#there’s other stuff going on so I get it. and Laura actually is restrained playing romance. See how it went with Percy and Fjord. so it fits

[darthluffy]

I have decided that Imogen is too gay to know what to do with her girlfriend. She’s the dog that caught the car and now doesn’t know what to do next

[walkerwords]

“The Savior Sessions” Part 17 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: Following the fallout of their argument, the reader is still trying to deal with their thoughts about Negan. Meanwhile, Daryl, Connie, Lydia, and Henry arrive at Alexandria. With everything going on and the fair only a day away, there are decisions to be made.

Word Count: 4372

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “First” by Cold War Kids

Note: Another filler before our big part which is up next...I am putting all the fair stuff in one part and I MEAN EVERYTHING. Part 19 will be the blizzard so Part 18 is going to be A LOT. *ALL ASL IN ITALICS*

---------

Something felt different when you woke up. 

Your mother always used to say that people could feel it in the air when something was to come. You never put much stock in her ramblings, but that particular quote was sticking in your mind as you sat up in your bed.

Sunlight was streaming in through the window and you could hear the faint sounds of Alexandrians starting their days. The nightmares had been worse than usual during the night before and after waking up for the second time, you had to nearly restrain yourself from venturing out of your house and towards another. 

The fact that Negan was the first person you thought of when fear entered your body made you feel even more confused. You were still furious with him, that much was clearly evident, but he was still there in the back of your mind. He was in your dreams, your everyday thoughts, and while you should have been focusing on Alpha and Daryl’s rescue plan, Negan was all you could think about. 

After getting ready for the day, you strapped on Paul’s sword and headed from your home and towards the meeting hall. It still felt odd to consider the sword yours even though Aaron had given it to you personally. You began to wonder if imposter syndrome extended towards melee weapons. 

Walking down the main road, you saw Judith with her brother heading towards the makeshift graveyard. You knew where she was going and you also knew that Judith loved to tell stories she heard from her mom about Carl. While Judith didn’t have many memories of her big brother, she could still remember what it felt like to be carried by him and how he cared for her. Carl had been there since the beginning to look after her and now it was Judith’s turn to do so for RJ.

Your gaze lingered on them for a bit before your eyes caught a commotion at the main gate. You could see Michonne standing on the watch post, looking down. With a furrowed brow, you began to walk forward when a movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention. 

Stopping in front of the Grimes’ house, you looked to see Negan leaning against the bars of his window. He looked at you with those same beautiful hazel eyes and determined set of his jaw. You stared back, remembering the last conversation you had had with the man. Negan had nearly begged you for forgiveness and you weren’t sure if you were actually willing to give it. At least, not yet. He went to say something when the gate slid open up ahead. Looking back, you were stunned at what you saw. 

Daryl, Lydia, Connie, and to your ultimate surprise, Henry, were walking towards you. Dog trotted in front of his master, his tail up as he noticed you. When they got closer, you finally saw the state that your friend was in.

“Daryl?” you asked, shocked to see blood, Living blood, on his face and clothes. “What the hell happened to you?” you asked as you left Negan behind and ran up to him. 

“Kids need some food,” was all Daryl said. You then noticed that Henry was limping.

“They also need medical attention,” you said and then waved down Siddiq who was walking alongside Rosita. “Come on,” you said and then reached for Lydia who was shaking slightly. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, but you just shook your head. 

“Not your fault, kid,” you said, brushing the hair from her face. “Let’s get you looked at.” 

As Siddiq took a look at Henry and Lydia, Laura stood watch at Michonne’s request. You stood on the porch of the infirmary with Daryl, Michonne, and Connie. While your signing was still a bit rough, you could get by well enough for the time being. You had taught Deaf students when you were a teacher and you found that your knowledge of the language was slowly coming back to you. 

“Are you hurt?” you asked Connie. She shook her head and then made the “D” letter with her right hand and dragged it over her eye. You then realized that was the Name Sign she had given to Daryl, most likely due to his scar. You thought it was fitting. 

Connie was telling you that Daryl was hurt, but you knew that he wouldn’t even let you clean his wounds until he knew the kids were okay. 

“Someone wanna tell me what happened?” you asked as you leaned against the side of the house, your ankles crossed. 

“Beta happened,” Daryl said as he matched your position on the other side. 

“Alpha’s man,” Connie signed and you translated for Michonne and Laura, who was listening in the doorway. 

“So, it’s not just Alpha we have to worry about? Great,” you said with a deep sigh. 

“Asshole is massive,” Daryl said. “Threw me around like I was nothin’ and didn’t hesitate at all to try and kill us. Lydia says he’s the best fighter they got.” 

“Fantastic,” you groaned. 

“He’s the one that captured Henry,” Daryl explained. 

“Which brings me to my question,” Michonne said. “Why the hell was Carol’s son out there in the first place?”

“He went after her, didn’t he? After we traded her for Alden and Luke?” you asked and Daryl nodded. 

“Takes after his damn mother,” Daryl muttered, but you could hear a bit of admiration in his tone. Which was how he usually sounded when he spoke about Carol. 

“How’d you get her back?”

“Got into their camp,” Daryl said. “There’s a lot more of these assholes than we thought. We couldn’t see all of ‘em, but there are enough to make me nervous.” 

“You being nervous, makes me nervous,” you said pushing off the wall.

“Where’s he now?” Michonne asked. “Beta?”

“Threw his giant ass down an elevator shaft,” Daryl said. 

“So, he’s dead?” Daryl looked between you, Connie, and Michonne and you could see the fatigue weighing on him and also, the anger.

“For all our sakes,” he said. “He better be.”

------

Once the Doc had cleared both Lydia and Henry, you invited the teenagers as well as Connie and Daryl to stay in your house for the time being.

You knew that Daryl wanted to keep moving in case Alpha had sent out more scouts, but you also knew that they needed to take a breather, even if it was just until nightfall.

You could hear Connie sitting and playing with Dog outside while Daryl spoke with Henry. You knew how important Henry was to Carol and because of that, Daryl would do anything to protect the kid. 

However, right now, he seemed to be taking on the role of disappointed uncle. He was using his “parent voice” as you liked to call it. He used to use it a lot with Carl and then when Judith would cause trouble years before. Beth once joked that he had become the father of the group. Daryl had just rolled his eyes, but you knew that meant a lot to him. It told him that all of you, even Rick, relied on him. 

Lydia was sitting in the living room when you found her. Sitting next to her on the couch, you tried to see the resemblance between her and her mother. It was there slightly, but only in looks. You couldn’t see the hatred that you saw in Alpha. However, you did see a small bit of resilience and that only told you how much she had to adapt to live within the Dead. 

“I’m sorry,” you began. Lydia looked at you in confusion. “I said a lot of horrible things to you when we had you locked up. I made assumptions and it was unfair.”

“I didn’t really give you much of a chance to trust me,” Lydia said, turning her attention back to her hands in her lap. 

“Then I guess we both need fresh starts,” you said and then offered her your hand. “Hi, I’m (Y/N).” Lydia hesitantly took your hand and gave you a small smile. 

“I’m Lydia,” she said and you smiled at her. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Lydia.” When you dropped her hand, she glanced back towards where Daryl and Henry were. 

“I’m sorry about your friend,” Lydia said, talking about Jesus. “And because my mom took your other friends.”

“We got them back,” you reminded her. “I just wish we could have gotten them back without throwing you back to the wolves.”

“Yeah, then maybe Henry wouldn’t have gone after me and gotten hurt,” she said sadly. 

“Maybe not, but Henry is as stubborn as his mother and as loyal as his father. Trust me when I say that he doesn’t need an excuse to make dumbass decisions.”

“What’s his mom like?” Lydia asked and you paused, trying to figure out how to put Carol into words. 

“I’ve known his mom for a very long time. Actually since the beginning of all this,” you began. “Carol has been through a lot and she has lost a lot of people to get to the place she is right now. She has lost children, especially. Carol isn’t a person whom you need to be afraid of if you have good intentions.”

“And if you have bad intentions?” Lydia asked carefully.

“Let’s just say that when she wants to be, Carol can be even more terrifying than your mother. The difference is, is that Carol’s rage and her skills come from love and the need to protect her family.”

“You don’t think my mom is like that?” 

“I don’t know your mother,” you admitted. “Though I have known people like her and if I had to guess what she values most, I would say it’s power and survival. Alpha seems to be the person who would sacrifice her young to protect the pack and that is why I don’t want you to go back to her.”

“You don’t even know me,” Lydia said. “You only know what you’ve seen.”

“ ‘To perceive is to suffer’,” you quoted with a smile. Lydia’s brow furrowed. “Aristotle said that,” you explained. 

“Who?” 

“I’ll tell you about them later. Point is,” you said, taking her hand, “I only saw what I wanted to see because I thought that suffering was better than trying to see your side of everything.”

“So, what does this mean?” Lydia asked. 

“It means that I am not going to let anything happen to you. Especially at the hands of your mother.”

----------

Later that day, Michonne found you. 

Daryl was inside with the others when she came walking towards your house. She gestured you down off the porch as she got closer. “What’s up?” you asked as you approached. 

“We’re doin’ the fair,” Michonne explained. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Michonne nodded and then let out a heavy sigh. 

“Henry said that The Kingdom is failing. They need this. Judith recently reminded me that we need each other and that we need to start thinking about the others again.”

“Wise girl,” you complimented and she smiled.

“Just like her dad,” Michonne said. 

“Michonne, I want to help Kingdom, you know I do. I would do anything to help Carol and Ezekiel, but what if Alpha finds out that we have her kid? What then? Not to mention that Daryl attacked Beta and we don’t even know if he’s alive or not.”

“We’ll deal with it, just as we’ve dealt with everything else.”

“We’ve never seen anything like this before and you know it.”

“We can’t ignore them anymore, our friends,” she explained. “I know this is going to be rough, but we’ve won wars before.”

“So you do think this is going to end in a fight, then?” 

“It always does, (Y/N),” Michonne said. 

“I know you don’t trust her, Lydia, I mean,” you said. 

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said. 

“There is a lot of shit goin’ on right now, but we have to protect her just like we once protected Enid when she had nobody.”

“Enid isn’t the daughter of a killer,” Michonne reminded you. 

“No, she’s not, but she could have gone down a different path. Just because she found Alexandria, that doesn’t mean that she couldn’t have turned for the worse. If it wasn’t for Maggie and… and Carl, who knows what would have happened to her.” Michonne was quiet for a moment. 

“You’re saying that Henry is Lydia’s Carl?” 

“I’m saying that she’s a scared kid who needs everyone in her corner to keep her safe and help her make the right decision.”

“And that’s gonna be you?” 

“I’m gonna damn well try to be.”

---------

It was night when Daryl and the others were getting ready to leave. 

You met them at the gate as Connie helped Henry balance on his staff, trying to get a rhythm going for their travels. You figured they were going to be headed to Kingdom, but you didn’t know where Daryl would be going after that. Lydia stood by, watching the duo with a smile. 

When Daryl noticed you standing off to the side, he joined you. “We didn’t get a chance to talk. Not really,” he said. 

“There will be other times,” you said with a bump to his shoulder. 

“Judith talked to me,” he said.

“Yeah?” you asked, avoiding the look he was giving you. 

“You should know that she hears a lot more than ya think.”

“Meaning she heard the argument Negan and I had,” you realized. Daryl grunted in agreement. “Just great.”

“She’s worried about ya, thinks you’re not gonna forgive him,” Daryl said. 

“Judith should mind her own business,” you muttered.

“Are ya? Going to forgive him?”

“What would be the point? The situation is gonna still be the same. Negan is gonna be locked up and I’ll be out trying to fight another battle that we shouldn’t be in in the first place.”

“Self-pity don’t look good on ya,” Daryl said.

“That’s not—”

“Ya, it is,” he interrupted. “I already told ya my thoughts on you and him. I still stand by them, but ya gotta start usin’ your brain, Kid.” You smiled at the nickname. It was something he had called you when you first met, even though you were around the same age as Maggie.  

“I thought the heart was supposed to make these kinds of decisions?” 

“Nah, ya gotta use both. Don’t believe that poetic bullshit.” 

“Are you sure you weren’t a motivational speaker before all this?” you joked. 

“Not unless ya count me yellin’ at Merle to get his shit together when the son of a bitch was high and chasin’ birds through the streets.” 

“I do,” you decided. Daryl snorted but stayed quiet. “You’re leavin’ with Lydia after you get Henry home, aren’t you?”

“It’s for the best,” he said. 

“Is it?” 

“People don’t trust her,” Daryl said. 

“That’s not her fault.” 

“No, it ain’t,” he said, “but I’m not about to leave her vulnerable to people who don’t want her around. Maybe removing Lydia from the equation will make Alpha leave everyone else alone.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” you sighed. 

“I gotta try.”

“I know,” you said and then leaned into him. He put his arm around and you savored the small moment. “Please be careful.” 

“I will,” he said and then he pushed back to see your face. “Come with me.”

“What?”

“I know ya have been lost for a while. Judith mentioned you isolate yourself. Maybe you just need a break.”

“What happened to me needing to figure out my shit here?”

“Fuck that,” Daryl said. “I ain’t always right.”

“I’m needed here, D,” you said. 

“By who? Michonne? Or Negan?”

“Judith,” you said. “RJ, Laura, Scott, Gabriel, Siddiq, and Ro who are about to be parents,” you reminded him. “I can’t just run away.” He caught your double meaning. 

“Ya mean like I did?” he asked, but there was no venom in his voice. 

“I never blamed you for leaving after Rick, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think that you should have been around more.” He nodded, understanding where you were coming from. 

“So, that’s a no?”

“Yeah, D, it’s a no,” you said and then sighed, but pulled you back into him, gripping you tight. 

“Remember what I said, Kid, don’t try to fix him. We are the way we are and if you somehow found something you care about in a man like that, don’t try to find a reason to ruin it.”

“I thought people could change,” you said into the side of his neck. 

“They can, but deep down, there’s always that one thing that makes them, them,” he said. 

“I don’t know about that.”

“I do,” he whispered. “Yours is that you don’t give up. Never have, and I don’t think ya ever will. I’ll see ya soon, I ain’t gonna just disappear again.” 

“Promise?”

“Ya, I promise.”

“Good,” you said and then squeezed him once more before he shouldered his bow and with a quick whistle had Dog running after him. You actually believed him this time that you would see him soon and that was comforting. Connie waved to you as the gate slid closed and you were only hoping that whatever they had planned, they would get through it alive.

---------

The next day, it was early and Alexandria was saddling up to head out for The Kingdom. 

You found yourself heading to Aaron’s, trying to muster up the courage to speak to him. You missed him and you knew that whatever was going on between the two of you, you needed to deal with it before it got worse. 

Knocking on the door and Gracie answered. “Hey Gracie,” you greeted. “Is your dad home?”

“Daddy! (Y/N)’s here!” she shouted behind her and then turned back to you with a large grin on her face. “He’s getting things ready for the fair,” she explained. 

“Are you excited?” you asked as you heard Aaron’s footsteps approaching. 

“Yes!” she said, jumping up and down a bit. Aaron appeared behind her, his eyes narrowed at you on his front porch. 

“Hey,” you said. 

“Gracie, why don’t you go finish putting your bag together?” Aaron suggested. 

“Okay! Bye, (Y/N)!” she said, as exuberantly as always. You didn’t know where she got all her energy from. When she was out of sight, Aaron turned his attention back to you.

“Can we talk?” you asked and he hesitated. “Please.” With a sigh, he gestured to the bench on his porch and you quickly took a seat, eager to say your piece. Aaron was quiet as you took a breath. “Aaron, I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” he asked. 

“Being an asshole and not being a very good friend these past couple of months. I’ve been confused and angry and I have been taking it out on you instead of dealing with it.”

“I guess that’s one way to put it,” He said with a snort. He then turned his gaze towards the Grimes house and what was beneath it. “I just hate that you stick up for him.” 

“I know.”

“And what’s worse is that I can see that he makes you happy. I don’t know what to do with that, (Y/N).”

“I don’t know what to do with it either. To be honest, I don’t know what to do with any of it. The last thing I ever expected was to care about someone after the world ended, let alone someone like him.”

“Then why do you?” he asked, genuinely curious. “Why Negan?”

“I don’t know, Aaron. I guess maybe because I always felt misunderstood and like an outcast. I’ve done things I’m not proud of and I didn’t think I was worthy of forgiveness…”

“You think we should be forgiving him?” Aaron asked, raising his brows. 

“No, because I know none of you will. I don’t even know if I could ever forgive him for what he did to Glenn and Abraham. I don’t know if I could forgive a lot of the things he did.”

“What do you know?” he asked. 

“I know that whatever I feel for him is my business and something I need to figure out with him and only him. It’s something I would like to do without the entire town ready to pick up torches and pitchforks.” Aaron laughed at that. 

“I don’t think we’d go that far,” he said. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” you said. “Negan isn’t perfect, but he’s not evil. There is good in him and I’ve seen it, but I need you to know that I don’t expect you to see it too.” 

“Good, cause I won’t,” he said shortly. 

“I know you hate him,” you continued, “but I don’t and I need time to figure out why.”

“Are you asking for my permission?”

“No, absolutely not,” you said with a roll of your eyes. “I’m just telling you that I don’t plan to turn my back on him, at least, not just yet.” Aaron nodded, his eyes staring at his boots. His right hand fiddled with the straps on his prosthetic as he thought about your words.

“Why are you mad at him?” Aaron said and you paused, not expecting the question.

“Who says I’m mad at him?” 

“I know you,” he said. 

“God, I really wish people would stop saying that,” you said, rubbing at the back of your neck.

“I’ll tell you what,” Aaron said. “I’ll stop being an ass to you if you stop being an ass to me, deal? I think we’ve lost enough already to not have each other’s backs. I don’t need any more regrets.” You reached over and offered your hand. He took it and squeezed it in his own. The loss of Paul was still weighing on both of you as if it had happened only hours before rather than days. Aaron was trying and so, you decided you should too.

“Okay, I’ll take that deal.” 

“Maybe you just need to take a breather,” Aaron said. “And I mean a real break. One where you’re not dealing with Walkers, Whisperers, or missing friends.”

“Are you suggesting I take a vacation?” you asked with your brows raised. 

“Come with me to the fair,” he offered. “Help us with Kingdom. I know you turned Michonne down, but I am willing to convince you.”

“How are you planning to do that?” you asked. Aaron then smiled at you. 

“I think I overheard Enid say that Alden has been singing more often. How much do you wanna bet he’s gonna get roped into singing a verse or two?” Aaron sent you a wink and you knew that there was no point in arguing with him. 

“Fine, I’ll go,” you relented. “But first, I gotta talk to someone.”

--------

Before you headed out with the caravan, you made a final stop. 

“Here to yell at me some more?” Negan said as you opened the door.

“Do you want me to?” you asked, approaching the bar. 

“Not particularly,” he said as he sat up on his cot. 

“I’m going to the fair,” you announced. He stood up at that. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked, concerned. 

“Seems to be. Kingdom needs this and so do I,” you said. 

“I don’t like the thought of you going out there with those freaks running around,” he admitted. 

“I can handle it,” you assured him but then decided to reveal something else. Something you had been careful not to let anyone else know. 

“What is it?”

“They terrify me, Negan. These Whisperers are absolutely horrifying. You asked me not too long ago when the last time I was afraid and I said it was the day Rick died. Now? Now, it’s when I saw those...people walk with the Dead and look at us as if we were the ones who weren’t alive. It was when we were in that graveyard as they killed Jesus... I don’t know what to do with those feelings.” 

Negan thought for a moment, almost moved by the fact that you had decided to come to him with this. Especially considering how your last conversation had gone. All he wanted to do was reach for you and take you into his arms, but he knew had lost those privileges the second he snuck beyond the walls. Instead, he went back to the roots of your communication. He offered a quote. 

“‘I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it’,” he said quietly and you recognized it immediately.

“Nelson Mandela,” you whispered. 

“He was brave, just as you are. I don’t care what they think or what they see. You are stronger than them and the only way they win is if you let them,” Negan said. “Look at me,” he ordered and you did. There was a fire in his eyes, but not the one that was usually there. It wasn’t one of tenderness, but of steel resolve. “Don’t give her an inch. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“I know you don’t trust me, but I trust you, (Y/N). Help your friends and then come back. We have a lot to talk about.” You nodded, trying to memorize the words that he said, letting them cement in your mind. 

Turning to go, you paused in the doorway. “Promise me something,” you said, looking back over at him. 

“Anything.”

“There’s a line, the one that separates us from becoming like them,” you said and he knew you meant Alpha and her people. “If you ever see me about to cross that line…”

“I’ll drag you back even it means I have to take down every last one of them to do it,” he swore, that fire lighting up his eyes even more. You nodded, grateful for his response. “(Y/N),” he said, stopping you one last time. 

“Yeah?”

“I promise I’ll be here when you come home,” he said and with those words, your heart felt an ounce lighter. 

“I know.”

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[fictionadventurer]

Here, have a bunch of scattered thoughts, observations, and opinions about Greta Gerwig’s Little Women:

(Spoilers below, which wouldn’t usually be a big deal for something based on a classic novel, but I will be discussing the ending).

General Thoughts

The colors in this movie are lovely. The cinematography is lovely. This is a movie with so many wonderful things to look at. (Though the lighting was too dark in some scenes).

I loved how tactile this movie was. The things on-screen just feel so real and textured. I don’t know, like, there’s a fence Jo climbs over, and we see the splinters in the fence and it just feels weighty and textured. It made me appreciate the things in this movie’s world and in ours.

The music was great. I want the soundtrack.

I loved, loved, loved all the dancing scenes. Not sedate, not romantic, just so much vibrant joy and life. Jo’s dance in the pub was one of the highlights of her story. Almost as good were her and Laurie’s ridiculous dances at their first meeting–you see how well they get along as friends. The focus on dancing is definitely one of my favorite parts of the movie (and another reason I want the soundtrack). 

A lot of the acting had weird rhythms to it. Especially in group scenes where there was a lot of talking, it felt like people were just rapid-fire reciting lines from the book, rather than saying real things that real people would say. 

The beginning confused me. I couldn’t figure out whether the woman was supposed to be Jo March or Louisa May Alcott (part of the problem is that I wasn’t expecting a blonde Jo). I kind of wish Gerwig had just made a Louisa May Alcott biopic if she wanted to explore Little Women’s publication process, because it just makes this story more confusing.

The flashbacks were less confusing than I was expecting. There were a few times where it took a few seconds to figure out which part of the timeline we were in, but for the most part, I could follow it because I was familiar with the book. I’m not sure I could have followed it if I hadn’t been familiar with the book.

Some of the flashbacks layered together really well.  Other times, it just felt like we were jumping randomly through time. At some points, it didn’t feel like a story. It was just stuff happening, and even if it looked nice, I couldn’t connect to it emotionally.

I kind of like the way they layered Beth’s original bout of illness with her death, but then the story moves on to other storylines and other flashbacks and the death doesn’t really have an impact. Her death is just another thing that happens, rather than an emotional turning point.

The ending is very frustrating. So many of my thoughts about the movie in general are shaped by that ending, so it’s going to get it’s own section (and probably at least two other posts about it).

Character-Focused Thoughts

Laura Dern was a good Marmee. A bit livelier than might be expected, while still being warm and motherly. I can believe this Marmee would struggle with her temper.

(For some reason, I just really like Laura Dern. I don’t know why. Thus, I can’t give a real assessment of her Marmee because I just like that she was in the role).

That conversation between Marmee and Jo about her temper made no sense. Marmee starts out saying that she’s learned to control her temper, and when Jo says she wants to be like that, Marmee responds, “I hope you’ll do better. There are some natures too noble to curb, too lofty to bend.” What? It sounds like she’s saying that Jo doesn’t need to change, which is the exact opposite point this scene should be making. Unless she’s trying to say that she wants Jo to do more than curb her temper, but become someone so strong in her morals that she can stand strong against the temptations in life. But that’s not clear from the scene, and it’s easy to read it as a vague “empowerment” message. It’s another point where conflating Jo with Louisa May Alcott (by giving Marmee a line from one of Alcott’s mother’s letters) made the story more confusing.

To my surprise, I really liked Emma Watson as Meg. Or at least, I liked Meg and was able to forget that she was played by Emma Watson. She was a bit distant, a bit bland, but there was also something compelling about her sedate sweetness. (I loved her purple dress).

Her little subplot with John and the silk was my favorite part of the plot. Just when I was thinking, “This is just like other Little Women adaptations where I can’t connect to the characters”, we get that stunning scene of them discussing the price of the silk and I get teary-eyed over John’s regret that he’s too poor to give his wife what she wants. His compassion warring with his frustration, his love warring with practicality. Exquisite. And the resolution was perfect, with both of them willing to sacrifice for the other’s happiness.

As you can probably guess, I loved James Norton as John Brooke and wish he’d had more to do in the story.

While I kind of wish that we’d seen more of John’s love story with Meg, I also kind of like that we kept the focus on their married life. This movie’s so obsessed with marriage, but this is the only part of the movie where we get to explore what marriage actually looks like, rather than just listening to characters talk about their opinions of it.

Jo was lively and vibrant and I loved how they kept her relationship with Laurie so thoroughly brotherly (until the ending, which I’ll get to later). And I loved the “I’m so lonely” line, but the movie didn’t really do anything with it. There was so much potential for character development, but then she just didn’t develop. It’s the exact opposite of everything that I talked about in my essay about the ‘18 Little Women. The earlier adaptation got a lot wrong, but Jo’s arc was strong and compelling. This movie just assumed that Jo’s already great and didn’t give her an arc at all.

Beth was sweet and adorable and I wish we’d gotten more of her. The scene where she thanks Mr. Laurence for the piano was one of my favorite character moments of the movie. Her barely audible, stammering ‘thank you’ is such Shy Kid Culture.

Florence Pugh played older Amy very well, and highlighting her practicality was an interesting choice. But why didn’t they hire a kid to play younger Amy? She was ridiculous in the role of a twelve-year-old girl. I spent half the movie trying to figure out what young Amy’s voice reminded me of, until I finally realized: It sounds exactly like Mallory from Studio C whenever she plays a little kid in a sketch. I doubt that sketch comedy was what these people were going for in their Oscar-nominated movie.

Amy and Laurie’s romance had very interesting moments to it, and I love how they pushed each other to change. I liked the idea of it (and loved the scenery it took place in). But as two characters who fall in love, I’m not sure that what we saw on-screen was enough to make me really believe in it.

Mr. March was almost a non-character. I really wish that he’d been more present, and I wish they’d highlighted his letter and his role in his daughters’ character development more. (But this movie wasn’t really interested in the virtue-development part of the plot). He was bashed a lot by Aunt March and we didn’t get a chance to see if she was right about him or not.

Aunt March is a delightful old-lady character. I loved a lot about her. I didn’t love how she was a mouthpiece for their most ham-handed ideas about marriage.

Hannah was excellent. Added a nice dose of practical common sense. One of my favorite characters.

Making Mr. Laurence into a Southern gentleman was an interesting choice, especially given how this episode highlighted the Civil War part of the setting. I liked him, especially his relationship with Beth.

I laughed during Laurie’s first appearance, when the camera slowed down and made it into the most cliche romantic-comedy moment possible. Then when he spoke, I understood for the first time in my life why people like Timothee Chalamet. The goodwill toward his character was not to last.

Brotherly Laurie was adorable and likable. One of my favorite scenes was when he first meets the March family, and just stands there silently appreciating their lively, loving, comfortable family atmosphere.

Romantic interest Laurie was a jerk and a creep. The way he kept touching people who didn’t want to be touched, forcing affections on people who didn’t want them. Not cool. And “She calls me ‘my lord’?” Creeeeeepy.

After all the hype over the smock scene, I was expecting a lot more. I was like, “That’s it?” Not that I’m complaining–I was expecting something a lot more overtly sexual and I like that it was restrained.

(The cloak that Amy puts on after the smock scene? Gorgeous. I want it.)

I hate that Jo decides she wants to marry Laurie. After a whole movie spent showing how she’s right that their relationship was brotherly and that Amy’s a better fit for him, suddenly out of nowhere she just wants to attach herself to him because she’s lonely. And then it fails not because Jo has any revelations about herself or life, but because he’s already taken. It was just so bizarre. Especially in light of the ending, but again, I’ll get to it later. (Probably in another post).

Bhaer was a lovely character. I don’t understand why they made him French, but he’s such a steady, sensible, caring presence for Jo, so sweet and intelligent, and the movie completely failed to make use of his character and the arc he could have provided for Jo. 

The Ending

It’s my biggest source of frustration. I’d been fully spoiled for it, knew that it was “ambiguous”, and came fully prepared to do as many mental gymnastics as necessary to allow for the interpretation that Jo and Bhaer’s love story is the “real” ending. I couldn’t do it. There is no way that I can see that chase in the rain as anything other than a “forced” ending to the fictional story in Jo’s book.

When Bhaer visits the March’s, Jo’s not warm. She’s not happy. She’s just stunned and awkward. Frederick saying that he’s taking the job in California is nothing more than the most blatant set-up for a romantic-comedy ending. Even when he leaves, Jo doesn’t seem regretful, he’s just like, “Come and visit me sometime,” and Jo’s only response is, “Yeah, I probably won’t.”

Then, when she turns around, everyone has the most forced, zombie-like smiles on their faces. “You love him,” they all insist, and Jo is just baffled, like she’s in a Twilight Zone episode and struggling to assert her reality against a world that’s warped around her. Then they railroad Jo into a romance plot, setting up everything for the romantic-comedy chase in the rain against all of Jo’s protests that it’s unnecessary. And then the actual declaration of love is so entwined with Jo’s talk to her publisher that I can’t see it as anything other than fiction. The lines are such vague romance stuff that seems unconnected to anything that we’ve seen in Jo and Bhaer’s relationship through the rest of the movie. “I have nothing to give you,” he says, even though there’s never been a mention of him as poor before, no indication that this would have been a problem for their romance.

And then we see the lovely sunlit ending where everyone is happy and living active, fulfilled, love-and-service-filled lives, contrasted with the cold sterility of Jo watching her words get bound into a book. Don’t get me wrong, the binding process was beautiful to watch, but putting it forth as a “better” ending than Jo and Bhaer running a school together was absolutely ridiculous.

At best, I could try to say that the sunlit ending is a happy future brought about by the publication of the book–the royalties fund the school, everyone can be together, and Bhaer works at the school and he and Jo are friends and colleagues even if they don’t get married. But it’s given such an unrealistic gloss, and when the scene fades out and turns into the cover of the book, it seems like the final stamp saying that this is all fiction, and the only real thing about this ending is the book that Jo holds in her hands.

Instead of being surrounded by loving family and friends, she’s alone, holding a book. A book that isn’t even the book she wanted to write, a book that forced her to abandon her artistic principles for the sake of money. And to me, she looks like she’s about to cry (not happy tears), and it’s just such a bleak, sterile ending to a movie with the potential for such vigorous life.

(I do kind of wish I’d seen it without being spoiled for the ending and not knowing Gerwig’s thoughts about the “best” ending for Jo, because I’ll never know if I would have come to the same interpretation of the ending if I’d been coming in completely blind. I kind of feel like I’d have had similar thoughts, but I’ll never know.)

There’s so much more I could say about this ending, but all my thoughts are connected to how it affects the arcs and messages of the rest of the movie, and this post is far too long already. I’ll need at least one significant essay and at least 1-2 other posts to untangle exactly how this ending affects my feelings about this movie.

[chainofbeing]

Adam Escapes the clutches of the Anthronesians and finds himself in the company of something far greater

Rhostiran Guard: Adal Rifai

Craiova Iwa: Bettrys Jones

Anthronesian 1: David M. Sledge

Anthronesian 2: Tomix

Sword of Nemesis: Lucy Campbell

Epicurosa: Laura Rogers

Alexander Ashton: Jonathan Aroloye

Sound design, Writing, and Adam Delta 5: Cai Gwilym Pritchard

An Extra Special thanks to our patrons

Theresa Shiban 

Anthony Hyde

email us at chainofbeingofficial@gmail.com

follow the podcast on twitter @chainofbeing

Subscribe to the patreon for exclusive content and rewards!

The music used in this episode was:

A fucking tribute to the mysticism of your fuckin sound - alpha hydrae

Poisson Grêlon - Cuicuitte

violin concerto in g minor rv 315 'l'estate' ( summer )

[a light hum and some music playing over a radio in adams cell]

I can’t stop thinking about the solar system, about earth. It was never my home, that honour belonged to Eden (wherever that may be). It’s such a complicated topic, you think human, you think earth, that’s just how it’s ingrained into the collective unconscious. But there is no earth, not anymore, beacons surround the planet broadcasting warnings to all those who approach, it’s a wasteland filled with concrete thorns bursting from the ground, mazes of black concrete monoliths spread across the landscape, no patch of land left untainted by radioactive waste and toxic pollutants, no ocean not made poison by the calloused hand of corporate greed. No amount of terraforming can heal a planet that broken. The death of earth was not one of glorious nuclear fire, but was instead a pathetic and gradual death rattle caused by willful ignorance ignorance and avarice. No one in living memory is from earth, but there’s still this misguided association with it. I’m sure, over time through a multigenerational game of telephone, all the bad about earth can be forgotten and people would begin to idolize something that never was. That's what I think birthed the Anthronesians, a desire to return to an idealized version of the past because you don’t like the state of the present. There’s a guard outside my cell, he doesn't seem like the rest of the Anthronesians to me, he shies away from those more committed when they pass and does not hold himself with the same menacing demeanor. The door is made of an opaque glass that lets me see their side profile, my cell is filled with propaganda books, nothing I want to waste my time reading, and a short metal desk. 

I knock on the door, my back against the wall which bows outward slightly, to get the best view of my captor “Hey,” I say, they ignore me “what’s your deal then, you from the solar system like the rest of them?” they continue to ignore me “come on man I just wanna get to know you,” they move ever so slightly “seems like we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together right?”

“Rhostir Arnofi,” he says finally, seemingly reluctant to offer the information

“That's a hydroponics station right? What’s it like?”

“I don’t remember really, I was born there but… when the Council started relocating because of the overpopulation crisis we got taken to a Veatorian farming colony: Stymphalia,”

“That must have been hard,”

“It was!” they say, a little too enthusiastically “ahem, it was. They do things so differently and we didn’t speak the language and-”

“So how’d you end up with them?” I say cutting him off before he goes on a rant. I gesture to the group of far more menacing looking Anthronesians

“Well I was on a corsair vessel, we crashed on this planet and so we took up in a small village. We had loads of weapons and stuff so when the Anthronesians came and offered refuge for any humans, I thought ‘it's gotta be better than this’ and it was. I always hated the council, I mean why do I have to share with Veatorians?”

“What about the rest of your crew?”

“Well, none of them were humans and they fought back so… yeah”

“I’m sorry, you must miss your friends”

“Oh I wasn’t friends with them I just worked in the kitchen,”

“Do you think you could do me a favour?”

“I don’t think-” he says reluctantly “Just hear me out, ok?”

“Alright,” he says cautiously

“Can you bring my bandolier? It’s got some medication that I need to take”

“What kind?” 

“It’s, uh- immortal stuff, I need it or my bones melt, now go get my bandolier I- I can feel it coming on, quick!”

The initiate runs off in a panic and I pause for a moment, unsure if I actually managed to get away with that before I get to my preparations, each of the heartbeats will be monitored by the ships ai, so using one of the more lethal artefacts is out of the question, plus, I don’t want anymore blood on my hands. Something comes to mind and I wait, the group of Anthronesians leave and the guard returns with my bandolier. He opens the bowed glass door and hands it to me, I take out a white stone icon of a beetle and hold it up, it begins to rattle and emanate a strange smoke like chalk dust thrown up in a breeze, a look of dismay covers his face “you were tricking me weren't you?”

“Yep,” I say

“You fucking-” I cut him off before he can finish his insult, a line of white stone extends from the icon, strikes the guard and he is instantly calcified, his face frozen in an expression of betrayal and meathead anger. The icon of Saint Tarates is an unpleasant one, under the calcified exterior the guards heart still beats at a regular rate, aside from the lack of movement everything would seem normal to an observing AI. Anyone looking at him would of course see the calcified skin and muscle but hopefully by the time that happens I’ll have done- something, my path is still annoyingly unclear, destroy the dissimulation field, a mantra I’ve been repeating to myself for the past few days in captivity on this vessel, the ASC Barachiel. I don’t know what has happened while I’ve been on this planet, if  Dhāra jamīna is still even around, what havoc Ovig Nadal might have caused, It may already be too late, but judging by the fact that concepts aren’t just floating around with no relation to each other, that the laws of cause and effect are still in tact, and that I still recognise the universe around me, that is not the case. I  leave the brig and find myself in a corridor. There’s an electronic sign displaying directions to various rooms and systems. The sign cycles through several archaic languages, I see what I’m looking for “armoury”. I head in the direction keeping highly aware of the sounds of approaching footsteps. I don't know what time it is on this cruiser, they certainly won't be using the council regulated settime due to the Anthronesian hatred of everything Nimonean. The reason that I’m so eager to know, as I slink around the long oddly shaped hallways of the super cruiser, is that I don’t want to be caught during a changeover. On a ship this size it makes no sense to have everyone share the same time table, so (depending on its population) a military vessel will have up to 5 different day cycles at once, meaning that all the systems that are physically manned are done so consistently. If I get caught during one of the changeovers, it’s back to square one. 

I enter the armoury, one of many I’m sure and find it, surprisingly, empty. It feels almost as if the supercruiser is drastically understaffed, the main runway and essential facilities are well maintained but there are great stretches of empty corridor and seemingly important rooms left unattended, perhaps that explains their keenness to recruit new forces from the surrounding area. I approach the terminal, at least I think it’s a terminal, the screen sits in a thick cylindrical tube with a second metal tube set beneath it acting as a way to navigate the system. In order to work it you must place your hands on the sides and twist, a design so antithetical to how a human expects a computer to work, there are indents for fingers where you would expect but the layout over all is so… strange. I place my hands on the side of the cylinder and navigate through the inventory system. “Sword or gun, sword or gun, sword or gun. Why not both?” I mumble to myself as I select a nice looking sword and a submachine gun from the listing. The printers at the side of the room activate and by the time I go over they’ve printed, I grab the sword, smg and ammunition and go to leave. I exit the room and turn to continue down the hall when I run into two Anthronesians, who have yet to spot me, engrossed in their conversation. 

“There’s this new recruit, she seems promising,”

“Which one?”

“Uh, Shiban, Theresa Shiban,”

“Oh yeah she’s great,”

They stop in their tracks as I draw my sword. For a moment we stop and just stare at each other

“If you just turn and walk away-” I begin, but the first Anthronesian draws her sidearm and so I swing at her with my sword. He takes a step back and the second one tries to restrain me, I draw the smg and open fire before he can grab me. The sound reverberates down the hall. My cover now being blown, I turn to the first soldier and swing my sword at the sidearm in her hand, knocking it away. I point my firearm at him and she holds up her hands.

“Aren’t you gonna shoot me?”

“depends,” the soldier glances down at her fallen comrade

“On?” 

“How high of a security clearance you have,” Her eyes focus on the gun and I gesture with it, “Well?”

“I was up to become the next dagger of nemesis,”

“What’s your name?”

“Craiova Iwa,”

“Well, Craiova, do you think you’d be able to get me into the chamber at the center of this ship?”

“You mean the Ctenizid?”

“Yeah sure,”

“I’m assuming you’ll shoot me otherwise?

“Yeah,” I say, grateful for the suggestion

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I say with more confidence

She turns and we begin to march down the hall, a group of Anthronesians rush down the hall and take stock of the situation. They lower their weapons and let us pass.

“Just shoot him in the back,” I hear one whisper to the other

“I’m immortal dipshit!” I shout behind me, bluffing, if they did fire on me I’d probably collapse from the pain. But they take me at my word and we move out into the large cavernous space. The space is dead silent. Instead everyone in the space stands and watches us pass, the balconies that line the sides of the space holding even more forces pointing rifles at me. Even the scientists hold some kind of weapon. We reach the huge doorway and I nudge Craiova

“Well? Open the door,”

“Oh I can’t open the door, only the sword can do that,”

“So what was your plan?”

“Bring you out here, let you get shot to shit, presumably die in the crossfire,”

“But I won’t die,”

“Yeah but it’ll stop whatever you were going to do and, well, you were gonna shoot me anyway right?” I tighten the grip on my weapon and go to pull the trigger, at least taking a fascist with me before my escape attempt fails, but the door clicks and opens slowly onto an empty lift. I take a step back onto the platform, not looking the proverbial gift horse in the mouth. I keep my weapon trained on Craiova as the door starts to shut. She turns and meets my eyes. “Good luck,”

The lift starts to rise, moving forward and up, and I ready myself. Sword in one hand, submachine gun in the other. I fear just destroying the dissimulation field will not be enough. So I intend to begin a manifestation and then destroy it, that pillar is what’s creating it. I’m sure.

The lift jolts and the doors open. I tense up and swing my sword down and onto the blade of a halberd wielded by the Sword of Nemesis. She pushes toward me and I step back and fire, her armour absorbs the shock and pauses, I take the moment to bring my sword down at her neck but she recovers in time and jabs her weapon at me. The room is empty as we fight. 

[the sounds of grunting, metal hitting metal, scrapes and gunshots]

The lab in the corner of the room is scattered with equipment and a half constructed angel core rifle sat on the altar. The Sword hits my side with the end of her polearm and I hunch down in reaction to the pain. She lifts the strange looking halberd above her head and swings it down. I meet the blade with mine, parry it toward the ground and swing the submachine gun so it points directly at The Sword. Through the mask I meet her gaze and pull the trigger. Blood pours outward from a large bullet hole in her mask. She slumps over. I stand and return my sword to it’s sheath. The console in front of me hums into life after I flick a few switches, remembering what the scientists did to begin the manifestation. I stare down at the golden pillar, an artefact of some unknown origin that generates the dissimulation field. I take a deep breath, open the airlock and, make my way down the metal walkway, the atmosphere around me filled with Noble gasses. I wade through the water. The pillar thrums with a divine energy, I cannot imagine how a bunch of human supremacists that worship earth got a hold of it. I raise my gun and hear a shattering above me. I look up to see the form of the Sword of Nemesis diving toward me. I step away and she lands where I stood. With a ferocity to her actions that I had not seen before, she swings at me, I just barely manage to block and parry. She stops, her breathing laboured “You do not know what you toy with here,” her voice takes on a strange quality “We are blessed, you may slay me here, but I answer to something greater,” 

“I’m going to put a stop to this little project of yours, the Anthronesians will die here,”

She begins to laugh

“You think this is it? Our armies are vast, I stand among a faction of untold numbers, we are everywhere. The fact that you think that this small act will impede the inevitable progress of the Anthronesians shows just how unprepared your kind are,”

I pull the trigger and the room fills with a white light. 

[a hypnotic tone emanates from the surroundings like an inorganic humming that approaches and retreats just as quickly]

What takes place seems to do so in a vast white space, entirely separate from the world around us. Seemingly in slow motion I watch everything around me disassemble, the walls delaminate, to reveal the rest of the ship in a slow state of disassembly, machines and weapons break apart into their composite parts, wires separate from their casings, railings unweld, the metal frame of the ship shatters. I see people in a similar frozen state unwrap, clothes unstitch and unravel skin separates from flesh, flesh unwinds from bone, bones unjoin and separate. Their internal organs float up into the air like kite strings. In front of me a shape, hazy and unfocused, becomes apparent, it fills me with awe and calms my heart, the complete ruin of everything does not faze me as I stare at this form. The shape solidifies, a tall and slender figure, dressed in grey robes of an unidentifiable material, in each of their eight arms they hold the ornate skull of a different creature, each hollow and wearable as a mask. They place the black skull of a wolf like creature to their face and with their free hand grab the sword of nemesis, who’s flesh has not begun to unwrap, they lift her up and meet her gaze, the ornate bronze mask shatters, the shards slowly floating away, her is face young but rotting, her eyes glow blue, totally and entirely.

“You’ve sworn fealty to something,” the shape says, and I fall to my knees, an inexplicable longing and devotion in my very soul, “To be investigated later,” they say, lifting the Sword of Nemesis, who is pulled through a black hole that forms above her head.

[the sounds of a wet squelch and gravitational forces pulling her through]

The shape removes the wolf skull and replaces it with the skull of a large rodent, they turn to me

[with each new mask the quality of Epicurosas voice changes, each different and strange, while still maintaining the same voice]

“Meet the gaze of your creator Adam,” I lift my head and meet the gaze of Epicurosa in their common form, the only form I had ever known. I feel as if I am staring into a bright light, my eyes sting but I cannot look away. “It’s not often I pry away from my celestial form, you’ve done well here, but your work is not done, as I’m sure you’re aware, it really is a pleasant surprise to find you, it works out quite nicely actually. Come,” Compelled by some internal force I stand and follow Epicurosa

“Might-Upon-Serenity-” I begin

“She is Holden-Hearts problem, she means nothing to me” 

As she opens a second, larger black hole for us to step through the white light that fills the world disappears, and the floating components of the ship begin to fall, the unravelled corpses collapse to the ground, alongside weapon parts and scraps of cloth. A strange scene for the scavengers to pick apart.

We are pulled through the black hole and into an office in a whirlwind of corporate toys pens and papers.

[the sound of an office, some banjo music plays in the background, mufflled slightly]

A human receptionist looks up at Epicurosa who swaps their rodent skull mask for a decorated black goat skull, missing a horn. They bend down to the receptionists level. “I believe I made an appointment,” the receptionist nods, The God gestures to the doorway, “may I?”, the receptionist nods again “Thank you,”. We enter the office, the high floor to ceiling window presents a view of Azyl, the artificial stellar system humans call home, the walls of the office are lined with paintings and artefacts, the oldest and most expensive being remnants of earth and the newer pieces being from the various Human colonies. Sat at a desk is the human representative, Alexander Ashton. 

“Ah, Epicurosa, how wonderful it is to see you-” 

[he switches off the music]

he begins before his eyes dart to me “Adam!? Where the hell have you been? We searched everywhere on  Dhāra jamīna and found no trace of you!” I go to speak but Epicurosa holds up her free hand to me and I say nothing. The adoration and enthrallment I felt when looking at them has begun to die down the longer they hold their common form but I still do not dare to interrupt or ignore them. The god says to the senator, 

“I have come to relieve you of Adam Delta 5, he has important work to attend to with me”

The senator leans forward,

 “His time under the council is not up, he still belongs to us, it was not you who indentured him to us, you have no right to take him”, Ignoring the senators extremely daring move. I look up at Epicurosa who looks down at me through the eye sockets of the goat skull

“What do you need from me that you cannot do on your own?” 

Epicurosa looks out the window, seeing more than all mortals have and ever will see, understanding more than all the great scholars and scryers ever have and ever will. 

“To me the realms are equal, the physical materials that make you up hold no bearing over the intellectual and moral ones. And so the death of the non-divine such as yourself often holds as much significance to me as forgetting an idea, it is a shame, but another will take its place. But not you, adam delta 5, something has turned its benevolent gaze upon you. Something greater than me, and so I enact it’s will.” 

they pause for but a moment, for reasons so beyond my realm of comprehension it wastes time even thinking about thinking about it. 

 “Our universe exists on a set path, ultimately, one atom bounces off of another at a predictable angle, cause and effect etc. We are all the man locked in the bedroom, we think we want to stay but in the end we have no choice in the matter. One thing causes another with no unpredictable insertions into this sequence. However that is only applicable within the way our universe is constructed. For something that has come from outside of this, the laws are not so binding. By entering our universe, ovig Nadal has provided an unpredictable insertion, he has disrupted the chain of being, the predetermined order of events and entities in the universe. The complex order of orders. For a mortal, chaos is something that can be half imagined and dismissed. But true and utter unpredictability is horrifying to a god. And it would seem you are important to ceasing this edgeless horror.”

“My goddess, I ask that you understand, the council is not in the good graces of the galactic population, our… mishandling of the population crises means we need a win,”

“It’s far more than just that fiasco,” I say, the senator shoots me a look and continues

“To have it be us that solved this universe threatening problem would be… a great triumph to us,”

“No,” The god says tersley and begins to usher me out of the room

The senator, now flustered, bangs his fist on the table

[it slightly rattles the desk]

 “Epicurosa, my progenitor, on behalf of the rhetores and the council of nimonea I pray to you and request that adam stays with us!” A dark anger covers their form, they exchange the goat skull for that of a large cat, spins and  slams four of their fists, skulls still in hand, onto the white metal desk, denting it in two places.

[the sound of metal creaking and a large crash, shaking the desk massivley]

“You ‘pray to me’? You wish to control me through worship? As you did the forces of nature you worshipped in your early history. You feel that you can sway and change my actions through sheer force of will don't you? I am just as indifferent if not more so than hurricanes and earthquakes and typhoons, for they simply exist, I make the active choice to ignore you,”

“I-”

“If you speak once more, you insolent mortal, I will eviscerate you, you shall be annulled, your destruction shall be so righteous and glorious that evermore the name,” they lean forward, stooping down to read the nameplate on his desk “Alecksander Ashton, will only ever be associated with complete and total annihilation and whatever administrative loopholes you closed and lives you think you have changed by shifting currency to and fro will forever be overshadowed by your wondrous undoing, do you doubt my power to do such a thing?”

The senator shakes his head. Somehow, by some miracle, maintaining his composure. In this moment I feel a newfound respect for Alecksander, even in the face of his very creator he sticks to his principles and tries to serve the council. Epicurosa opens up another portal, before we step through I look up at them “Where are we going?” I ask

“Somewhere I will be able to understand some things about you, a great many forces have coalesced to support you Adam. More than just the Rhetores and their attempted deification. But the true divine, before all that I must see if you are ready,” she opens a portal and steps through, I turn to look at Alexander Ashton one last time, he stands and stares out of his window, watching those he was charged with protecting, they are there in front of him, he is simply unable to perceive it all. In that respect I feel we are alike. I turn back and follow Epicurosa through the portal.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e91

Fingers crossed for more Essek tonight

Did Matt get a haircut?

Oh lord Sam xD

"Cryptonic Override" lol hi Laura

Lol Laura xD

She’s such a good friend

"0010011 which is binary for YES" is it tho I wanna know

[[MORE]]

I love how the ads have become an arc xD

I’m pretty sure the gauntlets are forfeit already based on the time limit they gave her, but I hope Matt just ignores that

Also TravelerCon keeps getting further and further away I swear lol

Hott boi! OMG HE WANTS TO COME OVER FOR DINNER

IM GONNA CRY

A BABY BOI

he came for dinner to hang out with them and he brought a gift I’m crying

Whispers

OH MY GOD he stopped floating

He’s like!! Relaxing around them!!

Guys I’m so stupidly happy.

He’s opening up just a little bit

Not only is he a prodigy but his mom is the head of his Den?

"I’m not imposing, am I?" Oh honey never

They’re making him so at home guys I’m so emotional

I live for all this domesticity

Cad’s cooking, Essek is chilling casually with them. I’m so happy.

Oooo that’s an interesting take. Essek is consecuted but he doesn’t really buy into all the religion aspect, feels like it distracts from good things that could be done

Oh my god Laura just connected a dot from AGES ago

E: "I can see a similar spark in you, Caleb. I want to unlock these mysteries.... To pursue beyond the limits of what you’re told is capable. To seek the impossible. To do what every archangel before us has failed to do."

Like not to get too shippy on main but Caleb and Essek could be SUCH a wizard power couple

Beau I understand what you’re getting at and you’re right but let the wizard boys geek out about endless magic possibilities

Ohhhh no now he’s talking about things that would definitely interest Caleb

...Okay I can see now though how he and Caleb could not be good for each other, if neither is likely to restrain the other. If they’re both just the sort to delve headlong and get lost in it (even though Essek said they’d go slow) it wouldn’t be healthy.

Whispers!

Essek’s like where is this happy fun ball where is it

He’s a lonely boy who just wants to be friends!

He needs hugs tho and to be slightly less aloof still but it’s fine he can work on it

Y: "do you ever get lonely? In your solitude?"

E: "I didn’t think so, until recently. How about you?"

Y: "Yes, I think so... to be honest, I... didn’t feel lonely in my solitude until I became friends with them."

My HEART

Also Beau likes him which means the whispers were good

Fjord talking about how his goals are now to keep the group safe I’m EMOTIONAL

There’s a lot of sweet things being said I’m crying

I’m so torn about the Traveler because on the one hand for Jester’s sake I do not want him to be malicious (he was her only friend for such a long time, and who would she be without him in her own eyes), but also story wise it would be so fascinating.

J: "trying to find... you know... where I fit in...." oh honey

Jesus Essek you’re dropping the HEAVY lore oh my god

He got his dad killed??

"Doesn’t bother me necessarily, he wasn’t a great man. He had... little aspirations." Hmm... see okay that’s a side I don’t like and a side I don’t think would be good to have around Caleb.

Like doesn’t that sound a bit similar to the Trent/Astrid/etc way of thinking? What’s a life in the face of aspirations? What’s a life when that life doesn’t value what *I* value?

That’s something I hope we get to see Essek grow out of, but for the time being I’m gonna have to admit that suddenly I’m not vibing with Essek/Caleb as much. It doesn’t seem healthy just now.

Here’s another question: is Yasha consecuted

Is there a chance her WIFE could be consecuted?

I get what he’s saying and why he’s advising it, but it would backfire so hard if the Bright Queen ever found out

Ohhh that’s an interesting take. They want to "stop" the war so the war stops prying into what they’re doing

Oh man I forgot about the potion I’m glad they have it.

Oh my god he’s gonna dip in the hot tub xD

Getting some Cad lore and more found family feels

"Supported then as they’ve blossomed into heroes" babyyyyy

"These are good people, despite themselves." That’s the ultimate description of the M9

Beau cutting in is good because Caleb/Essek is now a potentially dangerous thing but I still crave that Caleb/Essek interaction

"It is one of many things that are fascinating about him." Goddd Liam

They’re trying to give Jester pointers for recruiting to her cult

And it’s actually kinda working xD

"Jeff is sold" that’s so sweet Fjord

And then she mentioned the volcano and it’s done xD

Talking about Cad’s stuff now

As much as I love the overall arc I’m ready to get back to character’s personal arcs too

Oh my GOD

"When you’re at an orphanage they give you a shit last name. Mine was Stone."

HOOOOOLY SHIT IT’S DESTINY

Oh my god if this is a coincidence it’s an AMAZING one

Caleb taking some time to encourage Jester

C: "I’m the transmutation wizard but... you’re the one who changes people. I see it every day."

J: "Really?"

C: "Ja. You’re a good friend; and you move people. I don’t know if you see that, but you do. Every day."

Oh Jester, honey... it’s not your fault, sweet pea.

Caleb offering to use major image to "decorate" to cheer her up

God they’re such the best

I’m cryyyyying god remember when they used to snip and snap at each other and now Caleb’s being so soft and sweet with her

TT: "You were my first, and you will always be my favorite." See that seriously lends to my personal favorite theory that he just didn’t exist until Jester imagined him into being and then he became a god because she believed so hard

Awww Yasha ans Cad sleepover because she doesn’t sleep well alone right now oh honey

Cad taking care of them all has just been my favorite. I can’t wait for them to get to/have to take care of them.

Yasha: slightly more buff

Beau: is aroused

It’s so cute that she was so determined to pay for them herself, didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to help her, and everyone was like NOPE

Also I’m so glad that Matt just let her have them and ignore the original time limit

So the first two hours were chilling with Essek, hour three was shopping, hour four will just be trying to decide where to go next

I’m imagining Essek just like sitting there at the table with all this breakfast food wondering when they’re going to show up and wondering if they just forgot or if he scared them away last night and they don’t really want to have breakfast with him, and when he gets Jester’s message he just jumps up and then has to try and play it cool

I love how he stopped floating as soon as someone mentioned it

Are they trying to

They are trying to teach him how to swagger now xD

He’s like please just eat the cheese and stuff I laid out

Caleb geeking out over Essek’s magic tower god they need to stop being cute

Oh my god we could get Veth fully back TONIGHT

Fuck I wish I hadn’t decided Essek/Caleb was probably not a good idea because I am LIVING for the shippiness right now

Like the whole exchange of “we should work together more” like GOD

Okay okay okay slow burn slow burn is fine they’ll have time to work out their issues and learn to reign each other in and it’ll be okay I can live with that and still slow burn ship it

But anyway this is about Nott

I’m... gonna. Miss Nott a lot of she leaves.

Oh fuck oh god it’s happening

Oh god oh god

Caleb is gonna miss her

I mean they all are but if she leaves Caleb will miss her the most. They started this together.

This can’t possibly be the end I can’t tolerate the idea of saying goodbye man

Sam why do you do this

Fjord coming in to say he understands the fear of making the choice to change

Oh god oh god oh god

It’s fine for Sam to crush us all huh

I’m crying guys this whole thing

What

Oh no oh god

What’s going on????

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK MATTHEW

oh god she’s cursed??

Matthew MERCER

HOLY SHIT

what the FUCK

The episode was a ROLLER COASTER

What if she’s just cursed?! What if she didn’t actually die??

On the one hand I’m glad Nott won’t be leaving but FUCK what a plot twist

Goddamn that was good

[creative-frequency]

Bar in Galahd: Part 2

@nyxulricweek Day 8 | Creator’s Choice Word count: 3909 Pairing: Nyx Ulric x Female Reader Warnings: SFW, alcohol, pining Summary: Nyx and Libertus fulfill their lifelong dream of running a bar, so what better place could your squad have for hanging out? Part 2 of 2. Read part 1 here.

It took weeks to find the time for your squad to gather again. Same crowd, same place, different drinks. Ever since the night you had turned eighteen, your heart had been restless, speeding up and slowing down completely at its own will. Or maybe it moved by the will of your secret thoughts, pushed to the furthest pits of your mind, only to be burst free whenever you laid eyes on Nyx.

You wished you had never allowed your drunken thoughts to take lead on matter of your feelings towards him. The thought had been so clear, so bright and relieving that you couldn’t let go of it.

Unfortunately, the only immediate outcome was more suffering and heartache for you, since the only thing that had changed between you and Nyx was found inside your head.

“Hey Nyx, how’d it go with Laura yesterday?” Corvin asked with a very evident waggling of his brow.

You blinked into your drink. Your heartrate sped up and there was an uncomfortable feeling of something strangling your insides. It wasn’t the first emotional heart attack ever since your mind blowing realization and it surely wouldn’t be the last.

Nyx let out a restrained chuckle. “It uhh, it went well.” With his eyes he tried to convey a message to his friend that it was not the time or place to talk about it.

“Aww, c’mon Vin. Not in front of the ladies,” Libertus said and motioned towards you and Selena, who was leaning over the table with a stern furrowing of her brows. She seemed undeniably interested in hearing more about this Laura person.

You didn’t know how to react. You wanted to throw in a snarky comment about Libertus calling you a lady, or joke about Nyx’s date, but the words got stuck into your throat.

So what if he had been out with someone? Why did hearing that make you feel so awful? You tried to swallow the rousing feelings with a mouthful of alcohol.

“Oh, so something did happen?” Corvin continued, ignoring Libertus’s comment.

You wanted to get up and go out for a breather, but your rear was glued to the chair.

“Not really…” Nyx said tentatively. Not like anyone believed him. He sounded like it was the last topic he wanted to discuss. The only reason he would answer in the first place was to make sure no one got the wrong idea from Corvin.

And so Corvin continued to pester Nyx and he kept offering short, dismissive replies. You tried to focus on your drink, but forced yourself to throw in a teasing comment or two just to make sure your behavior didn’t seem suspicious. With a few exaggerated yawns your act was believable.

It took long enough for the topic to turn from Nyx’s love life. No one had noticed your uncomfort, but it was only relieving. The situation wasn’t something you would want to experience again – which was more than likely – but you had managed through it.

It was hard to listen to, to put it mildly. Your heart stung and the relief you felt after moving forward from the topic was ridiculous. It was jealousy. And you had no reason, no right to feel that way.

Nyx looked as cool as ever, not bothered by Corvin’s lewd comments and invasive questions. You tried not to look at him. You looked at Selena, Libertus, glanced at Corvin, then at Selena again, but your gaze kept drawing to the happy smirk on Nyx’s face and inspecting the new tattoo on his cheek bone.

You were just about ready to give up for the night and head home, when Nyx informed that it was time to retire for the night. Before anyone could say anything, your mouth opened.

“I’ll help you clean up. I have nothing tomorrow.”

You were pretty sure it was a lie. In that moment you had no idea about the contents of your calendar, but spending some more time with Nyx… You needed it like you needed to breathe.

“Sure, thanks.” He flashed a smile to you that made your knees weak.

Instant regret and excitement flushed down your spine. Selena threw in some interested looks at you, but stayed her tongue. Maybe she knew you had obligations on the following day, which you had graciously forgotten all about.

It took some time for the squad members to actually leave. Libertus offered to walk Selena home, at Nyx’s silent insistence, and Corvin departed with shameless grins. Nyx would have to do some cleaning before calling it a night, but you promised to help him. Since you didn’t have anything planned. Hopefully.

You gathered the empty cups and bottles on a tray and followed Nyx into the kitchen. He held the door open for you. You almost tripped when you were too focused on his face instead of balancing the glasses.

The kitchen was annoyingly bright, clean and smelled super good. You passingly thought it was like another dimension. You placed the tray on the counter and turned to look at Nyx.

You were alone with him.

Suddenly it was hard to breathe and you had to force yourself to stay in motion and not freeze. Nyx was just whistling quietly as he put away the snacks and unopened bottles.

Astrals help you, his mere presence made your head spin and heart flutter. You hadn’t been alone with him in the same room since… since…

“Tonight was fun.”

“Huh?” you coughed and caught yourself staring at Nyx. None of what he had just said had been registered into your brain.

“Uh, it was fun. To hang out. It’s been a while,” he continued, suddenly an awkward undertone in his voice.

You forced out a cheerful laughter, but it just ended up into a high-pitched squealing. “Yeah, it was,” you said hastily to mask the failed attempt at sounding casual.

Why, oh why was it so damn hard to be in his company? All the years spent distancing yourself from the pointless daydreams flushed down the drain. You felt like a teenager again. And hated it. You were a grown woman, Astrals damn it. You should have been able to have a normal conversation with your best friend’s big brother.

No, you would have to say something. Corvin had said Nyx had been out with someone. You would have to make your move soon, before he would go and fall for some random chick. If that would happen, you would never be able to forgive yourself.

Nyx smiled tentatively. It was obvious on his face that he was worried about your odd behavior, but he just turned back to putting the stuff in place.

You stood still and cleared your throat. The situation was begging for you to act. You had him alone after a nice evening spent drinking and laughing. While you didn’t feel like you were buzzed, alcohol was most likely still coursing in your veins, giving the much needed encouragement for you to open your mouth. It was now or never. Then it would be over – one way or another.

“Nyx, there’s something I need to–”

The loud clatter of an empty bottle against the floor where it started rolling further from the table interrupted you.

“Oh, shit… Sorry, you were saying?”

Your gaze shifted slowly from the bottle to Nyx. His expression was gentle and mildly curious. “I, uhh, nothing… I forgot what I was gonna say.”

On second thought, maybe straight up confessing your feelings wasn’t the best idea after drinking. The shit Corvin had said during the evening was definitely influencing your choice of timing.

Nyx cocked a brow at you and chuckled. “Okay then. Lemme know when you remember.”

He turned away again and your cursed your indecisive ass.

Soon. You would tell him soon.

Truth or Dare

“Heyyy, looking gorgeous, girl!” Corvin said and eyed you up and down in comically grand motion.

“You always have eyes only for her. Tsk tsk,” Selena tutted, interrupting your intended reply of repulsion.

Nyx’s hand was on Corvin’s shoulder faster than he could aim a dirty compliment at Selena. “Seriously man, cut it off.”

“What?” Corvin motioned to you, “Just look at her. You’d be mad not take her out–”

“For the love of Eos, Vin, I’m not going on a date with you,” you snarled loudly.

Nyx shot a blank look at you and you tried to herd the group towards the table, hoping the topic wouldn’t be brought up anymore. Ever.

It was hard enough to push back the thought of doing what you had intended to do a while ago – you still hadn’t told Nyx about your feelings, and at this rate you probably never would. The more time passed, the more blatantly Corvin was throwing flirty remarks and hinting towards uncomfortable topics. It only made it harder for you to actually bring anything of the same theme up with Nyx.

Corvin was an idiot, it was nothing new to you, but you still knew he wasn’t trying to make you feel bad on purpose. He was just sometimes an asshole who didn’t consider other people’s feelings. Over the years you had gotten the brunt of it, as had Nyx and Selena. Libertus was surprisingly good at dodging his asinine behavior.

The guys headed to the kitchen to grab some snacks and drinks, so you and Selena sat down. You both were glad to have the squad together again. While a few years back you had felt like you didn’t have the time or opportunity to hang out with your friends anymore, the situation had started to turn upside down. The age gap felt smaller with each year into adulthood and your life situations and interests were again lining up with the guys.

It made you happy. Not only because of your long history together, but because you genuinely enjoyed the company of Nyx, Libertus and even Corvin, though you would never admit that aloud. Along with Selena they were like a family to you. All those years spent playing in the mud had to count for something and you felt like you were collecting the fruits of that labor now, over a decade later.

The evening went by as usual for the most part, but then Corvin decided it was time to spice it up a little and suggested drinking games. Selena thought it was a good idea, Nyx was interested and Libertus commented, “Why the hell not.”

All eyes were on you as you sipped down your drink. You hadn’t prepared getting drunk as a skunk, but you really didn’t have anything against it either.

“Let’s do it.” You sounded more eager than you felt.

Corvin started explaining the rules with heavy added commentary from Lib. You had never before played any drinking games, but it sounded like the gist of it was just to get drunk while having fun. It was innocent enough and you agreed to keep it simple and harmless.

Corvin spun the bottle and while everyone more or less held their breath, it stopped to point at you.

“Truth or dare?” he asked with a sly smile.

“Uhm.” There was one question you absolutely wanted to avoid at all costs and it was the one Corvin would shoot just to see you squirm. “Dare.”

He leaned back on the chair, arms folded on his chest and hummed in thought. “Alright. You’re gonna spend seven minutes in the cleaning closet.”

“What? Why?” you yelped, partly laughing at the bizarre dare.

“Because I say so. And you’re gonna choose someone to go with you.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You instantly turned to look at Selena. She was already getting up from the chair.

“I’ll go with Nyx.”

After freezing in the air for a second, Selena’s butt fell back to the stool.

It was a short moment that lasted until the fierce debate in your mind was over. You shouldn’t have said that. Why did you do it? Now everyone would know about your secret infatuation with Nyx. They weren’t that stupid.

You waited for a word of protest from anyone, but Corvin was just grinning at you like the Cheshire cat.

“The cleaning closet. Off you go,” Libertus commanded and pointed at the inconspicuous small door in the corner of the room.

When the door shut after Nyx, the brilliance and horror of Corvin’s plan dawned on you. Seven minutes locked in a tight space face to face with Nyx wouldn’t do well for keeping your thoughts straight. The only reason he could stand so motionless was his hunter training.

You wanted to apologize to Nyx, but you both heard the chitter and shuffling from outside the door. There must have been three pairs of ears glued on the wood. You swallowed. It would’ve been easier without the faint beam of light coming from the wide gap above the door. Your eyes adapted quickly to the extremely dim lighting.

“It was about damn time, I say,” you could hear Corvin laugh. Lib snorted. You wanted to facepalm, but that meant you might have accidentally touched Nyx.

“No way,” Selena protested instantly, “They’re not gonna do anything.”

Nyx was biting his lip, trying not to burst into laughter. It was easier when he had something else to focus on than your face right in front of him, just a slight lean away…

You shifted your weight and took the tiniest step back to have just a little more distance to Nyx’s shallow breaths. The proximity was making your heart hammer very uncomfortably.

Your heel hit a cleaning bucket and the light touch caused a mop to fall over. Nyx lunged forward to catch it, arm reaching out over your shoulder. He was closer than before.

“You okay?” he asked. The surprisingly husky voice sent a warm jolt through you. For a fleeting moment you imagined what it would feel like against your ear or neck.

“Y-yeah. Sorry,” you stammered nervously.

Nyx placed the mop back while you leaned away from his arm, eyes strictly on his chest.

How many minutes had passed already? Three? Two and half? You could hear his every breath, your every damn loud heartbeat. It was nerve-wrecking.

“Sorry about this,” you whispered, hopefully so quietly that the party behind the door didn’t hear.

Nyx shook his head and hummed in disapproval. More time passed in silence. Corvin was wondering were you already making out and Selena laughed at the absurd thought. You shook your head at them.

Nyx was staring at you. He really tried not to, but it was dark and you avoided his gaze. All those things Corvin had said were still making his blood boil in anger and frustration. It was one thing to joke about his failed date, but he couldn’t stand to see the uncomfortable look on your face. It made his heart chest feel tight, but his hands were bound. There was only so much he could do for his little sister’s friend without–

He was alone with you now. In a dark closet. You were standing right in front of him, trying to be just as still as he was, but he could hear how your heart was hammering.

You felt rather than saw Nyx shift on his feet and couldn’t help but take a glance at him. He was… smiling? Probably, since it was hard to see.

Wait. Was he leaning in?

“Nyx,” you breathed quietly.

“Time!” Selena shouted and the closet door burst open. Light flooded into your eyes, forcing you to look away.

“So?” Corvin inquired eagerly, trying to detect the faintest hint of guilt or anything else on your faces. You rushed past him, gasping for breath.

Just what had that been? You never would’ve thought you would want the situation to continue, but as you looked at Nyx, his cheeks were veiled in a hint of red too. What had he been about to do?

You sat down. Corvin, Selena and Libertus were squinting their eyes at you.

“It was hot in the closet, okay?” you heard someone else say in your voice. Nyx was silent.

You reached out for the bowl in the middle of the table, but your hand only found air.

“I’m gonna go grab some more snacks from the kitchen,” you said and fanned your hot cheeks. Blood was still roaring in your veins, demanding the abruptly broken moment in the closet to continue.

Nyx shot up from his chair faster than anyone could even nod. “We’ve got some new stuff, I’ll come show you.”

“Uh, no it’s really okay–” you tried, but he had already marched past you towards the kitchen door. Libertus and Corvin exchanged glances while Selena shot a confused look at you, which you decisively ignored. The evening hadn’t gone at all the way you had planned.

Nyx held the kitchen door open for you and once again it was like stepping into another realm. The kitchen was quiet and you became immensely aware of his presence right behind you. The same shaky feelings that had coursed through you in the cleaning closet, returned twofold.

You took in a deep breath, but your mind was already in overdrive.

“Hey, uhh…” Nyx said, making you turn towards him. He was closer than you would’ve thought, but the kitchen was small and you refused to back away from him. Your heartbeat went wild.

“Hm?” Your hand hit the counter behind you and leaned on it, grateful for the support since your legs felt like they would give out any second.

Nyx’s eyes darted across the wall behind you and he chuckled to himself. The smirk on his lips made you bite yours in anxiousness.

“Wanna grab a coffee or something later? Like, tomorrow?”

You were so relieved that you almost laughed. He just wanted to hang out. Nothing romantic, nothing more than friends. The stinging sensation almost hurt inside your chest.

“Sure,” you replied with a beam, “Did you ask Selena yet?”

Nyx’s expression muddled and he was opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the right words. He took a step forward and you furrowed your brows in reaction. Your rear hit the kitchen counter.

Nyx hadn’t been prepared to explain himself, but there was only one way to get the message out loud and clear. “No, I wanted to go alone… with you,” he explained in a hush tone.

During the seconds it took your brains to process the content of his request, your thoughts had never been rearranged so many times so quickly.

“You… can. I mean– I want to! Uhh.”

He looked amused. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’m just… mildly shaking and excited,” you huffed and tried to laugh, but your throat was dry, “I should tell you something.”

With the way your heart was thrashing around inside your ribcage you thought you would fall unconscious at any moment. It had been a long way into this moment, but you were as ready as you would ever be to take the dive into the unknown – a time past your confession. He had taken the first step. You had nothing to lose anymore.

“Okay. What is it?” Nyx urged you to continue speaking.

You drew in a shaky breath, not entirely able to stop yourself from chuckling nervously.

“I… like you.”

There. You had said it. What should have been a wave of relief, felt only numb as you waited anxiously.

Nyx’s brows shot up, but he smiled. “I guess I should come clean about something too.”

“Which is?” You held your breath.

He leaned closer to you and cupped your cheek extremely gently. His thumb brushed over your cheekbone. The smile on his lips just melted you.

“I really like you too. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

Your hands grasped the fabric of Nyx’s shirt as your noses brushed together. Your eyes closed, your mind went void of any thought. The only thing left was the bursting feeling of tenderness in your heart. You had never before really, really wanted to kiss him, but he there was now.

“Is this really happening…” you murmured right before Nyx robbed your ability to speak. He was warm. You were still shaking.

The door whumped open.

You both froze for the shortest beat before jumping away from each other. Selena was staring at you with her jaw on the floor. The kitchen door was swinging freely behind her. You could her Libertus’s booming laughter from the other side. The reality of the bar was bleeding into yours.

“Uh, what’s up, sis,” Nyx said in a voice that, thanks to some miracle, sounded normal and not at all like his little sister had just caught her brother kissing her best friend.

You couldn’t say anything, not offer a word of explanation. You just stared at Selena in horror with blood frozen.

She reacted with a second’s delay.

“Wha–? INFERNIAN’S HORNS. MY EYES,” Selena screamed, turned swiftly on her heels and left the door swinging wildly after her. It creaked slightly on its hinges.

After staring after her for a silent moment, you and Nyx turned to look at each other, confused horror beginning to crack into grins.

“Saved us the trouble,” you noted nonchalantly, which was completely opposite of how you felt.

“Yeah. She’s gonna flay us later.”

You stayed silent, examining the look in Nyx’s storm blue eyes. You didn’t know had you ever seen them so close up before, but they were breathtaking. However, what really had rendered you speechless was the look in them, full of ardor and hope, warm and excited.

“Does it bother you?” Nyx asked quietly.

You shook your head gently and moved your hand to cup his cheek. He had neglected shaving again.

“Mm no. But we better make this worth it then,” you purred and pulled him down from the chin.

“You and Nyx? Really? Really?” Selena cried, “Out of all people…”

You offered her an apologetic grin. It was the first moment without any of the guys within an earshot. You were surprised Selena had been able to keep it inside her for so long. It had been almost three hours since you had kissed Nyx for the first time. Your lips were still tingling and the warmth on your cheeks would probably never cool down.

Libertus and Corvin had instantly known something was up even though Selena hadn’t piped a word. The fact that you were suddenly gazing longingly at Nyx after years of trying to play it cool was not easily missed by your closest friends.

“Eww. Just… eww.” Selena shuddered excessively.

“If that’s all you have to say, I guess we’re good?” you said carefully, still peeking at her.

She shook her head in disbelief. “After all these years… I can’t even– no.” She sounded disappointed, accusing even.

Your stomach sank along with the corners of your mouth. “No?”

Selena quickly glanced up with widened eyes. “It’s just… unbelievable. That’s all. I can’t believe you never told me! Some friend you are.”

Your sigh of relief filled the silence that followed Selena’s words.

“Actually, no. It’s definitely believable. I should’ve known,” she continued in a lighter tone.

You grinned at her. “I’m sorry. Truly.”

Selena grinned back at you. “Yeah, yeah. Just know that I’m happy for you guys.”

Thanks for reading! If you like my content, please consider buying me a coffee!

My Writing Masterlist

[mistressofmythsandlegends-blog]

200 years later, but ultimate ship meme for autmun/remy

./OH SWEET LORD, you evil.

GENERAL:

How long will they last? - Quite some time, permitting neither party royally fucks up.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - It doesn’t start as love, it starts as physical. Passionate, and then suddenly, one day, it’s that slow realization of this person makes my heart race and it’s been three months and here they are.

How was their first kiss? - Hot and passionate, needy. It isn’t about love, it’s about desire.

WEDDING:

Who proposed? - Surprisingly, Autumn. Either as a joke or out of desperation of holy shit we’re gonna die.

Who is the best man/men? - Oh fuck you act like I’d know this. Hell if I know???

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Depending on the situation, it could either be Kitty, Laura or Autumn’s sister, Diana.

Who did the most planning? - Autumn.

Who stressed the most? - Autumn.

How fancy was the ceremony? - I’m not saying Autumn is extra. That’s a lie. Yes I am. She wanted a fairytale wedding, but she also never expected to actually get married.Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Autumn’s family.

SEX:

Who is on top? -  Usually Remy, but Autumn definitely has times where she’s the one in control.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Both of them do at varying instances, but more often it’s Autumn.

How healthy is their sex life? - The relationship starts out as entirely sexual, and evolves into romantic.Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - With Autumn’s sex life having been so colorful there’s not a lot off the table for her. Most limitations come from what Remy’s unwilling to do or uncomfortable with.Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Actual sex usually a couple of hours, but with a lot of teasing and foreplay it can last all day.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes. Absolutely.

How rough are they in bed? - Again, given Autumn’s history, she’s very much into domination and submission as well as some degree of humiliation/degradation. Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - Autumn isn’t initially a snugglebug, but after a time she enjoys just touching and being in his arms. Remy is also, on some level, rather protective.No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

CHILDREN:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two. Jeremie and Marie.

How many children will they adopt? - It really depends on the universe.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Remy, actually. When it comes to the children, he’s the much more active parent in their lives when it comes to caretaking.

Who is the stricter parent? - Autumn, mostly out of fear and concern.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Autumn

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Remy, most days.

Who is the more loved parent? - Jeremie is absolutely attached to his mother, but Marie loves both her parents equally and doesn’t favor one over the other.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Autumn and Remy go together. Autumn usually has to be restrained from volunteering.

Who cried the most at graduation? - They both cried. A lot. But Autumn proceeded to cry for days after.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Remy.

COOKING:

Who does the most cooking? - Remy does most of the cooking, but Autumn always takes over the kitchen on Sundays, especially after Marie begins to help her bake.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Remy.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Autumn usually does, mostly with the intent of implying what she wants for dinner.

How often do they bake desserts? - Every Sunday.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Omnivores absolutely. It really is a mixup, but I will say a lot of Southern comfort food comes into play.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Remy, absolutely, but moreso breakfast than dinner.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Autumn, usually, but mostly to go out dancing and partying or shopping. Remy’s suggestions are of a much slower pace.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Neither of them.

CHORES:

Who cleans the room? - Remy, most likely, as Autumn procrastinates.

Who is really against chores? - Neither of them.

Who cleans up after the pets? - There are no pets.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Autumn, honestly. Out of sight, out of mind.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Neither of them care that much.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Remy.

MISC:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Autumn.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? -

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Often, and Remy is always needed for things in high spaces.

What are their goals for the relationship? - I’m not sure they really have any. They’re not quite power couple, but they’re definitely the type of couple who fights at each other’s side with the whole “I can do anything with you at my side.” belief. And Autumn is definitely willing to sacrifice for the person she loves, even going so far as being more than willing to kill for him and to protect him.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Both of them, honestly, with Autumn defiantly laying on him to keep him in place.

Who plays the most pranks? - Both of them. Prank wars!

[justbloggingit-blog]

The 20 Best Songs of 2017... (So Far)

It’s pretty incredible how much can be conveyed in three minutes.2017 has already been quite the year—politically, environmentally, socially, artistically. The songs we choose to give soundtrack to those experiences and emotions can help us process or party through it in the span of just a few minutes.Some of the songs here come from artists whose latest works also appeared on our Best Albums of 2017 (So Far) list. Others are teasing nuggets for albums due out later this year. Others have just stood out to us in message or form regardless of the means of their release. So, after scouring through thousands of songs in these first four full months of 2017, here are Paste’s 20 best songs so far.20. Benjamin Booker feat. Mavis Staples, “Witness” When gospel-soul queen Mavis Staples opens up your comeback single, it’s a good omen. “Witness” is Benjamin Booker’s first new music since his self-titled debt LP in 2014, and his most scathing to date. At the time, Booker gained attention for his snarling incorporation of punk into the blues. Now, with “Witness,” the 27-year-old takes a more worldly approach. In each verse Booker spits out almost spoken-word raps about the state of people of color today (even dropping the f-bomb in front of Staples, which is actually a pretty punk-rock move). Each narrative culminates with the pre-chorus, quite obviously about Trayvon Martin, in which Booker switches back to his singing voice and describes, “See we thought that we saw that he had a gun / Thought that it looked like he started to run.” Each time, the maternal Staples interjects, “Am I gonna be a witness?” It’s rhetorical, but also pragmatic—a reminder to be aware, informed and vigilant wrapped up in the warming swath of soul. —Hilary Saunders19. Ty Segall, “Orange Color Queen” Ty Segall’s voice has never sounded quite this beautiful. On his self-titled ninth LP, “Orange Color Queen” stands as the crowning love song (to his now-wife, in fact), and his pack of accompanying musicians (Mikal Cronin on bass, Charles Moothart on drums, Emmett Kelly on guitar and Ben Boye on keys) slay as per usual. But it’s Segall’s tender lyrics and ambitious vocals that really make this one special. His playful metaphors—“Oh, you’re the silver lips of honey / Oh, you’re my cherry fizzle sundae”— make “Orange Color Queen” feel like they belong in a different era, yet it’s Segall ranging like never before on the song’s conclusion (“You’re beautiful lazy / Orange color lady / The morning sun, it wants to know / Where you’ll go”) that show his dynamic range. —Adrian Spinelli18. Hurray for the Riff Raff, “Pa’lante” Meaning “onward, forward,” “Pa’lante” is a rallying cry, starting off simply with Hurray for the Riff Raff frontwoman Alynda Lee Segarra singing, “Oh I just want to go to work and get back home and be something.” As her voice gets stronger, the anger and passion more obvious, she continues, “Colonized and hypnotized, be something.” She’s speaking specifically about the Puerto Rican experience in America (and “Pa’lante” includes a powerful sample of Pedro Pietri’s poem “Puerto Rican Obituary”), but in today’s political climate, it’s a fitting anthem for anyone marginalized. In the song’s final minutes, Segarra erupts and declares, “From Marble Hill to the ghost of Emmett Till, pa’lante.” Onward, forward, indeed. —Bonnie Stiernberg17. Thundercat, “Friend Zone” Don’t lie: The “friend zone” is a thing and we’ve all been there. On Thundercat’s version, he drops an all-too-real recount of getting thrown into the zone by a prospective flame. The reigning god of bass writes a steady groove to pair with a spacey synth loop and tongue-in-cheek references to now having more time to play classic video games (like Mortal Kombat and Diablo because ‘90s gore FTW!) Let’s not overthink it, though. This is some nerdy stuff, and song about getting friend-zoned on your 23-track album of bass-heavy funky jazz and hip-hop fusions called Drunk, is par for the course. —Adrian Spinelli16. Big Thief, “Mythological Beauty” After one hell of an opening salvo last year with Masterpiece, Brooklyn-based Big Thief hasn’t wasted any time assembling their next album, Capacity, which is due out in June. Single “Mythological Beauty” loses some of Masterpiece’s rustic elements in favor of searing, sad acoustic balladry. That chiming, delicate soundscape elevates the mid-range of Adrianne Lenker’s voice before it ascends to a wavering crescendo in the chorus. —Sean Edgar15. The War on Drugs, “Thinking of a Place” “Thinking of a Place” has everything that there is to love about The War on Drugs. Still bolstering that iconic Mark-Knopfler-backed-by-the-E-Street-Band sound, the magic here really resides in Adam Granduciel’s patient urgency. He sings a meditative, even mournful, love song that stretches out over 11 minutes, and not once does it rise above a strained whisper. And that guitar solo, oh, that guitar solo, coming in around the 3-minute mark, just blisters in and fades out, almost like a sigh. Also, there are a few moments when the slide guitar steals the show, and it’s just perfect. “Thinking of a Place” is a restrained, dreamy piece of indie rock; if it accurately showcases what’s coming on the fourth album, then it’s about damn time to get lost in the dream again. —Pete Mercer14. Goldfrapp, “Anymore” The perfect fusion of emotional frustration and dark dance beats, “Anymore” sees Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory returning to the slinky sexuality of Black Cherry and Supernature. This time, though, the British duo has painted it black with a helping of electronic work from producer Haxan Cloak. The beefed-up beats bring a do-or-die verisimilitude to the track. When Goldfrapp coo/growls “You’re what I want / You’re what I need / Give me your love / Make Me a freak” you can taste the urgency in her words. —Laura Studarus13. Feist, “Pleasure” To appropriate a quote from Wu-Tang Clan’s Ghostface Killah, Feist’s comeback single “Pleasure” is “rugged and raw.” It’s dark and nervy and minimalist in a way the Broken Social Scene member’s previous work isn’t. When she yelps, “It’s my pleasure” over a grimy guitar riff meant for the Mississippi Delta, there’s no sense there actually is any pleasure. It’s the sound of a heady kind of fury but also the sound of someone shaking off the rust after six years away and rocking out. And honestly, the pleasure is all ours. —Jared McNett12. Jay Som, “The Bus Song” Few songs have captured the mundane beauty of city life like Jay Som’s “The Bus Song.” In it, Jay Som’s Melina Duterte unpacks the emotional pace of a relationship and likens its ebbs and flows to either riding a car or taking the bus. It’s as if she’s staring at the end of things, but finds comfort and solace within herself when riding the bus: “But I like the bus / I can be whoever I want to be / take time to figure it out.” Duterte’s relatable lyrics are wrapped in guitars and melodious arrangements that evoke nostalgia for simpler times. Her even-keeled delivery shows a refreshing temperament, evident throughout her wonderful debut LP, Everybody Works, and helped garner her one of our Best of What’s Next nods. —Adrian Spinelli11. The xx, “ “Dangerous” The moment Jamie xx’s thundering drum and horn samples on “Dangerous” open up The xx’s long-awaited third album, I See You, we instantly forget the sullen basement laments of the band’s lackluster sophomore release, Coexist. “Dangerous” teems with life and a vibrancy that the band dug deep to extract. Allowing Jamie to have a more central role in the production of I See You was a necessary move for a band that had to deliver on this album in order to stay relevant. While I See You maintains a palpable energy through 10 excellent tracks, it’s the way “Dangerous” explodes from the get-go, and how Oliver Sim and Romy Madley-Croft find a symbiotic balance within Jamie’s canvas, that makes this the most goosebump-raising moment on the record. —Adrian Spinelli.

10. Real Estate, “Darling” Real Estate frontman Martin Courtney’s recent move to upstate New York did nothing to upset the delicate and shimmering sound that he’s been nurturing for nearly a decade. The melodies of this first single from the group’s latest album In Mind still enrapture, just as the gentle chime of the guitars still feel like they’re tickling your skin. The only new addition is an injection of pastoral imagery into Courtney’s lyrics that let us listen into this shivering impatience at the arrival of his loved one. The birds on his porch don’t have to worry about where their partner is. Why should he? —Robert Ham

9. Lady Lamb, “Salt” Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how heartbreaking an acoustic guitar can sound. If you ever need a reminder, listen to the first 30 seconds of “Salt.” Set against a quiet wall of lo-fi tape hiss that sounds like rain, Aly Spaltro gently alternates between two chords and manages to cut you up before she ever sings a word. When she brings you in with the lyrics, it’s with a voyeuristic level of intimacy. It’s like you’re listening to her play a song that nobody was meant to hear. It’s fitting, then, that the song should grapple with a moment of intimacy and vulnerability on both a physical and metaphysical level. No matter how many times you hear Spaltro sing “Some days I’m convinced I’m already mourning you / Some nights I’m convinced I’m already dead,” her voice shaking and laced with an up-all-night rasp, it always seems to hit right where it hurts. —Carter Shelter

8. RaeLynn, “Love Triangle” The genius of referring to a child of divorce as one corner of a love triangle is cool enough. But what makes this song from up-and-coming country artist RaeLynn truly ache are the details that she fills the verses with—waiting for dad on the front porch, the stilted conversations over dinner, the agony of not seeing your father for another two weeks. Wisely, this young Texan delivers all these lines with restraint and tenderness. She knows all these feelings far too well as she was inspired to write the song after being stuck in the middle of another parental squabble. The centerpiece of one of the year’s best country albums, “Love Triangle” will leave you in tatters. —Robert Ham

7. Sylvan Esso, “Die Young” “Die Young,” the third single off Sylvan Esso’s sophomore release What Now, is the perfect love song for a generation torn between hope and cynicism. Sylvan Esso never suggests that love is the fix to the problem, only that it can throw a wrench into our own self-destructive desires. Amelia Meath’s voice is as strong and lovely as ever, sounding relaxed without sacrificing the urgency. And the way those burbling, scattered synths give way to the song’s magnetic chorus put this in the running for Nick Sanborn’s best work across the duo’s two albums. —Carter Shelter

6. PWR BTTM, “Answer My Text” Liv Bruce may have written “Answer My Text” as a revisionist history of high-school dating life, but for anyone who grew up with a cell phone, this PWR BTTM song is more realistic that we really care to admit. In less than 3 minutes of chunky guitar-based rock, Bruce and bandmate Ben Hopkins craft an entire narrative about meeting someone, asking for their number, texting emojis and jokes from TV shows, and then waiting in agony for them to say literally anything in response. It’s one of many songs on the queer-glam-punk band’s stellar sophomore album Pagaent, with a message of universality that doesn’t change based on sexuality, religion or race: “Answer my text, you dick!” It’s not that hard, people. —Hilary Saunders

5. Fleet Foxes, “Third of May/Odaigahara” Fleet Foxes  could not have returned in a better way. Robin Pecknold’s touching ode to his relationship with childhood friend and fellow Fleet Fox Skye Skjelset touches on all of the folk ensemble’s usual touchstones in an updated fashion after the six years since Helplessness Blues. The band is, in every sense, out of the woods, and Pecknold’s pent up creativity and emotion bursts across the nearly 9-minute song. In particular, “Third of May” boasts some of Pecknold’s strongest lyrics to date. He describes a fraught friendship with lines like, “If I lead you through the fury will you call to me? / And is all that I might owe you carved on ivory?” If you need any more convincing, the song brought a certain former drummer for the band to tears, if that’s not a ringing endorsement, what is? —Carter Shelter

4. Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever, “French Press” One of our SXSW standout bands, Melbourne’s Rolling Blackout Coastal Fever (RBCF) first grabbed our attention on the strength of their first single, “French Press.” The Aussies have three guitar players and they’re on full display across this song’s swooping and enthralling five-and-a-half minutes. At it’s core, “French Press” is a surf rock jam, but vastly different from what we’ve accepted as such on the American mainland. In their Best of What’s Next feature, RBCF’s Fran Keaney explained that all of the songs from the group’s Sub Pop debut were recorded in their modest rehearsal space and their gritty-yet-effortlessly-polished sound rings sublime on “French Press.” —Adrian Spinelli

3. Future Islands, “Cave” Future Islands have always been the first guys to belly flop into the emotional pool. So it should come as no surprise that _The Far Field Field’_s synth-rock single “Cave” is a frantic paddle through the deep end. Frontman Samuel Herring may spend most of the song rhetorically recapping his own state of brokenness. (“Is this a desperate wish for dying, or a wish that dying cease?”) But over a delicate wash of synths and caffeinated Cure baselines, he delivers the ultimate chorus kicker, “I don’t believe anymore,” over and over again. In his bleeding-heart below, it’s less the isolated cry of one hopeless romantic and more the universal anguish of a generation. —Laura Studarus

2. Father John Misty, “Pure Comedy” Pure Comedy’s title track also serves as its thesis statement, distilling the record’s—and Josh Tillman’s—worldview into a grim piano ballad. It’s easy to see why Tillman toyed with calling it “Total Bummer,” but it nails the comedy of “the human race slipping on the same banana peel over and over again through the ages,” as he puts it. “How’s this for irony?” he sings. “Their idea of being free is a prison of beliefs / That they never, ever have to leave.” —Bonnie Stiernberg

1. Kendrick Lamar, “HUMBLE” In the video for “HUMBLE.,” Kendrick Lamar stares down the camera—his head in flames, his body motionless—as he warns the competition to “get the fuck off my stage/I’m the Sandman.” It’s perhaps the most striking image (in a video filled with striking images) that best encapsulates the song and what’s quickly shaping up to be a legendary career. Lamar is on fire, literally and figuratively, and completely unbothered by it. (Of course, no one does introspection quite like Kendrick Lamar, and within the context of the rest of DAMN., “HUMBLE.” takes on new meaning, particularly when juxtaposed with its predecessor, “PRIDE.”) But even in a vacuum, “HUMBLE.” is undeniably great, thanks to a sinister beat from producer Mike WiLL Made-It, the beautiful simplicity of its “hold up bitch, sit down/be humble” chorus, a touch of body positivity (“show me something natural like ass with some stretch marks”) and another A+ performance from an artist who seemingly is incapable of delivering anything but that. —Bonnie Stiernberg