him having sex at a weeding venue’s bathroom….. omg…..

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Honestly, both. I feel like he would be extremely good at giving it, but would never opposed to receiving

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s ok with them but he doesn’t love them, ya know?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.

Is surely try to do new things but it will always depends on what it is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Come on. This goes without saying. He is a drummer for a living. He can surely go on for long…

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I def feel like he has a fair amount of toys. Some for himself, some for you… He looooves using them to punish you.

(small mention to my last fic little puppet)

“Beautiful, puppy! You have been doing so good for us, taking your punishment so well, but we are not done yet.” A buzz sound is what concerned the girl, eyes widening at the toy.

It was a small remote virator, imitating sucking on the clit. The drummer placed the girl over his knees, stuffing the toy between his leg and her clit, shocking the sensitive bud. “I think you can take a few more spanks,” said the man, landing one at the expanse of her thigh, the skin giggling at the contact.

“Damiano, count,” ordered the assertive man, seeing his friend kneel in front of Y/N, kissing her and then doing as he was told.

“I think we were left on twenty-three. Twenty four,” he began, counting all the way to forty before the ordeal was over.

The whole time Y/N was shaking, just about to fall off the edge, asking for permission to cum but her wishes were not granted just yet. She was exhausted, overstimulated, frustrated, and now unable to move on her own. But, oh man did she need more. The two men were more than willing to assist her.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A ton! It’s his specialty. Maybe one of his most common punishments is edging and teasing. He can drag it on for days

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is not very loud but is surely encouraging you to be.

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11 @teenyweenynightghost

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[jasonvtodd]

11 QUESTION GAME

i was tagged by @kazsbrekkfast ✨❤ Rules: Answer the 11 questions you’ve been asked, nominate 11 other bloggers, ask your nominees 11 questions, let them know you’ve nominated them!

If you could be any character’s best friend, who would it be and why? default was: jason todd!! but then i thought about it and i mean yes obv him too buut... i genuinely believe that nothing would make any person feel more complete and happy and safe then if you were the wally west to dick graysons dick grayson. so... yeah dick grayson aoisuhd like boys a mess but damn if he doesnt do everything he can to let his friends and family know how much he loves them!!! 

What book is the most well-loved and well-read on your shelf? (stealing kat’s question lolol) i think the raven cycle?? i carried them all around a lot when i was doing classes in 2016 in my backpack when i was rereading them and my copy of gatsby was very worn and torn but :(( lent it to someone and have yet to have it back </3 also the things they carried by tim o’brien is also a Mess tm the spine is a wreck.

What book or book series got you into reading/creating your blog? the raven cycle got me back into reading and remembering i love books in 2015. buut then the foxhole court got me to change my url in 2016 for the first time since 2012 and go into a full lit blog for a while so aoishd i guess foxhole but wouldnt have gotten there without raven cycle?? the Best two tm

Quote one of your favourite books of all time. “I suppose it’s a cliché to say you’re glad to be alive, that life is short, but to say you’re glad to be not dead requires a specific intimacy with loss that comes only with age or deep experience. One has to know not simply what dying is like, but to know death itself, in all its absoluteness. After all, there are many ways to die—peacefully, violently, suddenly, slowly, happily, unhappily, too soon. But to be dead—one either is or isn’t. The same cannot be said of aliveness, of which there are countless degrees. One can be alive but half-asleep or half-noticing as the years fly, no matter how fully oxygenated the blood and brain or how steadily the heart beats. Fortunately, this is a reversible condition. One can learn to be alert to the extraordinary and press pause—to memorize moments of the everyday.” ― Insomniac City: New York, Oliver, and Me (its long but i dont talk about this book a lot and i really adore every aspect of it)

Would you ever consider writing poetry if you’ve never done so before? its... possible i have done so before... and no, before you ask, i do not still have it... (even if i did i wouldnt tell you kiddo)

Do you have any of your own characters/original writings? youve... seen... my Past tm.... 

Opinion on fanfiction? love it but havent read much of it for a while tbh

Most meaningful book/book series you’ve ever read? oh fuck... no no... this is... no. i cant do this no you know i cant do this aisjdh cause how ‘meaningful’ the books are... is subjective to every person you know?? plus it also changes sometimes depending on my mood/mindset... standalones that really fucked me up that i read one after another is: they both die at the end, when breath becomes air, tin man, insomniac city. series is.. a whole other thing asodiuhf but you know them all anyway so eh

A book that made you cry? lmao again. this is too hard to answer and im gonna keep saying the same answers but tin man really fucked me up ok. and insomniac city had me crying a lot too and.. again.. theres a Lot tm

Do you like short stories or long novels? mhmm i dont mind novellas if they have characters i like from a anotherseries but generally speaking id prefer longer... in saying that though... tin man (yes, gone there again) was only 200 pages and managed too... HA.. so.. i guess if youre a good enough writer you dont need a long amount of pages sometimes

Who is the most interesting female character you’ve ever encountered? lila bard but she identifies as genderfluid anyways but still amazing and schwab!! gave us!! that beautiful pirate icon!! also obvious shoutout to nina zenik as well!!! and i just realized this isnt just book related so aisudh i could go on with comic characters too but then we’d be here for another few paragraphs SO!! we’ll just!! stick to books!! 

‘nominating’: @amritasher @dqstoevsky @kingormmarius @wickerjulias @thedreamertrilogies​ @brucewaynse @hawkgirls @bluejeanbarold @brvkker @wallewest @gracelessnites

MY QUESTIONS

24hrs till the end of the world... you can get to any place, to any person in an instant though.. where do you go, who do you see.. and why?

zombie apocalypse, who do you have on your team (rl buddies or fictional, your choice mates) 

five must read before you die books (or comics if you want)

if you had the power to time travel to any point in history, where would you go and why? 

one thing you’ve done this year that you’re proud of?

what’s something everyone loves, but you think is very overrated?

going to get real controversial here (how you answer this, will possibly end our mutual engagement...) ... pineapple on pizza... should it be on there?

whats an album that is your ride or die? (or artist/band)

apple or android? why.

advice you’d give to your past self at a time when you were struggling?

something you’re looking forward to?

[mommy-may-i-blog]

Home Away

As I said in my previous post we are having this baby back in our hometown so if I forget something that I need it becomes more of an inconvenience to have to get it. Driving back home for it is not only a waste of time and gas but also just simply annoying. Whereas if we run out and buy it because I forgot it then it becomes a waste of money because I already have it just at home. So with out anymore moaning and groaning, here is what I am packing in my hospital bag.

Standard Supplies

There are things I think every woman needs when headed to the hospital to have a baby...and I am no different. Comfy pajamas are a must in my opinion. I am not the type of person who can just sit in a hospital gown the whole time I am there, so once I get the okay I change into something I am more comfortable in. I think this is because I hate being in clothes many other people have worn many of times longer than I have to. This go around I am just going to bring a pair of basket ball shorts since Blake has gotten me two things that will work for this category (keep reading to find out what those are).

Another obvious is a going home outfit. For this I suggest something with and elastic band (avoid jeans) ie; yoga pants, leggings, or gym shorts. I am going the route of comfy pants and a shirt. These pants are nice and baggy, as well as being thin so I won't be uncomfortable. I wouldn’t suggest these exact pants if you are getting a c-section because the waist band isn’t the most comforting thing, not that I even remember where I got them anyway.

Nonslip socks and/or slippers are a must, unless you enjoy getting free stuff from the hospital. (Most) Hospitals require that you have nonslip socks or slippers on when you are walking around. Some of you may be thinking theres no way in hell you are going to be up moving around but if your labor is taking a zillion hours theres no way you are going to be sitting in bed the whole time, your nurses will probably encourage you to get up and more around anyway. Another good reason is incase your little one winds up in NICU and you have to walk to go visit them. With that said I got these awesome socks from amazon and I think they're hilarious.

Oh! Here’s an after thought for you... When you're pushing do your really want a bunch of people touching your bare feet? Imagine even having your bare feet in those stir-ups that so many people have touched. No thanks.

Finally lets talk underwear. Once you get to leave those (amazing) mesh underwear you get in the hospital you are going to want something comfy down there. I suggest getting some Fruit of the Loom granny panties a size larger than what you would normally get. Getting a size bigger will not only be more comfortable during your recovery time but will also hold your postpartum pads much easier. Whatever you do, do not go out and get a bunch of Victoria Secret underwear no matter how good the sale is. These underwear you are getting have a 90% chance of getting ruined, I’m just trying to save you from wasting the money.

Princess Products

This section is going to be filled with stuff most people would think I was weird for bringing, but I’m doing it anyway.

Since I am an advocate for breast feeding I am obviously packing all of my breast feeding products, such as; nursing bra, breast pads, and a breast pump. I am bringing a nursing bra not only for when people are around to visit but also for going home incase we stop anywhere before getting to our house. Breast pads are honestly something I think every should bring whether or not you are breast feeding because your body will still produce and leak milk in the beginning. Fun Fact: if you get the reusable pads (even if you're not BFing) you care wear them and put them under the sheet of where baby sleeps and it will help comfort them while they sleep because they will have your scent with them. Lastly I am bringing my own breast pump only because I don’t respond to Medela pumps which is what my hospital provides.

Blake got me these hospital gown type “dresses” and I am going to bring one if not both of them. I am not sure if my hospital lets moms wear their own gowns but these are made for labor, delivery, and nursing so I am taking them for at least the nursing aspect of them. I am also bringing my phone and charger, but who wouldn’t. Another “silly” thing I am bringing is my make up for self confidence reasons. I know people are going to say that I don’t need to worry about it but I hate looking back at pictures of me from when Dexter was born because I look like I’d been hit by a truck and on extremely heavy medications. Since neither of which were true it means thats what I really looked like and I hate it. So to combat those feelings I am bringing my make up, this will help me stop thinking about what I look like and be more focused on our growing family. 

Lastly, I am bringing snacks. The hospital does provide you with breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all the times you are there which is great, however sometimes the options you are given are not the best or the portion size is extremely small. With all that being said I am just bringing some breast feeding friendly snacks like Clif bars and my big water bottle. I plan on picking up a bigger water bottle if I have time but for now this is the one I plan on using. The hospital will give me water all day long, plus I will have a bathroom attached to our room, but I drink A LOT of water and even more when I’m nursing so having a large bottle with me to constantly fill up just makes life a little easier.

Terrific Toiletries

I got this little bag in my Amazon welcome baby box and it is the perfect size for all the toiletries I am packing. Some obvious things I am taking with me is my tooth care things, if you don’t have a lot of room I suggest getting travel size tooth paste but this bag is pretty spacious so I’m not too worried. As for my hair I am bringing my hair brush, hair ties, headbands, and travel size shampoo and conditioner. The hair brush is obvious, you gotta brush your hair or you look like a mess and not a hot one either. Hair ties and headbands are helpful for delivery because there is nothing more annoying  than having hair in your face while you are trying to push out a freaking baby. Getting travel size shampoo and conditioner because it takes up less space in my bag but also because Blake is going to want to take a shower where ever he and Dexter end up staying and we share shampoo and conditioner. I am not bringing body wash because the hospital provides a body wash that helps keeps your newly tortured lady bits clean and healthy. Finally I am also bringing lip balm and over night period pads. Lip balm is for during delivery because the breathing you do while pushing dries your lips out so fast. I currently have this EOS stick but I would prefer a basic carmex stick because it is my favorite. I suggest a stick chapstick, not the liquid, because then your partner or whomever is with you can assist with the application when you’re exhausted. Lastly the big pads are for going home just in case I run out of the pads from the hospital and don’t end up getting anymore from them.

Mama Tip: Before you are close to be discharged pack up what you have left of the bathroom stuff the hospital gives you like the pads, underwear, and witch hazel pads (and the baby diapers). Then tell them that you need more because whatever you use in your room you get to take home and those things are amazing once you’re home.

[firefly-hwufanficwriter-blog]

Eight reasons why Kaitlyn was actually great this week (Written by a non-Kaitlyn fan)

September 01, 2017, Friday [#302]

Two posts, one by @hermiethefrog and one by @hartfeld , inspired me to write this post 😎

(http://hermiethefrog.tumblr.com/post/164814208161/let-me-guess)

(https://hartfeld.tumblr.com/post/164824447180/okay-but-this-article-theres-a-very-big)

I’m not a Kaitlyn fan. I am the complete OPPOSITE of a Kaitlyn fan 😆 But, I think it should be pointed out that she has NOT done ANYTHING wrong in the latest The Sophomore chapter (C08) 😶

Sure, Kaitlyn’s initial reaction was to ask the MC to promote them, which was kinda iffy 😕 BUT, after the MC said that she had to write objectively, Kaitlyn said:

“Aww, I wanted free publicity! But I understand. I’ll just have to work harder to get noticed, huh?”

This is a GREAT reaction for Kaitlyn to have 😃

And, after she said that, this conversation takes place...

KAITLYN: That was why I was hoping you could give my band the publicity boost... It's hard to get your name out there.

MAIN CHARACTER: I didn't even think of that! But... I can't exactly write about you guys if you don't have any shows for me to review.

KAITLYN: Yeah, I know... still, there's got to be a way that we can build up a reputation and get people to follow us.

🎵 🎵 Point #01: Kaitlyn was honest with the MC 🎵 🎵

Kaitlyn was honest in her slight disappointment (“free publicity”) (“that’s why I was hoping”), and felt comfortable enough with the MC to voice it.

🎵 🎵 Point #02: Kaitlyn empathized with the MC 🎵 🎵

Kaitlyn understood the MC’s difficult position (“I understand”) (“Yeah, I know”). Even though she had her own reasons for wanting an article about the band, she was able to look beyond herself and see things from the MC’s point-of-view.

🎵 🎵 Point #03: Kaitlyn resolved to hone her talents 🎵 🎵

Kaitlyn’s reaction to the MC’s need to be objective wasn’t to be angry with her. Instead, she resolved to work on her skills (“I’ll just have to work harder”) and look for ways that SHE could improve the band’s status (“there’s got to be a way that we can build up a reputation”).

Afterwards, if you don’t spend the seventeen diamonds to help her create promotional materials, this conversation takes place...

MAIN CHARACTER: For what it’s worth, I think you guys sound amazing so far.

KAITLYN: Thanks, MC. We’re working hard, and hopefully that’ll pay off at some point.

KAITLYN: Building a solid rep in the music world takes a while. We might not make Battle of the Bands this year... but there’s always next year.

🎵 🎵 Point #04: Kaitlyn is ALREADY working hard 🎵 🎵

She has goals, and she’s not slacking off, just wishing but not doing. Instead, she’s doing exactly what she’s supposed to be doing (“we’re working hard”) in order to succeed.

🎵 🎵 Point #05: Kaitlyn is aware of her chosen industry’s reality 🎵 🎵

She isn’t expecting to be an overnight sensation (“Building a solid rep...takes a while”). She has a good view of how success works in the music industry, and knows that it takes time.

🎵 🎵 Point #06: Kaitlyn has REALISTIC expectations 🎵 🎵

She knows that a small, unknown band might not be able to join the competition, and if they can’t, then there will be more chances in the future (“there’s always next year”).

Later on, at the venue...

KAITLYN: MC, do you want to mill around a bit and talk to people for your article? Maybe you can ask the fans about their favorite acts.

MAIN CHARACTER: Sure! Why don’t you come with me? Maybe you’ll get a sense of what other bands you’re up against.

And still at the venue...

KAITLYN: Look, just... promise me... When you're writing your article, don't give Loose Pins more press than they deserve.

🎵 🎵 Point #07: Kaitlyn supported the MC’s writing 🎵 🎵

She took the initiative to support the main character (“talk to people for your article”) 😃 She could have easily tried to keep the MC at their table, but instead, she encouraged the MC to gather material for her article, even though it’ll be promoting other bands (“ask the fans about their favorite acts”).

🎵 🎵 Point #08: Kaitlyn recalled what was important to the MC 🎵 🎵

Even though she was intimidated and discouraged by Loose Pins’ popularity, she STILL didn’t ask the MC to not write about them, or to write a horrible article about them, or anything like that.

Her statement (“don't give Loose Pins more press than they deserve”), to me, showed that Kaitlyn was aware of the MC’s obligations, because I read that as, “give them what they deserve, but not more than that.”

Instead of trying to manipulate the MC’s decision, Kaitlyn was leaving it up to the MC to decide what Loose Pins DOES deserve.

EVEN when Kaitlyn was so jealous and angry that she chose to leave the venue, STILL, she didn’t pull the MC aside and imply that their friendship would be damaged if the MC wrote a good review for Loose Pins. Nothing of the sort happened.

To Kaitlyn fans, if people ARE mad at her next week, it’s NOT because people are anti-women or anti-Asian or anti-LGBT 😶 People are INDIVIDUALS; people are MORE than just their gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.

To James fans, if people ARE mad at him next week, it’s NOT because people are anti-men or anti-African American or anti-straight 😶 People are INDIVIDUALS; people are MORE than just their gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.

And, to Choices fans with journalistic integrity (haha 😂), if Kaitlyn acts the way we’re all expecting her to act (’cause, y’know, the story needs drama, sigh), and we all get mad at her, we should also remember that in this week’s chapter (C08), Kaitlyn showed her maturity in understanding the MC’s position as a journalist, and in knowing that it takes patience and hard work to achieve her goals 😊

It feels weird to be writing this, since Kaitlyn is, in fact, my least favorite Pixelberry character. I am NOT a Kaitlyn fan.

But there’s been a lot of talk about journalistic integrity since this week’s The Sophomore chapter was released 😀 And while in the past, I’ve written about negative aspects of Kaitlyn’s personality that I’ve seen in past The Freshman and The Sophomore chapters 😲 my OWN journalistic integrity (I used to be a journalist 😋) also compelled me to write about the positive aspects of Kaitlyn’s personality that I’ve seen in this week’s The Sophomore chapter 😊 (Journalistic integrity can be a little inconvenient sometimes 😆)

Next week, if Kaitlyn DOES have an unreasonable reaction and viciously shouts at, or coldly shuns, the MC because she chose to maintain her integrity as a journalist, I will be FURIOUS 😡😡 But, why be mad in advance, about something that hasn’t even happened yet, or may not even happen at all? 😎 For now, I’m just going to relax 😋 (Or at least, I’m going to relax until this week’s Endless Summer chapter makes UN-relax... 😭)

(Oh, and also, this week, I bought my first ever Kaitlyn diamond scene! 😋 So if Kaitlyn gets mad at me next week, I’ll be all, “You can’t be mad at me because I helped with you’re band’s promotional materials! 😀 Mwahahahaha!! 😎”

(Waiting for H.W.U. to come back, forever and always; 01/09/17.)

[actualbird]

Hmmmmn do u have any all-time fave fics u could ref? I trust u

OH MAN!!! u didnt specify any fandom so im assuming you mean my all time faves from WHEREVER and OH BOY!!! 

i actually have fic rec page on my blog which spans over a whole bunch of fandoms and has cool legends like humor and angst and stuff (im still working on it tho omg) along with my catchall fic tag where i shove all the fics i reblog. but you asked for my ALL TIME FAVES so here are some off the top of my head (im limiting myself to one per fandom or else id be here FOREVER). 

(note: pls check the tags of fics before you read them)

Designations Congruent with Things by cleanwhiteroom (alt link) [Pacific Rim]

He begins at it already pried apart

OHHHHHH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. oh my GOD. okay i lose my shit over Designations Congruent with Things on a yearly basis because it is, by far, one of the most stunning pieces of fiction ive read. full stop. not only is it a feat of fanfiction (it’s GODDAMN LONG. it’s been taken off of ao3, so i cant check the wc, but damn i remember it was long), but as a story, it’s just. god, i dont even know what to say. ive already talked about this fic in a previous ask, so im just going to reiterate all my love again, just phrased slightly differently.

DCwT is an epic piece of Newt/Hermann Pacific Rim fanfiction. it follows Hermann and Newt after the events of the movie and delve painfully into each and every consequence their actions cause. it’s quite possibly the hardest thing ive ever read, for many reasons; the emotions are so vivid and they hurt; the science is so well researched it took me an hour to get through a paragraph because i my brain was still trying to catch up; Run On Sentences For Miles; it’s really, really goddamn long. i remember it got some flack for being over complicated, but in my opinion, the things that make this fic difficult are exactly what make it incredible. it’s overly cerebral in a way two messed up genius scientists would absolutely be. this fic is. i dont have words for it. i have only read the whole thing in its entirety ONCE and i have tried to reread it but goddamn is it difficult. this fic is definitely not for everybody, but it’s a piece of art that gained a bit of a cult following back when it was updating. (theres a fictional band in the fic that inspired ppl to make the band and the music real. RIGHT???) anyway this fic is basically the cornerstone which i worship when it comes to fanfiction as a genre of literature. jesus christ. jesus christ.

World Ain’t Ready by idiopathicsmile [Les Miserables]

Enjolras presses his lips together. He already looks pained, and Grantaire hasn’t even opened his mouth yet. That’s got to be a record, even for them.

“I need a favor,” he says at last.

“With what?” says Grantaire. “Ooh, are you forming a cult? Can I join? I’d be awesome at cults, I just know it.” He ticks off his qualifications on his fingers. “I love chanting, I look great in robes—”

(High school AU. Grantaire the disaffected stoner is pulled into a cause bigger than himself. Or: in which there are pretend boyfriends for great justice.)

if youve ever been in the les mis fandom i know you know this fic. i know youve already read this fic. i know that your dog has probably already read this fic. i know that this fic has been recced to hell and back, and currently resides as the most kudo-sed work in the les mis tag on AO3. but im reccing it anyways because it’s just THAT GOOD. this fic got me INTO THE FANDOM. pacing. plot. characterization. teen angst. HUMOR. this fic is perfect. literally no other words. it’s just perfect. i read this in my last few months of senior year high school, and never before have i ever read a fic that actually, truly, felt like it was about teenagers. the narrative and the voice. the dialog. god. if this were a book, id buy it. and that’s saying something because im always BROKE. but id buy this fic. several times. who am i kidding. you dont need to know this bc youve read this fic before. if you havent, please. do yourself a favor. oh my god. oh my god. (and when youre done, read all of idiopathicsmile’s other fics too god theyre all SO GOOD)

catch me if you can by isawet [Teen Wolf]

What do you think of my solution to the Kobayashi Maru?

hands down one of my favorite teen wolf fic. a vague summary gives way to a fic with incredible characterization. fucking beautiful writing style. non-chronological story telling done wonderfully. and gosh, that ending. hilarious in tiny bits that make it all the more better. just, honestly. this fic needs so much more love. it’s my go-to fic whenever i want to understand just how one can utilize suspense and tension in writing. what the hell. what the

Segments [series] by d_aia [Kingsman: The Secret Service]

“Are you sure that’s how you want to tell him?” Merlin asked once again.

“He will need space to deal with situation. It’s how he copes,” Arthur explained and a bit pretentiously at that, if one were to ask Merlin. “I’m giving him a place and a reason to run.”

Merlin chose to shut up.

all fics in this series? my favorite. it’s intelligent, brutal, beautiful. it’s been a while since ive read these, but theres a reason these fics still haunt me. god. god.

Graduate Vulcan for Fun and Profit by lazulisong [Star Trek: AOS]

It really does take a village to raise a Jim.

The members of the Kelvin’s crew watch over Jim as much as he lets them.

I LOVE THIS FIC SOOOOOOO MUCH. it’s a really delicate, heartfelt piece that isnt afraid to be an asshole sometimes, which is basically jim kirk in a nutshell. not only does it go through an incredible reflective relationship with some rando vulcan who decided to take him under his wing, but it does so in a realistic way that doesnt over dramatize aspects, but still ends up very vivid. also, THERES VULCAN LINGUISTICS. linguistics + fanfiction = 10000000% Best Shit EVER.

fathers and sons by M_Leigh [X-Men: DoFP]

“I have an – interest – in Peter Maximoff,” Erik said, somewhat grudgingly, glaring. “A – familial – interest –”

Everybody stared at him.

“In that – mutantkind is one – large – family –” Erik said valiantly, if pathetically.

“Oh, shit,” Alex said. “No way. No way.”

ghghgfjhdh the first xmen fic i ever read and by far, the most fukcgin hilarious. jesus CHRIST. theres just something subtly incredible about how the author uses phrasing to make every sentence as goddamn funny as they are. im really in love with the comma placement in this fic. every comma is exactly where it needs to be. every em dash is where it belongs. IM NOT MAKING SENSE, but i would send this fic to people as a prime example of narrative humor uplifted via phrasing and punctuation. just read this fic. it’s got Hank POV, Charles being a “strange lecherous Englishman”, Peter being a Teen, and everybody drags Erik’s fashion choices. 

Repeat After Me by queenieofaces [Yuri On Ice]

Victor learns language through mimicry, hears phrases and repeats them back until the inflection becomes second nature. Yuuri seems to communicate best through euphemism, through metaphor, through talking around the subject rather than approaching it head on, and so Victor tries his best to mimic him, to take his words and echo them back.

(Vignettes in language learning and communication, spanning the whole series.)

SO!! FUCKING!!! GOOD!!!!!!!! i think ive mentioned how much i LOVE LANGUAGE and this fic tackles the language barrier in a beautiful, earnest way. as a bilingual, this fic was just so so so good. victor is just bounding with love in this fic and the writing just feels so..,,,,warm.,,,,, 

OKAY i know you only asked for fic recs and not….all these rambles but. i just have a lot of love for fanfiction. fanfiction is so great. we are so lucky. we are so lucky. dont 4get to leave kudos and comments on fics you like! happy reading anon!!!

[ramblings-of-a-twistedmind]

1 thing i will say is im not gon be no damn fool again. i “wasted” a lot of time w this other mf and im not gon do it again.. 

it was just a month ago he was sayin he wants me to move in w him asap n shit. now its legit back to the same shit from before - hes “always workin”.. dont get me wrong i respect the shit out of some hard work. that’s one of the things i love most about him and i respect him so much for it.

but idk it feels so empty sometimes u no? like there’s just nothin new bein given to me and idk what to do w this.. same information that i had before w the hope (not rlly a promise) of better. i dont know how else to say I WANNA BE THERE.. 

tbh i have trust issues w him bc he has a 4 yr old that he never wanted to bring up to me bc he didnt wanna “make things weird” .. like... .what else is not bein said???..

i feel it deep inside me that i wanna be there w him. i want to submit to him and even be a stepmom. i want to do everything for him and everything w him.. and i dont feel the reciprocation..and it fills me w so much doubt that i feel like a damn fool. i have so much hope bc i love him so fckn much, like hes legit what i have always wanted 

1. his look and style is perfect, and he is the perfect height 2. his life is all about music and hes in a band and thats literally the only thing i ever [specifically] wanted in a partner? (also specifically the types of music i like) 3. super intelligent n also funny ...theres more but those are honestly the main things that i rlly want. (”also funny” is a plus bc thats nvr been something i felt i needed) - never cared much about age when it comes to relationships, but even that is something that feels perfect to me. hes 13 years older than me. it feels so ..safe?.. makes me feel like i can trust him, for various things/situations

one thing that makes me reconsider this is how he offered me money in a hard time. he knows im kind of struggling to get out of this tough spot im in so he offered to help me financially if i needed. so he sent me a couple hundred. i rlly appreciated it and its not much but it helped me a lil more.. but since then he rlly hasnt checked in on me to see how things are in that aspect or how my mental health is [[which this one is big for me and honestly a reason i stopped tlkn to  him b4 bc he sent me a meme abt how he cares 4 my mental health, yet nvr brings anything up. thts not THE reason, but it was a snowball n that shit hurt. like he knows i struggled w self harm for a long time, and even a few months ago i came to him w suicidal thoughts. i dont expect him to “fix me” or anything i just sort of figured hed be more involved, since he cares n loves me n all.....]]

this is just the shit that rolls around in my mind daily now. everyday that passes w/o communication (no i dont mean silence, but small talk everyday is rlly boring n baseless)

*i say wasted bc it feels that way although in reality i cant say id be any more prepared for this shit if none of that other shit hadnt happened.. so quotations bc

[themoneybuff-blog]

Thinking in bets: How to make smarter decisions

I read a lot of books. Nearly every book has some nugget of wisdom I can take from it, but its rare indeed when I read a book and feel like Ive hit the mother lode. In 2018, Ive been fortunate enough to read two books that Ill be mining for years to come. The first was Sapiens, the 2015 brief history of mankind from Yuval Noah Harari. I finished the second book yesterday: Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke. Duke is a professional poker player; Thinking in Bets is her attempt to take lessons from the world of poker and apply them to making smarter decisions in all aspects of life. Thinking in bets starts with recognizing that there are exactly two things that determine how our lives turn out, Duke writes in the books introduction. Those two things? The quality of our decisions and luck. Learning to recognize the difference between the two is what thinking in bets is all about. We have complete control over the quality of our decisions but we have little (or no) control over luck. The Quality of Our Decisions The first (and greatest) variable in how our lives turn out is the quality of our decisions. People have a natural tendency to conflate the quality of a decision with the quality of its outcome. Theyre not the same thing. You can make a smart, rational choice but still get poor results. That doesnt mean you should have made a different choice; it simply means that other factors (such as luck) influenced the results. Driving home drunk, for instance, is a poor decision. Just because you make arrive home without killing yourself or anyone else does not mean you made a good choice. It merely means you got a good result. Duke gives an example from professional football. At the end of Super Bowl XLIX, the Seattle Seahawks were down by four points with 26 seconds left in the game. They had the ball with second down at the New England Patriots one-yard line. While everbody expected them to run the ball, they threw a pass. That pass was intercepted and the Seawhawks lost the game. [embedded content] Armchair quarterbacks around the world complained that this was the worst play-call in NFL history. (Ive linked to just four stories there. Theyre all brutal. You can find many more online.) Duke argues, though, that the call was fine. In fact, she believes it was a smart call. It was a quality decision. There was only a 2% chance that the ball would be intercepted. There was a high percentage chance of winning the game with a touchdown. Most importantly, if the pass was incomplete, the Seahawks would have two more plays to try again. But if the team opted to run instead? Because they only had one time-out remaining, theyd only get one more chance to score if they failed. The call wasnt bad. The result was bad. Theres a big difference between these two things, but humans generally fail to differentiate between actions and results. Duke says that poker players have a term for this logical fallacy: resulting. Resulting is assuming your decision-making is good or bad based on a small set of outcomes. If you play your cards correctly but still lose a hand, youre resulting when you focus on the outcome instead of the quality of your decisions. You cannot control outcomes; you can only control your actions. Note: As long-time readers know, I grew up Mormon. One of the songs we were taught as children has this terrific lyric: Do what is right, let the consequence follow. This has become something of a mantra for me as an adult. If I do the right thing whatever that might be in a given context then I cannot feel guilty if I get a poor result. Its my job to do my best. Beyond that, I cannot control what happens. Luck and Incomplete Information Why dont smart decisions always lead to good results? Because we dont have complete control over our lives and we dont have all of the information. Fundamentally, Duke says, results are influenced by luck. Randomness. Chance. Happenstance. She writes: We are uncomfortable with the idea that luck plays a significant role in our lives. We recognize the existence of luck, but we resist the idea that, despite our best efforts, things might not work out the way we want. It feels better to imagine the world as an orderly place, where randomness does not wreak havoc and things are perfectly predictable. Duke contrasts poker (and life) with chess. Chess is a game of complete information, a game of pure skill. Theres no luck involved. At all times, all of the pieces are available for both players to see. There are no dice rolls, nothing to randomize the game. As a result, the better player almost always wins. (When the better player doesnt win, its because of easily identifiable mistakes.) Because chess is a game of complete information, luck isnt a factor the outcome is only a matter of the quality of your decisions. In poker, however, theres a lot you dont know. What cards do your opponents hold? What cards remain in the deck? How likely are your opponents to bluff? And so on. Experienced poker players learn to think in terms of odds. With this hand, I have a 74% chance of winning. I should fold. These cards only give me a 18% chance of coming out ahead. Its because our decisions are made with incomplete information that life sometimes seems so difficult. You can do the right thing and still get poor results. You can opt not to drink on New Years Eve, for instance, but still get blindsided by somebody who did to drink and drive. You made a quality decision, but happenstance hit you upside the head anyhow. Duke cites a scene from The Princess Bride as an example of how incomplete information affects the outcomes of our decisions. Criminal mastermind Vizzini and the Dread Pirate Roberts engage in a battle of wits: [embedded content] Vizzini pours two goblets of wine, then Roberts (actually our hero, Westley, in disguise) poisons one of them with deadly ioacane powder. The challenge is for Vizzini to choose the non-poisoned goblet. Vizzini cackles with glee when Roberts/Westley downs the poison but then falls dead after drinking his own goblet. It turns out both goblets had been poisoned, but Roberts had spent the previous few years building an immunity to iocane powder. Vizzini made a quality decision based on the information he had, but he didnt have all of the information: both goblets were poisoned, and his opponent in this battle of wits was immune to the poison in the first place! Thinking in Bets Duke argues that in order to make smarter decisions, we have to embrace both the idea that theres a lot of luck in life and the reality that were swimming in uncertainty. Theres a stigma in our culture about appearing ignorant, about being unsure. Duke says that becoming comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing is a vital step to becoming a better decision-maker. Admitting that we dont know has an undeservedly bad reputation, she writes. What makes a decision great is not that it has a great outcome. A great decision is the result of a good process, and that process must include an attempt to accurately represent our own state of knowledge. That state of knowledge, in turn, is some variation of Im not sure. Duke suggests that by moving to a framework of Im not sure, were far less likely to fall into the trap of black and white thinking, of false certainty. She cites Stuart Firesteins TED talk about the pursuit of ignorance: [embedded content] We should be pursuing high-quality ignorance. Based on all of this, how then can we make smarter decisions? Duke says that we should stop thinking in terms of right and wrong. Few things are ever 0% or 100% likely to occur. Few people are ever 0% or 100% right about what they know or believe. Instead, we should think in bets. Decisions are bets on the future, Duke writes, and they arent right or wrong based on whether they turn out well on any particular iteration. An unwanted decision doesnt make our decision wrong if we thought about the alternatives and probabilities in advance and allocated our resources accordingly. Duke says that because pro poker players learn to think in terms of odds during their games, they transfer this way of thinking to everyday life. Job and relocation decisions are bets, she writes. Sales negotiations and contracts are bets. Buying a house is a bet. Ordering the chicken instead of the steak is a bet. Everything is a bet. Just as each poker bet carries a different chance of success (based on the quality of the hand, the hands of the other players, etc.), so too the bets we make in life carry different chances of success. And our personal beliefs have (or should have) varying degrees of certainty. Duke wants readers to begin thinking about their beliefs and decisions in terms of probabilities rather than in terms of black and white. Turns out I already do this to a small degree but usually for minor stuff. In fact, Ive done it several times in the past week. A few days ago, I was listening to a Big Band station on Pandora. The song Green Eyes came on. I wonder what year this is from? I thought. I listened to the vocals, to the band, to the recording quality. I think theres an 80% chance this song is from 1939 give or take two years, I thought. I looked it up. The song was released in 1941. (I listen to a lot of older music, and I play this game often.)Because its been hot in Portland lately, folks in my neighborhood have all been taking early morning walks. We all tend to follow the same two-mile loop because its easy. Ive started playing a game when I pass somebody. Okay, the dog and I passed David Hedges at the llama farm. Where will we encounter him on the top side of the loop? Ill be its between Roys house and the bottom of the hill. Its fun for me to see how accurate my guesses are. Duke believes that we should each do this sort of thing whenever we make a decision. Before we commit to a course of action, we should think about possible outcomes and how likely each of those outcomes is to occur. Lets say youve only got $200 in the bank and its a week from payday. Should you join your friends for that weekend motorcycle trip? Or should you save that cash in case something goes wrong? Or, thinking farther in the future, what outcomes are you seeking in life? What decision will improve the odds of achieving those outcomes? Or, imagine that youre trying to decide whether or not to buy a home. As you consider the possibilities, think about the probability that each possible future will occur. Dont simply cling to the outcome youre hoping for. Be objective. If the odds of success seem reasonable, then pursue your desired course of action. But if they dont, then pull the plug. Duke writes: In most of our decisions, we are not betting against another person. Rather, we are betting against all the future versions of ourselves that we are not choosing. We are constantly deciding among alternative futures: one where we go to the movies, one where we go bowling, one where we stay home. Or futures where we take a job in Des Moines, stay at our current job, or take some time away from work. Whenever we make a choice, we are betting on a potential future. Every choice carries an opportunity cost. When you choose to save for the future, for instance, youre giving up pleasure in the present. Or, if you choose to spend in the present, youre giving up future financial freedom. Final Thoughts

For a long time, Ive argued that the best books about money are often not about money at all. Thinking in Bets is another example of this. While Duke uses plenty of personal finance examples, the book itself is about self-improvement. Its not a money manual. Yet the info here could have a profound impact on your financial future. Theres a lot more in this book that I havent covered in my review. (Ive really only touched on the first third of the material!) For me, the biggest takeaway comes early: Its vital to separate decision quality from results. The rest of the book explores how to improve the quality of your decisions. Among the strategies Duke advocates are these: Learn to examine your own beliefs. Be your own devils advocate. If youre certain about something, explore the opposing viewpoint. (If youre liberal, seek conservative opinions. If youre conservative, look for liberal voices.) Be skeptical of yourself and others.Build a network of trusted advisors, people who can give you feedback on your beliefs and decisions. But dont make these support groups homogeneous. Draw on people from a variety of backgrounds and belief systems. If you only associate with people who think the same way you do, you never give yourself a chance to grow, and youll never spot possible errors in your thinking. (This is like the current problems Facebook is facing with its deliberately-created echo chambers, which only serve to reinforce the way people think instead of challenging them.)When you make decisions, think of the future. Use barriers and pre-commitment to do the right thing automatically. Practice backcasting, a visualization method in which you define a desired outcome then figure out how you might get there. The book is dense dense! with ideas and information. When I finished it, I wanted to go back and read it again. Plus, I wanted to plow through the nearly 200 other works that Duke lists in her bibliography. I feel like I could spend an entire year diving deeper into this book and its related reading. But, as much as I wish it were, Thinking in Bets isnt perfect. A strong argument could be made that this material would work better as a TED talk or a 5000-word essay in The Atlantic (or on Get Rich Slowly!). The book is so packed with info that it sometimes loses its way. Theres also a lot of repetition too much repetition. Plus, it seems to lack a clear sense of organization. These quibbles aside, Thinking in Bets has earned a permanent place on my bookshelf. If I ever get around to putting together a Get Rich Slowly library (a project Ive been planning for years!), this book will be in it. I got a lot out of it. And I bet you will too. https://www.getrichslowly.org/smarter-decisions/

[popularkidstuff-blog]

A N T I H E R O

Max Robinson and I are very busy people. I’m mostly preoccupied with papers, deciphering Socrates, you know, fun stuff. While I’m off doing my college thing, Max has other things in store. Things that are mysterious, things that are secretive, things that might shock people, or things that might make you laugh. Whatever they may be, It’s refreshing and comforting to see someone who takes so much pride in their work. In between our messy lives, I got the chance to meet with Max over a Skype conversation. He recounted his day to me, about how he did sound monitoring for a comedy event called “Tinder Live” and saw Rick Astley all in one night. It was quite a contrast to my night of sipping an Arizona green tea and frantically finishing drafts of papers. The conversation carried on, with musings of stand up comedians we like, musicians we’ve played with, etc.  The most important part of this conversation was Max’s main project, A N T I H E R O.

Max is a person of many talents, he has so many ideas that he wants to communicate to the world. I’ve known Max for about 7 or 8 years, so it’s no secret to me he has something up his sleeve. The idea is to get down to the main objective. In this great big world, what exactly is Max trying to accomplish? What is this mysterious character he’s created setting out to do?

The story of A N T I H E R O takes off from humble beginnings. Max’s childhood was a mobile one. He recounted to me the different places he’s lived , including Ohio, New Jersey, and Tennessee. After moving around numerous times due to his parents jobs, his family settled in Huntington, Maryland . I continued to ask him about school and his life in Maryland, which yielded some interesting responses. “ A ton of crazy shit happened in my early days.” Max said to me. “In the third grade, I was really sick, so I missed out on a lot of school.” Max attended catholic school at a young age, but claimed that the overall setting and practices of the institution were “too weird” for him. It felt way too organized and pedantic, even at a young age. As a result of this, he was mostly home schooled until middle school.After that, we talked about his high school days and how he started getting into music. Every artist has to start somewhere, and every beginning is different,(albeit some weirder than others.) I asked Max about his first musical endeavors. With a chuckle and an “oh man” he told me about his first project, modestly titled “Max the band” He described it dismissively, detailing how nothing really came of it. “My friend gave a cracked copy of FL studio(a popular music software), and it was basically just me messing with presets within the program. At the time, I thought it was awesome.” “Max the band” eventually turned into what would be known as “Justabit Majestic,” in which he started to release his music publicly. I remember listening to “Justabit Majestic” regularly back in the days of Myspace,(coincidentally how I met Max in the first place.) and reaching out to him. We became really good friends as we were creating similar styles of music and we had a lot in common.

After several years of putting numerous tracks online and playing local shows, Max eventually graduated from Calvert County High School and attended Middle Tennessee State University to study music business. The days attended at MTSU for Max were a pivotal moment in his life. He eventually abandoned the “Justabit Majestic” moniker and started releasing music under his first name, Maximilian. Between studying hard, and playing shows, Max was steadily creating music and building a name for himself in the Murfreesboro music scene. At one point, Max entered in two sweepstakes to open up for mainstream acts such as “Skrillex” and “Korn,” in which he won and opened for these artists. “It was a surreal experience.” he told me “I just came out on stage[for Korn] and I introduced myself as Justin Bieber; they booed my whole set.”. While that was an unexpected experience, Max didn’t regret it whatsoever. Eventually, Max started to gravitate away from the EDM scene, as he felt it started to become “disingenuous.”. His disillusionment began when he started to notice the oversaturation of artists and so-called “rave culture” that tainted the scene and focused on the imagery rather than the art itself. Along with this, he graduated from MTSU with his BA in music business and moved back to Maryland with his family.

At this point in his life, Max found himself self reflecting. He graduated from college, moved away from the Tennessee back to his parents, and started working some not-so-glamorous jobs,  including valet service. He eventually began working at a nightclub doing sound on late nights. In between all of this, Max felt a bit confused about his future for. I remember sometime at the beginning of 2015, I got back in touch with Max year and half hiatus. I was going through a pretty bad breakup and he was in his post-college slump, so it was nice to rekindle an old friendship. In between talking about the current state of our lives and other weird experiences, we started to talk about something we both loved, producing music. He started telling me about a friend he saw perform in Tennessee who utilized a Super Nintendo to produce some weird projections on-stage. Apparently, this is something called “VJ-ing”, and is very popular among the electronic music crowd. It’s essentially the same as DJing, but there’s a visual aspect that accompanies the auditory experience.The music performed by artist is typically synced visuals that one would associate it with. Max was inspired by this innovation of technology, and while he spoke of it briefly, I could tell he was motivated to create his own virtual soundscape. Fast forward to a year later, Max started performing regularly again, but there was something different about the image. He started posting links to new music he was producing on Facebook, along with weird visuals that seemed to accompany said music. Then out of the blue, there was a significant aesthetic change in which he donned a mask and started posting mysterious videos of himself. This is what would be the beginning of A N T I H E R O.

There are many words you can use to describe A N T I H E R O. At first glance, it seems mysterious, surreal, creepy, mystifying. Fortunately for Max, these are some of things he’s trying to accomplish as an artist. Max has many plans he’s concocting as A N T I H E R O that have yet to be unleashed onto the world. “I’m making my own dope Kool Aid, but I’m not letting anybody drink it yet.”, he jokingly described it. According to Max, A N T I H E R O started out immediately after he moved back with his parents. He found a collection of old VHS and cassette tapes and began incorporating them into his music. From there on, he started to experiment with video editing to develop visuals for his sets. As he worked on his craft, Max decided he needed a name for his artistic endeavors. “Initially I was trying to use the name of some company or start a lawsuit to get it popular,” Max told me, “I wanted to see how much of a big deal I could make something out of so little.” Unfortunately, Max didn’t stir up that kind of controversy, and decided to use an idea that he had in college. From then on, he decided A N T I H E R O was the personality he wanted to create.

The aesthetics and musical style of A N T I H E R O are an eclectic blend of sound and imagery that take listener on a journey to a different dimension. A lot of his music borrows elements of old school “boom bap” style hip hop, very much in the vein of notorious acts such as J Dilla and Flying Lotus. But what separates him from the bunch is the incorporation of a visual aspect. “I made a couple beats on a laptop here and there, and wrote a couple of raps.” Max explained, “But I didn’t want it to become a rap project, but I didn’t want it to become that.” Max then went on to tell me what changed the game was when he had access to different mediums, including VHS and old CRT TVs. Utilizing these resources, he repurposed these platforms and created this magnificent spectacle that he uses to create a sense of wonderment among his audience. Most of the shows that he plays usually contain him on stage, donning the signature A N T I H E R O mask and using his different set pieces to control the environment. He plans on turning his brand into more of a performance piece rather than something just strictly musical. Max told me of a time where there was some discrepancies between him and the promoter of a DIY venue. “Sometimes, if I don’t like the promoter, I’ll usually do things my own way. There are some people who get it, and some people don’t. There's supposed to be an element of irony or cheesiness to it that helps me get my point across.”. The irony of Max’s character is that hes essentially mocking these performers who take their alter persona way too seriously to the point where his character and performance borders on surrealism.  In our conversation, he went on to tell me that he released about seven beat tapes last year and has an album written that has yet to be released. A lot of his music is released via different mediums, including VHS tapes. The main idea is to carry them in excess and leave them in certain places for people to enjoy and hopefully become inspired. Funny enough, the last time Max visited me he gave me a free VHS of his music that I still have yet to listen to, mainly because I don’t have a VCR. You can also find some of his music online for free that he releases regularly. Theres an extreme emphasis on accessibility with Max’s music, as he wants people to enjoy and bond over his work. Max continues to release music and do freelance video work for different clients, as well as himself. Whats inspirational about A N T I H E R O is that it’s a reflection of Max’s personality and work ethic.

Further into the conversation, I asked Max what A N T I H E R O meant to him personally. While this question didn’t pose a concrete answer, the response I got satisfied what I was looking to learn. He started talking about how A N T I H E R O is essentially a “personal business endeavor.” Hes looking to remain completely independent as an artist, but at the same time, help conduct business and build a community. He wants to be able to help provide for the different artist’s he plays with and create a name for himself. I asked him if he would ever consider partnering with a label, to which he responded “Right now, I’m just associated with people. I don’t like labels that are exclusive because it feels like you’re signing your rights as an artist over. Labels are cool for getting clout, but I don’t want to do that right now.” An important thing Max also stated about his personal brand is that he’s trying to make it as personal as possible. For a fair majority of 2016, Max was traveling up and down the east coast trying to promote himself and perform his work wherever he could. “ I really don’t give a fuck about making an impression on the internet anymore. I’ll post a picture here and there and promote a show, but when it comes down to it, I’m elsewhere.” Max is looking to travel more and eventually play with bigger acts, but right now hes still trying to build more of a reputation and perform his character wherever he feels is necessary.

As we talked on and on about his work as an artist, Max and I began to enter a different territory within the conversation. I learned that the ideas of the  A N T I H E R O persona contained a little bit of philosophy within itself. Max started talking about the power of being an underground artist and how that influences others. The world we live in today is hectic, especially considering the current political climate. Max however is hopeful that we all can one day achieve some type of unity. He believes that there needs to be a “shift in lifestyle” and “maturity” in order for there to be some type of social change. These ideas that he holds are connected to A N T I H E R O as a whole. He wants to create a sense of collectivism with this character, and most importantly his art. “We are gonna be the generation that stirs up the racket. A lot of people have been singing the same songs, but I think that we are the people who finally heard it and are learning from it.” He proudly boasted to me.  In conjunction to this, I feel that the number one idea that Max wants people to walk away with is the importance of self fulfillment. “For a while I just wanted to do music strictly, but I slowly learned that you need to be able to support yourself as well.” While doing art is important and a way to learn about yourself, you need to be able to sustain yourself under the thriving economic climate. Max was out of work for a while doing A N T I H E R O, but eventually found a way to sustain himself monetarily.

Max and I joked some more about our current situations and started to wrap things up. Within the next coming weeks, I hadn’t heard from him in a little while. I’d check snapchat every now and again, and I would see him at some obscure location enjoying himself. Where Max goes, he is always having a good time in whatever he does. I feel like I learned a lot from Max in our discussion and he continues to inspire me as an artist. Thats what I love about his personality, its so inviting and encouraging. If I were to name someone who has helped me find my footing as a musician, I owe a lot of that to Max. We’ve both been keeping at this whole music thing together and we’ve both grown a lot. Thats the beauty of it; if you keep at something long enough, you eventually get better. It’s also important to hold onto the people that helped you along the way because everybody’s trying to “make their own special brand of Kool-Aid.” While I’m trying to get through school and get my career off the ground, Max is continuing to build a name for himself.  I know one day hes going to hit it big and find all the success in the world. Theres are plenty of tricks that Max has up his sleeves, he’s waiting for the right time to reveal the grand scheme.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Thinking in bets: How to make smarter decisions

I read a lot of books. Nearly every book has some nugget of wisdom I can take from it, but its rare indeed when I read a book and feel like Ive hit the mother lode. In 2018, Ive been fortunate enough to read two books that Ill be mining for years to come. The first was Sapiens, the 2015 brief history of mankind from Yuval Noah Harari. I finished the second book yesterday: Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke. Duke is a professional poker player; Thinking in Bets is her attempt to take lessons from the world of poker and apply them to making smarter decisions in all aspects of life. Thinking in bets starts with recognizing that there are exactly two things that determine how our lives turn out, Duke writes in the books introduction. Those two things? The quality of our decisions and luck. Learning to recognize the difference between the two is what thinking in bets is all about. We have complete control over the quality of our decisions but we have little (or no) control over luck. The Quality of Our Decisions The first (and greatest) variable in how our lives turn out is the quality of our decisions. People have a natural tendency to conflate the quality of a decision with the quality of its outcome. Theyre not the same thing. You can make a smart, rational choice but still get poor results. That doesnt mean you should have made a different choice; it simply means that other factors (such as luck) influenced the results. Driving home drunk, for instance, is a poor decision. Just because you make arrive home without killing yourself or anyone else does not mean you made a good choice. It merely means you got a good result. Duke gives an example from professional football. At the end of Super Bowl XLIX, the Seattle Seahawks were down by four points with 26 seconds left in the game. They had the ball with second down at the New England Patriots one-yard line. While everbody expected them to run the ball, they threw a pass. That pass was intercepted and the Seawhawks lost the game. [embedded content] Armchair quarterbacks around the world complained that this was the worst play-call in NFL history. (Ive linked to just four stories there. Theyre all brutal. You can find many more online.) Duke argues, though, that the call was fine. In fact, she believes it was a smart call. It was a quality decision. There was only a 2% chance that the ball would be intercepted. There was a high percentage chance of winning the game with a touchdown. Most importantly, if the pass was incomplete, the Seahawks would have two more plays to try again. But if the team opted to run instead? Because they only had one time-out remaining, theyd only get one more chance to score if they failed. The call wasnt bad. The result was bad. Theres a big difference between these two things, but humans generally fail to differentiate between actions and results. Duke says that poker players have a term for this logical fallacy: resulting. Resulting is assuming your decision-making is good or bad based on a small set of outcomes. If you play your cards correctly but still lose a hand, youre resulting when you focus on the outcome instead of the quality of your decisions. You cannot control outcomes; you can only control your actions. Note: As long-time readers know, I grew up Mormon. One of the songs we were taught as children has this terrific lyric: Do what is right, let the consequence follow. This has become something of a mantra for me as an adult. If I do the right thing whatever that might be in a given context then I cannot feel guilty if I get a poor result. Its my job to do my best. Beyond that, I cannot control what happens. Luck and Incomplete Information Why dont smart decisions always lead to good results? Because we dont have complete control over our lives and we dont have all of the information. Fundamentally, Duke says, results are influenced by luck. Randomness. Chance. Happenstance. She writes: We are uncomfortable with the idea that luck plays a significant role in our lives. We recognize the existence of luck, but we resist the idea that, despite our best efforts, things might not work out the way we want. It feels better to imagine the world as an orderly place, where randomness does not wreak havoc and things are perfectly predictable. Duke contrasts poker (and life) with chess. Chess is a game of complete information, a game of pure skill. Theres no luck involved. At all times, all of the pieces are available for both players to see. There are no dice rolls, nothing to randomize the game. As a result, the better player almost always wins. (When the better player doesnt win, its because of easily identifiable mistakes.) Because chess is a game of complete information, luck isnt a factor the outcome is only a matter of the quality of your decisions. In poker, however, theres a lot you dont know. What cards do your opponents hold? What cards remain in the deck? How likely are your opponents to bluff? And so on. Experienced poker players learn to think in terms of odds. With this hand, I have a 74% chance of winning. I should fold. These cards only give me a 18% chance of coming out ahead. Its because our decisions are made with incomplete information that life sometimes seems so difficult. You can do the right thing and still get poor results. You can opt not to drink on New Years Eve, for instance, but still get blindsided by somebody who did to drink and drive. You made a quality decision, but happenstance hit you upside the head anyhow. Duke cites a scene from The Princess Bride as an example of how incomplete information affects the outcomes of our decisions. Criminal mastermind Vizzini and the Dread Pirate Roberts engage in a battle of wits: [embedded content] Vizzini pours two goblets of wine, then Roberts (actually our hero, Westley, in disguise) poisons one of them with deadly ioacane powder. The challenge is for Vizzini to choose the non-poisoned goblet. Vizzini cackles with glee when Roberts/Westley downs the poison but then falls dead after drinking his own goblet. It turns out both goblets had been poisoned, but Roberts had spent the previous few years building an immunity to iocane powder. Vizzini made a quality decision based on the information he had, but he didnt have all of the information: both goblets were poisoned, and his opponent in this battle of wits was immune to the poison in the first place! Thinking in Bets Duke argues that in order to make smarter decisions, we have to embrace both the idea that theres a lot of luck in life and the reality that were swimming in uncertainty. Theres a stigma in our culture about appearing ignorant, about being unsure. Duke says that becoming comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing is a vital step to becoming a better decision-maker. Admitting that we dont know has an undeservedly bad reputation, she writes. What makes a decision great is not that it has a great outcome. A great decision is the result of a good process, and that process must include an attempt to accurately represent our own state of knowledge. That state of knowledge, in turn, is some variation of Im not sure. Duke suggests that by moving to a framework of Im not sure, were far less likely to fall into the trap of black and white thinking, of false certainty. She cites Stuart Firesteins TED talk about the pursuit of ignorance: [embedded content] We should be pursuing high-quality ignorance. Based on all of this, how then can we make smarter decisions? Duke says that we should stop thinking in terms of right and wrong. Few things are ever 0% or 100% likely to occur. Few people are ever 0% or 100% right about what they know or believe. Instead, we should think in bets. Decisions are bets on the future, Duke writes, and they arent right or wrong based on whether they turn out well on any particular iteration. An unwanted decision doesnt make our decision wrong if we thought about the alternatives and probabilities in advance and allocated our resources accordingly. Duke says that because pro poker players learn to think in terms of odds during their games, they transfer this way of thinking to everyday life. Job and relocation decisions are bets, she writes. Sales negotiations and contracts are bets. Buying a house is a bet. Ordering the chicken instead of the steak is a bet. Everything is a bet. Just as each poker bet carries a different chance of success (based on the quality of the hand, the hands of the other players, etc.), so too the bets we make in life carry different chances of success. And our personal beliefs have (or should have) varying degrees of certainty. Duke wants readers to begin thinking about their beliefs and decisions in terms of probabilities rather than in terms of black and white. Turns out I already do this to a small degree but usually for minor stuff. In fact, Ive done it several times in the past week. A few days ago, I was listening to a Big Band station on Pandora. The song Green Eyes came on. I wonder what year this is from? I thought. I listened to the vocals, to the band, to the recording quality. I think theres an 80% chance this song is from 1939 give or take two years, I thought. I looked it up. The song was released in 1941. (I listen to a lot of older music, and I play this game often.)Because its been hot in Portland lately, folks in my neighborhood have all been taking early morning walks. We all tend to follow the same two-mile loop because its easy. Ive started playing a game when I pass somebody. Okay, the dog and I passed David Hedges at the llama farm. Where will we encounter him on the top side of the loop? Ill be its between Roys house and the bottom of the hill. Its fun for me to see how accurate my guesses are. Duke believes that we should each do this sort of thing whenever we make a decision. Before we commit to a course of action, we should think about possible outcomes and how likely each of those outcomes is to occur. Lets say youve only got $200 in the bank and its a week from payday. Should you join your friends for that weekend motorcycle trip? Or should you save that cash in case something goes wrong? Or, thinking farther in the future, what outcomes are you seeking in life? What decision will improve the odds of achieving those outcomes? Or, imagine that youre trying to decide whether or not to buy a home. As you consider the possibilities, think about the probability that each possible future will occur. Dont simply cling to the outcome youre hoping for. Be objective. If the odds of success seem reasonable, then pursue your desired course of action. But if they dont, then pull the plug. Duke writes: In most of our decisions, we are not betting against another person. Rather, we are betting against all the future versions of ourselves that we are not choosing. We are constantly deciding among alternative futures: one where we go to the movies, one where we go bowling, one where we stay home. Or futures where we take a job in Des Moines, stay at our current job, or take some time away from work. Whenever we make a choice, we are betting on a potential future. Every choice carries an opportunity cost. When you choose to save for the future, for instance, youre giving up pleasure in the present. Or, if you choose to spend in the present, youre giving up future financial freedom. Final Thoughts

For a long time, Ive argued that the best books about money are often not about money at all. Thinking in Bets is another example of this. While Duke uses plenty of personal finance examples, the book itself is about self-improvement. Its not a money manual. Yet the info here could have a profound impact on your financial future. Theres a lot more in this book that I havent covered in my review. (Ive really only touched on the first third of the material!) For me, the biggest takeaway comes early: Its vital to separate decision quality from results. The rest of the book explores how to improve the quality of your decisions. Among the strategies Duke advocates are these: Learn to examine your own beliefs. Be your own devils advocate. If youre certain about something, explore the opposing viewpoint. (If youre liberal, seek conservative opinions. If youre conservative, look for liberal voices.) Be skeptical of yourself and others.Build a network of trusted advisors, people who can give you feedback on your beliefs and decisions. But dont make these support groups homogeneous. Draw on people from a variety of backgrounds and belief systems. If you only associate with people who think the same way you do, you never give yourself a chance to grow, and youll never spot possible errors in your thinking. (This is like the current problems Facebook is facing with its deliberately-created echo chambers, which only serve to reinforce the way people think instead of challenging them.)When you make decisions, think of the future. Use barriers and pre-commitment to do the right thing automatically. Practice backcasting, a visualization method in which you define a desired outcome then figure out how you might get there. The book is dense dense! with ideas and information. When I finished it, I wanted to go back and read it again. Plus, I wanted to plow through the nearly 200 other works that Duke lists in her bibliography. I feel like I could spend an entire year diving deeper into this book and its related reading. But, as much as I wish it were, Thinking in Bets isnt perfect. A strong argument could be made that this material would work better as a TED talk or a 5000-word essay in The Atlantic (or on Get Rich Slowly!). The book is so packed with info that it sometimes loses its way. Theres also a lot of repetition too much repetition. Plus, it seems to lack a clear sense of organization. These quibbles aside, Thinking in Bets has earned a permanent place on my bookshelf. If I ever get around to putting together a Get Rich Slowly library (a project Ive been planning for years!), this book will be in it. I got a lot out of it. And I bet you will too. https://www.getrichslowly.org/smarter-decisions/