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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years ago

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surveyss 014.

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I would be devastated. Absolutely devastated.

Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? I am excited to use my pool tomorrow. I’m happy I will be having mama marias tacos this week. I’m excited for my birthday weekend.

Do you want someone dead? Definitely not.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? No, can’t say that I do. The only two that I would have been curious about.. one I know was married (may still be? I’m unsure) and the other passed away while we were close. So, no.

Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? SO many times.

What is something you tend to worry about? Grad school.

What is something you do that is unhealthy? Probably just my phone habits.

What is something you do that is good for you? I don’t speak poorly about myself to other people.

What last caused you to force a smile? When kile left me a message on snap saying he thought about me all day. It was maybe the first ounce of relief I’ve had in a while.

What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? ACNH. It is always relaxing to play.

What is something not many people know about you? That I’ve been assaulted.

What word describes your basic style? Classic.

Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Oh sure.

Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? Yes.

Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? Respect the time of others.

Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? I wanted to lighten someone else’s load.

What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? Having good posture. I used to have crap posture but I changed that when I started school.

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? Not for myself, no. I have gone with a friend to get something.

Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? Yes there is, but I’m not finished with the novel. Going to read it again tomorrow in the pool

Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? I did in school for a class. It was nice

Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? Coloring, switch, kids movies. I think a huge reason why my nephews/niece are so close to me is that I put in concerted effort to be interested and up-to-date on what they like.

Is there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? Eating out, shopping.

Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? I love my room. Kile and my family really spoiled me last year in allowing me to get a room makeover for my birthday. I feel as though I shouldn’t have this stuff now that it’s all Kile’s. I am OK with our house decor, but it isn’t my style per-se.

Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? Yeah a pair of teva’s that I can’t find. My perfume that is always out of stock.

Who makes you smile the most? So for the loooooooooongest time it would be Kile who would just say these sweet, kind, loving things to me that just made me feel like a total queen. That all stopped real abruptly the week of graduation. Since then I’m relying basically solely on myself to smile. It isn’t that I don’t smile, I’m just retraining myself on this.

What piercings do you want/have? Just each ear. I wanted second holes and my cartilage but those never last.

What's your favorite website? google prob..

Do you own a fish tank with fish? currently? no. have i before? yes.

Do you like the movie 300? never seen it.

Do you pop your knuckles? I dooooo

Do you have Photoshop?

heck no, its expensive lolol

Do you use tinypic or photobucket? I remember tinypic but I don’t use either.

What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? I’m not sure if I could choose

How about the 1990s? I hate having to narrow it down.

Have you won anything recently? Uhhh, no not that I’m aware of. OH yahtzee.

How often do you make Excel tables? What for? Never. not if I can help it.

What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? a bunny

Are you always available or online? Uhhh, always? no. I used to be. I’ve noticed that without Kile, I just don’t really have a reason to be by my phone all the time. I’m learning to get better about leaving my phone at home.

Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? gluten free. dairy free (though I’m bad at following this)

Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? So my preference is silver, but gold looks better on me.

Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? lol Bob’s burgers. right now I’m into my old classic movies that have male character personalities that I long to have a relationship with.

If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? I haven’t been to a hair salon in sooooooo long. One day when I have money I might start to take care of my hair again. I always felt so good about myself.

If you have any, do you like your in-laws? No in-laws.

Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? It would be dependent on the reason. For example, I’m not close to my father but I think the reason is very valid. If someone cuts ties with their family over something stupid, that might be concerning to me.

Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? Haha, well my parents definitely didn’t have money for that and I’ve seen photos of my mother at the hospital with me, very clearly with a post-partum physique. But I do not resemble my family so that was always concerning lol.

What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? knowing someone else’s life is made better because of you

Have you ever grown a berry bush? Nope.

Have you done something new to your hair recently? I am about to chop it. I went brown again.

Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? I do not find myself feeling anxious hardly ever.

One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? losing kile

What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? the boys kept saying how this was the most memorable holiday they’d had.

How often do you have late nights out? Not often. Errrr.. when I do, it’s because I want to go out on my own and just be alone.

If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? I would prefer to work from home given the chance, but I’m not employed at the moment.

If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? A good thunderstorm, but to be honest then I would need to go cover the pool. So, as it is right now is fine.

Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? Continue to go thru all my belongings. I’m just allowing myself time to be sad, grieve, mourn, move on.

Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? probably gremlins.

Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? I was accepted into my all-time dream schools. I was into honor societies I could never have imagined. I’ve traveled alone.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yup.

What are you listening to? sleepless in seattle

Do you think there will be a WWIII? I don’t think it would surprise me, necessarily. There is so much hate evident around this world.

Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? loooooooool. no. I smile all too much.

Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? Mhmm, to the point where I questioned the legitimacy.

In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Kill ‘em with kindness. I think boundaries are important but I’d rather be hated for being overly kind, than to be unkind.

Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? I had a friend in HS who had a boyfriend who tried to grab my butt but I did not go for that.

Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? absolutely.

Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? I am not wealthy.

Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I didn’t play either.

Do you own a rosary? no.

If you were homeless, how would you cope? I would go to one of those shelters and just work with the leaders to find a job and section 8 living.

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mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog · 5 years ago

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Relationship Myths Debunked by a professional to calm your woes

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/relationship-myths-debunked-by-a-professional-to-calm-your-woes/

Relationship Myths Debunked by a professional to calm your woes

Unless you met your significant other in high school, dating is really hard and anxiety-inducing for, like, every moment until you are officially in a relationship (and then that’s where the real work starts). Even God’s gift to humanity, Serena van der Woodsen, struggled on the dating scene, which is truly troubling for normal people. Yes, I am aware that SVDW is a fictional character, but even Blake Lively had to swim through a sea of Kelly Blatz’s and Penn Badgley’s before finding Ryan Reynolds. I guess the only upside to having no idea what is happening in my love life is that I have at least one thing in common with Blake Lively—kind of. Don’t ruin this for me.

So, I met someone a little over a month ago who checks all of my boxes, and even though my therapist and Hannah Montana both say nobody’s perfect, this guy is pretty damn close. Except for one thing: We don’t hang out more than like, once a week, which I didn’t realize was an issue until one of my happily married friends forced her unsolicited opinion on me shared her concerns with me. Since then, I have not been able to stop thinking about where this relationship (can I even call it that?) is heading, if anywhere. Have I been so burned by former boyfriends that my bar is set unreasonably low, or am I so smitten that I can’t see an obvious red flag? So like any neurotic New Yorker, I took to the experts and consulted Dr. Jenny Taitz, a clinical psychologist and author of How To Be Single and Happy, to make me feel better and debunk a few common misconceptions about dating.

If You Aren’t Hanging Out Multiple Times A Week Within The First Month, You’re Doomed

So this is obviously what initiated my downward spiral line of questioning, and I was very eager to hear a professional’s opinion on the matter. Here’s what Dr. Taitz had to say: “It’s not about quantity; it’s about quality. If you’re seeing each other once a week and spending four or five hours on a Saturday actually talking about real things, rather than meeting up at like, midnight, it’s not a bad sign.” And, as much as I hate to admit that anyone aside from myself is right, she has a point. For instance, I used hang out with my FWB like three nights a week, which was both great and horrible. It was nice because we got to see a lot of each other, which is more than I can say about the current guy I’m seeing, but all FWB and I did together was the old school definition of Netflix and Chill and then the ~relationship~ just kind of shriveled up and died. Welp.

So this horrendous experience is shedding some light on my current situation: I have to (slightly) rely on positive and negative indicators for answers about his feelings for me or where he sees us going. As cliche as it is to admit, trusting your gut is usually the right thing to do, and I def knew that FWB wasn’t going to pan out. If he’s showing you zero signs of wanting to be your boyfriend at some point in the future, chances are, he won’t be.

If You Can’t Sleep At His Apartment, You’re Not Comfortable With Him

If there is something more intimate than sleeping next to someone, LMK. Honestly, I have been told I’m low-maintenance to sleep next to because I don’t really move or make sound other than quiet breathing, which is prob better than absolute silence (creepy). Anyway, even though I’m a pretty easy bedmate, I still get so insecure sleeping next to someone until I feel absolutely comfortable with him. For instance, Mr. Almost Perfect loves to snuggle, which is adorable and sweet, but after a few hours, half my body is numb and I need to switch positions, but I can’t because I don’t want to wake him up so I just lay there in agony waiting for him to roll over on his own. Look, I’ve had plenty of sleepovers with my girlfriends and if they unconsciously make their way onto my side, I have zero issue waking their asses up and delivering them back to their side. So why can’t I do that with a guy I’m seeing? Am I becoming a nice person who’s concerned about the wellbeing and restfulness of others? Doubtful, but Dr. Taitz says, “There are a lot of reasons why people can’t sleep. Sometimes people can’t sleep because they’re excited. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with physical or mental comfort.” As someone who can fall asleep literally anywhere, I was getting a little worried about what my restless nights in Bushwick (I know) might signal for my not-yet-relationship, but I feel a bit better now!

If You’re Affectionate Towards Each Other, The Relationship Is Just Physical

To clarify, I hate PDA more than I hate most things in this world. However, little things like holding my excessively clammy hand, putting your arm around me, or letting me have the first bite of whatever dessert we’re “sharing” make me happy. And in any given relationship, I am the affectionate one, which is totally fine with me, but Mr. Almost Perfect is also super warm and mushy, which is confusing to me! Is he being so touchy and sweet in response to me acting that way or is he just like that? Dr. Taitz says, “Touching is a good example of showing closeness, and being affectionate through touch is never a bad thing.” Generally, trust your gut. If it feels sweet and genuine, it probably is. Plus, there’s generally no sh*tty and disappointing meaning to an innocent hand hold.

However, if his hand always manages to find its way to your butt, well, hopefully you know what that means. Lastly, Dr. Taitz admits, “It’s really fascinating how our mind tries to undermine our joy and replace closeness with worry.” That’s literally what I am doing right now. Lastly, “You should ask yourself what you have in common besides the physical touch, because I’m sure if you want to touch someone, there’s something that’s attracting you well beyond the physical.” There is, there def is.

If You Don’t Like His Friends, You Eventually Won’t Like Him

Dr. Taitz says, “It’s safe to say he’s probably not a clone of his friends. We need to be okay with the element of uncertainty and not knowing everything we would want to know right away.” Hopefully, I’ll find out soon what the deal with his friends is, but people’s friends are not always a mirror reflection of who they are. I have a friend who knows more about what’s happening in Washington than Trump does, which honestly isn’t saying much, but he likes to bring politics into every conversation he has and it’s as annoying as it seems, if not more so. I have another friend who is like, an actual drama magnet, and seeing her is more exhausting than a SoulCycle class on a Sunday morning. But I love them and, needless to say, they aren’t shedding any negative light on my personality or self because they are the way they are, but more importantly, I am not them. Yes, sometimes “you are the company you keep” can ring true, but other times it just doesn’t—you can’t tell without getting to know the person.

If You Aren’t Texting All Day Every Day, The Communication Needs Work

Nothing bugs me more than when someone texts me “Hey, what’s up?” Like, are we supposed to have a full-fledged convo via text right now? The only reasons I text someone are when something very specific to that person just happened or if we making plans. Mr. Almost Perfect is the same way, so when we aren’t together, we aren’t really texting, like, ever. Every now and then we will say something stupid to check in and make sure the other is still alive, but we are definitely not those people who are constantly, like, tagging each other in vague memes and saying goodnight with kissy face emojis on the daily. No judgment if that’s your vibe, but gross. I kind of like it this way because I will never read into a text or lack thereof. Do you know how stressed out I used to get trying to decipher the convoluted and hidden messages buried in texts of past boyfriends? For instance, I texted a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks, “Let’s do something tonight” and he responded with “Do you want to?” Like, yes?? What kind of answer is that?! So the lack of constant texting actually takes a massive headache off the table. The only reason I am even discussing this is because after a dinner with a friend, she was shook that my boo thang didn’t call or text during the entire 75 minutes of dinner. I was not shook at all because I’ve had English Lit classes longer than that, but she thought it was so weird that she warned me to “watch out for this one.” Okay, mom, I shall. But Dr. Taitz says, “I highly recommend against texting all day because it can definitely create false feelings and a false sense of intimacy. If you are confident that when you see each other you will talk and catch up, you don’t need to have that insecure attachment to texting.” Brilliant.

The bottom line is that only you and the other person in the relationship are the ones who can take the temperature of the situation. So even if your friends have been in really similar situations, your friends and their SOs aren’t you and yours, so you can’t really listen to them. Of course, some things can seem like a red flag and others a green light, which makes the situation slightly easier to navigate, but until the “what are we?” conversation is had, the only thing we can do is know what we know, which is usually not enough to make any accurate predictions about where it’s going and what it all means.

Images: Unsplash; Giphy (3)