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fmlfpl · 4 years

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Lineup Lamentations - GW31+

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Pukki and Grealish

IN (for -4 points hit): Richarlison and Connolly

I'm having a real fucking clunker of a season, worst of my FPL career by a lot, so I am feeling pretty loose. I'm backing what I saw with my eyes this weekend which, among other things, was that Grealish is an FPL non-option and Norwich are completely incompetent. The idea that Villa and Norwich would come back from the break revitalized and with a new fire burning was maybe too steeped in fairy tale than real life upon reflection, so, here we are. I'm not going to sit here and hope that either player turns it around and just fix the problem.

Rich looked really good against Livp, gets to play Norwich, and I guess I'm backing Everton and Carlo pretty hard here for the run in as he joins DCL in my team. Not the best fixtures but I am feeling them right now so we'll see how this goes. They are on a short break but DCL and Rich both seem like they could go 90 every day so I'm not too concerned with that. No FA Cup game so I'm not worried about Rich missing out.

I did spend more than a few minutes thinking of Alli in this spot but felt a bit too cute and leap-of-faithy with more question marks while Rich feels more of a sure thing with a similarly high ceiling.

Connolly is just cheap fuckboi who I will bury on my bench. Could've gone Necktie or something but figured that I'd rather have the extra change in my bank for what might be in my future.

GK:

de Gea (SHU)

DDG is a bit shit but he's gonna be between my sticks for the duration. Sheffu look like a beer league team right now so this clean should be extraordinarily easy.

DEF:

Maguire (SHU)

Slab makes it the double on their clean so depending on the way the wind blows here will have a big impact on my GW.

Doherty, Saïss, and Boly (BOU)

Speaking of wind and blowing, Wolves v Bournemouth. Woof. Treble Wolves D with the Dock, Saiss, and Boly get their second roll out.

Bournemouth looked holy shit all kinds of fucked up and bad against us last game and it seems like they will have an extremely difficult time finding a goal in this game. Clean feels like a pretty good shout here and I feel good with these three.

That's it for defense lol. It's just these two fucking teams. Eggs and baskets...

MID:

Mané and Salah (CRY)

Mane and Mo against my team. Whatever. Dunno what Livp will be up to or what XI he will pick after a very lethargic and shit performance against Everton. Feel like it might be enough to get them into gear before they face City the following gameweek, and with no FA Cup to distract them, they could disassemble us.

Richarlison (nor)

Rich is in against Norwich...ready to bang ok Richy let's go Rich.

Fernandes (SHU)

Lastly is Bruno. Don't really need to say anything about him. He's decent.

FWD:

Vardy (BHA)

Pretty fucking nervous about Leic and Vardy tomorrow in the early game with FA Cup for them this weekend and only two days off from the Watford game which was honestly pretty intense. Dunno what kind of XI Br0dge will select, but my hands are tied here. Much like my aggression in removing Pukki and Jack...if Leic don't pull it together quickly I could see Vardz being on the chopping block for Jesus or something soon mayb.

Calvert-Lewin (nor)

DCL looked really good to me against Livp - did his very difficult job well and nearly banged a worldy at the end of the game. Get in there lad.

BENCH:

Armstrong (ARS), Connolly (lei), and Egan (cunt)

It is harsh on Stuy that he's dropping to my bench, to be honest. It really was the biggest factor in my head towards saving, but realistically, he was always supposed to be my first shield on the bench and not someone who I rely on to start. Wouldn't be surprising if he came off anyway, but just wanted to give Stuy some words of encouragement because I love him so much. I love you Stuy, don't be mad at me kthx.

CAP:

Calvert-Lewin (nor)

I'm going to stick with DCL as shouted on the pod.

Hopefully he just like plays Bernard and Siggy with fucking like Andre Gomes and they just go into assault mode on Norwich. It'll certainly feel bad if/when Rich outscores DCL but its hard for me to justify going away from the tip of the spear for cap here.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Mahrez

IN: Son

Planned switch and I made the move on Friday after Sonny boy looked good to me and came out of the match unscathed.

Mahrez is honestly one of my favorite FPL guys of all time and a true darling for me and he came through for me one more time but it’s time to go. Not really interested in Pep Roulette with him and Son to me is an easy and automatic pick from this moment through end of season. He will bang in loads of points. Simple.

GK:

Ederson (che)

Well this was supposed to be Leno but big RIP there.

I still back City to clean against like... every team in the.. world? Except Liverpool :).

So Eddy goes and will just be back there for the rest of season for me. If I need money at any point Leno down to a 3.9 might be where it comes from.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold (CRY)

As good a clean fixture as there is in the league. Should be an easy job with upside of attacking returns and bones. Hopefully Trent’s shaken the rust off.

Maguire (SHU)

Blades are missing a lotttt of guys and they’re looking horrible so this will be the type of game where United need to just be mistake-free and not concede the oneish chance that Sheff U create and other then that should be an easy clean in complete control for 90′.

Doherty (BOU)

Doherty what a treat. No King for Bourney makes this an even tastier fixture... Hopefully Solanke starts and it’s just a shredding from Wolves. Also fingers crossed for Walsh’s treble to work out come on Wolves.

MID:

Son (WHU)

Go the fuck off Son it’s time.

Praying that Jose doesn’t maintain the Jose tactics and allows Son and Berg and Alli to run free in front of a passing midfield of Ndombele, Lo Celso, and Kane... I mean I can dream right?

Fernandes and Martial (SHU)

Plzplzpzplzplzpzplzlzplzz give me a Pogba start. I need a Pogba start so desperately... Otherwise we know what this will look like which is a dickless red devil humping a concrete wall for 90 minutes. Ugh.

Martial turnt up at the end of the Spurs match so I hope he can carry that momentum forward. Go on lads.

Traoré (BOU)

Adama! Was so thrilled when he came through for me. What a great lad. Love him. Now start him Nuno please sir.

FWD:

Aubameyang (sou)

Redemption arc begins here. No way he’s rested for FA cup right?????? (I’m terrified).

Jiménez (BOU)

Good ole Jim keeps Jimming it up. No problem gaffer.

Calvert-Lewin (nor)

Agree with what Walsh said above still love the look of this lad and think he’s got so much energy in those legs to go do it again against the by far worst defense in the division. Rip their hearts out and stomp on’em big Dom.

CAP:

Son (WHU)

I felt like I had at least 4 really good captaincy options and 2ish more then that still good sorta rogue ones too. So many good players with good fixtures in the team you love to see it.

I went to Son because Spurs must win and they have no FA Cup and he’s the best player of the group. All of those boxes being ticked swung me to Sonny boy and then for funsies I looked up his record vs West Ham which just further hammered (hehe) it home for me. This season he had a thirteen pointer goal and assist and in his seven career matches vs the bubble bois he has four goals and five assists... Absurd numbers. I usually dismiss these kinda stats but also, they’re not bad to have around, ya know?

Let’s go Son. Huge risk of ruining my week on the first day of the GW but fuck it I love the pick and loved the way he looked vs United. Cometh the hour cometh the man.

#fml fpl #lineup lamentations

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ask-jaghatai-khan · 5 years

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MK11 Roster ranked for Warhammer

// Since I’m on a Mortal Kombat kick. How would each character from the Mortal Kombat 11 vanilla roster fair in either Warhammer? I’m keeping it to the playable roster since all the DLC characters haven’t been revealed yet and I didn’t want to have this post be five miles long. Might do more in the future, however.

Let’s face it, most of these psychos are gonna do pretty well. They regularly get into punch-outs with gods. The biggest problem will likely be which attitudes get them singled out by their allies.

Jade

40k: Decently well. She has many of the makings of an Imperial Inquisitorial acolyte or an Eldar Exarch. Extreme combat skill and mild psychic power are usual marks of greatness. Also very good at subtle politicking. Might be a bit of a pushover though.

AoS: Even better! Less stigma over her magical abilities, slightly more reasonable allies, and less likely to have to fight power-armored super soldiers.

Erron Black

40k: You can already play as this guy in Dark Heresy. Pretty much any Rogue Trader would be happy to hire this guy, and he’s too stupid to be bribed with anything other than cash.

AoS: Limited opportunities due to lack of good personal guns. Might get on well in some kind of mercenary group from Chamon or Hysh, but his rogue nature still wouldn’t earn him many connections.

Kabal

40k: Super-speed and melee skill are good, but only get you so far. If nobody grabbed him as an assassin, he’d still make a killing as a gang boss, and I think he’d be fine with that.

AoS: Probably even better chances of success, but it’s gonna be sucky with those third-degree burns given the lack of things like high-end prosthetic rebreather masks.

Kung Lao

40k: Kung Lao is absolutely a Rogue Trader/Dark Heresy character. He’s gonna get a lot of weird looks, but assuming that hat can cut through power armor, he’ll probably get on just fine. His big mouth might earn him some enemies, though.

AoS: Again, since he uses a low-tech weapon and martial arts, he’s even better in a fantasy setting. The entire Shaolin Temple would do pretty well for themselves in the Mortal Realms.

Sub-Zero

40k: A cryomancer? Seems suspect of heresy. Then again, a cryomancer who hates the undead and can fight as good as an assassin? Seems like prime Inquisitorial material!

AoS: Nagash’s grip is cold, but if Sigmar can get the Lin Kuei on his side, he’s got a lot to gain. Kuai Liang is as great a leader as he is a warrior and mage.

Scorpion

40k: Absolutely corrupted by Chaos, but I think most Chaos Lords would still be reluctant to run into Hanzo Hasashi. Less of a chance he could redeem himself, but even more of a chance for him to wreak absolute havoc on anyone who tries and betray him. Hellfire is plentiful in 40k.

AoS: A better chance for redemption, and even more utility from his ninja skills on top of the hellfire. Whoever has their grips on Scorpion’s soul, whether it’s Nagash or Chaos, better double-check just how strong that grip is.

Cetrion

40k: She’s a god! On the scale of 40k, she’s at a bit of a disadvantage, but being a god is never gonna hurt. She better just steer clear of Slaanesh.

AoS: Again, she’s a god! Set up shop in Ghyran and kick back with Alarielle in the “kill absolutely anybody who messes with our utopia” clubhouse.

Frost

40k: Cryomancer cyborg assassin is hardly the weirdest profession in 40k, and her conniving nature should help her out plenty whether she wants to work with the AdMech, DarkMech, or some other group of bastards.

AoS: Shame she couldn’t keep the robot body, but cryomancer assassin is still more than enough to raise some hell in the Mortal Realms. Nagash’s clubhouse seems most her style.

Baraka

40k: This guy would do well as King Mook of a group of Chaos mutants. That’s pretty much what he is anyways.

AoS: Same meat, different sausage. Being a half-demon warlord may not make you immortal, but it’s hardly a disadvantage.

Raiden

40k: His character and storyline makes him a solid fit for a high-end Inquisitor. Psychic might and leadership skills, with a tendency to turn into a psychotic templar? Tell me that doesn’t sound like a classic Inquisitor.

AoS: As a storm-god, he’d get on even better. He might even have the makings of a mighty Sacrosanct wizard. He’s already attuned to Azyr!

D’Vorah

40k: By the standards of some xenos races, she’s not really a top concern, but D’Vorah knows this and would make the most of what she has. Everyone’s so concerned about Chaos and Tyranids, they don’t even notice when they’re suddenly overrun by the Kytinn.

AoS: Set up in some blighted corner of Ghyran, out of sight but with plenty of foolish heroes to snack on, D’Vorah would do about as well as she’s done in Outworld.

Jax

40k: Eat your heart out, Straken. Or rather, eat your arm off. Jax has all the makings of a Guard commander, though his heart might be a bit too soft to finish his career free of scars to his mind and soul.

AoS: I’m sure someone in Chamon or Hysh could hook the man up with some new arms. Either that, or he’d make for a good Stormcast!

Geras

40k: Who the hell is this guy? Does he work for the Necrons? The Ordo Chronos? Wherever he came from, that archaeotech is going to make him a nightmare for whoever gets in the way of his inscrutable goals.

AoS: Even weirder! He must be some Age of Myth construct left behind in Hysh. Maybe a fractured remnant of a lost God of Law? Either way, he’d probably be more akin to a terrain obstacle in Underworlds than a regular enemy.

Kano

40k: There’s about fifty of this bastard on every world in the Imperium. Maybe he’d help out Chaos, but at the end of the day the Black Dragon is all Kano needs. His smug mug is going to be on wanted posters from Terra to Ultramar.

AoS: Who the hell keeps smuggling Chaos Dwarf cannons into Azyr? What maniac stole a warehouse’s load of weaponry from Hammerhal and sold them to damn greenskins?! If that bastard even looks at a Stormvault I want at least three merc companies sent to hunt him down!

Cassie Cage

40k: The Imperium loves legacy careers! Explains where she gets all those fancy toys from. Inheriting her dad’s mouth is going to make her time in the Schola rough, though.

AoS: A loyal ranger best suited for exploring Stormvaults and hunting down powerful champions. Chaos Lords best not underestimate her, she’s more than meets the eye.

Kotal Kahn

40k: Thank god we managed to find a governor able to rein control of that sector. Not often someone can purge Chaos that efficiently, especially a Feral World-born. Keep an eye on him in case of further developments, however...

AoS: The last of the Osh-Tekk might not worship Sigmar, but he’s a mighty and ruthless ally in the fight against Chaos and undead encroachment. A powerful priest and warrior of the light.

Skarlet

40k: Chaos could always use more assassins. You’d think more people would be looking into blood magic, but the rarity of it just means less competition and counters. Skarlet is every Inquisitor’s worst nightmare.

AoS: Same blood, different vein! Powerful dark magic and assassin skills are hard to knock.

Sonya Blade

40k: A peerless and loyal leader of the Guard. Maybe her choice of friends isn’t the cleanest, but her results can hardly be blamed.

AoS: The Free Peoples always need more competent generals, and even mortal leaders are expected to be able to kick some ass one-on-one. Even if she gets demolished, I think Sigmar was waiting for an excuse to reforge her.

Johnny Cage

40k: Movie stars aren’t so popular in the Imperium, but shining examples of the might of the common man over the unknowable alien? That’s good, even if he never shuts up. Charisma and fighting skill will get you far even if you’re surrounded by enemies. Probably for the best he gets Sonya on his side, though.

AoS: Less likely to be killed for snarky blasphemy! Also everyone’s so damn serious all the time, mockery would probably make for as effective a weapon as magical fists.

Noob Saibot

40k: I swear I’ve seen this type of guy before in Chaos’ toolbox. A shadow-daemon sorcerer assassin? Subtlety is a rare trait among Chaos, so it might make for a powerful advantage.

AoS: There are some parts of Ulgu best avoided. Laugh at the name all you want, just not if you’re standing in the shadows.

Kollector

40k: Mutant or xenos, his ass-kissing skills will serve him well when he inevitably sets himself up with some Chaos Lord. Obviously without plentiful Forge Worlds to draw from, it would best suit your unholiness to hire someone who can scavenge much valuable plunder, yes?

AoS: Hardly different. Having a sticky-fingered mutant to oversee the finances of your kingdom leaves more time for a Chaos Lord to stick to taking skulls and planning conquests.

Kitana

40k: This character absolutely already exists in 40k. Planetary governor turned out to be a heretic? Well thank the Emperor his assassin daughter is amicable!

AoS: Fan blades seem like something a Khainite would enjoy, but thankfully Kitana is more restrained. Diplomatic skill, martial might, and a cool weapon gimmick will help her fit right in!

Jacqui Briggs

40k: Another military legacy, which is always a benefit. Also extremely skilled in combat and making inter-service connections. Probably has a better chance at a legit command position due to her personality over Cas, who’d be better relegated to black ops.

AoS: Again, great warriors and generals are always in high demand. As a commander of the Freeguild or the Stormcast, Jacqui even looks like one of the new warrior-women models GW likes to release nowadays.

Liu Kang

40k: Another mighty champion from outside the Astartes for a change. Liu Kang has protagonist energy, and even if kung-fu is rare in 40k, that’s enough to get you pretty far. Especially when he has such powerful friends.

AoS: More chances to flex those fists, less stigma around summoning fire and turning into a dragon, and he’s still a trusted friend of many generals and demigods.

#mortal kombat #warhammer #age of sigmar #40k #mk11

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cielospeaks · 2 years

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obligatory event review post since im behind again lol

Story- 1/10. idk the whole idea of giving all the appearances of a country to a person who has a pretty big bias against it is kinda? also the ignoring of canada is weird, since the first event established bunyan was french canadian as well as american? the actual story was really meh, i was actually really insulted by potentially offensive “haha lets laugh at people who died” jokes in the first chapter, but when it was revealed it was all a movie set i was willing to give it a chance. however, the whole concept seems really gross and no. like if the writer has such a problem with tall tales/ect then why not focus on like. actual american folklore/creation myths/ect? rather than just complain. fuck this game company.

Free servant- 0/10. no free servant so :/ i guess ppl consider the gacha servant to be free but thats different. im not a fan of the hyper sexualizing so im not rlly going to roll. which is a shame bc besides that i would enjoy the character a lot more.

Gacha servant- 5/10. dont care, not rolling. kinda too bad bc the kiyo and liz ce is cute af

Event gameplay- 7/10. completely average eventwise. people complain abt the digging game but its way less annoying than that stupid board game node, and less tedious than all the “super hard” battles in like. cf and stuff.

Other- 4/10. myroom is only salvageable for me making one stupid pun. i dont think it really added anything else. ok sure, servant coins for bunyan but i dont use those so :/ but myroom not being the worst thing is fine, and i like fou way home better than the bland and generic white day backgrounds this year and last.

Overall- 4/10.

extremely underwhelming for a gw event but like. compared to white day/ect kinda same old same old. i dont like what they did w characterization but ive felt the comic/series getting more and more unscrupulous esp after 2019 abouts. like the writers just use it as an outlet for nasty/in poor taste jokes, and it shows esp during the april fools games. (this year was def the worst of it oh my fucking gosh). i think between this and the second mystery event go is just unable to make decent movies. they are like dingo productions except it isnt even funny. chaotic film director province charles save us.

and more event reviews bc im behind!

sea monster crisis- 6/10. i liked the sisters, they were cool. their design was def for marketing/getting ppl to spend money but it seemed not as dismissive as the game could be, esp considering they are likened to jeanne in terms of country’s liberators. the free servant was cute, besides the usual shirou shilling, i like both of his designs. the throwbacks to summer 1 were charming, but just made me feel a bit depressed bc of how much i enjoyed the game when summer 1 happened and now its hard to find (popular) servants i dont dislike for some reason or other.

white day- 4/10. heck them for what they did to faraday, got screwed out of a servant slot for more pretty boy op powerful guy fanservice. -angry emoji- i was also thirsty for science bois at the time so i got extra angry lol. the glasses are ok tho. enkidu, katsu, and nemo i enjoyed esp. but the whole event was kinda meh and the ces this year were bad also. i think i just got cus one w the ticket, but even that one was really boring as far as character choice and i skipped the voiced dialogue immediately.

valentines- 4/10. i honestly cant comment. on one hand i like baz, shes cool. and strong in game. but on another hand i didnt really care much for her other asc, they seemed just like “oh baz is cu’s master in fuyuki so i stopped thinking” which. makes sense for this game. also the shipping makes me insecure. but so do other popular cu ships (besides medb prolly, and thats bc shes very unhealthy for him lol). i think the valentines ces were pretty average this year too. i remember thinking ranmarus was cute. and nemo’s was so wholesome. i also really liked ash’s and how down to earth he is.

i skipped the kohan event so yea. skip/10. i dont want to play avalon bc it sucks/10.

#gameblogging #negative

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fmlfpl · 5 years

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Lineup Lamentations - GW34

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week + Walsh on Wildcard.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

Wildcard madness. Will go full team below.

GK:

Ederson (cry)

Ederson & Foster. Pretty simple combo here. Will start Eddy this GW and look to Foster as a great BB backup GK option for their double in 35. City have kinda weird fixtures from here to the end of the season but I still expect them to pick up some cleans so will be happy to have Ederson I think for the rest of the year.

DEF:

Welp since Kane died and everything got turned upside down I went from never looking at anything but five at the back to starting three defenders. Robbo, Trent, and Duffy are my starters this GW with Kola and VVD on the bench. Despite spending a long time with Mo in my tinkers after Kane died I decided to back my gut which tells me Mo is not worth his price... Kola is just a whatever pick who I will BB in for 35 with one home fixture and has a good start in GW37. He'll be on the bench for all of their away fixtures as things currently stand. Can only hope that he plays both games in the double but am not too convinced about that.

Robertson & Alexander-Arnold (CHE)

I still think Livp are the best defense in the league and trebling for the rest of the season I can only hope will lead to big points. I'm going to bench the CB this week since I feel like the fullbacks have a better chance at an assist than he does for a goal.

Duffy (BOU & CAR)

Finally, Duffy is just a fairly straightforward pick. Alon kept it simple and told me on the pod he'd probably be in. I obviously am not going heavy into Brighton since they are shit ass but having their most attacking defender feels fine for a start this week, a BB option for 35, and then a cheap bench guy for the last few games.

MID:

The guy who I'm benching in mid is Doucoure. One of my favorite guys who should be a great BB option for the double in 35 and someone who I might start a couple times before the season is done. As for starters this week:

Eriksen & Son (HUD)

I'm doubling on Spud mids with Eriksen and Son. The team sheet against Huddy this weekend has been highly speculated about given the two City games incoming, and frankly, I have no idea how Poch will pick it. In the end, I am not where I want to be in terms of OR and I'm punting on Spurs being able to - even without Kane - putting some goals in against the shit opposition that they face through to the end of the season.

Sterling (cry)

I've decided to stand by Raz in the end, and despite great concern over whether or not he will start this weekend I just think they are the best attack in the division and I want to have him in. It's an upside play and hopefully it comes off.

Redmond (WOL)

I'm starting Redderz this weekend home to Wolves with not very high expectations. Wolves are a huge rogue wild card for the rest of the term to me as they could either fight hard for Europa or head to the beach. Either way, I think it's a pretty reasonable fixture for Redmond.

FWD:

Agüero (cry)

Kun is in. Not someone I played around with really too much and someone who I think should get a decent point return from now until the end of the season.

Deeney (ARS)

Deeney is another guy who I haven't really played around with. I think home Arsenal is a great attacking fixture and they will have their tails up for the rest of the season, I expect, leading up to the FA Cup final.

Llorente (HUD)

Last guy and really trickiest guy is Fernando Llorenthe. Welcome in the side you Spanish donk. I don't really rate him, but when I look at what fixtures Spurs have as well as how I expect Poch to pick the teams, Llorente seems phenomenal to me for these shitty fixtures while he will play pacy Son/Lukash up top type things against City. At 5.1 he feels a very good gamble.

CAP:

Llorente (HUD)

As you know, dear reader, City players are off limits as they roll up to Selhurst for my captaincy. Perhaps I am putting good money after bad with my failed Callum cap punt last week, but I am on Llorente. Hear me out. I am very concerned whether or not Son will start since I think he is much more important for them up against City. For this reason I'm off him for cap. Eriksen feels a likely starter but I don't know what he's going to be up to in any given week - it's like capping Hazard to me. Without Kane, and likely without Alli, I'm not sure how he'll go. This leads me to Llorente. He is a diabolical player to start against City since he's slow as fuck and can't counter. With two City games book-ending the Huddy game I'm backing my own intuition on this one and hoping that Poch will see it the same way. I think that literally every other attacker on the team will be more likely to sub off than Llorente as I think he is a complete non-option to start midweek...so the 90 is appealing. Even a shit donk like Llorente should be able to do things against one of the worst teams in the division we have ever seen as far as I'm concerned. Tip of the spear, tip of my penis, let's see it Fernando.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Brooks, Luiz

IN (for -4 points hit): Son, Vertonghen

TLDR: Huddersfield are shit.

So I haven’t been around all week just been working my ass off and now we’re here and I was just sorta yolo let’s take a hit and get good guys in... Sorry to everyone on Slack/Twitter that I didn’t have time to get to... Anyway Sonny boy in with Kane dead feels sorta self-explanatory... When Kane is away Sonny boy will play. Takes up the role as their main goalscorer, main outlet, main shot-taker, etc.. Good guy. And Vert has the nailedness, the banker this week, the double, and then several more bankers to end the season. Seems good.

GK:

Heaton (CAR)

Not feeling great about a clean in this one as Cardiff need all the points in the world so they should be properly gung-ho.. Hopefully save points from Tom here.

DEF:

Vertonghen (HUD)

Yeah easy.

Alexander-Arnold & Matip (CHE)

Should be a tight matchup and a clean is realistic imo. But it’ll be fucking tough.

MID:

Salah (CHE)

We all heard Chelsea fans’ new favorite song about their former player Mo, the racist scumbags that they are... Need Mo to fuck these posh cunt rentboy fucks for the good of the universe.

Sterling (cry)

Raz is great and Palace’s defense is now garbage.

Son (HUD)

Sonny in. Hatty incoming.

Ward-Prowse (WOL)

It would be really cool if JWP went another run of goals in three matches in a row or something like that right now. Did it in GWs 22-24, and in 28-30, so I duno 34-36 seems good to me. Go on Hames.

FWD:

Aguero (cry)

Kun’s good... Not feeling confident he starts but he might do and then he might score lots of points. We shall see.

Rondón (lei)

Couple blanks in a row but Sal is still a friend, forever a friend, with actually very good attacking fixtures from now through the end of the season except for GW37. Maybe he’ll tit me.

Barnes (CAR)

Barnesy in a great fixture but who knows with this lunatic? Shake the magic 8-ball and you either get a red card, an own goal, a brace, a pen, conceding a pen, donkey performance, brexit merchant, or any of the above in combinations. Who knows. Hopefully it’s points for me.

BENCH:

McNeil (CAR)

CAP:

Son (HUD)

Going with who I consider my highest upside guy in Son. Really could be a hatty and I think with 3.5 full days off before City in UCL they should be fine legs wise to go out and just dumpster on the shittiest team in the division. Shrug.

#FML FPL #FMLFPL #FPL #Fantasy Premier League #Lineup Lamentations

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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years

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The Weekend Warrior Home Edition May 1, 2020 – THE WRETCHED, VANILLA, DEERSKIN, BULL

Just think... this weekend would have been the start of the summer box office with Marvel’s Black Widow before COVID came along. Now, we’re waiting for anywhere from two to three months or longer for the next big studio release in movie theaters with so many other “big” movies already being dumped to digital.

This is yet another week with no movies in theaters unless you’re in driving distance to a drive-in (i.e. you have a car), but at least we have some great stuff to watch at home, including a few virtual film festivals and virtual cinemas.

The first major disaster brought on by the advent of COVID-19 was the cancellation of the annual SXSW Festival in Austin. The movie that was supposed to open the fest, Judd Apatow’s The King of Staten Island, starring Pete Davidson, was supposed to open SXSW in March and then play Tribeca earlier this month, but Universal reported earlier this week that it was going to release it via digital download on June 12, the same day it was going to get a theatrical release.

Amazon has teamed with SXSW to screen 39 projects, including seven features, that will screen free of charge on Amazon from April 27 through May 6. The four narrative features available are the British-Bulgarian dramedy Cat in the Wall from Mina Mileva and Vesela Kazakova, which is being compared to Ken Loch’s I, Daniel Blake. There’s also the Guatemalan romance Gunpowder Heart, the French period film Le Choc du Futur and the French sci-fi anthology, Selfie. The docs being offered are Karen Bernstein’s I’m Gonna Make You Love Me is described as “Fellini meets Motown” about one man’s search for self-acceptance, while Matt Riddlehoover’s My Darling Vivian about Johnny Cash’s first wife, Vivian Liberto, who gave the country singer four daughters. Last up is Alex Lee Moyer’s TFW no GW, a doc about the state of isolation, rejection and alienation that we all seemed to be feeling these days. There will also be a ton of shorts available that you can learn more about at The Hollywood Reporter.

The second weekend of the Virtual Oxford Film Festival will launch a few more feature premieres, as well as a virtual panel and the Fest Forward collection of experimental films. First up, on Friday, May 1 is a panel called “Creating Black Stories in Mississippi” at noon central time, and if you’re interested in that, you may want to check out the Mississippi Shorts, Getting to the Root and 70 Years of Blackness, which will now run through May 8, giving you more time to see them. Friday will also see the premieres of Daniel Lafrentz’s crime-drama The Long Shadow, preceded by Will Goss’ short, Sweet Steel. (Hey! I know Will Goss!) There will be a Zoom Q&A for the two movies on Wednesday, May 6, at 6pm Central. Also available Friday is Travis Beard’s doc, Rockabul, which is about the Afghan band District Unknown who fought against the USA’s counter-culture campaign by challenging freedom of expression and youth identify in Kabul with a QnA on May 8 at 8pm central. The Fest Forward Collection includes 8 international animated films from places like Estonia and Egypt, and those will have a virtual QnA on Saturday, May 2, at 1pm Central. (All of these Oxford QnAs and panels are recorded and available to watch for as long as the films are available to watch.) You can get tickets for all these movies and events on Eventive.

This week’s Featured Film is the Pierce Brothers’ (Brett and Drew Pierce) horror flick, THE WRETCHED (IFC Midnight), which was a nice surprise since I’m not as easy a lay when it comes to horror flicks as other “horror fan” movie writers. The film involves a somewhat quizzical premise that isn’t too apparent as it begins, as we’re not exactly sure what is going on as it begins. It stars John Paul Howard as Ben, a young man living with his father (Jamison Jones), who has separated from Ben’s mother, as the two of them work at the nearby marina over the summer. Ben is immediately picked on and bullied by the locals, but he’s more distracted by the odd behavior of the woman next door (played by Madelyn Stunenkel). I’m not going to go too far into spoiler territory but the premise does involve witchcraft and an ancient evil that’s cropped up in the small town and is causing the disappearance of many small children… maybe… most of their parents seem to forget they have kids as they follow under the spell of the evil Ben’s discovered.

This is just a fantastic little scarer that at times reminded me of the original Fright Night, and I was really impressed with what the Pierce Brothers, first of all by working with a cast of great lesser-known actors, but the visual FX are fantastic and every aspect of the film’s mood and tone is just about perfect. I guess I’ve seen so much low budget horror that doesn’t really match the standards or production values of even some of the smaller-budget Blumhouse movies.

While you may not be near any of the scattered drive-in across the country that will probably be playing the movie, I definitely recommend downloading and/or renting it if you’re a fan of quality horror. The Pierces are extremely talented filmmakers who I’m sure will be doing better things down the road. For me, this is right up there with The Invisible Man, as far as this year’s stronger horror films.

Out now on VOD and Digital is Will Dennis’ quirky road comedy VANILLA (Gravitas Ventures) about a comedian (Kelsea Bauman) who goes on a three-day road trip from New York to New Orleans with an ice cream entrepreneur (Dennis), to sell his van with a questionable past to his ex-girlfriend. Both of them see the trip as a date, of sorts, but they set up a number of rules and boundaries to make the trip work. It’s a pretty simple premise that’s made more fun by the unique elements Dennis introduces. Vanilla is a sweet, cute romantic movie with two actors appearing in their first movie that reminds me a little of the early work of the Duplass Brothers or Joe Swanberg where there’s a simplicity to the storytelling, but it’s really driven by the wonderful chemistry between the two leads. It’s kind of amazing how enjoyable this movie is considering the inexperience of both actors, and I hope this gets seen by more people. This is a wonderful discovery film that I was told played at the Lighthouse International Film Festival in Jersey and the Phoenix Film Festival, just a reminder why film festivals are so important!

Also on VOD and Digital this Friday is Annie Silverstein’s BULL (Samuel Goldwyn), starring Rob Morgan from Mudbound, Just Mercy and Netflix’s Daredevil. Amber Havard plays 14-year-old Kristal, a young troubled girl who is on her way to ending up in jail like her mother. After an incident where Kristal is in danger of going to juvie, she’s given a choice instead to help her next door neighbor, Morgan’s bull rider Abe Turner, with errands around his home. Kris soon discovers her own love for bull riding, as this unlikely relationship grows. I’m a big fan of Rob Morgan as an actor, because his work is highly-underrated, and I do have to say that Bull is a great vehicle for Morgan to have more of a leading role than he normally gets. He shines in that capacity, and Havard does a decent job in their scenes together, even though it’s a far lower key role. Then again, I thought this was a moderately decent indie that covered topics very similar to other movies, including Laure de Clermont-Tonnerre’s The Mustang last year and Chloé Zhao’s The Rider a year earlier. Unfortunately, the material and especially Silverstein’s writing isn’t up to par with those movies, and it took me a little longer to get into this vs. those other films. Oddly, this will probably be seen by more people due to its VOD release, and that’s fine since I’d love movies like this to find more of an audience even with its pacing issues.

Back in the VOD/digital world, we have a handful of new releases including Quentin (Rubber) Dupieux’s DEERSKIN (“Le Daim”) (Greenwich), which I got a chance to see at Rendezvous with French Cinema back in February before the world came to a screeching halt, and that series ended up also being sidelined. The movie stars Oscar winner Jean Dujardin from The Artist whose obsession with a designer deerskin jacket leads him into a life of crime as he tries to complete his all-deerskin wardrobe. I generally like Dupieux’s weird sense of humor, and though this is less of a genre film than Rubber, it’s an entertaining film as we watch Dujardin’s character get further and further into trouble as he becomes obsessed with making a movie… as well as abolishing the world of all other jackets besides his own. If that sounds weird like a strange premise, then you clearly don’t know Dupieux’s work, and maybe it’s not for you. Deerskin is a movie I fully appreciated, because it was so weird and you never know where it was going, even going into the realm of American Psycho as it went along. Dujardin’s expressive performance was quite fun to watch, plus it it also co-stars Adèle Haenel from Portrait of a Lady on Fire, for those who loved that movie. Again, not for everyone, but if you enjoy Dupieux’s strange filmmaking ethos then Deerskin is another highly original offering.

Film at Lincoln Center’s Virtual Cinema will also be playing Catalan filmmaker Albert Serra’s new film Liberté (Cinema Guild), following it being a selection at the 57th New York Film Festival last year. This one takes place in the 18th century where a group of “bewigged libertines” engage in “pansexual games of pain, torture, humiliation and other dissolute, Sadean pleasure.” Sounds like something that would never play in Middle America if not for being available across the country thanks to this Virtual Cinema. I can’t remember if I saw Serra’s other film, The Death of Louis XIV, but this doesn’t sound like something I would watch unless I had free time at a festival, and clearly, I didn’t have time for this one at least year’s NYFF.

Another foreign film to look out for via virtual cinema is César Diaz’s Belgian-Guatemalan film, Our Mothers (Nuestras Madres) (Outside Pictures), which will be available via Virtual Cinema Friday. Besides being the Belgian entry for the 92nd Academy Awards, it also won the Caméra d’Or at last year’s Cannes, where it premiered during Cannes International Critics Week. It stars Armando Espitia as young anthropologist Ernesto who works for the Forensic Foundation in Guatemala as the country is in the middle of trying the soldiers who began the country’s civil war. Ernesto’s job is to identify the bodies of the missing, including possibly his father whose went missing during the war. The project began as a documentary and then became a narrative film.

Semi-related to the above, Cinema Tropical will be releasing three new genre-breaking films from a new generation of Brazilian directors, the “Cinema Tropical Collection” also done in conjunction with Lincoln Center, beginning with Gabriel Martins and Maurílio’s In the Heart of the World on Thursday, April 30.

Another movie getting a “Virtual Cinema” release (i.e. VOD/Digital) is Alex Rivera and Cristina Ibarra’s “docu-thriller” THE INFILTRATORS (Oscilloscope), which tells the true story of two immigrants who are thrown into a detention center. Marco and Viri are members of the National Immigrant Youth Alliance, a group of young DREAMers who want to put a stop to unjust deportations by being put in detention themselves, a plan that doesn’t go the way they planned. The film cuts between documentary footage of the real “infiltrators” with reenactments of the events inside the detention story, so it’s part documentary and part drama.

Also, Kino Lorber will be releasing Beanpole director Kantemir Balagov’s 2017 debut film, Tesnota (Closeness), virtually on Friday to help assist New York arthouse, Anthology Film Archives. This one is set in 1998 Nalchik in the North Caucasus of Russia and focuses on 24-year-old Jewish girl Ilana who works in her father’s garage, and while celebrating her young brother David’s engagement, he and his fiancée are kidnapped, but the Jewish community won’t go to the police to pay the ransom, so Ilana and her parents have to figure out a way to save them on their own.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Lots of stuff on Netflix this week, including THE HALF OF IT, the new film from Alice Wu, her first movie as as director since her terrific 2004 debut, Saving Face! This one stars Leah Lewis as Ellie Chu, a cash-strapped teen who writes a love to the school’s jock but ends up becoming friends with him and falling for the girl he has a crush on. I haven’t watched it yet to review, but I’m looking forward to it being a nice twist on Netflix’s other teen-oriented romance films.

Ryan Murphy’s second series for Netflix, Hollywood, will debut its first season on Friday, this one co-created with Ian Brennan (Glee, Scream Queens). It takes place in a post-WWII Hollywood and tells the story of a group of actors and filmmakers trying to make it. The cast includes Darren Criss, Patti Lupone, Mira Sorvino, Rob Reiner, Samara Weaving AND Michelle Krusiec, who starred in Alice Wu’s Saving Face! (See how it’s all connecting together?)

Chris Bolan’s documentary A Secret Love, which premieres on Netflix Wednesday, about two women, Pat Henschel and pro baseball player Terry Donahue, who fell in love in 1947 but had to keep that love a secret for 65 years due to the prejudice against lesbians they would have had to face.

Starting on Amazon this Friday is Upload, the new series from Greg Daniels (The Office, Parks and Recreation), with the first season being made up of ten episodes. It stars Robbie Amell, who I got to interview last year for a small indie sci-fi film called Code 8. This is another dealing with life, death and the afterlife which seems to be a running theme through many series in recent years (such as Miracle Workers and The Good Place). In this one, Amell plays Nathan, a spoiled rich guy who ends up at Upload after a horrifying accident that takes his place, while Andy Allo plays the Upload “angel” assigned to Nathan who has to get him acclimated to his new afterlife. I’ve only watched the first episode of this so far, and it’s okay. I’m curious to see where it goes since it’s not a straight comedy perse like some of Daniels’ other work, and a lot is put on Amell’s shoulders to be funny, and Daniels is working with a lot of lesser-known actors for this one.

On Sunday, Showtime will launch the season debuts of Billions (Season 5) and the first season of Penny Dreadful: City of Angels.

Also, Lionsgate’s free movie offering this Friday is Damien Chazelle’s La La Land, my #1 movie of that year… thanks for nothing, #Schmoonlight!

Next week, more movies and shows not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

#TheWeekendWarrior #movies #Reviews #TheWretched #Deerskin #BlueStory #Bull #vanilla

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