#there's also the opportunity that he has to take off the Magnus armor in order to use the washracks

[fly-pow-bye]

What’s Airing On Cartoon Network? (July 2020)

While June was a slow month for Cartoon Network, no thanks to HBO Max taking Summer Camp Island and seemingly most of Cartoon Network’s 2020 lineup, July is a bit more interesting. Alongside the return of Mao Mao, we also get the return of Apple & Onion as well! More after the break.

Apple & Onion

The second season of Apple & Onion starts on July 20th.

July 20

Champion - Apple and Onion need to get rid of a problematic dog they thought was a horse. (6:00 PM)

July 21

Falafel's Passion - Apple and Onion must stop Falafel from humiliating himself on a national TV show. (6:00 PM)

July 22

Hole in Roof - Apple and Onion must repair the hole in their roof before the impending storm of the century. (6:00 PM)

July 23

Patty's Law - Apple and Onion must look after a sick Falafel in order to go parasailing. (6:00 PM)

Bakugan: Armored Alliance

July 5th

Final Battle! Dan vs. Ajit/Secrets Exposed - It's time for the event everyone in Los Volmos has been waiting for, The Bakugan Battle League finals! Then, with the winner determined the celebration is cut short when Phantom Thief Storm crashes the party by stealing everyone's Bakugan! (6:30 AM)

July 19th

The Director/Queen Ebony - Everett Ray reaches out to Lia with an opportunity that seems too good to be true. Then, Lightning learns of a street cat named Ebony, threatening them to do her bidding or face the wrath of her Bakugan! (6:30 AM)

July 26th

Here Comes Haavik/The Fusion Bakugan Arrive - An evil shapeshifting alien has landed in Los Volmos and he has a group of robot mechanoids on his trail trying to bring him justice. Then, Chad and Trey challenge Dan to rematch but this time they have a few tricks up their sleeve. (6:30 AM)

We also get an advanced listing for an episode in August.

August 2nd

Sophie, the Bakuganist/Midnight Train Battle! - Magnus is on the trail of the illegal Baku-brawling devices and is looking to cut off the supply at its source. Then, Sophie Judson Warfield is working to put an end to all Bakugan brawling. Her latest target is the Awesome Brawlers.

Craig of the Creek

A week before, Cartoon Network suddenly scheduled four episodes of Craig of the Creek on the last week of June, which rolls into July. For the sake of completion, I’m going to put them here, too.

June 29th

The Ground is Lava! - When an intense game of "The Ground is Lava" breaks out, Craig must carefully traverse the Creek to save his sister. (10:00 AM)

June 30th

Council of the Creek: Operation Hive-Mind - Hive Mind - When bees take over the Trading Tree, Craig must assemble the Council of the Creek to avert disaster. (10:00 AM)

July 1st

The Bike Thief - Craig investigates the theft of the 10 Speed's bikes in hopes of finding the culprit! (10:00 AM)

July 2nd

Craig of the Beach - Craig gets to hit the beach with his friends and family, but starts to get worried his Dad is more fun than him. (10:00 AM)

Mao Mao, Heroes of Pure Heart

For the first time since October of last year, Mao Mao is finally getting some new episodes.

July 6th

Mao Mao's Nakey - When MM loses his clothes while trying to scale the Ruby Pure Heart, he has to get back to Sheriff's HQ by daybreak. (12:30 PM)

July 7th

Lucky Ducky Mug - When Adorabat and Badgerclops break Mao Mao's favorite mug, he gives them the silent treatment. (12:30 PM)

July 8th

Lonely Kid - When AD has trouble making friends at school, MM tells her the story of how he made his first real friend - BB. (12:30 PM)

July 9th

Try Hard - When the Sky Pirates take Mao Mao and Badgerclops hostage, it's up to Adorabat to save the day. (12:30 PM)

July 10th

Scared of Puppets - Mao Mao is scared of puppets. (12:30 PM)

July 13th

The Perfect Couple - When Mao Mao accidentally breaks up the most perfect couple in Pure Heart Valley, he has to figure out how to get them back together. (12:30 PM)

July 14th

Adoradad - When AD's dad forbids her from working with the Sheriff's Dept because it's too dangerous, AD sets out to prove that she can take care of herself. (12:30 PM)

July 15th

Badge-a-fire Explosion - When BC comes out of a rare state of hyper-focused creativity, he may have made something that could destroy all of PHV. (12:30 PM)

July 16th

Zing Your Heart Out - When Adorabat starts to aggressively heckle everyone with her new zing power, she threatens the entire kingdom. (12:30 PM)

July 17th

Strange Bedfellows - After an insane battle, MM and OS end up in the same hospital room. But even in full body casts, the sworn enemies continue the fight. (12:30 PM)

Ninjago

We may not get new episodes of a certain other LEGO-related cartoon, but we do have new episodes of Ninjago, starting with a full hour of them on July 19th.

July 19th

Would You Like to Enter Prime Empire? - While investigating a heist, the ninja discover Prime Empire, a legendary unreleased arcade game that suddenly takes control of all other games in Ninjago. (11:00 AM)

Dyer Island - When the ninja connect Jay's disappearance to Prime Empire, they set out to Dyer Island to seek answers from the game's designer, the elusive Milton Dyer. (11:15 AM)

Level Thirteen - Cyrus Borg discovers a shocking secret about Prime Empire, while the ninja battle an escaped Mechanic in their attempt to reach Level Thirteen and enter the game themselves. (11:30 AM)

Superstar Rockin' Jay - Now inside the Prime Empire game, the ninja find themselves in unfamiliar territory, ignorant of the rules of this world, as they try to find Zane and escape Unagami's army of Red Visors. (11:45 AM)

July 26th

I Am Okino - Inside one of the game zones, a Samurai named Okino faces a crisis of faith when he repeatedly fails to lead a series of Masters to victory, causing him to lose all hope, until some familiar ninja arrive. (11:00 AM)

The Glitch - In order to stop Unagami the ninja must obtain three Key-tanas, the first of which is hidden in the game zone Terra Kerana, one of Prime Empire's most dangerous game environments. (11:15 AM)

August 2nd

The Cliffs of Hysteria - While being chased by Unagami's dreaded Red Visors the ninja must climb the 'Cliffs of Hysteria', however, they make a startling discovery: Unagami is converting players into energy cubes in order to build a portal into the real world! (11:00 AM)

The Maze of the Red Dragon - Still in the game zone Terra Kerana, the Samurai guide Okino has to choose between helping his allies the ninja, or obeying the evil orders of his Master, Unagami. (11:15 AM)

Teen Titans Go!

The sequel to the legendary “Night Begins to Shine” premieres in July.

July 10th

Night Begins to Shine 2: You're the One - The elderly Titans decide to take one last trip to the world of Night Begins to Shine only to encounter a new villain ruling the land, Ultralak. In order to stop Ultralak, the Titans must find three music stems. (6:00 PM)

[fauvester]

TO BE FAIR I first found out about sixmags because of your posts and thought to myself “hey, this is interesting” THEN I watched Headmasters and realized that it’s Real and Very Good. And now I suffer. Please, could you also do 1, 11 and 29 for them?

I am... so glad and blessed... if you get a chance you should head over to ao3 to see some sweet sweet fics i suckered my friends into writing for me

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Oh it would absolutely have to be Sixshot. God knows Magnus wouldn’t take the initiative if his life depended on it. But after facing him enough times in battle and enjoying having a genuine fight, sixshot started thinkin’. And plottin’. And as soon as they were fighting in an isolated location on a solo mission he just sheathed his swords and prepositioned him outright.

Magnus probably read him for scrap but then a few centuries later it happened again because Sixshot is nothing if not dedicated and Magnus, seeing a potential opportunity to keep a Phase Sixer occupied while the autobot soldiers made tactical advances, agreed, and they developed a friendly enemies-with-benemies rivalry. Lots of 'accidentally’ letting each other escape and ‘happening’ to share bits of important information, and ‘very intentionally’ clanging each other’s paint off.

11. What do they hide from one another?

They both hide their feelings to a pathological level... after a while and some dramatic heart-to-hearts brought on by the threat of imminent death they’ve gotten a little better at it, but not much. Sixshot has the most obvious socio-psychological damage, the result of a lifetime of systematic manipulation, abuse and isolation, and he plays it off as a joke most of the time. Magnus has his own ghosts to deal with; an obsessive-compulsive personality born from a strut deep insecurity and need for stability. Both of them need help and neither of them believe it enough to get it.

Magnus hides that he’s not really Magnus for a while, but Sixshot would know another beastformer from a hundred miles away, in any kind of suit.  He just figured Magnus was a triple-changer that was embarrassed by his beast alt.

Sixshot doesn’t talk about his life before the war and Magnus doesn’t ask. Magnus doesn’t talk to him about his time with Megatron on the Lost Light and Sixshot pointedly doesn’t bring it up (he has deep, deep, existential beef with Megatron.)

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

OOGHGH falling in love was not intentional on either of their parts. During the war Magnus was like, Nope! not happening! Shut down! And Sixshot “an avocado..thanks,,”-ed his feelings and put them away deep down in his mind.  But every time they see each other during the war they see some other infuriatingly attractive, recommending, good quality that the other has; magnus’ mentorship of the autobots under his command, for example; sixshot’s unfailing sense of honor in battle even when his commanders order him to be ruthless.

And then after the war when they start working together in the remnants of the cybertronian government, they actually get a chance to see how the other lives, and fuck, it’s even better! every energon derivative flavoring sixshot eventually convinces Magnus to put in his rations (the ‘cons have developed a wide array of them; an attempt to stretch out meager wartime reserves), every calendar invite for mundane activities that magnus sends sixshot, the off-shifts spent in companionable silence in their hab suite (one of the few that was intact and large enough for warframes like them) working, every time sixshot seamlessly calls him minimus when he’s out of his armor and every time magnus carefully and earnestly announces his presence so as not to startle sixshot when he comes home. 

All the little things they didn’t get to enjoy during the war, the things that they never got a chance to share with anyone else.

[miamaroo]

Northern Migration- Chapter 29 (Notes+Preview)

It's been forty long years since I last updated. Does anyone even write TAZ Balance fics anymore? Does anyone even remember that I'm a writer, or is my brand just that pair of unnecessary bara tiddies that all the kids around the block make fun of me for nowadays? Either way, I'm still in business. And what is a new chapter if not an opportunity to give a long list of notes?

Obviously, spoilers ahead.  

Did you catch that quick little appearance of Brad Bradson? I very recently rewrote that entire opening scene in order to include a new character, which gave me the chance to reinsert Brad into the story instead of featuring a nameless OC.

See that quick mention of Bane's past? That's going to be expanded on very soon (or at least, soon by my standards).

And the new character I wanted to include is Antonia! Again, I originally had a throwaway OC in this role, but when I was writing the chapter after this, I realized the role I needed was too big to go to a throwaway OC. I didn't include the other guy (Rowan?? I think??) because I felt like it would be too much for me to properly handle. Plus, I don't think he and Antonia are a packaged deal. I'll do my best to find a place for him somewhere else in the story, but I also have had Hecuba on the backburner for way too long. She gets first dibs.

The threat Sterling gives Bane works a little better with the throwaway OC I had, who was a captain from a different city looking to take over Bane's position in Goldcliff. Essentially, the threat was Bane being replaced.

Oh, you assumed Angus was inoculated off-screen? You assumed incorrectly!

Magnus and Julia are just *chef's kiss*

I am in Team Lucretia Should Be Angus's Mom, but that only comes with the understanding that she's kinda bad at it. Which is mostly fine with Angus, as he's pretty bad at being a normal kid with normal needs.

Taako's meeting with Istus was vaguely alluded to during the flashback of how he and Ren saved Refuge (back during the Wonderland arc). He went there without Ren (the POV character), so the scene was never written.

Having Julia cross herself in front of a god is an overtly Christian gesture, and frankly, it does bug me that I had to utilize it here. I'm trying to avoid coding this fantasy world's religion with too much Christianity, but I needed a way to convey Julia trying to show respect quickly and without burdening the prose too much. So I felt a little trapped and ended up just using crossing anyways. I was raised Catholic, so there's probably a whole bunch of Little Christian Things that just pop up in my writing without me realizing so it's kinda a bummer that I couldn't find a way to work around something I know I'm doing.

Istus is just out here referring to the canonical story as an alternate reality

I try to make Davenport's comments discernable to the reader without needing a direct translation, but I feel as though I may have messed up this time around. When Istus warns that there is a terrible choice in their futures, Davenport essentially asks if this is the same terrible fate the Judges from the Stolen Century had condemned them for.  So Istus's repone ("Indeed, but I don't see your deeds as ones that are mine to judge") is reassuring as it is a little cheeky.

If you want more of Julia challenging gods with reckless abandon, read my story.

Isn't it just lovely that the prophecy fits the naming scheme of all the chapters?

I knew I wanted to kill someone in the main cast off, but I spent a long time trying to decide if I could do it without betraying everything tazb stands for. Inevitably, I decided that it's my story, and I want to take the risk. I think that it will be worth it. I am not a big fan of character death being there just for the same of being there, and I hope that when the time comes and I bring the scene I have in mind to life, you guys will be okay with it. This is chapter sort of acts as an in-universe warning so that you can start preparing yourself mentally (though it's not going to happen during this upcoming relic arc for sure). The archive tags will change as we get closer to the deed being done.

I am also doubling down on my reassurance that Stevie will be okay with an in-story explanation for her plot armor.

All the way back in January, I had made a few posts about trying to decide between the fun anachronism of a scrunchie and the fantasy-esque poncho. As you can see, I did both.

There is no possible way anyone can triumph the soul-purifying beauty of "you're going to be amazing," but damnit. I did my best, even if I only changed it ever so slightly. They have already done a lot of amazing things. And you know what? So have you! You're already amazing!

Oh, John. This is probably the most ambiguously I've written him yet. One thing's for sure: something has changed for him, though only time will tell what that thing is.

I'm claiming "Landslide" as track #2 on a NM mixtape. Don't @ me.

Lucas used command undead on Barry in chapter 24, preventing him from taking the umbra staff when he had the chance.

Lup and Barry souls are pure magic, so I imagine Barry can recognize Lup's magic anywhere.

I've been writing Barry as very depressed and slightly off-kilter because I imagine his anchor to Lup is disturbed somewhat by her imprisonment.

Despite seeing vague visions of the Stolen Century, Ren can't piece any of it together because knowledge of all those realities could ruin her mind like it did Maureen.

I imagine Kravitz was leaning against a wall when he saw Stevie run by and just sort of shrugged to himself. He doesn't quite catch how much society has changed yet.

I am half asleep right now, so no more quips. Here's the preview for the next chapter:

While Taako is all color, the Grim Reaper is a void of black. Muted traces of reds and purples make themselves known on the trim of his blanket and beads in his braids, but he doesn’t seem to need any neon hues. He looks warm, like the relic of a hazy summer day. Yet, when Taako jabs an elbow at his stomach, he yelps in surprise and complains about the cold.

“Intriguing pair, right?”

Julia quirks a brow, looking askance to see Lucretia hiding her smile behind her map. “That’s a way of putting it,” she says. “No matter how you look at it, one of them is going to get you dead.”

Lucretia shakes her head. “Be fair.”

“Sure. It’s the Raven Queen’s fault.” A moment too late, Julia crosses herself. She’s never considered herself a religious person, but after meeting one goddess, she dares not risk angering another.

“Taako, too.” Lucretia folds up the map with intention. Her robe is like a slash of scarlet, but she carries the power of it with practiced ease. On Taako, the color looks like a costume—a role he’s only playing at being. A suggestion with no foundation. Even Kravitz, in his reaper regalia, seems made to fulfill a duty. Maybe that’s why Julia wears a peasant, mud-colored cloak that reaches her knees. Beyond a red scarf tied in her short hair, she doesn’t fake having an allegiance to something not her own. “Who knows? Perhaps this little adventure together will help you realize each other’s strengths.”

Julia snorts. “Yeah. Sure. Thank you Taako for using your transmutation magic to stop the transmutation problem you created.”

“Oh, stop. You’re making me blush.” Taako pushes between them, wry words cutting through the calm atmosphere. The woods around them is quiet in a disconcerting kind of way, as if the universe wants them to know that they are crazy for approaching what all others have fled. Taako saunters ahead, twirling his glaive, He spins around lazily. He looks ready to say something when a particular snowflake drifts down before him. It’s bigger than the rest, the size of a coin. Bright and white, they watch as it floats the last few inches until touching the snow.

The snow around it sloshes inwards, spilling like sand on a beach. Except, it’s no longer white. It’s makeup pink. Seeping outwards like a spider webs, the tendrils of magic make a larger and larger circle of pink in the snow.

Everyone scrambles away, knowing without words what they’re seeing.

[diceforanaltmode]

Team Fire: Session 3, Egg?!; Part 1: Reunions? Breakfast?

Team Fire has continued their adventuring and at last we can bring you more of their shenanigans! Thanks to Hawke for providing recordings for this session and for the rest of the party for taking so much of their time to help with the transcription of all ~3.5hours of it - now you have an even more detailed account of all the hijinks! The full summary came to 30pages/10k+words, so we’ve split it into four parts to make it a bit easier to read on tumblr - click through to Session 3 part 2 at the end to keep reading!

TEAM FIRE

Rodimus by Frosty (tiefling sorcerer) Drift by Space (earth genasi rogue) Ratchet by Hawke (firbolg cleric) Magnus | Minimus by Tuna (half-orc paladin | human/tethyrian wizard) Megatron by Briar (goliath paladin) Rewind by Robin (high elf wizard) (out for this week, but back soon) First Session | Second Session

We begin our adventure with the party asleep after their long day defeating Zeta. In the middle of the night, Rodimus wakes up in the room he shares with Drift, with the sudden sense that someone has gone, like that feeling when people say they know that a relative has died, but also a sense of relief, like it was a shitty relative. To help himself get back to sleep, Rodimus casts sleep on himself.

Ratchet passes out in bed asleep, just conks right out. He dreams of his memories of what happened to the hospital. What Megatron did. But still, Ratchet rises early and rolls out of bed. He’s getting ready for the day when there’s a knock at the door. 

“Yes?”

Roller’s voice comes through the door. “Ratch, it’s me, can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” Ratchet opens the door. 

“Ah, hey, you doing alright? You sleep okay?”

“Ah, yeah, yeah, Slept pretty well.”

“That’s good. Hey, uh, I got a message from Orion, asked if we could meet to catch up since we didn’t really get to yesterday.”

“Oh, did we now.” Ratchet says sarcastically. “Yeah, the little screaming match yesterday,” Ratchet coughs. “Anyways - yeah, did he want to meet with both of us, or?”

“Yeah. To, y’know, avoid any shouting matches again, there’s a cafe a couple streets down, if you wanted to walk over, they open pretty early, and the coffee’s better than what Swerve serves - but don’t tell him I said that.”

“I’ll always take a good coffee.”

“Alright,”

“I’ll be ready in ten,”

“Okay, I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Ratchet and Roller walk over in companionable silence. Ratchet’s still reflecting on the last day, after having spent the evening mostly drunk, and Roller doesn’t force any small talk. 

As they walk into the shop, they see baskets of bread and bagels and rolls, rows of pastries in glass cases, and in a large, round case, a whole cake, decorated with frosting shaped like yellow flowers. There are a few others in the cafe eating breakfast or picking up a loaf of bread for the day, Rung and Nightbeat are finishing up their breakfast. 

Orion is in a back corner, halfway through a mug of coffee and an apple turnover, and, talking to an Aarakocra woman, dressed in similar armor to Orion, who looks upset and angry. As Ratchet and Roller get closer, she stands up to leave, and they overhear Orion say, “Alright, I’ll ask him.” Orion looks up and acknowledges Roller and Ratchet. 

Ratchet grabs a coffee and then joins Orion. There’s a bit of awkwardness because the last time they saw each other, Orion was screaming at the scourge of Kaon and they had just killed Zeta. Roller follows, getting a coffee and a bearclaw. Ratchet and Orion both sit with their backs to the wall, while Roller has his back to the room.

“Thank you for coming,” Orion says, “It’s good to see you again in better circumstances.”

Ratchet stares into his mug of coffee for a little bit, before taking a deep slurp. “So, Orion, how’s the mind control been?”

“Well, better now that you all got rid of Zeta. Things aren’t quite yet coming back, but I’ve been talking with the AVL folks and they’ve been filling me in on what’s happened, they’ve been filling in all the guards. That’s also - the woman who just left, she’s also in the guard, she had the mind control, and, well, we both had the same thing, but she had it worse because - well, we can’t remember, but her kid is gone, and from what we can piece together, she thinks Zeta ordered her to bring her kid to him and leave the kid.”

Ratchet makes a horrified face at the notion.

“I take it from your reaction that you didn’t see any sign of the kid when you made your way through the castle.”

“To be honest I was a bit preoccupied on our way out making sure you got out, so no. We might be able to go back, search the premises if it helps, if - I’m not sure.”

“Yeah, I - assumed if you’d seen someone you would have made sure they got out, but I promised Ekalu I’d ask, since you were in the castle.”

“Yeah, I - I could ask the others when I get back to the tavern…” Ratchet says, trailing off to mutter, “her fucking kid...”

“I appreciate that.” Orion says, to Ratchet’s offer.

“Her fucking kid.” Ratchet mutters again, shaking his head.

Orion looks very downcast. “Fortunately from what we can tell it seems her kid was only gone a few days at the most, maybe a week. So at least not the entire time Zeta has been here.”

“So - you want to stage a search and rescue?”

“I wouldn’t know where to start. There’s the map the AVL showed you, I wouldn’t know where else a kid would be,” he considers, “unless there’s some part of the castle that Zeta built recently, something the AVL wouldn’t know about.”

“Yeah, I have an idea.” Ratchet says, “and you can rule out the high-security dungeons, we combed through those.”

“I heard. I -” Orion pauses, frowning, “ - what happened in there? I - You don’t - you don’t have to give me all the details.”

“Ah, not much, freed a lot of men, stumbled across a repentant warlord. Ya know, everyday things.”

“So you really buy it?”

“Coming back to this city was a mistake. I - I’m,” Ratchet considers. “He didn’t try to murder us. I don’t buy it. I don’t buy it. But - well, for now, he hasn’t tried any shady things, so - that’ll have to be enough for the moment. Drift - one of my companions on that job, Drift, seemed - rather opposed to taking Megatron down or securing him, or, or even just letting him say in the cell - you know, he was in a variable voltage harness, we didn’t have to let him go.” Ratchet sighs. “This whole thing’s been weird from start to finish.”

Orion sighs. “Well, for what it’s worth, seeing as you’re part of the reason I’m not under Zeta’s mind control anymore, I wouldn’t say coming here was a mistake,” he says. “How’ve you been? It’s been, what, fifteen, twenty years?”

“About. On the road, odd jobs. Trying my best. Trying, sometimes failing. Hmm,” he pauses, considers, “patching up people, the old wandering cleric life. I’ve - I’ve come here for First Aid originally, didn’t think I’d, you know, do the whole fighting a Vampyric overlord thing. I’ve been - y’know, I’ve been undercover.”

Orion nods. “Oh, First Aid’s here, that’s good,” he says, then adds. “They were debriefing all of the guards, they said they’re going to start up city council elections again, get things running back the way they were supposed to be.”

“Oh, well that’s good.” Ratchet considers his coffee. He’s not much of a morning conversationalist, not that he’s much of a conversationalist at any other time. Then, “I’m really glad you’re okay. I’m really fucking glad you’re okay.”

Orion smiles. “I’m glad you’re okay too.” He sighs. “After everything happened in Iacon - just - it’s been hard not to worry, these past few years. And, knowing what you were up against in there - I’m real glad you made it out of there okay.”

“Yeah, I got out, and I -” Ratchet huffs, “I might be so foolish to say I might have some opportunity here, which is - better than nothing. Better than nothing at all.”

“Well, that’ll be good to hear. I don’t know if I’m going to stay in the city.”

“Wait,” Roller interjects, “why - why wouldn’t you stay here?”

Ratchet leans in, skeptical. “Any plans, Pax?”

“Y’know, I - in Iacon, I tried to see what I could do working within the system, and in Kaon I tried to see what I could do outside the system. Then I tried looking for a reformer in Zeta and that obviously didn’t work out -”

Ratchet scoffs.

“- yes, I know, if you had been around you would probably have had more sense and talked me out of it, but - I don’t know what happens next. And I don’t know if there’s a place for me in rebuilding this city. I don’t know how many people recognize me only as someone who worked for Zeta.”

“That’s… if it’s any consolation, if the mind control thing gets out, we might be able to stir up some ruckus, get some new souls on the crew,” he says. “The mind control - it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault. I get not wanting to risk things. I get - having been forced to spend time as Zeta Prime’s mook, I get that.”

“Yeah.”

“So - what’s your plan? What’re you doing? Where’re you going?”

“I don’t know yet. I think I’ll have to see.”

“All right, well, hit me up when you’re going out into the world. I’ll prepare a big well-wishing speech, and maybe some flowers; hell, I could arrange a cake.”

Orion laughs. “If that’s true, you’ve changed more in the last twenty years than I could’ve imagined.”

Ratchet grins. “Hey, you never know how the times change, you never know where things go.” Ratchet looks at Orion’s plate. “Suppose you want to get proper breakfast food; you don’t look like you’ve eaten much.”

Orion takes a couple more bites of his apple turnover, “Eh, I’ll be fine, I’ll - well, I suppose I’ll get something else.”

“Alright!” 

Ratchet finishes the rest of his breakfast in the cafe as well - exactly three and a half peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fancy ones. The cafe staff are a little confused by the order, but they make it in good time, the bread is delicious, the peanut butter is good, and the jam is made in house, and it’s just prime.

As Ratchet sits back down to eat, Roller asks. “So - what about you, Ratch? What are you planning to do? I know you talked to First Aid about maybe setting something up here.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking of - looking around, looking for people who can help, Y’know, we’ll need a place, people to help, to spread the word. It’ll be good to have a place again, where people - where anyone can go to get themselves patched up. For now, I’m staying, helping Aid, so I suppose I’ll keep to the headquarters.”

“Yeah, that’ll be where most of the political decisions are getting made. I, uh, I don’t think Prowl’s slept all night. I saw him on the way out.”

“Oh boy.”

“So if you want to know where things are being decided about how to rebuild, how to get things back running again - I know back before Zeta, there was - I don’t know if it was quite what you were talking about, but there were some clinics, a couple of them, in this town. Might be getting those back up to what they used to be.”

“So I’ve got a point to start. That’s honestly more than I would have hoped for.”

“Glad to have you here, Ratch.”

Ratchet lets out a long sigh. “Same.”

Roller chuckles.

---

After waking up, Magnus goes downstairs to check in with Dominus, and Rewind steps out so they can talk. Magnus walks in and immediately Dominus tries to leap out of bed to hug her but falls instead. She catches him before he can hurt himself.

“Thank you, sister, I -” Dominus sighs, “I keep thinking that I should be feeling better but it’s - it’s still taking its toll.”

“You have - you need as much time as you can possibly get! Don’t worry about it.”

“Ah thank you, I’m terribly sorry.” Dominus lies back down, propping himself upright just enough to give Magnus a hug.

“I heard from Rewind that you and your friends were able to kill Zeta and free the city”

“Ah - I - yes.”

“That’s unbelievable, sister. And I -” Dominus looks at his sister, very sincere, “thank you for keeping yourself and my husband safe.”

“Of course! Of course.”

“How are you doing now? Are you alright?”

“I - I do not know. I’m here now, I saved you. It’s been a long road to here. It’s been three years and - and I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

Dominus reaches out and pats Magnus’ forearm before sighing. “I think everything will be alright. I think it will take some time but everything will be - will be alright now. Found a place that I think can be a safe home in a way that -” Dominus pauses. ”In a way that Iacon couldn't.”

“That’s good. That’s very good.“

“Maybe not,” Dominus says quietly before continuing. “Of course that’s - that’s because of you, because you freed the city, so thank you and thank you for coming to find me.”

Magnus is trying to hold back tears.

“I - thank you Dominus. I -” she trails off. Dominus hugs Magnus again, not wanting to let go. 

After all the heavy talk Magnus tries to make small talk with Dominus.“So - uh, the hammer?!”

“It’s - it’s quite alright, I know you sister; you don’t need to try and make small talk. It’s quite alright.”

Magnus sighs. “True. Thank you. No - but seriously- why did you make the hammer?”

“Oh, I - Rewind said he gave it to you. Do you like it? Do you like it?!” Dominus asks excitedly.

“It’s absolutely fantastic!”

“I’m so glad! I thought you’d appreciate it. I certainly hope it was useful to you. I’m glad I was able to finish it before you came, although I would’ve liked to give it to you under better circumstances.”

“Heh - yeah it’s - hm,” Magnus considers. “I don’t know how else to describe it; it’s just- useful. Very nice. And you put so much detail on it, so it’s nice to see your work again.”

“From you sister, that’s the highest compliment.”

“Thank you.” 

Seeing that Dominus can’t take much more conversation and needs to continue resting, Magnus says, “you need to rest more and knowing me I will pass out if I do not eat something in the next five minutes so - please do rest.”

“I will. Rewind brought me something to eat earlier but please make sure you get yourself something, many things.”

Magnus laughs a bit at the wording. “I intend!”

Dominus gives Magnus one last hug before leaning back on the pillows and closing his eyes. Magnus places a hand on Dominus’ forearm, kisses his head, and says, “Please sleep well brother, I love you.”

“I love you too, sister.” --- Continue to part 2!

[ask-jaghatai-khan]

The Path Beyond

(Homebrew warband I came up with when fluffing an all-investment-in-psychic Tzeentch Daemonkin army, and what kind of servants would likely be the summoning core. I also used it as an opportunity to distill some of my favorite “dark wizard” references.)

“The Warp flows through us, for we walk upon the Path!”

History

In the days of the Great Crusade, after the Triumph of Ullanor, the propagation of warrior lodges crept through the ranks of the Legiones Astartes. Secret societies, separate from the titles of legion or rank, appeared amongst the space marines. Most prevalent in those legions who would later turn from the Emperor’s light, the practice was looked down upon by many, and laid the foundation for the later Horus Heresy.

It was by the actions of Chaplain Mori Shi, of the Word Bearers legion, that the lodge known as the “Lodge of the Beyond” would form. Of Terran birth, Mori Shi served within the Ark of Testimony chapter, and at the behest of Chapter Master Torquill Eliphas set about uncovering those pieces of most ancient lore that might give the (now secretly deviant) seventeenth legion insight into the nature of their new gods. It was upon Terra itself, buried in ancient ruins within the irradiated wastes, that he discovered a set of bronze scrolls. In but a few more centuries those lands would have been crushed under the expanding Imperial City, and their dark secrets lost forever.

The scrolls were translated by the scholars of the Word Bearers as the “Path of Ur-Apam”. Contained within was a set of intricate edicts, rituals, and treatises on the nature of the Warp. Realizing the value of such ancient writings, Mori Shi presented the scrolls to close confidents of his amongst several legions—most of all the Thousand Sons, as the sorceries inscribed within were of great power and craftsmanship. The newly forged Lodge of the Beyond would attract psykers from several legions; prominently those of the Thousand Sons, Word Bearers, Sons of Horus, and Alpha Legion, though even elements of the Emperor’s Children, Iron Warriors, Death Guard, Iron Hands, Raven Guard, and White Scars were present. The Path of Ur-Apam was not merely a collection of powerful magics, but a spiritual guide on seeking perfection through the power of the Warp.

The psykers who had gathered within the lodge soon became preeminent in their legions, though the secret society was not to last in its current form. After the massacre on Isstvan, those astartes of the Iron Hands and Raven Guard were enraged at the betrayal, and had to be put down. The last of the “loyalists”, the White Scars elements, later left of their own accord to be either slain by their former brothers, or take up the mantle of Sagyar Mazan. Those few members of the Death Guard, who had sought acceptance away from the sight of Mortarion, were later claimed by Nurgle, and so lost upon the Path of evolution.

All that remained were the traitors, who—with the failure of the Siege of Terra—fled to the Eye of Terror. It was then, as the traitor legions pulled themselves apart, that the Thousand Sons made their move. As psychic mastery was considered the greatest power of all, and the only true measure of worth, the sons of Magnus sought to purge the gene-seed of the lesser legions from their ranks. They turned the might of their sorceries upon their former allies, obliterating them and scavenging what was left. Mori Shi, of power enough to match even an Exalted Sorcerer, attempted to fight back, but the powers of the Warp clearly favored the Sons, and he was consumed from within by daemons. With this victory, the warband of The Path Beyond rejoined their legion, and fled to Sortiarius.

Now within the realm of Tzeentch, the members of the Path had power beyond comprehension at their hands. Joining their minds, they enacted the greatest sorcery left un-attempted within the scrolls: the summoning of Apam’ra, a daemon prince of incalculable power. Revealing himself, Apam’ra was finally able to guide his new congregation down the true path of enlightenment. It was by his word that the Path assembled itself into the form it holds today. Seeing such opportunities in the realm of Chaos magic, the warband split off from the guidance of Magnus, and were later chased from Sortiarius by their brothers for their increasingly irreverent and maniacal behavior. This was a heavy blow, as set adrift on a nomad fleet the band was beset upon by raiders of the other traitor legions—those whom they had purged and betrayed. With few allies and no home, the warband would regain its power under the military guidance of Exalted Arch-Sorcerer Ukustra, and undertake a journey of the galaxy bourn on Warp-fire and deep madness, allying with numerous parties from the Prodigal Sons to the Black Legion. When Magnus called back his progeny for the chance at revenge against Fenris, the Path Beyond answered, for redemption and a chance to display their wisdom and psychic strength to their gene-father. Now, they are a thrallband of the Thousand Sons, and seek to show enemy and ally alike the true power of the Warp.

Beliefs

The Path Beyond are named for the philosophy they follow, also known as the Path of Ur-Apam, after its creator: Apam’ra. The Path outlines a belief system centered around the power of the Warp, and embracing Chaos to ascend to daemonhood and gain mastery over all things. As such, psychic power and knowledge on matters of sorcerery are held above all things within the ranks of the Path, with the ways of flesh and steel being matters of necessity at best, or chains of imperfect binding at worst. Daemons are viewed as the ultimate beings of creation, with even minor Warp-spawn being looked upon as more favorable allies than some of the thrallband’s mortal slaves. The thrallband therefor views Tzeentch as the greatest being in existence, and worthy of total devotion for his mastery of the magical arts. Apam’ra, though the creator of the Path, is viewed as a guide, while Tzeentch is the end of the journey itself.

Despite their love of Warp energy, members of the Path do not embrace it in an entirely wanton way. To master the energies of creation, with the end goal of infusing one’s spirit into their very currents, one must first master themselves. Mutations are cultivated carefully, and those who have fallen to their own ambitions are stepped over—for one who is destroyed by that which they seek to master is no master at all. Though for their usual Chaotic back-stabbing tendencies, the Path has managed to establish a warband far more stable than many others. It is believed that those of greater psychic ability should be followed without question, and it is likewise the duty of those in charge to lead their followers to greater power. Disciples are forever wary of signs of weakness in their leaders, and masters are encouraged to maintain dominance with grand displays of mastery, and an intricate web of schemes to monitor their pupils, so that they may remain respected. If a master suffers a failure greater than can be allowed, or loses control of his own ambitions, then he is very quickly and silently deposed and replaced by the next most powerful, minimizing infighting.

While Tzeentch is viewed as the greatest being in existence, and therefor deserving of the mentioned loyal subservience, the God of Change is only worshiped for his ability. Though undoubtedly a Tzeentchian warband, the Path Beyond also pays tribute to Slaanesh, Apam’ra, and Magnus as gods of great power, and to the very force of Chaos itself. Due to the disparate nature of their worship, the mix of the chaotic and orderly within their operation, and their constant embrace of and exposure to the daemonic, sorcerers of the Path are seen as mad and unpredictable by their peers. To be unquestionably loyal for years, only to jump at a new opportunity and cause great collateral, along with a demeanor that swings between wise and diplomatic to superior and destructive, had caused many other Thousand Sons thrallbands to view the Path Beyond as a rogue element that should not be trusted, however powerful. The Path does not care, as they know their position as the (in their mind) most powerful summoners, scholars, and psykers is established, and they have only ever acted according to the edicts of Apam’ra.

Notable Members

The Oracle — “I hear that which screams in the night. I see what waits in the shadows.” — Lord of Navigation & Conductor of the Choir, Will of the Gods. The Oracle, who bears no personal name upon ascension, is the de-facto leader of the Path. They head the Circle—the high council that convenes on governance of the band—and act as first and final authority. The Oracle is a hideously mutated thing, with twisted armor concealing even more twisted and nebulous flesh. Their head sweeps up into two great prongs that sing with the resonance of the Immaterium, and are inset with multiple eyes that see beyond, even as their face holds naught but a mouth pouring with innumerable prophecies. The Oracle acts as the pathway through which various daemon princes, greater daemons, and even the gods themselves might give orders and strike bargains with the Path. These are then considered by the greater Circle. Each Oracle is selected by the previous one, and when the prospect is ready the two enter the Well of the Irradial Cogitator, in which only the Oracle is allowed. The new Oracle will step forth alone, different but already heavily mutated. It is believed that the process of succession involves the merging of two souls, as each Oracle has all the memories and skills of the previous one. Due to the great mutative strain, the Oracle is always an astartes.

Exalted Arch-Sorcerer Ukustra — “Now, you will pay the price for your lack of vision!” — Lord of the Exalted Captains, Magister of the War-Coven. In the years after the Ocularis Retribution, the position of Arch-Sorcerer changed hands between many powerful battle-psykers, only for each one to be deposed or overwhelmed by their own ambitions. It was during the years of stability around the First Black Crusade that Ukustra would come to power. A reserved and unassuming sorcerer, little was known of his past before the Heresy, save that he had been a younger legionary. Now, over a millennium later, he had deigned to take up the mantle of Arch-Sorcerer. Ukustra is phlegmatic, demanding total obedience from his followers, and rarely showing any emotion even when spewing forth incalculable amounts of Warp-magic. As Arch-Sorcerer, his duties center around direction of the most elite of the thrallband’s psykers. Some members of the circle have looked upon his position with some derision, seeing him as little more than a walking weapon. In truth, Ukustra is at the center of a web of daemonic and material alliances through which he might enact any strategy he sees fit. He is versed in the powers of deception and might, and has outlasted many of his peers. He also holds a great hatred for the Space Wolves, Death Guard, and Eldar, all for the hidden secrets of their sorceries that he wishes to bring into Tzeentch’s domain. In the past, several Arch-Sorcerers have been mere mortals, but as Ukustra has held the seat for over nine-thousand years, the point is moot.

High Dark Apostle Dracus Los — “If you only knew the power that is CHAOS!” — Master of the Thralls, Voice of Corruption. A position adapted from their former Word Bearers allies, the High Dark Apostle is chief religious officer, and charged with organizing the mobs of acolytes, Tzaangors, and slaves that form the greater backbone of the Path’s auxiliary forces. Additionally, he is the herald of the warband, his magically-enhanced oratory skills inciting defectors and inspiring his allies. In times of “peace” the Apostle is the diplomatic face of the warband to other Chaos forces. Dracus Los has held the position for a relatively short time, but his boundless charisma has earned him great esteem. He is blessed with a visage that is glorious and terrible to look upon, as much beautiful as daemonic. A natural leader, Los will heap great praise and awards upon those who please him, while swiftly purging all those who divert from the true path. The position of High Apostle is often held by an astartes, due to the great danger inherent in the position, and the respect a space marine earns over mortals when confronting rival warbands.

Arch-Heretek Cal-Urgus — “This won’t hurt; we just want to drain your living essence!” — Master of Forms, Dark Fleshshaper. The thrallband’s chief engineer, material scientist, and contact line to the Dark Mechanicus. The Arch-Heretek is viewed with suspicion and resignation, as while the Path teaches the value of the Warp above the base flesh and steel, the hereteks’ support is necessary and invaluable. Bio-enhancement of warriors can serve to expand the mind and hone reflexes; vehicles may be inscribed with runes and bound with daemons; and—perhaps most importantly—the unique medical needs of the astartes sorcerers and high psykers can be managed. The Arch-Heretek may also be called upon to lead the binding of daemon engines—a dark rite that is viewed as a punishment for the daemon in question. As the Arch-Heretek is selected by their own contemporaries, they are always a mad cyborg. Cal-Urgus is but the latest madman in a line of insane scientists stretching back millennia.

The Spymaster Nahash — “Perversio dominatus.” — Master of Serpents, The Long Hand. The Spymaster’s title says all that needs to be said. Due to operating on the word of the Oracle, the Path likes to seed target worlds with cults and sedition before making their move. Due to the small size of the warband, and their reliance on massed rituals for daemonic reinforcements, the Spymaster gives the band the time and information they need. The spymaster also helps gain intelligence on rival Chaos forces, rumors, and intel about other happenings of interest. Nahash is an unsettling creature, appearing completely normal at a table of twisted monsters, though behind his eyes flicker the flames of a telepath, summoner, and webspinner of terrible acuity. Though the first Spymasters of the Path were astartes of the Alpha Legion, modern holders of the chair tend to be unassuming mortals.

Lord High Magister Reah Qasr — “I’m bored. What plaything can you offer me today?” — Logistician-Prefectus, Webweaver. The head of logistics and the management of all crew on the Path’s small warfleet. The Magister is the mathematical backbone of the thrallband, collating each individual daemonic pact in the way a Munitorum adept might collate shipments of ammo. While many underlings view the battle-psykers with awe, and the hereteks and spymasters with fear, it is the Magister who holds the massive and horrible lore that is knowledge of supply and demand. Reah Qasr was once a megalomaniacal Rogue Trader who defected to the Path at the opportunity for the raw power she so desired, and freedom for her restrained psychic abilities. Her vanity gives her an appearance to rival her astartes peers, with opulent cloaks of runic silk and colorful feathers, intricate augmetics, and flesh decorated with scarification and tattoos meant to burn the eyes of any lesser beings who dare look upon her face. The position of High Magister is always held by some manner of crafty mortal.

Apammabzkalahothengenistora — “I know the Path, I am the Path. I was, I am, and I shall be.” — Otherwise known as Apam’ra the Augur, author of the Scrolls of Ur-Apam and true guide upon the Path Beyond. Apam’ra is a daemon prince of time immemorial who has aligned itself with Tzeentch. The Augur is not just a powerful psyker, but a scholar and philosopher of impossible sharpness, who has brought armies to heel with guile and words as much as spells. Apam’ra most often takes the form of a massive cloaked figure, with great wings, and many tendrils of magic that emerge from its shadowy regalia. Four clawed armed enact intricate sorceries, while a hidden head is adorned with an elaborate dress of tentacles, feathers, and horns. Its power is said to be on par with the mightiest Lords of Change. The Augur seeks to grow its power through the devotion of its powerful flock. The most maddening prophecies of the Oracle hint that Apam’ra may seek to merge with Tzeentch, destroying the Materium and bringing all things within the blinding power of Chaos.

Chaplain Mori Shi — “But better than the lies of the Imperium is the secret lore of the Warp.” — Future Dark Apostle and Diabolist, Chaplain Mori Shi of the Word Bearers’ Ark of Testimony chapter was the founder of the Lodge Beyond, and first spiritual guide on the Path. His destruction would come about at his own hands, however, when his own pupils turned against him for his inferior gene-seed, and he was destroyed by the daemons he had already lost the favor of.

Exalted Sorcerer Anuvram — “Such sights are shown to me!” — A diviner of the Prosperine Corvidae Cult, Anuvram was also known as the Gate of Logic, a nickname earned from his time seconded to the Iron Warriors. Anuvram was of a reserved temperament, but razor-keen mind, with as much insight into machines and the mechanical sciences as sorcery. After the death of Mori Shi, and before the summoning of Apam’ra, Anuvram took on the mantle of the first Oracle. His mind was opened to the depths of the Warp, and his soul walked with daemons, becoming as familiar with them as he was with his own brothers. It was under Anuvram’s guidance that the Irradial Cogitator was built, the tradition of the Oracle was started, and the Path started on its way to power and glory.

Exalted Sorcerer Tiamaz — “Only now, at the end, do you understand…” — A great warrior of the Pyrae Cult, Tiamaz took on a flair for perfectionism after his time with the Emperor’s Children. He also earned the moniker of “The Faceless”, for his habit of never removing his elaborate helm. Tiamaz became first Arch-Sorcerer of the Path, and their face upon the battlefield. He went missing during the Ocularis Retribution—that time after their exile from Sortiarius, when the legions had sought revenge for the Path’s purge of the lodge. He was presumed slain, though his armor and gene-seed were never recovered.

Order of Battle

As the Path Beyond is a very small thrallband, focused on tight operating procedures and elite psychic ability, much of the Path’s “forces” are its allied daemons. Though capable of rapid defence through its combat psykers, the warband much prefers to be on the offensive, planning its invasions sometimes hundreds of years in advance, working its tendrils into the very society of the worlds it wishes to invade. When the word is given, rebellions will arise, rituals will be enacted, and the legions of the Warp will spew forward like a corrupting wave into realspace. Motives for attack tend to be either the desire for resources, slaves, and potential recruits; or as part of an agreement with a powerful daemon. By ripping the veil asunder, the greater daemon or prince who contacted the Oracle will be free to enact whatever dark plan they wish.

Psychic talent and sheer acuity are of tantamount importance in the thrallband, and all leaders must be gifted magicians. Even a Tzaangor Shaman or mutant coven-leader will be afforded greater respect than a non-psychic astartes of another warband. Sorcerers of all divisions will keep with them a close cadre of followers, who mutually feed off each other’s power as a form of amplification. In addition, the warband keeps a steadily replenished contingent of acolytes and thrall-psykers, who may be sacrificed during advanced rituals. Due to the insane nature of their beliefs, many Path Beyond sorcerers will have better allegiances with daemons than other mortals, helped along by the many daemon princes allied with or originating from the Path. Their devotion to the Warp is seen as unhealthy even by other sorcerer-thrallbands, and their use of subversion and spies as further dangers to cooperation.

Appearance

The Path Beyond wears the blue and gold of Tzeentch, with violet accents, but such is their sigaldrous power that their leaders are as daemons of deathly enlightenment. The blue panels of their armor are glossy and swim with the currents of the Warp, while runes inset into elegant filigree glow with magical power. Eyes, banners, and the like glow with technicolor flame. Even lesser sorcerers will festoon themselves with parchments copied from ancient tomes, and trinkets and talismans crafted of everything from gems and silk, to bone and mortal hide. Flesh will be inscribed with scars and tattoos, and pierced with jewelry containing yet more enchantments. Most subdued of their raiment are the black robes they wear, inscribed with near-invisible runes of protection and shadow. A popular tactic of Path sorcerers is to enshroud themselves in their dark and unassuming robes until within close range, at which point they will fling open their capes to reveal the swirling and multicolored flame-sigils and seals that burn the minds of enemies and enhance the powers of the wearer. Daemons, when coalescing their forms upon summoning, will even adopt the heraldry of the thrallband, as a sign of the unbelievable solidarity their psykers foster with the warp-spawn. Their symbol is an inward-spiraling Ouroboros, surrounded by the points of the Star of Chaos.

Notable Battles

The Ocularis Retribution (M31) — Enacted shortly after the Great Scouring and the Path’s exile from Sortiarius; adrift and vulnerable, the warband is attacked by splinter forces of the Iron Warriors, Emperor’s Children, Word Bearers, and Alpha Legion in retribution for their purge at the end of the Horus Heresy. The Path manages to survive by wits and sorcery, but loses near all of its already pitiful supply of Rubricae, many thralls, and Arch-Sorcerer Tiamaz, as well as sustaining heavy damage to its infrastructure. This would first spur the Orcale into the formation of the Circle, basing future operating strategies around a small, elite fighting force.

First Black Crusade (781.M31) — With temporary stability brought to the forces of Chaos by the actions of Abaddon the Despoiler, new Warmaster of Chaos Undivided, the sorcerer known as Ukustra usurps the position of Exalted Arch-Sorcerer—using the body of his mentor, the former Arch-Sorcerer, as a daemonhost for Apam’ra. Ukustra pushes for the support of the Oracle, and pillages many Imperial worlds of artifacts over the course of the Crusade.

The Damnatius Collapse (999.M35) — A centuries-long gambit pays off on the hive-world of Aqunda. The completion of the planetary governor’s palace inadvertently activates a Chaos sigil formed via the lay-lines between the tallest hive spires, the work of the Path’s Spymaster. Warp portals open above the world, summoning the Path Beyond and hordes of daemons. The world falls within a day.

The Prize of Firinne (M37) — The Path allies itself with the Prodigal Sons and sorcerer-champion Ahriman. Warp storms descend on the planet of Firinne and a three-way battle ensues between the forces of the Imperium, Eldar, and Chaos. The Tzeentchian faction emerges victorious, with Ahriman finding a fragment of the Map of Ceo’dainn, while the Path Beyond sacrifices a trove of spirit-stones to Slaanesh. Exalted Ukustra would remark on Ahriman: “He is like Magnus—a true follower of the Path, even as his mind is misguided.”, while Ahriman would refer to Ukustra as “A mad fanatic, who can barely master his own power.” Regardless of differences, the two forces have worked in tandem since then, as exemplars of Tzeentch’s will and might.

Siege of Fenris (999.M41) — After long millennia of wandering, the Path Beyond answers the call of Magnus to seek vengeance on the Space Wolves. Returning at the promise of spoils and glory, the Path seek to demonstrate its might, exchange knowledge with its lost brothers, and gain access to the riches and power of Sortiarius. The Path Beyond is refashioned into a thrallband of the Thousand Sons—an arbitrary distinction, but one that allows it opportunity to work more closely with powerful sorcerers such as the Primarch. During the siege, the Path moves behind the action and enacts multiple rituals that summon innumerable waves of daemonic forces.

[celebrityresearch-blog]

Rainn Wilson - November 27, 2017

Recent Conan appearances:

January 27, 2015

Disdain for Foodies (link)

Rainn celebrated his birthday a week prior (January 20) by going to dinner in New York City with his wife.

He despises the fetishization of intricate foods in big cities in the U.S., and warns that the last civilization that gorged and vomited (the Romans) completely collapsed.

He then jokes that he hate a delicious Octopus pastrami for his birthday and concludes, “Let Rome burn.”

Comical Torso (link)

Backstrom, a show in which he plays the alcoholic, chain-smoking head detective of Portland Police’s Special Crime Unit, begins with a shot of his bare chest.

Rainn believes his torso is an excellent source of humor, and Greg Daniels, executive producer of The Office made Dwight take his shirt off anytime he didn’t know where to take an episode. As a result, Rainn approximates he took his shirt off 17 times during the series run. 

He describes his torso as “long,” “creamy,” and “misshapen” with two “raspberries” on it.

Conan starts to pull up Rainn’s shirt, but he will not allow his chest to be exposed even though he insists he could have been a torso model in ancient Rome.

Amping Up the Sex Appeal of Chess (link)

Rainn is a huge fan of chess and wants to popularize it. 

He recently competed against Magnus Carlsen, the #1 ranked chess player in the world. Even though Carlsen beat him in 17 moves, Rainn was satisfied because Bill Gates lost to Carlsen in 9 moves.

His idea for bringing chess to the masses: Carlsen and he battle each other in chess in a sports arena, but instead of chess pieces, they would use Victoria’s Secret models. Every time one piece captured another, the models would have to fight to the death.

October 25, 2012

Metaphysical Milkshake (link)

On his website SoulPancake, Rainn hosts a talkshow in the back of his 1976 Chevrolet van called Metaphysical Milkshake. 

Due to the unusual location of the interview set, he often has to take unorthodox methods to persuade guests to come on his show.

He entices Joseph Gordon-Levitt with a bowl of candy, and once he takes the bait, Rainn throws him into the van.

He hits Serj Tankian (of System of a Down) with his car and throws him in the van.

He smashes the head of Uriuah Faber (UFC fighter) on a trash bin and throws him in the van.

Rainn’s Late Night Appearance and Dwight Tattoos (link)

Conan and Rainn first met each other when Rainn starred on Late Night with Conan O’Brian, after he had only done ten episodes of The Office. 

At the time, he was incredibly intimidated by Conan, who was his idol, and the fancy set. 

As he was being introduced and brought on stage, Rainn became incredibly awestruck, so Conan subtly instructed him to zero in on him by pointing into his own eyes. As Rainn describes this encounter, he describes Conan’s action as a “Jedi mind trick.”

Although Conan did not remember doing this, the two recreated the interaction and then high fived. 

Many diehard fans of The Office have begun tattooing Dwight on their bodies. Although Rainn is very flattered by this gesture, he is concerned for the fates of these people come the year 2043 when they have to explain the peculiar body art to their grandchildren.

The final photo in Conan’s prepared montage of tattoos was of Dwight’s face on a woman near her butt. Rainn shows particular concern over this image because he worries about the times that woman is getting intimate and her partner must look at Dwight’s face. He quips that the partner of that woman should tattoo Angela (The Office character) on his thigh so the two characters can merge.

Conan sympathizes with this tattoo craze and shows a short montage of people with body art of his face.

December 7, 2010

Growing Up Nerd (link)

Rainn apologizes for his last appearance on the show when he referred to Andy’s lectern as a “podium.”

Following the success of his recent book SoulPancake: Chew on Life’s Biggest Questions, Rainn wants to change his first name to “New York Times Best-Selling Author,” and his middle name to “Rainn.”

At the time, The Office had been running for seven seasons.

In order to portray Dwight, who Rainn describes as an “uber dork,” he channels the nerdy behavior he exhibited as a child and teen.

From the age of 11 to 14, every weekend (beginning on 4pm on Friday and ending at 5pm on Sunday) he would exclusively play Dungeons and Dragons. 

His father recently found one of his notebooks from age 13, in which he drew medieval and his own Dungeons and Dragons characters. These characters included “Ragnar the Horrible,” who was visibly exuding “sweats of battle,” as well as a devil-like creature wearing a Speedo.

While he was growing up in Lake Forest Park, Washington (a suburb of Seattle) he would frequently run around at 3am with makeshift armor, crafted out of broomstick handles and garbage can lids, and set off on missions. 

Eventually, their pretend quests turned a little more mischievous, and they started throwing toilet paper at people’s houses. 

Once he and his friends went to a 7/11 gas station dressed in camouflage and wielding armor, bought all the toilet paper in stock, and then went into the gas station parking lot to eat beef jerky. As they stood there, the police pulled up and arrested them because the gas station attendant had reported the boys as suspicious. As they were being driven to the station, they stuffed the toilet paper and armor under the seats in the cop car, but when they were in the interrogation room, an officer entered and dumped all of their stashed objects on the table. 

SoulPancake Dares (link)

SoulPancake originated as a website with the mission to “make philosophy, creativity, and spirituality fun and irreverent.” 

As a manner of encouraging people to pursue the answers to life’s biggest questions, Rainn’s book, also titled SoulPancake, provides many ideas for activities and students, including “Reverse Pickpocketing” (writing a kind message on a dollar bill and sneaking it into the pocket of an unsuspecting person) or writing your deepest, darkest secret and stashing it in a copy of SoulPancake in any bookstore. Rainn jokes that in the latter stunt, people have confessed a surprisingly high amount of murders. 

Rainn is a big advocate of not speaking for a whole day.

The longest he has gone without speaking is three days when he went to a meditation retreat. The worst part about this silence are the sounds in the dining hall: sixty freaks chewing their tofu and occasionally farting. Sometimes, when his roommate wasn’t in his room he would make crazed nonsense sounds just to make sure his mouth still worked.

Conan mistakenly believed SoulPancake was a joint project between Rainn and his son, but Rainn corrected him that his son was only six at the time and therefore had no part in it.

Other talk show appearances and miscellaneous clips:

The Late Late Show with James Corden - November 8, 2017 (link)

Rainn is a huge tennis fan and recently judged a match in which Novak Djokovic played.

As a chair umpire, his goal was to act like the “biggest asshole” he possibly could. 

Therefore, he spent most of the match making fart noises and calling balls out that were really in.

At the end of the match, the audience hated and booed him.

Associated Press - July 26, 2017 (link)

Rainn’s top highlights of playing Harry Mudd in Star Trek: Discovery were 1) firing a phaser, 2) being transported in the transporter room, and 3) sitting in the captain’s chair. 

When he was between the ages of 5 and 10 watching the original Star Trek series, or when he was 20 watching The Next Generation, it was his wildest dream to take part in this franchise, so that experience blew his wildest expectations.

Even though the Discovery set was littered with signs prohibited pictures and posting on social media, he still took endless photos because he had to savor the moment.

Lovett or Leave It - July 14, 2017 (link)

His charity in Haiti began when his wife and him visited and fell in love with all aspects of the society, namely the people, arts, and humor.

Two months after this visit, Haiti was struck by the earthquake that, according to Rainn, left 250,000 people dead in 2 minutes. 

Seven years ago, Rainn and his wife started teaching arts workshops for adolescent girls and they immediately fell in love with the work.

His organization, Lide Haiti has been running for the last 4 years. They currently educate over 600 girls in 13 rural locations in Haiti.

Although Rainn has received many positive responses about his work, he also receives complaints from angry Americans wondering what he’s doing to help his own country. After every Haiti-related Tweet, he receives some responses to the equivalent of “Why don’t you help at home?”, a sentiment he sees as particularly close-minded because were all just human beings living on a “ball of mud.”

He recently visited Tijuana with his friends to interview Haitians who were a part of the Haitian refugee crisis in Mexico.

He feels hopeful that pre-millennials and millennials are more geared now more then ever towards helping people, citing a study by Soul Pancake that found that although just a few years ago, recent college grants listed money and status as their primary goals, graduates today are prioritizing whether or not their work will have a positive impact on the world. The video compiling these statistics will be published on both SoulPancake and on its parent site, Participant Media.

The primary motives of Lide Haiti are arts education, literacy, job training, helping displaced girls acclimate into a school setting. They have a computer lab, mobile library, tutoring services, and scholarship opportunities.

Funny or Die - June 20, 2017 (link)

In a mock interview for a parody movie called Sole Survivor, Rainn describes his “character,” a man named Grimm Simmons, as a self-loathing shoe salesman who testifies before Congress against Big Shoe before dying in a fire. 

To the “interviewer,” he insists he’s tired of being perceived as a clown, so this “movie” is a starting stepping stone in his journey towards depicting life as a “miserable circus of failure and pain.”

He cuts off the rest of her questions and is then brought a platter of candies. He marvels at the Airhead Bites because he used to religiously eat them as a child, so, after a brief moment of hesitation, he takes a bite of one.

All of a sudden, a small child pops up adjacent from him in the interviewer chair. When Rainn asks who the child is, the child points to the Sloppy Joe stain on his jeans, which Rainn recalls getting after a fight with eighth-grader, Mickey Strickland. 

The young Rainn chastises old Rainn for his hardened spirit, and starts to interview him in attempts to bring back his sense of fun. He asks his favorite ice cream, and after old Rainn says he cannot eat ice cream, young Rainn slaps him in the face, prompting him to share his true answer, which was “cookies and cream.” A similar process ensues when asked his favorite movie, and he ultimately confesses his favorite is Muppets from Space. 

After insisting that he’s not a child anymore, old Rainn gets transported back to his childhood treehouse alongside young Rainn. The two Rainns get in a balloon fight with other young kids from atop the tree house.

Eight-grader Mickey Strickland shows up, wielding a Sloppy Joe sandwich, so young and old Rainn whip out water balloon bazookas and blast him.

At this point, old Rainn snaps back in his Sole Survivor interview (this time with a different interviewer) and he confesses that he detests the movie and the true movie he is there to promote is titled Blog the Talking Future Dog.

Funny or Die - June 14, 2016 (link)

For $25,000, Rainn purchased the Weezer Experience Bundle, which earns him a signed copy of Weezer’s new album, concert tickets, a Greyhound bus ride to the Galápagos islands with Rivers Cuomo, bird watching, and a boat ride.

Upon arrival for his Weezer Experience, he is greeted by Rivers Cuomo, and he immediately mentions that they both have “watery names,” which would only be made more entertaining if they met someone named “Lakey Boy.” 

Rivers admits they did not think anyone would purchase the package, but he assures him it is still real.

Rainn enters a dark room alone to find three cars of an amusement park ride. Rivers appears in a white linen button-down shirt, sunhat, and begins the “tour,” which is really just a projection simulating a bus tour across America and into the Galápagos.

Once they reach “Galápagos,” Rivers points “wildlife,” such as an old tortoise and a blue-footed booby.

Rainn cannot put his finger on what is off about this experience. 

Rivers frantically realizes the crab fences are down and they are in danger, but he assures Rainn they escaped on the back of a waved albatross, so they were safe. Rainn is skeptical of this considering he supposes a Greyhound bus to weigh at least 18 tons. 

Again faced with a crab, Rivers fights it off using the Trident of Galápagos, and once the threat is eliminated, he passes off the spear to a man who identifies himself as being named “Lakey Boy.”

At the end of the “tour,” Rainn is led back into the parking lot, and he accuses Rivers of giving him a fake tour. Rivers admits to it, but then wins Rainn back by reminding him about their “watery names.” This comment again pleases Rainn, and he gets in his car and drives off. 

Inside Quest - August 5, 2015 (link) (Less than 700 views)

Rainn once convinced Elon Musk to trade a Tesla for a bite of a sandwich. (link)

Rainn understands “spirituality” is an unsavory word to some (which often either means church or hippy dippy merging chakras), but he has yet to find a better alternative.

SoulPancake was Rainn’s attempt to produce something that his 19-year-old self would have enjoyed.

He urges people not to accept truths from parents, school, society, or religion.

He explains there are many similarities between humans and monkeys (i.e. social hierarchy, spend a lot of time on their hair, form tribes, have sex, (occasionally) throw feces at each other). Therefore, spirituality, as he explains, is everything we don’t have in common with monkeys (i.e. contemplation, conversation, making art).

Rainn was interested in kicking the younger generation’s ass to embark on any kind of journey that questions the status quo because saw young people getting tuned out, distracted, and cynical, and he worried the status quo was a materialistic dead end.

In his 2014 USC Baccalaureate speech, he mentions the Greek word, eudaimonia, used to refer to the pursuit of human flourishing. He believes leading young people to eudaimonia is the greatest service he could think of. 

When he started SoulPancake seven years ago (at the time), the Internet was (according to him) filled with porn, credit score checking sites, and chat rooms, so the mission he came up with was using the underutilized online platform to feed the souls of young people.

Death is one of his favorite topics to discuss, and he adores the Native American saying, “Today is a good day to die.”

Justin Baldoni, of SoulPancake, had the idea to gleam lessons on living from people with terminal illnesses, which led to the show, “My Last Days.” 

Rainn says he received letters from people who admitted to watching “My Last Days” videos every morning because it gave them immense clarity on the fleeting nature of their lives. 

After his self-proclaimed long and difficult life, Rainn believes the greatest purpose a human may have is being of service to other people.

After he and his wife went to Haiti, they fell in love with the culture and the country. They were here two months before the earthquake. When the earthquake hit, the hotel they were staying in was completely demolished and everyone inside died. He cites that 300,000 people died in 45 seconds. (Same story, different stat as Lovett or Leave It interview.)

He praises Sean Penn’s charity for the great work they’ve done to improve Port-au-Prince. 

He and his wife started teaching art to girls in tent camps. They were first skeptical to teach them photography and theater because they had so many other more vital basic necessities, but the improvement in quality of life he witnessed in those girls was astounding. 

Upon asking girls in the camps what their favorite color was, he realized that no one had asked them that question before because in their society their opinions were completely undervalued, which is especially shocking because they do all the cleaning, childcare, and cooking.

Rainn explains the #1 way to end world poverty is to educate girls because teenage girls spread what they learn, so they will share it with their whole family. 

At Soul Pancake, he claims they don’t have answers, but rather a bunch of questions. 

He recently took his son to the Natural History Museum in New York City and was mind blown by the birth of the universe video, narrated by Neil Degrasse Tyson. 

He describes himself as Oprah with a beard and a dad bod.

After he got out of acting school, he was cast as the lead in the Brodway show, London Assurance, but he got negative reviews. These reviews crushed him, so after crying on the phone to his wife every night, he fired all his agents, decided he was done trying to be who everyone else wanted him to be, started being as weird as he naturally is, and finally started getting roles.

When he was a kid, there were only three television channels and five movie studios, but now, with the democratization of entertainment, he appreciates being able to use newfound tools to make the world a better place. 

The co-founder of SoulPancake, Devin Gundry, decided their channel needed more “joy,” so he got in touch with “Kid President.” They started partnering with Kid President and featuring them in their videos.

He confesses if he could go anywhere at that moment, it would be Cuba.

He says the one thing he knows more than anything is that he loves his wife and son. 

His son recently told him that more people died from coconuts falling and hitting their heads than shark attacks annually. 

His favorite movie is Apocalypse Now because its taught him the most about life.

Ok Computer (by Radiohead) is his favorite album. He saw Radiohead three times in one summer. 

Additional content (Tweets):

November 25, 2017 - “Invention idea: a toilet seat that takes your blood pressure and heart rate. Go make that.”

November 24, 2017 - Recently found a puppy in Bayonaise, Haiti that had chunks of its ears missing from a voodoo ceremony. Rainn rescued the puppy and named it Ti Bagay.

November 21, 2017 - Advertising a campaign called #5for5, which aims to pressure world leaders into prioritizing a child’s early education in their first 5 years of life.