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allisonreader · 4 months ago

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I have a few random thoughts and such. Some of such are just little things that I've found myself thinking about due to one thing or another. Others are more about writing, because just today I have rekindled the warmth I have about my one fic AU. I'll start with the random thoughts that have been hanging around my mind.

One of those things being that the movie Grown Ups 2 was mentioned in something that I was watching (some YouTube video of some kind). I had almost forgotten about the movie and at the point couldn't tell you much about the plot, except at some point the characters go to a waterpark with big slides and everything and there's just this rather quick gag that they use. There's this really big buff guy who has a really high almost squeaky voice when he talks, but that's not the part of the gag that sticks with me. No what sticks with me is the line this guy says... "I'm from Saskatchatoon." Which as you well know isn't a real place, since it's just mashing up Saskatchewan and Saskatoon. So bit of an eye roll there, as much as it IS funny. But that's forever what Grown Ups 2 is to me. It all boils down to that one singular line, which is just a one off gag.

Another thing that has been on my mind due to news articles is that the 5 zebras the were confiscated here in Saskatchewan are doing well, even the two that ended up being sent to Moncton because the pair of them (Koffee and Leeloo) are now a bonded pair and of the two males who were at my local zoo had become territorial and unsafe around each other. So my zoo now has 3 zebras (1 male, 2 female who I don't remember the names of), while Moncton has the two who were causing the turf war.

Another local zoo story is from quite a few years ago now. But we had this one snake which I think was a boa constrictor, but I can't quite remember because I'm sure that this was over 5 years ago now, but anyways, this was a really big snake who's name was Tickles and was probably 17 years old or something like that. Anyways he was kind of a staple at the zoo. When classes came to the zoo Tickles was a snake that you got the chance to pet. I had pet him when I was in grade 1, I believe both my brothers had the chance to pet him. So many kids (and adults knew of this snake) if they hadn't pet Tickles themselves. So to hear one day on the news that this snake was stolen was heartbreaking, and a little confusing because how do you steal a large snake? Thankfully, if I'm remembering correctly, the snake was eventually returned healthy. Much to many people's happiness.

I had another non fic thought at one point... Oh yes! I remember now! It was sewing related! I finally finished my aunt's dress that I was working on. It's finished and I no longer have to stress about it. Which I'm extremely happy able. Both my mock up and the dress for the wedding my aunt's going to turned out extremely well and fit her rather good, if I do say so myself. Of course, in the end I never took pictures of how they turned out. But my aunt likes them, so that's what counts. It means that I can finally alter my two new dresses, though I'll probably stick with just the one currently. (The one that's currently unwearable.)

In that same kind of note, I do enjoy seeing people get excited about the sewing machines that I show them at work. Particularly the embroidery machines, because they really are fun machines. Especially for creative people. I thought I might have more for this one, but I don't currently. I think I tapped myself out on that earlier in the day.

Now onto the fic thoughts, but I'll add those under the cut. I have a feeling that once I start writing it's either going to end up much shorter than I originally thought, or it will be as long as I thought it was going to be or longer, because I'll add some of the necessary background info. (You've hung around my blog long enough that you can probably guess which fandom this fic is for. )

(If you guessed Pixar's Cars, you'd be right.)

So just today I have found myself thinking about and enjoying the concept of the one arc in my Extended Connections Cars fic. (Named such for connecting characters closer together than they are in canon.) The reason why I like this one arc so much is because it's sort of taking the fandom favourite thing of making Lightning McQueen Doc Hudson's son and turning that on it's head slightly. Instead of being unrelated or being Doc's biological son, he's Doc's (by marriage) nephew and later essentially adopted son. This is also a fun AU because it actually starts out as a "What if Doc was found to be alive in Radiator Springs long before Lightning wound up there." It does make heavy use of the original characters that my friend made up and uses in her own stories, which she gracefully lets me borrow and play with. (As she's interested in seeing some of the AUs that we've created together shared.)

Part of this story is inspired by a dream that I had, that took it in a much different direction than I was originally going to go. As originally Lightning's part would have fit more with canon than what it's become. It would have been less dramatic in many ways, with there being this niggling that there's something familiar about this rookie. Only to later find out after Lightning wrecks the road and learns his lesson that the niggling is right and he is the son of Doc's brother-in-law.

Whereas the version it is now is Doc's brother-in-law trying to arrest Lightning, knowing full well that Lightning is his son, and it's that fact that he's trying to cover up from this 16-17 year old kid who was just at a hotel with a friend so that they could go watch a race for Lightning's birthday.

Does anyone want to do a little mini-infodumping about something they’re fascinated with/is joy-giving to them/just want to spill about? It can be short, it can be long. I need things to think about so my mind doesn’t go in unhelpful directions, and hearing from people who are passionate about something is so wonderful.

#this is coming much later than I expected it to due to having had supper at my parents with my uncles and aunt #whoops #I posted that before I meant to #but I don't think that I'll need to add or change anything #midnight musing #but it's not midnight

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tryst-art-archive · 2 years ago

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Old dA Journal from Feb 2005

I deleted all my dA Journal entries a million years ago, but there are a couple saved into notepads in my archives. Like this one, which frankly reflects poorly on me!

I'm editing out the names, but otherwise this is intact.

Just Waiting to Hit Rock Bottom Journal Entry: Fri Feb 11, 2005, 4:00 PM Mood: Calm, Tranquil | Music: Enya (Random Thought: Is her real name 'Enya' or is that just something she made up for herself?)

Things are slowly worsening and I'm simply waiting for my face to hit the ground so that the only place I might go is up again. Or perhaps Kriamiss will help me up? (Alas, no… That is foolish hope.)

But I suppose I should explain a little.

On the bad side, the voting for the end-of-school awards of 'Most Artistic' and 'Best Smile' and so forth was cast today. Three classes did not vote simply because the teachers of those classes neglected to hand out the slips and have the voting done. One such class was mine. Which - understandably - thoroughly angered me for several reasons. My anger was fed by the fact that the voting has been the only (and I do mean only) thing my peers have talked of since second period (and we have seven periods with a lunch after the fifth). Further, it seems the most votes I've aquired to my goal of Most Artistic is about three, possibly five, if I got lucky. Generally, the populace has forgotten that [deadname] draws incessantly and remembered only [artistic classmate] - whom, I might add, is stating repeatedly (and I'm not making this up) that I'm the better artist and should be the one with the votes. In fact, [artistic classmate] voted for me. Okay, I'm feeling a bit more charitable to the girl, certainly. My mood from yesterday has passed. Though I still don't like her due to her positively disagreeable personality.

However, there is still hope! Rumor has it that [a teacher] ripped up the voting slips and that the school will either have to revote or will simply cut the whole awards thing. And I hope the latter. I'm thorougly aware that I stand no chance of winning the Most Artistic award and I'd rather see no one get it, really.

It's selfish of me, I know. If I had been given chance to vote I would have put myself as the female and [different artistic student] (a particularly good artist and fellow, I should mention) as the male. And it's so silly, my brain cries! I shouldn't even care, honestly! And yet I do! The thought of winning the award is enough to set me doing happy backflips, but the thought of loosing it (and to [first artistic student], of all people) is enough to bring me to the edge of tears (something I've thankfully saved myself from on the bus several times). I don't know why, but that award means a lot to me, and the only reason I can fathom is that it must (in my subconcious) symbolize achievement in one of the only things I'm good at - art. That people would recognize me for my art and not for my brains or kindness or anything else. That they'd say, "Oh, art? Well, there's this girl named [deadname] who's pretty skilled." Perhaps I only care as it would give me the feeling that I really will ammount to something.

But it seems not. I suppose I will be the poor bum on the street as I've predicted so many of my peers to become… sigh

But, perhaps, there is a way to redeem myself. It seems the yearbook is looking for anything and everything it can get it's hands on, including original artwork. Perhaps I'll submit something or several somethings, just to redeem myself and make them see the art and go 'Shit… We voted for the wrong girl' and feel positively horrible.

Of course, that's just sense of revenge talking. (I think I have an overdeveloped sense of revenge.)

Still on the bad news, it turns out [close friend who abused me] finds the idea of homosexuality positively… wrong. And that's unsettling. I knew she would probably find the idea discomforting, but I didn't think she'd ever freak out as badly as she did. My stomach is still tied up. I'm torn between my love for [close friend who abused me] - as she is my friend - and my positively immense disgust that I could even be friends with someone who would think of being gay in such a manner. sighs

But, on other news, I still lack a History teacher (she's been gone since Christmas break) but my class and I got to sit in [different teacher than before]'s (my social studies teacher from last year and by far one of my favorite teachers of all time, simply because I love his cynical, I-hate-the-world personality) class for that period. A lovely flash from the past, I think. I begin to think [same teacher] likes reptiles. He has at least three Frog statuettes and he has two newly-aquired turtle statuettes. But the turtles are cute. Oh, and he still has that splendid Government poster that explains different sorts of governments in terms of cows. (Ex: I remember one of the descriptions (and my favorite one, by far) was "You have two cows. The government takes the cows and shoots you.") I wish I had a poster like that.

My French Teacher, [third teacher] is presently in the hospital. I'm not sure why, but rumor has it that she had a stroke. And of course, all of us students are (cruelly) celebrating. But, really, we hate her. Ah well. I suppose she'll pull through in the end, anyway.

On an Art-for-DA note, I promise, promise that - once I take care of the rest of the internet things I've to do - I will upload, if only in scraps. But even so, it may prove interesting, hm?

And - with any luck - I'll be able to finish something sometime soon and upload that.

Oh, I'm such a terrible person to Dev Watch sometimes…

"But don't worry… It's okay… Because I'll come back."

PS -

I suppose I should explain why I'm not a complete wreck of mixed, crossed, and conflicting emotion. Honestly, I don't know myself. It seems that I'm sad, or perhaps angry, to the point where I feel completely empty. Whatever happiness I've experienced throughout the day is - for some reason - being put into a surprisingly realistic mask to wear for my parents and give them the happy thought that I'm open with them. Admittedly, I did tell my mum of the Artistic award, but she'd have found out later, anyway, and - besides - I didn't tell her how desperate I am for it. But I'm off topic.

For some reason, I'm completely calm and tranquil, and I'm not sure why. I suppose, and foolishly, I'm sure, that it's just that I'm listening to meditative Enya and am empty enough to have that hole filled with emotion stirred by music. Aside, it may also have something to do with the bus ride. The window of the seat I sit in is permanently cracked open. It's snowy out and the wind has been blowing the snow in delicate clouds. I was listening to Enya on the bus, too.

And then the most picturesque scene I could ever hope to occur to me happened.

The CD launched into one of the most tranquil Enya songs it has, it may have been "Wild Child", but I'm not sure anymore. At the same time, warm, soft sunlight shone through the window and onto me and the wind blew flakes of snow through the crack in the window and they landed on me softly…

And I instantly felt peace.

#deviantArt journal #old writing #nonfiction #journal entry #deviantArt archive #00s #Age 14 #me #I actually did talk like this #2005

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drippingmoon · 3 years ago

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a 2021 year of writing

First of all, many thanks to @ecwrenn for hosting this lovely event 🥰 this will be my piece, and I'm looking forward to hearing from you and other writers too.

First bits are always the hardest to accomplish, whether it be tumblring or writing. This was no exception 🤣 but also as it happens, it always gets much easier later on.

This will mostly be me ranting, expressing some gratitude, sharing some facts and all in all babbling haha. I even put a checkpoint somewhere in here. Hope it's enjoyable enough to read 😊

It was my most productive year, writing-wise. Perhaps it is because I joined tumblr, but I was actually able to focus on my wip in the long months between summers, and my enthusiasms for it never waned (as might be obvious from my word vomits🤣, this included).

I write only during summer, for university-related reasons. Or at least that's what I call them. I'm pretty adept at finding polite excuses for not writing, but at the end of the day, that's a bad habit I can't shake off. So it was probably my fault that my last wip, The Snow Spirit, ended up discarded after it burned me out so bad I thought I'd never write again. I often ended up forgetting about my writing and what I wanted from it, and... it damaged everything, when I went back to it. Like if I can set it aside for almost a whole year and not sparsely look back on it, was I even a writer anymore?

Anyway, things changed. My relationship with 'quiv is much different than what it was with Spirit. It's much easier to write, considering that it's fully indulgent and the exciting plot beats come sooner rather than later when my enthusiasm has slipped.

So, it wasn't the case here. What with the tag games, getting in touch with you, seeing your enthusiasm for your projects and in turn reminding me of my own... I have a lot to thank you all for 🥰 for this year to have turned out this well, I'm very grateful for you all.

So last year, in the early months of autumn, before I joined the writeblr community, I was finishing the first draft of Aquiver, Aglow, which some of you might now as my main and only wip.

January/February

...I don't actually remember when I joined hahaha. Those two months look the same to me. And also, my life at the time hadn't been the happiest. Actually, until late May my memories are all jumbled, so I'm also using this event as a chance to straighten some stuff out. I might mix up things, I might've forgotten. I hope not.

I didn't know what I expected when I joined the community 🤣 I just knew I needed to get in touch with other writers to get my mind off stuff. I was very lucky at the time to have been received very warmly by some special people. I owe you a lot and if you're reading this, I hope you know who you are ❤ I've never been as grateful to discover a community as when I talked to you.

To be honest, tumblr wasn't my first attempt at doing so. I'd actually been active on Wattpad for some years before the adds thing came on, and it didn't go too well. It was also an attempt to see if I could survive on social media without it making me feel actively worse about writing in general. Needless to say, it went incredibly well 🥰

*For reference, some of my longest comments back then had been to ask if: 1. my mother tongue was English and 2. was I going to add romance because my plot was missing it. The answers were no and no, and though that's beside the point, I felt like getting this off my chest. It was incredibly disheartening back then to finally receive feedback and have it be of that nature, but whatever.

One thing I've observed, it's kind of a writerly rite of passage for everyone to start believing more in their writing and themselves, than random comments. It's a shaky foundation, but I'm also proud of myself for not being dependant on approval as I was back then. I honestly love writing, and will keep doing so even if maybe someday I'll get my wip roasted via anon or something 🤣

Chazzawrites challenge

Okay, I'm 90% positive this took place in February 🤣 but I wouldn't swear on it. I was also a lurker back then.

It was also when I first properly started interacting with you guys. For this reason alone, because I know how many things can be changed during events, I've planned on never missing out on one.

For those who can't remember or haven't participated, it was your typical 31-day-long challenge, whereby we had to answer to one writing-related question per day. Sometimes it wasn't easy to keep up, as some questions went into the rambling realm of introduce a wip or what's your favorite part of writing or how do you relate to writing action, description, dialogue, or something along those lines.

While it was very fun to answer all those questions, there wasn't much interaction, especially between people who weren't mutuals. That is, until towards the end of the event. When we had to tag a favorite writeblr, and explain why.

Then someone simply decided to write what many of us were thinking. That yeah, what was the point of one such question if one of writeblr's main problem was that people tended to keep to their closed off cliques, and even if it was an open event, no one really came to know another? I have to say, when it turned into general appreciation, outright skipping and actually having people pop up in the comments, it felt like something was changing, moving, and I was there to witness it.

It wasn't that grand, but you felt the spark, and it was incredible. Suddenly you felt you had common ground with those people, and it wasn't as hard to reach out anymore. There were only a few days left, but it those few days I made my first row of mutuals that I'll never forget ❤

And, somehow, it'd also proven to me yet again that, most people are waiting or maybe secretly hoping for the other to make the first move. Everyone likes being surprised, especially with heartfelt feedback. And it's not that terrifying to be the one to make the first step.

After all, how many times have I found myself smiling so hard my cheeks hurt because a writeblr I'd never interacted with before chose to send me a message, or a reblog.

(Which reminds me, if by the end of this or anytime during you wanna scream at me or ask something, this is me encouraging you to.)

I stopped lurking after that 🤣

Underwing challenge

This took place in April. I simply did tag games and asks till then haha, no point in bothering you with that. And I can honestly say I've been very lucky to be able to participate. Once more I met some incredible people, and saw again some very dear others I'd befriended in the previous challenge.

I was one of the adopters, so I asked people questions on a kinda daily basis. This was very helpful, I can say it's taught me quite a bit because at one point I was making up questions I would've never thought about otherwise. And seeing the angles from where others tackled the issues, getting to see them gush over their writing, world and characters... it was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had 🥺

My only regret is that I didn't also participate as an adoptee. Would've been thrilled to answer those questions too 🤣 but then again, I wouldn't have had as much time to ask, so it is what it is. Some incredibly kind people went rogue anyway and made my day by popping up in my askbox 🥰

Once again, if you happen to be reading this, I'm eternally grateful to you ❤

I don't think it will see a revival this year, but in case it does, I don't have to think twice about it to know I'll be on board.

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The summer months

(Doing one of them commercial breaks. You're halfway through! What to bribe you with... ah yes, there's a cat gif at the end 😊 cheering you on)

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This is where things get a bit long (as if they hadn't already been hahaha). So, what happened? Last summer, I managed to finish draft 2 of Aquiver, Aglow (lemme bask in that victory some more...

...there we go. Basking complete 🤣) I'd actually wanted to finish a draft 3 too, but, uh, things got a bit too long. Many changes to the story took place, but that was kinda to be expected, since I threw in every single idea I'd had over the years. At one point I was very exhausted because it only kept getting longer, and I stuck to my plan of writing one chapter a night no matter what.

*It was practically hell in some days when I kept churning out words and they were all the wrong words and I kept comparing it to my first draft and lookee, you've really managed to make it much worse.

(Now, months later and with a clear, rested head, it's not that tragic anymore 🤣 but yeah, talk about things falling short of expectations. Good thing I can't remember what they were anymore^^ 🤣)

But to see the end result, and how things added up, how some unexpectedly ended up being better than I'd imagined, it was very much worth it ❤ I love writing so much I don't have enough words to express it 🥺🥰🥰

As some sort of confession, I actually started writing 'quiv as a dedication to someone very dear. Also as a way of mentally preparing myself for some things to come. Naturally, it's much changed since its early days, but it'll never forget those roots. So when I'm joking that it's my no-plot-only-feels wip, I'm also talking about how, in it, I wanna safekeep some sentiments and ideas that are pretty precious to me. And as a tribute.

Oh, oh, and one unexpected development, was that I actually wrote the lullaby I'd planned on tackling separately. I cried while writing it, and it's got more plot in it than my entire wip 🤣 it's obviously in much need of rework since: 1. I've never written a lullaby or anything in song/poem format before lol 2. it was still out of its cradle before its time...

But it means a lot to me. And since I'm also writing this and I suddenly got the urge to share the idea behind it, even if it's somewhat of a spoiler. Sometimes I don't care about that haha

So it's called Statue On Your Brow. Not a very traditional or clear name for a lullaby, I know 🤣 but the idea behind it is this:

There's a statue in a graveyard, or anywhere. That statue rests on someone's grave, perhaps on cold earth, separating the departed, beloved one from the mourner by a few feet of dirt. And this statue, the mourner's brought to resemble the one who's currently resting in the afterlife.

But it's not meant to represent the one who's dead. Even if it has their shape, it's not them. It could never be. It's the one who keeps visiting the grave, it's the shape of all their aching feelings which want to see them again, which desperately want to fold themselves into the shape of them.

The statue is there, on their brow, to keep them company. For all the hours in which the mourner can't sit by the grave, can't hold them. Can't weep for them. In all those hours, the statue of the mourner shall keep them company, if they're beneath. If they're not, it's still an eternal reminder that they're missed, they're beloved.

Whew. This was... something to write. I had to take a break after writing this, and my fingers are still shaking a little. It means a lot to me, and I only hope to do it justice in one way or another, when I arrive to its final form. It's not the only lullaby in 'quiv, but it's by far my most beloved.

Oh yeah, lullabies. Why that chosen form of song 🤣 well, because they're all aimed at the dead, and come from mourners. And they all wish their loved ones to rest well.

To depart a little from this subject, I also have another dedication to make. To that one lovely person who sent me an entire playlist and basically boosted my whole progress towards the end, you've helped out so much back then ❤❤

*Also. For the record. So there was this song, with a great soundtrack, light but expressive, perfect for my scenes at the time. Yet I innocently pay attention to the lyrics for the first time, and realize how expressively christian they were and oh my gods my best friend was laughing so much it was making me laugh, I barely got the chapter finished that night. It's one of our favorite stories now. That my non-religious ass had been passionately replaying this song going 'it's all about you Jesus, it's all about you God'. While my face was:

*But yeah, I was asking for it since I somehow decided to write about angels and also touching the subject of (some form of) religion. Now I'm told I write Bible fic 🤣

After that, my writing progress petered out. This was to be expected haha, the summer ended. I think I managed to get 50k worth of notes (draft 2 was 200k), but again, I wouldn't swear on that and it's not important.

Except that I got so many ideas I wanna test out

Autumn

Mostly I got a bit too busy. Posted tag games now and then, but my newest format is of posting an excerpt every weekend. I'll be taking a break on this too after this week, since I'll get started on reading my draft, which I absolutely can't wait for 🥰

My plans looked a little different in the beginning. After finishing draft 2, I wanted to go back to Wattpad and post it on there whilst editing to speed the process up a little. But after the recent changes, yeah, no chance.

So I'm doing my thing again and I'll be fully rewriting it this summer once more, since I can. And I'm also waiting to see if maybe some new, better writing website pops into existence.

I really wanted to see how it'd fare on Wattpad and use it as a sort of beta reading, but I'll see what I'll do about that. Any kind of talk about publishing just puts a damper on my spirits, so I'm not in a hurry to sort things out.

I'm also very much hoping I can conclude the drafting process with draft 3, and I'll finally be getting to the editing stage and slowly making my way to the final version ❤ but that's still a distant dream.

And those are also my hopes for this year. That by the end, I'll be able to write that dedication that's been weighing on my mind ever since I began. That would make me happy.

Wrapping up

If you've made it this far, your patience is pretty incredible haha<3 but huh, this was actually incredibly cathartic to write. I was expecting it, but it's a very sweet feeling to see it bear fruit.

Now I'm going do address some stuff from Aye's list since I, uh, ended up kinda meandering as I tend to do.

Works in progress count: just one. Aquiver, Aglow, which I've been talking about endlessly hahaha, I love it that much. I don't think there's a point in my adding a summary here, since I have the intro pinned to my blog (which I've reworked by the way)

(Yeah, basically evil angels have wiped off most of humankind. One of them tries to figure out what to do with the remains of the world, while having her beliefs slowly changed by a human child, whose love catches her unawares)

Okay, I could probably add Icy Penumbra, my next series about one misguided touch wizard who made a deal with a dragon and they both wanna end the world.

Unluckily for the main character who's got to stop them, they're also the politest company he's been around in years. It also doesn't help that Ptarmigan's the one who blinded Asp and tries to keep that a secret, and he was also the previous Haw to Diahra, who also blinded him in one eye.

That's because, to make a contract with Diahra, one must promise him a lie they'll strive to make reality. And Ptarmigan was the first to fulfill his lie. It's brought him nothing but guilt and grief.

For reference, Asp's current lie is to free Diahra. As he's currently the last dragon alive, forever chasing the sun to stave off the curse that killed his kind. A curse of frost spreading over their wings, encasing them in ice and having them plummet to the earth and shatter.

*If that didn't convince you, how do trenchbards sound, cartographers of the rifts and trenches at the end of the world, because it's very much flat, and many other quirky worldbuilding stuff I'm very excited about?

I, uh, have it pretty much planned out, for once. Well, generally. Which is more than I can say for all of my other wips, 'quiv included, which still doesn't have an outline. Yay me 🤣

NaNo: haven't participated, not my thing. Tried it once, it kicked my ass lol. But I love cheering you guys on<3

Reading and book recs: to my eternal shame, since I got started on 'quiv, I haven't read that much, or, should I say, at all. But my eternally favorite series is The Tawny Man trilogy by Robin Hobb. It meant a lot to me, and the writing style is so deep and rich with the characters' thoughts, I've never meet better developed characters since her books.

I remember the summers when I would read 100 books:') my best years are far behind me, y'all 🥺 plus these days I can't even be bothered to search for books because that takes time and investment and I'd rather think about 'quiv.

But enough with my moaning.

Okay, this actually marks the end of this long... *squints* shopping list salad with everything. Hope you've enjoyed the cat at the top as much as I have:)

I don't have to think much about what I want from now on. To keep interacting with all you beautiful people and discover your incredible thoughts, and slowly finish Aquiver, Aglow.

What more could I want ❤

So see you all next year, too! May you achieve all your writing dreams, and may we all keep enjoying this community we have here ❤

#ayearofwriting #writing thoughts #my original writing #honestly i didn't know what other tags to add #can't believe i managed to write this in one night #if there be typos... eh i've tried my best but what can you expect when you're writing it all on tumblr

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captainjanegay · 4 years ago

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Summary: Bucky is a single dad coming back from a work trip with a very bored, very whiney 7-year-old girl. A mysterious stranger with a kind heart and a notebook full of doodles comes to the rescue.

A/N: It's been... so long since I've updated this fic. I'm sorry but life got in the way and I couldn't bring myself to write anything. Here I come with apologies and hopes that you haven't forgotten about the adventures of Bucky, Alex and Steve. I'm gonna treat you with the longest chapter I've ever written (it's like 5.3k). I hope you'll like it, I got a bit carried away and my space-nerdiness is showing every now and then.

The chapters will probably come very irregularly from now on but I'll try my best not to have too long gaps between each update. I love you all and — as always — thank you so, so much for your continuous support. I cherish every single reader, every single like and every single comment you leave here :')

Chapter 7

(5.2k)

When Monday rolls around, Bucky faces New York’s chilly morning as he makes his way to work. It’s been only a few days since he got sick, but he feels significantly better now. His nose might still be stuffed and his throat might feel a bit scratchy, but he is mostly fine. No more coughing fits, no more fever. And it’s not like he could say no when his boss called him to check how he was doing and ask if he’d be able to come by before Christmas to do some required maintenance work.

But it’s fine, since the work at the Institute has slowed down, many people have already taken their days off for the Christmas break. It’s calmer than usual and Bucky can do whatever he’s supposed to do in peace.

It's a bit past noon and Bucky's mindlessly staring at the progress bar on his screen and enjoys his coffee. The peace and quiet — excluding his Christmas playlist playing in the background — is disturbed by the ringing of his phone. Slightly startled, Bucky looks around, searching for the device. After a quick glance at the screen, he answers the call.

"Hi, Buck!" Steve says, his voice soft and warm. "I hope I didn't wake you up or anything. Just wanted to check up on you, see how you're feeling."

"That's very sweet of you," Bucky says, his lips spreading in a smile. "And I'm fine, thank you. Currently waiting for the data backup to finish so you've disrupted my staring contest with the progress bar."

Steve doesn't appreciate the joke. Instead, he asks, "You're at work?" After receiving an affirmative hum, he lets out a slightly annoyed huff. "Why? You should still be in bed! Three days ago you've been barely able to get up for longer than 10 minutes. You should still rest, Buck."

"It's been six days ago, thank you very much," Bucky answers. "And I'm fine, Steve. I promise. I wouldn't come if I was still feeling sick, but the fever's been gone for a few days," two but Steve doesn't have to know that, "and I'm not coughing anymore. I'm as fit as a fiddle."

"I can hear you sniffle."

"It's the allergies," Bucky lies and that makes Steve laugh, although a bit exasperated.

"You're horrible," he says. "Bet you haven't even eaten breakfast or drink enough water or like... didn’t even wear a hat even though you’re sick."

"I did have a toast while I ran to catch the train. And now I'm having coffee for lunch. And it’s not even that cold."

An honest-to-God gasp escapes Steve's mouth after he hears that. Of course he's a Mr. Healthy Lifestyle, Bucky shouldn't even be surprised.

"How are you even functioning? You gotta take care of yourself, Buck."

Bucky's heart skips a bit. It's nice to have someone worry about him. Even if he's being dragged in the meantime. And it was nice when Steve took care of him and Alex back when Bucky was too sick to do this. Of course, he has people who do that. Clint, Tasha, Scott -- he can always count on them. But somehow it feels different with Steve. Steve hasn't been around for years like the others, he's known Bucky for just a few months and he still decided to offer his kindness and care. This thought made Bucky's heart do somersaults in his chest.

So did the fact that Steve had a nickname to Bucky's nickname. And he's been using it a lot. Bucky really likes it.

"I'm functioning very well, thank you. And so is Alex, because I'm not as hopeless in taking care of her, luckily," Bucky chuckles. Before Steve can't say anything, Bucky adds, "Besides, I've been able to survive 28 years like this so don't be overdramatic. No need to go all mother hen on me."

"Oh, you think this is overdramatic?" Steve asks, amused. "You clearly don't know what me being overdramatic is, pal. This is just some simple, friendly check-in."

"Okay, now I'm kinda curious," Bucky says. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. "Hypothetically, what would one have to do to see what is Steve Rogers's definition of overdramatic?"

It makes Steve let out another laugh. "Careful what you wish for, Buck." It sounds like Steve wants to say something else but there's some noise in the background and his voice becomes distant and inaudible for a moment. When he comes back, he says with a sigh, "Sorry 'bout that. I need to go back to work. I'm glad you're feeling better but eat a proper meal or I'll hunt you down."

"Oh, so no mother hen anymore, were going straight to threats, okay." Bucky nods to himself and Steve huffs out a laugh. "Thanks for the call, Steve. It's very sweet of you. Have a nice day."

"You, too. Say hi to Alex from me."

"I will. Bye, Steve."

A small smile is still present on Bucky's face when a few hours later he's picking Alex up from school. It grows bigger when she runs towards him down the stairs, her haphazardly wrapped scarf fluttering behind her. He takes a moment to tuck it properly and then takes Alex's backpack from her.

“How was school today?” Bucky asks as they head home.

“Fine. We played soccer and I scored once!” Alex answers proudly. “Even Adrian didn’t and he’s very good. Maya didn’t want to play ‘cause she says girls shouldn’t play soccer.”

“Jokes on her, because we have a women’s national soccer team and they’re the best. They’re the world champions.”

A gasps escapes Alex’s mouth. “Really? That’s so cool! I want to be a soccer player when I grow up!”

“Not a ballerina, anymore?” Bucky asks, with a small smile.

“No, I’m gonna be a ballerina but I’m gonna play soccer sometimes, too. But that’s after I’ll fly to the moon!”

Bucky only nods and grins at her. He wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she actually pulled that off in the future. There weren’t many things that could stop her since she decided upon something.

“How’s space?” Alex asks, swinging their hands back and forth.

Bucky chuckles. It’s a bit of a tradition at this point. He doesn’t really remember how it started but now she never asks him “how’s work” but it’s always “how’s space?”. Personally, Bucky loves it. It makes him feel like he’s doing much cooler things that he really does.

“Pretty boring, sadly,” he admits. “Didn’t have much to do today and many people are on their breaks so no fun space facts to share today. I chatted on the phone with Steve and he wanted me to say hi to you.”

“Oh, is he coming over today?”

Slightly confused with the question, Bucky shakes his head. “No, he’s not. We just talked on the phone. Why?”

“I don’t know, I thought you liked Steve.”

“Well, I do. I like uncle Scott too but we don’t hang out with him every day, either. Steve has his own life and stuff to do, so we shouldn’t bother him all the time.”

Alex makes a small hum and Bucky’s not sure if it’s a dismissive or an agreeing one. After a moment, she adds, “I bet he wouldn’t mind though. He told me he really likes you.”

“What? When?” The revelation almost makes Bucky stop in the middle of the pavement. The biggest surprise is not that Steve likes him, Bucky has figured out this much after all those times they’ve hung out together. What really takes him aback is that apparently his daughter and Steve are having conversations about him when he’s not there.

“When you were sick and Steve went to ballet class with me. I told him he’s cool and I’m happy you have him so you’re not so lonely. And he said he thinks we’re really cool too and that he likes us a lot.”

This time Bucky slows down and eventually stops. There’s a furrow between his brows when he looks at Alex.

“Why would you think I’m lonely, munchkin? I’m not, I have you and mama, uncle Clint and Scott. And now Steve. I’m more than fine.”

“Well… Okay, maybe I didn’t mean lonely. But sometimes when you have a lot to do and you worry and mama or uncle Clint are busy you do this—” Alex furrows her brows and pouts, apparently imitating a worried Bucky “and you’re quiet and worried. And now you smile even more than you did. You smile all the time when you text Steve.”

For a moment, Bucky only gapes at her, not sure how to react. That’s a lot of information coming at once from his 7-year-old daughter.

“I’m— Well, I’m okay, even if I worry sometimes. And I couldn’t be lonely, having such a sweet little munchkin by my side,” he smiles, bopping her on the nose and getting a smile in return. “But thank you for caring about me, sweetheart. I love you to the moon and back.”

“And I love you to Jupiter!” she answers.

“But not back?” Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“Nah, it’s already so far away, it’s enough.”

The conversation with Alex stays in Bucky’s head for the rest of the day. It’s gnawing at him enough that before he goes to bed, he takes out his phone and calls Natasha.

“How’s my favourite co-parent doing?” she greets.

“Do you have any more co-parents?” Bucky asks instead of answering.

“Nope. That’s what makes you my favourite.” Bucky only sighs so she continues. “Did something happen? You’re usually in the mood for late night conversation when something’s on your mind.”

There’s no point in denying it since Natasha would see right through him. “It’s nothing bad. Apparently Alex thinks I’m lonely.”

“Well, she’s not wrong.”

“What? Tasha, no. I’m not lonely, where did you two get that idea?”

“James, it’s not my fault that you’re an idiot. I know that you have people who love you around. You know that, too. But I know and you also should know — but here’s the ‘idiot’ part — that it might not be enough sometimes. And I’m pretty sure we’ve had a similar conversation like a month ago, so I don’t know why you act all surprised now.”

“Remind me, why did I even call you?”

“Because I am incredible and you value my opinion like no one else’s and also you love me deeply,” Natasha explains dutifully.

Bucky huffs out a laugh as he sits heavily on the side of his bed. His eyes land on the comic from Steve, still laying on Bucky’s bedside table, propped against the lamp. “Sounds fake, but okay.”

“Did our daughter have any more revelations for you?” Natasha asks.

“Well…,” Bucky hesitates for a moment. “She and Steve gossip about me when I’m not around. And apparently I’ve been smiling more lately. But that’s about it.”

Natasha hums but even through the phone Bucky can hear that she’s rather amused.

"What?" Bucky asks.

"I didn't say anything!"

"I can hear you laughing, just say whatever mean thing you're going to say and let's get this over with."

"I'm not gonna say anything mean! I was just wondering when we'd mention Steve in this conversation," she chuckles. "But really. Even your daughter can see that a relationship would be good for you. And that you like Steve a lot. Why not kill two birds with one Steve?"

Bucky sighs. "Because one Steve is also enough to kill this friendship we have."

"Why do you always just automatically assume that things will get fucked? It doesn't have to be the case. I'm serious, you'd better take a grip on yourself and ask him out or I'm back in three days and I'll do this for you. And I'll be as obnoxious and embarrassing for you as I can."

That's actually a pretty horrible threat. She would do that. And it would be both mortifying and horrible to experience for all the involved parties — maybe except Natasha. Bucky laughs, trying to imagine it, but the laugh is short-lived.

"Come on, Nat," Bucky starts after a moment, getting serious. "Steve is great and it's great having him around. But what if I make a move and he's not interested? I don't want to freak him out. Or remember that message I accidentally saw on his computer? He might be seeing someone already or be interested in someone else," Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose. "Plus, I know from experience that no matter how much he might seem to like me, a guy with a kid can turn out to be a bit much for people. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want Alex to get hurt. She adores Steve and I don't know if I can risk it."

"But I'm telling you, nobody's getting hurt anytime soon," Natasha chimes in. "You're overthinking, Yasha. Those are all valid concerns but you know what the counterargument is?" She takes a small break but she's not expecting Bucky to respond. "Steve's a good guy. He likes you. He likes Alex. He came to a primary school dance recital after knowing you for like a week just because you and Alex asked him to. Even if he doesn't want a relationship, it doesn’t mean that your friendship has to end. From all you've told me, he doesn't seem like the kind to trample on your hearts like this. Give yourself some time, but promise me you're gonna think about it, okay? And call me if you work yourself up into an anxious mess again, okay?”

“I will try not to be an anxious mess, but I’ll let you know. And I’ll think about it. Thanks, Tasha.” Bucky says.

“I love you no matter what, you dumbfuck. Bye.”

Bucky barely manages to say it back before she hangs up. He shakes his head with a small smile and retrieves his charger cable from behind the bedside table. As he plugs his phone, he accidentally knocks down the drawing from Steve. He picks it up, staring at the soft lines for who-knows-which time. His thumb gently traces the “Get well soon, Buck! x” scribbled at the bottom.

Looking at it, Bucky imagines the moment when Steve was writing it down. In his mind, he sees both Steve and Alexandra at the kitchen table, both leaning over their respective pieces of paper, focused on whatever they’re drawing. They are smiling, chatting about whatever common interest they’ve currently discovered. It’s a very nice picture. Enough to make Bucky’s heart ache.

Because Natasha is right. This is exactly what Bucky craves and what he’s been ignoring for years. That domesticity, that warm feeling one gets when looking at someone they care about. That happiness. He can almost imagine himself joining the picture he’s created in his head, walking over to that table and dropping a kiss first on Alex’s head and then on Steve’s, before he starts preparing the dinner. It feels right.

Maybe it’s not usual to imagine this calm, family life with someone he’s not even in a relationship with. Most people probably think of tons of other things, things that are not so… settled. Not as serious. Sometimes they never reach this part. But Bucky has figured a while ago that it doesn’t really work for him. He already has a family. And this family means everything and more to him. If he ever was to date, he has to make sure that the person would fit into his and Alexandra’s life. He has to skip ahead to make sure it’s worth going through the dates and the passion and all the work a relationship requires, without it all ending in a heartbreak. But Steve…

Steve fits so well into this picture, it scares Bucky a bit. Because this would be even harder to let go, if things didn't work out.

It's pretty clear, now that he allows himself to think about it, that he has some feelings for Steve. Besides the friendliness and sympathy, that is. They're the romantic kind and they're still fresh and shy but they're here. And Bucky has absolutely no clue how to deal with them. It's not even that surprising, he realises. Because how could he not catch feelings for Steve? For the kindest, most thoughtful and most selfless person in the world? For someone with his heart made of gold, who always knows how to make Bucky laugh? Someone who gets so passionate about the things he loves and just as much about the ones he despises? Who cares deeply, laughs with his whole body and who next to all this softness and kindness, is also a stubborn little asshole? Who — and this is the most important of all — adores Alex and whom she adores just as much?

Bucky's heart was a lost cause from the start.

Steve has a lot of qualities that Bucky would fall for if he looked for a partner. And that he accidentally might have fallen for anyway. And that's all without even mentioning that Steve is so ridiculously attractive that it might've skewed Bucky's view on beauty forever.

The point is — Natasha is right. That this could be a good thing. They could be a good thing. But what they have now is already good and Bucky really values this friendship. He isn't sure if pursuing a hypothetical picture in his head is worth putting it at risk. Because he still can't be sure if Steve's interested. For what Bucky knows, he's kind and caring towards all of his friends. It doesn't mean that Bucky and Alex are special.

He can almost hear Natasha's voice in his head, calling him an idiot and yelling that he won't know until he tries. Which is right, since Natasha always is. It doesn't help him stop the — partially excited but mostly terrified — somersaults his insides make. With a small sigh, he puts the drawing on its place by the lamp, flicks off the lights and burrows himself under the covers. He doesn't have to have everything figured out straight away. Letting himself even consider it is a big enough step for now, he decides as he drifts off to sleep.

The next day is Bucky's last day at work before the Christmas break. He doesn't really have much to do, just finishing some last updates and dealing with whatever paperwork he was putting off earlier. Most of the time, he chats with Scott, who has been wandering aimlessly around the institute for the lack of work and eventually landed in Bucky's tiny office. They've been chatting about their Christmas plans — nothing too elaborate for both of them, just simple time at home with their families — and now they started discussing where they should go to grab some lunch. Just as Bucky almost convinced Scott that they should go to this sushi place down the block instead of the Italian place, there's a knock on the door.

Bucky sends his friend a confused look.

"It wasn't me," Scott raises his hands in defence.

"Come in," Bucky calls after another second passes. It's probably someone having a last-minute computer problem or one of his co-workers wanting to drop by with Christmas wishes.

Except, when the door cracks open, Steve's head pokes in. Its hair is messy, its cheeks reddened from the cold and its lips spread in a smile.

"Hi, Buck. And hi Scott, it's nice to see you again," he says. "I'm not interrupting?"

And because Bucky's brain is still processing the fact that for some reason Steve's come to visit him at work, Scott's the one who says, "Not at all, come in."

Steve hesitates for another second. Bucky's brain finally kicks in and he smiles which is apparently the invitation Steve needed, because he finally fully walks into the office.

"Hi, Steve. I didn't expect you here," Bucky says, his smile growing bigger.

"Well, you should. Because after our talk yesterday, I decided to bring you lunch," Steve says, proudly showing a big paper bag in his hand. "I told you you haven't seen shit, and especially not overdramatic me."

This makes Bucky laugh out loud as he shakes his head in disbelief. How is Steve even real?

Scott is watching them with a slightly confused but endeared smile on his face. Before anyone can say anything, he gets up from the chair, slapping his thighs as he does.

"Okay then, I'll leave you to it," he says, walking towards the door.

"There's plenty to share, if you want to join us," Steve offers, because of course he does. His gold-heartedness wouldn't have it any other way.

But Scott only shakes his head at that. "Nah, I'm in the mood for some sushi today. Thanks, though."

"Asshole," Bucky narrows his eyes at Scott. "I hope you'd choke on it."

His friend only laughs at that, "Enjoy your lunch date! It's been great to see you, Steve. Merry Christmas."

"You too, Scott. Say hi to Hope and Cassie from me."

With one last grin aimed at Bucky — and a very pointed look behind Steve's back — Scott leaves them alone. Bucky tries not to dwell on the fact that Steve didn't even bat an eye when Scott called it a lunch date.

"Why should he choke?" Steve asks with a chuckle.

"I've been trying to talk him into going to that sushi place for almost twenty minutes before you came," Bucky sighs and then notices that Steve is still hovering by the door. "Come on, take your coat off and sit down. I can't believe you've brought me lunch."

Steve shrugs off his coat and leaves it on the hanger by the door, next to Bucky's. Today he's wearing a maroon sweater that really suits him and a pair of dark jeans. He pushes his sleeves up before he digs into the bag and Bucky tries not to stare too obviously.

"Someone's got to make sure you eat, since after yesterday I've gotten an idea you're not good at it yourself," Steve says. "Guess it wasn't necessary. Sadly, I don't have sushi but maybe you're in the mood for Thai?"

"Depends on whether you've brought me the dumplings or not," Bucky answers.

Steve laughs in response and takes out one of the boxes and hands it to Bucky. "I did. I also have green curry for you? I hope I remembered correctly that you like it? If not, I'm sorry, we can switch—"

"Steve." Bucky says solemnly, placing his hand on Steve's forearm, to stop him from fumbling with the food. "You not only brought me food but you remembered my favourite after I mentioned it one time. You are an angel. You should hide it better, because you make us mortals look bad."

He's only half joking. Steve does seem like a higher being of some sorts and it's unfair that Bucky's poor heart is supposed to handle it. It doesn't do a great job. Especially not when Steve laughs, his eyes crinkle so much they turn into thin slits.

"And I am the overdramatic one?" Steve asks, unpacking the last things and finally sitting on the chair across from Bucky. He's still smiling but there's a blush colouring his cheeks and creeping down his neck.

Bucky bites the inside of his cheek to contain a grin but the truth is, he's immensely proud of himself for pulling this reaction out of Steve. To stop himself from saying something stupid, he digs into his food.

"By the way, how did you find me here?" Bucky asks, his tongue sticking out a bit in concentration as he fishes for a dumpling with his chopsticks.

"Clara let me know where your office is, she was very helpful."

Bucky furrows his brows. The surprise makes him drop his dumpling back into the container. "Clara, as in Clara Oswald, our receptionist? How do you know her?"

"I don't. We've chatted for a few minutes and I explained why I'm here and she told me how to get to you."

"Ah, of course it took you about five minutes to charm her and get into a government building just like that," Bucky chuckles.

"I didn't charm anyone! I just politely asked and she helped!"

If it wasn't Steve, Bucky would take it as fake modesty. But the truth is that Steve really seems to be completely oblivious to the effect he has on people. It’s endearing to see him do this.

"So here's when you do your cool space stuff?" Steve asks, changing the subject.

"Here's when the real scientists come searching for help when there's some IT-related issue," Bucky corrects him. "I don't do anything cool. I make sure all the data is where it's supposed to be and that whatever equipment they need is ready and working properly. Or part of it, Scott's an engineer and he takes care of the rest. I do get to read some space facts first hand, though."

"That's still cool space stuff for me," Steve shrugs with a small smile. "What kinds of things are you researching here? Like some particular aspects of outer space, or—?"

Normally Bucky would just give the shortest answer possible. People usually get bored quickly when he starts talking about it. But something in the genuine interest on Steve's face, the way he is looking around the office — which is nothing special, the only nice things are the sky maps and some spaced themed art — makes Bucky think that maybe Steve wouldn't mind getting the longer answer.

"Well, we mostly study the weather. Both the Earth's and the one in the solar system, like the solar winds and magnetic storms, stuff like that. We study exoplanets and try to discover or guess as much as we can about them," Bucky says. "I helped to create simulations that predicted how they could look like and develop, to see if there's a possibility to inhabit them. We did it by basically dumping all the data we have into an elaborate computer programme and waiting to see what comes out." Bucky laughs and Steve does too, but he has the look of utter fascination on his face as he listens. "And all this helps with some more down-to-earth stuff — pun not intended. Like, we've done tons of studies in climate change."

"That's—," Steve starts when he makes sure that Bucky's done. "All of this sounds incredible. And you're a part of all those amazing things, how great is that?"

Bucky feels that his cheeks start to burn. There's another reason he usually sticks with the short answer. As much as he's proud to be working here and as much as he loves it, the impostor in him always makes sure that he understands the difference between his work and the actual research, analysis and all the heavy lifting that the astronomers do. He helps, of course he does. He does a great job at it, but there's still a difference. And such praise usually makes him squirm uncomfortably.

"And don't even try to get all modest with me again," Steve warns as if he's been reading Bucky's mind. "You've said that you don't do cool space stuff and then admitted that you've helped to create a program to imagine how exoplanets can look and change. So I know you're full of bullshit."

Steve raises an eyebrow in what's supposed to be an unimpressed look but it's not even close. The smile and the curious, bright eyes that are stating right at Bucky are destroying the effect. The blush on Bucky's cheeks only deepens, especially as Steve adds. "I've been impressed before but— Wow. Really, you guys are doing such incredible things here, I can’t wrap my head around it."

"We really do," Bucky agrees, eventually.

The beaming smile Steve sends him feels like a reward Bucky didn't know he deserves.

"So you've always liked space? Or was it an accident that brought you here?" Steve asks.

"No, I've always loved it. It's just so fascinating and there's always so much more to learn about it," Bucky doesn't even try to hide his excitement. "I've never fully understood all the science behind it but I loved staring at the sky, trying to find all those constellations and planets and galaxies. I've figured a way to somehow connect it to what I was good at and make it my job. Which is amazing. But now I mostly stare at the computer screen instead of the stars. "

He doesn't want to sound ungrateful but he must admit that it does kill some of the fun. But not even the astronomers simply state up at the sky to admire the view.

Steve only nods in response. "Alex mentioned that you guys went on a trip out of town to watch the stars. It must've been great."

"We did! It was like… almost 2 years ago, I think? I borrowed one of those fancy telescopes they have here. I needed to pick Alex up every time, cause she was too small to reach it," Bucky laughs as he brings out the memories. "It was fun, we should do that again, sometime. But I don't have much time now, so it’ll have to wait."

"It does sound great," Steve smiles that soft smile again. "I hope you'd find some time as it gets warm enough for such trips. I bet Alex would be delighted."

"Yeah. I'll let you know if that happens, in case you'd like to join," Bucky says before he can think better of it.

There's more of the childlike excitement on Steve's face as Bucky mentions it so maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea.

An actual bad idea comes out of Bucky's mouth a bit later, just as Steve is getting ready to head out. Bucky's lunch break is long gone and forgotten, because it's been two hours that Steve spent here. He apologises for staying so long and the assurances that Bucky didn't have any more work to do doesn't help.

"I'm sorry for taking your mind away from your responsibilities, but it was great spending time with you," Steve says.

So of course, because Bucky's heart doesn't get any chance to regroup, he doesn't have time to think before he blurts out. "We should have dinner together."

It's certainly not something Steve was expecting to hear. He just stares at Bucky. Before he has a chance to say anything, Bucky continues, "I mean. You should come for dinner. Clint and Nat are always around for a dinner, sometime between Christmas and New Year's. If you don't have any plans, it would be great if you came. But it's okay if you can't or don't want to."

Another moment passes and Bucky tries not to squirm under Steve's gaze. Luckily, Steve finally blinks and smiles as he says, "No, Buck, of course I'd love to come! I don't have any particular plans, will probably hang out with Sam for most of the break but I'll have plenty of time."

"You could take Sam with you," Bucky adds. He desperately tries to regain the control of his own mouth. "It'd be great to finally meet him."

"I'll let him know, I bet he’d be happy to come, too. Thanks again for the invite," Steve smiles as he cracks open the door. With a little wave, he walks out of the office. "Bye, Buck. Have a nice day."

"You too, Steve," Bucky says to the already closing door.

When Steve's gone, Bucky exhales heavily through his mouth as he leans back in his chair. Both of his hands go up to thread through his hair, tugging at it lightly.

Apparently, he has a dinner to prepare.

taglist: @steverrogers @till-the-end-of-the-line-punk @buckyshappyending

#where i'm meant to be #stucky #stevebucky #stucky fic #stevebucky fic #stevebucky fanfiction #stucky fanfitction #chapter 7 #my wrtiting #wimtb #sorry it took me so long!#i really hope you'll like it :')

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 💀👑 having a party Jimmy: Where's my handwritten 💌? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: not enough 🩸 Janis: 💔 Janis: [pic of jelly shots and other basic party tings taking up cali's fridge] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you ain't fucked with them, I'm dumping you Janis: it's like you don't know me at all 😱😏 Jimmy: Oi, it's a secret, that Janis: not tweeted it yet, we're safe Jimmy: tah, Judy Jimmy: what's the 👗👠 then? Janis: 🤔 Janis: it's either taking their 'style', lack of a better word, and doing it better, 'cos duh Janis: OR doing the anti-them so hard she'll be 😡 the second we walk in Jimmy: so do you want me in 👗👠 or looking like I slept in the park with nowt but a 🔪 and an empty wallet? Janis: both hot 🔥 Janis: probably hates poors slightly more than crossdressers 💙 Jimmy: have I got time to get a vote labour face tattoo? Janis: only if it's misspelled 💘 Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: trying to work out what 🎨 I could get to show I hate lawyers Jimmy: no win no fee finger tats? Janis: 😂 Janis: full of the 🥇💡s today Jimmy: downside being Ian might reckon it's 🥇💡 an' all, I'd have to ❌ 'em out or cover 'em up with something that'll get him fuming before he realises Jimmy: or put the 👗👠 on as well as Janis: that'll do it Janis: dress on a lad is still a dress on a lad, even if it's red Jimmy: getting into a 🥊 with him would only help the cause, nowt more common than a black eye and chipped tooth Janis: not had enough time for my fake pillow baby to be showing, WELL gutted 😭 Jimmy: can make the announcement on the night 🍾 be a lovely surprise for her Janis: godmother, anyone? 🙊 Jimmy: only right after we conceived it in her bunk 💕 Janis: solid HILARIOUS lad speech story, hun 👌 Jimmy: especially when I add in that I ain't sure and it could've been her desk in computer science 😘 Jimmy: oh the #bants Janis: me, tryna remember that time 💭👀 Jimmy: you and sir both Jimmy: draw the line at fake naming it after her though, what's her dad called? Janis: who knows Janis: Mike, John, Peter, Paul etc etc Jimmy: UGH fine we'll call the kid Jeremy Janis: gonna start doing #babytaylor updates around the 🕞 Jimmy: same Janis: graphic details of the abortion, good times, like Jimmy: but the #datenight in hell after is gonna be 🔥 soooooooooo Janis: 💁 #hatersgonnahate #dontmumshameme #howtolosethepregnancypounds Jimmy: 😏 Janis: she lives ages from both of us so where do you wanna meet? Jimmy: middle? Janis: his MIND 🤤 Jimmy: it don't matter to me actually now your ankle's loads better and I ain't gotta carry you the whole way Janis: said as if that were my preference, ever Janis: or that I'm well fat Jimmy: you were warned I'm 👴 and on death's door, mate Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it but crack on with yours Janis: what else can be said about your stamina at this point, eh Janis: my cross to bear Jimmy: nowt 'cause I can't be all ears for your fake complaints after being deafened by your real praise Janis: if you're so gutted, I can promise you'll never 🔊 it again Jimmy: can you? doubt that Janis: see how easy Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: come here then Janis: where? Jimmy: where am I round the 🕞 Janis: UGH, don't remind me Janis: my biggest fake complaint 🥺 Jimmy: baby Janis: NEVER see you Jimmy: but I'm ALWAYS 💭💕 about you Janis: that'll be why Mia don't tip 💅 Jimmy: yeah that's TOTALLY the reason Janis: if you're THAT distracted how can you possibly remember how to make a decent latte?! Janis: if you're THAT distracted how can you possibly remember how to make a decent latte?! Jimmy: 1. there's no such thing as a decent latte 2. I could have you up on the counter and still make whatever ☕ dickheads want Janis: 1. okay got me there 2. not gonna have me there 'cos I'm nowhere near town so 💔 Jimmy: like I said ALWAYS 💭💕 Jimmy: and always fucking here 🕞 Janis: you're saying got time for that bus journey but how do I know it'd be worth it? Jimmy: I didn't promise to go mute on you for a start Janis: yeah? Jimmy: got loads to say, me Jimmy: [🔥 sext because why not] Janis: it's like that then Jimmy: it's however you like, you know that Janis: okay Janis: I want to see you Jimmy: okay Jimmy: I want you here Janis: I feel it Jimmy: I can promise you will Janis: you haven't forgotten just how long this bus ride takes, have you? Jimmy: no Janis: so you're being mean to me on purpose Jimmy: you started it by taking the piss out of my stamina Jimmy: this is just me showing you how much I've got Janis: but I'm already so Jimmy: and what I'm sitting here dead unfazed, do you reckon? Janis: I don't Janis: I think about you too, for real Jimmy: do you? Janis: yeah Janis: if I was good with words I could tell you about it but Jimmy: it's alright, you can show me Janis: when I'm with you, yeah Janis: what about all the times I'm not? Jimmy: you're decent enough at leaving reminders, I think I'll live Janis: you might Jimmy: how full's your 🚍 gonna be? Janis: this time? Janis: 👻town Jimmy: nowt to worry about then, is there? Janis: ? Jimmy: a 💣 could go off and who's about to see or hear it Jimmy: just us Janis: and the driver Jimmy: he'll be chatting to his mate or missus like the one before Jimmy: and you're gonna be 🔇 so you said Janis: 🤏 rude I'm now not that distracting at all, apparently but Janis: okay Jimmy: if he's that into it he can be our 3rd Janis: I'd ask but 😶 Jimmy: it'll go without saying, don't worry Janis: go on then Janis: you have to fill in the silence and tell me what you really think about me 💭💕 Jimmy: [a voice memo to make it even more of a #mood and to make me lol cos do you ever do any work boy] Janis: has anyone ever told you your voice isn't a total turn-off Jimmy: it ain't a compliment that usually gets chucked at me Janis: they're stupid then Janis: more than I reckoned Jimmy: don't talk to them, do I? Jimmy: just you Janis: oh yeah, suppose not Janis: count myself 🍀 Jimmy: dunno about that but you're alright to 🗨 to Janis: known worse, like Jimmy: tah very much Janis: you don't like compliments Jimmy: I never said that Jimmy: I don't know how to take 'em Jimmy: same as you Janis: it's when it's Janis: if you just said the same shit everyone says, it wouldn't even register Janis: but you ain't ever that predictable Jimmy: you're not a lass that's gonna get bog standard bollocks out of me Jimmy: 🥇 muse Janis: I can handle that Janis: you're pretty talented Jimmy: if you're the masterpiece, how could I fuck that up? Jimmy: barely have to do owt for it to be art Janis: be surprised how a lad can, 'cept not at all Jimmy: letdowns don't surprise me, whoever they're off 🌧 remember Jimmy: have had and have done loads, it's why the �� face fits Janis: you're far from a letdown to me, where it counts, like Janis: have that for free Jimmy: don't count for much when it's been days Jimmy: even Ian can manage to keep a lass about for that long sometimes Jimmy: but alright Janis: well it's all I've got Janis: and as I said, had worse Janis: you're free to disappoint me any time Jimmy: yeah, me an' all, but no need for me to chuck all the comparisons to my shit ex at you and pretend it'll do for a compliment Jimmy: or pretend that I wanna disappoint you Janis: It don't matter, we know it's inevitable but we also know we don't need to think about that right now Jimmy: it matters a bit Janis: not enough that we can do fuck all about it Jimmy: I just Janis: me too Jimmy: it ain't fair that you can 🧠📖 Janis: can't really Janis: could've agreed to anything there but fuck it, why not Jimmy: that's why I like you Janis: obviously Janis: whole plan hinges on it Jimmy: nowt to do with how fit and mysterious you are Janis: 🤏 tah Jimmy: Oi, I've been telling you how fit you are from day one Janis: don't stop Jimmy: not til it actually 💀💀💀s me Jimmy: how ain't there bollocks rumours about you being a model or an actress an' all? Janis: that'd be 😤💚 not 🤤💖 Janis: anyway, the school trip before the last, some scout came up to me and I thought the gals might actually murder her, or drown her with their 😭😭😭😭😭 Jimmy: right, it's different for lasses, so I've heard off you loads of times now Janis: and lads lack the imagination, not the kind of model or actress they're arsed about Jimmy: and that were why you didn't wanna do it then? Janis: didn't really have a chance, Lucas told her it was highly inappropriate to approach a child on a school trip, code for 'hands-off she's mine' 🙄 Jimmy: I get it, you can only find out who people are when I read their tits and tell you Janis: obviously Janis: got the card if you really wanna kickstart your career Jimmy: I just dunno why you don't, it'd be 💰💰 and a 💀👑 fuck you Janis: yeah but it's complicated Jimmy: which bit? the walk or the pout? Janis: very funny, dickhead Janis: 🥇 muse, so I've been told Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: why wouldn't you wanna get the fuck out of here? Janis: there's no guarantee that would happen Janis: might never get booked, or whatever the fuck they call it Jimmy: alright, you're scared of looking a twat Jimmy: but you're never getting booked if your name ain't down Jimmy: don't tell anyone you 🖋🩸 if nowt happens Janis: we've got well distracted from the point here anyway Jimmy: the new point is, stop being a selfish prick and think how 🥇 it'd make me look to have a model girlfriend, tah very much Janis: 🙄😏 you're the fucking worst Jimmy: kindly crack on 'cause I ain't gonna be about forever, like Janis: 👴 Jimmy: ✈👋 or ⚰🌹 either'll do Janis: know which one you meant Jimmy: it weren't me saying you can't 🧠📖 Janis: no brain to pick, you 💘 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: yeah alright, that lass who tried to snatch you off the school trip'd know more than me but I still reckon you'd be good Janis: shh Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: meant to be you on mute though Janis: my point about the point exactly Janis: make it hard for me to speak in a fun way, dickhead Jimmy: [giving her pics because she gave him that glorious dressing room selfie and we know he looks good whenever even when he's supposed to be working lol] Janis: Jesus, boy Janis: how do you just look like that Jimmy: #notamodelbutmyfakegirfriendis Janis: definitely not doing it so you have a 🔥 # Jimmy: but LITERALLY what other reason is there???!! 😱😱 #s are EVERYTHING babe Janis: I know, hardest decision I've ever had to make Jimmy: I'm leaving now, I just think Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: *it Janis: I reckon you are too Janis: like Janis: normal lads don't look like you do Jimmy: I can't fake that hard it being a northern thing Jimmy: 💔 if that means my parents weren't shit at everything Janis: same but that ain't news to me Janis: people LOVE being vocal about how fit my mum is Jimmy: bit rude of everyone to fake Grace being your twin when she's really adopted 🎻 Janis: she looks like my dad's mum and she's devastated, is a gutting comparison however you slice it Jimmy: I should've done more 🎻🎻 Jimmy: I get it, I look like Ian so every other dickhead reckons Janis: 🤏 rude of you to say he weren't fit but I'll allow it Jimmy: 🤏💔 he's my biological father 🤞 the other two can still cut and run Janis: seen your socials that ain't got me in, the kid looks like a small clone of you so 🌧 Jimmy: 💰 on my sister then Janis: usually the middle child Jimmy: she's got his 😡 and it can't be nurture as he don't fucking do none so Jimmy: that's all of us fucked Janis: shit, ain't it Janis: couple my sisters escaped having the same dad but my ma's got terrible taste so theirs weren't no better 💔 Jimmy: how many do you have? Janis: 4 sisters and a brother Jimmy: bet he were 💔 growing up Janis: yeah we made him well gay Jimmy: don't @iantaylor8 Janis: he ain't about to gay bash so it's alright Janis: about to have a gaybie though so pop off on that one Jimmy: he'd be well chuffed to hear he can still have grandkids to bully even though he reckons we're all gay Janis: weird flex on your nature and nurture there, mate Jimmy: duh it's MY fault not his Jimmy: couldn't keep my ex from sleeping with half the north 'cause I obvs weren't and turned them onto a gay lifestyle while I wasn't at it 🙄 Jimmy: #myinfluence Janis: Is Bill your dad? Janis: the drama, the top class storytelling 👌👏 Jimmy: 🤞 you've still got that quill you borrowed Janis: if you fancy it, I'll come about and loudly let him know how gay you ain't Jimmy: he'd have to be about for that plan to work Jimmy: if we held our breath we wouldn't need the 💀💀💀 pact Janis: probably can't turn up at his workplace, yeah, bit weird Jimmy: ☕ delivery Jimmy: just brought my muse so I can do top latte art Janis: unrelated but where is the nearest storage cupboard, tah Jimmy: nowt to see here but everything to hear soz Jimmy: you'd have to break your vow of silence any road, can't have that Janis: not a nun, not an eternal vow Janis: just 'til you admit you like hearing it Jimmy: don't need to tell me on either count Jimmy: and I never denied that I like hearing you Janis: you were taking the piss Janis: so now you're gonna have to be well nice before I even consider it Janis: which is very 💔 for me 'cos I like making noise for you Jimmy: I've been SO nice since Janis: could you be nicer? 🤔 Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: how can I? Janis: tell me what we're going to do at this party Jimmy: whose house is it at? Janis: #2 Jimmy: we'll find her fave bathroom then, she's bound to spend more time there than owt else Jimmy: ruin it for her Janis: anything that keeps her off the 🚽 is a 🏆 for us Jimmy: we can work out where her 🛏 is after Janis: probably four-poster Jimmy: probably be pretty hard to break Jimmy: but I'm up for the challenge if you are Janis: of course Janis: who am I? Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you're fucking Janis: so good Jimmy: you Janis: you you you Jimmy: if it's owt to do with me it'll be 'cause you've inspired me Janis: I'll take that Jimmy: do Jimmy: it's right Janis: I'm already bored of being on this bus Jimmy: it takes the piss but I need to see you Janis: I want it too Janis: takes the piss I live in the middle of nowhere Jimmy: I'll move you in when Jeremy's born, you're alright Janis: #1 dad Janis: get your own mug Jimmy: *🏆 Janis: bit demanding, babe Jimmy: what kind of dad can I be if I don't have nowt to put my 🥃 in? Jimmy: size matters, babe Janis: 😏 Janis: join you once he thing is out Janis: only 🍷🍷 Jimmy: @ Helena for 💊 Jimmy: your back will be killing you Janis: if he's got a head size of yours, I'll 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I'll 🔪 it out for you, what could be more #goals? Janis: basically a doctor 😍 Jimmy: wasted on just giving 🧽 baths, me Janis: not quite bubbles and 🍾 but Jimmy: when we get to the party, you can have that Janis: we can? Jimmy: if you want Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: one you never answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Janis: no Jimmy: yeah Janis: 😡 Jimmy: I want you, dickhead Jimmy: I've said it before Janis: not a 🚨⛓ to wanna hear it Jimmy: 💔 love a crime, keeps me in a job Janis: I'll commit another, hang on Jimmy: 😍 Janis: pretty sure how you're tryna make me feel in public is illegal Jimmy: 🚔'd quicker than the 🚍 Jimmy: and hang on, isn't it working? Janis: if only Janis: it's not not working, but it'd work better if you were here Jimmy: brb just gotta change uniforms 👮🚔🚨 Jimmy: be with you in a sec Janis: love a chase scene Jimmy: 💕 Janis: reckon this driver is a new boy too Janis: going well slow Jimmy: Oi don't lump me in with him Janis: you can still be 🍦 of the month, it's okay Jimmy: is it? first my stamina gets slagged off now it's my tempo Jimmy: gonna need a complaints 🗑 if you keep on Janis: babe Jimmy: soz I didn't ask you to fake 👰💍🤵 or 🤰 on day one, like Jimmy: dead slow, me 👻💔 Janis: like, do you even fake like me, OMG Jimmy: busted Jimmy: reckon you're a bit of a dickhead tbh Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: brb, throwing myself under this bus Janis: probably going too slow to kill me, THANKS Jimmy: see, what's to like, can't even stick to the plan, you Janis: nu-uh Janis: 'cos I'm NOT dying, but you'll show and think I have and go and off yourself Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: don't you 🤏 at me Janis: cheek Jimmy: keeping 🔇 is one thing but denying you're dying right now is Jimmy: I know you are Jimmy: me an' all Janis: it's very inconvenient Janis: wanting you this much Jimmy: weren't part of the plan Janis: exactly Jimmy: but Janis: too late to stop ourselves now Jimmy: not if you want to Janis: I don't Janis: you know that Jimmy: Alright Janis: it is alright, ain't it Jimmy: with me Janis: you're hot, I'm hot, why wouldn't we Jimmy: I'm not gonna give you a list of why it's a 🥉💡 to do this Janis: we'll survive Jimmy: I don't care if I don't Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me Janis: hot Jimmy: I am, you are, you just said Janis: but seriously Janis: you are so Jimmy: I get it, you're taking 💀💀💀 me seriously an' all Jimmy: right now Janis: you have no idea Janis: if I was even as half as good with words Janis: you might feel a fraction of how I'm feeling Jimmy: I do though, you're doing a decent job of telling me Jimmy: and making me feel like I Jimmy: could just Janis: just Jimmy: 💀💀💀 here in front of everyone Janis: oh Jimmy: inconvenient, I think that were what you said Janis: on the counter, that's what you said Janis: what I'm 💭 Jimmy: I'm not closing up but when I am next Janis: promise Jimmy: are you asking me if I do or telling me you do? Janis: asking you to Jimmy: I wouldn't have said it else Jimmy: but okay Janis: your fake manager better not show up Jimmy: he gets us to so he don't have to Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: just saying, some prior warning if you wanna third Janis: no 💌 for you Jimmy: I'm alright with leaving the rest of the dickheads out Janis: good to know Janis: 'cos I don't really rate anyone else right now so Jimmy: I've never rated anyone 🥇 as you Janis: you don't need to chat me up Janis: I'm there already Jimmy: it's just a bit of honesty Jimmy: nowt to worry about Janis: you mean it? Jimmy: Why would I have bothered to say it if it weren't? Janis: I dunno Jimmy: the answer is that I wouldn't Janis: alright, I believe you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: me too Jimmy: ? Janis: I ain't rated anyone else this hard either Jimmy: it's the accent Janis: maybe Jimmy: when you're going all about modelling you'll hear some right ones Janis: obvs Janis: let you know your final ranking then, like Jimmy: Tah Janis: all the male models will be gay Jimmy: chuck them my number Jimmy: Ian will be well chuffed Janis: can't have that Jimmy: Oi, just 'cause you're the first I've fake dated no need to make sure you're the only Janis: you wanna real date them, don't lie Janis: make you look well 🥇 Jimmy: it weren't enough for you to make your brother gay, I'm next now Janis: yeah, my agenda Janis: if you spread that around, I'll 🥊 you Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll delete the tweet Janis: dick Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: how old was you, when you got with your ex Jimmy: why? Jimmy: if you're undercover 👮 an' all, I might believe we're #fated Janis: 💔 now I'm #gutted Janis: dunno, just asking Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭 dunno what we're pissing about at if we're not 🖋 in the 💫 Janis: I'll turn 'round, you're right Janis: been fun Jimmy: 👋 Jimmy: good luck getting that pout and walk sorted out Janis: good luck getting a new muse Jimmy: probably just give up 🎨 nbd Janis: yeah right Janis: it's your 💘 and life Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: come be my personal 📸 and I'll think about it Jimmy: no expert but I don't reckon that's how it works Janis: then I don't wanna Jimmy: you don't need me to hold your hand Jimmy: 🏆💪 you Janis: don't like having my photo taken Jimmy: fake it then Jimmy: you've had loads of practice Janis: true Jimmy: I'll take more, you won't give a shit about 📸 by the time I've been dumped Janis: like it when you do Janis: maybe it's your process Jimmy: I'm sure any photographer'd be chuffed to have a crack at doing the same for you Jimmy: won't be as fit and mysterious as me but Jimmy: you'll live Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 🥇💡 to keep the pull out and pray method in mind, take a bit of the homeland with you Janis: ha ha ha Janis: shut up now Jimmy: not having my fake baby raised by other photographers Janis: doubt I fancy explaining that sentence to anyone else Jimmy: you don't fancy it, nowt of Jimmy: so alright, I'll leave it out Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: it's all bullshit Janis: nothing real about it Jimmy: the 💰💰 is Jimmy: and ✈🌏 Janis: I'm not a Hadid Jimmy: I dunno who that is Janis: it'd be less 🤩 and more, local ads and old lady catalogs Jimmy: and what? Janis: ❌💰💰✈🌏 Janis: ✔ 🚌🚍 Jimmy: ✔🐕🏃 then Janis: so soz it ain't as glamorous Jimmy: I doubt standing about in 👙👗👠 waiting for 📸 is Janis: yeah Janis: stupid Jimmy: like the lasses who'd be 😤💚 or 😭💔 Janis: literal Janis: must not know you can't ask the photographer to facetune you just how you like Janis: the breakdowns they'd have with the proofs would be worth it Jimmy: the Q&A they'd die for but'll never get 'cause you're out Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: hmm Janis: could fake that Jimmy: a career? yeah works for Mia's dad Janis: 😂 Janis: my 🥇 inspo forever Jimmy: obvs Janis: sorted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be selling skinny tea on the socials in no time Jimmy: I'm not even gonna ask what the fuck that is Janis: laxatives Janis: 😋 Jimmy: 💀👑 would have to be fake nice to you for the discount Jimmy: not gonna put them on daddy's 💳 Janis: he's all about triggering that gag reflex Jimmy: my 🥇 inspo forever Janis: 😏 Janis: nice Jimmy: I am yeah Jimmy: SUCH a good lad Janis: not gonna disagree Jimmy: but you LOVE disagreeing with me, Judith Janis: maybe I LOVE making you feel like a lad more Jimmy: there's nowt you 💕 more than a challenge, I get it Janis: 'course Janis: far as you know Jimmy: #thickandnorthern Janis: #fitandmysterious Jimmy: don't remind me Janis: what else do you have to think about that's more fun than me? Jimmy: tip jar Janis: 💔😭 damn, can't compete Jimmy: gonna fare piss poor in this fake divorce now you've ❌💰💰✈🌏 Jimmy: gotta do something Janis: never would've got a penny out of me Janis: not a mug Jimmy: with Mia's dad having to choose sides it'll be 💔😭 all round Janis: how it's meant to be, isn't it Janis: get the best #drama out of the break-up Janis: Bill'll be happy, at least Jimmy: he'll be LIVING Jimmy: #ghostbants Janis: wow Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: am I ready to be a dad or what? Janis: you've got the jokes and the fashion, babe Jimmy: working on the body obvs 🍻🥔🥧 Janis: can't wait to be disgusted by you 💘 Jimmy: helping you fake your morning sickness is just the kind of lad I am Janis: don't need 💀👑 tips Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 for her Janis: good thing she's got the gals to look up to her Janis: not #2 she's clearly better at it, but the other ones Jimmy: I hope she goes live the day she does her in for surpassing her at starvation Jimmy: always need 💀💀💀 tips Jimmy: 🤞🥇💡 Janis: not gonna be as good as ours Jimmy: no need for us to make it look like an accident Jimmy: I know what I want Jimmy: not a tease like those pair Janis: if you were gonna lead me on that much Jimmy: you'd actually have to fake it Jimmy: can't have that Janis: shut up Janis: I'm 🥇 Jimmy: but still ain't been scouted as an actress have you, mate? Jimmy: says it all Janis: 'cos no one knows I'm in character Janis: called method acting, look it up dickhead Jimmy: you know I can't read Jimmy: bit bloody insensitive that you keep bringing it up Janis: 💁 Jimmy: be about right Janis: you started it Jimmy: bollocks Janis: you did too Jimmy: I never Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Oi don't be copying me Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie cos he's a nerd] Janis: oi yourself when you know that's a #kinkunlocked Janis: very rude Jimmy: or very nice Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: you don't? Jimmy: could just leave you with your 💭 Janis: subtle hint Jimmy: I know 🏆 Janis: dunno how good a photo you reckon I can take on this bus but Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: you said you were 🥇 Janis: not at Jimmy: I rate you Janis: only 'cos I know you've got no mates to send 'em to Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: that why you're always trying to set me up on playdates? Janis: 1. when? 2. 'cos I want any nudes I do to get better views? yeah, obvs Jimmy: any teacher or coworker for a start Janis: that's you, you're insatiable Jimmy: tweet that and keep your nudes out of it Janis: blame me for your 😍 Janis: psh Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: shh Jimmy: I can't 🔊 me Janis: I can Janis: call it your literary voice Jimmy: I still don't believe you can Janis: why not? Jimmy: experience Janis: what does that mean Jimmy: it means you never 🤐 Janis: 😑 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you're a twat Jimmy: yeah Janis: literally not talking to you ever again Jimmy: sounds fake that does Janis: you'll see Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: well Jimmy: well you're still 🗨 Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bye Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yeah, party Jimmy: funny Janis: is it? Jimmy: what are you gonna do, get straight back on that 🚍 when you come off? Janis: I've got shit I can do, tah for the concern Jimmy: alright Janis: bit of a pisstake, actually Jimmy: what? Janis: you've dragged me out Jimmy: done nowt of the sort Janis: yes you have Jimmy: never made you do owt, real or fake Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: I know you're being a dickhead Janis: then stop replying if that's what you reckon Jimmy: it ain't me who don't wanna talk Jimmy: that's your party trick Janis: it's me who talks too much Janis: can't have it both ways Jimmy: I didn't say I wanted it a different way Janis: stop being a headfuck Jimmy: stop taking what I say wrong Janis: if I could, I would Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: it's me, not you Janis: you just said it Jimmy: no need to make it sound like the start of a breakup Janis: how would you like me to say it Jimmy: just listen to me, how about that? Jimmy: I like how much you talk Jimmy: I like talking to you Janis: but then I don't know what to say back Janis: it's compliments Jimmy: I don't mind not having any back Jimmy: silence is alright an' all as long as it's not a 💔 one Janis: it's not fair Janis: you should feel uncomfortable and all, like Jimmy: I don't feel anything 👻 perks Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll stop if it makes you feel better Jimmy: signing only or something Janis: I don't feel anything either, that's what you don't get Jimmy: fuming is a feeling, girl Janis: so's 😒 Janis: but we both know, not really Jimmy: we both know that's just my face Janis: sure Jimmy: go on Janis: you clearly feel shit Janis: and it ain't just me that don't like talking about it, that's as obvious Jimmy: What are you the 💕😭😒 👮? Janis: 🙄 just don't chat shit about my party trick when you're doing the same Jimmy: how am I? Jimmy: I've said loads to you Janis: I've said shit to you too Janis: I'm talking about now Jimmy: what about now? Janis: you're being weird Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: dunno Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: let's leave it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I dunno about any of this, alright Jimmy: and I do? Janis: more than me Jimmy: how'd you work that out? Janis: you've done it before Jimmy: no I've not Janis: real is more of a challenge, if anything, not less, so Jimmy: weren't disputing that Janis: so you have Jimmy: no I've not Jimmy: it weren't the same Janis: obviously not Janis: not at the core Janis: but there's still shit you can use Jimmy: oh yeah, hang on I'll crack on and❌ out whatever I can't then it'll be piss easy Janis: I'm not saying that it weren't real with your ex, you don't need to get defensive Jimmy: you're being a massive twat Janis: not trying to Jimmy: leave it, like you said Janis: alright then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Why would you say that? Janis: what part? Jimmy: that there's shit I can use Janis: not like a bad thing Janis: just pointing out it's harder for me Jimmy: how isn't it a bad thing to reckon I can just swap out one lass for another? Janis: if this was real, maybe Janis: just meant experience, like Jimmy: right Janis: I didn't mean it as a diss Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes then, tah for clearing that up Janis: yeah, yeah 😏 Jimmy: ✔ Janis: harsh Jimmy: if this were real, might be Janis: okay Janis: got it Jimmy: I don't reckon you do Janis: you never do Jimmy: alright, it's my fault Jimmy: that sounds real enough Janis: yeah, exactly what I was after Janis: cheers and tah Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: don't you know that and all Jimmy: just asking for the fun of it, me Janis: letdown all 'round then Jimmy: it's been said Janis: not by me Jimmy: ⬆ there Janis: that was the first time Janis: 😭 accordingly Jimmy: I will do Janis: hmm Janis: wasn't very believable tbh babe Jimmy: I'll send you the video when I'm on my next break Janis: cool Jimmy: I'll try and look it 💔😎🚬 Janis: it's your whole brand so Jimmy: won't have to try very hard then Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 🎬🏆🥇 Janis: post you your oscar Jimmy: bring it to the party Jimmy: save yourself the postage Janis: oh yeah Janis: 👍 one Jimmy: full of top quality 💡 me Janis: reason I keep you about Jimmy: duh Jimmy: see you there then Janis: alright Janis: in a bit Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [better skip to this party when you don't come around gal] Jimmy: [such fun] Jimmy: Oi, where am I headed? Jimmy: [after a bit when she has not replied] Jimmy: very helpful, you Jimmy: are we going to this party or what, dickhead? Jimmy: [after another bit] Jimmy: no? alright then Janis: [I'm thinking this is hours later, so the party is over] Janis: had to go somewhere Janis: say I'm at yours if anyone gives a shit Jimmy: tah for telling me when I could have done something to keep us #goals Jimmy: oh hang on, nah, you didn't Janis: sorry Janis: I'm busy Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: literally always Janis: this is different Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I didn't ask Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me, what's to do with me is that you didn't bother to tell me you weren't coming Janis: alright Janis: sorry again Jimmy: now you need me to cover for you, yeah Janis: don't if you can't be bothered Jimmy: I do what I say I'm gonna do Jimmy: you can piss off Janis: yeah well you ain't promised so do what you want Jimmy: I don't need to, it ain't that #deep Jimmy: we have a deal and I pull my weight with it Janis: I'm not wasting battery saying it again Jimmy: you heard me say piss off then Jimmy: on you go Janis: bye, Jimmy Jimmy: 👋 Janis: [that's that on that]

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when-he-seesme-moved · 8 years ago

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Kin/id etc. list!!

Strap yourselves in, I’ve got a lot!

Ibuki Mioda, SHSL Gamer!Ibuki, Mioda, Angel!Kaede Akamatsu, SHSL Writing Prodigy!Kaede Akamatsu, Mastermind!Kaede Akamatsu, non-canon SHSL Oncologist, SHSL Florist, Wednesday Addams, Beta Junko, SHSL Patisserie Chef!Chisa Yukizome, Soshun Murasame, Matilda Wormwood, Kate Marsh, Hatsune Miku, Rin, Heather McNamara, dragonkin, dogkin

#there might be more that i've forgotten probably and i'll add them if i remember them #caps #text heavy #kin stuff #about my kins

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indelibleevidence · 5 years ago

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WIP Status Report

A few people have reviewed a few different fics recently, asking for updates on them, or at least updates on when there might be updates. So here's a status report on where I am with each WIP, just as reassurance that I haven't forgotten any of them.

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Torture Without You: The season 2 AU where Kurt finds Jane before Nas does, and Jane is not in her happy place... This was my first fic for the fandom, it's by far the longest, and though I know people enjoy long fics...at this point, I just want it over. So this is the final plot arc, will be followed by some angsty, fluffy, smutty comfort, and then we're done. Hopefully within the next 10-15 chapters. I'm not going to rush the ending, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My last update was earlier this week, and I should be updating again this month, at some point.

Remember to Forgive: I'm not entirely sure how long this one will be. It's about halfway through, I guess? My last update was earlier today, and it will probably get another chapter this month.

Taken For Granted: a. k. a. the fic where I put kids in cages right before the US government started doing it IRL. :/ Maybe that's the reason why I've been avoiding it. Anyway, Kurt gives Jane some unexpected backup in the next chapter, which sets up for the conclusion of the case. After that will be the aftermath and getting Jeller back on even footing, and then I'm done. I last updated in March and have had a few nudges from readers for it recently, so I'll be aiming to update that one by the end of next week.

Focus: a. k. a. the 1x10 tag-fic where Jane doesn't get snatched up by Carter and doesn't meet Oscar, so she gets to go to the park in 1x11 like she should have done all along. It's written in present tense when all my others for this fandom are in past tense, so I keep mixing up my tenses and participles and getting annoyed with myself. I was waiting until we got to 1x12 in our season one rewatch, but then didn't end up doing anything with it when we got there. So I've been putting it off, I guess. It was last updated in November, yikes! Maybe I'll update it before Christmas, unless people yell hard for it beforehand? Who knows.

To Jane and Kurt: I have half of Tasha's wedding speech already written, so I should just bite the bullet and knock this one off my to-write list, because it's nearly finished. Last updated in April, and... I'll get around to it soon. And then everyone will ask me to continue it with Jeller's wedding night, and then I will say no, because I have enough to write. :p

Crossroads: The Reller in Venice AU fic. I know how I want it to go, but there always seem to be other fics people want updates for more, so I've let it fall by the wayside. Last updated in March. Maybe I'll make it my project for January or something.

In the Wake of the Storm: My post-2x22, Jeller-finally-allow-themselves-to-get-lost-in-each-other fic. I have so much I still want to write for this one! Occasionally I do mentally feed it ideas, I just haven't found the time to get to it. As I say, sometimes I just let reader nudges guide me for what to update. This one was last added to in May, but I should think I'll add something else to it before the year is out.

Forever Intertwined: The 'Kurt finds Jane in Moscow three months into her bounty hunter ordeal' fic. I confess, I'm in two minds about even continuing this one, since it comes to something that could be read as a conclusion where I left off. An angsty conclusion, but it wipes out the possibility of Berlin and Clem-cheating, since Jeller are on the same page, and that's good enough for me. Part of me is thinking of continuing by way of notes Kurt and Jane send each other via CIA dead drop locations, but it's not a priority. This one is at the bottom of the list at the moment. Last updated in October 2018.

Unacceptable Weakness: The fic that attempts to fill in everything the show denied us by time-jumping, like Remi finding out what happened to her family and Oscar, and meeting Avery, and figuring out how to be Jane before Kurt wakes up from his coma. I really like exploring these ideas, but since there's no Jeller or even Reller in this fic, people are not as interested, so I've let it take a backseat (because I do love writing romance). So I guess I'll just wait for the muse to strike here, unless people scream for it sooner. Last updated in October 2018.

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #amy needs to actually finish some fics

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bunnyhani · 6 years ago

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Take A Deep Breath

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Genre: Fluff and angst

Warnings: Panic attacks!

Summary: You've started getting these attacks, where breathing was difficult, your body shaking and sweating. You're very afraid and concerned, who wouldn't be. You have no idea what could be wrong with you. For some reason, you thought that it was a good idea to hide this piece of information from your boyfriend, Chan. But what if Chan had the solution for your problem?

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When it happened for the first time, you were so afraid. And you didn't know what was wrong at all. They became more regular, mostly happening during the late hours of the dark nights. Yet you still kept quiet. You really didn't want to bother your busy idol boyfriend, Chan. He had 8 other people to look after, you didn't want to add anything more to his already full plate. Only your best friend and mom knew about this. If only you would have known that it would've been a whole lot wiser to just talk about it with Chan...

Your undereyes just kept getting darker and darker. You weren't sleeping much at all, these weird breathing difficulties keeping you up at night. You might be wondering, that why didn't you just ignore it and sleep? Well... Easy answer: these breathing difficulties caused you feeling like you were choking, like there was something in your throat, blocking your breathing. Yet when your mom had monitored your breathing during when you were over at her house, visiting her, she said that nothing sounded out of ordinary, except your slightly shaky breathing. It only caused more worries and you began questioning your sanity. During those "attacks" as you called them, you were afraid of dying. You felt like you were out of your mind, your hands and whole being shaking and you were sweating. And you really thought that you might be dying. Your mom was very worried, so was your besg friend. Anyone would be.

You hadn't seen Chan in a few weeks, you of course kept in touch by calling each other and texting. You had some Facetime calls too, but you rather avoided those. Going on a Facetime call usually meant that you had to hide your darkening eyecircels (which were already porminent, thanks to your genetics) and pull a tired smile on your face. That didn't take too much effort, when you saw Chan. A smile would automatically frame your face when you were with him. But hiding this from him felt wrong, but you didn't want to say anything. You didn't have any explanations of what was going on so why would you honestly bother your boyfriend's head too? One night you got a text from Chan, saying that he would be visiting you soon, since they were getting a break. A small one, but you still took it. If it meant spending some time with him, of course. A smile already tugged at your lips. You bit your lip and then smiled gently. You still worried. What about your attacks? Should you talk about them with him? Yes, you definitely should. You started tidying up your apartment in hopes that it would look a bit more presentable. You knew that Chan didn't mind, if there was a small mess, but you still did it anyways.

Before you knew it, the day that Chan was visiting you, arrived. You still got the attacks, but they were easing up a bit. You didn't get one last night, which you considered a win. But at the same time, you knew that it could creep on you during the day then. And that honestly scared you. I really didn't want Chan to see you in that state. He himself would probably panic too. Those thoughts caused you even more anxiety. You truly wished that everything would go fine and you could breathe today. 'Please, body stop for today. Don't come at day, when Chan is here. The least you could do is to come at night', you begged in head, when your dear boyfriend knocked on the door. You ignored your hammering heart in your chest and answered the door. Chan was there, eyes tired but his full lips stretched into a beautiful, bright smile that made your breath hitch and mind blank. Before you even knew it, you were smiling back at him as he wrapped his arns around you eagerly. His body pressed against yours and you could feel his warm breath on your neck. You shivered a bit, but still returned the hug wholeheartedly. You breathed Chan's scent in and you felt so safe. You tucked your head closer to Chan's neck to press your cold nose agaisnt it. Chan whined at the coldness, but refused to let you go.

"Chan, we should get in. The cold is going to get inside", you coaxed, the only response you got back was a sulky 'no.' You chuckled and with that, you two awkwardly waddled together inside, closing the door behind you, not letting go of each other.

You could tell, that Chan was tired. Even your tired brains understood as much. But Chan kept smiling, talking energetically. You honestly had no idea who on earth was he still standing and talking with so much energy. You just felt like sleeping. You yawned for the third time in the span of 15 minutes and Chan glanced at you worriedly.

"Are you okay? Have you been sleeping?" He asked, now actually taking in your appearance. Your body didn't look like it had changed, not lost or gained weight. But your eyes seemed so tired, skin a bit dull and he could see your makeup creasing a bit on the corner of your eyes. Wait... Makeup? You usually never wore makeup, you didn't have much knowlodge on it and you just didn't want to go trough the trouble of putting it on. Chan looked closer and saw that you didn't seem to have any foundation, just covered your eyes. That got him thinking. He knew that you struggled with insomnia quite often, but had it got out of hand? Or was something keeping you up at night?

"Yes, I'm ok. I'm just tired. I've working hard with my school work, you know the usual", you easily gave a reply. It came out so easily, since it wasn't a lie. You truly were busy with school work, but you just had left out an important detail. Chan didn't need to know that though. Your boyfriend nodded in understanding, but you could visibly see the wheels turning in his head, as he racked his mind of any other possible reasons why weren't you sleeping properly.

"Chan... Don't worry ok. I got this. I'm okay", now you were just flat out lying. Again, Chan didn't need to know. Chan nodded, uncertainly but decided to let it go. For now.

The day went on, the converstation seemingly forgotten (it wasn't) and you two just enjoyed company. Neither of you wanted to do anything spontaneous, both feeling a bit dazed by sleep. So you settled with the next best thing: talking. You coudln't comprehend how much and for how long you two could just talk. At one point, you and Chan had been sitting in the kitchen, drinking some tea and talking about everything that you could possibly think of, while gazing each other fondly. Then when tea was all finished, you moved to the living room. You cuddled on the couch, wrapped around each other. You were just talking about something funny, that happened with your friends two days back. You were interrupted by Chan. Chan had just looked at you and he couldn't believe that he could call you his. With that thought, he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to your lips. You immediately stopped talking and for a moment you didn't even move. However, when you did finally understand that Chan was actually kissing you, you did respond. You brought your cold hands to his neck, he shuddered at the temperature change, but didn't pull away. He deepened the kiss and lifted himself so that he was hovering over your body. He leaned himself down even more, muscles twitching as he held himself up from possibly crushing you.

He pulled away breathlessly. The lack of air made you immediately think of your attacks and you discreetly took a deep breath to test that were you able to breathe. You were and your eyes quickly flickered up to meet Chan's eyes, when you felt his breath hit your face. He was looking at you again in concern. He opened his mouth to say something, you just leaved over to him, putting your hands on his chest, then pushing him gently to lay down on the couch, on his back. He looked so confused. You straddled his hips and just looked at him. He was just so beautiful. You simply loved everything about him; his curly hair, his lips, his expressive eyes, his voice... Everything. Chan was looking up at you, expectantly. You smiled softly, lowered yourself that you were laying on top of him. You pressed your head against his chest and listened to his heart beat. He sighed contently and wrapped his arms around you. This time, no words were exhanged. You just were silent, enjoying each other's presence.

The next time when one of you spoke, it was getting late. Chan poked at your shoulder gently to get your attention. You turned your head to look at him questionably. He smiled at your slightly confused, yet expectant face.

"Would you mind if I'll stay over at your house today? I forgot to mention that I can stay over and it's getting a bit late", he explained, with a sheepish smile playing on his lips. You smiled. Of course you wanted to spend the night with. You coudln't even remember the last time you had slept in his arms. The whole idea seemed so tempting. So you said yes. Chan smiled brightly and pecked your lips. You decided to get ready for bed, like Chan had said, it was getting late. You both were excited to sleep and get some well deserved rest.

Chan and you slipped into your bed and lied there comfortably. Again, you talked about everything. Talking with Chan was one of the most comfortable things you could do. But when Chan fell asleep, you were alone with your thoughts. You tried to shake them off and closed your eyes, trying to sleep. You didn't even know for how long you lied there, awake and the block in your throat felt suffocating. Your breathing started to feel difficult, your body started trembling and sweating. You were painfully gasping for oxygen, but it felt like you just weren't getting enough. You clumsily scrambled off of the bed and stumbled to your bathroom. You locked the door and slid down against the wall. You pulled at your hair helplessly as you tried to breathe. 'Am I going to die?' You asked, as you felt like you were about to lose your mind. Tears started fall from your eyes and panicked feeling inside scared you even more. By now you were sobbing, gasping and panting. You gribbed your throat desperately and squeezed your eyes shut. You heard footsteps on the hallway, you covered your mouth, but your gasps were still were loud. Then there was frantic knocking on the bathroom door and you heard Chan call out to you. You coudln't focus on that at all. As much as you wanted to get up and open the door for him, you physically couldn't. You didn't know how much time passed, it felt like hours while it could have been just 3 minutes, but the bathroom door was thrown open. Chan hurried inside and fell to his knees in front of you.

"Oh my God... Y/N, what's wrong?" He asked as he tried to get your attention. His eyes were wide, his shoulders were shaking from the adrenaline, as he had just woken up.

"I-I... I can't breathe! I'm.. So scared!" You finally managed to stutter out with difficulty. Chan quickly observed your state and it finally clicked. He calmed down, when he realized that you were not in danger and asked in a calm voice:

"Can I touch you?" You took some time process the words, but when you did, you nodded hastily. Chan took a hold of your shoulders and said:

"You are okay, Y/N. You are not dying or choking. I need you to inhale, through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 5 seconds and exhale for seven seconds through your mouth. Come on, start with me." You did as he told, but you questioned it. How could a breathing exercise help you now. Chan encouraged you and praised you for doing so well. If you panicked again, he reminded that he was there and that you weren't alone, while keeping his hands on your shoulders without making you feel suffocated. To your surprise, your breathing slowly but surely became easier and the block in your throat decreased. Your body didn't stop shaking and yiu were still sweating, but your mind wasn't clouded by panic anymore and you could finally focus.

When your breathing finally normalized, you were exhausted. You leaned your head tiredly against your wall's cold tiles as you savored the feeling of being able to breathe normally again, without any suffocating feeling in your throat. For a moment, you forgot that Chan was even there.

"Are you okay now? Can you breathe?" Chan asked, breaking the silence and you jumped at the sound of his voice. He was silent, while waiting for your reply.

"Yeah... Thank you. How did you know that a breathing exercise would help?" You asked, while fiddling with the hem of your fluffy nightdress.

"Because... It seemed like you were having a panic attack and breathing exercises help get you through them", he replied. You felt your jaw drop open.

"These... These are panic attacks? These two weeks that I've been having these were panic attacks? How on earth I didn't realize this before? I've helped my friends with these yet-", you cut of your ranting and leaned your head against your knees. Now that you thought about it, you remembered every symptom. Almost all of them matched with yours. How could you've been so stupid?

"You've had these for two weeks? How often? Why didn't you tell me?" Chan asked, expression now between hurt and concerned. You bit your lip, but refused to lift your head up.

"I started getting these out of nowhere two weeks ago. I was staying at Jisoo's place and I got this.. Panic attack. We just thought that it was because of the cat. But then... I started getting these every night. If I didn't get one at night, I got one during the day", you said. Your shoulders didn't feel as heavy anymore, but then guilt started pressing on. You heard Chan sidling closer to you and he tapped gently on your head. You lifted your head shamefully and met his gaze. He started stroking your cheeks with his thumb, his hand supporting the weight of your head. You leaned your head against his hand and let yourself just stare at your boyfriend.

"Is this what's been keeping you up at night?" He asked. You just nodded in reply and Chan let his eyes sweep over your face again. Now that the makeup was off, he could see how dark your undereyes had become. He wasn't even surprised. After all, you hadn't slept properly in two weeks.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered. You lowered your eyes to the floor and whispered a reply:

"I didn't want to bother you. You have so much on your mind already!" Chan shook his head.

"You're never a bother. Never. What gave such an idea?" He asked, while his other hand started carding through your hair ever so softly.

"I just felt like it. I mean... What was I supposed to say? I didn't even know what was wrong with me", you responded helpessly. You gribbed Chan's arm and stared at his brown eyes. Chan sighed, but nodded. He understood. Of course he did.

"Well... What is done is done now. But if you ever get any kind of troubles, please tell me. I want to help you. You're still my girlfriend", he said and kissed your temple. You nodded, without saying anything. You glanced at his eyes lips and leaned forward to kiss his lips softly. After the short kiss, you leaned your forehead against his, your breaths mixing together.

"Thank you."

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