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tellmeallaboutit · 9 months ago

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knock knock (Raphael x F!Player)Chapter 10, In Which You Get A Warning (Received Loud and Clear)

AO3

"…Our sincerest apologies for the unexpected delay…”

“….We kindly request that you approach the office for guidance and help if you are lost and unsure where to go…”

"…The next station is..."

“….regarding any missed connections…"

"...Terminal station. We urge all passengers to disembark before it’s too late…"

****

If someone asked you how you got home, you couldn't really say. Half the time you slept on the train, half the time you waited in some dingy station for your missed connection, and half the time (can you still count?) you tried not to look at your phone, not to look at the billboards, not to look at the faces of the people next to you - God knows you don't want to see any more infernal creatures or Twin Peaks cameos.

Raul called you ten more times and then stopped, about two hours ago, and his silence was even more frightening than his insistence.

Although you often dreamed of your hometown, you never really enjoyed returning to it. The journey itself was a painful ordeal - a train, then a bus, followed by a twenty-minute walk. Besides, you always felt...

Somehow lost in time and space there. The world moved on to the information age, but the town never did. A good two thirds of the population still went to St Martin's Church (the main and only attraction within a thirty kilometre radius) and the other third were Protestants.

Your mother's house was in the shitty part of town that was becoming a little more decent with gentrification, but it was still a pain to get there without a driving licence (you'd promised to get one since you were eighteen and never got around to it).

Then you saw it; the house you grew up in, the jaundice-yellow bricks, the Catholic cross above the door, the inscription 20+C+M+B+24 scattered across its facade, two rose beds, the old school garden gnome and, in the narrow driveway…

A red Lamborghini. Further down the road, two armoured jeeps (much too large for the driveway, and thus rudely obstructing the narrow cobbled street).

How did he...

How did he know who your mother was? Where she lived?

You must call the police.

No, you don't. Don't be absurd.

Take a breath.

What the hell are the police going to do?

Wait. Yes, of course Raul knows where she lives. You made a transfer. A large transfer from Raul's account to Franziska Berger's. Your mother has an account at the local savings bank. It should have been easy from there.

How did he know you would go to her?!

He knows you have nowhere else to go.

And if he didn’t, Raphael for sure did.

No, not your mum. Not your mum. That's just a dirty fucking game, that's against the rules. Not. Your. Mum.

She did nothing at all.

“Ms Berger!" a voice thundered, and you had to swallow down the fear that begged you to bolt back down the street.

Yurgir was sprawled across the steps, his hulking mass barricading your path to the front porch and door. He gave you a little greeting wave. He obviously could not enter the house: not because of the inscription on the door, but because he could not physically fit through the doorway.

You thought of nothing better than to wave back. "You took your sweet time getting here, Ms Berger!" Yurgir said, chomping down on one of those apple puffs that your mum always baked when you were due for a visit.

There were pastry flakes all around him already.

Jens was there too. He flicked a lazy salute in your direction, his tail mirroring his hand. You stared at him. The only thing scarier than a cambion with a pistol strapped to his belt was a cambion with a pistol strapped to his belt who had also spent five years in Syria and was munching on your mum’s apple puff.

Your poor mum must have been petrified to see these creatures at her door.

"My train was late," you forced yourself to say. "I missed my connection because of it, and then the other one was late too."

You had no idea why you apologised for being late for an appointment you never fucking made.

Yurgir scoffed and shook his head with a grunt. "The world has gone to hell in a handbasket, Ms Berger. In my day the trains..."

Jens cut Yurgir off before he could continue with his nostalgic tangents. "You could have called us from the station, Ms Berger. We tried to reach you. Repeatedly. Something with your phone?"

He scratched the bridge of his nose with his claw, and you noticed that he was obviously married. There are some very brave women in this world.

You, on the other hand, were not.

"Out of charge", you said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably. “Don't worry. I like trains”.

"I'm sorry I missed you back at your place, Mrs Berger. I could have taken you to your mother's right away," Jens said, tail swishing, his yellow-red eyes never leaving you. "Won't happen again, I assure you."

You felt a desperate urge to take your mum's puff away from Jens, because he certainly didn't deserve it.

"Is Raul inside?" Your voice wavered slightly at the mention of his name. "With my mum? Is she... is she OK?"

Please.

Jens flashed a grin while Yurgir looked at you with what might have been sympathy or pity - it was hard to tell.

"Ms Berger," he said in what must have been his gentlest voice, "I've been on Mr. D'Avergni's payroll since I got out of the slammer, and let me tell ya - despite all the bullshit people say about him, he's a good guy. One of the few left in this screwed up world."

You wondered if by 'good', he meant by maximum security prison standards because that's where you assumed Yurgir had done time.

Hopefully Nessa had no real-life equivalent because zoophilia is definitely where you draw the line.

You hoped you could still draw them.

"No matter what tiffs you two have had, he ain't the type to lay a hand on your mother or you," Yurgir said. "Trust me, I seen plenty of dames come and go in his life, but none of them had him wrapped around their finger like you do."

Jens let out a small scoff; either didn't appreciate the message or disagreed with it.

"I'm flattered," was all you could muster.

You noticed that your neighbour from the house on the left was staring at the scene from her kitchen window. Miss Braun, was it? Newly widowed and bored out of her mind. Oh, she was having a hell of a day already.

"You should be," Yurgir agreed heartily, glad to have imparted some wisdom to you. "There's a whole line of gals like you dying for his attention."

"Can I go see my mum, please?" you asked, hating how your voice sounded so childish.

But there was no way around it - literally - with Yurgir blocking the way. He sighed and shifted slightly to the side, leaving just enough space for you to squeeze through (you fought back the dark urge to reach out and touch his horns). As you passed by, you caught Jens' reflection in the glass door; he was twirling a clawed finger around his temple and mouthing "cuckoo" at Yurgir.

It bothered you less than it should have.

***

The kitchen was pure chaos, thanks to your mother, who had become a one-woman cooking show. She was taking something out of the oven and shoving something else into it at the same time, all while making sure Raul’s cup of coffee was filled to the brim.

Raul was sitting on the same kitchen table where you used to eat your cereal before school. His coffee was served in your mother's special guest cup (the finest porcelain with little angels on it, usually secured to collect dust in the cabinet), an array of apple puffs on a large plate, accompanied by fresh milk and an apple saucer. An absurdly large bouquet of pink tulips and carnations (must be his gift, your mother would have never bought something so over the top) formed the centrepiece.

"Anya!" Your mother exclaimed as soon as she spotted you and wrapped you in a tight hug. "Anya! Finally! My goodness, could you please charge your phone once in your life? Raul tried to call you God knows how many times! Christ!"

You were momentarily stunned, trying to decipher how you'd become the villain here.

"I'm sorry, Mom," you apologised. "And good morning, Raul. I didn't… I didn’t think to see you here."

He gave you a tight-lipped smile. He looked immaculate, for he must have slept three hours at most; decked out in a beige cashmere turtleneck and navy slacks, his chestnut hair slicked back. He looked perfectly human; more human than he ever did.

"Good morning, piccola," Raul said after taking a bite. "I certainly didn't expect to find myself here either. Not that I am complaining - Mrs Berger, as God is my witness - I've never had better apple puffs, and I've been to the best patisseries in the world."

"Franziska," your mother twittered, pushing a plate with two more puffs towards him. "These are Anya's favourite. I make them every time she finally decides to grace me with her presence. Just apples, sugar, dough, and cinnamon... Simple and budget-friendly. We had to be frugal when she was little..."

You had to be frugal when you grew up as well.

"Well, that's all behind us now, Mrs. Berger," Raul said. "You have my word."

Your mother blushed and muttered something along the lines of "oh, oh, don't be absurd, we're not in need of anything."

What a fucking nightmare. At least she didn't seem scared even though she damn well should be.

"Had I known you were visiting, Raul," your mother prattled on, "I would have prepared something special. And cleaned up, good Lord, the mess you had to see in here!"

You could eat off your mother's floor. She grabbed a brush and began furiously scrubbing away nonexistent dust from the floor.

"No need for that, Franziska," Raul interjected. "It's pristine here. Had I known I'd have to meet you today, I would've been more formal rather than barging in uninvited. How terribly impolite of me."

Your mom giggled again; you wouldn't be surprised if she asked him to call her Franzi next. She even seemed younger in Raul's presence. They were the same age, the two of them. They could have been your mum and dad.

You shuddered at the thought.

“You truly have a house of God here, Franziska”, Raul mused, staring at the altar at the wall; Crucifix, Pieta statue, the rosary book, the prayer candles (lit, for your sake, it must be). Not really helping, mum.

"Oh, I'm afraid He was always the only man in this house," your mother quipped. "The only one to protect us."

Raul chuckled in response. "Not anymore. Funny enough, Anya told me she wasn't religious."

He could have as well put a hit mark on your forehead.

“Anya, I worried myself sick because of you!”, your mother flared up.”Raul said that you stormed out in the middle of the night for no reason! Do you know what could have happened to you? Do you even watch the news? There are so many dangerous people out there nowadays!”

Raul remained silent, taking a bite from his apple puff pastry while his eyes stayed locked onto you.

“A lot of dangerous people out there”, you admitted.

"I assumed there wasn't any particular reason," Raul murmured as he stared you down, “I wasn’t given an opportunity to clarify, unfortunately. And if there was some valid reason behind it all, I wanted to offer my sincere apologies and rectify the situation.”

That was not what his last text message sounded like.

Your mum shot you a look that screamed "Isn't he just wonderful?" before hurrying off to fetch another batch of apple puffs from the oven. It seemed like she was cooking enough food to feed Raul's entire crew, judging by the size of that stew pot.

“Could we have a moment in private, Anya?”, Raul asked, and you felt a cold chill creep up your spine. You took an instinctive step back and remembered that Yurgir and Jens were outside. “If you allow, Franziska. I don’t want to overstep”.

She was not even looking at the two of you, she was adding salt and vinegar to the pot.

“Of course! I’ll go check with the boys and leave you two to talk things through”, your mum smiled. “Anya, darling, I tidied up your room. It’s all guest-ready!”.

Outside, "the boys" were smoking and laughing about something. You remember a “no boys allowed” rule for your room, and for the first time in your life, you wouldn’t have minded it.

“Anya, remember: adults talk to each other, they do not slam doors and run away.”, your mum whispered as she brushed past you. “And for God’s sake, did you comb your hair today at all? Why are you wearing mismatched socks? Anya.”

“Socks?! Who the hell even…”

“Tut, Anya, don’t be rude to your mother”, Raul (or was it Raphael? Please, let it be Raphael. Tut was such a Raphael thing to say) chided, gently pushing you towards the stairs. Your room was located upstairs, and you couldn't help but wonder if your mother had given him a tour of the house. “Lead me to your room. I’m very eager to hear all about your late-night adventures."

Oh, fuck.

you don’t work for Interpol you don’t work for them you have no idea about anything you did fucking nothing

You quickly climbed up, feeling him follow you every step. He didn't utter a word until you swung open the door to your room.

It was far from being guest-ready; hell, even you weren't ready for it.

Albert Wesker glared down from his poster above your bed, sunglasses and all; Mr. Bubbles lay sprawled on faded pink sheets - where on earth did your mother find those? Books on the shelves, one worse than another: The Mortal Instruments, A Court of Thorns and Roses, The Hunger Games. Oh, thank God, Kafka’s Metamorphosis (your A-Levels literature exam demanded his presence). A photo of you in Alice: Madness returns cosplay (looking back now, it wasn't the greatest quality cosplay). JoJo poster (JOJO POSTER?! Why did your mom even let you hang that up?). Oh yes, your mum tried to mitigate the horrors in the room with the cross on the wall.

You closed your eyes shut.

Guest-fucking-ready. Fucking disgrace. Raul might as well kill you now, so you don’t have to live with this memory.

"How… charming," Raul's gaze raked over every mortifying detail with a predatory interest. "Who's the tough guy on the wall? Should I be worried?"

If Albert Wesker was to ever make an appearance, you vowed to swallow a bullet right then and there.

"No," you choked out. "Not the one you should worry about."

Raul walked towards the bed (took him two steps), picking up Mr. Bubbles and giving him a twirl.

You fought to keep your breathing steady, and you were losing the fight. The room felt claustrophobic, like a bargain bin flower scented death trap.

You did not work for Interpol. You did nothing for Interpol. You just went home for a little break. That’s your whole story. Repeat: you did not work for Interpol…

You desperately wanted to call out for Raphael - some form of help or protection - but you couldn’t bring yourself to call Raul by Raphael's name.

"Raul, please," your voice barely audible, "Don't harm my mum. I swear on my life I'm not with Interpol. This is all just a..."

"...Coincidence. Right. One coincidence after another”. Raul interrupted curtly as he gently placed Mr Bubbles back onto the bed. "Anya, take a seat."

“I can explain, I swear to God…”

"Sit down, I said," he ordered again; his tone brooked no argument.

Your body betrayed you, responding instinctively to Raphael's commanding voice, like Pavlov’s dog to a bell. With no sofa available, you perched on the edge of your bed with Raul looming above you with his arms crossed.

"Anya. Stop looking at me like I'm about to dice you and your mother up for a stew."

His words, his tone, his clenched jaw did nothing to alleviate your terror; the very opposite, they did their best to freak the shit out of you.

Before you could gather some response, he continued: “What have I done to deserve this fear from you, Anya? Have I ever given you a reason?”

You flinched as you rubbed at the red bruises on your neck, hidden under a thick scarf. Was he bloody serious? He’d given you more than a couple of reasons.

“Ah,” he sighed. “I see. Last night. Even if I may have… if things may have gotten a bit too intense, it was you who begged for me to do anything I wanted. So don't hit me with this 'MeToo’ crap now. Did you or did you not say those exact words, Anya? I don’t need a stop word, I want you to fuck me?”.

"I...I did," you said slowly. "I guess? But…”

"You guess." He parroted back. “Ever thought about owning up to your actions?”

You cowered even further into the wall.

"Did you?” Your voice turned hoarse. “Your text yesterday: 'You owe me an explanation and it better be damn good.' Then you wonder why I'm terrified of you? For all I know, you get off on me fearing you. Because I am no fucking match for you, or your money, or your power. And you know that. And you like that."

He damn sure liked that, leering all over you terrified in the corner like that.

Raul fell silent, his expression unreadable for a moment before he finally spoke up.

"The text had its reasons," he said. "I could not understand why you... ran off from my place when we were getting along so well. Then I discovered who was coming over to yours. Then you ignored me. Repeatedly”.

He walked over to the window, running a hand through his hair. He paused for a moment before speaking again.

"I felt betrayed, Anya," he confessed, the words obviously costing him. “Believe me, it takes a lot to wound me. But you managed.”

“I don’t work for Interpol, I told you”, you repeated. “I told them to fuck off”.

Raul stared at the back garden for a while.

"I know," he said quietly. "We would be having a very different conversation otherwise. A very different one indeed."

You breathed out for what felt like the first time since you entered the house.

“I have an insider in HQ”, Raul said. “I was informed that you told them – in very plain and harsh terms - you would never conspire against me”.

“I wouldn’t”, you breathed out. “I wouldn’t, of course I wouldn’t, not ever, what did you think?”.

Raul's expression softened slightly as he turned to face you once again.

“And why is that?”, he asked. “Because you fear me? Or because you actually have feelings for me?”

Now, Anya, focus: don’t say anything stupid and don’t do anything unhinged.

“Can’t it be a little of both?” you suggested.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Raul's lips before disappearing just as quickly.

“And why do you fear me more than Interpol?” he mused as he walked back towards you. “I am a corporate lawyer for all you know”.

"I'm not stupid, Raul."

"Indeed, you're not," he replied. "You're astonishingly well-informed.”

“Interpol wouldn't send a commando of armed men to my mother's house."

"For my protection, not to intimidate you," Raul laughed off the accusation. “Unless you seriously think I need a full-blown commando team to subdue you. On that note… Mind if I join you?”

Without waiting for your permission, he plopped down next to you on your bed, the pale pink sheets crinkling under his weight. His knee brushed against yours in what seemed like a casual accident.

“Gattina,” he prodded gently, laying his hand on your knee and giving it a light squeeze. “Enlighten me. What did you do to that Interpol team? They were left disarrayed, or so I heard. How did you manage that?”

Do not say anything unhinged, Anya.

“I don’t know”, you said. “I honestly don’t know. They just… ran”.

Raul looked at you, and his hand reached out to gently cup your cheek. His breath smelled like sugar mint and cinnamon and applesauce, with just a hint of tobacco somewhere in the background.

“Come on, love”, Raul said softly. “A little honesty. Do you really not know what happened there?”

“I don’t fully understand what happened there, let’s put it this way”.

“Let me help you”, Raul said. “I might have an idea”.

“Yeah?”, you asked, thoroughly relieved that he had cooked some wild theory himself.

“You have… a talent, Anya”, he said. “An uncanny ability to sway people; it's like you have them under your spell. First with Konstantin, now with the squad, and before that... with me. I didn’t find you in my bed, and I felt like… I felt like my world was going to end. I cancelled all my meetings, I took a day off work – I… truly do not know how to describe that to you”.

Then he kissed you, his lips pressing against yours, softly first, more insistently when you yielded and opened your mouth for his tongue, and you didn't resist because, well, it seemed like a really stupid idea, and you didn't want him to get angry again, and it wasn't a bad kiss at all.

“I mean it when I say that I love you”, he whispered in your ear, now lying almost completely on top of you. "And for once in my life," he added quietly, "I think I truly mean it."

Maybe Raphael had taken over him now.

Maybe these were Raphael's words spoken through Raul.

Either way, it was the nicest he or Raphael had ever been to you, and you wanted it to stay that way while you tried to figure out... what to do next.

“What I know is that there is something very, very special in you”, Raul whispered against your lips. “One of a kind.”.

Special. One of a kind.

There was never anything special about the teenage girl sleeping in this bed. At least you didn’t see that, and never believed anyone ever would.

Yet the devil did think you are special enough.

“And I do think you feel something for me, too”, Raul went on, his fingers caressing your cheek. “Despite you having this idea of me as some scary, scary guy, some kind of evil demon… I assure you, I am not. Now tell me, honestly now, why did you run away from me last night?”.

You wondered who Raul was and how he was without Raphael’s influence. Was he as charismatic and soft-spoken as he appears now? Would you have liked him even a little bit if it wasn’t Raphael eyes looking at you now?

And would he have even given you a second glance?

Probably not.

Should you…?

“Raul”, you said. “There is no way I can give you any answer to this question without sounding completely crazy, so I won’t even bother”.

“Well, no offence, Anya, but that’s how you….” His words were abruptly cut short.

His face contorted as if an invisible hand had ripped his skull from his head, a sudden pain seizing him, and he rolled away from you. His expression changed to something far less human.

"Don't breathe another word to him, mouse," he whispered, his voice a whole octave lower now.

"What?" you gasped. “Raphael?”

"Not another word to the human," Raul snapped through clenched teeth, mad jealousy in his voice, his hand flying to his forehead as if to physically stop the pain. “This… bloody… house”.

Raul shook off Raphael's intrusion with a vehemence that was palpable, a fierce determination in his eyes.

"Merda... Merda," Raul grunted. "Just... just give me a moment. It's... damn."

You watched as he staggered away from you and towards the bathroom off your room. The sound of rushing water filled the silence he left behind.

You heard the rustle of something being hastily retrieved, followed by a hard swallow echoing through the quiet room - clearly forced and without any liquid aid. Curiosity got the better of you and you looked out just in time to see him hunched over the basin.

"It's all right," came Raul's strained voice. "Just... just give it a minute or two. It'll be better soon enough."

Your hand reached out instinctively, tracing the curve of his luxurious cashmere turtleneck.

"Thank you, darling." He paused for a moment: "What did you want to tell me? I am inclined to believe it no matter how crazy it might be."

Your brain scrambled like a rat in a maze to find a way out of this conversation that wouldn't upset either of them, but came up empty-handed.

"When did your headache start?" you finally managed to say, trying to buy yourself some time to think. "When you met me?"

"What?", Raul frowned. "No. Nothing to do with you. It started long before that. I already told you; when my father died. What did you want to tell me, Anya?"

His nose was bleeding; he put out a handkerchief to wipe it.

"How did he die?"

"Why?", Raul's demeanor shifted abruptly into something icy. Your question had thrown him off balance. "What an odd thing to ask about.”

Was it really? Considering Raul's age, perhaps.

"He died as no Catholic should," he finally said, his teeth gnawing at his lower lip. "Especially one as devout as he was. He hanged himself. Why are you asking all this?"

You swallowed and took a step back.

"What in God’s name is going on?" His voice wavered between anger and confusion.

His question remained unanswered. A distant sound interrupted him, something like a bag of bowling balls tumbling down the stairs. Then, a woman's soft cry.

Raul gave you a quick, surprised look.

You ran down the stairs first, overtaking him in your haste.

Not your mother, please not your mother, please not her...

The front door was wide open and there she was - your mother - crumpled at the bottom of the stairs, just below the front porch, her leg swelling rapidly around the ankle, little cubes of cheese and grapes scattered around. Jens got to her before you and was already inspecting her, his claws hovering over the ankle.

Nausea struck you.

"Mum," you gasped as you dropped to your knees beside her. "Mum, what happened? Does it hurt? Jens, what the fuck have you done to her?"

"Excuse me?" Jens snapped back.

"No, Anya, I... I'm sorry," she whimpered between sobs. "I was bringing the boys some cheese snacks and then I just... saw something... I think... I lost my balance."

"What did you see, Franziska?" Raul's voice cut through her sobs like a scalpel. "Some damn… some damn bizarre timing."

Jens looked up from his examination and shot Raul a puzzled look.

"Nothing," she replied with an attempt at a laugh that came out more as a wheeze. "Sometimes I get dizzy spells... low blood sugar... this new juice diet isn't helping... Oh God, I'm so sorry, it's all just..."

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Raul's knuckles blanch as he clenched his fist, though his face remained a mask of concern.

"It looks like a sprain, not a fracture." Jens murmured under his breath. "No need to get worked up”.

Raul exhaled heavily next to you, as if he had been holding his breath all the time.

"Let the professionals have a look," Raul offered, kneeling beside your mother. "May I help you up, Franziska? Don't worry Jens, I got this. She's light."

"No...don't..." you managed to whisper. "Don't...touch her..."

"What?" Raul asked, brows furrowed in confusion. "Anya, trust me, I can handle this."

"Oh no, Raul," your mother protested weakly as he picked her up in his arms. "I don't want to bother you, it's so embarrassing..."

Something inside you snapped at her words. "Mum! For God's sake! They came into your house uninvited! They..."

"Anya!" She shot back with an unexpected ferocity, considering she was still sobbing a few moments ago. "Watch your language! And show some respect for people who are trying to help!"

"The nearest hospital is the university clinic," Jens said.

"God save us from public health care," Raul scoffed. "There's a decent one closer to where I live. Anya, for God's sake, breathe, your mother will be fine, I'll make sure of that. Anya? Sweetheart, breathe. Accidents happen. Not the end of the world. Anya!”

****

The doctor said it was OK.

Well, not right away.

The doctor greeted you like you were bloody royalty, ran all the tests with zero waiting time, put your mum in a room that looked like a luxury hotel and then said it's OK.

Just a small strain, promised she'd be back on her feet in a couple of days.

That was some fantasy world healthcare.

Raul played the concerned partner the first hour, then asked them to charge all the expenses to his account and disappeared into some quiet corner.

You tried your damnedest not to think about what had happened.

(he hurt your mother is what happened)

You just sat there, staring at your mum who was eating some diet yoghurt.

"Raul's a godsend, Anya," your mother said from her plush hospital bed, looking way more content than she should be. "I think he really loves you. He couldn't stop asking about you.”

You had already tried asking her about what she had seen that startled her, only to hear “nothing” and “don’t you worry”. Talking to her was like banging your head against a stone wall. Most conversations with her felt that way.

"We hardly know each other, Mum”, you answered. “Don't you think it's all… strange? That somebody like Raul is so crazy about me? Me?".

"It is quite strange," your mum agreed with a nod. "But they say reality is often stranger than fiction. Some people win lotteries; well, it seems like you've won yours."

“Thanks mum”, you snickered. “You always made me feel desired”.

“Ah, don’t get all snippy. I just wish... I wish so much for you to have a different life. A nice, beautiful life. So you'd go to nice places, live in nice places, not have to live from paycheck to paycheck. Something I never had, but maybe you will".

"Mum, you are fifty. Don't talk about yourself as if you were dead".

"Nothing will happen to you when you're fifty," she said with a small chuckle. "Except maybe spraining your ankle, ha."

You both were silent for some moments.

"Why did you rush to see me anyway? You are pregnant and you are afraid to tell him, is that it? Raul would love that. He really wants to have children with you, he told me so".

"I am not pregnant”.

She looked disappointed.

“Then what?”

Should you even try to tell her?

“Well, I found out… Let’s say… What if Raul was not a very good person... like... (what’s the word?) politically?"

That was not the word, but the right words would have scared her too much.

"What?" your mother asked in disbelief. “Whatever that means nowadays? Anya, am I a good person in your eyes? Because I remember…”

You cut her off before she could dive into that deep dark hole again.

"I am not discussing abortion rights with you ever again, mum," You took a deep breath. “Once was well enough”.

“Your generation is so indoctrinated it's horrifying," she grumbled. "A good man, who wants family and children, who works hard and goes to church, is now seen as the devil himself. Does whom Raul votes for really outweigh his love for you?"

"It's not about who he votes for," you countered, "it's about what he stands for."

Your mother sighed.

"What do YOU stand for then Anya? You tout yourself as a - God forgive me - socialist but expect Raul to foot the bill for a private clinic. And don't think I don't know that's his money you've been sending me. I’m not as gullible as you believe".

No? Who racked up a credit card debt to go to Nadine?!

"No," you snapped back, "I mean yes, I took his money, but it's not like he's hurting for it."

Your mother gave her one of her long "think about what you just said" looks, and you regretted ever starting this conversation.

"Are you sure, sweetie, that you are in a position to judge who is good and who is bad?"

“Well, you’ve been doing it your entire life”.

“Anya…” your mum started.

You stood up.

"I wish you to get better soon, Mum," you said. “I wish for you to heal and get better and also start listening to me for once in your life”.

"I already feel much better," your mother replied. "And as for you, show some gratitude to Raul for once in your life. The poor man chased after you to another city just to confess his love. Your father never even bothered to call… once. Lord help me!"

Lord didn’t help you, you thought as you looked at her leg.

Hanged his crosses all over the house and he still didn’t give a fuck.

Raul was talking with somebody on the phone in the hospital parking lot in Italian, loudly and passionately, perhaps too much so; the glow from his cigarette danced in the darkness. Jens and co were lurking nearby, too, eyeing your every step.

Not that you were thinking of escaping from the hospital now. Where?

What for?

The moment he saw you, Raul gave you a warm smile and stubbed out his cigarette under his polished leather shoe. He opened the passenger door for you. As soon as both of you settled into leather seats, just before he reached out to rev up the engine, all your pent-up tears came crashing down.

"Don't you cry,” Raul cupped your cheek and wiped the tear away with thumb. “Your mother just twisted her ankle. Think about all the things much worse that could have happened to her and they did not. Malignant tumor or a fatal accident. It's just a… warning, if you may. Do not take what you have for granted. Those who love you and hold you dear are hard to come by.”

Your sobs died down in your chest.

"Warning received loud and clear", you said staring into his eyes, trying to figure out who the hell you were talking to.

"Is that so?”, he asked. “What is it you wanted to tell me back then in your room? You had a look on your face like you were about to tell me something very important".

You tensed against the cold leather of the passenger seat.

“That I was stupid, and overwhelmed by our feelings,”, you said, carefully choosing every word. “That I am sorry that I ran away, and that I love you. Very much. And I remember what I promised to you”.

To serve you.

He absentmindedly licked your tear from his thumb.

“I don’t think that’s all you wanted to tell me back there”, he said. “But I think that’s all I want to hear for now”.

Your gaze shifted to the noticeable bulge straining against his pants and you let out a sharp breath. You couldn’t help but wonder what exactly about your tear-swollen face gets him going so much.

Well, you had a hunch.

"My bad," he said, catching your wandering gaze. "I understand you're not exactly in the mood. But you...you do something to me. Make me feel like a bloody teenager".

You were not in that mood indeed.

You were in the mood for a little payback, though.

"Oh no, I am”, you said quietly. “In fact, I am very much in the mood, Raul”.

“Are you?”, he asked, his lips still against his own thumb.

His readiness to believe your lie was almost funny. You haven't slept well in three days, you've been running from him through trains to another city, your mother has sprained her leg, but of course you're down to suck his dick anywhere, anytime.

“Sure I am. Right here?”, you asked.

“Christ no”, Raul said. “See that van over there? Journalists. They get a flash of us, they'll spin it as me kidnapping and raping you at first opportunity. They’ll probably write I broke your mother’s leg too. Bastards."

"Home then? We are like an hour away".

His gaze raked over your legs, lingering just a bit too long.

The engine roared to life beneath you.

“Two. And it’s a damn long time, if you ask me”.

The highway was barely lit, a maw of darkness that seemed to stretch on forever. It reminded you of that film... That's it, “The Lost Highway”. Kilometres and kilometres of the same road flashing by. You didn’t know what to say, Raul didn’t say anything either.

He began to decelerate; a P-Sign whizzed past in a blur. He veered off at the first opportunity and pushed deeper into the underbelly of some industrial wasteland, some grey-bricked, desolate looking factory. You surveyed your surroundings - one solitary lamppost standing guard over you and not much else.

You’ve seen more romantic spots, that’s for sure.

“The factory belongs to Avernus”, he said matter-of-factly. “We wouldn’t be bothered here”.

“Avernus? Do debtors toil for eternity here?” you joked.

“Ha ha”, Raul said. "I have an even better metaphor for the class struggle for you, little miss Marx."

Raul reclined his seat all the way back, pulling your body towards his with one hand wrapped around your nape. He kissed you deeply, but didn't linger much before guiding your head down towards his lap. He had already undone his pants and freed his cock from his boxers.

"Hold up, not like that," you interjected. He huffed out an irritated sigh.

You straddled over to sit between his spread legs, the steering wheel pressing into your neck as you held his cock in your grasp.

You wanted to be able to look him in the eyes.

“The way you look up at me as if I’ve given you the sweetest treat...fuck, it turns me on,", He gripped your head as you kissed the tip. “You love to suck my cock, don’t you?”

You grinned at his porn talk.

"Mmmmhmm," you purred in response, never breaking eye contact as you gave his shaft an appreciative lick, your hand pumping him in slow and steady movements. "I love your cock, Raul. No one else can compare."

You made a very indulgent emphasis on the name as you stared into his eyes.

Bite.

His hips jerked up, trying to pull you deeper, but you kept control.

“No one else”, you repeated with an edge, peppering his shaft with kisses.

Come on. Bite.

“Mouse”, he warned.

There it is. There he is. You missed him.

At least a little bit.

His grip around your neck tightened as he tried to guide you further down onto him but once again, you resisted.

"I prefer piccola," you corrected, trailing your tongue along the pulsing vein of his length. "It sounds so lovely with your Italian accent."

You spat on him, rubbing your saliva all over, as you savored the war between man and devil to fuck your mouth. Raul was stubborn, and oh boy, did he want you as badly as Raphael did.

Saliva poured out of your mouth and you let it drip on his silky slacks. You reveled in the ruin you were causing - fuck them both indeed - before feigning a deeper dive only to pull back for another lick.

The devil seemed to be winning.

"Mouse," Raphael managed to grunt through clenched teeth. "This is all very... temporary... trust me."

Ignoring his words, you wriggled out of his grasp to set the pace yourself, stroking him slowly and deliberately instead of actually sucking his dick.

"Temporarily?" You pouted as you looked up at him through fluttering eyelashes, running your hand along his cock. "I was hoping for a happily ever after, Raul."

Whatever retort he had ready was swallowed by a guttural moan; Raul's hips thrust forward in desperate need, but none of them were going to get off into your mouth today.

"Stop playing around and suck me properly."

"Nope," was your curt reply (Raphael must have hated the “nope” instead of “no”). Before his hand could yank your hair and compel you, you recoiled against the wheel; slipped out of your jeans, practically peeled them off, and climbed on top of him.

You took him in, panties moved to the side, all in one embrace, cock in yielding, slick pussy, your cleavage thrust into his face. He tugged your shirt down (you heard a rip) to bare your breasts and took one of your nipples into his mouth.

"Fuck yes," Raul groaned as you rocked back and forth. “Faster”.

It was actually harder to go faster; this was some fucked-up car design that didn't offer much room for anything. Besides, you liked it exactly the way you moved, rubbing and grinding against him instead of bouncing on top of him.

So, you disregarded his request. Or at least tried to.

He gripped your thighs with a vice-like hold, halting your movements but thrusting his hips upwards to fuck you deeper.

"Say my name," Raphael said, his fingers digging into your hips, and if you let your imagination run wild (there was no way to tame it anymore) you could feel the scratch of the claws.

"Raul," you said, smiling.

Raphael's hand went to your throat. Your taunt spurred him on, urging him to move harder and faster, to prove who was the superior one.

"Say MY name, mortal."

"Ra..ra..." you played with the first syllabus, grinding against him. "Raul".

You saw it coming but didn't shy away.

His retaliation was swift and brutal, his palm colliding with your cheek. There was such hatred in his eyes, such raw jealousy, flecks of gold and green. It left you soaking wet.

"Raul," you said, returning the slap to his pampered, moisturised, perfectly groomed face, hoping to leave your mark on it.

He looked startled for a split second, as if he never thought you would dare to hit back. He grimaced, bared his teeth in rage and grabbed you by the hair.

You let out a shriek as he dragged you off and flipped you onto your stomach. Raul's head hit the roof of the car in the struggle. He spat out a curse about needing to get a jeep before trying to position himself behind you - only to repeat the fiasco. He gave up then and flung open the passenger door.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

Cool spring air trickled over your skin as he pulled you to the front of the car for a very, very short walk - then pushed you up against the bonnet and bent you over like a rag doll. Your legs were spread wide as you found yourself staring at your own reflection in the reflective surface of the front mirror.

"GOD!" you cried out as he thrust into you again, that it robbed you of balance. Your sneakers and mismatched socks kicked helplessly in mid-air while you're wriggled on your stomach against the slick surface.

You hoped he did not have a dash cam to record this.

You hoped his security did not have a live stream.

Your face was now pressed against the red chrome, your knees scraping the metal as he fucked you from behind, his elbow pressing down on your throat.

"Such...a...disobedient...little...mouse," he gave your ass a resounding slap.

You laughed and doubled down, repeating Raul's name as Raphael rammed into you harder every time it left your lips, his claws digging into your bottom. Your own nails clawed at the pristine surface of the Lamborghini, imagining the bill Raul would have to pay to have it repaired and thoroughly enjoying the vision.

His words punctuated every time his body drove yours into the cool metal: "He... Will... Be... Dead... Soon. Just… Us."

The words sent a jolt of pleasure through you. Raphael was jealous; so, so jealous.

You were so close and yet so far; Raphael was holding you back.

He won't let you come until you say his name.

His grip on your hair tightened, pulling your head back to meet his thrusts, while his other hand twisted your arm behind your back until it was on the verge of breaking, until you growled in pain and tried to shake him off, but humped against him instead.

"Tell me what I want to hear."

He (they?) loved you viciously, but nobody ever loved you that much, viciously or not, so viciously is what you'll take then.

"Ra...", you began. And then it hit, a brutal, gut-wrenching orgasm that engulfed you as you finally chose to say the right syllables. "Pha... Oh FUCK... El..."

The last word was choked out of you and for an instant, everything went black.

"Never run away again," Raul whispered as his fangs bit down your neck, hard. "Never... never even think about it... never. Do you understand?"

There is nowhere to run anyway.

You nodded, eagerly, basking in the dark pit of your orgasm.

As low as he could drag you down, so high he could lift you up; heaven high; everything-you-ever-wanted high.

Once you have experienced it, you will always want to feel it again.

"Do you understand?" he asked again, and you could tell he was getting there too. "Try it again and you are..."

He (who?) didn't say "dead".

He (who?) never said "dead".

He (who?) just moaned.

Then he came hard and fast, shuddering as he did so; you could not stop grinding back against his orgasm, riding the wave of power over him - over her - which was even better than an orgasm in more ways than one.

He withdrew and for the first time, you felt the cold raindrops on your heated skin. He adjusted his pants and silently opened the passenger door for you.

Once in the car, you looked at Raul's face; his nose was bleeding. He was stretched out in the driver's seat, his clothes soiled with blood, saliva and semen. His hand was pressed against his face as he panted heavily.

You smiled.

You loved to see him so wrecked.

"Cazzo," Raul gasped, trying to catch his breath. "Cazzo. This is really… fucked up. I'm sorry, I don’t know why I struck you. The things I said, I didn't…".

"You don't have to explain anything," you cut off any excuses he might make next. "It's fine. I am good. I liked it. A lot. I came, in fact".

You sprawled out on the seat like a content cat. Raul shot you a side-eye.

“Sometimes I have a feeling it’s me who should be scared of you”, Raul quipped.

“Maybe”, you said.

Raul gave you his own reflection in the mirror a weary look, small drops of blood still trickling down his nose.

"Damn, I've got another round of negotiations tomorrow," he said, rubbing his bruised cheek. "And a TV interview. I can imagine the headlines."

You felt as if your soul had been drained; Raul looked the same.

"Mh-m-m," you agreed, not giving much of a fuck. "Nothing a little concealer can't hide."

You watched his semen drip down the dark leather and wondered if you should wipe it off, and if yes, with what. Do you have a napkin? Actually, where is your backpack?

He handed you over a napkin.

"Don't bother too much," Raul sighed as you got down to work, "there are people whose job it is to clean up, and that's definitely not you or me."

You wiped harder.

"By the way, what's that big deal of yours?" you asked.

"Why? I thought my business bored you”.

“I want to spill it to Interpol”, you whispered.

Raul threw his head back and chuckled.

"They are already in the loop. And if you're really curious about my business, why don't you come along?” He ruffled his already dishevelled hair. “I am flying to Davos in a couple of days to finalise some... loose ends."

You felt a bitter taste in your throat.

"What do you need me there for?"

What do you think Raphael really gave you warlock powers for? To throw people under the bus? Hardly.

"To keep me company, my little mouse," he replied with a wink. "And maybe help me sway those who aren’t exactly thrilled about my plans – given your knack for persuasion."

A test of loyalty, then.

"There are people that even someone like you needs to convince?”

"I am not the biggest fish in this very big bowl, Anya".

"Not yet".

“Not yet”, he echoed.

"I don't want to be dragged into politics," you said. “I don’t care for it”.

"No? Sweetheart, you are the worst communist I’ve ever met,” Raul chuckled. “No need to be dragged into anything. All I need is for you to stand by me and lend me your support. In return, I’ll spoil you rotten. Sound fair?”

You gave Raul a glance, one that seemed to say "I don't think Raphael will keep you around much longer after he gets what he wants."

"What is it you want, Raul? What is it that you don't have? You have everything”.

His expression was one of confusion—as if you were speaking an alien language.

"The thing about the things you don't have," he mused as his hand rested on your knee. "You never realise how important they are until they're yours. And once they are, you start to wonder just what else could be missing".

You watched the raindrops hit the car window.

"Do you ever think that sometimes we want too much?"

"Never," he flicked his lighter and a cigarette came to life between his lips. "If anything, I think we wish for too little."

Next Chapter, In Which You Get Spoilt Rotten

or (lemme decide soon)

Next Chapter, In Which Your Father Hanged Himself

The last one is a flashback chapter from Raul’s POV to get a bit insight into the whole Raul / Raphael situation.

#bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #raphael x player #raphael x reader #knock knock

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dailycharacteroption · 4 years ago

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Prestige Class Spotlight 10: Evangelist

While divine casters represent the most prominent case of the favor of the gods, folk from all walks of life who keep the teachings of their chosen deity in their heart and seeks to live by them every day. For some, this goes beyond mere piety, and they become mortal agents of their deity without ever having joined the clergy properly.

That’s right, we’re back again with another Deific Obedience-style prestige class. We’ve already covered the three fiendish ones and the Feysworn, but now we shall take a look at the first of the more generic three: the evangelist.

While it’s compatriot classes the exalted and the sentinel are keyed to divine casters and warrior respectively, the evangelist is more open, accepting casters, warriors, and skilled folk, as long as they are devoted to their craft and to their chosen deity. Naturally, they must also learn the art of performing obediences to gain their deity’s favor, but that is to be expected.

Each deity grants different powers, making this prestige class extremely diverse once one steps beyond the core of it.

Like other deific obedience classes, the evangelist must perform daily obediences to continually receive the benefits of the class. However, this also extends to their chosen aligned class, which we’ll see below, which means that an evangelist could be left totally helpless for an entire day if they fail to maintain their supplication, but I suppose that it allows the character to better simulate putting all that they are into the hands of the deity they are devoted to.

The aforementioned aligned class refers to a class that the evangelist chooses to connect to their divine blessings. Essentially, as the evangelist gains levels in the prestige class, they gain the full benefits of also taking a level in the chosen class (beyond purely numerical things like base attack, skill ranks, hit dice, and save bonus increases, of course). This makes a level in evangelist much more potent than other class levels, at the cost of temporarily losing it all if unable to devote time to the obedience of their deity.

Granting preternatural awareness and reaction times from their deity, these divine figures can be very hard to pin down in a fight.

Like similar prestige classes, the evangelist gains divine boons from their deific obedience at an accelerated rate. However, they only have access to the path that shares a name with the class.

True to their name, the deity blesses their evangelist with greater knowledge of languages, so that they might spread their faith far and wide.

These divine agents are already quite skilled, but their deity also grants them some basic competency in any basic skill that they have no training in.

The most powerful evangelists can temporarily transform into a semi-divine form, temporarily becoming a minor avatar of their deity. In this state, they can speak in the minds of others, gain enhanced physical or mental attributes, and a single adaptation based on the nature of their deity, this can be wings, aquatic agility, or a natural weapon of some kind, as appropriate for their deity.

At its core, this prestige class basically tacks enhanced skills, deific obedience abilities, and slightly better defenses on top of other class abilities at the cost of requiring daily upkeep. Beyond that, there are so many different gods and demigods in the Pathfinder system that you could make any number of class and god combinations for any number of builds. Even with the ability to combine this with the abilities of another class, this does not count for the first level, which I suppose is why the final level of the prestige class has its own version of a capstone ability. In any case, the best advice I can give you is to have fun and be creative with it.

While the evangelists of goodly or at least neutral gods might hold to the theme of travelling the world and improving their own skills as they seek to spread the message of their god to the world around them, I can also see the followers of evil gods that seek a twisted version of that vision. Villains that, through stealth or force, try to establish cults or full churches of their dread deities. Such evangelists would make excellent villains for a campaign.

Guardsmen have been sent to apprehend a bard whose songs in the town square have been spreading “treasonous thoughts” among the people. However, the guards will find more than they bargained for, as without even lifting a finger, divine obstacles and protections spring up to protect the musician, who manages to slip away each time. It seems this freedom-loving bard has a goddess of liberty on his side.

Twisted by years of mistreatment, Loxi the gathlain is a shadow of her former self, her vine-wings choked by brambles, and her skin split like bark. Now, she heeds the call of one who has promised her revenge, a dark power ready to help her show the true unseelie side of the fey.

As a lay priest of The Great Cultivator, the alchemist Brocci sees themselves as a naturalist, studying the life around them and even helping guide it. However, to most locals, they are a menace, releasing carrion creepers and other plant monsters in areas regardless of the danger to local villages.

#pathfinder #prestige class #evangelist #gathlain #carrion creeper #Inner Sea Gods

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therappundit · 4 years ago

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***Best of the 1st Half of 2021: SONG EDITION***

Six months into 2021 and since 2020 wrapped up...some things in the world have changed, while other things remain the same (for better or worse). Folks, it’s time to talk about rap music in 2021...

One trend definitely has continued well into 2021: the underground rap world - I’m talking the artists, the aesthetic, the sound, the full projects, every box you can think of - continues to kick the mainstream rap world’s ass. There are already signs of the two imaginary separate worlds intermingling more and more, and we will have to deal with the pros and cons of that down the line...but one thing is for sure: rap music runs deeper, and more sonically diverse than ever before, and as long as there is an internet to enlist the ears and talents of artists from all over the world, the art form will continue to divide, change shape, borrow from the old and add some new, again and again. And we will all be better for it.

So let’s dive right in. As usual there are about 1,000 more songs that I would love to cram into this list, but there are only so many spots...and I’m married with a toddler, so even though I am listening to rap music for a concerningly large portion of my day, it takes a lot of extra coffee and less sleep to keep these posts going (but it’s still worth it, I love connecting with folks over the same under-discussed but ridiculously dope songs and artists).

There are many lists but none quite like this one, here is THE RAP PUNDIT’S LIST OF THE BEST RAP SONGS FROM THE FIRST HALF OF 2021....hope you find some joints you never heard before and really enjoy. And to all of the MCs, Producers, mixers, singers, curators, readers, writers, critics - anyone that contributes something to this music I love....thank you, as always. 🙏

[Bonus joint] 55. “GANG GANG” - Polo G feat. Lil Wayne

https://soundcloud.com/polo-g/polo-g-lil-wayne-gang-gang?in=polo-g/sets/hall-of-fame-675200176

[Bonus joint] 54. “Furious Styles” - Illa Styles feat. Nickelus F https://illastyles.bandcamp.com/track/furious-styles-ft-nickelus-f

[Bonus joint] 53. “Box of Churches” - Pooh Sheisty feat. 21 Savage

https://soundcloud.com/ceo-mrpooh/box-of-churches-feat-21-savage

[Bonus joint] 52. “Beating Down Yo Block” - Monaleo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnMPEfV0bSA

[Bonus joint] 51. “BUZZERBEATER” - Rahiem Supreme feat. Al.Divino & Estee Nack

https://franksvinylrecords.bandcamp.com/track/buzzerbeater-feat-al-divino-estee-nack

50. "A Man Apart” - Rx Papi

https://soundcloud.com/rxpapi/a-man-apart-prod-by-noisy?in=rxpapi/sets/100-miles-walkin

(Face it: you’re either feelin’ the Rx flow or you’re not. The endlessly quotable MC is not always taken seriously, but similar to how the saddest clowns are most adept at masking their pain behind a smile, Papi needs to be taken seriously as a talented rap artist.)

49. “Moving On Up” - Evidence feat. Conway The Machine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5F35OOXvQ4c

(Evidence, Babu, Daringer and Conway all joining forces on a record feels like a timeline altering reach between two completely different generations of elite underground hip-hop artists, but in the case of “Moving On Up”, it’s not just a “hey wouldn’t it be dope if” fantasy, it’s a sweet reality. Ev has connected with the Griselda camp before and of course the results are dope. Add this one to the list, one of the many fine moments off of Unlearning Vol. 1.)

48. “Gordon Ramsay Freestyle” - Remble

https://soundcloud.com/remble2/gordon-ramsay-freestyle-prod-by-laudiano

(An attention grabbing MC if ever I heard one, Remble clearly hails from the same camp as Drakeo The Ruler - Stinc Team - but with that flow and sense of humor, he may develop a lot more than just a strong following out on the West Coast. Look out for Remble, he is knocking on the door of blowing, he’s just one key feature away...)

47. “The Shifts” - maassai feat. AKAI SOLO

https://maassai.bandcamp.com/track/the-shifts-feat-akai-solo

(If you haven’t checked out one of 2021′s most quietly impressive albums, I cannot recommend With The Shifts enough.)

46. “BOXINABACK” - Bris feat. Alphie Blood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3ai7WYivGo

(The career of Sacramento’s Bris was really beginning to pick up momentum in 2020...sadly, he was killed the same year. I cannot pretend to be an expert in the Sscramento rap scene, I just know that it’s been bubbling for a while, and this song really captured my attention as soon as I heard it. RIP, Bris.)

45. “Last Day Out” - Rio Da Yung OG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB51CUUod1w

(Right before Rio Da Yung OG entered the penitentiary, he dropped “Last Day Out”, a song that perfectly captures what the rap game will be missing while he’s gone - and more brutal honesty than we are accustomed to hearing from Flint, Michigan’s punchline killer.)

44. “Thousand Miles” - MAVI

https://mavi.bandcamp.com/track/thousand-miles

(The whole EP is impressive, but I think this joint most actually captures MAVI’s rhyme skills, flow and song writing ability. With young talent like this bubbling up from the underground scene, the future of rap music is as strong as ever.)

43. “Appletree” - Valee & KiltKarter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPO2AXgZMSc

(Not necessarily a vibe that everyone will be into...but one that if you are into it, you will reap the rewards in abundance. It’s so enjoyable to hear Valee applying his unpredictable cadence to new music once again, made that much more enjoyable by the fact that he has already dropped THREE mixtapes in 2021 and it’s only July!)

42. “Next Chamber” - Peter Rosenberg feat. Method Man, Raekwon & Willie The Kid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1amHQefki98

(Admit it: this is the type of production we have all been wanting on Wu-Tang albums for years. We won’t get it, but this is closer to the sound that they represented....and of course let’s not forget about the always welcome WTK feature, who does more than hold his own over the NY legends.)

41. “St. James Liquor” - Skyzoo feat. Aaria

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWC_tFzqUz8

(Pen game’s don’t come much finer than Skyzoo’s. The Brooklyn MC put a lot of work into All The Brilliant Things, and the final result was a collection of thoughtful rap songs like this one: descriptive, autobiographical rhymes over beautiful instrumentation that conjures memories of classic Roots records, and the headspace that only the greatest early 90′s East Coast lyricism could provide. Great song, great album.)

40. “10″ - Drakeo the Ruler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIRJoQFyS6c

(One of the best stories in 2020 rap music was when Drakeo hit the street once again, after a painfully long stretch of time in prison. He really hit the ground running in 2021, dropping one quality track after another...but then again, he never really stopped making dope rap in the first place, be it in the studio or over prison phone.)

39. “MASSA” - Tyler, The Creator feat. DJ Drama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vGz0bFutZs

(When folks were saying that Tyler was RAPPING rapping on his new album, this is what they were talking about. Not since Kanye West has a polarizing rapper-producer excelled so well at spilling his guts all over a track, and moments like this "MASSA” make Call Me If You Get Lost the standout project that it is.)

38. "DARTGUNZ” - Chuck Strangers

https://soundcloud.com/chuckstrangers/dartgunz-produced-by-samiyam

(Chuck Strangers remains low-key one of the best MC / Producers in the game, but Chuck is merely flexing his bar-work on this Samiyam produced gem.)

37. “Messy” - Nappy Nina & JWords

https://nappynina.bandcamp.com/track/messy

(Big shout-out to Pitchfork for putting me on to Nappy Nina within their rap song of the day section, The Ones. I love her music, and when paired with the incredibly gifted producer JWords - who I was only somewhat familar with thanks to previous terrific collaborations with MIKE and maassai - the result is a dope ass album like Double Down.)

36. “Nobles” - The Alchemist feat. Earl Sweatshirt & Navy Blue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQoKO_v93g0

(The instrumental sounds as a triumphant as you could expect music from this trio to sound. My only complaint about This Things Of Ours was that it wasn’t 10-50 songs longer.)

35. “Nothing Like The Sun” - Tree feat. Roc Marciano

https://mctreeg.bandcamp.com/track/nothing-like-the-sun-feat-roc-marciano

(Okay so for the past few years, I had been pressing Tree, Closed Sessions, and just about anyone that would listen that a less than a minute clip from an old Tree promo featured an unreleased Tree & Roc Marciano joint. So finding out that this joint would *finally* being released on Tree’s Soul Trap album, it felt like Christmas morning. Now the world finally gets to hear two of the finest rap artists from the past decade plus!)

34. “nine lives” - maassai

https://maassai.bandcamp.com/track/nine-lives

(A great example of a song that seems to get better and better as it goes on, maassai & that horn sample are undeniably good on here.)

33. “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” - Drake feat. Rick Ross

https://soundcloud.com/octobersveryown/drake-lemon-pepper-freestyle?in=octobersveryown/sets/scary-hours-2-1

(This one really radiates, “YES, you have heard this before”...but when it works so well, that’s not such a bad thing. Drake came ready to rap, and it will propel this joint to the top of many lists you will find on those other web sites.)

32. “triboro.” - Remy Banks feat. Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire, Wiki & A-Trak

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwSJ-DtZRBk

(I dig this in a big way. A few of NYC’s finest, flexing over what feels like blasting Kraftwerk out of a boombox on the L Train? I’m so on board.)

31. “Safe To Say” - Good Gas, Fki 1st & Band Gang Lonnie Bands feat. Band Gang Biggs & Glockboyz Teejaee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aykhcv625u0

(Of all my favorite projects that dropped in 2021 thus far, I don’t know if any have been as inexplicably under-discussed as the Good Gas, Fki 1st & Band Gang Lonnie Bands banger, Street Dream Team. I stumbled upon the project completely by accident one week while thumbing through all of the new joints that dropped from Detroit MCs one week, and I have kept it in heavy rotation ever sense. While not necessarily a spot-on snapshot of Band Gang Lonnie Bands’ typical sound, for a Michigan outsider like me, it makes for a great entry level intro to one of my favorite rappers out of the Motor City right now.)

30. "Early Exit” - Lloyd Banks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BUofKVrb-A

(Yeah the Roc Marciano verse sounds like it was recorded over an old radio on cassette tape, but as someone from the real mixtape era, I’m not going to let shaky sound quality distract from the fact that every other part of the song is fantastic. The bars are there of course, but the beat and hook are all spot-on, and sound quality be damed it’s just great to hear Banks & Roc together.)

29. "Yonkers” - Wiki & NAH

https://wiksetnyc.bandcamp.com/track/yonkers

(Rife with experimentation and half-freestyles, and sonically living somewhere between Company Flow and Ratking, the subterranean metro sounds of Wiki and NAH’s Telephonebooth might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you have been checking for Wiki’s music prior to this point, chances are you are going to be feeling this collaboration with NAH, a producer that I was previously not familiar with, but became a huge fan over night thanks to cuts like “Yonkers”.)

28. “John Wick” - AKAI SOLO & Navy Blue

(Whether you still believe “lo-fi” rap is a legitimate sub-genre or not, there’s no denying the abilities of these two gifted writers/artists. The wind is blowing in this direction my friends, I just hope you get on board soon and stop neglecting all of the great rap music rising from this corner of the underground.)

https://akaisolo.bandcamp.com/track/john-wick-prod-navy-blue

27. “Let It Roll Interlude” by IAMNOBODI feat. Phonte & BeMyFiasco

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVA1hXEnwnE

(Hard to believe that arguably the strongest rap verse of 2021 would be so under the radar, but here we are...)

26. "Taylor Made Suit” - Evidence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qLIuc3z7KQ

(Perhaps the thing I love most about this new Ev - both the song itself, as well as the entire album - is how incredibly effective he sounds over minimalist production throughout. “Funeral suit, same as my wedding suit”...shout-out to the legendary MC and producer, both for everything that has has endured in his personal life and his ability to turn his pain into art.)

25. “GOOFIEZ” - Mother Nature and Boathouse feat. Valee

https://mothernaturebarz.bandcamp.com/track/goofiez-featuring-valee

(When Chicago talent gets busy on a record, not many can hang with them. Be on the lookout for more and more big things from the likes of Mother Nature, Valee, and Boathouse.)

24. “Peach Cobbler” - Navy Blue

https://navybluethetruest.com/

(I’m not sure if there is a “chosen one” right now, someone destined to reach such levels of success and/or respect that Drake & Kendrick-esque waves are felt over a generation...but if there is, the mega-talented producer/MC/skater/whatever he wants to be Navy Blue might fit the bill.)

23. “Rose Gold” - 42 Dugg feat. EST Gee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhmKfKZr-PQ

(There are more than a few songs off of 42 Dugg’s Free Dem Boyz that belong in my Top 50, but “Rose Gold” gets the nod off the strength of the menacing beat paired with 42 and one of the most scorching hot rappers walking the earth right now, EST Gee)

22. "MANIFESTO” - Tyler, The Creator feat. Domo Genesis & DJ Drama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnDXCoHRl4o

(The Selena Gomez/Justin Bieber bar will garner most of the hype around this joint, but don’t let it distract from the fact that this song is one of the best collaborations between former Odd Future members since the collective’s creative peak.)

21. “What’s Next” - Drake

https://soundcloud.com/octobersveryown/drake-whats-next?in=octobersveryown/sets/scary-hours-2-1

(Pay attention to this Drake guy, I think he has a shot of making it. He makes it seem so easy, yet he has no peers at his level right now. There’s the growing underground elite...then there’s Drake, and little competition to duke it out with him when it comes to smash rap hits....assuming that is still supposed to be a thing?)

20. “MOMENTZ” - Mother Nature and Boathouse

https://mothernaturebarz.bandcamp.com/track/momentz-2

(You would be hard pressed to find a more enjoyable, high quality tape than SZNZ. The Chicago MCs rock a beat that sounds like a Camp Lo leftover - and I mean that in the best way possible - and show a natural penchant for earwormy choruses that should serve them very well in this biz.)

19. “Grace Jones” - maassai

https://maassai.bandcamp.com/track/grace-jones

(Somewhere between spoken word and where Lyricist Lounge-era Rawkus resides, you can find the warrior poet that is maassai: quite simply one of the most impressive MCs in rap right now.)

18. “How It Feels” - Lil Baby & Lil Durk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAsRTTO8L2k

(I know how it feels to care relatively little about a collaboration project between two of the game’s more revered Lil’s, then be blown away by both of them rapping their asses off for like 20 songs.)

17. “Falling Out the Sky” - Armand Hammer & The Alchemist feat. Earl Sweatshirt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctmTme9cG74

(There’s wavy, and then there’s wavy in the hands of The Alchemist, Earl Sweatshirt and Armand Hammer. One of Haram’s many standouts, this one is probably not what fans expected when they first saw the album’s tracklist, but it might actually be more special than we expected.)

16. “Capitol 1″ - EST Gee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ng7Sg1_RTM

(Mark my words: by the time we reach the end of 2021, EST Gee will be in the top 10 of every reputable rap site’s best MC list. At least I know that he will most likely be on mine.)

15. “LUMBERJACK” - Tyler, the Creator feat. DJ Drama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WOjaYotX1c

(Who knew we needed Tyler to join forces with DJ Drama to rap over a Gravediggaz joint? Never one to do what everyone expects, when this cut dropped about a week before his new album was released, it was clear that he was ready to pick up where he left off with his impressive bar-work on a flurry of features in 2020. Now that I think about it, after “Something To Talk About” and “327″ maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that Tyler dropped one of the hardest joints of the year.)

14. “The Stellar Ray Theory” - Mach-Hommy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3GWJrL2ht0

(The single that Mach & Griselda stans were terrified to hear, at the risk of revealing their no-longer-a-secret project to be a painful example of how far the parties had drifted since their over-publicized fallout, only to find the opposite: Mach & Gunn didn’t just find their chemistry once again, they improved upon it.)

13. “Sandra” - MIKE

https://mikelikesrap.bandcamp.com/track/sandra

(With his new Disco! album, MIKE managed to step outside of his typical lane of delivery, showing how nimble he truly is as a MC, and even takes his skills to another level as a producer, delivering what might be the most enjoyable album of his career thus far.)

12. "No Time” - Your Old Droog feat. Wiki

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y8Ozq9tMLE

(The new YOD album sounds so painstakingly written and executed, you would never believe it just casually dropped out of the blue one evening. Few are better at crafting themes without compromising the joy of listening to the music, Droog delivered once again.)

11. "What The Money Taught Us” - Skyzoo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV2QEbxMYgU

(This new Skyzoo album has so much beauty to unpack, please dig in if you have been keeping it on the back-burner for some reason.)

And now the Top 10...

10. “Folie Á Deux” - Mach-Hommy feat. Westside Gunn & Keisha Plum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF1-VvJsbqI

(Conductor Williams does it again, putting his own unique touch to one of Pray For Haiti’s standout cuts. The song is almost beautiful sound if it wasn’t for Westside Gunn, Mach and Keisha Plum pumping their own unique rawness into the beat. This one represents everything going right with Griselda right now.)

9. “Hallways” - Peter Rosenberg feat. Roc Marciano & Flee Lord

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrDrvozDzo4

(Superior to anything on last year’s Mt. Marci, Disco Vietnam really blessed Flee Lord and Roc Marciano with the type of late night loungin’ in New York banger that Roc knows how to knock out the park better than anyone. “Hallways” screams late night underground radio in a way that feels both nostalgic and fresher than just about anything out right now.)

8. "Seeing Green” - Nicki Minaj feat. Lil Wayne & Drake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diUcHDlCqMo

(Many have tried to recapture the skill, swagger, and star power of The Roc in the early 00′s, but most have not been able to come close. Leave it to the diamonds in Young Money’s crown to come through and capture the pomp and circumstance so successfully, it’s amazing that Just Blaze wasn’t somehow involved. If you aren’t feelin’ at least one of these verses, time to join a hater support group.)

7. “Prayers Over Packages” - DJ Muggs & Rome Streetz & DJ Muggs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2r2AYxN20ZI

(Most underground artists must be so excited to have the legendary DJ Muggs lace them with a full project, and I’m sure Rome Streetz was honored. But while Muggs delivered another strong performance on Death & The Magician, it’s Rome that elevates the material to truly masterful levels.)

6. “Wants and Needs” - Drake feat. Lil Baby

https://soundcloud.com/octobersveryown/drake-wants-and-needs-feat-lil?in=octobersveryown/sets/scary-hours-2-1

(Yes Drake still has the touch, one of rap music’s few legitimate hitmakers left....but hot damn, it’s Lil Baby coming through to turn the joint to ashes that carries “Wants and Needs” to song of the year caliber levels.)

5. “S.R.D.” - Peter Rosenberg feat. Styles P, Ransom & Smok DZA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tzSrIZ8tso

(Don’t overthink it: the watery boom-bap backdrop provided by Buck Dudley is exquisite, and all three MCs go in. I think it’s time to admit that if it wasn’t for the like him or passionately hate him aura around Peter Rosenberg, a lot more folks would. be praising this compilation as one of the finest since peak DJ street tape era.)

4. “Black Sunlight” - Armand Hammer & The Alchemist feat. KAYANA

https://armandhammer.bandcamp.com/track/black-sunlight-featuring-kayana

(What more can I say about this union by now? Al dipping into his breezy bag to bless the lyrical onslaught of billy woods and ELUCID was not something that I thought I needed, but after hearing them cook together I don’t know if I ever want Armand Hammer to go back to the bleak soundscapes they’re often know for. The contract in style was so effective throughout Haram, bringing out the best from all parties, in my not-so-humble opinion...hopefully even more to come from this alliance.)

3. “TV Dinners” - The Alchemist feat. Sideshow & Boldy James

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuUGrlVivic

(A slick, seemingly harmless little head nodder from The Alchemist, Boldy and the rapidly ascending main-stage level Sideshow. I felt this one right from the jump the day Al’s This Thing of Ours EP dropped, and it’s remained high on my list of 2021 favorites ever since. Give me a bunch of chill MCs doing deceptively slick pen-work over a jazzy but simple loop, and I’m set.)

2. “The 26th Letter” - Mach-Hommy feat. Westside Gunn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7jcjW8h230

(Forget the albums that go for thousand of dollars. Forget the mysterious aura around him, forget the Twitter stan-dom and those that loathe them, and forget the flames of Griselda gossip that are fanned by both fans and doubters....and just imagine you never heard this MC rap before and you have just pressed play on “The 26th Letter”. )

1. “Kill All Rats” - Conway & Big Ghost LTD. feat. Ransom & Rome Streetz

https://bigghostlimited.bandcamp.com/track/kill-all-rats-ft-ransom-rome-streetz

(Whenever attempting to wrangle my favorite songs into one tidy list, there is one ex-factor that can elevate a collection of bars to an elite song: execution. You already know that when punchlines kings the caliber of Ransom, Rome Streetz, and Conway The Machine get on a record together, it’s bound to be a bar-fest....but to the extent of “Kill All Rats”??? Not expected. The name of the song itself invites a certain degree of redundancy, but when three great MCs jump on a track and write verses near the top of their skill level - and when a producer like Big Ghost sounds equally incensed with the instrumental that he brought to the table - even a straight-forward posse cut can end up being the best rap song of the year thus far.)

*COMING SOON: BEST RAP ALBUMS, AND RAP VERSES OF THE FIRST HALF OF 2021...stay tuned.* 👀

See also:

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/649527317251670016/best-of-the-1st-quarter

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/638904640503726080/the-best-rap-songs-of-2020-great-songs-that

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gascon-en-exil · 5 years ago

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Bottom Ten Three Houses Characters

I decided after a while that I couldn’t fulfill an anon request to do a top 10 list for the whole series, because it would overlap too much with ones I’ve already done - lord privilege is a thing that exists, and I’ve ranked those before - and because it’s really difficult to compare so many characters (~600 if we’re being thorough) across so many different games. Instead I decided to go negative with it, although around 2/3rds of these ought to be totally uncontroversial at least in my corner of the fandom. Starting from the one I dislike least:

(Dis)honorable Mention: Anna, for putting in such a lackluster showing that she doesn’t deserve a spot on this list despite technically being in the playable cast. It’s not only the lack of supports, although that hurts, but also how obvious it is that the writers have no new material for her. Anna’s gimmick worked fined when she was an NPC and perhaps for the space of a single game as a playable character, and Fates originated the meta idea of making her paid DLC so you have to shell out real money to use her, but that’s the extent of her here too. As a unit she’s far from spectacular, and her paralogue isn’t even good for much but a ton of (mostly mediocre) drops and a tiny bit of context for that Pallardó guy from non-CF Chapter 13. Here’s a revolutionary idea: for the next original FE it might be good to have Anna back to being only a wacky dimension-hopping NPC shopkeeper.

#10 Constance - It pains me that she’s on this list, more than anyone else by far. I really wanted to like Constance, and at first glance she’s right up my alley as a haughty impoverished aristocrat coping awkwardly with her diminished status. I like the dark flier class she’s built around, and her default personality is an even louder pre-timeskip Ferdinand whom you know I love. However, it’s that “default personality” bit that sours me on her, because she’s got two of them. What could have been an interesting take on Constance’s struggles with identity and self-esteem in the wake of her family’s disgrace is presented in such an over-the-top comedic manner that it’s impossible to take her very seriously. It’s more reminiscent of FE13′s Noire than anything, and at least she has the excuse of a mother who performed dark magic experiments on her and fractured her psyche. Constance also supports Jeritza and yet somehow they do no more than lightly allude to their personality issues which is as much a missed opportunity as you can get with such a terrible character (see below), opting instead to try softening Jeritza with his fondness for roses. Lovely.

#9 Leonie - Fandom exaggerates her Jeralt fixation, although it does pop up at the worst times (see: her Byleth support right after his death). As I’m not very concerned with Byleth’s nonexistent feelings though this placement more comes down to general indifference. Leonie feels completely disconnected from the rest of the Deer, and although she’s a supposed reflection of the house’s more egalitarian bent there’s nothing connecting her to the politics or larger culture of the Alliance until you learn about her student loan debt. She really is best understood as a Jeralt fangirl first and foremost, which is why perhaps the most surprising thing about her is when reality comes knocking in her endings and it turns out she picked up her mentor’s vices as well. Jeralt himself would be even further down this list were he playable, but as he isn’t I’ll have to settle for side-eyeing all of his adoring fans. Which brings me to....

#8 Alois - Remember that dating sim Dream Daddy that people were talking about a few years ago? The one that willfully misunderstands what the term “daddy” means in gay male spaces to write fluffy dad joke-laden romances intended for a presumably not-gay audience? Alois is the spirit of that game personified as an FE character, which is not something I ever would have thought to know that I didn’t want. He’s got some funny lines here and there, but that’s the most you can say about him when otherwise he’s just passable midgame filler (of a unit type each house including the Wolves already has one of) standing in Jeralt’s imitation Greil shadow. I don’t even mind the platonic S support all that much because it’s still only Byleth, but it occurs to me that just about the only thing that would have made Alois memorable would be if his S support was romantic but he remained married to his wife. I can’t think of a time when this series has allowed the player to indulge in adultery, so even if it had been limited to an option for f!Byleth it would have been a fascinating option.

#7 Cyril - This isn’t about his devotion to Rhea, which is fully understandable given his circumstances. Nor is it about his performance as a unit which in my experience at least is actually rather good for a Donnel/Mozu-style villager archetype. No, what gets me is that he’s a self-righteous workaholic which makes for quite the grating personality trait. I understand that he finds meaning in his work and that he’s got some entertaining supports calling other characters to task for their terrible work ethics or ignorance of the lives of commoners (VW should have really dug more into his back-and-forth with Claude), but the lectures on not interrupting him or telling Byleth to get back to work are as tiresome as they are frequent. It’s petty I know, but one can only hope he grows out of it eventually. At least he doesn’t wear a pot on his head....

#6 Mercedes - Like Constance, she’s the type of character I wanted to like from the start. She’s pious pseudo-Catholic clergy, with a quirky thing with ghosts and some quiet lesbianism with her BFF that I can take or leave but that I know some people really enjoy (and also she’s bi-for-Byleth, but no one talks about that). Unfortunately as I touched on when talking about Marianne in my Top 10 characters list, Mercedes’s appealing points are sharply contrasted against her more annoying ones. The breathy voice acting I can mostly get used to, but her backstory is unnecessarily convoluted - three families and two flavors of evil adoptive father - and as is also true of Constance her association with Jeritza drags her down a fair bit. To this day I still have no idea what we’re meant to make of the Lamine siblings’ dynamic, but Mercedes’s eagerness to overlook her brother’s crimes and unrepentant bloodlust so she can coo over what a sweet boy he is deep down say some pretty odd things about her personal moral code. Maybe it was implied all along with the paranormal fascination that she’s not as orthodox as she appears to be, but the dissonance is real especially in CF where she gets a support line with Jeritza that tries to woobify him and affirms how much she loves him...and meanwhile in monastery exploration she’s wringing her hands over how much she hates the idea of fighting Faerghus and the church. There’s no through line here, and as justification for characters siding with Edelgard go this one is pretty flimsy.

#5 Gilbert - Similar to Cyril, I don’t dislike Gilbert for the reasons that most of the fandom does. Yes, he’s a crappy father, but as I’m pretty indifferent to Annette and to father-child bonding in general I can appreciate the fresh spin he places on the archetype of the devoted knight. In short, he’s a knight who wasn’t devoted and ran away from his duty, and his arc in AM is all about making up for his past failures both to his family and to his liege. This is an angle to knighthood FE doesn’t delve into often, and it makes him an explicit foil of Dedue as explored in their supports. The reason that Gilbert is on this list though in fact has more to do with that opposition, because I am painfully aware that had AM not killed off Dedue by default in service of self-insert romance Gilbert would not have had to be scripted as Dedue’s replacement both as a unit and as a retainer figure. It’s not his “fault” of course, insofar as one can ever blame fictional characters for the actions of their writers, but whenever I’m running AM and have to take those randomized supply run quests from Gilbert instead of the route’s actual retainer I’m reminded of how we were robbed of power couple Dimidue (in AM anyway - CF of all routes delivers on this point). Gilbert could have been father of the year to Annette and freely given Byleth his (grand)daddy dick and it still wouldn’t overwrite the fundamental problem that Byleth screwed over all three AM-exclusive characters in different ways. As to that, well...look at #1.

#4 Raphael - It’s hard to describe just how much wasted potential there is to this guy. Along with Ignatz and Leonie he could have illustrated the greater social mobility of the Alliance and the increased opportunities non-nobles enjoy there, but all three are mostly side characters. He’s repeatedly positive in the face of tragedy and remains motivated by his love for his remaining family, but 90% of his dialogue revolves around either eating or training to the point that he’s arguably the closest FE16 comes to gimmick character writing (something almost every FE is guilty of, but that has come under heavy scrutiny in recent years because of how much Awakening and Fates used it). He has a sweet friendship with Ignatz with even a bit of chemistry that sits in good company with the kind of simply affability he has with almost everyone he supports, but they have a no homo ending involving one of the game’s eternally offscreen characters. He supports Dimitri, but the bara content is thin on the ground and their line stands out as easily the least substantial of the house leaders’ cross-house supports. Even as a unit he’s lackluster, in the same repetitive category as Alois with nothing that makes him really stand out from the other axe-and-brawling guys. Highest HP growth in the game...whee. I’ve seen arguments that Raphael’s simplicity is the source of his charm, and while I can sort of see that he feels like he belongs in a game like the GBA or Tellius titles where characters have a much smaller amount of overall content to their name. In a game like Three Houses the sheer torrent of lines about food and training wear thin quickly.

#3 Bernadetta - see #8 here. To sum up, she’s annoying, her sex appeal falls flat with me and is frankly just kind of confusing, it bugs me that a significant portion of the Ferdibert fandom headcanons her as Hubert’s bestie when the man clearly does not do besties, and the most positive thing I can think to say about is that based on her habit of befriending known murderers among other things she might be a bit of a sociopath. That’s not very flattering, but at least it’s somewhat interesting. Oh yeah, and Edelgard setting her on fire at the Gronder rematch is good for a meme although I suppose that isn’t technically attributable to Bernadetta.

#2 Jeritza - Jeritza sucks. Everyone, apart from the small number of fans into Bylitza for some reason, is aware that he sucks. He’s a bloodthirsty serial killer we’re meant to like because he killed his father to protect his sister and also because he likes ice cream and kittens...and because he’s clearly mentally ill in some way and Edelgard is weaponizing his illness for her war which means all the murder is okay, I guess. Jeritza is like FE7 Karel if he was somewhat important to the plot and that instead of a redemption arc between games he got Karla and some other characters swearing that he’s really sweet deep down and also he can romance the male self-insert - yay. I love the line of thinking sometimes espoused in anti circles that M/M Bylitza is the only non-Problematic™ Byleth ship because he’s their only gay romantic S rank partner who’s not one of their students, a loli, or Rhea who is obviously the most evil character in the game. As I’ve mentioned above Jeritza also makes other characters he supports worse by association, although he’s not quite as bad in that regard as #1. Do I even need to bring up the painfully affected voice acting? It’s ironic that the vocal director for the English localization turns in unquestionably the worst performance among the named cast, and I have to assume he picked the role for himself solely because he sounds like an imposing Death Knight and not because his voice is at all suited to the troubled twunk underneath the armor. Just about the only thing that would have salvaged Jeritza for me would be if he and Hubert got to have an epic competition to determine once and for all which of them is more evil. Hubert would wipe the floor with this poser.

#1 Byleth - see here at the bottom. They fail as a self-insert, they fail to be a properly realized character even more than previous Avatars, they damage other characterizations and arcs all over the place, and Three Houses overall would have been vastly improved if they didn’t exist or at least weren’t the PoV character. In that previous post I listed just two reasons why I still prefer Byleth to Robin as an Avatar, one being that their significance to the plot is set up before the game even begins and the other being that their lack of a voice makes f!Byleth a less obtrusive presence when it came time for me to have her S rank all the guys to fill out the support log...not enough to where I could treat her as a self-insert, but any amount helps. I do however have to add a third small bit of praise for Byleth, in that they apparently drive antis up the wall for the most asinine of reasons which is always entertaining to witness. I recall when this game’s school setting was first revealed that everyone in the fandom nodded their heads and made the easy prediction that there would be teacher/student sex because that’s just how FE rolls, but somehow still there’s outrage over it. Even so, Byleth is horrible by every significant parameter, and it’s a shame we’ll only be able to imagine what FE16 would have been like had the developers not felt the need to write the whole thing around an Avatar.

#Fire Emblem #FE16 #Fire Emblem Three Houses

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rubiesintherough · 4 years ago

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@emeraude-nobrega

LONG AND RAMBLEY FIREBIRB FACTS INVOLVING HISTORY AND PEOPLE CONNECTING HIM TO DARK MAGIC AND THE DEVIL BC IM A HISTORY NERD AKA, THE ACCOUNT OF AEDUS BEING ENTIRELY DONE WITH HUMANS AND THEIR SILLY SUPERSTITIONS AND REACTIONS TO THEM:

Aedus was absolutely, repeatedly accused of being the devil, himself, during the Middle Ages all the way up through to the American Civil War… which tends to happen when you have unusually colored eyes, a charming demeanor… and the habit of catching on fire. During the European witch hunts, he was even accused of being a warlock, having sold his soul. So, they tried burning him at the stake. That worked about as well as you’d expect. He didn’t want to harm anyone, as many of those in the crowd were innocent women and children caught up in this hysteria, so Aedus ( then, going by the name Aurav ) simply waited until the flames burned through the ropes, freeing him, and he casually strolled away from the terrified and screaming onlookers. Stark naked. And positively miffed that they’d burned one of his favorite shirts.

And that wasn’t the only time. Throughout his years of traveling, Aedus has found that most mortals generally don’t take very well to seeing a man who can ignite himself at will… or who’s most GRIEVOUS wounds heal in a matter of days. During the reign of Bloody Mary, he was, again, burned at the stake. This time, not because he was believed to be a witch, but because he was branded a heretic, spreading wild stories about a history that didn’t align with the current church’s beliefs. That, also, went about as well as you’d expect. Again, he walked away, bemoaning the loss of his clothes and terrifying everyone who attended the execution.

On the other end, people attempted to drown him for witchcraft in Salem. Aedus made the mistake of stopping there just toward the tail end of the trials. Already, the townsfolk were in a panic and treated him with suspicion when he arrived. And, then, some man he got into an argument with accused Aedus of CURSING him and the Phoenix was dragged into the courtroom. Four other people he’d never even laid eyes on testified against him, claiming he’d come to them in dreams and used magic to make them behave strangely. Aedus, of course, denied it. So, he was dragged to the river, bound to rocks, and thrown in to either prove or dismiss their accusations. Well, since he doesn’t need to breathe, the Phoenix remained under there far longer than anyone could hold their breath — almost an hour, before he was dragged back up. Still alive. Of course, this didn’t go over well with the Puritans. Even less so when Aedus had, understandably, had ENOUGH and ignited every inch of skin, MELTING the ropes and evaporating every drop of water off of him. The heat got so bad, those who hadn’t already retreated screaming prayers were forced to. They called him the devil. And Aedus, essentially, had to go into hiding for a few years as word of him spread past Salem. But, the story did die out fairly quickly after the trails ended and the town magistrate tried to brush everything under the rug, so to speak.

Throughout his time with Samuel during the Revolutionary War, Aedus did try very hard to hide what he was from the population. It worked, up until Samuel’s death during a particularly brutal battle… then, the Phoenix sought out the man who’d fired that killing shot and burned him to ASH. That unnatural death frightened the community, who claimed it was magic. They weren’t entirely wrong.

With the passing of the Land Act in 1804, Aedus moved West with a SMALL caravan ( only three wagons ), hoping to find solace after Samuel’s death. Halfway through the journey, a terrible winter storm struck. The wagons sought shelter in a grove of trees along the trail, but that wasn’t enough to keep the cold from taking its toll. Hypothermia, frostbite…. The oxen were in danger of dying, winds whipping through reaching a chill FAR below freezing… so the Phoenix made the decision to reveal what he was. To one of his friends, first, a young woman. She was scared, of course, Confused. But, she understood that he could save them and get them safely through this weather to Oregon. She’s the one who broke the news to the others, and, even though many of them were extremely frightened of him, in their desperation, they accepted his help. He kept them warm. Helped them cook their food. Offered light in the way of flames sprouting from his fingertips whenever needed to help conserve their supply of candles… being unaffected by the cold, himself, he offered all of his clothing to the others, save enough to preserve modesty, for them to layer. He went out hunting and gathering food. For two weeks, he kept them alive, warm, fed, and safe… everyone revered him as something of a guardian angel. Less of the MONSTER they’d first thought when they’d found out, and more of a miracle from God. They reached their new home, all of them swearing to keep his secret safe as they set up their new lives.

so since aedus is active right now, too, i would like to take this moment to say… if your muse ever needs a place to stay, or someone to look out for them, especially if they’re a lost or scared kid, throw them at this soft-hearted, ancient firebird. he will 10000% make sure they have food in their belly, a warm and safe place to sleep, will have their back and protect them. just aedus, y’all. he’ll open his home to anyone who needs it. he’ll make them tea or hot cocoa, give them freshly tumbled blankets so they’re warm and cozy. listen, the amount of kids he’s essential;ly adopted, helped raise, looked out for, cheered for, over the centuries?? i mean for someone who’s scared of being a dad bc of PHOENIX FAMILY DRAMA ™, he sure as hell has that powerful paternal instinct. will 1000/10 adopt your muse all you gotta do is throw ‘em his way and he will take them right under his fiery wing

ME: considering how much losing people he loves screws him up, could it be another few centuries and this phoenix could possibly snap and grow colder, and begin to distance himself from humanity, just to spare himself from that pain?? ALSO ME: he’s legitimately too soft-hearted and too attached for them for that, so despite the pain, he will continue to integrate himself into humanity and continue to watch those he loves fade and die, mourning them, subjecting himself to that pain willingly… because the alternative is isolation and he already tried that once after samuel died and he wound up on a wagon train west, making new friends, watching them pass, and new friends out on the coast… and watching them fade, too, before he finally moved back. Because even when he actively tries to distance himself he physically can’t, ‘cause he needs that companionship. and not only that, but he recognizes that being around humanity keeps him grounded and helps him be better, improving himself as they improve… and without them, he would truly be lost and stagnant

also, some of aedus’s physical traits, because appearance and tactile senses do play a big part in interactions. especially first meetings ( i.e. things i am totally okay with your muse noticing about him right from the get-go tbh )

GOLDEN EYES: his irises look a LOT like fire… they’re a lighter gold at the top and darken to almost an ORANGE near the bottom. TEMPERATURE: his skin does feel incredibly warm to the touch, as though he’s constantly suffering from a high fever… this heat can even be felt simply radiating off of him when the fires inside of him flare hotter, such as when he’s angry or upset. ATTIRE: Aedus is always impeccably dressed. Considering how rich he is from all the money he’s stored away throughout his life ( a big chunk of it coming from selling items after they’ve become antiques and VERY valuable to collectors. Authentic coins from the Roman Empire, first edition books dating all the way back to the early 19th century, random household items from the homes he kept throughout the Middle Ages, clear up to the American Civil War ) he can definitely afford the BEST tailors his current place of residence has to offer. Not to mention, he does have quite a discerning taste when it comes to fashion. I mean, he worked hard making this body look just how he wanted it… of course he’s going to wear clothes that accentuate it. VOICE: his voice holds traces of accents from all over the world. It’s a little difficult to pinpoint just one… but, I’d say the more prominent ones, most simple to pick out, would be Irish and British. He has a very LOW voice. Keeps his tone very soft and steady for the most part.

random reminder that samuel’s watch is aedus’s most valued possession. it’s the one he usually keeps on his person ( unless he’s planning on picking a fight with someone, in which case it sits securely in his bedside table’s drawer ) and it’s something he would risk his safety to get back if lost or stolen. it’s the very last shred of samuel that remains… the last physical reminder of the man he loved more than anything in this world, trusted more than anyone else, would readily have married if they’d been granted the chance. aedus will be extremely hesitant to let anyone else touch it, no matter who they are…

#(( long post. ))

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mulanxiaojie · 5 years ago

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Disney is releasing a live-action remake of its 1998 animated film "Mulan" in March 2020.

Insider asked the original "Mulan" codirector Tony Bancroft and Mushu animator Tom Bancroft their thoughts on the remake along with its first trailer.

The twin brothers said they're interested in it for the same reasons which may make some fans upset. They're happy it doesn't look like the remake will feature Mushu or be a musical.

"I want these remakes to be as unique and original as possible... It should feel reminiscent of what it's based on, but not be 'The Lion King' in CG animation that is like shot for shot," said Tony Bancroft.

Tom said while he kind of wishes Mushu was in the movie a bit, he says he probably would have been "a little disappointed."

"Mulan" is one of the next Disney movies that's getting remade for a new generation, and already has the thumbs up of the team behind the original movie.

"I was excited about that," Tony Bancroft, the codirector of the original 1998 animated "Mulan," told Insider of the coming remake.

Tony, who worked at Disney Animation for over 12 years during its renaissance period, watched the trailer almost immediately after it came out in July. He remembers receiving a notification about it on his phone while walking to church. He stopped right then and there to watch it.

"Even though it was small and the sound wasn't great, I could see where the director was going with it," he said of his initial reaction to the teaser. "It felt like they were taking the best parts of the story �� a girl who will do anything to save her father [and] bring her father and her family honor."

The 1998 film followed Hua Mulan as she took the place of her father in the Chinese army to fight the Huns. She chopped off her hair and disguised herself as a man in order to protect her father.

Production on the live-action movie started in August 2018 with Liu Yifei cast as the lead and starring Donnie Yen ("Star Wars: Rogue One") and Jet Li. The Niki Caro-directed film will be the company's 13th remake of one of its classics since 2010's "Alice in Wonderland."

When the first trailer was released, Bancroft noticed what most fans did. It didn't have any of the iconic songs people associate with the film like "Reflection" or "I'll Make a Man Out of You." That's because it won't be a musical. In 2017, Caro told Moviefone there were no songs in the movie at that time, describing it as a "martial arts epic."

More importantly, the trailer didn't have Mulan's dragon sidekick Mushu, who Bancroft's brother, Tom, animated in the 1998 film. Unlike the fans though, Tony actually liked that the trailer didn't feature either.

"All the things that a lot of fans are upset about are the things that I was happiest about because I really want them to go off and make a new version of 'Mulan.' I love that character. I love who she is," said Tony of being OK with the fact that the remake doesn't appear to have music or Mushu.

"I love what she represents and I love seeing more Chinese culture portrayed in a new different way," he said of Mulan.

Tony's brother, Tom, was also at Disney for about the same amount of time. The two started as interns before working full-time on, what became, many of the studio's classic animated fairy-tales.

Tom said his initial reaction to hearing about a "Mulan" remake was positive and made him eager to see how Caro and Disney would retell the story. After all, Tom and Tony have already seen a string of classics they worked on ("Beauty and the Beast," "Aladdin," and "The Lion King") remade by Disney. What's another one?

But then Tom started to have some questions.

"The fear sets in and immediately after that I'm like, 'OK, but how are they going to do Mushu? How are they going to do this sequence? Are they going to keep that really strong father-daughter relationship?" Tom told Insider of initial concerns for the remake. "When I saw the trailer, I was pleasantly relieved."

Even without Mushu? Yes, even without Mushu.

"A lot of people I know I think are surprised by that because I created Mushu, I should be really upset that Mushu's not in it. I'm really not," Tom said of people's reactions when they learn he's fine with the Eddie Murphy-voiced dragon not appearing in the trailer.

He's afraid he would probably be disappointed if Mushu was in the live-action remake.

"While I kind of wished he was [in the movie] a little bit, just to see how that would have happened, I probably would've been a little disappointed," Tom said of an adaptation of Mushu in a remake. "In a way, I think I dodged a bullet."

While Mushu isn't expected to be in the remake (it's been reported he may be replaced by a phoenix), Tom would love to see more of Mulan's relationship with her father in the new adaptation.

"I'm hoping they're going to show a training sequence when she was very young and that her dad would sneak her off and privately train her to be a warrior because that'll make even more sense later on." he said.

Have Walt Disney Studios or Caro reached out to Tony about the remake? No.

"Nothing," said Tony, who doesn't harbor any ill will, "I kind of understand that from the standpoint of the new director. Do you really want to go back and kind of regurgitate old ideas?"

"It's almost better that they work in their own vacuum of researching on their own to try and make it as unique as possible," he added. "I understand it from their standpoint, although it would be great if there was a nod to the original and the team and the directors that worked on those original ones."

According to a press release from Disney in August 2018, the live-action "Mulan" is an adaptation of the '98 animated film, but will also be based on the narrative poem "The Ballad of Mulan." Tom said if they're going back to the original poem, and if they've have already seen the original movie, he doesn't think they need any pointers from them.

"I'm not offended by that," said Tom of not hearing from anyone about the "Mulan" remake. "I've worked for the Disney corporation for so many years that I really don't expect that. Most of the departments don't talk to each other. It's such a big conglomerate."

That seems to be the case for the majority of the remakes. When Insider spoke with "Aladdin" codirector Ron Clements earlier this year, he said he didn't consult with anyone on the live-action remake. In 2017, "The Lion King" codirector Rob Minkoff said that new director Jon Favreau had shown him some of the VR technology that was used to create that remake.

After the trailer release, Tony said he has attempted to reach out to Caro on social media. He shared an early character design of Mulan on her horse which he was reminded of by a shot from the trailer.

"I wanted to show some support for the trailer so I posted online and tagged her on my posts," Tony said of trying to connect with the new director.

"I never heard anything back, so that's kind of a bummer," said Tony. "All I can hope is she isn't online very much."

While they may not be involved with the new 'Mulan' film, the Bancrofts are plenty busy these days teaching, animating, producing, and podcasting.

The Bancroft brothers left Disney in the early 2000s and worked on "VeggieTales." The two are passionate about 2D animation and currently teach animation at universities in California and Tennessee, go to animation expos and conventions, and cohost an animation podcast together, "The Bancroft Brothers Animation Podcast."

Tom is also producing a documentary called "Pencil Test" on the art of 2D animation and its future with interviews from animators like Glen Keane ("The Little Mermaid") and John Musker ("Moana"). You can watch a trailer for it here.

More than 20 years after its release, Tony's contribution to "Mulan" is still recognized worldwide as he continues to work on indie animated features.

"Most of them have connections to China," Tony said of most of his animation films being coproductions with China. "I have a lot of involvement with China these days because of 'Mulan' and they seem to be very interested in working with me on projects."

When it comes to the remake, which will hit theaters in March 2020, Tony says he's very supportive of where it's going as long as it's not a direct rehash of what has already been seen on screen.

"I want these remakes to be as unique and original as possible," said Tony of Disney's reimaginings. "It should feel reminiscent of what it's based on, but not be 'The Lion King' in CG animation that is like shot for shot."

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years ago

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10/14/2020 DAB Transcriopt

Jeremiah 23:21-25:38, 2 Thessalonians 2:1-17, Psalms 84:1-12, Proverbs 25:15

Today is the 14th day of October, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is wonderful to be here with you and we’re approaching the middle of another month and I…I don't know where the times going because it seems like it's dragging on but it's not. It’s moving fast. And, so, here we are almost to the middle of October these next couple of days will send us through the middle. And speaking of the middle, we’re in the middle of another week as we continue our journey. This week we've been reading from the New International Version, which is what we’ll continue to do. Jeremiah chapter 23 verse 21 through 25 verse 38 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we read Psalm 84 today and I can't help but coming by this territory every year and talking about this. Like there’s all…so many things that happen in a year that have never happened before because the Bible is alive and it speaks to the depths of our souls in new ways, different things, even if we've been through the territory before strike us in new ways and apply in new and unique and inspiring ways, but there are some kind of like road posts along the way along this trail where it’s like, “yeah, this is always…we never need to forget this, we need to remember this always, this needs to get locked in for all time. And Psalm 84's like that because it holds like very…like a very important key to how to live and it explains so much. So, if I say the word desire what is the first thing that comes up? Like a lot of times it's like a sexual thing in nature. That word kind of evokes a…or if I say the word passion kinda the same thing happens. And if I say passionate desire we can apply that to, you know, like an athlete who’s training for the Olympics who’s like left everything else in their lives and focused on this one goal in life, while they, you know, are at a specific age and have specific abilities and are tuning those things so that as a world-class athlete they can compete. But normally these kind words, you put these kind words together and it gets erotic, which isn't a bad thing, either one of them…like pursuing a goal or…or…or sexual desire or whatever that's not like inherently a bad thing. Either way we can kind of understand the words. But we don't usually use those words when we’re talking about God, an intimacy with God. And yet, let me read, let me just read from the Psalm. “My soul yearns even faints for the courts of the Lord. My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” You see, that's passionate desire. And we understand passionate desire. We just used a couple of examples, but we could find other ones but we’ve already kind of placed ourselves in those words, but we don't usually think about them toward God. And yet in the Bible, we see the psalmist passionate with desire for God. A little bit later in the Psalm we read, “better is one day in your courts than a thousand anywhere else. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.” This is a person whose focus is upon the Lord and the presence of God, to be in the presence of God is the most important passionate pursuit of desire. So, we can look at this and we can say, “yeah, I…I mean that's true. I don't…like the level of passion that I feel toward my spirituality and my union with God is different than any of the other things that I'm pursuing in life. It's different. I want that though. Like I would love to feel the way that the psalmist feels. I would love to live into that, with all of my heart. How? How does it happen?” And this is where we get handed the key. Worship. And the thing is, worship means a lot of things to a lot of people. Worship can be the songs that you sing in church when you are in church. But worship can be the records that you put on and play when you're feeling low and depressed. So, this word kind of is more broad than we understand and yet we kind of define it pretty narrowly and it's all kinds of religious baggage associated with it. I mean worship is a whole genre of music now, but if we want to get to the baseline then we would have to go back to the words that we spoke at the beginning - passion, desire. And one precedes the other, right? Desire precedes passion. Our desires lead our passions. So, it all begins with desire. So, when we apply our passionate desire in any direction it's quickly going to become worship, especially if the expectation is life in some form in return. Worship is a word that describes where we focus our passionate desire in hopes of attaining life, which on the one hand means that we can worship just about anything and in just about any direction, but it also means if we acknowledge our source of life, like if that is a primary thing upon our minds, that God is our source of life, then all of life can become an act of worship, right down to our very breathing. Our breath is a gift of God and with every inhale we are receiving the gift of life. And with every exhale, we are releasing it in faith, that there will be another one. Th psalmist here isn't speaking of theories. The psalmist here is speaking of experiences. The Psalm is attributed to the sons of Korah. Whoever wrote these words experienced union with God and could by comparison and say, “there's nothing that can compare. Like no matter what the circumstances of life are, there’s nothing that I can pour my passionate desire into, give myself over to but my very source of life itself. Once that has been tasted, hard to…hard…there's nothing that can compare. It's hard to go back.” And, so, let's aim our hearts in that direction. And the way to begin is to begin to observe ourselves, watch ourselves throughout the day with the idea that every breath, everything is an act of worship, everything that we do has the ability to open our eyes and make us aware of God's presence because He is no less present to us. Like, we’re just usually not paying attention. Just because we’ve become aware of God's presence doesn't mean that God has come, that God showed up as we like to say. He never went anywhere. He didn't show up. We did. He’s always with us. We just once in a while become aware of it. What if we stayed aware of it with this posture that our primary passion, that our primary desire is toward the source of life itself? There's this old hymn that I heard growing up. I mean it's still a famous hymn it’s still around but it's….it's called “turn your eyes upon Jesus” and it describes what we’re talking about here because it says that the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. What if we put that into practice today? What if we practice it for the rest of the week and then just look back at how our week went and just see if any of this is true? What we find is that it is true and when we live into this with our passions and our desires focused toward the source of life, which is our Savior remarkable shifts can happen in very, very shortds amount…short amount…amounts of time.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that. You've given us an example. We see an example in the psalms. Now we have some understanding and we turn our eyes upon You. We turn our passion toward You. You are our hearts desire. Ultimately, You are our hearts desire. You are the source of life. And, so, why we have orbited around the lesser things that have promised us life is a mystery when You are the only source. And, so, we turn to You and ask that You open our eyes and make us aware of Your presence all around us, everywhere. You will never leave us. You will never forsake us, which means that You are here right now and always whether we’re paying attention to it or aware of it or not. But we want to be aware of it. Our passions and desires, they need to grow. We need to become more and more in tune, more and more aware and less and less asleep to it. And, so, come Holy Spirit lead us deeper into our desire for You we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it's…it's the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. So, certainly do indeed stay connected in any way that you can.

Check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop. There are resources there for this journey including the God of Your Story, the latest book, which is kind of a written…not kind of…it is an attempt to follow the path or some of the paths that we follow through the Scriptures each year and put that in the written form so if we’re ever disconnected from the Internet etc. etc. we can just keep the journey going, keep moving forward. And often, there’s just more context. And it's just having it as part of the rhythm of life that resource was a very, very, hard, hard labor for this…for this purpose and to serve this community. And, so, God of Your Story is there in the Shop. Actually, one thing external to the Shop is a release that we had this year, a guided prayer and musical journey that we released back in July for the Long Walk called Heart, songs of the heart, a contemplative journey. And you get that wherever you get your music, so at iTunes or Google Play or whatever. You just have to go to the Shop. You can't stream these. You have to purchase these albums. The reason is that all of these prayers, if you stream it, then all of these prayers get disembodied from the rest of the project and it's just very weird, kind of like trying to read the Bible without any Hebrew context at all. But that album it seemed to have come at the right time in the summer time and struck a nerve and continue…the stories that I continue to hear from the project are…are incredible, the way that just taking a long walk, just going for a walk and puttin’ some earbuds on and just moving through and praying through the different emotions that we have really, really felt deeply this year and to invite Jesus into that and into the story moving us forward. That is a great resource. So, certainly, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage, and I thank you, I thank you for everyone who’s ever pressed that link or any of the links. Like pressing that link is why we’re here. And, so, thank you for those of you who have partnered with the Daily Audio Bible over the years. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement 877-942-4253 is number to dial or you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the red Hotline button that lives at the top. Be very, very difficult to miss that. You can press the Hotline button no matter where you are in the world and you can share from there.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Last week I sat down with the Lord and He began to speak and brought me to a place where I could feel His love and I struggle with that like sometimes when I hear the verse perfect love casts out all fear, I feel like I’m missing something but that was the first time in a long time, 30 years of Christian, I actually felt His love, I felt loved and all I could think of was first John, you love Him because He first loved us and my heart just soared. I was going to go out for a walk and I’ve heard the words Daily Audio Bible and honestly I haven’t listened in two years but when I’m out on the walk and Brian began to read and to talk about God’s love and actually quoted that verse out of first John my heart just soared and I laughed right outload because God is so very faithful to give us what we need, to meet us where we are and that’s why I love Him because He always loves me first and always…

Hello, my name is James Blackstone and I’m calling in regards to prayer. I’m struggling with my faith and my belief in Jesus Christ because I’m at a time in my life where I feel like nothing is working out for me. I’ve been complaining a lot and getting angry lately. Truth is I’ve been struggling with drugs and alcohol the majority of my life. I went to the Dream Center program and did a year and I graduated. But when the coronavirus hit our program stopped. I chose to go back out on the streets and a relapsed. I messed up. So, here I am back in rehab. I need prayer for strength and that God will bring the right people in my life. I miss my mother. I haven’t seen or heard from her in over 20 years. I was in and out of foster homes when I was a kid. Please pray that my mom and family is healthy and protected in Jesus’ name. Thank you for everything and God bless all of you.

Good afternoon family this is Soaring on Eagles Wings from Canada. I, as we are approaching our long weekend or a Thanksgiving weekend, I want to pray for all the truckers in our family. I’ve always admired truckers and the skills that they used to navigate those trucks back and forth and reverse them and this year was going to take a driving course in how to…to drive a truck, not that I’m planning to go anywhere but I just wanted to learn how to drive. But Covid has put a stop to that. So, Father God we have a number of truckers in our family, they do long distances. It’s very…it’s not easy going all those miles and trying to be alert. I ask you therefore God to be their pilot. Cover their hands over the steering wheel with your hands so that you can turn it whichever way they ought to go. Give them far-reaching vision so that they can see ahead Lord God. Give them ears to hear what’s happening round about them and the skill to navigate these trucks in all the areas that they go. And Father, I pray that you keep them safe from Covid. Watch over their families as they do these long distances and leave their families. Protect them from danger. Provide for them. You know their every need. And, so, as I lift them all up to you, we thank God for truckers because they are the ones who move goods and services back-and-forth so that we can eat and drink and be thankful. So, every one of you today, be blessed. Know I’m praying for you. God loves you and so does your family.

Hi friends at Daily Audio Bible this is Karen in Florida and just calling in for prayer today. As I’ve listened to so many prayer requests, I’m praying with you. I’d like you to remember me. About two weeks ago I woke up at 4:30 AM and I’m a single lady, I have a 12-year-old child and I woke up to the sound of someone scratching on my screen at my bedroom window and I…I thought it was just an animal or something and I waited for a while and it was someone at my window and of course I called the police but no one was around that time when they showed up and…and didn’t do a whole lot really about it, just took a report and said, you know, it’s probably just not gonna happen anymore and I doubt we would find anybody and…and it was kind of disheartening but the screen is torn up and so now I am trying to figure out how to finance getting some better windows put in my house or getting an alarm system definitely getting some better lighting outside. It’s been a bit of a challenge to try to even get people over here to…to do anything. And, so, I had to wait a week for an electrician to…to show up to give me an estimate on the lighting for outside and I’d like to get some cameras and I’ve just become fearful it’s 2 AM on Saturday, October 9th or 10th and I’m awake calling in asking for prayers. So, please pray for me. I would appreciate it.

Good morning DAB family this is Paul of the Child Advocate from the LA area calling. I wanted first to do a shout out for all the first-time callers. Many of you who share that your longtime listeners, it’s so encouraging to hear your you say your first-time caller and just increasing our family so much and it’s just nice to get to hear another voice and start to recognize your voice. And I wanted to stay congratulations to China and Ben. I actually met China quite a few years ago now when Brian and family were in Los Angeles. She was just a little girl then and she was manning the table, the greeting table, and we chatted for a few minutes and she was just a darling girl. So, I’m so happy for the whole Hardin family. And by the way Brian, I’m going to become a grandmother again soon too. My daughter Allie, our daughter Allie is pregnant, and I wanted to ask for prayers for her. She has a rare condition known as cholestasis, it happens during pregnancy and this is her third pregnancy and she had it with one of her other boys. This one is gonna be a girl by the way. Anyway, it’s a liver disease and it’s very dangerous towards the end of her pregnancy. So, please keep Allie and her baby girl in your prayers. And I also wanted to give a little shout out to Brian on your book the God of Your Story. I faithfully read it along with listening and I have to say it enhances the reading…the listening and the reading so much. I mean you just kind of, you know, expand on what you’ve said, and I just enjoy it. Thank you so much.

Good morning or afternoon depending on where you are, I’m calling from sunny South Florida and I’m calling today in reference to the young man who called this morning regarding the issues that he’s having on his job. He said that he was a first-time caller and did not identify himself, but God knows who you are. I would just like to encourage you to just hang in on in there. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Several years ago, I had the same issue. I was going to work doing everything that I needed to do, meeting all the deadlines that needed to be met, having all the parent conferences and student conferences as necessary; however, I was the target for the year. I continue to pray for them, and God delivered me from them. So, I want to say to you, be encouraged. Look to the hills from whence cometh your help. God knows all about us. One thing about it is He has promised never to forsake us. We’ve got to pray for the workplace bullies. Trust God forever. Cherish the moments.

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profitinaecho · 5 years ago

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Liz Week Day 2- Wanderlust

Liz had been in Roswell for three years and was becoming restless. She hadn’t lived in one place this long in her entire adult life. Not since Rosa had died. But Rosa was alive and thriving. She had been reintegrated into life with only a few bumps. And she and Max lived together and were building a life together. Everyone she loved was here in Roswell. And yet, her heart was begging her to run.

She stared out at the desert and mountains just outside of her and Max’s house while lounging in her chair by the fire pit. This is where they had breakfast together every morning, unless it was too cold. “Lizzie, you look like you’re upset about something and you’ve been out here all morning.” Max commented, handing her a fresh cup of coffee. He didn’t touch coffee himself because it made him tweak out.

“My heart wants me to run. It doesn’t make sense because I am so happy and everyone I love is here. I truly love my life with you. I don’t get it.” She quietly confessed to him.

“What if we went on a road trip before you start your new research project? I could take a week and a half off work and run away with you.” Max suggested. It’d be a tight schedule but he bet they could kiss on monuments all across the country in that time.

“Really?! Oh, Max. You’re going to love the ocean.” Liz automatically went into planning mode. If they stopped somewhere different each night, they could totally see the ocean in 10 days and make it back home before they got too far behind at work.

“I’ve never seen the ocean. I never wanted to do it without you.” Max admitted.

——————————————-

On the first day, they stopped in Flagstaff, Arizona not too far from the Grand Canyon. Liz got to pick the music and much to Max’s dismay, spent the drive singing and dancing to boy bands. They chose a supposedly haunted hotel because they figured at the very least it would be whimsical. It was old and creepy but it would do for the night. They fell asleep after making love, with Liz pulled close to Max and one leg hanging out of the covers. Max was woken up in the middle of the night by Liz screaming. He went to bolt upright, but she was practically climbing his chest and shaking in fear. “Max, something touched my foot!” Liz insisted. Max turned on the light and looked around, but nothing was there. “I know ghosts aren’t real but this place is creepy. I can’t sleep here.”

Since it was almost dawn, they packed their things and checked out of the hotel. Max chose classic rock for his turn for the radio all the way to the Grand Canyon. It was bigger and more beautiful than anything a photo could have prepared him for. It looked like it had been painted desert colors instead of made over a million years by nature. It made them feel small and connected to nature. A ground squirrel stole their trail mix right out of their backpack but it was okay. They could buy more and the giggle snort it elicited from Liz was worth it. He kissed her overlooking the canyon and took photos that Isobel would later tease them looked “So basic. Like Instagram models.”

They arrive in Las Vegas at dusk, dazzled by all the lights. Max surprises her by getting a room at Cesar’s Palace, even though Liz tells him it's a road trip tradition to stay in crappy motels. The look of horror on his face when he asks her “But what about bedbugs?” Has Liz giggling all the way up to their room. They put on the fanciest clothes they brought with them and go to dinner and a show at the hotel. Max points out that they’ve been engaged for a year and if she wants to get married while they’re there, he’s all in. Liz insists she can’t walk down the aisle without their friends and family. Besides, they already have a date set at the Catholic Church back in Roswell and everything is planned. They gamble some in the casino after dinner but with their early start, they’re ready for bed by 10.

They wake up early and head towards Death Valley National park. Max teases her that they have desert and sage brush at home and Liz shushes him. Their ears pop as the terrain drops below sea level and Max insists they load up on water, just in case. He’s gone through too much desert safety training on the police force to be bested by the heat now. Besides, his natural body temperature is warm. They hike through the beginners trail, marveling at the canyons and desert as far as you can see. There’s so much more diversity of life than he expected in the hottest place in the United States.

Back in the car, they cheer when they cross from Nevada to California. The desert gives way to Joshua trees and Max humors Liz by stopping at some random roadside motel that doesn’t look too scary to check in for the night. Their room has an old bed that vibrates if you put a quarter in it and Max is horrified thinking of the probably decades of germs from people banging on it. To his dismay, Liz flops on it excitedly and stares at him with her doe eyes until he agrees to stay. She rewards him by doing an act they usually reserve for special occasions while the old bed vibrates away under them.

The next morning, they keep driving until they reach Sequoia National Park. They take the cliche photos of each other next to the giant redwoods. An older couple see them trying to get a photo with both of them and one of the giant trees in it and insist on taking it for them. Max spends all day teasing Liz that she’s so tiny, she looks like a fairy next to the massive trees. She gets even by choosing a clown theme hotel that Max swears doesn’t freak him out. He’s a manly man and definitely isn’t awake at dawn already packed and ready to go because he can’t take being stared at by clowns anymore.

They head south towards Los Angeles and spend the afternoon on Hollywood Boulevard doing tourist things. They take photos next to their favorite celebrities stars on the Walk of Fame. Liz swears she sees her favorite actor from Grey's Anatomy and stands dumbstruck staring at him on the sidewalk while people weave around her. Laughing, Max takes her hand and leads her out of the way. He kisses her in a way they usually reserve for the bedroom but they don’t know any of the people around them. He doesn’t care if they are judging them. She was being adorable and he had to. They compromise and agree to stay at a basic Holiday Inn.

They spend 4 hours in traffic the next morning heading southwest to Long Beach. When he sees his first palm tree, Max is so excited he asks Liz to pull over and take his picture with it. The beaches are pristine with white sands and turquoise water. Beautiful people that definitely might be famous are everywhere, along with the occasional paparazzi. Liz throws down the blanket they brought for the beach and their bag with their towels, sun screen and phones. They strip down to their bathing suits and head for the waves. Max wiggles his toes in the wet sand experimentally, laughing when the waves rush over his feet. They wade out into the water, Liz clinging to Max like a koala when the water starts to get too high for her.

“Thank you for going on an adventure with me, Max” Liz hugged him, bobbing in the water as waves came past them.

Max kissed her nose, stunned by how beautiful she looked with golden sunbeams lighting up her face surrounded by the water. “Any time, my love. We’ll run away together.”

#lizortechoweek #lizweek2020 #liz ortecho #rnm echo #rnm fic

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xxforsaken-angelxx · 5 years ago

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=> A Friendly Secret Visit.

chimericarchitect Howdy! I wanted to ask about the rods and how that was coming along.

xxforsaken-angelxx aww shit yeah i got them i just slipped on messagin you

chimericarchitect Neat! So, let me know whenever it is clear for me to come and get them and I'll do that.

xxforsaken-angelxx gotcha > You'll send her a time for later today, after your shift is over.

chimericarchitect > Presumably he will send updated coordinates since it's a ship in space and you will, at the time allotted, go there to pick up the rods. It'll be great.

xxforsaken-angelxx > He will, and she'll be teleported straight to his block.

> Or at least part of his block. It visibly looks like a study, with floor to ceiling shelves on the two walls without doors that are loaded with jars of herbs, crystals, bones, and basically any other magical trinket that gets used in his kind of trade. That and what's probably a fairly narrow curation of books, most of them looking old or otherwise well loved.

> You're at your desk nestled in there, in front of an oddly old looking computer. You're dressed in full goffik attire, with the boots and the long coat and the whole nine yards.

chimericarchitect > Saness might like what she knows of Grinmaww, she might think he seems a pretty decent troll, but that doesn't change the fact that he is an unknown. She is dressed accordingly, in what she used to consider 'cool adventurer attire,' something good to tussle in or go for an impromptu roam. It consists of a sturdy white vest over long dark sleeves, equally white boots over flexible black pants, an overly vibrant neckerchief, and a wallet chain on her hip that definitely doesn't connect to a wallet. With her sunglasses up in her stark-white dandelion puff of curling hair, useless but available, Saness looks like a starry-eyed kid dressed up as a cosplay biker.

> She arrives in a blossoming yellow-green light, accompanied by the sound of something stretching sharp, the hollow bell-tone echo of a rubber band snapping, an unnaturally compressed static twang. It's only a fall of a few inches to the floor of the ship, boots tmp-ing with the weight of her existence as the glow recedes as rapidly and efficiently as it had appeared. With her face fully exposed, it can be noted on a glance that her hair grows in this shade. That, or she spends way too much time dying her eyebrows and lashes.

> Immediately Saness looks to Grinmaww, the full attention of 5' 10" of dimension-hopping globetrotter drawn right to him by some force unknown. There is a sort of reckless energy to the way she carries herself, careless of her color, focused intently and intensely on the only other troll in the room. It lingers for a heavy second, gears turning behind her eyes, before scattering nearly as immediately under the force of her own curiosity and whimsy, the dopey little 'o' of her mouth and the perplexed pinch of her brow turning to a wowed smile while the slightly flighty hands-out posture of her arms falls to her sides as she straightens. Her eyes gleam when they catch light, a reflective plate of lime snapping here and there over all of the fascinating and colorful doodads filling the walls of this space.

> "My dude, you are absolutely killing this aesthetic."

> She defaults to common Alternian, for all purposes friendly and easygoing in tone, if a little bright with excitement.

xxforsaken-angelxx > That cracks him up immediately, after those few seconds of regarding each other in silence. His face is...oddly stretchy, the skin pulls a little farther than most people when he smiles.

> Which is why he doesn't, when he rises out of his office chair to full 6'5" stature. It's not exactly an Ampora Resting Bitch Face, his eyes stay friendly, but there's all the signs of someone who keeps their expressions trained.

"Well shit, mission fuckin' accomplished then. I'm diggin' your whole look too, though. Y'look cute."

> And how dare she, frankly? Meeting someone from a whole other universe was supposed to be a big deal, both from a mental and security standpoint, but here she was waltzing up with the aura of a box of novelty rubber ducks. It's hard to be all serious at that, bah.

chimericarchitect > Cute, huh? Saness grins a little wider, something easy and lopsided. She's being very loose with her expressions, leaning heavily into what charisma she possesses over her own stranger-danger default; there has not been one single Eridan in the history of fish-or-otherwise bastards that she has ever gotten along with, but in counter she has a great and hopeful fondness for Makaras and clowns in general. All she has to do is be her charming self and *surely* things will work out. Surely. So far so good, right?

"Well shit, mission fuckin' accomplished!" she intones in quick mimicry, momentarily affecting his cant and general tone of bearing. That too falls away, dripping from one instant to the next with the pulse of a rabbit. A flourish places her splayed fingertips over her chest, the goofish mockery of a stuffy tilt to her chin. "Saness Casper Psuede, The Mischief, at your service and pleased to finally meet you, Grinmaww!"

> She is, perhaps, a bit much at full-tilt, hyped to be here and make a solid first impression. Ideally, Grinmaww will like her as much as she hopes to like him. That's the plan. The scheme. The big cannoli. *Maybe* this critically informal introduction will entice him into relaxing as well. A girl can dream.

xxforsaken-angelxx > Hearing his drawl coming out of her makes him laugh again, and he instinctively tries to go for a handshake. Just a casual one. Business casual.

"Man, you're somethin', arentcha? And somethin' that should use Mischief more often, that's a good one."

> Truth be told, he was already fond of her. Being in the position he was, he tended to like people who had a different view of the world, and Saness kept fitting that to a T. Even discounting her inherent otherworldly-ness, she was people smart in a way he couldn't manage, and just...had a certain way of things. Maybe a way that clashed with his way sometimes. But it was an interesting way, and an interesting clash.

> Sure being the leader of a big ass ship also put him in that same zone of inner stranger wariness, but y'know. So far so good!

"Nice to finally meet you too."

chimericarchitect > The Dreaded Handshake, As The Prophecy Foretold. With how sharp she keeps her claws these nights the best she can do to cover up is to wear fingerless gloves, but that is inconducive to the possibility of reacting to danger, and she anticipated that the ever-present threat of engaging in polite society might rear itself anyway. Thus, a counter arrangement has been prepared in advance: completely naturally, despite her lack of hand cover, as if this was the response expected of her, Saness reaches past Grinmaww's outstretched palm and clasps his covered forearm. A bracing, friendly gesture!

> It's loose enough an action that she doesn't have time to react to new information, or to accommodate the unexpected. From this close, she can feel her hair standing on end, a fresh tingle across the nape of her neck. This isn't Chill Boss Aura, the weight of his presence more intense with proximity, but rather something else entirely. Something otherworldly. The trouble with keeping her features emotionally available and reactive is that, they are, in fact, emotionally available and reactive. Her eye scrunches slightly and her smile ticks one degree toward uncomfortable on the matching side.

> Braced like this, she gives his arm the single handshake pump of proper business, albeit a fraction of a second delayed.

> Quick, say something.

"Ah, yeah, you think so? I thought it was kinda, heh, on the nose. If somebody were to roll up and introduce themself with the title of 'Mischief' you'd have certain expectations, I'd think."

xxforsaken-angelxx > Eridan isn't oblivious enough to miss her sudden awkwardness, but it's also not like he knows his own aura, or any other reason Saness might avoid handshakes. In his mind he just went too formal, like a dumbass. He goes a touch sheepish when she goes a touch awkward, and flicks his hair and plays it cool when she lets go.

> The third eye he draws in his paint wasn't peeking through his bangs until now.

"I mean, sure. But that kind of expectation would probably get you some friends around somewhere like here. Mischief and clowns go together, right?"

> Hopefully, at least?

chimericarchitect > Once released she gives him a conspiratorial smile, waggles a finger, and says, "Those mischievous clowns," in that fake-cursing sort of tone, meant to confirm his assertion.

> Now that she's aware of an otherworldly presence, she is Aware of it. It's kind of just all over the place, isn't it? And her new friend appears to be the epicenter...

> From this point out, her attention is going to be partially split. Whatever it is, it doesn't *feel* directly threatening, but it's definitely unlike the clown deities she's met. It's... not quite familiar. Grinmaww's angels? But it doesn't feel like the angels she's known either, not... quite... Perhaps they aren't angels at all. That's the unsettling part. People and things that identify as other things can have a lot of reasons for doing so. Half the angels she's met weren't so nice anyhow...

> Most of the time she keeps her attention politely fixed on Grinmaww, but it slips through him or past him here and there, occasionally flitting elsewhere in the room. Saness cannot help but be wary in the back of her mind.

> Uncultured, she points right at his face.

"In every timeline I've visited or heard of, face paint holds a lot of personal significance to the clowns who wear it." Her arm drops to her side and she rocks on her toes in a gentle and harmless fidget. "Is it too personal to tell me about? I'm curious."

xxforsaken-angelxx > There's those in the church that don't believe that *any* of the entities are who they say they are. Some believe they're all more of a subconscious figment than anything else- not nonexistant, per se, but a form to let the troll mind comprehend something uncomprehendable. Eridan does believe in his angels, but he's not... unfamiliar, with the idea that they might not be so straightforward.

> He doesn't know that's what's on her mind, but *they* do. They can sense her attention. They know she can feel them. And they...want to play nice, actually. Yes they're everywhere, yes they have him in their grasp, but does that have to feel so bad? They can at least try to be a bit more friend shaped.

> Meanwhile, their host gets thrown by that question. Not in a defensive way, just in a purely off-guard one.

"Uh, no, it's not, it's-" He gestures, aimlessly. "It's not actually *that* big of a thing? For us? Like it's real fuckin' important, don't get me wrong, but it's not like- it's not *sacred.* It's fashion."

> He shoved his hands in his pocket, and gave his jacket a bit of a flounce.

"I uh...picked mine when I was pretty young. The whole painted on smile and the tears and the secret eye. It's all kinda obvious. But I still like the vibe. Still me and such."

chimericarchitect > Saness can... kind of feel them, the attention of Grinmaww's angels in response to her awareness. She can detect the things they broadcast most blatantly, the more gentle way they coil, the intentional friendliness. Perhaps an act like that would put a more paranoid troll on higher alert, but where most people have a healthy level of mistrust for the unknown, developed or instinctual, Saness has stubbornly hoarded olive branches to clumsily brandish at anything that exists. If they want to be friendly, then by the stars, Saness is going to give them her reckless trust and put her faith where her mouth is.

> Understanding that the angels are at least *similarly* aware of her the way she is aware of them, Saness begins working through the process of lowering her mental hackles, just as intentionally relaxing as they intentionally displayed peace. She loves being cool and playing nice, well and truly.

> It helps that Grinmaww is so cute. Look at him, fumbling and fluffing his feather. Normally she would giggle at him, laughter comes so easily to her, but with her focus split, all she does is smile fondly. It feels safe enough to relax around him, and they all vibe together as a unit, so... Yeah. Everything is cool and she is pleased to make more than one acquaintance. Yep. That's what she's rolling with.

"So, dedication to fashion is really important, but being a clown is not an organized religion beyond being purple and... being goth..." The last part is said almost like a question. "Would you be in trouble if you didn't wear paint, if it isn't sacred? What about like, partial coverage? In public and stuff. Oh, and, um, the whole... distinction thing. Goth is more elegant? Than punk? Or like, grunge, or emo. Are you supposed to dedicate yourself to YOUR aesthetic or is there a dress code? Is 'goth' an important word? Does equating it to other aesthetics come across as rude?"

> Special Move: One Thousand Needling Questions no Jutso.

xxforsaken-angelxx "You don't get in *trouble* for not wearing the paint, no. Like, most people around here wouldn't want to be out an' about without it or nothin', but just in the way anybody else who wears a lotta makeup wouldn't. Partial coverage's fine, too. I know this one chick who does a pattern with half her face, 's'cool as hell. And there is absolutely not a dress code beyond legal modesty and safety regulations, I almost can't believe you gotta ask that."

> He says it with fondness, as he leans up against his desk. He could talk about this stuff forever, he just had to settle into the rhythm of it. His gods seemed to enjoy it too, maybe, almost curling up beside him once he got on a roll.

"Self expression is important to us. It's an inherent part of our magic. We're all brought together around a school of thought with magic that's about experimentation and what you feel, so, like. If you're callin' up the damned with scryin' bones, why the fuck *shouldn't* you wear a full black velvet cloak, y'know? Why not wear it out to get a sandwich every night, if that's what makes you happy?"

"So comparin' us to punk or whatever else is rude just 'cause it's not us. We have an ideology, and punk has a totally different ideology, an' none of us really want to be lumped together when it doesn't stand for the same thing."

chimericarchitect "Then... what is the goth clown ideology? Under that umbrella of self-expression and exploration... are there pretty pastel clowns, peppy and chipper, or clowns that... essentially aren't goth? That sounds really kind of cool though, being encouraged to pursue happiness in the empire. Are there purplebloods that aren't clowns, or is it kind of mandatory?"

> Saness is slowing down a touch, pretty sincerely fascinated by this topic. Culture in general is wildly engrossing, but she has a particular passion for the heavy familial nature of mirthful society.

> She follows his lead, to a degree, crossing her arms and resting her weight unbalanced on one leg, hip cocked out just slightly to accommodate. Very laid-back. One foot taps, keeping time with the pace of her thoughts.

"And, I mean, I *assume* it's just purplebloods and not other colors that join the faith in your society, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Doctrines and ideologies tend to conceptually elude me, but I do so love to hear about them."

xxforsaken-angelxx "Just purplebloods, but it's not mandatory, no. Most of us end up here anyways, but there's plenty that don't. And..."

> There's a pause as he chews on his words a bit. He's had to explain something to this effect several times before, and every time it's a little different. A little closer to what someone who's Grand Highblood might say.

"We think that belief is the most important part of magic. The rituals you do and the entities you work with are just...methods. What makes it *work* is what you feel. And if you *know* that, then you can take your belief and apply it on purpose to somethin' workin' to your advantage. So we just... believe in doin' what personally works for you. Celebratin' what personally works for you. There's no reason you can't be cheery and also goth, or be some pastel fuck and also goth. We're only gonna question you if *you* don't think you're doin' it right. You have to believe you are. Genuinely."

chimericarchitect > Saness inclines her head, an inquisitive pinch to her brow. It's not fully intentional, but she keeps mentally checking in on the spectral presence surrounding Grinmaww, akin to curious little 'are you still there' pokes while he talks.

"That's what goth is? Celebrating the self?"

> Her expression smooths away and she straightens with a soft laugh.

"I mean, heh, wow." She waves a hand, gesturing over his whole him.

xxforsaken-angelxx "I have no idea what you're talking about," he says, playfully shaking his head.

> The angels are also very there. They're Always there. Or at least, some of them are. Sometimes there's more, sometimes there's less, but there's always *something*.

> They tend to poke back, too. It's fun having friends.

chimericarchitect > She shakes her head, still smiling.

"Alright, so, next question. I think I saw the answer before on tumblr maybe, but I don't remember it at the moment. Can you always sense your angels?"

> Yeah she came here with a purpose, but Saness has never been very business-oriented. She hasn't been here long enough for the recycled air to bother her, she's barely been here long enough to appreciate the fact that she's in space. Vacuums and stable pressurized ships aren't as easy to replicate, she's kind of lucky not to be experiencing some kind of reaction to the environment. The thought is starting to creep into her head, the idea that there could be so much more to see.

> Somewhere in the bowels of this contraption, Hydromatic dangles in some kind of torture stasis.

xxforsaken-angelxx > Somewhere, Hydromatic is at their station, filing through dozens of simultaneous requests and trying to scrape up the spare seconds to fantasize about their matesprit. Piers is somewhere as well, possibly finishing his shift.

> And the ship is just generally bustling with life. It was a massive place, filled with a town's worth of purplebloods. Each one had their own magic, their own loud style, their own gods...

"Pretty much always, yeah. Sometimes I get distracted, but they're always there."

chimericarchitect "Does it still get lonely sometimes, even if you're never alone? How old were you when you like, met them? And, um..."

> Saness glances toward the door and lets her continuation hang in the air for a moment, not quite stilling so much as slowing her idle animation. There's a lot to consider, all the mystery and intrigue just beyond, but she knows full well she'd never be allowed to pass through. Not in a thousand sweeps. What would she even do? Act like a lost tourist and get Grinmaww into trouble?

> She slides her focus back into the room, back onto her host and off of stray thoughts of the fantastical. Her hands go into her pockets and she gestures toward him with a shrug of her shoulder.

"Are the subjects of everyone else's devotion so present as yours? Can you sense or otherwise detect them yourself?"

xxforsaken-angelxx "I'm not the lonely type. But I met 'em when I was like...five-ish? Which is young, for us. I had more resources than most wrigs would've, an' I just...had a strong pull, I guess."

> A strong pull and a florid imagination. His eyes follow hers before he can get too wrapped up in thinking about his old hive life, though. If it were anybody else, he'd be glad to show her around the ship. There were constant visitors on the Hydromatic, so one more wouldn't be terribly out of place.

> As long as they were like, actual Imperial citizens with travel paperwork. And not of a blood color that didn't exist here. So unfortunately that wasn't happening, even if they both wished it would.

"...I don't think everybody's are. Kinda depends. But magic just has a vibe, I can feel that usually."

chimericarchitect > ...Huh. What if he's picking up magic vibes off of her? Wicked undid those... locks or whatever, and she did attend a single quarter of lessons at the magic college, even if she was pretty much fully incompetent with her abilities. She would think, 'nah, they're totally different things probably,' but here she is and she can sense his angels, so... maybe not? But maybe it's like, a warlock thing, rather than strictly a magic thing. She doesn't have a magic sugardaddy hovering around her twenty-four seven for him to detect. Or even like. Sugardaddy La Croix. Residual sugardaddy. Hint of having been near a sugardaddy that might have side-eyed her once.

"Well, the angels seem really pleasant and friendly, and if that says anything about you then, heh." Even with all of her training Saness's face is soft, tender cheeks squishing firm when she smiles. It doesn't stretch like Grinmaww's or Ringleader's. "How old do clowns normally take on a patron?"

xxforsaken-angelxx > The magic here *was* different from magic elsewhere, but mostly in how certain the clowns were of its mechanics. Magic was considered an action, a movement of energy. It wasn't something just sitting around in people willy nilly, in their minds. Without something actively magical lying around, there was nothing he was attuned to sense.

> His face softened a little at her compliment, and a small "Aww" slipped out before he could think it through.

"It uh, depends though. Six is when most people really start socializin' online, and that's a big factor for decidin' to participate in the faith. So seven-ish is the most common for gettin' serious with contactin' things, as far as I know."

chimericarchitect > A little 'o,' either of interest or surprise, anoints her.

"Did you meet them before you met any other clowns or joined the faith then?"

xxforsaken-angelxx > His eyebrows raise a little.

"Before I met any other clowns, yeah. But I was pretty set on being involved since I could read what I had about it."

chimericarchitect "Did I ask something strange? Sorry."

> Saness tries to play it cool, another pretty flash of a somewhat sheepish smile, but she is a weenie and the lift of Grinmaww's eyebrows causes her to fret a secret amount.

xxforsaken-angelxx > He tries to look reassuring. Or as reassuring as a much taller goth clown can.

"Nah. Just haven't had anybody ask that. Nobody really asks an heir how they started, y'know?"

chimericarchitect > It works, she's as easily reassured as she is unsettled. Intent is always WAY more important than appearances to little ol' Saness. She tilts her head, birdlike. Why *wouldn't* anyone ask?

"Well... How *did* you start?"

xxforsaken-angelxx > Eridan stews on that for a second, digging through his memories of his old swamp hive for the answer he was looking for. Then, when he found it, he very seriously said:

"Clown grubby books."

chimericarchitect > Her mouth opens, and then it closes. She considers this. Raises a finger. Opens her mouth again with the sound of an H turning to a W, then closes it again. A hum. The finger lowers.

xxforsaken-angelxx > He watches her flounder, and provides nothing. There's a smile in his eyes. Specifically a :o)

chimericarchitect > It ends with her giggling, one arm crossing her front to rub at the other. Her general demeanor has an air of vulnerability at the shift, gentle and earnest in both the way she speaks and the way she looks at him, smiling soft as a peach. Saness's eyes still gleam to an unnatural degree, the ever-present predator, but she's about as scary as a snail covered in dew drops.

"Sorry, that sounds really cute Grinmaww... Were they pop-up books? I hope you had a pop-up book, I have a little collection of those, I think they're very charming..."

xxforsaken-angelxx > He ends up laughing back at her, crossing his arms and actually smiling a little. She's so cute? She's so cute. Why does everything happen so much.

"Of course they were pop-up books. Like just one of 'em but what kinda church would we be if the grubby book wasn't a pop-up one. That'd be bullshit."

chimericarchitect > Her smile widens eagerly, the rubbing arm stopping in more the fashion of a half-formed self-hug.

"I wish I could read them. Obviously it inspired little you? You're here and all, and you seem happy to."

xxforsaken-angelxx "I sure am. Love this place, always have."

> He glances at one of his bookshelves in particular, scanning for a particular spot and then stammering.

"I uh- I still have the pop-up one. Like just a newer copy, lying around. You could, uh...I'd let you borrow it, for as long as you have the tubes, if you want. It's not like it has anything too secret."

chimericarchitect > Saness covers her mouth when she starts laughing this time, both hands. It lasts a good moment, eyes scrunched up with a fond sort of mirth once more. She's been charmed, how dare he. Like really, how dare he. This isn't the troll she made this trip to make friends with!

> And yet, she can't say she minds the direction this is going. Not one bit. What a good place this must be with leadership like this.

> She lowers her hands to rib-height, curled into loose and amicable fists.

"Really?" She pauses to nibble her lower lip, literally biting back another short string of giggles. "If you don't mind, I'd very much like that. Really."

xxforsaken-angelxx > Phththhghbhbhb, goes the clown. There's indignant hand waving and everything. He's trying to be NICE and she has the AUDACITY to like. Handle it in a playful friendly way. Rude.

"I don't mind at all, just lemme fuckin-"

> He strides over to the bookshelf in question, pulling out the thick little book from the spot it's been tucked away in, among serious magical tomes.

> The cover has a generic looking purpleblood wriggler, notably un-goth. They're curled up against a sheeplike lusus in a cool-toned forest scene, watching a glittery butterfly float overhead. A gold whimsical font proclaims that "Magic is Everywhere!"

> He shows her this for a second, then places it next to the other things she came here for.

chimericarchitect > Look at this guy. What a guy! A guy who keeps a copy of his wrigglerhood pop-up book in his block! A guy that would lend it to a near-stranger with a smile! A guy that bends and breaks the rules to do whatever is best or most interesting! A guy that doesn't get annoyed when he makes other people laugh! A guy with a really impressive propeller hand dance!

"What, you aren't going to flip through it with me? Don't you want to take a trip down memory lane with your new friend~?"

> Saness flounces along in Grinmaww's wake, leaning around him to rappa-tap a dance of her claws on the cover before he can fully rid himself of the book. She no longer minds the increased density of his aura by proximity, having decided that yes, they are friends now. It's a mostly-sincere question carried on a teasing tone that leaves him room to turn her down without anything getting awkward; he can brush her off as playing or he can take her seriously and crack open the book, and neither answer would be wrong.

xxforsaken-angelxx > Her hands get lightly swatted away. Bap, bap bap. It's kind of fortunate that he has a boyfriend now and everything, otherwise he'd still be terribly unused to people just...approaching him.

"Look, if I'm gonna give this thing to my 'new friend~'," he says, mimicking her badly, "Then I want you to enjoy this the proper way, which is all curled up at hive or whatever. It's the cozy kind of wriggler book. Don't at me."

chimericarchitect > Saness accepts her defeat with wiggly fingers, politely stepping back out of the range of his personal space. She is a self-satisfied creature.

"Cozy wriggler book, you've got it."

> She stuffs her mitts back into her pockets (all better, no touchy) and resumes rocking from heel to toe, watching Grinmaww with interest.

"I have so many more questions for you, but like, I realize this wasn't supposed to be a social visit and you are a very busy troll." Gotta check in. Gotta give him an out.

xxforsaken-angelxx > He settles back into leaning up against his desk, all casual like. But clearly with his feathers playfully ruffled. If it weren't for the paint there'd probably be a bit of a blush...which Saness might can guess anyways, with how much time she spends with clowns.

"Nah, I don't mind. Once I'm off work it's not like there's anything I'm supposed to be doin'."

> That and he's really enjoying her company. But he can't just like, say those words out loud, right?

chimericarchitect > That's enough of an invitation for her! Beaming, Saness makes an invisible 'desk' out of her psi and leans back against it, copying him like the silliest roly-poly.

"Great! You're even cooler than I'd hoped, I like talking to you."

> Apparently she can just say whatever the fuck she wants, unabashed while in her element. A single clap!

"Tell me about your lusus!"

xxforsaken-angelxx > There's clear amusement in her parroting, but also...a lack of questioning how the fuck she's doing that. Miming is a pretty common skill around here, after all.

"A goat? But like, a fish goat. An angler fish goat. Real big fucker that'd go around the swamp eating basically anything."

> There was a bit of disdain in his voice. It's fairly obvious that he didn't have a *great* opinion of his goat figure.

"Think I gotta pass that one back at you, though. What was your lusus like?"

chimericarchitect "Uh, well..."

> She would be more phased by having bonked so clumsily into the Makara-standard experience of bad wriggler-lusus relations, but Grinmaww just asked a bit of a tricky question. It's obvious that Saness has to really consider how to answer this; for a moment she even looks off to the side, brow pinched.

"I don't really remember my lusus. I had a guardian, and she was a troll."

> The "sort of" that follows is said lower. How does one smoothly segway into 'I have amnesia and also the troll that looked after me when I came-to was actually some kind of life-force golem'? The answer is, you don't. You just don't.

xxforsaken-angelxx > Obviously there's curiosity that arises from that 'sort of.' Like, sort of a troll or sort of a guardian? It's an easy follow-up, and one he doesn't take. Instead, he gives her a somewhat sympathetic look.

"You don't gotta talk about it if you don't want to."

> It's said both sincerely and flatly. He's not effected by whatever emotions she has around the subject, but is okay with them. No judgement, but lots of instinctual professionalism.

chimericarchitect "R-right..."

> The flat tone doesn't feel like it fits with the sympathetic look. Saness does not thrive in professional or formal environments, and even the gentle stiffness is enough for her to trip and flounder over. What is she *supposed* to say? Is this one of those secret codeword things people do when they like someone and want to be polite, but don't actually want to hear what they have to say?

> And besides... *Does* she want to talk about it? It's reflex to say 'no she doesn't,' and that coupled with the above is enough to sway her decision.

"I don't believe I ever got around to asking. Are limebloods extinct in this timeline?"

xxforsaken-angelxx > He *would* be interested, but he's not... supposed to be. Being a boss has it's tolls, one of them happening to be that he has a firm habit of not prying too hard. Any piece of extra information is something that can trip up the works of Imperial bureaucracy.

> So she takes her out and he lets it be, moving on to answering her next question as if nothing happened.

"Yeah, they are. Though the real dock against you is the fact that you don't have paperwork for existin' here. Like, you could go all hemo-anon or whatever an not stand out, but not havin' a travel record would get you in trouble real quick."

chimericarchitect > She's quick to focus on this new topic, grasping at it a bit like a life raft. It was one little hiccup, everything is fiiiiine.

"Really? Travel record? ...I implanted an identity to assume on an Earth once so that I could open a bank account and a few other things, but like, I imagine something like that might be a bit more difficult in this timeline. Earth is just... Not very savvy. Then again, on a standard Alternia, there are LOTS of available identities to assume, trolls die super constantly on the ground..."

> Grim thoughts are grim, and Saness makes a face. This line of thought isn't pleasant, and she isn't neutral about it, no matter how plainly she likes to talk about it.

"Who even checks for those? Everyone I pass in the hall? Do you have to confirm your I.D. at every doorway?"

xxforsaken-angelxx > Eridan points up towards the ceiling and gestures around.

"Cameras. There aren't any in here, but they're pretty much everywhere else. Anyone out of place would get spotted immediately, an' then you'd get flagged down for some questions."

> There's an attempt to not make the word "questions" in that sound ominous. An attempt. But the eyes of the Hydromatic were in fact everywhere.

chimericarchitect "Oh, so the 'travel records' are digital, and Hydromatic can identify people and locate aforementioned records on the spot, and if something doesn't line up, then yadda yadda? Or do you mean, Hydromatic would send security after me or whoever else walked mysteriously out of a closet because they're just *that aware* of every single familiar face and *that aware* of who has gone where? Because, I've got-"

> Saness grabs for her wallet chain, pulling the end of it out of her back pocket. It's definitely still not attached to a wallet; it's attached to a retro sylladex!

"I've got..."

> Operating this thing is not efficient. She's still flipping through it... There's a reason technology moved on without this little pocket-lunk.

"I've got this amulet, it was a gift. A disguise amulet..."

> Fwip fwip fwip... She just wants to show him a neat trick, man... Why does this have to be so har-AHA!!

> With a declaration of triumph, she retrieves a very simple locket on a very simple chain, proudly holding it aloft and grinning mischief at Grinmaww.

xxforsaken-angelxx > He just...lets her. He's the one with an even more old-fashioned looking computer sitting behind him. But he has no idea what exactly a 'disguise amulet' implies. Like, it *feels* magic, but there's a lot of extents that thing could go to. Instead, he just answers her questions.

"It's like a facial recognition system, just with an actual pair of eyes as a step in the process. If you're authorized to be on board here, and also to be in whatever rooms you're goin' in, then everything's fine, mostly."

chimericarchitect > Saness nods along, but she only half-cares about the answer to her question. It's not like she's going to be skulking about on the ship.

"Okay, so, check this out. Do you have any printed photos? Small ones, or ones you don't mind being folded? Magazine cutouts count, it'd just be cooler if it's someone that you recognize from this timeline rather than whoever I have in my pocket."

xxforsaken-angelxx "Uh-"

> Now it's his turn to awkwardly fumble around for something. He turns to start going through his desk drawer, pushing around this and that. There was a lot in the damn things. A few pipes, art supplies, spare papers, weed...

> Eventually he found a photo tucked away amongst it all, and handed it over.

> It's a picture that was only able to print halfway for some reason or another, leaving only one person in the image. Said person is Nymede, the Hydromatic's lead IT specialist. She was in an open shoulder top and hot pants and fishnets, with big fuzzy legwarmers. Her face was half obscured by a gas mask, and she had bright purple and fuchsia hair extensions.

> She was...probably in the helmsblock, or near it, there was biowire visible behind her, but there was no sign of Hydromatic themselves.

chimericarchitect > Is it void nonsense? A lack of ink? Some sort of printer malfunction? A certain helm being fussy about their picture being taken and purposely botching the job? The world may never know, and further, the world is unconcerned. Saness accepts the photo and gleefully pops open the locket. There was already a photo inside - one of Saness that has been color-edited to have black hair and ordinary teal eyes - that she hastily replaces with the photo of this very Fashion(tm) clown person. She gives it a playful jostle once it's closed away.

"Now, hang on, this is the cool part-"

> The moment she slips the locket over her head, Saness is no longer standing in the room. Instead, in every physically perceivable way, Nymede has replaced her. Eeach visible detail is accurate to the picture, and Saness-as-Nymede gives a little twirl.

"Tadaaa...!"

> It doesn't alter her voice, unfortunately, and Saness still sounds like herself. She moves like herself too, despite whatever change in height there may be, fluffy legwarmers flouncing realistically to match.

xxforsaken-angelxx "Wow what the fuck."

> That was. Perhaps less enthused sounding than he intended, and he cracks up the second after that leaves his mouth.

"Man, what the *fuck*-"

> It is perhaps somewhat alarming to see a perfect clone of your friend, even if you think it's fucking hilarious. Boy is it realistic, though. He saw Nymede just tonight, and he wouldn't have thought twice if she'd been able to mimic her voice. Scary, but incredibly impressive!

chimericarchitect "Isn't it neat? It's basically a hologram. The projection is magic and it has the most basic of shells to give an amount of resistance when touched, but if you pressed against it you would sink through until you touched me. When used to mimic smaller things, the parts that hang out turn completely invisible, but can still knock into things if you aren't careful."

> While she talks Saness is wafting Nymede's arm back and forth, looking it over herself. She has back some of the same energy she came in with, the excitable quickness to the way she carries her borrowed form bleeding into how quickly she talks.

> She pauses only a moment, snapping her attention from Nymede's arm to Grinmaww's face. There's more she wants to say and show him, but she's not the type to sprint on ahead without someone.

xxforsaken-angelxx > He's following along, mostly, the way someone tends to when they're fascinated by something they don't *really* understand. Holograms were a thing in common use here, hard light was something he understood in theory, using magic to create tech-like results was...imaginable, at least?

> Which amounted as far as it being conceivable, and him having no idea how the fuck something like that would actually be made. Miracles, man.

"Neat is a real fuckin' understatement for that."

chimericarchitect > She chuckles and goes to remove the locket, zooping back to her regular appearance with a sideways flicker as soon as the chain is off her neck.

"You can even disguise things as people, or people as things, or things as other things..."

> Saness looks around the room for an easy target that doesn't look like something personal or sensitive, something she could feasibly loop the chain around.

"...and you can keep the chain on the object you want to disguise while keeping the locket somewhere else, it will continue to function so long as neither are destroyed..."

xxforsaken-angelxx > There are, frankly, a lot of Things in this room, so there's a lot of potential targets. There's several large quartz samples of different colors that could easily have the locket wrapped around, or some of his jars of common herbs like rosemary and thyme. Or for something even safer looking, she could nab a big black candle.

> That last part is what really surprised him, though. The parts could work separately? The locket didn't have to be on the chain? It wasn't just the locket that did the thing? How the FUCK did this thing WORK?

chimericarchitect > Badda-boom, she slips the locket off of the chain and wraps the pretty metal in a loose cascade over an unsuspecting candle. Nymede appears where it was, but nearly completely physically static. If the candle was lit, she'll be wobbling her head around in a way that could be considered eerie, mimicking the flames with the limitations of hair and a neck.

> What's more, a candle is much smaller than a person, and... the projection seems to shiver and warp a lot like it is strained, glitching in a way that Nymede *definitely should not be moving* in. Saness seems to find these wild distortions and unnatural behaviors to be entirely hilarious, pointing up at her and giving the whole thing a very good laugh.

xxforsaken-angelxx > It was not lit, just sitting around waiting for use. But that only mitigated the weirdness of this somewhat. Like, here was one of his best friends, in lifelike form, magically superimposed over a candle when she really shouldn't be. The whole thing wibbled around with the uncanniness of a wax figure and the function of spaghetti code.

> He also thought it was fucking hilarious, and laughed with her.

chimericarchitect > They'll likely spend a moment in shared laughter before Saness reaches into the illusion to fumble around and remove the chain. As before, Nymede stretches sideways and zlorps out of existence.

> Saness is still a bit breathy with laughter when she speaks.

"See, that's... I can be anyone, or anything, except maybe - pppbb - a candle, or a spoon, haha!"

xxforsaken-angelxx "That's fuckin' mindbogglin' to me. But impressive as long as you're not tryin' to dodge the guards with bobblehead candle clowns."

> He shakes his head, still giggling a bit. What a time to be alive and in charge of this joint.

"I've been doin' magic for a long ass time an' I've never gotten to see shit like that.

chimericarchitect > A bit more laughter and apparently show-and-tell is over, because Saness is putting her magic tool back into her sylladex - but she courteously remembers to take out the picture and offer it back toward Grinmaww on an open palm.

"The multiverse is a vast place and... I guess I've seen a lot of things!"

> Actually, it was talking to Pierce before that really put it into perspective. She's a veteran of mystery...

xxforsaken-angelxx > The picture gets placed back roughly where it was before, in one of his desk drawers. Possibly not even the same desk drawer? There are only so many things that can be in his goth mind at one time.

"Guess so," he says. "And guess I haven't seen much at all."

> Which was solely exciting to him, really. There was nothing he loved more than learning about the way everything flowed along in the universe. All a vast *multi*verse meant was he never had to stop.

chimericarchitect > Prrp! Saness proceeds to brush herself down for reasons unknown, satisfied with his response. There is a threshold here that needs to be respected, and unlike some of her friends, she's going to try and reel it in before crossing it.

"There are a lot of things I could show you, but I think maybe that's enough for a first meeting. I may not be the most vibrant or interesting tour guide, but I am a willing and attentive one!"

xxforsaken-angelxx > There's a small scoff at that second part, immediately.

"You're plenty vibrant. I do think we're good on the touring for now though, yeah."

> His hand creeps a little towards the collection of things he's supposed to be passing along to her. It's that business instinct again.

chimericarchitect > That was? A compliment? Yeah, no, it's cool. It's COOL. She sure hopes it's a compliment and not some sign that she overwhelmed him though, but if it is then man, it sure does sound like Grinmaww is completely clueless, he should meet her friends, *they're* the vibrant ones... And probably also very literally insane.

> She doesn't fuss when he moves them toward the end of their visit, quirky in her lopsided-smile sort of way. Saness rocks on her toes with her hands jammed deep into her pockets. She'll wait politely for him to gather himself up and bring this meeting to a close; it is his place, after all. Grinmaww is the floor master.

xxforsaken-angelxx > The look he gives her seems to support the compliment theory... But a moment later he's distracted. No objection, time to give her the things. The picture book first, and then the two psychic tube-y things. They're neatly labeled with label machine stickers, one from Pierce and one from Grinmaww.

> They actually came out pretty distinct looking. Both of the glow bits are lit a similar shade of purple, but Grinmaww's is...actually a good bit fainter. He's never really had any other chances to compare himself, though, so it doesn't even strike him as odd. Pierce is just good at shit like this, obviously.

chimericarchitect > Her hands are freed from her pockets! In order! To accept a darling pop-up book! And the actual tools she came for!

"Thanks so much for being such a good sport. I'll get the bracers and your cozy grubby book back to you as soon as I've finished!"

> They disappear from her palms, slorped up by her sylladex like so much loose spaghetti.

"It will take me a little longer than normal to complete these though, as I'm uh, a little bit preoccupied back at hive."

xxforsaken-angelxx > He shrugs, and...smiles just a little. Why must she be so goddamn pleasant all the time always.

"That's fine. Ain't like there's any rush anyways. Just get 'em back when you can."

> There's a moment of realization on his face when he remembers that she's just going to like...zap out of herself out of here. And not use a door. Which means that normal farewell dialogue cues weren't going to happen.

"It was uh, real nice seein' you an' all man."

chimericarchitect > Saness wouldn't know a normal dialogue cue if it bit her full on the bulge, farewell or otherwise.

"Somenight we'll have to figure out how to swap tours for realsies!"

> Rather than saying goodbye or returning the compliment like a civilized or well-adjusted troll, she gives her new friend a big smile and an even bigger dwarpy salute, turning on her heel for dramatic effect as the crackly light consumes her once more.

> Just like that, she is gone.

#ooc #logs.txt #(( featuring 20 questions with saness and silliness #(( with a small side of plot #(( no warnings needed

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revlyncox · 5 years ago

Text

Where Charity and Love Abide

This sermon was given to the UU Church of Silver Spring via online worship on May 10, 2020.

Where is the Divine in all of this? If you’ve ever had sessions with a spiritual director, that may sound familiar. If you are a theist, they may ask you to reflect on where God’s presence seems nearby. If you are agnostic, they might get more creative, like where are you finding awe and wonder, where is a sense of reverence popping up in your life, when do you get a tingle that something sacred is happening?

One of the songs in our prelude this morning, Ubi Caritas, suggests that where charity and love abide, the Divine is there. I find that deeply comforting - I don’t know if I believe in God, but I do believe in kindness, and remembering the ways that people and other beings express love helps me to have faith that there is something holy moving through the world.

In times such as these, I am looking for every sign that I can. It is easy to get overwhelmed with world events and personal sources of sadness. Really, I wonder, where is the Divine in all of this? If there is a higher power, I don’t think it makes arrangements intentionally for our suffering, but maybe there is a power that can comfort and inspire us and move us to respond when humans hurt each other. Maybe it comes from humans ourselves acting our best and highest; or maybe it comes from the Source of Love, beyond our knowing. We need that kind of help right now. Where is it?

It may be that part of my problem is looking for the sacred in one, concrete place, as if it were a pair of scissors that keeps moving around the house. My mind is trained to seek things that I can see and touch and hold, and perhaps the holy is not a thing with a single location. Particularly in times such as these, when everything is changing quickly and our basic assumptions about how the world works are being upended, concrete predictability will not yield a force that brings comfort, inspiration, challenge to live our values, or a sense of connection with the universe. in times like these, perhaps what we seek can’t be found in one place. It’s not a commodity to be grasped. Not even signing up for the right workshops or collecting scented candles will allow us to possess it and tame it. What we seek is a spirit that moves.

Some of our Pagan friends celebrated Beltane not that long ago. One of the traditions of this holiday is to light fires. Some say that one aspect of the tradition is to put out all of the fires in the community, to light a new fire to be the Beltane fire, and re-light all of the hearths of the community from this new flame. In this way, the warmth and light of every household is connected to one source, to one flicker of renewal. Cattle are driven between festival fires in hopes for their continued health. Partners jump over the fires to renew relationships. Grains from the previous year are cast into the flames, symbolically purifying the stores of that which is stale. The fires of Beltane remind us that renewal happens in relationship. Our community is linked by shared renewal. Partnerships thrive in cooperative renewal. Our ability to thrive agriculturally is relational with the earth. And none of it is static. Instead, the spirit that moves dances like the flames, taking no final form. The Beltane fires are something to pass through or leap over or rekindle, but cannot be predicted or held in place.

Another story about fire is coming up for Christians at Pentecost, celebrated this year by Western Christians on May 31. As the story goes, Jesus’ friends had been coming to terms with his death and the possibility of his resurrection for over a month, meeting in small groups and figuring out what it meant to continue their movement without their leader. In some of the stories, the resurrected Jesus had appeared to them, and at the end of this time of regrouping, left them to return to heaven. It was again a season of pilgrimage in Jerusalem, and there were people from all around the known world crowding into the city.

As the story goes in the Book of Acts, the disciples were all gathered in one group when “tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.” The fires of Pentecost are the fires of renewed mission. They could not continue witnessing and healing the way they had done; they had changed and the world had changed. Fire symbolized that they had to carry out their mission in a new way. They needed new language, new skills for communication, new technologies for finding connection. The shape and the outcome of their movement was not set at that point; they were traveling through a time of transformation. The flames of Pentecost gave them energy for change, but not certainty.

Though Unitarian Universalism grows from Christian roots, not all of us are close followers of Christian tradition. I don’t know if the story happened exactly this way, but I believe it’s true that a movement that witnesses for justice for the poor and accountability for the powerful, a movement that knows that state-sanctioned violence is a real possibility, a movement that seeks right relationship between people and with the holy -- that movement needs to be ready for change. Sometimes the times in which we live are fires to pass through, and our way of pursuing our mission must adapt. Outcomes are not assured. The shape of things to come is unclear. The spirit that moves can’t be held in our hands. Yet there are powers that inspire and challenge and draw people together.

In the story from the Book of Acts, people are in Jerusalem for the Jewish holiday of Shavuot. This is a holiday that is celebrated very differently now than during the second Temple period of first century Palestine. Nevertheless, it’s a day worth noticing, and it is also coming this month, on May 29. Shavuot is partly a harvest holiday, bookending the grain season that begins with Sukkot. By tradition, the Torah was given to the people on Shavuot, and the holiday has become an occasion to celebrate the Torah by staying up all night studying.

In the Book of Deuteronomy, we read that the first version of the Torah that God gave to Moses to share with the people did not last. Moses came down from Sinai, the mountain ablaze, and saw that the people had already strayed, and he smashed the first two tablets. God helped Moses create another set, Torah 2.0, and those were the tablets placed in the ark.

According to Jewish mystics, the first set of tablets were written with black fire on white fire. Perhaps the black fire represents judgment and the white fire represents mercy; or the black fire represents interpretation and the white fire -- what we might think of as blank space in graphic design -- represents possibility. Perhaps the fires represent what is written and what is hidden. Rabbi Michael Strassfeld suggests that the white fire is the world around us, that the sacred must always be understood in the context of life as we are living it -- holy words must be interpreted in relationship with the world as it is in the current time and place.

So, again, the spirit that moves cannot be pinned down. The Divine flickers and dances and resists concrete form, revealing and purifying and drawing people together in ways that adapt to the times in which we find ourselves.

My last sacred story is not so much about fire as it is about commitment. We are in the middle of the holy month of Ramadan. During this month, Muslims recall when the Prophet Muhammad, Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him, received the revelation of the Holy Quran. During this month, Muslims not only fast from food and drink during the day, but they are particularly careful to avoid lies, slander, gossip, false oaths, and greed or covetousness. According to one story, the Prophet Muhammad was in contemplation when he was visited by the Angel Gabriel, who commanded him to read. Muhammad replied that he was unable to read. Gabriel embraced him, and then commanded him to recite, which he did:

Read! in the name of your Lord who created Man from a clinging substance. Read: Your Lord is most Generous,– He who taught by the pen– Taught man that which he knew not.

So ends the reading. Not only am I moved by the commitment to charity and love that I observe in my loved ones who fast during Ramadan, I am reminded by this story that we move through times of uncertainty with abilities that we either didn’t know we had or that we pick up because we didn’t know we would need them before. Being committed to our values means we adapt. If it is our hope to be in the places where charity and love act, we change along with the spirit that moves. Charity and love are not static. They are always in motion, always part of a system of relationships.

This brings us back to wondering where the Divine might be in the midst of this pandemic. How is the spirit moving us through the fires of this time of transformation? We do not know how society will be different on the other side of this. We can try to shape that change. As we do that, let’s stay anchored to our values. How do we move with the spirit in which charity and love abide?

As I mentioned earlier, I feel that our commitment to honoring the interdependent web of existence and the inherent worth and dignity of every person means that it is incumbent upon us to recognize that the stresses of the pandemic fall most heavily on those who hold one or more marginalized identities. The decision to go to the store or wear a mask or exercise outdoors is more risky for some because of factors like racism, xenophobia, and ableism. My prayers are with the family of Ahmaud Arbery, who was murdered in February, and whose family had to endure being re-traumatized this week as his death gained publicity. May the trial of the two men were arrested for his murder proceed swiftly and with integrity. The inequitable effects of the pandemic don’t stop there. Wealthy people are invited to shelter at home, while meat packing workers are ordered into places of danger, being told by a Wisconsin state supreme court justice that their illnesses and deaths don’t count because they are not “regular folks.” Families of color -- especially Black families -- and families who are poor are sustaining heavier losses. In the United States, we mourn for over 76,000 people who have died of Covid-19, and we ache for leadership that will honor those who are left. We are faced with an urgent need to transform our society toward justice, equity, and compassion, now more than ever.

I know this congregation is full of compassionate people. You have been reaching out to one another through the contact tree and spontaneous calls and cards in the mail. You have responded with generosity to the Minister’s Discretionary Fund. You are capable of great kindness. The charity and love you express is part of something larger. Love goes out to individuals, and also to whole systems, where it takes on the name of justice. Your personal calling may be rooted in acts of individual compassion. We don’t all have to be full time activists. We do, if we are honest, need to remember the systems of oppression that make suffering worse. Let us remain committed to our deepest values.

This is a threshold time, an open doorway, a sacred fire for us to pass through or around or over. I do not wish for us a return to everything as it was before. The future is still unfolding. My hope is that we adapt, that we find our place in the dance with the spirit that moves, that we follow the rhythms of justice and compassion. So be it. Blessed be. Amen.

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roman-catholic-mass-readings · 5 years ago

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25th November >> Mass Readings (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

Monday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

Saint Clement I, Pope, Martyr

Saint Catherine of Alexandria, Virgin, Martyr

Saint Colman of Cloyne, Bishop.

Monday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

(Liturgical Colour: Green)

First Reading

Daniel 1:1-6,8-20

Daniel and his companions are trained to be the king's servants in Babylon

In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim king of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon marched on Jerusalem and besieged it. The Lord delivered Jehoiakim king of Judah into his hands, with some of the furnishings of the Temple of God. He took them away to the land of Shinar, and stored the sacred vessels in the treasury of his own gods.

The king ordered Ashpenaz, his chief eunuch, to select from the Israelites a certain number of boys of either royal or noble descent; they had to be without any physical defect, of good appearance, trained in every kind of wisdom, well-informed, quick at learning, suitable for service in the palace of the king. Ashpenaz himself was to teach them the language and literature of the Chaldaeans. The king assigned them a daily allowance of food and wine from his own royal table. They were to receive an education lasting for three years, after which they were expected to be fit for the king’s society. Among them were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, who were Judaeans. Daniel, who was most anxious not to defile himself with the food and wine from the royal table, begged the chief eunuch to spare him this defilement; and by the grace of God Daniel met goodwill and sympathy on the part of the chief eunuch. But he warned Daniel, ‘I am afraid of my lord the king: he has assigned you food and drink, and if he sees you looking thinner in the face than the other boys of your age, my head will be in danger with the king because of you.’ At this Daniel turned to the guard whom the chief eunuch had assigned to Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah. He said, ‘Please allow your servants a ten days’ trial, during which we are given only vegetables to eat and water to drink. You can then compare our looks with those of the boys who eat the king’s food; go by what you see, and treat your servants accordingly.’ The man agreed to do what they asked and put them on ten days’ trial. When the ten days were over they looked and were in better health than any of the boys who had eaten their allowance from the royal table; so the guard withdrew their allowance of food and the wine they were to drink, and gave them vegetables. And God favoured these four boys with knowledge and intelligence in everything connected with literature, and in wisdom; while Daniel had the gift of interpreting every kind of vision and dream. When the period stipulated by the king for the boys’ training was over, the chief eunuch presented them to Nebuchadnezzar. The king conversed with them, and among all the boys found none to equal Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah. So they became members of the king’s court, and on whatever point of wisdom or information he might question them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Daniel 3:52-56

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

You are blest, Lord God of our fathers.

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

Blest your glorious holy name.

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

You are blest in the temple of your glory.

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

You are blest on the throne of your kingdom.

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

You are blest who gaze into the depths.

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

You are blest in the firmament of heaven.

R/ To you glory and praise for evermore.

Gospel Acclamation

Revelation 2:10

Alleluia, alleluia!

Even if you have to die, says the Lord,

keep faithful, and I will give you

the crown of life.

Alleluia!

Or:

Matthew 24:42,44

Alleluia, alleluia!

Stay awake and stand ready,

because you do not know the hour

when the Son of Man is coming.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Luke 21:1-4

The widow's mite

As Jesus looked up, he saw rich people putting their offerings into the treasury; then he happened to notice a poverty-stricken widow putting in two small coins, and he said, ‘I tell you truly, this poor widow has put in more than any of them; for these have all contributed money they had over, but she from the little she had has put in all she had to live on.’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

————————

Saint Clement I, Pope, Martyr

(Liturgical Colour: Red)

(Readings for the memorial)

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Monday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

1 Peter 5:1-4

Watch over the flock, not simply as a duty but gladly

Now I have something to tell your elders: I am an elder myself, and a witness to the sufferings of Christ, and with you I have a share in the glory that is to be revealed. Be the shepherds of the flock of God that is entrusted to you: watch over it, not simply as a duty but gladly, because God wants it; not for sordid money, but because you are eager to do it. Never be a dictator over any group that is put in your charge, but be an example that the whole flock can follow. When the chief shepherd appears, you will be given the crown of unfading glory.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 88(89):2-5,21-22,25,27

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord;

through all ages my mouth will proclaim your truth.

Of this I am sure, that your love lasts for ever,

that your truth is firmly established as the heavens.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

‘I have made a covenant with my chosen one;

I have sworn to David my servant:

I will establish your dynasty for ever

and set up your throne through all ages.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

‘I have found David my servant

and with my holy oil anointed him.

My hand shall always be with him

and my arm shall make him strong.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

‘My truth and my love shall be with him;

by my name his might shall be exalted.

He will say to me: “You are my father,

my God, the rock who saves me.”’

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

Gospel Acclamation

Mk1:17

Alleluia, alleluia!

Follow me, says the Lord,

and I will make you into fishers of men.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Matthew 16:13-19

You are Peter and on this rock I will build my Church

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi he put this question to his disciples, ‘Who do people say the Son of Man is?’ And they said, ‘Some say he is John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.’ ‘But you,’ he said ‘who do you say I am?’ Then Simon Peter spoke up, ‘You are the Christ,’ he said ‘the Son of the living God.’ Jesus replied, ‘Simon son of Jonah, you are a happy man! Because it was not flesh and blood that revealed this to you but my Father in heaven. So I now say to you: You are Peter and on this rock I will build my Church. And the gates of the underworld can never hold out against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven: whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be considered loosed in heaven.’

————————-

Saint Catherine of Alexandria, Virgin, Martyr

(Liturgical Colour: Red)

(Readings for the memorial)

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Monday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

Apocalypse 21:5-7

I will give water from the well of life to anybody who is thirsty

The One sitting on the throne spoke: ‘Now I am making the whole of creation new’ he said. ‘Write this: that what I am saying is sure and will come true.’ And then he said, ‘It is already done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give water from the well of life free to anybody who is thirsty; it is the rightful inheritance of the one who proves victorious; and I will be his God and he a son to me.’

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 123(124):2-5,7-8

Our life, like a bird, has escaped from the snare of the fowler.

If the Lord had not been on our side

when men rose up against us,

then would they have swallowed us alive

when their anger was kindled.

Our life, like a bird, has escaped from the snare of the fowler.

Then would the waters have engulfed us,

the torrent gone over us;

over our head would have swept

the raging waters.

Our life, like a bird, has escaped from the snare of the fowler.

Indeed the snare has been broken

and we have escaped.

Our help is in the name of the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.

Our life, like a bird, has escaped from the snare of the fowler.

Gospel Acclamation

Mt5:10

Alleluia, alleluia!

Happy those who are persecuted

in the cause of right,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Alleluia!

Or:

Jn17:19

Alleluia, alleluia!

For their sake I consecrate myself,

so that they too may be consecrated in the truth.

Alleluia!

Or:

2Co1:3-4

Alleluia, alleluia!

Blessed be God, a gentle Father

and the God of all consolation,

who comforts us in all our sorrows.

Alleluia!

Or:

Jm1:12

Alleluia, alleluia!

Happy the man who stands firm,

for he has proved himself,

and will win the crown of life.

Alleluia!

Or:

1P4:14

Alleluia, alleluia!

It is a blessing for you

when they insult you for bearing the name of Christ,

for the Spirit of God rests on you.

Alleluia!

Or:

cf.Te Deum

Alleluia, alleluia!

We praise you, O God,

we acknowledge you to be the Lord;

the noble army of martyrs praise you, O Lord.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Matthew 10:28-33

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body

Jesus said to his apostles: ‘Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; fear him rather who can destroy both body and soul in hell. Can you not buy two sparrows for a penny? And yet not one falls to the ground without your Father knowing. Why, every hair on your head has been counted. So there is no need to be afraid; you are worth more than hundreds of sparrows.

‘So if anyone declares himself for me in the presence of men, I will declare myself for him in the presence of my Father in heaven. But the one who disowns me in the presence of men, I will disown in the presence of my Father in heaven.’

————————

Saint Colman of Cloyne, Bishop

(Liturgical Colour: White)

(Readings for the memorial)

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Monday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

Exodus 32:7-14

Moses pleads with the Lord his God to spare Israel

The Lord spoke to Moses, ‘Go down now, because your people whom you brought out of Egypt have apostatised. They have been quick to leave the way I marked out for them; they have made themselves a calf of molten metal and have worshipped it and offered it sacrifice. “Here is your God, Israel,” they have cried “who brought you up from the land of Egypt!”’ the Lord said to Moses, ‘I can see how headstrong these people are! Leave me, now, my wrath shall blaze out against them and devour them; of you, however, I will make a great nation.’

But Moses pleaded with the Lord his God. ‘Lord,’ he said ‘why should your wrath blaze out against this people of yours whom you brought out of the land of Egypt with arm outstretched and mighty hand? Why let the Egyptians say, “Ah, it was in treachery that he brought them out, to do them to death in the mountains and wipe them off the face of the earth”? Leave your burning wrath; relent and do not bring this disaster on your people. Remember Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, your servants to whom by your own self you swore and made this promise: I will make your offspring as many as the stars of heaven, and all this land which I promised I will give to your descendants, and it shall be their heritage for ever.’

So the Lord relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 88(89):2-5,21-22,25,27

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord;

through all ages my mouth will proclaim your truth.

Of this I am sure, that your love lasts for ever,

that your truth is firmly established as the heavens.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

‘I have made a covenant with my chosen one;

I have sworn to David my servant:

I will establish your dynasty for ever

and set up your throne through all ages.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

‘I have found David my servant

and with my holy oil anointed him.

My hand shall always be with him

and my arm shall make him strong.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

‘My truth and my love shall be with him;

by my name his might shall be exalted.

He will say to me: “You are my father,

my God, the rock who saves me.”’

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.

Gospel Acclamation

Mt23:9,10

Alleluia, alleluia!

You have only one Father, and he is in heaven;

you have only one Teacher, the Christ.

Alleluia!

Or:

Mt28:19,20

Alleluia, alleluia!

Go, make disciples of all the nations.

I am with you always; yes, to the end of time.

Alleluia!

Or:

Mk1:17

Alleluia, alleluia!

Follow me, says the Lord,

and I will make you into fishers of men.

Alleluia!

Or:

Lk4:18

Alleluia, alleluia!

The Lord has sent me to bring the good news to the poor,

to proclaim liberty to captives.

Alleluia!

Or:

Jn10:14

Alleluia, alleluia!

I am the good shepherd, says the Lord;

I know my own sheep and my own know me.

Alleluia!

Or:

Jn15:5

Alleluia, alleluia!

I am the vine,

you are the branches.

Whoever remains in me, with me in him,

bears fruit in plenty,

says the Lord.

Alleluia!

Or:

2Co5:19

Alleluia, alleluia!

God in Christ was reconciling the world to himself,

and he has entrusted to us the news that they are reconciled.

Alleluia!

Gospel

Matthew 9:35-37

The harvest is rich but the labourers are few

Jesus made a tour through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the Good News of the kingdom and curing all kinds of diseases and sickness.

And when he saw the crowds he felt sorry for them because they were harassed and dejected, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is rich but the labourers are few, so ask the Lord of the harvest to send labourers to his harvest.’

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gingerlexi2897 · 6 years ago

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O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

Psalm 139

CAMP

Wow. Just wow. When we embarked on this journey a month ago, I had no idea what was in store. All I knew was that we were meeting up with a team from Scotland to help run an English camp in a little town in Hungary and what I’ve seen is God work in ways far greater and higher than I could have ever imagined.

After our few days of rest and exploring Budapest, we caught the train (well a horribly hot and smelly bus and then eventually a train) to Miskolc in the northern part of the country where we were met by Dave, an absolute gem of a Scot who roped us into this adventure, and the Hungarian pastor Atilla, and his wife Margaret. We made a few pit stops to pick up some last-minute supplies and a birthday cake for Gregor before we headed the 45 mins further north into the green mountains of northern Hungary for the little village of Bodvaszilas. As we stepped out of the minibus in Atilla and Margaret’s yard, there was this oddly comforting feeling that washed over us. This is where we are supposed to be. From the minute we stepped out of the vehicle, we were welcomed by a small crowd of thick Scottish accents and hugs from all ’round. I have never in my years of ministry seen a team connect as well or as quickly as we did with the team of Scots, Hungarians, Slovakians, and Czechs. There was none of that awkwardness or standoffishness that often comes with the territory. We were made to feel a part of the group and it wasn’t too long before I came to love them as if I had known them all my life.

Since we arrived on that Saturday afternoon/early evening, we had some time to get a little bit acquainted with the local area before we launched headfirst into camp the following day. While camp itself didn’t technically start until Sunday evening, our duties started bright and early Sunday morning with church where we were responsible for leading worship and then down at camp where we finished the last few details of set up as the kids began to arrive.

As this year was the 10th anniversary of camp, things were a little more special than the previous years. As someone who was just having their first experience at camp, it was so cool to hear the stories and see how God has worked through camp in this little town near the Slovakian border and in the lives of people that live in the surrounding areas.

Somewhere between 140 and 150ish kids attended camp this year, but the impact on the community doesn’t just stop there. In some form or fashion, either through the cultural nights like Scottish night or American night, or the concert put on in town on Thursday, or even just afternoon sports down on the football pitch, we would end up with locals joining in on the fun. Not only is that a huge outreach, but this is the second year in a row that a group of Chinese Christians from Budapest have driven the 3 hours to be a part of what God is doing there. Standing around camp you had a glimpse of what Heaven will be like; people from all different backgrounds, cultures, and languages coming together and laughing and worshiping the same God.

The Sunday through Saturday of camp was absolutely non-stop. We were up by at least 8 every morning for team devotionals before heading down the hill to camp where we would do breakfast with the kids, followed by a wee bit of free time and then morning activities. As a way to sort of wake the kids up and get everyone hyped for the day, we would start off with singing, silly games with Stevie, a quiz, and even a small attempt at Zumba with Gregor. (please, no more squat pulses.) We would round it out with a short testimony and then split off in our respective age groups for games and lessons.

Since the kids at camp ranged anywhere from 4 to 18+, each group functioned a little differently. While the younger kids focused more on games and crafts to tell the stories of the week, the older ones had more discussion. Our theme for the week was “ARE YOU WITH ME?” to which we would respond “I AM with you.”. We took our theme from Psalm 139 about how no matter what you have done in your life or where you find yourself, God is always with you. Even in the darkest valley, even on the tops of the mountains, He is there. To illustrate this, we taught the lessons of The Rich Young Ruler (Mark 10:17-31), The Woman at the Well (John 4:4-26), Peter denying Christ (Luke 22:54-62), and Zaccheus the tax collector (Luke 19:1-10). All of these people had made mistakes and many of them in the eyes of the world were beyond redemption. Yet Jesus took time to speak to every one of them and offer them the chance at forgiveness. Each evening after games and free time, we would gather in Atilla’s church for evening worship and evangelism where we would sing a few songs and then hear a message on the lesson that we had covered earlier in the day. When Friday rolled around, we had come full circle back to Psalm 139 and Christ’s love for us.

After evangelism in the evenings, we would go back down to camp for cultural nights and on Thursday, we had a concert in the town hall where a popular Hungarian Christian singer came and lead worship for us. Friday evening as kinda the pinnacle evening, we lit a bonfire and spent the evening chatting with the friends we had made through the week. Even though I don’t speak Hungarian and many of the kids only spoke a little English, it was super cool to see how you don’t have to have a common language to have a connection. It was a good reminder to step outside of one’s self and allow God to work in the space left. Mind the gap.

I want to say a HUGE thank you to each and every one of you who prayed for us while we were at camp. It means so so much to all of us and I want you to know that your prayers worked. There is no way any of us should’ve had the energy to go at the week like we did or have the intentional conversations or the connections we did if not for God. Being involved in missions doesn’t just mean you have to get on a plane and fly across the world. There is so so much more to it than that and I want to thank you for going on this journey with us.

We are already making plans to be back at camp next year, and God willing, we will have the privilege see most of these people again!

Are you with us?

Lexi

Also, huge shoutout to Kieren for making the camp video this year! If you’ve got a few minutes to spare, definitely take a look, it captures the week beautifully.

Tabor 2019 O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

#americans #bonfire #budapest #camp #english camp #friends #history #hungarians #hungary #mountains #photography #psalm 139 #rural #scotland #scots #slovakia #slovakians #travel

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seniorsweeney-blog · 6 years ago

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Starting Out: First days are universally the hardest days...

Day 1: August 13, 2019

I arrived in Uganda around 2:30 PM. It was a long journey (12 hours from New York to Dubai and then another 6 hours from Dubai to Entebbe), but we made it safely. Along the way, I watched movies, journaled, and began to read Melinda Gate’s book, The Moment of Lift.

I was greeted at the airport by Ruth, my host, and her cousin George, who I met on my last trip. After about 20 hours of traveling, I felt extremely comforted by a familiar face. We hopped in the car and made our way back to Kampala.

When we made it to Ruth’s house, it felt entirely different than last time. Everything might have looked the same or similar to what it was a year ago. However, during my last trip, I always had Ysabel, a fellow student, by my side experiencing everything. We had been chosen to work the internship together, live together, and be support sources for each other.

This time, I am on own, and being back in Ruth’s house without Ysabel made me confront that reality. Not only am I on my own, but I am also doing a completely independent project. There is no office space for me to go, no strict 9-5 schedule, and no manager assigning my tasks. I am in charge of finding a space to work, creating structure for myself, and finding people to interview.

I tried to fall asleep around 8:00 PM, but I could not help but feel a little overwhelmed by this reality. “What was I doing here?”, I thought. Doubts, worries, and stressors circled my mind and kept me up. This is often what happens to me when I have to deal with uncertainty. My mind thinks of all the things that could go wrong rather than the plan to make it go right. However, I decided to shut that shit down and play a guided meditation for sleep. Sometimes, when confronted with anxiety, this is the best way for me to get through it. The guided meditation urges you to “give your thoughts permission to leave you to take their own journeys for a while and join you again in the morning”. While this seems like the obvious thing to do after a long journey with limited sleep, sometimes it is helpful to have a reminder to tackle your problems when you are well rested.

I woke up again around 1:00 AM and luckily Maddy, a good friend, was around to call and chat. She heard me out, made me feel comforted, and reminded me that I am up for task. Feeling more secure, I fell back asleep and let my mind and body prepare for the next day ahead.

Day 2: August 15th, 2019

Given my anxieties the night before, I really hit the ground running on my second day. I got up and called a friend around 8:00 AM, I ate a breakfast consisting of mango, pineapple, and a fried egg, and then I took a boda to Acacia Mall to get started.

I first tackled the problem of getting an office space. I visited a local coworking space called Tribe Kampala, where many researchers and internationals come to enjoy fast internet and a productive environment. I opened a membership, set up my WiFi, and sat down to work.

Next, I started to make a real tangible action plan. For my senior thesis, I am investigating the roles and experiences of teachers, administrators, policy makers, and nonprofits in integrating the refugee population into the national education through the Education Response Plan (ERP). I intend to start with the schools because they are hardest to reach from abroad and Ruth, my host mom, offered to drive me to these schools because she does not have much going on during the weeks.

While I had prepared a list of schools that I was interested in visiting before coming, I realized that I had to narrow down my target sample to schools that serve refugees. I had read in numerous reports that mentioned 23 schools with the highest refugee populations, but I was having trouble tracking their names.

I first attempted to narrow the sample down by identifying the subdistricts in Kampala with the highest refugee populations and creating a list of schools within those areas. Then, after four hours of work, by the grace of God, I found a list of schools in Kampala and their refugee count in their student population deep in the bottom of a UNHCR update from 2016. While collecting accurate information of the refugee status of students can be difficult because many children choose not to disclose this information, this was a start. With this list, I began mapping out the schools, tracking down their phone numbers, and creating a plan to visit them starting next week.

After working for quite some time, I headed over to Acacia Mall to buy a phone plan. Unfortunately, I forgot that I needed my passport to register so I had to put this task off for the next day. Instead of doing that task, I went to a café, had a passion juice, and practiced on my mental math to prepare for some case interviews that are looming in the fall.

Around dinner time, I met up with Ryan, a recent Princeton graduate currently doing a Princeton in Africa Fellowship which sets you up to work for NGO or Social Enterprise in Africa for a Year. He is working for Rockies, an organization that scouts a talent from across rural Uganda, recruits them for a performance troop, and pays for their training and schooling. He just moved here in the beginning of August and is already being thrown into work from grant writing to logistics.

We went to Meza, my favorite shawarma place in the world, and chatted about our experiences, our transition, and our lives. Then, we went to Wine Garage, a nearby lowkey wine bar, for their happy hour to celebrate meeting each other and my first full day in Kampala.

I ended the day feeling more confident and positive then before. I realized I wasn’t alone and that I had many contacts and many people I could reach out to. I also realized that I can make a plan and execute on it- it’s as simple as just doing it. I had plan to contact schools the next day and reach out more people.

This time when I got home, I worked a bit more, excitedly showed Ruth the schools, and called my parents and friends to tell them the updates. Things were looking up!

Day 3: August 15th, 2019

Today, was a longer day. I woke up a bit later around 9 AM because I was up until late working on logistics for when I get back to school and start working with the Glee Club. I quickly showered, ate breakfast, and ran out the door.

I made it to Acacia Mall around 10 AM and went to the MTN Mobile Provider Office to set up my local number (finally!) Pro Tip: Always do it at the airport- it might be more expensive, but it’s easier. It took about an hour to get all set up and squared away with a phone number, but I practiced on my mental math app in the meantime. While I wanted to have been watching Stranger Things, the last thing I need right now is more mysteriousness to creep into my subconsciousness. So, instead of watching those pre-downloaded Netflix episodes, mental math it was.

After, I finished setting up my phone. I went to Tribe Kampala and began to make phone calls. The first 10 schools I called either did not pick up or were invalid numbers. Finally, 11 calls later, an administrator told me that I must go through the Kampala Capital City Authority (KCCA) to interview students (yay bureaucracy!!).

With this new development, I called the KCCA to figure out the process to get their approval and introduction to schools. I found out I needed to provide a letter of introduction from my University providing the details of my work. So, for the next hour, I printed and assembled a packet to bring to the KCCA. I then took a safe boda to the KCCA, walked into their massive complex, and was directed to the department of education for approval. I handed her the packet, explained my time crunch (only 3.5 weeks), and she told me that I can expect to hear back from tomorrow with her feedback (Please say a prayer for this to work out). Despite this bureaucratic bump in the road, I am positive that it will all work out and that I am taking the steps in the right direction.

After this, I had a call with an associate at a consulting firm to learn about her experience and gather her advice. I also read a chapter in my Casebook and practiced more mental math (shout out to my sister if she’s reading this).

For dinner, I met up with Rosette, a former coworker of mine from the Bayimba Cultural Foundation, where I worked last summer. She has since left the organization and is on her way to the next thing in life. Here is a bit about her life because I think she is a power house and we all can learn from the way she walks purposefully through life and always demonstrates her value:

She is the daughter of a diplomat, who recently passed away, and majored in tourism in her undergraduate education. She had always been interested in theater and drama starting with her work at her local parish where she led the Christmas Cantatas and taught Sunday School through drama. While working at Sunday School, a leader in the church took notice and offered her a job as her project manager. She worked there for a while, but after being dissatisfied with inconsistent pay, she looked to move on.

It was around then when she made a close connection with the woman who would always write the Christmas Cantatas. She impressed the woman by tidying up her place and offered Rosette an administrator job. While she was happy at this job, she both lived and worked with this woman which made for difficult boundaries. It was around that time when she started going to the Bayimba Festival and connecting with their founder, Faisal. She became their part-time workshop coordinator as she continued working for the other woman often working early mornings, late nights, and traveling on the weekends for the Bayimba events across the country. After doing this for a period of a year, she realized that she had to get out and move on her own. Around that time, she met three international women hoping to rent out their place while they would be away. Despite not having the money at the time, she demonstrated her interested and moved forward with the opportunity.

After working hard at Bayimba, the team there began to take notice and offered her a full-time position when the funding came in. She then was able to move out of the old job and house and start this new career with Bayimba. For the past 9 years, that had been her life. She worked as the coordinator for the Bayimba Academy- organizing workshops, inviting guest artists from around the world, and helping develop the young talent here in Uganda.

Just this May, she resigned from Bayimba and began to take the steps towards her next phase in life. She is hoping to improve her education and eventually work to improve the channels for cultural exchange across the world and open people’s minds up to the broad arts landscape that is out there. She is brilliant, strategic, and has had so much faith and courage over her life. I am excited for her next adventure.

Rosette and I talked for hours and she connected me with some music educators that serve refugee populations across Uganda who I will try to interview. She is one of those amazing individuals that leave you speechless at times.

Now, I am in my room in bed at Ruth’s house next to the Oryx Petrol Station on Bukoto-Kisassi Road. I am exhausted, but so excited and ready for what will come tomorrow.

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fitnesshealthyoga-blog · 6 years ago

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YJ Tried It: White Tantric Yoga

White Tantric is an ancient group meditation practice that can help you release deep subconscious blocks and heal your body and soul.

I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor of the gymnasium of the Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic monastery in Santa Fe, New Mexico, looking into the eyes of my meditation partner. Five rows of Kundalini yogis are arranged in straight lines, marked by red yarn taped along the worn wood floor. Moderators walk between the rows, asking participants to move their mats and sheepskins closer to their partners so that their knees touch.

There are about 200 of us here to practice White Tantric Yoga, and we’ll be meditating in pairs all day: gazing into the eyes of our partner for five 31-minute meditations and one 62-minute meditation, with half-hour breaks in between.

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A moderator has already come over to ask me to adjust the white silk scarf wrapped around my head, to make sure it is fully covering my crown. When practicing White Tantric Yoga, you are supposed to wrap the top of your head, not just the arc line around your temples, to contain the energy created during meditation and focus it toward the ajna chakra (the third eye chakra, or sixth chakra).

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See also How to Use the Seven Chakras in Your Yoga Practice

In Kundalini Yoga, your turban is your crown. By wearing a turban, along with pristine white clothing, you are expressing deep reverence for this practice. It’s a simple way to channel the raj (royal) lineage of yoga and honor your own divinity.

My partner, Erin, is from my 200-hour Level One Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training cohort. We’ve traveled from Colorado independently for this event, and we’re happy when we find each other in the parking lot and decide to partner up.

Before completing our Kundalini Yoga certifications, we’re required to attend at least one day of White Tantric Yoga. Both here for the first time, we’re slightly anxious about what is in store.

See also A Beginner’s Guide to Kundalini Yoga

What is White Tantric Yoga?

White Tantric Yoga is a form of Tantra Yoga. Before you get too excited, it’s not about sex. (That’s Red Tantric.) According to Kundalini Yoga practitioners, White Tantric is an ancient group meditation practice that can help you release deep subconscious blocks and heal your body and soul. Plus, according to proponents, it works at lightning speed—one day of White Tantric Yoga is said to be equal to a year of meditation alone, and the effects can last for up to 40 days afterward.

Its opposite is Black Tantric, which could be considered “black magic”—the yoga of manipulation, used for selfish purposes.

Tantra Meditation: Explore Negative + Positive Mind Energy

How Does White Tantric Yoga Work?

Pairs are lined up precisely in straight lines in order to harness a strong group diagonal energy designed to cut directly through long-held blocks in the collective subconscious. The practice connects your subtle body with the subtle bodies of other participants, strengthening the group vibration and allowing you to work deep into your subconscious mind to release old trauma.

Gazing into your partner’s eyes is an important aspect of White Tantra. If you’ve done even one minute of eye gazing with a stranger in a yoga class, you understand its power. Eye gazing allows your experience to become both internal and external. It breaks down barriers between us, granting us the power to experience oneness with the infinite and with each other.

There are multiple day-long White Tantric sequences, and all were recorded on video during the 1990s by the now-deceased Yogi Bhajan, who acts as the Mahan Tantric, or lead instructor. TVs are rolled out between meditations so Yogi Bhajan can speak to participants and introduce the next set from beyond the grave.

See also Kundalini 101: 5 Ways This Style of Yoga Can Help You Create the Life You Want

Admittedly, at times, it did seem like a total scam. About 10 minutes into the first meditation, I was thinking, “Wow. I actually paid $175 to sit on the floor of a church gymnasium while holding my arm above my head and pressing my hand against my partner’s for 31 minutes, while staring into her eyes? Sucker.”

I pride myself on my skepticism. I’m a journalist, after all. But I’m also a lifelong seeker, and my spiritual journey had led me ultimately to Kundalini Yoga—a practice that has transformed me so deeply that I feel called to spread it to others through teaching. So I let go of my judgment and settled into the full experience.

Kundalini Yoga hasn’t let me down yet.

What I Learned from White Tantra

I arrived anticipating an intense and difficult emotional experience, but it was much lighter and joyful than expected. Erin and I smiled and giggled through some of the most difficult postures and made up harmonies while chanting the mantra “humee hum brahm hum” (translation: We are we. We are God.) for 61 minutes.

Yes, there were moments where I thought, “Is this working?” Some people were crying around me; others were giggling like us. Mostly, I felt motivated to support my partner by completing each meditation no matter how ridiculous or uncomfortable I felt. Erin and I made it through together. It was a team effort.

10 Top Teachers Share Their Go-To Yoga Mantras

Most of the time, it seemed like nothing was happening. I didn’t experience any great insights or bursts of clarity or even a sense of release. However, when I got back to my hotel room at the end of the day, I lay down and soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for 13 solid hours. I can’t remember sleeping that long otherwise in my entire life, and I’ve traveled across multiple time zones all over the world.

Deep, restorative sleep continued over the next week. I also noticed that my usual Kundalini Yoga classes in Boulder became exponentially more powerful. Stuff was coming up: old memories and stories, old grief. Each time painful memories or realizations surfaced, the tears came, too. But this time, I felt a deep release of long-held childhood pain.

Bring along a white meditation cushion like this one from Amazon.com.

Mindful and Modern

What to Bring to White Tantric Yoga

Thinking of attending White Tantric Yoga for the first time? Here are three tips to help you prepare:

1. Wear White and Bring a Head Covering

According to Kundalini philosophy, white can extend your electromagnetic field. A strong auric field helps ground you and protect you against negative energy and increases your radiance. As previously mentioned, covering your head focuses energy to the third eye, increasing intuition.

2. Take a Meditation Cushion

You will be sitting on the floor all day. I forgot mine, so I brought a bed pillow from the hotel where I was staying. My knees and back were a wreck for days afterward. You’ll also want your mat, a sheepskin if you use one, and a blanket to cover yourself during deep relaxation between meditations.

7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

3. Drink Plenty of Water

Staying hydrated is always important in yoga. You will be meditating, and possibly chanting, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Drink water before, during, and after your practice.

Try It

Go to whitetantricyoga.com to find a schedule of upcoming events all over the world. Better yet, try the ultimate three-day White Tantric experience at Summer Solstice, June 18–20, in Española, New Mexico, where you can meditate in the desert with thousands of yogis. This year’s Summer Solstice marks 50 years of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan in the West.

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maddie-grove · 6 years ago

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The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2018

My main takeaways from the past year’s reading:

Growing up is hard, whether you’re a working-class college sophomore trying to adjust to an Ivy League college, a chronically ill medieval kid trying to beat witchcraft charges, or A GHOST THE WHOLE TIME.

You can go to Kansas City or the Congo or SPACE, but you can never escape the past.

Maybe I should be more worried about getting murdered?

Anyway:

20. East by Edith Pattou (2003)

Rose, a sixteenth-century Norwegian farm girl, loves her large family, but sometimes feels at odds with their rather staid personalities. So, when a talking polar bear offers to end her family’s poverty and her sister’s illness if she’ll stay with him for a year, she accepts not only out of desperation, but also wanderlust. This expansive retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon” (already a winner because of its determined, flawed heroine) shines because of its vivid use of multiple settings and its well-developed minor characters. I initially thought it was a little slow, but I really came to appreciate Pattou’s skill over time.

19. Joe College by Tom Perrotta (2000)

Danny, a working-class Yale sophomore in 1982, thinks he has a lot to worry about. His rich friends are clueless, his townie coworkers at the dining hall resent him, and his crush is dating a professor. Then he goes home for spring break, where he’s confronted with a pregnant ex and a bunch of mobsters who try to interfere with his father’s lunch-truck business. I mostly read this book for completism--I love Perrotta, but The Wishbones made me wary of his earlier work--yet this seemingly lighthearted story contains some fascinating moral and ethical dilemmas, plus a hero who is sympathetic despite his callowness.

18. Monsters of Men by Patrick Ness (2010)

In the explosive conclusion of Ness’s Chaos Walking trilogy, the protagonists find themselves in the middle of a war with an enemy they don’t understand, forcing them to wrestle with questions of right versus wrong, forgiveness versus revenge, and the possibility of redemption. This was an intense read, but there was a lot of genuine joy and love mixed in with the death and war.

17. Ashes to Ashes by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian (2014)

In the less literally but just as emotionally explosive conclusion of Han and Vivian’s Burn for Burn trilogy, former revenge-partners Lillia and Kat try to move on in the wake of a tragedy, as well as the abrupt departure of Mary, the other member of their retribution-themed trio. The future is looking bright, but then it becomes clear that Mary is neither gone nor happy with their life choices. I read the first book of this trilogy way back in 2014 and, while I enjoyed it well enough, I wasn’t blown away. This spring, though, I had the sudden urge to read the next two books, and they were both a wonderful mix of affecting human drama and ludicrously soapy plot twists.

16. The Charm School by Susan Wiggs (1999)

Isadora Peabody, the awkward scion of an otherwise graceful old Bostonian family in the 1850s, decides to take her fate in her own hands and become a translator on a merchant ship bound for Brazil. The captain, freewheeling Ryan Calhoun, isn’t too happy with this unusual arrangement, but he comes to admire and sympathize with the independent-minded and painfully self-conscious Isadora. At the same time, Isadora realizes that Ryan’s untidiness and occasional bouts of drunkenness disguise a heart and principles and a talent for making out in lush Brazilian gardens. I was absolutely delighted by this romance novel, which is an absolute romp with some terrific character development.

15. The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness (2009)

In the middle book of the Chaos Walking trilogy, the protagonists reach the end of a long journey, only to find themselves separated and caught between two warring factions. This installment does a great job of elaborating upon the world introduced in the first book, offering new perspectives on old characters, and introducing compelling new conflicts.

14. Fire with Fire by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian (2013)

In the middle book of the Burn for Burn trilogy, classmates Kat, Lillia, and Mary deal with the fallout of their semi-successful Strangers on a Train-lite revenge scheme. Kat and Lillia want to call it quits, but their sympathy for Mary causes them to agree to one last score, so to speak. Unfortunately, FEELINGS and PAST TRAUMA and DANGEROUS PSYCHIC POWERS complicate matters. Despite my love for Ashes to Ashes, Fire with Fire has a special place in my heart because it’s the first book to explore the characters’ emotions in depth, as well as the first one to go way over the fucking top.

13. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara (2018)

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, a rash of horrifying home invasion rapes, seemingly meticulously planned, plagued the bedroom communities of Sacramento. Then a series of uncannily similar home invasion murders broke out in the Southern California. In this book published after her death in 2016, McNamara makes the case that this was the work of one person, dubbed the Golden State Killer. McNamara has a clear, humane way of describing grisly and/or convoluted events, and her portrait of the dark side of California suburbia is enthralling.

12. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (1998)

In 1960, a dangerously determined and self-righteous reverend from the American South travels to the Belgian Congo, even though his own church begged him not to go. He makes the questionable decision to take his exhausted wife and four daughters--vain Rachel, suck-up Leah, nearly mute Adah, and baby Ruth May--along with him. Their new home is a shock to all of them in various ways, and that’s before a personal tragedy and the Congo Crisis enter the picture. Kingsolver makes excellent use of her five viewpoint characters, all of whom have distinctive voices and enjoyably unpredictable (yet entirely appropriate) character arcs.

11. Lighter than My Shadow by Katie Green (2013)

As a young child, Katie has seemingly minor issues around food, but during adolescence she develops a serious eating disorder and almost starves herself to death. A diagnosis and the ensuing support of her parents seem to signal hope, but recovery is more complicated that one might expect. This graphic memoir offers a nuanced portrait of the sheer range of stuff that gets wrapped up in an eating disorder: religion, gender, sex, control, trauma, the desire for independence, and so much more. Green’s “cute” art style enhances the story, both because it makes an interesting contrast to the upsetting material and because it grounds the reader in the humanity of the characters.

10. Mindhunter by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker (1995)

Throughout the 1970s, FBI agent John Douglas, along with the rest of the Investigative Support Unit, compiled information about an increasingly common type of criminal: the serial killer. Gradually, they developed the practice of criminal profiling. As gruesome as it might sound to call this an excellent beach read, that’s essentially how I experienced it (not that I went anywhere this summer, but still). The pace is fast, the style is engaging, and the authors are frank but not overly lurid in their presentation of the nasty details.

9. The Beggar Maid by Alice Munro (1977)

In this collection of connected short stories, Rose, a bright Canadian girl, grows up in a rough, deprived neighborhood with her sick, stern father and prickly but not unloving stepmother. Life in the wider world brings her mingled pride and shame at her background, a largely disastrous early marriage, and eventually a satisfying but decidedly unglamorous acting career. Munro is a master of description, and she has a sense of fun that puts her head and shoulders above most short story writers. And the title story is just the most perfectly painful exploration of why someone would stay with a partner who is deeply wrong for them.

8. Dark Places by Gillian Flynn (2009)

In 1985, seven-year-old Libby Day narrowly escaped death at the hands of her teenage brother, but her mother and two older sisters weren’t so lucky. Except that Libby doesn’t feel so lucky, either, because she’s thirty-one years old with massive trauma, dwindling funds, and few adult life skills. Then a true-crime enthusiast contacts her with an offer: cash in return for investigating whether her brother was actually the murderer. Dark Places may be the awkward middle child of Flynn’s novels, but that reputation is undeserved; it has a thrilling plot, a perversely lovable heroine, and a sly critique of the “Morning in America” view of the 1980s.

7. The Hostage by Susan Wiggs (2000)

In the confusion of the Great Chicago Fire, frontiersman Tom Silver kidnaps heiress Deborah Sinclair, hoping to force her industrialist father into compensating the victims of his negligence. He’s not prepared, though, for her dogged escape attempts, her hard-earned resilience, or the hints that something was horribly wrong in her life even before the kidnapping. I had my doubts about reading a kidnapping romance, but Susan Wiggs proved me wrong. (It helps that Tom’s motives are both understandable AND not presented as an excuse for dragging Deborah into his revenge plan.) The super-slow-burn romance pairs wonderfully with the action-packed plot, and I love Deborah so much.

6. Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn (2006)

Troubled reporter Camille Preaker returns to her small Missouri hometown to investigate the grisly murder of one tween girl and the ominous disappearance of another. As upsetting as the case is, it doesn’t hold a candle to what waits for her at home: a softly cruel mother, a barely there stepfather, and a teenage half-sister who alternates between adoring Camille and tormenting her. Sharp Objects entirely deserves its reputation as the best (if not most popular) Flynn novel; it has a beautifully constructed plot, descriptions so lush that you feel like you can reach out and touch Wind Gap (not that you’d want to), and a deeply flawed yet admirable heroine.

5. The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness (2008)

At nearly thirteen, Todd Hewitt is the youngest resident of Prentisstown, and nobody is ever going to take that distinction away from him. Just after his birth, a plague killed most of the humans on New World, including every woman and girl. What’s more, the same plague made it so the thoughts of men (and most other living creatures) are audible to all. And the mayor of Prentisstown is a religious fanatic who won’t let anyone watch videos or teach kids to read. It’s...not awesome. Then Todd makes a shocking discovery that forces him to flee his community and question everything he knows. This book is a fascinating sci-fi take on the frontier horror story (ala The Scarlet Letter, The Crucible, and, more recently, The Witch) with a read-hundreds-of-pages-a-night plot and astonishing moment of wonder.

4. After the Wedding by Courtney Milan (2018)

Lady Camilla Worth, daughter of an earl who committed suicide to avoid treason charges, has passed from home to unwelcoming home ever since, finally ending up as an unknown housemaid. Adrian Hunter, a mixed-race ceramics heir on a desperate mission to make his family happy, happens to visit the house where she’s employed. Under some very strange circumstances, they’re forced to wed at literal gunpoint. Working together to unravel the mystery and get an annulment, they grow to like each other, which complicates things. This is one of my favorite romance novels ever, with wonderful characters (especially Camilla!), an explosive plot, and masterfully explored themes of healing and being true to oneself.

3. Wild Things: The Joy of Reading Children's Literature as an Adult by Bruce Handy (2017)

A famous magazine writer and father of two young children, Handy expounds upon the classics of children’s literature (The Cat in the Hat, Goodnight Moon, the Little House series, Narnia, the Ramona books, etc.). As someone who frequently rereads the favorites of my youth to de-stress (House of Stairs 5eva), the subject was tailor-made for me, and Handy’s execution is impressive. He covers an amazing amount of ground, switches deftly from one mode of analysis to another, and shares plenty of funny anecdotes and moving reflections on parenthood.

2. Blankets by Craig Thompson (2003)

In this autobiographical graphic novel, Craig, a creative, devout, and deeply lonely teenager in rural Wisconsin, meets his first love, Raina, at a church retreat that otherwise would’ve been miserable. They become pen pals and are finally able to arrange for him to spend a few complicated, wonderful weeks with her and her family. Their relationship and its subsequent fallout drive him to confront his conflicted feelings about his faith, his art, and his family. This is an absolutely beautiful story, complemented perfectly by the wintry landscapes and expressive human figures.

1. Breath by Donna Jo Napoli (2003)

Salz, a twelve-year-old boy in medieval Saxony, is dismissed and sometimes even reviled by most of his community, including his own father and brothers, for the unnamed illness that stunts his growth and makes it difficult to breathe. Still, he’s got a lot going on; he helps his beloved grandmother around the house, studies for the priesthood, and belongs to a secret coven. When an abnormally wet spring drives the rats indoors and causes a strange disease to spread among the locals, Salz’s sharp intellect and thirst for knowledge are more needed than ever. This novel is a historically grounded retelling of “The Pied Piper of Hamelin” where the protagonist has cystic fibrosis, and did I ever think I would type that combination of words? No, I did not, but I am so glad things worked out that way. Napoli’s treatment of disability is unusually gratifying, because she illustrates the essential things that a society loses when it dismisses the sick and disabled (as well as some other marginalized groups, such as women). At the same time, Salz’s family and neighbors aren’t cruel for the sake of cruelty; they’re just uninformed, scared, and/or bad at managing their own problems without lashing out at others, which does not absolve them but makes for a more thoughtful story than if they were just bad seeds. The portrayal of Salz’s struggles to reconcile the different sources of wisdom in his life--Church orthodoxy, pagan folk practices, and the knowledge slowly filtering in from the Arabic world--is also fascinating, plus the pathological mystery makes for a tight, exciting plot. All this in less than 300 pages! And do not get me started on how much I love Großmutter.

#books #reading #top twenty

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