#theres a 2 bed 1 bath apartment for $600 near the summer camp i work at
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years ago
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#thinking about leaving again#i know its manic thoughts and not rational#but i could leave. everyone and everything#i love having a month to month lease. its not as restricting as when it was yearly#ive settled here. been here for a year#i just signed up for a meal prep service. i have a favorite coffee shop#but i want to just pack up my car and go#the first time i moved. from my parents house to my last apartment. i packed light#when i made that move i didnt have a car or a job or even an apartment lined up#so i had three big boxes and that was it#for my second move. whoch was when i moved to my current place. i rented a moving truck#i had so much shit that i actually had to rent a fucking truck. i had furniture and totes and boxes and shit#when ny dad found out i was moving he said 'take whatever fits in your car and oeave the rest'#but at that point i had already rented the truck. and i had worked so hard to build a life that i needed a truck to fit it all#but now ive been here for over a year. i have a favorite restaurant. a favorite place to walk. i occasionally recognize others in public#i like this place#but now i feel trapped. i need to run before anything gets any closer#thats such a weird feeling because i spent so long fighting to make this place into a home#and then i have one manic panic and im ready to load all my shit in my car and go#theres a 2 bed 1 bath apartment for $600 near the summer camp i work at#i just want to run again. give up everything and retry#i am feeling absolutely terrible at the moment#and i think running away would cure me#i think it would be cathartic. like yknow when you scream or smash something when youre upset?#i feel like running away could be cathartic
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