#there isnt any escaping it fhfkdl it will just keep ripping me apart at this point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

piplupod · 1 year ago

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usually I can deal w the fact that i am deeply disliked by my family (I'm sure they think they like me but whenever i let any part of my actual personality shine thru the performance then they fucking hate it) but it is fucking tearing me to pieces the last couple days. I just feel so incredibly annoying and inherently unlikeable, and I'm not rly sure what to do about that!

I just keep trying to Do things (work on puzzle and sit outside when its sunny and pretend things are okay in my brain) to avoid thinking abt it bc its nothing i can solve but it just keeps coming back and shredding me to ribbons

#parents are away for a couple days and my sister only wants anything to do w me when it is for Her benefit #she doesn't give a shit how i feel fjfkdl and i only do things w her if she is lonely or bored #like.... i am basically a literal jester at this point. all i am is entertainment for her #idk i was thinking of all these things we could do and i suggested a couple and she just invited her bf over instead #and i got to sit alone rotting away in the basement #which is why last night sucked so bad and... Chase did whatever he did fjfkdl #and now she's asking to do smth tonight bc her bf can't be around and i dont want to do anything w her anymore bc shes just using me #but im so desperate for interaction that ofc im going to do smth w her and im going to end up feeling like shit afterwards like i always do #it just. sucks. a lot. im tired djfkdl. i wish i was actually liked idk fjfkl i hate all of this #trying desperately to Do Things to keep myself afloat and occupied but during transitions to the next activity or downtime it fucks me over #there isnt any escaping it fhfkdl it will just keep ripping me apart at this point #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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