#there was free wine at the gallery and then i had an insane cocktail lol

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

i know i've made so many posts to this effect before but. it's so wild to me how soon your life can change and how. almost unsettling? happiness can feel after you've been achingly alone and depressed for so long. i've found it's like a dam bursting. all of a sudden i'm able to do things i never would have just six months ago.

today i got the train to class with a friend, after class a group of us went out for lunch for someone's birthday and then to a coffee shop. then i went to a coffee shop by myself and didn't feel self-conscious or awkward at all, i just sat there reading my book. then i made my way to the gallery i just got a job in, they were having a private opening for their new exhibition. i talked to someone from my course i've barely talked to before, and she was going out with some of her friends after the event and invited me along and. i just went! without even feeling anxious!! a place i didn't know with only one person i kinda know and all her friends and i went and it was good and i had a really nice time!!! i got the train back home by myself in the dark.

just six months ago i wouldn't have gone out to lunch with friends after class. i wouldn't have been able to kill time by myself in a café without being insanely anxious the whole time. i wouldn't have even applied for a public speaking job, let alone go to an event late at night on the other side of the city. and i NEVER would have spontaneously gone out drinking with people i barely knew. but now.... yeah sorry for going on about it but i'm honestly almost like a completely different person. i got a message today out of the blue from a friend back home. she said she's so happy for me and how well i'm doing now. i almost cried because it's really true but i didn't know anyone else had noticed (and i thought i was doing a really good job hiding how bad i was doing before but. i guess not lmao). yeah it's just. it's a lot. my heart is so full