#there's really something to be said here too abt how much i think muna feels like she's dead in her heart. that her emotions have just...

[v-arbellanaris]

talking abt polycules. initially, i was very clearly like. yeah. maimunah/merrill makes perfect sense of course. but now. okay hear me out. i've been playing muna as a complete support mage. she has NO offensive spells AT ALL. she is entirely 100% a support mage and support spells ONLY. coupled with her being a blue/diplomatic hawke, parentification bc she's the eldest amell daughter, raised by a fairly devout andrastian circle mage raised father, muna really reads like someone who has always had to stamp her emotions down for fear of appearing aggressive, who has only ever learned support spells so she does not come off aggressive, etc etc and she is just completely and utterly defanged. which is what always made her romance with merrill so interesting to me, because merrill is so animated, merrill is so passionate and of course merrill's entire spellset is full offense, she does not have access to ANY creation spells at all.

because muna's the support mage, something that did not really occur to me but i'm so fascinated by now is that i can fully spec anders for DPS. i only set his tactics so he heals himself, since muna is already focused on healing and buffing the party. all of this other spells are aggressive, offensive, and i fully fleshed out his vengeance tree, and it's genuinely such a fun playstyle for him that i don't get with most of my other playthroughs. but i am also realising that this kind of playstyle is really great for emphasising anders' own character - he is not toothless or harmless, he will show you why mages are feared. he is a grey warden, he is an abomination, and he does rip through enemies like they're made of butter with very little effort. justice makes an appearance on the battlefield often.

i think there's really something to be said here abt muna being taught her whole life to tamp down her emotions to not appear aggressive, to appear meek and docile, and all the ways she can never express her rage or anger or upset or excitement because, as a mage, the very expression of her emotions can be a threat (that very real lesson from malcolm that mages must appear in control, calm, logical, reasonable at all times, that the expression of emotions is a threat because it makes other people think you are seconds from possession and may act accordingly violently) and muna being drawn to the most blatant violations of the very rules she was taught for her survival, falling for the very cautionary tales she grew up with, drawn to the kind of monster people would so easily accuse her of becoming.

just really fascinated by the idea of muna being drawn to the mages who exist in such defiance of everything she was taught to believe about herself, about her kind, and her deep, abiding admiration for the both of them - abomination and maleficar, by the chantry's law, but to her, the deepest, richest, most passionate expressions of being alive.