#there's also a drowning pool song I would have thrown in but I like amazing because it is more--

[pierswife]

A or Z for the ask game!

Bored as hell at work sooooo time to get through my ask backlog! Doin this game first

Anthem of the Angels by Breaking Benjamin

Appetite of a People-Pleaser by Ghost and Pals

ASGORE by Toby Fox

Auburn Thicket by Yuzo Koshiro

Amazing, Because It Is by The Almost

[lesyah]

moshang childhood friends to lovers au - final

Hello! here is a fic that was posted to my twitter. it has songs to go along with it from my twitter. If you’d like to look at the songs for each part, or just check out my twitter (where I have threadfics and other twitter fics not posted here), feel free to do so!

final [age 22]

Out of all the things Shang Qinghua had gone through over the past three and a half years, this was somehow the worst. He wasn’t sure why this was the one thing that had him on the verge of a breakdown. It seemed somewhat inconsequential compared to the other moments throughout his college career. Other moments like when he was truly on the verge of dropping out, or when he felt so lonely he thought he’d snap in half. He was able to cope with those things. But for some reason, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

He stared at the program in front of him, gaze faraway and his mind even farther away. All the sounds around him seemed to muffle. He had only picked up the itinerary to double check the time to tell his mom. He realized, in a split second, that Mobei Jun was also graduating. He knew this, in theory, but he never really thought about it.

A painful feeling bloomed in his chest. Mobei Jun was graduating. He was graduating university. He was graduating and Shang Qinghua wouldn’t be there. Shang Qinghua was graduating and Mobei Jun wasn’t going to be there. He blinked a few times, the realization settling in, grabbing his heart like a vice, and squeezing until his eyes pooled with tears.

This was the first milestone they wouldn’t be a part of for one another. They’d done all of the rest together. Mobei Jun had been there for all of it, and Shang Qinghua had been there for him in turn. He had expected this to go on for the rest of their lives. He didn’t necessarily think they’d share the same milestones (though he wished), but he at least thought he’d be there for them. 

He had always imagined Mobei Jun being on the other side of the room, a silent support, when he inevitably felt anxious about this huge change in his life. Now, he was going to have to walk across a stage, receive congratulations, hug his mom, hug Shen Yuan, smile in photos with his friends, and Mobei Jun wouldn’t be there. Even worse, Mobei Jun would walk across a stage, receive congratulations, stand with his father and uncle who wouldn’t hug him, and he’d hover with his friends, and Shang Qinghua wouldn’t be there for it. He wouldn’t get to hug him in lieu of his family. He wouldn’t be able to support him when he inevitably looked at the door, hoping his mother would walk in.

Shang Qinghua set his program down, pressed his face into his hands and wept. 

[“The person you are trying to reach is not available. Please leave a message.”

“Hi Mobei, it’s Qinghua. Um… You’re probably busy getting ready, so don’t mind this. It’s nothing important. It sucks we graduate on the same day, so I can’t go to yours. I wish that I could. Even though I can’t come, I just wanted to at least call you and let you know that I’m really proud of you. Don’t let your dad or your uncle bully you today, okay? I hope you have a good day. I, um…I miss you. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Hi! It’s Shang Qinghua. I can’t take your call right now, but please leave a message and I’d love to call you back!”]

“Have you thought any more about that job?” Shen Yuan asked, lightly pushing Luo Binghe’s hand away, where he was trying to dump more food into his bowl. “Binghe, stop. That’s yours.”

Shang Qinghua leaned back against the seat, letting his own food cool down as he thought of how to answer. It was just the three of them, thankfully, otherwise it would have been impossible to be honest. In fact, he was a little thankful that Luo Binghe was there. Luo Binghe would be kinder about it than Shen Yuan. “I don’t know,” he said honestly.

Shen Yuan looked up at him. “What do you mean you don’t know? It’s an amazing opportunity.”

“Yeah, and it’s also really far from home.”

Shen Yuan looked at him. Luo Binghe was also looking at him, but more in interest than criticism. 

“Isn’t it exactly what you want to do?” Luo Binghe asked, taking a small bite of his food. “It’d be worth it to move far away, right?”

Shen Yuan looked back at his food, eating a huge bite of noodles in frustration. “He doesn’t want to move because of Mobei Jun,” he said, annoyed.

Shang Qinghua didn’t meet either of their gazes.

Luo Binghe was the one to speak next. “But…Do you know if he’s coming back?”

Shang Qinghua’s chest twinged. “No, I don’t know. That’s why I don’t know if I’m taking the job yet.”

“You’re really gonna determine whether or not you take your dream job based on whether or not Mobei Jun moves back?” Shen Yuan snapped. “Can you honestly tell me that you’re not setting yourself up for failure? Why did you switch schools? Because you made the mistake of following him to his school in the first place.”

Shang Qinghua couldn’t help but wince. He looked down at his food and picked at it. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to prioritize yourself for once!”

Shang Qinghua didn’t respond. He took a bite.

Luo Binghe was quiet. “I don’t know, gege, I kind of understand what he means.”

Shen Yuan looked over at him. “What? You’re saying you would give up your future for me?”

“No,” he defended, also not meeting Shen Yuan’s gaze. “It’s not like that. It’s not that simple.”

“How do you think that makes me feel, Binghe? That I’d be stopping you from doing what you want?”

Luo Binghe sighed and put his chin in his hand. He swirled his chopsticks in the broth in front of him. “But you’re what I want. What’s the point in having a job that I like just to be miserable in every other way?”

Shen Yuan looked at him for a moment, a complicated expression on his face. He looked like he was not about to let that conversation go, but was going to save it for just their own ears. He looked back at Shang Qinghua. “Are you really miserable?”

Shang Qinghua took a bite of some rice. “What gave me away?”

Shen Yuan said nothing. He looked down at his own food and began to eat. The rest of their celebratory meal was eaten in silence.

His mother was being a little overbearing. She was trying to hold onto him now that he was finally slipping away. She hadn’t tried to hold onto him his entire life, but now that he was finally going, she was ready to try. A part of Shang Qinghua thought it was a pretense. That in order to make herself feel better, she should cry and hug and reminisce about how much she loved him and how much of a good child he’d been. It only felt suffocating. 

When she finally went to bed, Shang Qinghua went to his old room and looked at the boxes on his floor. He packed away a few more things he’d be taking with him when he fully moved out. He didn’t have a place yet, and he still didn’t even know where he was going, but it would be easier for both him and his mom to have his things packed up. That way it wouldn’t be a surprise when the time finally came.

Shang Qinghua sat on the floor in front of one of those boxes. It was full of haphazardly thrown in memorabilia, all without a category that could go into its rightful box. It was full of random things he’d kept through the years, random photos, random toys he didn’t want to part with. 

He pushed himself away from the box. It was a box full of Mobei Jun, and Shang Qinghua was more and more averse to thinking of him at all.

He left his home, only bringing a light jacket. The summer air was just warm enough to not need anything heavier. The street he walked down was quiet, but he could hear the sound of the electrical wires crackling overhead. It was soft enough to not be distracting, and loud enough to help drown out some of the loudness in his heart.

He arrived at the park in what felt like a few moments, for this was a worn path, and a known journey. At the end was a familiar sight, with an intimate familiarity with the way the shadows from the moon would bend around each park bench, around each dark lamppost. Even more familiar, even more known, was the figure lying in the small patch of grass at the end.

Shang Qinghua’s heart lurched as he neared. Mobei Jun did not move when he approached. His eyes were somewhat blank as they stared up at the sky. Shang Qinghua laid down beside him and pillowed his head on his arms. The moon was right overhead, and cascaded them in white light.

“You’re here,” Shang Qinghua murmured, voice warm and desolate all at the same time.

“I thought maybe you’d come,” Mobei Jun said back, a similar cadence. 

“How’d you know?”

“Because I wanted to come, too.”

Shang Qinghua smiled a little. He removed one arm from beneath his head and set his elbow on the grass between them. He kept his hand raised in the air and waited. Mobei Jun reached out and grabbed it. He lowered their hands to the cool grass, and the blades tickled along Shang Qinghua’s hand.

“What’s next for you?” Shang Qinghua asked. His eyes tracked the movements of the clouds—a practiced habit. Much of his life was habitual, and he was discovering that anything beyond those learned habits was immensely painful.

“Not sure,” he said honestly. “I’m open to anything, to going anywhere. I just…want to want it. Whatever it is.”

Shang Qinghua nodded. He understood that. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing next?” He asked. He turned his head to look at him.

With his gaze, Shang Qinghua felt like another moon entirely stared down at him, lighting him up from the inside out and revealing all of his secrets. An unnamed desperate feeling welled up with the question. He felt afraid. He was afraid of knowing what his options were and not knowing at all what to do with them. “No,” he whispered, voice weak. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything.”

Mobei Jun squeezed his hand. “It’s ok. You will.”

“I don’t feel like I will.” He could already feel the hysterics welling up. “I…don’t know what to do. About anything.”

Mobei Jun’s thumb brushed along his soothingly. “Qinghua,” he said. “Qinghua, it’s ok. You don’t have to know right now.”

Shang Qinghua squeezed his hand back, like he was trying to keep him from running away. It was all very loud, and he was very out of practice. He hadn’t had Mobei Jun to help him come down when he got like this for a very long time. It even felt like he had forgotten how to listen to Mobei Jun’s soothing voice and his calm demeanor. That scared him even more. He felt untethered, like a balloon full of helium, with nothing to keep him down. 

Mobei Jun released his hand and rolled onto his side to prop himself up on his elbow and look down at Shang Qinghua. The loss of his hand made him feel like he was about to float away forever. But Mobei Jun reached down with his other hand and grabbed onto Shang Qinghua’s again. He brought Shang Qinghua’s hand to his own chest. “Qinghua, breathe. It’s ok.”

Shang Qinghua looked over at him. “Is it? It doesn’t feel like it.”

Mobei Jun looked down at him, face even, heartbeat slow. His hand tightened on Shang Qinghua’s, and pushed it more firmly to his chest. He said nothing. 

Looking at his face, Shang Qinghua counted the heartbeats, and tried to think of nothing else. Instead of calming down, however, the desperation in his chest only morphed into another kind of panic. “Mobei,” he said, gripping onto the fabric of his shirt. “Mobei, I missed you.”

His hand flexed around Shang Qinghua’s. “I missed you, too.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” he whispered, almost frantic. “I never knew what to do.”

Mobei Jun began to look sad. “Me neither.”

Shang Qinghua began to cry. He rolled onto his side the same time Mobei Jun shifted, and they pulled each other into their arms. Shang Qinghua pushed his face into his chest and clutched into the fabric of his jacket. It was such a relieving feeling, almost painful in the way it pulsed through him. 

He only felt more afraid. Letting go would be so much harder, so much worse, now that there was no guarantee there would be another time for this. In that moment, he realized one thing: whatever happened, it would have to be final. Either he held onto Mobei Jun forever, or he let him go and never held him ever again.

Shang Qinghua felt a cold dread fill his gut. “Mobei, I need to tell you something.”

Mobei Jun’s arms tightened. When he spoke, he sounded afraid, like he was thinking of the last time Shang Qinghua had said those words. “What is it?”

Shang Qinghua shifted slightly, holding onto him tighter. He allowed himself one moment to savor it, just in case. He felt the way Mobei Jun’s breath expanded in his chest, the way his heartbeat could be felt from how close they were, the way his hair was long enough to fall down his back and tangle in Shang Qinghua’s fingers. He savored the way Mobei Jun held onto him like he would protect him from the world, and the way every embrace had only brought respite. 

“Qinghua,” he said, somewhat fraught. “What is it?”

Shang Qinghua shut his eyes, drifted a hand up to brush through the knots in his hair. “I love you.” He let the sound of it settle into the air around them for a moment, and though he hadn’t noticed before, he suddenly became aware of the sound of grasshoppers chirping, and the sound of the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. “I love you in every way I possibly could.”

Mobei Jun was silent and still for several moments. 

“I love you in the way that I want to be with you forever, never too far away and always close.” 

Mobei Jun pushed forward slightly and rolled Shang Qinghua onto his back. He lifted, propped up over him on one elbow, his other hand pillowing Shang Qinghua’s head. Shang Qinghua looked at his face once, but couldn’t take it. He looked away. “Qinghua,” he breathed. 

He blinked a few times, face flushed. “I mean it. Don’t ask me if I’m being serious.”

His hand shifted to caress the side of his face. He brushed his thumb along his cheek. “Qinghua,” he said again. “Look at me.”

Shang Qinghua really didn’t want to. He met his gaze and it was almost painful with how embarrassed he felt. He only felt more embarrassed when Mobei Jun did nothing but stare down at him. “What do you want me to look at you for? I’m so embarrassed.”

Mobei Jun dipped and pressed his lips to his cheek, soft and cool from the night air. “Why embarrassed?” He asked quietly, lips brushing against his skin. He pressed another kiss further down his cheek. Shang Qinghua’s face was on fire, and the grip he still had on Mobei Jun’s jacket only tightened. “What’s embarrassing?” He kissed further down, inward, towards Shang Qinghua’s mouth.

“Because you’re my best friend,” he whispered. “And you’ve been my best friend since I was a child. And—And I’m in love with you.”

Mobei Jun lifted slightly and hovered over him, only an inch away. “Still don’t understand what’s embarrassing.” He lowered, so their lips brushed when he spoke next. “You’re in good company, Qinghua. I love you, too.” 

He kissed him, gentle and calming, the same way he was about everything else. Shang Qinghua’s eyes stayed open for a moment as his brain tried to catch up. But then he found himself clutching onto him tighter, eyes slipping shut, as his hand caught in Mobei Jun’s hair with the grip. Mobei Jun winced slightly, then let out a soft laugh against his lips. 

Shang Qinghua loosened his grip to not pull on his hair, but only moved to cradle his face closer to his own. Mobei Jun tilted his head to the side, pushing further in to kiss him open. Shang Qinghua pulled back to breathe when he realized he had forgotten to do so ever since Mobei Jun kissed his cheek the first time. He kept his eyes shut, not wanting to wake up if this was a dream. He was breathing heavily, hands still on Mobei Jun’s face.

Mobei Jun was undeterred and pressed a light kiss to his open mouth, then to his bottom lip, then his chin, and down his jaw. “I’ve loved you for so long,” he whispered, breath washing down his neck. He kissed beneath his ear. “For so long that it seems odd that I’ve never told you. Why haven’t I?”

Shang Qinghua opened his eyes and the moon stared back at him, like it had seen everything. “I don’t know. I wish you would have. But it’s not like I told you either.” He swallowed, eyes scrunching shut when Mobei Jun kissed back up his jaw. “You meant too much to me to lose. That was why I didn’t tell you.”

Mobei Jun pulled back to look down at him. “You wouldn’t have. Even if I didn’t feel the same way. You mean too much to me to lose, too. There’s nothing you could do or say to change that.”

Shang Qinghua’s eyes filled with tears and he tugged him back down. Mobei Jun went pliantly, pressing their lips together again. He shifted over him, so his knees were on either side of his waist. He held Shang Qinghua’s face, kissing him so gently that it felt like kissing a cloud. Despite the gentleness, he still managed to coax Shang Qinghua open with it, and as soon as he opened up, Mobei Jun swept inside, head tilting to the side for a better angle.

Making an embarrassingly small sound in the back of his throat, Shang Qinghua wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down. Mobei Jun went, shifting onto his elbows to hover over him. He pulled back for a moment, a quiet, wet sound hanging between them. Shang Qinghua looked up at him, felt his heart lurch, and pushed himself up to kiss him again. Mobei Jun’s lips turned up as he indulged for a few moments longer.

He pulled back and held his face again. His thumb came up to softly brush against Shang Qinghua’s bottom lip. He pulled down on it slightly, looking a little entranced at his red, kiss-bruised mouth. “I love you.”

Shang Qinghua let out a breath, like it was forced out of him. He reached up to grab onto his shoulders. “I love you,” he whispered, as if he was trying to convince him. 

Mobei Jun smiled.

“You asked me what my plans were,” Shang Qinghua said, swallowing as he stared at the hollow of Mobei Jun’s throat. “And I really don’t know. I don’t know what I want or what I’ll do, but I do know that I’ll only be happy if you’re there with me.”

Mobei Jun bent to press their foreheads together. His voice was quiet, so quiet it felt like a feat that Shang Qinghua could hear him at all. “I’ve never really known what I wanted to do. The only plan I’ve ever had has been you.”

Shang Qinghua felt his insides collapse a little. He tugged him down and pressed his face into his neck. Mobei Jun hugged him back just as tightly. They stayed that way for a long time.

[lesbianlovelanguage]

Origin of Love

I heard it’s someone’s birthday, so I wrote a thing for @yikesharringrove. I remember seeing that you really liked Origin of Love from Hedwig, and considering it’s one of my favorite songs too I thought this would be a cool take. I hope you like it!!! 

Read it below or on ao3 here.

*****

Steve had always been clumsy. No one could figure out why, but it was like he was missing half of his body somehow. He fumbled footballs so much they kicked him off the team and had perpetually bruised knees from falling over nothing. At first it was cute, how clumsy little Stevie was, but after the age of 9 his parents started to be concerned. They went to the doctors, but there wasn’t anything physically wrong with him, he was just clumsy. He was supposed to grow out of it.

Middle school was rough to say the least, kids calling him Spaz Steve and purposely tripping him at the worst moments. Now, not only were his knees bruised but his elbows, back, shins, and chest from falling or being bashed into lockers.

He finally got away from it freshman year of high school, when he proved to be amazing at keg stands, adopted the new title of King Steve proudly, and found he was able to focus enough to not do anything too clumsy during school hours. It did mean his grades suffered a little, but once he scored a place on the basketball team and started rising in popularity, his father forgot all about the mediocre grades. He eventually forgot about his son altogether. But who needed parents when instead he could have parties and booze and any high school chic he wanted? He was living it up as King Steve, and life was good.

And then Billy came to town.

Billy Hargrove was cocky and arrogant beyond belief, but it wasn’t his attitude that stopped Steve dead in his tracks during basketball practice two days after Billy’s arrival to Hawkins. They were playing shirts and skins, and without a care in the world, Billy ripped off his shirt. Along with revealing miles of tanned skin and firm muscles, Steve saw a faded red mark right above Billy’s navel that seemed to resemble the sun. While it wouldn’t seem unusual to anyone else, Steve couldn’t take his eyes away from the little red splotch. That is, until he heard Tommy’s hyena cackle in his ear and felt someone slam into him from behind.

He fell onto his knees, holding out his palms to stop the fall, before looking back behind him to see Tommy winking at Billy.

When the hell had they become friends?

Steve waited for Tommy to walk away and then stood up, brushed his hands off on his gym shorts, and headed to the opposite side of the gymnasium. The rest of practice passed without another incident, and Steve was able to duck into the locker room before any of the other guys in his class. He was on his way out of the shower when he caught sight of Billy’s mark again. It was just a glimpse, but it was enough for him to confirm that it looked exactly like his own mark right above his navel.

He didn’t have time, or really the brain capacity, to fully think about what their shared sun mark could mean at that moment though. He had a girlfriend to calm down after what had been a truly disastrous dinner with Barb’s parents. Steve still wasn’t really sure what had set Nancy off, but he knew she had left even more distraught about Barb’s death than she had been before visiting. She hadn’t said a word the entire ride home, hadn’t even looked at him. She was distant and cold all day, but during lunch he had gotten her to agree to a study date at the library.

It seemed to help, he got her to agree to the halloween party at least. One night of being a normal teenager.

-

The halloween party had been nothing less than a disaster . Not only would he never be able to unhear Nancy say he was bullshit, and that everything about them was bullshit, but he had to deal with Billy fucking Hargrove again.

He had successfully avoided thinking about their shared sun mark right up until he couldn’t possibly ignore it anymore. Until Billy Fucking Hargrove was standing above where he sat on the curb outside Tina's house, no shirt and opened jacket, absolutely reeking of cheap beer and expensive cologne.

“King Steve!” He was slurring his words, not to the point Nancy had been at but enough to let Steve know this was not sober Billy talking. “How’d you fall so far, Pretty Boy?”

“Fuck off Hargrove. I don’t need your machismo act tonight, I’ve had enough bullshit thrown my way already.” The word felt like chalk in his mouth, practically choking him as he spit it out. Billy just chuckled and plopped down next to Steve on the curb. “Don’t act like that, Stevie Baby. I’ve seen you eyeing me up, just wanted to see if you were interested in more than just undressing me with your eyes.”

“You’re delusional. I have a girlfriend.”

Billy rolled his eyes and leaned back on his palms. “Pretty sure I saw your girlfriend walking out of the party and into the car of another man. Tough break though.”

Steve saw red, stood up and glared down at the drunk blond below. “I don’t need this shit, especially from you. You look like a drowned rat, buddy.” He threw over his shoulder a quick and snarky, “Have fun with that hangover tomorrow,” and walked to his car.

-

Sleep was difficult that night. Not only did it take forever to actually fall asleep, but once he was unconscious he had the weirdest dreams.

What started as possibly jumps through time, all centered around the same brunette and blond who both looked startlingly familiar, ended with a truly bizarre scene.

Steve was standing in an empty rock land, mountain peaks in the distance and the sky lit aflame from the brilliant sunset. He felt oddly at peace, felt as if some empty part of him was filled finally. It wasn’t until he went to go exploring the empty world he was in that he noticed he was larger, with two more arms and legs. Again though, looking at the extra legs and arms felt natural and whole.

“Where we going, Pretty Boy?” came a voice from behind him, but it also seemed to come from within him. Without consciously deciding to speak, he responded.

“Anywhere we want Billy Babe.”

As they were roaming the land, Steve wondered at the peace he was feeling, and the beauty of the sunset above him. But just as he felt the calm settle into his bones, a great sense of panic overwhelmed him, and a giant flash of light shattered the sunset.

And then all Steve knew was agony as the lightning split him right down the middle, leaving him panting and staring down at his two hands and feet. The peace, the calm, the whole feeling he had gotten to expect had been ripped away from him, left him groaning and gripping at his stomach where the pain seemed to center. He looked down to see a sun shaped scar, pink and raised and fresh.

His head shot up and he frantically searched the area around him. There, sprawled about five feet away from him, was a prone figure staring up at the sky. Some deep part of him, right behind the new scar, reached out and out towards the figure, pulled Steve towards the man. It was his other half, the half that had been so crudely ripped from him, now separated and too distant. Once Steve arrived next to the man, he fell to his knees and began to weep. Through his tears he could only make out the curls of blond hair and bright blue eyes stare at him, hands moving closer before tugging Steve into a firm chest where he curled up and wept until his tears dried out. Once his sobs quieted down, he could hear the soft voice whispering comforting words into his hair. Steve looked up from where he had buried his face, and saw Billy look down at him with the most tragic expression clouding his face.

Just as they bent together to share a tear stained kiss, rain began to pour from the heavens and wind whipped around them. Steve was blown from Billy’s lap almost instantly, and as the rain grew thicker he couldn’t see his lover anymore, could barely see his own hand.

He lost him. His lover, his other half, his soulmate. Gone, lost to the storm.

Steve shot up in his bed, sheets pooling around his waist and skin clammy. He was panting harsh, and his hand flew up to grip at his sun mark so tight it almost hurt, just as it did when we were ripped apart.  

But it was just a dream.

Right?

-

Steve didn’t get anymore sleep that night, plagued with a sense of restlessness and the carnal need to see Billy again. The hours between when he had jerked awake to when he would head to school seemed to pass rapidly and achingly slow. By the time his BMW pulled into the school parking lot, he was a mess fueled only by anxiety and a crushed granola bar he forced himself to eat.

But the blue Camaro was glaringly absent amongst the plain sea of beige and silver beater cars. Billy wasn’t there.

The school day passed in a blur, and practice was sure to be the same. Steve headed onto the court in a daze, head foggy until he looked up to see Billy dribbling a ball and wagging his tongue at the girls in the bleachers. It was as if the storm had passed, and that strange sense of wholeness and peace that Steve had felt in the dream washed over him again at the sight of the California Rat King.

And then he was promptly reminded of Billy’s attitude problem.

He was a monster on the court, managing to knock people over without getting fouled and snatch balls from even the best offensive players. Despite posing a threat, Steve couldn’t help but being a subtle tease. For some reason, he felt sturdy and more centered around Billy, and he used the focus he would have had to dedicate to staying balanced and applied it to some simple tricks he had seen from NBA games. He was headed straight for the basket when Billy met him straight on. Steve felt the press of a sweaty, sculpted torso press against him and hot breathe blow into his ear.

“Hey Pretty Boy. Harrington right? Used to run this school before turning bitch for an ice princess?”

Steve couldn’t believe he was getting this shit again.

“Why don’t you just shut up and play the game?” He panted. Instead of a verbal response, Billy snached the ball and drove through to score another basket for his team. He turned around to wag his tongue at Steve this time, but before they could go at it again, there came a quiet “Steve?” from the corner of the gym, and he had to go deal with the other headache in his life.

-

He skipped the rest of practice. After finding out Nancy remembered nothing of last night, he couldn’t stand the thought of facing Billy and his wagging tongue anymore. He needed sleep.

Apparently the coach had the same idea of ending practice early though, because halfway through his shower, the other guys on the team funneled into the locker room, with Billy leading the pack. He was standing at his locker, fiddling with the lock, when Steve walked over to get dressed.

“Awe, leaving already Pretty Boy?” He leered, eyes slowly rolling down Steve’s body, leaving a tingling hot path in their wake, all the way down to the red mark right above Steve’s navel. He could pinpoint the exact moment blue eyes met red lines by their widening size, and Billy’s jaw beginning to work overtime, like he was chewing on some leather. He clearly recognized it as an exact match to the one adorning his own body, and he knew exactly what it meant, probably knew more than Steve from the face he was making.

Steve barely opened his mouth to comment, ask a question, anything to prove it wasn’t all in his head, before Billy abruptly slammed his locker door and slung his bag over his shoulder, leaving the locker room still dressed in his workout clothes and sweat leaving his hair matted and sticking to his neck.

Steve almost fell over in his rush to get dressed and follow after Billy. He practically sprinted out to the parking lot just in time to see Billy pull open the door of his Camaro. In a last ditch effort, Steve jumped in front of the Camaro as Billy turned the key and made the engine roar.

“Out of my way Harrington,” he yelled out of the driver side window, where he had popped his head out.

Steve shook his head and shouted back, “I just want answers Billy. What is this?”  He angrily raised his shirt just enough to make Billy bear witness to the mark again. Sighing, he pulled his head back inside the car and rubbed his eyebrows for a moment. Steve took the opportunity for what it was and walked around to the side of the car.

“Fine. Quarry, 6 o’clock. Don’t be late Pretty Boy,” and with that Billy pressed his foot on the gas and zoomed out of the parking lot.

-

Steve was going to go to the quarry, but he had to make one stop beforehand. He needed to break up with Nancy, felt the urge deep in his bones that it had been headed south for a long time and last night was just the breaking point. But stopping in front of the Wheeler’s somehow ended up with him and Dustin searching for a lizard, and then a whirlwind of Oh Shit, the Upside Down is back.

It all led to him, camped out at the Byers’ house with a pack of angry little brats trying to convince him to do some more dangerous shit, as if almost becoming alien chow at the junkyard wasn’t enough. He was going toe to toe with Nancy’s little brother when the random red head jumped away from the front window to say that her brother was headed down the driveway, and he was gonna kill them. Her claim was backed by a   familiar engine revving in the driveway.

Billy Hargrove was here.

Steve calmed the brats down and then slowly walked out the front door, closing it quickly behind him.

“Am I dreaming, or is that you Harrington?”

“Yeah it's me, don’t cream your pants.” Billy huffed out a laugh and dropped his half-smoked cigarette to take off his leather jacket.

“Something doesn’t sit right Pretty Boy,” he said as he stalked across the yard towards the house, “You miss our date, my sister goes missing, and you all wind up here? Gives me the heebie jeebies man.”

“Sorry Bil, don’t know what to tell you. Shit happens.” Steve shrugged his shoulders, trying to play off how annoyed at himself he was for missing the chance to get his questions answered. Like hell he was getting answers now. Billy was right in front of him now, silver necklace glinting in the full moonlight. He swore he could even hear Billy growl before he replied.

“That’s not good enough. What’s my shitbird sister doing here with you? What’s going on Harrington, and don’t make me ask again.”

“Well, I’m babysitting the Byers kid and your sister isn’t here. Just me and a little kid, none of your concern.”

Billy pulled out his Marlboro pack and stuck one between his lips before looking up and locking eyes with Steve.

“Then who,” he said, pausing to light the cigarette, “is that.” He plucked the cigarette from his mouth and used it to gesture at the front window where a flash of red hair was disappearing behind the curtains.

Fucking hell.  

Left grasping for straws, Steve wasn’t prepared for the fist that came sailing towards his face. He fell to the ground in a heap, and by the time he was able to untangle, Billy was already in the house and yelling at the kids.

Fuck their connection. No one threatened Steve’s kids.

He ran back into the house to witness Billy push Lucas up against the wall of the living room. Just before he could punch the frightened kid, Steve tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, Steve socked him in the jaw and sent him tumbling into the kitchen. He recovered quickly though, and they were quickly locked in a wrestling match that only stopped when Billy reached out for stability and flung open the fridge door.

Out tumbled a dead demi-whatever, right on top of Billy’s chest. He didn’t scream, but it was a close call. Steve rushed over and pushed the dead thing off of him. He reached out a hand to help Billy up, and once they were both upright, Billy actually did growl.

“Answers. Now.” Steve nodded along before ducking closer to Billy and whispering his response.

“Okay, sure. But first, we make a deal. I’ll tell you what’s going on here if you tell me what this,” he gestured to Billy's mark, which was on display under his opened shirt, ''means and why we both have one. Got it?”

“Fine.” Billy nodded and then moved to sit on the couch. “Explain it to me.”

-

After a full crash course in what was going on, including what they had all been arguing about prior to Billy’s arrival, his only response was to stand up and head toward the front door. When he got to the door though, he looked over his shoulder.

“Well, are we going or not?”

-

They did it. They fucking did it. The Gate was closed and the Upside Down banished for good.

The tunnels had been pure nightmare fuel, but somehow Steve knew it would have been worse if Billy hadn’t gone with. Whether it was because of their strange connection, or it was simply because he had another grown human with him, Steve was nothing short of grateful for the support.

After returning to the Byers’ house, Steve and Billy and the kids waited anxiously to hear from the others. Slowly, everyone mixed up in the Upside Down mess returned back to the Byers’ home, and once everyone was confirmed safe and the sun was beginning to rise, they dispersed. Steve dropped off Lucas and Dustin, and then went to the quarry. It felt like the better option, than going home to a cold and empty house.

He had parked the BMW and gotten out to sit on the hood of his car not very long before the rumble of another engine grew closer. A blue camaro pulled up right next to his car and parked, the absence of the engine and music that had been screaming from the windows was deafening in its silence, and Steve watched with a mix of nerves and anticipation as Billy climbed out of the driver’s seat. He walked up to the hood of the Camaro and fiddled with his lighter for a few moments.

“I think I, uh, I made you a deal Pretty Boy. Answers for answers and all that shit.” He sighed and finally lit his cigarette. Steve let him get in a puff before responding.

“Yeah, I just thought you might know more about the,” he had to cough before finishing his sentence, the awkwardness of the encounter starting to get to him, “the mark thingie,” he finished lamely.

“What do you know?”

“Not much. I guess. He started listing on his fingers, “I know that we both have identical marks in the same place somehow, I’ve had mine since birth so I figure you had yours forever too?” He waited for Billy to nod before continuing. “I also had this, um, this dream? About, uh, us?”

“Oh, yeah? Dreaming about me already, Bambi? Was it fun? What were you wearing?” Steve instantly flushed and started sputtering, trying to form a reply. Billy’s smirk grew bigger the more Steve fumbled for a response.

“Not that kind of dream Hargrove.” Steve finally answered. He paused and then added, quieter, “Not exactly I mean.”

“I’m sure it was, Pretty Boy. What was the dream about?”

“It was us, kind of? Like they looked like us, and it was like we were mashed together until we weren’t and then I lost you in a storm.” Steve was expecting teasing or maybe another punch to the face, but instead Billy let out a sharp bark of laughter before doubling over and pushing the heel of his palms into his eyes, the cherry of the cigarette shockingly close to his golden mane.

“You okay there Hargrove? You look a little…” Steve trailed off, unsure how exactly to describe Billy’s appearance.

“A little freaked? A little fucking scared? What is it Harrington? I look a little what over the fact that my fucking soulmate is a dude and my dad is the biggest fuckhead? This is fucking bullshit man.” Billy’s voice slowly rose until he was screaming the last sentence.

Where did Steve even begin processing what had just happened? It was full of landmines, from being fucking soulmates to Billy having serious daddy problems. He decided to focus on their joint issues.

“What do you mean, soulmates?” Billy’s head shot up and he pushed off the Camaro hood to come stand directly in front of where Steve was sitting crossed leg on the hood, hands on either side of his lap and face close enough for Steve to count the light freckles spattered across Billy’s nose.

“I think you know exactly what I mean Pretty Boy. Soulmates, destined to be together, forever entwined, that kind of shit.”

“And you know so much about this because…”

“It ran in my mom’s family. It's like a genetic thing or some shit. Listen, all she told me is that I would meet someone one day who had the same mark as me and would share my dreams.” Billy took an aggressive drag of the cigarette before continuing. “Take a wild guess of what I dreamed about Princess.”

“Me?” Steve squeaked out.

“Bingo amigo. Spot on.”

“So, so what? We’re soulmates or whatever. What does that mean? ” Steve pushed. Why did he feel pulled towards Billy, why did he feel so settled?

“It means jackshit, Harrington. Just forget about it okay?” Billy started to pull away, and something inside Steve flinched at the thought. Before he knew what he was doing, his hand shot out and fisted in the other boy’s shirt, yanking him back into place.

“Not a chance, Hargrove,” Steve whispered before continuing to follow his instincts. He flicked one last glance at blue eyes before focusing on plush lips and leaning in.

Their first kiss was a firestorm, filled with heat and rage and passion. Billy ran his tongue over Steve’s bottom lip and Steve tangled his hands in golden curls to hold Billy that much closer. They only broke apart because Billy tugged at Steve’s beltloops and accidentely pulled him off the fucking car.

They both landed in a heap in between the two cars, Steve on top of Billy and giggling up a storm. He was high on endorphins, and for some reason found himself working a hand down Billy’s body to find the sun mark that started this all.

As soon as his fingers grazed the edge of the sun, he felt a rush of heat and love and want shoot through him and Billy let out a broken moan. The heat was starting to overtake everything, the overwhelming need to be as close to Billy as possible, but once again Billy proved to be stronger than this soul bond thing they had. He ripped himself away from Steve, not very far but just enough for the haze of need to dissipate a little. The absence left both boys panting, breath intermingling and foreheads touching.

“Holy fuck,” was the most eloquent thing Steve could think of to surmize the feelings he had just experienced. Billy hummed in agreeance, leaning in to nip once more at Steve’s swollen lips before pulling away fully and standing up. He pulled Steve up and into his space again. They looked at each other for a minute, just taking in the moment as Billy held onto Steve’s biceps and Steve wrapped his arms around Billy’s torso.

“I am never forgetting this.” Steve whispered finally, and Billy chuckled before shaking his head.

“No, Bambi, I don’t think I will either.”

[jarienn972]

La Sirena - Chapter Six

Captain Swan Supernatural Summer

It has been far too long since I've been able to update my @cssns​ story and for that, I apologize.I have been so bogged down with stress and frustrations and just couldn't force myself to write. There was no solace in writing as I’ve usually found so I had to step away for a few weeks.

I'm finally in a better mindset and while things may not be perfect, some creative juices are flowing once again and now I’m working to get some new chapters out!  Thank you @kmomof4​ for your patience with me and for your wonderful beta services and once again, thanks to @courtorderedcake​ for the beautiful artwork displayed above!

Since it’s been a while, here’s a brief recap of the last chapter. When we left off, Killian had just been stunned to discover that his beautiful companion, Emma, was in fact a siren. She chose to reveal herself after a visit from her sister, Regina and decided that it would be better for Killian to know what she really was before Regina returned with other members of the siren council. Emma also raised the question of how Killian survived the siren attack on the pirate ship where he'd been held captive so he asked her to do the one thing she absolutely didn't want to do - sing.

Recap from the beginning:  One  Two  Three  Four  Five   FF.net  AO3

Myth and Legends Combined

"I will need to transform back into an aquatic form," Emma stated with little emotion as she dipped her bare foot into the steamy spring that sparkled beneath the midday sun streaming from above. She sensed no warmth from the water finding it strangely icy against her human skin. There were no more words exchanged as she lowered herself into the pool and allowed her metamorphosis to begin.

Killian watched her transformation with a lingering trepidation. He remained in awe of the fact that he was stranded here on this remote isle with a legendary creature yet he was still somewhat fearful of her reality - and of the act he'd just implored her to perform. He had knowingly just asked a siren to sing to him without any inkling of what the result may be. He had no idea if he was about to be bewitched into potentially drowning himself in this subterranean spring and he dared admit only to himself that he was frightened.

The silence that fell between them as she dove beneath the sparkling blue ripples spoke volumes of her reluctance and as she surfaced, she anxiously flicked her tail fin a few times before pushing herself out of the water. Perching atop a flat slab of volcanic rock, she drew her shimmering tail up close against her torso in the way she might hug her knees were she still in human form. She lowered her eyelids, hoping to shut out whatever horrors might await her as she struggled to draw in a breath.

As much as she didn't want to do this, she knew in her heart that Killian was correct. He'd been spared death to end up marooned in her cove but how and why had it happened? They would have no answers at all until they could learn why he had not heard the sirens when they swarmed the pirate ship that fateful day. But would she even remember how to form those perilous notes? It had been so many years… So many lifetimes ago…

When she first dared to part her lips to sing, only a strangled squeak escaped. She opened her eyes for assurance that Killian was still there, finding strength in the sight of his tousled dark hair and hopeful sapphire eyes. She drew in a deep breath, placing her hands atop her abdomen as the dulcet tones materialized in the back of her throat then filled the cavern with their eerily placid symphony.

She dared sing only a single, curt stanza, unable to process more of the cursed music that she had sworn would never pass from her lungs again. She was finished with this forever, especially if she might have allowed any harm to come to Killian. She was relieved to see him still kneeling in the sand, eagerly staring across the spring at her, his expression seemingly unchanged from before she'd closed her eyes. Maybe the few bars she'd sung had not been enough to invoke the hypnotic effect?

"Are you alright?" she called out to him. "Have you felt any ill effects from my singing?"

Killian's brow scrunched in bewilderment as he found himself staring at the swirl of her delicate fins against the pool's surface.

"I've been waiting for you to begin, love," he replied. "I have beheld you drawing several breaths but I sensed your apprehension."

"Killian, I have already sung several notes. My voice filled this entire chamber. You heard nothing of the like?"

"I hear your voice speaking clearly now and I heard the bubbles and trickles of the spring," he explained as her eyes widened in amazement. With another deep breath, she forced herself to repeat the stanza with increased volume, projecting her voice further. As before, Killian watched her mouth open but he heard no sound exiting her throat. "Do you taunt me, Emma?" he scowled. "I see you part your lips yet the only sound I hear is when you speak."

Emma giddily splashed her tail about the spring as her face lit up with a huge grin, sending a spray up into the air that rained down around her.

"You did not hear me singing! Not a single note!" she exclaimed excitedly. "That's how you survived when the sirens attacked the ship. You do appear to have an innate immunity to the song."

He quirked an eyebrow as he contemplated the meaning of her statements. "So, it would seem that I possess an immunity to something that before today, I didn't even know was real…" He shook his head in disbelief as Emma morphed back into human form and donned her linen dress so she wouldn't further assault his senses before she rejoined him beside her magically conjured chests.

She lowered herself to her knees, meeting him at his current level while leaving a respectable distance between them. She couldn't be certain of the status of their tenuous relationship at this juncture so she gave him some space. Killian stared down at his own thighs for a few tense moments until he finally broke the awkward silence.

"So then… Where do we go from here? What exactly does all of this mean for us?" he asked her, his voice barely more than a whisper as he raised his eyes to meet hers. There was such an unease to his gaze that she was tempted to look away, but she resisted.

"Killian, if I have lost your trust with my deception, I am truly sorry. You are the first and only human I have ever conversed with and in truth, I have as much to learn about you as you do about me."

"Aye," he responded sullenly with a subtle dip of his chin, recalling his own desire to learn her secrets. And learn them, he did!

"Right now, we have only each other here," she reminded him as well. It wasn't as though he had a way of escaping this cove, although Emma seemed to read his mind as she continued. "I suppose I could provide you with the materials to build yourself a small boat. I could even magically conjure the entire vessel for you but any additional use of my powers would only expedite my sister's return. Even though you are unable to succumb to the siren song, my kind would still make any attempted passage back to your world treacherous."

"And then what, pray tell, is my alternative?" he countered, his voice raising with pent up frustration. He'd been unwittingly pulled into this supernatural battle of wills but it didn't mean he wanted any part of it.

"We will need to work together and appeal to Poseidon. I believe only he may be able to provide the answer as to why you possess immunity to the sirens. He can also provide a way for you to cross back between realms."

Appeal to a god? The mere thought of that wasn't making Killian feel any more confident. "Just how does one appeal to Poseidon?" he asked her with a skeptical crinkle of his brow.

"We must first prove your worth," she answered him, but as she did, she timidly cast her gaze off to her left, unable to look directly at him. "You'll likely be tasked to survive the chorus of sirens once again…"

"Which I most certainly should be able to do as I've heard no cursed music so far." He struggled to read her expression when she broke eye contact as her body language wasn't inspiring confidence. "Is there something you're not telling me, love?"

Emma exhaled an exasperated sigh as she raised her eyes to meet his. "To garner the attention of the god of the seas, you will first have to prove yourself to his brother, Triton. He has been highly protective of this realm since the Atlantean disaster…"

"Atlantean?" he repeated, incredulously. "As in the mythical civilization of Atlantis?"

"The kingdom of Atlantis was no myth. It has only been gone from memory for many centuries after Triton wiped their kingdom from the Earth for their insolence."

Killian shifted his weight back onto his haunches before collapsing onto his backside in the soft sand. His hands cupped his jaw as he leaned into the closest trunk for support while attempting to digest all that Emma had thrown at him over the course of this day. First, that she was a mythical beast of maritime legend and now - this? Atlantis? He had heard countless tales of the legendary, supposedly highly advanced civilization that had vanished into the annals of lore long before his birth. Yet somehow, these stories were now connected to him?

"Emma, love… Perhaps I fail to see the connection here but why would the legendary Atlantis have anything to do with a simple sailor such as myself?"

"Do you remember what I had told you earlier about there having been one human who was deemed worthy of entering our realm?" she asked him as Killian nodded his head in befuddled agreement, the specifics of her earlier words currently eluding him. "That one man was a wise sailor who was allowed passage through our realm to an uninhabited island paradise where our Poseidon permitted him to establish a colony. Boatloads of peaceful settlers arrived and were granted permission to cross through the veil unimpeded by the sirens and in return for the materials needed to build their new civilization, the settlers gave praise and offerings to Poseidon and Triton.

"Gods and humans mingled for years in this new kingdom and during those prosperous years, the worthy sailor met and fell in love with Poseidon's eldest daughter, Ursula. Poseidon gave his blessing for the two to be wed, despite his brother's protest. For as long as the sailor lived, his family and the entire civilization of Atlantis thrived, but after a few generations, legend has it that his descendants became too conceited for their own good. They grew boastful of their demi-god status and flaunted the technology that the gods had helped them develop. Eventually, they grew spiteful and evil, using the magical powers they had inherited from Ursula to expand their influence over other civilizations - and against the gods themselves. Triton's patience with the Atlanteans waned and he retaliated, plunging the entire island kingdom far beneath the waves and leaving no trace of their existence.

"Now," she began again after a brief pause for breath, "all of this occurred long before my creation but I do know that as a result of the fall of Atlantis, myself and dozens of other sirens were birthed to patrol our seas. We were tasked with destroying the evil scourge of men who dared enter the sovereign seas of the gods. Men who were so easily tempted by our melodious song. For decades, I served the gods without question, until I could do it no longer…"

"I grew up hearing tales of Atlantis," Killian spoke up as Emma blanched from guilt. "The stories weren't all that different from what you've just recounted but because no trace of Atlantis exists, most historians have relegated the civilization to mere legend. Those of us who have sailed the vast oceans of the world do understand how the sea might reclaim an entire civilization and leave nothing behind for eyes to behold. So many mysteries may lie beneath those azure depths… The thing is, I still do not understand how this relates to my predicament."

"There have long been rumors amongst the sirens and other creatures of the sea that before Triton destroyed Atlantis, Poseidon and Ursula located and secreted away a select few of their descendants who had not abused their lineage and gifts. It's said that those of their line would forever be immune from Triton's wrath and his barriers protecting the realm. I have never had reason to believe that it might be true, at least not until you floated into my bay. Today, I now firmly believe that the legends are true…"

He stared blankly at her for a few minutes, focusing on the darting shadows cast by the flickering torch on the cavern wall behind him. After a fleeting moment, he blinked as the shockwave of her latest bombshell enveloped him.

"Are you trying to imply that I may be a direct, distant relative to Poseidon himself?" he questioned incredulously, suddenly lightheaded from the barrage of thoughts bombarding his brain. He didn't even need to hear her speak the response as he didn't dare allow his ears to take in such nonsense…

But what if…?

[hamfamilyblog]

July 6, 2019 Ham boy update:

Ellis thinks of Jesus a lot lately, which is neat. He asks things like, “Is Jesus my friend?” Or one morning, we were waiting for the elevator in our apartment building so we could head to Ellis’ school. Ellis yelled out several, “Jesus, where are you?” It was so cute but also funny. We live in a Muslim country (UAE), so it was even more funny to me. Then another day, he asked, “Mom, where does Jesus live?” He has also states before that he wants Jesus to ride a bike with him, etc. We were working on Ellis’ speech, practicing the /sh/ sound within single words, and we came across the word “shiny.” He said, “That’s like Jesus.” One morning I was driving in the car with Flynn, after we dropped Ellis at school. We were heading somewhere a bit far away, and Flynn seemed tired and looked like he might sleep. I decided to turn on my conference talks to listen to, and a song from the tabernacle choir came on. He then asked, “Mom, is this Jesus music?” It made me laugh. He is 2, and I’m not sure how he knew it was Jesus music, because we rarely have ever listened to the tabernacle choir with him, but he knew. What a blessing it is to be a mother to my young, fun, beautiful boys! Lately the boys have been calling their dad, “Mitch,” and it cracks me up because he doesn’t like it. When he comes home from work, the boys run to him and say, “Mitch.” They will also often ask me, “Where’s Mitch.” They still calll him dad a lot too, but it’s just funny because they did this on their own. Probably because they hear me call him ‘Mitch.’ Ryker has 3 bottom teach right now at age 11.5 months. He is about to get some of the upper teeth very soon as his gums are so swollen and I can feel them trying to pop out. He stands and walks around while holding onto things. He is a lover and often puts his head in or on my chest when I go to kiss him. He loves music and dancing and being thrown up in the air. He also loves going upside down. He is extremely explorative and playful. He loves being in on all the action. He loves when he gets any attention as sometimes he’s the last to get it since his older two brothers can be so demanding. He loves when I swing his legs kick a ball. He laughs and laughs when I do this. He still has a temper if he doesn’t get his way or you take something he wanted. He loves loves to eat more than any child I’ve ever seen. He eats so so much that his belly is always so big. He’s still nursing about 3x a day, drinks camel milk in a bottle and out eats his two brothers combined. This post is very random because I keep posting as I find time and think of things. Flynn is a character, and often makes us laugh. He also is strong willed. We are working on him not screaming at his brother when he gets mad and not hitting. He’s pretty good most of the time though. He will often share and is sweet with little Ryker. He reminds me of a Jamaican sometimes because I’ll ask him something and he says, “Ya Mom,” with a Jamaican accent. 😂 Not sure where that came from. He is an amazing swimmer and so comfortable in the water. Sometimes too comfortable that it makes me extremely nervous. From the time he was less than a year, I remember Flynn would try to wiggle out of my arms when holding him in a pool. He loved going under water and then he would come up coughing and laughing. He’s a little Nemo fish. That’s what I call him sometimes. He constantly likes going under the water and swimming around. He’s good at holding his breath and is so calm. The problem is that he doesn’t understand that once he can’t reach, he’s not able to breath. He sometimes starts swimming when I’m not there to help him. The other day, I had to go in the deep end to save him. It’s honestly one of my biggest fears that one of my children will drown.

[secret-lostgirl]

Young Gods

This is a song fic based on the song Young Gods by Halsey. I don’t own the song or Peter Pan.

Warnings: Sexual Themes, Language, Alcohol and Drug Mentions

Pairing: Peter Pan x Reader

Words:1209

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He says, "Ooh, baby girl, you know we're gonna be legends

I'm a king and you're a queen and we will stumble through heaven

If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes

I know you wanna go to heaven, but you're human tonight"

And I've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool

For a while now, drowning my thoughts out with the sounds

 You knew the boy sitting on your window sill, his mischievous green eyes and straw colored hair, the green clothes, he was Peter Pan. You had seen him in your dreams but you never would've imagined that he was real. You slowly walked over to your window and opened it, letting him into your small, cramped room. As soon as he was in he looked at you, a smirk plastered across his entire face "Are you ready?" He asked. 

 You didn't know what to do, normally you were totally in control, you always had the answers and knew what to do but this was different. Would you leave everything behind for a boy you had met in your dreams? Granted you didn't have much, your mom was an alcoholic, your dad was in jail, and you had dropped out of school to get a job so you'd have a place to live. You were speechless, you turned to hide your face from Peter.

 The boy's gaze softened and he walked up to you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his body as he whispered in your ear "Don't you know love? We could be legends. I'm the king of Neverland and you'll be my queen." 

 Your breathing picked up slightly, you were getting nervous. You didn't want to leave your mom, despite everything she had done you inexplicably loved her. "I don't know," you whispered "I don't think she'd survive without me." 

 Peter shook his head before resting his chin on the top of your head. "Oh y/n," he sighed "You want a perfect world, you want heaven, but you're human and what I'm offering you is the closest you'll ever get." 

 You hesitated before answering "I'll do it," you said quietly "I want to go." You finished your sentence with much more confidence than you began it. This is what you wanted. You had been at rock bottom for way to long, you had been drowning in the bad thing son life and you had an escape. Not a fake one like drugs or alcohol but a real one, a new world. Peter was right, you wanted things to be perfect but it just couldn't happen, you always ignored that though and put your mom first. It was time for things to change. She was an adult she should be able to take care of herself and you deserved to be happy. 

 Peter smiled at you triumphantly "C'mon then, let's fly," he said before grabbing your hand and jumping out the window, pulling you with him.

 But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods

And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running again

 Flying was the most amazing feeling you had ever experienced. You felt free and like you were on top of the world. When Peter had jumped out the window, you had clung to him, but now that you knew everything was alright, you had your head thrown back as you let out a laugh of pure joy. 

 You looked up at Peter, a huge smile spread across your face "It's like we're gods," you said in amazement. 

 He nodded his head, a small smirk on his face "Young gods," he corrected "We'll never grow old where I'm taking you." 

 You looked away from him to watch the world race by in a blur beneath the two of you. You would be forever young, have the life that was stolen from you for the rest of your days. You lost yourself in your thoughts as you stared down watching the people and cars pass by as you flew above them. 

 He says, "Oh, baby girl, don't get cut on my edges

I'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon

There's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs

And if you wanna go to heaven you, should fuck me tonight"

 You had only been in Neverland a few months but there had been a pirate attack and somehow Peter ended up hurt. You had no idea how, you had thought he was too powerful to be hurt that bad by a mortal pirate. The two of you had grown extremely close over the months and something inside of you almost destroyed you when you saw him hurt like that. He got out though, he had healed almost immediately, and the two of you were back in his tree house.

 He was fine now obviously but you were still shaken "I thought you were going to die Peter," you said softly. 

 He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close "You know I can't die," he said softly, his face buried in your hair. 

 You nodded your head against his chest "I know," you whispered "It's just that-" you paused momentarily "I love you," you said in the quietest whisper, you weren't even sure he had heard you at first.

 "Y/n..." he said softly, his voice almost sad "I'm the king of Neverland, everything about me is dangerous, even my tongue is a weapon." 

 He was right. He was dangerous and cruel and evil but to you he was the boy who saved you. He saved you, he pulled you out of your miserable life and gave you a second chance. He was the best thing to ever happen to you. 

 "I know," you admitted, pulling back to look in his eyes "I love you. I want you."

 Pan closed his eyes trying to pull himself together "You could get cut on my edges," he whispered "You could get hurt." 

 You smiled softly at him "I don't care," you said, trying to pour your feelings into the words "Not after today."

 After waiting a few seconds with no response from Pan, you turned his face so you could meet his beautiful green eyes "You once said that Neverland was the closest I could get to heaven but being with you tonight would be even better than that," you whispered. You had just barely finished your sentence before Peter slammed his lips against yours. 

But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods

And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running again

Being with Peter was better than flying. You felt complete and safe but also strong and invincible. The two of you together were amazing, you were so in sync with each other it was almost scary. 

 It was everything you had ever dreamed; being in Neverland, with Peter while the lost boys ran around playing their silly little games, you truly felt on top of the world, like a young god. 

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Passengers or Strap in and Enjoy That Stockholm Syndrome

I’m going to start where this film almost does  - with Chris Pratt’s naked bum. 

*Passengers spoilers follow*

Instances of nudity are an interesting, if obviously incomplete, metric for judging gender equality in cinema. Unfortunately, this usually appears in the form of painfully contrived reasons for women to get their kit off while their male counterparts remain fully clothed and presumably more comfortable in the cold vacuum of space. Passengers, however, took me by surprise. The audience is presented with a totally naked rear view of Pratt’s character, Jim, not once, but twice. So later on when Aurora (Jennifer Lawrence), begins to strip, apparently down to nothing, out of a glamorous evening dress to put on a spacesuit (which, aside from being a weird thing to do, must be super uncomfortable) I naturally expected her to be put on display. This was not the case. After a brief, tantalising shot of her dress falling to the floor, she is almost immediately incased in the bulky, deeply non-provocative and apparently unisex spacesuit. In a strange way, this almost gives her the sexual power in the scene - she knows what the audience/Jim want and denies them.

The second time I was sure we were being set up for a Barbarella moment was when she has to pull a massive switch to flush the reactor (apologies if that’s not the correct pseudo-scientific term) in order to save the day. Naturally, the nuclear bad-something that is happening is very hot so she has to take her shirt off to wrap around the metal lever in order not to burn herself. I was fully expecting an indulgent visual lingering on how sweaty she was, and maybe some sexy noises of exertion to be thrown in there too. To an extent, these things happen but mostly Aurora just handles that situation then bandages up her injuries like a boss. Also she’s still fairly fully clothed even without her top - no space bras here.

Often nudity is used in cinema to expose a character; to make them vulnerable to someone else in the story or to objectify them in the gaze of the audience. This only seems to be the case for Jim however, as his nudity most often occurs during his period of isolation, emphasising his helplessness and making him the victim of the voyeuristic audience who are intruding on his solitude. Aurora, on the other hand, seems to own her decisions to take her clothes off more, partially because she is never seen as naked as Jim is and also because she does so at moments when she is powerful. Firstly illustrating her sexual control over her relationship with Jim and secondly at a moment when she is not only physically but also emotionally strong, able to prevent the engine disaster as well as make the choice to sacrifice Jim for the sake of the multitude of sleeping souls on the ship.

Another moment that was pleasantly surprising regarding strength was when Aurora discovered that Jim had intentionally woken her up and she decided to enact some retribution. It was very refreshing to see a woman vent her anger at a man not with a cat-fight slap to the face and then dissolve into tears, possibly feebly beating at his pecs, as is so often the case. She properly beats the living shit out of him and you can see the very real effort she exerts to stop herself just short of killing him, which would be somewhat understandable, seeing as, as Aurora so rightly puts it herself, Jim has murdered her by stealing her sleeping years on the ship.

Which brings us to the main problem of this film - it’s portrayed as a love story when really a man has done the unforgivable, robbed a woman of her life and then lied to her about it to control her, but we’re supposed to be okay with this because he’s good looking and he loves her. I’m not saying that this film doesn’t do a good job of portraying a whole spectrum of grey morality. Jim clearly tortures himself over the decision, and we are treated to the rare sight of a man on screen being allowed to express his emotions. There is a close up of his actual tears - not the tears that are usually permitted, such as the tears of macho rage that mix with rain and blood as a man clutches a dead wife and/or daughter to his burly chest, but tears of genuine despair at the abstract emotional concept of perpetual loneliness. Jim is allowed to unashamedly show a range of complex emotions not often aligned with masculinity in cinema, including depression, regret and doubt.

So, this film does make it clear that Jim feels bad about what he has done, which basically just shows that he’s not a sociopath, but the message about Aurora’s emotions is more disturbing. Her initial romantic feelings towards Jim are understandable - he’s attractive and considerate, as well as being for all intents and purposes the last man on Earth. The subsequent feelings of betrayal, rage, violence and then bitter disdain she shows are also very easy to empathise with. Her choice at the end of the film, however, was less so. She has the chance to go back to sleep, get away from the man who was willing to sacrifice her life for his own ends and to carry on with her own plans. Her plans by the way are very cool - to be the first person ever to go to an off-world colony and come back again, not only to write about a new and barely explored planet but then to travel two hundred years into Earth’s future and write about that too. The woman is a visionary. It’s such an interesting idea and would have made her a unique pioneer in this universe, but you know what’s better than that? A heterosexual romance in a quaint little log cabin with a man who has completely emotionally manipulated her and robbed her of this amazing self-determined future. Instead of living her dreams while Jim goes back to being sad by her weird Snow White style future coffin, the audience are supposed to applaud the fact that she has terrible, terrible Stockholm Syndrome. Nothing says “happily ever after” like a formerly headstrong, creative woman becoming entrapped in a psychologically abusive relationship.

Overall, this film had some good moments, and defied my expectations in places, which is always a pleasant surprise. It’s also rare for such a big movie to have such a small cast and I thought it pulled that off very well, adding to the claustrophobic feeling of the whole story. However, all of this is sadly eclipsed by the bad taste the ending leaves in my mouth. Aurora’s decision at the end feels like when your drunk friend wants to go home with someone that you know they’ll regret waking up next to in the morning, except she has to live with this for the rest of her life, and instead of one too many Jagerbombs that she chose to drink being to blame, the emotional manipulation and abuse of another human being is, and she has no control over that whatsoever. This lack of self-determination is what makes Passengers a tragedy for me, and makes the decision to portray it as a love story an unsettling one.

Now for some asides:

What a waste of the supreme acting talents of Laurence Fishburne to have a black character included as a device to give the white heroes a fancy bracelet and then instantly die. Can we just not.

What a treat! A female friend to give context to Aurora as a three dimensional person, to show an example of a healthy relationship and to give weight to Aurora’s decision to leave all of that behind, thus making Jim’s robbery of her future even worse. Oh wait, never mind. She’s just saying that you need a man to be happy.

The swimming pool gravity failure scene was very well done (visually, if not necessarily scientifically) and will probably be a regular feature in my own panic dreams from now on. If you’ve got to go though, drowning in a floating bubble from an opulent future infinity pool wearing your white space bikini is a glam way to pop your clogs. If Lana Del Rey is still writing songs in two hundred years, I’m pretty sure there’ll be one about that.

Aurora and Jim will have definitely eaten all the gold breakfasts by the time everyone else is awake. Can’t wait to see the looks on those rich suckaz faces when they have to eat ready brek instead.