#there’s a deleted line where Marian half joked that at least Varric likes Cullen so he wouldn’t try to write him out of her life

[persephoneggsy]

Had to get this brainworm out — basically a theoretical banter between my Inquisitor (Hildegarde Trevelyan) and Hawke (Marian) regarding a certain storyteller.

Hildegarde: You and Varric left things on a tense note back in Skyhold. Is everything okay? I thought you were close.

Marian: Ha! Did you get that bullshit from Tale of the Champion?

Hildegarde: I’m… assuming that part was an exaggeration, then?

Marian: The whole fucking book was an exaggeration, and one I never gave him permission to write.

Hildegarde: Oh?

Marian: Mmhm. I wanted to keep my life as private as I could. But now, half of Thedas knows how I heroically doomed my brother to a life as a Grey Warden, how I oh-so-valiantly let the viscount’s son get killed by zealots, and — oh, yes! How I courageously got my own fucking mother murdered because I was too slow to rescue her!

Hildegarde: I’m sorry, Hawke, I didn’t realize…

Marian: (deep breath) No, no. It’s alright. I shouldn’t take my anger out on you. Just… watch what you say around Tethras. I can already tell he’s going to turn your life into his next best-seller.

Hildegarde: I’m not interesting enough to star in a novel.

Marian: Doesn’t matter. He’ll make you interesting. Or what he thinks qualifies for it, anyway. Throw in some dashing heroics you never did, some cheesy one-liners you never said. And after he’s made his money and fame, he’ll tell you he did you a favor.

Hildegarde: … Perhaps we should move on.

Marian: Yes. That might be best.